#all going to shit and everything ending up on fire. i dont know if thats just how ive been accidentally playing it or
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gibbearish · 4 months ago
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btw similar to the whole "if you try adderall at a party and it calms you down, get an adhd test" thing, if at some point in your life you try microdosing shrooms with a friend and end up feeling like a functional person for the first time in your life, get tested for depression. like yeah hallucinogens come with elation so youre probably gonna have some "this is the best ive ever felt in my life" vibes regardless, but like. if that in and of itself feels like finally breathing in for the first time in years, thats for sure a sign that something is up with your ability to process serotonin most of the time. feeling better than ever before should be a nice bonus, not a crushing weight off your chest
#fun fact there are currently multiple ongoing studies vis a vis the effectiveness of psilocybin on depression#both on its own and as a companion to ssris#psylocybin targets the 5ht2a serotonin receptors which wikipedia tells me are more numerous in the brains of those with depression#so like. if you spend most of your life feeling like your brain is an aquarium with a leak in it and serotonin is the water and your default#state is 'slightly damp gravel grinding painfully against itself' thats ummm not normal 👍#and on the flipside of that if you have depression that no other med has worked for and know a guy. its 1000% worth it#origibberish#also i say 'wikipedia tells me' as if i just looked it up but that all comes from a long night of spite filled research after i asked my#psychiatrist if we could use the fact that psylocybin worked for me as a basis to like. narrow down which legal antidepressant#might work instead of basically just throwing darts at a board every time#and after several minutes explaining to her that i was not just asking her to prescribe me shrooms but in a legal way she went#'ohhhh yeah no unfortunately theres been no research into that‚ yeah.... sorry......:)'#which. as far as 'lies you come up with on the spot to avoid having to say i dont know' go‚ that is. maybe the worst one to pick#like. 'no‚ thats not an option'? alright fine maybe theres some internal rules or something who knows#'theres no research' though just. immediately tanks any and all credibility 100% even on its own but considering the subject matter?#youre telling me. that humans. the famously curious species that researches fucking Everything. and also Loves playing with drugs. when#trying to figure out how to make drugs that make brains feel good. would not start with the drugs they already knew made brains feel good.#youre telling me that not one (1) singular scientist tried shrooms and went 'oh my god wait. i dont feel like im dying for the first time#ever. holy fuck i need to study this'#complete misplay. absolutely legendary fumble. there were so many ways to fuck it up and somehow you found the worst. congratulations#om the other hand though. really was an excellent setup for the punchline that is the voicemail i have from them saying she'd been fired LOL#they didnt say what for specifically but yknow. based on my own experiences i certainly have theories jebfksbfk#it was annoying in the moment but at the end of the day i have shrooms and she doesnt have the job so. whos laughing now emily KSBFKSBFKDN#this is what i mean though like. rn i feel fine. not on top of the world‚ not like a god#just. fine. i just dont feel like shit. i feel like i can do stuff if i want to‚ or chill peacefully and have it actually be. relaxing.#i dont feel like gravel right now‚ i feel like a person.#and god what a fucking relief it is#really i guess the moral overall is that if at any point you react to trying a new drug the same way an addict craving a hit for days would#then there maybe is something up with your brain chemistry because that means your default state of existence is comparable to that#of withdrawal. a famously shit experience
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blookmallow · 1 year ago
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man i did not expect the level of ungodly trauma my fallout 4 survivor is being put through in the silly nukaworld dlc
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sunny-ssunset · 4 months ago
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South park smoking 🍃 w them
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dividers from pinterest
Masterlist
♡First little fanfic thingy lol 🥰 I just wanted to write something a wittle bit silly goofy 🥺
♡Includes smoking zaza with Stan, Kyle, Kenny, (all seperate and ofc aged up)
Stan
-I dont really see him smoking it tbh, He kinda hates it bc of his dad and stuff
-He wouldnt shame you for it, i mean hes an alcholic soo
-He can be the responsible one for once i guess lmao
-You'd end up smoking with his dad and towlie lmao
-In the odd chance he does however i can see him laughing at like everything
- You both try baking something cuz munchies
-It goes horribly and you set your house on fire
-That being said i dont think he'll ever smoke again.
Kyle
-Like Stan i dont really see him smoking it
-He has an opinion on that stuff, He thinks its unhealthy and addictive
- He'll look after when your high
-He takes you places to get food and he'll cuddle you if your paranoid
-If he ever smoked with you, You'd have to roll for him as he doesnt know what hes doing
-I think he'd be very touchy like he'd want to cuddle all the time
-AND SO CLINGYYYY
-He would defo follow you everwhere
-"Kyle wtf" "Can i pleaseeee come with" "I'm going toilet" "Oh"
Kenny
-Mf would never pass up an opportunity to smoke with you
-10000000/10 duo
-Hes got a high fkin tolerance though so you'd smoke LOADS
-Hes really fkin talkative when hes high tbh
-You cant take eachother seriously
-It is an experience when you both decide to go shop for some snacks
-Both of you keep picking shit up with out even looking at what it is, or even prices tbh
-"Thats 287.49" "PAHAHA" "Y/n wtf whats so funny"
-He'd laugh at you for laughing after you laughed for no reason
-Luckily you had savings sooo
-Like Kyle hes also very clingy
-If your going toilet, Hes coming to you'd literally pee together because 'he doesnt wanna be alone'
-He'd also be very touchy, if you bent over to pick something up, he definitely grab
-Anyways you'd both probably end up making out
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dividers by @k1ssyoursister
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lifeonmarz-blog · 1 year ago
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Moon through the zodiac
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Aries: Your blunt and it often comes across as insensitive. Yet at the same time people may think your too sensitive. Growing up your household was very busy and or very gossipy. People may question your intentions alot with this placement even if your not doing anything some may still assume your up to no good. Its almost like damn all that assuming you might as well actually do something. The way you express yourself is always being judged and people are always trying to ''correct'' it. Causing you to be anti social, very particular on who you share your personality with or a bully. The way you express yourself is very unique just like your sense of humor you be accidentally funny as hell and thats needed in this world dont give away your power to people and allow them to change you into a dolice version of yourself. Light fire under they ass the way you how to. Anyways I wouldnt be surprised if you daydream about your ideal life alot, careful not to be in your head too much and create unrealistic expectations for yourself or others to uphold. I want yall to stop being so hard on yourself. If nobody else tell yall ima tell you i love how passionately you express yourself. The purpose of your moon being here is for you to learn more about yourself and who you are and how your actions/reactions affect others. Step away from whats familiar and comfortable and dig deep. Listen to your intuition. Have some fucking fun.
Taurus: Its your way or the highway HUH? Your moon chose to be here becasue you are the defender. There will be times were you feel your back is against the wall and you face alot of scrutiny from the world. They may come down on you hard but if you can withstand the pressure you will be rewarded. Willpower and self discipline comes easier for you. You have the tendency to be arrogant, domineering and passive aggressive. A good leader keeps those emotions in check. Yall get stuck in yall ways fr i want yall to put more energy into leaving your comfort zone and taking risk. Slow down smell the roses and enjoy where you are. Dont be all work and no play.
Gemini: Yall love some drama. Somehow always ending up in the middle of some shit. Seeing others as competition even when them ppl not worried about you. You like being the center of attention and dont care if its in a postive or negative light. It works for yall though because popularity comes easy for you. This is one of the most social placements for the moon to be. Your reputation means alot to you and networking is high on your priority list. Its common for yall to feel like you always have to choose between something. It may be hard for you to balance your work life and home life. In friendships and relationships you choose to keep the blindfold on ignoring whats really in front of you, procrastinating to handle your problems just hoping theyll go away on there on. You end up in situations where people are betraying you. With the two sides to gemini its like a secret element to your life. Your no stranger to scandal. I feel for you, this isnt a easy place to have the moon be. You care so much about your relationships with people but yet often have issues with ppl. This couldve stemmed from feeling like you were a target growing up that people always chose to pick with you. Or that you were punished more extremely than others. With this placement you've probably seen or experienced things that really made you question humanity. Dont let those experiences shape the type of person you'll be. You gotta learn to let shit go and not be bitter or have a victim mentality. Be careful not to burn yourself out. Drowning yourself in work to ignore your feelings. You dont always have to do everything on your own... collaborating is just as rewarding i promise. It would be beneficial to learn how to except help, knowing when to back down and not being so critical of yourself.
Cancer: If they dont appreciate everything you do FCK EM. No but fr with moon here you may feel like people overlook the things you do for them. Cancer moons can be way to stubborn and stand in there on way because of the fear of change. Repeating the same lessons way more than they should have to. When your redirect your energy to new experiences and growth your determination and passion unmatched. This is type of person you want to have on your team they bring so much positive energy and comfort.
Leo: Main character syndrome AF lol Unnecessarily rebellious at times growing up you may have felt your parents were controlling on how you expressed your creativity or because of the way you grew up you express your creativity in a rebellious way in relation to your family. Your career could be taboo. I could see a lot of onlyfans stars having moon in leo. Success in career comes more natural for you because of your consistency and ambitious nature. Yall really find pleasure in chasing money. Dont get so carried away with fulfilling your material desires that you dont leave time for introspection and searching for who you really are away from the titles.
Virgo: How does it feel to be kids favorite? A happy home life is important for this placement. Theres an innate need to belong. You love parties, holidays and kids ofc. Hosting parties and having a full house will give you happiness. Where this placement gets stuck is not being able to let go of the past. Getting sucked into the loophole of self pity and regret. Focus your attention on what you can do and what you can change. You work better with other ppl there to bounce ideas off of. Let your gaurd down, Succuss is reached quicker for you when you collaborate. Having this placement is testing your ability to strengthen your willpower and resourcefulness. Once you can do that you'll manifest way easier. Careful not to live beyond your means. Dont let desires put you in debt. Trust your intution, take the first step and take the risk. You go be perfectly fine.
Libra: Your love language is def quality time and acts of service this is very important for this placement to feel loved. Yall thrive in group settings and really value friendships. Even if you dont talk that much it makes you feel better to be around others. If you want to get with a Libra moon the best way is to become their friend first. You may have a tendency to put yourself in drama and create chaos among your inner circle though lil messy ass. Always wanting to be right, when this placement is in its lower natures is a good example of the native american folklore of the hunter that stuck a blood coated blade in ice knowing the wolf couldnt resist. It licked the blade continuously not realizing it was slowing bleeding out. The only way for the wolf to survive is to acknowledge its self destructive behavior. Bottom line just because you can ignore something doesnt mean others are going to do the same. Just becasue it didnt effect you doesnt mean it didnt effect them. Make the effort to listen to understand not listen to respond. Your words matter use them responsibly and take breaks from people or things when you feel you need to, your mental health will thank you.
Scorpio: Transformation happens with this placement alot. Moments of feeling isolated or depressed may be brought on by extreme emotional shifts. Anxiety and fear is no stranger to the scorpio moon. It can be to the point of really debilitating you. You've experienced things you've kept to yourself or have repressed but the issue continues to reappear time after time like a broken record. If it hasnt been dealt with it way on you really heavy and appear in your dreams often. You've felt shame, not understanding how you couldve allowed yourself to be in that predicament in the first place but seriously bro shit happens. It can be hard to maintain emotional balance with moon in scorpio, so its essential to have methods to release your emotions in healthy ways. Careful not to become bitter or victimizing with things dont go the way your controlling ass intends. Vengeance doesnt work well for you it often backfires, you'll try to set somebody house on fire and you burn yourself in the process. You may feel that people often oppose for no reason that you have to go through power struggles to be heard or to get the things you want. You may second guess opening up and are critical of yourself and others but opening yourself up to the world will be one of the best things you can do for your relationships and career. Your maturity and originality is threatening. Express yourself in your full nature and make people adapt to you not the other way around. You have authoritarian energy and if your putting yourself out there which ik you are, yr often mistaken for the boss. That is if your not already the boss. Im sure your that your the boss. Mwahahaha. Your demeanor comes across as serious and strict. Ppl naturally think let me not play with them. Your standards are high for yourself and your partner. You wouldnt be with somebody who doesnt match up to your standard. You need to feel like the person you’re with is equally as respected as you in any room you walk in.
Sagittarius: Im sure you believe you were meant to be famous. Sagittarius moons are very charismatic and great negotiators with a very convincing personality they are great at creating solutions quickly. So ofc that makes its very easy for them to make friends. In relationships they attract and are attracted to more dominate personalities. Loving the idea of love but really being in denial about that. Def gives player vibes they have flirtatious ass whore ways lmao. If you cheating ik you not even finna try hard to hide it. Easily bored they will chase thrills lowkey in a running from your problems type of way. Where sag moons can grow is appreciating the value they bring and not feeling the need to always compare themselves to others. Don't attach your self worth to financial security. Be more secure in what you believe and don't back down so easily when others challenge your ideas.
Capricorn: The moon doesn't like being here. Its emotionally depressing actually lol. I'm sure you've already read enough depressing interpretations on cap moons tho so this one is not going to be that. This one is meant to empower you. Youve experienced alot of chaos anger and pain. You've experienced very intense situations that have completely emotional up rooted you. But the smoke always clears and its important for to spend time away from the people and places that have caused this. Take the steps needed to regroup to be by yourself to develop better understanding of your emotions and learn what it is that truly want from your life. If you are not following your intuition it is easy for you to end up in friendships and relationships that do not mean you well. Your not the type of person who can just hang with anyone you need to very intentional about who you allow into your life. Communicate your feelings stop keeping everything bottled in. That shit will drive yo ass crazy. You dont have to be the strong friend all the time your emotions are valid, open up to ppl and share that shit because you dont share often you open up and talk people listen. Use that power to help others that have been through similar experiences to you. When you succeed in whatever obstacles you overcome ppl cant do anything but respect it bc your road was slow and steady but you stayed with it. When it comes to relationships you are very black and white you'll commit yourself fast but if you feel you cant trust the person you may still deal with them but emotional you shut them out. You like being partnered up rather its a relationship or situtationship you deal with the person for a long time.
Aquarius: I want to give you a hug, you are too analytical for your own good. Baby you need to stop thinking so much and you need to feel, you need to experience, act on impulse, dont give yourself time to think about everything that could go wrong. You sabotage so much of your own happiness that way. But i understand people have disappointed you so many times you feel you must do everything on your own. Its like nobody understands you or that people are committed to misunderstanding you. But news flash your not that expressive with your feelings how is anybody going to know if you dont tell them. Yall are cute though with yall dry ass humor. Listen stop being such a fly on the wall you hold as much value as anyone else stop acting like your presence is a fuckn burden. You dont have be agreeable all the the time they will be O FUCKN K. You are very intelligent and more people need to know that. Believing in yourself and communicating is your lesson. Shine your light and stop playing like fr...
Pisces: Ok we’re gonna get the sad shit out the way first. Just how yall like. I really feel like yr parents just let yall cry it out as a baby and you took that personal lmao. No but fr i feel like you always came across like you can handle things so you weren’t really checked on everyone just assumes you'll be ok. You come across as very strong and resilient which is beautiful but everybody needs a shoulder to lean on. Okay now remember how i said yall took that personally ummhm you can be very vengeful never forgetting he littlest slight somebody done towards you. Yall resort to committing crimes rather easily if you need some money lmao im not mad at it though. Literally rationalizing damn near anything if that means youll get what you want. And another thing yall be lying fr. lol sometimes it really do be on accident though you just forgot what really happened and your imagination is very vivid you thought that was the truth. You can be too hard on yourself sometimes you see very clearly the person you want to be so you put so many time limits and expectations on yourself. Chill out enjoy the journey and flow through life the way you know how to. You have very high standards so anything you invest your energy too is executed properly. I honestly cant even imagine a Pisces moon not running their own business. Im sure you cant either. You naturally have very authoritarian energy. Theres not much push and pull when it comes to you getting your way people go with your flow pretty easily. Naturally you wouldnt assume a pisces to be practical but they actually are. Sure they dream big but if they didnt know how to practically implement that into this realm that would just be depressing as hell. When yall find something that works for you, you are very disciplined at seeing it through. Very protective over those you love yall def give stand up when i walk in the room vibes lol
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annes-andromeda · 1 month ago
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Spoilers for S2 Act III of Arcane and S2 in general
That’s it?
We waited three years… for THAT?!
All that buildup in Season 1 regarding the war between Piltover/Topside and Zaun/The Undercity essentially meant jack cause apparently Noxus was the true enemy all along.
Heimerdinger? Dead.
Jayce? Dead (Allegedly)
Jinx? Dead (Also allegedly)
Viktor? Dead (again, allegedly)
Warwick? Dead (A L L E G E D L Y)
CaitVi got their sex scene but in the most inappropriate place possible. Did it have to be in the place where Vi was repeatedly abused and Jinx was thinking of offing herself??
MelJay… oh meljay my beloved you guys truly deserved better holy shit. All so that the focus could be more on JayVik. And i dont hate the ship, but it was clearly established that MelJay had a strong bond. And for them to end like that??? Really????
I don’t care that Mel didn’t end up pregnant, but her reunion with Jayce was so half-assed. Like, i get it, they’re both traumatized and have changed as people, but after all of their moments, after everything they’ve been through THATS IT?????
I know SkyVik isn’t canon but Sky deserved better wtf. Having her establish a relationship with Viktor just to be brushed off again???
TimeBomb isn’t technically canon but it is canon that Ekko had/has a crush on Jinx, and they weren’t totally fringed so that nice i guess. But it still would have been nice to see how Ekko convinced Jinx to team up with him instead of just cutting to the next scene.
Overall, this season wasn’t the worst I’ve seen, but the writing and pacing could have been soooo much better. If there was just one extra season and some tweaks in the writing then perhaps it could have been better.
Not only that, but I came in with the knowledge that the show was now canon, so i assumed we’d have the characters develop into their game personalities and then they just… didn’t.
We could have seen how Vi struggled with being an enforcer and eventually accept her new position as a way to help both Piltover and Zaun and make the enforcers better alongside Caitlyn.
We could have seen Jinx decide to live by her own rules and not be beholden to anyone’s expectations of her, to do as she pleases, and just go wild.
Where was Viktor actually becoming the actual Machine Herald with his mechanical parts? Where was Jayce becoming more like his game counterpart? Where was Warwick mutating into his final wolf form?
Everything just felt beyond rushed and hectic. I’m not saying I regret watching this show and i still very much love it, but i will always mourn what the finale could have been and cherish Season 1 for the masterpiece it was.
The animation, voice acting, and music was still fire obviously
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univemma · 2 years ago
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Okay its official, "The Longest Day" may just be one of my favourite race to the edge episodes. For a myriad of reasons, including:
-Paranoid Fishlegs
-Mood swinging Snotlout
-Astrid being,,,like tHAT
-"I love you, Hooky. You're my everything. You're the reason my heart beats. Do you hear that? That's all you. [Laughs]
...
[Sobs] I want my mommy."
-him expressing his affection for hookfang like yes we KNOW but its lovely hearing him say it, even in his sleep deprived state
-i also love how, when snotlout asks "hear that?" Hookfang actually leans in to hesr his heartbeat, like "real shit?" LMAOO
-"Stop right now, young lady! You'll put an eye out!"
-Astrid and Snotlout besties i know thats right
-poor Heather
-also the poor fucking dragons this entire episode LMAOO
-just this entire Fishlegs and Heather interaction:
"Hand? What do you mean by that?"
"What do you think i mean?"
"What do you think you mean?"
Heather just stares at him wide eyed before slowly turning and walking away looking horrified LMAOO
-Also Snotlout just loses his helmet at one point? Where did it go? Did hookfng confiscate it so he wouldn't poke his goddamn eyes out or something?
-"You're too handsome to be crying all the time." YES HE IS YOURE SO RIGHT SLEEP DEPRIVED ASTRID AMEN THE SNOTMAN IS TOO HANDSOME
-also Snotlout's little "I am?" I love he
-"There we go! There's a little grinny-grin!" Astrid this ep is KILLING ME LMFAOO
-also i dont know what it is but hookfang's model just looks HILARUOUS when he looks concerned. Like this whole ep he has this expression of "wtf is going on" and it just sends me whenever i look at him i love this big dumb dragon dearly
-tuffnut fighting the AIR. Need i say more?
-"I think we should talk about our feelings!"
-"when i was a young...oh, gosh, I can't do it! I'm getting too emotional, but i think you get the idea, right?" I know this is just a joke and obviously for comedic purposes duh but like, currently side-eyeing Spitelout. But subtly.
-Anyways him running over to hookfang, who then blasts fire at him, causing Snotlout to yell out "No! No! My friend!" I love this dumbass
-poor meatlug looking at fishlegs like her heart is about to explode with worry shes adorable
-FISHLEGS JUST SCREAMING "WOULDN'T THEY?!" LMFAOO
-The dragons getting fed up and dropping them in a dark hole to sleep
-The fact that the episode ends with the riders all being in a fucking CUDDLE PILE!! (or at least that's what i interpret as going on in that dark pit lmao) i love it
-And the dragons all huddling around outside it to keep them in there/possibly to make sure they're safe? So wholesome
-but yeah i wonder if i just read into that wrong but when they were all dropped into the pit i imagine they're mainly just sprawled on top of each other and - being so sleep deprived, i imagine theyd all fall asleep just in that pile
-i just believe in dragon rider cuddle pile rights
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leafcabbage · 6 months ago
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Purely hypothetical,
How much do I have to pay so you ramble about the band Ghost . please
I really wanna get into their music n shit, and feel like there's a lot of story telling in their music that I miss because I Am Shit At Understanding Lyrics And Their Meanings By Myself.
So, how much? (/hj)
you dont have to pay anything! im not deep into the fandom so i would be the first to admit that i am not deeply versed on the lore or anything, but i have been to two rituals (aka concerts) and seen the movie, so i know a bit!
so ghost is a swedish rock/metal/everyone describes it differently band that does everything in full costume and with the story that they are spreading the word of the devil through their music. it's the creation of tobias forge, who is also the front man, currently playing the character of Copia/Papa Emeritus IV. he's the guy in all the posts youre seeing me reblog who ISNT wearing a black mask and all black clothes. his face is a mask though. like a really high quality one thats been painted and stuff. thats why you dont really see his mouth move.
anyway, the way ghost works is that since the formation of the band, different Papas (1-4) were the lead singers of the band, all played by tobias forge. as an era came to the close, the papa would be retired, or beheaded in the 3rd papa (terzo's) case, and the next would take his place to continue to spread the word. the current papa, Copia, has been with us for longer than the others, and Prequelle and Impera are the albums that came out under his time. if you really want to get into the lore, theres also a like... webseries mostly focused on Copia.
then theres the ghouls. those are the guys in the masks. they arent band members as much i suppose, as they're like... contracted performers for tours and certain music videos. so they come and go to an extent, though most ghouls are played by the same people for several years at a time, and a new person = a new ghoul as far as the fandom is concerned. same instrument but new name. i wont get too into all the people behind the masks rn, but they ARE listed on wikipedia now and most are independent musicians with their own music out! the ghouls are all assigned elements based on their instruments (air for keyboard, water for bass, fire for lead guitar, earth for drums, quintessence for rhythm guitar, and multi for the ghouls who do vocals/tambourine/guitar/etc). then they end up with names based on those elements (like keyboard is air, so the keyboard players are cirrus and cumulus).
man i think that's the super basics. but really, at the end of the day, you can just listen to the music. you dont NEED to know all the background to enjoy the music. i didnt know any getting into it and then went on to learn what i know. the ghost wiki is pretty in depth so you can get info there, too, and im happy to do my best to answer any specific questions too! just let me know, my ask box is always open :]
(if youre looking for a music starting place, impera is a good first album)
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gracetoldmeto · 1 month ago
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really long rant: why am i so scared of everything?
note: the rest of this post was a draft i made a few days ago, and was going to let rot forever, but today has messed me up so much i just said *why not* and posted bc idk... why not...
im not like 'BOO!!! jumpscare' scared just like... there are so many things in life that could go wrong that are entirely out of your control and theres absolutely nothing you can do about it, ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING, because shit happens and sometimes that shit is BAD and permanently fucks you over for life and thats just the way it is bc fate is a game of chance (this is my dramatic ass way of saying 'a forever change') but everyone says "oh if you cant control it then why worry?"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?
NO. THAT IS NOT THE POINT. THE POINT IS I DO WORRY.
I could die tomorrow. I could get a terminal diagnosis tomorrow. Someone (else) I love could die (again) tomorrow. Maybe my house could burn down tomorrow. Maybe in some freak accident everything I've ever known is taken from me... somehow?
can i control any of this? no.
so what do i do about it??? anything i can to minimize the fallout just in case...
bc isnt that just called RESPONSIBILITY???
ie: house fire? -> ok. insurance.
medical? -> insurance.
death? (that isnt mine) -> stable income
(note #1: this is about the point in my writing of this post where i dont even have the motivation to finish it bc i just wanna sit down and cry... but i might as well)
so OKAY, guess what? i did something about all those possibilities, so my anxiety should be relieved, right? fear gone! all okay now!
WRONG!
all that structure ive created bc its the "rEsPoNsiBLe" way to live, is a slow painful depressing death of my mental health at the hands of my job
yes, id rather gain an inch than lose a mile, small sufferings over large,
but oh my god is that all life is? small sufferings???
if i keep only suffering one inch at a time im going to end up killing myself and i dont quite think anyone truly GETS that except my therapist
this isnt like high school where i knew jack shit about mental health, i know what help is out there, whether or not it works is a totally different story
(note #2: i have looked at my options, ive read the rules, and id actually rather take my metaphorical little plastic car you get at the start of The Game of LIFE boardgame and throw it out a fucking window)
im past the point of easy help and unfortunately the conclusion i keep coming back to is a quote from a fic i wrote last year...
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whatever THIS life is, regardless of how much i worked my ASS off for it, i dont want it anymore
(note #3: i dont even think id be in this spot if i didnt have shit luck)
i am equally fucked by either...
1) being responsible, financially safe, insured, but sad af at my job and actively praying something kills me in my sleep
OR
2) quitting my job with no plan and being scared that fate is gonna fuck me over for the upteenth time and this time i wont be able to bounce back or (lets be real) even have a want to (but thats a discussion for another time)
this is no way to fucking live, yet here i am
why am i scared of everything? well, yes i know WHY (bc from personal experience i know what can go wrong)
why am i scared of everything? because you cant be scared of something if you dont know it exists BUT in order to be prepared and responsible it means you have to acknowledge that YES IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU
so how the hell am i supposed to be responsible when i hate what comes with it???
"hey alex, what do you wanna be when you grow up? (1) sad or (2) scared?"
actually neither, id rather simply not exist
why am i scared of everything? because how else am i supposed to act?
why am i scared of everything? because actually, there is no answer to this... there is no reason... its just another shit thing in life that iunno how to deal with
why am i scared of everything? because the universe said so and so thats how it is
and i fucking hate it
.
...ok thats all im gonna go make a quesadilla now
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pesterloglog · 7 months ago
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Jake English, Dirk Strider
Page 633-636
JAKE: Fuck!!!
JAKE: Why did she have to go and build a moon laser!!!
JAKE: Why did she have to go and
JAKE: And SAY all that!!!
DIRK: It's not over.
DIRK: That moon laser doesn't mean shit.
JAKE: ...if theres no one to press the button?
DIRK: Boom.
DIRK: Or, you know.
DIRK: No boom.
JAKE: Her guard is down...
DIRK: And you have a gun.
JAKE: I have TWO guns.
DIRK: Let's be real, this wouldn't even be the first time you've thought of it.
JAKE: Its... an option.
DIRK: Or.
DIRK: You help her win the battle.
DIRK: Avoid baptizing the Earth with laser-fire.
DIRK: And she uses The Point, and the world doesn't end.
DIRK: Probably.
DIRK: Who the fuck knows.
JAKE: What should i do?
DIRK: I'm not gonna tell you.
JAKE: I already know youll want me to do whats heroic.
JAKE: But you wouldnt want me to kill jane either.
JAKE: Would you?
DIRK: Stop staring at me like I'm gonna tongue-kiss the answer into you, dude.
DIRK: You know what you need to do.
JAKE: But jane was right about me!
JAKE: I cant be trusted.
JAKE: I dont even like 99% of people.
DIRK: Then do it for one person.
DIRK: Aren't you tired of spreading yourself thin trying to believe in everything?
DIRK: Because it's looking pretty fuckin' likely that the future where Tavvy is happy and the future where Jane is alive don't coincide.
DIRK: You have to kill one for the other to survive.
JAKE: It sounds like youre gunning for her.
DIRK: It sounds like *you're* gunning for her.
DIRK: Say what you will about Dirk, but he always wanted you to be your best self.
DIRK: He pushed you hoping if he did it hard enough, you'd push back.
DIRK: That's a far cry from whatever neutered domestic purgatory Jane's offering you.
DIRK: Wasn't it nice to be believed in, man?
JAKE: Ugh.
JAKE: Can i make an honest query?
JAKE: Did i really kill him?
DIRK: Hm.
JAKE: I did, didnt i?
DIRK: Common sense says no.
JAKE: Cant you swing that one by your esoteric telepathic dirk connection?
DIRK: That's a tricky fuckin' wicket, man.
JAKE: Its "sticky wicket".
DIRK: It's nothing, because that's a stupid fucking phrase cooked up by fake people about a fake sport from a dead planet.
DIRK: Anyway, it's tricky because there's not really all that much of anything left of the big man.
DIRK: Not here, anyway.
JAKE: Oh, baloney!
JAKE: Thats not how this works. Youre the supernatural tsaheylu of our combined "steezes".
JAKE: This isnt my first ride in the rodeo, mister, I KNOW THE RHYTHM OF THIS BUCKING BRONCO.
JAKE: HES STILL HERE, DAMMIT!
DIRK: I'm sorry.
DIRK: He's gone, dude.
JAKE: OH FUCK OFF.
JAKE: YOU CHARLATAN.
DIRK: Yeah.
JAKE: HORSES ASS.
DIRK: Get it all out, man.
JAKE: YOU MALEVOLENT MASCULINE MALFEASANT.
DIRK: I know a crisp glass of personal culpability isn't what you ordered, but hey.
DIRK: It's better than relapsing.
JAKE: Im drunk right now.
DIRK: And that sucks, buddy.
DIRK: But I'm talking about the big show of "everything's fine now" kitchen table red undie dirty dancing you did.
JAKE: Oh, i forgot about that.
DIRK: You fuckin' wish you did.
DIRK: It'd be the only reasonable excuse you'd have for nipping this uncomfortable epiphany in the bud so you could slink back to following orders from Dirk.
JAKE: ...
JAKE: Gods hooks, i backflipped right into my old ways!
DIRK: Don't beat yourself up about it. It's a running theme with literally everybody we know.
DIRK: You all get caught up in these feeling jams, hugging it out in self-realizational bliss.
DIRK: Then, bam.
DIRK: Premature ejaculation.
DIRK: That passionate growth grind ends before it builds to anything actually satisfying.
JAKE: :(
JAKE: Are you saying i need to be red undies jake again?
DIRK: Absolutely the fuck not.
DIRK: Hands off the belt, buddy. You've graduated.
DIRK: You're fully dressed Jake now.
DIRK: Sitting on the sticky floor of a custodial closet, hidden away from anything certain and good in this world.
DIRK: Alone.
JAKE: This is scary! I dont like this.
DIRK: Fuck yeah it is. This is sweaty, achey, burning transformation, brother.
JAKE: I want to go back! I want to be the other guy again.
DIRK: You can't be the other guy anymore, Jake.
DIRK: We're sending him upstate to live on a beautiful farm, where they're gonna immediately drag him out back and put him out of his fucking misery.
DIRK: Remember when you told Egbert you wanted someone to hold you accountable?
JAKE: No.
DIRK: Well.
JAKE: Nooooooo.
DIRK: "Here's Johnny!"
JAKE: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
JAKE: Oh...
JAKE: *sniff*
JAKE: Oh, dirk...
JAKE: Cripes, if there really is no magical component to all of this,
JAKE: if youre really gone,
JAKE: then i am simply a forty year old man... being led by the nose... by an imaginary friend.
JAKE: That is not cute.
DIRK: It's kind of cute.
JAKE: No!
JAKE: Its mental illness!
DIRK: It can be both.
DIRK: Look.
DIRK: What you need to do is stop sobbing into your own fucking arms and make a decision.
DIRK: Spying for the rebellion, running away... these were steps in the right direction, but they also had, y'know.
JAKE: Plausible deniability.
DIRK: They were deflections.
DIRK: And at the end of the day, that's what choosing Jane would be, too.
JAKE: Its odd, but...
JAKE: Shucks, i dont want to cut her down right before she makes this big turnaround.
JAKE: If shed decided to keep her promise...
JAKE: thatd be bitter fucking berries to live with.
DIRK: But?
JAKE: But she probably wont change, will she?
DIRK: Why in the fuck would she?
DIRK: She'll have won.
JAKE: But... i dont think she was meant to be this way. Do you?
DIRK: Like, was she born to be a wildly racist dictatorial cake boss?
JAKE: Ok, when you put it that way it sounds a bit bonkers.
JAKE: What i mean is...
JAKE: Take me, for example.
JAKE: I know its not my fault janey got a bit rough and tumble with our relationship. That fundamentally, i didnt deserve it.
JAKE: But that doesnt exactly make me a mensch by default, does it?
JAKE: In fact i worry there might be more of me thats, well... inherently bad than not.
JAKE: And thats why everything tends to get so furiously fucked all the time!
JAKE: Everyone is waiting around for this better version of me to pop up, but thats never going to happen.
JAKE: Because if it did, it wouldn't be me anymore.
DIRK: So, are you trapped being Mr. Pissy Pantyloos Loser Man no matter what?
JAKE: Sort of.
JAKE: What do you think?
DIRK: I don't know.
DIRK: Maybe?
JAKE: Oh...
DIRK: Who even gives a fuck?
DIRK: This is some big philosophical philandering you're trying out, and we didn't even finish elementary school.
DIRK: The best we've got to work with is whatever you gleaned from "My Dinner with Andre" and "Blade Runner."
DIRK: And you fell asleep during "Andre."
JAKE: Point taken.
DIRK: Here's what we do know: when you face our friends tomorrow, they're gonna be none-the-wiser about the insane masturbatory matrix bullet time battles you've been having with yourself in your own head.
DIRK: What will be real to them is what you DID.
DIRK: That's it.
DIRK: Show them you're trying.
DIRK: Or don't, and get left behind.
JAKE: Good god...
JAKE: This is the worst pep talk... ever.
DIRK: It's you, dude, what did you expect?
JAKE: True.
DIRK: Do you want to be left behind?
JAKE: No!
JAKE: I want to see tavvy grow up!
JAKE: I want to choose him!
JAKE: But i want to believe in jane too...
DIRK: Sigh.
JAKE: Listen.
JAKE: I never really understood all that much of the "doomed timeline" hoopla you cerebral types tend to gab on about.
JAKE: But... its nice to think that there might be countless janes somewhere out there who never stopped being happy.
JAKE: Baking, getting up to all manner of lighthearted mischiefs... true blue all around.
JAKE: When i think of her, thats whats real to me.
JAKE: What she is now, what these rotten unenviable circumstances have made of her, its all just...
DIRK: Happenstance.
JAKE: Is that stupid?
DIRK: Probably, but you're a god of Hope.
DIRK: You're a poster-child for making stupid shit feasible.
DIRK: And no one has the power to say what's true for every Jane.
DIRK: I'm sure if you asked a couple of them how they feel about labor camps and domestic violences, they'd hit you with a "Woah there, buster jones."
JAKE: "Thats not for me!"
DIRK: "No siree!"
JAKE: Hehehe.
JAKE: Exactly.
JAKE: If i can believe in those janes,
JAKE: i think i can let this one go.
DIRK: Extravagant hoops to stumble through just to keep believing, man.
DIRK: It's sneaky. I like it.
JAKE: Its decided then?
DIRK: Seems so.
DIRK: You can finally leave the closet.
JAKE: Har, har.
JAKE: Goofs aside, old buddy...
JAKE: I get the strange sense i wont be speaking with you again.
DIRK: You won't. Why would you?
DIRK: You're normal now.
JAKE: But-
DIRK: You don't need him.
JAKE: It feels good to pretend, though.
JAKE: To hold on a little while longer.
DIRK: Don't.
JAKE: Fine! Fine...
JAKE: Hope is the crummiest aspect of the lot, huh.
JAKE: I swear the only time its worth a lick more than delusions and hot air
JAKE: is if it really fucking hurts.
DIRK: Welcome to being a person, Jake English.
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syn4k · 9 months ago
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gonna copypaste the fucking . Wall of text i just sent to Q about that whole fight to here. tom is SUCH A CHARACTER im gonna LOSE IT
(my friend Q: what're your thoughts on tom's character at this point in the series?)
i think that syndianites' tags were on the fuckin spot [referring to some tags that she left on a post of mine a day or so back, i sent it to Q and we both loved them <3) and also that hes just. drunk on bloodlust to distract himself from the fact that he's just lost everything
literally the only thing he has right now is the fish. This is why it ends up being such a big deal in the Tank of Judgement episode btw. [Q is watching through Jordan's POV for the first time right now and from his pov it's not entirely clear why Nemo is so important to Tom]
they took his diamonds they took his gear they took his life and they kicked in his teeth but he still has his fish
i imagine him twitching during the talk he had with the mianite/ianite alliance. brain going a billion mph weighing chances. oppurtunities. outcomes. when tucker gets angry it comes swiftly and strongly sure but tom was up against a wall in both the literal and metaphorical sense with nothing to lose because he'd just lost everything and so that enabled him to finally ditch the one thing that had been keeping him from going the edge and losing it entirely for so fucking long: his sense of self-preservation
watching it is beautiful in the way that an airplane on fire falling out of the sky is beautiful
you just know he woke up the next day muscles aching bones screaming like the worst hangover hed ever had in his life but two times worse but for now, he is blazing thrice as hot as tucker ever did when his anger was stoked by those petty dogfights they used to get into and he is unstoppable
(Q: nods ...but the plane still hits the ground)
he reminds me of myself when i'm tired and running off of fumes and self destructive and determined to just keep fucking going, in a way. i think thats part of why we latched onto him so hard
and i dont have any evidence for it but i think that this is the thing that really gets dianite's attention
he sees tom doing all this on his own and his first thought is wait, that kid's on my team. his second thought is just Fear because Oh Shit, That Kid's on MY TEAM.
(replying to Q) ohhhhhh boy. does it.
(Q: he doesn't feel he can control tom?)
EXACTLY AND THATS WHAT SCARES HIM
(Q: and so he starts acting more controlling towards tom?)
bbbbbbbingo!
if this goes how i think it goes anyways. which i think it does.
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starscreamerfan · 1 year ago
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This was originally shared to the Transformers discord Im apart of but its so amazing fucking weird i decided to share ENJOY THE FREE NIGHTMARES!!
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"Just jolted awake from deeply troubling yet oddly calm nightmare and i must share this abomination with you, so it started off with a spooky little island that was just a victorian house and rock (already sus) but under the house was a decepitcon slave mine where the Vehicons like shared the work with captured human slaves and G1 extra autobots (a bunch of no name background charaters) mining some shit (idk what) but then BAM! the dream jumps and I'm watching a small group of army dudes and a couple of autobot (Jazz, Prowl, Ratchet and it was either Prime or Ironhide tbh i said who and the nightmare said yes it could have been both) going to investigate the little island which is now super dark and spookily abandoned and they all go down into the mine and start seeing weird ass shit that looks like a meat bee nest (that disgusting rotten flesh hive I've seen float around social media) and then BAM HORRIBLE TRANSFORMERS/HUMAN/FLESH AMALGAMATION THATS LIKE 100% WORSE THEN ANYTHING RESIDENT EVIL, SILENT HILL OR DEAD SPACE COULD PUMP OUT and all the army humans get sucked in (cuz brain said fuck the canon fodder meat monster needs more meat) weird tentacles start dragging and melding with the poor nameless fools (like srsly they had no Business being there) and the autbots say FUCK THIS and run barely making it out and they lock that shit up faster then Blurr and take a fire lava baths to make sure they don't become some horrible fleshy nightmare horror monsters, que brain shoving in another time skip because dreams be like that, and some dumb ass human scientist person goes to the island and breaks into the mine (wearing a hazmat suit and a gas mask also dont ask i dont understand why they fine in just that its dream logic shit dont make any sense) and finds and a horrible optimus prime fusion meat mimic thing (but like its not the real OP like Daddy Optimus was safe) and the meat Optimus thing has become sentient and was somehow broke into pieces and was trying to rebuild its self slowly absorbing meat and forming it into a collective of different parts it remembered seeing (it was like meat optimus and several other autbots Frankenstein'd together) and so dumb ass cave diver science dude decides "I'm take it home and study it at my lab" and grabs the head which looks like a gross Meaty Optimus then i scene jump AGAIN to random Scientist dudes lab which it was a weird outdoor lab (no house in sight because brain didn't load anymore BG) in a giant tube science man had the mimic head and then he Proceeds to try to communicate with it, which seems to work (tho i couldn't hear what they were saying to each other) then the unholy flesh Optimus turns to face me where i was like floating watching everything go down passively the whole time being a third party watcher the this ungodly nightmare and it says in a SPOOKY FUCKING AMALGAMATED NIGHTMARE VOICE (WHICH I PHYSICALLY FUCKING HEARD!!)
W͕͕͎̭̜̰̘ͥ̂̈́ͣ͢ͅȦ̘̥͉̙̝͕͖͘K̵̲̩̟̣ͧ̓̂E̜̠͙̭ͮ͞ͅ ͔͖͙̤͕̞͎̯ͮ͌̀U̷̗̱̠ͧͦ̈́P͉̠͎̮̲͐̕
And i just jumped ten feet straight up in my bed and i swear i was having a heart attack and a panic attack all at the same timeIt was a definite "OH FUCK NO NO THANK YOU" moment"
(To those you i know on discord and here who saw this post on discord yes i did add more i noticed i missed some info at og time of posting that day and adding the missing bits maybe 20-30 mintues after the og discord post i was fucked up thinking about this hours after this nightmare ended)
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rosemelon82 · 2 years ago
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i'm not going to pretend like i think nobody is interested cuz this is the best movie of 2023 and you cannot tell me otherwise and also everyone has been waiting for this for forever so
SPOILER WARNING I AM RANTING ABOUT SPIDERMAN ACROSS THE SPIDERVERSE SO BEWARE IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED IT YET
im writing this because i wasnt able to fully rant to my friends and my family doesnt want to listen so i dont really care and im screaming out into the void of tumblr. will someone hear me? i wonder
ANYWAYS (listening to the fire soundtrack as i write this)
that was the best movie i've ever seen and arguably even better than the first one. i am simply obsessed with every single detail of this movie and i cannot stop thinking about it. also me and friend were basically freaking out about everything cuz it was so damn good i cannot even stop.
there was a huge amount of parallels to the other spiderman content that we've seen and i love the way they incorporated them. the way miles saved gwen when falling during that one fight scene with spot. the bus scene with pavitr and gayatri who btw i am totally obsessed with. the way all the words that O'Hara said to miles were basically opposite of what his mother said to him earlier in the movie. the way he was listening to music on his bed when gwen showed up. the scenes from other universes where its mcu canon??? the reference to earth 19999 from miguel??? and a ton more of course
because i am also desi (lore reveal!) and also just because he was done so well. im just sad that they did not include more of him in the movie after his earth canon event was disrupted. it felt pretty raw to see almost the same scene from no way home in across the spiderverse with pavitr instead of tom holland. i also like that regardless of what consequences it has later, even if he doesnt know yet, he's able to save inspector singh. also mentionable is that they switched from mira jain to gayatri singh. in the spiderman india comics they had mira jain and props to the creators for the rep for jains cuz they don't get seen in media very much or at all for whatever reason. maybe cuz most of it is now like gwen stacy canon or whatever? idk someone if u know explain to me please
not related to parallels i almost cried at gwen's speech just cuz it resonated with me so much. thats all about that anyways anyways anyways
the art
god i could go on about the art forever. HAVE YOU SEEN IT? TELL ME THAT IS NOT THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SCENE EVER!!!!!!!!!!! every single city scene just blew my mind and the coloring and style of every single spiderman and scene was just stunning and how was it the most amazing thing i've ever seen?????? i cannot get over the coloring for half the scenes. i love the cities differences and the way that everything falls together in each world. my friend pointed out that when miles put his jacket on in earth-42, it was colored purple and black instead of his usual colors, which indicated so much of how he was prowler in this world instead of spiderman. i think it was interesting also to see that switch of character and did you see the way that his face was much more aged as prowler? there were a lot more lines there and he looked more mature in a way. miles morales from earth-1610 had cleaner lines and a lot more chill vibe. also like the character design for miles morales earth 42 holy shit bro that was so cool i cannot even did u see the lines on his chest and the helmet/headpiece thing the way it opened and his hair and voice and omg
ughh don't even mention the ending cuz why did they have to leave on such a cliffhanger like that??? we have to wait until i think next year for the next movie and i will be in the theaters on that premeire night regardless of what i have to get done that night i dont care. im so excited to see what they will do next i can already imagine some of it and its gonna be so beautiful!!!!!!!!!! <333
thanks for reading to the end. i love you guys!
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jams-sims · 3 months ago
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Chatterbox and pretty much all of the clowns rp has been so peak as of late. You know it bad when you have your tv working as a second screen to watch another person point of view. Nakkida has become one of my favorites, her music work makes every scene so intense. Wayne finally pulling himself together and become the youngest child to Tessa.
Chatterbox and Kirk give off mad eldest son vibes. Twinkles refuses to be part of the family so he is designated childhood bestfriend.
As a Chattercups girly, it does feel like we've reached a point where it doesnt really matter if Ray comes back or not. Chatty and Jagger his alt self seems committed to the idea of burning the funhouse down. The spiral may have started with her but it has now become something else. We have like mega plot points like Sooty dead husband, which was just a helpful way of killing a character who was already dead fully off to free the Mun. In short Dick was pretty much never coming back and this just helped the rp, like putting gasoline on a fire. Plus Clowns were never a family, i can write a whole essay on it. They were more like a compound of people stuck together through mutual truama. You cant call yourself a family when the leader hates your guts and doesnt mind if you get killed. But draws the line infavor of others. Your just a group with a bunch of smaller groups with a hierarchy issue.
Idk if I want to believe Cups/Rae are done done rp wise. I think they had a solid plan before the drama happened, which would leave a bad taste in anyone mouth. Then they said "oh once a big update drop she'll be back." But lets be honest I dont think CG is coming back (that just a gut feeling i would be happy to be wrong). An irl Rae is too busy making her own company, staring in movies to crave out time for rp. Especially if she's not vibing with it, plus its unfair to leave other characters in limbo just because of ONE person. So i can see why we're pushing forward as fast and as hard as we are going.
I would love some type of resolution to the ship tho. Besides it becoming," Cups comes back nothing is the same" and we call off the wedding and everything just to end it. Idk maybe its copium, but because the rp is so intense, it feels like she could drop in anytime and it would just explode so much shit. An I think thats what sucks the most because it is prime rp moments, like it is rainning diamonds thats how good it is. An I dont want it to be missed if Rae not gonna do the rp anymore. Just give me an ending that does not just end in "chatterbox gets his mask back" or "chatterbox in his jagger state kills cups."
No I need Ray to come back and knock jagger out and take him out to the beach and drown him repeatedly until Chatty brain becomes a scrambled mess and all his different personsilty mix together like soup. He doesnt get the mask back, I can take or leave the wedding. But I would find it funny if Ray had to tie up this new chatterbox to marry him and then kill him' i just think Ray personailty could scare Chatty back to "normal"
Honestly I got into gta nopixel because of Chattetcups, like legit it took a singke tiktok and I was in. I just want a satisfying ending.
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alstroemerian-dragon · 1 year ago
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izuru is so interesting to me conceptually. like i know in canon he’s kind of nothing unfortunately. at least in game canon, he shows up right at the end, says some eugenics-y shit, voices hajimes intrusive thoughts, and then hes gone, but. the concept of him, as hajime, but with everything that made him Hajime Hinata stripped away and buried under so much conditioning and bullshit that he cant reach it, is so. its SO. yknow.
its the whole argument about what makes us the people we are, right? if you take a person, and then erase literally all the memories they have of their own identity, are they still that person? have you taken away everything that makes them Them and made them a completely different one? how does that change, and pardon the philosophical question, their soul?
and the thing about izuru is that you can not tell me the memory repression was perfect. you can not tell me that hopes peak academy perfected the art of lobotomy so well that they completely erased every speck of hajime hinata that existed inside izuru kamukura. that boy felt what was missing he knew there was a hole the size of the fucking ocean in his head and he felt every centimeter of it. did he care? up for debate. izuru didnt seem to care about anything, really (which… i have some thoughts about his eugenics conditioning by the academy in regards to that but thats maybe another post). but i definitely think given enough time, some of that would have started to come back. maybe even after the events of the first game, when the school was open again, and junko was dead, and izuru was able to actually explore the place he was held and experimented in and look at the files, and discover his old name. something like that would definitely trigger some memory recovery, or at least a moderate breakdown of some kind.
i dont know. people have said before that izuru is kind of an interesting metaphor for depression if you think about it, and theyre right, he is. he doesnt care enough about anything in life, he doesnt care about hygiene, nothing is going to catch and hold his attention because he thinks he knows how everything in the world works so whats the point in even trying? but he isnt just a metaphor. thats who hajime was during that time. now im definitely one of the people who thinks hajime was a pretty depressed kid anyway, unable to fulfill what he thought he needed to be, constantly pressured to be something he wasnt and couldnt be. but izuru was so much worse. they gave that boy fucking. ultimate depression. super high school level depression. i definitely think the only reason izuru didnt ever do anything drastic about how utterly miserable he was is because. a lot of it was background noise to him? his brain was just blocked off so those triggers were unable to fire? and because. to be honest. thats truly so much work. especially with the reflexes and instincts and empowerment the experiments gave him. and junko’s despair was just intriguing enough to keep him moving
its just something i think about. if someone had been willing or able to just. talk to izuru and offer him a hand. understand that he was hurting and that he didnt have to be. that just because there were holes in his identity didnt mean he couldnt create his own pieces to fit into them. i truly think that if he’d had that kind of presence during the tragedy his brain would have unlocked itself. maybe not all the memories would come back, but he’d be able to feel stuff again at least. and thats… something.
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lovezbrownies · 4 months ago
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to be completely honest I almost forgot I made that req and I was likee ‘wow! That’s such a cool idea!!’ But I was thinking of two different one like a male and female one
male - the actual grumpy and the older sibling of the female med student who wants to help his younger sister. Because she keeps texting him in all hours of the night just to talk about her future spouse who doesn’t even talk to her, who just so happens to look at her direction for 0.1 millisecond anyways he really does love his sister but honestly he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t have time for love or any of this as he’s still trying to get his medical certificate to become a nurse! even if he dislikes hearing his sister become all stupid and googol eyes around the person she loves he does care about her. So he does root for her in the sidelines of his room studying for his next exam
female - the love sick puppy one (who I requested and especially want to see) who always annoys her older brother of a few years to talk on and on about the love of her life. Sure she acknowledges that her brother is studying to become a nurse and that she’s still on her way to become a full fledge doctor but who cares? THIS IS HER LOVER SHES TALKING ABOUT!! She’s already planning out the wedding theme and the invitations, future last name, future pets, house, and the kids names! darling only stared at her for just barely 3 seconds and that was all because darling darling mistook her for a pal of theirs
-🌪️
Ps. get ready I’m currently getting up like literal paragraphs of the female med student and I’m just trying to shorten them up to make them make sense yk?
oomf. YOU OUTDID YOURSELF WITH THE SUBMISSION BTW!! SO FUCKING FIRE YOU COOKED AND YOU BAKED MY GODDD!!! If you're uncomfy with your secret identity being out I will copy paste everything and write it under Anonymous Tornado or smth like that! Or if you're okay with it i will post it as is! with me dying from how good your ideas are in the end ofc
MOVING FORWARD! i wanna genuinely write smth like this soo bad like a yandere poly yk? WOULD BE SOO LOVELYY but i am drowning in requests as we speak so that's for another day!
This is so heat. highkey so heat. ALSO NEVER SHORTEN YOUR WORK BRUH?? DONT MAKE ME SAD LIKE THAT.
I find this idea so bomb like incredibly so. One falls first, constantly babbles about their darling until the other one decides "lets see what all the hype's abt cuz this is crazy" AND THEN ALSO FALLS DEEPLY IN LOVE?! so fire so heat they will squeal and talk about how cute you look concentrated in the privacy of their dorms, would take turns stalking you and shit MY BRAIN OOMF ITS OVERHEATING
But i feel like thats different from this ask so whats cuter than an older supportive brother watching his needy googly eyes sister try to bag you over and over again. He'd be like "No get them a new book bag and flowers, that book bag is on its last breath." and she'd go "YOURE SO SMART!!! i should write a personalized letter about everything i like about them too!!" Knowing his sister's letter would take 60 pages he'd tell her to just stick to the ideas he gives her
Though she'd hate it when you eventually marry her older brother would be with you the entire time while you shop for your wedding attire, and whatever else you need to get ready! Super supportive big brother and is so happy you two are getting married so he wouldn't hear his younger sister go on and on about you!
oomf when i get your brain rot asks my brain rots with you oomf. YOU MAKE MY CREATIVE SPARK IGNITE OOMFIE!!
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breadandblankets · 1 year ago
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20 questions writer meme.
thank you @crimsonrainseekingflower for tagging me!
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
26
2. What's your total AO3 word count?
101,970
3. What fandoms do you write for?
MXTX (SVSSS, TGCF), Fallout, Batfam, Bungou Stray Dogs, and i just started writing for S & D Tier
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
the window to the soul (and other such fallacies): scumplane fixit/romance told through weekly tea breaks i fell in (to a burning ring of fire): moshang fast burn strangers to married in under 5 hours a conversation i just can't have tonight: moshangliu chronic pain au pt 1 extreme hurt very little comfort and all this devotion I never knew at all: tgcf he xuan gets Hugged!!!! Agenda!!!! this has baby ghost kings and cuddles and v strong XL til the morning when it's time for us to go: msl chronic pain au pt 3 shangliu dates extreme fluff very little hurt, except for mbj he's suffering
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
Yes! usually!! i just like to let people know that i am appreciating their appreciation.
6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
thats fucking Hard cause i put some of them svsss boys thru some Shit, probably life is a current which cannot be fought which is less a fic and more of an archived twitter thread in which SQQ gets angsty drafts of PIDW and are trying desperately to stop it only for it all to go horribly wrong and everyone dies! it ends with cumplane! cause im evil! i should reformat that into something readable tbh
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
besides my hugging ghost kings agenda uhhh probably my dear atlas (let me hold the sky for you) which is a tianlang-jun/yue qingyuan crushing (like the cuddling method)
8. Do you get hate on fics?
yep! i delete it
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
yes i do! any kind really, ive got everything from trans lesbian threeways to getting dommed by an actual literal computer tower (and a soft spot for tianyue which features a penis haver using a strap on)
10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?
only one! its ongoing and a tgcf/dc fusion in which jason todd comes back as a ghost and gets trained by HC and HX (with secret guest appearance from BWX if anyone is paying attention ;) ): so i can find someone to rely on (and run to them)
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
no? i dont think so
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
nope but i have had someone make a podfic!
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
if you count twitter threads? or someone coming up with an idea and i expand on it? otherwise nope
14. What's your all-time favorite ship?
impossible choice but uhhh idk maybe moshang? maybe?
15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
in the morrows, good mourning a moshang serial killer/mortician au, unless i get some surge of inspiration its pretty much dead in the water (unless someone wants to finish it 🥺🙏)
16. What are your writing strengths?
dialogue/voices
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
whatever the fuck they're doing During the dialogue
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
i mean i do my best, i prefer to have it translated in line
19. First fandom you wrote for?
doctor who by hand in a notebook lmao
20. Favorite fic you've written?
recently ghost jason! other than that if someone would only want to be sweet and kind (nsfw)
Tagging: @livingmeatloaf @owldork1998 and anyone else who wants in!!!
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