#alfred: 🤨

[bbbbbbbbatman]

Broke: Bruce doesn’t understand slang and is confused when his children use it

Woke: After an incident where he misunderstood what Jason meant when he asked if he could “yeet this guy,” Bruce made sure to always stay up to date on slang so he could understand his kids

Bespoke: The above incident did happen and Bruce does know slang, but he pretends not to and uses it incorrectly as a form of psychological warfare when his kids are being annoying

[dukeofthomas]

why does every reconciliation fic go like this

[pteropodidaes]

recently started reading batgirl 2000 and i am having the time of my life. like yes cassandra stop that guy's heart for 3 seconds because he shot and killed his friend! punch lady shiva with the arm she broke like an hour ago and steal her pearl bracelet, we love to win!! slowly relearn how to fight over the course of 10 years? ❌️ relearn how to fight fast and live for one year ✅️ secret identity? what secret identity barbara we only care about PATROL ‼️‼️‼️

i have only scraped at the surface of this girl's insanity and i'm only at issue 17. i haven't even talked about the shit babs and bruce get up to. everyone should read batgirl 2000

as a closing note take an alfred. not usually a huge fan of his but he was so fucking funny in these panels

[slyfire]

🤨

bro's flabber is completely gasted.

[taus-inc]

finished christian bales batman and i love them

[frogaroundandfindout]

[silenthillmutual]

he has no mouth and he must scream

[starlooove]

Omg just remembered the Alfred grandchild I made up

[ghostlylicious]

did u js call yennefer mommy issues ??? 🤨

[mikeluciraphgabe]

Dick: Sorry guys, Bruce AND Alfred said no more cookies for today

Damian: this vexes me

Tim: so not demure

Duke: I’m going to eat Damian

Jason and Steph: Destiel didn’t die for this

Cass: ☝️❓🤨🙄

Dick: Please guys what the fuck are you saying

[ktkat99]

Dick- Creating the Discowing suit

Jason- Adding a bomb to his helmet

Tim- Going by 'Drake'

Duke- Patrolling during the day

Damian- Equipping a sword

Bruce- Why does it seem like you all just make decisions based off what I DON'T want you to do?

Bruce- Where does all of this disrespect come from?

Dick- We are merely products of our upbringing

Jason- I thought you'd be proud that we all took after you

Bruce- Oh, don't play that. I was never this much of a...

Alfred, raising an eyebrow- 🤨

Bruce- I listened to my authority figures...

Alfred, eyebrow going higher

Bruce- I...

Dick- B, do you really want us to believe that you asked Alfred's permission to become Batman?

Tim- And that he agreed?

[yeetus-feetus]

Batfam incorrect quotes (vines)

Dick: everyone's been asking about you Damian

Damian: then keep asking! That whole family cast me out Dick!

Dick: only because you think you're straight

Damian: I am straight!

Dick: well you can tell that to mom, and mom, and your sperm doner dad, and dad's boyfriends, and-

•

Tim: so I'm sitting there, barbecue sauce on my titties-

Steph: *falls to the ground and dies in a fit of laughter*

•

Kon: Don't tell your father

Tim: kiss one another

Kon: die for each other

Tim:❗❗❗

•

Dick: *throws Jason's gun away*

Jason: what the fUck RicHaRd

•

Jason: hello Tim.

Tim: hi, Jason.

Jason: That outfit looks familiar...

•

Duke: toss me my keys

Duke: ... I said my keys!

Steph: I thought you said printer

Duke: now why the fuck would I say-

•

Cass: what did you get for question 12?

Barbara: I got 18

Steph: I got 9.5 ???

Dick: I got Abraham Lincoln ... for some reason. I don't-

•

Damian: Don't fuck with me! I have the power of God and anime my side! HYAAAAA!!

•

Jason: iis there anything better than pussy?

Jason: yes! A really good book!

•

Reporter: where do you keep all your gadgets while fighting? It's incredible!

Cass: Belt.

•

Damian with his new hairstyle: stop saying I look like Tim! He's dumb and he's a coward!

Damian: AND I'M NOT A COWARD!

•

Kori: hey babe, happy one year! <3

Dick: ??? I'm 27

(they're idiots your honour)

•

Jason, about Bruce: his hair, wack. His gear, wack. His car, wack. His footsteps, wack. The way that he talks, wack. The way that he doesn't even like to smile, wack.

Jason: me? I'm tight as fuck!

•

Duke: WAKE UP SLEEPYHEAD!!

Tim: what? What's going on!?

Bernard: what the fuck man?

Duke: 😱🤭!!

•

Jason: hey everybody, today Tim replaced me so I'm starting a Kickstarter to put him down. The benefits of killing him would be-

•

Duke: hey how y'all-

Titus: *growling and snarling*

Duke: AH! get your fuckin dog bitch!

Damian: it don't bite

Duke: YES IT DO!

•

Barbara, watching Dick and Wally through the cameras: two bros chillin in a hottub 5 feet apart coz they're not gay

•

Jason: in the League of Assassins, we got-

Damian: 👶

Jason: whose baby is you??

•

Dick: this chicken is almost as juicy as my ass

Cass: 🤨?

Bruce: 🤦

Alfred: 😐

Everyone else: 🙄

•

Tim: you wouldn't like me before my coffee

Damian: that's so weird because I fucking hate you all- Everytime.

•

Jason: HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR ME!!

Bruce: THAT'S MY OPINION!!

Dick: 👁️👄👁️

[hunterofartemis7]

Pt.15

*next morning*

Jason: *just trying to eat his breakfast*

Stephanie: *runs in with her laptop* y’all did an interview without me!?

Jason:…what?

Steph: *shows the interview that Raven and Damian did the day before* Well?!

Jason: well what?

Steph: y’all did an interview without me!

Jason: fuck we didn’t even want to do the interview! And it was mostly Raven and Damian, me and Dickybird were just there as backup

Steph: STILL! I wanted to be included

Jason: that’s a conversation for Raven and Damian. Now leave me to my breakfast *waves her off*

Steph:🙄 *walks off*

Jason: *sighs and keeps eating*

Damian: *comes down looking very tired*🥱

Jason: you look like crap

Damian: shut up *making coffee*

Dick: *comes downstairs* morning!

Jason: *waves*

Damian: *doesn’t acknowledge him*

Dick: you good little d?

Damian: I’m fine🥱

Jason: he’s dying

Dick: WHAT!?

Damian: no I’m not!

Jason: well you look like you are

Damian:🙄

Dick: I mean, you do look tired

Damian: I am tired

Jason: why? Rae keep you yep

Damian: sorta

Jason: I swear I was joking

Dick: how’d she keep you up?

Damian: she kept waking up from nightmares and then got really sad cause she wanted chicken nuggets and we didn’t have chicken nuggets

Jason: *cracks up*

Damian: shut up

Jason: do you got kept awake over some chicken nuggets?😂

Damian: *throws a knife near his head*

Jason: WHAT THE HELL!?

Damian: I said shut up

Jason: jackass!

Alfred: *walks in* language, Master Todd

Jason: sorry Alf

Damian: *in the corner trying to drink a whole pot of coffee*

Alfred:🤨

Dick: he didn’t sleep at all

Alfred: *takes the pot* you don’t need that much coffee

Damian: Drake drinks twice as much as this!

Alfred: that’s why he’s in timeout

Jason:🤣

Damian: you suck.

Raven: *comes into the kitchen*

Damian: *gets up* morning beloved

Raven: morning🥱 *snuggles into his chest*

Damian: *holds her*

Jason: can you two go be cute somewhere else? I’m trying to eat here

Damian: shut it, Todd

Raven: *mumbles* food..🥺

Damian: *kisses her forehead* go sit. I’ll make us breakfast

Raven: thank you *goes sit by Jason*

Jason: so all she has to do is give you puppy dog eyes for food, but when I ask for just a sandwich when I broke my legs, you told me to crawl and get it myself

Damian: yes.

Jason: your an ass😑

Damian: deal with it *makes him and Rae food*

Damian: enjoy beloved

Raven: thank you ☺️ *digs in*

Jason: where’s mine?

Damian: make it yourself *sits with raven and eats*

Jason: 🙄

[thesuperiorrobin]

𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫!𝐃𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐖𝐚𝐲𝐧𝐞 (𝐨𝐧 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐤!)

Ft: his brothers; Alfred, and Bruce. Requested

Doesn’t stream a lot.

He comes and goes when ever he pleases.

Probably streams like 2 maybe 3 times a month.

Could be gone for long periods of time.

He’s sarcastic and people will find it funny

Most of his streams are mostly him showing his new pet he got or just streams of him painting.

His brothers would occasionally drop by to mess with him while he’s live

Mostly Jason

His fans loves to ask him questions and love it more when he answers them

His chat mostly consist of them trying to get with Bruce. He’s disgusting to say the least.

“How old is your father ;)?” “He’s to old for you. stay away from my father.”

“Would you ever want to meet your fans?” “No. Genuinely speaking I’m scared of almost all of you. You people are horrifying and horrendous and obviously for SPECIFIC REASON AND PEOPLE, I walk around with security”

“Let me Rizz you up😫” “what? What the hell is Rizz”

His fans ask him for advice.

Do not ask him for advice, really shitty at it.

“My parents are getting a divorce what do I do :(” “I don’t know go to therapy? Find help?”

“I don’t know who my dad is” “sucks. I didn’t know my father until I was twelve :/“

Sometimes he makes baking videos with Alfred’s

Everyone loves Alfred btw, and if you don’t you’re probably getting Doxxed. 🤷‍♀️

Sometimes his brother would take over his streams without him knowing, Tim hacked his account.

There’s a compilation on the internet of Damian cursing as his brother (and fighting) during his streams and or/ of them taking over.

Jason does most of it, actually no him and dick do. Dick tells everybody’s Damian business. And the chat eats it up every. Single. Time.

“Is Damian single? Asking for a friend?” “He is very much single. Actually he has a crush on someone from school”

“Should we be telling everyone this?” “Probably not”

Cue Damian coming in hot with his Katana and Jason quickly logging off.

I’m still stressing over going to school in 10 days. Also my counselor was sounding really sassy in our email conversation about me changing my PE 3 class to PE 1 🤨

[shayesinterlude]

Duke putting the batfam onto 90s and 2000s R&B

Like him bringing the seasoning to the Batfam’s music taste

Now you got Tim hacking whole overseas Government Agencies while humming Replay by Iyaz.

Red hood going 110 mph on his bike blasting Bust the Windows by Jasmine Sullivan.

Duke got Alfred cooking Sunday morning breakfast to Golden by Jill Scott (He’s ironically already a huge fan of neo soul?)

Bruce taking the long way home and listening to Ex Factor by Lauren Hill after an argument with Selina.

Just for him to be FLOORING it to Selina’s apartment to Faith Evans’s As Soon As I Get Home, to in fact, “make it up” to her a weekend later.

Duke has put on Bartender by T-Pain at a Wanye hosted gala at least once. Hired DJ was taking a bathroom break and Duke seen a opportunity.

Steph going around the Wayne manor talking about, “I remember when you laughed when I cut my perm off and you rated me a 6 😐💔..” to everyone for a straight week.

(And out of all the songs Duke tried to put Steph onto, It was Jeanelle Monaé’s Like That, that strangely stuck??)

Duke introduces Damian to Michael Jackson and now he’s having the canon MJ fixation all 2000’s kids had growing up.

Everyone’s spying on him from behind the stair railing (Bruce and Barb through surveillance storing this away for his graduation) while he plays the Michael Jackson Experience dance game in the living room. Duke couldn’t be prouder.

Human nature’s on loop at max volume he’s in the shower because it “relaxes his nerves” Not even Tim’s cruel enough to tell him MJ’s passed on years ago.

and EACH and EVERYTIME Duke catches them listening to something of his taste he MUST hit ‘em with the “AYE, NOW WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT 🤨??”

But his greatest influence would be on Cass

He has Cass wearing matching Soulja Boy fits with him to spirit week at school for 90’s day.

The two of them come down the staircase that morning. Boombox on Duke’s shoulder blaring Turn My Swag On for their grand entrance. Alfred does not approve.

And while Dick tests Duke’s ability to truly “Crank That” over breakfast.. Jason hovers over Cass.

Inspecting the ensemble of the polo, baggy jorts-that are basically pants-, and a sideways fitted cap all hanging off her. And upon the realization that it’s all his clothes; Jason’s frown becomes completely forced.

He also snorts a little after noting Cass’s unlaced shoes are actually Tim’s dunks with socks stuffed at toe box for a more comfortable fit. Tim who had already clocked that almost immediately on her way down the stairs doesn’t hide his amusement at this whole situation.

Bruce, hading already witnessed the giggling pair sneak into his closet the night before on the Manor’s surveillance. Watching Duke insist they “gotta be iced out” before picking a few very expensive pieces of jewelry to borrow. He sips his coffee without a word; their smiles are worth more.

Alfred draws the line at “bumping” Pretty Boy Swag while in the car riding line at school drop off

[radiansjort]

BEST PARTS OF 2024 OLYMPICS (as someone in the US)

all the buzz around the cardboard beds. idk why the whole idea is so funny 💀

lebron hoisting that flag like george washington crossing the delaware. him and coco were perfect picks for flag bearers fr

POMMEL HORSE GUY. mr clark kent who got picked for the men’s gymnastics team JUST FOR THAT ONE EVENT, showed up, served cunt, and ensured us their first men’s gym medal in 16 years. stephen nedoroscik you will forever be iconic. (the whole team really— i also love seeing fred richards’ parents reactions LMAO)

THE USA WOMENS RUGBY TEAM 🗣️ being down 5 with 7 seconds left to go COAST TO COAST TO SCORE AND WIN THE BRONZE FOR THE FIRST US WOMENS MEDAL IN RUGBY!!! also ilona maher you will forever be iconic. 

flavia saraiva falling in warmups and being like ok bet, slaps a band aid on her black eye and goes out to help brazil win their FIRST MEDAL IN WOMENS GYM OHHH YEAHHH

GUATEMALA EARNED THEIR SECOND MEDAL EVER 🔥🔥🔥‼️‼️GRACIAS JEAN PIERRE BROL CARDENAS 🗣️🗣️🇬🇹🇬🇹🇬🇹🥉LOS CHAPINES FTW ‼️(if it weren’t for the new bib number rule instead of a shootout we could’ve gotten higher but i digress 😔)

THE WOMENS GYMNASTICS TEAM EATS ONCE AGAIN. 🐐🐐🐐

kim yeji’s AURA???!??? she came out there and shot with her hand in her pocket like she graduated from the university of servington, which she did, all while holding her daughters toy elephant 🥹

suni lee’s, simone biles’, and brody malone’s comeback stories were all so heartwarming to see, especially rebeca andrade’s coming back after THREE ACL TEARS?!!?

henrik christiansen (aka muffin guy) is literally so funny 😭🙏 bro actually has SO. MANY. tiktoks about the olympics village chocolate muffins and i give all credit to him for the fact we have the recipe now 😋

GUATEMALA WINNING ITS FIRST GOLD 🥇🥇🥇 ADRIANA RUANO 🐐🐐 PRIMER BRONCE Y AHORA ORO 🥉🥇🇬🇹🇬🇹🇬🇹🔥🔥🔥‼️‼️‼️🗣️🗣️🗣️

that turkish guy who just came out there in a t shirt and rawdogged the olympics 😭😭 imagine doing the shooting event with no eyewear, no ear covers, and just eyeballing it and winning SILVER??? bro is a hit man tryna not be suspicious by winning gold 🤨🤨

snoop dogg just chilling?? bro is participating in trials, trading pins, going to like every event and cheering, wearing FULL equestrian gear with martha stewart 😭? watching skateboarding finals w tony hawk? my guy is on the side quest of all side quests

katie ledecky my GOAT 🐐. i always love seeing her as the only swimmer on screen!! she lowkey has time to get out of the pool, do some interviews, get a snack, and come back to watch second place finish fr 

i do not usually watch cycling but i got so sad when remco evenepoel’s bike broke down BUT he had such a. huge lead he STILL MANAGED TO WIN GOLD!!! 🔥🔥

loving all the countries making history with their first medals!! julian alfred (st. lucia) and thea lafond (dominica) SHOWING UP FR!! also a lot of countries got their first medals in gymnastics specifically like kaylia neymour (algeria), carlos yulo (philippines), ángel barajas (colombia), etc. LIKE OKAYY THE GYMNASTS ARE NOT HERE TO PLAY

all the noah lyles haters been real quiet after he won gold in 100m 🤫🤫

the french pole vaulter who LOST because his peanits was too big. LIKE??!!?? sure you have a big wiener but at the cost of LOSING THE OLYMPCIS LMFAOOO

the women’s balance beam podium was so cute 😭😭 the two italians, alice d’amato and manila esposito, biting their medals together, and zhou yaqin from china looks over and does it too 🥹

armand duplantis hit the turkish hitman celly after breaking the pole vaulting wr AGAIN and winning gold 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 tuff. he actually built different cuz tell me why he’s broken the wr LIKE EIGHT TIMES IN A ROW???

YEAHH BRAZIL BEAT FRANCE AND SPAIN EVEN WHEN THE REFS WERE TRYING SOOO HARD TO MAKE EM LOSE ‼️ like they were NOT slick we could tell 🤨

bro the figure skaters from beijing 2022 FINALLY getting their medals like??? i really took two years for the IOC to investigate? okay. AT LEAST THEYRE FINALLY GETTING THE BAG H 🗣️🗣️

imane khelif getting a gold despite ALL THE SHIT BEING THROWN AT HER‼️ she faced all these brain dead critics yet came out to win it, and saying without her haters the win wouldn’t have been so satisfying??? QUEEN SHIT 👑👑

women’s soccer SLAYED SO HARD. like i’ve seen enough build the alyssa naeher statue. that shootout against sweden awakened that dawg in her and she LOCKED IN. 

men’s and women’s basketball wins over france 🔥 imagine being the host country and both ur basketball teams go to the gold medal match just TO LOSE TO THE SAME COUNTRY LLL

usa winning the most medals 🔥💪 they not like U.S. fr 

shoutout to that guy who tried to climb the eiffel tower without ropes at the closing ceremony 😔✊ arrested before he could achieve greatness 🕊️🕊️🕊️