#also i fully hate everything i write but even if one line can get someone to laugh then that's cool 😙

[musical-chick-13]

You know...normally the "guy is sad and murders people over it because how dare other people be happy" archetype is very annoying, but I think they made it work this time.

[rosesnbooks]

Astrology observations #5🖤

🌜I wrote these for fun, based on how i see these placements. i'm not a professional! hope you enjoy these🌛

⭐cancer placements allow themselves to feel their emotions. they may get annoyed by the intensity or the amount of them, but they process them fully, and this makes it easier for them to move on. random thought but writing letters to people they like may be something they do or did as kids haha. they're very romantic

⭐some aries venuses have obsessive tendencies when they have a crush, and they get frustrated a lot if they think they can't/shouldn't pursue them. they enjoy the tension, but they don't want it to last too long because they dislike not being in control, and having feelings for someone leaves them feeling too vulnerable. that's why they try to move on if they can, but it takes work. when they do find someone, they become really clingy but they still need freedom when it suits them

⭐mars in libra avoid conflicts and try to be reasonable about everything, but if they think you crossed a line, you'll see why aries is their sister sign pretty soon. once they tell you off, you'll never see them the same way, so underrestimate them at your cost

⭐having stelliums can be interesting. it for sure puts a lot of emphasis on the influence of that house on your life, and i found that it can be both positive and negative since they face lots of challenges related to their house but also many blessings. those who have stelliums kind of embody multiple characteristics simultaneously

⭐sun in the 11th people glow when they are with their closest friends. they also tend to dream big and care a lot about the world. their friends usually help them in their future goals. they feel a bit different than people in their hometown/country, mostly because they cannot be tied down to a single culture because they enjoy different things, which usually makes them quite open-minded and tolerant. they can be picky about the people they let in super close though

⭐mars in the 6th can procrastinate a lot actually, but they get things done. may get sudden waves of high energy and get things done rapidly and extensively. they expect a lot from themselves regarding their ambitions and aspirations. they try to improve themselves in any way most of the time, but they should also accept their current state if they want to evolve and love themselves. they need to watch out for their moral perfectionism too. it's okay to make mistakes as long as you apologise and strive to change for the better

⭐i've found that virgo mercuries can be really direct, even if they are shy or don't talk much around strangers or acquaintances, they have their moments. super funny too

⭐north node in cancer struggle with accepting their vulnerable side. they hate feeling like things and people can evoke strong emotions in them. they want to be more detached, but those that work on themselves find it very rewarding once they embrace their strong emotions. they can also be really reliable, practical, and thoughtful

⭐fire+water combinations in birth charts-i am sending you a hug. i know exactly how difficult it is to keep all those emotions under check, and that you need a lot of understanding and rest to function. use those emotions and passions well hun, you are strong and capable. you have a lot of empathy and wonder inside of you

⭐capricorn sun/mercury have a dry way of texting. their humor is difficult to read via text and they simply are not fans of texting, and it shows lol

⭐aries mercuries are not always available online and they may come and go when they're online, but they'll answer all of your messages one by one with lots of enthusiasm. they also like to send memes and joke around a lot

⭐virgo mercuries are not fans of texting and they can answer you after a couple of days or so even if they really like you. similarly to aries, they'll make sure they answer everything and they also pay attention to every detail you mention. very sweet really. their humor shines brighter in person

⭐taurus moon are very capable. they may prefer rest over anything else, but their patience and dedication to the things they need to do is really cool. they are calm most of the time so it's nice to be around them, just don't disrespect them and everyone will thrive

⭐taurus venus men can be really possessive. even if you like such behavior, some can go to extremes and try to control how you feel, think, and behave. they have a specific image of an ideal partner and they want you to fulfill it

⭐libra venus tend to care about how they look and present themselves so they put lots of effort into that. they also have standards when it comes to beauty and some expect others to dress and look well, whether they know them or not

⭐women with venus in aquarius-you may be attracted to men who are mysterious and act like they're special. just be careful because there are so many toxic ones out there who want a relationship but not truly, because they don't want to dedicate themselves to you and maybe plan on using you

⭐pisces moon can feel like they're drowning in their own emotions sometimes because they cannot control them easily and they tend to give in. if they like to portray themselves as a martyr these emotions can get out of hand because they let those emotions lead them which influences their mental health and relationships. those who are developed process these emotions and try to figure them out and let them pass. they can learn a lot about themselves and others this way. creative outlets can be of help to process this

⭐leo moon need to watch out for hurting people when their ego is hurt because they can lash out and make lots of damage. take a second to think whether it's worth it or not, since there is no point in trying to "win" in a fight with someone you love

⭐pisces mars can be too forgiving, especially to those they care about. don't let people walk over you dear, no matter who they are. nobody deserves that kind of treatment

thank you for reading!🤍i also offer paid astrology readings, so check out my blog for more info

©rosesnbooks

[anyydidi]

WRITING THIS POST BECAUSE I'M SO SICK OF PEOPLE MISCHARACTERIZING FORD!!!!!!!!!

Before we begin, everyone is entitled to their opinion. If you really think Ford wouldn't truly care, you do you.

That being said, I feel like people who claim that Ford wouldn't do a single thing to bring Stan back if their places were switched do not understand his character at all.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think that he would open the portal. At least not right away. The one thing I agree with is that Ford wouldn't put the life of his brother above the whole planet like Stan did. He realizes the threat of the portal and Bill too much to do that.

But have people forgotten that Ford also loves his brother? Yeah, he was angry, bitter and resentful, but he wouldn't have just let Stan die in the multiverse. Especially since that would be entirely his fault he got stuck there in the first place.

For people thinking, "But Ford was too blinded by rage! He didn't care for Stan until after Weirdmaggedon!", have you seen the show? Have you read the journal? Through everything that happened, Ford kept a photo (tattered and worn, obviously taken out a lot) of him and his brother in his left, inner breast pocket which is the one closest to the heart. If that wasn't enough, for those who haven't read the journal, Ford kept reminiscing about and mentioning his brother before the portal incident. Even though those lines were often crossed out, it was obvious that at least unconsiously he had Stan in mind a lot. And at the end of the journal, it is written that he worked day and night, to the point of passing out, to bring Stan's memories (and essencially Stan himself) back. (Oh and have we forgotten about the absolutely shattered expression he had when he erased Stan's memories? You don't look like that for a person you don't deeply care about).

Still not enough to believe that Ford cared about Stan before Stan's sacrifice?

Let's talk about the fact that when Ford was at his lowest, that being paranoid, sleep deprived, tortured by Bill, drowned in guilt, and completely alone, he reached out to Stan? He says it himself, "I needed help, someone I could trust." After everything, he still trusted Stan to an extent and believed him to be his last hope. You don't give trust like that to people you truly hate.

Ford was self-absorbed and egocentric, but also hurt and betrayed. That feeling came from a misconception, but that doesn't make it any less valid. It is understandable that he acted towards Stan the way he did, with venom and bitterness. But we can be angry at people we love and still care for their well-being.

How I said earlier, I don't think Ford would really open the portal. He wouldn't risk the entire world for Stanley. But I do think he would do anything in his power to be able to bring Stan back safely. You cannot be telling me that he'd be able to live with the guilt and not do anything about it if he could. After all, in his head, it would be his fault. He got tricked by Bill, he built the portal, he made Stan come to him and showed him the portal and he wasn't able to let go of the journal and fought Stan for it. I'm convinced he'd still throw some blame at Stan for some of the fight to make himself feel better at first, but after some time he would just blame himself completely (the same way I think Stan did with the science fair incident). The guilt for all of that would eat him alive.

Let's not forget, Stanley worked for 30 years, basically half his life to bring Stanford home and I believe Ford would be willing to do the same. He would just go about it differently. He would either try to get rid of the threat of Bill and then be willing to upgrade the portal and turn it on again, or maybe try to find a completely different way to get Stan back from the multiverse, or in the end something entirely different, I'm not fully sure.

What I am sure of is that Ford wouldn't just let Stan be stranded in the multiverse without doing absolutely nothing. Maybe he wouldn't succeed, maybe Stan would actually have to find his own way back home because Stanford wouldn't be able to find a solution without risking their entire universe. But Ford would at least try, give it his all, because despite everything, he still loves his brother. Differently than Stan loves him, because Ford is a different person than Stan, but he still does.

So I beg you, people. Stop taking Ford's complex character from him. He can be a selfish, self-centered asshole, but he's not heartless.

[caeunot]

hii first of all i love your writing and im so glad i came across your fics 🖤 i was wondering if you could maybe write a johnnie x fem reader, enemies to lovers fic? or something along the lines of johnnie and fem reader always bullying each other a bit only to realise they've been crushing on each other the whole time?

johnnie guilbert x reader

enemies to lovers 18+

➷ you hated his guts, everything about him irritated you and made your skin crawl. you are friends with jake and you absolutely love him to bits so you spending time with him normally equals to you having to be around johnnie. these feelings aren't without reason though, your not the type of girl to hate on others very easily.

it happened a few years back, when your own youtube career recently jumpstarted and you started spending time with other similar youtubers near you. this is how you originally met johnnie, even before jake. you were first invited to a party hosted by some popular la youtuber at the time and you obviously took the invite since you knew this would not only help you make more friends in the industry but to also promote yourself!

you were greeting everyone and taking many pictures as the night went on, fully using this opportunity to the best of your ability. as it hit 12 you decided to look around and scope out the last person you want to introduce yourself to before you head home. you saw a short-ish guy with deep red emo hair swooped to the side with harsh makeup around his eyes and you were immediately intriged. you preferred a more grunge look yourself so seeing someone with such familiar fashion made you feel at ease.

"hey im y/n!" you say, introducing yourself. "do I know you?" he says coldly as he turns to see who was speaking to him. "no but everyone will soon the way my channel is going" you say with some sass so you can counter his rudeness. "you have way too much confidence" he says with a smirk. "so I've been told".

"what's your name?" you ask, "my names johnnie, johnnie guilbert". "well nice to meet you johnnie" you say with a smile. "what do you do for a living? if I can ask", " I make youtube videos and I also make some music on the side!" he says. you two talk for a little longer before you check the time seeing its quite past what you had planned. "hey it was great meeting you! I don't want to stay too long so I think I should get going!"

as you say goodbye and walk away you feel him grab you by your wrist, you turn around. "wait don't go yet, your the most interesting person I've spoken to today and I don't want to go home just yet" you bite your lip, "fine, how about I just walk you to your car then". he rolls his eyes, "is that all? anyways I don't even have a car, I came with uber"

"wait why did you take an uber?", you say confused, "do I really have to say". "yes", " okay, I can't drive.. happy?" you scrunch up your face, you don't feel comfortable letting him go home with an uber this time of night. "I don't mind giving you a lift! then you can talk to me during the ride all you want"

you walked him to your car and he got in on the passenger seat, let me just say that convincing him to let you take him home was harder than you imagined, but you could see in his face he appreciated it.

"why are you doing this again?" he asks as you start driving. "because I'm a nice person and I don't trust ubers". he nods, "I like your piercings" he says, observing your face in the dim lighting. "thanks!" you say as you stick out your tongue, showing your snake eyes. "oh shit I've never seen that in person before, it looks great". you blush slightly, "it was pretty painful and it's hard to upkeep but I don't regret it at all".

he brushes his hands through his hair, probably anxious from the small talk. "this might sound weird but, do you have a girlfriend" you ask. "I don't, why?", "it's because I figured that if u did she would be the one driving u home from a party, so I was just curious". "haven't had one in years", he says leaning back. "really? your really hot so I'd imagine girls would be all over you".

he laughs, "maybe in the past but not anymore, my sense of fashion and my lack of confidence kinda makes getting a girlfriend hard" he says, opening up to you effortlessly. "I think emo guys are hot" you turn and look at him.

"what are you implying?" he says, giving a lewd grin. "that if I had the choice to either have sex with you or not have sex with you that I would". you notice him squirm slightly in his seat. "if you mean that, pull over" he says

you do as he says and you climb into the back seat. you crawl into his lap and find yourself grabbing and pulling on anything you can find as you feel his tounge slip deep into your mouth, tasting the alcohol he had ingested that night. you wish you could recall the rest but you were much drunker than you thought you were and ended up slightly blacking out.

the moral of the story is that you gave him your number, and he never came back after that. not a call, not even a single text. you never ever hooked up with guys, this was your first time. and you hate how knowing a guy for just one hour could make you feel such strong feelings towards him, for johnnies case those feelings were a mix of lust and disgust.

back to current times, you ended up meeting jake a year later and that's when you saw johnnie again for the first time since that night. but instead of apologizing or at least being honest he instead found himself ignoring you. this frustrated you the most, you despise a man who cannot own up to his actions, let alone not even acknowledging them. every time you found yourself around him you felt your blood boil and you just wanted to give him a peice of your mind, but you can't.

you can't since it's been 5 months since and neither of you have said anything at all, 5 months of pure pretend. jake noticed your dislike towards his roommate but he didn't want to get involved in any issues that didn't require him, which you appreciated greatly.

after a lot of convincing, jake did eventually get the both of you to film a video together with him. it was one of those food rating videos and the goal was to order one type of food for everyone, jake said that I will do the drinks, johnnie the main and jake the desert. you were dreading this.

and you have been dreading this day for the past month since jake started bringing it up. you couldn't even handle being in the same room as him for a few minutes let alone a whole video.

"let's plan what we will order now so that we don't have to think to hard tomorrow!' jake says as you sat down on the couch next to him and opposite from johnnie. "I already know what I'm making you guys eat", "let it be actual food and not just chicken nuggets please" jake says jokingly. "knowing johnnie he will probably poison mine" you say with a scoff. a few minutes later jake started getting a call from someone and had to leave, aka leaving you alone with johnnie.

"why would you say that?" johnnie said to you the moment jake left the room. "say what?", "say that I'd poison your food, it's rude". you laugh from the pure nerve this guy has. "don't fuck with me, don't act like your the victim here". "says the one starting unnecessary shit". " I'm not starting anything, you started and I'm just continuing". the tension in the room was cut as jake walks back in, "sorry guys that was my studio, anyways where were we!" he looks between the two of you and johnnie gets up and leaves, saying he's not feeling well.

that evening you sat down in the passengers seat of jakes car, you breathe in and out meditatively to calm your nerves. "okay everything is orderd we just gotta wait for the food!" jake says climbing into his seat of the car and started prepping for the recording. you fiddle with your rings and move around your hair for a solid 12 minutes before johnnie got in the car with the food in hand.

the video started off fine, you didn't laugh at his jokes and he didn't laugh at yours. you two didn't even make eye contact, that was untill it was jakes turn. "okay guys for johnnie I got him a really massive chocolate chip cookie because hes a basic bitch and I got y/n a gummy lunchable because she's never had one" you laugh since the idea for having gummy pizza seems so obscure. "jake that's so wrong you know I love lunchables". jake turns to you as if implying you should give him a piece.

"I rather not" you say softly, but not soft enough to where johnnie couldn't hear you, "it's literally just a lunchable what's your problem". " I never said I had a problem, it's not my fault you don't have manners and can't ask for something yourself". "I literally just said that I love lunchables, stop starting shit were recording".

jake turns around to face the both of you, "what the fuck guys, what's your problem", you look at johnnie, "ask him". " you guys are acting like fucking toddlers either tell me what happened or just sort your issues alone, like now" he says as he gets out of his car, "there's no point in keeping on filming so let's just go inside okay".

you go inside and sit down and you feel as if your in the third grade getting detention from your angry teacher Mr Webber. "so.. what happend, you two have been like this since the moment you met and I don't understand, y/n, johnnie,I love you both so much but I can't handle this bad energy", you stay quiet and so does johnnie. "okay if you guys are going to be like that I'm going to my room, just please sort something out because I promised our fans we were doing a collab". he says walking off into his room.

you bite the inside of your mouth and look around, not able to handle the awkward silence. "johnnie I just have to ask you one question, why?" he makes an upset face, "what do you mean 'why'", " you know what I mean" you say in almost a defeated tone. you stand up and walk towards where he is sitting, "I mean why didn't you text me back, why did you ghost me" he looks away. "don't be a coward please, im tired of our crap". upon hearing this he stands up.

"fine okay, I'm a fucking coward. I was too scared to message you back because I was drunk and you were drunk and I knew for a fact that nothing would happen between us because I mean look at you, your gorgeous and I know if we somehow started something in the future I would feel so guilty that we hooked up the night we met, I've only ever had sex with two people y/n!! that's you and my ex and I feel guilty for it every day because sleeping with random people is not me!!"

your feel as if your in shock, almost frozen in place. you brush your hand through your hair about to say something but nothing comes out. "I never met to hurt you at all I just, I'm stupid I'm fucking st-" you cut him off by putting your lips on his, he doesn't push you away and instead takes his arms and grabs onto you tight while pushing you against the nearest wall. "I sware I'm not usually like this" he says, breaking the kiss,"you just.. do something to me"

'fuck' you mutter as you grab onto his hair as the kiss becomes more and more passionate. he takes his hands off the wall and starts to remove your baby tee, exposing your lacy black bra. as he did this you hear something behind you and look to see jake, his mouth dropped right to the floor. johnnie immediately stood in front of you to cover your exposed skin and when he heard jake walk away he helped you put your shirt back on. "I'm so sorry" he says with the most guilty look on his face.

"shh don't be it's okay!" you say holding his face and giving him a soft kiss, "I definitely overreacted to everything because of how much I liked you, it hurt me so much that someone I felt so strongly about could shove me aside like you did". " I haven't gone a day without regretting what I did" he says. you felt so relieved that this issue between you two was finally sorted out.

"what now?" you ask, indentifying the elephant in the room. "its my turn to say sorry I shouldnt have kissed you like that it was impulsive and careless of me".

"y/n". " yes?", you ask completely confused. "I've never met someone I've wanted more then you in this moment, I want you and all of you" he says walking towards you and holding your waist, "let's not torture each other as we have, please" you smile "I'm all yours".

❣

[chimini3]

Saudade

Saudade (n.) a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant, or that has been loved and then lost; “the love that remains”

Pairing: BTS OT7 x reader

Synopsis: Amidst their preparations for the upcoming promotions, the boys neglect you at your worst times and you make a decision that forces them to realize just how much they miss and need you.

Notes: this was written in the middle of exam week because I didn’t wanna study soooo enjoyy how my brain rots and manifest into my writing quality. I think all of them are a bit stupid in here too (just like how i was when writing this)

Word Count: 21.6k

Getting into a relationship with an idol was not one for the faint of heart. You knew the troubles and problems that came along with it and you weren’t blind. You knew of the NDAs and the contracts that would be pushed to you by management to keep everything confidentially under wraps. You knew of the disgust some people would look towards you with when you walked through their work building. You knew of the potential risks of receiving hate and possibly ruining the reputation of your lover once word gets out, though that never stopped your love from running away from them. That never stopped them from loving you fonder, and making it known to the people that they can share it to that they loved you.

The way they would hold onto your hand just the right amount when you walked past the HYBE building lobby and hallways. The way that they would eat with you in the building’s cafeteria and proudly showing how much they enjoyed your company even with staff and other artists throwing an occasional glance at your table. They didn’t hold back when they took you out on private expensive dinner dates or public dates with minimal identity hiding accessories because they weren’t afraid to payout any media outlets that threatened to leak your identity. They didn’t even care when gossip went out that they were in a relationship with video evidence to prove that they slung their arm over your shoulder and lightly kissed you on the top of your head. They didn’t care. They only drew the line when an official media outlet captured the side of your face and immediately asked for the footage to be erased off the face of the earth with a good amount of bills to compensate, though they were berated by their management to at least be a little more careful considering other media outlets were fully in for the gossip and not for the payout. This also led to management apprehensively making the decision that you shouldn't be traveling with the boys to America since the company doesn’t have power over any of their media outlets, much to your lover’s dismay. Or should you say… lovers.

There was one thing they loved to show off silently when they spent time with personal friends and that was the family they had on their lockscreen, proudly showing all eight of you. Each lover had a different picture, though they all held the small polyamorous family that you had gathered.

Yes, you were in a relationship with all the members and no, that didn’t make life easier. At first you were totally apprehensive of the idea though as you spent more time with all of them and saw just how much love they held for each other as they held for you. You realized that loving them all equally wouldn’t be that hard and truly it wasn’t.

Your relationship with all of them came naturally. No, there was never a time you mixed them up or moaned the wrong name. No, your heart didn’t flutter for a certain member more than it did the other. You loved them all equally just as much as they loved each other and the transition of them loving an extra person came with ease.

They all managed to have their one-on-one time with you in a week whilst simultaneously spending time with the other members as lovers. Your relationship came straight out of a fanfic plot, and you’d giggle to yourself every time you remember that fact even if that caused your boyfriends to send a questioning glance at you.

However, with happiness comes sadness. The issues in dating one idol had multiplied itself to seven and no matter the bright smiles you had when you were together, it was the silent moments you had to yourself that truly planted worries of how relationships like this would work.

Surely they didn’t see a future in spending the rest of their lives sharing a lover with their bandmates, and you would be lying to yourself if you didn’t have moments of having zero energy left in you to give them all the love they deserved whilst simultaneously working on things for yourself like your job and personal interest. Although their tight reassurance made it feel better, the thoughts would always come back to haunt your mind and all of this build up had gathered before a particularly long stint of performances and media duties the band had in America.

It was a particularly long stint of argument piled on top of arguments. It was as if all you guys could do was argue. One night it would be Jin and Taehyung and the other would be Jimin and Namjoon. Sometimes it would even be all eight of you arguing over the dining table as the food you cooked for them grows colder with each shouting battle.

There were moments you weren’t proud of how you handled them, though you couldn’t simply agree that it was all your fault. The boys’ schedules were getting busier as the days to their American promotions got closer and you were all aware of the unavailability they would be on to care and give you attention. You have been in a relationship with them for long enough to know that it was unavoidable in a relationship with an idol and frankly you didn’t care if your relationship had turned more of you giving and them taking since you knew they would be returning your love soon after their schedules. It was standard when dating an idol.

What changed this time around though was that they were coming home tired and vile. Each night you would make an effort to help clean up the dorm after your job to lessen the work for the staff that cleans their space. Each night you would make an effort to let them come home to a warm and healthy home cooked meal, only for each and every one of them to swipe it under the rug as they open the door with another argument on their lips.

Sometimes it was okay though. Most of the time, they were still your loving boyfriends in the mornings before their schedules. They just would come home tired and silent, barely giving you any attention though you understood that they couldn’t give you much after their tiring schedules.

However, everything came to a halt when news of a beloved cousin’s death rang through your phone one afternoon. Sickness had won and you hadn’t even known they were sick. The same cousin that you’d visit during spring break to help your aunt and uncle’s harvest season on their farm. The same cousin who would teach you new games that Seoul kids never knew, who gave you plenty of advice on highschool and boys, who you practically considered as an older sibling.

The news struck you hard. The boys knew of this cousin to hold a special place in your heart and you had a breakdown when you found out of their passing. If you needed someone to comfort you then you really needed it then, though inconveniently the same day the news hit was the same day the boys had a particularly ugly argument on their new choreography. Everyone had something to say at the dining table and you could only look numbly at the takeout food you had ordered as you still couldn’t process the death on your own.

That brings you to the next morning. Three weeks before the boys go to America for a whole month, and a decision laid heavily on your mind.

[08:59] Y/N: Hey, are you still at the dorm?

[09:00] Namjoon: We just left, princess. We’ll see each other later at dinner, okay?

[9:01] Seokjin: We’ll apologize and make up later, sweetheart. We heard you went home late last night. You should’ve just stayed at the dorm to rest.

No, you couldn’t. You were sure that if you had slept in one of their beds then they would vent to you about their latest argument or perhaps be too tired to even know you were sleeping beside them, so you opted to commute back to your apartment despite the time being eleven in the evening already.

[9:05] Y/N: Don’t worry about it, Jin. I took the day off today, so I could still catch up on sleep.

[9:06] Yoongi: We weren’t worried about that, hun.

[9:06] Hoseok: You should’ve at least let one of our drivers drive you. It’s dangerous commuting late at night, beautiful. And you know that.

You smiled at their caring words, though you were sure the decision on your mind wouldn’t change anytime soon.

[9:08] Y/N: Yeah, I know, but it’s fine though. I’ll talk to you guys later.

You quickly turned your phone off as you rolled in bed. The warmth of the sun shining through your window did nothing to heat up the cold feeling you had inside you, and you were sure that it was about to get colder when you get to the the dorm.

[3 months earlier]

“What’s on your mind?” You asked as Namjoon sighed and took a seat on the patio sofa beside you.

The cold breeze of the night engulfing the two of you though the heat of some Soju the eight of you had been drinking earlier was enough to warm you up from under the blanket you hid yourself in.

After a round of drinks to celebrate the beginning of the boy’s new album release date getting announced, and the soon to be endless practice sessions and meetings they would partake in as they were due to promote mostly in America. You excused yourself and sat on the boy’s dorm balcony to ground yourself before you would reside in one of their rooms for the night.

“Just… scared.” Namjoon answers honestly as he leans back on the sofa and you snuggle up beside him to share your fluffy white blanket to keep him warm. His hand came to rest on your thigh as he drew weird imaginary lines on your skin. It was something he usually did when you’d let him open up to you. His little fidget to calm the rest of his body as he focuses his mind on spilling out of his lips.

“Of what?” You asked softly as your ears were trained to hear any of his worries. You were always lending an ear for any of their vents.

You found that a relationship should always be a balance of listening and ranting. You would rant about your random events at work and some random topic you deemed interesting for a discussion whilst they usually vented to you about their tiresome schedule and music related rants. Of course your younger boyfriends would occasionally gossip to you too, though you considered that more of a past time for you to bond over rather than something that required your attention and ear despite not knowing much about what they speak about.

“Promotions in America are always tiring and difficult. I sometimes feel like I’m not allowed to say my own thoughts on a question because I’m always busy translating for them…” Namjoon avoids your eyes as he continues to keep his head leaned back and looking towards the balcony ceiling.

“But they’ve been working so hard on their English lessons. I’m sure they can help translate and answer in English now.” You reasoned to help calm his worries down though it did little to ease the leader.

“Yeah, but I still have to be constantly tuned in. I can’t slip up, and we’ll have to do it for almost a month straight. We’re leaving you here for a whole month…”

“You’re not leaving me, Joonie. You’re doing your job and promoting your album.” You tried to reassure though the man just looked down to look you in the eyes and you can tell the alcohol was slightly tainting him to be more emotionally vocal.

“Still, it feels like we’re leaving you. We’ll miss your birthday…” Namjoon frowns and you giggle at your boyfriend with a shake of your head.

“Babe, I think I’ll be fine. We can celebrate after you get back home. Just worry about doing a good job and making me proud.” You smiled as the man just nodded at your reassuring words and you let him bask in the silence of the crickets chirping in the night.

You were pretty sure he had even dozed off due to the alcohol and the time reaching midnight, though he immediately sat up straighter and offered to walk you back into the apartment where he opts to retreat in his room earlier than usual though you knew he was just a bit stressed from the planning.

You walked to sit on the sofa of the living room with Hobi. He was seemingly already dozing off whilst catching up on a drama he was watching and you placed your blanket over him as he seemingly opened his eyes a little hazy from sleep though smiling at your affectionate action.

“Wanna watch with me?” Hobi’s voice hums out as you glanced at the television though shook your head and instead leaned down to kiss his peach cheeks that came from drinking too much alcohol than expected.

“I’ll go make sure the three aren’t causing trouble. You rest up.” You whispered softly and the man hummed though he was already snuggling further into your blanket with closed eyes.

You smiled down at him before you took the remote and lowered the sounds of the television down and walked towards the panel of the Smart Home system installed in the apartment to turn the lights dimmer though not completely off.

After that, you walked past the dining room and kitchen to reach a small corridor where you can hear Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook’s laughter reverberating through the walls. After dinner and the drinking session they had excused themselves to Taehyung and Jungkook’s room, which you were sure meant that they would be drinking more considering Jungkook liked keeping a small mini fridge in his room in case he got hungry in the middle of the night despite having their room as the closest to the kitchen.

You knocked on the door and pushed it open to see your three boyfriends sitting on the carpeted floor between Taehyung and Jungkook’s bed with a board game in between them. Their faces turning to you as you flashed them a sweet smile though their faces looked like it was up to something mischievous.

“Hey baby!” Taehyung greeted you with a wide grin as he patted the space beside him for you to sit on.

“I thought you guys would be drinking some more in secret… not playing a board game. You could’ve played outside and the others could join.” You said as you sat criss crossed on the carpet and eyed your boyfriends.

Jungkook sat with a leg brought up his chest and another laying flat as he leaned on the side of his bed. Taehyung also leaned on the side of his bed though he sat criss crossed whilst Jimin sat in between their beds and directly across you with his back mere inches away from the bedside table though he didn’t lean on it.

“They looked tired already… and this game isn’t any normal game.” Jungkook said as you raised a brow at what he meant and looked down on the board.

It looked normal at first glance though when you really looked at the board and its contents you understood why the three had such mischief laced on their eyes. Your eyes then went to one of the pawns standing on a box that said ‘Remove a piece of clothing’ and you quickly scanned the room to see Jimin’s sweater discarded on top of Jungkook’s bed.

“Wanna join?” Jimin asked with this teasingly innocent tone as he flashed you a grin that seemed to challenge you.

Though you really liked the idea of their mischief, you knew that the night had been long and after the celebrations you would prefer to cuddle up with one of your lovers rather than fucking, but the expecting eyes of your three boyfriends were simply too much to reject.

Yoongi had told you plenty of times that you should start standing your ground when the three would be up to trouble though it seems like you can just never say no to the cute faces they give you when they plan something mischievous.

One time, the three of them planned to trick Namjoon, Yoongi, and Hobi by planting something on their computers that made it look like their files had been corrupted. After persuading Pdogg to help them figure out all the technicalities and you to distract their hyungs for a while the plan was on and it did not go well for the three afterwards. The three of your older boyfriends did not take to the prank as funny and had heavily reprimanded the three to stay out of their computers and studios until the end of time, as if it wasn’t already a rule. They also had a ‘serious’ discussion with you about allowing this behavior from them though you had defended them and told them that you weren’t their mother, they were also just having fun and you didn’t see the problem in that. Despite all this, the slight disagreement was fixed with nothing but a soft kiss on the lips of your stubborn rap line boyfriends and a smile that showed your pearly whites before you giddly walked out and into the comfort of the only lover that had laughed with you during the whole fiasco, though his windshield wiper laugh was definitely louder than yours.

“Fine… but I’m not sleeping with any of you tonight. You need to get up bright and early for tomorrow’s practices and I don’t want your staff sending me death glares because I gave you hickies.” You huffed though the three of them only laughed and Jungkook leaned towards you to plant a light kiss on your lips as Jimin handed you a pawn of your favorite color.

“Roll and move the amount of numbers you land on.” Taehyung explained as Jimin said “Simple,” with a pop of the letter ‘p’ in English.

You rolled the dice as it landed on the face that had six dots. You smiled, flashing all three of them a cheeky smile before you leaned and used an arm to support you as you moved your pawn six boxes from the starting line.

“Lucky.” Taehyung mutters under his breath as you assume that the pawn that was a box behind you was his.

“Strip a piece of clothing.” Jungkook says as they eye which part you’d remove, though luckily for you, you had Yoongi’s Fila sweater on. A sweater that he was sure he lost, though you had actually just forgotten to return after he left it at your apartment.

“Starting off easy.” Jimin says as you pull the sweater off from the top of your head, leaving you in a light gray cotton spaghetti strap top and your black and white dolphin shorts.

You thought you were safe, though the way their eyes looked you up and down made it seem as if you were practically naked. A realization dawning on you that you weren’t wearing a bra and the cotton material was probably not hiding much to the imagination. However, you only shook your head at how easily they can be worked up with your presence its as if they are constantly deprived of your appearance.

“I just realized how you rarely stay in the dorm without one of our sweaters on.” Jimin says as you handed him the dice since you don’t know who’s next though he easily forwards it to Jungkook.

“I like it. We should throw away all our sweaters.” Jungkook suggests as you shake your head.

“Your dorm is freezing from the air conditioning, so I would still bring my own sweater if you don’t give me yours.” You shrugged as Jungkook rolled for his turn at the same time Taehyung let out a ‘pfft’ sound.

“As if you even own sweaters.” He rolls his eyes as you flash him an offended face. You did in fact have sweaters that are yours though they fitted you terribly. One was oddly fitted where it was skin tight on your arms though loose on your torso and another reached your knees from a failed attempt of trying to replicate your boyfriends’ sweater size so that you wouldn’t keep borrowing theirs.

You threw your sweater on top of Jungkook’s bed with Jimin’s sweater. As you watch Jungkook’s roll stop on three dots. He reached forward to move his pawn which you now knew was the one ahead of all the other pawns before he landed on a spot that said ‘Safe’.

“Lucky.” The three of you all muttered and you all let out chuckles at how you were so synchronized with the one English word you spoke.

“You all share a brain now.” Jungkook commented as he passed the dice to Jimin.

“We said it with the same annotations and everything.” Taehyung said, somewhat proud at the fact that your minds were all synched, that you had muttered one English word with such wholeness.

Jimin threw the dice as the room quieted down once more and it landed on the face of one dot.

“Ooh, Jimin ah, you’re catching up to me.” Taehyung teased as Jimin moved his pawn one spot forward which made his pawn only four spaces behind Taehyung's and three from yours.

“Dirty talk for 30 seconds.” You read out loud as Jimin chuckled. Dirty talk was his forte, how unlucky for you. You really wanted to get out of this room with the pride of getting the three of them riled up with their shenanigans and you unscathed and sleeping with a goodnight’s kiss only.

“I don’t like counting time. Not when I know I can fuck all three of you all night.” Jimin said with a sultry voice and the sudden demeanor of the air in the room changed as his eyes ridded of the innocent wide look and settled to their siren shape.

“Wanna take Jungkook’s shirt off right now. Wanna see the muscles you spend more time working on than spending time with us. Want you to roll one on your next turn and land on ‘Strip a piece of clothing’ and lose to me, so that I can do whatever I want with you tonight.” Jimin says with his eyes fully taking in Jungkook’s figure though when he’s finished, he immediately turns his head to you and slightly tilts it to the side and lets his eyes run up and down your body.

“You’re not safe from me either. You might not want it now, but I know you’ll give in any other day, and don’t you fucking dare put on a sweater around the dorm anymore where I can’t see your cute little nipples through your shirt.” Jimin says with a grunt to his voice and you let your eyes look down and see how your nipples had perked up to the mention of them.

A slight fluster powdered your face as you realized that Jimin scooted closer to you to run a hand from your thigh to the cloth of your shirt though you immediately grabbed hold of it before it could do anything more than hover over your nipples. You looked into his lust filled eyes as he raised a teasing brow that seemed to beg for you to slap it off his face.

“No touching. It only says dirty talk.” You reminded, as Jimin lets out a chuckle and broke eye contact to look down before he brings his hand back and gathers his confidence back together for Taehyung.

“And for you… I want to remind you just how much I hate it when you forget your honorifics when addressing me.” Jimin leans towards Taehyung now, though he never places a hand on him due to your reminder earlier.

“I’m older than you Taehyung ah, remember that. I’m your daddy—“

“Oh hell nawh! That’s cringey hyung!” Jungkook interrupts as Taehyung bows his head down at the fact that laughter had erupted so suddenly from his throat. The four of you were laughing hysterically by now.

Hey, a daddy kink isn’t cringey. Don’t get Jungkook’s words messed up. More than one of your boyfriends have it and others have something somewhat similar to it and it definitely turns you on.

You guys were just laughing at how unexpectedly Jimin brings it up, and how from the beginning of his dirty talk with Taehyung, the younger already looked purple on the face from how much he wanted to laugh at the fact that you had reminded Jimin of the rules though he held his laughter to not ruin the mood. Jimin’s tone and inflection of the Hangul syllables also already sounded forced too huskily, unlike his normal dirty talking. So when he randomly stops his Korean to say the English word ‘daddy’ was simply more of a comedic script than something to get your lover riled up.

“Okay that was worse than what I could’ve done, but at least Jungkook got pretty riled up.” Jimin says as he leans back on the wooden bedside table as all your eyes point at Jungkook who shifted in his clothes uncomfortably.

“He’s in your mind already, Jungkookie. I can tell you're not winning anymore.” You teased as he shakes his head and shifts his posture to see the board more clearly from his laid back position.

“My turn!” Taehyung states excitedly as he throws the dice and lands on six.

“Yes!” He cheers as Jungkook groans at the fact that Taehyung was now in the space behind him.

“Give the opponent a one minute massage.” You read out as Taehyung turned to look at Jimin.

“One minute is too much! You know who really needs a massage right now?” Taehyung smirks as our eyes land on Jimin, and we all simultaneously agree that this box could be used for some good rather than something sexual for the sake of Jimin and his chronic back and neck pains.

“I got to a chiropractor now. You don’t have to this. Make the game sexual.” Jimin whines as Taehyung gets up and kneels behind Jimin.

As a dancer, it doesn’t matter how much you rest and warm up or cool down properly. Eventually, you will experience chronic muscle pains and the muscles affected depend on your technique. You realized that Hoseok’s technique has him heavily relying on his knees and ankles for movement and therefore his knees and ankles tend to flare up more often. You even give him special massages sometimes when the pain gets too bad though he often tolerates it better by taking a melatonin pill and going to bed to see his chiropractor the following morning. Jimin on the other hand loves to stay up late despite how his body feels. Undoubtedly, the muscle pains worsen through overworking and therefore Jimin handles it worse more often than not.

“Serio—“ Jimin’s words were cut off by a groan as Taehyung’s hand squeezed the skin on the base of Jimin’s neck. Jimin’s head fell limp as it leaned back to relax on Taehyung’s wrists as he continued massaging Jimin.

“Fuck. That’s so good, Tae.” Jimin moans as he closes his eyes in pure bliss.

As Taehyung moved to the different areas of Jimin’s neck and back one thing was becoming more apparent. Jimin’s moaning was definitely not from the massage but rather him teasing the younger by continuously praising him for his massage. A gruffed groan and a sound of silence from Jimin would usually tell you that the massage was good because it would leave him speechless, though with his never-ending moaning it became apparent that it was intentional.

“Yeah, yeah, right there Tae.”

“That’s the spot.”

“Yeah, feels so good~”

“You always know how to hit the right spot, Tae. Such a good boy.” Jimin slurs, as Taehyung snapped back to reality. The pet name was known to be one of his favorites, though it seems like Jimin saying it made him realize his hyung’s intent.

“Stop trying to seduce me, hyung.” Taehyung grumbles as he nudges Jimin’s back as a warning before sitting back down to his spot.

“Ouch! Bad boy!” Jimin scolds as he holds his back before cracking the joints of his own neck.

“🎶Da naeda beolyeo good boys gone bad~🎶” Jungkook sings the tune of TXT’s Good Boy Gone Bad song, as you turn to his direction and sing along the line three more times before Taehyung drops the dice on the palm of your hand makes you stop singing.

“How come you love to sing the songs of other groups instead of ours.” Jimin pouts as he crosses his arms.

“Jungkook ah, are you really allowing this behavior?” Taehyung asks as Jungkook flashes them wide eyes.

“I mean… it’s a good song.” Jungkook answered truthfully as I nodded my head with exaggeration before I rolled the dice.

“They’re your juniors, you should support them.” You reminded them.

“We do support them, but we just want our girlfriend singing our own songs.” Taehyung huffs as you found their slight annoyance endearing.

“Yay!” You cheered as the dice landed on the face showing five dots.

“How lucky are you?!” Jungkook asks as you pass his pawn and land on a box.

“I told you. Jimin got in your head, so you’re all losing to me.” You state proudly.

“French kiss each player for 15 seconds!” Jimin says with a grin as he leans forward as if he was waiting for you to lean in and makeout with him any minute now though your eyes were still busy reading the board.

“Nice one dummy. It says ‘French kiss a player for 15 seconds.” You corrected and Jimin looked at you confused as he leaned back to straighten his posture.

“Would you really choose to kiss only one of us?” Jimin raised a brow. No, and all four of you knew that you couldn’t and wouldn’t choose between any of them even if you were forced to.

“Then we’ll really know who your favorite is.” Taehyung teased as you rolled your eyes.

You wanted to bite back with something sassy and you were sure that they also watched you expectedly for a quick-witted or laugh provoking response though you held yourself back and instead got on your hands and knees as you leaned towards the oldest of the bunch to kiss.

Jimin’s eyes showed how taken by surprise he was at your response. His straight back leaned back and his hands went to the floor to support himself from the unexpected action, though in a matter of seconds he eased into kissing your lips back. Your tongue quickly entered the cavern of his mouth as his tongue did little to fight back due to how much control you’ve gained in the time that took him to process that you were making out with him. You can tell he wanted some control back from the way his posture started to push against you, though as quickly as it began you pulled away and left him chasing your lips for more though you already sat back into position.

You turned to face Taehyung now as he pouted his lips and you leaned forward to kiss him too. Starting with a small peck that elicited a whine to leave throat before you pushed your weight against him and made him lean further onto the side of the mattress of his bed. Taehyung definitely played more passively when it came to making out. It was just how he was most of the time. He was soft and gentle. In simple terms, you would describe him as a man who likes to make love and not to fuck, and to you that was damn fine. However, since Taehyung doesn’t fight for control in a kiss like your other boyfriends, he makes up for the fact that he loves skinship especially when it comes to kissing.

You can feel his hand slightly placing pressure on your back to continue making out with him as the other hovered over the skin of your arm. Both weren’t explicit places though you knew that with enough time that they’d wander, and as soon as the hand on your back began moving higher to your neck, you cut off the kiss.

“Hey, how come his kiss is longer than mine?!” Jimin said as you two broke away and a certain flusteredness came to your face as you realized the two had been watching. You should be used to it now, but it was still second nature to you as if all of them hadn’t seen your most vulnerable parts, even doing it together at times.

“If you kiss Jungkook like how you did to me, then you won’t be leaving this room tonight.” Taehyung warned as you went over to Jungkook’s side now.

The youngest had parted his legs for you to crawl in between with a smirk on his face. You leaned in and kissed him as he parted his lips and a familiar war of your tongues fought. You were pushing your weight on him bringing a hand to his chest to support yourself, though you can feel his hands that were placed on the floor loosen to make a move for your body. You quickly took both your hands to hold his down at the same time your tongue won the battle and a groan elicited from his throat as you parted from his lips.

“Baby~” Jungkook whines and something in your heart tugs to keep kissing him though you risk the possibility of not getting sleep tonight and you can tell your body isn't up to that right now. Your eyes would practically fall asleep right now as the alcohol catches up to you and the three had way too much energy for you to catch up.

“Okay, that’s it. Goodnight boys.” You immediately stood up as their heads immediately followed you.

“Huh��? What? Wait…”

“We’re not done yet!” Taehyung says as he points to the board game.

“We can play another time. I’m really tired right now. It feels like I’m going to fall asleep any moment now. Plus, your practice…” You summarized your reasons as the boys frowned though replied with a synchronized ‘good nights’.

“And don’t stay up too late!” You warned with a double meaning as you heard their laughs from behind the door before you walked out the corridor.

That line really did feel like you were their mother, though in all seriousness you were just looking after them. It was a love language you developed after you learned to appreciate your eldest boyfriend’s care for you.

You walked past the kitchen and dining room as your eyes traveled past the dining table to see that the television was now turned off and the couch was empty. Hoseok had probably taken his leave for his and Jimin’s shared bedroom that was only a few steps from the living room.

You walked past the entrance corridor and onto a silent part of the dorm where Namjoon, Jin, and Yoongi’s room resides. You knew Namjoon was asleep though the light noise of a controller moving in Jin’s room and the subtle typing of a keyboard in Yoongi's room told you that your two eldest boyfriends were still awake.

You knocked lightly at Yoongi’s door and a slight breeze passed by you from the air conditioner in the hallway. A dawning realization set in on you as you realized you left Yoongi’s sweater in the boy’s bedroom and you feared that if you walked in now then you'd never come out.

“Come in.” Yoongi says as you pushed his door open softly and closed it behind you. He was on his desk with his laptop open, and a frown threatened your lips as you think that he was working even at such a late time in the dorm.

“Don’t worry, I’m not working. Just making a quick email for my mom.” He says as he turns on his chair to flash you a smile.

“What— I… How’d you know that I would ask that?” You stutter flusteredly from how well he knows you, and the fact that you remind him on a daily basis to take care of himself and to take some time from making music to live life and create stories to write about.

“Love, I know you. We all do. You’re always so caring and sweet. Always making sure that we don’t overwork ourselves.” Yoongi says whilst his eyes take their time to take in the sight of you. You subconsciously took the hem of your dolphin shorts to pull slightly down as if it would hide an inch more of your thighs.

Yoongi raises a brow and offers for you to sit on his lap with the tap of his hands. You huffed, though you still took steps to sit down on him. His black sweatpants and white oversized shirt smelled just like him with a slight hint of alcohol and nicotine.

“I’m not up to it right now, Yoongi. I just left your sweater at the boys’ room and if I enter their room again then I’d probably be wheeled into their dirty adult game again.” You turned to look at him with a pout as he let out a dry chuckle and brought a hand to pinch at your cheeks before planting a quick kiss on your lips.

“I know, love. I can feel that you’re tired, and that’s okay. Don’t let them push you into doing something you don’t want to—“

“What? No no, they weren't like that.” You defended the three as Yoongi nodded.

“I’m just saying… if one of us starts acting like a jerk towards you then there will still be six of us to come talk some sense into them.” Yoongi says as you giggled at that because in truth, none of them could ever be a jerk to you and all of you knew that. They loved and cared for you too much for that, and for as long as they do then they’ll never stoop down to treat you that way.

You leaned your body back to Yoongi’s chest as you sat in silence. Any other time and you would prefer to fill up the silence with some noise though you both prefered to bask in the love of silence. However, the sound of Jin’s gamer rage from beyond the concrete walls and you both chuckled at the oldest member’s incoherent mutterings.

“Now, which sweater did you say that you left in the boys’ room?” Yoongi raises a brow as you flash him a toothy grin.

“Uhm… actually, I think it was Jin’s sweater. I’ll go calm him down right now and tell him about it.” You stood up from his lap as he chuckled at you.

“It better not be my Fila sweater. I swear I haven’t seen it around anymore…”

“It’s not yours! I think it was Jin’s or maybe it's mine. I have my own sweaters too, you know.” You said as you awkwardly walked out the room with the sound of Yoongi’s chuckle being the last thing you heard before you closed the door.

You shook your head as you decided that you’ll eventually get that sweater when they all go to work in the morning. You walked to the door next to Yoongi as you heard another soft thud that sounded like a controller on a soft surface like Jin’s duvet.

You knock on Jin’s door as he hums for any one at the door to enter. You pushed the door to open and take in the darkness of the room that was only lit up by a warm lamp at Jin’s bedside table.

“Jin? Are you okay? What’s with all the noise?” You asked even though it was common knowledge that he often gets vocal when he plays and it has become a running joke around the dorm that whenever Jin loses a match of his games then he’d berate himself recklessly without actually taking anything he says to heart.

‘The Jin Mentality’ was what they coined it as. Similar to ‘Jimin today’ though Jin’s was actually a positive thing. Where you state all your wrong doings and berate yourself instead of hearing others berate you, but at the end of the day since you said all the words you can more freely choose to just not give a fuck about the things you said and deem it as bullcrap.

“Just gaming. You’ll sleep with me tonight?” Jin asks as he pauses his game and pats the duvet beside him as you close the door behind you and walk through his room to sit on the duvet.

“I’m sleeping here tonight.” You corrected as you laid your back down whilst your lower body hangs off the side of the bed.

Jin chuckles at your correction as he eyes you up and down before he returns to his games on the television mounted on the wall. He was seriously the only one of the members to install a TV in their room. A TV that came straight from his pocket though he considers it a big win since he’s the only one that can freely lay in bed and snuggle up to you whilst watching a movie, and it easily compresses any noise from his room considering how close the walls his rooms has with Yoongi and Namjoon.

“Did they tire you out today?” He asks in a more serious note though his eyes continue to flicker on the screen of the TV.

Despite the lack of eye contact and skinship Jin was giving you right now, you knew that his tone was one of sincerity and care. He was the one who had voiced out his worries for you in the beginning of the relationship. He was hesitant at first for this whole relationship to start considering they all somehow wanted your attention more than the other member’s and he was afraid that you’d overwork yourself in trying to be a lover to all of them. However, you quickly shut off his worries when you showed just how easily you blended into their schedules without overworking yourself too much. Though you would always notice how Jin typically doesn’t demand your affection as much when he realizes the others wanted your affection more, so that typically leads you to coming to him for affection as he mostly takes care of you rather than letting you take care of him or yourself.

“Maybe… Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook are playing this dirty adult game and I left my sweater inside their room.” You mutter as he nods and hums.

“You don’t have to—“

“I know, Yoongi keeps reminding me, but I actually really wanted to join.” You flashed him a toothy smile as you feel your eyes droop when he looks away from the screen to look down at you.

“You should sleep, sweetheart. I can see your eyes droop.” Jin says as he pauses the game and leans down to kiss you on the lips.

“You too…” You slur as you bring your legs into the bed to properly lie down on the pillows and under the duvet with the help of Jin to tuck you in.

“I’ll sleep once I’m done with this level. I’m not that tired yet anyways.” Jin says as he pecks your cheek with another kiss and brings the duvet over your shoulders just how you preferred it especially because his air conditioner faced towards his bed.

You blinked your eyes once more and shifted to see that Jin had magically teleported beside you with a knitted sweater that you knew was the color light blue with a white whale in front since he always lets you borrow it when you sleep in his room. Somehow the knitted yarn keeps you warmer than any other cotton sweater under his duvet.

You sat up and put on the sweater as the extra material gathered on your waist because you didn’t have the energy to properly pull the oversized fit over to cover your thighs. You smile at your sweater paw as Jin watches you with endearment. You open your arms as he leans in to kiss you once more before he pats your hair and whispers a goodnight. You smiled at him and scooted over to the side of the bed where it was pressed to the corner of the bedroom wall. Jin always made sure you slept on that side with the claim that he didn’t want you falling off though you suspected that he just didn’t want you escaping his room in the middle of the night without his acknowledgment.

You woke in the middle of the night, from a look out the curtains it seems as though it was still late at night though with a glance at Jin’s bedside table alarm clock, you knew that it was nearing two in the morning and Jin was still playing his game.

“Jin?” You asked groggily as Jin turned to look down at you.

“Sorry sweetheart, did I wake you up?” He asked though your eyes only flickered from his face to the alarm clock.

“Why aren’t you sleeping yet?” You asked as you held yourself up by your elbows to wake you up more though the sleepiness still loomed over you.

“Ah, shit. I lost track of time.” Jin muttered to himself as he glanced at the time. He exits the game and grabs the remote to turn off the TV as you watched on with a pout on your lips. He was definitely going to wake up with not enough sleep for tomorrow and you partly blamed yourself for not bringing him to sleep when you were going to.

“Jin~ I don’t like it when you don’t sleep on time.” You whined as Jin’s lips twitched to a prideful smile, though he only tucks himself beside you as he engulfs you in a hug.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, you know I don’t mean to. I promise I’ll sleep better tomorrow.” He kissed your forehead as you huffed and turned your back to him though you still snuggled your back to him. His body spooned you as his hands reached under the sweater he gave you. His cold hands settled to play with your boobs through your shirt though it wasn’t sexual.

You found it as his way to get just a little closer to you when you were sleeping. It was his way of showing you affection until the very moment you close your eyes. His hands would occasionally squeeze your mounds like a massage that would elicit a moan from you though you trusted him enough to not make it go further than that.

You woke up from a small streak of light that slipped past the curtains. Jin’s hold on you was looser now and he was lightly snoring as you let both your eyes take in your surroundings before you detached from Jin and sat up. You silently crawled out of bed by squeezing out the foot of the bed since you didn’t want to wake Jin up from his sleep. He needed to get as much rest as he could before his alarm would ring half past seven in the morning and currently he still had thirty minutes of rest to savor.

Before you walked out of the room, you quickly unplugged his gaming station. You figured that Jin had forgotten to turn it off last night and you didn’t want it to overheat. You then walked out the room and silently let your feet walk through the marble tiles of the apartment before you reached the kitchen to see both Hoseok and Namjoon conversing. Namjoon sat on the dining table with a cup of coffee as Hoseok seemed to be busy making his own cup of espresso with the coffee machine.

“Good morning,” You greeted with a yawn as both their heads turned to see you walk into the open layout room.

“Good morning beautiful,”

“Good morning, princess,”

They greeted in chorus as you stopped behind Namjoon’s chair to greet him with a morning kiss on the lips to which he smiled at before you walked behind the kitchen island.

“How did you sleep? I heard the boys were having some fun last night.” Namjoon asks as he watches you greet Hoseok with a kiss on the lips too.

“I only stopped by for a moment. I was too tired from the alcohol and celebrating last night.” You said as you eyed Hobi making a glass of his iced americano coffee. You can see Namjoon nod as he sips his own coffee and eyes the hallway towards his, Yoongi’s, and Jin’s rooms.

“You can have this one, beauty. I’ll make another one for myself.” Hoseok says though you shook your head.

“It’s okay, Hobi. I’m gonna go cook some breakfast for you guys first.” You smile as the man smiles brightly and leans to kiss you on the forehead before he moves to the side of the island to not get in your way.

“You don’t have to, you know. We can just order or call the staff.” Hoseok says though you only shake your head as you eye the contents of the fridge and opted to use some leftover rice to make some Kimchi Fried Rice.

You took out a container of Kimchi that Taehyung’s mother had sent for the boys to share and a tupperware of leftover rice that had been from last night’s celebrations. You also opened up the freezer to find frozen bacon that would be the perfect protein to their diet with added eggs. You placed your ingredients onto the counter before you reached up on your tippy toes to reach the cabinet with the frying pan you loved to use.

“Why do you always love to use this and not the one on the bottom cabinet?” Namjoon says right behind your ear as his hands sneak up to support your waist whilst the other reaches for the pan to get for you.

“My gosh, you scared me.” You said as you turned around and Namjoon smirks down at you before he places the frying pan on the induction stove on the island to heat up for you. You threw a playful slap at his bicep as you stood in front of the stove to pour some oil onto it.

Namjoon’s little playful act of always trying to scare you was one that you could never get used to and to be quite honest, it made you even more flustered at how Hobi had laughed at your shocked face before he continued to sip on his Americano with a bent back on the kitchen island.

“I like using it because it's my favorite color, obviously.” You roll your eyes as you feel Namjoon hover behind your back as Hobi tilts his head at you. He places his Iced Americano down and walks off somewhere behind you though your flustered state had made you keep your eyes at slicing the bacon into smaller pieces.

“Someone as sassy as you shouldn’t forget to bring simple seasonings when cooking.” Hobi says with a teasing voice as he places bottles of salt, pepper, and sesame oil beside you before he leans on the counter.

“Don’t stress her Hobi. Our tired princess didn’t even have fun with the maknaes last night because she was too tired.” Namjoon’s sultry voice speaks with a hint of seductiveness as he says the English syllables of ‘tired’ slowly from behind your ear whilst his hands rest on your waist.

A chill running up from your spine as you focused your eyes on cutting the bacon. Only once you were done with cutting the bacon did you realize that the two men had you trapped with the only escape being walking past the counter that had a sizzling stove.

“Guys…” You try to stop them though Namjoon’s voice has interrupted yours.

“We’re not guys.” He turns your body with an equal amount of force yet carefulness, as Hoseok moves the cutting board with a knife further from the edge of the counter before Namjoon pins you against the marble.

Namjoon’s lips were immediately on yours as your tongues fought in the midst of saliva. Then Namjoon had redirected your body to lean against Hoseoks as the man's hands took you by surprise and gave Namjoon access to your mouth.

“She’s so pretty in between us.” Hoseok huskily says to Namjoon as if you couldn’t hear his voice from being sandwiched in between them.

Namjoon pulls away from the kiss as you make an effort to breathe and compose yourself though Hoseok’s lips didn’t give you enough time as he quickly replaces Namjoon’s lips with his hands directing your neck to press against him. You can feel Namjoon's hand reach from under your sweater to travel under your shirt. His soft large hands caressing your body as he leans down to plant kisses on your neck.

“The stove–” You say as soon as Hoseok’s lips pull away from yours and all your faces turn towards the frying pan that was cooking up nothing but hot oil before a chuckle escapes from the dining room.

“Took you long enough. I thought I’d be the one to break up your makeout session just so that the dorm doesn’t burn down.” Yoongi’s chuckle reverberated through the dorm as Namjoon and Hoseok chuckled before withdrawing every bit of affection they had on you just seconds prior. Their vulgar actions caused a pit to nag at your stomach and a neediness for their lips to hide your now puffy ones.

“Good morning, Yoongi.” Namjoon and Hoseok greeted as they both went back to drink their coffees at the dining table whilst Yoongi came over to peck your cheek as a greeting.

He looks over the ingredients you had laid out before he quickly places your sliced bacon onto the pan to silence the boiling of oil. The chatter of Namjoon and Hoseok at the dining area was enough of a distraction for you to compose yourself from the makeout session and go back into cooking without another word as Yoongi chuckles.

“They're such big teases aren’t they?” Yoongi laughs as the blush on your cheeks doesn't stop you from nodding in agreement.

“Let me help you cook. You’re preparing Kimchi Fried Rice, aren’t you?” Yoongi clarified as you also nodded and he let out a laugh again at how you were struck wordless at such events in the early morning. Nevertheless, he helps you cook as you start to open up more from your flustered state.

[Back to the Present]

God, you weren’t going to cry again. Not when you felt as though you were juiced like a lemon from how dehydrated you were from secreting so much tears from your eyes.

You tried to breathe properly as Jimin sent you a text that they were already heading home thirty minutes ago, though by now you were used to them getting home an hour after they say so.

So here you were distracting yourself from your thoughts by cooking some Dak Kalguksu. From the texts in the groupchat, they seemed to keep good spirits throughout the day since Taehyung and Jungkook couldn’t shut up while hinting at some good news during their lunch break.

It broke you to know that this rare good mood would turn sour because of you. Because now, you were the one that can’t give them the love and affection you wanted to give, and you weren’t ready to receive love and affection in your current mental state.

Their voices rang through the hallway fifteen minutes earlier than you expected and from the sound of it, it sounded more calm as Jimin and Hoseok’s voice talking about new shoes were the ones that captured your ears first while they were leaving their shoes at the entrance corridor.

“Baby, we’re home! And no ones figh—“ Jungkook’s proud voice quieted as he sees your beige white suitcase, the one they had gifted you before bringing you to their trip to Japan a few months ago, at the end of the corridor.

“You brought some stuff over?” Jimin asks as he and Taehyung eye the luggage wearily before pushing past Jungkook to run to the living room and sit on the sofa with a relaxed sigh.

You looked away from the boiling broth cooking on the induction stove as you found a lid to cover your dish. It was just about to finish cooking. You just needed to make the Yangnyeomjang sauce that you knew Yoongi and Namjoon loved to add to their chicken though it seemed like you ran out of time. They would have to make their own later.

You looked up to see Jungkook cautiously eyeing your suitcase as Hoseok pushes him to sit down at the dining table with a laugh though a look that asks you the purpose of the suitcase getting brought out. Even Namjoon asks you of its contents as Jin just raises a brow at it, though seemed less bothered by its presence. Yoongi on the other hand just walked past it and took off his beanie to place on the dining table before he walked to the kitchen behind you to grab some water to drink.

They were still tired and it showed on their expressions, and what you hated even more was that the dorm wasn't even filled with arguing to help burn the fire that pushes you to answer their questions. All that could be heard was Jimin and Taehyung silently bickering on who would get the remote as the rest of your boyfriends sit on the dining table with little words to say to each other.

You cleared your throat and made your way to the other side of the counter where you could overlook the living room and dining room. Okay, this is it.

“I’ve been thinking about this since last night, and I— I hope you could hear me out fully…” You started, though the first part of your statement seemed to go unheard as Jin nodded and seemed to remember something.

“Ah, yeah! Right! I wanted to apologize to all of you about last night. I was being stupid and was just so tired that I wasn’t thinking properly.” Jin says quickly as Yoongi shuts the fridge door and sips on his glass of water on the counter behind you.

“We’re all stupid. We’re getting stupider each night with how exhausted we are when we come home.” Yoongi said as all of them seemed to hum in agreement. At least they’re self aware? Back to your poi—

“Oh baby! We also have some great news to te—“ Taehyung says excitedly as he stands up from the couch and lets Jimin take control of the remote with little to fight because of his excitement, though you really just wanted to rip off the bandaid and tell them your firm decision right now.

“I need a break.” You say loud enough for it to echo around the dorm, or perhaps your words had taken the men in such surprise that their brain had to replay it multiple times to understand it.

You closed your eyes and breathed out as you readied the words that were about to spill from your lips. Everything you had been feeling and how you were initially alright and capable of loving them despite these challenges spilled out of your lips with nothing stopping them.

You told them how through more nights, you were starting to lose yourself in the arguments and how last night you had made up your decision to take a break from them just for a little while. That your mental health needed this and that you would be staying in the provinces with aunt and uncle. That despite your love for them making you want to continue on in withstanding all their arguments, your mind can’t keep up and you need to be wholly ready to be able to give your all in supporting them.

Whatever your monologue was about made the boys scoff, though your voice stayed strong despite the sniffle that you heard Jimin make from the sofa.

“What?” Namjoon says as you look up to see their faces red yet not a single tear has fallen. Somehow that made you relieved. Perhaps they had understood your explanation and agreed with you.

“You’re running away because you can't keep up with our schedules?” Namjoon asks as the table erupts into different voices and opinions, even Taehyung and Jimin walk to the dining room to tell their own account of what they understood from what you said.

“No, Namjoon ah, she said she’s just not mentally well to handle us—“

“Mental health doesn’t excuse you from running away from us!”

“You can’t dump us just when we’re meant to stay focused for our comeback.”

“Hyung, she said break… not a break up right?”

“There’s a difference?”

“You’re leaving us?”

All this noise. Their voices had gotten so loud over each other that you couldn’t even hear your own head to try and get them on the same page.

It was just like every other night. Everyone never saw the same page and that’s how each and every one of your arguments started. No one was learning, no one was understanding, and it just proves that this environment wasn’t the place for you to get yourself back together.

So you left.

You left like a coward. You didn’t make an effort to bring them to the same page, and you didn’t make the effort to explain yourself clearer. You took off without another word with your luggage and everyone was too busy arguing about what you had said to even realize that you had left.

You left them, and you didn’t even know if they would understand that you still wanted to come back. You just needed to fix yourself, but now it felt as though you had broken up.

The boys never talked about what you said after that night. Perhaps they were still silently wishing that everything they heard was wrong and that you really were just taking a one or two day break without communication, or maybe they were too tired and busy to mention it.

They never mentioned how the dorm was silent whenever they got home. They never mentioned that the humming of your voice and the smell of your cooking weren’t there to greet their tired souls anymore. They never mentioned the fact that they knew that they needed to order dinner on the way home because they were silently praying that you were there cooking them a hot home cooked meal.

They never mentioned how your clothes and belongings seemed to disappear from their rooms. How your chargers disappeared from their place beside theirs. How the shirts you stole from them randomly appeared back to their wardrobes freshly washed and void of your smell. How all your skincare and haircare products disappeared from all their bathrooms, and the fact that they didn’t need to call a cleaner as often because your hair didn’t litter the floor after you would be done combing.

They didn’t mention any of it because they hoped you would stick to your words of a ‘break’ though now they were really beginning to question whether or not they heard ‘break’ or ‘break up’.

All of this was kept to rot in their minds until the last week they had in Seoul before their promotions. You would think they would be busier than they already were, but their management actually reverses psychology by busying the boys more in the last month before promotions and then cleaning up their schedules a week before to let them rest and let their anticipation build. It helps keep them excited for promotions rather than overworked.

This was what Taehyung had wanted to tell you about. They wanted to tell you how they were planning on taking you out on a date night before they went abroad to celebrate your birthday early… Now he wonders if they would’ve understood you better if he hadn’t interrupted you enough to make you interrupt him.

“Can we talk? Like all of us actually talk.” Namjoon says as they all sit blankly on the living room sofa whilst their eyes glaze over the show on the television.

“Yeah, I think it’s about time.” Jin says as each of them sat up straighter. Jungkook took the remote and lowered the TV to the volume close to mute as they all faced each other, yet avoided eye contact.

“So, about what Y/N said… let’s all say what we actually heard from her.” Namjoon took the leadership role as everyone nodded and he turned to Jin to start off.

“I was actually really excited when Taehyung wanted to tell her about our surprise that the first few things she said had gone over me.” Jin clarifies as everyone nods in understanding and stays silent to let him continue.

“But from what I heard, she said she needed some time off to get mentally better. I didn’t actually hear anything about what made her mentally break to the point of the situation getting like this, but yeah.” Jin explains as Taehyung furrows his brow to say something though refrains from doing it to avoid any altercation. They were going to have to listen to each other to get this shit fixed.

“She didn’t say what made her need a mental break, but she definitely hinted at the fact that we weren’t making a good environment for her to get better in any way.” Yoongi spoke up as he took it that it was his turn to speak since he was the second eldest.

“I didn’t hear a lot. It was kinda like what Jin said. Except I was so shocked by what she said that her words made sense when you heard them, but never actually processed in my brain. I’m sorry, guys.” Hoseok said as the six of them all nodded. They couldn’t blame Hobi, not when they all seemed to have some sort of dementia from that night. Their brains only process what happened before and after then turning into a mess when they try to recall the during.

“Before our busy schedules started, I talked with her about our schedule. I always did when I knew things would get busier and we couldn't give her 100%, just to give her a heads up to prepare and be aware. So when she said she needed some time away from us, I immediately jumped to the conclusion that she was running away from us. I already warned her for all of this and it wasn’t like this was the first time she had been with us after such tremendous work, so I thought she finally had enough of us and that this break was actually a break up.” Namjoon stops as his eyes never leave from gazing coldly at the edge of their coffee table.

Everyone was silent. Namjoon’s words always silences them. They were so filled with wisdom and thoughts with meanings beyond understanding that they really do place the effort to listen when it counts. However, none of their eyes could meet each other as they all formulated their own conclusion to what Namjoon was trying to say.

“Now that I think back on it… We were very much in the wrong. All of us. She asked us to listen to her for one last time and we should have taken that chance to properly hear her out and have a proper discussion on what we could do to make her stay… Instead we fought again. We did the thing that she claimed has made this environment with us so hostile that she can’t be mentally well in it.” Namjoon sighs as he feels tears prick at his eyes and all the members come to a silent understanding of everything Namjoon said.

For once in the past few weeks, they had finally silently agreed on the meaning of something, yet it didn’t feel relieving or accomplishing. It felt colder to know that they had done it too late.

“Can’t we still talk to her right now? Beg for her to come back and have a proper discussion with us?” Jimin pipes up as his face looks completely wrecked after the few moments of silence that they took to understand Namjoon’s words. Tear stains littered his cheeks and his voice didn’t seem like it was far from breaking out into a sob, yet he still mustered up the strength to speak his only idea.

“Has anyone texted her after that night?” Namjoon asks as everyone looks up to see if anyone raises a hand, though their hearts plummet to their stomach when no one does.

Everyone had been too pussy to text you. They all thought the other would do it and somehow bring you back to the apartment by themselves, though their reliance had now been their downfall. They were now angered. Angered at themselves for not making the move sooner. It had been two weeks and yet no one made the effort to contact you.

“Fuck, no one?” Yoongi says as he meets each and everyone’s eyes as they all told no.

“Fuck.” Hoseok mutters as he takes a throw pillow and hugs it to his chest before he leans back on the sofa to now point his gaze at the ceiling.

“Shit, do you think she thinks we just let her go so easily? Like we didn’t even text her as an effort to get her back? We just let her sneak out whilst we were arguing about what she sai—“ Taehyung’s rambling was interrupted by his own voice cracking and Jimin patting his back as the man himself looked like he was holding himself back.

“I’m angry. I’m angry at us for not even trying to text her. I’m angry at myself for thinking one of you had texted her already.” Jimin says as he finishes comforting Taehyung to now wrap his knees with his arms in a way to comfort himself.

“It’s not too late…” Jungkook suggests, though the silence that followed the reluctance they all had.

They were desperate to bring you back, but at the same time, you had asked for space and texting you so late into the break seemed like it was a brewing mistake. However, shouldn’t they try to fix their past mistakes by contacting you and showing just how stupid they had been.

“I know what you’re all thinking. You’re thinking that we’re too late. That she had probably made up her mind already about the break up because none of us went to immediately call her, but shouldn’t we at least try?” A tear slips past Jungkook’s eyes as his voice grows weaker, yet he pushes words out his vocal cords.

“Don’t we love her? Isn’t she worth fighting for?” Jungkook buries his head into the throw pillow he cuddled on the carpeted floor as he breaks into sobs that Jimin tried to comfort him out of.

But the youngest of them did speak the most fact. They loved you to uncountable amounts, so you are more than worth fighting for. They just didn’t know if they could still fight for you when they were two weeks late from the battle.

The boys all ate their dinner in numbing peace that night. Not a single argument or tease wanted to roll off their tongue, instead they were just talking. Talking about anything and everything, but the fact that they were missing their eight soulmates, their eighth piece to the puzzle of their small family.

It felt nostalgic watching each other play on the gaming stations they haven’t used in a month. It felt weird to dust off the balcony to sit on the patio chairs that were last used by you and Namjoon. It felt bone crushing when Jungkook went to his cupboard of board games to find something they could play, only to find their game of a sexy adult game on the top of the pile.

They weren’t blind and they all knew something was missing. There was this unmistakable silence when they spoke to each other, a missing note when they laughed together, a missing pair of feet padding around the house.

Jin tried his best to not show how these little subtle things got to him. The fact that there were nights where he gamed way too late despite their schedule because he lost track of time again and had somewhat relied on you to remind him that he needs sleep again. He also ignored the fact that he was currently gaming on the console in their living room instead of the one in his own room because it had overheated after he forgot to unplug it for a whole night. He thought someone else would’ve unplugged it for him, but then again you were the only one who unplugged it for him. These nights he finds himself slowly inching closer to the wall as he sleeps. He finds that the smell of your shampoo on that side of the bed is the only thing that can put him to sleep after a rough gaming session.

Yoongi on the other hand was the opposite to Jin. He could even say that he hasn’t thought about you much, due to the fact that he had been overworking himself restless these past few days. He figured that since he doesn’t have to greet you at the dorm then he could stay at his studio just a little longer and come home with his files in a laptop to continue working at. It was better this way, he would say. He avoided any arguments when they got home, and he kept his mind off you by doing the things that you had countlessly reminded him not to do. Despite managers even telling him to get some rest. He would never listen, and they knew that he wouldn’t listen because he only ever listened to you.

Hoseok, in the meantime had his whole sleeping schedule fucked up and everyone could see how badly it affects him on the daily. He missed how he would elicit a groan from you when he asked you if you’d join him for a morning jog, though somehow you’d still force yourself to get ready in less than five minutes. He missed the way you would let your boisterous laugh out when you were with him. He missed the way you would point at everything and anything when you jogged or went on hikes. He missed you so much that you were the only thing on his mind. The image of your face permanently embedded in his mind, to the point that there’d be times where he’d see you in the reflection of the mirror in their dance studio. He missed you so much in fact that he would enter the dance studio with only half his mind and the boys grew even more worried when they would mess up and Hoseok wouldn’t even bat an eyelash at them. It was as if he turned blind and void. He didn’t care if they were being sloppy with the choreography, as long as he did his moves with effort then it was up to the other choreographers and staff to berate the others on their mistakes.

Jimin, in the meantime, was a complete mess. The others would agree that he was the reason the staff had actually connected the dots of the fact that they were dumped, because Jimin had never looked as swollen as he did the first three days you left them. His low performance during dance practice even made choreographers turn the other way as they knew he was hurting though prefered to say their corrections softly so as to not hurt him more. He looks like he hasn’t gotten any rest and Hoseok knows that he hasn’t because he could still hear him tossing and turning on his bed when he would randomly wake up in the middle of the night. Jimin always had trouble sleeping. It was something that you couldn’t even fix, yet you always helped by taking out all his remaining energy or making him some tea, even the simple action of running your nails on his scalp helped soothe him to sleep. Now the problem had turned ten times worse when you weren’t here to ease him, yet you filled his mind and kept him void from closing his eyes for too long that he might think his vision of you was reality.

Taehyung was similar to his 1995 counterpart. However, his professionalism came on top and he would never even let a glimpse of his sadness show when he was in the HYBE building. It may seem like a good thing, but it really wasn’t far off as he would coop up all his sad thoughts about you until the end of the day where he’d stuff his face with every possible thing in the fridge to keep himself from sobbing, though it never worked. It never worked for when his grandma died or when they were all having a hard time during 2018, so it wasn’t going to start randomly working now. The food he ate could only suppress half of the pain he had inside. He missed you and your soft hair. He missed the way your fingers played with his locks and how he would return the favor by running his own fingers through your soft hair. The smell of your shampoo filling his senses as you would let him style your hair in any braid he had learned to do on youtube. The black hair tie he bought specifically to style your hair still tightly around his wrist. Waiting for you to come back as he finally learned how to do a Dutch braid this time around.

Jungkook, alternatively, seemed to be the least affected member of them all. He went along with his day fine. He joked with staff whenever the others seemed too busy in their heads during a meeting, and he acted oblivious to everything happening. He doesn’t spend much time at the apartment either for his hyungs to gauge how he truly was reacting to the situation. He started getting out more frequently. Some staff members even see him at the other side of Seoul, and when they would ask why he was there then he’d just shrug his shoulders and touch his mask. He’d take a look at his surroundings in case someone noticed that he was the Jungkook and then he would continue on his way. He would spend more time at the Hannam The Hill gym. He started going to more parks, malls, restaurants, and hidden gems in Seoul because he couldn’t bear staying at the dorm, not when you had practically lived and touched every surface of it too. He couldn’t bear seeing everyone upset, so he chose to distract himself with exploration. Perhaps in a different universe he was actually taking you there, he might’ve taken all eight of you there. Maybe, just maybe.

Namjoon wasn’t blind. He saw all of them suffer. He wasn’t blind to how he had suffered either. His lyrics turned more and more angsty as the days went by, and a longing to vent everything to someone weighed on his chest though it felt as though the seven people could vent to were also feeling the same problems.

Namjoon would get up in the middle of the night and walk near every bedroom door in the house. He knew when Jin was still up gaming when it was already two in the morning. He knew when Yoongi was still working on his laptop when he just came home from an extended three hours at his studio. He knew when Hoseok had woken up from a nightmare because of a small gasp that would sound from his and Jimin’s shared room. He also knew how Jimin barely slept because he would toss and turn every few minutes under his duvet. He knew when Taehyung would sneak out of his and Jungkook’s shared room to get a whole bucket of ice cream from the refrigerator freezer, and he knew when Jungkook would silently sneak back into their dorm after taking a mysterious late night walk.

Namjoon knew all of this was happening and yet he didn’t do anything to stop them because he thought this was what they deserved. They deserved this for neglecting you. They deserved to miss you, so that when they beg for you to come back then they would have surely learned their lesson.

“Good night guys, let’s all send a text to her tomorrow afternoon after our short schedule.” Jin says as all of them seemed a little more at ease when they retreated to their bedrooms that night.

Namjoon didn’t hear Jin play his games, Yoongi made his music, Hoseok’s gasp from a nightmare, Jimin tossing or turning, Taehyung sneaking into the kitchen, or Jungkook sneaking in and out. The dorm was entirely silent and peaceful for the first time in a long time.

Though Namjoon’s eyes stayed on one thing… his phone.

He shouldn’t break a plan, but he thought that they all had learned their lessons. What if they all get their hopes up only to call their eighth lover to tell them that they have been officially over for all this time.

He couldn’t bear to see everyone’s hearts officially shatter. He needed an answer now, so that he could at least get himself together by tomorrow in the case that they do get rejected and one of them needs to stay emotionally sober.

[1:27] Namjoon: Hey…

[1:28] Namjoon: I know it’s late, literally and figuratively.

[1:30] Namjoon: We really miss you. It’s been 2 weeks and we’ll spend our last week in Seoul with more time in our schedules. I don’t think we can go do promotions in America if we can’t get on the same page as you.

[1:32] Namjoon: I don’t think I can handle America without you. I don’t even care about management anymore. I just need you, and I would give anything to at least let all of us meet just for a moment to talk.

[1:33] Namjoon: I hope you’re doing well.

[1:34] Namjoon: You have your sleeping schedule fixed!! If the reason you’re not reading this is because you’re resting right now.

[1:35] Namjoon: We love you, princess. We miss you.

[1:37] Namjoon: Text me back when you can?

[1:40] Namjoon: Sleep well

Namjoon sighs. His eyes were starting to hurt and he couldn’t figure out if it was because of his tiredness, intense focus on his phone screen while the lights were off, or if it was from the sting that threatened tears. Whatever it may be, he avoids thinking about it by imagining you. Wherever you may be. Perhaps they should even go to your apartment, though what if you get even more angry? You did say that you needed a break from them.

It was now the afternoon of the next day. The boys had all been driven back to their dorm after dropping by the HYBE building to only get a printed file of their schedule in America.

They all seemed more at peace today. Their car rides felt more restful, though an underlying nervousness crept on its seams. They had all planned to send private messages to you by the afternoon. They knew your schedule, and they could only hope that it hadn’t changed from the last time you told them it changed.

They all sat in the living room as they all took out their phones and formulated what they should say. They were making sure to keep it personal to each of them, not too long, not too short, not emotional, yet not robotic. They needed to let you feel that they missed you without it coming across as overbearing. They wanted you to feel just how much they had learnt from their mistakes. They wanted to meet you even for just a moment.

Jimin thinks that a single glimpse at you could fix everything. It would fix and heal all of them like a drop of magical medicine.

So they all formulated for an hour, as a drama played on the TV despite no one listening to it. They all came together and made sure to say the right things before sending it all at different times. They weren’t stupid. They won’t send it all at the same time. They’ll send it in different minutes, because that’s logical.

[14:21] Seokjin: Good afternoon, sweetheart. How have you been? I hope you’re doing well. I hope you’re getting enough rest. It’s almost your birthday soon, and I actually had something planned for it since we would spend it in the states but I don’t know if that’s possible now. I want you to know that I’ll always be here waiting for you. Take as much time as you need, but when things get rough then don’t be afraid to call me or any of us. I love you, sweetheart. Don’t forget to eat well and drink lots of water. Take care!

[14:22] Yoongi: I’m gonna skip the bullshit. I know you have seven more messages to go and read, and honestly we’re all in the living room formulating our messages. This is the first time in weeks that we actually came together to work on something other than choreo and music. It’s damn impressive what our love for you makes us do. We need you back, love. Everyone is miserable without you. Even Hobi has gone to shits. You know I hate talking about other people or what you call it as ‘tea’, but I think this is something I would actually ‘spill’ to you about. Just come home. Come back to us. We miss you and will always love you. No matter what. If you need any help mentally, emotionally, or physically. We are just one call away, so please don’t be afraid. Don’t run away.

[14:23] Hoseok: Hey beautiful… stuff isn't too good right now hahahaha. I miss you by my side. I haven’t been jogging lately and you know how my ankles get when the only movement they do is intense dancing and walking. I need my jogging partner back, or if you don’t want to jog then we don’t have to. I just need someone to annoy, early in the morning. Jungkookie isn’t reciprocating my love of annoying him either. I think he’s been going to the gym more often because his muscles are definitely stronger than they were two weeks ago, so it’s kinda scary annoying him in the morning when his biceps alone could send my head swinging. The dorm has been unbearably clean too. No one’s making a mess like you do, so I have no one to berate. I can’t believe I’m saying this right now, but I miss your loose hair strands littering our shiny floor. I just realized that it definitely made the dorm a home instead of a shiny marble tiled showroom. God, I miss you. Just stay safe and I love you. Text us back whenever you can.

From: Your Hope

To: My Hope

“Namjoon hyung, it’s your turn.” Jimin says as the six of them look towards their leader though he only lets out a meek smile.

“I already sent her a few messages last night.” Namjoon smiles as the boys look at him with shocked faces.

“What?! Without us?!” Jungkook says.

“I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t sleep if I didn’t send it right then.” Namjoon shrugs as everyone understands and even thought that it could make the chances of you responding better.

[14:25] Jimin: Hi babyy, miss you. I know how you should always put yourself first, so I’m not going to ask you to come back. Not when you feel ready to get totally pampered by all of us. When you come back I’m going to kiss you everywhere that you’d probably have to detain me to keep me off you. We haven’t even finished our game yet. Let’s play again sometime soon okay? And my gosh, there is so much gossip you’re missing out on right now. Text me back when you get this ‘cause I need to vent all the info I learned from one of our new makeup noonas. Stay well and take care! Love you mwah mwah! Gossip soon!

[14:26] Taehyung: Babyyyy! Did you know the HYBE cafeteria was selling your favorite meal last week?! It was perfectly cooked and seasoned, I swear! I’ll tell them to serve it again soon so that we can both judge whether it's better than the place that we usually get it from. Speaking of which, I heard our favorite frozen yogurt place had opened a branch near Hyochang Park, so we should definitely give it a look soon! Have you been following the fashion trends still? There’s this ridiculous trend on pants that I’ve been seeing and both me and Hoseok have agreed that it sucks, but we’re still wondering what your thoughts are on it. It sucks when we don’t have your opinion to help us see more than what we see in our funnel vision. We really really miss you. I love you. Don’t get sick and try to get back to us when you see this!

[14:26] Jungkook: BABBBBYYYY!!! HOW HAVE YOU BEEN??? I MISSED YOUU, WE MISSED YOU! Yoongi hyung said that we needed to make our messages deep and meaningful, but really I just want to say one thing and it’s that we’re sorry. We really are. And I know Jin hyung specifically told us to not beg for you back because you needed time and space to yourself, but please come back. It hurts when you’re not here, and no matter what I do it doesn’t go away. Let me take you somewhere when you get back. I know a place where you can scream out all your frustrations and feelings so that you can feel better mentally. I know a place Taehyung hyung had been eyeing for a while, maybe we should go there together. It’s some frozen yogurt place that I know you both love and it’s near Hyochang Park and a hidden attraction of Seoul that I heard from Mingyu. We’ve gotten better too! Less arguments when we can all agree that everyone just misses you. It’s kinda funny cause if I can replay one moment in my life then it would be that night. I should have listened to you rather than arguing with my hyungs. I should have listened with both my ears fully tuned to you because now we’re all in this stuck and confused area where we don’t know whether or not we’re on a break or we broke up. Like that’s something so important to know, but we’re not even sure what we are to you, and we were too scared to even message you immediately after. We don’t even know if you got home safe that night, and it hurts me to know that we’ve been neglecting you like this for so long. You’ve been with us through multiple comebacks and you’ve taken it all with no complaint until now. Please, don’t break up with me— with us. Just come back. Come home, please? We know where we went wrong now. It hurts and I don’t think it’ll get better unless you’re here with me— with us.

After they all sent their messages they had opted to watch a movie together, whilst all their phones laid face up with their volumes on high in case you’d respond to one of them. However, as the day got later and staff came knocking to deliver their dinner, no messages from you came through to any of their phones. And when everyone had gone to prepare dinner, Namjoon took a look at his phone to see that even his messages from last night hadn’t been sent.

Had you blocked them? Or changed your number entirely? Shit, he really doesn’t want all of them to come over to your place to beg you and get into your personal space, but if you had blocked them they’d have no choice.

“Guys, did your messages even get sent? Mine aren’t going through to her for some reason. Did she block me?” Namjoon asked and the boys never missed the dejection in his voice when he said the possibility of getting blocked by you.

Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook left from helping set up the table as they went to retrieve their phone from the coffee table to open and see their messages.

“Yeah, mine didn’t send either. It just bounced back.” Hoseok says as the maknae line quickly enters their passcodes to see it for themselves, each of their faces saying the same thing.

“Did she block us?”

“She wouldn't, right?”

“She wouldn’t have blocked us if she didn’t properly break up with us.” They all said synchronously as Jin and Yoongi looked up to see the commotion and sent a look towards each other.

“No, you know she doesn’t do blocking shit.” Yoongi cuts in to defend your name as Jin clears his throat. The look they sent each other was to defend you, though he prefered explaining it rather than swearing it on their faces. They were at more peace with each other than they had been for a few months and the reason you needed a break was because of the countless arguments they had, and the negative environment they created. It was counterintuitive to argue over you, when the reason you left was because of arguing.

“What Yoongi meant to say was that we all know that she wouldn’t block us. Remember when that friend of hers had said multiple bad things behind her back and we told her to block them, but her sweet soul just couldn’t? She sees it as ‘rude’, so the fact that you guys are accusing her of blocking you means that you think she’s rude. Do you think she’s rude?” Jin asks and the room falls silent as everybody knew you wouldn’t block anyone no matter what they did to you.

“Besides, she needed a break not a break up. You don’t block people when you’re on a break.” Yoongi adds.

“What if she did break up with us and we just didn’t understand her properly.” Jungkook says as his eyes seem lost in his own mind.

“Or she’s slowly easing us into a break up… like she knows it’ll hurt us if she did so suddenly then maybe after a few weeks of this break she breaks up with us?” Taehyung speaks out as the room stays silent.

Everyone wanted to defend you. They wanted to tell Taehyung that he was wrong and that you loved them too much, though they were out of proof to tell him otherwise.

Hoseok sighs as he eyes the table that had been set up with takeout food the staff had brought for them. “Let’s just eat. Maybe she’s just somewhere without signal or internet today.” Hoseok says as he was the first to walk to the dining room table with Jin and Yoongi.

“Yeah… or maybe her phone broke.” Namjoon follows as the maknae line glances at their phone before leaving theirs on the coffee table with the rest of the phones.

“Hunger makes us overthink, right?” Jin laughs awkwardly as the rest nodded though the question of your whereabouts remained on their minds

Three days. They had three days left and the hope they had in you receiving their messages decreased by the days. The nagging for them to drive to your apartment grew and not even the eldest of them could stop the temptation. The only thing stopping them was how the staff kept a closer eye on them to avoid any unnecessary injuries or scandals to arise right before the promotions began.

They thought that they would go to the States and do their promotions with the question of when you were coming back nagging in their minds, though their prayers were answered this Wednesday afternoon.

The boy’s were separated in two black vans. Three on one and Four on the other since they only spent five hours at the HYBE building today and had none of their personal assistants with them. Everyone was preparing in packing up and getting ready for four weeks of promotions in America, yet all of the boys held on to the little hope that they could see you before then.

Jungkook sat on a van with his sleeping Yoongi hyung and a Namjoon hyung that was typing away a message to send to his personal assistant for the products he needed to be bought from the grocery stores for their trip. Jungkook on the other hand just enjoyed sitting behind his two hyungs as he watched the buildings pass by the window. His phone was in his pocket and his head leaned on the glass of the window as nothing but the wheels turning and the engine working sounded in the van.

He was sure he would fall asleep any moment now, though the light vibration from his phone on his pocket had woken him up from dozing off. He took out his phone and checked the message as he was expecting his own PA to ask him for a list of things he needed. He even had a list written on his notes app already, so all he needed to do was copy it and paste it into their Kakaotalk chat.

However, a message from his PA was not what made his phone buzz. It was you.

Jungkook felt his heart skip a beat. Multiple beats. It felt like he was having a heart attack at the way the sound of his heart pumping was all he could hear as he tapped on the message notification you sent.

[17:35] Y/N: Jungkookie, why are you all sending such long messages?? You know I hate reading long ones 😭

[17:36] Y/N: I just got back to Busan city. Let me read your essay first, so that I can respond.

[17:37] Y/N: It better have good grammar HAHHAHAHAH.

You were laughing? Did you seriously laugh when… well you haven’t read their messages yet, and from the look on Hoseok’s face it seems like you haven’t responded to theirs yet either. Jungkook figured that his message was the one sent the latest since he was the last to send his, therefore he would be on top of your chats.

What did you mean that you just got back to Busan city? Why were you in Busan? Why are you so chill and laughing on chat? And why were you cracking jokes on how his message is so long that it could be an essay? Jungkook just couldn’t understand and his mind was simply too shocked to even tell his hyungs anything, so he waited.

He waited until he saw your bubbles appear to indicate you were typing something, and he watched when it would disappear for a while before coming back to type some more.

[17:47] Y/N: What the hell?! Jungkook, what do you mean break up??

What a short response after you seemed to have been typing for two minutes. Jungkook didn’t know what to respond. He was in shock, or maybe he was having a ture heart attack. He was dying or perhaps he was already dead, and his mind was playing hopeful games on him.

[17:49] Y/N: What do you mean Yoongi and Jin said something-something? I have to get to my hotel first, but we’ll talk about this later. Only us, I don’t like Jin and Yoongi telling you what you should or shouldn’t say. What are you guys doing?

You sounded strict despite messages not explicitly holding emotions, and suddenly Jungkook had to swallow a lump stuck in his throat. Hotel? Will you actually talk about the message later or are you saying that to avoid talking to him? God, he shouldn’t be thinking about this when he knows you wouldn’t do that to him or any of them. So instead he replied with a simple ‘okay’.

Typical Jungkook, because he was always one to be simple in his texting.

Jungkook waited. Patiently, he waited. Until the hours of the evening and when the members had planned to game in the living room. Jungkook waited with patience. After Yoongi excused himself to have some time alone, Jungkook also followed and claimed he wanted some fresh air because all this waiting was silently creeping up to his bones and muscles.

He could feel himself fidgeting and he knows Jimin sees it too. He should have probably told them about how you have internet now and probably read their messages, but something about the way you said ‘Only us’ made his tongue stuck in his throat. It suddenly felt like this was his first time talking to his crush and not his faithful partner and love of his life.

He walked around the hill for a few minutes with his head buried in his hoodie and a cap hiding his face under the stars of the sky. He was trying to calm his nerves.

Why was it taking you so long to get to a hotel? Why were you in Busan? You had no family in Busan, so why are you there? Since you’re talking to him does that confirm that you didn’t break up wi—

A buzz came through his phone and he almost dropped it as he took it out of his pocket to see that the notification had your name on it. He breathed out a breath of cold air first before he pressed it and read your message.

[20:07] Y/N: Jungkookie, sorry it's a bit late but I had to take care of some things before I could talk to you.

[20:07] Jungkook: Don’t worry about it, baby.

Jungkook’s breath hitched as he realized that he might’ve been overstimulating you by calling you ‘baby’ immediately. What happened to taking it slow and making sure they were there for you, so that you can determine that they care about your mental wellbeing?

[20:08] Y/N: Can we call? I need to talk to you properly and my fingers are tired from typing.

Jungkook chuckled as he sent a thumbs up emoji before he accepted your audio call. He placed the phone against his ears as he was about to say ‘hello’, though your voice beat him to it and greeted him first.

“Kookie?”

Your voice felt so foreign, yet sweet and melodic. Something he had yearned for too long that he could cry knowing all the nights he wished he heard it one more time. Your voice carried weight, though Jungkook’s mind went blank at comprehending any cues. Your voice held worry. Why were you all sending such long messages and why was Jungkook hurting?

Oh shit, was he crying? His mind finally caught up after getting lost in your voice. Something wet rolled down his cheeks as his nose sniffed and you repeated the call of his name.

“Yeah, baby. I’m here.” Jungkook responded as another tear rolled down his cheek and he didn’t do much to stop it, but to sniff his nose.

“Are you crying? Are you alright? What did you mean in the message? About Jin and Yoongi telling you what to do in your messages with me, and you hurting? Why are you hurting? Who hurt you, baby?” Your voice said in chorus, however it carried all the care that Jungkook had longed for in the past weeks.

Jungkook was fully sobbing into his phone now as he sits himself on a nearby bench, scared that if he doesn't sit then his body might collapse. He doesn’t really know why he was crying. I mean he finally got his wish of hearing your voice one last time, yet the care you had in your tone and your endearment through your words made him realize just how much he missed your voice.

“Jungkookie, I need you to calm down okay? Who’s there with you? Are any of the boys there?” You asked as Jungkook shook his head. No one was here. That’s what he liked about walking around Hannam The Hill at night. Usually people would be inside eating dinner or resting now, and they had the tightest security that not even his favorite food deliveries could enter and would require a staff member to pick the food up for them instead and deliver it to their dorm.

“No… I’m— I’m out for a walk right now… I missed you…” Jungkook whispered the last part more so to himself, though you heard it clear as day.

“Kookie… can you explain to me thoroughly what you meant in your message?” You asked softly as Jungkook forced his sniffles away to tell you everything.

He let it all out. About all his hyungs and him wanting to apologize to you and how much they’ve struggled without you. How they were all miserable during their practices, yet they all sucked it up for the promotions.

He told you how Jin would come out of his room with eyebags from forgetting to sleep because of his games, and how Yoongi already had three songs in the works because he was overworking himself day and night again. He told you how Hoseok wasn’t doing well with the choreography and didn’t even care when the members got something wrong. He told you how Namjoon had been an overthinking mess and was practically observing all of the boy’s moves. Namjoon might think he’s sneaky, but Jungkook is aware of the fact that the leader stays up until he gets back to the dorm after his adventures. He told you how everyone in HYBE has a little clue that the seven of them were dumped because Jimin came in with the most swollen eyes that night you left. He even joked how Jimin must’ve told you something about the new gossip in the building, but left out the fact that they were part of the topic in hand. He told you how Taehyung had been getting really careless with the stuff he eats, and that he had even tried out some new candies from his hyung’s cravings that were stashed in their bedroom mini fridge.

He told you how their fighting stopped when they didn’t have to sit down on the same table to eat dinner. They didn’t have you to gather together for, so what stopped them from eating in their rooms? He told you how they had their first agreed discussion because the subject of the topic was you.

He told you everything and he knew his hyungs would call him a snitch afterwards, though he didn’t care. If they weren’t going to beg for you, then he would for the rest of them.

“Jungkookie… I— I…” You were at a loss for words as you took in what he said and opened up another tab to see all their long messages.

“That’s why we need you back, baby. It hurts. It hurts me to see them like this, and it hurts me more to know that we’ll forever be incomplete.” Jungkook said as swallows a lump in his throat to stop his emotional rant. If you broke up with him now then at least he knew he did his best.

“Jungkook ah! Did yours get seen too?” Taehyung’s voice shouted as soon as his eyes landed on the youngest member entering the dorm through the entrance corridor. The other six men in the room turned to see what the youngest would answer.

“Huh?” He asks as he removes his mask and walks to where his hyungs sat in the living room.

“Has Y/N seen your message already?” Jimin says as Jungkook eyes all their opened phone screens. He checks his own phone and sees that his long message did get seen and nods as he eyes the rest of the men.

“Wait! Mine just got seen too!” Taehyung jumps up from his seat as he shows his phone screen to everyone. Jungkook lets out a small chuckle to himself. His hyungs reaction to getting his message seen was so different from his silent heart attack. Taehyung’s smile never looked so bright despite the unsureness of the situation.

“Baby, called me earlier…” Jungkook breaks the ice as all his hyungs turn to him with curiosity in their wide eyes.

“When?”

“What.”

“Huh??”

“Earlier?”

“What did she say?”

“Why didn’t you tell us?”

The boys spoke synchronously as Jungkook closed his eyes and tried to roughly summarize the events of the phone call.

“Baby, saw my message earlier in the ride back to the dorm and told me we needed to call privately—“

“So that’s why you were so fidgety and walked out.” Jimin interrupts as Namjoon takes this statement seriously and sends an even more intense glare to the maknae.

“I didn’t intend to keep the call secret, that’s why I’m telling you now…”

“You tried to hide the fact that Y/N saw your message already when I asked you. Do you call that being honest?” Taehyung bites back a little angry at being left out at some very important information, and he wasn’t the only one feeling this way.

“No, I—“

“Jungkook ah, you are going to be honest with us, won’t you?” Hoseok speaks up as Jungkook’s eyes widens and he was about to tell everyone that he would be completely honest to them. However, a few more boys spoke up about Jungkook’s honesty.

“Can we really trust him? He has been sneaking off lately…”

“Jungkook, this isn’t just something to be light about. We need every detail honestly as it was, because this isn’t just about your relationship with her, it's ours too.”

“I can’t belie—“

“God, can’t you guys listen for once?! I’m telling you that I’ll tell the truth, but you haven’t even let me speak for once. Was this how we treated Y/N that night, because I’d definitely leave any moment now.” Jungkook’s loud voice spoke as the room went silent. Jungkook takes a breath in to clear his mind before he continues. It didn’t matter if his hyungs took his words seriously now. He just wants the events out before any altercation.

“Baby called and said something about spending some time in the provinces outside Busan with her aunt and uncle.”

“With her favorite cousin?” Hoseok asks as Jungkook nodded.

“Yeah that one. That’s why our messages were getting bounced back. She saw mine first when she finally got signal because mine was sent last, and she said she’d call me and talk about it ‘cause I kinda went overboard with my message…”

“I knew you wouldn’t follow what I said.” Yoongi massaged his forehead, though gestured for him to continue.

“Yeah… I continued to not listen to you in the call either because I kinda dumped everything I’ve noticed us do without her and begged for her not to dump us…” Jungkook straightens his lips as he thinks back at how he got carried away exposing their weakest parts in a phone call.

Jin slaps his own forehead and Yoongi’s jaw drops as he contains his emotions by closing his eyes. Namjoon and Hoseok had their mouths open as Jimin and Taehyung looked at the youngest like he was crazy, though turned to each other to help keep their chuckles held back as they could already imagine your face when Jungkook vents out.

“Jungkook ah, what exactly did you tell her about Jin hyung?” Jimin asks as he leans on his elbows from his seat on the couch. Jungkook looks down at where Jin sits at the edge of the couch furthest from where he stands and swallows.

“I told her about how Jin hyung plays all night and forgets to sleep…” Jungkook’s voice was meek though it was enough to send Jimin and Taehyung laughing to lean their head at the back of the couch.

“And what did you tell her about Jimin?” Jin challenges as Jimin snaps out of his laughter and stares into Jungkook’s soul.

“I told her about how the entire HYBE building knows we got dumped because Jimin hyung came to work with the most swollen eyes…”

“Yah! Were you looking for a fight?!” Jimin threatens as he stands up with a fist ready to fake a fight, though they were all silenced when Hoseok’s serious voice speaks from the laughter of Jin and Taehyung and pulls on the fabric of Jimin’s shirt to sit him back down on the sofa.

“How did she respond to your confession?” Hoseok asks as Jungkook drops his head to gaze at the floor and all the members’ hearts sink to their stomachs. Fuck, what else would elicit that reaction if not the news that they were truly dumped.

“She said that she wanted to meet us, so that she could talk about it face-to-face.” Jungkook says as Namjoon carefully runs his hand through his hair.

“Talk about what?” Namjoon asks as Jungkook shrugs his shoulders.

“Jungkook, be honest.” Yoongi warns as Jungkook looks up to meet all their eyes.

“I asked her what she wanted to talk about but she just said that we’d talk about it then. All of us will go. If we can…” Jungkook says as Jin, Yoongi, Hoseok, and Namjoon collectively look at each other with furrowed brows.

“Right, we’ll meet with her tomorrow, and beg her to come back!” Jimin says as if it was the most absolute plan.

“How do we know that Jungkook is telling the truth? What if this is some sick joke?” Taehyung speaks up as Jungkook looks offended at the statement.

“Would I joke about something like this?” Jungkook asked as the room silenced, though the sound of their phones buzzing got all their heads turning towards their phones.

A message from you.

[20:59] Y/N: Jungkook told me everything and I saw your messages. Let’s meet up sometime soon? I’ll be in Seoul by nine in the morning tomorrow. When are you guys free?

Everyone had quickly jumped to their phones to begin typing a response, though Hoseok quickly halted everyone.

“Are we even free tomorrow? Weren’t we supposed to have a meeting over our visas and papers for America tomorrow? We have less than three days.” Hoseok voices out his worries as Namjoon licks his lips and looks at all the boys that had their eyes on him. His brain has already begun formulating a plan that would satisfy all of them.

“I’ll message management and reschedule our meeting in the evening. Y/N comes first.” Namjoon says the last sentence as a fact that they all agree on as messages in response to your message flowed through their group chat.

The date was scheduled and some relief filled all their bodies. However, none of them were sure if tomorrow’s meet up with you would bear good or bad news.

You entered the restaurant that you and the boys both loved going to. A familiar staff of the restaurant leads you past regular tables to their private rooms. It was uncommon to have private room bookings early in the day, especially on a weekday so the restaurant was fairly empty and you were led to one of the largest private rooms the restaurant had.

Although your time helping out your aunt and uncle after your cousin’s death had been healing, and gave you closure from the untimely death, that didn’t mean that you hadn’t missed your boys. Your seven lovely men that you loved way too much for it to be healthy.

You thought about your actions and partly took the blame for walking out so abruptly, though when you read their messages and heard from Jungkook everything that they had been doing without you, you couldn’t help but feel a little angry at how they clearly were relying on you to take care of themselves.

That’s why you called to meet them. You were sure the break would last at most a month and spending time away at the province had healed your mental despair, so you weren’t about to ignore them just as they’ll leave for promotions. Namjoon said it himself, he can’t handle America without you as a support system and surely the boys need someone to help ground them too, but that doesn’t mean that they can let go of themselves just because you weren’t there.

You knocked on the traditional wooden door before you slid it open and peaked your head to see the seven boys staring at you with wide eyes as they stood up from their seats. You took a step into the room and closed the door behind you. Part of you had expected all of them to jump at you, though they all stayed in their spots seemingly cautious of your presence as you turned to face them.

They were wearing relatively relaxed outfits as you didn’t even get to change from your train ride from Busan. You wore denim high-waisted baggy jeans with a gray fitted long-sleeve top with a puffer jacket of your favorite color and a beanie that matched it. A standard outfit, though it made you feel a bit overdressed when you see that Jungkook and Hoseok were wearing literal shorts.

“Hey… sorry I’m a bit late. I ran into some traffic on the way here.” You smiled at them whilst you removed your coat and beanie. Jin had immediately come to your side to help take your coat and hat off to place to the side whilst greeting you with a cautious kiss on the cheek to which you smiled at.

“No worries, we just arrived too.” Namjoon smiles, though the rest of the members knew for a fact that they were here half an hour early just in case you were early.

You observed that the table had exactly eight seats. Jimin, Taehyung, Jungkook, and Namjoon sat on the left side and Hoseok, Yoongi, and Jin on the right side. The only available seat being the one in between Yoongi and Jin, so you slowly walked towards it. Each step reverberated against the walls and it was starting to feel suffocating in the large private room.

“Someone please talk, this is getting awkward.” You spoke with a chuckle at the end as the men all laughed and Yoongi greeted you as you reached your seat.

“We just missed you, Love.” Yoongi says timidly, though as his hand snakes its way to your waist and you make no move to inch away from it, he warms up and flashes you a smile and kisses your cheek. His lips were warm and soft on your cheek and two kisses from your eldest boyfriends instantaneously placed your heart at ease.

“I think ‘miss’ as a word doesn’t describe how we felt.” Hoseok says behind you as you turn to greet him with a hug next. Your arms slotted right around his torso as his arms wrapped around your waist and he leaned down to place a peck on your forehead.

“Baby~ we want kisses too!” Taehyung says from across the table as you turn to face them and their whole side of the table quickly walks towards your seat. They seemed more at ease now that you hadn’t shown any hint of being uncomfortable or overstimulated from their words or actions. However, there was still an underlying emotion under their eyes that you couldn’t quite identify.

Once everything was settled you all sat down and let your eyes roam over the food on the table. Plates of meat circled around the grill in the middle of the table. Small plates of side dishes and other dishes scattered for everyone’s access. It reminds you of the small pack of biscuits you had eaten nearly five hours ago since you had slept the entire train ride from Busan to Seoul.

“Let’s eat first? I think everyone’s hungry.” Jin offers the idea to everyone as you just noticed that he had been eyeing you hungrily taking in the food on the table the entire time.

Everyone hummed in agreement as you watched them slowly take some meat to place on the grill. Your hands joined them as you swallowed and looked around to see if any of them would start talking.

“So… How come you’re free right now? I thought you’d be busy with last minute preparations for promotions.” You said as you took a tong and placed some meat on the grill, though Jin was already beating you to it and took the first cooked meat on the grill to place on your bowl.

“That’s what I actually wanted to tell you about that night. We wanted to have dinner with you before we went to America. Something like celebrating your birthday in advance.” Taehyung says as before he chews on a gimbap.

A sudden realization hitting you as all you needed was a night of being back to normal to get mentally better. Perhaps if you were patient enough….

“I’m sorry abou—“

“You did what you had to.” Yoongi cuts you off as you turn to look at him. He leaned back on his chair with his arm laid on the back of your seat.

“I think Jungkookie has told you everything already, so you would know that breaking up with us taught us a few valuable lessons.” Jimin says as he drinks on a glass of coca cola and throws a glance at the youngest labeled ‘snitch’.

“What? Break up?” You asked as you furrowed your brows and looked around the table to see that the boys all looked at you with varied expressions of looming sadness

“Yeah, you said you needed a break but really it’s easing us to a break up. We’re not stupid baby.” Taehyung says a bit tense, though Jimin’s hand on his shoulder had eased him to calm down a little.

“What?! I never and will never think about breaking up with you. Unless you guys want to.” You said as you looked at them in disbelief.

“What no! Never!”

“Never, baby!”

A series of disagreements filled the table as they all silenced when Namjoon’s authoritative voice bloomed amidst the sea of uncompensable words.

“We were meant to beg you to stay with us during this meal. What do you mean you aren’t breaking up with us?” Namjoon says as you chuckled and threw your head back to rest on Yoongi’s arm.

“God, no. I said I needed a break. I was mentally exhausted after my cousin died, that’s why I went to the provinces for two weeks and got some needed healing and help out my aunt and uncle. You guys were always tired so I figured you also needed a rest from me.” You said and the boys all collectively blinked at you as if they had finally gotten to the same page as you. However, a looming sadness washes over them as they process the news of your grievance.

“Don’t tell me you didn’t understand me from my explanation that night. Were we not on the same page for almost three weeks?” You asked as Hoseok cleared his throat.

“Beautiful, you are our rest.” The lead dancer said as Jungkook raised a finger to pipe in.

“We were somewhat on the same page…” Jungkook says as Jimin and Taehyung nod to support his statement.

“We knew you needed mental rest, but we all got convinced by Taehyung that you were eventually turning this break into a break up. We didn’t— we didn’t know about…” Yoongi trails off from beside you as you abruptly stop leaning on his arm and catch his eyes with a hint of grief with you.

“God, you guys are stupid. Namjoon, did you really leave them to think like this?” You ask towards the leader as he just shrugs and keeps his eyes on the food in his bowl.

“No wonder you were all miserable. Why didn’t you at least contact me— ah shit, I’m part to blame too. I shouldn’t have walked out on you guys.” You said more to yourself as they shook their heads to dismiss your apologies.

“It’s not your fault. We just weren’t listening. We were too busy being full of ourselves and fighting. We didn’t know you had to grieve by yourself.” Jin says and you massage your forehead with a hand that leaned on the table as silence engulfed the table once more.

“I’m so sorry for your loss…”

“We all are sorry…”

“H-How did it even happen? They were so young.”

“I don’t really want to talk about it right now…” You said silently as they all watched as you shook your head whilst rubbing circles on your forehead. You let out a chuckle though it wasn’t one that they could laugh with.

“I wanna focus on this funny mess. I mean… at least you got your fighting sorted, that’s what Jungkook said to me last night at least.” You said and their lips spread into a smile and some even let out a chuckle and a nod of their heads. You were done grieving and you practically spent two weeks of grieving, so you really needed something else to think about. And the topic of your dumb miscommunication and stupidity seemed like the best distraction.

“Don’t think that I’m not mad by everything Jungkook told me. Jin, you ended the message you sent me with ‘take care’ and from what Jungkook told me, you were barely sleeping because you’ve been gaming too much again. Yoongi, you know how much I hate it when you overwork or bring your work to the dorm even after hours of working in your studio. I can’t always be there to remind you to take care of yourselves.”

The men that sat on either side of you pouted at you though your face stayed stoic.

“I’m disappointed. Now, I can’t even show my face in HYBE because everyone thinks I dumped you and if you don’t do well in your promotions then the blame is on me.”

“It’s not your fault, baby.” Jimin says comfortingly though you send him a glare that quickly quiets him.

“Is it true that the gossip you were teasing in your message is about us?” You asked as the man forced a smile and sent glare at Jungkook as the younger avoided eye contact from everyone.

“I’m going to sort this out somehow. I just need you guys back in shape to perform.” You shake your head as you pick up a piece of pork to chew on and the table goes silent once again.

“You know…I’ve been thinking for a long time and I feel like this would be the best moment to ask for it, but do you want to go to America with us?” Namjoon speaks up as all eyes go to him and to you.

You were taken aback by the question. It was one of the few rules that management had for your relationship with them and now they were asking for you to break it.

“We missed almost three weeks from you and it feels like we’ve missed everything, and it’s almost your birthday so why don’t we celebrate it there too?” Namjoon was smiling as you stared at him like he was delusional.

“Joonie, as much as I want to, your management would—“

“If you’ve read my message then you would know that I don’t care. I don’t give a fuck if the media sees us. I need you, and I speak for everyone if we haven’t gone abroad and thought about how it would be if we went to those places with you. We can book you a ticket from our personal money if we have to. We’ll sort out your accommodations and everything. All you need to do is say yes.” Namjoon asks as all eyes settle on you.

You swallow a lump in your throat and weigh out your options. If you were caught then your name could be out there, and were you ready for that? But they all looked at you with such hope in their eyes and the sound of exploring new horizons with the loves of your life seemed like a dream. They said it themselves, you were their rest, and it seemed like the best way to catch up on some needed loving.

“I just came from Busan, I’m tir—“

“Y/N, it’s a yes or no, please.” Namjoon says and you swallow with a nod as a smile creeps up your cheeks. The boys began smiling brighter right as you said ‘yes’.

“I’ll get it sorted then. We have a meeting later and I’ll bring it up.” Namjoon smiles as the dinner table erupts with cheers and it breaks off to conversations about what they’d be doing there during their free time with you.

[joneleslament]

I've recently been replaying V3 and writing down like every line of diolouge that I see through an important lens(Because I have an unhealthy obsession with this goddamn game and I know like everything about it)

And it really bothers me how like every line of diolouge outside of trials or just any line that isn't fully voiced gets forgotten, Because it leads to so many relationships between the characters being overlooked or mischaracterized to hell and back

The biggest example is Maki and Kokichi's dynamic

Everyone in the fandom says they hate each other without even bothering to listen to each other. That Maki would try to kill him the second he steps into her line of sight. That Maki was always looking for an excuse to kill him

When it's so aggravatingly wrong.

Maki was mad at him for revealing her talent and putting her in harms way(Keep in mind, Before this, Maki thought of him in the exact same light as everyone else) but this only lasts maybe a day or so in canon or just one chapter at most. Because in the post trial of chapter 3...

This scene happens. And you can perfectly see that Maki talks calmly to him and promises HIM to his FACE. That she's going to work till everyone(Which includes him) can trust her And she would NOT say any of that if she hated him You can also tell Kokichi was genuinely surprised by this, You can tell by the sprite he uses(He only ever stops like that when he's surprised or being honest) Because he's perceived Maki as a cold blooded killer who would snap on him(Trying to kill him) by the slightest teasing word.(Which, ironically, Is how a lot of the fandom perceives her) And he perceived her that way because of his belief that murder is the worst thing a person can do(And he automatically sees people who've committed it as heartless killers until proven wrong, Which surprises him because he obviously doesn't see it often) But this perception of her is false and he learns this first hand when she replies calmly to him, Making a promise, and I can't stress this enough, TO HIS FACE she's gonna fix things between them so he can trust her even if she's an assassin Right after this he makes a comment to cover up the fact he was surprised and keep up the mask he's been playing on the whole game, But honestly I feel like his view on Maki has shifted in some way. Because we already know he hates her JOB and maybe this just helped him separate the sin from the sinner(per say) I will not deny Maki hated him in chapter five though, But that's only because he 1. Kidnapped Kaito And 2. Said he was the mastermind(Which Maki believed) But she would've hated anyone if they did that(Even someone like Shuichi) so it really isn't singled out on him. And I will also admit before this, Still in chapter five, she was angry at him and suspicious of him(Because he was now making promises to kill people if stuff didn't get interesting), But, Again. It isn't singled out on him. TLDR: Maki didn't hate Kokichi until she thought he was the mastermind, And Kokichi hated her job but was able to separate her from it

[that-spider-fan-over-there]

BNHA 428: This chapter made me annoyed and yet it was still somewhat better than I expected?

Himichako. I like it, it's a good ship- not one I'm crazy about, but the vision is compelling. I mean, the loved girl on hard times who admires honesty but represses her feelings + hunger motifs, and the formerly wealthy and rejected girl who's honest to herself but masks her sadness from others + drinking motifs? Being so similar at their core from selfishness, bleeding love, admiration and imitation? Yeah, why not, sign me up, it looks fun.

(plus Ochako needed a subplot that would shy away from Izuku because oh boi her writing is messy-)

Then the ending annoucement happened and I immediately went "oh no" when I remembered that tidbit. But. Yesterday, I remembered this page from 424, which in hindsight makes sense:

Shoto moving forward and choosing to not dwell on his past anymore, because he wants to know the man he wants to become alongside his family of choice.

Spinner feeling so much grief for Tomura inside his room, his extra Quirks add up to it. Further gut points as it was all because of AFO, but the wrong person is getting the blame.

Ochako looking lost and dissatisfied, not really saying anything about Himiko's status; then her hidden injury which left a scar that'll never go away, nothing can change that.

And then, well, a sky with a chance to fight for a "bright future". Which is the most ambiguous you can get for anything, really, sequel or not.

(sidenote: is it me or the panel where she's touching her stab wound looks like a tangent line?)

Okay so, I went into the chapter, with Pikahlua's translations. It was A Chapter alright-

If it wasn't the antepenultimate chapter, the "filler" would've been welcomed. But I guess it means we should focus on the smaller details, I guess? Like that 1st year saying Izuku filled him with courage and Izuku immediately thinking of Spinner's pain? Yeah he hates himself and that people call him a hero, when he considers himself a murderer, and will never forgive himself for failing Tenko, therapy for him and everyone in Class 2-A please- yeah it was a fun detail. Also the throb of hiding your pain of "defeating" someone you wanted to save but in the end everything is miserable but everyone else is happy and you don't wanna be a bother. Fun.

Also I wasn't the one to point the out, but looking at the uniform (U.A. uniform blazer for boys + the tie with a dot for girls), the student who's a Izuku fan is probably trans/gnc, which I appreciate a lot :D (Damn Izuku attracts so many queer people I wonder if that's a sign- /hj)

Also, I guess Class A stating "[Bakugou], Midoriya and Todoroki were at the heart of it all" then focusing on Ochako is good foreshadowing on how her own battle wasn't fully recorded? It's like saying in the end her fight didn't matter, but the other ones went "well", so she's trying (and slowly failing) to keep her sadness at bay because, well, everyone's happy, so who cares? Another "throb".

I thought since the Todoroki family issues are out in the open, didn't they record the whole thing? Then I re-read it, they only saw the family stopping Touya from exploding. So they didn't see Shoto trying to talk to Touya, which means none of the LoV were humanized. Fuck's sake.

After that, I get focusing on the first years and civilians wanting to help and all, but it feels like a repeat of everything seconds before Jakku, so I assume it's a way for them to pretend things are normal? But not-quite-quoting Katsuki (<- which I will point out for my sake is very much alive and well and- oh boi LFtR will kill me) and Edgeshot here because it made me smile:

"Will you...go back to the way you were?" "I plan to attain something greater than what I was originally!"

So, yeah I suppose he'll be fine eventually. (Best J. really loving Edgeshot even as a worm, honestly, goals)

Again with Izuku remembering saying "[He'll] bring it all back" and apologizing for "not keeping his promise" and others telling him to not blame himself and they can reconstruct as many times as it takes. Again, gave me a little smile, but not for long-

Finally, Ochako pretending things are fine. Hello there, Sports Festival/Provisional License!Ochako I missed you- /hj (I miss the dorms era in general, actually.)

So... *sigh* Full disclosure: I wasn't looking forward to Himichako as we were getting 5/10 pages for the "conclusions" in the previous two, I thought Ochako would be off about Himiko being depressed about the League. But since she's MIA, red flags are now red herrings, and it's better than the dead outcome. If Ochako got another person dying in her arms that'd just break her character.

A blood transfusion takes hours, she couldn't been doing that for more than 20min, if it was gonna kill anyone it'd be Ochako. Either Himiko ran away or got arrested, and Ochako feels guilty because she doesn't know if she's dead or not. Not great, but until I see a corpse she ain't dead. Besides: Touya, Shoto, Edgeshot, Katsuki, Toshinori, Ochako herself, all physically hurt unlike her, and yet they live.

And then we have Izuku showing up. I'm upset he used OFA embers for this, but eh, it's Izuku, do I expect anything else?

Rolling with the assumption Himiko died (like our POV characters), Izuku would need to face his own failure in Ochako- Failed to save two people like she failed Himiko, but it'd be so. Empty. Ochako was true to herself, while Izuku gave nothing but "I want to save that crying kid" while fighting Tenko. The most they can do is bond with "failing" and "this isn't what we fought for". This is not really a moment where he can be a shoulder to cry on, it'd come across as hypocritical /neg.

The only way it could make sense it without being shallow on Mr. Control = Repress Your Heart's part (as he didn't open up to the two people who died in "his watch") is Ochako telling how Himiko loved yet seeing him repressing this part of his is idiotic? She likes people who are true to themselves, which Izuku hasn't been for ages, leading to him realizing something. I thought it'd be through a DvsK3 but. I'll take it, two chapters left, I just want his thoughts (and for them to talk but that can happen in the last one).

They only recorded Shoto stopping Touya from being a suicidal bomb, Ochako floating a bunch of Twice!Himiko clones and Izuku entering a coccon, popping out armless, getting them back, punching Tenko to death. The "I want to save [them]" wasn't registered, it makes sense they're (well, Izuku and Ochako mostly) weirded out about this, dissatisfied like most readers are (sidenote: why when it comes to the trio either Ochako or Shoto get sidelined? So much could tie their stories together and yet-)

It's still a tough pill. I'm not a villain stan, just wondering if those fights were for nothing- the humanity of Tenko and Himiko? Can't be proved for anyone else, since they weren't recorded.

And I don't know if anyone saw the same thing, but those "city lights" look like the bubbles from Ochako's awakening, maybe we'll get a Blackwhip or Entrance Exam callback? Maybe it's what the tagline meant by "hidden feelings", since she unlocked it to reach Himiko and doesn't think anyone would understand why. I hope it's just a nice visual though.

If Himiko is truly dead though... You know, I headcannoned the characters were telling the story through confessionals/recordings to register it to the world so they'd learn from that, but I guess the interviews Aizawa was talking about seemed more likely, which. Well it's something, but I thought it'd be everyone instead of just Class A. Idk. The idea the LoV didn't change anything, or that they did change things but don't get to see it, is bitter.

So uh. Yeah, those are my thoughts. I'm not sure how to feel about it, on one hand I want Izuku to finally open up but on the other, it feels like it'll be at Himiko and Ochako's expense by involving him in something that's theirs now. And there's a chance we'll get the "nothing is fine" from Ochako- god I'm fearing the discourse next week already :DDDD

... Man, and this is a bad timing to be in the fandom, considering the LFtR episode airs this Saturday (which will be yesterday by the time this post goes up and I'll be crying about that instead-), so uh. Yeah, this fandom will be emotionally devastated for two reasons XD

Okay, so I'll try ending this on a more optimistic note: I think Himiko is alive, and Ochako just doesn't know it, which is why we're getting 0 confirmation and a breakdown. Izuku's confrontation with her can make or break this plot, but as long as 1) we acknowledge the emotional, different stakes between the Himichako fight and Tenko vs. Izuku one and 2) it doesn't end in a confession (and let's be real, it won't), then we're probably good (sadly, if you disregard the LoV status). I still think it's an ass pull for the camera battery to go out though.

But no matter how this goes: C'mon, two chapters left now, this one was wasted on the first years, smh, let this sequel hopium be a reality I wanna know who's the 425 guy, not the poor first year who's gonna replace Shindo Yo in fanfics- /hj

[heartstringsduet]

Hi there! If you don't mind me coming to TK's defense in the fight, and specifically the issue of how he seemed so harsh. And I agree that there's a bit of an assumption on TK's part thatCarlos would support his decision. So from what I saw TK didn't really get mad until Carlos brought up his father and the search for his killer. And I think also a better way to approach him doing that would have been to try and reason with him that he has to be able to see an end to things that might not be him catching the killer, most people do because they aren't cops. But I can see how TK has already been here for a year and a half with Carlos. And he has been supportive, he only asked for therapy when it started affecting their marriage and even then he didn't ask Carlos to give up the case. So now he's the one in crisis (not the same of course) and he's looking for that support and its not there. Instead Carlos seems to be insisting TK live with him in that grief of Gabriel's death until he's ready to move on, the "and it always will be" line, and that's not fair either. Sadly crisis rarely line up so that one person has fully processed everything when the next one hits. And for TK's POV it looks like Carlos is willing to let his little brother, a living person, be shipped off to be raised an ocean away, in the name of Carlos getting closure on a dead person, the whole future versus the past thing. And I could see why this would set him off so strongly. I don't think he's ignoring this painful subject in Carlos's life, he hasn't for the past year and a half, but he is saying in this instance he has his own needs and he's putting them first. This is just me imagining TK's POV, I don't think that's what Carlos was saying really but maybe he didn't think what he said through to the end very well. Does that make sense??

Also I totally agree with you on the Wyatt and "doing right by Julio" nonsense. I really hate when this show goes all out on the copaganda to justify questionable behavior. And if it wasn't for the specific "make things right" line used I might be able to see what Carlos did in a more favorable light. But Wyatt didn't do anything wrong, he actually did a really amazing job under pressure, and he shouldn't be made to feel this is something he owes the cops, or Julio, or anyone. I do know the show tends to do this and its why I always have to brace for episodes like this. And yeah, killing a bunch of people shouldn't be viewed as "making things right", I don't care who they are.

Hi <3 This is gonna be an ESSAY. I apologize in advance. Whoever has time to read all this...wow 😂 First of all, I don't mind anyone writing me with an opinion as long as it isn't racist/queerphobic/etc. So all good. I think it's super fair to want to talk about an issue and I will reply whenever I have the bandwidth 💕 Also, as someone who's not a native English speaker, I will not try to nail you down on word choices. But I think if you meant it literally, coming to 'Tk's defense' at least with me isn't necessary at all. My criticisms toward him or Carlos are never an attack on them and having a different opinion or coming at something from another angle is just that. No defense necessary. If that makes sense??? I hope that doesn't come off as condescending I'm just hoping that the implication of people criticising or stating opinions is taken less and less as an attack in general. Because fandom often falls in such a binary. Good vs. Bad. And I don't prescribe to that in life or fiction. All of this to say, I think you make really valid points for why TK feels that way. I agree to certain extends. TK for sure has had to struggle with watching his husband be consumed with work and his father's death. And even if Gabriel had died of natural courses, it is TOUGH supporting a partner. It surely was tough for Carlos to support TK in season 3. And that is a struggle you are willing to take when you love someone but it takes a toll nonetheless. BUT: narratively, what Lone Star gave us was this: therapy - resolution through a compromise with the box - Carlos helping with the barn - gigantic birthday party Carlos seemed to have organized or at least was heavily involved in and present for and THEEEEN - TK not communicating well. In real life, issues like that are so messy and take forever to be resolved. Ngl, I've been hurt about some things a lot less severe for yearrrs. And I go to therapy too lol. But Lone Star's short season and pacing and cramming all of this in one now leads to this narrative to feel so jumbles because we as viewers can guess that the issue wasn't resolved for TK. How could it be?

But to give us two episodes of only seeing them happy and united again and then have TK not talk about adopting Jonah with Carlos first? THAT for me is the issue. Not TK being snappy and being upset when Carlos brings up Gabriel. Despite not seeing the on-screen struggle of it continue, that still made sense to me. I don't see that to be the reason why TK sprung the Jonah thing on Carlos like that. And he DID spring it on Carlos. That is human and again, don't mind him not finding the perfect words. But S4 established Carlos as someone who said he might not want kids. That's where we left things off. Jonah challenges that. That is super fair. I honestly have a case like that in my family I won't go into details for, but when I was 20, I was very briefly considering taking care of a toddler despite the circumstances being very very bad. It resolved in another way, but still, I have an idea what it's like to have family crisis and beign forced into making that tough decision. TK is so valid in wanting to take care of Jonah. And not thinking through logistics like Carlos would have. He is a very heart-first person. I was still surprised why they made the dialogue as it is because TK gives NO room for Carlos to weigh in. Yes, it could be clear to TK that he won't allow his brother to be raised by an institution and Carlos would likely agree. But to not even consider asking Carlos if he is okay with it? To take that agency from him? I don't think that's right and maybe we will disagree on that. It's a HUMAN BEING. And Jonah would deserve better than to have one of the men raising him not be in it 100%. That's the reason I don't want kids. I don't think it's fair t be wishy-washy about a child. "and he's looking for that support and its not there. Instead Carlos seems to be insisting TK live with him in that grief of Gabriel's death until he's ready to move on, the "and it always will be" line, and that's not fair either." -I don't think Carlos is insisting anything. I think the scene was too brief even to get into what Carlos wants more than it showed us what Carlos FEARS. He fears he wouldn't be able to raise a kid right now. And I think that has only partially to do with Gabriel's murder. Again, even in s4 he doesn't think he's ready. Give that man a minute to come to terms with maybe having to adopt, or lose TK. That's what it boils down to. Being in a crisis, dealing with trauma, and your life changing basically forever. You can logically support TK 100% but you can't deny how someone saying: "Hi babe we'll be dads now" isn't going to make you panic. Hell, someone dropping a dog in front of my door would make me panic. A full on child. AH. And TK didn't go about asking for support. He demanded it. He didn't allow another path. And Carlos in turn said: I don't know if I can cross that line for my own needs and sanity. Controversial opinion but even the best relationship would not make me cross certain boundaries and I don't think that should be the norm. TK said he accepted Carlos not wanting to be a father. The circumstances are so out of norm that he now brings it back up and has to be insistent. I just wish he would acknowledge that this is not something Carlos can do easily. I texted Mar that TK starting the dialogue off differently would have changed the entire thing for me. Like something similar to. ""I'm looking at adoption lawyers because Enzo wants to send him to a boarding school and I don't think I can watch that happen."" - Shows that TK is struggling with that himself at least. Still disregarding what Carlos would say but it leaves the door open just a little more to show a conflict and Carlos might have not felt as bulldozed. Others would surely write it even better. This is already so fucking long .... Feel like I would all get this out a lot better if I wrote a fic about it ngl. I'm so sorry if this is jumbled and messy. I promise you I take your words in good faith.

[artheresy]

I have like very very specific feelings about Blade and Dan Heng’s dynamic/complicated situation and of course by extension the situation that occurred between Dan Feng and Yingxing and it’s like super particular, not in the way I think I’m objectively correct or fully indulging in fanon but a secret third thing. And the worst part is that I quite literally cannot for the life of me verbalize/write down my feelings and viewpoint to the full extent

They are just so complicated and full of so many tropes I love and it oof, it hurts very deeply. I like just reread the Passerby of Wandering Cloud relic set and I’m hmmm

I will say something as best as I can, I will never stop thinking about “Pairs of objects are destined for an eventual reunion.” In general that whole relic set wrecks me emotionally on a scale that I haven’t had since I read Stormbringer from BSD. They have such a complicated dynamic and I enjoy it so deeply, and see the thing is that they have such contradictory feelings that I don’t know the direction Hoyo will take it in but I am strapped in for the ride either way.

Also theres something like this fixation certain people have on separating the two and fixating on how they’re on their own paths AWAY from each other and I just,, I can’t understand that fixation because first off, even without talking about past selves, just talking about the current selves, the connection between them is extremely important when it comes to characterizing either of them. That is a significant part of their characters and where they currently are and a refusal to acknowledge that even without any shipper goggles confuses me. Additionally, as I brought up before, “Pairs of objects are destined for an eventual reunion” even as Blade and Dan Heng rather than Yingxing and Dan Feng, their paths are destined to cross. Given the earliness of the Xianzhou arc, heavily doubt this is any kind of “eventual reunion” as said by the relic seeing as its not like this is the first time they’ve met and those weren’t the this spoken of reunion. And additionally, I can’t help but think about Dan Heng specifically whether with knowing intent or not, carries multiple tokens of his past from the bracer itself to the jade pendant to literally Cloud Piercer. The weapon that makes him feel safe and yet he also has unfinished business with the creator

Speaking of that line, I’ve seen some people who think that he knows Blade made it. I personally heavily think he doesn’t know, given word choice to how he feels about it etc. But hmm I wonder if we’ll see what happens there. And that voiceline is just yet another thing hammering home how these two are destined to continue to have their paths intertwined.

And I’m trying to find the post again but I saw someone talking I think about the translations of the relic lore for that set and referring to the whole Pairs of objects line and they talked I think about how that statement is not meant to merely represent the actual objects but more so to represent Dan Heng and Blade themselves which may have been obvious from the start, but after reading that I felt like someone had expanded my mind and I can’t stop thinking about it, I can’t

Anyways anyways, I don’t think these two are by any means solely characterized by each other and they shouldn’t solely be seen as only existing in proximity to the other, but I don’t get people who for some reason hate the idea of them being connected in any manner bc of hating ships that they outright disregard and deny like key important parts of their canon. I mean people will do what they do and there’s no reason trying to put logic behind every single thing or whatever, but maybe that’s also just because I feel insane about their lore and again have this specific idea and view of them in my head. Maybe I’ll be able to put it into words better one day

Everything I ranted about arent even the full extent of my feelings about this particular topic regarding them. I just feel so specifically that I don’t know how to put it in words. If only sounds alone could convey my thoughts

Theres so much more I could rant about, so much more I could say but its like 4 am and I cant properly formulate thoughts without tangents starting in the middle of them

[kittyandco]

am i the only one who's literally never in my life seen someone go: "[evil character] didn't ACTUALLY(!) do the things that made them evil in the narrative (and therefore it isn't fair that everyone distrusts them)" in a non-joking way... and then chide the idea of this character improving. i'm beginning to think y'all are making things up because 1) you don't like the idea that the character can change, and you think that having the opportunity/ability to change, whether in fanon or canon, means that they're magically absolved of everything (but also let me tell you something: no one is going to want to change if no one is willing to at least understand them, if not forgive them, even if full forgiveness never comes)... in the narrative, you will see the change a character goes through in a very limited sense. there's only but so much screen time that can be dedicated to it, even if the character is from a super long series, because there are other things going on around it. there's going to be shorthand and metaphor and a few decisions they might not have made before, but that aren't fully "explained."

there's a lot of work they'll have to do after the story officially ends or before it even begins in some cases. you have to fill in the blanks with your imagination/theories/other thoughts. that's how you engage with fiction if you're at all invested. overexplaining and overcorrecting for everything that is unspoken/implied/must be inferred is how you get a very boring work.

often, what is presented in canon is ONE decision or a few MAJOR decisions that signal change. no one is expecting the other characters to be like "i automatically forgive you for every single infraction committed against us! yay!" ... personal change is a process of self-discovery and learning how to maneuver the world differently over time. learning that some of your preconceived notions might be wrong, and that there are an infinite number of ways to perceive the world overall and everything in it. and a lot of that may have been done before the character's change arc begins; and it is most definitely happening in the background.

and it would do some good if someone was willing to stick around to see the change happen and how someone who was previously thought to be the worst guy alive can actually use their abilities/personality for good (and often villains are made from loneliness; it's a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy, isn't it?)

again, it's all about reading/watching between the lines. what brought them here? it isn't always going to be spelled out

not every villain needs to change... but the ones that do, or that have the very potential? that's important for a lot of people (like myself) to see! and if we want to fantasize about it or write about it or hope for it, why does that offend you?

or, 2) you don't like how someone else characterizes them for a ship/AU/whatever reason they might have. it's actually fine if someone want to just write about this character not being evil anymore. that's their prerogative. the only issue you'd run into there is if someone's trying to dictate that perspective as fully factual in some way (it's important to set those parameters early in the convo). personal interpretation is an individual thing. there are SO many ways to interpret a piece of fiction and it's okay if every once in a while someone's like "i like this evil character but i like writing about them being good." it doesn't take anything away from you, the way you write or perceive the character, or their canon portrayal.

this example in particular is so NOTHING compared to what i've seen about my faves. a lot of fans can be downright offensive and hateful about my personal taste in faves, toward ME, AS A REAL PERSON WHO LIKES THEM, and that's when i start having a problem. it's important that my faves be horrid and immoral for personal reasons (and for personal reasons i like writing about them having a soft spot for something, ideally me, and having the motivation to not feel so lonely/hurt/etc. anymore and thus becoming a bit of a better person), but i couldn't care less if someone wrote them in a different way that doesn't affect me at all

[essayofthoughts]

OK, so I know it was a long time ago, but you once called Tony Stark Stans virulent.

I agree.

So full disclosure I am far more of Bucky fan and don't care about Wanda all that much, however the way they try to blame Wanda for everything Tony does in AoU and after is something I can identify with.

Its actually very similar to how they victim-blame Bucky for everything that happens in Civil War when legit he was minding his own business not hurting anyone at all for 2 years before all hell broke loose due to Zemo. Also, the way they try and what Tony did to him in the final fight as a "normal human reaction" is just deeply disturbing. No. Beating him up, punching him, heck maybe even trying to shoot him once would have been a normal human reaction.

What Tony did was a brutal and vicious sustained attack lasting several minutes with multiple weapons and involved attacking Bucky when he was down and attacking from behind. (The kick to the face was especially nasty, since he was a) already down and b) was no actual threat. This is also an *unarmed man* who has to resort to hand-to-hand fighting whereas TOny is the equivalent of a flying tank and armed to the teeth.

I am sorry, but calling that a "normal human reaction" makes me think some of them might legitimately have psychotic tendencies.

To be absolutely fair to the Tony stans I do think that responding to the revelation of who killed your parents with anger and grief and a desire to lash out is a "normal human reaction". The difference lies in scale and capability - as you say, Tony's basically a flying tank, which means his capacity for retaliation is far beyond what most people have! And, further, Bucky is unarmed! Bucky is fleeing! Bucky has managed to live peacefully without hurting a soul since getting free of HYDRA until other people elect to fuck it up for him. Tony is very much directing his anger towards someone who is another victim of HYDRA's bullshit and taking that anger out on them and while that is understandable - who wouldn't be angry and upset in his situation? - the fact he is using all of his weaponry (after saying he won't sell weapons anymore, after seeing the horror they can commit, but it's okay, isn't it, if it's him wielding them?) and using them on a target who is themselves a victim and who is very clearly not wanting to fight back, who is unarmed, who is fleeing? That crosses every line.

But yeah - I'm a fan of Bucky too and the way he gets treated as a prop in a lot of Tonystan metas and works annoyed the hell out of me before I gave up MCU as a bad bet. The way the stans write WinterIron is just... jesus christ what is wrong with their perspective on the world? I also really hate how they try to claim that what Wanda did to Tony was just like what HYDRA did to Bucky which... no! Wanda in essence triggered Tony, but he had already been working on Ultron before! Bucky was brainwashed, mind-wiped and utterly controlled by HYDRA, and any time he objected "but... I knew him." they hit him and mindwiped him again! Bucky was given no freedom, Tony was hurt yes, but he was free to act on his fears, that was the point. Firstly that Tony be and bring about his own downfall, and Secondly that Tony is fully capable of doing that himself with very little cause. If Tony went through therapy and learned to recognise when he was feeling provoked or triggered, to take a deep breath and think things through, would he have used the sceptre behind the team's back to make Ultron? Signs point to Significantly less likely.

It's this very particular thing you see in a lot of fandom spaces where one character is picked as the Blorbo Who Can Do No Wrong, and so their agency gets denied at every turn. Every bad thing that happened? That's someone else's fault. Someone else made them do it, the Blorbo would never do anything like that on their own.

And... it's incredibly boring! It's also incredibly childish and a really infantile approach to fiction. Part of why I like both Wanda and Bucky is that both of them are fully capable of doing bad, even terrible things, be that under their own power or when influenced by others - and both have the capacity to feel terrible for it! Bucky keeps to himself and hides and does his best to avoid hurting people again! Wanda has a whole panic attack and needs a pep talk to believe she can fight to right the wrongs she committed, and we don't see her play around in minds much after AOU! Both of these people learn things - about themselves and about others - that cause them to change and grow, meanwhile Tony is stuck in his character roundabout, repeating the same cycle, never growing, and his fans look at this infantile writing and go "... PEAK".

Anyway thanks for this ask! That meta is years old at this point but I'm glad it's still making the rounds and hitting a chord with people!

[definitelynotshouting]

Hello again! Im so sorry to hear you feeling well when i sent in my ask the other day :( hoping that the life series drop tmrw will provide a much needed distraction for whatever you need it to :)

-☀️

"I know the, um, this morning didn't go… very well… but… if I could—""

"Good, he thinks, but it's a rote sentiment, not half so vicious as it had been only hours earlier."

- oh??? 👀 i am looking

- Im assuming this is the meeting they had about taking grian back to hermitcraft (and the revelation that grian feeds on emotions to survive)?? Very curious

- Now that metaphor about the childhood coat being stained is a lot more painful

-☀️

"even stolen energy can't make up for that."

"everything he'd never had the first time he— well, when Grian, the real Grian— had died."

- "stolen energy" omg i am biting ankles over this.

- And the "real Grian" thing. Yeah

- This is one of those moments where grian's whole situation is so much more potent and vivid. Imagining living as myself, but knowing im occupying someone elses body, and having my very lifeforce sustained by others?? Its not hard to understand why grian internalises and hates himself for being "a parasite". Idk thats probably very obvious to everyone else but this is the first time ive really thought about all of what that entails

-☀️

"Starving hands reach out from the depths of his mind to pull him back, stumbling, under that dark waterline."

- Love how the word "starving" implies that G falling asleep is more of a survival mechanism forcing him under so that his body can feed rather than only exhaustion

-☀️

"he's pressed a knife to every promise he's ever made since the day he emerged,"

- shaking you

-☀️

"His existence lies in the shadows of these distorted fractures, jagged hopes and dented dreams, forever fated to cut his hands on the fragments."

- AHHHHJSLDHSJSVSN

- Man 🧍

- Dont have any words. Just tears.

AAAAAAAAAA SUN ANON I ALWAYS LOVE SEEING YOU IN MY INBOX!!!! Gods im so glad these lines resonated with and interested you, they were a ton of fun to write

I have a brain today so i can actually expand on some of the things youve pointed out instead of just aiming heart eyes at you for the compliments fjsndjsjejke so for the first point, yes!!! Scar and Xisuma returned to the others post chap 6 and were like "Well that sucked!! Wow!!!!" I wouldnt say theyve given all the information to everybody, because they themselves aren't exactly ready to discuss that beyond the immediately required basics, but everyone else was given the gist: convo went badly, Grian is being taken back to Hermitcraft on Scar and Xisuma's insistence. Both Scar and Xisuma feel fucking horrible for how that conversation went down-- nobody had a good time there. So while the plan is to eventually get everyone up to speed, they're sorta taking this time to be miserable about what was essentially a fight that ended in stripping Grian of his autonomy

There's also a little cross-communication happening here in the background, btw: Scar and Xisuma have a pretty big picture now, but Tango, Mumbo, and Pearl have been fed that false info abt the potions being potentially useful. So, yknow :) just smth to keep in mind there haha

Your point about how it almost feels like Grian falling asleep is a survival mechanism is spot on the money. It's essentially him falling into a state of low power mode, where everything but his most basic of functions is shut down for a brief time in favour of preserving energy-- i would honestly consider it more equivalent to a coma than actual sleep. Hence Tango's concern, and subsequent relief when Grian woke up; the entire time he was unconscious, he was fully unresponsive. So, yknow. Real nerve-wracking to see, especially after that prior full week of unresponsiveness as his body struggled to maintain itself.

Tango's role here is indeed deliberate, both on a watsonian and doylist level!! The reason however is the exact same for both: Tango is a little more removed, personally, from this situation. Grian was-- and is-- his friend, ofc, but he's not as close to whats happening. Meanwhile, Xisuma is in 24/7 server babysitting mode, Pearl is not fit to be a caretaker, and Scar and Mumbo were tearing themselves apart by trying to sit and look after him. So Tango got assigned caretaker duties 😂😂😂😂 it was an effective way to divvy up tasks and keep everybody busy, and somewhat hilariously, so far Tango is the only person Grian isnt supremely upset with for one reason or another. And thats why he's continued to stay in caretaker mode lol he is truly just. The only guy who can rn

I also just sorta think of him as a surprisingly emotionally savvy fixer-type, in terms of personality. Like. I think he just gets what people set down in front of him, yknow? Although hell if he knows what to do with it once he's got em. He fumbles a lot, sure, and he defaults to fix-it mode, but he is getting the message when Grian essentially says "i dont wanna talk anymore" without actually saying it

As for Grian and his headspace, rn, theres definitely a complexity at work here where he wants to die and is very genuine in that, but he IS also grateful he's seeing his friends. He cant deny that. As painful as it is, he still loves them very much, and ultimately he's trying to do this for their own good as much as for his own sense of punishment and relief. I think like... now that he's really creeping up on what he has planned, and the pieces are suddenly becoming a reality, theres a bit of dissonance he's fighting against to stay on course. He wants his friends happy; he also wants to die. He's so overwhelmingly tired; he is, as much as he feels he doesnt deserve it, glad to have his friends close. That sort of hopelessness mixed with a warped sense of comfort that he got to see and interact with them one last time. If that makes any sense. Its a bit of complexity i wanted to make sure i added in, because people are so rarely fully decided on any course of action they choose to take, without even a single flicker of doubt (and especially one so final as this). Im glad youve picked up on that, and that you appreciate what i was trying to set down with it!!! :D

This was such a lovely message, as always-- you are very sweet, sun anon, and i appreciate you lots :] i hope you're having an excellent day!!!

[coolsosha]

Do you hate Asmo, or know someone who does?♡

Sosha, as a pro Asmo simp, will explain you, why this cute little boy deserves some love!♡♡♡

«I HATE ASMO!»

A lot of people dont really like Asmo-chan. But why? In this post Sosha will tell you more about this lusty man and will prove that this precious baby doesn't deserve so much haters. Also ASMO SUPREMACY!!!!♡♡♡

«Asmo is just a whore»

No, he is not. It's a part of his trauma. He was always just a cute little boy. Just an accessory. Just some pretty guy who is walking around Lucifer.

And only after coming to a human world parties, people started paying attention to him more thn just "a pretty boy".The more lusty Asmo gets, the more attention he receives. That's why our precious boy is often feels like some public bicycle.

However he has a looot more personality than "just a horny/pretty boy". He is not a whore and he is not sleeping with everyone who he sees in 25 millimetres.♡♡♡

«Asmo only loves himself»

Nu-huh. Even tho this boy is called narcissist, i dont really think that he is actually narcissist. At least not fully. Narcissist people love only themselves, while Asmo can truly love MC.

He is one of the affectionate of all brothers. Unlike of, for example, Satan, who doesn't actually shows his feelings often. Asmodeus is always so lovey-dovey around you. He also cares about your skin, almost same as he cares about his (i actually have a screenshot of one of his lines in season 3, something like "Mm, your skin is nice and smooth, you definitely get enough sleep tonight!"). And im also 100% sure he get MC some skincare products, but i don't remember when.

Asmo often says how much he loves MC and even if he is not, he does a lot of things to prove his love.♡♡♡

«Asmo doesn't have any type»

That one is less obvious. Asmo have an ability to see good in everything, but does that mean that he can fall for literally everyone? Not really. Asmo also have a taste. He won't fall for someone nerdy like Levi. He wouldn't fall for someone who doesn't have a taste or who is boring and home-sitting. Just because he is optimistic doesn't mean that he doesn't have a type.♡♡♡

«Asmo will cheat on u»

No. In one of the cards(Princess event one) MC complements another model from the poster. And that makes Asmo a little bit jealous and, after some spoilers, he says that he wants his precious human to look only at him. Also, i think i have a lot of horny screenshots where he tells that "i want you only to myself♡".

So, Asmo is not a open relationship type of guy. I don't think he can handle sharing his human with someone else. And, that means, that MC can also have their cute little demon only by themselves. That would be soo weird and soo not-Asmo if it wasn't like that. This loving and caring boy is not someone who would go on the side while he have his favourite human.♡♡♡

«BONUS»

I saw some posts about "Demon brothers when you are sick". And a lot of them are saying that "Well, Asmo wont take care of you, being sick is not pretty, so he is not being closer than 25 meters to you". I think thats kinda wrong. After all, Asmo is taking care of your skin and face, Surely, he won't be very happy with MC being sick, but he will definitely sit next to you and making sure that you will get your rest.♡♡♡

«WHAT ELSE?»

If you have some things about Asmodeus that makes you hate him, or, you maybe dont agree with my simp ass, when write in is the comments..messages.. uh.. idk how do you use Tumblr, i just got here. ♡♡♡

[just-jordie-things]

Broken by lovelytheband -> Gojo Satoru

This has come on in the car this morning when I drove to work and it just SCREAMED Gojo fucking Satoru to me.

I met you late night, at a party Some trust fund baby's Brooklyn loft By the bathroom, you said, "Let's talk" But my confidence is wearing off

Okay, this doesn't have to be some trust fund party or anything, let's just interpret this as some gathering for Higher Ups in Jujutsu Society, cause I know fully well Gojo would only show up to annoy everyone and then yeet. But guess what, you're there and he can't remember seeing you before. Turns out you hate all the higher ups, spent most of your time overseas and only recently came back to Japan.

Well, these aren't my people, these aren't my friends She grabbed my face and that's when she said I like that you're broken, broken like me Maybe that makes me a fool I like that you're lonely, lonely like me I could be lonely with you

We all know Gojo is secretly really lonely. That's why he clings to Nanami, that's why he's so into Megumi's life, that's why he hangs out with Yuji and Nobara more than a teacher. He's seeing something in them that reminds him of his youth, something that reminds him of when he was less lonely.

To me that's also another reason why he was so close to Suguru. Both of them were regarded as the strongest, therefore lonely by default. I feel for Suguru it might have been even harder at times considering he comes from a family of non-sorcerers. He didn't have anyone he could ask about sorcery and cures and such.

But then again, this is what bothers Gojo the most, that he's lonely deep inside, which he doesn't like to show. But once he meets someone who seems fine but actually is just as broken and lonely inside, I feel he would be taken by surprise and it would be hard for him not to open up and finally let everything out.

There's something tragic, but almost pure Think I could love you, but I'm not sure There's something wholesome, there's something sweet Tucked in your eyes that I'd love to meet

Those lines are so fucking gut wrenching to me. It displays the way you argue with yourself. You want to be close to someone, you want to be vulnerable but you're not sure. You know it's wholesome and heartwarming but at the same time its tragic and traumatic due to past experiences. Are you willing to overcome those past traumas and go for it? Gojo's not sure, but there's just something so sweet in your eyes that he can't let go.

Life is not a love song that we like We're all broken pieces floating by Life is not a love song we can try To fix our broken pieces one at a time

This is Gojo's conclusion. Love is the most twisted curse. But life without love is lonely, he knows that more than anyone. Even if he'd argue with himself, eventually I think he would take the jump, knowing that he risks getting hurt again.

~ Nanami Flowershop Anon

ooh i'll have to listen to this song it sounds sad asf and i vibe with that (i get in my best writing zones with sad songs playing!!!)

but this is perfect and so fitting, i would love a full fic of thissss

[found-wings]

"is this what you wanted" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

*ahem*

yes

anyway-

it is okay I do the exact same thing of reading something that makes the brainrot go crazy and have to do a walk around my room just to compose myself before continuing to read 😭😭

BUT OH MY GOD DUDE THE ACTUAL PHYSICAL RECOIL I HAD THE VISCERAL REACTION I GAVE WHEN REALIZING YOU ADDED HIM GETTING TAKEN MULTILPLE TIMES TO THE POINT WHERE HE CAN BARELY REMEMBER???? ADDING IN THAT THE FEDERATIOND TESTS AND EXPERIMENTS KEEP GARNERING WORSE AND WORSE RESULTS IN THEIR EYES TO THE POINT WHERE HE NEEDS THAT MUCH 'FIXING' OW THE FUCKING PAIN ESPECIALLY FOR AN ANARCHIST CHARACTER TO BE STRIPPED OF THAT SPIRIT and the memory manipulation mwah in character for the federation

also the specific feeling of fighting feeling wrong to his very core is so special to me bc it feeling wrong to him is so different then if he had been forced to dislike fighting which is VERYYYYY SEPERATE HERE ‼️‼️ they def fucked him up with various torture methods within their experiments and made sure to wipe it from his mind so he can't remember what specific events occurred in the buildings- but can still feel the lingering effects of their training to give him a negative association with combat. especiallyyyyyy with the detail of his hands shaking when he thinks about using a weapon, I wouldn't be surprised if at his return, his hands would be more crooked and seem a bit out of place at a closer glance from the federations training tactics.

and the way I could genuinely feel my heart Drop when he refused a sparring session- not just bc of phils side of the angst hammer here, but from the idea of etoiles witnessing firsthand how no matter how strong the spirit is, the federation will break past it and leave hollow souls in its wake. how he tried so hard to make sure his friend could stay positive and resilient despite the world being out to hurt him and it still wasn't enough. phil is home safe and sound but a part of him had died in those horrific white buildings at the hands of that damn bear. but etoiles will be dammed if he doesn't find that spirit and shove one of his dozens of death totems towards it and makes sure they get given a second chance because letting the federation win like this will never be an option in his eyes. honorable battles is such a big part of his character in canon so to rip that from someone so close to him would be absolutely disgusting to him and he'd keep fighting not only for himself but for phil too, because he needs to leave this island knowing that his enemies will have been rightfully punished for everything they've done to hurt people. good people.

and also MY NON-EXISTENT THERAPIST WILL KNOW YOUR NAME FROM THAT LAST LINE YOU ADDED HOLY FUCK I WAS LOOKING FOR ANGST NOT A BULLET TRAIN SENT DIRECTLY TO MY HOUSE ‼️‼️‼️‼️ - 💿

ME WHEN, I AM SO RAAAAAH, I HAD TO STOP MULTIPLE TIMES WHILE WRITING THAT AND JUST, HEAD IN HANDS

I absolutely love the specific feeling of fighting feeling wrong. Because Phil doesn‘t dislike it even if someone tried to make him hate it - he adores fighting and sparring, being able to move almost like water because he‘s decently lightweighted considering he‘s an Avian and it makes his movements feel so free. He finds fun and enjoyment in it, it helps him clear his mind and relax even, but after the consistent ‘fixing‘ he had to endure it just feels wrong.

And Phil doesn‘t even know why.

It doesn‘t make sense to him because he can‘t fully remember anything bad happening anymore, but his body remembers. It remembers everything, each and every ‘fixing‘ he had to go through, even if his mind doesn‘t.

Gods, just imagine witnessing the Person, your friend that you looked up to and admired and respected in the same way they did you, just.. break. Be broken into someone you can‘t recognise anymore.

ALSO THE WAY YOU TALK ABOUT ETOILES REFUSING TO GIVE UP PHIL AND INSTEAD KEEP FIGHTING FOR HIM TOO AND AND-, AAAA, WHAT‘S YOUR NON-EXISTENT THERAPISTS NUMBER, BECAUSE I‘LL NEED ONE IF I GO BACK TO ANGST, WHEEZE

Anyways— IQVD

All of this just makes me think about possibilities of actually finding that fighting spirit again, with Etoiles taking slow and little steps with Phil. He can‘t push Phil even further behind, he knows that he has to take it slow and careful because of the messed up shit the Federation has done to him. And sure it won‘t be the same, it never will be, not with the damage the Feds have caused at this point, but it can still come back in new ways.

Maybe the first steps start with Phil watching Etoiles fight again. Friendly fighting and cheering, making sure the island is safe by getting rid of mobs around. Phil flinches more than he likes at first, but it‘ll be fine. It always ends up fine, it has to be.

Eventually Phil maybe starts trying to cook again, smiling gently as he makes something to snack on for himself and maybe Etoiles. It takes some time, but eventually Phil can hold a knife without recoiling into himself too much.

Eventually they start with sticks, watching Phils expression twist into some mix of being offended and yet uncertain at the same time. If a mere stick was going to make him this nervous, they had a long road ahead.

Just imagine Phils hands still shaking more than he wants to, it frustrates him because he doesn‘t understand, he doesn‘t! And yet Etoiles does, guiding him through that frustration as they eventually and finally start their sparring sessions again.

The first attempt lasts barely a few seconds before Phil panics, each attempt slowly but surely increasing in time the more they try.

Maybe it‘ll take a while for Phil to return back to his used to be spirit & confidence in himself and until they get there, Etoiles doesn‘t mind being Phils shield again.

Etoiles has seen Phil break like he’s nothing but an egg and he‘ll be damned if he doesn’t help him heal those cracks again.

[jamespottersmixtape]

hi hi :) 3, 15, 25 for the ask game!

hiii! ty ty for asking!

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year

hmm this is kind of tough (I have a horrible memory and forget everything after I write it) but I'd have to say for starters this small section from my lost lover lives rent free in my head a lot so...yeah maybe this one. the whole salvation thing and hating Evan whilst also not being able to help but want him???? part of the reason I wrote this one shot in the first place like UGH they can never make up their minds

Barty feels like a man buried alive; condemned to a fate worse than death unless he claws his way out, choking on dirt and grime and praying that he breaches salvation. He’s surrounded on all sides by the one thing he can’t help but hate, can’t help but want. And oh, how he wants.

or (it may not be my best work yet bc it's not edited and not out yet) but there's a scene from my new wip where evan and barty get into a fight and they're all sad and bad at communication as per usual and just akdfjkehfjke I love them

I can't say I've written many arguments before so it was hard to navigate at first, but now I really like how the scene came out even if I'm putting the characters through turmoil😭

15. something you learned this year

relating to fandom I've probably learned the most about how people on the internet like to treat each other. how someone would rather speak publicly about things they hate whilst bringing others down for liking it, rather than expressing their dissenting opinions in a more private space. I've just come to learn that most of the time it's unnecessary and so I try to keep the things that I dislike (whether it be something as trivial as a ship I don't like) out of public view

in general I've learned that I'm awfullllllll at time management but that I enjoy writing a lot more than I ever thought I would :,)

25. a fic you read this year that you recommend everyone read

oh this is hard lol I have a lot of favorites but I'd say two that I really loved that I don't see people talk about as much are:

oh, my love is a lie! by artiest (I loved getting into Regulus' character whilst reading it and James is just sooofhosjhfesdjfiuh also Regulus' friendship with Lily is so precious I just love this fic sm) Of Memories and Milk Thievery by moonymoment (divorced wolfstar with 16 year old teddy oh I adored the whole thing it was such a fun read) (also bc I can't shut up: I'm Not Gonna Teach Him How to Dance with You by greensenne for practically getting me fully immersed into rosekiller in the first place)

sorry for this super long response lol but again tysm for asking, hope your weekend is good <<3