essayofthoughts

[essayofthoughts]

On wastes of time

There's this recurring thing where people can't tell me what's so cool or important about this show they want me to watch or book they want me to read or podcast they want me to listen to and I know summarising is a skill, but it's also really important if you want to get people into things.

Because currently? Currently what we have drives me nuts. We get "Oh, it's gay!" or some obfuscating description that tells us nothing, or "it's so good i promise" and that isn't enough!

Okay, it's gay. I can go to AO3 for queer fic, I have queer books I know are good, podcasts, shows, etc.. I've been rereading a series where most of the main cast are from a non-human culture where queerness is normal and gender roles are flipped around. Tell me why I should care about this one. Gay is not a genre - is it horror, mystery, romance, fantasy, sci-fi? Is the queerness the whole plot or is it incidental? (Because, and I'll be honest, if the queerness is the whole plot, I will not be interested - some may! But not me.)

"read about this perfectly normal thing!" - well, obviously there's something not normal about it or else you wouldn't be writing about it. Is it an SCP kind of obsessively Normal thing in a way that's eerie and unnerving? A horror story? That could be cool. Is the weird coming from people investigating it, or around it? Does something strange happen to it? Is the thing entirely normal but it's just the setting and the story is about people around it or involved in it? I don't fucking know. You haven't told me.

Okay, so it's good. It makes you yell and feel emotions. What emotions. Why? What invokes the emotions? Why do you enjoy it? What bits stood out, what made it interesting to you? What might draw someone else in?

Back when everyone went feral over the Locked Tomb, I didn't get it. Goth Space Lesbians, okay. That's a cool art piece, maybe a stained glass window, but it's not a story.

You know what got me to read it? A post talking about the swimming pool confession.

That? That cut to the heart of messy interpersonal dynamics that indicated a lot of tension between the characters, a lot of nuance to the dynamics and things which, done right, I could find compelling. It showed history, it showed thought, it showed messy, flawed characters who still had morals and guilt and lines even they wouldn't cross within their rivalry, it showed a trust within their rivalry that they knew where they stood with each other even if that was at knifepoint. It made me curious.

I ultimately didn't really care for Locked Tomb, but that's fine. Sometimes you bounce off something, and it just wasn't my kind of jam. But that one post? That gave me a glimpse. That made me curious enough to try.

But a lot of summaries and attempts to make people start something new I've seen lately? Skip that step. Skip making people curious. Just say "HEY LOOK AT THIS" without ever giving a reason. And I get you may want to avoid spoilers, or go in blind, or avoid giving the plot away but...

What counts as spoilers? How blind should you go in? And does this give away the whole plot, or just that there is one? The kind of genre and tropes that might be in play?

If you tell people nothing, then you've given them a blank wall. It could be thin as paper - easy to step through and see what's on the other side, but if it looks like a blank wall, why would they bother? You have to provide a doorway - something they can look through, and catch a glimpse of what's on the other side. Something that makes them want to step through and see more.

You want people curious. You want people interested. You need to answer just enough questions to make them want to discover more for themselves.

If you want me to spend my time reading/watching/listening to something, then I have to know it's worth my time.

[essayofthoughts]

I was rambling on the issue of museums and human remains and how certain populations are more likely to have their bodies put on display to be gawked at and then went "well I guess the Pompeii casts were of Europeans. there are bones in there right?" and Googled it to make sure, at which point I confirmed that yes there are bones in there, but more interestingly DNA testing revealed that a cast of an adult holding a child everyone assumed was a mother and child were, in fact, a man and a kid entirely unrelated to him. Honestly that's more moving to me. Maybe they were connected in a way other than blood, but maybe a stranger saw a child when the world was ending and thought the one thing he could do was hold them.

[essayofthoughts]

Microsoft Office, like many companies in recent months, has slyly turned on an “opt-out” feature that scrapes your Word and Excel documents to train its internal AI systems. This setting is turned on by default, and you have to manually uncheck a box in order to opt out.

If you are a writer who uses MS Word to write any proprietary content (blog posts, novels, or any work you intend to protect with copyright and/or sell), you’re going to want to turn this feature off immediately.How to Turn off Word’s AI Access To Your Content

I won’t beat around the bush. Microsoft Office doesn’t make it easy to opt out of this new AI privacy agreement, as the feature is hidden through a series of popup menus in your settings:On a Windows computer, follow these steps to turn off “Connected Experiences”:

File > Options > Trust Center > Trust Center Settings > Privacy Options > Privacy Settings > Optional Connected Experiences > Uncheck box: “Turn on optional connected experiences”

[essayofthoughts]

Genuinely, I think one of the most fun and crunchy things about any character is

How far they will go for things they want

What they will do to get things they want

Things they won't do, no matter how much they want what they'd get in exchange

Because these things tell you some very important things about the character, namely their limits, their price, and their absolute No's. (And it lets you create some really REALLY crunchy conflict)

[essayofthoughts]

I think another hair-splitting thing that is nonetheless VERY important is that

Vax did not want to die

Vax DID want to keep his promise.

Which utility mentions, but doesn't like. Go into the underlying detail which is... Sometimes you do things you don't want to do because it's nonetheless the right thing to do. Because you promised. Because you owe a debt. Because you have to. It doesn't mean it necessarily makes you happy.

As utility says, staying with Vex and Keyleth would make him happy if that was something he could do without breaking his promise - but breaking his promise would be at odds with who he is as a person and who is as a person is someone who is willing to make hard choices. He sold a stranger into slavery to save his sister. He fights with Percy on moral issues. He throws himself into harm's way to help his friends. These aren't things he wants to do, necessarily, but they are things he is willing to do. Things he does because if he didn't he wouldn't be himself. Because he always wants to protect Vex, because he has his moral beliefs, because he loves his friends and wants them safe. And if that costs him a night of sleep, or easy friendship, or an ounce of flesh and blood - then so be it. That is the price of being the person he wants to be and doing the things that keep with his identity and the person he wants to be.

And so: he struck a deal with the Matron. Yes, out of-game, Matt would likely have allowed Liam to make a new character of an on-par level with Vax to ensure the party wasn't hobbled in the last fight. But in universe Vax didn't know that! In-universe Vax knew that his friends and dearest loved ones were about to do something incredibly dangerous and that he was being given a chance to help and I don't think he could have lived with himself if he didn't help.

And the cost of being able to give that help was to return to the Matron and work with her thereafter. Not something he wanted to do - or perhaps, not something he wanted to do yet, something he would have happily done after a long and happy life - but something he was willing to do. An acceptable price for the thing he did want to do.

He got to see his loved ones. He got to save his loved ones. He got to tell his loved ones goodbye.

Vax knows, from his mother, just how unlikely that is to have. Of course he paid the price for it. He knew what he got for that was worth it to him.

finally watched cooldown and two thoughts:

Smart of Matt to be like "no, we will have a satisfying denouement for other major figures involved" after the collective C2 ending freakouts; like, it feels like we are pretty obviously deep in the endgame but yeah I expect there will be check-ins after the last battle with Vox Machina, the Mighty Nein, and the Crown Keepers, plus probably the Calloways; obviously Liliana will be present. Might need two post BBEG combat episodes instead of the traditional one!

Other people have noted this but yeah it's actually...fucking weird how Liam is the only person who seems to in real life accept that Vax is permanently gone and you can't like, cheat this. And it's frustrating because he is no less dead than Zuala or Will or Molly or FCG. Like, sending the ravens and popping back in does mean it's harder for Keyleth to get over it, but like. idk maybe stop trying to go on random dates and just spend time with people who aren't technically under your (benevolent) rule or also people who never really accepted Vax's death (ie, the rest of Vox Machina). I mean I enjoyed the scene with Verin, and I think there's an intriguing case to be made there anyway (high expectations in childhood, leadership at a very young age, grew up without one of their parents) but just generally...she will never forget Vax, it will always be a scar, but she can move forward if she accepts his choice even if she disagrees with it. At this point...if she can't move on, that is because she won't. And a little bit because seven years later the cast won't.

[essayofthoughts]

hey writers we have to talk.

if you've read any romance or fanfic in the past twenty years (i know you have), you know that there are a certain number of scents associated with hot dudes. you can probably recite the list of Things Men in Fic smell like in your sleep: leather, black pepper, pine, sandalwood, "something uniquely him", clean sweat, and if the character has ever fucking been within 50 yards of a firearm, something called "cordite".

here's the thing.

NO ONE SMELLS LIKE CORDITE.

cordite was a highly specific type of smokeless gunpowder developed in the 1890s by england specifically and used mostly in wwi.

if your good-smelling guy is not (a) english (b) using a very specific type of british rifle (c) dying in a trench in flanders, he does not smell like cordite. technically even if he does meet all those conditions he still doesn't smell like cordite because he smells like trenchfoot.

the point is, cordite is so far from universal that no one but the most hardcore gun nerds give a single shit about it. making your Sexy Hero smell like cordite is like naming a cassette-only bootleg live recording from the 1970s as your favorite grateful dead album. everyone at the party hates you immediately and knows you're doing it for clout. also, it's just factually... wrong. please stop. i know everyone else is doing it, but you can do the right thing here, i believe in you.

so what do people who are using guns smell like?

well if your story is set before the late 1880s, the smell of a fired gun is black powder, which, unfortunately, smells like seventeen flatulent cows have been shoved in a tire factory. trust me, you do not want your Hot Dude to smell like black powder. it's b a d.

if your story is set after the late 1880s, guns are using some variety of modern 'smokeless' powder - which speaking broadly doesn't really have a ton of scent when used. it does have some, but it's sort of non-descript: the best way i can describe it is the sweet, ozone, hot-plate smell of popping your car hood with a warm engine.

people who use guns a lot don't smell like fired guns all the time anyway, so while those scents might work in a fight scene, they're not realistic all the time. but there are some things that your Sexy Shootist will smell like basically 24/7 and that's metal and gun oil. metal you can go and sniff (i recommend non-stainless steel), but if you want a reference, most gun oils have a sharp, organic smell that's not dissimilar to canola oil but muskier and with a tang overtop. it's not unlikely leather is in the mix as well due to routine handling of leather equipment and gear. modern gear also tends to have a certain smell although it varies by production country and storage conditions - lots of opportunities there.

in conclusion: gunslingers and hired killers and military folks can be sexy and smell great on page, but i am begging you not to say "cordite" when you mean "gunpowder" ever again. we can do this. we are writers and therefore pedants. i believe in us!

[essayofthoughts]

Source

[essayofthoughts]

Flaunt/Butterfly/Sunsail seems to work here, tying together the browns and purples, as well as matching to the eyes (so well that they're almost invisible, oops XD)

This was much harder, but Petrified/Lacquer/Paradise matches the a kind of grey-green note pretty well, and there's that grey on the lacquer accent. Plus the blue from the opalescent streaks of Petrified goes with the eyes!

These were a fun challenge to figure out nice genes for!

I got two ugly babies :')

(anyone want to try and scry them? links to baby one and baby two)

[essayofthoughts]

✨ Please reblog the polls before the poll ends to make them reach out to as many people as possible, but KEEP IT SPOILER-FREE to make people listen to the music with an open mind 💖

Artists and titles will be revealed after the poll's conclusion, check the original post for an update! ✨

[essayofthoughts]

Since the booping has returned, reblog if it's okay to spam you with boops!

I wanna be polite and not spam random people without permission , ,

[essayofthoughts]

"kill them with kindness" WRONG boop

🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

[essayofthoughts]

🎃 👻 🔮 HAPPY HALLOBOOP EVERYONE 🎃 👻 🔮

[essayofthoughts]

There are a lot of abuse and recovery stories out there in fandom.  A lot of them are written by people who’ve never been in an abusive relationship.  That’s fine, that certainly doesn’t mean you can't write it, especially when it’s present in canon.  Unfortunately, it does mean that a lot of people get it wrong.

The usual abuse narrative you see in fandom is a story about absence.  The lack of safety.  The lack of freedom.  The lack of love, or of hope, or of trust.  They try to characterize the life of an abused kid, or an abused partner, based on what’s missing.  They characterize recovery based on getting things back: finding safety, discovering freedom, and slowly regaining the ability to trust–other people, the security of the world, themselves.

That doesn’t work.  That is not how it works.

Lives cannot be characterized by negative space.  This is a statement about writing.  It’s also a statement about life.

You can’t write about somebody by describing what isn’t there.  Or you can, but you’ll get a strange, inverted, abstracted picture of a life, with none of the right detail.  A silhouette.  The gaps are real but they're not the point.

If you’re writing a story, you need to make it about the things that are there.  Don’t try to tell me about the absence of safety.  Safety is relative.  There are moments of more or less safety all throughout your character’s day.  Absolute safety doesn’t exist in anyone’s life, abusive situation or not.

If you are trying to tell me a story about not feeling safe, then the question you need to be thinking about is, when safety is gone, what grows in the space it left behind?

Don’t try to tell me a story about a life characterized by the lack of safety.  Tell me a story about a life defined by the presence of fear.

What's there in somebody’s life when their safety, their freedom, their hope and trust are all gone?  It’s not just gaps waiting to be filled when everything comes out right in the end.  It’s not just a void.

The absence of safety is the presence of fear.  The absence of freedom is the presence of rules, the constant litany of must do this and don’t do that and a very very complicated kind of math beneath every single decision.  The lack of love feels like self-loathing.  The lack of trust translates as learning skills and strategies and skepticism, how to get what you need because you can’t be sure it’ll be there otherwise.

You don’t draw the lack of hope by telling me how your character rarely dares to dream about having better.  You draw it by telling me all the ways your character is up to their neck in what it takes to survive this life, this now, by telling me all the plans they do have and never once in any of them mentioning the idea of getting out.

This is of major importance when it comes to aftermath stories, too.  Your character isn’t a hollow shell to be filled with trust and affection and security.  Your character is full.  They are brimming over with coping mechanisms and certainties about the world.  They are packed with strategies and quickfire risk-reward assessments, and depending on the person it may look more calculated or more instinctual, but it’s there.  It’s always there.  You’re not filling holes or teaching your teenage/adult character basic facts of life like they’re a child.  You’re taking a human being out of one culture and trying to immerse them in another. People who are abused make choices.  In a world where the ‘wrong’ choice means pain and injury, they make a damn career out of figuring out and trying to make the right choice, again and again and again.  People who are abused have a framework for the world, they are not utterly baffled by everyone else, they make assumptions and fit observations together in a way that corresponds with the world they know.

They’re not little lost children.  They’re not empty.  They’re human beings trying to live in a way that’s as natural for them as life is for anybody, and if you’re going to write abuse/recovery, you need to know that in your bones.

Don’t tell me about gaps.  Tell me about what’s there instead.

[essayofthoughts]

✨ Please reblog the polls before the poll ends to make them reach out to as many people as possible, but KEEP IT SPOILER-FREE to make people listen to the music with an open mind 💖

Artists and titles will be revealed after the poll's conclusion, check the original post for an update! ✨

[essayofthoughts]

On wastes of time

There's this recurring thing where people can't tell me what's so cool or important about this show they want me to watch or book they want me to read or podcast they want me to listen to and I know summarising is a skill, but it's also really important if you want to get people into things.

Because currently? Currently what we have drives me nuts. We get "Oh, it's gay!" or some obfuscating description that tells us nothing, or "it's so good i promise" and that isn't enough!

Okay, it's gay. I can go to AO3 for queer fic, I have queer books I know are good, podcasts, shows, etc.. I've been rereading a series where most of the main cast are from a non-human culture where queerness is normal and gender roles are flipped around. Tell me why I should care about this one. Gay is not a genre - is it horror, mystery, romance, fantasy, sci-fi? Is the queerness the whole plot or is it incidental? (Because, and I'll be honest, if the queerness is the whole plot, I will not be interested - some may! But not me.)

"read about this perfectly normal thing!" - well, obviously there's something not normal about it or else you wouldn't be writing about it. Is it an SCP kind of obsessively Normal thing in a way that's eerie and unnerving? A horror story? That could be cool. Is the weird coming from people investigating it, or around it? Does something strange happen to it? Is the thing entirely normal but it's just the setting and the story is about people around it or involved in it? I don't fucking know. You haven't told me.

Okay, so it's good. It makes you yell and feel emotions. What emotions. Why? What invokes the emotions? Why do you enjoy it? What bits stood out, what made it interesting to you? What might draw someone else in?

Back when everyone went feral over the Locked Tomb, I didn't get it. Goth Space Lesbians, okay. That's a cool art piece, maybe a stained glass window, but it's not a story.

You know what got me to read it? A post talking about the swimming pool confession.

That? That cut to the heart of messy interpersonal dynamics that indicated a lot of tension between the characters, a lot of nuance to the dynamics and things which, done right, I could find compelling. It showed history, it showed thought, it showed messy, flawed characters who still had morals and guilt and lines even they wouldn't cross within their rivalry, it showed a trust within their rivalry that they knew where they stood with each other even if that was at knifepoint. It made me curious.

I ultimately didn't really care for Locked Tomb, but that's fine. Sometimes you bounce off something, and it just wasn't my kind of jam. But that one post? That gave me a glimpse. That made me curious enough to try.

But a lot of summaries and attempts to make people start something new I've seen lately? Skip that step. Skip making people curious. Just say "HEY LOOK AT THIS" without ever giving a reason. And I get you may want to avoid spoilers, or go in blind, or avoid giving the plot away but...

What counts as spoilers? How blind should you go in? And does this give away the whole plot, or just that there is one? The kind of genre and tropes that might be in play?

If you tell people nothing, then you've given them a blank wall. It could be thin as paper - easy to step through and see what's on the other side, but if it looks like a blank wall, why would they bother? You have to provide a doorway - something they can look through, and catch a glimpse of what's on the other side. Something that makes them want to step through and see more.

You want people curious. You want people interested. You need to answer just enough questions to make them want to discover more for themselves.

If you want me to spend my time reading/watching/listening to something, then I have to know it's worth my time.