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#hng. artfight... I was so excited I have so many ideas
peapod20001
·
4 days
Text
Did sleeping help
No </3
#vent
#tsk. isn’t it like. if you hate everything then eat
#if you think everyone hates you then sleep
#if you hate yourself take a shower?
#sooooooooo. uhhhhhhh. didnt. work?
#hng. artfight... I was so excited I have so many ideas
#but it’s like. everything is triggering me or making me upset or freaked out or sick. idk what to do
#I go ‘oh lemme see what my friends have done so far’ and then I see an oc from someone not my friend anymore and I’m like. ougghhh
#I feel like such a baby for caring. stupid for being upset still. it’s like it only mattered to me and no one else had to deal with such
#crippling anxiety and stress because of it
#everyone is getting so much done so fast and I STILL can’t submit the second thing I did. I’m going to lose my head or cry or both or die or
#SOMETHING uhhhhhhggggggg and it’s like all my anxieties are circling back around cus it was this time last year shit hit the fan
#I have college!! I have no clue what my plans are!! all I’m good for is making fake people and drawing said people!!
#I’m such a fucking. stupid.. I wasn’t even supposed to take this last semester off. we just didn’t know what other classes to take or what
#to focus on... I’ve been literally free all day every day since December and it’s like I’m STILL not doing anything worthwhile
#mmm I’m so alone in this I can’t DEAL well I guess I’ve been ‘dealing’ but I don’t believe thinking about bad situations literally every day
#since they’ve happened can be considered as ‘dealing’ with it. I doubt anyone else is thinking about it that hard but I can’t help it
#I can’t do a complete cut off from the internet. my only friends are here! what then? then I’m just. some sad sack who doesn’t talk to
#anyone? mmm this isn’t a good way to start the day but I can’t NOT think. it’s all I do. my brain is one of the things that makes be I can’t
#self labotomize myself into being a chiller person without killing everything that makes me with it
#ugh. I’m going to be stuck in this headspace forever. even with apologies and make ups or agreements to stay apart
#I’ll still be the one dealing with the negatives and fallout from shitty situations. funny seeing as I still don’t understand how things
#even escalated so fast. but whatever. I’m the bad wolf forever. can’t change that
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