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i-simp-for-gintoki · 4 years ago

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Gojo with a foreign s/o who can’t read japanese

“Gojo with a foreign reader who cant read the language and helps” me self

Decided just to do this for fun since this is kinda how i am. I can speak and listen really well but when it comes to writing or reading in another language it aint happenin chief

He loves hearing you talk

The accent isnt super strong but you still say things out of order or mispronounce stuff

He finds it adorable

Or how you get all confused when too many people are talking at once

Or if your spoken to too fast

Definitely teaches you the wrong words on purpose

But at the correct time

So like you'd mess up a word and instead of telling you the proper way to fix it he just says a random asspull to throw you off in the future

Constantly teases you about it

Theres only been one or two times when he’s truly been confused by what you were trying to say but he was quick to catch on

When he introduces you to his students, tricks you into saying something really insulting

In the end he doesn’t care that japanese isn’t your first language

But despite your speaking skills he did slowly notice something

If he ever gave you something to read like a movie pamphlet you wouldn’t comment much on it and would either read it waay to fast or waay to slow

Whenever you guys went out to eat you almost always got the same thing he did

And so he decided to test something

He took you out to a restaurant that you guys have never been too

Nothing too fancy just a 3-4 star restaurant

He hasn’t told you a thing about this place, the food, style, price, nothing

And you didn’t like it

Its been a few minutes since you guys have sat down and enough time to atleast know the style of food so he asks

“What are you gonna get?” he says, resting his head in one hand

“Who knows, just so many options ya know? What about you?” you ask but he shakes his head

“I asked first”

You stare at the menu for a few seconds and internally sigh

Pointing to a random one, you said it sounded pretty good but it might be a bit much for you

He simply hums at that

Little do you know he had given you a drinks menu, nothing to do with the food

“Y/n do you know my name?” he suddenly asks

“Huh, of course i do, its Satoru”

“Write it” “huh?”

He gives you a pen from his pocket and slides over a napkin

“Write my name”

At this point your starting to grow more nervous

He found out didn’t he, oh no he’s gonna see how stupid i am and break up. Who would want to date someone who can’t even read??

You do your best to write his name but he waves his hand in dismissal

“Nah, write it in kanji” “names are really specific though”

He sighs and proceeds to explain the kanji for his name which honestly just went right over your head

You attempted to write something and when you slide the napkin back, you hold your head down in shame

He looks down at the napkin and then back up towards you, blue eyes blocked by his sunglasses while he watches your depressed state

“Y/n, im gonna make a complete wild guess and say you can’t read or write Japanese” he says leaning back in his seat

You sigh, why lie?

“It’s that obvious?” you say finally raising your head

“Well to be honest, it did take a second for me to realize. Its pretty funny honestly” he laughs

“So are you gonna break up with me?” you ask and he looked genuinely surprised by your question

“Why would I do that? You really think I care for something as small as this? It would be different if you completely couldnt understand japanese, but we wouldnt be together in the first place then would we?”

God you loved him

It made you so happy to hear that

He starts buying you little kid books

Those books that are like cardboard, filled with pictures and only have one or two words each page? Yeah you have a small bookshelf full of them now

He’s very dedicated to this bit

Every night (if hes not away on a mission) he reads you a small story and expects you to follow along

If your not living together he’d call or facetime and read the stories

Gives you little flashcards to help you learn

He would be a great and horrible teacher

Like yeah sure he’d teach you some things but also completely skip over the rules for grammar and how to use certain words

you end up being able to write but its in a very arrogant and rude way

Everyone can tell its gojo who taught you how to write because of that

He’ll teach you a word or two but in the complete wrong accent solely for his own entertainment

Gojo would have you read the stories at some point and loves to hear you work out how to read a word

he loves seeing how happy you get when you finally read through a short story without messing up

“congrats! you now have the literature skills of a three year old” hed say with a bright smile and immediately rain on your parade

#gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru #jujutsu kaisen headcanons #jjk x reader #please tags im begging you

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i-did · 4 years ago

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I would like to hear more of your opinions on fandom depictions of Neil, if you don't mind! Your post made me realize some things I wasn't even aware of when reading aftg fic!!

Yeah sure I have a lot of thoughts on this. I think this is an overall fandom issue and not just an aftg fandom issue, but the feminization of neil as well as the ironing out of his personality to make it more palatable is definitely a thing.

I've noticed in a lot of fics hes a lot friendlier, a lot less distrusting, and a lot more oblivious. I also noticed the amount of demand for vixen neil, and neil in dresses and skirts and crop tops, neil crying and being vulnerable isn't a challenge on traditional masculinity because andrew and the other guy foxes don't receive nearly the same amount of demand.

There is heavy emphasis on people wanting not just neil but andrew to be softer, and while that's okay, it's important to remember the moral of aftg is that trauma makes some people hard, and intense and not traditionally likeable, and that those people aren't broken and don't need to be fixed. So when people just, ignore that and make andrew and neil a lot softer, neil always sitting in andrews lap and other things, lots of expressions of PDA, and other out of charter moments, it erases the idea nora was trying to convey.

I've stated before about how the fandom also often doesn't mention body hair but when it does its andrew having facial hair and neil having less typically, but also there is usually emphasis on andrew having a deeper voice than neil, who sometimes gets written almost as whiney and petulant or pouty.

-nsft text below-

I also think there is an overall lack of understanding of mlm culture in fandom which is largely a women's space. I won't go into detail here but how pwp is written (especially a lot of the trans andrew or neil ones) are not with a mlm gaze in mind, after all if it was proper gay porn then only mlm would be turned on by it, but the consumer in mind isn't mlm at all, both because the authors are almost always not mlm, but the readers aren't as well. There is emphasis on neil being more vocal and whining, mewling, whimpering, and moaning, all common in how straight porn treats the woman, while andrew is emphasized in being a lot more quiet, maybe grunting and groaning.

Lingerie is not common in gay porn outside of fanfiction, jock straps?? Thats a thing thats a huge thing, but in all the pwp I've seen of them in their exy gear I haven't seen it mentioned before, not a cup or jock strap or anything like that.

Neil is also the one being put into the lingerie and there is emphasis on him feeling pretty rather than handsome and him being petite and slim rather than a bulky athlete

There is also an overall lack in realism in preparation and dynamics that are physically impossible or unsafe but thats a whole other thing.

This is just off of the top of my head, I can get into the fetishization of trans andrew fics another time thats a whole other thing, but yeah this is just my unprepared thoughts and observations I've noticed.

Fanart also tends to lack the men having bulges, i respect trans hc but i have possibly never seen a flaccid penis in running shorts neil is wearing. They don't go away they sit there and take up space.

-end nsft text-

I have more to say when it comes to the dealings with trauma in fanfiction but for another time. I also have a huge rant about how fanon deals with the race in fics, both nickys canon race as well as the fanon everyone else's race

Overall, people can write what they want to write, and fiction is fiction and i cannot stop anyone from doing anything, and people can interpret the characters how they want. But when writing fiction, the authors own biases can slip though, the charters are written by them after all. An author who writes a torture scene isnt someone who has done that, but an author who writes let's say nicky as even more predatory, slutty, stereotypically gay and "ayeyeyye" in fanfic is unknowingly being racist and homophobic.

A person existing in real life fitting steryotypes is one thing, I've been told like once a week that im stereotypically gay since I've been alive, and have been under a lot of fire for being both "too mexican" and "not mexican enough" but an author who is not mlm and is white can still fall into these pre conceived notions they don't realize they have. There is no such thing as a real life queer couple being heteronormative, but someone else writing one can be because they're not real people, they're characters.

Why does this dynamic appeal to you? Are you projecting? In what way? Why do you think x character is more passive and y is more aggressive? Are they like that in canon ?

When quarantine started I threw myself into aftg even more, but quickly became depressed and felt gross and watched, I felt lonely as an mlm and isnt white in a dominantly white wlw/wlm fandom. Most of tumblr is queer white women dominant tbh, in the same way its American dominant, and fandom is like that too. I still have a hard time talking to my friends who aren't mlm about fandom stuff sometimes because I will tell them something bothers me and I'm not sure they understand or take it seriously. I was so depressed because my personal escapism was making me feel worse.

My depression has gotten better since then, but I still get very uncomfortable with the word "twink" being applied to not just neil, but now any queer man, especially when not said by someone mlm.

Okay I'm gonna stop here lol this was a longer ramble than planned. Ah. Don't cancel me don't twist my words I swear I don't care what others do this is just my observations

#aftg #all for the game #neil josten #andrew minyard #the foxhole court #tfc #andreil #fandom politics #ask #mailob #fandom psychology

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yikesharringrove · 4 years ago

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Steve waits a good week before telling billy he got diagnosed with depression. of course billy was the one who suggested therapy but it's still odd, saying it outloud. I'm TOTALLY not projecting when I say that obviously he grew up denying it, on bad days he couldnt tell himself 'oh I'm struggling cause I have depression' instead it was 'I'm struggling cause I'm stupid and no one loves me' so it's weird.. but good.. being able to confirm that maybe he isnt stupid and unlovable and maybe that's just what the now very real issue in his head was telling him. he has a very complicated relationship with his own mind.

“We need to have a talk.” Billy tried to keep his voice as light as possible.

It didn’t work though, based on the way Steve’s eyes went huge.

“Just about, I feel like something’s up. You’ve been weird for like, a few days, and I want to make sure you’re okay. That I, that I didn’t do anything.” Steve was chewing on his bottom lip. Billy reached out to softly pull it out from between his teeth with his thumb.

“I, uh, I went to the doctor on Monday.” Billy furrowed his brows.

Usually Steve was pretty up front with these things. Plus, when he was sick, he was all whiny and needy, making Billy take care of him.

Not that Billy didn’t love to o it but-

That’s not the point.

“Is there something wrong?”

“Well, I went because, because remember when I got that physical like, a month ago? Well my doctor recommended me to a, to another doctor. A specialist.” Billy’s heart was pounding against his ribs.

“Are you, is there something wrong?” Steve wasn’t looking him in the eye.

“It was a psychiatrist. He recommended me to a psychiatrist. Who has, uh, diagnosed me, with uh, with depression. With chronic depression.”

Billy had to sit down. He flopped in one of the mismatched chairs at their kitchen table.

He was expecting cancer, or something like that. Something tangible.

And this isn’t really news. Steve has had a certain, sadness to him as long as Billy’s known him.

But this is something that’s affecting Steve. In a big way, if he didn’t tell Billy about it.

“Okay.” Steve was staring at Billy’s right knee.

“Okay?”

“Well, I guess it makes sense.” Billy shrugged. “I’ve always kinda known, I think.”

“It’s weird I just, there’s this word, you know? Like there’s something. When I went in for my physical, I had that chart, with all the symptom stuff, and I just marked down everything, like, like weight and appetite changes, and, and fatigue, just like, stuff I thought was normal, and he was like how long have you felt these things? and I was all on and off since high school and he was like I think you have depression, and it just, I don’t even know how to feel about it.”

Billy didn’t either.

“Well, its a good thing? Like you said, there’s a word. And with a word comes help, and treatment.”

“It’s just fucking wild. Looking back on like, those days in high school when I just, couldn’t get out of bed, or the thought of having to talk to someone and fake being fine was just too much. It’s like, why didn’t I do my homework even though I knew failing an assignment was gonna make me freak out? It’s because I was depressed-or am depressed, I guess.”

“It explains your feelings for you.” Billy gets depression. He figures he’s dealt with it. Maybe not like Steve, with the same symptoms, but looking back on life in his father’s house, and the sheer hopelessness he felt most of the time, he figures that’s it.

“The doctor said it’s a medical condition. The chemicals in my brain are, are off. Which is why I can be happy in my life with you, but still be depressed, or-or, have happy moments, but not be fixed, you know?” Billy can picture Steve asking that.

“Yeah, that makes sense. And don’t worry, Baby. I’m not taking it personal.” Steve looked up at him, giving him a weak smile. “But, I mean, you know that I love you a lot, right? That I care about you?” Steve nodded vigorously. “Then, uh, why didn’t you tell me?” Steve shrugged.

“I was trying to process, I guess. I’ve always just kinda ragged on myself. Like I’d think that I’m having a hard time because I’m stupid, or I feel bad because I’m worthless. Stuff like that. That I’m unlovable.” Steve was back to staring at the floor. “And now, all those feelings, all the times I felt bad, or was struggling all of it, it was because of this. And even, even the ragging, like that was just my mis-chemicalled brain being, being fucking rude, if you ask me.”

Billy barked a laugh. It made Steve look up, made him smile.

“I’m not mad, just so you know. I can see how this would be a lot. I just love you. A whole lot.”

“I know.”

“And anytime your mis-chemicalled brain tries to tell you otherwise, I’m here to remind you.”

“I know that too.” Billy opened his arms.

Steve crossed the small kitchen to perch himself on Billy’s lap, sitting sideways with his head on his shoulder, Billy’s arms around him.

“So, what’s next?”

“Like you said, treatment. Therapy, I guess. They said maybe medication but I don’t really wanna be drugged out everyday.”

“I don’t know. It’s worth a try. And you won’t be drugged out. They’re jsut gonna help your brain be less mis-chemicalled.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“I’m always right.” Steve just hummed.

“I love you too.”

“Yeah, I know.”

#yikes writes #TW depression #steve harrington #billy hargrove #harringrove

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hajimeme-hinata · 3 years ago

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3, 5, 10, 27 and 34?

3: Favourite character/s?

Not surprising to anyone but sou.......... while he's fun as an antagonist ch1-2 on the first run, afterwards (and on other playthroughs) you can really see the gaps between his act and him just trying to survive. the freakout he has in the first main game is one of my favorite character moments for him: after spending the chapter digging up info on sara, who he knows is the biggest threat but can't explain why yet, he finally reveals the truth to the entire group... and nobody believes him. rather, nobody cares, they want to believe sara, so they do. he's hit with the truth that hasn't yet: it doesn't matter how clever you are or how right or wrong you are, the thing that matters is charisma. something he doesn't have. surely this is what leads to his downfall? ........plus I think he's cute. the pathetic part of him is part of it but cmon it’s fun when they’re clever. that neck shot killed me even on my first playthrough lol

5: Favourite floor?

I really liked floor 3! (is that the ch2 floor? idk I think so) I like how after the first chapter that just take place in a day, the second chapter lets you settled into the fucked up situation you're in. it turns the sudden rush of adrenaline turn into mundaneness as you just. hang out. for days on end. it lets you get used to things as you have time for personal connections and putting your trust in people. there's a reason a lot of fics are set here.......

10: Which death hurt you the most?

This one's kinda hard tbh... maybe kai? on my second playthrough I felt so torn up about him because even though he was the sage, you really didn't need to kill him off. he begs you for his life and he looks so desperate asking to kill off sou... it hurt me when sara had that flashback of kai warning her "don't go home," he's attached to her and desperately tries to help but its in vain. (sou isnt dead in my route so I can't be hurt about it, lol)

27: Favourite moment?

Kind of a bit specific but I really like the moment in the ch2 main game where you realize keiji's lied to you about being the keymaster. there's a buildup throughout the chapter of wanting to trust keiji, but with all the hiding he's doing you feel like you shouldn't. when sou tells you both he'll give you the laptop if keiji gives you 50 tokens and he just silently stands there, refusing, it really hurts you and your trust in him. so when he comes to your room later on, telling you he's trying to prove your trust by giving you his keymaster card, it feels like a really nice moment between you of him trying to reach out and fix what he damaged. and it does heal your trust! until that fateful moment in the main game where you stand there, looking at your trade chart, and realize wait. something is wrong. he couldn't have been the keymaster. he lied to me. it turns that nice moment you had in your room into a dirty memory of him using you, even if it was to everyone's benefit. it deepens the gap between your emotional pull to trust him and your logical instincts telling you not to. tbh I kinda wish they continued with that dynamic more in ch3, but I guess there was a lot going on in ch3... maybe next part.....

34: Any predictions for the next part of Chapter 3?

I think sara will survive in the sou route and die in the kanna route. the reko/alice route split was pretty balanced in that you didn't feel like one route was the wrong option. actually, failing the puzzle leads to the better outcome, since if you figure it out, not only do you have to murder doll reko yourself, but gin gets three poison shots since qtaro is too cowardly do press the button. it's a more depressing outcome, even though you did the "right" thing by succeeding at the puzzle. I think this is what'll happen with the sou and kanna routes, with doing the "right" thing (killing sou, saving kanna) will lead to the grim outcome of sara dying. there's a lot of comments in the sou route doubting if this is the right decision, so I think it's hinting at that. I think it'll probably come as sara sacrificing herself for someone else to leave, or at least an understanding of who's surviving, but she'll still die. in sou route I think she'll either escape with the remaining people or be the sole survivor (or survive with someone). I don't know if it's more likely that they'll escape, but if there was an escape ending it would be in this route. doing the "wrong" thing leads to more people surviving, yknow? I do think it'd be interesting if there was only one survivor though, because killing games almost never run their full course in games, and yttd feels like a game that might actually explore the situation of actually playing out exactly the way the masterminds want. kinda want multiple survivors though... but idk. I also think keiji will die no matter what tbh. no saving him, his character feels like it's leading for him to die. but maybe they already played that out in ch3? idk, I think he's gonna die.

#thank you for the ask !! :D #man. analysis huh #i spent like an hour on this I have a lot of thoughts #ask #shegs #i think i wrote everything I wanted to ?? I hope

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flowerslightning · 5 years ago

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How does a character's death affect the hero

It's been bothering me for a while. Between Mr Strife, Claudia, Zack and Aerith, whose death gives the most impact in his life? The three of them die before his eyes, and we know nothing about Cloud's father but I believe they gave different blow to him

When Cloud says he feels guilty about the lost of his loved one, I strongly believe it is not about Aerith only.

Let's be specific. Pls dont get offensive, this is just my opinion. Hear me out and correct me if Im wrong

AERITH'S DEATH | ZACK'S DEATH

Alright, I'm gonna assume you guys had read both characters' death. Sorry, no Claudia post since we dont get to see much of her

Sooo long story short,

We hear nothing about Cloud's father, but his absent gives impact to Cloud's personality. Cloud grow up without a father figure making him to appear small, crybaby, low self confident, and had once developed anger prob

And there we have Claudia Strife, can I say she was the first person to die before Cloud's eyes?

Loosing a mother in such tragic way surely would give a deep scar in your memories and heart. How does this effects Cloud?

Let's say, you stab your chest with a 5kg knife (DONT DO THIS) and the depth of the wound is 10cm, sure it hurts like hell but it will heal. The wound will need to close with stitches and a small scar will be there. And what if there is noo stitches? Well, the skin has to close on its own

The same goes to Cloud, he had his first wound of losing someone dear infront of him but then he healed in times. The wound? Its there, scarred with small pain

4 years later, Zack died protecting him, right infront of Cloud's eyes. Stab again the chest with the 5kg knife, at the same place. The old wound will re-open and new wound formed, causing more damage to the cells and a lot painful than the previous stab and the wound is deeper

And how did it affect Cloud? He was in deeper pain now. The same place got attacked again, leaving the scar deeper, painful and unhealed.

A year later (or less?), Aerith died infront of him and he didnt do anything to stop Sephiroth. The previous wound with Zack has not healed yet, but the knife is already stabbing back the chest, at the same place with the same weight

And the result? You can hardly breath air. Your heart, your lung will loss their function, super painful, bleeding, deformity, you can barely feel the presence of your torso, the skin probably has tear off too, it feels like you wanna cut off the whole body but you cant.

And you have to drag the wound all around you. You probably will limp as well. Every steps you make, every breath you take, with the blood dripping down, the pain just keeps getting stronger and stronger. Hell you may get bacteria infection if its left untreated. But who’s going to treat you? (tifa..uhuk) The wound is invisible but its real

How comes the wound can gets serious even though you stab using a knife with the same weight and same place - bcause you stabbed the same unhealed wound continuously, without a rest.

Which event cause the most severe pain? - the third one ofc,

This is how Cloud feels when he lost Aerith. His already massively wounded heart has been continuously stabbed by the same event - the death of his loved ones before his eyes.

Learning that Aerith was related with Zack, and Zack died protecting Cloud then later Aerith died infront of him, the death of Aerith hit Cloud seriously

Soo, when the fans say Cloud suffers from depression and keeps talking about the death of his dear, I dont think Cloud refers this to Aerith only

He refers it to Zack and Aerith, (and probably Claudia too)

Im not trying to offend Clerith shippers. But its just that, try to fix your point of view. Zack is an important person to Cloud. And Aerith connects Zack with Cloud. Aerith is dear to Zack thus Cloud cares a lot about her. Losing Aerith from his hand feels the same weight as losing Zack infront of him.

Cloud is Zack's best buddy but his memory of Zack has lost. Cloud too has special bond with Aerith and the memories intact.

Since the memories of Aerith are there inside his mind, that is why he feels guilty as hell about loosing her. If his memories about Zack are still there, especially all those moments where Zack dragged Cloud with him for one whole year, Cloud probably would felt a lot lot lot guiltier even before he meet with Aerith

And that is why in Advent Children, both Zack and Aerith show up. They both are important for Cloud. Ofc while fighting the summon, Aerith gives the final boost to Cloud, cuz well.. Aerith is an ancient and she has some sort of power with the lifestream

Remember when Tifa fell down from the bridge and was in coma for 7 days, it wasnt his fault, but see how this event lead Cloud to suffer from anger problem?

I bet, if Tifa dies too, even if it isnt his fault and not infrnt of his eyes, Cloud will never be able to recover from her lost. He’ll probably become a breathing functionless pineapple for the rest of his life.

Cloud hardly loves people but once he does, he gives too much love for them, to the point he scares to loose them and too afraid to be happy

A hero with tragic adult life

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autumn-foxfire · 4 years ago

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What Im thinking about today: BNHA n stigmatization of psychology.

The thing is, we as humans are very ready to help each other (most of the time). Thats why we try to rehabilitate prisoners, thats why we volunteer, thats why proffesions such as doctors, social workers and psychologists etc exist. I think we talked here before how most villains in the series havent been failed by heroes, they've been failed by societal safety nets that were meant to catch ppl like them, just like social workers try to catch endangered kids and psychologists try to catch people with mental problems.

Now i study psychology so ill concentrate on that. Obviously it depends from place to place but mental care is still very often looked down upon as 'something for crazy people.' I have personal expirience with that as when i suggested to my dad that maybe he should look into a psychologist too (after my brother started going to one) cuz he has some issues that he could use a hand dealing with, his response was 'what? But im not crazy'. I study psychology and he still often makes jokes about me treating crazy people in the future. I interviewd a school psychologist for a class and she told us that one of the first things she has to do in a school is get students to relax and feel comfortable coming to her with problems cuz there is a very clear stigma in everyones mind that asking for help with your mental problems is something bad, something wrong, something that means you are crazy, wierd, other and people do fear that stigmatization. Going to a psychologist doesnt mean you are crazy, it means you are having problems that you cant deal with on your own and that you need proffesional help with. Nothing more, nothing less. Those problems can be depression or they can be helping you to deal with lingering emotions from your divorce. Big or small, psychology is simply there to give you support and tools you need to feel good again. You wouldnt stigmatize someone for going to the doctor for a soar throat or cancer so you shouldnt stigmatize someone seeking p much the same help for mental illness.

But people still do because things ingrained in society are very very hard to uproot and things are going for the better with every generation but its a painfully slow process and there is no telling how many people fall through that net because they dont seek help when they still can because they think 'im not crazy im not gonna go to those mumbo junbo psychologist that mess with your head' which is very much like going 'im not gonna go to a doctor for my infected wound, they would mess with my body'. Untreated infections spread and get worse and people fall through.

This is what leads me back to bnha. We dont know exactly how long the world of quirks existed, i think i saw a post breaking it down to be for about 100-300 years but for the life of me i cant remember. We know its not terribly long. 100 years may seem long until you remember a single human can live to 100 years old. Now my question is, if a science such as psychology that has been present since like ancient greeks n egypt n stuff can still be stigmatized.

How accepted would quirk counseling be?

Lets not forget that quirks were heavily discriminated against in the begining, treated as monsterous and the other and the acceptence of them is still something fresh and more extreme mutations still face hate groups. Like its completly canon that there are people alive now in bnha whos parents or grandparents faced discrimination or died because of quirk discrimination (cough redestro cough).

Imagine being Togas parents.

Your child displays a quirk like that. You still have in memory your parent or grandparent who was discriminated and monsterized because of a similar quirk. Quirk counceling exists but why should you take your daughter there. Shes not a monster, this isnt something you should get someone else involved with, its a family matter and what do those counselors know anyway, they will treat your daughter as a monster and make everything worse. You can handle this yourself, you can teach her to supress it. Shes not a monster.

The wound festers.

This especially goes hard for japan whos big on the keeping things in the family aspect and not discracing the family. The stigma is still fresh in the memory and you dont want to be that family whos kid goes to quirk counseling. You shut the doors, you shut the windows, you deal with it within the family.

I think that while quirk counseling exists in bnha, it would most likely be seen as something thats shameful to atend, a admitance that you dont have control over your own quirk. Your friends might say 'what the fuck man why are you going there, you arent a monster' even if a quirk that has negative effects should be treated as shortsighted eyes that need glasses. Just because it doesnt function well, doesnt mean its bad. But well stigmatization of disabled is a whole nother thing our society also has problems with and that also connects to bnha (cough aoyama cough). I think thats why its so easy for people in bnha to fall through those safety nets. I do belive they exist but they are new, probably not the most super effective as most new things tend to be and are probably looked down upon.

And hate to break it to shiggy and the crew but thats the kind of a problem that can only be fixed my longterm education and normalization of asking for help rather then burning the systhem to the ground.

I hope that made sense i always get a little loopy with my points when i write a long one fgdgff

No, it makes sense.

Mental health is still stigmatized everywhere, even here in the UK where we’re supposed to have some of the best health care available (which is debatable). To bring something a little personal into this, my flatmates and I were playing a guessing game where I had to describe a word with other descriptions being taboo (in my case it was headache) and as my flatmates know I suffer from chronic headaches, I said as a clue that it was something I get often. Well, a flatmate who was a little tipsy at the time who knows about my depression shouted depression to my other shocked flatmates (I didn’t mind, in fact I found it hilarious). But after we had all calmed down, one of my flatmates said something that stuck with me: “Maybe you shouldn’t overshare things”.

Now, I don’t see telling people I have depression as something I’m oversharing. It’s not private, it’s a mental health condition I suffer from that can kill me if it goes unchecked (before starting medication again, I was very suicidal). In fact, it benefits both me and my flatmates to know that I have depression just in case. And yet it was viewed as something that I was “oversharing”.

This attitude has only arisen because people treat mental health as something that is shameful and should only be known among family members. In fact, I had no clue that DASS (a disability service in uni) was actually also for mental health issues because we’ve been raised with people treating mental health as something “in our heads” and so isn’t as important as physical disabilities, it was only until my uni pointed out that it was there for every condition, physical and mental.

The point I’m making is that I can totally see mental health in BNHA be treated as a shameful secret. Japan doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to mental health anyway (don’t they have some of the highest suicide rates?) so it wouldn’t surprise me if the BNHA universe is the same. In fact, the only mental health issues we’ve seen in BNHA currently are the extreme examples of it such as Twice and Dabi’s mania.

I would love to see Horikoshi delve a little more into quirk counselling and the potential stigma behind it. I know it’s been brought up once or twice (UA treats it as something normal but as teachers who see mental health issues all the time, it’s no wonder that they do) but not enough in my opinion when it’s probably one of the most important stop gaps between making villains.

I don’t have much hope, admittedly, but it would be something fun to explore in fanon too!

#bnha #bnha manga spoilers #mental health #mental health discussion #personal #thanks for the ask!!#thegaygyrus

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claire-willz · 4 years ago

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I want you to know the number you did on me. I want you to know how badly you fucked me up. I can lie through my teeth and say how over you i am, and how i'm doing good now and I'm in a better mental state and whatever the fuck. I mean I think i am? I'm not 15 and self harming and shit anymore, I don't do the same shit I did back then. I don't know if I'm in a better mental state, or if I've literally just grown up. You fucking broke me. You broke my spirit, you broke my soul.You were so fucking mean to me, I still, 8 years later have your voice in my head mocking everything I do, including writing this bullshit. You fucking ruined me. My life and who I am would have been so different if I had never met you. I mean fuck, i was so desperate to get over you I started sleeping around with anyone who would give me the time of day, which eventually lead me to be a prositute because i thought 'i do it anyway but for free, why not get paid for it?'. In this whatever post I plan to be as vunerable as i can be, and in that, I feel like I'm worth fuck all because I was a prostitute. Because of you. 8 years later and saying your name feels like I'm spitting fire, my stomach turns and i get this rush of emotions, love, hate, heartbreak, guilt.. 6 years ago, I tried to take my own life. I remember thinking how when it worked you would say 'well she was actually strong enough to do it, never thought she would'. But It didnt so.. 5 years ago, I had the biggest depression breakdown to date which cost me not one but two hospital admissions in the space of 24 hours, and I remeber worrying that you would find out because I wanted you to know I had changed even though we hadn't spoken in 2 and a half years. I was depressed, the pressure that you still put over me to be everything i never was that you wanted collapsed me i suppose. Mix that with me trying to be a better person for you and never feeling like it was enough because you fucking hate me and honestly, i see myself the way you do, or did, been too long now, maybe after 8 years you changed your mind? just in case you came back, just in case. I don't remember the sound of your voice, I barely remember what you look like. I don't remember your likes and dislikes, I don't remember your traits and hobbies, But i remember how you made me feel. And I know, because ive been telling myself for years that i need to forgive you, and I think i have, But if i really had, I wouldn't be writing this, so i don't know. Everything I did to the drugs I smoked, the alochol I drank, the people I considered friends and the men i slept with was all to get over you, and in return... I got cripping anxiety as a result from all of it. My psychologists says that to me, you represented everything i wanted at the time even if it wasn't who you were. You represented the love i wanted from my dad, you represented a happy life, you represented acceptance and approval, stability, just everything I didn't have and never did have that subconsiously I always wanted.. and yes, you did put me into therapy, not soley you, but you did. You're right, I am crazy, and i blame you for it, you made me crazy then got mad when I was. But what i wanna know, is how the FUCK do i fix this mess you made, they say time heals all wounds but i disagree, a shitload of water has run under the bridge, every single cell in my body has changed, but the time hasn't healed the wounds its caused a huge infection, the water running under the bridge has stopped running and turned into a lake, the cells in my body still crave you and still yearn for your smell and the sound of your voice saying 'stress less baby'. If i could still remember, it would ring in my ears, but its hard too when your voice is basically forgotten in my memory. I don't know how to get over you, I've tried literally everything. Hypnotism, medication, drugs, alochol, sex (and alot of it), I've tried dating other guys,I've written you letters and burnt them,Ive talked about you in depth to that many fucking people its embarrasing, yet I'm still here. Saturday night and i'm still missing the absolute shit out of you and I'm still hurt over you, stalking any only tumblr profile that has even the hint of your existence then feeling my stomach turn when i remember how it felt when you did the things you did to me. Its like its october 2012 all over again, it feels the exact fucking same and I don't know why. I hate it, I wish it could stop but I really am convinced that I never will. I won't get over you, the damange you did won't heal. I hate you, I hate you so much it literally lets my skin aflame, but I would do absolutely anything to have you back in my life. I don't think I'll get this happy ever after I've been dreaming of, I don't think I'll find someone and get married. I wish you never existed, because this isnt normal. The feelings and everything i go through daily still isn't normal. And i wish it wasn't like this. 24/7 you're torturing me. And i mean youre happy now, you have a wife and a kid, you moved on so long ago I'd be suprised if you ever remembered me. You won't ever read this, and i hope you don't. Maybe this is just another lame attempt to get over you, it won't work, but helps the pain for a little while. Being completly vunerable and honest in a 'letter' isn't something ive done yet. The rest that i wrote were all bullshit on how i forgive you and how i dont love you anymore and how i am doing so much better than you ever thought possible and blah blah blah. All lies, they feel real at the time and maybe they are, but when its moments like these that are so fucking raw the truth just comes out and i'm here, thinking of you and hating everything thats happened. I see my life and three sections, before you, during you, and after you. Before you life was easy, during you.. life was amazing and intense and extreme, after you is pain and denial. Its embarrasment and sadness. Evens bandaids fall off, even stitches get infected. Open wounds sometimes stay open. And its your fault. Maybe if you did come back life would get easier for me, maybe i wouldn't hear your voice, maybe I would go crazy on you again. I know i did awful things to you, but were they that awful? I did them because i was hurt, but you did worse too, and you never owned up to it, and yet youre still the victim in my eyes, even though you moved on and you don't feel the way i feel. I am the victim here, not you and fuck you for thinking that, fuck me for thinking that, I'm just as bad for viewing you that way, I could probably choose not too, but its so embedded into my subconsious i don't see any other way to view you. Because i hate you like you were the bad guy, and love you like you were the victim. It would have been easier if you died, not gonna lie about that. If you had died, my life would be easier. I don't mean that as 'i wish you were dead', but i mean that if you hadnt of left my by choice, it would probbaly be easier to deal with. I know ive changed as a person, i made alot of mistakes and i grew up and grew from them which is something every single person has done and yet i feel your judgement in the harshest way for every single one of them. I carry the guilt for the things that i did as if i did them to you, the one i cared/care about most. I don't know how well this explains everything within me ranting about shit and whatever, but i tried.

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kingjasnah · 5 years ago

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actually. actually let’s talk about diversity in fantasy let’s give that a go. im mad and im gonna be that way for a while

don’t want to read all this? fair. tldr: fantasy writers who rely not only on the medieval europe model but also hide behind historical accuracy in 2020 (fuck it, from ‘95 onwards) are lazy and unimaginative and should be held accountable no matter how many white 20 year old dudes jerk off to whatever power fantasy is embedded in the plot. so lets chat about that lads. (slightly) drunk rant under the cut

now prelim shit: we know fantasy is used both as escapism and as a way to deal with various traumas via magical metaphor. staples of the genre. even if jk rowling busted out the laziest and at times offensive metaphor for ww2 and racism ive ever seen, she still adhered to time and true tropes. whatever.

so why have we, in this post game of thrones era, become insanely obsessed with realism? i can hear sixty 20-something year old men crying at me rn like oh ohh oh its based off the war of roses oh wahh all medieval fantasy fiction is based off england and the crusades anyway so women should get raped and people of color should be demonized its not racism its xenophobia and also gay people dont exist and disabled people are systematically killed off and if we stretch the magic fixes mental illness thing a LITTLE further we have straight up eugenics.

we all know where the england but myth thing came from. now the thing about tolkien is that while i will always absolutely love lotr, looking at the LAZY state of fantasy? damn i kinda wish he hadn’t revolutionized the genre. the bitch was still racist. he still didnt give a shit abt women (eowyn was just a vehicle to show how much he fucking hated macbeth anyone holding jrrt up as a feminist icon for that needs to sit the fuck down and explain to me why i can count the woman speaking roles in lotr, a story with a name and fleshed out backstory for every minor character, on one hand but thats! another post). he had something to say abt class with sam i’ll give him that but he is still 100% NOT what we need to hold our standards to in 2020.

i dont want to talk about old school fantasy, like 80s early 90s cause theres literally no point. its sexist, racist, ableist for sure, this we know. david eddings (not even that old school tbh) can rise from the grave and explain himself to me personally and i still wont forgive him for ehlana.

so let’s talk historical accuracy. quick question. who the FUCK gives a shit? WHO is this elusive got fan who’s out here like blehh actually??? this method of iron production is TOTALLY anachronistic of the time. ummm these vegetables in this fictional world were NOT native to english soil so how are they here? cause i know this is the classic argument but ive never actually met someone who cared about the lack of dysentery as much as they care abt the women getting raped on screen/page.

god forbid you have to worldbuild for a second god forbid you can’t rely on the idea of fantasy readers already have in their head god forbid you have an original idea god forbid you spend more than two seconds thinking about ur setting (oh i should mention i dont....really blame GoT for its setting cause of how long ago it was og written but trust me i sure as hell blame grrm for writing a 13 yr old giving ‘consent’ to sex with a grown man within the first couple of chapters)

If we accept the basic premise of fantasy as escapism, and i AM drunk so i will NOT be finding fuckin. quotes and shit for this but come on tolkien said it himself and as much as i’ll drag him he crafted the simplest and most powerful fantasy metaphors on the board rn. But if we know its escapism. If we know. then who is it escapism for? certainly not for me, the gay brown woman who busted through all of GoT in 10th grade.

modern fantasy lit used as an excuse for that white male power fantasy is literally disgusting. calling historical accuracy is so fucking dumb ESPECIALLY cause we, as ppl in the 21st century, KNOW women have been consistently written out of the story. poc ppl, gay and trans ppl, anyone with a god forbid disability has been WRITTEN out of history as we know it, INCLUDING the fucking war of the roses so HOW can we hold up testimony we know is flawed to support our FICTIONAL. STORY. just to??? support the white power fantasy?? literally noah fence but if you are a white guy who felt really empowered by every time jim butcher described a woman tell me: how do you think that’ll hold up in classic HisToRiCaL fantasy. you think thats a fucking noble pursuit? or are you grima wormtongue out here.

(side note: jim butcher stop writing challenge i dont need to know abt every woman on page’s nipples. anyone who hides behind subgenre like that? ‘ohhh its a noir story thats why hes sexualizing everyone’ shut the fuck up an author isnt possessed by a fuckin muse and compelled to bust out 500k they have agency and they have choice and they MADE the choice to reserve said will for none of their female characters)

which brings me to point 2: target audience and BOY is the alcohol hitting me rn but WHO is this for? this isnt the fucking 80s we know poc and other marginalized folk read fantasy FOR the escapism. on god ive had a cosmere focused blog for nearly three years and. im just gonna say it im interacted with A LOT of yall and ive managed to talk to VERY few white straight ppl as compared to everyone else.

like....who deserves to see the metaphor on homophobia or racism. joanne rowling? the bitch who literally tried to sell us happy slaves and the disgusting aids metaphor and the worst case of antisemitic stereotypes i ever saw in an nyt bestseller? yall think that was for US? or was it for the white guilt crowd.

literally white people can find any book about them that they can relate to. but hmmm maybe theres a reason gay women care so much about stormlight archive’s jasnah kholin, a brown woman who’s heavily coded as wlw. or kaladin, the FIRST fantasy protag ive ever seen with clinical depression. hmm i wonder why a bunch of millennials are vibing all of a sudden. im not saying sanderson is perfect--but its the best ive seen from a white author tbh

maybe theres a reason a lot of poc vibe with a literary way to express trauma, and maybe thats why i specifically get so pissed when its not done well. theres a REASON books about outcasts pushing through and claiming their own lives are popular with people who arent white and straight and able bodied. Junot Diaz had a point. maybe lets STOP catering to those assholes who think theyre joseph campbell’s wet dream personified. ive lost respect SO many authors who are objectively talented. pat rothfuss can write so beautifully that ive cried to bits of name of the wind but literally i will never pick that series up again (not just because of the felurian. women in general tbh. mostly the felurian ngl) cause 1) i personally KNEW men whod jerk off to that shit and 2) there was no need for it there was no plot reason for ANY of that shit

so like obviously thers an issue with authors of color specifically not getting recognized for fantasy and genre work but on god??????? im still mostly mad at the legions of white authors churning out the same medieval england chosen one books year after fucking year. have an original thought maybe. also im sorry that you as an author lack the basic empathy needed to examine the way that women? or any group of people that youre explicitly writing about see the world and would specifically see YOUR made up world.

yes your fantasy should be diverse, but more than that it should be kind. if you as a writer cant respect groups of people who deserve it....what the hell are you doing in a genre that traditionally is about finding ways to express injustice through metaphor? tolkien’s hero was sam. fantasy was NEVER about the privileged. yall know who you are so stop acting so fucking entitled. peace out.

#disclaimer ive had a bit to drink. and instead of getting ridiculously emotional like normal and plud in a trek movie #im mad! surprise shes mad now. not at BS specifically dont worry this is still a cosmere stan zone but im mad and im gonna talk about it #if no one reads this ur valid but if you do im gonna be mad or another two hours before i force myself to #man idk feel free to talk tho #this is so stupid im sorry i got so heated i plugged in the BoP soundtrack #and like just #well youll see

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asrasotherbottom · 5 years ago

Note

First, I hope you get all the support and love you deserve dear. ^^ You are FANTASTIC! Second, I am clinically depressed with high anxiety. How would the six handle someone with those qualities? The fretting and low, days where you want to disappear, worrying that no one really cares it just an act?

Thank you!

I’m writing this based on my experiences and the experiences of those close to me, and i 100% understand those aren’t universal. and my interpretations of the characters are not Law or universal. I just wanna say blanketly, that I hope youre doing alright and that you also get the support and love you deserve and that you are safe. Content warning for suicidal ideation (that feeling where youd rather just not exist without like A Desire to act), anxiety, depression. Under a readmore so please take care of yourself and don’t click if you might be negatively effected by reading about this also its long as hell.

Suicide prevention hotline: 1-800-273-8255Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386.

Asra:

- His heart literally aches with you

-Brings you tea in bed for days that you cant leave bed either because depression or because anxiety

-Will sit with you for hours just so you’re not alone, even if youre feeling awful.

-Cares 50000% less about the shop than he does about you, and if youre having a bad brain day he will just lock up and sit with you and hold your hand.

-Will encourage you to get out a little if you can, maybe for a nice walk in the woods to collect mushrooms with him because sometimes getting out and doing something helps.

-Is good at finding secluded secret ways to get around bc fuck people.

-He’s bffs with Muriel so hes pretty good with dealing with self loathing and anxiety already.

-Asra i think has a really good response to the “nobody cares and its just an act” because his magic mark will just glow when he puts his hand over your heart and its really hard to argue with “made a deal with the devil to resurrect you” if the argument is “nobody actually cares” and that was 100% his choice and hes not afraid to tell you that.

-Can, will, wants to, just ramble at you at length about how much he loves you and exactly why and will spend hours refuting your arguments which is tiring but maybe helps you feel a little better by the end.

-If things are just So Bad? If you want to disappear? he’ll nap with you just to be close to you and keep you safe.

-Will bring you to his oasis to walk around and help keep you safe if you really just want to disappear and he’ll try to cheer you up there which is admittedly mostly just pointing at tiny weird magic bugs and stars (but at least your body is safe).

-Deep deep down he’s still the person who brought his mom a button when she was sick so he’ll try anything to cheer you up. Faust too.

-He’ll even talk to Julian to see if he knows anything or anything to ease your pain a little.

-Will sit and just Listen to all your pain and be just Present for you.

-He loves you more than life itself and will definitely be receptive to anything you say about things that might help.

Julian-

-Extremely similar hat.

-But goddamnit if you made HIM feel better about being alive and worthy and deserving of love, he is absolutely going to return the favor.

-Anxiety? he knows all the back alleys to avoid people

-Doesn’t mind staying home from the rowdy raven to sit with you if youre too anxious to go.

-If you need a small dark quiet place to be alone and calm down? Hes got just the place (the hole at maz’s and he’ll even come in with you if you want because it makes you smile to see you both try to cram in there)

-Depression or anxiety making food hard? Some of maz’s soup will fix you right up.

-You find him in the middle of the night pouring over medical texts about depression and anxiety, looking for anything to help you at all.

-He’ll sit up with you on nights that you cant sleep because of anxiety or because youre just too sad.

-He’ll definitely lay in bed with you while you cry.

-He found someone who truly and entirely loves him and he will cling to you for dear life, and tell you all the things he loves about you whenever you need or want to hear them.

-He probably is gonna try a leech at least once.

-Brings you to the docks at night because its calm and peaceful and away from everything.

-After his upright end he definitely learned the importance of a support system and isnt afraid to enlist it to help keep you happy and safe.

Nadia-

- Shes extremely concerned that someone who lights up her entire life can be so sad.

-But shes not about to sit back and do Nothing.

-She can and will cancel any event or meeting if it means she can sit in bed with you and hold you while you cry or if her presence with you soothes some of your anxiety.

-She’ll bring you to her contemplation tower if you need a place to just get away from everything thats making you anxious.

-Will also bring you to the magical realms to help keep you safe and help cheer you up.

-Enlists the finest doctors that she can find if you’d like.

-She’ll take long baths with you where you two can just sit in the hot water and you can cry while she strokes your hair.

-If you feel like shes just faking her affections towards you then expect a bit of a surprised scoff followed by a 4 hour powerpoint presentation about every single thing she loves about you and how you make her feel

-You feel like youre not good enough? “I’m the fucking countess and i could have had literally anyone in vesuvia or beyond but i want you”

-Will pick you up and spin you if she sees you smile because shes just so happy to see you happy.

-Horseback riding as a way to help clear your head and escape anxiety is a given.

-Shes really attentive to making sure you stay fed, in fresh clothes, and bathed, even during bad depressive times so that it doesnt pile on to your bad feelings.

Muriel-

-If not same hat then EXTREMELY similar hat

-Lives in the forest so hes all about that avoiding social anxiety life.

-If you ever feel unsafe Inanna can and will lay entirely on top of you.

-Feeding chickens and petting inanna as anxiety relief for both of you.

-He’ll definitely hold you against his chest or with your head in his lap while you cry if you need it.

-Muriel hates seeing you sad, and doesnt always know exactly what to do or say but he’ll make you eggs all the time to make sure youre still eating when youre sad.

-Will remind you that youre like the only person hes ever truly let in to his heart and he doesnt want to lose you.

-Will also remind you that he gave you the myrrh voluntarily because he….wants you to remember him. hes never wanted to be remembered before. he never asked for it back.

- He really empathizes with wanting to disappear but he doesnt want that when hes with you and he wants to work hard to help you feel the same way with him.

-Long quiet walks in the forest together.

-He’ll take you stargazing and tell you all the things he loves about the beauty of the forest and the stars…and you.

-Big Hugs for Big Sads

-Enlists asra and nadia’s help if he feels he needs it, but he cares about you enough that he’d willingly seek out help for you.

Portia-

-Yeets pepi at you Like A Football.

-”Peep?? Peep Peep”

-Youre gonna feel better if it kills her.

-Gardening to help with sadness, touching dirt always helps. She’ll spend hours with you in the garden, helping you create like beauty with your hands.

-Chase the goddamn cockatoo with a broom to make you smile.

-Enlist’s Maz and Maz’s soup as well.

-Helps you find secret passageways to hide in when your anxiety is too much.

-Too sad to leave bed? Portia will carry you and your blanket.

-Is having none of that “oh what if you dont actually love me” business. She’s super used to Julian’s self loathing and depression that shes moved on to slightly tougher love.

-She loves you and shes going to keep telling you that and shes not going anywhere.

-She gets soft when you cry though and will cling to you for dear life and not move for hours.

-”How dare you talk about the person i love like that” - Portia, to you, when you talk about reasons you hate yourself.

-Cries with you though.

-Doesn’t like when she has to go to work when you’re in a bad mental space so shes asks nadia for you to have just a nice room in the palace reserved for you that you can lay in so she can come check on you during the day.

-Shes great for bad anxiety days because she has no problem doing social interactions for you. The thought of going to buy some herbs brings you to tears? No problem, she has no idea what herbs shes buying but shes Gonna Do It.

-The strength of Portias hugs is liable to just squeeze the depression right out of you along with also your internal organs probably.

Lucio-

-”How can you be depressed?? You’re dating ME, the COUNT! ……….Can I help?”

-He definitely tries to use his sex appeal to lighten your mood, it probably works sometimes (or at least gets a laugh out).

-Gets extremely startled when you cry but holds you tight against him.

-Cancels meetings, cancels plants, cancels the entirety of the Vesuvia if he has to in order to stay in bed with you when youre having a bad depression day.

-You can cry into M&M’s fur as long as you’re not wearing any makeup :P

-Gets worried and hides the pointy tips for his gauntlet.

-Absolutely having none of the “nobody really cares and its just an act” hes the COUNT! He could have anyone anytime he wanted! You were the first warmth and compassion he felt in years! The first person to really actually love him for /him/! he gets way more emotional than he plans to but he feels very strongly about this

- 4 hour powerpoint presentation on all the reasons hes into you

-Tries really hard to find material things that will help your mood. Gold? Silk? Furs? Sweets? Watching fistfights? Anything?

- He knows what its like to really disappear and hes not about to let that happen to you.

-He’ll never admit it to anyone but you but hes clinging to you with everything he has and he will work tirelessly to help support you.

-”Will petting my hair help you relax”

-Ropes Julian, Nadia,and Asra into things to help you, but they dont mind because its You theyre helping really.

-Anxiety? “Oh don’t worry, I’ll make /sure/ all eyes are on me” it maybe doesnt help exactly as intended but watching him be ridiculous eases the tension a little.

-Deep deep down he knows in his soul Deep Sadness and it makes him surprisingly good at supporting you.

i hope this was what you wanted!!!!

#Anonymous #nadia #julian #asra #muriel #portia #lucio #the arcana #depression #anxiety #mine

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distractedhistotech · 6 years ago

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Ghost +1

Sydney was in the back of the van. She preferred it back there since she could move around more. Plus it felt weird staring out the window since losing her eye. She guessed it was the loss of depth perception. She was still learning how to gauge distance.

“So, that was kind of lame. Why did they think that guy was a ghost anyway?” asked Sydney as she tried to contact juggle some balls they had and dropped them all over the place. “He didn’t even put a lot of effort into his costume.”

“They were really superstitious,” said Arthur. “Only a few steps from being a cult when you think about it. They decide that anything strange has to have a supernatural or spiritual cause. Don’t even think there’s a scientific explanation because why couldn’t it be something that proves they’re right.”

“Arthur, you’re starting to ramble,” interrupted Vivi.

Arthur blushed. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine. They were a bit…extreme,” admitted Vivi. “I can see why it would upset you.”

Mystery decided this was a good reason to lay his head on Arthur’s lap. Sydney then flung her arms around him. “Yeah! I thought they were creepy too!”

“Sydney! I’m driving!”

“Pretty sure they thought I was an idiot,” continued Sydney. “I mean that tone they used with me was just insulting! Just because I’m missing an eye doesn’t mean I’m an idiot! Lots of people are missing parts and are smart! I’m not a pirate!” Sydney paused. “Actually, there were some pretty intelligent pirates. I don’t know where I was going with that. I seem to come back to pirates a lot lately. I know why I do, but it’s getting kind of old. I need to find something else to obsess with when I get riled up.”

“You could go back to talking about comics,” suggested Vivi.

Sydney sighed. “Yeah, I miss that…Why do I have so much trouble bringing comics up nowadays? It used to be second nature, but now I have to focus to talk about them. Even though I still love comics. It doesn’t make sense. Is this part of growing up? Part of recovering from a traumatic event? Both? It feels like something’s wrong. But isn’t that normal now?” Sydney rested her forehead on the back of Arthur’s head, not noticing how hard he was gripping the steering wheel. “Do you ever feel like that?”

“Yes,” said Arthur. He’d felt like it since he woke up in a hospital missing an arm, missing a friend, missing memories, missing so much… “I don’t think it’s gonna go away.” Mystery let out a whine and licked one of Sydney’s hands.

Vivi looked between the two as the mood quickly started to darken. God, she just wanted her two friends to be happy like they used to be. She needed to find a way to change the subject and make them smile. “Why don’t we pick up a couple of pizzas or something and then watch a couple of hours of Star Trek or Star Wars or Captain America?”

Arthur caught on to what she was trying to do and smiled. “That would be nice. It’s been a while since we hung out.” He frowned. “That’s my fault.” He’d been busy looking for Lewis. He was trying not to ignore his remaining friends, but it was hard when he wanted to find the other one and mentioning him did…something to them.

“What the heck are you working on anyway?” asked Sydney. “You’re not usually this secretive. You’re not trying to make a mechanical eye again, are you?”

“No!...Not usually anyway,” admitted Arthur.

“I can see where he’s coming from,” said Vivi. “I don’t think we can buy another eye if something else goes wrong. We need an alternative method.”

Sydney shuddered. “Okay, point taken. Being blind sucked. I don’t know how someone can live with that for a lifetime. Especially if you’re born like that! Can you imagine never knowing colors? And I bet light doesn’t make a lot of sense either. And you can’t play videogames!”

“Can’t work on cars or fabricate parts,” continued Arthur.

“Probably can’t paint either,” mused Vivi. “Unless the various colors smelled different from one another.”

Sydney wrinkled her nose. “Is-Is that a thing? And I don’t mean synesthesia! Can blind people have synesthesia? Or deaf people? Or anyone missing one sense?”

“What if sounds are linked to smell instead?” suggested Arthur.

“Can that happen?”

“Dunno. Maybe.”

“Pigments are just a type of chemical compound, so it would make sense for them to have a scent,” said Vivi, keeping the conversation from veering off in a completely different direction for once.

“Depends on the chemical. Some don’t have a scent, or at least the scent is too faint for humans to pick up on,” explained Arthur.

“I dunno, I swear I was smelling more right before you fixed my eye,” argued Sydney.

“It’s not quite the same thing. When you lose a sense you pay more attention to the ones that are left, like reassigning roles. We get the most information from sight, so when someone loses their sense of sight they pay a lot more attention to little things that they didn’t even realize they were ignoring. Also, I think there’s some neuroplasticity involved. Your brain isn’t using the part that used to be for putting together what your eyes saw, so it starts using it for other things over time.” Arthur was silent for a moment. “Um. But you, uh, would know better than me, given, you know. Sorry, I got a little too into the science papers I’ve been reading.”

Sydney smiled and shrugged. “It’s fine. I think it’s pretty interesting, even if I don’t understand all of it.” She tapped her eyepatch. “Does losing an eye affect how much of my brain it uses?”

“Just one? I’m not sure. You are seeing less…”

“Can you still smell and hear more than you’re used to?” asked Vivi.

Sydney shrugged. “Dunno. I don’t think so. Was kind of distracted at the time. Plus, everything looked different when I could see again.”

Vivi huffed. “It is just so unfair. How is it that my abilities still haven’t manifested but my half of the eye lets you see spirits?”

“It is really strange,” agreed Sydney.

“Maybe it’s because your abilities are already active,” suggested Arthur. “And you do have some control over ‘em.”

Vivi hummed in thought. “That might be it. There are still so many unknowns…”

“Hey, I don’t care how as long as no one else has to go blind,” said Sydney. “Besides, I’m sure something will wake you up eventually.”

“Yeah, but what if I’m like 40 when it finally happens?” complained Vivi. “Heck, if I have kids by then, they might have gotten their power before me…”

Arthur winced. “Do you want kids?”

Vivi nodded. “Of course! One, maybe two. I just have to find the right guy,” she said, giving Arthur a significant glance.

Arthur missed said glance entirely as he was distracted by thoughts of what could have been. Sydney was blind on that side. The only one to notice was Mystery, who huffed. Why did life have to be so difficult for these kids? The last time he’d had charges this prone to trouble…

It hadn’t ended well. Mystery would rather not dwell on the depressing memories.

Vivi realized her hint had gone over their heads yet again and decided to just move on. “Do you guys want kids?”

“I want one! So there can be a Sydney Scoville III!” proclaimed Sydney. “But just one. Don’t think I could handle more than that.”

Arthur was silent. Lewis wanted kids. He’d be an amazing father with how well he handled his sisters. “I dunno if I want children. I don’t want to pass on any of my issues.”

Vivi and Sydney both frowned at Arthur’s reasoning. “Most of your issues are due to your early upbringing,” pointed out Vivi. “You wouldn’t make those same choices and mistakes. That would prevent most of those issues from happening.”

“They could still pick up the behavior from me,” argued Arthur. “There’s only so much that I can change.”

“I don’t think you need to change,” said Sydney. “I mean, yeah, you’ve got anxiety issues, but lots of people do. You’re also smart and nice and help people and have cool hair and stro-”

“What if I attract something dangerous?” interrupted Arthur.

“Then I’ll just keep living nearby,” reasoned Sydney. She’d live with him if he asked. “I mean, I don’t see why I would leave Tempo.”

“Me either. Tempo is our home,” agreed Vivi. She placed a hand on Arthur’s flesh and blood hand. “We’re stuck with each other. For life.”

Arthur felt himself cheer up a bit at that. He gave Vivi a smile and tried to give Sydney one as best he could. Maybe he was being selfish, but he wanted to stay close to his friends.

And then the dashboard started to spark. Arthur’s eyes widened. “What?! No, no, no…” He stomped on the gas several times but failed to pick up speed.

Vivi frowned. “Is something wrong with the van?”

“There shouldn’t be! I just performed maintenance on it!”

Sydney raised an eyebrow. “Am I the only one who thinks the purple sparks were weird?”

Arthur blinked. “Purple?”

Sydney nodded. “Yeah, I was staring right at the dashboard.” The high beam light looked like a jellyfish. “Definitely purple.”

“That is not a thing that should happen!” shouted Arthur.

Vivi nodded. “Electricity’s supposed to just be white, which suggests this isn’t normal.” The van came to a stop right in front of…Vivi blinked several times. “A dancing mansion?”

Okay, it wasn’t actually dancing. However, it was sort of pulsing/bopping to a beat that one could fell in their bones. It was noticeably run down and purple and had eerie lights in the windows.

“There’s no way that’s not haunted,” deadpanned Sydney.

“Erm…” Arthur tried turning over the car again. “We don’t, have to investigate, do we?”

Vivi thought of what happened last time they’d jumped into an investigation without any preparation.

Blood. Hospitals. Loss. Guilt.

“If you can get the van started, we’re leaving,” said Vivi. “Sydney, you’re not wearing your suppressor?”

Sydney shook her head. “Still practicing controlling it on my own.”

“Good. Don’t reign it in.”

Mystery just stared at the mansion. He recognized its aura. He could barely believe it.

When did Lewis come back and what did he have planned?

Lewis was planning to exact his revenge. The plan had been simple: Create a mansion on a road that they often traveled along near Tempo (He couldn’t get into Tempo, but that could be because of some of the wards Vivi had tried setting up.), lure the Mystery Skulls (especially Arthur) into the mansion, separate them, bring Arthur to his location, kill Arthur, and reunite with the girls and Mystery, with possible minor changes as were needed. He was also open to making Arthur confess what happened to the girls (They must not have seen what happened to just go along with him.) before killing him.

The plan started to unravel as soon as the van came to a stop in front of his mansion. Part of that was because instead of rushing into the mansion on the heels of Vivi like he was expecting, they stayed in the van. And stayed. A lot longer than he recalled them ever doing so when he was alive.

Part of it was indirectly Sydney’s fault. He’d known that her aura was potent against malevolent spirits and the like, but he hadn’t really appreciated it until he felt it pressing down on him. From all the way outside. He found himself rubbing his temples. Ow. No wonder the nastier spirits went out of their way to avoid her. He was actually leaking some energy. He could last for some time as long as he was careful, but theoretically, they could just stay in the van until he was too drained to keep them here. If they tried that, he’d have to go out and confront them. Not something he wanted to do, but if it became necessary…

Lewis wondered why he was being affected in the first place. He wasn’t evil…Well, okay, he did want to kill Arthur. That was justified, but maybe it was gray enough for Sydney’s ability to categorize him as malevolent. If that was the case, then it would probably stop after he killed Arthur and no longer had any desire to hurt someone.

Lewis was dragged from his musings as several figures started exiting the van. Finally! Lewis quickly started setting up the finishing touches of his plan.

It was time to end this.

Arthur had to admit defeat. “I’ll need to look under the hood, and I don’t want to do that in front of a haunted mansion.” He sighed. “I don’t wanna go inside either.”

Sydney had been staring at the mansion the whole time. She could see the music. And anger. This eye was so weird. “I think you’d be okay. Pretty sure my aura will reach that far.”

Mystery could confirm that her aura did extend that far and would retain enough potency to be effective. Not that he could tell them, but it was certainly a weight off his shoulders.

Vivi started handing out various items for protection and fighting. “It’s a tough choice. Stay out here alone but relatively safe or go inside with us to stay close to Sydney and me.”

Arthur groaned. If he was less worried about the girls’ safety he would stay outside, but he couldn’t help but worry that if he let them go inside that he would never see them again. It had happened before. Even if he couldn’t do anything to protect them, he could draw fire away from them.

“I think I’ll go with you guys,” Arthur decided.

Sydney and Vivi studied him for a moment before Sydney suddenly bit her thumb and smeared some blood in the center of his forehead. “Just in case.”

Arthur instinctively looked up with crossed eyes for a moment. “Uh. Okay. I guess that’ll work.”

“It should. There is power in blood,” said Vivi as she gave him some holy water and slipped a beaded necklace over his head and under his shirt. “We can try practicing making protective symbols with it too.”

Sydney chuckled. “Like an anime.” She nodded. “Anything that you think will help.”

Arthur fought down the urge to wipe at the blood on his forehead. “Can I just say that I don’t like having other people’s blood on me?” It brought back bad memories.

Sydney winced. “Oh. Sorry. Should’ve asked first, shouldn’t I?”

Arthur took a deep breath. “I’m fine. I’ll be fine. You said it might help so it’s something to try.” The blood itched on his forehead. “But I am totally scrubbing it off when we get out of here.”

Vivi nodded. “Sounds like a decent enough compromise.” She handed an ofuda to Sydney. Sydney smeared some more blood on the back of it. “I don’t want either of you getting hurt again. You’re just starting to get back to where you were before.”

That made both of them wince. The last few months of learning to live with new handicaps had been difficult and frustrating in several ways. They didn’t want a repeat with themselves or Vivi or Mystery.

All four of them silently vowed to protect the others.

The walk up to the mansion’s front door took just a few seconds. Vivi knocked on the doors (She was concerned that the inhabitants would be excited by Arthur knocking and see Sydney knocking as a declaration of war.), which creaked open ominously. The inched in, the doors slamming shut behind them.

The darkness didn’t last long enough for them to pull out flashlights. Several purple wisps of fire floated by and lit candles lined along the walls and set on a chandelier.

Vivi absently noted that the layout kind of reminded her of the Spencer mansion, except a lot more purple.

“Sydney, stop humming.”

“Oops. Didn’t notice-”

Several purple ghosts suddenly popped up. “Who-o-o-o-oa!”

Most of the group immediately tensed up. Vivi didn’t immediately though. “Cute!”

They really were adorable…until more popped up behind them. “This time I might just disa-Who-o-o-o-who-o-o-oa!” They suddenly got pointy toothed with claws. “Oh yeah!”

Nope. They took off running down the hallway through break in the ghosts.

“This time I might just disappear!”

A suit of armor suddenly lunged towards them and swung an ax. Sydney and Vivi dove under the ax. Arthur vaulted over it. Mystery barely dodged it, having to use his kitsune magic to retract his head into his body.

“Gah!”

“Mystery!”

“)%$*&$^#$(%^)*%(&%*&$&!”

Mystery popped his head back out before any uncomfortable questions could be asked.

“Who-o-o-o-who-o-o-oa…”

They abruptly realized that the paintings lining the hall were moving. They suddenly leapt out. “Oh yeah!”

The Mystery Skulls leapt into each other’s arms. Thankfully, the portrait spirits pulled back into the paintings. “Who-o-o-o-oa…” And then the lady painting reached out and pulled a rope next to her painting.

A trapdoor opened under them. They fell down screaming, and things became bizarre, even by their standards. They weren’t falling as quickly as they should be. It was more like they were floating. Not to mention there were several random items in the space with them. A few hours later, they would comment on how it was oddly reminiscent of Alice in Wonderland.

They floated past several mirrors. Vivi was a bit confused by the fact that her reflection had completely purple eyes. From what Mystery could see in his cracked mirror they could see past glamours. Arthur was facing away from the mirrors so he didn’t see that they failed to reflect his prosthetic. Sydney did faintly notice this but was a bit distracted by how her reflection showed her right after her injury with her remaining eye leaking various colors from it.

Then Arthur’s fall suddenly sped up. Vivi and Sydney made to grab him, but just missed him. Then they noticed Sydney was falling even slower and tried to grab each other, but it was too late again.

Sydney let out an ‘oof’ and shot to her feet as she landed. “I’m armed!” she shouted, brandishing the ofuda. She turned around. There were a bunch of boxes, a dusty bed with no covers, and… a mannequin in a wedding dress and holding an ax? Sydney thought she was in the basement until she noticed some windows that she ran over to. She felt her brain short circuit. “How the *&^*) do you fall down into the attic?!”

Vivi and Mystery had landed in a kitchen where a pair of dagwood sandwiches were laid out on the center counter. The two stared at them for several moments but managed to pull themselves away. “Right. Separated…We should look for Arthur first. Sydney can take care of herself in this sort of situation.” Her stomach growled. Mystery’s growled even louder. “…I wonder if it would be safe to grab a few pieces.”

Arthur landed on his ass in what was probably the basement. He absentmindedly glanced upward in confusion (How did that work? Ghost logic was so weird.) before zeroing in on a large coffin with a skull and thorny vine design on the top of the lid. It was beating like the rest of the house.

Not good.

The coffin slowly opened, revealing a jawless skull floating above a large body in a nice suit.

Lewis narrowed his eye sockets as he floated out and slammed his feet in front of Arthur. He glared at his murderer, full of hate and anger.

Arthur stared in fear, unable to recognize his dead friend. All he saw was a scary, probably powerful, likely dangerous ghost that had separated him from his friends.

Lewis broke the silence by pointing a finger at Arthur. “Fuck, it’s you I hate the most.”

Arthur gulped and pointed at himself. “Buh-buh-Why?”

It was a reasonable question from Arthur’s point of view. Lewis…it did occur to him that he wasn’t as recognizable without his face. He lit the braziers and let his hair form. “Does this answer your question?!”

No, it didn’t, but Arthur decided he wasn’t going to explain that this was a case of mistaken identity to a ghost that probably wasn’t going to listen. He threw the vial of holy water, turned on his heel, and ran.

Lewis did recoil a bit at the holy water. He was a fire ghost. Water stung even if it wasn’t holy. Then he threw it off, decided this was proof of Arthur’s guilt, and gave chase.

Arthur was in good shape (He didn’t understand how he was still so healthy when he’d been hospitalized and locked in his workroom so much for the last few months.) and used to running from scary things. He glanced behind him and saw the ghost practically flying towards him. No more glancing back. He put on a burst of speed.

Oh, hey, Vivi and Mystery. “Angry ghost! Run!”

Vivi and Mystery looked away from the sandwiches they were still debating eating. They looked in the direction Arthur came from, threw the sandwiches at the angry ghost, and ran after Arthur. Lewis didn’t bother trying to avoid the sandwich contents and flew right through them.

“We need to find Sydney!” shouted Vivi.

“Where is she?!” shouted Arthur.

“I don’t know!”

Mystery could feel that Sydney had ended up in the attic and was managing to work her way down. He pulled ahead and ran up some stairs, Arthur and Vivi close behind him. They ran through a bunch of doors and rooms.

Sydney heard the racket and threw open the door of the room she’d wandered into. “Angry Elvis ghost!”

That threw Lewis for a loop. “Elvis? Are you kid-” He saw the eyepatch. “What happened to your-”

Sydney threw an ofuda at him. Lewis yelped and pulled it off. That hurt!

“You stay away from Arthur!” demanded Sydney.

That hurt almost as much as the ofuda. “You don’t get it. He-”

Vivi darted back and grabbed Sydney. “What’re you waiting for?!” She then dragged Sydney off.

Okay, Vivi and Sydney didn’t know about his murder. Somehow. Maybe it was post traumatic amnesia or something. Clearly, this needed to be remedied. Also, why was Sydney wearing an eyepatch? She wasn’t wearing an eyepatch for the heck of it. There’d been scars peeking out. He gave chase, now equally intent on telling Vivi and Sydney what happened along with killing Arthur.

He threw fire to keep Arthur from moving down a hallway. Arthur turned and stared at him fearfully. Lewis felt his desire for vengeance clawing up his heart.

And then Vivi and Sydney put themselves between them, Vivi with her arms outstretched as if to shield Arthur as much as possible, Sydney with her hands up as if she was prepared to fight him.

This was wrong. Vivi and Sydney were supposed to be on his side. He wasn’t the enemy! He just needed…Maybe…Yes. That would work. He willed his anchor towards them.

They just needed to see the proof of who he was, that they knew him.

The flames died down. Arthur was certain he knew the way to the front door from this spot. He grabbed Vivi and Sydney and booked it.

Vivi and Sydney glanced back once.

Mystery made sure to take up the rear.

Lewis stared in disbelief and heartbreak as his murderer and the love(s?) of his life and (more than) best friend.

And his anchor fell and broke.

And Lewis switched to frustration and anger and despair and why did this happen to him?! Why why why?!

He screamed, pouring his everything into it as his fire erupted around him.

The living Mystery Skulls barely made it through the doors in time to avoid being burned alive. Mystery might have had something to do with it. They rushed to the van. “Go go go!”

Arthur revved the van. It started. “I’m going!”

They peeled out of there.

None of them saw the figure watching them from one of the high windows. Lewis watched as the van drove away. He pressed down on his cracked anchor and looked at the picture inside.

It was from shortly after he and Vivi started dating. He had an arm around Vivi, who was hugging him. Sydney had an arm thrown over his shoulder while he used his free arm to support her. No Arthur. The three of them were smiling and happy and whole and alive.

They could never go back to that.

Lewis barely noticed the tear running down his face as he finally passed out and returned to his anchor, the house fading around him.

#MSA + 1 #msa+1 #Mystery #Vivi #Arthur #Lewis #Ghost #mystery skulls #extra member #au #grrlpowercomic au #What am I getting into?

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tumblunni · 6 years ago

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Current biggest priority as soon as i get my computer and internet all sorted out

Make a meme

Some guy: bunni can we listen to something else besides Yokai Watch Vs Mckraken Final Boss Part 2

And then i throw them out a window

Srsly guys i have now spoiled myself on all the final boss songs for all the games and this is still the best and most climactically badass one like srsly they never brought back the whole 'seagues into a remix of the main theme tune when you kick his ass' thing?? Im like already preemptively trying to plan out actual heavy rock songs i could do amvs to cos im pretty sure nothing else could top this goddamn squidman's grand tune

Oh but also i do still like game 2 grandma's song, it just doesnt have that same 'here have a sense of the character's personality and entire storyline despite the fact youve never seen them AND ALSO a big pile of giant headcanons". Instead this gran's song just feels more like her fight is gonna be like.. Fun? Its a song that says 'wow we had so much fun making this boss and its gonna be spectacular' but like in a gameplay way instead of story. Which is weird cos apparantly mckraken has the least story of all the villains so the song is kinda wasted on him, alas!

Also ive heard a lot about the villains of yw3 but i still know NOTHING about the yw2 ones? Except that theyre this group of colour coordinated funky kimono people led by The Powerful Grandmas, and i am already preemptively excited for grandmas but i can find NOTHING about them! Who are they and what is even the plot??

So just to throw out that my brain's random theory/headcanon so far just based on their designs and knowing that SOMETHING happens where you time travel and team up with your own grandpa. To fight these grandmas?? I dont even know if theyre related tl the time travel plot or if thats just a random sidequest or something.

SO THE THOUGHT!!

First off i think its a shame that even tho you have different designs for the grandpa based on which protagonist you picked, you dont get a grandma instead if you pick the girl. I WANT TO TEAM UP WITH GRANDMA TO DEFEAT GRANDMAS AAAAAAA!!! The Ultimate In Gameplay

So then i got started thinking about headcanon personality for my oc's grandma and i got the odd idea that maybe the kimono yokai crew has very personal reasons to be fighting you? What if Mallory's grandma actually was a very flawed person and she has to face the fact that she's been blindly idolizing someone who died before she was born and hoping she was better than her trash parents but maybe she really isnt. And this horrible realization comes via time travel so its all extra crushing! I wasnt necessarily thinking that gran is actually a villain or an abusive family member or anytjing, more like she just USED TO be awful and eventually developed out of it and spent the rest of her life trying to atone. Cos you time travel to meet her kid self and it turns out that she's actually a really stuck up asshole bully who's using the yokai watch for all the wrong reasons. Maybe she could be a shadow archetype to mallory cos she's also a kid with abusive parents and few friends but she reflects all the bad choices mallory could have made? When gran got the yokai watch she just saw yokai more as toys than friends, and forced them to entertain her, take revenge against people, make her famous, etc etc. Like she spurned the chance to make actual friends with people who cared about her, because she was already so far gone into cynicism that she felt that nobody really cared about each other and all you can do is cling onto whatever power you can find and use it to temporarily kill the loneliness for a moment. Even if it means stomping other people back down into depression in the process!

So yeah in this plotline the wicked tribe kimono yokau villain guys would just be.. Gran's team from when she was the watchholder. They used to be innocent nice yokai who just wanted to be this kid's friend but she used them for her own selfishness and abandoned them when she didnt need them anymore. And this left them vunerable to being manipulated into joining the evil grandmas group centuries later cos they had a very damn justified reason to believe humans are evil! And now mallory has to help fix the mistakes of her ancestor and maybe be able to redeem these dudes cos theyre not really evil, just hurting

Also maybe could verbally bitchslap time travel gran for her selfishness and prove her wrong? Thus setting in motion a self perpetuating time loop where meeting her future grandkid made her realise she was the bad guy, leading to years of atoning which would lead to becoming an actual good grandma and having this grandkid. And possibly a mega sad moment of meeting her ghost and her getting to finally see her childhood yokai again and apologise for all the pain she'd given them.

So yeh basically grandma is gary oak rival type and all the cool dudes are become catchable now and i gib them the friendship they deserve. THEY LOOK SO COOL I WANT THEM TO BE REDEEMABLE YO!!! Also especially the twin grandmas of gold and silver, like why wouod you even create such a cool thing and waste it on being the not good? No the true grandma villain will be human gran and i will hug away all the torment in your soul!!!!

But seriously i know NOTHING about what this game's plot actually is so its probably quite likely this headcanonverse wouldbt really work :/ oh well :/

#bunni plays yokai watch

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oleaspur · 6 years ago

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ummmwine replied to your post “zenkaiankoku replied to your post “i find it really interesting how...”

oh totally to all of that though, like, yeah i think ppl either smooth him over WAY too much &/or make him like, more stable than evan which is like??? they have Different Problems actually but connor is definitely the least okay / least okay to be around of all of them...but it's also like...clearly just as Off to interpret him as somebody who just acts out completely at random and is just Intensely Angry ALL THE TIIIME instead of yeah, him having this actual internal

OK im replying under the cut because this will be long but tl;dr YOURE RIGHT

process behind the stuff he does which like, from an outside perspective would clearly be unjustified or over the top or irrational etc etc etc...and tbh like interpreting him as like, slow to warm up to ppl and quick to draw back thx to paranoia or potentially actually sort of latching on to ppl too fast but it can also go sour rl quick All Thanks To Splitting is valid af and like!! we don't know cuz canon doesn't say anything about that kind of thing re him. liiiike

i think the difference between having a relationship w someone with something like depression and anxiety and with someone who has a disorder like bpd is that w/ depression and anxiety you can almost always take a step back. its not going to be the case that everything you do impacts them and that their response to your actions is going to be a public thing.. bpd for me at least is very loud. it takes up all the space it can possibly find, so every interaction Means something and every response you have to those interactions needs to serve some kind of a function and it needs to be Known. its why at least for me i tend to suffer more when i have close relationships with people, because youre constantly having that sort of connection. like im not saying its always a bad thing because the good times are! so good! but everything is horrible and intense All the time so it never feels like youre doing something wrong when youre acting out. its more like why DOESNT this matter to everyone else the way it should.

the splitting thing just makes so much sense to me because i used to be the kind of person who would say like , really awful things to my family as a result of it. i dont ever want people to think im justifying what connor supposedly did but i think there Should be an explanation beyond hes just ‘a bad person’ or Vaguely troubled. there is a genuine attempt to reach out to evan, however minor, and i think that its way more compelling to treat him as someone who Does crave genuine connection w people and is just unable to approach it in a healthy way than anything else

i don't think that reference to that particular incident with zoe is meant to be like "there's a specific canon answer to what issue made connor act like this" but like i can so see that being more of legit paranoia fueling that problem somehow and just...like hghh again out of all the senior kids he'd definitely have the most work to do before he'd be able to have a good relationship either in terms of on his own end or re the other person's end of it...like obviously

there's the violence which is like. number one Got To Get Rid Of That Asap mostly for other ppl's sakes but then like. figuring out how to deal w the underlying crap would be more for his sake. like god that all of them were in therapy but also connor's problems definitely seem intense enough that he could probably stand to look into being medicated instead of having to self medicate cuz i figure that's what he's trying to do even if its kind of backfiring sometimes...

definitely definitely.. i could say a lot about why i think having connor and evan (or jared i suppose but i havent thought about that so much) bonding initially and then it going downhill because of a lack of an actual understanding of each other’s issues (and then both learning and coping separately IN ORDER to build an actual relationship with each other) is more interesting and genuine feeling than them Immediately helping each other and it actually working. but it would be long..

they all need to See Someone. + obviously medication is never the be-all end-all of any kind of mh treatment but for me personally therapy was never useful UNTIL i was on medication that actually helped regulate my moods first. the sort of things they talked about were never feasible for me because my moods dropped SO fast and because just being told to do things was so infuriating.. and so on. i definitely agree w the self-medication part i usually see that as connor trying to deal as best he can w something that no one else seems to understand or struggle with. sometimes it seems like the best way of coping w things is to try and detach urself from it . obviously that isnt healthy at all but when u dont know how else to deal w ur problems u find your own solutions :(

ANYWAYS the point is that like. first of all projecting shit Is Valid And Who Cares Anyways but in this case its probably also more accurate than what ppl write when they have no experience with such intense and unmanageable things and stuff that you really can't quite imagine accurately unless you know it firsthand already. and godddddd a trope i cannot stand is like, the 'i just need one good relationship and that will fix things / inspire me to choose to be able to

handle this and voila! i am handling it" like!!! i LOVE good relationships being mutually helpful and with this cast it's easy to see how they'd clash cuz they all do in canon!! but it's also ughh so easy to see how they could all understand and help each other even tho their specific problems are different when u zoom in enough. and like it's cool as hell if a relationship helps you / motivates you but it's not gonna fix everything and it shouldn't!! and like yeah with

connor i really see his shit as being involved in / close to the clinical psychotic types of issues. which yknow, people REALLY don't tend to know how to write if they don't have lived experience or really do a lot of good research anyways. like badly written anxiety is still probably gonna be closer to the mark than badly written delusions or smthing, idk. but anyways i am going ON AND ON and the point is. bpd connor is valid as fuck and i love that perspective on him

YEAH i think when i was younger i fell into that kind of writing as a sad sort of wish-fulfilment thing because it makes sense to want things to be that way. but its not helpful to people who relate to those characters, or realistic/healthy to want that sort of solution because it just doesnt exist

i think with personality disorders especially its hard because to a certain extent its like... it inhabits you. i was SO worried that once i started being able to deal w my mental health issues i would stop being a real person because like. it informed Everything in terms of how i approached the world. its hard to write something like that but like.. it all makes sense in your head. you have your own internal justification for everything even if you never reason it out and even if you couldnt possibly explain it in words you KNOW youre feeling this way for a reason and youre justified and should be feeling this way. its weird stuff

ANYWAY ty for this i LOVE talking about this kind of thing and literally everything youve said is so good and real.. connor is important to me even if he has barely any characterisation in canon lol

#ummmwine #jury.txt #response #long post #SORRY this got so long also. no need to reply BTW i just love the excuse to talk about this stuff

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