#i know i’d hate if she was doing what i was doing

[themagicmusicman]

quick context: character im doing is shå; she is the girlfriend of angu, one of the main characters in neim’s worldbuilding project, kunirn. shå uses she/her, angu uses she/ her, kik (angu’s close friend/basically brother at this point lmao) uses he/xey 👍

1. i reckon she’s usually too busy beating people up to have other hobbies but like. does cooking count as crafting? she crafts. food lmao

2. this bitch might be trans but she wears the manliest man cologne lmfao like. whatever the kunirn equivalent of something tobacco, sandalwood and orange would smell like. man shite /fem

3. fuck yeah!!! that’s basically the main thing she does besides being gay and fighting people

4. mmmm not really, unless her and angu are baking together for the sillies (kik sometimes joins in too)

5. yeah!! she has the Ǎtrothang mark on her right shoulder (shown at the bottom of the post) as well as loads of others hjehekr

6. probably kik (angu’s friend n basically non blood brother) bcs xey seem like they would work the best under pressure and know first aid. all that shit yknow [update. neim told me that kik is canonically good at patching people up so i was right!]

7. bitch isnt scared of anything except her parents, and thats fairly normal i think. guys thats normal. right. ri-

8. yeah she probably has the weirdest collections of shit. stuff like bones, eyeballs, that kinda thing

9. she usually tries to just wait it out and continue whatever she’s doing, but when it gets so bad she can’t, she just leeches to angu until it goes away

10. not standing up to her parents’ bullshit :[

11. ehhhh probably not anything. canon but she seems like the kind of person who would

12. oh yeah shå has amazing style /gen this bitch dresses like the most butch lesbian. also she’s just hot lmao (evidence at tje bottom)

13. not in the slightest lmao

14. absolutely. it took her close to a year to open up to angu about her parent bs so. yeah just a bit

15. she’s just a silly lil guy. the sillies! silly and tiny and definitely doesnt have a really dark/horny sense of humour!

16. nope and nope :D

17. basically never. she stands by what she believes at doesnt bend for anyone

18. easier to become her enemy than her friend :3

19. you have to be pretty awesome she has trust issues lmao

20. meh not really seeing as her life in Ǎtrothang was. pretty traumatising

21. friends. friends for sure

22. never

23. n/a shes immortal /j (in other words doesnt think about dying ever)

24. most people are her enemies :3👍

25. uh morning routine, wake up and get on with the day. evening routine, go to bed and toss n turn until she eventually falls asleep

26. she’s her own hero (aka has no heroes (except maybe kik or angu but thats just her being gay lmao))

27. i mean. her meeting angu was pretty much a chance encounter and that changed her life drastically so!

28. # idontthinkgamingexistslmao

29. i’d want to be but she would scare me 😔

30. she doesn’t want to be famous. the less people who know her, the better

31. i would probably give her some sort of silly telepathic powers, she’d want invisibility

32. being afab (she doesnt mind the dick but she occasionally gets dysphoria thinking that she’s a Fake Woman because she has not biological booba (she is the most womanly woman i know))

33. oh yeah. i think angu, shå and kik would play silly ttrpgs the same way i play dnd with neim and my irl mates

34. terribly. she hides it well, but inside she’s struggling :[[[

35. in charge of her own destiny. fuck the dead gods she’s deciding her fate

36. yes and uh. for legal reasons no /hj

37. she doesn’t really like the gods, n chooses to just kinda. do her own thing lmao (same as angu but less Loud About It /lh)

38. she doesn’t dream (me core)

39. definitely!!! that sounds fun as shit!

40. she would be able to pull it out first try because shes a big strong jerboa. speaking of pulling ou-

41. she hates making mistakes so doesn’t learn from them as much as. promise herself not to make the same mistake again

42. yeh! she speaks mainly speaks rurleki (surprisingly. the language of rurlek) but also speaks atro from living in atrothang

43. fairly well, except mentally. afterwards she’ll freak out but she’s usually fine in the moment

44. only angu, not even kik i dont think

45. wing it gdejdbksbdkf

46. for sure, she probably lies quite a lot lmao

47. she would for quite a few people, ofc including angu and kik

48. in a heartbeat. revenge quest time babyyy!

49. nah she knows the difference. big difference (this is a threat 👍)

50. shes a trans lesbian jerboa!!!!! what is there to not love!!!!!!!!!

@neim-batteries-not-included haiiiiii :3

You've Got Questions and I've Got Answers OC Edition

Do they have any crafting hobbies?

Do they wear perfume/cologne? If so what scents do they prefer?

Do they enjoy cooking?

Do they enjoy baking?

Do they have any tattoos? If so what are they and do they have any special meaning?

If they were badly injured, and for whatever reason couldn't go to a hospital, who would they go to for help?

Do they have any unusual fears?

Do they collect anything? If so what and why?

When they're sick what do they do to feel better?

Do they have any regrets?

Do they have any addictions?

Do they have any sense of style? Regardless of the answer do they believe they have a sense of style?

Do they enjoy poetry?

Do they have a hard time opening up to people?

What kind of sense of humor do they have? Or do they have one at all?

Do they have or want kids?

How easily would they be convinced to do something that goes against their morals?

How easy is it to become their enemy?

How easy is it to become their friend?

Do they have a strong connection to their culture?

What is more important to them, friends or family?

Would they ever betray someone for money?

How would they want to die?

Do they have any enemies?

Do they have a daily/nightly routine?

Have they met any of their heroes? Did they regret it?

Has a chance encounter ever had an unexpected effect on them?

Are they a #gamer?

If they were real would you be friends with them?

If they had the chance to be famous would they take it? If they are famous would they rather they weren't?

What superpower would you choose for them and what would they choose for themselves? If they have one would they choose something else?

If they could change one thing about themselves what would it be?

Do they play ttrpgs? If so what kind of characters do they play? Or are they more likely to GM?

How well do they deal with grief?

Do they believe in fate or do they believe they are in charge of their own destiny?

Would they ever kill someone? Have they already?

Are they religious? If so do they have a strong sense of faith, are they uncertain, or are they somewhere in between?

What are their dreams like? Do they have any recurring dreams/nightmares?

Would they ever crash a wedding?

If they found a sword in a stone would they try to pull it out? How would they react to being able to pull it out or not?

Do they learn from their mistakes?

Can they speak multiple languages? If yes which all do they speak and why?

Can they handle stressful situations?

Who, if anyone, would they trust with their deepest secrets?

Do they plan in advance or just wing it?

Would they lie to get out of trouble?

Would they lie to get someone else out of trouble? Even if they would have to take that someone else's place?

How likely are they to go on a quest for revenge?

Do they have trouble keeping their enemies and their friends straight?

What is your favorite thing about them?

I love these so I figured I'd make one of my own! Just be sure that if you reblog this ask one or two of these to the person you reblogged from (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

[thrashkink-coven]

Okay here’s the hard part.

I think a lot about that guy, so called Jesus, and his philosophy of radical forgiveness and empathy. For a long time I thought that was just a line abusers use to force their victims to forgive them (AND IT IS)

But! I also think about Lucifer and the things he taught me regarding the concept of hell. If I was the ruler of hell and I had to manage all these terrible people, what would I do? Torture them? Give them endless suffering so they feel guilty? Do to them what they did to others so they can understand how bad it feels?

Latinos who voted for Trump, oh you disappoint me, but no, I don’t want you to be deported. Women who voted for Trump, *sigh*, no, I don’t want to see you get an ectopic pregnancy or carry your dead baby. No I do not want all those conservative gays to lose their right to marriage. And no, I don’t even want all of those fucked up fascist nazi racists to die.

It would be SO satisfying to see them get what they deserve, right?

God, I’m so sick of being apart of a species that loves to conquer. We bleed, they win, they bleed, we win. I’m sick of patching wounds. All I see is hellfire.

My friend Taylor Mcnallie is facing fraudulent charges because of an altercation that happened while she was protesting in Calgary. The bitch of a cop who assaulted her not only received no punishment, she got a fucking promotion. I remember during one of Taylor’s speeches someone said something like “I hope she gets arrested and goes to jail,” and Taylor said, “I don’t hope she goes to jail. Jail shouldn’t exist. I just want her to get fired and apologize. That’s all I want.”

Pacifism, true pacifism, like the kind that guy preached about, doesn’t mean laying down and accepting every terrible thing assholes do to you with a smile. It means taking away their ability to harm without harming them yourself. Eliminating the evil without becoming evil. Punching nazis does not make you a nazi, but praying for the death and destruction of people, human beings, because you hate them as much as they hate you? *sigh*

The hardest part about this whole radical empathy thing, is the fact that I cannot even wish harm upon those who want me dead. Isn’t that funny? That literal neo nazi, yeah, I hope he has shelter. Fuck I hope that rapist still eats tonight. I hope he feels shame until the day he dies, but I don’t hope he gets raped in prison. I don’t even want him in prison to be honest, I want him to be cared for, and I want his ability to do harm stripped away.

“Even if he hurts a child?”

God damn it, yes. I can’t add more suffering into the world, even if it is inflicted upon the people I’d love to hate most. I want to take away his power to do evil, I want everyone to know what kind of person he is and the terrible things he does so they can keep themselves safe… and then I want him to be safe.

I want all those terfs to have clean drinking water. I know they hate my guts, ugh, it is what it is. But praying that they experience the pain they’ve caused me, hoping that they die or suffer only makes me more like them.

WHICH SUCKS. This way of thinking is NOT satisfying AT ALL!!! Being vindictive and petty is FUN and it FEELS GOOD!!! That’s why it’s so fucking easy, and that’s why we keep eating each other over and over again.

Having said all of this, we should definitely bring back the guillotine lmao. I’m not saying that we should be super nice to people who are trying to kill us, do fight back. If the people need to kill their oppressors to be free then, hey, I’m not going to tell them they’re wrong for that. This isn’t a “we should all hug and sing kumbaya together! Kindness is always the way!!!” take. If the only way to bring death to the empire is to bring death to its owners, then so be it. Do so in the way that produces the least amount of degradation to your soul.

But wishing natural disasters on Texas, hoping that that racist woman’s parents get deported, out of spite and hatred… what are they doing to you? What are you doing to yourself?

Humanity is disgusting, truly truly abhorrent. I want to be able to look at us and embrace us with acceptance of that. Every single fucking terrible person on this earth deserves liberty, life, and freedom. Even when you spit in my face and hurt the people I love, damn it, I won’t hurt you. I see you as a rabid animal that needs to be sedated and slowly acclimated to compassion. And I will keep trying, even if you never learn. I can’t give up on humanity.

This is the most important and the hardest part. I’m not telling you to forgive, forgiveness is for you. If it doesn’t serve you, don’t forgive. But don’t let people without humanity kill the humanity that exists within you. Don’t let hatred fester in your soul. You’re allowed to be mad, hell, you should be furious. Let that fury keep you warm, but do not become a monster too.

To all you stupid fucking fascist pieces of shit, I hope you get exactly what you deserve. And what you deserve is not death, pain or suffering. It’s self reflection and growth, guilt and humility. As much as I would enjoy seeing you hurt, I refuse to become like you. And damn it I love you, I love every human being on this planet. I love you so much that I cannot become you. I love you so fucking much that I will continue to fight for your rights even when you’re trying to take mine away. and I hate that I love you like this, but I can’t stop.

So I will stop you.

- James Baldwin

[scratchandfriends]

Apologies and Insecurities (+18)

Pairing: Gale Dekarios x Female Tav

WC: 2400

Summary: You’re so sick and tired of hearing about your lover’s toxic ex. It comes to a head and you’re ready to either break it off or kill him, he finally comes to his senses. 

*author’s note* let’s assume mama Karlach has had her second upgrade and can touchy feely, yes?

TW: SMUT! Praise kink, good boy Gale, unprotected sex, attempted murder? Arguments, make up sex, cream pies, oral sex f receiving, fingering, love making idk?

— — 

The party had made camp early. The sun was still out, but just starting to make its gentle dive into the horizon. 

Shadowheart, Astarion, and Wyll were seated side by side on a fallen log being used as a makeshift bench at the campfire circle. 

The smell of cooking meats wafted throughout the camp. The unlikely trio shared a bottle of stolen Elsmetar Red as they watched the evening’s entertainment unfold. 

*wOOOOOOsh* *rip* *THWACK* 

The sound of an arrow piercing tent fabric and lodging firmly into an oak tree rung out. 

“OH right, Gale, SURE! Just the same as it is every time!” Tav, bow in hand storms around the rocky outcropping obscuring Gale’s tent from the rest of the camp. Her footsteps stomp across the dirt, headed back to her own tent, kicking up pebbles in her wake. Tav’s face was bright red and her knuckles were ivory white from the tight grip she had on her weapon. 

“My darling, please!” The wizards voice sounded both apologetic and irritated resonating from behind the rocks as he exited his tent to follow. “It’s really nothing! I don’t see why you’re turning this into-“

“You don’t? Famed “wizard of waterdeep” fails to see the reason his lover is upset?” Tav huffs, still making a beeline across the camp, not even bothering to turn around. “Arcane knowledge can’t replace common sense, it seems.” 

*ppfftt* Astarion spits out a sip of wine, desperately trying to hide the sound of his chuckle. 

“Wow, a storm cloud hovers closely over the island of paradise it seems.” Wyll comments softly with raised eyebrows. 

“Will you shut up? I want to see if she kills him this time.” Shadowheart remarks, taking a sip of wine and enjoying the show. 

“If you can’t appreciate a bit of commentary, you don’t know good theatre.” Astarion says, smugly. “What do you think he did? Said Mystra’s name at the peak of climax? Bit her hand when slurping down another amulet?” 

“You’re terrible.” Wyll scolds while taking a drink. “… I’d put 50 gold on the first one.” 

Astarion smirks and holds out his hand. “Shake on it.” 

Wyll clasped Astarion’s pallid hand with a guilty looking grin. 

“Sweet love, all I asked is if you wanted a piece of cheese!” Gale pleads as he speed walks to keep up with Tav (running wasn’t his strong suit). 

Tav spins around on her heels and comes to a stop. 

“NO, you didn’t ‘ask if I wanted a piece of cheese!’” Tav yells, eyes wild. “You said ‘here, have a piece, you love blue cheese.’” She continues to seethe. “I FUCKING HATE BLUE CHEESE!” 

“I merely forgot! You can’t put an arrow through my chest because I had forgotten what kind of cheese you prefer!” Gale says, exasperated. 

“You said you knew I loved it! That’s not me! That’s stupid fucking Mystra, you gods-damned ignoramus!” Tav rushes towards her lover, angry tears pricking the corners of her eyes from the frustration. 

“If you had told me the wizard would die over a slice of Roquefort, I’d have sent you to the healers.” Astarion says with a smirk. “This is good.” 

“Should we be worried? Do you think the orb will explode if she kills him? Should we leave?” Wyll asks. 

“If that’s the way I die, so be it. This is too rich to miss.” Shadowheart says as she sits up further in interest. 

“Darling I must protest. I cannot thrive under these ridiculous expectations. You’re stifling me with your constant accusations! It’s been an age since Mystra and I promise I-“ Gale’s expression turns from apologetic to angry. 

“You just don’t fucking get it, do you? You can’t-” 

*THUMP*

The camp was silent. 

Shadowheart and Astarion gasp. 

“He did NOT just magically silence her, did he?” Wyll says with raised brows. 

“Oh he’s positively done for.” Astarion remarks with a devilish giggle. 

The trio watched Tav emote and scream in complete silence due to the magical effects cast by her wizard. She grips an arrow from her quiver and loads it into her bow. 

Just as she pulls the string back another voice echoed throughout the camp. 

“ALLright Soldier, that’s enough of that.” Karlach had emerged from her own tent and approached Tav’s raging form. “Come on, no murdering our friends.” 

Karlach bends down, scoops Tav up by her waist and throws her over her broad shoulder. 

“You’re going for a dunk in the river to cool off. If you still can’t play nice after that, we’ll have to try something else.” Karlach says as she affectionally pats Tav’s leg draped over her glowing chest. Tav silently kicks and screams in protest as the tiefling carries her much smaller body off into the woods. 

“Aww. Such an unsatisfying finale.” Astarion pouts as he takes another sip of wine. 

— — 

After a long soak in the cool river and a heated venting session with Karlach, your temper had subsided along with the searing sunlight of the day. You had forgone the normal revelry of an evening at camp to brood alone in your tent. Most of your companions had gone to bed you could only hear the dirge of crickets from the forest outside your tent. 

You stared at the peaked, cloth ceiling of your tent as you laid on your beck on your bedroll. You had been trying to sleep, but the anxious gnawing of your argument with Gale and the frustration of feeling like you’d always be second best were keeping your eyes pried open. 

How could you ever compare to a literal goddess? 

She was powerful. Beautiful. Inspirational. Celestial. 

Was he thinking of her every time he laid with you?

Tears threatened to form in the outer corners of your eyes again but you blinked them away. You hugged a pillow close to your chest to comfort yourself as you rolled onto your side. You let out a long sigh. 

As you gazed towards the opening of your tent, you see a flutter of movement agains the fabric near the door. After you watch whatever it was take a few fumbling brushes against the outside of the tent, the tent flaps separate and you see something enter your tent. You sit up on instinct and reach for your bow. 

Your heart rate slows when you see a translucent blue hand holding a large, beautiful, albeit clumsily put together, bouquet of daisies and baby’s breath. You snort a laugh, but make no move to accept the flowers. 

The hand wiggles the arrangement in your direction tentatively. You reach out and roll your eyes. You take the flowers from the magical, disembodied hand and set them at the side of your bed roll. 

“You can come in, Gale.” You say loudly. 

As if by magic, Gale steps sheepishly through your tent flaps and makes sure they’re closed properly behind him. 

“Good evening.” He says with a soft smile, standing awkwardly. 

“Thank you for the flowers.” You say after an uncomfortable silence. You swallow. “Come, sit.” You pat the bedroll across from your seated form. Gale sits gingerly across from you, his body not facing you fully, not wanting to seem too familiar. 

“I shouldn’t have tried to shoot you with an arrow. That was an ov-“ You begin. 

“No.” Gale interrupts you. “I will accept no apologies, for I am the one who is here to make amends.” 

You quiet yourself. You were the one who flew off the handle over cheese, for gods sake. You couldn’t form words. 

“Tav, I was being selfish. I didn’t think of the way you felt, being with someone whose last lover was a god. I was only thinking of myself… something I’ve been apt to do in relationships…” Gale hangs his head. “Something I need to be kept accountable for. It wasn’t about the cheese, I know that now.” Gale turns and looks into your eyes. “I come here to beg you for another chance.” 

“You needn’t beg, Gale.” You smile sympathetically. “Of course I’ll give you another chance. Daisies are my favorite flower, after all.” You reach out and take his hand in yours. 

“So you’ll give this old, bumbling wizard another shot at love?” Gale grins and squeezes your fingers in his. 

“Old bumbling wizard? Elminster is here?” You jest. 

“Thankfully no. It’s just you and I, my love… always.” Gale chuckles before reaching out with his free arm and pulling you close. “You’ll let me prove how deep my love for you is, yes?” He asks, wrapping his arms around your body and gently pushing you to lay back on your bedroll. 

“I’ll allow it.” You say playfully as Gale hovered above you. 

Gale hums and lifts your tunic over your head, you sit up to help him in the process. You go ahead and shimmy down your trousers, leaving your body completely bare on your mattress. Gale’s face is immediately buried in your neck, littering it with wet, open-mouthed kisses. His stubble scraped your flesh and your hips twitched in response. 

“How lucky am I…” Gale murmurs into your neck. “… that I get to have you like this…” He brings his hand up to squeeze your breast roughly, the way he knows you like. You moan softly at his touch. 

His kisses trail down your sternum while smooth, uncalloused hands pinched and twisted at your nipples. Hands never leaving your sensitive chest, Gale kissed above your navel, then your lower abdomen, then your mound before nuzzling his face into the coarse patch of hair here. The wizard takes a deep inhale. 

“So lovely, as always my sweet. Can’t wait to taste you…” Gale pulls his hands from your breasts and uses them to push your thighs apart as he settles himself between your legs. “Mmmmmph..” He moans even louder than you do as he delves his tongue between your lower lips. 

“Shit-“ You sigh out and instinctively tangle your right hand into Gale’s brown locks. 

And just like that, all transgressions and arguments were slingshotted out of your mind. The way his lips closed around your sensitive clit and suckled gently had your eyes rolling back in your head. You bring your left hand to grip your own breast, losing yourself in the pleasure Gale was bestowing upon you. You grind your hips further upward into his face, met with contented hums from deep in his chest. 

“You taste so sweet.. could drink you forever, darling…” Gale mumbles as he comes up for air, placing a gentle, wet kiss on your inner thigh. He shifts his position so he can bring two fingers and rub them messily up and down your slit. Your body jolts every time they brush your clit. “My my, what a sight.” Gale smirks before pushing those two digits into your sopping hole. He immediately curls them upward to pull and tap on your favorite spot. “Need you to cum for me, love… let go for me….” He coos before returning his lips to your clit. 

You cry out and arch your back. Your walls start clenching involuntarily and you feel a familiar pressure build in your abdomen.

“Fuck- just.. like- that-! Ah!” You dig your nails into Gale’s scalp as you reach your climax. You barely notice the slowing of the wizard’s fingers inside you as you ride out your orgasm. Your eyes flutter closed and you try to catch your breath. “Good boy.” You pant out with a dazed grin on your face, still staring at the ceiling of your tent. 

The bedroll shifts and you feel a soft hand pull your legs apart. 

Gale had shed his clothing and was now between your legs on his knees, straddling one of your legs while hauling the other over his shoulder. 

“You can’t say things like that…” Gale warns as he uses his hand that wasn’t holding your leg to his chest to guide his leaking cockhead through your soaking folds. “You know what that does to me…” He whispers as he slowly rubs his tip across your clit. 

You smirk and rake your nails down his chest. 

“Maybe I do…” You buck your hips, wordlessly begging him to enter you. 

Gale can’t resist the wetness of your sex any longer and pushes his member inside of you slowly and deliberately. You both let out relieved gasps as your hips become flush with each others. Without pulling out completely, your lover slowly grinds himself into you, pelvis rubbing your clit with every movement. 

You feel a gentle kiss pressed to the side of your knee. 

“Gods you’re fucking gorgeous. So perfect…” Gale praises as he brings a hand to pinch your nipple. 

Completely lost in pleasure, you arch your back and moan, not caring if anyone else in the camp hears you… they had already heard you argue earlier, this couldn’t be much worse. “Gale!” You cry out. 

“Yes love, I’m yours. Only yours.” Gale pants out between rough thrusts, the allure of his own end overwhelming him. “I love you, only you..” He drops your leg from his shoulder and leans over you, capturing your open lips in a searing kiss. 

“I’m-“ You whimper out, breaking the kiss after a few moments, feeling the tension in your sex threaten to release. 

“I know, I know, me too…” Gale huffs, forehead pressing against yours. 

“I love you.” You say as you grip Gale’s hair again, keeping him as close as you could physically have him. He continues grinding his member vigorously against the most sensitive spot inside of you. Your pleasure crested and you tipped over the edge with a cry. 

“I love you.” Gale mirrors and grunts before his hips stutter and you feel him pumping you full of white hot spend. Once the twitches of his cock slowed, he slumped over to your side and pulled your panting body into his chest. 

“So… you’re staying here tonight?” You ask as you draw lazy patterns on Gale’s back with your fingernails. 

“Oh without a doubt. Astarion was still up when I came in here. Called me names the entire time. There’s no way I’m going out and looking at his smug face now.” Gale says. 

“Such a plagued, little wizard you are.” You tease. 

“Plagued, yes. Little, no.” Gale protests. “I think you can attest to that.” He says with a charming smile. 

“Shut up and go to sleep.” You roll your eyes. 

[jasontoddiefor]

every once in a while I think back to a fanfic I read in 2015. in retrospect, it wasn’t all that well written, but it was penned by teenagers in love with their story and the story loved me back.

They main character was trans and a central theme of the story was the length of his hair. I read the first chapter the day it was published, almost certainly searching through the trans character tag. It was October, another two months to the date I would cut my hair - the day before Christmas, I walked out of the hair salon as though I’d already received all the gifts I could possibly want.

I loved my short hair, the buzz at my neck, running my fingers through short strands and have the hair fall from them after lifting them just a few centimeters.

Three years later, I decided to grow my hair out again. For my family, mostly, I think now, as a test, to me and to them.

My aunt said it felt like spite, dangling my hair in front of them, threatening to cut it off again as though to punish them.

I did cut it off again.

I think I failed my own test. I know my family did.

For the first time in nine years my hair has grown past my shoulders, that imaginary line by which I measured someone’s love. My own, probably.

Fourteen years ago I cut my hair for the first time in my life. It used to reach down to my knees, and tangled at every opportunity. I remember being so exhausted, long before I realized what was actually weighing me down.

I miss that little girl sometimes. I hope she forgives me.

But this post is not about her, not yet. Maybe not ever. She’s asleep in her Playmobil castle and princess bed and I don’t know how to wake her yet.

This is about a story posted in 2015. The last time it was updated was 2017, it was never finished.

I don’t ever need it to be finished. All I need is for it to remain there, with its title, the reminder of don’t let your hair past your shoulders, and the comment I wrote in 2015. I hope this story knows I love it still, and that somewhere, sometime, another boy learns that it’s okay. That your hair can grow again. That you do not need to hate it.

The authors of that story have vanished, I can’t find any of them anywhere, but I hope that my last comment, left now nearly a decade later, has reached them. That they know how grateful I was for giving me something to hold on when I need it, for allowing me to be seen when I couldn’t stand looking in the mirror.

That even now, so may years later, looking back at their writing with - perhaps - embarrassment for leaving it unfinished like that, having written the kind of stories only high schoolers would, they will know it means the world to someone.

[btspeedfreaxx]

You know you are living in a Dystopian world when the Government starts cracking down on FANFICTION.

Yes, I am Canadian, but as someone who considers themselves to be a Sex positive enthusiast, I’m so beyond Enraged and Disgusted over the “policy’s” that these Corrupt-“Christian” politicians are trying to implement.

teaching, no sorry ENFORCING Abstinence-Education, aka “wait until marriage” DOES NOT WORK, unless you actively believe in that practice!

These @$$hat’s claim they are trying to protect the people- BULLSH!T.🤬

By implementing such a dangerous system, and shaming those who so dare to go against the standard system-

By not teaching these kids consent, or how body parts work, or what you can do to protect yourself from people, both men and woman, who may want to take advantage of you-

You as the “educators” are setting up the stats to SKYROCKET for Young teens to bare the traumatic cross of Early teen pregnancies, Sexual Violence, etc!

And Further more- call me Delusional, but Having access to Porn ,(* Ethically sourced and in doeses that don’t overtake your public life, may I emphasize,) IS ACTUALLY HEALTHY!! Stuff like Smut Fiction allows for young people who may be figuring out their sexualities a SAFE SPACE to explore. It can prove to be a great tool in helping people to create the pathways, boundaries of what they like and what they don’t like.

It’s ESPECIALLY important, because down the road, assuming you don’t practice abstinence, you and your partner are going to have to have a very open and honest conversation about BOUNDARIES when it comes time to taking that next step in the bedroom. Again, if that’s what you choose.

God, I’m sorry…. But I am just SO furious with what’s been unfolding before my eyes, so much for “The land of the free”. 🤬

To all my American friends who are in distress over the recent election. To all my trans Friends, Gay/LGBTQ+ friends, friends of Colour, different race, and of all marginalized communities. I am so f*cking sorry. I cried an endless river when I saw the results of the election… I’m not shocked. Just angered and ashamed. Ashamed at how much hate has overtaken our world. Just because we are all trying to coexist. I don’t think Harris would have been a godsend to America by any means. But she would have been a far better fate then what we who fought so hard to get to where we are now are having to face. This shouldn’t be happening to you guys. And I fear my country may not be too far behind in these deranged ideologies taking over our governments.

But please know you are not alone.🫂🫂 whatever you do, DO NOT GIVE UP. Do not end it here. You are proof that love still exists on this planet. All of standing here, today, for all those who sacrificed our own lives to give us the life they so desperately wanted all of us to have. We are now the resistance. We are the next bearers of that torch. Grieve, process your feelings, reach out to friends and building yourself a support system. Do whatever you need to do in order to survive.

Yesterday. We grieve. Today? We Organize.

We stand our Ground, and make a vow to keep on going. Excruciating times are heading our way. But we’ve faced it before, and this community has come out stronger every single time.

We’ve been here long since before the creation of the Bible- and we will NEVER go away.

We will fight to protect our God-given right to exist here, on earth. Not out of hatred. But out of Spite, and out of LOVE.🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️✨♾️✊🏻 Because love will always win.

🫂🫂🫂 everyone please stay safe out there. I’d like to end this ridiculously long rant by stating that my tumblr page is a Safe space for Woman, For Trans/LGBTQ+ individuals, and for people of all races, colours and minority groups. I love you all.✨

If any one of my posts is to break containment, make it this one.

Before January 2025, download your favorite fics, especially those with smut or queer content.

If Project 2025 goes into effect (which it very likely will now that we have three red branches of government in the US), they may attempt to restrict the use/sharing of media on sites like ao3.

This particularly applies to fics with smut or any type of queer content, because the official Project 2025 document states, "Pornography, manifested today in the omnipresent propagation of transgender ideology and sexualization of children, for instance... has no claim to First Amendment protection... Pornography should be outlawed."

Now, I don't expect ao3 to disappear or go anywhere without a fight, but it's best to be on the safe side these days.

To download your favorite fics:

Go to archiveofourown.org and open the fic you want to download.

At the top right corner, to the right of the 'subscribe' button, is a button that says 'download'. Click it.

A drop-down menu will give you the option to choose the format of your download. Choose your preferred format (.epub and .pdf are my personal favorites -- .epub lets you open a fic in the apple books app and .pdf is compatible with like every device and program out there).

When you click the button for your preferred format, a pop-up window appears confirming your choices. The title of the document will default to the title of the fic, so be aware of that and consider changing conspicuous titles to something ignorable, especially if you share the computer.

You're done! Now do this with all your favorite fics!

Stay safe out there, your favorite characters are rooting for you <3

[capitanooos]

online friends... and a tutor // kaedehara kazuha x reader (highschool au)

-`♡´- pairing : kaedehara kazuha x reader

-`♡´- summary : when reader gets assigned a tutor to help her with math, some secret identities get revealed

-`♡´- warnings : math | idk nothing

-`♡´- notes : this was written when i was crushing on my now ex ;-; but this was also something people loved on my old blog so repost! i hate math, scored 2.7/10 on my recent exam

dont translate, modify or repost my work. you do not have permission

Ping!

Your face brightened up as you heard your phone go off, you were glad the classroom was already full of noise so the teacher hopefully didn’t notice. 

Hey what you up to? 

Hiii!! Nothing much, just waitig for class to end tbh, wby?

waiting**

In class AND on your phone? Are you trying to get into detention, my dear?

Not that I should be talking, I’m doing the same.

Yk I can’t just ignore you, that’d be mean

I’d be worse if you got detention again, dummy.

You bit your lip to stop yourself from smiling. It had been what? Six months since you met this stranger online? It didn’t take more than two weeks before you became inseparable. Socials were shared soon enough, though neither of yours showed anything but pretty pictures or fit-checks. You knew he was in the same school year as you, though he was a year older because of an early birthday. But you had no idea where in the world he lived, he was more secretive about that but you did figure out that you were in the same time zone. You didn’t really mind, you liked figuring him out on your own and he didn’t mind that either.

Would be worth it tbh.

Read 14:38 PM

Kadeh? You alright? Don’t tell me they took your phone LMAO

Delivered.

“[Name], busted.” your english teacher stood in front of you, and as he said, you got busted. “I know you’d much rather be texting your boyfriend but c'mon.” he held his hand up, signaling for you to hand your phone to him.

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Sure, sweetheart.” he rolled his eyes at you before standing straight again. “This is three times, that means detention. Go to classroom sixteen at four o’clock, I’ll be there.” 

You let out a deep breath, of course you got busted, you jinxed it, and now you both lost your phone for the day and got detention. 

“Girl, sooner or later he will get bored of you and drop contact.” your friend said, “You know that’s what happens with all online friends.” you looked at her and tried your best not to slap her. 

She’s right, you know. One part of you thought, while the other protested. No, she isn’t. Kadeh wouldn’t do that!

You turned your head around and ignored her for the rest of the day.

“Hey teach,” you entered classroom sixteen a bit before four o’clock, walking up to your English teachers’ desk to sign off your name on the detention list. Your eyes scanned the paper for other names.

Childe. Reason: disrespectful behavior. Of course he’d say something stupid.

Itto. Reason: disturbing class even after two warnings. Nothing new

Chongyun. Reason: talking through my lesson with Xingqiu. Of course, the cute freshmen couple.

Xingqiu. Reason: talking through my lesson with Chongyun.

[Name]. Reason: texting during class. Sigh.

Yoimiya. Reason: disturbing class even after two warnings. That rarely happened, she must’ve been excited over something.

Kazuha. Reason: texting during class. Seemed like she wasn't the only one today.

Cyno. Reason: playing cards with Kaveh during class. Tcg obsessed assholes.

Kaveh. Reason: playing cards with Cyno during class.

“Sir, could I have some blank papers? I filled up my notebook during my last class.'' He handed you some and you turned around to find a seat where you’d be sitting for the next hour. You found a spot next to the window behind Yoimiya, who smiled at you. You watched the others come in, Cyno and Kaveh going straight to the back of the room, Childe sat in the row next to Yoimiya and the two started chatting away, Itto moved to the spot right besides the door, Xingqiu and Chongyun were in the front, and finally the last student entered the room. Kazuha, you didn’t share any classes with him, you were in classes one, and he was in two. Meaning you’d never gotten the chance to properly meet over the last few years. 

You knew him from walking around in the hallways, standing in line behind him in the cafeteria, small shared smiles and awkward nods as you locked eyes with him during lunch. After he signed off his name he walked to take the seat beside you. 

“So I wasn’t the only one caught texting today.” he joked as he sat down, holding out his hand, “Kaedehara Kazuha,” 

Seemed like today was the day you finally got introduced to him.

You fell down on your bed with your phone in hand. 

Kadeh? You alright? Don’t tell me they took your phone LMAO

Guess what? They did, and detention.

MINE TOO BYE AND THEN TEACH PUT ME IN DETENTION AS WELL

So you WERE trying to get into detention, huh? Pfft I didn’t realize I had made friends with a bad girl.

You just told me you got into detention as well and you’re calling me bad? Your teachers are just as bad as mine, or you’re just as bad as covering your schemes as me.

I promise you, my dear, I am not bad at covering up my secrets.

You must have a lot of them then.

How ‘bout you come find out?

You giggled at his texts, he never failed to make you do so. As you rolled off your bed to grab your homework and laptop you heard your phone buzz a couple of times, and coming back to your bed you checked your messages.

No worries tho, I’m not THAT bad. 

I don’t sell drugs or guns or stuff like that

I just get into detention for giving my sweet girl the attention she deserves.

Which is totally worth it except when they take my phone and I CAN'T text you.

Whoops sorry was gettrng my books and laptop

You not respondfing within a minure basically menas your phone got taken, and possibly got detention too. Or you’re passed out on your couch

But I gotta go, well not that i wnat ot but i have math homework that i have to make otheriwse theyll assign me a tuotr and i dont want htha

Fuck ym grammar oml

No need to apologize dummy

But go make your homework, I won’t disappear

“[Name] your test results weren’t great. I see no other choice but to assign you a tutor to help you out ‘till the end of term.” you stared at your math teacher in defeat. You knew you weren’t great at math, but Kadeh had explained the difficult things to you since the guy was amazing at basically everything. 

“Is there really no other thing? Something that doesn’t include a tutor.”

“Yes. You paying attention.” he looked back at you before grabbing another paper from his desk. “Let’s see, it says here that Kaedehara Kazuha is available, you good with that?”

That wasn’t the worst person, he was pretty chill to you ever since you met in detention. The awkward nods and smiles now turned into small conversations and hello’s, with still the smiles. “Yeah sure, fine by me.” “Great, just go to the library after your last class and you’ll probably find him there.”

They gave me a fucking tutor.

Turns out my test didn’t go as well as i thought it went. 

Ughughughughguhgughugh 

Why me.

Read 11:32 PM

As you were about to type your next message your head and later body hit something–someone. 

“Ouch!” your hand flew up to your head and the books in your hand fell to the floor, where your phone already was. 

“I’m so sorry, please. Are you okay?” you knew that voice and you looked up to meet Kazuha’s eyes. You nodded in return, crouching to gather your books and phone.

“Though my screen protector is less fine,” you laughed as you saw it shattered, your messages with Kadeh gone blurry due to the cracks. “Are you alright?” looking at him he sat down beside you to help you with your books. “I am, no worries. I was just texting my f–someone. Where’d your bag go?” he said, standing up with some of your books in his hands and offering you the other; which you gladly took. “My friend's bag broke, and I just had these few books so I gave her mine. Besides, I got a spare tote in my locker.” you reached out to take the books from him, but he turned around and started walking.

“I’ll walk with you, can’t let a pretty girl carry these heavy books alone now can I?” 

You laughed at him while shaking your head, a slight blush coming to your cheeks.

“Did you hear the news already? My math teacher assigned you as my tutor.” quickly changing the subject you walked to your locker as he followed behind like a lost puppy.

“Yes, I saw the email come in. Wanna meet in the library after class?”

You agreed as you opened your locker and placed your books inside. You grabbed the spare tote bag and threw in your economy books and art supplies for your next few classes. “Sounds good, and thank you and sorry.”

He winked and turned around to his next class.

Okayhe isn’t hat bad

Excudr my grammsr my screen protecotr broke cuase i bumpedi nto him and ym stuff fell

No worries, dear.

See, I told you it’d be fine. Now you have someone that can explain it to you one on one, instead of over dms.

Kazuha looked back over his shoulder to see [name] typing away on her phone, and at the same time his phone was exploding.

Yes but youre jsut better yoou know. 

I meani dk him yet idk how he ‘teahces’. 

What if i dontunderstandh im? 

Yk i odnt like telling people i odnt understand.

It’ll be fine, dear. You just go to his lessons, pretend to understand, then afterwards you talk to me about it and I’ll explain some more if needed. Sound good?

Thnak you kadeh ilysm

I love you too, my dear.

A small smile danced over her features and she scrunched up her nose in adoration. No way that his best friend and lowkey crush, which was strange since he’d never seen her face, was this cute girl from school who he was now going to tutor.

Gotta go to my nect class, i htae economy ugh.

Goodluck sweetheart, you can do it!

Oh fuck.

“So mister Kaedeh–” you cut yourself off and giving the blonde before you a suspicious look before continueing, “Kaedehara Kazuha, how you think you’ll be able to make the math math for me?”

“By showing you how to think logically.”

You rolled your eyes and smiled before throwing your bag on the floor. As you sat down you checked your phone to check if you got a message from Kadeh or not, and when you saw none you shut your phone down.

“Let’s get started then.”

Twenty minutes later you were solving equations that gave you headaches before. Now it all seemed to make a lot of sense and with Kazuha’s help you were on a streak. He looked proudly as you moved on to the fifth one with no trouble, you raised your writing arm to your face to inspect the equation on the paper, and before Kazuha could ask if you were alright you were already writing again. Every now and then you’d furrow your brows, pout a little, or bite on your lip as you studied the paper. When you were finished you gave Kazuha the sheet of paper with a smile and he started to correct it, explaining how to do certain things faster for example. Sometimes you’d nod, other times you’d give him a strange look to which he just laughed before explaining.

Safe to say that you walked away from the extra math lesson with a lot more knowledge and confidence, and a new friend. 

Okay okay he isnt that bad at explaining. I actually understand it now and i was on a roll, or well he said that. 

After he explained soem thigns eh had me make about  fifteen questions, after he corrected them and explainedw what i did wrong and how ic an do other thigns differently so itll be faster. 

I actually understnasd

I told you it wouldn’t be that bad, dear. I’m proud of you, I know you did great.

Next time im meetng him is enxt week thursday, same time. 

We agreed to meet every week same time until end semester cuase thats what teach said.

Yeah, not that bad right? Just once a week cannot hurt. And he doesn’t seem like the worst type of guy.

He isn’t no, he has a calming aura, its nice to be arounf him. Hes prety too ngl

Thugh some people at school spread some odd rumors aboit him 

Liek that he sells weed and sht.

Oh well even if eh does idc he expains math like a pro.

Anyways imma head home, no driving and texting. Talk soon!! Loveyou

Drive safe, sweetheart. I love you too.

Kazuha stayed in the library for a while longer. When [name] was leaving she was already typing away on her phone, and mere seconds later his phone started exploding. Reading her texts made him sit in silence for a bit before responding. He was now certain that she was his online best friend. She told him the things he told her and it all just added up. He threw his head back as he looked at the ceiling that was painted to resemble the night sky. 

Not before long he saw Heizou and his mob of dark red hair above him. 

“What happened? Why are you slouching?”

Kazuha sighed as he sat up.

“I think my best friend may be in this school.”

“Uh yeah, hello, here I am right in front of ya, buddy.”

Kazuha looked at Heizou desperately.

“Oh shit, you mean [online name]? What? How? Why? What?!”

“I tutor this girl, [name]. This morning I bumped into her while I was texting [online name], she was busy on her phone too. I didn’t receive any messages from her when [name] and i bumped into each other, but she was typing. Then I offered to walk her to her locker and carry her books because she lent her own to her friend. She dropped her economy books into her new bag. Later [online name] texted me she had economy class, and that she hated it.” Kazuha started at the wall as he spoke mindlessly.

“Yeah okay… But those can all just be coincidences, you know.”

“Then just now when she was leaving she was typing away on her phone, and seconds later [online name] started messaging me. Then she told me how her tutor told her she was on a roll, I told [name] that! Then she said that there were some rumors about her tutor, that he sells weed. People say I sell weed! I don’t but they say it!” 

Heizou just stared at him for ten seconds before his mind came up with a master plan that goes as follows.

The next time [online name] is texting him Heizou will sneak up on [name] and look on her phone, if it’s who she thinks is Kadeh then the mission is a success, and if not then Kazuha’s heart will calm down.

And so the following day Heizou stood behind [name] with another friend of his, just ‘talking’. As Kazuha gave the sign she was typing, Heizou looked over her shoulder to see what she was writing.

Yeah! I genuenly cannot wait for summer either ughhh

Heizou and his friend bolted back to Kazuha when she sent it and he snatched the phone from his hands.

Yeah! I genuenly cannot wait for summer either ughhh

He looked Kazuha dead in the eye before giving him his phone back. 

“Go get your girl, loverboy.”

Four weeks had passed since that day. Four weeks, four Thursdays, four tutor lessons. [Name] realized that Kazuha was acting differently lately. She would catch him staring at her during those lessons, or even more often during lunch break. She would always give him her sweetest smile, and he’d return it before breaking eye contact with a small chuckle. Their friends started noticing too, there was some sort of tension with someone in the cafeteria but they couldn’t place who. 

It took another week before Kazuha decided to just go for it. He knew [name] was already in the library because her last class had been dismissed early. So when he saw her curled up on one of the couches, his heart melted. His phone vibrating in his pocket let him know she was texting him, some personalized do not disturb setting that let only her messages through. 

He grabbed his phone and sent her a quick text, ignoring the things she had said before. 

I cant reply rn, I have to tutor someone.

You tutor???@?@!! You never told me

There’s more I haven’t told you.

Like what?

Look up, sweet girl

You looked up in confusion and locked eyes with Kazuha. Your eyes widened and your mouth fell open. Looking back at your phone, then back at Kazuha tears came to your eyes. 

“Hello, my dear” he softly smiled as he took a slow step towards you, cupping your cheeks as tears were seconds away from falling. “You’re–” your bottom lip started trembling as you buried your face into his chest, one of his hands coming to hold your head as the other held your back, slowly brushing up and down. “I hate you–but I don’t. You–”

You felt his chest vibrate, letting you know he was laughing. You gripped at his shirt–which you now realized was the shirt you’d seen a thousand times before on his instagram.

“Who knew the sweetest girl in town,” he dropped his head to talk right next to your ear, “was actually my sweet girl?” He felt you trying to bury yourself even deeper into his chest. “No no, sweetheart, you need oxygen.” With that you pulled back, your big eyes staring back at him, a little bloodshot and your cheeks all red. “Not funny,” you whispered, “You don’t wanna know how much I was hoping you were actually living in my town, went to school here and I don’t know. I’d be happy if that were the case unless you were Childe.” tears came back to your eyes. “And what if it was me?” he rested his forehead against yours, looking you directly into your eyes. Blood rushed to your cheeks as you replied.

“Then I’m afraid that I won’t be able to stop myself from falling for you–Kadeh–even harder.” 

One moment you were talking and smiling, looking directly into the male's eyes. The next you were processing what was happening as his lips collided with yours.

“Even in real life you seem to have a processing time to what I say or do.” he said when he pulled back.

“Can you blame me? Look at yourself.” Kazuha swore he saw hearts in your eyes before you closed them again and pulled him back to you, lips once again meeting each other.

“No, I can’t. But you, my dear sweet girl, are even more breathtaking than I imagined you’d be.”

“Mister Kaedehara and Miss [name]! Detention!”

-`♡´--`♡´--`♡´--`♡´--`♡´--`♡´--`♡´--`♡´--`♡´--`♡´--`♡´--`♡´-

dont forget to like and reblog <3

[cinematics123]

So, buddie lifer here, but I will say that I did like Tommy, historic problems with that character aside. While I prefer Buddie, I enjoyed the perspective of an older queer character (look at Josh/Brian Safi’s speech!) to the show.

I would love to see Tommy back on the show, and to get to explore that more - and I think Josh would be an excellent partner/foil for that.

That said, I liked Natalia too. And I even liked Ana, although Marisol can suck a dick. I didn’t dislike characters because they “stood in the way of Buddie” and I still don’t. I hated Taylor because she was BAD for Buck - and he was bad for her.

That said, it’s not good to gloat and I feel bad for the actor getting swept off (although glad he has other projects) and I’d love to see him back on the show in a different capacity.

For the BuckTommy only fans, I know you all feel pretty angry at the moment, but I also would like to invite you to contextualize what this means for 911 and Buddie - Buddie *was* supposed to go canon, that is the direction the show was actively moving in - and the studio not only blocked it but they cancelled the show. Only ABC was willing to step in and give the show a chance to shine and to actually have the courage to do buddie.

Without the passion of the audience, we would never have had bi Buck or BuckTommy from season 7, because the studio that shall not be named cancelled the show in Season 6.

A line from Josh on learning to respect the struggle of your elders definitely applied to Buck needing to respect what Josh has been through. But, it also applies to what the Buddie shippers have been through getting gaybaited by a studio on purpose and getting their whole show (which was the number 1 show in its time slot) shut down so their ship could not go canon. I will miss Tommy. I’d like to explore what his struggles were that led him here and led him to being someone Chim and Hen could rely on instead of being in the group that picked in them. But, understand why people are thrilled to see another barrier to their ship go away. It may come off as something anti-Tommy - but that anger has never really been about Tommy.

[introvertedandscared]

i was recently given a writing prompt simply titled 'blue' on an online forum i use, and wanted to try my hand at doing something for it.

i'm actually really proud of it- i dont know if its my best work, it always feels that way after i make something new, but it was really therapeutic to write and hey, practice makes perfect. ill never be any good if i dont work towards it.

this piece is an expression of my gender and identity, told through a narrative perspective. most of these events are either heavily fictionalised or not actual events in my life, and i'm unsure if the main character is actually me or not, but it is heavily related to my personal thoughts, feelings, and history.

its about 959 words, a short read, enjoy! and keep an eye out for more writing on this blog if you liked this ദ്ദി(｡•̀ ,<)~✩‧₊

Blue

My favourite shirt is blue. Not a bright, attention-catching blue, but a soft one. Like blue hydrangeas. That’s not why it’s my favourite—I don’t even like the colour blue all that much—but it’s what everyone notices about it. When my mother comes into my room and asks for the laundry, she’ll point out ‘the blue one that you wear all the time’. When my friends and I are coordinating our Halloween plans, they ask to borrow my blue shirt for their costume. My brother will tell me that my blue shirt has somehow ended up in his closet. I’ve come to think of it more as a title than anything else. My Blue Shirt. All words capitalised, because they are important.

The reason it’s my favourite shirt is because it’s mine. I bought it with my own money—I had a whole 15 bucks I’d earned from babysitting—at the small thrift store on the corner after school on a Tuesday. It had been the first thing I’d picked up off the rack, not even checking the price or size. I had a curfew, and I knew that if I didn’t buy something that afternoon, I never would. I was 12, and the shirt I grabbed was 3 sizes too large, but I didn't care. I wanted it.

I still remember the woman behind the counter that day. She was probably middle-aged. At the time, I was transfixed by strands of her greying hair. She seemed radiant and wise. Untouchable. She was beautiful.

When I laid the shirt out in front of her, she looked directly at me for the first time since I’d entered the store, an amused expression playing across her face.

“You know this is for a man, right?” She asked, taking in my short stature, my girlish pigtails and sport shorts. My t-shirt that had recently started clinging to all the wrong places on me. I hated my clothes; my mother bought them all. She asked me for my opinion, sometimes, but I was only ever given the option to choose between the lesser of two evils. This shirt or that one. Those skirts or these jeans. Lately, I’d just let her take over completely, letting my eyes wander through the aisles while she shopped. No matter what store we were in, my gaze would always land on the men's section. I always let it linger for a second too long.

“It’s… for my brother. Last minute costume change for his, um, dance team. He needs something blue,” I mumbled through my excuse, terrified the woman would question me more, but she’d already started ringing my purchase up. The bubble of hope that had been growing in my chest ever since I’d ridden my bike out of the school gates that afternoon finally burst, into something bright and fiery and right. Something completely new. 

Later, at home, I tried the shirt on in front of my mirror. It reached down to my knees and looked utterly ridiculous, but it also didn’t hug my torso and hips trying to accentuate not yet existent curves. It made my body little more than a formless mass of cloth.

Five minutes after I put it on, my brother walked by my bedroom door. He took one look at me and laughed, and I laughed with him. He said I looked ‘stupid as shit’—words I still found scandalous at that time—and I’d agreed, but once he left I couldn’t bring myself to reach my own eyes in my reflection. I was scared of what I’d see. 

It’s been four years, and I still have that shirt. I’m wearing it now, bent low over the bathroom sink, scissors clutched tightly in my left hand, watching my hair swirl down the drain. I feel bile rising up in my throat at the sight, but it’s not from… disgust or panic. It’s- fear. I am scared to see myself. I am scared to know, because once I do there is no going back. It may not seem like it, but I am not one to dwell on the past. I live in the now. The now where I have just sheared away all of my hair at 3 AM, in the house my great-grandparents built with their own two hands. I wonder if they would be disappointed in me.

I don’t know if my mother will be mad—it’s hard to tell with her—maybe she’ll scold me, or laugh and schedule an appointment to get the mess I’ve made fixed, or maybe she’ll reach out, eyes soft. Maybe she’ll finally see me.

But I need to see myself first. I have been blind for far too long.

I steel myself—taking a sharp, shuddering inhale of air—and look up into the face of the mirror before me. I look up, and it feels like the final piece slots into place. The final piece of a puzzle I’ve been trying to solve for four years. For my whole life. 

The face staring back at me is no longer a reflection but a reality; the burning feeling in the centre of me flaring to life, consuming everything I thought I was.

I press a gentle hand to my chest, pressing down the two masses of fat and connective tissue that have always seemed to burden me more than my peers. I let the folds of blue obscure them until it almost looks as though they are not there. I wish more than anything that they weren’t.

I take myself in, gaze reverent and disbelieving.

My blue shirt is my favourite shirt, because unlike all my others, it fits perfectly. Ever since I first bought it, it has fit perfectly.

[rkrkerked]

pluto ep 3 notes

- may really kills me, film does the cheeky flirting type seduction so well. like there’s an air of innocence to it but she also knows exactly what she’s doing. honestly, i feel like that “banter”(?) carries their sexual chemistry

- “now you can do whatever you want” IM DEAD AND DYING

- may’s wildin, if I was not-oom, i’d jump her like fuck it let’s go

- namtan’s a great actress and she carries the emotional currents of the series but it’s film as may that really adds a certain spark. she has such a cute face and makes the darnest expressions.

- “I’m going to feed you”!!! crazy ass line

- i thought we were going to get some affairs (still haven’t watched but it’s next and i know the vibes) type shit but instead we got a lovely cooking moment lol

- this series straddles a very fine line between coming off as a disability awareness campaign vs just showcasing the inherent struggles that come with living with blindness. feel like they have done it well so far but im cautious…im trying to think of how i like it here vs last twilight (not including the ending)

- tarot card reader! finally some real ass sapphic rep

- me too officer i hate getting read too

- ms officer looks sm better in casual wear

- thai buddhism is always interesting to witness bc it’s so diff from how my country follows it

- “you can’t do anything” oof but it’s so real, asian grandmas never mince their words (well both of mine were very sweet on me growing up so im talking about other asian grandmas, not mine)

- ai crying while eating :((

- showering w the cam on is crazyyy i love it when im in a relationship tho 🙈 its lowkey better than falling asleep on ft

- grandmas a b-word (for respect) wow

- period may, you ARE always cute

- the actress that plays grandma is acting her ass off like okayyy show the young ones how to do it

- may’s dad is a DICK

- “im ashamed too, to have you as a father” wow great delivery

- omg she gonna take her on a motorbike ride isn’t she? should’ve highkey ended it with that (but it might be too early), would’ve been real sweet

edit: according to a reddit user “Ai-oon means warmth, so whenever May says Ai-oon is warm or makes her feel warm, Ai-oon feels seen as who she is and not as Oab-oom” that’s such a sweet meaning baked between the lines 😭

[androidboy]

my brain is. so incredibly busy

[blaithnne]

The first Heron design I showed off was from before Confidential Casefiles, so I thought I’d show you guys her look after she gets her new arm. Plus a few changes I made to her character for this AU! Just realised the way I placed my signature makes it look like I’M her worst enemy, whoops.

Meet the Cast!

╰┈➤ Canon ☄. *. ⋆

→ Scrooge McDuff → Matilda McDuff → Hortense McDuff → Qalhata Duiker → Goldie O'Gilt → Jack Duckworth → Bentina Beakley → LÙ Huifen (pre-caseflies) → Ludwig Von Druska → Bradford Butcher

╰┈➤ OCs ☄. *. ⋆

→ Lucrais NicRiada

.ೃ࿐

[wrenxpalmer]

What made her confusion worse was the ridicule she was faced in the unknown. He was making fun of her, indulging in the fact that she was out of her element and even worse, scared. It felt like digging the knife in deeper, a blunt and painful blade. It made her bitter with anger and she became mad at herself for not knowing the answer as if she had the means. There was nothing worse than being caught off guard or so she thought, until now when met with the twisted delight he got from her uncertainty. A harsh breath came from her nose in contempt. Trained, marked, memorized - all of these words felt like watching him build the walls of an invisible prison. The very things she hated all spouted from his lips, a new and suffocating fear rising to the surface. Ownership and possession were some of her greatest fears, and some of the words he liked using the most.

She especially resented being mocked amongst many other things, now missing the opportunity to counter for lack of better words. In the conception of the idea, it felt utterly stupid. Denial was the first emotion to set in, perhaps disbelief. Stuff for the movies, it wasn’t real. Certain memories trickled in now, like the cut on her lip and the sounds he made as he tasted it, calling her human. They’d been enthralled in each other for some time, it felt, long enough not to notice a single sound - where now none existed. There were no sounds of feet, heightened conversations or laughter, no sounds of bustling drinks and silver plates and platters. Just silence. Maybe the fear of the unknown mixed with her thoughts now because it only seemed to encourage his pleasure. “You’re lying.” She hissed, very aware of the closing space he put between the two. “You’re making up stupid shit to scare me, that’s not a real thing - let me go.”

Her eyebrows pressed together in frustration. It all felt like a rush to her nervous system, and not being able to verbalize disorganized her breathing. His hand gripped her wrist and she suddenly became aware of the resistance behind it, even if the strength was not enforced. Her short movements against the action did nothing, not even his body moved from how much her arm wiggled, an immovable force. “I don’t want to.” Her words felt muddled, reduced to a less clever response than before. “Don’t keep me here, just kill me.”

Something infinitely worse than the idea of dying was the thought that she no longer belonged to herself. To be in possession of someone else was making her stomach turn, as if it were marinating inside of her alongside the disbelief of this discovery. “I’d rather die than stay here. You want to make shit up and fantasize and role play, do it with someone else. Don’t leave me here.” It almost sounded immature, she didn’t want to believe him. “Don’t do it.” Her arm wriggled against the stone of his grasp. “I wont give you what you want. If you come back here and touch me I’ll be lifeless. There’ll be no joy in it and you’ll wish you would’ve just killed me.” Her nose was flaring but her eyes stung with fear. “I’m not scared to die. Just do it now. Don’t make me wait. Please.”

Aggression and coercion were expected, perhaps veiled and even direct threats that might precede something more violent. When braced herself for it, ready for what she might have to dodge or talk herself out of, how she might manipulate herself out of her current position. What she never expected in the wildest depths of her imagination was the swift switch in air and how quickly it whipped against her skin and lifted her hair as the body that was some distance behind now stood directly at her side in less than an instant.

The air was cold as it hit her, even colder was the air that left her lungs. Not even a shrill gasp could leave her throat, only a withdrawal of breath from her lungs and widened eyes. It was pure instinct that she might move away, body taking over for protection and preservation as it felt an object closer than it should have ever been in that moment. Her breath caught in her throat and dried it of all moisture. As she jolted back her mind could only race with conclusions to no logical answers, as if it was trying to muster a solve for something so irrational and unnatural. She’d never even heard his heavy steps, like he might be running fast to catch the door in its place. Only the feeling of the air around her and the sight of his body once there now suddenly here, with no apparent answer in sight.

“What the fuck?” Was all she could muster, the first word catching in her throat before the rest very quickly followed it. Her body trembled, perhaps a mix of adrenaline and definite confusion, a jolt of emotion that she could only describe as lunacy. From him came less than nothing, like he expected the reaction from her. He almost seemed bored, but then that boredom came a sweet sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that he’d had something to prove. To Wren this word echoed in her ear, monster, like she had any bearings on what it might mean from whatever it is he might be showing her.

Then, as if to prove another point, he twisted off the heavy doorknob which would have otherwise been her only way of leaving and held it out to her with twisted amusement. Already curving away from him, Wren was rightfully distrusting in his actions and made no movement towards him, even angrier now that she felt she’d been made a fool, angrier now that she was not in control of what made sense. How did he do that, what was that, what’s going on - all things she wanted to say but betrayed her, it felt like her grasp was slipping from control and it only deepened her anger, eyes confused and brows turned in, lips curling in disgust. She felt like she might be sick. Some of her concern should have been on her predicament but somehow it centered in her confusion, too preoccupied with making sense of what was happening as opposed to her lack of an escape route. “You’re unscrewing the knob?” She spat back at him, breath unsteady even now. “What are you saying? What are you doing?” Her eyes rushed between his as if comfort would be met against the two. “What the hell do you mean monster?”

[reflectionsofgalaxies]

the more photos of Sophie T I see the more I understand why she’s so beloved in the fandom. she’s just a whole fucking mood. like

first one she’s completely dead pan doing a perfect thumbs up

second one she’s doing an exaggerated stereotypical Italian hand gesture

and in the third one she’s just fully stanced up with her fucking coffee. what an icon.

[bondagebimbo]

LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now I’m off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because they’re insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they don’t let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didn’t have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so … ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but I’m in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, I’m going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. I’m genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because I’m so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because you’re telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, y’all share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then don’t fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because you’re just constantly making shit worse on people since you can’t seem to not fuck around with these meds and not ‘lose’ scripts. fuck out of here.

and I’m pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and I’d still have to walk my ass to one of the ATM’s nearby because they don’t accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. 🫠

I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while I’m laying on my fucking side, I’ve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon they’ll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, I’m nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and I’m moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.

I’m just. I give up.

this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just … not exist … for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now 🫠😭

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

JoJo Siwa doesn’t deserve all the hate (and homophobia) she’s getting for her style and music; but she does deserve scrutiny for defending Colleen Ballinger and being both active and complicit in abuse that happened on her TV show. Like the girl has been under the public eye in unhealthy environments all her life; cut her some slack — not too much; she’s still a responsible adult — but if you’re going to dogpile her, then at least dogpile her for the right reasons. Jesus Fucking Christ.

[geo-bby]

How we feeling Beatles people?