Bruce: Jaylad, I need you to be at the Wayne gala this weekend.
Jason: But why me, B? Why not pretty boy, Dickie? I'm sure the ladies miss him.
Bruce: Your brother has a double shift this weekend.
Jason: How about the brat? He needs the socialization.
Bruce: Will be at the Kents' for a sleepover.
Jason: How about -
Bruce: The rest of your siblings will be busy, lad.
Jason: But Bruce, I'll be busy too. And even though I wasn't, I don't want to be around those pretentious fuck - people.
Bruce: Diana will be there.
Jason: Why didn't you start with that? Absolutely! I'll be there, old man. And I'll need a new suit.
--
at the gala
Diana: Aw, you look really handsome, little prince.
Jason blushes and smiles like the little boy who saw Wonder Woman for the first time.
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I like imagining a scenario in which Jason, Tim and Damian are arguing about Dick and just keep trying to one-up one another:
Damian: I was his Robin and he clearly likes me best.
Tim: I mean, technically I was his Robin first. And that last statement is debatable (and wrong).
Damian: Tt. You were father's Robin, I was Grayson's only before the original Batman returned.
Jason: Oh, for fucks sake, why does that even matter? He accepted me as Robin first and gave me his old costume, try topping that.
Tim: Been there, done that.
Jason: Not first you haven't.
Tim: Irrelevant. I think being accepted as Robin and being his Robin first puts me above you both.
Damian: Richard made me Robin on his own accord, father's intervention was unrequired.
Tim: Do you think that maybe that was because, I don't know, Bruce was 'dead' at the time?
Damian: I don't see how that refutes my argument, Drake.
Tim: He didn't even want you as Robin, he did it so you didn't go running off to the league.
Jason: Face it, brat, Dick didn't have much of a choice on the matter. With me, on the other hand-
Tim: I can give you a list of reasons why what you're about to say is wrong.
Jason: Stop trying to be a smartass, you-
Damian: This discussion is getting sidetracked. I can win this argument with the simple fact that Richard planned to adopt me.
Jason: Get in line kid, he tried with me first.
Tim: Wait- what? Damian makes sense because Bruce... but you? Full offense, by the way.
Jason: I was a redhead and a circus kid, he had all the reasons to adopt me.
Damian: Todd, you're a brunette, you're spitting nonsense.
Tim: And you most definitely did not grow up in a circus. I've heard your backstory from Dick himself.
Jason: You had to be there.
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My new headcannon is that James talks in his sleep and that’s how everyone finds out he’s dating Regulus.
It starts with Remus and his wolf hearing when James is napping and Remus is in the bathroom.
Lily, Mary and Marlene find out together when James falls asleep while playing cards with them in the common room. He wakes up to Mary laughing and Marlene passing Lily a couple galleons - they don’t tell him why.
Then it’s Pete, who got up in the middle of the night for a glass of water and comes back to James curled around a pillow mumbling something that sounds a lot like Reggie please. He casts a silencing spell and draw his curtains.
Sirius is the last because he sleeps like the dead and James is always up before him. But Sirius has a nightmare the night after a full so he has to crawl into bed with James. After hearing James say “Reg baby right like that” in his ear, he realizes there are worse things than nightmares about Walburga.
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"hostage situation"
series masterlist
nightwing, to his siblings: okay, so we have to be real careful because the joker and harley quinn are holding our baby sibling hostage and we can't put them in anymore danger.
nightwing, looks at red robin: i'm sure they have some traps laid around the lair so you'll be disarming it.
red robin, nods:
robin: then me and todd will be handling any spare targets, no?
nightwing: of course. cass, steph and duke will be guarding the entrance. babs?
oracle, speaking in the intercoms: this is the closest point of entry where (name) is being kept hostage.
red robin: security cams suggest there's more than just harley and the joker in the lair. a bunch of their goons are heavily guarding both the entrance and the exit. we should thread carefully.
oracle: there's no camera's where (name) is exactly at, but there's a specific room where it's shown that the two are often visiting.
batman, who had been lurking behind them: this is a priority mission. we can't afford to make mistakes.
robin, eyebrows raised: though, is it necessary to bring the entire family? me and my father could handle this entirely by ourselves.
jason, sighs: don't pretend like you weren't the first to suggest the entire justice league to come searching for them, kid.
batman: enough arguing, (name) needs all the support they could get after this. so on my count, we are to bust open the door.
dick: alright, everybody, prepare.
*meanwhile, inside the lair, in a makeshift "house"*
(name), sitting on a comfy chair whilst holding a cup of hot chocolate and a book in the other, sneezes: oh— did anyone mention my name?
harley quinn, already on her way to wipe their nose: oh my baby! is our baby sick?!
(name): no, i just suddenly sneezed?
the joker, in another room: i spy with my little eye, a child way past their bedtime~ c'mon babyboo, let's get you to bed!
(name): awe, but it's like, 10pm. i wanna read some more.
harley, about to pick (name) up: then let momma read the book for you in bed, cutesy pie—
*the door to the kitchen slams open*
dick, with his escrima sticks on-hand: surrender (name) to us now or—!
dick, absolutely befuddled: wait, what?!
damian, with bruce in tow: what's the hold up, nightwing?!
damian, about to jump right in front of dick before he was stopped by bruce's hand on his shoulder: what is... this?
bruce: ... explain the meaning of this, harley.
harley, holds (name) closer to her chest as she's equally confused: what do ya mean, bats? ain't it obvious i'm taking care of my child?
(name): uhm...
damian, visibly offended: what do you mean, your child? (name) over there is ours.
the joker, walks over to the room in a hurry: what's with all the commotion over here?! (name) is supposed to be in bed, harle— batman?!
bruce, with squinted eyes: don't act stupid, what is this all about?
nightwing, surveying the room: wait, why is (name) in pajamas?
(name), trying their best to shrug in harley's tight hug: i'm... supposed to go to bed...?
the joker, about to walk over to (name) before he's stopped by a batarang almost hitting the side of his head: hey! what's that for? i'm clearly not trying to attack my own child!
bruce: (name) is my child, not yours.
the joker, glaring at batman: well, it's not my fault they choose me over you!
(name) wayne, interrupting the two: uhm... i did technically disown myself from the family so—
damian: disown yourself?
(name): i have every reason to—
dick: look, baby bird, you don't know what's right for you, these guys are dangerous—
(name): i literally got nearly killed by some nobody criminals if not for harley saving me but okay, nightwing.
bruce, whose attention is now on (name): you almost got what now?
(name), rolling their eyes: i almost died, batman. now if you excuse me, i think i deserve a good night sleep tonight.
(name), looks at harley who still hasn't released them from the protective hug: can we?
harley quinn, facepalming in her mind as she stares back at (name): oh, i should've bought you to pam and selina instead.
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