#my other friends in hs weren’t really the hanging out types

[victory-cookies]

best friend just left for uni again. maybe one day I won’t cry about this!

[natsukitakama]

What kind of Yandere Floch is ?

Could I please get Yandere Floch since I’m really curious what type of yandere would he be but with a fem s/o who isn’t member of yeagarits and she’s with Hange and others instead, wanted to stop Eren. She’s also afraid of Floch since she can sense something odd about him

Hey I’m that anon who request yandere Floch with a reader who isn’t a yeagarist, well just so you know they’re not dating but perhaps they are friends and the reader is type of person who’s not ready to be in relationship even if she has a crush and Floch is aware of that. you could reply this ask at the same day when you post this request

Hey it’s me again, the same anon who request yandere Floch, there’s something I want to add more is that the reader figure it out that eren was using and manipulate Floch and the reader was telling Floch that he’s being used so really curious what would he tell her. Once again reply this ask until this request is posted which I know you’ll take long but I’m fine with it since I’m patience

Author note : Hi there, first of all thank you for being so patient with me ! I hope you’ll enjoy your request. It’s like a HS of my what kind of Yandere are they with two part : part 1 and part 2, the only difference is this headcanon got context

Before we started, let me reminds you those relationships are TOXIC please be careful. No one should treat you the way they did in this headcanon, you’re precious and deserve someone who’ll be able to take care of you properly.

Warning : violence / Mention of stress / Toxic relationship and behavior / slight nsfw / mention of violence / Spoiler from season 4/manga if you didn't catch up with the manga you might be spoil so be careful

-->if you don’t feel confortable wit those kinds of things don’t read, I want you to feel good on my blog this is a happy place.

Masterlist

We’re going to start with the basic, during a long time you guys got a hate/love relationship

None of you knew if you hate each other or if you were too into each other, like you were always teasing each other, always trying to get on the other’s nerve.

It was kinda cute until it became an obsession for Floch.

He didn’t notice it though. Not at first, he thought that he was genuinely crushing on you. I mean you were pretty hot, you got a big mouth not afraid to tell whatever you had in mind, you were even bold enough to argue with Floch with that damn smirk of yours.

Before he could acknowledge it he was already in his kneel for you (not literally not now though).

But to you, you were just friends. With your life and what was going own outside of the wall you knew it wasn’t the right time to get in a relationship, so even though you were in love with Floch you decided that it wasn’t appropriate to start dating.

But Floch disagreed with you. It was already too late, he was into you. He wanted to be by your side, he was craving for your attention whether it would be by arguing with him, fighting (not in a bad way you know just teasing each other) or even romantic attention.

He wanted to get everything that you might give him.

And he was ready to do everything in order to get what he was craving for.

At first you didn’t mind it, you didn’t even notice how bad the situation was. I mean, you were in love with him and as you got to know him you realized that he went through a lot of things. You were aware that the Shinganshima’s event left a huge mark on his soul and now he was dealing with a trauma that might stay forever.

It pained you to see him sometimes struggling with his dream because he was always dreaming about the death of his friends, the way he almost dies and for nothing. Yeah they got Shinganshima back but now they needed to be strong in order to fight the whole word outside the wall.

He needed to be strong so he wouldn’t live this again, he needed to be strong so no one would be able to touch you. He knew at this point he became addict to you and you were the only who can maintain a sort of serenity around him.

So yeah when it came to Floch you weren’t exactly unbiased, you cared a lot about him, so you couldn’t manage to just straight up and tell him to let go.

And he knows it oh boy he knows and he is not afraid to use it against you.

Especially when it was time to choose your side, would you be a yeagerist or would you stay with Hange ?

He expects you to make the right choice ( aka follows him in case you were wonderin)

But it was more complicated than that, of course you were afraid. Since you’ve realized that your nightmare started because some people outside of the wall (who used to be your boundaries) decided that you were monster who needed to be killed because some of your ancestor made war against them. You weren’t a fool, you were aware that talking won’t be enough, it’s been decades since the outside hated you, but you weren’t ready to use such a powerful and dangerous power (aka the rumbling) against people without being a hundred percent sure there weren’t a way out.

So for now you decided to follow Hange much to Floch’s dismay

Not gonna lie he was ready, I mean he knew everything about you so of course he kinda expected you to not follow him easily (where’s the fun then ?)

Even if he expected you to confront him and not follow him already, he couldn’t help but feel disappointed. I mean why you wouldn’t follow him while all he was doing was fighting for a better word for both of you ? Why wouldn’t you agree with him when he was protecting his people ? Why would you disagree when he was obviously right

So yeah he felt bitterness against you, especially because since you’ve decided to join Hange’s side all you were doing was to confront him about his relationship with Eren. « He is obviously manipulating you ? » « Why are you following him ? I thought he was an ass ? » « We didn’t even try to talk to them how could you be so sure there is no other way ? »

Quickly you came to realize that you couldn’t change his mind which pains you, even though you weren’t ready to be in a relationship for now, you couldn’t help the feeling of emptiness each time you were thinking about him.

Yeah you were missing him, you missed the way you two used to tease each other, you missed his cocky smile each time he was showing off to own some of your precious praise.

But sometimes you swore this man was scaring you, the way his eyes was always on you no matter what (he could have been talking to some of his companion his eyes would remain on you)

Sometimes, you swore that he was following you even though you didn’t have any proof that he was doing it, you just felt it. He was here no matter where you were he was here looking at you from your usual spot to your training spot, you were even starting to think that he was here when you were showering or when you were sleeping.

This sensation was driving you crazy, everyone started to believe that you were a little bit paranoid (yes the man was always looking at you but he told you he was in love so it’s normal right ?)

The feeling became stronger after one of your last confrontation because his behavior (and himself) change brutally :

When you decided to follow Henge-San no matter what, you knew that it would affect your relationship with everyone especially the one you got with Floch. After all he decided to become a yeagarist and to betray everyone in order insure paradis’ safety. In his mind everything made sense, his trauma, all the things he had to go through was because of them, because some people behind the wall decided that paradis was the real danger and needed to be annihilated. What he couldn’t understand was why you hadn’t join him yet ? His goal was noble, he was doing everything to provide you safety. Why were you against him ? Why would you meddle into his plan ? At first, he thought you were playing hard just to amuse him, because you used to love teasing him and while he was enjoying a little opposition coming from you, now that he was about to betray everyone including his superior by changing them into titans he needed to have you by his side. He couldn’t wait anymore, the plan already begun so he needed to convince you to follow him.

That’s why you were here now, in jail behind the bar while Floch was looking at you a frown on his face. No, it was more than that, it was the face you made when you were about to scold your child from acting like a brat. He looked disappointed and quite angry, though you got some ideas why he might be angry you couldn’t however understand why he was so disappointed. After all, you told him that his plan was insane so why was he acting like this ? To be honest you should be the one being angry, he got the nerve to send some rookie from the survey corps find you to arrest you so they could bring you to your jail. You’ve been here since your last argument with Floch and it was like a week ago.

« You know I always knew you were a bad looser but I didn’t expect you to bring me into jail for not being cooperative. Don’t you think it’s a little bit excessive ? Like a LOT »

« Always sassy right Y/N »

« It’s not sassiness at this point it’s just being rational »

« Rational ? You are talking about being rational while being the one who claimed that my plan was full of shit ? »

« I didn’t really say that I just underlined the fact that we still got some cards to play before sending whatever Eren want to send »

« The rambling »

« Yeah whatever that’s not the point »

« It’s definitely the point »

« Absolutely not there is plenty of things to do before even consider sending them titans to kill a whole population »

« A WHOLE POPULATION ? Did you hear yourself y/n ? THEY kill us, THEY were the reason we don’t have a home anymore THEY are the reason so many people died and for what uh ? »

« Not because their government want us dead does it mean the people want our death most of them are probably innocent. There are other way Floch »

« There is no other way y/n the world has to be fix »

« Fix ? Now you are scarring me Floch »

« It doesn’t matter what you think y/n »

« May I ask you why ? »

« Because you’re not leaving this jail »

« I beg your pardon ? »

« Look, here you’re safe from both them and the yeagarist »

« I’m not afraid I’ll kick their ass »

« I won’t take the risk of losing you, so you’re going to stay here all you cute for me yeah ? I Wont be too long I need to work on a little problem then I would be back and you could yell at me as much as you want ok ? I’ll be back »

« No no no Floch look come back OI come back ! I’m not going to stay here you now I’ll find a way out »

« No you won’t nobodies know you’re here I told the yeagarist that you were dead. They won’t look for you, your friends believe you’re dead too. I’m the only person who knows where you are. But it’s okay, it was always about us right ? »

With that he just left your jail, without even a look, all he could was your scream but he didn’t care. The jail was hiding under the military court no one would even think about looking for you here. Besides the wall was thick enough so no one would hear you screaming, for now he decided that you will remain here until he was done saving paradis. But of course, he promised himself to take great care of you so don’t worry.

After this « incident » (aka his way to save you from the trouble outside according to him), his behavior change toward you. You noticed it, he became possessive and rather paranoid when it came to you.

So you might ask what kind of Yandere he is ?

Possessive : I mean he was already possessive before he became the Yandere that he now is, he just lost so many people that now he was afraid that you would be next. So yeah he always makes sure to have his hand on some part to your body mostly your hips or even better holding your hand, since you were attracted to him you let him do his things. But as he falls gradually into darkness, his touch which used to be light touch became more rough. Floch wasn’t holding you anymore he was grabbing you, as if to demonstrate to everyone that he owns you. It wasn’t a mark of affection, but a way for him to illustrate your affiliation to him (as if you were wearing a leash). Speaking of leash, he started to think about it when he notices way too many people was looking at you as if they didn’t understand that you belong to him. And when you two started to be intimate, he was more than ready to mark each inch of your body whether from his teeth, mouth or even from the way he is grabbing at your thigh. It quickly became a habit of him to ask who you belong to especially each time he was giving a rather hard slap from his hips or his hands (because if you think he wouldn’t spank you for being naughty or a brat you’re wrong he loves that) and even though at first you didn’t like the idea of moaning your belonging you quickly discover that it was better for you to just do as he said.

Paranoid : It might because of his trauma from the mission in Shinganshima or because he was more aware about the fact that everyone outside the wall want to erase paradis from the world but he was afraid to loose you. I mean since he joined the survey corps all he has do was losing someone, he lost Erwin, he lost his friends, he lost a part of his mind, he almost lost his life. There is no way he was about to lose you. So yeah as you may notice before, he started by locking you from the world in a jail under the military court after claiming to everyone who wanted to hear it that you were dead. One night he woke up after dreaming that one of the yeagarist would discover you in jail after bringing another prisoner, what if they unlock you ? So after multiple days in jail, without any light, he decided that he couldn’t let you here it was too dangerous, although he claimed to you that he did because he noticed your unhealthy body cause of the lack of light. But since he wasn’t sure if he could trust you enough, he took some handcuff with him so he could link you and him, which made him laugh cause it was as if he put a ring on you. That day he locked you into a house secluded from the world, meaning that you couldn’t reach any city without a horse, it was safe for him and for you and here he was sure no one would ever notice you.

Threatening : Of course, you wouldn’t let him do as he pleased, so some times you tried to kick his ass to steal his horse, or to climb into a tree to help you finding the closest city. You even tried to make him believe you kill yourself so he went completely crazy, screaming, crying so you could knock him you. Unfortunately it never works, and after your failed attempt to leave him he started to threaten you. At first he uses light poison, like he gave you a poison that he mixed on your meal or your drink without you noticing so you were ill during the whole day and you needed to wait like a good s/o that your lovely husband as he calls himself, so he could give you the medicine. Sometimes he even let you believe that he might give you something that will change you into titan like : Do you remember all your officer ? Yeah ? They all drink that famous spinal liquid that change everyone into titan, what if you drank it by accident mh ? Maybe when he gave you food he already mixes your drink with that poison ? Whether it was true or not no one will know, but it works you never attempt to leave him after that.

Violent : I hate to say it, but at some point when dark would entirely cover his mind, he would start being violent against you. Though he would never be something that could kill you, he wanted you to remember that you were living a peaceful live because of him, you were safe because of him. To him you got no reason of being such a brat to him, not when he was giving you everything you wanted. He took care of you, you had no right to be mad at him. So yeah sometimes he had to break your ankle, or maybe your leg so you won’t escape. Sometimes he would strangle you slightly just enough to knock you out. It barely happens because to act like this he needed to be really really angry, like loosing every common sense you know ? So it barely happens but it happens. Your body still have so marks as proof that you shouldn’t get on Floch’s nerve. Despite his physical violence, he tends to be quite violent with his word too so it wouldn’t be a surprise that you’ll break. The emotional amusement in addition with the physical violence would be enough to break anyone so you shouldn’t be ashamed. After all maybe he has been looking for this since the beginning ? Who knows ?

[jjmaybanksbaby]

Where It Leads (Rafe Cameron)

Summer I

Part 01: Pick Me Up, No Headlights

series masterlist | next part

summary: It’s your first summer in the Outer Banks.

a/n: I'm so so so excited to introduce my new obx series! This whole thing is based off the song Style by Taylor Swift (which I'm sure you've picked up on lol!) This series is going to be about Rafe during HS so Summer I = the summer before 9th grade and so on and so forth. Enjoy!!

word count: 2k

The Outer Banks was a little bit like a fantasy. The way your mom talked about growing up under the North Carolina heat with her fearless twin brother, Austin, the decades-long feud between the Kooks and the Pogues, the endless summers, it all felt like a movie. There was a specific smile that snuck onto her face when she talked about the place. Their parents had moved away from OBX to the mountains while she was still in college and she’d never been back. Last September, her father's health had taken a turn for the worse and he passed away rather unexpectedly. Your uncle had suggested to your grandmother that she should move back to the Outer Banks since she was also so happy there. To the shock of everyone and your Nonna bought a house on Figure Eight, just a street over from the home your mother been raised in, and moved back to NC.

You’d flown into the tiny Outer Banks airport two days after the Fourth of July and, so far the sky had stayed crystal blue the entire week you’ve been there. It had been great to have some time with your grandmother all to yourself. The house on Figure Eight was huge; you definitely understood why she’d asked your mother if she would spare one of her three daughters to keep her company for the summer. Having the echoing house all to herself sounded glum. Your older sister was spending the summer in Italy for a college-writing program and since you know how to weaponize your middle child charm, you talked your mom into sending you to OBX rather easily.  

“Nonna,” you called down, leaning over the balcony at the top of the stairs. “I can’t find my sandals and I don’t have any other shoes to wear to the Club for lunch.” 

Your grandmother walked into the foyer and looked up at you. “y/n you know I can’t understand you when you yell from upstairs.” She turned around and walked back into the kitchen. You sighed under your breath careful that she didn’t hear you since you’d gotten in trouble for doing that yesterday. 

Your mother use to complain about the way that her mom always felt the need to act - and have her children act - so posh during her childhood but those stories seemed so strange to you. Like a Nonna from a past life, not the one you knew. However, it seemed the Outer Banks had reignited her need to act sophisticated all the time. 

You double-check your appearance in the mirror and then resigned to searching the downstairs of the house for your shoes. 

☼☼☼

Nonna was busy making small talk with some of the other ladies at the Club after lunch but you were antsy to get back to the beach while the sun was still at its peak. You had had all the polite smiling and nodding you could take in an afternoon. 

“I’m gonna- ” you pointed in the direction of the Club bathrooms and your Nonna waved her hand dismissively. You turned on your heel and headed away from her and the others. 

You pushed open the door and was surprised at the quietness. You double-checked under all the stalls to make sure no one else was in there before sitting on the counter and resting the back of your head against the mirror. You knew you were probably smudging the glass but you needed a minute from all it. 

It wasn’t that you weren’t totally in love with the Outer Banks. It was just that your mom seemed to leave out the strenuously boring parts of her childhood - the small talk, the lunches, the emphasis on class. Plus, on top of that, it seems your grandfather’s death has rattled your Nonna deeper than she cared to admit and she’d become overly cautious about everything. She was keeping a much tighter leash on you than was really needed, or so you thought. 

The door swung open and you jumped off the counter hoping whoever had just entered didn’t see you sitting atop it. The young girl stopped rummaging in her cross-body bag and glanced look to meet your gaze. She had on a green and white polka-doted dress and her dirty blonde hair spilled over her shoulders. She looked young, maybe 13 or 14 you guessed. 

“Oh. Hi!” She said. 

“Hi,” you responded. She walked over to stand next to you facing the mirror. She pulled a pink lipgloss out of her purse and ran it over her top and bottom lips before recapping it. 

“Hiding out in here?” She asked. She took your moment of hesitation as an answer. “Yeah, me too. It’s by far the best hiding place. Plus my dad can’t come into the ladies' restroom so it buys me a little time.” She laughed, seemingly at the thought of her dad barging into a women’s bathroom. She looked over at you. “Not to pry but I don’t think I’ve seen at the Club before. Just visiting?” 

You nodded. “Yeah, I’m staying with my Nonna, my grandma, for the summer. I got in last week.” 

The girl smiled big. “The Outer Banks is ah-mazing. Sarah Cameron, by the way.” 

Her genuineness brought a smile to your own face. “I’m so happy to meet you, Sarah. I’m y/n. I haven’t gotten to meet a lot of other kids yet.” 

“I’m not really supposed to know this but my brother talks obnoxiously loud on the phone so it’s really not my fault for eavesdropping, but there’s a beach bonfire tonight down at the cove...it’s a Kook party spot.” She clarified after seeing the confusion on my face. “I’m sure he’d be cool with you tagging along.” Sarah reached into her bag and held out her phone. “Put your number in. I’ll pass it along to him.” 

“Thank you so much,” you said, your heart feeling warmed by this girl's kindness. 

“Yeah, of course,” she stepped forward and wrapped you in an unexpected hug before she exited, leaving the door swinging in her wake. 

☼☼☼

Your phone rang with an unknown number that afternoon around five, just after you’d gotten back from the beach. You answered the call and tucked the phone between your ear and shoulder as you finished rinsing off your sandy feet. 

Sarah’s voice filled the speaker. “Hey y/n, so I told Rafe about you and asked about the party. He said he’ll pick you at 10. Okay? Text me your address so I can give it to him.”

“Yeah, yeah. Okay! Umm...one question Sarah. What do I wear to this bonfire?” You asked. 

A friendly laughed echoed through the phone. “Put your bikini under a sweatshirt and some short. You’ll be fine.” 

“Um also one more thing,” You said. 

“Sure!” Sarah replied.

“I think don’t think my Nonna would be too thrilled about me going to this party so could you ask Rafe to turn off the headlights when he get’s here. She sleeps on the first floor and I’m trying not to get caught sneaking out.” 

“Trust me, I know.” You wondered how much 13-year old could possibly know about sneaking out but Sarah was becoming your one friend on the island so you just went with it. 

“Thank you Sarah. I owe you.” 

“I think you’re gonna get along with Rafe great. Okay, talk to you later. Bye y/n!” The phone beeped as Sarah ended the call. You slipped it back into your beach bag and grabbed your towel off the ground, feeling grateful for your new friend. 

☼☼☼

Rafe had shown up at 10:03, a text from another unknown number appeared on your phone announcing his arrival. You'd climbed out of your second-story window and down the attached porch with a surprising amount of ease, only slipping once.

You'd opened the door to the black car and slipped into Rafe’s passenger seat, slight of breath.

Rafe chuckled light. "Hi," he said.

You glanced over, your eyes locking with yours and words escaped you. So Sarah has forgotten to mention her brother was hot. Like the kind of hot girls always giggled about when they passed him in the school hallway. The kind of hot he could probably get away with murder if he just flashed the cops a smile.

That same deadly smile was spreading across his face now. His tongue darted out of his mouth wetting his bottom lip.

"Hi," you squeaked out.

Rafe shifted the car into drive, still refusing to break the eye contact first.

"Should we go?" You asked, your nerves no less unsettled.

Rafe raised his eyebrow conspicuously before turning his head back to focus on the road.

The tension was already killing you and you'd spent less than five minutes together. That was the first moment you realized what Rafe was going to do to your life.

☼☼☼

Your phone pinged as you say around the little bone fire listening to the others talking about the Fourth. You were slowly starting to piece together the names and faces of the other Kooks Rafe had introduced you to.

There was Cole, Milo and Sawyer, who seemed to be Rafe's best friends. Cleo and Riley who welcomed you rather warmly. And Phoebe who had kept her eyes on you all-night in a threatening way that you had tried your best to brush off.

You pulled your phone out of your shorts pocket to see a text from Rafe on the screen.

'Wanna head out?'

You glanced at Rafe to find his eyes already trained at you. You read his text again before nodding your head yes at him.

You turned to Cleo sitting next to you. "It was nice to meet you. I think Rafe and I are gonna go."

"Oh, yeah okay!" She replied. "Wait," she pulled her own phone out of her pocket. "Put your number in. I'll add you to all our group chats. Rafe made it seem like you're gonna be around this summer so you're welcome to hang with us anytime!"

"Yeah, I'm here through August!" You said, smiling at Cleo's offer, taking the phone from her hand.

While you were typing your number into Cleo's phone, Rafe had materialized behind you.

"Thank you so much," you said handing Cleo back her phone.

"Of course!" Cleo replied, her eyes shifting away from your face to look up at Rafe. "Bye Rafe."

"See you later Cleo," he said. "Ready?" He asked looking down at you.

"Hmmhmm," you said before standing up, waving bye to the rest of the group and following Rafe back to his parked car.

"I didn't have anything to drink tonight," Rafe said as you settled into the passenger seat next to him.

"Okay," you replied, thinking back on the night but not remembering Rafe with a solo cup in his hand ever.

"Okay," he repeated back. "I just want to make sure you knew. I wouldn't ever do something that could hurt you."

"Okay," you said again, trying not to read to deep into his comment.

"What you'd think of everyone?" He asked.

"They're nice," you offered. "Different from friends back home."

"Oh, well I hope you'd keep hanging out with me...with us" he paused, quickly correcting himself.

You glanced at Rafe out of the corner of your eye, "Yeah, okay. That sounds good."

"Cool." Rafe said.

His hand on the gear shift twitched, moving the slightest inch closer toward you. You swore you could feel him wanting to grab your hand, to interlaced his fingers with yours but he didn't. His hand stayed in place, his eyes on the road watching as the headlights of the car on the opposite side of the two- lane road grew closer and closer.

Your eyes grew suddenly big with panic and Rafe looked at you with fear written all over his face as you both realized the car was plowing down the wrong side of the street. It was on your side of the road and it was going to hit you.

Rafe frantically spun the wheel trying to avoid the oncoming car but there wasn't enough time.

Your body flew forward on impact before the resistance of the seatbelt caused you to snap back. You felt Rafe’s hand hold onto yours as your eyelids closed and the world faded to black.

[ratsoh-writes]

This is for US, UF, FS, HT, & HS!

Their best friend/crush is a happy disaster. Very easily distracted, an open book almost to a fault, has no sense of direction, & somehow manages to be the most graceful clumsy person they've ever met. That being said, taking them out in public is almost guaranteed to be an adventure of some sort. This time they accidentally befriended some dog owner at a park & now the owner is trying to set them up with her older son. They don’t know how to set boundaries very well or go about letting people down so they just blurt “Ma’am does your son have organs??”. The owner, now baffled, replies “Yes, of course?” and then they grab said skeletons hand, nod with a big smile, and say “Then I don’t think he’s my type” and then they just,,, continue walking. All while having an internal panic attack because all they wanted to do was pet the doggo and they were trapped in a social confrontation damn it- What do they do? ~w~

Star: he totally rolls with it of course. Star even makes his eyes sparkle a little and will coo about his amazing boyfriend/girlfriend as him and friend walk away. Gotta make sure the dog owner gets the point across.

Honey: uhhhhhhhhhh does this mean friend likes him back?? After a small internal debate, honey decided that no, this can’t possibly be a confession. His mood takes a nose dove after this and he’s grumpy for the rest of the hang out

Red: ok that was funny. Red was going to snap at the dog owner, but he liked crush’s strategy better. He secretly savors having their hand in his before he jerks it away and bullies teases them about their getaway

Edge: he was prepared to tell the dog owner they weren’t interested, but if crush wants to use him as an excuse, he won’t say no. Unfortunately for both of them, edge and crush both forget they are holding hands and will awkwardly jump away from each other when they realized their fingers are still interlocked. Tsundere edge is totally thrown off guard and will even blush a bit

Oak: he also rolls with it and happily let’s friend lead them away. Oak doesn’t bother pulling his hand from theirs. He’ll be a little sad when friend let’s go. He liked holding hands

Willow: this dog owner didn’t mean any harm at all, so there’s no way scary willow would come into play here. He is embarrassed to be touched and dragged away so casually by his crush though. Willow normally shies away from touching people who aren’t his SO

Lord: he freezes up when crush grabs his hand and stays stiff until they are far enough for him to pull away. Then lord snaps at them for touching him with no warning. He hates it when he gets surprised like that

Mutt: if he actually has a crush on this person, then he’ll make sure to be very obvious about it. Plus mutt almost never wastes a chance to flirt. He’ll happily take friends hand in his, but he takes it a step further by winking at the dog owner and kissing friend on the cheek. Now both the humans are blushing lol

Lilac: his answer is almost exactly the same as stars, except lilac doesn’t add the little stars in his eyes. He’s gotta concentrate really hard to use them these days

Basil: he’s more then happy to get away from the stranger, even if they’re dog was super cute. Basil doesn’t mind that his crush used him as an excuse at all. He would’ve done the same if he could talk to new people

[my-strange-attraction]

hi~~

I've seen you give advice to other anons and you seem like you really know what you're talking about so I hope you don't mind me asking for some advice.

ATM I identity as aroace. I've never had a proper crush despite already being a hs junior and I really thought I never could but I might have found an exception and now I'm very confused. I have for sure realized that I am ace so it's just the aro part of my identity I'm struggling with. There's his guy in school and we are friends but I think I might have feelings for him, I'm just not sure what feelings they are. We talk a lot and we're pretty close considering how little time it's been since we've been friends. I'm just not sure if I actually have a crush or if I'm just fixating on him because I don't have a lot of guy friends. I'm Desi, and it's been pretty hard to feel "desirable" as a girl living in America so I'm worried I might just be craving male validation. I had some issues with my gender identity a few months ago for a similar reason, not feeling connected to the western image of femininity, so I'm worried this might be caused by a similar sentiment

Hi anon! Ok so these are some really good questions (questions? ponderings? idk) and it reminds me a lot of some stuff I went through in high school in regards to sexual/ romantic identity and also some stuff I've gone through more recently in regards to my gender identity. Now, I know this advice is going to sound so basic but it's really helped me out in the long run and I think it's probably what you need to hear too: In the end, it doesn't matter where your feelings are coming from--they're still your feelings, and you should follow them and do what makes you happy regardless.

Let me expand a bit on that. I can see you're doing a lot of questioning of yourself and your motivations, and questioning of what you're feeling. I know it goes against everything you've heard here on The Hellsite™ but I need for you not to analyze yourself and try to parse out where your feelings are coming from. Ask yourself: does it really matter why you don't feel connected to your agab? Will knowing it's because you're Desi change the way you feel? Will it change the fact that your self perception of your gender doesn't line up with the western image of femininity? Probably not, so what's the point on analyzing it?

Now I know that was just an example of something in the past, so let's apply it to this current situation. Feelings for people are a bit more tricky than feelings about yourself, so it's not an exact method (and I have some more to add to this advice after this) but consider your feelings for this friend. If you enjoy hanging out with him and you're close with him and you know you feel some sort of feelings for him, how much will it help to analyze where these feelings are coming from? If he makes you happy to hang out with him and gives you some sort of warm fuzzy feelings, does it really matter if you're just fixating on him because he's a guy? They're still your feelings, whether they come from a place of liking him as a person or if they're helped out by the fact that he's a guy and you don't have many guy friends.

Now, just because we've established the validity of your feelings doesn't mean you have to do anything about them. There's this idea that society has ingrained in us that if you have a feeling about someone you need to follow that, and that's just not true. Sometimes the timing is right, or sometimes you know it wouldn't actually work out no matter what your feelings are trying to tell you, or a billion other scenarios that I won't type out because this is, of course, getting long because I'm me.

No matter what, it seems like you guys have a solid friendship, and you having some sort of feelings doesn't have to change that. If you want it to change, then that's great, and he seems like someone you can trust not to hurt you from what you've told me, but if you still think you've got some work to do on yourself, in figuring out who you are, in getting more comfortable with your identities, or getting more comfortable with not fully knowing or understanding your identities, then that's cool too.

The advice I've given you today isn't a one size fits all and I'm not super experienced in this stuff myself, but what I do know is that nothing in high school sticks past graduation. I had a similar situation to you where I thought I had a crush on a guy because he was my first guy friend ever and it went on for a while. Nothing ever became of it because we weren't that close but thinking back on it, even if I had dated him and then realized I was very, very aroace, I'd still be in the same place I am now. High school (and college for that matter, seriously why am I acting like I'm so much older, I'm literally still a sophomore in college) is a very exploratory period in your life and if you spend all that time constantly questioning your own motivations I think you're taking it too seriously. Have fun, make mistakes, figure yourself out somewhere along the way. Better to do it all now than when it actually matters, right?

I hope this helped and wasn't too long, anon. You can definitely always come to me for advice and I'll do my best to help out from my own experiences. Also anyone who has some additional advice, you know you're always welcome to add on!

[meltingheartsandcores]

This is a wangxian Yoi au, or it was going to be, I wrote the first chapter. Then realized I don’t know how to write skating, I don’t know anything about figure skating, and I feel like I should not be flying blind in this. Also, creativity got fried. Which sucks.

But, I figured you might enjoy reading the first chapter, and idk if it's because i wrote it but I find it's fine to read on it's own.

Story under the cut, I do hope you enjoy. 

“Huaisang, why are you calling me at midnight?”

“Excuse you, it’s one am. And you didn’t respond to my text. Check your messages and watch the link I sent you.”

“Fuck no.” Despite Wei Wuxian’s words, he grabs his computer off his bedside table and sits up, “What’s the video called?” Wei Wuxian asks as he pulls up youtube.

”Uhhh,” there was some tapping, ”okay, english is Lan Wangji attempts Wei Wuxian’s Confusion.”

The name made Wei Wuxian perk up as he quickly types and searchs for the video. “Why didn’t you just tell me it was Lan Zhan?” He wouldn’t have grumbled.

”Just watch!” Wei Wuxian rolls his eyes at Nie Huaisang’s excitement but plays the video, muted because Jiang Cheng will kill him for waking him up at midnight. Wei Wei Wuxian was pleasantly surprised throughout the whole video, and also curious as to when Lan Zhan learnt it so completely. It had been his freestyle at Worlds two nights before, the one that earned him gold, again. He had changed it to work with his current condition and still earn him gold, but that just meant it was more complicated stepping he had perfected and a bunch of quads- not nearly as much as he normally did but, enough. Lan Zhan had changed his quads to triples.

Wei Wuxian could only point out one mistake. He rewatches it to see if there are any others. They’re aren’t.

“He fucked up one of the salchows.” Wei Wuxian states, watching the video for a third time. That was generous, he wobbled a bit too much on the landing. Madam Yu would’ve called it a complete fuckup and made him redo the entire program. For a practice it wasn’t bad, especially since Lan Zhan seemed distracted still.

Nie Huaisang groans on the phone, ”That’s all you have to say?”

“Hey. He’s the one who didn’t call me.”

”And now he’s dancing your stupid love letter!”

“It was not-“ Wei Wuxian is stopped by a pillow hitting his face, falling back onto his bed. “I have to go, I woke Jiang Cheng.”

Nie Huaisang giggles and hangs up with a singsong, “Good Luck!”

Wei Wuxian sits back up, chucking the pillow back onto Jiang Cheng’s bed. The lump that is his brother doesn’t move. Just an angry grumbled, “Get the fuck out of the room if you’re going to be awake.”

Wei Wuxian could go back to sleep, but he’s more interested in Lan Zhan right now. So he shuts his laptop, pulls on a jacket, and leaves the room with his phone in his pocket and his laptop under his arm in his fluffy bunny slippers. He goes down to the airport and sits at his gate, opening hs laptop back up to watch the video again. They were flying out to Italy in five hours. Well. wei Wuxian and Uncle Jiang were, Jiejie and Jiang Cheng were flying back to Canada in ten. Jiang Cheng had made their room decisions because if Wei Wuxian and Uncle Jiang shared they would’ve left without saying goodbye. In Wei Wuxian’s opinion, it’d be better to say goodbye before they went to sleep instead of waking everyone up at six in the morning, but he was promptly told to shut up.

Wei Wuxian calls Nie Huaisang back as the video plays, it’s impressive. And Wei Wuxian has always loved Lan Zhan’s skating. It made the Grand Prix all the more odd.

”It’s a love letter.” Nie Huaisang says in lieu of a greeting.

“It was not a love letter.” Nie Huaisang made a doubtful sound. “It was a letter of why the fuck did you never call me? I gave you my personal number and whitelisted you. Why did you never contact me?”

“So… an unrequited loveletter.”

“Why am I friends with you?”

”Because I helped you shave off Lan Qiren’s awful goatee.”

Wei Wuxian chuckles at the memory, Teacher Lan had been so pissed. “Hey… do you think he has any relation to Lan Zhan?”

”I do blackmail, not familial relations. If I did, you wouldn’t have spent five years calling Xiao Xingchen Jiujiu as a joke only to find out it was very appropriate.”

Ah, yes, the most awkward celebratory dinner in Wei Wuxian’s life with his uncle and grandmother.

“You and I both know I called him Jiujiu because I forgot his name and it was the first thing that came to mind.” Nie Huaisang cackles, fully aware that when Wei Wuxian forgot peoples names, if he didn’t hate them, he immediately went to familial relations.

It’s how Nie Huaisang’s older brother is forever Da-ge to Wei Wuxian. And how half his competitors are variations of cousin and uncle. Those that don’t speak chinese are typically confused but assume it’s a nickname until someone (Jiang Cheng typically) tells them they are now the son of Wei Wuxian’s father’s brother. Or something of the like. Those that speak chinese typically return the favour. For example, Xingchen called him Wai Sheng as often as Wei Wuxian would call him Jiujiu.

”Yup. And then you finally met your grandmother. Hands down, best World Champions I’ve ever been to.”

“Oh fuck you. Are you going to Italy?”

”Already here. I convinced Da Ge to fly me out right after the World Champs. I have been shopping for days. I love Italy.”

“You love that you can logic your way into drinking wine with every meal.”

”Mmhmm. You don’t normally participate in the Egna Spring Trophy. Why are you coming this year?”

“I like to shock people.” ’I don’t want my season to be over just yet. I don’t want to stop skating.’ “Can you keep a secret?”

”Of course. Did you put shaving cream in Jiang Cheng’s suitcase again?”

“No. He doesn’t let me anywhere near it anymore. I…”Wei Wuxian chickens out. He can’t say it. Not now. “Actually it might be better to say in person. Do you think the video’s a message?”

”What? Oh! Lan Wangji’s? Maybe? What message might he be sending?”

“That he still wants me to coach him next season?”

”You can’t coach someone and participate.” Nie Huaisang remarks. Wei Wuxian stays silent, normally his response would be ‘watch me’, but he can’t. Nie Huaisang gasps at Wei Wuxian’s extended silence. ”You can’t”.

“I’ll talk to you about it in Italy.”

”Have you told Coach Jiang?”

“No. Not Jiang Cheng or Shijie either. Don’t say anything. I’m still…”

”Yup. Got it. Lips are sealed.” Wei Wuxian sighs in relief, he’s not sure what he was worried about, but he’s grateful Nie Huaisang isn’t telling anyone. Not until Wei Wuxian says it himself. ”And, I guess the video could be a message. Maybe he lost your number? And it’s not like you told him you whitelisted him. Maybe he thought you were joking and didn’t want to risk rejection? I’ve asked Da ge but he told me to shut up and not bother him so…”

Oh right. Wei Wuxian forgot Da Ge was friends with Lan Zhan’s brother. “Meanie. But you know where he is right?”

“Yup. But Da Ge told me not to tell you. Didn’t want you bothering the Lan brothers or something.”

Wei Wuxian hums, “What a shame.” Nie Huaisang couldn’t tell him where Lan Zhan was. But, he could tell Wei Wuxian about Lan Zhan’s home.

”Mmhmm. There’s a wonderful hot spring in Gusu. As well as a cold spring that’s supposed to promote healing. I always find that afterwards, I’m too busy warming up to really care about any injuries.”

Wei Wuxian chuckles, Gusu huh? “Never heard of it.”

“No? It’s a rather small city. Not very well known. The hot spring I go to is called Hanshi.”

“...Frost Room?” Odd name for a hot spring.

”Mmhmm. I think it’s ironic or something? You know, a hot spring frost room? Who knows? We both know I didn’t ask.”

Wei Wuxian nods, “Mm. Maybe after Triglav I’ll pop over.”

”Making this season count I see.”

“I just want as many gold medals as possible. I’ll let you get some sleep. I am going to get started on coaching notes.”

”I’ll send you whatever videos I have of Lan Wangji. See you soon.”

“Mm.” Wei Wuxian hangs up and pulls up his note-app to start taking notes as he watches Lan Zhan’s video again. Noting places where Lan Zhan could do with improvement. There weren’t many, but Lan Zhan hadn’t focused his training in the same areas Wei Wuxian did. In some areas he was actually better at Wei Wuxian’s program than he was. Particularly with the stepping. More precise and fine-tuned than Wei Wuxian’s own. If Wei Wuxian had given Confusion to Lan Zhan he probably would’ve netted a higher score than Wei Wuxian. If he could land the quads at least.

_-3 weeks later-_

“Gusu is so nice. So warm. So not Canada.” Wuxan says to Nie Huaisang over the phone as he waits for the cab he arranged to pick him up from the airport.

Nie Huaisang’s laugh titters over the phone, “You’re not in Gusu yet. Gusu is a mountain city.”

“Ah, so the temperature will be back to normal. Good.”

”Tell Xichen-ge hi. I did not warn them you were coming, so, have a fun surprise!”

Wei Wuxian laughs, “I will. How’s Da ge?”

”Very annoyed that I told you where they live. And not accepting the fact that I didn’t tell you where they lived. I told you of a wonderful hot spring in Gusu and upon research you found it was owned by Lan Wangji’s brother. How can I be blamed?” Nie Huaisang actually seemed offended.

Wei Wuxian laughs at his friend. “Well, at least he’s not making you do hockey.” Nie Huaisang screeches, making Wei Wuxian laugh harder.

”He would never.”

“Didn’t he initially put you in hockey? Who’s to say he won’t put you back in?” It’s a joke, but Nie Huaisang is silent on the other end. And then Wei Wuxian can hear him running through his house.

”DAGE!” Wei Wuxian pulls his phone away at the yell, but puts it back once the yell is over to hear whatever else Nie Huaisang says. There’s some muttering that Wei Wuxian assumes belongs to Da ge.”You wouldn’t put me in hockey, right? Even if I fail Ice Dance?” There’s complete silence on the other end. But Da ge must’ve said something, or made a certain expression because Nie Huaisang screeches, offended and scared, “Da Ge!” Wei Wuxian laughs at his friends' misery and offence. He always feels a little bad for Da ge at events since he’s typically the only hockey player there and very few figure skaters bother to hide their dislike of hockey players. Typically it’s vice versa too, but when Wei Wuxian and Nie Huaisang go to Da ge’s games they tend to keep away from that subject. As much as possible. Except that one year one of Da ge’s teammates called Figure Skater’s prissy princesses and Wei Wuxian attacked him and had to be pulled off by Da ge.

He was fourteen. Nie Huaisang took a video.

Wei Wuxian stops laughing enough to notice his cab and met the driver, putting his phone in his pocket to drown out Nie Huaisang’s crying. After a quick chat, his luggage was put in the trunk and got in. He pulls out his phone and puts it back to his ear just as Nie Huaisang starts calling Da ge mean.

”How could you scare me like that?” Da ge was laughing in the background.

“Older brothers. It’s what we do best.”

”Meanie.” Was hissed at Wei Wuxian. More mumbling Wei Wuxian couldn’t make heads or tails of before Nie Huaisang speaks again, ” Da Ge wants to talk to you.”

“He’s not putting me in hockey is he?”

”Uhhh, da ge? Are you putting Wei-xiong in hockey?”

Da Ge was close enough to the phone Wei Wuxian could hear his reply, “Can I? He’d do damn good.”

“Don’t joke! I’m too fragile for hockey!” Wei Wuxian protests with a pout. “What did Da ge want to talk about?”

”Don’t harass Xichen and Wangji. If they tell you to go. Go. I don’t care what Wangji said at the Prix banquet, leave him alone if he wants to be left alone.” Da ge orders.

“Roger roger.”

“Wuxian.”

“I got it. I won’t bother them if they don’t want to be bothered. If he says no I’ll book a flight tomorrow and head home. Or to your place. Or to Xingchen’s. Bottom line I’ll leave if they want me to.” He won’t overstay his welcome.

”Good. Good luck.” With that, Da ge hangs up.

_-Gusu-_

“How was lessons?” Lan Xichen asks as Lan Wangji returns from the rink with Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi in tow. The five year olds loved skating. So when Lan Wangji returned from his complete failure at the Grand Prix, he had taken over their skating lessons at Cloud Recess at their insistence.

“They improved. How was business?” Lan Wangji asks as both kids run upstairs.

“Adequate. We have one guest currently. Actually, he asked for you by name.”

Oh. Great. “Did he say why?”

Lan Xichen shakes his head, he probably didn’t ask. “Just said to tell you. He also said if you don’t want to talk to him he’ll leave.”

Lan Wangji shakes his head, “No. I’ll talk to him.” He hopes it’s not a fan. Or one of Coach Zhong’s students come to ask him back in place of Coach. Lan  Wangji just wanted to take care of his rabbits and ignore the world until his failure is forgotten. Lan Xichen smiles, probably remembering that just last month Lan Wangji told him he didn’t want to talk to anyone.

“Good. I’m going to make sure the tykes are not causing havoc upstairs, watch the front for me?” Lan Wangji nods at Lan Xichen’s request, allowing his brother to rush up the stairs.

Lan Wangji had just sat down at one of the tables, intent to get some work done. He was working with the library in Cloud Recess with translations, it didn’t pay well, but he enjoyed it and could do it in between helping Lan Xichen out at the Hanshi.

But before he could pull his laptop out, a guest came into the main room. Lan Wangji looks up to greet them but the words die on his tongue, eyes widening a fraction as he took in Wei Wuxian, half naked, with his hair in a towel. Well, he had a jacket on that wasn’t shut, so he wasn’t technically breaking the rule about being undressed outside the springs, but his incredibly toned chest was still on full display. Lan Wangji could feel his ears burning, and was very thankful he rarely blushes on his face.

A smile split across Wei Wuxian’s lips, “Lan Zhan.” ’What?’ “I wanted to talk to you.” Wei Wuxian falls to his knees on the opposite side of the table than Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji nods, although he was still stuck on ’Why is Wei Wuxian calling me by my given name? How does he even know it?’ Somehow Wei Wuxian’s smile got brighter. Which Lan Wangji felt was just unfair and rude. He’s trying not to panic here. “I want to coach you for next season.”

What.

Fuck trying not to panic.

What?

“Why?”

“I saw your video. Your stepping is very impressive. But you need to work on your jumps. Although you seem to learn quickly since you were able to learn Confusion in just a few days.” Lan Wangji would like this conversation to stop and rewind. What video?! He only danced Confusion once! And- oh fuck. Lan Jingyi is corrupting his perfect child. Wei Wuxian was still talking. Lan Wangji missed a portion. “-so I figured I’d come down to offer my services as coach.”

“Are you not competing next season?”

Wei Wuxian looks surprised, “Ah, I guess you don’t get much news out here.” Lan Wangji has been avoiding most skating news. He only watched the Worlds because Lan Jingyi and Lan Sizhui demanded it. “I’m taking a break. I’m twenty-three and have won every single competition I’ve been in for five years, got bored. And then I saw your video and decided I wanted to help you win the Grand Prix.”

What.

“What’s your current work out regime? I have some ideas but I don’t want to overwork you. Also, where’s the rink and can we schedule private time to practice?”

“Wei Wuxian-“

He cuts Lan Wangji off, waving his hand, “Call me Wei Ying.”

Okay.

“Wei Ying. You cannot take a break just to coach me.”

“Yes I can. But I didn’t. I was going to be taking a break this season anyways. If I hadn’t seen your video I might’ve let Da ge talk me into hockey.” Wei Ying shudders theatrically, “I’m too delicate for hockey.” Lan Wangji would disagree. Lan Xichen showed him the video of Wei Ying beating up a hockey player nearly twice his size. “If you don’t want me to coach you, I’ll leave. But if you do… I already have plans for your programs. And areas to improve.”

It was tempting. To accept the offer. Last year's Grand Prix had been Lan Wangji’s first venture into international competitions. He was used to national and local competitions. But after the complete failure of last years Grand Prix he wasn’t sure about returning to the international stage. However, Wei Ying had a lot of experience in the international stage. He’d been competing in International Competitions since he was thirteen. An entire decade.

Lan Wangji nods, “I accept.”

Wei Ying’s smile gets impossible bright. “Perfect.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #305

“you want me to be yours, well then you’ve got to be mine, & if you want a good girl, then goodbye”

Do you call the ice cream topping "jimmies" or "sprinkles"? They're "sprinkles" down here. What music are you listening to? Ha, I just turned on music before starting this. "Sex Metal Barbie" by In This Moment is on rn. If you go to school (HS or college) does your school have a rival? N/A Have you been baptized in any religious tradition? Yeah; I was born in a Roman Catholic family. My mom's mom would've probably had a heart attack if us kids weren't. At family gatherings, are you more likely to hang out with the younger or older relatives? I mean, I'd go for those my age or older, generally. I'd hang out with kids though if they wanted me to. Considering you current health, how long do you think you will live? With my CURRENT health, probably not even 80. Do you have anything in your room that would be 'weird' to others? Posters, yeah. Have you ever done geocaching? No, but it'd be cool if my body could actually handle taking a single goddamn step. What was the last game you won? Maybe Uno with my niece? I generally let her win, but occasionally I'm "lucky" to TRY to be more convincing, lol. I think she knows I let her, though. Do you know any deaf people? If so, is it easy or difficult to have conversations with them? No. Do you enjoy playing Monopoly? Why or why not? No, because I don't like board games, especially any that involve math. Is there a doorknocker on your front door? No. Do 'laugh tracks' on TV shows annoy you? They're so normal that I don't even notice them, really. Do people often mistake you for other ethnicities? If so, what do you usually get? No, I'm pretty obviously white. Has anyone famous ever attended your school? Who? I won't say his name for the sake of not connecting dots, but a well-known football player attended my high school. Have you ever had to attend an event that occurred on your birthday? Ha, my 16th birthday landed on the Super Bowl... I was at Jason's that night, and just to be "part of the family," we watched it with everyone else that came over. I was so bored and uninterested, but that's my own fault, really. I could have said something, but this was only a month into our relationship so I was too uncomfortable to speak up. What do you think makes a girl a slut? Do you believe that label is thrown around far more often than it should be? And finally, do you think it's unfair that mostly only women receive that label? I don't give a flying fuck how many people a girl is sexually involved with so long as she is safe and open and honest with her partners. I'm not a fan of the word and don't think anyone should be called it. Do you think it's bad to have sex at 15 or younger? I don't think it's smart, really. It's just too young to risk pregnancy. Yes, abortion is an option, but like... a 15 y/o girl should never be faced with that dilemma. I'ma be real tho, I don't think it's a "good" idea until you're at least 18, aaaand I don't know any non-virgin who waited that long. Just try your best to wait, ig. Favorite love song at the moment? Love songs never sit well with me anymore. I mean I can enjoy them, absolutely, I just... have a lot of bitterness. Trying to pick a favorite when you feel like that is like trying to pick the best-looking rotten apple of the bunch. Ever wondered what it would be like dating the same gender as you? I've done that already, and it was great but also scary in a massively homophobic state. Ever paid for sex? No. During thunderstorms, how does your pet react? Neither have a unique reaction; they're unfazed. What internet browser do you use? Google Chrome. Do you like eggnog? Noooo no no. How often do you see your mother? Every day, because I live with her. Do you like croutons in your salad? No, I really don't like the texture difference. Who did you last play truth or dare with? I don't know. Have you ever brewed your own mead, wine, beer or soda? No. Have you had to make any changes in your life lately? If so, what kind of changes? ugh What's the earliest popular thing you can remember from your childhood? Ummm. I mean, probably like Barney or Elmo? Do you prefer practicality or fashionability when it comes to clothes? Well, really neither. I'm the type that wears tank tops in snow, flipflops year-round, sweatpants in summer... so I don't really dress with practicality. I don't care what's "fashionable," so. Comfort pretty much reigns over my wardrobe. Which kinds of berries grow in the wild where you live? There are these little red ones that grow in little groups and somewhat resemble raspberries. I can't remember if they're edible, though... Oh, and muscadine grapes (I had to look up if they were berries lmao) can be found here, too. They're yummy. Beautyberries are another. Have you ever made an article of clothing yourself? If so, what was it? No. Do you go to arcades? If so, what's your go-to game at one? Even before Covid, I never really went to them. I enjoy them, though. I guess my favorite is maybe air hockey? When's the last time you had an alcoholic beverage? What was it? At the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday. It was some kind of sangria... Maybe strawberry and peach? Idr, but it was good. What has been the most enjoyable job you've had? You assume I've had a job I actually enjoyed. How about the least enjoyable job? Well, I barely lasted two hours in a dairy, soooo... When's the last time you had to carefully plan how you used your time? You're asking the wroooong person, 'cuz my life is never busy enough for that. Who do you usually say hello or good morning to first? My snake Venus, usually. Well, that is if her head is peeking out of her hide or is just fully out. Do you ever chat about your favorite video games with your friends? I don't really have gamer friends anymore, so not really. What do you hope you grow out of? Being so goddamn dependent. What movie made you cry the most? I can't say for sure considering it's easy for movies to make me cry, lmao. Maybe Titanic. What was one of the happiest moments of your childhood? Seeing a container of dog food in the far back behind the Christmas tree one year. It's how I learned I was finally gettinga dog (Teddy). What brings you the most joy in life? Probably my cat lmao. What's a hobby you would like to try out? I wanna get back into video editing, I just. Don't have the motivation for it anymore. As with most things. What sort of a kiss do you count as the first kiss? On the lips and with mutual intention. What was the last event you attended? Thanksgiving dinner at my sister's, ig. How about the last event you organized? Me? Organizing an event? What's the biggest insect you've ever seen? In the wild, probably like... a rhinocerous beetle or something. NO NO WAIT. I remember at least once in my life seeing a fucking GINORMOUS moth on the ground one morning. I don't know what kind it was, but jc it was huge. How about the biggest spider? Oh yikes, I'll never forget this: an orb weaver wandering across the floor of our childhood van and under the passenger's seat. Never saw it again. I was afraid to let my feet stay on the floor for a looong time, haha. What's something you'd never ever dare to ask another person? I'd never ask certain "why" questions, like "why did you get an abortion?" or something like that. I can think of valid situations to ask most things, even controversial matters, but no one should ever have to justify something like that. "Why don't you have kids?" is another. That one gets to me. Having children is not an advancement or milestone in everyone's life, and hell, you never know if the woman's had like five miscarriages or something. What's something you've always wanted to ask someone but haven't dared? Why Mom didn't raise her eldest daughter, at least for her whole life. Katie's childhood is a big mystery to me, and I want to know more, but I know the topic is very upsetting to Mom, so I'm not about to make her explain it. What's the worst/best thing you've done without your parents knowing? Saying "worst/best" makes this question confusing... but I'm guessing you mean the best thing to me that they wouldn't have approved of? I really didn't do a lot of things that would fit that description. I can only think of a certain intimate occasion where things happened where they probably shouldn't have. If you wear earrings, what does your favorite pair look like? Ugh, I don't because of the holes being too stretched out from wearing heavy earrings too long. I still haven't gotten to putting proper gauges in so it looks less stupid. Have you ever won any money from a scratch card? Maybe like, $10 or something. How about a slot machine? I've never played one. Do like playing bingo? Sure, it's all right. What small, everyday thing makes you really happy? Cuddling with my cat. Do you enjoy puzzle games? If so, which one's your favorite? Yeah, I do. I can't really pick a favorite, though... Is there a substance you avoid at all costs? If so, what is it and why? I think in a past survey I mentioned my aversion to beer because of the association it has with my dad. I'd never be able to get a sip down. Not that I really want to anyway though, it stinks. What you would you absolutely hate living next door to? Any really busy location or travel hubs, like a train station. My childhood home was near a railroad track, and it sucked, so I can only imagine a station. What would you love to live next door to? A waterfall, uggghhhh. In the woods too to hear plenty of frogs and toads and crickets... What gives you nostalgia? It is very easy to make me nostalgic. The littlest things can do it. Hearing about/seeing/playing childhood video games, like Spyro, is a biggie. Which reminds me how damn badly I wanna play the Reignited trilogy, fuck. I just don't have the proper console. Which language do you think is the most complicated to learn? Well English is supposedly the hardest objectively, but as a native English speaker, I can't say anything about that. In my experience, Latin was like fucking impossible. Is there a place that you might call your second home? I guess Dad's house, but it's not like I'm there a lot. I feel comfortable there, though. How do you imagine your later life to look like? I DO NOT want to think about this. I fucking dread the thought. What is a job you would never in a million years want to do? A butcher. There is absolutely no motherfucking way I ever could do it, even if it kept me off the streets. What's the weirdest building in your city? *shrug* How do you keep in touch with friends usually? Facebook. Do you recognize friends'/family's vehicles by sound? Not anymore. Dad had an old car that was very easy to recognize with its shitty muffler, but he hasn't had that car in years upon years. I used to be able to recognize Jason's old car too because of sound, but primarily because he drove way too fast down our path that when I heard a car zooming over rocks, I knew it was him. What's something new you've just recently learned? It was actually a topic of recent discussion that I may have high-functioning Asperger's. Very, very unusual to learn later in life, but apparently Mom's seen the warning signs in some things since childhood, like my extreme pickiness with textures, my tendency to knead and play with my hands in situations of discomfort, my social ineptitude, hyperfixations, it actually running in our family (which I didn't know beforehand), among a lot of other things. We're not really digging into it though because it just doesn't matter; there's obviously no magic treatment for autism, and me being in therapy and having a psychiatrist to handle my meds is enough. If you were in Harry Potter, which house would you be in? Apparently I'm on the Hufflepuff/Gryffindor line when I took a survey a long time ago. Are you nagged about being on the computer too much? Not anymore, at least on the average day. Mom's accepted it by now. Dad's joked about it before though and I know others have certain opinions about it. Based on your personality, what animal do you think you'd be? Maybe a deer. Shy, reclusive, and always on alert. Have you ever been in a hot tub? Yeah. What song is stuck in your head at the moment? I have "my boy" by Billie Eilish on right now because it's stuck in my head. What's your father's middle name? John. What's the last movie you saw in theaters? Yikes, good question. I think it was The Lion King remake. Have you ever vandalized? No. What's a pet you've always wanted? Most pets I want I've had at some point or another... I guess I'll say a ferret, though I've really only wanted one in concept. I could never keep up with their maintenance, but by god they are the cutest fucking things ever. Do you like mice? I love mice! What's your favorite t-shirt? My "equal in our bones" Cloak shirt. :''') The design is so beautiful and just my style in general, plus I live to support anything Fischfuck takes part in. Did you/will you get a car for your 16th birthday? I'm 25 and still have never had my own car lmaoooo. What's your favorite tomato variety? I generally don't like tomatoes themselves, but rather products made with them, like ketchup. If I'm in the mood though, I do like tomato sandwiches with mayo and bacon; I only ever enjoyed them though if they were fresh right from an old friend's garden. Which well-known person's death shocked you the most, if any? I think Chester Bennington's was the biggest surprise. Rest easy, you legend. What's the craziest color you'd dye your hair? More like what crazy color WOULDN'T I dye it... What was the longest train ride you've been on? I've never been on one. What's the coolest hobby one of your friends has? uhhhhh idk Have you ever played in a stack of hay bales? No. If you could learn any skill, which would you like to learn? Ha, cooking. How do you like your steak? Medium well.

[sumeshi-t]

the idea of making hc’s of children is sosososo cute. i’ll follow ur steps chloe @akaashit-baeji lolol this is gonna be really self-indulgent buuut my excuse is that it’s my birthday so here it goes... i'm writing the last half of this with a hangover and a bad case of dysmenorrhea... sucks 2 be me

Oikawa Teru (及川 輝)

his name “輝“ means “bright”, and this boi lives up to it because, let’s face it, he’s gonna be like his dad. he embodies this “brightness”, in a way that he’s smart, and he makes sure he and his team’s (or whichever team he’s going to be in) will shine on the court

wavy/curly hair and a victim of my and his dad’s astigmatism. always has this cheeky smile, and he gets my brimming energy so he’s really approachable and charming

very good with words; it’s like he always knows what to say

when he plays he also wears contact lenses

but don’t be fooled. in their generation, it’s him who has to put iwaizumi’s son in check. he knows everything about his teammates too, he knows more than what he lets on (which sometimes, they find creepy, but they all know he means well)

anyway, unlike his dad, he doesn’t really mind having geniuses around. instead, he watches them very closely; something like “mutualism”. he knows what he lacks and he knows he can learn from them too, vice versa.

is into horror games. in his free time, he and his sister take turns playing. and they decide it by seeing who can last the longest without flinching/screaming. he’s annoyed because his sister’s better at it 

has fans, ngl. i mean look at him. however, the female fans especially, are pretty on guard. he’s approachable, but anytime they see him with his sister... they back out. he doesn’t mind, he loves his sister and it actually amuses him. he’s the same when it comes to the boys who hang around her too!

basically protective siblings who are always there for eo

is very neat. can’t concentrate when something is out of place. he keeps his nails short, has a somewhat flowery scent. yes, he uses female perfumes because he despises strong smells.

bug-catching was his childhood hobby just like mine’s was. used to sneak beetles in iwaizumi’s son’s backpack back then

he will never admit it but he actually asks his sister for fashion tips because his taste sucks ass so bad

basically his major problem or issue in life is getting compared to his father (he’s also a setter). he hates that so much, being hidden in the shadow of his dad, and when people just recognize him for being oikawa tooru’s son.

something he and ushijima’s child relate to so strongly. they’re friendly rivals; might end up being teammates in their career hmm

so when he’s the one stressed, he skips practice for a day just so he could recollect his thoughts. usually stays in the library to read books he picked up based on the titles; might either open up to iwa or his sister later on, it depends. then when he’s okay, he doubles the amount of training

Oikawa Rie (及川 麗恵) it’s /ri-ye/ oki

so the kanjis are: "麗" meaning, beautiful and "恵" is blessed. tooru thought of this name obviously

also has curly hair like mine. has that tiny mole below her eye just like i do. actually has lots of moles over her body; one time she fell asleep on the couch her brother drew connecting lines between the moles on her arm and called them constellations. it was nice she thought but still, the next day, teru had to wear a band-aid over his nose bridge.

she’s just a year younger. is less “vibrant” than her brother, a bit more serious. has a resting bitch face and she’s not even sorry about it and i love her for that

she’s actually relieved she looks like that, or else she knows the girls in her class would flock to her just to get in her brother’s pants. usually brushes them off with “ask him, not me” or “do you think that’s any of my concern?” 

her tongue her words damn never get to this baby girl’s bad side she’s gonna burn you alive. like fr when she’s angry, oh she’s gonna show you that she’s angry. but tbh she's very sweet, leaves little notes or little gifts to her friends every now and then

she just doesn’t want her brother’s heart to be broken (she’s heard stories from her mom about her dad’s many hs exes), and she knows teru’s struggles

therefore

doesn’t really like volleyball that much. it’s because she didn’t get to grow up with her dad around, she felt like it separated her from him. she’s not mad at him though. she’s very supportive of him and her brother.

used to play vb though when they were kids. but that’s all it was for her

she’s the team’s honorary manager lol the occasional “i brought you guys sumn” or “something-kun, a girl from my class says she likes you so do your best” etc

the team’s lil sister how bout that

despite being tolerant of horror games, this girl is vvvv squeamish. she cries at the sight of internal organs or blood. biology lab was the worst time of her life 

when she dug up my hs videos she was shook to discover i once did theater. and thus begins her interest in theater too

and??? baby girl is actually???? really really good???? 

the girls she used to shut down nicknamed her “prima”, short for “prima donna” she hates it. hates it more when her closest theater buddy was the one who spread that around

immediately went to the gym to spike some balls from her brother. baby girl was crying because she was just so pissed.

she was given ice cream and sweets afterwards. ugh it’s so cute idk she’s baby to the team skksksk they protecc

in that upcoming play, her first ever performance, the whole team got front row seats and howled when she came on during curtain call; it was vvv sweet and memorable even if the guys were kinda reprimanded afterwards lmao

which is why, in return, boiis also have a hard time approaching her because damn??? the vb team as your knights???? excuse me??? 

oh have i mentioned she has a sweet tooth? mygod. she has a stash of sweets in her room. teru has had to sneak some away because she might get tooth aches or diabetes

her pastel nail polish is arranged by shade, her body clock is fucked up lmao she hates the mornings; has succulents by her window which she names after various characters from books/plays etc she’s for sure gonna be a theater actress tho

asks help from iwa’s son for math. even her brother’s 0% help. teru is smart but a terrible teacher. she’s an above-average student and that’s all that matters for her. she can leave the spotlight to her brother because she only craves one type of spotlight

Miya Seiichi (宮 聖一) and Miya Seiji (宮 聖二)

their names literally mean “聖” sacred then “一” is one, and “二” is two

atsumu thought it was funny. when they were kids, seiichi’s nickname was “juan” and seiji’s was “tutu” (i gave them the nicknames)

when the twins discovered the meaning behind the nicknames, they hated it. especially seiji, he despises it vvv much

so when they were hs, seiichi = chi, seiji = ji for the people they're close with

as we can see here, the twins unfortunately got my curls. seiichi likes his hair as is. he doesn’t like the thought of dyeing his hair just to be differentiated from his twin. in fact he enjoys twin jokes, enjoys tripping people up about it. seiji on the other hand, grew tired of his brother’s jokes and by the time hs started, he sacrifices his soft hair. 

between the two, seiji is the one who has my ugly eyesight. add to the fact that he reads a lot (once he starts he can’t put it down. so he reads in the dark, in a moving car etc)

the piercings was a thing that happened between them, and their cousins (which were also twins wtf)–it was a 2v2 vb thing and they lost

surprisingly, the cousins weren't pleased bc atsumu didn't scold them for getting piercings (but for playing half-heartedly). seiichi wanted the piercings tho tbh it was the perfect excuse. ngl, seiji also wanted them.

first let's talk abt seiichi, aside from the fact he also got my mole (he feels it makes him look cuter tho)

seiichi's into vb, but not a setter. he's the ace. may or may not push through with it as a career. he hasn't decided yet. is actually a bit sad that seiji didn't join the vb club in hs, he wanted them to be like his dad and uncle.

seiichi doesn't have any uh, quirks like shutting the whole cheer squad up like his dad does. but he usually dribbles the ball five times before any serve (this is something i did before) and he likes the 'ooooh hey' thing the crowd does when he goes for a serve

his side of the room doesn't have much stuff going on except workout equipment. he follows what exercise plan i give him as da PT mom that i am, and he is very strict with his diet and with what he eats–he's close to not needing a calorie counter anymore; but not a picky eater. he loves his uncle's cooking very much and he is jealous he can't cook even if he tries

he can do beatboxing, he learned it through youtube lmao his spotify playlists are da bombest; he learns a lot in youtube tho in his free time. his current interest is magic tricks and french (he thinks he can use it to woo that girl from class 4)

he hates insects, and hates mess. he has had to scold his twin about it that it escalated to them having this imaginary line in the middle of the room

anyway, he's straightforward. but not rude. he just doesn't like any pretenses so he says what he thinks or feels is right. may or may not have led to some misunderstandings, but he owns up to his mistakes if he crossed a line

next, seiji

even if he looks like a nerd with his glasses tbh he is not he actually hates studying. you can love reading without having to love studying right? he's that dude

the only time that he regrets dyeing his hair was when he realizes couldn't change identities so his brother could take his exam for him

his side of the room is littered with his sketches, notes from books, pencils everywhere – he drew a bunch of ants one time on a paper and made it look like they're real ass ants and placed it on seiichi's pillow

to solve this problem, atsumu has planned to give him a tablet for his next birthday

quits vb in hs because he kinda lost interest? he still finds it fun but he doesn't wanna be put under the pressure that his dad and uncle left for them lmao

he's in art clubs tho

he designs banners/posters for the team anyway. they use his strategic mind from the shit he's read for any plays and stuff so when he's not drawing, he's thinking

he might look like he has no emotions, but tbh he is more emotional and empathetic than his brother. he cries easily over the simplest things, like those grandparents vids, or rescuing animals and stuff

and thats why he doesn't let people in too much bc he knows he'll be hurt (dw seiichi knows this vvv well, and even if they do have arguments, he loves his lil bro and helps him about this)

has once begged to have a cat at home–seiichi didn't want bc he knows his twin is gonna leave him for clean up lmao

he can cook period.

he's gonna either be an architect or an animator, still hasn't decided.

his music taste sucks lmao. his youtube recents are filled with cooking stuff; in constant conversation with his uncle abt cooking lol it be cute sometimes atsumu is jealous bc he feels his son is closer to his brother than with him

he is forgetful that's why his stuff is messy lol he keeps misplacing stuff, sometimes it's literally in front of him and he's just 'where????'

but remembers dates well, remembers plays well. he's good at nitpicking tiny nearly insignificant details. just anything outside studying? he's good. dw he passes his classes but he hates giving effort for that shit lololol

[knightofameris]

hey hey could i pls get a male haikyuu ship? i’m an INTJ-T and a slytherin! i’m a very hard worker, and often overwork myself but that’s only because i’m equally as ambitious and want to achieve my goals. i’m quite a loud person and love going out clubbing and to big parties, but at the same time i truly do value my alone time and more intimate gatherings with my friends. i love studying at libraries and late night drives. i also banter a l o t (which is how i show affection most times)! thanks!

I GOT STUCK ON YOURS FOR A WHILE BUT I LIKE, I’VE GOTTA GO WITH ATSUMU. i hate that bastard (but osamu’s my baby and i love him and he’s the prettier one, BUT ANYWY LMAOF) [also i don't actually hate atsumu i like him a lot kdsajfkaf]

i hope you’re able to find this nonny!!

smug bastard i wanna punch his face disgusting. (im kidding i like him i just like being mean to him for some reason. he just activates my fight or flight so then i just choose fight) 

OKAY I’VE READ THE MANGA BUT I ACTUALLY HAVEN’T WATCHED S4 SO I DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH OF ATSUMU IS DEPICTED OR HOW WELL PEOPLE WILL LIKE KNOW HIM SO I’LL TRY NOT TO THROW IN ANY SPOILERS HNNNG

I think saw this on @\agaassi ‘s blog and also because I talked to my friends about it but like atsumu could be like a hype beast bro. or like, if you live in california this should make sense (because as far as I know it whenever i interacted with people outside of california usually they don’t know what it means) atsumu would be an ABB, aka asian baby boy, and go to raves and i hate it. it makes me laugh a lot tho 

BUT ANYWAY WITH THAT IN MIND. (under a read more because I now realize I write a lot for these match ups but also y’all waited so long you guys deserve it lol)

why i think y’all work well ;u;

 You guys would be hitting up the clubs (you know, if you guys weren’t in HS so let’s just say that’d happen when you guys are older lol) so hard (i miss clubbing btw i just wanna throw that out there) and it’d be so much fun. The two of you are definitely a chaotic type of couple, being really loud and all of that but it’d be so much fun. But you both know how to tone it down and just relax and the small domestic moments hold a lot more meaning because of that. Atsumu’s just as much of a hard worker as you are and the two of you are sure to support each other. and I was reading through the INTJ personality and romantic relationships sort of thing and that was what made me deadset on pairing you with Atsumu. Atsumu knows people hate him, and doesn’t give a shit. He speaks his mind and it surprisingly makes it easy for the two of you to get along because he deosn’t give a shit about what’s “socially correct” in a sense? like you want to be able to be with someone who’s direct and who’s honest about their needs and wants because you’ll be like that too towards him. you guys would definitely butt heads a lot, but I think you both could make it work. plus, the whole banter to show affection. bro, like, come on, LOL. this is atsumu we’re talking about here hgnkgnfjg I also think that it’s because of the fact that not a lot of people like Atsumu or will put up with him that the two of you do end up spending a lot of time with just each other. Like y’all can party hard but also be able to be with just each other, plus i’m sure you’d go to some of his practices and games, ya know. 

how you guys meet! (also just letting ya know that how you guys meet is/can be totally different to why i think y’all can work well together loool)

the miya twins have a lot of fangirls. and despite that inarizaki doesn’t have a manager. I like to think that a lot of girls try to be a manager but they only really do it to get with Atsumu or Osamu or any of the other boys because oh man, have you seen them??? 🥵🥵🥵 anyway.

i wanna place you on being friends with Suna and sometime during the high school year, you find yourself stagnant with whatever club you’re in, as if it’s holding you back and you can’t really grow anymore as a person so you want to try something new

but the other clubs don’t really interest you ya know? 

and Suna, knowing that you’re not a Miya fangirl since you’ve had many conversations with the middle blocker about how weird it is that the miya twins have a fanclub and how they, Atsumu especially, eat that shit up (though not as much as Oikawa does with his girls lmao)

so Suna suggests being the club manager because he knows that Kita and Aran have way more than they could handle to deal with the leadership aspect for the team, especially with the twins, and trying to make up for the lack of a manager

tho if eel like the team would also help out for some aspects 

anyway, Suna brings you to one of the practices to meet Kita and a few of the other members are wary that you’re just gonna be a one off manager but after a few practices, and you surprisingly enjoying it, you’ve officially become their manager

it also doesn’t help that they realize that you’re definitely staying when you put the miya twins, especially atsumu, in their place rather than fawn over them

and so, the enemies to lovers trope STARTS

the two of you guys would push each other’s buttons so much like SO MUCH 

And one of the ways you can really make Atsumu stop is by threatning to quit, knowing how much stress it’ll put on Kita and Atsumu respects Kita a lot so you’re able to control Atsumu (and by extension Osamu)

the team thanks you for being able to put them in their place

you don’t really put up with their shit either

AND LOOK OKAY THIS IS GONNA BE SO CLICHE BUT I DON’T CARE LOOOL

let’s say you’re takign a day away from being manager, just having to study for one of the big tests so you just go to your school library to study

but on the way there a few girls from the fanclub corner you and try to talk shit 

it just so happens that the team is on one of their runs that day 

and when atsumu sees that some of his fans are cornering their manager, even if he gets into a bunch of fights with you, that’s not cool

the team agrees but that’s not the point here lOL

so atsumu makes sure to tell them off before anything could happen because it looked like it was about to get physical and with the team in support from behind him the girls run away

he surprisingly says some things about you that are compliments too, on how hard you work and how much you do for the team without wanting anything in return, that sorta thing

you probably yell at atsumu saying you could handle yourself but you also know that ever since you became manager you’ve been getting a lot of shit from any and all of their fans.

and it’s after this moment that no one really tries to pick anything with you anymore and you’

so you guys are kinda on better terms, being able to talk to each other and etc. 

it’s after a particular game when you end up taking a nightly walk from the hotel you guys were staying at 

you just needed a breath of fresh air really

but so did atsumu

and you guys kinda just stand outside the hotel, staring at the night sky in silence 

and it’s nice 

i think it’s from there that your relationship with him changes more and there’s more respect on both sides, he talks about how he wants to go pro and you talk about your hopes and dreams for the future

and the two of you guys both know that your goals will be achieved

the team even realizes that your guys’ arguments aren’t really arguments, just banter but he’s got your back, you’ve got his. 

and *gasp* the team is surpsied to know that you guys are able to hold conversations that don’t consist of arguing!!! we love that. and thye’re also surprised to see you guys go out on dates??? but you guys just say you’re hanging out. 

anyways y’all are dumb and osamu and suna had a bet to see how long it’d take for you guys to realize you liked each other (they’ve had this bet since you met the team)

ANYWAY sorry i don’t think i don’t really like this and i don’t really like how i ended it but it was because i realize i’m not sure if you’ve read the manga so i had to adjust a few things to make sure there weren’t any spoilers or whatever??? at least nothing too obvious jfidjfsf 

but i actually enjoyed this one a lot idk why but also i didn’t like what i put what a struggle

hope you enjoyed it and sorry for the wait! I really hope you see this nonny!

[lovexdejun]

🖤NCT Boyfriend Series🖤

- [😇] Jungwoo

>>pretty smutty but not actually smut?? >>this is so loOoOoOoOoOng i got way too carried away lol

•the 1st time i saw jungwoo i cried •he’s your next door neighbor all throughout high school •friends enough, but not really super close to him—like if you saw him out on the street, you’d say hi but wouldn’t start a conversation •you guys lose touch after high school bc you both moved out pretty quickly •it’s almost fate that you end up meeting again at the same college with the same major: theater •when he walks in to each of his morning classes and sees you hiding way back in the back, he almost laughs at the coincidence •practically fights to get to the seat next to yours in each class •which means three hours of jungwoo distracting you by means of flirting •you understand why he’s so attached to you tho; you two are at a new school in a whole different area, you feel secure actually knowing someone •you guys start talking+hanging out more outside of class •he shamelessly flirts with you constantly and you wonder why he’d never had a gf or bf in high school •*whispers* it was because he was too in love with you to see all the people who were actually into him •he’ll realize those feelings again and start trying to spend every waking moment with you •picking you up from your dorm before class •waiting for you after class to walk you home •randomly calling you or texting you when you’re out with friends •surprising you at your dorm in the middle of the night w takeout bc he knows you’ve been studying all day •it’s almost yandere, except he would never harm you or anyone around you, he would just cop a nasty attitude •as annoying as it can be, you’d miss his clinginess if you hadn’t seen him in a couple days •the two of you spend so much time together, and he looks at you with such admiration that people think you’re dating •there’s even this one time, you’re sitting on the bench at a doggy park when a few grandmothers walk by and literally ask you when the wedding is •and jungwoO JUST— “oh, soon.” •then he starts petting the puppy you had just been playing with like nothing happened •like jungwoo won’t deny it if his life depended on it, but he’d never deliberately confirm it either bc he’s not that crazy lol •except when it came to boys •they’d never approach you first because jungwoo is always stuck to your hip •not to mention the indifferent yet intimidating stare he’d give them when they were brave enough to hit on you •until this guy who was competent enough to realize jungwoo is harmless made it his mission to take you home w him •it took you half an hour of talking and eventually telling the guy you weren’t interested (you couldn’t figure out why for the life of you bc he was the whole package) to realize jungwoo had left your side •you search for him for a while only to find out he’d left the party entirely •when you don’t hear from him for almost a week, even after calling and texting him nonstop, you start to get worried—no, pissed •that’s how you realize your feelings for jungwoo •so you find yourself stomping across campus on the verge of angry tears and ready to give him a piece of your mind •banging on the door for five minutes does you no good, so you find the spare key above the door frame and break in because you know he’s always home on saturday nights if he’s not with you •as soon as you slam the door shut, you come face to face with jungwoo, who’s only in a towel, hair still dripping from a shower •instead of apologizing and getting flustered •you kinda just push his chest multiple times until he hits wall with a thud •you literally put the fear of god into that poor child with the way you’re yelling at him •one particularly hard poke at his bare chest makes him jump and suddenly he’s scrambling to push you off him •’yahyahyahyahyah’ is all that’s coming out of his mouth as you watch jungwoo trying to censor himself and pick up the towel he’d dropped at the same time •you can’t stop laughing while he scolds you •”my intention was to scare you jungwoo not give you a boner lol” •the two of you end up talking it out once jungwoo is dressed •you confess to him and he tells you he’s ‘loved you since hs freshman year you idiot’ •after that there’s no escaping him •i mean, your his gf so he doesn’t understand why you should ever be apart unless you absolutely have to be •you’ve grown so accustomed to him being obsessed with you that you don’t even notice his clinginess anymore •he wants everyone to know you’re dating •always making your heart melt with how cute he can act •plus he’s so pretty that it hurts •you’ll never understand how he can have a poker face literally 24/7 no matter the circumstance •likes cuddling you •likes you cuddling him/wrapping your arms around him more tho •disney movie binges •board games •failed cooking attempts that just end in you ordering takeout •it makes his feel some type of way when you whisper in his ears, even when you’re trying to be innocent •couch sex •bath sex •his favorite thing to do it watch you masturbate •but he could also finger you for hours without getting the least bit bored •he loVES body praise from you •or any kind of praise for that matter •bc he’s super conceited until he has his clothes off so this would just make him feel better •extremely into being overstimulated •cockwarming is a given •he likes as much skin/skin contact as possible •likes kissing the top of your head or the tip of your nose •melts when you kiss his cheeks •aLWAYS holding your hand or waist •loves you more than life itself and would actually do anything for you •literally anything •he’d go to parties with you even though he’s not a fan •you’d carry each other home and he’d hold your hair back while you threw up •even though he acts so cocky, he’s actually pretty unsure of himself and feels like he lacks quite a bit •you guys would be each other’s saving grace and personal cheerleaders •life would feel so much easier with him in it •and summertime would be super convenient since your parents live right next to each other •this is a relationship that no one outside of university saw coming but everyone needed •it would be a loyal and supportive relationship filled with endless embarrassing moments and unforgettable memories •i’d place jungwoo with the cute, soft, and opposites attract relationship lines

>>jungwoo was a pain to find bf pics for but writing for him was pretty easy.

A/N: i could really only depict jungwoo with scenarios instead of generalizations because he’s quite unique so i apologize that this was sooo long lol

nct | requests are always open!!

[herdeepesthoughtsblog]

Life Lately

Happy Chinese/Lunar New Year! I’m supposed to post entry for TSC last Jan 30, but life gets in the way! The last week of Jan was full-packed, at least for me. It was a hella busy day filled with anticipation and fun memories with friends. 

Yes, I hang out with my hs besties. Will share more of it later. So, forget about the date discrepancies, I’ll just write as it is. 

Here we go!

CURRENTLY

READING: The 4-Hour Work Week by Tim Ferris. You know, I kind of have a love-hate relationship with this book. Actually, I am rereading it. First time I laid my hands on it was 2020 or is it last year? I don’t know, this book has a huge ego at its back, but I am taking every advice/tips with a grain of salt. You know how typical self-help book works.

WRITING:

Fresh morning pages from my journal entry.

LISTENING:

All Too Well (Sad Girl Autumn Version) by Taylor Swift. The long title cracked me up every time, but hey, I’m on acoustic Sunday mood. (I’d like to say I just switched from Toni Fowler x Makagago’s RAP SONG - Fake Friends.) #slaybhie not a fan but, curious what the fuss is all about. #opmisdead

THINKING:

About the goals I set for January, what was achieved and what was not (but in progress) too much self-torture later when I plan for Feb goals.

SMELLING:

Onion minced (pungent, sulfurous, onion-garlic type) Papa is cooking at the moment and I’m at a near kitchen spot. Wonder what he’s up to.

WISHING:

January to end! Haha! I don’t know, is it just me? I felt time’s moving so slow, at least for the month of January. Maybe because I have a lot of free time lately that I might be bored or aren’t looking forward to something?

HOPING:

To secure a job next month or within Q1. Update from my last panel interview, well, it went good. And just being shortlisted for a panel interview (2nd step) I’m utterly grateful already. I can’t believe I had experienced this amazing opportunity of a lifetime. I hope I’ll get through the next and final employment step (exam assessment) Tbh, this is really my dream job and I hope they will really consider me to offer me the role. If I’ll grade myself from my last performance, I’ll give myself a 9.5 since I do think and feel that I did my best and I performed to the best of my ability. Oh HR Gods and Goddesses! Please grant me this one already!!!

WEARING:

Peach V-neck tee and cotton shorts.

NEEDING:

A complete 8 hours of sleep + money. So, since I only have my side-hustle to sustain my living, it’s still not enough. I badly need a job right now to put my financial goals into reality. I’d considered many options but I’m trying to weigh it better and see for myself what and how it will work for me. *hoping for the new job to come and save me hah!

I spend the weekend watching the latest Spiderman movie with my high school besties. Not a huge marvel fan but I went through just because I miss these two, they’re my other set of friends in hs back then. It was fun, we reminisced about hs, shared our plans for the future, catch up with our current life, etc. 

Meeting them again was unbelievable. I mean, our last bonding was 6 years ago. We weren’t complete that day, we still have one other friend. We used to label our friendship #DAMS. Hahaha silly high school stuff. But catching up with them feels nice, we may have a lot of going on in our own lives, but I’m glad that we’re still friends, we just pick up where we left off. 

I felt like they hadn’t change (not in a bad way) The mannerisms, the way they talk, seeing them and hanging out with them feels like I’m back in high school. 

Surprisingly, I was fully-charged and energetic that day, I talked a lot, I even shared my resentments with them, my resentments in hs. This is like a big step up for me. Sharing my intimate thoughts with people whom I friends with but haven’t talked or saw frequently. We just know that we’re good friends within, and that’s more than enough. 

FEELING:

Renewed and calm. Definitely, there are points in my life that I want to keep the door shut and preferred to never talked about it again. But there are also points where I want to keep coming back for more. Surprisingly, I had the courage to do both and I felt like a mature adult.

I’m fighting anxiety by calming myself through meditation and stream of consciousness journaling.

Excited for February to kick in because I am claiming and manifesting that the new job is coming! My life is about to begin once again! It’s a new year after all, a new and perfect opportunity to turn things right and do things I missed last month.

I hope you start the week right and for February to be kind to you. Let me leave you a quote:

Happy Weekend! Cheers to a brighter and better February! Kung Hei Fat Choi!

[ittybittyria]

yet another processing post

So sometime during my first year of college someone told me that Christian communities are where you find the friends that become family. Four years later and I think that was one of the biggest pieces of bullshit I bought into.

Don't get me wrong, I've experienced A LOT of growth in the Christian communities I've been a part of and met great people, but I've also experienced an immense amount of judgement, shame, and hurt.

First off, college. LOL I say this all the time and I truly do mean it, college was probably the worst season of my life. On top of family brokenness, struggling with academics, and learning to manage several mental disorders, I had to deal with bullies, racism, sexism, rumors, exceedingly high expectations, never ending judgement companied with unwarned suggestions from several people who knew nothing about me on how to live my life, shaming, and several other things from my Christian fellowship. I think my broken idea of what family is alongside believing that Christian communities are where you find friends that become family made me think that this was okay. It literally took a complete breakdown, losing several friends / mentors, and ending up in the psych ward for me to realize that it was such a toxic environment. But, being in IV did impact me in a lot of positive ways such as personal & spiritual growth, meeting several slightly older folks who became positive role models and influences in my life, new opportunities for me to explore passions, and meeting people outside of UCD that deeply touched my heart. If I could do college over again, I'd still join IV, but I'd just do things differently. I would tell my college self to not lose yourself in the midst of all these leadership trainings / discipleship meetings / staff meet-ups, don't listen to people when they tell you who or what to give your time to because that's up to you, and that God's voice is the most important.

Looking back on college, there's really only one person I met in IV that has become family, and most of our friendship grew outside of IV considering she stopped going LOL There's others that are still friends / acquaintances that I talk to every now and then, see on social media, etc. These positive relationships that really do mean the world to me because they've really help shape me to who I am now. Being led by Victoria, being mentored by Alexi, sharing a friendship with Lily, being encouraged by Robert, etc. are things I treasure. Some of those friendships are still active on social media and it's always a reminder that college wasn't all pain. And then there's a lot of relationships that ended in hurt either through hurtful actions or fading away cause the friendship wasn't worth fostering to them. Those I still treasure for the positive moments and the season they were present in my life. But it's hard to look at those and smile because there's still a lot of hurt I have yet to move past. All in all, my college experience in a Christian community didn't showcase "friends becoming family." Rather it was a mix of meeting great people that challenged me and inspired me, and meeting people that made me lose myself and cause a deep amount of hurt.

As for post-grad, welp. It's been a journey. There's everything with Bayside Davis, which has been negative for the most part. Then there's my small group, which has been a difficult mix of both positive and negative. Positive because I genuinely love my small group. I enjoy our biblical discussions, I feel challenged and encouraged by them, we've shared a lot of laughs, and they're just great people overall. I just feel myself growing with this group and I enjoy the presence of each person. But negative because we aren't really a community LOL All we do is see each other on Thursday's and sometimes at church, and all we ever talk about is from the guided discussion at SG. We've had like four hang outs, three of which I've attended, and they've either been barely anyone or really short or no good chats about getting to know each other. So it's been weird to be in this group and feel growth personally and spiritually, but not in community. It's kinda weird heh.

And today, well, today made cry...a lot. A few days ago I texted my SG being real about how holidays are hard because my family and I go to different churches (it's a lot more than that but I wasn't get too deep into it over text lmao) and I tend to go alone and I was open with them and said that I didn't want to spend Easter morning at church alone and I was hoping to be with community. I asked which service they were going to and if I could join them. Only Elvira responded and she let me know that her and Kevin were serving at the 9am, but that means they don't get to sit during service. No one else responded and I assumed they'd gone back to their hometowns to be with family or just weren't going to Midtown. So I cried last night because I really just didn't want to go church alone. But I woke up this morning feeling good. My window was open, birds were singing, the sun was rising, and I just felt good. I was reminded that I was going to church alone, but I wasn't alone. I went to the 9am service, sat by myself, and loved every second of it. Could it have been better shared with community? Hell yeah, but I was still filled with joy. When I got to my car, someone from SG texted asking where people were sitting and they sent a picture and lookie there, my SG was all together for the second service. I just sat in my car trying not ruin my make-up with tears. I fought them back for a solid 30 minutes.

What got me was that there's a guy in my SG who I've known all through college. He's seen me through a lot and I've opened up to him. He knows the issues with my family and I've talked about how hard holidays are for me. And he couldn't even text me to tell me what service he was going to. I'm like 10x more angry and frustrated with him than the rest of my SG. I literally save him a seat every regular Sunday and his ass walks in late with a donut and coffee every time. Like he couldn't just respond and say 11am. It takes less than a minute to type and send that. And hearing all my family problems and the pain I carry along with it, he just couldn't fucking do it. Y'all I cannot even put into words how unloved I felt today by him.

And even my SG. I was honestly disappointed. I've planned all our hang outs, I've missed TWO small groups (one for a car problem and the other because I wanted to support a friend at her performance). They even said I get the award for best attendance cause I've probably been to the most SG's and YP events. I take time every weekend to pray for their prayer requests and if God brings something up when I pray, I text them. I don't do this to get anything back, like I promise I don't. I genuinely do this because I love my SG, I want the best for them, and I care about them. But I am hurt that no one could just say "11am" when I asked what service. Like...where are the friends that become family?

When I look at the people in my life and I see the friends that have become family, I didn't meet them jn Christian communities. I met them in HS (which was a catholic HS but it doesn't count cause it's totally different lmao) and through those HS friends. They've become family and most of them don't even fucking live in the same city as me. I've seen us travel miles on miles to celebrate birthdays, support each other at performances, be there at graduations, welcome people back at the airport, etc. I've seen us stick up for each other when racism and/or sexual harassment as come up, challenge each other to be better, call each other out on shit we do, etc. I've seen us laugh and cry all in the same hour, be vulnerable and share our stories, listen well and honor the stories we hear, etc. I've seen us go above and beyond to be good friends to each other and these are the friends that have become family.

I don't expect Jessica to fly to celebrate my birthday with me and I don't expect Luis to tell a guy to go away and leave me alone when he's been harassing me and I don't expect Holly to feed me chips outside the club when my drunk ass is hungry. I don't expect these of them and I'd never ask this of them. But a fucking text back when I send you a long message about why I'm thankful were part of my 2017 and how I hope you have a full and joyful 2018 would be nice. Like a thank you. Or you could even just heart the damn message. Or John could just say "I'm going to the 11am service" when I ask our SG which Easter service their going to so I don't go alone. Or even a "thanks for saving a seat" on Sunday's. But nothing. I don't even expect my friends friends to go above and beyond. Like I'm fucking living when they text me saying they also like Enlightened more than they like Halo Top and "OMG did you smell the easter bath bombs at lush? I think you'd like it." Honestly being friends with me really isn't hard. Like my biggest things are initiating every now and then, stick to your word and show up when you say you'll show up, and fucking texting back. Those are the main things and I really don't think they're that complex / difficult. Yet it seems like the only people that can do that in my life are Sabrina, my HS friends, and the friends I met through them. And relating back to what I was originally processing, Sabrina is the only one I met through a Christian community. Goes to show that the whole "Christian communities are where you meet the friends that become family" didn't happen for me heh

It's hard cause I have to remind myself that not everyone wants a friendship with me. But at the same time, don't ask me to plan SG hang outs or show up late to church cause you wanted Starbucks and you know I'll save you a seat or ask me for a ride somewhere when you don't plan on being a friend to me. Don't sit their receiving the benefits of a friendship with me without being a fucking friend to me. Recognize that you're taking advantage of it and either fucking stop or be a friend. Cause it hurts from this side of the situation.

--

LOL wow this post took a turn. I went from talking about buying into the bullshit that Christian communities hold the best friendships you'll have to just friendship in general to getting really fucking mad at people. I think the turn this took is a sign that I need to spend some time in prayer and with God cause there ain't no room in my heart for this bitterness.

Okay I'm tired now and I want to watch Grey's Anatomy to let my brain just stop thinking for a bit and I also need to go pray cause yeah, bitterness ain't cool n shit

[7pastmidnight]

Past Curfew- Chapter 1

author: 7pastmidnight 

summary: senior in hs moving into a new town

genre: horror, thriller, mystery, romance, 18+

warning: smut in later chapters

note: this is my first long fic, so please don’t be too harsh in judgement! i will try to release one chapter a week~ all members will be present along with other JYP artists for added characters. there will be lots of texting dialog throughout the story so I used italics to symbolize it~  I tried to type this quickly so i apologize in advance for any grammatical errors.  I hope you all enjoy it^^

key:

italics = texting

y/a/n your aunts name, 

y/a/l/n your aunts last name

y/u/n your uncles name

    Things have taken a turn for the worst. Everything happened so quickly. It’s been less than a month since your dad divorced your mom and kicked her out along with you. Despite feeling bad for your mom, knowing him, it’s not surprising that he would pull such a stunt. He gave both of you a week to pack everything and find a new place. Your mom decided to move in with her sister in Calistoga, a tiny place about 80 miles north out of your hometown, San Francisco. You have a lot of mixed emotions, you feel a small sense of relief for your mom, but you don’t want to leave your childhood friend Jeongyeon. You lived your whole life with her… you couldn’t imagine her out of the picture like that, especially since you both just started senior year. You send her a text. Everything is packed up, we’re about to drive up there now ☹  You are standing outside the house near your moms car. You look back and take in the thought that, this will probably be the last time you will ever be there. Your mom walks out of the front door with one large box in her hands. She crams the box in the back of her white hatchback without even taking one look back at the house. She says, “Come on honey get in the car.”

  You take one last good look at the house before you turn around and get in the passenger seat. Your mom turns on the ignition and starts driving down the long gravel driveway. You pull out your phone to look at Jeongyeons reply. Take me with you ☹

  My mom said she would take me to visit you sometime since its not that far away. Maybe when I visit I’ll hide in your house lol

  We could totally get away with it too! My mom would let you live here. What is even in Calistoga anyway? Sounds lame

Idk literally nothing. It’s way more rural than San Francisco that’s for sure

  Hey I gotta go I have to get ready for school. Good luck! Text me when you get to your aunts!!

   You look outside at the scenery passing by. You suddenly feel a rush of nostalgia, taking everything in like you’re seeing it for the last time. You can hear your mom softly crying to herself over the music coming from the radio. You know it’s hard on her but you’re not sure how to help so you just leave her be. It was only a little after 7 am, the sun is barely starting to rise. You end up falling asleep on the car ride over to your aunts.

    You wake up about an hour later as your mom pulls up to the front driveway of your aunts. You forgot how huge her rustic estate was. You can see your aunt sitting on a chair on her front patio with her yorkie sitting on her lap. Your mom parks right in front of the stairs leading up to the front porch and your aunt walks down to greet you.

   “Glad you guys made it away from that asshole.” She then turns to you and says, “Sorry you had to hear that hon.” You give a slight shrug and walk over to give her a hug. She hugs you tight and lets you go. Then she looks over to your mom and says, “come here you too.”

   As she lets her go and asks, “Have you all eaten yet? I made some breakfast for you and waffles. “Ooh I love waffles.”

   “Oh no sweetie I meant for us and the dog, waffles, that’s his name.” You look down at the little puffball sniffing at your feet. You let out a small chuckle, “that’s cute.” You look up at your mom and she’s hardly smiling. She looks so exhausted. You walk towards the trunk to start unpacking. “Hold on eat breakfast first while it’s still hot. Come on inside.”  Your mom takes the lead and walks in front of you up the stairs. You look around at the scenery and it’s just what you expected… there is absolutely nothing around you except for the two neighboring houses. You must admit though; the autumn scenery is refreshing compared to the city you were used to. You take out your phone to send pictures to Jeongyeon. As you are taking photos you see from a far a guy leaving one of the neighboring houses wearing a black baseball cap, carrying a backpack. You don’t really think much of it at the time and walk inside.

   You take a step inside and walk down the hallway that leads to the living room. She has some family photos on the wall including picture of her with your uncle. You walk into a wide-open living room with high ceilings. Everything looks so clean and untouched it almost makes you uncomfortable. You find your way to the kitchen where your mom and aunt are sitting down at the table drinking some coffee. You take a seat and help yourself to some eggs and turkey bacon on the table. Your aunt looks to you and says, “Once you’re done eating I’ll take you to the high school to get enrolled, let’s give your mom some time to rest.”

               “Okay, that sounds fine.”

“Are you excited to go to a new school?” Your aunt asked.

“Not really… I hope the school year will go by quickly.”

“Maybe you’ll see some cute boys at school… some better than your dad…”

“y/a/n…” your mom quietly snaps.

“Sorry, I’m just trying to give y/n something to look forward to.”

“How have you been holding up since…?” My mom quietly asked.

  “Since y/u/n died?” she chuckles a bit and says, “I’ll admit it’s been a little lonely, but I’ve been having fun spending his money!” What a typical thing for your aunt to say you think to yourself.

   “That’s how I got little waffles here! I named her after your uncle’s favorite food.” She pauses and says, “I’m actually really glad you’re here. It’s a big house, we need some people besides me waffles and Carol to fill it up.”

“I’m sorry who?”, your mom asks.

   OH I forgot to mention Carol? She’s my maid. She comes up during the weekend to clean the house. I don’t know if you can tell but it looks nice in here because of her. Although I mainly hired her so I could have someone to talk about local gossip with.”, your aunt chuckles.That explains why everything looks uncomfortably clean, you think to yourself.

  “Carol will normally stay here during the weekend. When she’s not cleaning she spends time hanging out at some of the local areas around here. She lives in the city, so I think she likes to get away from it sometimes. I let her stay in a room upstairs until she leaves on Monday mornings. Although I don’t think she’ll be happy to clean up after two more people.” Your aunt chuckles.

Your mom asks, “How long have you had a maid?”

    You quietly keep eating your breakfast as you’re ignoring your mom and aunts banter. You look at your phone to see that Jeongyeon replied. It looks like it sucks there. Miss you at school ☹  btw whos that guy in the pic? He looks kinda creepy How would you know who that guy was? You literally just got here. You assume a neighbor maybe? Still, you felt bad. You and Jeongyeon didn’t really have any other friends than each other, you feel like you practically left her there by herself. Not really knowing what to say you put your phone back in your pocket and stare down at the crumbs on the blue flower trimmed plate you just ate from. Your aunt snaps you out of your trance. “Are you ready hon?”

      “As ready as I’ll ever be.” You reply to Jeongyeon saying idfk who that guy is, he looks shady, but I think he’s my aunts neighbor. UGHHHH I’m about to go enroll into my new school. I haven’t even seen it yet but I already know I’m gonna hate it. But the truth is you are a little excited. You never really made friends at your old high school, maybe this time would be different. You say goodbye to your mom and follow your aunt down the hallway out the front door. The sun is fully out now blinding your tired eyes. You get in your aunt’s white suburban Cadillac. Your uncle must’ve had a lot saved up.

   You two drive down a long winding road before you hit the center of the town. You see a grocery store, a library, a park with a large beautiful fountain in the center. The school is far from your aunts, you’re used to school being in walking distance. At a stop light, you see a sign on a telephone pole “MISSING KIM WONPIL”. The guy looks like he’s about your age too. You sarcastically mumble to yourself, “Oh that’s a good sign. I can’t wait to live around here.”

    “Oh the kids around here can be a little crazy since there’s not a lot for them to do to keep them entertained. It’s probably just a prank since October is around the corner.”

“I can’t wait to meet them all…” you reply very sarcastically.

    You two pull up to the school, it’s kind of large considering this is a small town. You don’t see anyone wondering around the grassy and shady front courtyard. You take that as a sign of relief, that must mean class has started already… you weren’t ready to communicate with anyone just yet. Just as you were about to open the car door this loud black dodge charger quickly pulls up in the space next to you, forcing you to shut the door to avoid getting hit. “WHAT THE FUCK?” you think to yourself, you glare out your aunt’s window to give the driver a mean look, but you were taken aback. This handsome, well built, man with blonde slicked back hair and aviator shades gets out of the car and smirks at you. “UGHHH WHAT A JERK” you think to yourself, but then you hear your aunt say, “oh hi Jackson!” what the fuck?? Your aunt knows this guy?? “WHY?” you think to yourself.

   Jackson yells, “Hey Mrs. y/a/l/n I’m running late for class but I’ll talk to you later! Hope you’ve been well.” He runs into the front doors of the school. You get out of the car and look at your aunt with a puzzled look.

“How do you know that guy??? You ask.

  “Oh, when your uncle first died he helped me with lawn work before I hired help. He’s a good kid, just a little wild sometimes.”

    You couldn’t imagine a guy like that helping your aunt, but you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.  You and your aunt make way up the stairs leading to the front entrance of the school. You walk in expecting for the entrance to be a little extravagant, but you were a little disappointed. This school just looked normal.  Navy colored lockers on both sides of the hallway. No students in the hallway, but there were some missing signs of that kid you saw plastered on the walls. They’re kind of taking it far if it really is a prank. The office was up on your left. Suddenly you felt nervous. You take a deep breath and follow your aunt inside.

    There was an older lady with short red hair wearing gold rimmed reading glasses, typing away eyes glued to a computer. Next to this lady was a young man, he was probably a student aid. You blankly stared at him while he was reading some paperwork. He was wearing a black and white stripped shirt, had slightly messy black hair and big ears. He looked up at you and gave you a gentle smile. Shocked, you turn around and observe the room pretending like you weren’t just staring. There’s hallway behind her desk. You guessed that down the hall were the offices of the principals or counselors. Your aunt walks up to the counter, and says “excuse me?”

   The woman looks up from the screen, “oh my goodness I’m so sorry! I didn’t even notice you walked in! You’re here to enroll y/n right?”

“Yes ma’am we are.” You aunt replied calmly.

   “Here, take a seat.” You take a seat in one of the two chairs facing the desk. You feel super nervous now. You really don’t want to be here.

   “I’m so sorry about that! Here if you could start filling out this paperwork Mrs. y/a/l/n.”

   You start to pull your phone out of your pocket to see if Jeongyeon has replied. You’re not entirely sure why you have to be here for this part.

    “y/n, would you like a tour around the school?” the woman behind the desk asked.

    Before you could answer she says, “Jinyoung, could you show y/n around the school?”

    “Sure…”, he says shyly. He stands up and says, “come on follow me.”, he says in a calm tone.

You get up and nervously glare at your aunt before you walk out into the hall.

[imaginedilestrade]

Request

Requested by @ccorpuz1214 Can you please do a HS or college AU where Greg is the super sweet, down to earth star athlete (preferably basketball) and reader is the shy science-y type and has a crush on him but he secretly likes her too! And he tries to ask her out but keeps getting interrupted! Thanks! A/N: I hope you enjoy and I hope it's what you wanted! I wrote that Greg was into football because I'll never get the picture of Rupert in a football strip out of my head 😳😶😅 -------------------- Greg hated the natural drift between the two of you. He didn't even notice it happening. It sort of hit him in the face when you passed him one day in the school corridor. He realised that he hadn't talked to you in almost six years. As if you didn't even exist. A part of him knew you did but he didn't do anything about it. When you moved to high school he leaned more towards sports while you leaned more towards science and you both made new friends who liked those subjects. You and Greg naturally drifted apart. He really hated that and he hated a part of himself for not making more of an effort. Especially after all the years of friendship you did share. You and Greg were best friends, there wasn't a day that went passed that you didn't spend with each other. It also helped that he lived a few doors down. Greg had grown up with you and admittedly fell for you. He wasn't entirely sure what love was back then because he was so young but as he grew older he realised he felt it for you. "You're staring..." Anderson nudged Greg with his bony elbow right in the ribs. "Ah!" Greg flinched slightly "No I'm not, was just in a daydream." "Oh so you weren't staring at that girl...what's her name? Oh, yeah, that girl Y/N?" Anderson asked as you walked passed them both to your physics class. "No I wasn't!" Greg was staring at you. Greg and Anderson were in the same class as you next and you watched them walk in and sit across from you. They usually never did that. Mind you, all the tables were full when you arrived so they didn't have much of a choice. Greg would sit next to the 'sporty guys' and you'd often sit at the back out of everyone's way. "Hey Y/N," you looked up and blinked slightly. He was...speaking to you? "Hi Greg, hi Philip," you greeted with your eyes fixated in your book, turning it to the right page to prepare for the class. "Don't call me that!" Anderson whined and rolled his eyes.

"Alright class!" The teachers voice boomed "You're all getting your test results back today and we'll go over our next topic afterwards." You took the paper from your teacher as he walked over to you "Well done Y/N," he smiled and then handed Greg his test paper "Maybe you could learn a thing or two from Miss Y/L/N here, Greg." You glanced up and saw in bright red ink the numbers '38%' on his paper. You looked back to yours and saw '100%' at the top. You shot him a crooked smile when you looked back up to him. You could tell be was disappointed. The teacher continued on with the rest of the lesson and you worked away with ease. Greg didn't. "Multiply the ninety with the velocity..." you quietly helped. "Thank you," he softly whispered and sent a smile in return before continuing on with your own work. Greg felt a sudden urge to ask you if you wanted to go to the cinema at the weekend, your kindness only made him fall for you more "Y/N...do you-" "Mr Lestrade, you can chat in your own time. Not during my class..." the teacher trailed off and Greg let out a huff. He'd attempt to ask you out again. --- "Hey Y/N?" You shut your locker over and spun around on the spot. "Oh hello," you smiled "What's up Greg?" You were a little suspicious, this was an obscene amount of talking with him in a single day, especially after so little communication over the six years. "You really good at science..." he trailed off and you waited for him to continue "I was wondering, uh if you want...you don't have to..." "Yes..." you drawled out, wanting him to get to the point already. Why was he so nervous? It was on the tip of his tongue. All he had to do was repeat those words he was going to say earlier, but nerves drowned him and he digressed completely. "Could you help me out after school? I'd really appreciate it." He looked at you almost pleadingly. It tugged on your heart strings and you couldn't resist. When it came to Greg you never could. "Sure," you smiled "When do you want to start?" Greg scratched the back of his neck "Well I have football practice tonight until half four. If you want to hang about until then I'll walk you back to mine and we can start today?" You nodded "That's fine with me. I'll phone my mum and let her know. I'll wait for you on the pitch, I've always meant to watch you playing." Greg took you, and himself, by surprise when he gave you a quick hug. He dashed off to his football practice and you slowly made you way there with a book wedged between your arm and side. You'd read it while he was playing. ---

Greg would occasionally glance up to you while he was playing. He'd lose his footing from time to time, especially when you'd look up and watch him from where you were standing with a book pried open by your hands. You caught yourself smiling more than once at his mishap before the whistle blowed and the team ran off the pitch to get changed. While you stood outside waiting for him, Greg was being playfully tormented by his teammates. "Why was Y/N watching today?" John smirked and wiggles his brows. "She's coming to mine-" Greg was cut off by 'oooohs' that varied in pitch. He rolled his eyes "Shut up," he grumbled "She's just helping me with my physics work!" Greg attempted to clear the air but no one was having it. He quickly left and met you outside "Good to go?" He asked and you nodded with a smile. You walked to his in comfortable silence, Greg was nervously playing with his bag straps. Thankfully the school wasn't that far away from Greg's and your own house. "I'm home mum!" Greg yelled out and Greg's mum, Diane popped her head out from around the corner. She gasped with delight seeing you behind Greg, she pushed right passed her son to give you a hug "Y/N! It's so good to see you!" She pulled away and held your arms "Look at you! I was just out with your mother the other day for lunch and we had a good gab about you and Greg. Oh the stories! Greg do you remember when you were little said you wanted to marr-" "Yeah! Yeah! We have work to be getting on with mum!" Greg dragged you upstairs to his room with crimson coloured cheeks "Sorry about her..." he uttered and ushered you into his room. You looked around it with a sense of deja vu. You had been in Greg's room tonnes of times, it was the same but now it was covered with more sports trophies and medals. Greg made a bit on an attempt to clear away is lying clothes and grabbed his physics textbooks. You sat down on the bed and got out your own car reading and re-reading for what felt like days to Greg but was only two hours.

You watched him as he figured out an equation on his own. "Is that it?" You double checked with your calculator and nodded with a wide smile "You got it!" "Re-really?!" Greg went wide eyed before letting out a cheer "Fuck yes!" "Greg!" He was so loud Diane had heard him and scalded him from the other side of the door. "Sorry mum!" He grimaced and looked at you, playfully pushing your shoulder as you bit down on your lip to stop yourself laughing. Greg's mum opened the door and narrowed her eyes at him before turning to you with a smile. "Y/N, will you be staying for dinner?" "Uh sure! If that's alright...I don't want to untrue or anything." Diane waved her hand "Nonsense! You're welcome anytime! It's actually really good to see you." She warming smiled at you and Greg before telling you that dinner would be ready shortly. "Y/N?" Greg felt a burst of confidence after getting his work right. This was it. He was going to finally ask you out. "Would you like-" "Dinner's ready!" Greg let out a sigh, interrupted again "Be right down mum!" "What was it you wanted to ask?" You asked with a small smile. "Nothing..." You both continued studying after dinner before Greg walked you home later that night. "Could we do this again? I could ready use the help up to the exam." "Of course we can, goodnight Greg." You placed a hand on his arm before quickly pulling away. Greg walked home with a smile on his face. He'd ask you out someday. --- "You open yours first!" "No! Open yours!" "Why don't we open them together?" "Okay..." Greg smiled as you sat across from in on your bed with your results in hand. Since that day you'd been over at Greg's almost every night helping him with his physics work. You hoped it had payed off. You also hoped your resurfaced feelings for him would calm down. It was hard not to fall for him all over again, spending time with him again made you realise that you still liked him in 'more than a friend' kind of way. You and Greg both tore open the envelopes and you smiled seeing your expected grades. You glanced up to Greg and furrowed your brow seeing his slightly gaping mouth "Greg?" He slowly looked up to you and his gaping mouth transformed into a smile "I passed! I got an A!" He screamed with delight and you screamed just as loud, grabbing the paper for yourself and seeing the 'A' there in black and white. He lunged at you and tackled you with a hug, pressing kisses to your check and uttering 'Thank you's' over and over like a mantra. "Greg!" You laughed and pushed back a bit "You're welcome." Greg's smile faltered slightly and his breath hitched seeing you underneath him. He leaned forward and pressed a long hiss to to cheek "Thank you," he whispered. Your heart fluttered and you placed your hands to the back of his neck "Greg," you let out a nervous, breathy chuckle "I have lips you know..." Greg took a minute to register what you said before he leaned forward and delicately pressed his lips to yours before applying a little more force when you kissed him back. He pulled away and smiled down at you again "Thank you..." "What for? The help or the kiss?" You half joked. Greg smirked and pecked your lips again "Both. Do you want to go out this weekend?" "Finally!" You giggled "Yes, yes I would."

[mykastory]

It’s over.

Where’s my happy ending?

Not here.

It’s over.

I can’t believe it’s over.

And in the most fucked up, 황당한 way ever.

About a month and a half ago, we were over at a friend’s place for game night when all of a sudden, one of our friends G got pissed for seemingly no reason and wanted to leave. I asked him what was wrong and he says,

“You.”

?!?!?!

Now this guy is kinda..... unique. He’s super smart in certain ways but also the “nerdy gamer type.” He wouldn’t tell me what he was pissed about and just stormed out.

The rest of our friends and I tried to figure out what had happened but no one could and they reassured me that he had done this before with some of them but that he would probably get over it and apologize.

After that night, I talked to his girlfriend and she said that I can be a bit “intense” and “aggressive” sometimes... She gave this example of this one time that I said, “Sit down, bitch!” to her on the subway when I was 양보해줘ing the seat to her... The context here is that G had kept saying that to her that night so I was just imitating him... but she didn’t get that and of course dumbass me didn’t even recall saying this to her until later and I never got the chance to explain... ㅠㅠ

Either way, I reached out to G to apologize,

“I just want to apologize if my actions and words were aggressive to you. I know sometimes I do try to be a bit meaner like you guys are when you’re joking around with each other but maybe it just comes out weird or I’m doing it wrong... I’m really sorry. I didn’t know it bothered you so much and I will definitely work on refraining from making comments like that... blah blah blah.... I hope you know it doesn’t come from a bad place and I totally respect you... blah blah... I feel really horrible that it got to a point to make you fed up with me and I hope we can talk and work things out.” (blah blahs are stuff taken out for anonymity).

To which he replied,

“I realized what the core of the issue might be. I think we’ve learned that it’s not always easy to see the line between playful teasing and bullying but I think I have some insights that might be useful.”

He went on to list these things...

- Teasing his gf for not drinking. (one time that I remember... S and I bought a round of shots for everyone and despite me saying that G’s gf didn’t drink, he bought her one anyway. When she didn’t finish, I said, “‘***, lame!” But that was it. No shit.)

- Stopping a friend from napping at a party when she was exhausted. (I was just trying to include her and wanted to get to know her better... Besides, who sleeps at a house party?!)

- Joking about S being an inadequate partner. (인정... I wanted validation because whenever I addressed actions that upset me, he would never understand or 인정 so I thought if I brought it up amongst friends and they chided him for it, he would understand... I know, not the best move. That’s why 인정.)

- Bemoaning G for playing his favorite game. (It. was. a. joke. We had a shoot together the day before and it was basically filming him playing a buncha games. The game night was the day after that so when I walked in and found him playing the same game, by himself, when everyone else was talking to each other and socializing, I jokingly said, “Hey G, didn’t you get enough of that yesterday? Haha.” And that’s what pissed him off....)

And then he goes on to say that for the guys, “trash talk is mutual... blah blah... A battle for social status might be appropriate in a HS or college setting but seems unnecessary and unfun among friends in their 30s... But that’s just me. If you feel that I’m being overly sensitive, I’m happy to accept and move on.”

Wtf?!

I know I can be mean sometimes, but wanting the “power” (S’s interpretation of the words... He had been the one trying to make me more like one of the guys so I could be invited to guy’s night which mostly consists of going to PC bang to play FPS games which I love but I was always excluded because it was only something that happened when the other girls weren’t there cuz they don’t like playing PC games...) could not be further from the truth.

Regardless, I tried to apologize again and thanked him for bringing this to my attention because if he really felt I was a bully and “everyone else thinks so, too,” according to him, then it must be true.

“I can see now.... I want to fix this... I appreciate you addressing the issue because it’ll help me analyze the dynamic to understand what’s okay and what’s not... I hope in the future if anything like this happens again, you feel comfortable enough to pull me aside and let me know how you feel before it gets to a point where you’re so fed up that you explode.”

He never texted back and I was feeling so wretched about the whole thing that S and I decided to go visit my uncle to get away from the city with my family.

We talked about the incident while we were there, and he was trying to piece together how my actions may have come off as bullying and we spent some time trying to distinguish between “bullying” and “teasing.” Other than that, we had a relaxing time and had to come back home before going to 산소 on Saturday.

On the way back home from 산소, we dropped off my parents at their house and were on our way back home when A calls S. He asked to hang out but we had to go home because of the dogs. To this, he says,

“Well, both of you don’t have to go...”

Wtf man.... that’s some messed up shit. But A was on speakerphone and I told him to go cuz you know how A is about that kind of stuff.

S thinks that A wants to talk about what happened, and surprise, surprise G is with A, too. So I drop him off to meet them and I go home.

Before this, I hadn’t shown S any of the texts between me and G because I didn’t want to get him involved and feel like he had to play middle man, but he wanted to at least see the last text I had sent, for reference, so I showed him before he went to go meet them.

He texted me while he was with them, at first, telling me not to worry and that he’ll 잘 얘기해줘 for me, but when he got home, he didn’t really seem to want to talk about it.

We ended up talking the next morning and he tried to help me understand G’s perspective. Basically, G thought I was a master manipulator, power hungry sociopath but he didn’t want to have anything to do with it. G also took the fact that I hadn’t shown S our text chain to use to say I was manipulating S and withholding facts. WTF?! Regardless, S said he’d help me get through this and we were supposed to have dinner at his mom’s house but he understood if I wasn’t up for it.

I didn’t end up going to his mom’s place and tried to sleep before he came home because I still felt like such a wreck from the whole G situation and was majorly depressed because it broke my heart to think that all my so-called “friends” thought I was some power-hungry mean girl...

I used to be a cheerleader in HS and they think of me as the former mean girl, but that’s so far from the truth because I was bullied so damn hard and always made it a point to reach out to others who were being bullied or were in need of love... But of course none of them know this shit. Well, A does but hell would freeze over before he took my side after all the shit that happened.

The next morning I woke up to hear him leaving the house to walk the dogs and he left me a text saying that I should eat something and that he wanted to talk when he got back.

I was still seriously depressed and I wasn’t quite ready to talk... And I hadn’t checked the message before he came back so when he DID get back, I was still in the room and he texts me suddenly in this cold ass tone saying,

“You can’t avoid this. You have a decision to make and I will not wait forever.”

Something along those lines. I erased all our messages, since, so I can’t write it down verbatim like I usually do.

I didn’t know where this hostility and coldness came from all of a sudden and I asked him why he was talking like that to which he kept robotically responding,

“Like I said, I won’t wait forever. You must make a decision.”

Wtf? I had absolutely no idea what decision he was talking about as there was absolutely no context there and I was so hurt by his sudden change of attitude... This went on for about 20 texts and I ended up leaving the house because I was so upset and couldn’t get through to him.

I was gone for about 3 nights? First 2 nights I stayed at a motel near the house and then the third night I wanted a change of pace (place?) so moved to a different motel...

I had been keeping in touch with my sister and BIL during this situation and BIL called me out that third day to buy me dinner and tell me what happened between him and S because S had called him to talk.

Basically, BIL got super pissed at S and almost walked out on him a couple times because he said S was sounding completely like a robot and nothing seemed to get through to him. He said S wasn’t making any sense and was saying all these ridiculous things that BIL was so close to smacking him upside the head but he prayed a lot and 참았어 and tried to talk some reason into him but to no avail.

The next day, I got chased out of the room by a damn cockroach UGH GROSS. My sister told me S had called her and wanted to talk to her, too, and told me to go home and try to talk to him after she talked to him.

When they talked, she tried to be on his side but told me that it was super frustrating and that she wanted to scold him several times for being a child but prayed and 참았어 a lot too. She tried to be as compassionate as possible and sent him home telling him that I would be there, waiting for him, and I told him the same via text.

When he got home...

I actually don’t remember...

What I do remember is that over the next three days, he basically tried to “help me realize what was wrong with me” and get to the “root cause” of what my problem was. He wanted to “see if I was capable of change” and that if I “continue down this road, I can’t go with you. I’m fully prepared to be the asshole in your family’s eyes and leave you.”

This consisted of him interrogating me on why I did the things that I did to our friends and getting me to see how I manipulated him and our relationship. Whenever he asked me a question about some of my behaviors, nothing I said seemed to satisfy him. I tried to relate back to an example where our situation was flipped around and we were in each others’ shoes, to which he would keep deflecting back to me, saying,

“We’re talking about you right now. Not me. We can get to me later.”

I asked if we can work on mending our relationship, but even to that,

“Not now. We can get to that later.”

Super frustrating.

(I later found out that he was using the “detect a covert aggressor” clues and was using these questions as a trigger to try and get responses that satisfied him... But, fuck, it was already apparent that he made up his mind about me and that he used this as a guise to “try everything in my power to make things right with her.” 뻑이나...)

After a lot, a lot, a LOT of talking and crying (me, not him), he finally broke me and got me to admit that maybe I was a horrible person that thought I was better than everyone else and that’s why I looked down on his friends.

There’s a certain amount of truth there, and I was broken enough to expand on it in a hypothetical. I never really thought of them as MY friends. They were HIS friends, before they were mine. Plus, there was all that shit that happened with A, which resulted in me treating him not so nice sometimes, and I know that’s bad and not very God-loving of me. I honestly just thought of them all as my little 후배s because they kinda were... S’s friends and by extension, my 후배s...  I admitted to all of this and my conclusion was that I needed to make things right and that I also need God back in my life to learn to love others around me more rather than judge

Despite my “breakthrough,” he didn’t understand or agree to the need for God and brought this up as another “issue” and wasn’t sure if he was “okay” with this being my conclusion.

At that point, I was so broken and depressed that all I could think of was suicide.

I wondered if it would be better to jump out the window or from the roof... Or if I should just take a buncha pills...

I realized, then, that I had to get out of there before doing anything I truly regret and can’t reverse.

I told him I needed to go home to clear my head a bit and he agreed.

When I got home, I was basically dead.

I had barely eaten for the past week and my mom said I looked like a walking corpse...

My sister and BIL tried to help me through a lot of it and told me that I should try to work things out with him and admit to what I did wrong, but be careful not to apologize for anything that I DIDN’T do.

Which is exactly what I did.

Of course, I did a lot of soul searching, too. The thing that I remember the most is that my BIL said to be true to who I am. Which is so important, now that I realize... I was always sitting around, waiting for S to notice me and trying so hard to be the one for him that I completely 무시했어 myself and who I am. I was basically a fuckin pushover, and my unhappiness there came out in other areas.

S came by to talk to me once or twice, but when I tried to address that realization I had, it was met, again, with the same response;

“This isn’t about me. It’s about you.”

He also met with my sister a couple times, and she said that it seemed like he was changing every day.... Like her words would get through to him, but then be pushed back... 계속 back and forth, basically.

In our talks during and after that, he talked about:

- How I made him feel bad for going out to meet his friends when he had no reason to feel bad (we would be on our way home after work and had plans to eat and whatever but then his friends would call for a “guys night” WHY ALWAYS A GUYS NIGHT?! and despite me telling him to go and that I would love to have the house to myself, he would feel bad for going but blame his feeling bad on me.)

- He never wanted to get married in the first place and that’s why he was probably pushing off the wedding. (This one really pissed me off more than anything because I’ve always, from day one, been so cautious not to force him to do ANYTHING because I didn’t want him 원망해ing me for it. I ended a friendship with one of my best friend’s for forcing him to think about how he feels about me!!  And now he’s saying that I forced him into this relationship?! When a year ago he was telling me that, no matter what, even if it’s the smallest of the smallest, he wants to “give me a wedding”?!)

- I wasn’t supportive enough in his businesses and when he told me he was worried about having to start over in the US (we were supposed to move back after the RR failed but then he wanted to try out his PP so we built that together but that ALSO failed) I told him that it was just cold feet. All this made him question himself and he realized that he couldn’t make his own decisions or trust his own gut, and that was my fault. (REALLY?! Sitting countless hours at the store with him, paying for EVERYTHING, putting aside everything I wanted to fit his needs, and he has the gall to tell me that I wasn’t supportive enough and that I made him doubt himself?! He doesn’t think any of this doubt has to do with the fact that his past THREE businesses failed, first one of which was with A, and he left because A was a “manipulative 개새끼,” his words. And now he was saying that A is such a good friend to him???)

- He felt I “lied by omission” in not telling him how Christian my family was. He knew I was, but when we went to 산소 and were 찬양 and 예배드려ing he said he felt really uncomfortable and realized how lonely he would be if I made all these Christian friends in the US. (DO YOU KNOW HOW FREAKING LONELY I FELT IN THAT GODLESS GROUP WITH ALL YOUR NON-CHRISTIAN FRIENDS?! INCLUDING THE FUCKER THAT WAS ALWAYS TRYING TO WEDGE A NAIL BETWEEN US THAT YOU NOW CALL A BEST FRIEND?!)

As the talks evolved, basically what he wanted from me was to admit that I had “emotionally abused him.”

His words. Not mine.

“Physical abuse is a lot easier, cuz you can see the scars. Emotional abuse is not as clear cut.’

I told him that I probably wasn’t as loving and supportive as I could have been. We were both at our worst and in a horrible, difficult situation, and we both needed to address these problems.

“Nope. I need you to admit that you manipulated and emotionally abused me.”

I admitted to the manipulation. I had to. Because the way he saw it, “Short of anything illegal, you’ll do anything to get your way.”

In part, it’s true.

Because to him, manipulation, in any shape or form, is bad.

Hiding vegetables in a meal to force your kid to eat vegetables?

Just as bad as having someone co-sign a loan that you know you won’t pay back.

According to him.

Plus, I sat around waiting for him because I felt he was the one, no matter how hard and depressing it was...

So I admitted it.

But what I couldn’t admit was the emotional abuse.

After admitting to the manipulation, though, he seemed to feel a bit better. He told me that “they” had diagnosed me as a covert aggressor.

To very, very briefly summarize, it’s a person who uses these tactics to inadvertently manipulate a person. Tactics such as minimizing fault (it’s not that big a deal) or putting the example back on the other person... Honestly, it sounded like such bullshit to me. He used the SAME “tactics” on me, but how does that make me the only covert aggressor?!

“Just because a person checks off some boxes in a column doesn’t mean that person is what it says. You check off a lot of the sociopath boxes, but that doesn’t make you one, does it?”

I said to him. To which he replied,

“We’re not talking about me right now.”

UGH!!!

After I confronted him with my thoughts on this “theory,” he said he felt like I was regressing and this wasn’t going to go anywhere, and finally said,

“I want a divorce.”

During this time, I had asked him to go a marriage counselor because I absolutely did not agree with a lot of the things he was saying and I really felt like we needed an unbiased, third party professional, but he said he would only do that if A was the third party.

WTF?!?!?!? How is he an unbiased third party?!?!?!

Sigh.

So yeah. That was that.

“Ok.”

I was fucking broken and didn’t have the strength or grace to argue.

A week later, we were at the court house to file for divorce.

A month later we were there to finalize it.

You know what's even more ridiculous?

After we finalized the divorce, we came out of the court house and he asked to go get coffee. I really didn’t want to but ended up going because he kept saying he didn’t want things to end this way.

After some small talk, he says,

“We had a good run though, yeah? Lotta fun times.”

“Really? Despite all that emotional abuse?”

“...”

그치... 할말 없지 개새끼야...

And then he says,

“A really misses you...”

“I’ll believe that if he ever says it to me.”

S had suggested I talk to A about the whole situation to “recognize the severity” of it when all this was happening, so I did.

A basically said I could be mean sometimes (I know... I was intentionally mean to him cuz he was an asshole...) and that he was really upset when I first started dating S because we were seeing each other at the time.

NO WE WERE NOT!!!

I was dating JH and he was dating this other girl (which he actually lied to me about for quite some time) so I had no idea wtf he was talking about but I was still broken, now submissive me at the time, so I just let it go.

He also said he still loves me and will accept me as I am, blah blah... but funny thing is he never talked to me again after that...

I also talked to G during all that to show S I was making amends and he went on and on saying that he didn’t feel I was truly sorry because he doesn’t believe a word I say and that he thinks I’m a social mastermind manipulator (HA! I wish! That’s A, not me!) and he’s scared of me...

Left me speechless... I’m a master manipulator for “bemoaning” about you playing games and not wanting a friend I’ve been asked to get close with to sleep? How am I the master manipulator and not A?!

Anyway, that was that... and I haven’t heard from S since.

Actually, he called me about 2 weeks ago at 3 in the morning... twice... I didn’t pick up and he sent a message saying he was at the empty store and was reminiscing so he called...

I messaged him back the next morning to apologize for missing his calls and a little small talk went back and forth but that was it.

Apparently he also called my sister right before the divorce, saying I was a bitch for taking my family away from him. He also met with her to “warn her because she would likely be my next ‘victim.’” (Another thing I addressed to him during our talk right after the divorce was finalized and to which he was unable to say a thing). This all happened before our divorce was finalized, but

WTF are you serious?!

Ugh.

I haven’t seen or heard from any of them since then, with the exception of, funnily enough, A’s gf. She was the only other Christian in the group and we were really starting to bond until this shit hit the fan and she messaged me not long after asking how I was doing and that we should meet up before I leave to the states.

I also talked to another friend (AC - he also used to be friends and worked with A until A tried to undermine him and steal his contacts/ work -_-) about what happened. I had to tell him what happened because of work stuff and he was so shocked by the story but not too shocked cuz he always thought they were a weird group of people and that they were incels..... New word I learned but totally made sense to me because when I tried to tell S at the beginning that I felt that if I was a guy, none of this shit (”bullying” him and his friends - something he TOLD me to do if I wanted to be one of the guys and that he  called “teasing” until all this was brought up) would have happened, but he disagreed and said my view of the world is skewed... But it was pretty damn validating to hear that from AC and he helped me feel a lot better about the situation.

My family was also super supportive during the time and I’m so grateful for that.

But anyway, that’s the story of my divorce.

Fuck.

I’m divorced.

It sucks but I learned a lot from the experience. How unhappy I was, how underappreciated I felt and how that came out in the most horrible ways (angry drunk... I didn’t realize this until now but I was never an angry drunk until I met him... So I kinda understand why his friends saw me this way because they’ve seen the worst, drunken side of me that’s really embarrassing, but they don’t know me like S does... Or how I thought he did...). How important it is to marry a fellow believer...

I also realized I’m a LOT happier now that he’s out of my life.

It’s like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders.

No more having to deal with his “wouldn’t this be a great business idea?” at every little freaking thing or his “ugh. affection. ew. that’s so not me” bullshit. Even when we first fell in love, he would look at me and say, “Fucking mykastory...” And not having to worry about spending most of my paycheck on rent for the store!

I need someone who loves me as much as I love them and actually KNOWS what it means to love.

It doesn’t mean abandoning someone in their time of need - I REALLY needed him by my side during this time, but he wasn’t there for me or willing to budge. Never once apologized for a thing during this whole ordeal.

The biggest thing I realized is that I shouldn’t missionary date/ marry and that he never really knew who I was because we never connected, spiritually. Also, he only had the capacity to love himself. No one else. He always came first and didn’t understand the meaning of sacrifice.

He will forever be the person who broke my heart and bounced.

But good riddance.

I’m better off without you.

I thought this blog was over but I guess it lives on...

[curlsinhoney]

   Back when I was transitioning from high school to college, I hadn't fully realized how much my old friends and I weren’t keeping in touch. I was experiencing so many new things, it was the only thing I would talk to them about when I did see them. I was too blinded by the excitement to see how annoying I must've been.    I found out in the past year that my HS best friend in that group really resented me for all of this…

 they even told others I was superficial, fake and annoying. Before I knew all this, I had sent them a long message basically saying how I started to feel left out and that I knew I wasn't in the group chat anymore. I saw the group hanging out all the time. I was so embarrassed that I had sent that back then that I actually deleted the message right after I had sent it. I wish I hadn’t. The reason I sent it was because I trusted our friendship enough to reach out to that person and talk about it. I found out they had screen-shotted it, sent it in their new friend group chat and made fun of me— and then messaged me back extremely two-faced. I had no idea they felt this way.    I gave them a lot of credit when I found out how that person felt. I was a very dumb high-schooler (and college freshman). I can honestly say I didn't know myself yet and I definitely didn't know how to treat others. I could see why they called me fake. But when I talked to my close friends now about it, they would lecture me saying “if that person really was as close to you as you say they were, They would’ve talk to you about how they felt first” and you know what…. my friends were right. I know I wasn't the greatest friend, but I still cant understand how they came to resent me so much. I was really sad and angry. And very shortly after I realized this, that person showed up, unannounced, to my girlfriend’s very small birthday party. If they really thought all those things about me— how did they think that showing up to my gf’s personal birthday party was okay?? They even walked in and hugged me— I hid away for a little, shaking out of rage and confusion. My gf was very confused as well, but I was not about to start a scene of any type on my girlfriend’s night, so I just blatantly ignored them. Back then, It only made my dislike for that person grow to hate. Later that week I childishly blocked them on everything, I didn't want anything to do to that person. My friends would say, “maybe they were just sad y'all had drifted apart so much. Y'all were becoming two different people.” That was what I would say was happening if I talked about old high school friends…why couldn't that person? There were moments where I would just sit and think to myself “was I really that awful?"    It’s been almost a year since I found out and I am now thankful for it. It helped me to see I really don’t need or want that person in my life (I really wanted to reconnect with them when I oblivious.) That friend group was actually really toxic for me, whenever I see them together, its like my real self hides in a very deep hole and I’m actually terrified. Now I have friends who really make me feel like I don’t have to hide who I am. They make me feel warm and welcomed even when I feel my worst. I love them and they're people who don't grow apart, but who I have grown with. We face our problems together and I can depend on them no matter what. They are sincerely my family.

   Im sharing this to finally vent it out and let it disappear from my anxieties. Also to let others know if you are transitioning through friends, or need better friends, its okay to be open to new people and experiences. Being patient will let the right people love and except you even as you're growing ( we’re all constantly growing). As I got older, I realized its natural to feel eager for these new things and want to share your new stories. Your friends should always be excited to hear your experiences, just as you are for them. Jealousy and resentment are natural feelings, but moving on from those feelings and replacing them with positivity and goals only help to make yourself a better person and friend (something that I, myself, have learned in the past two years). If you have old friends you really want to stay tight with, try your best to keep in touch and actually talk about how you’re feeling. If they don’t put in the same effort, then it is time to realize you’re much too good for them.

   Its only natural that people grow apart as you get older. People will find new opportunities and others they gravitate to.