#alexithymia culture

[coyotepawsteps]

my genderqueer autistic ass having an epiphany about my general dislike for vcing (voice chatting) while in the middle of watching neurodivergent & queer tiktok compilations

usually i’m pretty okay with & prefer being in vcs with people who talk while i stay muted, and most of the time i just say that i “don’t really like talking in vcs” without elaborating on that too much but like. i’m gonna spend some time using tumblr as a way to put actual words to a lot of the deeper reasons for this feeling that i’m starting to notice! bc who am i if not a little autistic creature who wants to infodump to people except it’s a lot more comfortable to do so using a platform that feels more like a personal journal than a social media site!! i write all this for myself but i also want it to be in a space where other people can see it, relate to it, share their own experiences, etc.!

(and, with that mention of people sharing their own experiences, please feel free to reply to or reblog this with some of your own thoughts or experiences on this topic, because i’m genuinely curious how other people feel about this kind of thing!!)

i feel insecure about the way i perceive my voice as “too feminine”, i want to present online as a vague gender-fucky creature most of the time but i feel like people hearing my voice will ruin that kind of presentation. after listening to some of those “this is my voice [timeframe] on t” clips, i kinda realized that if my voice was deeper — something more neutral, or vaguely “boyish” but not exactly — this specific bullet point wouldn’t be much of a problem anymore

again a point specifically about my voice itself — i don’t think that i can really regulate the..i guess emotion in my voice? sometimes i speak completely flat monotone, sometimes i feel like i talk in a tone that doesn’t properly convey my current emotions or fit the situation, sometimes i feel like i can be way too hyper-expressive especially when i’m like. feeling really positively, like if i’m happy or excited or laughing at something. i also feel like i talk more high pitched in those latter situations which doesn’t help with the vocal-based gender dysphoria

i frequently describe myself as socially awkward. i am kinda bad when it comes to having conversations with people. there isn’t really any time at all to like, properly process what the other person has said & then reply to it accordingly while having vocal conversations, most of the time you just gotta wing it and hope you get it right. texting is a lot easier for me because then i do have that time to process what was said, and think of how to respond to it, and i have time to reread my response (and change it if need be) before sending it

this is something that i do sometimes mention in my original “i just don’t like talking in vcs” statement to people (just not with this much level of detail & explanation to it) — i feel like i express myself a lot better through writing/texting/messaging than i do speaking. ties in a lot with my emotional regulation/tone of voice bullet point; i express emotions a lot better through textual means. if i’m particularly hyper or expressing strong emotions like anger, excitement, joy, etc. then i usually write in all-caps and type fast enough that i make frequent typos. same thing for if i’m laughing at/about something i find really funny, plus with an add-on of keysmashing (there’s no good vocal equivalent to a really good keysmash). emojis and/or emoticons are really nice to use for conveying emotion wordlessly (some personal usage examples: 😭 for laughing or sometimes genuine sadness/upset depending on the situation; 😂 is also good for laughing/amusement [although i go through cycles of how often i actually use it; some times it’ll often be the only emoji i use for laughing, others i use the sobbing one a lot more and almost never touch this one, and others i rely more on text emoticons or abbreviations]; my most common emoticons are xD, :D, :), and :( with some variations depending on circumstance [e.g. >:) for a more “devilish”/mischievous use]; and, though they aren’t exactly emojis or emoticons, i frequently use abbreviations like “lmao” and “lol” interchangeably with them, with lmao being for actual strong amusement and lol being like a more toned-down “ha ha” kinda thing.) there is, of course, also the bonus of tone-tags being an option in textual conversation, although i don’t tend to use them too frequently unless i’m aware that something i’m saying could be taken in the wrong way by the other person (e.g. if i’m saying something i really mean, i won’t really use tone-tags for it, like if i’m telling a friend “i like playing games with you”; but if i’m joking around with someone while using a flat tone — like a message without any emoji usage, caps, purposeful typos, etc. — i will usually use tone-tags there, for example “i hate you so much /j”)

[usernamesarehard1]

Autism culture is thinking "I don't know" is a perfectly normal answer to "how are you?" or "how are you feeling?" and getting confused when other people think that's a weird answer

[schizotypalpd-culture-is]

schizotypal culture is having weird emotions you can't describe randomly hitting you

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[confusion-x-central]

me : "I don't think I actually have BPD because my emotions aren't really that intense. Like, I hardly feel anything ever."

also me : *had a full meltdown and was on the verge of unaliving after my family laughed more at my aunt's card than mine in a game of Cards Against Humanity*

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is wanting to scream at your friend to just dump their hateful racist asshole boyfriend, while at the same time knowing that they won't listen to you because they are in love and apparently, that erases their ability for critical thinking

While also not saying any of that because it would be rude

A "hateful racist asshole boyfriend" sounds ripe for a situation in which your friend could be dating someone actively grooming them for domestic abuse.

In those cases, individuals often already have poor boundary control, and it's not the critical thinking actually missing: it's the security that creating boundaries doesn't mean losing someone who they feel cares about them. Judgements on their ability to "think clearly" are both misplaced and encouraged by the abusers, as worsening self esteem leads to an abuse victim seeking comfort... often from the abuser.

I think it's very, very important to recognize that the best thing you can do for them is to be there, continually reaffirm that they can always tell you anything, and rather than pressure them to break up... ask them to tell you about the relationship. You can guide them to red flags, but also try to present possible communication elements. There are guides online by great resources talking about how to best support these conversations.

And, of course, it's always possible it is simply that your friend actually is racist and they put up with the behavior because of that. It's not hard for some bigots to find an in through less overt bigotry. But I strongly encourage folks to realize that "in love with no capacity for critical thought" is a very dangerous warning sign that someone may be unable to recognize healthy boundaries, and worse - to recognize unhealthy boundaries.

[schizoid-culture-is]

Questioning szpd culture is thinking "I can't have the disorder because I'm not in distress, I'm just a solitary person" only to get punched with that anhedonia/alexithymia/avolition chronic boredom combo and suddenly realize, oh, right, my self-isolating behaviour and inability to regulate my emotions DOES actually cause distress.

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[narcissisticpdcultureis]

npd + alexithymia culture is genuinely being confused about how to know whether youre feeling love for the person themselves or if youre feeling love for the supply rhe person gives you

-💚💻

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[hpdcultureis]

hpd traits + alexithymia culture is having a dramatic breakdown and then thinking "wait, did i even feel anything at all?"

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[borderline-culture-is]

BPD + High Alexithymia culture is being emotionally unstable but also not being able to even tell or even feel your own emotion/mood at the same time.. ???

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[holder-culture-is]

Alexithymia (possibly aspd) holder culture is never being able to tell if you care abt someone but knowing you’re acting way different than you do with everyone else so there’s at least something different with them

-. .x

Yeah, caring in general is really weird when you think about it. Not much to say here, but I hope you find out what that difference is!! :]

[sgkjd]

alexithymic autistic culture is having saved this graph into your phone and pulling it up whenever you feel like you're feeling something and need to check what exactly

[no-empathy-culture-is]

alexithymic conditional empathy culture is having no fuckin clue if the Vague Emotion im feeling is from me or someone else, or what to do with it

alexithymic conditional empathy culture is

[queercutlureis]

Neuroqueer culture is struggling with gender because it’s intangible and abstract, plus it can be hard to tell when you’re satisfied with any one label with problems like alexithymia :')

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[disassociation-culture-is]

Alexithymia and dissociation culture is not being able to answer questions like "how are you" even when you process that words were said.

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[confusion-x-central]

umm..

so I didn't even know that you were supposed to actually feel empathy and not just force yourself to act a certain way based on how others seem to be feeling...hmmm

[aspd-culture]

ive seen people say not having emotions is an aspd thing, but what if i know i have emotions and just cant tell what they are? like... like theres a layer of "nothing" between me and my emotions yet the emotions still affect me. im also autistic so it could just be alexithymia but i genuinely cant tell how emotional i am because im so disconnected constantly. and ive been contemplating this for years- other people tend to figure out how im feeling faster than i do because it can affect my actions in ways i dont realize. im fairly certain i have both aspd and autism but im not sure what is from which

aspd-culture is

First things first, you were lied to. Not having emotions is not what ASPD is, but a lot of people who like to demonize us tell people that. I don't blame you for believing it, the myth is pretty widespread. But whilst some people with ASPD experience emotional blunting, not everyone does, and even the ones who do tend to have emotions they feel more or less. In fact, inability to tolerate boredom and anger is a major symptom of ASPD, which wouldn't be possible if we didn't have/feel emotions as intensely, sometimes moreso, as everyone else.

If you are having emotional blunting, it can cause you to feel very unsure of what your emotions are, which could cause the issue you're speaking about here. I cannot and do not advise others to try this, the only reason I do is bc my doctor suggested it after some bloodwork, but I do take a magnesium supplement to help the emotional blunting and it does help. Again, this is not medical advice; if you are interested in trying that please bring it up to a doctor as we only did that because my bloodwork said my magnesium was low.

I am also an autistic pwASPD so I actually can't tell you with certainty which disorder is causing which as I haven't gotten to that level of introspection with my autism yet. I know that autistic people frequently have trouble understanding and "connecting to" their own emotions and cues, so it could be from that, or from the blunting I talked about earlier.

Apologies that I couldn't be more helpful, I am still learning about my autism and what is related to that vs my other disorders.