rue-ined

[rue-ined]

He deleted me

I’m not even sure what to think about it but I can’t stop thinking about it.

How could he delete me. After 7 years.

I posted a picture; a great picture actually. And he saw it. And deleted me.

[rue-ined]

Omg just puked

[rue-ined]

I hate to admit that I’m just not a “ girls girl “ - I’m a nobodys girl bc I fuckin hate everybody and everything

[rue-ined]

Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you

[rue-ined]

That hurts my feelings and I think you probably know that.

[rue-ined]

I thought about you the whole time

[rue-ined]

*sends nude*

“Sorry wrong person”

[rue-ined]

It’s the little things

[rue-ined]

Maybe one day I’ll pick up my phone and see your name. Maybe one day something will make you want to reach out to me, even if it’s just to check to see how things are going.

I still think about you every day, and I hope you think about me too. Not in the way that it ruins your day, but just a “I wish I could share this with you” type of way, as I do.

We surpassed the 2 month mark.

I was thinking maybe since I reached out on one month you’d reach out on two, I was wrong and that’s okay.

[rue-ined]

Hi

It’s been one month since we broke up and I hate that that was the first thing I thought of when I woke up today. The very first thing. I thought of all of the things we used to look forward to do this season. I thought about where we were last year and what we've done the years before.

I remember feeling like the first week of September would never end.

I shouldn’t even be writing this, I feel so stupid. I hope that you don’t even fucking read it, but I can’t keep only talking to the wall about this.

I hope when people ask what happened you tell them the truth. Tell them you made us both think we’re were on the same page for almost 7 years then one day something changed.

Maybe you could mention how you sat there and begged me not to get out of the car but then you just didn’t talk to me for the next month. You didn’t even try to stop me with anything more than words.

Somebody said to me “well maybe he just wanted out”

I really was hoping to find happiness, again, together one day. Our physical, collected memories are in the attic now. one day I’ll be able to part with it, just like one day the memories in my mind and heart will also fade.

And if you’re wondering, please don’t be mistaken that I’m doing poorly and I’m oh so sad and depressed. I’m doing okay, I really am. Some moments are harder than others but I’m content for the most part. And if you’re not wondering, good for you.

And even though I’m doing okay, I’m still just… here. On days like today that we would find ourself together, I’m here. And you’re there.

always,

——

[rue-ined]

And on days like today that we would find ourselves together, I’m here. and you’re there.

[rue-ined]

I want to text you

I want to reach out and just say hey

How’ve you been

Do you realize it’s been a month

Did you have anything you want to say

How are you feeling about everything

But then I feel like that shows I’m thinking about him more than he’s thinking about me

But maybe that’s okay

Or maybe I don’t want to because what if you haven’t. What if you don’t even care

You clearly don’t because it’s been a whole month since we’ve spoke. You don’t even care.

Soooo

Hey thinking of you hope all is well

Maybe one day we’ll talk again

[rue-ined]

All I’m saying is, when somebody asks you what happened to us, you tell them the truth. You tell them that you made me think for the last 6 years we were on the same page with what we wanted in life and then one day YOU decided we weren’t.

That’s ok, you know. It’s okay to know that I wasn’t loved in the way I thought I was loved or wanted to be loved because I was asking for love that I did not give.

I hope you think of me all day, and part of me hope it ruins your day and you’re sad about it. Just like I am in this moment.

[rue-ined]

And some how I started thinking about how it’s been week since I’ve heard you tell me you loved me and I probably will never hear it again

It’s been a week since I’ve had somebody tell me they loved me and I believed them

It’s been a week

[rue-ined]

It’s been a week since “I think we should break up”

And soon it’ll be a week since exchanged our items and last spoke

I think I’m doing okay. Haven’t cried in a couple of days and I think that’s progress. I’m trying to keep my brain busy but I’m often wondering if I even enter your mind on days like today. Days we would spend together.

I don’t know why I’m writing this because now I’m crying and this is annoying but I just find it so weird to think about us

[rue-ined]

I’m trying to learn how to let myself be hungry

Lol

That’s embarrassing but

[rue-ined]

You’re my best friend

You’re my only friend