#again this is just what I’ve been told | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lucysweatslove · 2 years ago

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I finished and submitted all my assignments from my rural thing. The last assignment was kind of hard; it was a reflection on the experience as a whole, the community, and also how we personally feel starting school after this. It’s not hard in the sense of actual cognitive difficulty with the material to cover and analyze, but rather, I wasn’t sure how to positively explain how I feel. WE all know here that I felt like shit most of the time, spent lunches crying in my car trying to nap and feeling alienated, spent evenings crying in the room overwhelmed and overstimulated and way too mf HOT, multiple times questioned if I made the right choice at all to enroll in this particular program. I don’t and never had doubted my love for medicine as a whole and my abilities to learn how to be a good doctor. But like, program specific fit? I doubted that.

So anyway since I didn’t have much room I tried to briefly state the concerns I have in a way that (hopefully) conveys my ownership of my role in this and what I learned I need to do / how I need to grow going forward. And then also focus on how I really did love the medicine side, and how (even though I question my “fit” with the culture at this one site) the experience has affirmed that rural care feels RIGHT for me. (Like I may be autistic and struggle assimilating into a mid-sized practice full of neurotypical extroverts, but the patient care aspect? The scope? The relationships you build? I know a lot of people view autism as “self focused” people who don’t care about those relationships, but that’s not MY autistic experience; my empathy and desire to care for the whole person, not just see them as a body, is one of my greatest strengths).

ANYWAY when I was finalizing and submitting that assignment, apparently my third assignment (the previous one, a patient interview + reflection) was graded. I didn’t know that my specific state’s track’s director (who I have a lot of contact with) would be the one to read and grade it. She had very positive feedback. But. Now I’m super super anxious about my last assignment. When I thought it was read and graded by somebody I’d never really interact with in person, it was easier to mention that I’m neurodivergent and yes, that lead to some problems that I need to address within myself. But now I feel… more open and raw. I didn’t tell my preceptors, I didn’t plan on telling anything who like, had any major dealings with me. Buuuut now it’s out there and fuck. 🙃

#personal #Lucy goes to med school #I guess the positive is I just said neurodivergent introvert #I have already divulged my ADHD #so it’s possible she won’t read into the (IMO very obvious) autism of it all #still tho now I feel like I massively fucked up #it’s so hard bc I personally value self understanding and personal growth and internal analysis and (ideally tactful) honesty #i personally think it’s important to be able to give out and receive constructive criticism #and i went into that kind of mode mostly with myself a little in that assignment #but APPARENTLY that’s not how med school works #as a med student you are a peon who should always be self deprecating while also being a self-starter and mind reader #never say anything bad about the preceptors or programs or anything of the like #even when your sense of justice says this is wrong and toxic and needs to change #you cannot be the one to try to change it bc that is a metaphorical death sentence for your med school career #again this is just what I’ve been told #and I may have metaphorically shot myself in the foot

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lipt-97 · 1 year ago

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came back just to post these. okay bye

#gbf #belifaa #did you get triple zero (summon)? the sanfaa scissoring summon? SSS? i sierotixed it. It was awesome. Everythung in gbf is going right for #e except for the fact that i had to sieroticket it but its alright. just the notion of so much lucilius is just enough to put me back on my #feet again it’s almsot unreal how much lucilius-centric stuff theyve pushed out the past few months. his GBVSR debut. his summon.#Omg when I saw the gbfes fashion show i was a few seconds behind zen and she told me “You wont believe this” and I was like “WHAT? BELIEVE #WHAT? WHAT? WHAYT DO YOU MEAN” and the official lucilius cosplayer walked out in his robes it felt unreal unreal like it was seeing my onl #dreams come true after years and years of being like Theres no way they’d do that. There’s no way they’d make a cosplay for lucilius in his #robes because hes in his void outfit forever. BUT THEY DID…..AND THERE WAS BLOOD UNDER HIS SKIN….AND HIS LIPS WERE GLOSSED…AND HE HAD A LIT #LE BIT OF TAREME AND TSURIME (TARIME) ACTION ON HIS EYES AND EVERYTIME HE WALKED HIS ROBES KIND OF FLUTTERED AS HE SHUFFLED ALONG I HAD TO #SIT ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR lay down on the bathroom floor and I almpst puked from how nauseous it made me i was OVERJOYED BEYOND MY PHYSICAL #LIMITATIONS OF HAPPINESS . I WAS SO HAPPY. THIS YEAR HAS BEEN UTTERLY MISERABLE FOR ME AND I HAVE NOT BEEN THIS DEPRESSED SINCE HIGH SCHOOL #BUT SEEING LUCILIUS like this genuinely blew me off my socks . I don’t know if i should be 100% thankful because I’ve been trying to figure #out how to balance my emotional state with the media i consume but #I think i really needed it. thank you lucilius for ending my 2023

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afterlife-2004 · 4 months ago

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Since it’s Idris Elba’s birthday today, I’d like to repost this art piece of mine that I drew for Knuckles’ birthday back in February of last year!

Happy Birthday, Idris Elba! 💥🥊🥳🎂🎊🎉❤️

#idris elba #movie knuckles #knuckles the echidna #knuckles wachowski #sonic movie art #sonicmovie3hype #sonicmovie3 #sonicmovie2 #sonicmovie #my art #Happy 52nd Birthday Idris Elba!#happy birthday movie knux 💥🥊#sonic the hedgehog #sonic wachowski #movie sonic #miles tails prower #movie tails #tails wachowski #Idris Elba does an incredible job voicing him! My favourite voice actor we’ve ever gotten for Knuckles so far!#Plus he’s super quotable! For example “Dot Dot Dot Dot”#“SONIC! I’VE JUST BEEN TOLD THEY HAVE SPRINKLES!!!”#“I am having THE FUN!”#“AH! MY VICTORY CHARIOT!”#“do i look like i need YOUR power?”#“HOW DARE YOU ATTACK ME IN MY HOUR OF SORROW”#God bless Movie Knuckles since he’s the reason why the character is being taken seriously once again #still love this drawing btw 🥰 one of my favs!#“Birth of day isn't what I expected.”#he’s loving every moment #He's even got the little noise maker 😭😭

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neongulls · 1 year ago

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Screenshot redraw woo! I’m so excited for the new season!!

#my art #art #digital art #illustration #screenshot redraw #fanart #sonic the hedgehog #sonic the hedgehog fanart #shadow the hedgehog #sonic prime #sonic prime fanart #Heeyyyyyy what’s uppp #I haven’t posted art on here in quite a while!! (I just started posting art on insta again too I’ve been on a bit of a break #a very. long break #I don’t know how often I’ll be posting art on here currently thou since I reserve my tumblr for fanart only #and I’ve been on a mostly oc kick lately 🤷‍♀️#I follow my silly little art whims and after watching that teaser clip the whim told me screenshot redraw lol

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rapidhighway · 1 year ago

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#okay sorry for venting but i’ve been processing that session for months #like im the one who fucked up that session because i couldnt make myself say anything and actually naming any problem i have #felt like im begging to have a bunch of excuses #and god that paychologist really made me feel like i imagined all of that for attention and now im back here again and im once again #realizing my brain is just fucked up and what do i do now because if i went to a session now #i would be in the same situation where i can’t say anything that actually bothers me #so i guess im in deep shit forever or at least until i stop having some fucking mental block or whatever #im just fucking tired bro…….#she told me everyone is a little bit autsitic and that’s it WHAT #bro if i had little enough symptoms of whatever that i could do stuff by myself anyway i wouldnt fucking be ghere paying 200zł for the most #ruining hours of my life thank you so much.#instead i have to use everyone in my life as a crutch because i literally just can’t function without help IUOUOUGHHH #god im so sorry okay im gone im just really going through it rn #vent

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wallboys · 10 months ago

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coming back from my 6 month asoiaf hiatus to say the vibes are telling me that mel won’t be the one to resurrect jon

#hear me out #<- guy who has nothing to elaborate with just that i’ve been rethinking jon’s resurrection and mel’s motivation for trying to do a thoros #and thinking again about how literally ANYTHING can happen like bro what if they take his body to weirwood grove #and bran somehow brings him back #like he was told he can’t bring ned back from the dead #but jon’s soul is tied to the old gods through skinchanging and bran like. pushes him back #it would tie in with jon’s vision in acok where bran tells him (as ghost!!!) that he has to open his eyes #and this whole event spurs a crisis of faith in melisandre #she’s still involved in the plot but instead of jon’s resurrection validating her faith in rhllor it makes her question it #oh i guess i did have something to elaborate with #asoiaf #jon snow #melisandre of asshai

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gillanfryingpan · 11 months ago

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“hey we saw you from across the bar and we fucking hate your vibe”

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clownjacket · 8 months ago

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If Kipperlilly DOES end up betraying Porter/Jace as part of a secret other scheme she has (whether good or evil) and it has to do with saving Lucy, I just know she’s going to be a bitch about it and pull a ‘sorry, I only save High Five Heroes’ before leaving her other friends to die or some shit. And then she will take her final form: Magic Betty from Adventure Time, betraying her allies and saving her frost gf at the expense of the world. It would also parallel what Ankarna is going through (‘your girlfriend’s out of town, it sucks’, becoming a little imperialist rage machine under the influence of Porter/Sunstone but not being able to fully turn on Lucy despite going against her values and turning into a violent weirdo). This is my wish. My dream. I am manifesting it. Magic Betty Kipperlilly I believe in you.

#I am currently painting clown makeup on my face rn but this is what I’ve been rooting for from the beginning so let me dream #Come on though she HAS to have some other shit going on though right?#She was DEFINITLY in that temple when the Bad Kids said Ankarna’s name #Brennan literally rolled #and we know she was in Porter’s office #so WHY hadn’t she told him Ankarna’s real name yet? We know he genuinely believed Fig found it #Also the BKs couldn’t see who was in the window during the Wanda Childa scene #Which one of the RGs has invisibility?#HMMMM #Wanda saying ‘Kipperlilly? Why are you doing this? Is it because you’re jealous?’ before getting carried off by a fake Porter would let KP #know ‘okay they FULLY saw what happened after I killed Buddy and are onto us’ which would cause her to follow them to the temple #Also…if NONE of the Rat Grinders knew Ankarna’s name then what did Lucy write on her form to change her divinity???#We KNOW it was Ankarna’s name and not the ‘symbol representing her’ because no one could see it BECAUSE the god was dead and no one alive #knew her name #Which means Lucy HAD TO HAVE KNOWN and was keeping it from the others right?#And when she died and didn’t come back they were fucked because they couldn’t even check the form anymore #But #Brennan also said that if Porter WASNT using Devil’s Honey and genuinely believed in Rage And Conquest goddess Ankarna instead of just her #domain then he and his ritual would (maybe) bring her back instead of killing her permenantly so he can take her domain #And idk #A powerful goddess of rage and conquest who despite everything can’t be turned against her sister and ex #who’s resurrection would mean the rune could be broken and Lucy can come back to life #One who has (or had) a personal vendetta against at least one of the bad kids #and a personal vendetta against the people who led to Lucy’s death #that sounds pretty appealing to someone as spiteful and obsessive as Kipperlilly doesn’t it #especially after her best (maybe only real) friend died and didn’t come back #especially if she stayed dead specifically to stop Porter #Again I’m putting my clown makeup on but I don’t want her to be secretly good or anything just unhinged and gay and a parallel to Ankarna #Please world let me have this I’m on my knees #dimension 20

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deepseawave · 6 months ago

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obsessed w the tags on ur last reblog

Omgg, thank you haha, it was a quality post so I just had to appreciate it in full force 😂❤️

Can‘t believe someone would actually enjoy my yapping :,D

#guys help is it time for a rebranding?? am I just gonna post about f1 now??#I still can’t believe this has all started because bestie and I were watching Ted Lasso (because I’ve been obsessed with that show for a #while now too) and I paused the episode to talk about how I really like the way Jamie interacts with kids (I’m sorry people being good with #and nice to kids is one of my weaknesses I work with kids now and have been invested in treating kids well forever)#so me saying that apparently reminded her of max and she showed me a video of him with p and yeah it was very effective in making me like #him and then we left the episode on pause and she told me a lot about f1 and max specifically cause I was interested now lmao (funny thing #is that she also got roped into it by our other friends I swear it’s speeding lmao #she also compared him to Jamie from Ted lasso (if you know you know) and showed me some heart wrenching Taylor swift edits (i haven’t #emotionally recovered yet) and yeah that’s how I started consuming way too much f1 content on YouTube and got into this whole mess lmao #oh yeah our friends also made me and another friend make a Tier list for all the drivers based on vibes alone (cause I only knew a bit about #max at that time and the other one knew nothing really) which was very funny too #especially looking back at it (we did some of them so dirty lmao 😂)#I’ve also come to the conclusion that tumblr is still one of the least annoying platforms to engage with other people (still)#YouTube is full of hate comments about drivers and stuff it’s so annoying actually #not to mention Twitter but I don’t go there and probably never will 😂#I personally don’t enjoy fics and scenarios and shipping of real people cause it makes me a bit uncomfy (not judging people who do #you do you as long as it doesn’t negatively affect anyone #but yeah I’d much rather just scroll by those here than have to look away from all the mindless hate and which driver is better discussions #everywhere else like I’m not one to engage with stuff like that but it does upset me to some #degree so yeah tumblr making memes and being rather positive about their drivers (most of what I’ve seen here of course there are gonna be #annoying people everywhere) is much more tolerable and a lot more enjoyable for me #whoops this post got away from me again oh dear #I’ve had the idea for a meme stuck in my head for days now: Max verstappen but make it if you don’t love me at my *swearing on team radio #giving spicy replies and attitude to the media maxplaining and complaining going for risky overtakes* you don’t deserve me at my *precious #interactions with p talking about his cats being a goofball with other drivers and especially danny defending other drivers driving #beautifully in the rain* it’s a package deal you can’t just pick and choose and personally I don’t even get why people complain about some #of the other stuff I appreciate someone who’s passionate and honest and genuinely kind where it matters 🤷🏻‍♀️#I think I’ve seen someone else say that but the more people complain about and criticize max the more I feel the need to defend him #god forbid women have hobbies for real (can’t believe I’ve yapped so much I can’t put more tags 💀)#also shoutout to Oscar Piastri and Danny Ric (I was so happy Oscar won even tho McLaren where being very silly in a not so funny way)

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androidboy · 6 months ago

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my brain is. so incredibly busy

#i keep going back and forth from like really happy #to really conflicted #to like a swinging pendulum of relationship woe and relationship lovey #idk there’s things i haven’t told anyone both with good and bad abt my gf #and i’m getting like other waves of oh god i’m a terrible boyfriend and also hey everything that ive done are things that ive done #with other friends and the only difference is that I’ve known 🦇 for a short amount of time #and also i don’t actually know him know him #like i know a bit about what he’s like with friends but i don’t know any of his friends so i don’t actually know #but also that’s kinda the exact same thing as my gf #and at this point i’m just like really happy with us #but i haven’t been happy enough to feel safe that things aren’t gonna get bad again #happy long enough*#and I #don’t wanna be a hypocrite with my friendship #but i’m also a very different partner than my gf #i know i’d hate if she was doing what i was doing #but she’s said and done shit that has made me feel really insecure to the point where i just kinda accepted that she might be cheating #at certain points #and she’s kinda said herself that she’s not sure she trusts hers #trusts herself #idk idk idk idk idk #i just want to keep my friendship with 🦇 the way ive been having it #and i don’t want her to ask me to stop #i know i’d never cross the line. i do trust myself #and i don’t want her to think otherwise

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pilonciillo · 25 days ago

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on another note

#4-5ish months i’ve been the main (i’m pretty sure only) person cleaning every weekend #my only days off and through the week clean dishes or load up the washer and pick them up #occasionally someone else w load it but not pick up or vice verse #november i lost all motivation i ask for help i get told they’re tired or they work or later or im met w but i did xyz the other day blah bl #blah blah yk #i tried to clean in nov but i just can’t im tired it’s constant that im cleaning i want to do things not go from work to home for chores to #also cook and then clean up dinner because i also have a job #and when i do something im not like OH well i did xyz! so i won’t do that …no i just say okay because why bring up what i already did things #need to be done why are you arguing with me like we want to bring up receipts? i’ll bring them up #i’m cleaning up clothes that’s not mine i’m cleaning up shit piss ans throw up of a dog that is not mine i walk said dog occasionally #but nope not the other way around why would they do any of that when it’s not theirs ?#i ask them to pick one day to make dinner nope i can’t i’m busy i have xyz …okay i have work gym appts errands too #and since i have cleaned in like a month or over it’s a mess but no one has taken action to fix that it’s just it’s messy in here #that’s why i hate if you need help ask. .#I ASK I DONT GET HELP you ask i help but god forbid i ask #‘but you clean weird’ ‘you do a deep clean’ it’s a regular clean i clean to clean not to light dust and see it be back to how it was in a #day or two. deep clean is i’m up in a ladder cleaning the vents cleaning cabinets shelves i can’t regularly reach or are hard to get to and #honestly that should be a monthly thing #weekly is wipe down appliances. sweep swiffer vacuum and mop the floors. wipe countertops and flat surfaces. flip the chairs around tighten #bolts wash the tablecloth clean the table. vacuum the couches lint roll any cloth surfaces. clean or wipe down the stove/microwave depending #on how dirty. clean bathroom tub toilet sink floors mirror. this is not a deep clean w that you get the fridge and dishwasher windows move t #the furniture to clean under that. i am tired and i dont ever get to finish everything #bathroom stays last and weekends are only so long i also go to the gym or need to go to the store or have ot to do #and ik i brought up here that im depressed but im not bring that up to them because regardless these things need to get done be it a the #worlds slowest pace but does need to happen and i don’t want to use that as an excuse because i will just let myself lay in bed and not show #shower or move does this mentality eat away at me maybe idk but it’s what my parents gave me and it’s not changing i don’t think so here we #are.#we can wait another month and i might be on the up but ill be down again so 🤷‍♀️#like actually i can use a lot of things as an excuse but that doesn’t help anyone does it ?

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lightblueminecraftorchid · 2 months ago

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My roommate and I had a conversation last night and I keep rotating it in my brain and I Don’t Like It

#blue chatter #they called me a resilient person. and no the fuck I am not. I break down so easily over everything and my body is falling apart on me.#I scream in terror when someone knocks on the door too hard the fuck you mean I’m good at handling adversity #I pointed out that I freak out whenever my grade gets low even a little bit #and they were just sitting there like ‘yeah. and then you pick yourself up again and you do the work.’#and no? not always? oftentimes I give up and don’t try hard enough to fix it and let points go that I could have earned #I barely ever go for extra credit opportunities and I’ve never gone to office hours of my own free will #I can’t even think about talking to a professor about a bad grade without wanting to cry? hello?#but they were insistent that even with those things I am still managing Incredibly Well in class given the circumstances. which made me #uncomfortable. like. I don’t think of myself as resilient At All and I feel a bit like I’m lying or tricking them.#I start shaking like a chihuahua when people are upset and I’m In The Vicinity. even when they’re clearly not upset with me.#I really struggle to advocate for myself ever and even when I do I usually feel guilty and walk it back partway so I don’t cause a fight #and I always get way too emotional for the situation when someone has anything they’re upset with me for. which isn’t fair to them bc I need #to be able to take constructive criticism without taking it as a personal attack on me.#like what the fuck do you mean *resilient*. I can’t even handle seeing a bug flying near my face or getting a B in a class. or being told #that I did something wrong. I’m actually significantly worse at handling adversity than I used to be. high school me was a resilientish kid.#and it’s not like I was ever *good* at handling my emotions. even when it was essential for my safety. I’ve always cried way too easily #even when it actively made the situation I was in Much Worse. even when I knew better.#I would get angry and scared and sad and start shaking and crying and even screaming at my parents when they were mad at me even though #I knew that it would always make my life much worse. and extend an already beleaguered argument.#I brought this up with my therapist and she was like ‘well. anybody would have done that if they were treated like you were’.#which. okay. maybe so. I still feel like I should have been able to handle it and just shut up and move on and not make it worse.#but I am aware that this is probably a cognitive distortion. even so. that definitely doesn’t make me resilient.#I just. I feel gross being called resilient. I’m not. I’m weak and easily scared and unable to handle even small amounts of adversity.#the fuck is my roommate even *seeing*.#the annoying part is that they’re generally an insightful person about other people and I know logically that they’re probably right #which is why I’m not going to complain any more about this to their face bc I should just drop it and not make it a Thing #I talk too much about myself and my problems anyway. not every conversation has to be about my brain worms.#but the discomfort is Distinct and Unpleasant. and now I’m just having to sit with it. and Feel Uncomfortable. and try to accept what was #definitely intended as a compliment. I know it’s draining to talk to someone who doesn’t accept any of the kind things you say about them.

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secondpersonpoetry · 3 months ago

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you’ve probably already read it before, but the poem Party by Kim Addonizio really got me tonight. first thought was “oh man. yeah” and then my second thought was “how can i make this about my hockey guys somehow………..”anyway! have a good one!

oh. oh.

#don’t think i’ve read this kim addonizio poem and it just blindsided me like a truck thank you so much #i. oh god. like yeah.#pour me shitfaced into your car i feel like you own a comforter extremely dysfunctional only in surface details like which person was the #black hole and the distant spark in space that might’ve been a star there’s something too with unrelenting mist / many-headed mist / missed #who knew mis(t)/sed had undone so many. while you keep an eye on the burner here’s hoping this flame doesn’t go out #the flame as in the spark as in don’t let me have pinned my hopes on you to watch it burn out again but also me. like please let me not go #and i think there’s something there too with the repetitive ‘i have just met you’ and i already love you that reminds me both of a story #colman domingo told abt meeting his partner i cry everytime i hear it right when he says ‘i think i love u &you’re about to change my life’#and i KNOW there’s another poem. and i feel like it maybe has a dog and it talks about how they don’t even know you but they love you #OH IT’S ALSO. OH MY GOD THAT’S IT. i mean not exactly so maybe i have read this before & it’s what has been haunting me for so long but #the opening line to tim seibles naïve is ‘i love you but i don’t know you’ - mennonite woman #the odds of that dog poem being a carl phillips poem is non-zero btw. his poems about dogs make me see shrimp colors (bertuzzi thesis)#ANYWAY. agreed. this is incredibly hockey and incredibly hurtful because they DO bond like this in 0.0001 seconds because if you can’t #you’re fucked. you have to just find somebody and fall in love with them and it’s the salmon and the triple cream brie like they got taken #out to some fancy meet the donors team night in their suits and one of them is dealing with a heartbreak and a trade and are the things #they think true or are they just missing what the used to have. jamie who used to empty and refill the ice tray YES sorry i have been a #little bit thinking that about the trevor dealing so poorly with the breakup and i wish i had another narrative (which i do) but it fits #trade deadline tragedy #and also the formation of a codependent rookies like. two guys that get drafted and brought up together and suddenly they’re doing #everything together and it’s your first time in the big show and none of your old college friends understand because they’re not there #and you can’t get it. like you think you know but they can’t understand and the loneliness and it IS guys taking care of each other #(alexa play harriet by hey rosetta! but specifically the bridge) and it’s just. i just!!! trying to fill up the missing pieces of your life #like i cannot convey WHOMST i am trying to pin this narrative to this is going to rotate for a long while i think #because it’s not a wild i fell in love with you at first sight it’s a you were kind to me when i was broken. and i love you for that.#like who is FALLING APART &happens to fall into someone else’s arms. purely for the partygirl aspect the devil (old hrpf) says ‘13 bennguin #who among us hasn’t fallen mildly briefly brilliantly in love with a stranger and imagined a future where you get everything you want #sometimes we love people for who they are and sometimes we love them for what we’re not and sometimes for who we think they’ll be #this was a very long way to say thank you for sharing <3 i will also be making this about my hockey guys <3 #OH MY GOD IT’S DPAIRS. WHO’S BEEN THROUGH SEVERAL DPAIRS #nonny <3

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casualhedonists · 11 months ago

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DATING IS SO HARD WTF

#vent to follow in the tags lmao #like. what????#people!!! chill the fuck out!!#i had some dude unmatch with me bc i didn’t respond to him YESTERDAY #and like it’s not that big of a deal we’d only just matched but like?? patience is a fucking virtue?? and i have a life?#he was all like come back :((( then two minutes later he was like ok sorry for bothering you bye and then LEFT #like. fine if you do that but the message?? what??#anyway it came at a bad time bc. a bitch is already in crisis rn #cause i kinda feel like my irl friends hate me for some reason and i already feel bad that i’ve been so busy i’ve not been able to #talk to them that much #and i was supposed to go on a trip with my friend but that’s been postponed (not her fault or mine)#and my car still won’t start. we tried to jump it today and it didn’t do anything #anyway i’m like rapid cycling through major emotions and it’s like mimi chill the fuck out #and listening to way too much phoebe bridgers i know the end #also i’m in crisis bc i’ve made up with like. my oldest friend who used to have a crush on me and when i told him i preferred girls he like #stopped talking to me for a while #that was years ago and now we’re slowly becoming friends again but i feel so much guilt over it for no reason #and i get into avoidant episodes as a coping mechanism and like. i feel like im going into one atp #okay okay vent over im okay lmaoo #sorry folks hope your days going better than mine <3 #｡･:*˚:✧｡ mimi speaks!

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skillzissuez · 11 months ago

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Depression is all fun and games until your skipping school even though you’re weeks behind because you quite literally can’t get out of bed

#god I hate it here #not to mention you mother and father #SEEING this #simply decides to ignore you like your Alr dead #like damn okay 💀💀 fuck you too ig 💀💀#I don’t know how to fix this #I’m literally gonna be held back or taken to court bc I’ve missed so many days #but oh well the sillies r keeping me alive #Also I told myself I wouldn’t vent online anymore but I honestly don’t care anymore 😭#it’s so bad though #I tried to do some of my homework last night and ended up throwing up from the stress #and it’s not like my friends just forgot about me they are GOOD friends I’ve just been pushing them away; telling them I’m just sick etc.#it’s my fault so I’m not mad at them for not knowing what to do. The closest ones try to call me #sometimes I answer and we talk. sometimes I don’t and they leave me a message abt how their a good listener and they KNOW something’s wrong.#Truly I love my friends but at this point I just need to be medicated or in a mental institution ong #but again; it’s not like my parents actually care. they canceled my therapy that was court appointed to me #My support system otherwise is gone; my older siblings have moved out and I’m supposed to protect my younger ones from my parents #but deadass my entire family is well aware that I’m useless in that department #I shake scream and sob everytime my parents yell at us so I’m no help; really #I mean recently I’ve been able to keep my emotions under control but the only reason why is because I’m dead inside 💪#As I’m typing this out I’m realizing that I should be telling the world this especially not in my mental state but like. I dunno 🤷‍♂️#I know most of you don’t care or if you do your just concerned or feel bad bc you know what it’s like and I thank you.#seriously; I thank you for being human and reminding me the world can be kind #if anything im just distracting myself from whatever this is. whether it be playing a silly game or drawing about said silly game it helps #but it also makes me feel guilty bc I RLLY should be focused on trying to pass this year. but I’m pretty sure it’s too late now.#anyways; that’s why I’ve been inactive lately so I apologize #it’s funny bc I’m typing this out but I rlly don’t feel anything while explaining this to you guys #I’ll tag this properly; I don’t know why I’m posting this and I might delete it later I dunno #tw vent #tw mention of abuse

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a-concert-just-for-me · 4 months ago

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no yeah I’m getting def getting reassessed for adhd because this ain’t it, chief

#sillyposting #2 more friends just told me I sound like them when they’re off their meds. cool cool cool #my mom said today I make her anxious because she worries about my deadlines more than I do lol #being a student again has really made me say yeah girl you really ARE a hot mess #unfortunately my next appointment with my NP is in a month and they don’t have anything sooner #just refer me somewhere now mannn I wanna get on a waitlist 😓#I’m genuinely in distress trying to focus on important tasks due to boredom #I could be writing rn *buzzer noise* I could just do this tomorrow *buzzer noise*#I already have 30 tasks overdue. what’s one more? what’s the rush? *buzzer noise*#making a to-do list is boring and also scary therefore I refuse to do it *buzzer noise*#I could be sleeping right now *buzzer noise*#I could be researching and writing a paper on a special interest right now *buzzer noise*#I have no concept of what all I need to get done but it’s okay bc my happiness right now is more important #*buzzer noise*#I have no clue what any of my classmates are talking about #because I haven’t kept up with the readings and assignments like they did #but that’s okay I’ll catch up later *buzzer noise*#I’ll take a break and come back. I’ll take a break and come back. I’ll take a break and come back. *buzzer noise*#I’ll start this task and switch to this next one and man I’m bored so I’ll go to the next thing I need to do and man this is boring too #*buzzer gets stuck*#tired of life being one never-ending game of catch-up. I just want to do things without needing a gun to my head #I’ve BEEN saying saying this since high school

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