#also sorry for the lack of answers ive been obsessing over these two for a hot minute i swear ill get to it

[ask-unpleasant]

"Have you considered you might just be goin crazy over nothing? You always find some new useless lead each week, what makes you think this guy is different?"

"CSY NYWX XLMRO M'Q ER MHMSX!"

"No, I never said that. I just said you're obsessing over trivialities again. It isn't good for you, y'know."

"M'Q XIPPMRK CSY, TEVE, XLMW KYC ORSAW WSQIXLMRK AI HSR'X! M'Q RSX SFWIWWMRK SZIV XVMZMEPMXMIW, M'Q SFWIWWMRK SZIV XLI XVYXL!"

"Sure you are..."

[sabertoothwalrus]

OK PREFACING WITH IM SORRY IF I ALREADY SENT THIS EXACT ASK BUT MY WIFI KILLED ITSSLF AS I SENT IT SO IDK IF IT ACTUALLY WENT THROUGH. but in case it didn’t . i know youve gotten this countless times in the past because i blog stalked just in case youve mentioned something similar before but i need to know if you have any specific inspirations when you draw exaggerated expressions specifically like these two images of marcille. ive actually cried laughing over this comic and being able to communicate this type of visceral emotion is such an insane skill and ive followed your art for probably close to a decade through various fandoms so watching you develop this style has been fucking awesome and epic. like i cannot articulate how funny these are to me i just need you to understand i look at this comic to inspire me to draw now. the closest comparison i can draw to the feelings they evoke are like those mspaint reaction images and also mspaint tails i included for reference even though you probably know exactly what im talking about anyways but its actually so much harder to do that intentionally when you study art. also i lied you literally don’t even need to answer this i just had to let you know how obsessed i am over your silly comics and now ive written out a whole ass discussion post about it. im sorry if this is weird at all i think my daily prescribed amphetamines r wearing off and i know this is such a dumb specific thing to fixate on and im so sorry if its not something you want to hear about your art. ive just always seen that as an artist this type of expressive stupid silly style is something that comes after a significant amount of time and practice and study and style development despite being “simple” in theory. its just so cool to have worked with your own style so much that youre able to go “off model” from it and still maintain consistency with the rest of the piece. i said it already and im sorry this is actually rendundant now but the ability to communicate such raw emotion somehow decreases from at its height when someone is a beginner artist learning how to proportion and keep a steady line and what looks “normal” but somehow it all comes full circle because taking all that experience and using it to almost return to where you started but in a fully informed and intentional way so you can make choices to draw characters like this when the situation calls for it is just dhcidogakgoshfhw. i think i need to cut myself off or im going to talk in circles im sorry tumblr user sabertoothwalrus i just am fascinated by your style and progress and the years you’ve dedicated to art can be seen in so many places but this is just one that stands out to me specifically.

MMMMM what a fun question!!!

I'm not gonna lie, I think it's just Letting A Drawing Be Bad. I definitely think the people that struggle with this the most are people who have genuinely very pretty art styles, to the point of being kind of perfectionist about it. and to Draw Funny often means Drawing Fast and Weird. Pretty is kind of the antithesis of funny (unless being pretty is the punchline). do drawings that make yourself laugh. tracing/lining funny sketches almost always makes them less funny.

one of my favorite types of humor is when it skews more deadpan, actually. This is one of the reasons I love Adventure Time. minimal expressions and flat line delivery + absurd context is a really good combo. the key to comedy has more to do with contrast! if your drawings are allllll crazy ren & stimpy all the time, they're not funny anymore cause it's just "normal". if it's all subdued UNTIL it's extreme, and vice versa, then it's funny. The reason this comic is so funny is because of the complete lack of any expression. I feel like the one you sent of Marcille shouting "WHAT" is funnier when you know how much she tries to be dainty and feminine and delicate, how much she values her appearance, and how averse she is to "gross" or "weird" things.

something I find really annoying (and this is with comics/animation in general, not the expressions themselves) is when the joke goes on for too long. Like you'll have the joke, then the punchline, and THEN the characters reacting to the punchline??? Like the author didn't trust that their audience would find the joke funny, so they basically drew in a laugh track. But, this is distinct from a character's reaction being the punchline (like how the examples you gave from my Marcille comic are). MY POINT IS sometimes expressions aren't as funny on their own as you think, and context can affect how you feel about it!

as far as inspirations go!

my own face! even if I don't have a mirror, I like making the expressions myself so I can "feel" where the points of tension on my face are, and it gives me a sense of what to exaggerate.

my brother's art, believe it or not! we've been trying to make each other laugh with our drawings since we were kids, and he's really good at it.

ATLA has some great expressions

OK KO has been a reallyyyy good source for me lately. That show is so tailored to my sense of humor and the expressions and line deliveries feel exactly like the kinds of things I'd come up with. The tone, timing, and art style are all really close to the tv show pitch I'm working on, so when I feel like I've "strayed" too much from it (like after drawing a bunch of dungeon meshi, and my art feels tighter and... idk "manga-ier"?) I like to go and watch a couple episodes of OK KO to loosen back up

A lot of things like OG Spongebob, Calvin & Hobbes, the Simpsons, Chowder, etc etc

memes in general. if it makes you laugh, keep it in mind

and lastly, I wouldn't say I ever try to mimic funny expressions I see. Like if I watch a show for inspo, I'm not pausing it to copy specific drawings, I'm just trying to notice patterns and pay attention to what about it I find funny.

talking about being funny is really bizarre and I dunno if it makes it lose some of the magic. Ultimately it's something you can't think about too much, and just gotta go with your gut.

[dear-yandere]

—ask collection!

a collection of mostly very old chats and sweet asks that i never got around to answering! thanks for the patience and love!! 

beware, fairly long post... woops....

chat asks.

darling: Eu-jin is best boy. Change my mind.

vanya: i am physically incapable of fulfilling that request, how dare you do that to me... i’m biased since he’s my own oc, but i would die for my (very best) boy eu-jin... who can resist such a gentle yandere that loves you so whole-heartedly?

that reminds me! he’s actually based off of kuroyuki and gekkamaru from the otome nightshade, so if you want similar characters by any chance, do check them and the game out ♡

darling: I was watching the dub for Part 5 of JoJo's Bizarre adventure yesterday...Mista called himself Daddy and I like- sdfghjfgsdhnhnmj!! My heart can't take this--

vanya: WAIT HE DID???? i’m not even big on daddy kink and reading that made me go 😳 this is vital information to know... what episode was this??? for research purposes, of course. gotta perfect my yan! mista, after all~...

darling: for yandere songs, have you heard of the major to minor covers by chase holfelder :O? the way he delivers the lyrics in some songs (betty, all i want for christmas), added with the key changes to minor, is really fantastic, and gives a stalker-ish vibe imo! and he's a really good singer in general

vanya: i have!! a good chunk of them are actually on my personal yandere playlist, so i end up hearing them frequently when i’m writing!! i haven’t been keeping up with his uploads recently, so ‘betty’ is completely new to me and just, wow???????????? this man is an absolute god send for us “romantic” horror fans... ♡

this ask gave me such a lovely idea, though, darling: assigning yandere types/mbti based off each of chase’s minor key covers. i think i’ll do that just for you. ♡

darling @blossomiich​: I reread some of your old character interaction asks and saw the one with Jotaro hugging his Darling after a panic attack and the elephant seal plush reminded me of the iconic C H O N K Y ringed seal plushie that was kinda trending and I can totally imagine Jotaro having one of those >w< that's so adorable!

vanya: i honestly don’t remember that interaction, but then again i don’t remember most things hmghng so i looked it up and

j...just imagine star plat hogging it and not letting joot cuddle with it 🥺 the duality of man...thank you for this cute image...

darling: Umm, sorry for asking this. I'm just curious because of your bio language in your header. Are you Chinese too, perhaps?

vanya: no worries!! i’m mixed guyanese (indian, chinese, & possibly black and/or portuguese), but my family only celebrates (or rather, acknowledges?) our indian descent, since the majority of our family is predominantly east indian. 

my header is actually a quote from a danmei novel (and one of my all-time favorite fandoms), tiān guān cì fú (heaven’s official blessing)!

darling genki stan anon: Omg you're writing for free now, i didn't expect that one lol. It's a cute show innit? Not a nagi stan but I feel like nagisa has that kinda unsnapped personality that would make him peak delusional yandere material lolol like oikawa but less threatening and without his head being up his own ass 😂. Hope you're doing well!! -gsa

Gdjsjs im such a fool, i think my last ask said something about not thinking you'd write for free when i literally just pointed out kisumi on your sideblog LMAO my bad 😅 😂 also ill hold back on the gen chan requests because ive already asked so many in the past! Thank you though 🥺. Also feel free not to post this, it can just dip into my onesided chats with my lil flower 💐 so long as you receive them im fine 😌 -genki stan anon

vanya: nagisa isn’t my favorite (kisumi is), but gods if he wouldn’t make a great yandere. honestly, out of the iwatobi boys, nagi is probably the most unhinged. i wouldn’t peg him as delusional, at least not at first; i think he’s very lucid and knows exactly what he wants and how to manipulate people in order to get it!!! kisumi is fairly similar now that i think about it... i might... have a type...

please feel free to send in gen-chan requests whenever you want!!!! i’m kinda super asocial, so it’ll take me a while to answer, but i love getting asks from you since you’re so sweet and excitable!!! your little flower reads and cherishes them all!! 🥺

also darling genki stan anon: Sorry for spamming you with asks hdjkdks, u dont even need to reply im just kinda brain empty venting here whether you recieve them or not 😂 i just needed to confess that while yes i am #1 gen simp, and he is undoubtedly my fave oc of yours but that Ilya tentacle smut had me very much so highkey kinda 👀, had to re read the genki oral style drabble to bring my head back. He dont even need to worry about luca bc that man a thot. I think therin is a thot too but like lowkey, a classy thót -gsa

vanya: omg i’ve kept this one for forever mnmghngh i might’ve even answered at some other point, now that i think about it... but i just 🥺 gosh i hope i find my muse soon, because i really wanna write you a genki fic 🥺 hhhh

the ilya tentacle smut was so in character for that boy... i have no clue how to write monsters, much less tentacles, but i’d honestly do anything for him 🙏 kinky russian boy...

therin is definitely a classy thot, the kind that only bangs the finest concubines then turns around and slut shames you for banging the very same prostitutes gbfmngnfg rules don’t apply to him, in his kingdom...wish that were me tbh ✊😔

sweet asks.

darling one: i've read almost all of your dazai and chuuya fics and i love them so much!! your formatting is also super aesthetic just a question, i saw on your kofi that you also draw so i was wondering if you drew all the header arts?? bc they're all super pretty :) have a great day!

darling two: Just wanted to say love the writing and the way your format your posts is so aesthetically pleasing. One day I hope my posts looks half as good as yours because I legit can't get over how pretty and organized it looks.

vanya: omg thank you so much!!!! one of my bffs, yue, is to thank for the formatting and aesthetic choices, really! if you wanna see more of her aesthetic formats and posts, she actually runs a few blogs! you may know her as @milkscafe​, formally @milkaaton! i adore her and her aes choices so much 🥺

as for the headers, i don’t draw 99.98% of them! i have drawn a couple, but they’re so few and far in between since i almost never finish my art wips haha... my older posts are lacking proper credits because i’m an absolute idiot, but i’m slowly working my way backwards to credit them all where possible! they’re all indeed super pretty!!!

have a great day yourself, my love!!

darling: THEY’RE NOT BAD CONTENT, I LOVE THEM ALL

vanya: this was in response to a now-deleted lil blurb but i kept it in my inbox because i wanted to say i love u very much and seeing this ask each time i open my inbox makes my heart skip a beat ♡

darling: Listen I love your writing, you inspired me to start it myself! I've always loved to write, and read of course but your style and concepts just stick with me. If you where to write something besides Yandere content/fandom content and started your own series? I would read the shit, out of it. I'm always nervous to interact with my favorite writers because you know, I'm afraid of the impression I'd leave but I just wanted to say this anyway! 💞💞💞🔫😳

vanya: wowowow fgfnmgnfmngfg that’s such a high compliment my brain just gmfnbgmnf go boom fogjfngnfg and thank you for the interaction, us writers truly appreciate it no matter how awkward or nervous you think you may be / come off!!!

darling one: As a writer, your post struck a nerve with me. I don’t send feedback to writers I like nearly as much as I should (and certainly not as much as I’d like in return as a writer). So, as such, I’m going to start doing that when I can, starting with you.

You are an incredible writer. You were one of the first yandere writing blogs I found and you’re still one I check in on regularly to see what you have been working on. You can portray a sense of suspense and intrigue in a natural way that many other writers - published ones included - struggle with. You delve into the darkness without it feeling forced, and you have an amazing grasp on the psyches of the characters you write for (which is a quality I adore in writing and strive toward myself).

I’m not great at ending these things so I guess.. you keep doing you? Because the you is great and I appreciate it.

darling two:  hey. i'm here to tell you that from the bottom of my heart i love you and your writings. i really admire your writing skills. you inspire me. one of your posts once saved me from a nervous breakdown. thank you for everything you do. you're a wonderful person. good luck!

darling three: I wanted to tell you that thank you for writing such wonderful beautiful writings and that you take time to edit and write I hope you are taking care of yourself 💖❤

darling four: Thanks. I was having a hard time and deleted all my apps, but as soon as i opened my phone my first instinct was to look at your blog and i got my motivation back. Thanks (:

darling five: Hi ! I just wanted to say I really enjoy the stories you write and how they are detailed so well ! Stay safe and I hope you have a good day/night ! ლ(╹◡╹ლ)

vanya: ahhhh, these are very old asks mostly dating back to my “tumblr writing community is dying” post, and i’ve kept them this entire time because i’m just so starstruck. i have no clue how to reply to compliments, so i’m not sure what else to say besides that these asks made me very happy and got me through a few insecure moments!!! i’ve actually been feeling a little down about my writing recently, mostly because of lack of motivation / inspiration, so revisiting these really warmed my heart, so thank you truly ♡ i’m certainly keeping the originals in my inbox until the end of time!!

darling @monstrously-obsessed: psst, this local cryptic mom thing send all of their love for you 💕

vanya: your local herbo says she loves you very much momster 🥺 mwah

also, to the anon worried about my safety:

thank you so much for pointing that out!!! it hadn’t even crossed my mind when i made those ocs, so i appreciate your concern! i was contemplating revamping those two as is, so this is a great place to start! thank you again!!

[diyunho]

The Joker x Reader - “What Death Tastes Like” Part 3

Scarecrow’s daughter might be only 22, yet the terminal lung cancer she was diagnosed with six months ago didn’t discriminate against her age; the young woman didn’t show worrisome symptoms until it was too late. Y/N always had a fascination for the much older King of Gotham and despite the consequences, maybe it’s finally time to do something about it.

Part 1      Part 2       Part 4       Part 5

You’re done sampling the food that J brought over, quite annoyed he lied about the crepes; it was probably the only reason why you opened the door for him. Or maybe it was a different motive that you don’t like to think of because… what’s the point anyway?

“Crane said he added a new ingredient to your capsules,” The Joker brings it up. “I have no idea how he was able to get Cromyxillium since it’s just in experimental phase; I suppose he has awesome connections,” your guest chews one last bite of cashew salad.

“I know, he texted me but I didn’t answer back… I’m mad at him… I’m mad at everything these days,“ you admit and The King of Gotham piles up the empty styrofoam boxes, calculating how much money Scarecrow spent on a product that might be able to improve your condition.

Y/N watches him absent minded, too preoccupied with her problems to realize The King of Gotham is attentive to her words.

“I used to help my dad develop my remedy, still nothing works and he entirely immersed himself in this ridiculous task of saving me from terminal cancer. He ignored Evelyn for weeks until she left: she understood what he was doing up to a certain level; when it became an obsession…” and you sigh, aggravated by your father’s stubbornness. “I told him he has to patch up their relationship; I don’t him to be all alone after I’m gone…” you sulk and J grabs the containers, dumping them in the trashcan near the table.

“Yeah, Crane will probably be very lonely without you…” and J stops his innuendo when he comprehends how it sounds. “On a positive note,” The Clown Prince of Crime stretches, “I’m actually here to ensure you’re ok taking the capsules containing the new ingredient. Your father asked me to and I am notorious for being this…this selfless person ready to offer my services,” J over exaggerates his ability to sympathize with your situation. “He also warned me not to try anything funny. I don’t understand why I’m not allowed to share any of my funny jokes; doesn’t make any sense,” the distorted interpretation of your parent’s threat almost prompts Y/N’s smile.

“You probably pushed for this visit, taking advantage of the fact that me and my dad had a fight, hm?” you bluntly describe the truth and J can’t defend his absurd statements because your cell phone starts ringing; you glare at the screen, debating if you should answer or not.

“Is that him?” The Joker inquires and you nod a yes while deciding to accept Scarecrow’s call.

“Hello…” you sneak out on the patio as J figures he should walk to his car in order to retrieve the duffel bag fixed in advance for his sleepover.

*****************

Your conversation lasted for about 20 minutes thus The Joker jumped in the shower lacking any type of permission from Y/N; perhaps it could be the reason for your abrupt intrusion in the cozy bathroom.

“Can I take a shower with you?” he hears your question and for once J is uncertain of his reply, yet he is not the kind of person to show reluctance no matter the context.

“It’s your place, isn’t it?” he grumbles and distinguishes your silhouette beyond the steamy glass panels quickly stripping your clothes.

The Joker continues to scrub his skin, undisturbed by your request: he simply doesn’t care if you join him or not.

“I’m using your stuff,” J announces and your arms suddenly hug him from behind.

“You can use whatever you want,” your lips kiss the dragon tattoo on his back a couple of times and he doesn’t even turn around to peek.

“I gotta wash my hair,” he mutters and you brush your lips against his shoulder, sweetly offering:

“I can wash it for you.”

“I got it!” Y/N’s demand is cut off immediately; you’re so humiliated by his lack of interest you curse the dumb choice of being so straightforward: it’s not the first time he shows zero attraction towards his daughter’s best friend.

Your arms release the embrace and The Joker reprises his important chore while hearing you fumbling with toiletry items: you are finishing off your routine at an increased speed, willing to exit out of there as soon as possible.

A few minutes of silence, then The Clown Prince of Crime finally pronounces an insolent remark:

“I hope you saw a naked man before, Y/N! I don’t wanna be accused of traumatizing you. If it really makes you feel better, you can wash my hair.”

No smarty pants attitude rendered upon him and J gazes where you stood only to notice you’re gone: after quietly tiptoeing out of the shower, Y/N took her medications and prepared for the night ahead; she plans for J to sleep in the second bedroom at the small cabin, thus she will spend the night on the couch in the living room, watching TV until she’ll doze off.

“Miss Crane,” The Joker emerges from the bathroom in a t-shirt and shorts. “Are we cuddling on that couch or do we have further arrangements?”

“Spare bedroom,” you grouchily mumble, getting comfortable under the blanket.

“I thought we’re cuddling buddies,” he pretends to be offended at your affirmation mostly since pushing the limit is encoded in his wretched DNA.

“We’re not cuddling buddies!”  

“My bad,” he grins. “I guess I was misled by your actions at the mansion.”

He has such a nerve bringing that up!

“I’m not the type of person to force myself on women,” The Joker innocently informs, “but can I watch TV with you? I’ll camp on the floor by the sofa which is my way to hint I need a bunch of soft blankets to pile up so I won’t break my back. I mean, it’s not very nice of you to deny me access on the couch; must I remind you I granted you free passage in my bed when you asked for it?”

“Are you for reals?!” an increasingly fuming Y/N shrieks slowly rolls out of her relaxing nest. “You were horrible to me and then tried to make it better just because you worried I’d tell Emma or my father! Well, rest assured: I’m not a snitch! You truly don’t have to extend your good will to such lengths on my account! It’s not necessary, ok?! You don’t have to drive here to bring my capsules, you don’t have to bring me food. You don’t have to do anything!!”

“Watch your tone!” J growls, displeased with your feisty attitude. “Do I have to remind you who barged into my privacy to take a peek at me naked?”

Your eyes are big at his derogatory insinuation: he’s playing stupid regarding the incident.

“I barged into your privacy?!” you shout, aggravated. “How can…”

“Umm…” The Joker interrupts, “…your nose is bleeding.”

You didn’t even detect the blood trickling down your skin and you touch it, confused. The King of Gotham watches you a few hesitant steps before you unexpectedly collapse to the ground. “Hey!” his voice echoes in and out. “Hey what’s wrong?... … Can you hear me?”

There’s this high pitch taking over your mind and you can barely discern bits and pieces of a conversation J is carrying with your father. You’re not even aware you’re in a moving vehicle, that’s how much you lost grip on reality.

“What’s in for me if I bring her over, huh?”

“I compensated you!!  Two Nightmare ampoules, a small fortune on the black market! Get off your fucking high horse and bring me my daughter, would you?!” an exasperated parent admonishes.

“Maybe I will stop the car and let nature follow its course,” The Joker fights back Scarecrow’s affront, yet your dad has plenty on his plate .

“If you do such a thing and she dies, I’ll hold you responsible and trust me when I say you don’t want me to hold you responsible!!!” the serious ultimatum prompts your chauffeur to take a sharp turn on Highway 68. “Am I on speaker?” Jonathan checks without given his apparent opponent a chance to rationalize his behavior.

“Yes!” J snarls, pissed at the stupid rescue mission entrusted to him.

“Y/N, hang in there! I’ll get stuff ready by the time you arrive, alright?” Scarecrow encourages his daughter, afraid of the severe consequences of the experimental drug she ingested.  

“Mmmm,” you moan in your daze, not being able to respond.

“Keep her alert; we can’t have her sink into a coma! I have to formulate an IV mixture to flush the Cromyxillium out of her system!”

“She’s completely out!” The Joker states although there’s nobody at the other end of the line anymore. “Who’s we anyway?!” he huffs and elects to give it a go regardless. “Y/N, how many kids we would have had if we were married?... … … … … I think the precise answer is at least 4, am I correct?” J blabbers on since you don’t engage in the conversation. “Great…I’ll be held liable for your demise,” he bites his lower lip, vexed things didn’t shine too bright for him; in fact, no matter how hard The Clown tries the blame it on somebody else, he dug his own hole on this one.

****************

You’re not sure how long you’ve been in the darkness, but the sharp poke in your arm makes you groan in pain.

“I’m sorry honey,” your father whispers. “We have to keep the IV for an hour, then I can take the needle out.”

“D-daddy…” you find the strength to stammer. “Am I… am I dying…?”

“No… No… I won’t let you die…” Scarecrow kisses your forehead, upset you don’t seem fine at all. “It’s my fault, I didn’t think you’ll have a reaction to Cromyxillium, not the way I bound the particles with the rest of the molecules.”

“You didn’t test it?” The Joker intervenes into a dialogue he should steer clear off.

“No, I didn’t have time to test it!” Jonathan hatefully stares at the man he wishes to strangle on the spot. “I don’t have time for anything!! Do you understand? My daughter is dying!! I’m not even that kind of doctor yet she’s breathing nevertheless due to my capability of manipulating compounds! Y/N would be 6 feet under with traditional chemotherapy, which proves I am doing a few things right!!! If Emma was sick, I’m certain you wouldn’t run your mouth like you do now!”

J wiggles in his chair, definitely about to erupt at Crane’s justified tirade.

“I’m so cold…” you utter, the ruckus adding to your general discomfort.

“That’s normal, it means the intravenous remedy is working; I’ll bring more covers,” Jonathan strolls out of the room only to gasp upon his return: J is snuggling with you, totally oblivious to your parent’s stupefied question: “What the hell are you doing??!!”

“I got off my high horse and I’m keeping her warm,” J stresses the importance of his random deed. “It’s not cheap thought! I demand…”

“You demand nothing!” Scarecrow covers you with more layers, irritated The King of Gotham has the audacity to milk out benefits in these circumstances; the latest wants to protest Jonathan’s vehement denial while not being conceded the prospect of such luxury:

“Dad…” you reach out your left hand and he sits by you, keeping the shaky fingers on his face. “Did… did you call Evelyn?” you barely blink, exhausted from the intensive treatment.

“I will…”

“You have to; I don’t want you to end up alone… She loves you… You could have more children with her… or at least one more…”

Jonathan Crane inhales, flustered his daughter is worried about him when she should worry about herself.

“I could have more kids, but don’t you know you’re irreplaceable?” he kisses your wrist and pretends to brush off the agony building up in his heart. “Don’t cry honey,” he wipes your tears, then casually shoves The Joker’s arm since is wrapped around your waist. “Your help is no longer required,” Scarecrow hints and his advice falls on deaf ears: J has important news that might switch the balance in his favor.

“I also called Emma on my way here to report about Y/N’s ordeal; she’s cutting her trip to New York short and I received strict orders to make myself useful until her arrival. Now, unless you want to deal with another pain in the ass besides your offspring, I suggest you tolerate my presence!”

Jonathan curls up in a ball on the vacant side of your bed, relieved to see you’re napping. "I didn’t feel the urge to punch someone in ages!” he sneers.

“Likewise!” The Joker barks too from behind your shoulder. “How come she passed out again?” he switches the subject and Jonathan explains without any trace of enthusiasm.

“I included a serum that promotes nice dreams in her IV bag: she’ll be in a deep sleep and envision things she likes.”

“Oh, that’s awesome. I’m sure I’ll pop up in there then,” the excited Clown Prince of Crime emphasizes to your father’s disapproval.

“I said things she likes!”

**************

10:12am

“Hello Miss Crane,” you are greeted as you narrowly open your eyes; it takes a minute to recollect from the dizziness and confusion of last night’s episode.

“Where’s my dad?” you lick your dry lips, noticing J by the windows.

“At the lab; he’s consulting with some doctors or whatnot and left me in charge,” he effortlessly forges half a truth with half a lie.

“Where’s my phone? I want to talk to him.”

“I think I left it at the cabin, I was in a hurry to get you here.”

“You drove me?...” you skeptically interrogate.

“Yeah, you don’t remember?”

“No…” you stretch while touching the band aid placed where the needle used to be. “Where’s Emma?”

“On her way back to Gotham; she called several times and tried talking to you but you were out.”

“Was I?...”

“U-hum,” J shakes his head. “I reckon she promised she’ll assist with your birthday party next week and she’s terrified you’ll kick the bucket in the meantime. She didn’t precisely articulate these sentences, but I‘m her dad: I can read in between the lines,” the proud Joker blurs out, loving the shocked look you display. “Am I invited to the celebration?”

You signal a no and he’s not discouraged by your vehement denial.

“Can I bring Mara?”

“Absolutely not!!!”

“Oh, so I’m actually invited but not her?”

He takes advantage of the speechless Y/N, setting up the stage for his own benefit:

“I can work with that,” he glares at you, gratified. “However, I can’t show at a party without a date; it’s not dignifying for a man of my social status. This leaves us with only one solution.”

“NO!” you protest because you can estimate his proposal.

“Cool, then we have a deal Miss Crane: you got yourself a date!”

“I already have a date!”

“Who?”  The Joker smirks. 

“Sam is my date for my birthday.”

“Sam as in Bane’s son?”

“Yes,” you squirm under the blankets, uneasy at the concept of having J as partner for the upcoming bash.

“Pfft,” he huffs. “That’s a huuuge load of baloney,” your own words from last night are used by the obnoxious green haired menace. “I’ll pick you up Wednesday at 3pm, ok?”

“The party is here at my house!”

“Ok, then you pick me up at 3pm.”

“I’m not picking you up!” you scoff at his nonsense.

“Damn, you’re hard to negotiate with,” The Joker scratches his chin. “Fine, I’ll bring myself here.”

You contemptuously stare at him, appalled he keeps on insisting when you declined his plan. On top of everything, the whole universe is getting the confirmation today that Jonathan Crane’s genius is frankly skipping a generation since you enunciate:

“Don’t be late!”

Also read: MASTERLIST

You can also follow me ON Ao3 and Wattpad under the same blog name: DiYunho.

[sociallyawkward--fics]

yeaa since the 2 months since ive sent u those asks (i think it was 2 months ???? idk) ive had a few more minor crises over whether or not i was aro (&a more memorable one recently where i completely convinced myself out of it for a day) bc im dumb& constantly forget that as much as i like to debate over whether im capable of experiencing The Romantic Attraction i have yet to do so -H

also ??? i just realized ??? i always think of romance movies as too quick paced bc who gets together within a few days?? weeks?? months?? obviously u need to know them better before u know if ud be compatible dating. But No That's Not How It Works What The Fuck the only romantics i will accept in this world r demiromantics /lh /j theyre the only ones who make sense -H (i saw smth somewhere abt how u dated ppl to get to know them better& my view of the world shifted drastically within seconds)

wait that reminds me of how when i was younger (younger being like .. a year or two ago) i thought the purpose of dating was to eventually get married so middle school relationships baffled me bc ???? theyre not gonna last that long ???? whats the point ???? but nooo u date ppl bc u enjoy being around them or smth what the fuck when will this stuff stop being confusing -H (why do i even bother questioning if im aro sigh)

theres also alot of theories abt papyrus bc he doesnt appear at all in the game but i am pretending i do not see it i will wait for canon -H

just realized i have no idea whether uve played deltarune but .. im just gonna assume u have ?? if not .. oops ?? i think i was gonna say smth else not pertaining to undertale originally but i got distracted give me a moment -H

oh wait yea i was gonna uh .. gender !! ! me too ! ! i am .. noncis. im not rly comfortable w using trans& nb is ok but .. i do technically identify w my agab so its not rly right. .. so uhhh im arogender !. !! im not sure how much i relate to the def but its also the only label ive found that feels right so ive uh just been using it -H (bc its not as much that my lack of romantic attraction affects my gender than it is uh my gender feels like my aromanticism ???but its a little of both i think)

---------------------

Gosh, I am still so sorry it took me two months to answer those other asks, I was way out of my own head for a while there. Thank you for being patient with me lol

And hey, remember: sexuality and romanticism and gender are all fluid. For some people, they change and shift over time. So if you’re aro now, and later on you realize you’re grayro or demiro or something like that, that’s valid. That doesn’t make the time you spent identifying as aro any less valid, either. This is a lifelong journey, for many people, probably including myself tbh. And who even says you need a label anyways? If you want one, then by all means, find one you’re comfy with, but you don’t need one if it’s stressing you out too much. But, hey, identify as aro for now if you want to. If later on you choose to change that, that doesn’t invalidate you or anyone else. It’s okay.

And yeah, big agree, romance movies always seemed p rushed to me lol. I’m here like “what do you mean people date each other to get to know each other??” Like, my aspec self does not understand lol. I think it’s likely why I’m so into friends-to-lovers/mutual pining/slow burn type stuff when I read shippy fics lol, I can’t vibe with the faster-paced stuff because it seems so unrealistic as someone who doesn’t experience the world like alloromantics (and allosexuals) do. Also, I also grew up thinking the point of dating was finding a spouse, but that’s because I was raised in the church and that’s what my dad raised us to believe, and also why my parents’ rule was “no dating before 16 years of age minimum”

I’ve played most of deltarune but I got stuck and then my computer reset and I didn’t finish it lol. But I watched Jacksepticeye play the whole thing!! It’s just been a while so it’s hazy, I didn’t obsess over it as heavily as I did Undertale back in 2015/2016 lol. Still very excited for what comes next though, even though I’m not super caught up with the background lore and the fan theories lol.

Your gender is so valid kiddo, you do you. I usually refer to you with they/them in my head, is that chill or do you have different pronouns you use? I realized I had never thought to ask before even though I really should have lol

I hope you’re doing well!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

[slashhinginghasher]

Midnight Star - Chromeskull x OFC - Part 5: Gratitude

Summary: Marena meets some of the staff. No one gets a good first impression.

This work is on Ao3

It wasn’t the worst night Marena had endured - not by far - but it still sucked. A lot. At some point between the beginning and end of her bout of hysteria, she’d gone from sitting upright to lying sprawled across the concrete floor. Her throat felt raw, her face wet with blood or sweat or tears, or maybe all three, and her limbs didn’t even have the strength to tremble anymore. The room seemed to lurch and sway like the berth of a ship in some terrible storm, like the ship that had taken her away from...

Her stomach clenched violently. She tried to stand, but somehow found herself face down on the ground. Long past any semblance of dignity, she dragged herself in what she hoped was the general direction of the drain she’d seen in the corner. Her fingers brushed cold metal moments before her empty stomach revolted, retching up thin strings of spit and bile. This went on until it didn’t, and then her arms gave out, and she was curled up on her side, and her brains were probably leaking out through her eyes and nose.

She felt… split. Outside of herself. Like there were two of her, one limp on the floor and choking on occasional hiccups of laughter, the other suspended in air and looking dispassionately upon her wretched counterpart. An abyss was opening in the back of her skulls, filled with the fog and static of greyspace. Her heads throbbed, the gaping emptiness yawning wider and wider with each pulse.

The lights snapped on like a dagger to her eyes. She tried to flinch but couldn’t figure out which body to move. There was a sense of motion, of lifting. She swatted blindly at the hands grabbing at her with all the strength of a milk-drunk kitten, digging her nails in when they encountered soft skin. A sharp pinch in the crook of her elbow. Marena tasted blood and fell back into the grey.

***

Two black-haired girls stood face-to-face in a stark grey void, twin reflections like a mirror. The one on the left shivered in a threadbare linen shift.

“Please.” Her voice was barely a whisper. “Help me.”

The one on the right stood silent, stoic in her heavy hooded cloak.

“Then let me die,” the Left One pled.

The Right One pushed back her hood, letting the cloak fall to the floor. Her flesh was cracked like porcelain, meat and bone showing through the larger gaps. Black blood oozed slowly from the wounds like tar..

“This is nothing but what you deserve.” Blood dripped from her mouth and eyes.

The Left One shuddered as her skin began to crack in patterns mirroring the Right One’s. Orange firelight glowed in the fissures, burning brighter by the second. Black smoke seeped from the Left One’s wounds, poured from her mouth and nose. The Right One bled faster.

They reached for each other, and crumbled to dust the moment before their fingers touched.

***

She was handcuffed to a hospital bed. An IV was in her arm. And she was clean. She could feel, without opening her eyes, that someone had scrubbed away all the sweat and dirt, bandaged her cuts, even neatly combed her hair. And it was that, out of everything she’d been subjected to over the past few days, that almost broke her.

Marena was no stranger to abuse. She was deeply familiar with it, almost used to it, if one could ever get used to the kind of violence she’d survived. She knew how to switch herself off during a beating, how to hold back the pain until she could get to a safe (as if safety was something she’d ever known) place to lick her wounds. But the thought of having such tenderness inflicted upon her, especially while she was unconscious and vulnerable, made her want to rip her skin off. People were never gentle without ulterior motives, and she felt sick thinking about what those motives might be.

An impatient shifting drew her attention to the man sitting in the chair next to her bed. He was unfamiliar to her. Unlike SkullBitch, this one had a full head of hair, a wicked Glasgow grin across his pretty-boy face, and although he was sitting, Marena could tell he was a normal human height, unlike his freakish giant of an associate.

“Sleeping Beauty awakes at last!” One thing Marena had learned fairly early on was that Americans were obsessed with referencing fairytale princesses in daily conversation. It annoyed the shit out of her every single time. She fixed the man with a blankly impassive stare and waited. His smug grin shrank with each passing second of silence until he looked as irritated as she felt.

Good. No one gets to enjoy themselves, suka.

“You’re not his usual type,” he said, switching tactics. He dragged his gaze over her, but it felt impersonal, like a farmer at the meat market. “Not sure if that makes your chances better or worse.” His smile held a malicious edge this time as he leaned in conspiratorially. “You’re his new Veronica.”

Marena lunged at him, teeth snapped shut a scant inch from the tip of his nose as he jerked back. She hadn’t really been trying to get him; she just wanted him out of her face. The brief flash of panic in his eyes was a nice little bonus, though. He shot to his feet with a poisonous glare, trying to look menacing, but he was too much of an open book to be a real threat, even though Marena’s hands were literally tied.

“You little--”

“Preston!” The sharp voice startled both of them. A short brunette stood in the doorway, a lanky figure in scrubs hovering behind her. “You aren’t authorized to be in here. Leave. Now.” To Marena’s surprise, Preston, as he was apparently called, didn’t argue. He gave Marena one more murderous look, then stalked out of the room with his fists clenched at his sides. The small woman sighed once and smoothed a non-existent wrinkle from her slacks.

“Sorry about him. He’s a pain in the ass.” The woman strode forward with a placid smile that reminded Marena of Dr. Call Me Linda, the “let’s be friends even though you have at least five reasons to kill me” smile. She stopped next to Preston’s vacated chair and folded her hands behind her. “My name is Spann. How are you feeling?”

Of all the dumb fucking… Marena couldn’t have formulated a response to that if she’d wanted to. Unfazed by the lack of response, Spann continued.

“You had a nasty concussion, as well as--”

“Stop.”

“Excuse me?” To Spann’s credit, her courteous expression barely wavered.

“I don’t give a fuck what’s wrong with me. Just shut up.”

Spann was probably excellent at poker.

“I know this is a difficult situation for you, but after your little stunt in the basement, a little gratitude wouldn’t be out of place.”

This bitch is delusional.

“Gratitude.”

“Yes. Very few people have seen my employer’s face and lived, let alone been left in one piece.” Marena chewed on that for a moment, though she was mostly fixated on the “employer” bit. She briefly wondered if she’d fallen into the hands of the world’s most melodramatic bounty hunter, then decided that it was unlikely and also that she didn’t care. 

Spann appeared to be waiting for an answer.

“If he was on fire and I had a hose, I’d strangle him.”

Marena didn’t get to see the other woman’s composure slip, as Spann chose that moment to turn and gesture the person still lurking in the doorway forward. He was a lanky, nervous-looking man with glasses. He was carrying a metal tray, and when he set it down, Marena could see a syringe with an intimidatingly thick needle, and a black leather collar.

“The syringe has a microchip with a built-in tracker,” Spann explained. “The collar also has a tracker. Pick one.” Marena eyed the tray, a tense ache rising in her chest and throat.

“Is quick death an option?”

“No.” That infuriating smile had returned to Spann’s lips. The man in scrubs shifted on his feet. “I recommend you make up your mind quickly. None of the others were even given the option to choose.” Spann gave her a pointed look. Fucking gratitude again. The ache grew sharper.

“The fucking needle,” Marena spat between clenched teeth. Spann raised her eyebrows in mild surprise but said nothing as she gestured at the man again. Marena fixed her eyes on the ceiling and barely flinched as the needle slid home just above her collarbone. It was over in a heartbeat; the man dabbed a spot of blood away with a cotton pad, placed everything back on the tray, and left. Spann was halfway to the door when Marena couldn’t hold her silence any longer.

“How many?”

“Pardon?” Spann glanced back over her shoulder.

“How many other girls in the house?” Forcing the words out was like pushing boulders up a hill.

“None,” Spann said, seeming confused. “There’s only you.” Marena shut her eyes briefly and swallowed hard.

“And how often do I...” The question stuck in her dry throat, the threat of a revolving door of faceless men looming over her. She didn’t need to finish the sentence for comprehension to dawn on Spann’s face.

“Mr. Cromeans is not in the habit of sharing,” the brunette replied. “It’s just you and him.” She walked out, the door clicking shut behind her. Marena sagged back against her pillows and tried to focus her breathing.

She was not reassured.

[missmonsters2]

Drive Her Crazy || Part VII

PAIRING: Wanda Maximoff x OFC/Reader

Summary: AU. Meet Wanda, the new ‘It’ girl. She’s built her social standing as a social influencer through Instagram and vlogging on Youtube. Queen Bee in her social circle, she’s got everyone wrapped around her finger. She’s perfect, you think. Girls like that require a little finesse, and you’re ready to play the game.

Warnings: Non-healthy relationship, psychological games, eventual smut. 18+ only.

Note: Jealousy games yikes. Also happy 100 followers! I’ll be posting another prompt request soon :)

PART I || PART II || PART III || PART IV || PART V || PART VI

PART VII of X

Count: 4489

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

You were lying in bed while Natasha slept. It was still the early hours of the morning, and you would give it another hour or two before Natasha would wake up to start her day.

When you had come into her home after leaving Wanda’s hotel, you were still so riled up that you started kissing Natasha as soon as she opened the door. The enthused woman immediately returned your attention, leading you to her bedroom and letting you fall on top of her. 

You were kissing her roughly, moving your body against hers as she ran her fingers through your hair. 

It felt good. 

You wanted to continue. But you couldn’t. 

The image of Wanda writhing underneath you stopped you from taking it over the line with Natasha.

And that had never happened to you with any other girl. You knew right then it could never be anyone but Wanda.

You stopped kissing Natasha, letting out a quiet sigh, and smiling at the redhead beneath you.

“Sorry, I just...don't want our first time being like this...I’m not quite ready.” You told Natasha, who graciously just rubbed your cheek and kissing you softly with an understanding smile. 

You spent the entire night chatting softly together as she lay partially on your shoulder and your arm around her. She fell asleep at some point, but your mind was too wired to do the same. 

When it felt appropriate, you got up as quietly as you could to avoid waking Natasha.

You think she would appreciate some breakfast.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

Wanda had spent the night in the hotel room, lying on her back in the same state you had left her in. 

She mussed her hair messily and sighed.

She was obsessing. 

Had you already reached Natasha’s? Were you kissing her with those same lips you had just kissed her with? Touching Natasha with those hands that were just on her?

Were you worshipping Natasha’s body when you should’ve been worshipping hers?

The temptation to call your phone or even show up at Natasha’s had crossed Wanda’s mind, but she resisted it. 

Wanda was sure you wanted her, it was obvious. She was the right choice for you. No one would fit you better than her. 

But if you insisted on being friends, then she would have to step up her game.

Wanda slept for a few hours before the day started. She had the hotel set her up with a driver to send her home with all her gifts. When she got home, Vision had returned. He looked incredibly hungover, and the sight sent Wanda fuming.

“Wanda--” Vision started, but she cut him off.

“Are you fucking serious?” Wanda seethes at him, and the volume made him wince and put his palm to his eye.

“Not so loud,” Vision pleads. A baffled look enters on Wanda’s face.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Wanda says, sarcasm dripping in her voice. “Is me being pissed that you went missing during my birthday, worrying me, but only for me to find out that you were just blackout wasted giving you a headache?”

Vision sighs, grabbing a glass of water and rummaging through the cabinets for Advil.

“Wanda, love, I am so sorry,” Vision said as he took two pills. “I don’t know what happened. I was signing my contract, and we just had a couple drinks to celebrate, and it just got out of control so fast.”

Wanda scoffs, crossing her arms. “Do you know how embarrassing it was for me for you to go missing without saying anything? You were the one who made such a big deal about performing for me!”

She uncrossed her arms, bring her hand up to grasp her temples with her middle finger and thumb. 

“I am happy for you, Vision,” Wanda said tiredly. “I really am that you’ve finally got signed on. But you promised me you were going to be there. Do I mean so little to you that you would go and get that drunk elsewhere on my birthday?”

Vision went over and knelt in front of her, grabbing her hands in his.

“No, love, not at all. I’m sorry, I messed up. Let me still sing you the song I wrote,” Vision pleaded Wanda, putting her hands to his mouth. She pulled away, a frown on her face.

“I am not in the mood to listen to your song, Vis. I’m really upset.”

“Wanda, please. It’s just a birthday. I promise to make it up to you.”

Wanda’s eyes widened in disbelief. 

“Just a birthday? Vision, it was my birthday. It was my birthday, with all of our friends and people I work with. It was near humiliation for me. I was so lucky that I still got a performance dedicated to me.”

Vision frowned, “Who?” He demanded.

“Lady Phantom,” Wanda answered with a sniff of her nose. 

Vision got up and groaned. 

“Seriously?” He asked, “her?”

Wanda looked offended. “What’s the supposed to mean?”

“Wanda, there’s something off about her. Since she showed up, everything has been going weird between us.”

Wanda scoffed, she couldn’t even believe what Vision was saying. 

“Don’t blame your lack of attention to me on her! You put yourself in this situation. I have supported you for years, Vis. Always at your side with you pursuing music, even when no one was listening. I put my career aspirations aside to make sure you were comfortable. But the second you get recognized by some hot shots, I’m on the back burner?” Wanda narrowed her eyes at Vision as she spoke. 

“I want a break, Vision,” Wanda said, frowning deeply.

“Wanda, no,” Vision pleaded, coming in to hug her, but she moved out of the way.

“Vision, I’m serious,” she said. She took off her engagement ring, putting it in his hand. “I need time to think, and we need time apart.”

Vision took the room, staring at it sadly before looking at Wanda again. He wanted to say something but with the look on her face, he knew she was serious. And when Wanda was serious, there was nothing that could change her mind.

He sighed, putting the ring into this pocket, grabbing his jacket and walked out the door. 

When Vision was gone, Wanda sighed. She took a seat and rubbed her temples to relieve the oncoming headache. 

She wanted to call you, but the fear of you not picking up, or worse, Natasha picking up your phone for you made her not. 

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

Natasha had been the one to tell you about a gala Tony was hosting for the 75th anniversary of Stark Industries. 

You hadn’t seen or spoken to Wanda in a couple weeks, but you heard once again from Natasha that the two of them had gone on a break. 

The news made you smirk internally.

So, you got dressed up in your chic custom made tuxedo, your slightly sheer white dress shirt unbuttoned enough to show your collarbone and the dip to your chest. You had an untied bowtie wrapped around the collar of your shirt, sitting perfectly on either side of your chest. You were rolling up the sleeves of your jacket and then used your fingers to delicately moved your curled hair over to one side. 

Natasha came in with her tight red dress that fit her curves perfectly and showed off her back. 

“You look unbelievably sexy,” She commented at the door, leaning against it with her arms crossed.

You looked at her through the mirror and smirked before turning around to walk towards her. She stood up straight, grabbing the lapels of your jacket and smoothing them out.

“Not looking shabby yourself, Miss Romanoff,” you said in return, moving in to kiss her lightly, moving your hand to caress her bare back.

“Mmm,” Natasha hummed. “Keep that up, and I may end up keeping you here.”

You chuckled against her lips and pulled back.

“I’m sure Tony will be displeased with me if I keep his favorite publicist from his party.”

“Favorite?” Natasha mused. “I’m his only publicist.”

“Not if we don’t get a move on now to the party,” you say, ushering her along to get out to the car waiting. 

She laughs huskily.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

You two were the last to arrive at the party. They were all standing in a circle, and your eyes caught Wanda’s briefly. She was beautiful in her silver dress that ended just before her knees. It was a long sleeve, but the arms and her collarbones to her chest were all transparent lace designs. 

She was staring at you, unashamed with her hungry look that no one noticed.

Clint had made a joke wondering what took the two of you so long while Bruce stared at the two of with a clenched jaw and drink in his hand. Vision was here as well, though standing a couple persons away from Wanda rather than next to her. 

You kept your hand deliberately on Natasha’s waist, pulling her closer to you as you all talked in a group. You could feel Wanda’s eyes on you, and you soaked it up. Leaning over, you brushed your lips against Natasha’s ear, asking her if she wanted anything to drink. She nodded, and you pressed a light kiss to her neck, your eyes meeting Wanda’s for a split second before walking off. 

You were at the bar, ordering a drink for yourself and then Natasha’s drink when you felt someone stand next to you. You looked over to see Wanda with a blazing fury in her eyes.

“I know what you’re doing,” she says, and you’re taking a sip of your drink before turning to her.

“And what’s that?” You asked her with a cock of your brow. 

“You’re trying to get a reaction out of me,” Wanda said, leaning against the counter, purposely moving her hair over her shoulder to draw your attention to her defined collarbone.

You licked your lips subtly, but Wanda still caught it and smirked. You immediately drew your attention back up to her eyes.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” You tell Wanda. “I’m just here to enjoy my night with Natasha.”

With that, you walk off, two drinks in hand as you return to the redhead’s side. She smiles at you, taking her drink and gives you bedroom eyes. The two of you chat some more before you pull her onto the dance floor with you. Your hand is dangerously low on her back while she’s pressed up against you with that smile that made every man turn into a stuttering mess. 

As you were leading the dance, you could see Vision tentatively ask Wanda for a dance. She looked at you on the floor, catching your eye once more. She smirked at you before agreeing to Vision, who then led her onto the floor. Wanda stared at you the entire time as she pressed herself closer to Vision and allowed him to guide her.

Your jaw clenched slightly as the way Vision was pushing his luck, caressing Wanda’s back, sliding further down intimately.

And Wanda not stopping it. 

You turned your attention back to Natasha, smiling seductively at the woman in your arms as you spun her out before pulling her back in and dipping her slightly in your arms. 

When you pulled her back up, you sighed a little.

“What’s the matter?” Natasha asked as you continued the dance. 

You look into her eyes and just smile a little sheepishly. “Nothing. You’re just...so incredibly attractive. I just wish I could kiss you right now.”

The redhead usually was not one for public displays of affections, but her lips quirked up as she eyed you. 

“What’s stopping you?”

You slowed your dancing, your eyes fluttered as they dropped to her lips. 

“I might just really kiss you, Romanoff.”

Natasha tilted her head up, her own eyes moving to your lips.

“Don’t tease,” she whispers. Your dancing comes to a full stop as the song ends, but you lift your hands to cup her jaw, moving in to kiss her deeply and slowly. Your eyes open to look past her to see Wanda standing with Vision, jaw clenched at you.

Soon enough, you pull away and peck Natasha once more softly on her lips.

“Thank you for the dance,” you tell her, and she grins at you. You take a step back and bow slightly with the end of the dance. 

“Find me later,” she mouths at you before walking off to find Tony to talk to some of the guests.  

The party is starting to get a little full, so you walk out into the hallway to get some air. 

As soon as you step out, though, someone grabbed you by the arm. 

You looked over to see the social influencer next to you, pulling you further away from the ballroom. 

Wanda dragged you to the washroom, pushing you up against the wall and trapping you between her arms. 

"You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?“ She asked eyebrows pinched in irritation. 

"Doing what?” You asked innocently. Wanda frowned even more deeply hearing your response. 

"Don’t play dumb with me. You’re being all over Natasha on purpose. Don’t you think you’re being a little cruel to me?“ Wanda asked, closing the distance between your bodies.

You raised your brow at her. "Only as cruel as you being all over Vision in front of me. You didn’t think I would notice?” 

Wanda only pressed her body right against you perfectly, her thigh between your legs and pressed against you intimately. 

Your breath hitched, and Wanda smirked as she lowered her head to your neck and sucked at the skin there, being careful to not leave a mark. 

Your hands clenched together in a fist as your eyes shut close. Wanda peppered kisses all the up your neck to your jawline before lightly swiping at your lips. There was a slight pause as Wanda watched you with half-lidded eyes before smashing her lips against yours. 

She kissed you wildly, her hands wrapped up in your hair and thigh pressing against you more firmly. 

You moaned into her mouth, and she pulled back slightly. Wanda’s face was still insanely close to you as you both shared the same air. 

“Fine, keep your hands all over Natasha. Just remember that only I can make you feel this hot. You can do whatever you want, but I know it’s me you want underneath you, writhing as you fuck me.” Wanda hissed, her mouth so close that the words vibrated off your lips. 

Suddenly, your body felt cold as she pulled away. You opened your eyes to see Wanda standing there looking smug as she licked her lips, and walked out of the washroom, leaving you alone.

You relaxed against the wall, leaning your head back as you let out a big sigh, smiling to yourself.

This.

This was how you wanted someone to react in a situation like this. 

You didn’t want them to cry or beg for your attention.

You wanted them to demand it.

And oh, Wanda certainly did a great job of claiming it.

You stayed in the washroom for a couple more minutes before returning back into the ballroom. You spotted Wanda at the bar, talking casually with Clint and Sam. She noticed you as well, only looking at you in her peripheral before returning her attention to Clint and Sam. 

The next thing you noticed was Natasha and Bruce talking heatedly in the corner. Judging from the situation, you could tell Natasha was getting visibly angry with whatever Bruce was saying to her. 

Walking over, you came up to the two of them with a smile, effectively stopping the conversation as you put your hand on Natasha’s back.

“Everything alright?” You asked, more towards Natasha as you eyed Bruce.

He was certainly reaching his limit faster than you had expected. You couldn’t blame him, though. Perhaps he had caught you passionately kissing the redhead on the dance floor.

“Everything is fine,” Natasha said, tone a little clipped. She grabbed your hand, smiling curtly at Bruce.

“If that’s all, we’ll be off now.” Natasha pulled you away from the scientist, and you just followed her.

She still looked a little upset with her eyes focused, brows tightened, and nostrils slightly flared. Once you felt far away enough, you stopped, tugging Natasha to a stop as well.

She turned around to you and softened at your expression.

“Are you okay?” You genuinely asked. Natasha sighed, dropping your hand, but you stepped closer in response.

“Yeah, just...it’s really complicated with him as I told you,” she replied, closing her eyes for a brief second as she ran her fingers through her hair. 

You could feel it. Bruce was just a step away from snapping and doing whatever he could to get Natasha back. 

Whatever you had with Natasha was ending. 

The only question was if you were going to let her go before that happened. 

You put your hand on Natasha’s arm, rubbing it up and down to comfort her.

She opened her eyes, staring at you with a small smile.

“Do you still love him?” You asked her softly. 

The question made the redhead freeze momentarily, but it was the answer you needed, and Natasha knew.

“But I really like you too,” she softly told you. You returned her soft smile with your own.

“But it’s not really over between the two of you, is it?” You ask her, dropping your hand and putting the other into your pant pocket.

Natasha pursed her lips, eyes watering just ever so slightly. “I don’t want things over between us. You’re amazing, and we’re good together. We make sense.”

“Sometimes the love you want doesn’t always make sense,” you tell her, and it fits perfectly in both your guys’ situations.

Natasha just gives you a sad lopsided smile as she goes in to embrace you tightly.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbles against your shoulder. You return the hug equally as tight, rubbing her back up and down.

“Don’t be. Not like we made it official or anything,” you joke and she chuckles. “We’re still friends, Nat. I want you to be happy, so go get ‘em, tiger.”

Natasha pulls back, kissing you one last time on the cheek and smiles before leaving you.

You sigh, a little relieved that you were able to end things on good terms with the redhead, but now you were stuck in a different predicament.

Wanda would eventually find out that you and Natasha ended. 

And while she was on a break with Vision, a break was only a break until it officially ended or they get back together.

You needed to find a new distraction and quick. 

The game was still on, and Wanda was quickly getting the upper hand.

And you never lose a game.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷ 

Wanda was eyeing you like prey the moment you had entered back into the room. Clint and Sam were talking to her about something, but she had tuned it out a while ago, just nodding at the appropriate places.

She watched as you walked over to Natasha and Bruce and huffed a little.

Seriously? After that hot moment in the washroom, you still walked to Natasha first?

She watched from her peripheral the entire time as Natasha was dragging you away before the two of you chatted. Then she was hugging you, and you were returning the hug so intimately. 

The hot burning jealously pooling in her gut made her grip her glass a little tighter.

“So, how are things between you and Vision?” Clint asked, bringing Wanda’s attention back. 

“Huh? Oh, I guess it’s okay,” Wanda answered. Honestly, she hadn’t really been talking to him since the day she told them they needed a break. From what others have told her, he was currently staying with Tony. 

“Yeah, I saw the two of you dancing earlier,” Sam commented. 

Wanda nodded, relaxing her grip on her cup as she took a sip.

“Yeah,” she said for lack of anything else to say. 

“Any thoughts on getting back together?” Clint asked, neither hinting that he wanted them to or not. 

Wanda glanced over at Vision, who was already staring at her. She turned her attention back to Clint.

“To be honest...no,” Wanda answered honestly with a sigh. “Maybe it seems like I’m overreacting over him not showing up for my birthday, but it’s more than that. I guess things have been changing for a while, I just kept holding on thinking that I could make it work.”

Clint gave her a sympathetic look while Sam put his hand on her shoulder, comfortingly.

“We’ll support you no matter what, Wanda. Just, maybe let Vision know that as soon as possible, so he’s not holding out hope longer than he needs to. It’ll get messy if that happens.” Clint advised her, and Sam nodded in agreement. 

Wanda gave them both a half-hearted smile and nodded as she hugged both of them. They left her alone after a moment, and Wanda sighed as she left the premises again, this time to stand outside.

It was a little brisk, and she regretted not bringing a jacket as she wrapped her arms around herself. 

Suddenly, a jacket was being wrapped around her shoulders. Her heart flared up as she turned, hoping to see you, but it was only Vision standing there. 

“Hey,” he greeted her softly.

“Hey,” she returned quietly. 

The two of them stood there silently next to each other for a couple minutes. 

“I’ve had a lot of think about over the last few weeks,” Vision said, breaking the silence.

The two of them turn to face each other, and Vision had his hands in his pockets.

“I messed up. Real bad, and I know that. I’ve taken you for granted over the years we’ve been together. You were right. I think a part of me has always wanted to be in the same league as you, and when I wasn’t, the insecurity made me drag you back.” Vision confessed, regret in his eyes.

“But, I want to change that. I have a chance to change all that,” he started and pulled out Wanda’s ring from his pocket. “I will be a better man, the man you deserve. Someone who supports you in your career aspirations too. I have to leave to New York to work on my debut. If that goes well, I will go on tours.”

He grabs Wanda’s hand, pushing the ring towards her. “I want you to be there with me. I want to do this together and reach new heights together. Whatever you want there, I will happily give you.”

Vision finishes his speech, holding out the ring and waiting for Wanda’s response.

To be honest, this is the most romantic thing Vision has ever said to her. Months back, this would’ve made her heart flutter, and she would’ve been crying as she said yes.

But now?

Now all she could think of was you.

Your eyes, your smile, the way you looked at her, the way you put her in the center of your universe to make sure she got what she wanted.

The hot explosion she felt when you guys kissed, and the hot liquid fire she felt pool in her belly when your hands were intimately on her. 

She wanted you.

And Wanda would be the only person to have you. 

She pulled her hand gently away from Vision, giving him a sad smile. 

“This break has given me a lot to think about as well,” she told him. “It made me realize that things have been different between us for a while, even if I may not have shown that to you. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but my heart is no longer in it.”

Wanda watched as Vision’s expression turned to heartbreak, and she put her hand on his cheek. He pressed his face further into her hand, his own hand holding it there as his other lowered the ring.

“I am so happy for you, Vision, to get the recognition you have always wanted. You’re a great man, but you’re just no longer the man for me. You’re going to reach new heights, even without me.”

Vision couldn’t say anything, a large lump stuck in his throat and a burning in the back of his eyes as he looked at the love of his life. 

He swallowed the lump painfully, looking at her once more.

“I just have to know one thing,” he said, voice a little raw. 

It was all he could think about. He had noticed some Wanda looking at you occasionally tonight. Tony had filled in him what happened at the party, and it didn’t sit well with him. 

“Are you in love with her?” He asked quietly. 

Wanda was silent as if to contemplate her answer. She looked at Vision, a resigned expression on her face. 

“It has nothing to do about why we’re ending,” she finally says. It’s enough for Vision, and he nods, shutting his eyes painfully.

Wanda tippytoes up and kisses Vision at the corner of his mouth before coming back down. She drags her hand out of his while he slowly hangs on before her hand slips from his grasp completely. 

Wanda walks away, simultaneously feeling sad but also relieved. She wanted to go back in to find you.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷ 

You, on the other hand, had been around the corner, listening into the conversation of what Vision and Wanda were saying. You had noticed she was missing and had gone out to offer her your jacket knowing she didn’t bring one.

You hadn’t expected that Vision had been already out there. Your hands clenched your bicep a little tighter as your arms were crossed, and you listened to Vision romantically confess that he wanted Wanda back. 

But Wanda, to your astonishment, rejected him. You had expected her to play it out a little longer to wind you up a little more. God knows the burning rage of jealousy you felt today watching her all over him while dancing revealed to Wanda that she could also play you like a fiddle. 

But this was her edge.

And it was beautiful to you. The way she obsessed over you and was unraveling was a work of art. 

Perhaps the game was ending sooner than you thought. 

It was now a matter of who was closing in on who. 

You licked your lips, still tasting the remanents of Wanda from earlier. 

Getting up from leaning against the wall, you decided that you were heading home for tonight.

Otherwise, you’d find yourself the prey caught in Wanda’s trap. 

Not that you would mind, you thought with a smirk. 

But you would be the hunter before you would be the prey.  

PART VIII

[romantasyrabbittrail]

Long, Barely Coherent Thoughts about The Rise of Skywalker

Since some of you wanted to hear my thoughts about “The Rise of Skywalker”, I’ve taken some time to write them up and provide context for why I responded the way I did.

A small preamble: I didn’t hate it. Hate is a strong word. And there were moments that I liked. Some that I even loved. However, the aggregate feeling for the movie overall was disappointment. For certain elements, it went beyond that into something genuinely painful and I don’t think that will make sense unless I also go into why I loved the previous two installments of this trilogy.

Also, if you loved this movie, I’m very happy for you. This is about my personal response to a piece of media and I make no judgements on those who enjoyed what you saw. I wish I could join you.

Finally, I will be talking about some sensitive subjects, including child loss and abuse. Please be aware of that before reading further.

Okay, so what was my overall impression of The Rise of Skywalker?

Soulless. Cowardly. Incoherent. Badly paced.

I spent large portions of the movie unable to get into the action because the pacing was so breakneck. There was no time to breathe. Consequently, there was never enough time to recover from one rush before another started. If everything is exciting, nothing is.

I think that this was a deliberate choice to cover up the lack of sense behind the exposition. Oscar Isaac’s Poe Dameron looks dead inside as he temporarily takes up the mantle of Basil Exposition to explain that somehow or other, Emperor Palpatine has returned and there’s a hard time limit on destroying his fleet.

This is a fine example of a running problem throughout the movie. Whereas both The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi used visual storytelling to move the story forward, things in TROS were explained through dialogue time and again. And the dialogue was incredibly clunky.

But back to the story. We are given a paper thin explanation of the Emperor’s return, and immediately are thrown into a fetch quest to find the Big Bad. I’m sure it will make an exciting video game adaptation.

The thing though is that the fetch quest makes no sense. One of the wayfinders is found in the first two minutes of the movie. Yes, it’s in the hands of the bad guys. But does the audience not remember that our heroine is bound to the villain? Why couldn’t she try to use that bond to get at the directions? Why does the Resistance not try to use that bond? Has she hidden from them her connection to Kylo Ren? Either she’s built up a wall of mistrust between her found family and herself by keeping the bond a secret, or she’s revealed all and no one thinks to try to use that bond to their advantage. It’s just conveniently overlooked.

Oh, a sidenote. Wayfinder. Why? There is an in-universe word for such objects already. It’s a holocron. Why not use holocron? We throw Star Wars-isms at the audience all the time. It would be an Easter Egg to the diehards while not bothering the general audience one iota.

Back to our fetch quest. We head to the desert planet of Pasaana. There’s a festival going on. A festival about family. Rey looks longingly at children and infants. A child gives her a fertility necklace. And then suddenly she’s connected by her bondmate through the force.

Now it’s no secret that the Rey and Kylo dynamic is one of the reasons I loved the first two movies in the trilogy. The actors have great chemistry. More importantly, the characters have interesting conflict. And yet that conflict seems off in this movie. TLJ left them complicated enemies. But they feel out of character. I don’t understand what each is trying to get out of their encounters. I have to do massive amounts of work to understand their actions and the dialogue doesn’t help. Because it doesn’t ring true.

Setting such details aside, Kylo rips off the necklace in a moment worthy of the Phantom of the Opera and for once it’s an action that makes sense, having both the subtext of obsessive love and jealousy, and the text of offering a clue for analysis to Rey’s location. Bravo. The writers did something right.

Meanwhile, we get a clunky reintroduction of Lando Calrissian. Has he been stuck on this desert for over 7 years? Longer? We just don’t know and he doesn’t tell us. Our heroes hitch a ride and then we get a fun speeder chase.

Okay, a couple more questions. There’s some good stuff here. The omnipresence of the First Order helps convey how thorough their control is. But why doesn’t Rey hotwire the speeder? It was established two movies ago that she’s a good mechanic. And on Jakku that kind of skill makes sense. Why hand that off to Poe? And why this Trio stuff. It’s fanon. We have just been assuming that Finn’s best friends would form the new Han, Luke, and Leia. Because reasons. None of them textual. It was a failure of TFA to not establish this dynamic if this was an essential element of Star Wars that had to be there from the start.

Which gets to the heart the problem in fandom which is that Star Wars is different  for every fan. What is essential to the series is subjective. For me, Star Wars is light sabers, hyperspace, the Force, epic battles, strange world with one biome only per world. So I’ve never felt like something was missing. But if an essential element was a very particular character dynamic (like a good guy Trio), then I can see why some fans felt let down. As if all the pieces were there but never got put together.

Back to Pasaana. We have a brief descent into the underworld in which Rey has a moment of true Jedi compassion and is rewarded when her compassion for the monster leads to an exit from said underworld. Nice. Mythically coherent. And hey, we also get one of the MacGuffins we’ve been searching for, so, bonus.

 Now we get the arrival of Kylo and his backup band. What was the point of these dudes? I mean, they look cool and I can’t wait to edit videos of them to classic NKOTB. But narratively, why are they there? Why did Kylo reforge the mask? Why all these questions in the third act when we should be in the process of tying up loose ends.

Rey, in a moment reminiscent of bull leaping from Crete, goes out to stall them? I guess? And then ends up in a battle of wills with Kylo that leads to her inadvertent use of Force Lightning.

Okay, another side trip. Are they trying to make out that Dark Side Powers are genetic? Because that’s all I can figure. Really, it’s kind of gross because it suggests that darkness isn’t a human trait that we all carry and must confront, but rather that Rey’s specific problem is a dark legacy. Which, that’s Kylo’s story. He’s the one grappling with the legacy of Vader and how that led his family to fear his darkness rather than aid him in confronting it.

Anyway, we have Rey briefly thinking she’s killed Chewie and that sets our heroes off to our next quest location and another set of problems: Why did we make the Latino man a drug runner and car thief? No, this isn’t just putting an unneeded real world spin on the universe. This is about narrative consistency. Because in a bid to make Poe Dameron an ersatz Han Solo, they broke his actual in-universe back story that had been established in comics and novels. That Poe Dameron was a pilot in the New Republic Navy, the child of war heroes Kes Dameron and Shara Bey. He grew up on Yavin IV. When did he have time to be a smuggler? He’s only a few years older that Ben Solo.

See Lucasfilm has a Story Group that is supposed to help keep narrative consistency between the various media released. And I can’t help shake the feeling that the Story Group was ignored or stonewalled. To please who? The fans? Which fans? Because I would be under the impression that the fans who read the novels and the comics, who dig the trivia aspects of the universe, would be the first to desire the universe to remain coherent.

The Kijimi stuff is fun. Babu Frik is adorable. C3PO is touching. There’s good moments. There really are.

We now go to the infiltration of the Star Destroyer (Does it have a name? Nerds, help me out here. Usually I know this sort of thing.) Again, good moments. I like the implication that Rey’s Force Powers disturb Poe, but it’s never brought up again. One of dozens of Chekhov’s guns left unfired. This is incredibly sloppy in the plotting. Hux is the mole!?! Fun. Yet, again, wasted. And out of character, but I’m sure that’s not going to bother the general audience. Rey gets caught sneaking around in Kylo’s bedroom? Priceless, and some good imagery (smashing the altar to Vader) combined with incredibly clunky dialogue and some more serious questions that never get answered.

The whole time Kylo thought Vader was talking to him it was Palpatine? Why the hell does he still have that mask on a pedestal? He just couldn’t bear to get rid of a collectible? He hadn’t had time to konmari yet? And just what does smashing the pedestal symbolize? Is this the start of Kylo breaking free? We’ll probably never know.

Rey escapes on the Falcon. After getting the worst character reveal in the Saga. I’m sorry. Rey Palapatine is just dumb. I liked that she was a nobody. It allowed her to be the Forces solution to the manipulation and abuse heaped upon the Skywalkers. She was brought into the story and bound to the last scion of House Skywalker as a corrective. She wasn’t overpowered. (No really. She executed a few very basic Jedi skills in the first two movies, none of them exceptional.) And her skill level makes sense the moment you understand that she is bound to Ben Solo. She is literally downloading his training. She can do what he can do. Even her fighting style mirrors his. Fun fact: if you watch the scene in The Last Jedi where she’s practicing sword forms on Ach-to, and compare them to Kylo in his duel with Luke, they’re identical. To a move. Rey is powerful because the Force chooses its vessels. No one was asking who Mace Windu’s parents were. Or Ki-Adi Mundi’s. But Rey is skilled because a very clear in universe device means she has access to Ben Solo’s mind and that included every skill he ever learned.

Alrighty, so now our team is on to the next step in the quest, the ocean moon of Kef Bir, one of the many moons in the Endor system. (No, it’s not the Forest or Sanctuary Moon with the Ewoks.) We meet Jannah, another wasted character. She is pretty and could have been cool. But she exists for us to realize that Finn is probably Force Sensitive and that he broke conditioning not due to innate morality but because he’s not a Muggle.

Which brings me to my gripe with how Finn’s character was treated. He spent the whole movie running around shouting Rey. That’s it. That’s his arc. I don’t mind that he can feel the Force. But I feel like his development was regressed. He had a clear character arc in the first two movies. From a man running away from responsibility to one willing to fight for a friend, to a man willing to commit to cause. This movie should have had him building on that, and perhaps like Moses returning to free the rest of the Stormtroopers who are canonically child soldiers brainwashed into fighting for the bad guys.

Back to the plot. Rey takes off for the Death Star, searches the haunted house and yet again has her moment in the cave, this time confronting a dark vision of herself. Dang that was cool. Would have liked to see more of that. Anyway, she confronts Kylo and he smashes the holocron. Emphasizing for us how pointless this fetch quest has been. Girl could have hopped a ride in his TIE at any point and dealt with the fallout after they dealt with the emperor.

They fight. It wasn’t a bad fight. Just not my favorite. It did emphasize though that Kylo is never ever fighting on the offensive with her. Never in three movies has he ever taken an advantage of an opening for a killing blow, and never was it more obvious than in this fight. Kylo gets distracted, Rey stabs him mortally, and this act seems to wake her up from whatever possessed her in the throne room. She heals him and runs away.

This brings up another thing that bothers me. I know the filmmakers were working with some severe challenges with their footage of Carrie. I don’t think it was badly used for the most part. But I was left baffled at what exactly was going on here.

I was not baffled at Kylo/Ben’s confrontation with Han. This was the high point of the movie for me. It was pitch perfect in tone, and touched on the one an only sin Ben ever committed that wasn’t connected to a war objective, the murder of his father. And it made clear that the prodigal was loved and wanted and it wasn’t too late to come home. The heart of Ben’s problem has been the conviction that he has done too much wrong to come home, and while it is only a memory, it is a true memory of the man who loved Ben enough to walk straight into Hell though he knew it would probably be the death of him. I can forgive this scene for throwing the lightsaber  into the ocean. I realize that most of the audience doesn’t know that you can heal kyber crystals. Yes, the saber was a metaphor for Ben’s damaged and unstable soul, and yes, it would have been poetic (and badass) for him to show up later with a healed lightsaber, stable and blue and looking like something an angel would fight with. But I’ll forgive that for the poetry of what happens on Exegol.

And then we go to my low point. I’ll set my costumer’s beef with Luke Skywalker’s wig aside. It looked cheap and that’s all I’ll say. It was more the deliberate middle finger to TLJ in the lines while ignoring that Luke’s most iconic and Jedi-like moment in the original trilogy was casting aside his lightsaber in an act of compassion. Yes, Rey was burning her ship and throwing away her weapon for the wrong reason.  And it was a deliberate echo of Luke who also was appalled when his fear was twisted by the Dark into an attack on his nephew. She is overcome with the same shame and fear of self. Luke can speak to this in a real way. With better dialogue, it might have worked for me. Alas, it didn’t. Instead we got more exposition to provide us with an extra lightsaber. And more questions about why everyone in this family gave up on Ben Solo.

Here’s the thing. If Leia remains untrained, lots of things make sense: her instinctive but infrequent use of the Force; her fear for her son and sense of inadequacy in dealing with he struggles with darkness, her unresolved issues with her father which lead her to hide her parentage not only from the galaxy but also from her own son. All of this is undone by the training reveal and makes us wonder why everyone was willing to help a descendent of Palpatine but not their own flesh and blood. And in a movie that used dialogue to explain nearly everything, these lacunae stand out more than they would in a film that trusted the audience more. See you could have had Luke say “We messed up. We gave in to fear. And we didn’t want to make the same mistake with you. Rey. I’m the son of Darth Vader. I know more than any man that we are more than our bloodline. And forgetting that with Ben was the worst mistake of my life.” But  he didn’t. Which in a movie which tells as much as or more than it shows seems like a deliberate choice.

Have you noticed that I’m ignoring the space battles? That’s because they’re forgettable. I just didn’t care about them. Especially since the galactic conflict remained essentially unresolved. Back to the Force Plot, the only plot that matters.

Rey confronts Palpatine. Yawn. At this point I just don’t care. For most of the movie, she hasn’t seemed like my Rey. I couldn’t relate and by this point I’ve lost interest so I’m more wondering where did all these people come from. Are there concessions? How much does a hot dog and Coke cost on Exegol? Does this stadium have bathrooms? Nice to see that it’s built like the AT&T one down the street with the sliding roof panels. And then my boy Ben Solo arrives and the film is good again. Without a word of dialogue (besides “ow”) Adam Driver delivers the best performance of the movie, showing that the Han Solo of the trilogy was there the whole time in his son. Was there ever a more Han Solo thing than running into a Dark Side temple in your pajamas, armed only with a blaster? And then Rey passes him Anakin’s saber. OMG. Brilliance. The best part of the movie. For a moment I thought that they would at least wrap it up well. And for a moment they’re side by side and all is right in the world. And then Palpatine throws Ben in a pit.

I hate this. I don’t hate this movie but I hate this moment. For three movies we’ve set up that Rey and Ben (He’s Ben now; don’t’ @ me.) are equals in the Force. They have a Yin/Yang dynamic that made this work. The natural conclusion here should have been that they take out Palpatine together. Because both have a beef with him. This is the man responsible for ruining the lives of four generations of Skywalkers. And while Ben is at the bottom of a pit, Rey stands alone, calling on the Jedi to help her.

The Jedi that are ignoring the Skywalker at the bottom of the pit.

Including Ben’s grandfather that he’s been begging for years to help him.

Including his uncle who promised to always be with him. (We were robbed of Ghost Luke trolling Kylo. Robbed I tell you. Mark Hamill would have nailed that.)

Ben is at the bottom of a pit being ignored while the Jedi transform Rey into their sacrificial lamb for Girl Power points.

So, yeah, I hated how Rey defeated Palpatine. It was wrong. It wasn’t in union with her bondmate. It wasn’t through the power of love and compassion. It was Space Wonder Woman meets Harry Potter. And then she dies. Because the Jedi only ever viewed people as tools in their grand battle with the Sith.

But Ben. Oh, Ben loves Rey for who she is. And he climbs out of the pit without a lick of help from anyone and cradles her lifeless form in the most heartbreaking Pieta, and you can see on his face the moment he make his decision and gives everything of himself to bring her back. It was beautiful, and they share the most pure, the most perfect kiss.

And then he dies.

And that’s where the movie breaks me. Because he didn’t have to die. It doesn’t make sense. Why does Leia hold on until this moment? Why does Maz seem satisfied? Where did Ben go? Why does he go unmourned? Where is his Force ghost? This movie just leaves us with more questions.

And the very end kills me. Rey is on Tatooine. A dead world that holds no importance to her (or Leia, I might add). She buries the Skywalker sabers. A funeral. She sees the ghosts of Luke and Leia bless her as she takes on the Skywalker name. A name that she could have taken in a life-affirming way through marriage, but that appears as scavenged from the dead that she has surrounded herself with as she ends the movie an eternal child, side by side with a stolen droid.

It makes no sense.

But whence my nerd rage? Why do I care? Why have I devoted over 3K words to this?

Because the first two movies in this trilogy made me care about these characters.

When I first saw The Force Awakens, I connected immediately with her loneliness. Loneliness is something I get viscerally. I have always been socially awkward and had difficulty making friends. I rarely felt known or understood and I understood that deep longing to belong. When Rey was being interrogated by Kylo Ren, that was what struck me. He notices her loneliness.

And you realize that Kylo is projecting. That he is seeing in her a kindred spirit. He too is lonely, and trapped by fear into being stuck in a place that he knows in his heart of hearts is a dead world. He too is trapped by relics of the past.

So, you see, Rey and Kylo were both me. I had lived that loneliness. I had experienced profound isolation and the sense that no one truly understood me. I desperately wanted them to find their belonging and heal their wounds. And that’s certainly the story that TLJ picked up on and continued.

But there was more. I became fascinated with the question of how the son of Han and Leia fell, and I could see the possibilities in the pattern of their characters: Leia, the woman driven by duty, trying to build the New Republic to make a better galaxy for her son, and leaving her son vulnerable to predation in the process; Han, a man who had only just stopped running from responsibility, and who’s own lack of father figures left him feeling inadequate as a father. Throw in a villain who can groom and psychically abuse their son and you have the ingredients for a tragedy.

And because I identified with Leia, Ben became, in a way, an additional child. A parent’s greatest fear is that in trying to do the right thing for your child you inadvertently make things worse. Poor Leia. She needed a mother to tell her child mattered more than a bill in the Senate. That the galaxy could wait. But Palpatine killed her mother. Both her mothers, because he was as complicit in the death of Breha Organa as he was in the death of Padme Amidala Naberrie.

So when Ben Solo died, it was like losing a child. And anyone who knows me personally knows that I do not choose that phrasing lightly. And being a mother, there is always a sense of survivor’s guilt. The sense that if you had done the right thing, it wouldn’t have happened. It doesn’t matter if that isn’t the truth. It’s how it feels.

I have met so many people online who identify with Ben Solo because they were abused as children. Who like him processed their trauma in unhealthy ways. It’s not where I come from, but I have the capacity to empathize and hear the message they’re inadvertently being told: that if you do bad things because you’ve been groomed and manipulated and brainwashed, you can’t come back. Even if you turn your life around, it won’t matter. You’ll only find peace in death and you will die unremembered as punishment for your sins. And your family will replace you with someone nicer and easier to live with.

But I can hear you saying: It’s not that deep. It’s fake and in space. It’s just a story.

Well, here’s the problem:

1)    The brain does not distinguish real people from fictional characters. The part of the brain that produces serotonin and dopamine can’t distinguish fact from fiction. This is actually why art has the power to heal. The catharsis experienced in a work of art can help us process trauma because we relate to the characters in the story. But the flip side is that stories can cause genuine trauma. If we related to characters in a story and they are treated unjustly, we feel that injustice and it hurts as badly as if it were real.

2)    Ben Solo was written to be sympathetic. He is the child of beloved characters. His backstory is one filled with pain. He was failed by every family member who should have protected him. He was abused physically and mentally for years. Recently published materials exonerate him from the destruction of the Jedi temple. It was all part of a plot to push him to the Dark. All Ben ever wanted was to be loved for who he was. And that was snatched away from him.

3)    I can’t turn off my brain. I can’t stop asking questions and trying to make sense of things. I can help but see the Chekhov’s guns and the symbols and the messages, however inadvertent.

4)    It is a grand failure of a movie if it only works on a surface level and not when you start digging deeper. Every other Star Wars movie, including The Phantom Menace, rewards the person who can’t turn off their brain. This was the first one that falls apart so completely the second you start asking questions.

I wish I could like this movie. I was prepared to like it if not love it. And while I got Ben’s redemption and the Rey and Kylo romance that I wanted, I feel like I got nothing. Like they don’t matter at all.

I am planning to start new hobbies in the new year. I got some war gaming miniatures painting sets for Christmas and I’m glad I have a new special interest to pour myself into. I have enjoyed sharing my love of Star Wars trivia with my kids but it just hurts too much at the moment to spend time thinking about a franchise that has been so  badly mangled. I’m probably in the bargaining stage of grief at the moment. I wholly buy the theory that there was happy ending filmed and someone blinked in the game of chicken, leaving us the mess that we were handed.

I’m also planning to get back to writing. If even Disney can’t tell a fairy tale properly anymore, it’s time for a new batch of writers to get out there and tell the stories I want to hear. I am sick of grimdark fantasies and cynicism masquerading as sophistication. I may write a fanfic or two to fix the story in my mind, but I think that ultimately I need to be creating original works. I know that there are children eager to believe in happy endings, plenty of women who believe that Byronic heroes can be redeemed, and not a few men who will buy both if the story is well told.

[shinidamachu]

Holding On And Letting Go - Chapter IV

Summary: Chapter I | Chapter II | Chapter III | Chapter IV

Word Count: 2180  Genre: angst  Fandom: InuYasha  Pairing: Inukag Format: multichapter  AO3 Link: 🌹  Fanfic.Net Link: 🌹

“I’m the one to blame and I know it. That’s the worst part.” InuYasha confessed to the dorment well in one of those nights, when he missed Kagome so dearly it was downright suffocating.

He would never forget the moment when she first taught him about the universe — how it was infinite and always expanding. He still remembered how small and overwhelmed it made him feel. 

Even now, that the memory was old and dusty, InuYasha felt the same. Missing Kagome was just like the universe — infinite and always expanding — and he was only himself, powerless and infinitesimal when faced with the immensity of it all.

“I shoulda fought harder for you.” The claws piercing his palm compensated the lack of emotion on the statement. “Not just that last time...” He shook his head, his brain flooded with images of the time they were forced apart and how he had been unable to do anything besides watch it happen. “But before that too. I shoulda told ya how much you meant to me, even though you knew already. I shoulda kissed you each chance I got. I shoulda apologized more.”

A lump housed in his throat as he recounted their journey on his mind, making sure to linger on the mistakes he made with the rawness of salt thrown straight into an open wound. Every argument they ever had seemed so pointless now, and yet, what wouldn’t he give for one more quarrel, if only to hear her voice again?

“And I shouldn’t have let you go!” All at once, the all too familiar anger started bubbling in the depths of his stomach, surfacing through his intonation. “What the hell was I thinking? That just because I wasn’t a selfish asshole for once, everything would be just fine at the end? It ain’t how life works! You’d think someone like me woulda learned that by now.”

Sitting on the grass, InuYasha fought the urge to scream in frustration. It was all bullshit. All of it.

“Before you, I didn’t use to do the right thing and we both know it. So why the fuck should I keep doing it now? ‘S not like it would bring you back.”

Deep down, InuYasha knew the answer. In the end of the day, her happiness and well being were way more important than his self-centered desires, and ultimately, he would never jeopardize all the effort he had put into becoming the man she showed him he could be — a man deserving of her. It didn’t mean he couldn’t feel sorry for himself, just a little.

“They already had at least fifteen years of you in their lives, but we... We didn’t have enough time.”

Part of him argued that it would never be sufficient, no matter how many lifetimes they got bestowed with. The other part reminded him of all the times he had pushed her away.

InuYasha acknowledged his greediness right then. Kagome had already given him more than he ever dared to dream and admittedly more than he deserved. Most of his kind would die without knowing so much as the prospect of love, while he had experienced it in every shape. Because of Kagome, he had finally found a place where he belonged, with people who accepted him. That should have been more than enough.

And yet there he was, asking for more as if he was entitled to it, as if every good thing in his life wasn’t as bright as it could be if she was around.

What an ungrateful bastard he was.

“I need you more than they ever could, anyway.” InuYasha went on, wondering why is was so much easier admitting these things when there was no chance for her o listen. “If you ever come back, I’d do everything different. No more wasting time, no more acting stupid. I’d even tell you how much I love your food and the way you smell, ‘cause I do, I always did.”

He once believed that Kagome was born to meet him. Now it looked they were doomed from the start.

“Just come back and see.”

If the Honekui no Ido was a Wishing Well, her wish would be him.

She knew it was selfish, but it was true.

There was nothing she cared about more, nothing else she wanted so fiercely in her supposedly fulfilled life.

Day and night, she dreamed of better worlds, where they never had to be more than a heartbeat away from each other. If she could, she would change her own, just to fit him in it the same way his Fire-Rat robe used to fit around her shoulders — warm and familiar — and he would know he was safe and sound. She would rewrite each cosmical rule keeping them from being together, speak over the prejudiced voices whispering their bigotry at them, shield him from the hurtful things he pretended to be indifferent to even though it broke his heart. And they would get the happy ending they deserved.

“All I ever wanted was for you to be happy.” Kagome remembered that day, swallowed by the sands of time, when she sat in the very well she now leaned against, and faced with these same emotions, asked InuYasha to stay with him. It was the moment she realized no amount of nasty blows to her ego could make her walk away. Her happiness was tangled with his. “And I promised you I would always be by your side. I guess things never work the way we plan, but I want you to know I would have kept my word. I still intend to.”

Kagome deliberately looked at the pile of books beside her. Most of them turned out to be useless, brimming with inaccurate information. A couple of few managed to carried interesting material and maybe Kagome could even teach Kaede a thing or two if she ever accomplished her main goal, but the rest were not written to be taken serious at all.

The girl, however, was no fool. It was highly unlikely that the solution she was looking for would be laying in a long lost book, and that just like in the climax scene of a hollywoodian movie, she would decode its manuscript, unsealing the magical time portal, consequently, reaching the anticipated joyous outcome, white letters rolling up the screen and lights turning on to reveal a clapping audience.

But what could she do except keep trying? The alternatives were way too depressing and she had promised him. She owed him — owed both of them — that much, and it gave her a purpose. Doing something felt good, even if something meant a new burn to a cauterized heart. What was a little drop of frustration for someone drenched on its rain? What was a little wave of sorrow for someone drowning on its waters?

It was also a good distraction from math problems and her oblivious — despite of  well meaning — friends. She welcomed those distractions as much as the lamppost lights that guided her way home.

Truth was, too many new moons had passed and it wasn’t lost on Kagome that the separation would affect her and InuYasha differently. While he knew she was out of danger, secure with her family in pacific modern era Japan, that same courtesy was never offered to her.

Sure, Naraku was gone and InuYasha would always have Tessaiga, as well as their friends, to support and protect him. But he was still a cocky half demon with a remarkable talent to lost his temper and a pretty respectful list of enemies. Trouble would find him one way or another. 

Part of her wondered if it already did and, as much as it hurt to consider it, that was why he never met her after the five hundred years gap. But then again, it could also mean that he didn’t have to, because she found a way to get back on her own. 

Her attention went back to the open book on her lap.

“I just… I just need to see if you’re okay.” Pleaded Kagome, aware of her own lie the second it left her lips. Just a glimpse of him, brief and distant as it may, and she could never walk away.

The night came and went as she devoured the pages, in vain. Then daylight touched Earth, imposing and golden like his eyes.

The sky was so clear, not a single cloud dared to taint its dazzling blue. Around him, InuYasha could see all the summer colors, as bright as they were, from the floating orange of the butterflies to the endless rainbow of flowers gifted to them by a generous spring. Nearby, he could hear the birds singing their jubilant melodies and the village’s children playing under the sun.

It was a beautiful morning and he hated it.

A day like that without Kagome to enjoy it was such a waste. Everything about it seemed pointless — wrong, somehow — since she wasn’t there to see it.

Particularly, he had grown fond of the cloudy days. It was much easier to blend in. Everybody gets a little sad when it rains.

But InuYasha couldn’t control the weather and certainly he couldn’t extinguish the distance separating them either, as he had previously learned. All he could do was sit there and wait for her.

“And now the little brats are getting old enough to chase me around.” Continued InuYasha, on yet another detailed report Kagome would never hear. “‘S a nightmare, I’ll tell ya. Not even you or your mom were so obsessed with my ears and that’s sayin’ a lot.”

His heart clenched at the thought of the kind woman who had treated him like a son from the very start, but it didn’t last long, as he could practically hear Kagome’s giggles. He had no doubt she would find the whole situation insanely amusing, much to his pretended annoyance.

He didn’t even try to fight his smile.

“Can you believe it? Miroku and Sango have twins!” InuYasha exclaimed, because he sure as hell still couldn’t, no matter how many times the living proofs climbed over him, pulled his hair or pestered his poor ears. “I mean, ‘course you can. You saw it coming way before I did.”

Well, not even her wildest guess would have bet on twins right away, but the important thing was the monk and the slayer were really making marriage work. InuYasha would give anything to see her smug I-Told-You-So expression.

“They’re really happy.” And they had every reason to be. Against all odds, they were together, they had a family. After so much trauma, fights and goodbyes, they managed to stood side by side at the end. They had earned that. InuYasha knew it. And he wanted to be happy for them. He was happy for them. He just couldn’t shake the terrible feeling that would come along with every look, touch or gleeful moments shared between the couple: it should have been Kagome and I. 

Then guilt would hit him like a punch, making him avoid the pair for a while just to feel even worse. It was much harder to feel happy for someone else when his own happiness was in the other side of the well with her. 

“They miss you, though.”

“Congratulations!” Kagome walked in, dropping her purse to the base of the Honekui no Ido to grasp her hair in exasperation. “You have finally made Tokyo boring and I thought this was impossible!”

The schoolgirl spent the whole day out, passing by parks and stores that had been so fascinating to her in the past, but that now just couldn’t catch her eyes. 

Since she was a little child, she always felt her city like a living entity. Pulsating, stimulating, a surprise on every turn.

Then, years ago, she had fallen into that damned well and the conception of adventure that she once had changed forever.

In that new, exciting land, Kagome had been a fish out of temporal water, but then she decorated the tides and made them her habitat. Now that she was isolated from it, she missed it like crazy and the place she used to call home didn’t felt like home anymore.

She was a fish out of water again, but this time in her own town.

The city lights were as pretty as ever, but they could never match the starry night sky from Feudal Era and the more she walked through the comfortable pavement, the more she longed for the freshy grass. It was sickening and frightening.

For her family, Kagome desperately kept trying to make things go back to the way it was before — Studying, hanging out with her friends, helping in the shrine. She never told them it wasn’t working. There was no need to hurt them over nothing.

But she didn’t belong there. And she hadn’t for quite a while.

“What do I do?” She whispered.

A/N: one day I’ll write something that isn’t angst again... but today was not that day. Thank you for reading, tho. It means a lot to me. Oh, and let me know if you want to be tagged or something. See ya!

[loveerinn]

another one ig. a poem from earlier this year. a little more raw. incredibly angry. someone told me the poems I spend the least time trying to perfect are by best ones. I disagree. But ... Date & Time: Unknown.

Untitled.

until you can sit down and say that a boy could scold you and tell you how to be who you were

don’t speak to me

close the lips of vixen, a prey lethal to the touch of a fake

that’s how he thinks of you

have you ever stopped and asked yourself the need for intricately weaving a fabric of patterns mismatched into our drapes

how he didn’t belong and let us go along believe WE were misplaced

but wait no that’s not you that’s me... and fuck the notion of overzealous anxiety

yea she speaks to me but at this point we’re not friends

it’s a toxic relationship i care to keep cause she’s the only one that’ll make amends

with buildings and bridges in my psyche

it’s psychology in that she’s providing me epiphany

cautiousness, for threats like you

she makes you question every thing you thought you knew

and we’re tied. bound together but ive been in worse

it’s funny to feel like all our social interactions are cursed

damn, aren’t you glad i said respect your wishes?

that i didn’t flinch or show you tears over the thought of some stupid kisses

i mean the ones that you had, don’t front you little shit

acting like some part of your mind didn’t also think see and feel it

but he was new and fresh and safe and fuck the person that always stayed

lol stayed ..? no i left with tandrums and whiny uproars

on deaf ears, that always went ignored

and can you imagine the actual novel

there i was taking an apology, but you made me feel like i groveled?

how do you say “i’m sorry”

“but this is why i did it”

explanations are one thing, but your lack of decision was truly committed

ironic isn’t it that you could latch onto the things with no answers

maybe i’m the dumbass for thinking you’d wake tf up any faster

we were a design in the making not yet finished

and you just let him keep taking the cloth, the patterns, ... the important parts of our fabric

& yes there’s jealous

shits and tons honestly.

you needa calibrate the intricate working of the problem

that you say you knew me as “green”

but didn’t know other colors on the palette

of my tongue, dying to speak rubbing on the roof and the lines of my gum

numing on my lips til i bleed

concede in the reality that you didn’t know, couldn’t see in front of your eyes

not surreal is it, that you were rainbow blind

colors in the soul of a being that’s been left behind

you left me behind

and yea i was jealous

you weren’t mine but i was my own territory to overcome

and you loved the traits of me in him, when i was a spirit that you knew none

i a being that knows none, and i had to find my definition in a boy

who didn’t hinder his diction

in trying to reflect with his bullshit benedictions

man, but i was “blessed” to listen to tripe and trip

of a boy who toyed with my seasons

use to tell me what i needed to fix and “the reasons”™️

and the weathers of my body couldn’t take it

i was hot like the musk of a summer i knew not

knew not the warmth and pleasantries of spring

you left my whole body, winter freezing

and the leaves of my trees falling on the ground like wisps

a friend that reminds you of bullies that use to torment on your lisp

fuck in all actual, I wish I had the voice to tell him to “suck a dick “

but that would contradict the level of softness i’m trying to build

but also break me cause it’s the texture of my soul that’s complacent

to the way you make me feel and-

sigh. i knew i started to feel off when you two were suddenly chummy

it’s kinda funny, that you laughed at my worry of him taking you from me

no actually that’s comedy

you left and made a choice, so he didn’t really do that did he?

do you know how it makes me feel

when you defend the honor of a boy who took away the only for me that felt real

and we’re not friends!

so it doesn’t matter

that i troubled myself with questions of your actions and “what if i chased her”

but you didn’t catch me

however i wasn’t running, actually

casually, aware of the fact you don’t seem to care

and i could be the grand prize but you wouldn’t play the game

what is it about a boy that’s similar to me in so many same..

blame ... “on me or you?”, i ask myself this same bullshit everyday

how do you get through, not being able to make your own favorite thing stay

how do you not ruin the ruins that are left over in new construction

careful for the eruption, that is me losing my mind

it’s fucking 3:03 pm and i’m not fucking alright

maybe i can’t be alone

cause too long, gets me in my head and thoughts

the sheer comedic tragedy of that statement on me isn’t lost

i admit

he became the garbage for disposal of my feeling

but you didn’t even seem to realize that all the WASTE was built from his leavings

and yours don’t forget you were a piece that did crap too

i can’t even speak out loud the way you made me feel and what that made me do

you ever realize emotions are draining? might as well call them toxic

not a waste of time, i’m sure they stand for something, but they just add conflict

i’m home sick. for a place i haven’t inhabited called security

don’t play with me, confidence is constantly lacking

i’m homeless. in a figure sense

there was a time it was literal and even then i didn’t even get so obsessed

with the living space of a place i haven’t inhabit,

say this so much i may as well patent it

I’m homesick . all the time. that’s all there is to that so i’ll just leave that & drop this rhyme

you use to tell me i made him feel bad aww shucks

poor baby oh that’s his luck

being bullied, but that girl that suffered his ministrations

don’t expect demonstration. from you? he hid his administrations

maybe i’m over dramatic

but there’s this picture that opened everything in my attic

i’m an addict to the taste of destruction

i’m high off your lack of love and

I’m just aware of hospital, a temple, a body, ignoring its sickness

if i were to ever give you this.... just remember ... this is my reality not my way of a “diss”

i feel stagnant but the history shows i’m growing

it’s funny i don’t think i ever HAVE to project the things both you and i be knowing

unlike the one that will capitalize on the facts that he’s changed

but to mute, you need to be aware of your past and future stage

as in the times you were different and supposedly brand new

head so damn big, missing

the point that cuts straight through..

me

it cuts me

can’t you see that

that his misgivings breed reactions

and

can’t you see me ripping and dripping

and my voice calling

fuck damn there goes my heart sprawling

on floor

and you step on it so who are you ... either of you, to implore that you ‘loved’ me

bitch, bite me

and mind you it’s not dead

my hearts alive still beating

lifeless only from the feeling the pressure of a heeling

bounded to death, trying to heal from the fatal steel from irony

lol ... to think it’s my real laughter and ability to love you’ve stolen from me

how did you take it considering you dont do that

god i’d fight through hell and hire waters and you especially ... to get it back

god i hate even listening to me

ever been so aware of what it could be

should be oh goodie

there she goes again ‘nother long stupid poem from me

••

It’s crazy... a long time ago I thought about giving this to the person it was intended for... I even wrote it in the poem. Letting them feel how much I was hurt everything I was feeling. I talked myself into thinking they wouldn’t care anyways. Or they wouldn’t wanna hear it. Or they’d take it wrong and it’d make it worse. Or they wouldn’t understand my feelings... or any of it. So I never gave it to her.

Now I wonder if it would’ve changed anything. sigh. probably not. who knows.

Loveee Erin

[florbexter]

With this part, the introduction of this story ends and we hopefully start into a more TinCan centric part of the story :)

Thank’s again to everyone who commented on the last chapter. I will post a link to AO3 soon, so that you can safe the story there if you want.

Have fun reading!

@queenhippolyta @andwebegin @decadentdeerpolice  @compassedship69@jessicaworld90 @misaky0 @fangschreckenkreb @audoldends@kimjungmalfoy

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV

💃🏻 - Fake dating TinCan -  Part V 

Can yawned. It was unfair that he had spent all of his pocket-money already so he wasn’t able to buy himself coffee. Also, he didn’t like coffee but it would have been nice to be able to buy coffee.

As predicted he hadn’t slept much and the urge to flee was strong. Nevertheless, he guessed that two weeks of his life stalking Ae wasn’t as bad as a weird campus scandal with the guy who came back from England and was a freaking IC student. Moreover, Ae was a great boyfriend to Ai Pete, so it wasn’t like he betrayed one of his best friends. Tin would realize Ae and Ai Peter were a match made in heaven and everything would turn out fine.

Still, he almost jumped three metres in the air when he saw Tin’s car heading his way. It was unfair that Tin’s car wasn’t even the newest or most expensive model in the IC parking lot.

“You made your decision?”, Tin asked and Can, who knew that he had bloodshot eyes, wanted to at least mess up Tin’s hair because it was unfair that he looked like someone had styled him for a photo shoot.

He lifted his chin and tried to look down on Tin.

“Two weeks of a fake-relationship to satisfy your weird obsession with Ae and Ai Pete’s relationship. We break up 14 days from now and after that, we go our own separate ways.”

Tin crossed his arms in front of his chest and nodded.

“Okay. Deal.”

Can frowned. He was suspicious of Tin’s easy acceptance.

“I have conditions,” he said quickly and his ears went red because he thought about Tin’s breath on them, the heat of his body behind him and his very distracting smell.

“You’re certainly a bold one.” “No weird public display of affection, okay?”

Tin blinked as if he hadn’t thought about them showing any kind of affection to each other but Can didn’t like Tin’s interest if whether or not he had his first kiss yet, so he needed to set some boundaries.

Tin pursed his lips and Can knew, he just knew that he would say something obnoxious.

What he didn’t predict was how fast Tin was. How fast he was able to invade Can’s personal space and even though Tin wasn’t that much taller than him he had the feeling he had to strain his neck to look up at him.

“What counts as a display of affection?”

“This!”, Can yelled and waved his hands furiously around. “There is no space between us! No space!” He took some steps backwards and this time he crossed his arms before his chest because his body tingled in a weird way and that wasn’t right.

“No grabbing, no kissing, no hand-holding, no hugs, nothing!”

“Are your parents divorced?”

“What? No!”

“Because you have a weird way of thinking how a relationship is supposed to be like.”

“Fake! Fake-relationship!” What was Tin even talking about?

“I guess we can use our lack of intimacy as a reason for our break-up”, Tin said and was he even paying attention to Can?

Can threw his hands in the air. “A lot of couples are not comfortable with public display of affection and are plenty intimate at home.”

Tin raised an eyebrow and Can was quick to add: “Not us! Because this is fake. No intimacy. Not here, not anywhere.”

Tin shrugged as if he didn’t care. “My class is about to start, I’ll see you at lunch.”

“What? Why?”

“Ai Pete and Ae are always eating lunch together, we’re going to join them.”

“I don’t want to abandon my lunch for your stalking.”

“Don’t pout. Lunch’s on me, order whatever you want.”

Can was on the verge to protest but registered what Tin had said and decided to stay silent. Tin was rich, which meant he wouldn’t care what Can ordered. Which meant: meat! Which could also mean: beef!

Can hadn’t thought about the possibility that Tin would be a generous fake-boyfriend. If he played this right he could eat like a king for two weeks. Suddenly this weird twist of events didn’t seem as daunting as before.

“Why are you smiling so weird?”

“Why is your face weird?”, Can snapped back and shouldered is back bag.

“We’ll see each other at lunch… oh, I forgot to ask, where did you get my phone number from?”

“I stole it from Ai Pete’s cellphone. Quid pro quo, you know.”

“Don’t speak French to me, jerk. See you later!”

Can sprinted away.

++

“I’m not sure the amount of food you had was healthy.”

Can laid on the grass and groaned. “It may look that way but you can be sure I’m very happy inside.”

Ae shook his head. “Inside? You mean the inside where your constipation is happening right this moment?”

“It was worth it,” Can said and meant every word. Normally, he took the cheapest dish from the menu but Tin hadn’t batched an eye when Can had ordered two servings of Thai curry with beef so Can had gone a bit wild.

“If you throw up on the field P’Type will hunt you for sport.”

Can sat up slowly. He looked over to the bleachers and like for the last half-hour, two proper dressed young men sat there.

“Why is he even here?”, Ae asked and Can knew the question wasn’t really directed at him. Ae had mumbled to himself since Can and Tin had shown up for his lunch date with Ai Pete. Ai Pete had been happy to sit with them on the same table, a bit too curious about why Can and Tin were there together, but all in all he had seemed comfortable. Ae had been grumpy.

“They haven’t seen each other for a long time… they need to catch up I guess.”

Ae just frowned. Luckily they hadn’t much time for the rest of the training to pay attention to Ai Pete and Tin because P’No was in a mood. After their last lap, because according to P’No they were slacking off, Can was sure he was going to throw up.

“This is how I’m going to die,” he murmured, bending forward while he sat on the grass. He would die on the football field which would be kind of cool but P’No would leave him here to rot and that was kind of uncool.

“Shouldn’t you graduate in drama?”, a voice to his right asked and Can just groaned in response. He didn’t need Tin at his death bed.

“Go away.”

“Stop whining and drink.” A cool bottle was pressed on his leg and Can could have cried in joy. Tin crouched down next to him and held out the ambrosia of life. He may have said the last words out loud because Tin judged him with his eyebrows. He had really expressive eyebrows.

“You want me to unscrew the bottle?”

Can pouted and look at that Tin sighed and opened the bottle for him. That was nice. The water felt soothing and refreshing after the training of hell and Can sighed in bliss.

“Thank you.”

“Your welcome. Letting your fake-boyfriend die of dehydration is frowned upon in the fake-relationship-community.”

“Har har.”

“You have jeering practice after this?”

Can nodded and wanted to ask why Tin wanted to know but P’Champ stood suddenly in front of them.

“Hey, guys! Look at you love birds. Nice to have some fans for our training at last.” P’Champ held his hand out for Tin and didn’t seem to register the look of disdain on Tin’s face. Gosh, why was his fake-boyfriend so antisocial?

“We met at the party on Friday, right? Sorry, I was really drunk that night. My name’s Champ, I’m a senior of this albino monkey here.” He kicked Can lightly and Tin threw him a questioning look. Can just shrugged. He had no idea where those nicknames came from half of the time.

“Is the training always so intense?”, Tin asked and Can frowned at him. P’Champ chuckled and looked over the field to P’No who stamped down the holes in the field. “Not always. The trainer is a bit preoccupied with private stuff… so.”

“What? What happened with P’No?”

P’Champ laughed out loud and waved Can’s question away. “Nothing to worry about. P’Type will handle it.” Everyone was crazy around here Can thought and drank the rest of the water.

“So, you’re finally back in Thailand! Must be great to have time for each other after being apart for so long.”

Can wished he had really died of overeating a few minutes back. Why was P’Champ doing small-talk?

“It’s wonderful and weird at the same time,” Tin answered surprisingly and Can had to stare at him. “I always knew the wait would be worth it. Ai Can would be worth it.” Tin looked at him and shared with him what seemed to be a little private smile. He lifted his hand to fiddle with the hem of Can’s football jersey and something in Can started to ache.

Can had no idea if P’Champ answered. All he heard was a strange noise in his head. He felt goosebumps on his whole body and had no idea it could shock him so much because someone added an Ai before his name. Tin’s whole face had gone soft and the warmth in his voice was something Can wouldn’t be able to forget.

“N’Can?”

He looked up and stared in the questioning face of P’Champ.

“What?”

“I said you should hurry up and shower, you’re the last one. Jeering practise will start soon.”

“Yeah… sure. That’s yeah.”

His heart beat in an unknown rhythm. He wanted to cringe away in embarrassment but at the same time wanted to bath in the warmth of Tin’s affection. How good of an actor was he? Tin smiled at him and helped him up.

This was not good, he thought. This was so not good!

“I see you later,” Can mumbled and hastily retreated. He felt the gazes of Tin and P’Champ on his back and what if Tin would say more about them to P’Champ? Can had never come to the conclusion that Tin would act like he was in love with Can! Wasn’t it enough to act like really good friends?

“You okay?”

Can stood in front of the shower with a towel and his soap and nodded to his team-mate. He had thought to ban tactile contact was enough but Tin had a face and a voice! He almost turned on the shower with his towel still over his shoulder. He put the towel back and turned on the water. Cold. He needed to clear his head.

++

There was determination on Ae’s face and Can knew that he would either have a very uncomfortable conversation with him or Ae would just straight-out punch him. He had no idea why but Ae looked like he was ready to knock him out. Pond was behind Ae and said sorry to all the students Ae pushed out of the way. Maybe Pond was with him to make sure the punch wouldn’t be deadly? Did Pond know first-aid?

Why had he met with Ai Pete on that fateful day? Everything would have been different if Ai Pete wasn’t such a nice guy!

The look on Ae’s face alone made the guy next to Can to hurry up and make space for him.

“Can,” Ae said and sat down next to him. Can made a face in preparation for the hurt. “What’s up?”, he asked. Pond waved at him cheeringly as if they only met for a little chit-chat.

“Do you think Tin’s in love with Ai Pete?”

“Don’t pun…. wait, what?” Can sat up straight and frowned at Ae.

“Ai Pete told me Tin wants to buy an apartment in the same complex as Ai Pete. They’re now partners for a project in marketing… is Tin in love with Ai Pete?”

“They would look good together… Ouch! Don’t punch me.” Can had the urge to punch Pond himself. Tin wasn’t in love with Ai Pete… he was concerned for his best friend and that…

“All Tin ever said to me was that Ai Pete is his best friend,” Can said slowly and tried to remember every conversation he had had with Tin. Was Tin’s true motivation to continue the fake-relationship for two weeks to be nearer to Ai Pete without raising suspicion? No… the fact alone that Ai Pete told everyone Tin is his best friend would allow Tin to be near Ai Pete without anyone questioning it, right?

Can again felt a weird ache inside him. Was Tin in love with Ai Pete?

[renjingujifortheladies]

**update**and happy fall ;) guidelines

im going to reschedule my blog time. i will delete the app from my tablet because it makes me obsessively refresh and feel like its broken in some way. when its not.

ive been only realizing this now but i had close to 1000 subs (even tho most of them inactive or moved or personal blog who followed me once and idk stayed?) and now i  have 800 something. its not the number that bothers me but the fact that these are all those nasty nude girl bot blogs... i really dont care about the number since i myself follow like 30 ppl at most

i checked the last 3 month activity  and in june i had 50 reblogs on threads which is not too shabby in july i had 28 in august i had 5 (granted  i was off for like two weeks) and since the beginning of september i had 9 (i also counted in the inbox replies i did) 

i dont know how anyone is with it but i follow very few people and i even go back to the day before and recognize where my dash was when i went to bed. its compulsive and its bad because i get myself hyped up then i feel shit when i scroll past so many threads that has nothing to do with me. and im not about that. im about the fun and im glad others are having fun. i also remember sending out memes but dont remember to whom and how many. if it was excessive im sorry and if yall dont feel like answering just drop it and delete it.  same goes for threads if you wont feel like something anymore tag me into a thread drop post and the thread and ill just like it and stop waiting on it. 

and this is me saying literally that i have nothing better to do then sit and refresh when i could be (and should be tbh) doing something else. im not being negative about it but i feel like its pointless for me to reblog inbox meme compilations and the like. 

it starts to feel like less as a hobby then a device to torture myself because even over extended period of time i dont get anything. and when i do its unhealthy how hyped i get about it and drop everything i do to reply. 

i think about my ships even though i wait sometimes months for a thread to move forward. i dont lack in ideas and even tried to do just drabbles but i got scared of those even because i think what if the other party will think i interpret their muse in a way they wont portray and drop me completely. (i did get shit for that a long time ago) 

i dont write headcanons even though i think of them often because most of my muses dont even get requested and if by some miracle i get to try them out its literally 3 notes in and never hear from the new partner again. also if i do introduce myself to new blogs i follow and ive stressed this before so many times.... if i get ignored i get pissed. i get pissed if someone follows me then i follow them back and even chat them up and they ignore me unfollow me (without my dumbass noticing because im not about the numbers) and i like their starter call because they are still on my dash and then they spat out a “mutuals only” message i loose my cool. 

i love the people i regularly play with and the reason why im so hesitant to even accept new followers or follow someone when the mood strikes is exactly because im at the end of my rope here. i dont want to hate coming on here because new people ruin my experience and then my friends who actually do bomb threads with me have to deal with my sour ass because others pissed me off. 

 so long story short;

*dont expect me to give you more than 3 weeks waiting time to interact and get something going on if you are new,  * ill come online once a week do all my replies put them into queue and maybe at the most lurk and reblog pictures tagging my partners whos ship it may concern * i wont reblog inbox one liner meme anymore. its pointless and just makes me get upset with myself. (although i will participate in tags if someone tags me) that being said my inbox is open (and empty) and everyone is welcome (yes anon is also welcome) * i wont put out and wont like starter calls. those are the things that break my spirit the most. i dont need a starter to have 3 notes in and never continued.  * i WILL literally drop a thread if i write an extensive reply and get like at the maximum 3 lines of reply. that is the biggest disrespect in my book and im done making exceptions even if we are years long partners. its just rude and you can move your brain a little to write more than a paragraph.  * i WILL block you if you ask for a starter and let it sit after 3 notes in because fuck you thats why. 

i hope you all have a lovely day or night wherever you are , stay safe and stay hydrated. eat fruits and sleep lots.  💝

[softnorwegians]

Some asks that I’m answering all together because I don’t have much to say and didn’t necessarily want to put them all on people’s dashes:

I just rewatched Season 2 and I‘m asking myself why I liked Noora that much. Besides the whole William thing. What he did to Vilde was so gross and he did not change. And let’s be hones, what happend to Noora when she was young was what William did to Vilde. Besides that. When she just directly shows Eva the tabs on Isaks Phone and talks about him and Sara in such a judgmental and mean way. And the whole Syria Crisis thing was so awkward, she didn’t really care. She just wanted to seem better 1\

2 than Eskild. And how she kissed Yousef even though she was so sure that Sana fancied him. And why? Because Sana did not tell her William had a new girlfriend. But in season 2 Noora doesn’t tell Eva about Jonas new girlfriend for a while. She tells her right before Eva and her go to the party where Jonas and his girlfriend are too. Ugh Noora in season 1 was awesome but they completely destroyed her character.

Yeah, tbh Noora was never one of my favorites? Maybe because I try to live-and-let-live and not get too judgmental so it’s extra painful to see someone failing at that. I think Noora is realistic and sometimes relatable but it can be a little hard to watch, hahaha.

I was always okay with Noora until s4 though! I absolutely got completely sick of her during s4, ajhksjf. I don’t hold kissing Yousef against her because I like to pretend that just didn’t happen but I was exhausted by how much we were seeing and hearing about her.

I’m confused as to why people are upset about William getting mad at Noora when he thought she slept with Nikolai?? Unless I’m remembering it wrong, he asked her “did you sleep with my brother” and she responded with “I don’t know” and he stormed off. That definitely doesn’t seem like an overreaction to me, just miscommunication as to what happened and what exactly Noora didn’t know (whether she was raped or not vs. whether she had consensual with him or not)

Well, “I don’t know” is an answer that doesn’t really make sense when related to the question of having sex so I think people felt like it was little ‘eh’ to not pick up on the undercurrent of what she was saying with it. But yeah, I’m not holding his initial reaction against him. It’s when he gets the texts that I’m like “...what”.

just saw this in the tag "blackmail? lol she doesn't have to go on the date. all she had to do was say "hell no" and then tell vilde what happened. it's not that serious". why did society teach us it's desirable for a man to never stop even if you say no to him, that if he just keeps pushing you'll see the light eventually. it's also funny that france leaked a key episode again to create hype. there's no way it isn't intential. i guess at least Italy will get s3 since they're in Oslo now *sighs*

I probably should have addressed more about Noora agreeing to the date but oh well. ...I have an allergic reaction to “s3” and “remake” in the same sentence. It’s making me not want to watch any of the remakes any farther, tbh.

one thing is also that he doesn't say it in a joking way, he sounds serious and it's very bad directed if that line was supposed to be a cute way of asking for consent.

Yeah, agreed, like I don’t get that at all from the line. It’s more what I figure it has to be.

If you look past how unnecessary annoying and obsessed Julie made Vilde (to a point some people probably thought it all was Vilde and not William), she also had a pattern with Norh*lm. His friends get beat up instead of him, he acts like 180, Noora doesn't owe him. He gets mad and hurt when she tells the truth, he walks away and she lays it out again but she kisses him. She doesn't know if she was assaulted but she has to get him back when he's been hurt. What a mess but boyfriend goalz!

I’m tired.

If it's hard to see how Wilhelm pressured Noora then switch it out to be about sex or coming out of the closet and add in how everything affects Vilde with her eating disorder and fragilness with her feelings then perhaps it's clear as a day.

Sorry, I’m not quite following this one! But I feel like I would support you. 😁

I don't see why peolke think william changes in s2? He gets points from his fans that he stops sleeping with girls, is gentle and soft (Vilde said he was that and that's why she fell back to her, NHs must really dislike Vilde in the 2.8 scene), doesn't pressure her with sex after she says she wants to wait, doesn't read her messages, finishes her essay while she's sleeping after a panic attack and GOSH doesn't leave his love in that state to party hard. Then ignores/levavs her when he finds out.

I’m still with Vilde, she deserved better than William and why isn’t that true for Noora too?

I would actually say literally nothing I hate about willhelm (besides not using a condom) is stuff heard via rumors and gossip and actually just through stuff he actually does onscreen lol. Also even if He never would've actually told Vilde about what happened threatening to do so isn't any better sorry

I just really hate in general that he’s leveraging something to get to Noora. I mean, she does agree to this date (offscreen) but even then, it was a bargain and not because she actually wanted to be there. What kind of “date” is that. I just hate seeing that in any context, a woman coerced into a “romantic” situation.

“Take Vilde, she reveals he was loyal, caring and gentle when they had sex beforehand we were made to believe the opposite was true”..Um and then he slept with every girl in school. I mean sleep with whoever you want, however many people you want but being gentle and nice in sex doesn’t mean your a good person. That is the opposite of loyal.... I don’t even hate William honestly think I hate Noora more but the pro side always reaches so hard only people who reach more are the Jonas haters.

Oh, yes, I didn’t comment on that but the “loyal” definitely doesn’t apply.

I agree we should have gotten way more Vilde and Even content and way less Noora and William drama. I hated the way Vilde was portrayed(the comments she made about Sana to the Pepsi max girls and just some stuff she did/said we’re not cool and I didn’t like that it was kinda brushed aside)and don’t get me started on the lack of Even. He was(I’m assuming)a big part of her life, he was best friends with her brother and was probably around a lot and we just didn’t get the storyline they deserved.

*pours one out for the s4 we imagined during the hiatus* 

Common trauma? Amazing how William knows Noora doesn't feel loved and left by her parents yet he shuts her out and leaves her after he's seen her having a panic attack when she can't breathe and says she feels as if she's going to die over something she isn't ready to share yet. And this is supposed to be a desirable relationship? At least they are attractive? But attractive white fuckboys have always gotten what they point at.

Yeahhhhhhhh, it really does make it harder to excuse what he does when he knows something is wrong and she’s actually pretty upfront with “there’s something I have to tell you but can’t yet”.

it's amazing how most 18/19 are decent at that age and you get to vote, drive and drink, but if you are a rich badboy you have a right to act however you want and people must forgive you in the end. since julie never made his bff chris be more than a second supporting character, why couldn't he be the huge asshole instead and wilhelm had to be torn with his loyalty? then I rmbr the blackmail date did so he missed defending his boys, tg s1 didn't say it was the date's fault he wasn't there! 😊

I don’t even mind that they started William out as an asshole, they just went too far with it imho and never pointed out “this behavior is wrong and we know it” and he never had to atone or redeem himself for what he did.

n8rhelm is supposed to be the classic hate to love story, there's a million movies but ive never seen one where the person is terrible to the love interest and manipulate them like this. also william is a really weak actor, don't know if that doesn't translate,all he have is his looks and glaring stares. he couldn't even deliver pretending to be a bad actor with niko there or when he tells nooea to be quick with the water. he has no timing or natrualness, only kisses and react n's great acting

I find Thomas Hayes to be... not a great actor but also not completely terrible? There’s some scenes I buy him (the marching band scene where he’s rolling his eyes I remember as good?) but he doesn’t bring a lot sometimes. idk.

thegirlnooneknows5 replied to your post “(1) ok I’m pro-noorhelm and arguing via ask is hard with a limit and I…”

And whenever Noora talks about his good qualities and whatnot, we never really get to see them. It’s all off screen. It would be easier to forgive him if we actually got to see his change, but ah well

☝ I think that would really improve things, tbh.

thegirlnooneknows5 replied to your post “the funniest argument to me used by noorh*lm stans in excusing his…”

It also perpetuates the idea that ‘no means convince me’ and that’s farked up

Ugh, yeah. That’s one of the more depressing undercurrents of s2.

daigina replied to your post “1)The truth is really in the eyes of the beholder , you guys don’t…”

I agree it’s a good move with William but it does nothing to resolve the major problem with him that season which is how he treated Noora with no discussion or explanation or apology at all. If that detail had been fitted into even a short discussion between the two over all of THAT in Williams clip that would have been soooo nice

Also that was such a tiny thing?? Like they didn’t even spare two seconds of dialogue on it, it’s barely there. If you need a magnifying glass to see character development, does it count?

Yeah, I liked that lawyer detail but it really was such a last minute, supplementary thing!

i still think julie had no idea what the fight was about in s4 or changed her mind when someone was coming back. we knew she rewrote and missed gullruten, several norwiegians reported on rumors at the time that she bearly had written the last episode when it was time for recording. she wrote the fan fave to have an unprovoked violent moments just in time to bring back the one who everyone complained had hit someone with a bottle. and how could yousef've been so wrong about what happened at bakka

oh god, let’s not even get started. it just makes me sad to think about how thrown together s4 wound up being.

Hi. Is it true that skam italia is using a white actress to play Sana, a muslim character?If so, it is wrong in so many levels, tbh!

I believe the actress is white and isn’t a muslim. And yeah, nagl. 

I feel like that with skam france they have the intention to do a season 3 and want it to start in autumn to align with the original series. I’m not saying I agree or like this tactic but it seems to make the most sense of why. Sure the time span is short between 1 and 2 but it’s not the most unrealistic. The director said he went on this project because of season 3 especially so I guess that’s why I think it’s like this. It would be more odd for Lucas to move in to the flat during the year.

Oh god... sorry, not you, I’m just at the point where I really don’t like being reminded that season three will ever be remade anywhere.

[alia-turin]

Title: Broken Bonds [Chapter V] Previous chapters: Chapter I, Chapter II, Chapter III, Chapter IV AO3

Characters:

OC, Libertus Ostium, Cor Leonis,  Luche Lazarus (mentioned), Titus Drautos | Glauca (mentioned), Nyx Ulric (mentioned), Gladiolus Amicitia, Crowe Altius (mentioned), Iris Amicitia, Prompto, Ignis

Warning:

SFW. probably minor Comrades spoilers

Notes

This chapter was the end of me. It had to be written because it’s major point for the next chapter, and there are a lot of things that had to be said, but half way through it my idea slightly changed and I literary deleted a page worth of writing and rewrote it. ANYWAY. I hope you enjoy reading it more than I enjoyed writing it, next one will be 100% NSFW

Tagging: @birdsandivory (PERFECT)  @yourcoolfriendwithallthecandy (some Nyx/Luna hint because I know you will love it) @jojopitcher (HOW DO YOU WRITE HAPPY) @fromunseeliecourt @xanxusthot @lazarustrashpit @littlestfangirl

As soon as Ada heard the Marshal is back Ada went to pay him a visit. The past two days have been rather refreshing. She still had nightmares and trouble sleeping but it wasn’t as bad, at least she wasn’t waking up freaking out and needing to scream. The prince’s retainers have helped a lot in that as well. She spent a lot of time training with Gladio and Prompto which made her feel as if she had friends again. Libertus of course was also around but officially or not he had become the head of the Kingsglaive, or whatever was left of them, he had far less time to just sit around and practice.

The Marshal wasn’t in his office and while waiting for him Ada went through her phone’s text messages. Ever since her phone was back to life she was avoiding to look at it afraid that remembering the life she had before will send her back into that terrible abyss she has been living in for the past months. On the other hand, facing your fears was how you fought them and she had convinced herself to do so.

She started going through her messages with Crowe. The last message they exchanged was before Crowe had left for her last mission.

Crowe: I have the feeling I will hate that mission.

Ada: ??

Crowe: Cannot send you details over phone, talk with Nyx or Libertus, but I feel like they should have send somebody else.

Ada: You will be there and back in no time!

That was the last time she spoke with her and it felt a bit strange. Knowing what she knew now, she wished there was a way to prevent everything from happening. Credit where was due the captain knew his people. He must have known that Crowe would never betray the crown so it was easy to get rid of her before everything started. Ada scrolled a bit up and there was a picture of Libertus which Crowe had send her. He was drunk sleeping on a table, she saved the picture on her phone to show it to Libertus or use it against him depending on the circumstances.

Next were her messages with Nyx.

Nyx: Don’t tell that to anyone, but the princess is hot!

Ada: aren’t you supposed to guard her?

Nyx: I’m, it involves keeping my eyes on her. All. The. Time.

Ada: She is almost married you know?

Nyx: A minor formality. She is coming ttyl.

Ada wondered if the princess would have felt the same way about Nyx and she decided the answer was yes. Why not, he was handsome, well-mannered when he wanted to be and she had seen him how he threats ladies so if things had developed differently the young prince might have had some competition.

Reading these messages felt bitter sweet but also strange. She felt as if it wasn’t her writing them. She felt she was a different person now, less naïve and sadder. She could remember the feelings associated with them. Laughing so laud when Nyx told her about the princess and looking forward to see how his crush will develop. It all seemed so innocent and turned out so wrong.

The last group of messages was from Luche. Her attention was caught by the last message. ‘Call me when you wake up. We can talk again without fighting and maybe leave for Galahd. I hope your head is okay.’ The message was send on the day the treaty was supposed to be signed and probably couple of hours before the king was killed.  Eben weirder according to her phone she had read the message before, but she had absolutely no recollection of doing so.

Ada scrolled very quick through the other messages in case it was an old message that due to a glitch had switched dates, but it wasn’t. It didn’t even make sense to be considering the context. She checked the message two more times as if the words will magically change.

The fact that the message was read was the easiest part to explain. Probably as she was coming to her senses, reached for her phone and marked the message as read not entirely sure what she was doing. Between waking up and finding her way out of the city she had massive memory gaps so marking something as read or even reading it and forgetting about it wasn’t surprising.

The message itself. Assuming it wasn’t a phone bug and the chronology of the message was right, which seemed correct…he knew she was alive. He didn’t fail to kill her, he didn’t make a mistake. He knew she was alive. He left her alive. Ada could feel anger growing in her which was new. So far, she had felt only regret and pain towards him, but the anger that she was feeling now made her feel sorry for the fact he had died, since she wanted to personally set him on fire now.  

“I hope your head is okay.” She read it aloud, almost shouting. “It hurt for a month you tonberry shit!”

“I have been called worse.” A familiar voice came from behind her and Ada’s heart skipped a beat. She turned around to see the Marshal just walking in the hotel.

“I meant the phone. The person in my phone.” She was angry and trying to cover that anger lead her brain to completely switch off and act like an idiot.

To his credit Cor wasn’t laughing or anything but she could see it in his eyes. He was enjoying that internally.

“Can we start again?” she sighed deciding that is easy than to explain what she meant by ‘person in my phone’.

Now he finally smiled and made hand gesture inviting her to follow him to his office.

“How was your trip?” she started with casual conversation since her mind was still screaming for Luche’s skin and it wasn’t in the romantic way.

“I thought I have a trace on the prince but was nothing.” Finding the prince has turned something like an obsession for Cor. He was gone and they all expected he should literary pop somewhere, but it has been months now and there was no trace of him.

“I’m sorry.” She realized how pathetic that sounded only after she said it. Ada had decided that there will be no more of that regret business, or at least not to the level she had dragged herself.

“We will find him sooner or later, I’d rather have it sooner.” He sat on his chair and pointed toward another chair for her but Ada just shook her head. She needed to stand.

“I actually came to thank you. You have been very kind to me and you have no reason to be so toward a glaive.” She absolutely didn’t want to be here talk about that. All she needed was to be outside of the city walls killing something.

“I told you my trust towards the glaive is work in progress. You, Libertus and few others have helped this place a lot for a very short period of time. I’m still having some doubts regarding using the glaive, but can also admit that some glaives deserve my trust.”

“Still, you gave me sound advice that I am trying to follow as best as I can, and you did set me up to meet Gladio and the rest which was actually very positive experience.” Even if she knew that probably she will never have such close friendship as she used to have, it was nice to be able to relax with someone and talk about all kind of irrelevant things.

“I’m glad it worked.” He gave her a brief smile and she realized just now that it wasn’t often to see him smile. His face usually lacked expression, it was always his eyes that betrayed his thoughts and feelings.

“I actually wanted to ask something else. Can we open a restaurant in Lestallum?”

“A restaurant?” he seemed confused.

“One of the prince’s retainers can save the world with his food” Just remembering Ignis’ food made her hungry.

“Ignis.” He remarked.

“Yes. You said it’s all about rebuilding the kingdom and I know big part of it is finding the prince but we lack a prince right now so…restaurants and bars are normal places where people relax. If we are to rebuilt we need to go back to ‘normal’ whatever normal might mean in the current situation.” Interesting talking with him about what could be done for Lestallum and what they could work for made her anger ease a bit. Her thoughts were still all over the place, but looking forward to something seemed to be the key.

“As much as I agree with what you are saying, we are still low on power and there are at least ten outposts which I would like powered by the end of the week.”

“Fine I will do it.” She didn’t even think about it when she answered.

Cor didn’t answer at first just stared at her for a while probably trying to figure out if she was insane.

“Few days ago, you barely stood on your feet, now you want to lit half the continent over a restaurant.” His eyes narrowed as if he was looking or some sort of trick.

“First of all, it’s very good food, best I ever had, second what do you want me to do? I am most useful outside the walls, the kingsglaive have fought more battles than almost anyone around, not counting you.” Ada almost felt like her old self, confident, knowing what she wanted and finding ways to get there.

The Marshal didn’t answer immediately he thought for a while. She wondered why was so hard for him to make a decision, it wasn’t even that she was asking him to look for the prince, she knew that was off limit for glaives.

“You take care of all these outposts by the end of the week, plus additional power to be able to light the restaurant.” He finally said.

“Deal.” She eagerly agreed.

“Would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow night?” his question caught her off guard, not just because of its content but because it was related to nothing they talked about.

“Dinner?” Ada repeated. “With you? Dinner like date?” only when she said the word date she realized that was a bit too presumptuous.

“Yes, a date.” He laughed which didn’t make her feel any better about the whole situation. What do you say when the Marshal asks you on a date?

“Can I think about it?” That probably wasn’t the right answer, but…what the hell?

“Of course, you can. It’s fine you want to say no, I won’t take it personal.”

“Right.” Part of her wanted to say yes, just right here on the spot, no thinking needed, but at the back of her head there was a little voice screaming that it’s terrible idea and in fact she should just pack her things and leave.

 She found Libertus helping Iris unload some delivery that group of hunters have found. Ada gave them a hand, she was kind of hoping she can get fist dips on whatever was in the boxes before half of Lestallum comes here to claim whatever they liked.

“Have some good news.” She said grabbing one of the boxes. “You remember how we spoke about helping Ignis open a restaurant?” Iris nodded, Ada could already see the excitement in her eyes. “Well, the Marshal said yes.”

“We have to tell Iggy!” Iris jumped and almost dropped the box she was carrying.

“Well, the Marshal had couple of conditions that I need to take care of, and I will probably need help from your brother, but by the end of the week things might be in motion.”

“What did Cor ask for?” Iris wasn’t moving boxes anymore she was way too excited.

“He is worried something non-essential as a restaurant might be bad for the power supply and naturally he doesn’t want to do it if that would mean less outposts so…” she was still fighting the urge to leave all that and just disappear.

“I can help you!” Iris volunteered but Ada shook her head.

“Your brother is already giving me trouble for training you. He is worried that next thing you will run after me on hunts. I had to swear in everything that exists on this star that it is for self-protection, and he approved of that. I’m not getting on your brother’s bad side.” Gladio was good brother of course he didn’t want his sister to get hurt hence the self-protection part had won him over since he didn’t have the time to do it himself.

The girl was disappointed, but Gladio or no, Ada wouldn’t have taken her anyway. She was way stronger than she looked and Ada didn’t doubt she would be able to stand her ground in a fight, but Iris reminded her of herself, before joining the Kingsglaive, and consciously or not she wanted to protect her from everything the world outside could throw at her.

‘Just like Crowe did with me when I first joined the Glaive.’ That thought made her suddenly feel very lonely.

When they finished unloading the boxes Ada and Libertus went through them like children when given their birthday presents. Being with the Glaive was like having siblings, but a lot of siblings, many of which are not afraid to elbow you in the face in order to get something that was supposed to be for ‘everybody’. Mastering the skill of being fast and first when you wanted something was essential. They both found clothes and other items that wanted and Iris was kind enough to give them huge discount, which was lucky for Ada since money wasn’t somethings he had.

“Help me hang these.” She had managed to find a long piece of fabric which could be used as curtain. It was going to make her so called apartment a bit nicer and wouldn’t look like a box.

“I love what you have done with the place.” Libertus joked as he walked in her mostly empty accommodations.

“I’m trying.” She smiled but thought that this apartment reflected her own mental state very fittingly. It was gloomy and empty, and now these ‘curtains’ were going to be the first item making it a bit homier, but there was still long way to go.

After they were done with the curtains she asked him to stay.

“Have to tell you something. I think the Marshal asked me out.” She didn’t really look him in the eyes because she was still conflicted if she was happy about it or honestly terrified. Probably both.

“He what?” Libertus shouted very loud and Ada made a sign with finger to lower his voice. “He what?” he repeated a bit quieter.

“When I asked him about the restaurant and all, at the end he asked me if I want to have dinner with him.” She was excited, she was very excited but why by the Astrals she wasn’t happy.

“And you said…”

“I said I will think about it.” She looked at him with apologetic face.

“Why? What’s wrong with him?” Libertus was staring at her as if she had lost her mind, which probably she did.

“It’s not him. He is perfect.” Ada stopped for a second realizing what she said, but he was perfect. “It’s me. Why me? There are so many other women. And…I’m scared.”

“Stop right there.” Libertus sounded as serious as he could. “Look at yourself. Have you seen that face? The hair, the eyes…you are cute. He is not blind. You happen to be also a decent human being even if you forget about that very often. Tell him yes. Don’t be scared, scared of what? He won’t leave you for death on his floor.”

“There is something else. Something that threw me overboard before he even asked me.” Ada pulled her phone and showed him the message she found from Luche. “I was going through old pictures and messages today and found that. It said it was read but I don’t remember reading it. That doesn’t bother me, it bothers me the fact that he actually didn’t want to kill me.”

“So, what? That doesn’t redeem him.” Libertus was getting angry and she thought it probably wasn’t so wise to show him that, but he was her only friend here. Close friend.

“It’s not that. There isn’t a thing that could redeem him and I have not forgiven him what he did…it was so much easier to hate him when I thought he betrayed everything, myself included. I spent one year feeling guilty because I couldn’t stop him, because I couldn’t prevent Crowe’s death…I felt guilty that I was alive, but now I feel guilty because it was some misguided mercy that kept me alive. He could have shown mercy to Crowe and a lot of other people who deserve it more than I do.”

“Ada, you should stop.” Libertus grabbed her hand. “The only people who deserve to be dead are Luche, the captain and everyone else who followed them. You made the right choice.” Libertus was emphasizing on every word as if she was a little child not fully understanding.

“I know. And I don’t. I had started getting better and that message just…I want to move on but how do I move on?” she was back to square one, lost.

“By going out with the Marshal.” Libertus chuckled. “Come on, you don’t need to marry him, it’s just one night of eating and drinking. In my opinion your dating history is terrible so that would be an improvement.”

Ada punched his shoulder teasingly and laughed.

“So about the Marshal…do you like him? I mean he is totally your type. Handsome, position of command, jawline….” Libertus was chuckling.

“I guess.” That was complicated question. “He has been kind to me even if he has no reason to be. Plus, he is a very attractive man.”

“And the chance of him killing you because you refuse to join his treacherous plot is zero.” He was still laughing.

“Thank you, Libertus, I will have that in mind.” She laughed with him.

[imaginesnkdorks]

“A Role to Take” PART 2

Pairing: Erwin X Reader

Genre: Fluff

Words: 1221

[Part 1]  [Part 3] [Part IV]

           I walked along the deserted corridor to the office of our commander. It’s barely our first day, and I’m already called, huh? It was a pretty long walk from the grounds up to the office, and I took my sweet time doing so. Despite doing just that, though, I was soon walking in front of his office.

           I tried to make myself a little more presentable – dusting off some imaginary dust – before knocking on the door.

           “(Y/N) (L/N), sir, of the 104th class!” I said, before a muffled voice from within beckoned me inside.

           The office was simple enough, and sparsely decorated. There was a neat stack of paper on the desk where commander Erwin sat. In front of which stood two chairs.

           “Come and sit, (Y/N).” Erwin told me. I did as I was told, looking at him expectantly. He smiled.

           “Good evening. How are you settling in?” He asked me, putting aside the pen that he was holding, before clasping his hands together. He looks so interested in whatever my answer may be. Though, why is he making small talk? Despite thinking that, I answered him.

           “Quite alright. The dorms here are much more spacious.” I said. Honestly, I don’t really know how to answer him. I guess that satisfied him, though, because he nodded at that. Up close, like this, I can see why people say that he is handsome.

           “I’m afraid you’d have to move again.”

           “I’m sorry?” What is this?

           “Reports from the battle of Trost indicated that you are rather a very capable titan slayer. I’d love to have you on my squad. See, every expedition, we travel by squads and teams. So, despite me being the commander, I still get to have my own team. And it would be an honor to have you on mine.” He said. Honor, huh? Still, I’m dumbfounded. A greenhorn like me shot up the ladder, just like that?

           “Me? Are you sure, sir? I still lack a lot of experience and sure do have much to learn.”

           “What better way to learn, though, than be surrounded by veterans? And don’t underestimate yourself, (Y/N). Even our soldiers saw you during the clean-up mission, and everyone commented on how good you were.”

           Wow. I can’t believe it. But I suppose, there’s no harm in accepting the offer. He is right, after all. Surrounded by the most experienced of soldiers, I’m sure I’d learn a lot.

           “Then I accept, sir.” I said, saluting my commander.”

           “Very good.” He smiled. And that was when my life changed drastically.

           Due to my new assignment, I obviously am spending more and more time with Commander Erwin.

           We were sitting in his office, a comfortable silence enveloping us. The Commander was finalizing the formation for the upcoming expedition, while I sort, stack and organize various documents. It has become routine for us, it seems, to sit and work in silence with only paper shuffling and the sounds of our breathing echoing around the room.

           The scratching of his pen on paper came to a stop, though. I looked over and saw him stretching his arms. Done for the day, I guess. I better stop looking and start working faster. To my surprise, my Commander walked over to where I’m at!

           “Need a hand?”

           “No, sir! I can handle this. You’ve been working all day. I’m sure you need to rest.” Great, I’m so pathetic that my Commander needs to help me.

           “Nonsense. Besides, these all piled up because I’ve been ignoring them. Also, I’d appreciate it if you’d call me Erwin.” He said, grabbing some envelopes and folders from the stack.

           “Erm, okay. If you say so, Erwin.” I feel awkward just calling him by his name. I mean, he is my Commander and he is a lot older than I am… yet at the same time, calling him so casually is making me all tingly inside.

           We continued working on, not noticing how late it was until we had to light more candles.

           “Whoa. I can’t believe it’s this late already.” I said, standing up to stretch my legs.

           “Seems like time flew by. I’m sorry for keeping you here this long.” Erwin said, as he stood towering over me.

           “That’s alright. I’m used to working all the time.”

           “Oh? What kind of work?” Erwin asked, genuinely curious.

           “Housework, mostly. I uhm… my mother was very ill…” I thought after two years I’d be ready to talk about her. Turns out I was wrong. Unable to finish, I just shrugged. Thank goodness Erwin is a smart man.

           “I see. That was admirable of you.” He said, patting me on the shoulder.

           “No… I just did what any child would.”

           It was like that, almost every day. We’d help each other on whatever task we have to accomplish. We’d talk, and slowly, I started opening up to him. Told him things I’ve never said out loud before.

           It was such a night when something peculiar happened – I totally said something I would never tell anyone else. We were having a fun chat yet… I couldn’t stop my big mouth.

           “And that’s why Hange is so obsessed with titans.” Erwin told me as he finished his story. And like I said, I couldn’t stop my big mouth.

           “At least she has direction. She knows what she wants to do. I envy her.” I said, almost unconsciously.

           “Hmm? Why is that, (Y/N)? Erwin asked me, his humorous tone from before was suddenly absent. We’re all business now, it seems.

           “Before, my life was all about taking care of my mother. Ever since I was young, it was take care of her, of the house, and do the chores. It was comforting. I knew where I stand – I was my mother’s caregiver. Years of routine was about that… then she was gone.” I said, hands trembling. I looked up to see Erwin’s intense blue eyes on mine. And I continued.

           “After she passed, I didn’t know what to do. I… basically I felt like no one needs me anymore. I don’t know any other way of how to live. Then, my neighbor decided to enlist. And, here I am.”

           “I see.” Erwin said. I don’t know what he saw, though. I’m a mess, filling the void left behind by my mother – by the only life I knew.

           “How do you feel about being in the Survey Corps?” He asked me, and it took me by surprise. About the army? Despite that, I tried to answer him.

           “I think I like it here. I sure do feel useful. I mean, I get to help people. I get to help you.” I told him, and I was honest – I think. Yes, that’s the truth.

           “Have you ever thought about what you want? A dream for yourself?” He asked me.

           “Huh?” When you ask children what they want to be when they grow up, they can answer right away. So, why can’t I, and grown woman, answer? “I haven’t really thought about that.” I replied, honestly.

           “As I expected.” Erwin said. “Think about it. Hmm, consider it your own personal mission.”

           “Okay.”

           That was odd. Simple yet difficult. We said our goodbyes and I made my way to my quarters. I don’t think I’d be able to sleep tonight.

Copyright © 2017 by imaginesnkdorks. All rights reserved