#also fuck transphobia if that wasn’t clear
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SCOTLAND FOREVER!🏴
it's gonna be hilarious if Scotland finally gets independence due to the fury over the overruling of the gender rights bill.
"so what finally broke up the union?" "well, we were too transphobic to stay in the same country"
look transphobia is bad and causes a lot of harm but imagine being so transphobic that you lose an entire country?
#unironically would love to see Scottish independance in my lifetime#also Irish reunification、Welsh independance#and I really hope that my nations (Australia) promised 2024 republic refferendum goes ahead and succeeds#It would make me so genuenly happy to see my nation no longer ruled by the British Monarchy#I’m still super fucking pissed off about the result of the Indigenous voice refferendum#but I still have hope that the republic referendum will pass#I would also like to see Britian abolish their monarchy#but more than that I really hope that the last remnants of their shitty fucking empire can finally die#and that all those who have been forced to live under it can finally be free#If Scotland is truly going to become independant than I fully support them all the way#and I hope that their seperation from the UK acts as a catalyst for others to do the same#fuck the British empire and fuck the monarchy#also fuck transphobia if that wasn’t clear#fuck Britain for being a transphobic shithole#trans liberation now#a certified themainspoon classic
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y’all this might sound blasphemous lmao but… i can’t wait till messi retires from international football so i can stop giving a shit about argentina nt and their racist transphobic asses 💀💀💀
#don’t want him to retire bc i love watching him play at the highest levels#but also can’t fucking WAIT till he retires so i don’t have to ‘support’ this team anymore#i’ve been telling my dad this for years lol and every time he laughs at me bc my fandom is so conditional#but like bruh#I ACTUALLY SUPPORT BRAZIL NT#SWORN ENEMIES OF ARGENTINA NT#so yeah messi you’re gonna need to get on out so i can go back to supporting my real nt 🥰🫶🏼#literally i only care about the argentinian players playing well if it means messi’s gonna get a trophy :D otherwise it’s fuck argentina#brasil olé olé olé#sorry brazilians don’t come for me for being a fake fan okay i’m just a girl 😔 who loves her GOAT but hates the nt he plays for#oh and#FUCK racism#and FUCK transphobia#if that wasn’t already clear
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gonna complain about terfs for a minute so heads up
Complaining starts here
This is obviously not the biggest problem terfs cause but I hate having to personally verify every single note I get on any post I make about sapphic history
I love queer history! I want to learn it and share it! I want to learn and share my corners of it! But unless I explicitly say “this post is trans-inclusive” it’ll get swarmed by transphobes
And I guess I could add that to every post but it feels. Just. Trite and performative. Especially because in many cases the spaces I’m discussing were not as trans-inclusive as they should have been, and I don’t want to erase that. But a lengthy disclaimer with all of this is bulky and also feels performative.
It’s just so frustrating to have to tread on glass in spaces that are supposed to be safe because otherwise my words will get hijacked by the kind of people who look at historical transphobia and lateral violence within the queer community and say, “yes, the good old days, we should do more of that.”
Anyway I’m considering deleting every post I made while reading odd girls and twilight lovers but I also don’t want them to be completely out of my hands
Complaining ends
#added brackets for easy scrolling#i would have done a cut but I cannot figure out how on mobile#and didn’t filter to make it easier for blacklists#unfortunately that also makes If more likely to be found by the people I’m complaining about#none of this is like. particularly earth-shattering or even important#at least not in the larger context of the conversation around intra-community transphobia#but i needed to complain because I hate having this problem#in case it wasn’t clear. if you are a terf or whatever tf you’re calling yourselves these days#fuck off and reevaluate your approach to activism as well as all your life choices#stop cherry picking history. read stone butch blues. it will be good for you.
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so like are we done with the idea that james is a victim of the internet harassment mob or whatever you guys like to call it when in reality no one like forced him to be part of the public eye again. he had multiple times to disengage but he threw himself head first into the spotlight with some half assed apology where he used his dead mom, illiterate dad, and like 293 mental illnesses that he was in the right to do a widdle plagiarism but it’s not his fault! it’s everyone else’s fault for not being nice to him about it!!! how dare these people bring these issues to the public not thinking how james would feel about it! like ppl are forgetting there was notable period of time james went off air entirely. and every time he’s jumped back it’s always attempts to paint himself as the victim.
like be real for a second if anyone was weaponizing the internet harassment machine it was james somerton. he knew what he was doing when he posted that note. he knew the shit his victims would get for having the crime of (checks notes) voicing out their issues with him. he knew there’s people out there who are foaming at their mouths to use anything they can get their hands on as a “gotcha!” at hbomberguy (right wing people yes, but don’t act like it’s just them i’ve seen plenty of lefties trying to prove they’re superior to harry). they don’t give a shit about james, not really. he’s the dude who hbomb did a “hit piece” (yes that’s a term i’ve seen people use) and that’s what matters.
not to mention the writing that’s also very clearly targeting nick who’s basically cut ties with him at this point. james pushed all the burden on nick by saying it’s their fault, actually. he’s one of the co-writers and everything going to shit was nick’s fault when they had the audacity to move. james is faultless! with james still trying to monetize stolen content on the blatant lie that he’s doing this for nick’s sake as a portfolio. acting as if nick isn’t an sentient human being who could upload their own content, as if nick would even want to be associated with james at this point. this isn’t a teenager being harassed for an honest mistake, this is a 35-year old con artist who’s stolen hundreds of thousands and peddled the most vile shit as actual history but realized he was in deep shit and weaponizes very serious mental health issues as a “i’m just a poor little gay baby!! my alter ego did it!!!”
for the record if you’re among the people who tried to wash down james’ crimes as “he just did plagiarism!! it wasn’t that bad of a crime!” fuck you, man. i’m not kidding.
the fact i’ve witnessed people whitewash his acts of racism, sexism, transphobia, homophobia, antisemitism and misogyny (in fact i’m probably still missing a few things here), and say he’s being harassed by the internet just because he stole articles makes it so clear they have no fucking idea what they’re talking about. his shit isn’t fucking erased just bc he realized that he has to handle the consequences. he’s grasping at anything he can at this point to make sure that even if he’s not coming back, he’s sure as hell trying to take anyone he fucking can down with him.
he doesn’t get a second chance to be a content creator at this point. he doesn’t get to show himself to do better. he needs to fucking leave. and if he tries to publicly make himself the victim then he better know that he’s going to get public backlash.
if anything situation proves to me that he can never be trusted with a public platform ever again because he will immediately guilt people into feeling sorry for him.
#i’m going to be bitchy about this for the record#james somerton#hbomberguy#the funniest option is if james fakes his death like a fourth time and someone takes a pic of him in like a burger king or something.#updated i’m not 100% sure on nicks pronouns but i’m using they them just in case#update 2: the way i was proven fucking right immediately after posting this. you people are not real.
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Blue Lotus - SxC Fic - Chapter 3
♡ Summary: Carmy actually has allowed himself FRIENDS?? Also- he gets to have like.. a normal day with Syd somewhat, outside of work, hanging out with people who aren't in any way involved w/ the restaurant.
♡ W/C: 6,919
♡ Posted Date: 04/08/2024
♡ A/N: Hayo ;D Here is C3 of Blue Lotus!!! I am v much like Carmy & got a alot of amusement AND enjoyment writing this chapter, so that makes my brain tell me I took it too OOC & I haaate writing these 2 OOC. So if its OOC I'm sorry, but at least it's funny LOL. The story Shayna tells is lightly based on Euphoria But the college version - so if you've seen it that's why it feels a little familiar - if you haven't seen it its a same vibe except high school so the father is much, much more disgusting. But I looove writing Shayna so much, I have friends like her & they are always the personalities to make you laugh until youre sore the next day - & Syd & Carmy deserves a friend like that so I gave them one! Without further ado, I hope you enjoy <3 As per usual this fic is inspired by Tucson that can be read here It was written by my lovely friend @gingergofastboatsmojito please be sure to read that one before you read Blue Lotus, also do give Ginger a follow!!!
♡ Warnings for BTC: Talks of ; a near physical assault, blood, sex, transphobia/outing, self inflicted wounds, actually contains; smoking cigarettes/weed, drinking alcohol, vomiting, swearing
➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡
➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡
“Hey! Im Sydney- sure! We were uh…we were gonna cook- do you wanna join? I just got back from the store” she got up, shaking her hand.
“Totally - my god this necklace! Where did you get it?” Shayna asked, leaning in and looking at the pendant “and you smell so good, lavender?” She said.
“I thrifted it! I love thrifting. Carm does too- does it so much he has to keep extra jeans in his oven.. oh! And yeah this perfume it’s inside. I’ll show it to you” Syd replied happily.
“Your oven?” Jesse asked Carm
“Yeah uh.. not enough space- um Syd these are my…” he trails off
“Friends. Were his friends- therapy friends I guess. I mean I hope he holds his word and texts me when we get out of here” Shayna nudged Carm’s shoulder gently.
He cleared his throat “yeah- uh-my friends. Shayna and Jesse.” He said shyly.
“Well it’s nice to meet you guys, have you ever had deer? They sell it at the grocery store here, harder to get in Chicago. I figured we’d try this recipe I thought up a while ago” she opened the door to the cabin and Jesse and Shana went inside making themselves at home right away.
This wasn’t the first time they’d hung out, they would do this a few times a week before dinner and then sit and eat together before going back to their respective cabins for the night.
“Never had deer before - aren’t you guys like super chefs or-“ Jesse is interrupted by Shayna’s whining
“Carmen you still haven’t asked for a wifi box?!” She asked annoyed, putting her phone back in the pocket of her cargo jeans.
“No I haven’t because I don’t need one I’m not addicted to Instagram or whatever the fuck” Carmy said, taking the door for Syd and she headed in, him following suit.
“Oh yeah I forgot Carmy the little old man who likes to hide away from the online world- you look like you take fire Instagram pictures, how do you deal with that loser all the time?” She asked Syd jokingly, leaning against the counter and watching as she pulled various ingredients from the fridge.
Syd laughed a bit, a big smile on her face as she moved around looking through various cabinets. “I do…um- Chef-“ she said and he sat up from where he was leaning against the kitchen doorframe
“Where do you need me?” He asked her
“Onions medium dice if you can manage the knives here suck” she took out one of the small knives they kept for him in the drawer and set it on the cutting board as she began to pick the rosemary, putting the sprigs in a bowl.
“What the fuck is that” Shayna picked up a mortar with a deep black goop at the bottom.
“Juniper berries…found a juniper tree when I was hanging outside. Made sure it’s the right kind so don’t be worried” Syd said and Carmen couldn’t help the small smile that curled his lips.
“You found a juniper, and you just.. remembered this recipe?” Carmen asked, chopping the onions as skillfully as if he hadn’t been out of the kitchen a single day.
“Thats hot” Shayna says “you’re hot as hell bitch! Oh my god! You just saw a tree and were like ‘let me make up this super cute berry deer coquette dish’ ” she said, causing Syd, her, and Jesse to crack up, but Carmen was lost.
“The fuck is a coquette?” He asked, causing Syd to laugh harder when Shayna said between giggles
“I told you! He’s so old!!!” She squeaked, leaning against the counter and wiping tears from the corners of her eyes.
“Coquette is like… Marina and the Diamonds on Vinyl, pink bow, fairy princess, Sydney in the woods picking juniper berries aesthetic it’s like..a vibe.” Shayna explained.
“Oh my god- it’s a girl thing carm it’s like. I dunno- like pink frilly shit and like- Lacy shit?” Jesse tried to explain.
Carm raised his brows, scraping the now cut onions into a bowl. “So Syd picking berries what does that have to do with- what did you say- pink bows?” Carm questioned and Shayna rolls her eyes.
“It’s the vibe Carmen, the vibe. Ugh you are no fun I can already tell Sydney is the fun one. What music do you listen to?” Shayna sat up next to Syd on the counter as she dusted the board with flour and started to cut the meat into chunks.
“I listen to…well- a lot. My mom loved R&B so I still listen to that but mostly 90s stuff that makes me think of her, I love SZA, HER, Jhené Aiko, oh Kali Uchis! Khelani of course… frank ocean is so fire I really like his stuff too..yeah just a lot of stuff.” She explained.
Carm sat there digesting every word she said, it wasn’t unusual for him to do that. He tried tucking the unfamiliar names in the back of his mind so he could look them up or ask Shayna what she knew about them later.
“Oh my god- we have to chill sometime!! Do you smoke?” Shay asked hopefully and Syd looked at Carm for a moment before her eyes flickered back to Shayna.
“I do. But…not when I’m working. Because it fucks up my taste and smell..but I am on vacation so…” she said with a small shrug and a smile.
“Dude! Oh my god Jesse cmon I need to go back to my cabin” she got down off the counter “I’ll be right back” she said and they headed out being sure to close the door behind them.
“They’re fucking?” Syd asked and Carmen laughed a bit
“No- no. Where’d you get that?” He asked, beginning to peel the carrots over the garbage can.
“Why did he go with her? Aren’t the cabins all right here?” She asked.
Carmen looked up at her for a moment “oh- yeah. They are. Shay has somethin about being alone. Somethin about her childhood- she came here because she said it’s like…the good version of where her dad sent her. Whatever that means. But she can’t be out and about alone it freaks her out. I guess she went to some… wilderness camp? She went on about it in one of our sessions. They were…they were fucked up.” He said, putting the now peeled carrot down on the cutting board and starting on the next.
“Shit.” She said, putting the cast iron on the burner, starting the flame with the lighter that she’d found on the counter. “Like…so they left her in the middle of nowhere or something?” She asked and Carmy shrugged.
“Kinda like that. She said that they like…would hike all day. And then at night they’d have to pitch their own tents. They took their shoes at night so they wouldn’t try and run. They’d like- send pictures back to their family- and if they didn’t smile they’d get in trouble. Pretty fuckin…sadistic shit t’do to a kid. Dunno how her dad thought it would change her ways - she said she went because their views on religion didn’t align…” he explained
“Wow…” she said, after a long beat of silence “she’s like..I wouldn’t have expected her to be so friendly after that. I wouldn’t be” she said, salting down the meat.
“Yeah Shayna is…a character. For sure. But she’s really sweet, and has a huge heart even though she loves to bitch people out. She’d cut someone if they tried to fuck with me, though. One of the newcomers showed me that” he chuckled, shaking his head a bit.
“What happened?” She asked
“So we were at lunch, and before that day we just..sat at the same table but didn’t really talk. She talked, but I would mostly listen. And um, this new dude. Justin? I think? Total fuckhead. Guys a tank too, like fuckin’ 6’2? No joke. But uh he was like basically screaming at his table, talkin’ so fuckin’ loud, so I looked over- and he met my eyes and just went off hes like ‘you got a problem little man? What the fuck is up with you, you got a staring problem?’ And Shayna- you should have seen her!” He laughs at the memory.
“What’d she do?” Syd asks curiously.
“Oh, she picked up her mashed potatoes- like - a fist full of mashed potatoes Syd- bare handed- and screeeamed at him ‘YOU WANNA FUCK WITH HIM COCKSUCKER?! WHY DON’T YOU COME FUCK WITH A BITCH THAT CAN ACTUALLY LOOK YOU IN THE EYE, SCAREDY MOTHERFUCKER!’ then whipped it at the dude. It hit him right in the face- eeeeveryone was dying we were all cracking the fuck up. I haven't seen him again after that, thankfully, but then she just looked at me and asked me for my plastic knife so she could get the potatoes from under those huge nails she wears and went to wash her hands like nothing happened.” He explained.
Syd laughs and Carm follows suit. “Wow. Well I guess I shouldn’t worry about you after all- you found a temporary big sister, you should keep her around. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who would pelt another in the face with mashed potatoes for me” she snorts a laugh, setting the meat in the pan.
“I would. Without a shadow of a doubt, when Marcus was yelling at you I wanted to fuckin knock him out with a pan-“ he stopped himself and she looked over at him, the only sound now filling the room being the sizzling of venison on cast iron and the tick of the wall clock.
She blinked a few times, unsure what to say before the memory of the drawing came back to her.
Just say it now. Why else would he want to hit one of his employees with a pan if not for feelings he hasn’t made me aware of?
She’d thought to herself.
But Carmen on the other hand was thanking god that Shayna and Jesse came back, boisterous as ever-
“Pookiesss We come bearing gifts” Shayna drops a bag on the table, as well as a pink speaker that was playing some Spanish music Carmen hadn’t ever heard before.
“You listen to Bad Bunny?” Syd asks as she turns around.
“YOU Listen to bad bunny?” Jesse asks and Syd smiles big
“Who doesn’t listen to Bad Bunny?” Syd laughed “he’s like- literally I think the most listened to Spotify artist or something? Top 3?!”
“Who is bad bunny?” Carmen asks as he cut the carrots into matchsticks.
“You need to train your dogs better, Sydney” Shayna teased, taking shooters of grey goose out of her tote bag and putting them in the freezer.
Syd laughs so hard she snorts, covering up her mouth with her hand and shaking her head. “You are fucking insane” she said
Carmen smiled big, looking over at Syd. “Chef, did you just snort?” He teased smugly and set his knife down, leaning against the counter next to her, smirking.
“I did- because your friend thinks you’re my bitch” she teased, turning back to the meat and flipping each cube carefully with the metal tongs that were next to her on the counter.
Carmen’s mouth drops and his cheeks go scarlett, Shayna snorts a laugh, sitting at the table casually, legs crossed as she picked the stems and seeds off buds of weed, while Jesse howls with laughter. “Fuuuck-“ he shakes his head with amusement “wow. I uh…” he snorts a laugh “I get you Carmen. Get you better now” he said.
“Okay- fuck you shayna” Carmen shook his head, unable to contain his smile. He’d never heard Syd laugh so hard before and witnessing it made him feel on fire.
“Sorry I can tell who wears the pants it’s a natural talent of mine” she shrugged, “Jess come do this” she slid the little container of picked apart buds over to the spot next to her and he sits next to her at the table.
“So you guys aren’t..like you’ve not known eachother before this?” Syd asks them.
“Oh! No we did actually. Jess and I met at this program when we were 14, restart. It was a pure chance though that we come here at the same time.” She said and got up, washing her hands in the kitchen sink of the sticky resin.
“That’s so cool - where are you from?” Syd asked her as she takes the bowl of onions from next to Carm at the island, their hands brushing for a moment which caused Carmen to nearly cut himself because his focus was completely lost at her touch.
“Were from LA. Aren’t you from Chicago? Why are you here? I mean- like it’s great you’re great I’m glad to have a sane member of society around, it’s refreshing when you’re only around only psychos, you know? But uh..” she laughed a bit when Syd got started “you must be…pretty close friends” she looked at Carm for a moment before looking back at her.
Carmen suddenly felt something akin to anger sitting low in his chest. And it had to do with Shayna. He likes Shayna, so he wasn’t sure what was going on. But, Jesse saw the switch in Carmen- and read it right away as jealousy.
“Uh…” Syd clears her throat nervously, suddenly not knowing what to say.
“Like what is it? Jess? We went to restart in Wisconsin so Chicago? How far is that?” She asks.
Jesse gave her the cut it out eyes, but Shayna hadn’t been able to play matchmaker in weeks, she was gonna push these two together the same way she made her Barbie’s kiss when she was a kid.
“I’ll guess like - 1800 miles. Soooo- oh! And don’t you have that restaurant?” She asked and Syd nods.
“Mmhmm we run it together. It’s fine though it’s being held down, I finally got my new Sous trained and his sister is working a lot lately she wants to get everything all together before she has her baby so…” she rambled on, trying to pull out any reason that made it sound like she was unneeded there - even though that couldn’t be further from the truth.
“Right. I’m gonna go smoke would you like to come? I’m sure your…” she looks back at Carmen for a moment before looking back at Sydney “partner can hold this down until we get back?” She asked and looked at Carmen again, raising her brows.
“Yeah- yeah Syd go. Go ahead go relax - got this chef.” He nods and went over to the stove, squeezing past her in the tight space, his hand brushing her waist momentarily as he did so.
“Okay- okay sure” Syd nodded, following Shayna outside. She walked quietly for a few moments, lighting the joint and taking a drag before handing it over to Syd.
They were about 30 feet from the house, Syd was taking a deep drag of the joint - savoring the taste since she couldn’t do it often, when Shayna said
“You need to fuck eachothers brains out so he can go the fuck home. That- or tell him it’ll never happen so he can stay here for however long it takes him to break down and move on”
Sydney choked on the smoke in her throat, quickly handing the burning joint back to Shayna and coughing into her arm.
Shayna laughs before taking another drag, patting Sydney’s back sympathetically. “Sorry- people have told me I’m too blunt but I’d rather hear the truth so I give it to people straight” she said simply.
“Dude! What if he heard you! Shhh!” Sydney said once she caught her breath.
“Oh please! No! He didn’t! And if he did- he’d be leaned halfway out the door trying to hear the answer because he’s dying to know! You know he has the hots for you- please- don’t play stupid, girl” She rolled her eyes, handing the joint back over.
“What - no- he’s- we’re business partners” Syd replied, shaking her head and taking a short drag. “He doesn’t. He’s just sick and clinging to me he’s - he’s depressed and I’m violating HIPAA or whatever by saying that but it’s honest! I’m not his type” She passed it back over to Shayna.
She took it, laughing at her HIPAA comment “Chefs aren’t bound to HIPAA regulations, but nonetheless- I’ll be honest for you, since you can’t be honest with yourself. You flew here because you want to fuck him. There’s no other explanation- no not even just fuck- you love the guy. Why else would you fly across the country to be with him? Especially when he’s due home in 11 days. No dick is that great, especially attached to a guy on that many psych meds.” She said and took a long drag.
Sydney’s heart began racing 100 miles an hour. She stopped walking, leaning against the fence, feeling like all the air had been knocked out of her lungs. She imagined this is how Carmy felt when Stardust threw him off.
“Are you- what in the Hozier Adele ass fuck. You didn’t know? Or - realize- the L word? That you love him?” Shayna said, taking another drag of the joint.
Sydney stared at the forest ahead, resting her hand on her forehead, shaking her head. “Fuck. Fuck. Oh fuck.” She swallowed hard. “Um-uh I- I feel sick? I feel- I’m gonna throw up.” Syd said, standing up and quickly walking over to the large oak tree at the end of the rows of cabins, hurling up the remainders of her lunch which was just a McDonald’s burger she’d gotten on her way back from the grocery store.
“Jesus Christ. It’s you too? What are you waiting for?” Shay followed after her, rubbing her back gently
“What do you mean-“ She’s interrupted by a gag she couldn’t hold back. “Fuck. What do you mean what’s me too?” She asked, coughing and spitting the bile taste in her mouth on the ground before leaning against the tree to catch her breath.
“Like- you and him both don’t even realize you’re in love. It’s weird as fuck. It’s usually one person chasing - but you guys are secretly chasing eachother? But also at the same time trying I dunno. One of you has to make a move though” she said, leaning on the tree next to Syd.
“What if he’s just sick? What if he’s clinging to me because he’s sick and…and I’m like manipulating him” she asked nervously
“Ahh yes because you are manipulating a grown man into not breathing when he sees you? You can do that? Can you teach me? Except I’ll use it to kill creeps” she nudged Syds shoulder, finally earning a smile back out of her.
“He doesn’t do that…” she looked at the ground sheepishly
“When we get back, I’m gonna count out loud because the oblivious fuck hears no one when you’re around, and watch he won’t be breathing. I swear it’s like the first thing I noticed looks like a fuckin fish out of water.” She said and finished the joint, stomping it out with her shoe. “Shall we put my experiment to the test?” She asks and Syd rolls her eyes.
“I wanna see what’s going on with the food let’s go” she smiled a bit, heading back with Shayna to the cabin.
It only took them 4 minutes back, Shayna walks in first and Carm’s head pops up from his conversation with Jesse at the counter, and as soon as Syd pops in behind her- Shayna quietly starts whispering “one…two…three…four..-OW!” She squeaks as Syd kicks her ankle just enough to hurt.
That was enough to break Carm out of his trance “hey- hey- how was your walk, y’okay? You look…I dunno” he came up to her, feeling Syds cheek with the back of his hand “y’flushed…” he said and she pulled away from his touch, feeling embarrassed.
“I’m fine” she said, walking back to the stove and making sure the meat was okay. “What did you do with the beef stock?” She asked, looking over the counter.
Carmy swallowed thickly “uh- sorry, sorry. Here” he went to where he put it in the cabinet and handed it to her. “We…we good?” he asked quietly.
“We’re good. Get the juniper berries please.” She said without meeting his gaze and opened the stock, pouring some in the pan.
Shayna giggles and Carm looks back at where she and Jesse were sat at the table, Jesse making a circle with his thumb and forefinger and thrusting his other finger in and out of it, alluding to their sexual tension lacing the room.
“Oh you are children.” Carmen grumbles, grabbing a beer from the fridge and rolling his eyes “want one- dipshit? Cabin check is tomorrow they all need to be gone” he said and Jesse nodded with a smug smile.
“You love your crazy camp besties pookie!!! Don’t play games cause your cool chef friend is around” Shayna said, getting up and going to the freezer, taking out 2 shots.
“Syd?” She asked and Sydney turns around, looking at the shots in her hand.
“Uh- why not. Sure. Just one” she said, taking one of them and cracking it open.
“Cheers” Shayna says, clinking her shooter with Syds
“To?” Syd asked.
“New beginnings” Shayna said simply before tilting her head back and swallowing the shot in one gulp.
“That was the best fucking food I’ve ever eaten. Have you guys ever been told you should open a restaurant?” Jesse teased, helping Carmen clear the empty dishes from table.
“Wow you really should pursue stand up, Jess” Carmy said with a small smile, collecting the 4 disposable cups they used for wine and throwing them away.
“You know who would fuckin love her Carm?” Syd motions to Shayna
“Who?” He mused, rolling up his sleeves and starting the hot water on the sink.
“Richie. They’d be menaces together but they’d be best friends!” Syd laughs a bit and Carmen gasps
“Richie!!! Yes! They would- but- Oh my god how is he? I literally- fuck. I’m so shitty I haven’t even really…like been thinkin about everyone back home other then like you and I- I guess sugar” Carmen said.
Jesse and Shayna gave eachother a ‘we’ll discuss this romcom fuckshow later’ look, before giggling amongst themselves.
“He’s- he’s Richie. He’s never gonna let me stabbing him go. Every time I tell him to do something he’s like ‘right away chef wouldn’t wanna get stabbed’ - he’s scaring the new hires, carm!” She giggled in the way that made his heart flutter like butterflies were smacking it with their wings. “And he keeps calling me cousin by mistake!! It’s getting ..really weird” she shook her head, sitting down at the table.
“You stabbed a motherfucker?” Shayna asked impressed.
Carmen laughed a bit “on accident” he told her
“Doesn’t mean it didn’t feel good he was grating my last nerve that day. But I mean…he’s okay so I’m not that bad for thinking it” she smiled and Carmen laughed, scrubbing the plates with the sponge.
“I would have stabbed this motherfucker but I just did one better and made everyone afraid to fuck with me. Everyone thinks this was a result of my attempt but it’s not.” Shayna showed off a long scar on her forearm, partially covered by a large dragon tattoo.
“You did that to yourself?” Syd asked, slightly impressed but mostly a little scared, her finger gently rubbing up the raised scar.
“Mmhmm. In college. I went to this party, this guy-“ she shook her head with a small, mischievous smile. “So he comes in the kitchen, he’s acting like a fucking bull so of course I’m staring at the weirdo, right? He looks at me- and he goes what the fuck are you looking at, bitch. And I was new, so I didn’t know it was his house. So I was like I’m looking at some meathead loosing his temper like a toddler, what the fuck are you looking at. And he just asks me who I am- and…” she sits back “I didn’t know anyone? Like…I went there to meet people. So I was like oh I’m Shayna and he just starts screaming ‘who the fuck is Shayna, does anyone at this party know a fucking Shayna?’ And he was like in my face. So I told him I was like I’m not trying to start anything here I’m minding my business back up and he goes ‘no one that looks like you is minding their own business’ and then he- he told me he knew what I was.” She said and shrugged.
“ And that I just wanted attention. And that he would give me the attention I was looking for. And then? He told everyone in the kitchen that someone better speak for me or he was gonna fuck me up.- so, I grabbed a knife from the counter, and he backed up like a pussy and was like ‘I’m kidding! I’m kidding it’s a joke I’m fucking with you!’ And I asked him if he wanted to hurt me, and he kept saying no - even though I knew he was getting ready to kick the shit out of me, probably worse. So I slit my arm, and bled on him. Then I left. And no one ever tried to out me there again.” She said and sipped her beer.
“You’re gay?” Sydney asked curiously.
“Yeah but that’s- Jesus Christ these Chicagoans” she said, and her and Jesse started laughing.
“What? What’s funny?” Syd sat up.
“she’s-“ Carmen starts
“AHT!” Shayna tisks “no, Carmen, we got to make fun of you for a month now we get to make fun of her until she figures it out. I think you’re smarter though, socially speaking” She said and Carmen gives her the finger, causing her to laugh.
“Oh- ohhhh! Wow! I wonder how he thought he could tell” Syd said and Carmen looks back at her.
“Really?! How did you figure it out so fast?!” He asked her
Syd laughs “oh because it’s the 2020’s and if someone says they were outed and it’s not about being gay, there’s only one other thing to out” she said and Carm huffs, annoyed with his own pitfalls of refusing to make friends his first 30 years.
“Yeah how would he know? I didn’t know” Carm asked her and she smiled big, looking at Jesse.
“It was fucked. Up. What you did. But if you wanna tell them? Gooo ahead.” He said with a smile, drying the dishes as Carm washed and rinsed them.
Shayna laughs excitedly, sitting up and pushing her long blonde hair back. “Okay, so. I end up finding out who this guy is, right? And apparently…his dad who was the football coach was like- DL- into trans girls- “ Carm interrupts
“What does that mean?” He asked her
“DL? Down low, like- they fuck us in private” she explained and Carmen scrunched his brows in confusion
“Why?” He asked and Shayna looked at him confused.
“Because…they think it’s gay?” She said like it was obvious, but to Carmen, it wasn’t.
“But… Y’re a girl. So how would it be gay?” He asked
“I’ll give you a ‘how humans interact with eachother’ lesson later, Carmen, for now it’s story time” she teased.
“Anyway-“ she continued “so I find this out, because I look up his name on Facebook - see his dad tagged, and I fly to Grindr- because I swore I literally saw him there. Turns out I had. So I send him a chat, we hit it off, I go fuck him-“ she said, Syd starts laughing, Carm turns around with wide jaw eyes and a dropped jaw.
“Like- oh I fuuuuucked that man. Multiple times. He didn’t fuck me- let me say that again for your cis ears to have it sink in, I fucked- this man’s father” she said - Carmen’s jaw drops further, and Jesse was howling with laughter at Syd and Carmys shocked expressions.
“No- no- Shayna- hold on I need a cigarette - Jesse take this shit over” Carmen pulls open the front door, pushing up the glass on the screen door, grabbed his beer and cigarettes from the counter, and sat next to Syd at the table. “Okay keep goin- I’ve never heard this much-“ he shook his head in amusement
“Tea? I know- it gets better!” Shayna laughs.
Carmen smirked, shaking his head and taking out a cigarette lighting it between his lips and taking a drag. “So you fucked this man’s dad.” Carmen couldn’t help but laugh at how insane the words sounded coming from his mouth- and Sydney followed suit, head falling back and eyes squeezing shut, Carmen’s heart quickened at the adorable sight, having the urge to reach out and grab her soft, delicate hand that was just a few inches from his own on the tabletop.
“Oh my god- were taking them with us back to chicago- I can’t remember the last time I laughed like this” Syd said, stealing his beer from next to him and taking a sip.
The action made Carmen’s heart skip a beat. The fact that she was comfortable drinking out of something his lips had already touched, it drove him wild. They had tried food off of the same spoon at work just so they didn’t have to go through the hassle of washing two, but this felt…different. More intimate.
“Did you- I’m sorry- did you want one?” He asked “I didn’t think you liked beer - I thought you said you like wine more” he said and she shook her head.
“We can share…right?” She asked, a bit shyly. She wasn’t sure what made her do it, maybe it was because her white claw had been long forgotten and now was luke warm on the kitchen counter, or maybe it was the few extra shots she’d been convinced into taking earlier that was causing her to take the chat with Shayna to heart.
“Yeah- course, always.” He nodded a bit. Unnoticed by Syd and Carmy, Jesse and Shayna give eachother another ‘we’re gonna talk about this romcom shit later’ look before Shayna clears her throat.
“So- yes Carmen, I fucked this man’s father. And multiple times. He was married- I didn’t fully know that though before you both look at me shitty- he didn’t say that -“ Jesse cuts her off
“Ohhhh- oh! No!!” He laughs “no- the real story- is that she saw a ring but didn’t ask about it - you may now continue” he said, turning back to the sink and rinsing the last of the dishes.
Carm snorts a laugh “evil. That is evil the man’s marriage! Shayna!” He took a drag of his cigarette and she rolled her eyes.
“It was already on the rocks- let me finish! You fucks! So then- I recorded it, and I held onto it- just in case. But. Get this- one of my girlfriends on campus? Guess who she ran into on Grindr?” She asks and Carm and Syd both lean in slightly, and Shayna can’t help but notice the way they were already so in sync.
“The fucking guy from the party” she said and Syd gasps, Carmen cracks up.
“He’s his fathers spitting image. Thats it. That’s why- that’s why he said that to you. He knows about you or whatever? Because he loves girls like you and is also a pussy.” Syd said and Carm hums in agreement.
“Exactly! Exactly. So…I had her tell him to meet her in the park- but…” she smirks and Sydney covers her mouth preemptively, knowing whatever was going to say next was going to be off the wall.
“I was there too- fucking his dad! And oops! he saw us! And I asked him if we should check and see who’s bigger- he dropped out of school the same week- and the dad resigned” she said and took another casual sip of her beer with a proud smirk.
Carmen sits there, dumbfounded, looking to Sydney who when she saw the look on his face cracked up. “Your face-“ she said, causing him to start laughing as well.
“Shay-“ he looks at her, wiping tears that were gathering in the corners of his eyes from laughing so hard. “Shayna what the fuck” he managed to get out before laughing again, shaking his head. “You are a person that I won’t ever, ever get on your shit list if I can help it” he said, looking over quickly when Syd coughs from laughing so hard
“Woah- arms up, arms up” he tells her and goes to the fridge, grabbing a water bottle and coming back quickly, opening the cap and handing it to her. She took a large sip.
“Thank you- sorry- fuck you Shayna you’re gonna kill us both I don’t think I’ve ever heard him laugh this hard” she said and Shayna smiled
“Well, that’s a good thing. this guys got a problem with having the dead inside look- at least before you got here” she nudged Carm with her elbow.
He realized he was still stood, hand protectively on the back of Syds chair looking down at her as if she was the only one in the room.
“Isn’t that why we’re all here?” Jesse countered, sitting in the empty chair next to Shayna
“I’m very alive inside- I just get too manic and start destroying my life because it’s something to do” she said and finished off her beer. “I’m already on probation cmon I need to go to my cabin and you aren’t allowed to have fun without me” she told Jesse, standing up and grabbing her bag and speaker. “Nice to meet you, Sydney. And Remember our chat hot stuff” she said as she put her bag on her shoulder.
“Yeah- we’ll probably run into each other again, I leave Sunday night.” She said, and Carmen’s heart soars.
He wasn’t sure why, he just thought maybe she’d just fly in for one night to see how he was and then leave the next day, but the fact she was staying a whole other day and a half- and they would be alone.
“Sick! Okay well we’ll link up tomorrow then, have a goodnight guys - and remember wrap it before you tap it, shortstack!” Shayna said as her and Jesse shut the door behind them and head off.
Carmen blushed pink, shaking his head. “She’s a hack, but she’s a very nice hack” Carm said, rubbing over his face embarrassedly.
“They’re super cool Carm. She’s..really fuckin out there but-“ she shrugged looking at the clock. “Oh- shit. Fuck- it is late, I don’t want you to get in trouble” she said, standing up and grabbing her coat off the back of her chair.
“You- you aren’t um…staying?” He asked and got up, grabbing her backpack she’d brought with her from the kitchen table and bringing it over.
“Oh well all of my- stuff..” she trailed off, eyes locked on his. They stayed there silent for a moment, and his heart started pounding in his chest so hard he could feel it in his stomach.
“Uh-“ he started and nervously bit the inside of his lip, he’d been doing that a lot tonight. He was holding his tongue, he always did around her. He didn’t understand it, because unless she was around it was like a part of his brain switched off, and he didn’t have access to speech in the same capacity as when she was near.
“I- so…I think um- I-“ he stops himself, grabbing his shoulder nervously and averting her gaze. His throat suddenly felt tight, this was it. He either said something, or he let her leave and he stayed up all night thinking about what he should have said when she leaves.
“Did you draw me?” Sydney asks suddenly.
Carmen feels his stomach doing flips, his palms got sweaty and all of the color drained from his face. “I-“ he crossed his arm over his chest, tightly gripping his hoodie. He suddenly felt as if he could be sick, “I’m sorry?” It came out sounding like a question.
Sydney felt insane “you- when-“ she smiled nervously “oh god- Jesus- I- it must be the-“
Carmen cut her off before she could say what would shut his entire course of action that he was trying to lay out down fully before he could attempt to put it into motion. “I meant- I meant I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. Syd. That’s how I meant it. I - you remind me of home.” He said, not breaking her gaze. “And I need a little bit of that, here.” He said softly.
Syd just nods, holding on to the chair for stability. She wasn’t sure if this conversation was really happening or if she was in some insane dream. She could hardly believe Carmen was expressing himself to her, in a way other then anger or fear.
“I..I draw you a lot.” He admits, running a nervous hand through his hair. “We do uh- art..art therapy. A few hours every day”
“Can I…see them? If…if that’s okay?” She questioned.
The color came back to Carmen’s face full force, he had to be sure whichever sketchbooks he would show her had none of the explicit themed drawings. “Uh- sure. Sure…gimme a sec- I’ll um” he headed to the bedroom, opening the desk drawer and grabbing the bigger sketchbook he usually took to art therapy, the safest one since the therapist would come and look at whatever the patients were working on.
He quickly flicked through it to make sure, before heading back out to the living room where Syd had sat on the couch when he went to retrieve the sketchbook. “I’m- sorry…sorry if this is like. Weird-“ he said, feeling suddenly Insecure about his hobby that was the reprieve that got him through any of the sleepless nights he had here.
“No- no its..it’s sweet Carm, can I?” She asked, grabbing the sketchbook in his lap, their hands brushing lightly. He felt that familiar fire in his chest, and nods with a hum of agreement.
She opened it, eyebrows raising in surprise “they aren’t like-“ he started
“This is incredible-“ she cut him off and leaned over him, turning on the lamp at his side to get a better look at the portrait he had committed to memory of her smiling. He nearly shivered when her curls brushed his cheek, the smell of the perfume on her neck mixed with the familiar scent of her causing goosebumps to appear over his flesh.
“I don’t know if I should be offended that you remember the gap in my teeth so well. Because I know for a fact you aren’t on Instagram” she said. He smiled, rolling his eyes slightly
“It’s one of your nicest qualities” he shrugged a bit.
“Oh one of them? Are there many?” She smiled, flipping the page.
“I think the question should be if you have any flaws” he said, and her eyes flicked back to his.
They were now sitting so close that their faces were less then a foot apart. “I think we both know that’s bullshit.” She said
“To you maybe” his eyes flickered to her lips momentarily.
“I always catch you doing that” she teased, smiling a bit.
“Doing what?” He asked, his eyes meeting hers again.
“I dunno…staring at me..like..” she looks at his lips for a long moment before meeting his gaze once again.
“Why do you think?” He asked quietly.
“There are alot of things I can’t seem to figure out about you…Carmy” she said just above a whisper.
“Well what do you want to know. I’m uh…trying to be more open.” He said equally as soft.
“Do you know why I really came here?” She asked
“Because you saw the fuckin drawing, somehow.” He smiled a bit.
“Yes” she chuckled “but- it just..it kinda confirmed something for me I dunno- I just wanted to come check if maybe-“
She’s interrupted by his lips on hers, she was surprised at first, but of course didn’t pull away. He cupped her cheek gently, his thumb rubbing over her supple skin.
The way their lips moved together was natural, like they’d done this already a thousand times in a hundred lives. His nose gently nudges hers and she wraps her fingers in his dirty blonde curls, tugging gently how she’d fantasized so many times.
He slid his tongue over her plump bottom lip, humming softly when she opened her mouth at the contact. His hands were nearly shaking. His entire body felt like it was exploding with tiny fireworks underneath his skin.
The air between them both felt as if it was crackling with electricity. As if the universe was humming in approval that they had finally accepted their bond.
Sydney had never felt anything so right. She felt as if every stress in her life evaporated, as if her and Carmy were the only 2 people in the world. She felt like she was glowing from the inside out. “T’make sure I wanted t’do that…right?” He said softly when she pulled away.
➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡♡♡ ⋙
#carmen berzatto#the bear fx#carmy berzatto#the bear fic#the bear hulu#carmen berzatto fanfiction#the bear#carmy berzatto fanfiction#the bear fanfiction#carmen berzatto fluff#sydcarmy fanfiction#sydcarmy fic#sydcarmy for life#syd x carmen#sydney x carmen#sydney x carmy#carmen x sydney#syd x carmy#carmy x sydney#sydcarmy#sydney adamu#the bear carmen#carmen berzatto the bear fanfiction#carmy berzatto smut#carmy the bear#carmy smut#sydcarmy fanfic#sydxcarmy fanfiction#sydxcarmy fic#Sydney x carmy fic
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I just found out about Jasmine Sherman and they look really cool. Like, the policies that they say they’re going to do? The fact that they have an audiobook option for people to listen to what the policies say on their platform? (If people don’t have JAWS or screen readers on their devices, JAWS for computers.) I really hope they get far enough in the presidential race. Although Cornel West is my next choice should he get far.
Yeah, sorry but Hell NO.
I’m all for audiobooks and JAWS readers, but I’ve never heard of Jasmine Sherman before and as far as I’m concerned, Ms. Sherman is just another throwaway vote. She has the same chance of winning the next election as a randomly picked name from a hat. Same goes for Cornel West and for 🤡 RFK Jr., and same for Marianne Williamson, and in fact, same for anyone who isn’t named (I honestly cannot believe that EYE am saying this, but here we are) Joe Biden.
Look, in 2020 I went through the same journey that I think a lot of voters are going through right now: I swore up and down that I wasn’t going to vote for Biden because he had (and still has, tbqh) a lot of conservative policies that I vehemently disagree with—LOL, don’t even get me started on Title 42, okay? But at the end of the day, I carried my Black ass into that voting booth and I begrudgingly did what I had to do.
All I know is, I do not want Donald fucking Trump in the White House. That’s it. Not “lesser evilism” not “he’s the next LBJ” not anything else, except for I’m voting for the person who has the best chance of beating Trump and keeping his racist ass out of the White House. THAT’S just about my only motivation here. Dassit. Periodt. I can deal with everything else later.
And I can live with myself with that vote.
But yeah, I’m Black and I gotta live not only with myself, but I also gotta live in this world and look other people in the eye. People who don’t even have my extremely limited level of privilege.
I’m not gonna go into detail about how a Trump presidency would make literally everything worse than it already is—and yes, sadly that includes Palestine, Ukraine, transphobia, homophobia, immigration, and whatever else is allegedly important to disproportionately ☭ white, online “leftists” 🙄 who keep telling people not to vote, or keep telling people to vote for candidates who cannot win.
As far as I’m concerned, Trump getting back into the White House is an existential threat to everything I hold dear. So no, anon, I will fucking not be throwing my vote away on some random ass person I’ve never heard of before, who has no mf chance of ever winning.
And yes, I still have problems with Biden. Like, a lot of problems. Like, a LOT, lot. But he’s the best chance we got at stopping Trump, and Trump needs to be stopped. That, plus I desperately want to see Trump pay for everything he’s gotten away with so far. Voting for Biden is the best way for me to give that a chance.
So yeah, I am deathly afraid of a second Trump term. And a big part of what is driving that fear is the fact that Joe Biden is vulnerable and super beatable. Like, his winning the next election is not a guarantee—did Hillary Clinton’s completely preventable loss teach you nothing at all??
Anyway, I’m not tryna write a book here. I think I’ve made my thoughts clear on Jasmine Sherman and whoever else is the flavor-of-the-day that can’t and won’t beat Trump. Biden is really fucking up and making himself even more beatable by unconditionally supporting Israel, and if he wins he might continue to fuck up, but I promise you that Trump will do unimaginably worse to Palestinians—and that’s not hyperbole.
Lastly, I really debated long and hard about whether or not to make this post rebloggable. PLEASE don’t make me regret that decision, OKAY??
Like, I know that a lot of people who unconditionally LOVE Joe Biden (that’s not me, btw) and the Democratic Party will be tempted to add, “VOTE BLUE NO MATTER WHO!” to this post, but I am begging you to please resist that urge, okay? I don’t know how to precisely put it into words, but unless you’re already convinced and have decided to vote for Biden, there’s just something about adding that braindead slogan that is incredibly off putting. It’s like an annoying ad that you want to skip and ignore on YouTube; it’s vapid; it’s old + tired; it’s lowkey offensive, and it tells people that you haven’t really given a lot of thought to anything and you’re just another insipid Blue MAGA sycophant blindly hopping on the bandwagon. Please find a better more intelligent way to express your support of Biden, okay?
ALSO, if you just search for Jasmine Sherman on Tumblr, you get a lot of anonymous asks like this
And sorry, but having lived through the 2016 and 2020 interface elections, yeah, it just smells fishy af. Chipping away at Biden votes is another way to help get Trump re-elected. And Trump supports Putin and Netanyahu
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The Birth of Jun (transfem Juniper Wheeler AU)
I literally wrote this within about 5 hours, which is crazy. I lost sleep just to finish this to make sure it’ll be posted by morning. I’m still nervous to post it since this is my first time writing for this AU and I just hope y’all like it. If you guys do, then MAYBE I’ll write a second part where Jun gets the name Juniper. Maybe.
Anyway, this is setting in the Final Family/Chucky season 2 rewrite AU where Jun survives and lives with Andy in the middle of the woods, torturing and killing Chuckys together. Because canon does not exist to me, obviously. I’ve written drabbles/oneshots about this AU before and this is just another one but with transfem Juniper.
If you guys really do like this, pls leave comments, it insanely fuels my motivation! I thrive off it and I’ll also appreciate some feedback since this is my first time writing a trans character.
Thank you and enjoy :)
Tags: @the-carlos-cow-eyes @erasedmystic111 @streets-in-paradise
Word count: 2.5K
Warnings: Internalized transphobia, mentions of suicidal ideation, cursing
There was something wrong with Junior.
That much she had always known, ever since she could remember. She wanted to be a princess, not a prince. A mermaid, not a merman. She wanted to be something that she could never be.
But Junior hid it for so long, and she hid it well. She buried that part of herself so deep down that no one would ever suspect it growing up. She became the perfect “masculine, traditional son” that her father wanted. She destroyed every single part of herself and burnt it all to the ground just to please him.
And even though she killed her own father, she still would have done it all over again.
Gods, she was pathetic. Pathetic and stupid and dirty and broken.
Despite Junior’s efforts to hide her dirty little secret from the world, she still had moments where it would bubble and come up again. The dysphoria with her short hair, flat chest, and other features that just didn’t feel right. It would be bad enough at times where she wanted to curl into a ball and cry all the fucking time.
But she would have no choice but to pull herself together and keep up the act, just like she always did.
However, this moment wasn’t like the other moments with her father. It wasn’t him she had to worry about, but Andy.
Andy wasn’t like her father at all. He was patient, understanding, and kind. Her father would be ashamed if Junior ever cried in front of him and tell him to “Stop being a pussy and pull yourself together, you’re a man!”, but Andy would hold her in his arms and comfort her. He had been there through every mental breakdown, depressive episodes, nightmares, moments of self-destructive tendencies, all of it.
Andy stayed right by her side and never budged despite how much Junior tried to push him away. She pushed and pushed and pushed but he never stayed away through it all.
Junior wasn’t used to that. When she pushed people away and burned bridges to the ground, it stayed that way. Just look at her relationship with Jake. But Andy refused to be pushed away and has made it very clear to her that he wasn’t planning to go anywhere.
Yet that still didn’t reassure her for some reason. It still filled her with so much fear if Andy ever looked too hard and realized just how broken and defective she really was.
So once again, Junior hid it. She hid her secret under lock and key and made sure to keep her masculine act on display.
But then the dysphoric moment hit hard, harder than before, and she wanted to die.
Junior didn’t want to leave her cot. Her appetite was long gone. She just tried to bury herself deep into her blankets and hoped that one of the Chuckys she and Andy had been torturing could escape and stab her to death, finally finishing his job that he failed to do months ago.
Andy had been no stranger to her being depressed. They had been staying at that small cabin for almost 5 months, it was now the beginning of April. Sometimes he would give Junior some space if she truly needed it but most of the time, he would be there to offer her food and water and just an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. He hardly left her alone when she got like this.
She didn’t blame him. Andy was probably worried that she would take one of his guns and end it all.
Not like that idea wasn’t tempting.
But right now, Junior wanted to be alone. She wanted to forget that the weather was getting warmer, which would make her have to ditch the hoodies and reveal the parts of herself that she hated. She just couldn’t bear to go through this, she would much rather hide away for hours or even days. Just as long as she would feel just slightly normal again.
However, she never really was that lucky.
“Junior?” She heard after the three light knocks, shuddering deeply and tearing up from the sound of her own name, like something about it was just wrong. “Can I come in?”
Curse Andy for respecting her privacy and boundaries. Logan would just barge in without a warning. Despite everything she was feeling, she still managed a small “Uh huh…” to placate him since she knew he would just be more worried if she refused.
Andy opened the door slowly and she could smell why. Even without moving from her position under the blankets, she could smell the food that Andy was bringing in. When he stood beside her cot, Junior lowered the blankets enough to see the plate of scrambled eggs and toast in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. Normally that would make her mouth water but this time, it made her stomach churn.
“I know you may not feel like eating right now, but I can’t let you go the whole day without something in your system. Can you try to eat something please?” Andy spoke gently to her, placing the plate and the mug on the floor beside the cot.
Junior merely shook her head slightly. “I’ll eat later. ‘M not hungry.” She mumbled before putting the pillow from under her head now on top of her face.
Andy sighed quietly but instead of leaving, he sat down on the edge of the cot. “Kid, I can’t let you starve. I’m not asking you to finish off the plate, but just have a few bites with your coffee. Please?”
She didn’t say anything this time, her silence was enough of an answer.
“Junior, c’mon,” She shivered and squeezed her eyes shut when Andy said her name again, “I know you’re not in the mood but you’re gonna just make yourself feel worse. Remember what happened a few weeks ago?”
She wished she couldn’t. Going nearly the entire day without eating only to almost binge afterwards, resulting in her throwing her guts up. But Andy was with her the whole time, rubbing her back and keeping an arm around her so she would stay supported rather than to fall face first into her own vomit from exhaustion along with cleaning her up afterwards once she was finished hurling and crying.
No matter what, Andy stayed with her through everything.
Imagine if he found out you thought you were a girl, Junior thought bitterly to herself, He’d despise you and leave you then without a doubt.
She stiffened briefly when she felt a hand on her ankle from over the blankets before recognizing Andy’s touch, relaxing just slightly. “Do you wanna talk about it?”
Junior quickly shook her head from under the pillow. She couldn’t, she absolutely couldn’t. For the first time, she didn’t want to ruin something good. She already felt like she was one wrong move from spilling it all.
She just needed to keep her mouth shut and hold it all in. She could do it, she’s been doing it her entire life. She can keep going.
Andy gave her a gentle and reassuring squeeze to her ankle. “Okay. I just want you to know that I’m here if you do want to talk. I don’t need to talk, I can just listen to as much as you need me to. Alright, Junior?”
Junior winced and wasn’t able to swallow down the whimper this time, which immediately got Andy’s attention.
“Hey, kiddo, what’s wrong?” She couldn’t see his face but she knew that he would be wearing that concerned frown, the one where he genuinely acted worried for her.
Junior shook her head again, keeping her eyes closed because she knew she would break down and cry. Andy needed to leave now before she would completely lose her mind.
The hand on her ankle moved to her back, rubbing small circles there to comfort her. “Junior?”
“Stop…”
Andy paused from his motions. “What?”
“Stop…calling me that!” Junior didn’t know why but it was like something shattered inside of her, like the dam in her finally broke.
She ripped the pillow off of her head and bolted upright, the suddenness making Andy back up slightly. “I have tried so fucking hard to be Junior! To be the perfect son Junior. The cross-country star Junior. The strong and masculine Junior. I have ripped myself to shreds and molded myself to be what everyone else wanted me to be! But for what? It’s not fucking worth it because I’m not! I’m not Junior! I’m not a boy! I’ve tried so fucking hard but I’m not, I just keep trying and trying but nothing fucking works anymore! I’m so sorry but that isn’t me, this fucking isn’t me! I’m too broken and fucked up to be Junior and to be a fucking boy!”
Junior didn’t realize she was screaming until she finally stopped, her voice hoarse. And no one said a word. Andy stared at her with wide eyes and an unreadable expression as reality slowly settled in.
Oh fuck…what did I just do?
She started shaking, her breathing picked up and she hid her face in her hands, sobbing. “I-I’m sorry, I d-didn’t mean it, I was l-lying, I-I-I…” for some reason, now she couldn’t even get the words out after everything from how hard she was hyperventilating.
Congratulations, you fucking idiot. You really did it now. You ruined it. Now Andy will think you’re disgusting. He’ll hate you. He’ll throw you out and finally leave you alone, just like you deserve, you pathetic piece of sh–
Andy’s hands went around Junior’s body, pulling her closer to him carefully until her cheek was pressed to the crook of his neck, one hand now rubbing her back up and down soothingly. “Hey, hey, it’s okay, breathe. Take some deep breaths, kiddo. Just follow my breathing, okay? Breathe…”
She was shaking through her sobs, her hands clinging onto Andy’s shirt tightly in her fists. His other hand went up to cradle the back of her head so softly as if she was something gentle and precious to him. Junior could hardly breathe but Andy kept guiding her, speaking to her kindly until she was able to finally pull in deep breaths with his help.
They barely spoke, with Junior crying and Andy whispering reassurances to her. When she started to calm down, she didn’t move, she felt too mortified. It felt like one wrong move, and Andy would finally turn her away.
“Kiddo?” He finally spoke, “Do you remember what I’ve always told you? About what I want for you?”
Junior sniffled, still crying but not nearly as badly while holding onto Andy’s shirt still for dear life. “For…for me t-to be a kid…”
“Yeah, that too. But what else?”
She thought about it longer this time, hesitating. “…that you-you want me to be h-happy…”
Andy moved away just slightly, making her whimper again but instead he adjusted himself to fully face Junior and hold her face in his hands. “Exactly. I care about you, kid. I’ve had since the moment you basically passed out on my doorstep. All I want is for you to be happy. And if being a boy doesn’t make you happy…then stop trying. Stop putting yourself through that pain, okay? Just…just be yourself.”
He was looking at her so seriously yet so gently, as if all that mattered in that moment was her. Unshed tears began building up again in her eyes and Andy continued speaking. “I mean it. I will never judge you for who you are. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere just because you aren’t a boy. I swear on the River Styx.”
That oath meant more to Junior than any other sort of promise. It was an oath from Percy Jackson, and really any kind of Greek mythology. They both knew how serious that oath was. And for that reason, it was what gave her the push that she needed to finally come out.
“Andy…I…I’m a girl…” her voice was tiny but it was still enough for Andy to hear, starting to cry again but he pulled her back into a hug.
“It’s okay, I’ve got you…” He reassured her and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, “I’m so fucking proud of you, kiddo. I promise I am. I know this wasn’t easy for you, I can’t even begin to imagine how long you’ve felt like this but never said anything. So thank you for telling me. I’m proud of you.”
Junior cried a little harder at that, still not entirely used to having someone tell her that they were proud of her. But this time, the tears were more of relief and she just completely leaned against him.
Never in her life did she ever think she’d actually come out and tell someone this secret. She just thought she had to fight the feeling down further and further until it disappeared or it just ended up killing her.
But no. She lost it and everything spilled out. But…it didn’t end up badly like she thought it would.
Andy accepted her. He accepted her without another thought. Strong and tough and badass Andy accepted her and told her that he was proud of her for coming out.
This felt almost like a dream, something too good to be true for Junior.
“So…I suppose you don’t want to be called by that name anymore, right?” Andy asked and she nodded in response, gripping onto his shirt again. “Okay. Is there…another name I can call you? It doesn’t need to be your permanent name, it could be like a…placeholder. Just something temporary until you can figure out a name that makes you feel like you.”
She didn’t say anything for a moment, thinking long and hard before settling on something simple. “Maybe just…Jun. For now. Jun. Without an E at the end.”
Andy nodded and lightly leaned his cheek to her head. “Jun without an E at the end, got it.”
Jun could practically hear the smile on Andy’s face and lazily hit his side with the back of her hand. “You’re a dork…”
“Yeah, yeah I am. But so are you, so…” Andy poked Jun’s side, making her giggle before she yawned, her dysphoric episode and breakdown now tuckering her out.
“You tired, kiddo?” He asked and she yawned again while nodding, not moving from her position.
“Can I just…stay here? For a bit? Please?” Jun asked quietly and almost immediately, his hand went up to her hair and stroked her hair softly, causing her to close her eyes.
“Sure you can. And I’ll stay right here with you too. But as soon as you wake up and get hydrated, you need to eat, okay?” Andy told her, accepting his fate to have Jun fall asleep on his shoulder.
She nodded, yawning once more as a sense of pure peace and bliss filled her. She knew she was safe now. Nothing would happen to her.
“Thank you Andy…” Jun murmured under her breath.
Just before she could drift off, she felt Andy kiss her forehead, one hand playing with her hair and the other being secured around her body. “Anytime. Goodnight, Jun.”
#Luna talks#admin#chucky#chucky 2021#child’s play#junior wheeler#andy barclay#jun wheeler#juniper wheeler#transfem junior wheeler#transfem jun wheeler#transfem juniper wheeler#final family#Chucky season 2 rewrite fic#Chucky oneshot#Chucky AU#transfem
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TRANS FEM MILES MORALES HCS:
a/n: if you have a problem with this harmless hc I honestly do not give a fuck “ he’s a boy!” okay nigga she’s gonna be a girl today.. if you try and start shit with me in MY comment section or MY inbox I will not hesitate to say something because the trans masc hc is received wonderfully but the transfem one isn’t, and it just shows people’s transphobia, so if you say ANYTHING, I will not only turn off anonymous comments but I will also say shit if necessary
when she first realized she was trans, she went by miley; other people assumed she just wanted her family to keep a piece of her forever, but honest she just liked miley cyrus
her name now is melody, because of her love of music, and how she was trying to love herself as a woman, she thought if she attempted to name herself that was something related to something she adored.. that she would start to feel more comfortable in her own skin.. it worked a little, the name ‘ melody’ made her happy, and it helped her with her dysphoria too
she came out to her mom first, and rio was confused, but not surprised. the kid she raised usually had girl friends, and liked to dress up in girl clothes. transgender was a new concept for rio, but she did research how to care for transgender kids, because since she didn’t understand much of it and didn’t want to be offensive.
jefferson was MAJORLY confused when he found out he had a daughter instead of what he thought, he was very open minded about it, and he was researching as well
jefferson adjusted well, he’s a normal father of a girl, doesn’t let her go outside of her dress is too short, or if she’s wearing a crop top.. if she has her jacket zipped up outside of winter time, he’s making her unzip it
“ hey…c’mere..”
he’d do that finger thing parents do when they want you to come close, melody would reluctantly come forward, standing in front of her father with a knowing look on her face,
“ you know what im gonna ask you.”
he said softly, pointing towards her zipped up jacket,
“ c’mon! dad.. im not wearing anything under here!” “ then you have no problem unzipping it.”
jefferson shrugged his shoulders, and melody sighed unzipping her jacket, showing the spaghetti strap tank top she had on under the jacket. jefferson looked over the outfit his daughter had on and gave a nod of approval,
“ keep that jacket at least halfway zipped up.”
she wasn’t gonna lie and say she enjoyed that one thing about being a girl, but it did make her smile when she got a moment to herself.. because it meant her father saw her as his daughter.
her bonnet is pink, and she absolutely loves it
she doesn’t get her eyelashes done, she lets mascara do the job, because she’d rather spend fourteen dollars.. than possibly a couple hundred for longer lashes, she does get her eyebrows threaded though
she isn’t a girl that over lines her lips when doing makeup, her lips are already full and plump so she lines them the shape they normally are, she does black or brown liner.. depends on the day.
clear and pink lipgloss are her go tos.
she felt a little embarrassed, the first few days of being trans as spiderwoman, because she’d have to correct villains when they addressed her with he/him instead of she/her… surprisingly.. a good portion of them respected her wishes and apologized
the first time she got her hair done, she had gotten butterfly locs, and it felt weird.. having her hair done.. when she was so used to her afro, and it hurt.. as she was extremely tender-headed… but she liked it, she liked it more than she originally thought she might’ve.
her favorite colors to get when she gets butterfly locs or distressed locs are normally black.. but now she adds either a few blonde highlights.. because she misses gwen.. a few pink ones.. again because she misses gwen.. or maybe red because of her spider suit.
PART 2.. COMING SOON
#miles morales x reader#miles morales#across the spider verse#spiderman x reader#pavitr x reader#miles x you#miles morales x y/n
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On The Survivor's Network Admin's "Apology"
As many know, the Admin of the Survivors' Network made an awful post about me back in November. In the recent document from the Survivors' Network, it included the admin's "apology" to the server, and I wanted to address that.
The Original Post
Pictures of the original post are at the bottom under the Keep Reading. TW in advance for fakeclaiming, transphobia, misgendering, bullying, etc.
The "Apology"
When the post resurfaced this year, the admin had this to say in the Survivor’s Network: i am going to be fully transparent. i am the one who made that post, on November 28th of 2022. it was a shitty post. but ugh. i don’t know. i was in an abusive situation i was still in denial about and taking my anger out where i felt it was righteous. i had been trying to stay away from syscourse for similar reasons, but i’ve got a part i failed to keep track of there. and that is shitty. i was just so pissed that, just like she is now, she was only afloat after some terrible shit coming up because of claiming oppression she neither understands or actually experiences. i was so fucking upset, as a trans person, that she had repeatedly waxed about being and identifying as cis and then as soon as it benefit her claimed that she was oppressed in the same way trans people are. it fucking hurt to see that and to see so many people just accepting it— because that was why she said it. not because she actually believed it, but because it put her back in good standing to have a few more made-up oppression points. and then i did the Really Shitty thing and i decided to break through the Sophie Wall and talk directly to the host. and i got really fakeclaimy, and i regret the fuck out of that. if i could go back and have not made that post, i would. it’s private now, and, for full transparency, if any of you want to see the full post i can send it but in honestly ashamed by it now. i don’t care whether or not sophie is experiencing what she says she is, i don’t want other people to see that and be hurt by it. i just. ugh. i was being an idiot. in the place i am now, i’d never make a post like that. i feel really bad about it. it was immature and a very obvious display of lack of inhibition on my part. it does highlight where i think i’m still in need of s lot of growth, though, and reminds me i do need to continue to work with [alters name that I am not going to include in this incredibly public post, for system privacy] in therapy. i do also want to apologize to you all for doing this. i wasn’t leading by example. i wasn’t being mature. i was spitting vitriol, something that especially now, more than ever, with my current religious/spiritual growth and my personal growth in therapy, never feel is okay. i used to be a very hateful person towards people that i felt were wronging me and/or my community, and this is no exception to that. i regret it deeply, and can only rectify that by promising that i have been growing and will continue to grow as time goes on. i’m really sorry. and i’m sorry that i didn’t deal with that post sooner— i would have if i had remembered it was there. i actually need to go through all my oldest posts, some of them are pretty bad.
Who the apology was for...
To be clear, this was not an apology to me.
It did not express any regret whatsoever at how it might have affected me. They express that they're concerned about other people being hurt by it and that they're sorry to the Survivors' Network for not leading by example. But they don't seem overly bothered by its impact on the person it was about.
Which is fine. I don't care. I'm not asking for an apology, and certainly wouldn't want them to fake one for my benefit. But since that one ask suggested I was given apologies, I suspect they might have mistook this post made in the Discord server... which wasn't intended for me, didn't express guilt over how it affected me, and wasn't in a place I could even find it unless I had a spy in the server... as an apology to me. I just wanted to establish for the record that this apology was worded in a way that it was directed at basically everyone but me.
Reasons are given in the document why they chose not to reach out and thought it would be a bad idea. And while those may have truth to them, this post reads as if they don't feel guilt for how this might have impacted me.
Maybe I'm wrong, but if that is the case, then I'm genuinely thankful they didn't try to give me some fake apology they didn't mean. I don't need and don't want it.
That's not what I wanted to talk about though.
Yes, Cis-Identifying Headmates With Different Genders Than The Body's AGAB Are Still Oppressed In The Same Way Trans People Are!
Let's zero in on this...
i was so fucking upset, as a trans person, that she had repeatedly waxed about being and identifying as cis and then as soon as it benefit her claimed that she was oppressed in the same way trans people are.
Do you think that the reason trans people are oppressed is because cis people just really hate the word trans?
That if trans people just called themselves by a different label, they'd totally be accepted in society?
No. Of course not!
And likewise, just because cis-identifying headmates with different genders from the body's AGAB don't identify as trans, that doesn't mean that they aren't oppressed in the same way trans people are.
That doesn't mean they won't be directly impacted by the way society treats any GNC people, and even much of the transphobic legislation being passed right now!
Transphobia isn't actually hatred of just the people who call themselves trans. It's hatred of people with different genders from their AGAB and GNC people, regardless of if they call themselves transgender or not.
On Why I Identify as Cis...
First, the most obvious reason I identify as cis is because I am. As far as I'm concerned, my inner form is my true form. And it's always been assigned female. What our shared body's assigned gender is doesn't matter to me.
But I will make a confession: the reason I talk about being cis so much, the reason I flaunt it, is to make a statement.
There was a very infuriating bit of sysmed gatekeeping last year that argued that headmates can't identify as transgender if their gender is the same as their AGAB.
I found this incredibly hypocritical given that almost all systems have non-transgender headmates with differing genders from the body's AGAB, but they're not forced to label themselves as transgender.
At the same time, they also don't publicly call themselves cis despite feeling cis on the inside.
So my goal of bringing up being cis frequently is to challenge accepted norms for systems. To normalize publicly identifying as cis headmates, and by extension, to normalize headmates with the same gender as the body's AGAB identifying as trans.
If people have a problem with trans-identifying headmates with a different gender from their body's AGAB, then they should also have a problem with cis headmates with a different one. And that means the vast majority of the plural community.
I call myself cis, all the time, to get people to think seriously about how we conceptualize gender when it comes to systems.
But identifying as cis doesn't mean I don't experience gender dysphoria while fronting, nor does it magically stop me or any other cis-identifying headmates from being victims of the same oppression we would face if we identified as transgender instead.
On Having Room To Grow
It was nice to apologize to the other people who saw it.
But this apology still doubles down on some of the most harmful points. It denies the oppression systems with cis-identifying headmates face, and practically presents our gender identities as less valid than those of trans-identifying people.
And in this way, they fail to understand a huge part of WHY their original post was bad.
Yes, the fakeclaiming was awful, and could easily send people into derealization spirals. The language itself was cruel and verbally abusive.
But let's not ignore the huge problem with the premise itself. The whole ideology it's built on that the only way GNC people can be oppressed is by explicitly identifying as trans. That discrimination against systems for our genders isn't as bad as discrimination against transgender people.
And this is something that I sincerely hope the user and anyone in the system community who agrees with them, can grow out of.
The Original Post:
Oh, and no one in our system has ever used 4Chan. 🤷♀️
#syscourse#transgender#gnc#lgbt#lgbtq#transphobia#queerphobia#pro endo#pro endogenic#discrimination#survivors network#social justice#multiplicity#sysblr#system discourse#gender#queerness#gender stuff#plural#oppression
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This has been on my mind a lot, and every trans fem person I’ve said it to has realized they do struggle with this, so I’m going to share here.
Posting here because I expect this to piss some people off & don’t want it directly associated with my main.
I’ll make this as anonymous as possible, because some of it began from a conversation with an in-person/IRL friend whom I’m living with, & I don’t want to expose them. But apart from that piece of context, I’ll address the general trans community, especially our trans fem siblings & sisters (& any other term y’all may prefer).
Also getting this out of the way up front, I am trans myself. I am not speaking from outside the trans community, though I am speaking from a trans masculine / nonbinary experience.
I have a lot of trans fem friends now (mostly nonbinary, by coincidence), & saw the (often (unfortunately) necessary) assumptions that cis women & AFAB people made/had to make as I grew up. I watched AFAB folks & women assume things about men*, & heard them speak to the horrible things some entitled men did to them. I’ve been listening to my trans fem friends & asking questions about their experience with femininity, & about how men treat them if they pass.
(* though our society makes it necessary (for your own safety & sanity), if you’re AFAB, to assume the worst & hope for the best¹ - I want to make it clear that I’m not invalidating anyone here, especially as someone who had to assume the same things. I’m using the word assume to mean that we didn’t know for certain every single man would be of this type, not that many men weren’t this type)
(¹ not to say men can’t be SAed by other men, or that queer SA doesn’t exist, because it does. I’m simply speaking from my experience here, & speaking to the binary white supremacist patriarchal society we’re trapped in, not trying to speak over folks with queer trauma or to invalidate other people who distrust men)
~~~~
Important Note: I marked this with a community label not because it involves trans people (especially trans fem folks & trans women), but because it explicitly includes sex mentions (having to do with touch starvation & social conditioning). I want to make that clear due to the transphobia online, even from trans masc folks / trans men. Trans woman & trans fem people are not inherently sexual or bad, & don’t need a ‘mature’/sexual warning label.
~
I am probably over-explaining here (all the clarifications above), but I’d rather over-explain than have someone take my post & words to support their transphobic rhetoric. I also want my fellow trans & queer people to feel seen and supported, as much as I am capable of.
Now, onto the pattern I’ve been noticing & starting to share with people.
~~~~
I was talking to my roommate (they/she) about their struggle with finding friends & romantic partners that last. They struggle to make & maintain friendships, & I’m trying to help when requested/desired.
She said “not to support transphobic rhetoric about being unable to escape your assigned gender at birth, but I feel like there’s a biological...something that makes me unable to connect with people the way I want to”. She struggles with sex addiction that she doesn’t want, & they were worried it was inescapable.
With other conversations we’ve had, and with my pattern recognition, I made a leap.
“It’s not biological, it’s social. It’s baked into our [United Statesian] culture.
It’s because [most] assigned-male people in our society aren’t allowed to have platonic affection. If you’re affectionate with men, you’re gay. If you’re affectionate with women, you wanna fuck her or you’re a pervert. Being assigned male means, especially to Christian men, that you crave sex and wouldn’t be affectionate with anyone of any gender if that wasn’t on your mind.”
Most men & AMAB people become sex addicted because it’s the only form of affection they’re allowed to have. They’re told they’re unmanly (a pussy, not a real man, etc.) if they want to be held or to cry, or accused of being gay for holding a man.
They’re affection starved, touch starved. They’re actually craving intimacy, which doesn’t have to be sexual.
That said, tying this back in to trans folks—
Trans women & trans feminine people, especially on HRT but post social transition too, are often pointed out (or even shamed) for having a “hoe phase”. The pattern I see is that this doesn’t just happen because they’re finally being sexualized as their true self, it’s also because they don’t tend to seek out platonic affection &/or don’t think they deserve any.
When I pointed out to my roommate & to another trans fem friend, they broke down crying.
“If I seek out platonic affection, I’m always called a pervert,” my roommate explained. “I don’t feel like I’m allowed to ask.”
I asked how long it’s been since they’ve been platonically held. They thought about it, then came back with something heartbreaking: “I was five. After that, my dad decided it wasn’t cute anymore. ‘That’s little kid shit’. I had affection and then it was ripped away from me.”
I suspect other trans fem folks & trans women have the same struggle. They didn’t get platonic affection at all, or had it ripped away from them at a young age. They were accused of wanting sex if they touched anyone at all. They were attacked with homophobic slurs (faggot, gay, etc. as slurs) or accused of being gay if they reached for a man. They were brushed off as immature, childish, or overly feminine if they wanted platonic affection.
I don’t believe this applies to everyone, but it’s a heartbreakingly high number.
I hope this helps someone like it helped my roommate. She now knows what she wants to search for, and they’re succeeding at finding connections that meet those needs. I hope you can find people who respect your need for affection & offer you platonic affection.
Just like cis women, y’all aren’t sexual toys or objects (without your consent, not kink shaming). You’re people, and your feelings do matter. (/sincere)
And to my fellow trans masc people & trans men, please offer affection to your trans fem friends (don’t force it obv). Let them know they deserve affection.
We can fight this together— we’re stronger together. 💜
#tw sex#tw sex mention#he/they#trans#trans community#transgender#trans fem#trans femme#trans feminine#trans masc#trans men#trans man#trans woman#f2m#f2x#m2f#m2x#sex addiction#touch starved
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The trans radfems being upset about not being included in michfest but not upset about them considering trans men women thingy reminds me of a... interesting article someone sent me to try n explain TME privilege........ https://purrcatharsis.medium.com/on-transmisogyny-exempt-privilege-dynamics-874f3969ae1d
Specifically the part that says "Since they are, before and often even beyond transition, categorized as women by the system they are afforded access to women-only support, resources and spaces which would be denied to most — if not all — trans women independent of their transitions. The very material resources that trans exclusionary radical feminists (TERF) fight trans women for exclusive access over. Don’t even ask what this means for non-binary TMA people." (Looking in the replies, it seems like it used to say "enjoy access to", but it got changed to "are afforded access to")
(It also says "And this is where TMT makes clear, that there is no equality here and that about every aspect of transmisogyny marginalizes trans women, but benefits trans men, combining into a quite undeniable privilege over trans women.
Even when it comes to identity itself, trans men, actual men, have an easier time laying claim to womanhood than trans women, actual women. And while this seems to make a weirdly intuitive sense at first, if you dig into it, horror awaits."
Which is just. A Lot . It's a lot ! Even ignoring the everything else the idea that every part of any kind of transphobia or misogyny benefits all AFAB trans people (because that's really what they mean by TME) is just. Completely illogical.?????????? And the logic of the second paragraph also goes in reverse, in that trans women have an easier time laying claim to manhood than trans men do, so I don't know what the authors point actually was with it, honestly.???)
Transradfems do not like to admit to themselves that if trans men (especially those who don’t pass) can access female spaces then trans women who are closeted or early in transition can access male spaces. Some transradfems will categorically deny this ever happens, as if trans women have no history in the gay male community and as if some closeted trans women have never posed as straight cis men.
If you corner them on this, they will claim that no trans woman has access to male spaces ever, or will try to claim that men will somehow tell they are trans women/feminine and attack them even if they’re entirely pre hormones and presenting as their assigned gender. Although trans women are sometimes targeted by homo/transphobia pre-transition that doesn’t mean all of them are incapable of passing for cis men.
Most of the trans women I know were teased for being “sissies” pre transition or were targeted by homophobia before they learned to temporarily blend. That is something they also share in common with many gay men and that is why trans feminine people historically shared space with the gay male community.
I deleted my rant about Mitchfest because it was meandering and I wasn’t feeling it. But the point of the rant was basically: I have no idea why transradfems want to go to fucking Mitchfest. It’s analogous to me wanting to join the Proud Boys. The radfems at Mitchfest are incredibly fucking transphobic. They allow trans men to come if they’re acceptably female-looking and then belittle and misgender them the whole time they’re there, allegedly.
I remember hearing that one year at Mitchfest they had a booth about detransitioning for transmascs, no other representation. They do not welcome us in any other context. It is not a “privilege” to be invited there, the transmascs who go there are basically in a cult. I understand picketing them. I understand wanting to stop them from organizing. I don’t understand wanting to be included or wanting to join them.
#transgender#feminism#radical feminism#lgbtq community#mitchfest#lesbian history#trans history#transphobia
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I think in addition to the conversation about JKR’s transphobia it’s vital that we address the antisemitism in the Harry Potter universe.
Not enough people are talking about it. Yes her transphobia is having an effect on legislation and yes supporting Harry Potter in any way is endorsing that BUT I don’t think we’re going to get through to people with just that. Harry Potter is not as wholesome as many people would like to believe. It’s a racist and antisemitic garbage fire with some pretty poor writing. I should preface this by saying I am not Jewish, nor am I a poc, I am white and fairly well off, I am just very opinionated and want to do my best to explain the things I can when I see something wrong. Carrying on,
One of if not the most blatantly fucked up thing in the Harry Potter universe is the presence of “house elves”, a race of mythical creatures that function as slaves in the wizard world. What is most appalling about them is that rowling wrote them to be happily subservient, a race that enjoys being enslaved. For one, this is all kinds of weird, and for two, this does not mix very well with the complete lack of plot relevant POC.
The second big issue and the one I feel a particular need to address is the goblins. Beginning with how they are meant to represent and mock Jewish people. Goblins are a common caricature of Jewish people, and the goblins in Harry Potter have all the traits of that caricature, hooked noses, greed, power over government, malice, etc. also notable was their appearances in the movies, being depicted as practically identical to nazi propaganda portrayals and having the Star of David clear as day on the floor of the bank. Now all this alone should be enough to make you feel queasy, but if that isn’t enough for you let’s bring the latest addition to the franchise in. The “goblin rebellion” of hogwarts legacy depicts an oppressed race as the antagonists in their rebellion, and if the well established context of goblins as a caricature of Jewish people wasn’t terrible enough in conjunction with this plot, one of the goblins is also depicted as plotting to kidnap wizard children, yet another direct parallel to historical oppression of Jewish people, the accusations of stealing Christian children (in this case wizard children) and using their blood for rituals, also known as blood libel.
Supporting Harry Potter is not just bad because JKR is bad. There is no way around it, and you cannot disconnect the author from her work. Harry Potter itself is bad. It’s time to let go of this.
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hi, sorry for the weird ask! i haven’t been properly in this fandom for a while but i was scrolling through blorbo tumblr tags for the first time in a while recently and i saw you talking about your trans rudolf headcanon thing which i’ve always been kinda curious about.
maybe i’m just paranoid, but when you said that last bit about transphobic vagueposts i went “man, that sucks!” and then about 5 minutes later i remembered something random i posted like a year ago and went “wait, fuck, was that me?!”— so i just wanted to say that if it was me then i’m genuinely very sorry and i want you to know that it 100% wasn’t meant as a jab at you or anything. i would hate for anyone to think i would stoop to transphobia, i honestly just made the meme cause i’m femaligned and the format made me giggle. i quite like your hcs + art actually, i think your devotion is admirable and that you should keep it up! /gen /npa
that’s all really! no obligation to post this btw i just wanted to clear the air on a personal level lol‼️ (and obviously if it’s not about this please ignore me hahaha)
oh my god shsgsjfhdjd i know you said that if this isnt abt you to just ignore it but also i feel like i should return you the service of reassuring you that my mention was NOT at all about you and i can already tell that from how sweet you are despite not knowing who you are exactly 😭
when i mentioned that vaguepost i was talking abt a genuinely transphobic person on twitter of the kind that like. refuses to believe that being trans is integral to some of umineko’s main themes dhdgdjgxjdgx like the kind that believes that beato isn’t trans. That Kind. so please rest assured that it was in no way shape or form abt you at all!!! this is actually a very nice ask dhgfjg thank you so much for your encouragement and kind words!!! 🥺 and i appreciate the gesture even if it wasnt even needed here, trust me i totally understand being paranoid LOL but please ofc rest assured im 100% genuine when i say that it wasn’t about you at all, and im so sorry if i caused you any worries w that!!!! tysm for the love and i hope you carry on having fun posting, have a good day/night wherever you may be!!! 🥰
#letsa ask!!#anon#HELP this jsut made me realize i shouldve specified that one time. anon im so sorry you seem very kind hdgdjfufhfj#i had actually completely forgotten abt that vaguepost until this ask. it was really weird#they said some shit along the lines of like. remember that umineko isnt abt being trans or no one in umineko is trans or some shit#and then followed that up with like. and dont let [ ] tell you otherwise#now i dont exactly remember what was in the brackets specifically. HOWEVER. it was very clearly a phrase that signaled me specifically#and i was like. Hey. Do You Know This Could Only Be About One Person. This Is Obviously About Me#WHCIH WAS WEIRD. BC IM NOT EVEN THE MOST VOCAL PERSON ABT UMINEKO BEING A TRANS NARRATIVE. OR AT LEAST I DONT THINK I AM?????#it was a weird one. i just took some random fucking jab from left field out of nowhere I GUESS bc i fucking hc rudolf as trans???#even though now i remember them specifically mentioning trans beato i think??? IDK. IT’S BEEN A FEW MONTHS#anyways im chattin for no reason here. hi anon youre very kind and lovely im sure i hope this alleviates your paranoia LOL
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So my dad is one of those people who is like. An ally but with an asterisk. He thinks someone’s gender identity is none of his business, that sort of thing, and he supports trans people doing their thing. But he would also probably voice that support with…not the best language for support. Maybe not slurs, exactly, but definitely language that makes me cringe a little. But he’s doing his best, you know?
He works construction with his BIL/my uncle. They were working on a building where apparently a trans person lives, and so my uncle was, of course, being fucking transphobic as hell.
(I should mention that we live in the Deep South of the US, so this is unfortunately very common)
My dad was annoyed by this. Another thing I should mention is that my dad is the human form of an internet troll when he wants to be. His motto in life is often “you annoyed the shit out of me and you will now regret this forever because I’m better at being annoying than you.”
“When someone is ‘phobic’ about stupid shit, I have fun,” he told me.
Some people walked by who seemed to live in the building. My uncle and crew were discussing how attractive one of the ladies was, and my dad, channeling his inner troll, convinced my uncle that this conventionally attractive lady was actually the trans person who lives here. My uncle was floored. He was confused. He was questioning everything. My dad shrugged and went back to work.
To be clear, my dad has no idea who the trans person is (“I have no clue, doesn’t matter,” he said), he just wanted to make my uncle uncomfortable in his transphobia.
Obviously this wasn’t the most trans-friendly action here, but honestly. I was proud of him in that moment. There was nothing my dad could have done to stop my uncle from being transphobic, but he could absolutely make that transphobia ruin my uncle’s day, and he sure did.
#transphobia#yes my uncle is a bigoted asshole#but honestly pretty much my whole family is like that#hard to escape that here#if we cut off every bigot in our lives we’d be alone#so I do my best to model better and kinder thinking and behavior for them#sometimes it helps sometimes it feels hopeless
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The only reason ur "sorry" abt misgendering a transfem just because they don't have the same beliefs as you and because they understand that trans men have their own form of oppression as well is because ur rightfully being called out for it and people are clearly becoming more wary of u now.
The post u reblogged abt how "there are trans men have never experienced transphobia which means none of them have a right to speak" is very telling, it's so clear with u reblogging that post that u think that a minority not directly receiving hatred for being a minority makes them invalid, you should be fighting for minorities NOT receiving the hatred they are currently receiving, not invalidating those who haven't experienced discrimination before even if they are minorities.
You claim to protect transfems and trans ppl in general but yet u see ppl u classify as "tme" as less trans than anyone else. Also btw, as an intersex person, "tme/tma" labels are extremely minimizing for us, it is just another gender binary, the same y'all claim to want to erase.
Ur not a real trans ally if u start infighting in the community, ur not a real trans ally if u pick and choose which trans people to actually support.
actually the only reason i’m sorry about saying clem-mp3 wasn’t transfem was because i made them show me their legal id. without saying too much, i’m still not entirely convinced that it’s not just a recently updated id with preferred transmasc gender markers, but i *did* promise that if they showed me documents that i’d backpedal. so i did. that is, in fact, the one and only time i have ever insisted that a “transfem” (sorry again for using quotes but whatever the hell “transfemmasc” means) wasn’t transfem. if people are acting like this is some sort of pattern, it’s not. conveniently, the other transmascs i’ve spoken to who were not transfem but were pretending to be transfem never come up in these conversations.
if i’m being called out right now, it’s by people i already have blocked, and therefore i don’t really give a shit what those guys are saying.
that’s also completely and entirely not what that post says. i know “piss on the poor website” gets thrown around by you lot constantly but seriously that’s just straight up not at all what that post says. maybe try reading it again but say the words out loud one at a time
i’m not even going to attempt to convince you that i’m not treating tme people as “lesser” or “less trans” just because i’m acknowledging that tme people aren’t as affected by transmisogyny as tma people, because you clearly just don’t care about transmisogyny and i’m wasting my time in trying to get you to recognize how fucked that is. and, btw, just because you SAY “tme/tma is a binary that doesn’t include the experiences of intersex people” doesn’t make it true. tme and tma intersex people exist. you just refuse to understand that because it makes it easier for you to shut down conversations about transmisogyny and transmasc privilege.
also when have i once ever claimed to protect transfems? lmao. i’m not white-knighting trans women i’m just talking shit. you’re not an ally if you get mad at transmascs who care more about transmisogyny than you. like. get fucking real. you are someone starting and contributing to infighting when you say stuff like “the terms tme/tma are intersexist” and when you go into a trans man’s ask box anonymously to tell him he’s a piece of shit for acknowledging that trans women are more oppressed than trans men. you are “picking and choosing which trans people to support” in this exact message but something tells me that hypocrisy is going to fly right over your little head
#it’s always “i’m just fighting for trans people! who aren’t trans women because trans women get enough help and acceptance”#which uh. newsflash you ameobas. ISNT TRUE
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that post from queeranarchism about transmascs just blatantly at the start basically says that transmascs don't face issues irl, only online within the community. idek what to say to that. i also found it funny the wording they used to describe how the community treats trans murder victims. like... yeah. our lists of remembrance only tend to include transfems. no one talks about the transmascs that are murdered. that's part of the erasure we face??? ig we should just pretend it doesn't happen
yeah the “list of remembrance” comment in particular leaves a bad taste in my mouth bc multiple times i’ve had trans men and mascs and nonbinary people tell me that they’ve been scolded for bringing up anyone but trans women on trans day of remembrance or trans day of visibility, like were told that it was a day only for trans women and femmes. i’ve also heard of multiple accounts of people (and experienced myself) trying to find trans resources like clothes or healthcare assistance irl and only being provided with resources for just trans femmes and maybe some info about binders. so how are we supposed to get a clear picture of what each group is facing when several groups are routinely told they aren’t allowed to speak? this goes back to the very beginning of the modern trans community, decades ago, how many gatherings left out or were even actively hostile to ftms, regardless of how many mtfs spoke out against it. this wasn’t “online discourse” this was real, in person community that ftms missed out on.
i also think one of the issues with how we talk about transphobia is that almost every time i see it talked about, it’s entirely centered around things that trans women face that maybe some other trans people face too. it’s like there’s this huge venn diagram with a bunch of circles all meeting in the middle, but people only base what they consider to be “real transphobia” on the “trans women” circle, so thinks like gynecological abuse, the criminalization of masculinizing hrt, the way a lot of anti-trans bills are focused on “our poor daughters and their wombs must be saved”, all that gets swept under the rug and the severity of it isn’t recognized or it’s considered “just misogyny”. a trans woman doesn’t face less transphobia than me because she doesn’t have a uterus, and it would be fucking abhorrent to say so. so i don’t see how it’s appropriate to say other trans people face less transphobia because their experiences aren’t exactly the same as a trans woman’s.
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