#actually these kinda display the real symptoms

[springtrappd]

You said in one post that the author of Solar Lunacy is ableist. Could you explain how they're being problematic? I know almost nothing about them or the story itself, so I wouldn't know if they've said or done anything sus. Also, thank you for actually criticizing the Daycare Attendant stans, almost nobody in this site does that.

thank you for asking! it's rare to see, you're right, but it's also rare that people are willing to actually engage with that critical posting, so -- again, thank you! as for your question: oh boy, can i!

first: the basics. dissociation is a psychological response to overwhelming stress wherein the brain... disassociates from itself, placing a barrier between itself and the harsh reality. the most famous dissociative disorder is dissociative identity disorder (DID), known formerly as multiple personality disorder (MPD) or split personality. did occurs when someone without a fully-formed identity (read: a child) undergoes such severe stress that the 'brain' dissociates from its identity itself, creating alternate identities (personalities) to deal with the things they can't. these alternate identities work together to form a system. it's way more complicated than that and you can read more on it here and here but that's the bare minimum for the ignorant in the audience. we all caught up? good! moving on.

now, the question of whether or not the daycare attendant is a system is a touchy one. i've seen multiple different stances on the matter, seen a lot of arguments, and typed (and deleted) several hundreds of words about it, and the answer that i've come to is that, for the sake of this argument, whether the dca is a system in canon doesn't matter. what matters is how bamsara treats them. how do they handle the characters, how do they frame the switches in personality, the confusion, all the parallels to real-world symptoms -- how do they expect the viewer to feel, what do they pull from the cultural lexicon, yadda yadda. does bamsara -- regardless of their intentions -- depict the dca as a system, and if so, how do they handle it?

the answer is that they depict the dca as experiencing altered identity states, switching (and even blurring) between identities, and even repeatedly acknowledges them as a plural entity.

and it is these behaviours, specifically, that are used to make the dca scary. bamsara's daycare attendant is scary because they experience altered identity states. because they blur identities. because they are a plural entity. because they display the textbook symptoms and behaviours of a disorder most commonly caused by childhood sexual abuse. and it is the fear that this is inspires that makes them (but especially moon & eclipse) sexy.

now, one can argue that this is simply in line with existing horror media, and they would be correct: most pop culture depictions of dissociative disorders are extremely ableist, and have real-world consequences! but what makes it really, really shitty is that... i don't want to think about this stuff. i don't come to fandom to be reminded that people are terrified of what they don't understand, and that that very very often includes the mentally ill. i don't want to be reminded that there are people who don't believe dissociative disorders exist at all. i don't want to reminded that they -- the sick, the survivors, the unlucky 140 million -- are spoken of in the same way as monsters. i don't come here for harsh realities. but solar lunacy is the most kudos'd fnaf fic on ao3, and we all have to live with that.

if you liked solar lunacy or bamsara's content or... whatever, i don't particularly care. i'm not mad about people thinking evil alters are sexy, or engaging with horror content that says shitty things about systems -- it's your life, live it how you please (and i've got a vanny icon so who am i to judge lmao). sometimes the things that make us happy are kinda shitty, and that's okay! our views are shaped by the society we live in, and there is no society on earth that is kind to the mentally ill -- there's no way to undo that, to stop that from influencing you in some capacity. but... all i ask is for you to think about this stuff, and try to educate yourself on the topic. there's nothing wrong with making a mistake, or having flaws -- but there's something wrong with making a space that feels unsafe, that reflects some of the more uncomfortable aspects of our society, that unintentionally hurts people. it's just up to you if that something is something you care about.

i hope that answers your question, anon (and anyone else who's curious). take care, mate!

(edit 13/01/2023: due to some technical difficulties on tumblr's end, the notes aren't quite showing up properly, so here's the link to bamsara's reblog chain if you can't find it.)

[markerofthemidnight]

hello hi waves. i kindly ask again for lobotomy corp abnormality hcs. literally any of them

The Queen of Hatred

She’s one of the few Abnormalities in the facility who looks almost exactly the same with the cognition filter on as she does with it off. That’s right: she literally does look like that in person.

The corporation has tried to show her the outside world in order to make her realise just how much the world needs her, thus fixing her problems.

However, the realisation was too much for her and she ended up transforming on the spot. L Corp decided against taking a risk like that again.

In the game she’s said to display symptoms of some kind of dissociative disorder, so… well, there’s no way to say this that doesn’t sound at least a little offensive, but I still think I should confirm this: yes, Queen does in fact have DID.

The Snake that she becomes when she transforms is a protector made to keep her safe from the “reality” that her purpose is fulfilled and there isn’t anything left for her to do in the world. (referring to the Snake with ‘it/its’ to distinguish from Queen herself; sorry if this feels offensive!)

If Queen believes that because she was made for good, it’s all she’s capable of, then the Snake is the same but with evil.

Does it doubt that sometimes? Probably. I can’t imagine living like that and not being kinda guilty about it, especially given who its host is, but it doesn’t let that get in the way of its job.

Yes, this is also why she doesn’t remember any of her rampages. Good old dissociative amnesia.

And I know DID is typically developed at a really young age, but… she’s an Abnormality. Not to mention, according to her, she was made, not born, so it’s entirely possible that she’s actually only a few years old.

Anyways, back to the barely-disguised ball of stress that is The Queen of Hatred!

She acts pretty snakelike even in her normal form. Her favourite food that she’s supplied with during Instinct works are live mice.

She shall always take great amusement in seeing the look on an Agent’s face after they see her just casually pick up a mouse and swallow it whole without even bothering to kill it.

Aside from that, she also has a forked tongue and will sometimes hiss at enemies she faces during Second Trumpets, particularly ones where she felt particularly manic before things started going down in the Corporation.

With all the insane writing she does on walls and the crazy laughter you sometimes hear from her, a lot of Agents would say she’s even crazier than the Snake.

Her EGO Suit is even girlier in real life than it is with the filter on, and she will never stop complimenting anyone who wears it.

Oh, and also: I don’t know why, but I think she’d make a great wingman. She is the Magical Girl of Love, so it makes sense she’d know a thing or two when it comes to dating!

[chaosclover1999]

no nuance version of a fandom take i hav bc i honestly don't hav the energy 2 explain this in depth rn but if u think Jax is an inherently bad person just bc he's being an asshole in a video game but that gangle who has real person anime figurines of her friends who don't know that she has those is an inherently good person bc she's a shy uwu bean then u actually need 2 shut up, Jax is a guy who very clearly displays multiple ASPD symptoms and is dealing with his chronic boredom by being violent 2 npcs in a video game and also just kinda passively a bit of an asshole verbally Gangle social anxiety-ed her way into being an actual stalker they are not the same

anyway as some1 who has ASPD it rly fucks me up how the fandom has reacted 2 Jax, like when it was the pilot y'all were more than happy 2 fetishise his ASPD symptoms but then as soon as his symptoms r showing slightly more when again, i cannot stress this enough, HE IS LITERALLY IN A VR GAME IN EPISODE 2! then y'all r like "omg he's terrible, what an inherently horrible person, he literally is the worst person here" actually shut up, i hate this fandom so much

[candlecoo-sideb-art]

Oooo, if people are giving other gogurt limer book ideas I got something I wrote in my tma Google doc about a year ago

I do not remember what any of this means except for the "A Bad Case of Stripes" one. It's totally a Spiral book and I think it would have another version, kinda like the gangrene book, that would make similar things happen to the reader. And then they would just be stuck as a room or a house

A bad case of stripes - a book that describes an incomprehensible illness that only gets worse and worse, even looking upon the images makes the reader display similar maddening symptoms as those described as they mentally deteriorate. Tied to the Spiral.

Don't give a mouse a cookie - this book starts off like the normal version until the mouse demands more and more sinister things. The mouse gets hungrier and hungrier, no longer wanting just a cookie or just a glass of milk, wanting something with more substance. Until the end where the mouse ends up consuming the boy. Those who read this volume inexplicably become consumed as well. Tied to the Flesh.

The magic tree house series - a series of historical fiction children books that are loosely based on real events. But the people who read this set are said to experience the horrific historical events first person without the whimsical children book perspective. They see and feel all of it until the volume ends without understanding why or what is happening. Those that finish the entire series never maintain the ability to comprehend anything ever again let alone function normally. Tied to the Eye and the Spiral.

A collection of cassette audio books- on the outside appearing to be a bunch of miscellaneous audiobooks but in actuality hold all the thoughts anyone's ever had about the listener... Tied to possibly the Web.

[thatslayer]

Responding to one of my besties + various anons/not anons about Faith's mental health - under the cut, for obvious reasons.

Alright, I've kind of tried to stay out of this debate over the years and kindly ignore the constant questions and theories tossed my way because people are generally well-meaning. The only reason I've decided to address it, is because I feel like diagnosing any bad behavior as 'mental illness' is actually harmful, and I kinda want to just sort of nip this in the bud. It's a departure from my norm, so bare with me.

Faith may well have mental illness, most of us do, but the two I keep getting chatted at about are Bipolar Disorder and Paranoid Personality Disorder. I'm going to be quick and not get into long, outdrawn antics, here.

Bipolar - Faith doesn't display mood swings. Seriously, she doesn't. She's flirty, bubbly and chatty when she's trying to impress new people or get her way, and when she's not, she's fairly stable in her Faith-ness. She doesn't lack energy or want/ability to get out and do things, she doesn't lack focus, doesn't lack drive and her memory seems pretty stellar. I feel like this fan-diagnosis comes from people who might be suffering from Bipolar and looking for someone to identify with, and I totally get that. However, Faith has fully murdered people, and I don't think it's fair to say that any of that has anything to do with a real disorder that people suffer from in real life.

PPD - Faith has a damn good reason to not trust people, it's not actual paranoia, in any medical sense. She's not only dealing with monsters, constantly, with human faces when she wasn't gifted the ability to tell human from demon, but the humans she's known have bent over backwards to screw her over. This one kinda gets on my nerves, because how is she supposed to trust people after what she's been through? Even Buffy's paranoid, that's how Slayers are and how they should be, but Faith's also had a heck of a shitty life on top of it. So, no.

She does suffer from incredibly low self-esteem, feelings of inadequacy, depression and that sort of thing. Her symptoms seem to stem from real events, situations and a response to how she's generally treated. I'm in no way saying she's mentally well or what someone might call 'normal'.

Mostly, I'm just addressing this because one of my dear friends was the last to ask me about PPD tonight, and I realized how much I get asked about this. Ultimately, I didn't create Faith, and I don't know for certain --- and this isn't meant to invalidate anyone's theories, especially if it helps them, in some way. I just figured, heck, it's time I threw my hat in the ring. Hope this clarifies!

[stormratyaps]

BPD characters (hc)

I want to follow the anti psych tag so bad but it is FULL of triggering words :// anyways to distract myself here's a list of characters I hc with BPD.

TW: this post mentions symptoms of BPD including sewerslide ideation, substance abuse (nothing graphic)

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

blitzø - helluva boss

okay I'll get to angel in a second but I feel like no one really talks about how BPD coded blitz is? He's actually quite relatable for me. He suffers from extreme self loathing, self destructive behaviour, unstable relationships, splitting, obsession with FPs (millie and moxie), impulsive spending, isolating himself, anger outbursts... and especially in apology tour (but also earlier episodes if you ever allow me to yap) we see how this pattern is something he isn't actively choosing and that he actually really wants to get away from. I know most of his character traits and behaviours are for the sake of comedy which is why making a deep character analysis is always a bit tricky in this case but I just think he is so bpd coded and I hope they give him a good healing/self discovery arc in the rest of the series.

angel dust - hazbin hotel

Okok let's talk about everyone's fave. Struggles with feeling of emptiness, low self esteem overcompensated by a sense a grandiosity, substance abuse issues, hypersexuality and not to mention increeeeedibly emotionally unstable (let's not forget how euphoria is also a common bpd experience, we not only see him miserable but I think accurate displays of euphoric episodes as well, as is the case for Blitz btw)

saira - we are ladyparts

I was struck by how bpd coded this character was to me - I believe I was just figuring out that I have bpd when I was watching this show, so that might have had sth to do with it. She has this episode where she splits really hard on her friends and consequently isolates herself and. yeah. It's been a while since I watched it so I can't really point out other details rn but I remember thinking this so I reccommend you go watch this show and see for yourself.

blackbeard - our flag means death

Oof ok. I know season 2 was a MESS. I did not like it. But. However. That being said. The BPD representation is real. Do I love that there were basically no retrubitions for how Ed (blackbeard) treated the others during his split/episode? No. I don't love to see that. I wish he'd gotten some kind of genuine redemption arc with introspection and feelings of guilt and putting in the work to be better and all that. But yea. Season 2 sucked ass. Anyway him splitting on Stede (his FP) is so real and the subsequent borderline episode that follows is. Yeah. He has all the textbook symptoms (not only in season 2!!) impulisivity, unstability, extreme moodswings, no sense of self, mirroring, FP attachment, substance abuse issues and self destructive behaviours, paranoia/flashbacks, sewerslidality...

carmy - the bear

me when???when he???this representation means so much to me actually personally. !!! The paranoia, the anger issues, the self distructive behaviour, the intensely low self esteem, the flashbacks (ptsd babey), the hallucinations - Idk if they're hallucinations or just some kind of metaphorical liberty from the showwriters but I choose to hc how I choose to hc !! he also just! splits all the time!! He needs therapy so bad omg . This show is basically an anxiety attack with a few pauses so you can enjoy looking at the food ig

merlin and morgana - merlin

I feel like this is my least well defendable hc. Like I just relate and think that they kinda have BPD. But also if you said bitch where I wouldn't really be able to tell you. So yea. I feel like Merlin developed it throughout the later seasons and Morgana shows symptoms from the beginning. Both are just extremely traumatised and definitely have PTSD. So there's that.

[black-and-silver-wings]

symptoms of maladaptive daydreaming include but are not limited to:

• I’ve been sitting here for 10 minutes how have 4 hours passed

• this is so intense my heart hurts

• where’s my sleep schedule

• lol wish I could talk to people

• *tap tap tap tap tap-*

• I am in love with a person who only exists in my mind (and he’s taken)

• where’s that one freaking song

• did I whisper that aloud-

[horce-divorce]

Theres something to be said about the way doctors handle chronic pain management when I've heard dozens of stories like this one. Like this is not a unique story actually.

This man, after being SHOT IN THE HEAD WITH A GUN, got up out of bed and took a fucking aspirin and then went back to bed because he thought BEING SHOT was just a headache.

I've heard tons of stories like this. That person who got stabbed in the back and didn't notice the knife still in there at first. Construction workers who've shot nails into their skulls on accident and didn't realize it was in there for years. I actually was going to link to the ones I was thinking of but amazingly, if you Google "stabbed didn't notice" you actually get tons of stories like this. Try it out. I just saw no less than half a dozen articles, each about a different victim of a similar incidents. apparently sometimes you get stabbed and just don't notice!

These are often passed around as "stories that sound fake" but actually if you hear enough of them you realize that this is Just A Thing that happens to humans, actually somewhat often. These are just like any other extreme "unbelievable" survival story, of which there are a countless number. People survive situations in unbelievable ways every single day.

We are REALLY resilient as a species and trauma is weird. Sometimes we get hurt and it's not exactly that we don't know we got hurt... It's that The Show Must Go On and we are so used to downplaying our pain and "pushing through it" that people can convince themselves that a whole bullet or a knife embedded in their body is "just a headache"

And then when people with chronic pain get good at masking because we do this EVERY SINGLE DAY OF OUR LIVES by necessity. Doctors still look us right in the face and just DECIDE that we're not displaying pain dramatically enough. We aren't displaying pain the way someone unaccustomed to it would (i.e. having a fit, screaming and wailing, writhing around panicking etc. I mean sometimes we do look like that actually! But again! The Show Must Go On!)-- ergo since we aren't performing our pain in the expected fashion, it must be faked or exaggerated. Instead it's almost always the opposite. We usually go out of our way to hide our symptoms.

And we still get this reaction near universally, despite all this evidence to the contrary, that even people who were ostensibly healthy and got into freak, traumatic accidents ALSO SOMETIMES HAVE THE SAME REACTION TO THEIR PAIN!! I.e. "oh haha idk it's not really that bad I don't need to go to the hospital I'll just take an aspirin :) it's fine I'm fine this is fine:)) no really i wouldnt wanna be a bother :)"

again, BECAUSE TRAUMA IS WEIRD. It does WEIRD things and it makes you do weird things all in the interest of keeping you functioning despite the trauma that just occurred. Even if it's a bullet that's still inside of you. Even if it's pain you've felt for years.

Then we get these stories about how amazing it is that someone walked around without noticing like a 10 inch screw in their brain or whatever.

And at the same time we encourage everyone to just keep pushing through pain and that its not something serious. Don't call in. Its probably not that bad. Don't go to urgent care. It's probably not worth the cost. Ignore that toothache, it's just a tooth. You're just reading into things. It's probably just stress or anxiety. Etc.

and also at the same time people just absolutely cannot BELIEVE that if you have pain every single day you, by necessity, kinda just have to get used to it!!!!!

"IMPOSSIBLE, you cannot physically IGNORE PAIN. if you REALLY felt it you would be EXPLODING IN FRONT OF MY EYES just like a horror movie" --people who only experience pain on occasion and in unexpected scenarios

Idk what im getting at but we just really need to change the way we talk about and handle pain in this life. Like. Real bad. This is not fine. This is not ok.

chances are if you're only in pain sometimes, your assumptions about chronic pain are completely wrong, and that's not only liable to hurt other people but you as well when you train yourself constantly shrug off what your body is telling you. even if you are fit now, your body will age someday. Even if you dont hurt now, someday you will.

becoming less abled over time is actually the blessing of survival. get used to it. disability is not some special club just for fuckups, contrary to popular belief. it's something that eventually happens to any organism that survives long enough. and that's actually dope and very cool IMHO but not my current point.

moral of the story is I guess listen to your pain. Don't downplay it. Especially if people who can't feel it have told you that it's not bad enough. Never give up on yourself and never downplay that pain. because sometimes it's telling you that you have, idk, a genetic disorder. and sometimes it's telling you there's literally a bullet in there somewhere, but in every case, your pain is telling you something that you definitely need to know. I honestly just cannot think of a single situation where you will benefit yourself or anyone around you by ignoring your pain long-term and I guess these cases are just VERY clear, to-the-point examples of why.

[bigskydreaming]

AU where the DickKory wedding doesn’t happen as planned like in the comics, but here its because their friends, instead of just gossipping to each other about ‘what Dick did’ and how this is a mistake because he’s just trying to prove something and Kory’s just going along with it because she was shaken up by what happened too and kinda feels a need to feel/see it proven by him....

And instead, the other Titans (specifically looking at Wally, Roy, Garth and Donna, seeing as how those were the four who had plenty to say to EACH OTHER about their concerns but without any - except for Donna to Kory, and I maintain it wasn’t exactly the RIGHT thing to say - actually saying it TO them)....

No, instead here, they sit Dick and Kory down and ask why they’re really doing this and what's it all actually for, and when it comes out that Dick literally proposed in the heat of an argument about trying to convince Kory he never would have slept with Mirage if he’d known she wasn’t Kory, that she’s the only one he wants to be with and he was just desperate for her to believe it....well FINALLY this clusterfuck of chuckleheads pulls their heads out of their collective keister and starts looking at how FUCKED UP Dick is over all of this, and thinks back to the many, MANY times and ways he’s clearly displayed feelings of being deeply violated by what happened and how he was tricked, manipulated, didn’t want any of this, etc, etc. 

And because they’re actually superheroes who are familiar with victims of all kinds and not dumbasses who are so quick to blame the lifelong friend noted specifically by everyone who meets him for his enduring LOYALTY at all times, in all cases - in fact, how often do these very same people give Dick shit about being TOO loyal to people even when they don’t deserve it, like when has an ability to commit EVER been this man’s problem, like who are you even talking to here - and like.....they finally get their heads on straight and go hang on, let’s take a beat. I feel like we maybe rushed to judgment and didn’t totally think through what happened here and now we’re thinking it sounds a lot more like rape which means Dick did nothing wrong and has nothing to prove and Kory can reaffirm what she’s always believed and only had shaken for a time, that Dick’s love for her is real and honest.

And they can then without any hurt feelings or implications as to the longterm viability of their relationship, call the wedding off as they recognize the proposal for what it actually WAS, aka part of Dick’s literal ongoing trauma response as he tried to reconcile his deep-down knowledge that he was a victim here, he’d been victimized, violated and betrayed by someone he had trusted to be a teammate, not unlike other times he’s been betrayed by people like Terra or had to feel the visceral feelings of betrayal even when it wasn’t their fault, like more recently when it was a possessed Joey who was mocking Dick while holding him captive and then y’know, getting murdered right in front of him, and Dick is very much not OKAY because of all of this. 

Because its all hitting him in places where he is PARTICULARLY vulnerable because of parallel experiences he can’t help but associate with betrayal and manipulation and the subsequent experiences/feelings of being turned on and blamed by his friends for what he feels then is his responsibility to take sole accountability for, so all of this is very familiar, hits right to the bone of a lot of Dick’s core issues, and this time it just happens to all be compounded by the betrayal/victimization being deeply personal in a way none of the prior situations were, as well as being compounded by how nobody else seemed to even recognize he’d BEEN a victim.

And then by focusing on THAT instead of just gossipping about the SYMPTOM of his not being okay that was his shotgun proposal - which they all literally agreed only happened because Dick wasn’t okay - Dick and Kory can just mutually agree that they aren’t actually ready to get married, something both of them actually were very aware of and just trying to pretend otherwise, but they can further agree that its not a BAD thing they’re not ready to get married, it doesn’t mean they’ll NEVER be in the right place to get married, that this just isn’t it. Them not being actually ready to get married here and now, that has nothing to do with their RELATIONSHIP and everything in the world to do just with the specific reasons the proposal even happened, and their feelings and what they hoped to prove/be convinced of because of all that.

Meaning they then take a step back, Dick can get the help he needs with the support of Kory and his friends, and at some future point in his recovery, he and Kory can shift their focus back onto their relationship, mutually, leading to them eventually reaching the stage where they ARE ready to get married and one of them proposes to the other for the actual right reasons (which are really just, hey I love you and I want to marry you, its exactly that deep) and then they do get married and eventually start a family and things are still dramatic and chaotic and superhero-y but DUH, that’s because they’re SUPERHEROES, but they can still have a happy, healthy family life, the Kents do it all the damn time, and so can they....in this case they literally just needed a little help from their friends, so AU where that’s what they give them for their wedding gift. A ‘hey, call off your damn wedding,’ share circle.

Bonus points of course are that if the wedding never happens, DarkSide!Raven is left waiting in the wings and never gets her dramatic entrance moment to be like “Why yes, I object!” and so she misses her window and Kory and Dick are from that point on so surrounded by friends she never gets a good opening to possess Kory with the demon seed, so Kory never has to deal with ANY of that nonsense, because the LAST thing either Kory, Dick or their relationship needs to deal with, is MORE possession/brainwashing/mind control bullshit. Like enough already. They more than filled their quota. Let another happy couple dabble in the Being Possessed or Mind Controlled field for a change. Dick and Kory are MORE than happy to share. They aren’t going for a monopoly here.

[tbh-entp]

Hi fellow entp friend , as you I'm an entp girl and I'm really struggling these days and start to feel guilty having this thought : I really find anyone around me so boring and it totally drains me ( idk if it's clear lool being tired for not having enough real social interaction/debate/deep talks, it's like people's monotony is draining my soul and I know I can even fall into depression being socially alone for too much time ) am I a jerk for thinking like that? Is this the famous reputation of entp being the most introverted extrovert in display ? What do I care so much but don't give a shit about anything in the same time

Hi friend!

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I don't want to assume, but this exact feeling was very much approaching depression for me, and beating it is no easy game. And you’re not a jerk for thinking like that--I’ve had the same thoughts when I wasn’t doing so well.

It's true that we're often called the most introverted extroverts (it's either us or the ENFPs, and I think it's us actually). But everyone is individual, as is our abilities to handle interaction without it draining us. When it gets to the point of you being completely bored, drained, and not caring.... it's not the introversion of your personality, you're just in a bit of a rut! Which is ok, it totally happens, and the goal is to get you out of it.

As someone who was pretty depressed for maybe... all of college, I'm not a stranger to these feelings, and the good news is that they don't have to last forever. It does require a bit of effort though. And the really symptom for me was actually not being able to be around people without feeling annoyed, frustrated, bored, and kinda useless. It doesn’t last forever though with effort! So that’s the good news.

Therapy is always a good thing if you can find it and/or afford it

I did group therapy in college for literally half a second, and although it wasn’t the best (and a lil expensive), it gave me some friends who I related to in this way

Friends who understand is very helpful, I’m actually living with someone now who is a little depressed, and though I’m not anymore, we relate over it, and we both understand when days are hard 

Take it slow and be proud of any small success or even effort

Did you brush your hair? Way to go!

Did you not brush your hair? It’s ok, you deserve a break, maybe you’ll get to it tomorrow. 

Just be kind and know things take time, and try to be pleased with what you do in the middle

If you can, take care of yourself!

As in, try to eat healthy, take time to rest, exercise if you can etc. 

Even if things aren’t finished, don’t work too much... stop when the time is up. Leave time for a hobby thing or something that doesn’t employ your brain or creativity

do a puzzle, take care of some plants, listen to music, etc. 

And don’t feel bad for stopping!

Also join clubs, find groups that do things you like

sometimes having responsibility or a reason to do things, someone to count on you, helps

even doing this stuff online helps

Eventually your spunk will come back, but really taking care of your mental just like any type of health thing is important

[realcube]

Karasuno and their love languages headcanons

tw// cussing, sexual references

Shoyo Hinata

his love language is physical touch

after every one of his games, the first thing he does when he sees you is tackles you to the ground in a hug 

the day he walks beside you without holding your hand is the he is kidnapped and replaced with a clone 

and he’d always place a kiss on the tip of your nose and vice versa before you went your separate ways on the walk home 

and one time he caught a flu and (because he loved you so much) he wouldn’t go within 10 feet of you for like a week 

and that was the hardest week of his life

he almost had a meltdown on day 3 

HOW WAS HE SUPPOSED TO SURVIVE WITHOUT HIS GOODBYE KISSES?!

but don’t worry because as soon as his flu subsided, he gave you enough hugs and kisses to compensate for the whole week he missed

Tobio Kageyama

his love language is word of affirmation 

honestly, whenever you compliment his volleyball skills (even if it sounds really amateur) it makes his heart go 💖💞💕💓

not that he’d even admit it though

and recently, he’s been trying to compliment you more because some how he came to the conclusion that he wasn’t being nice enough to you and that you’d leave him for Oikawa if he didn’t step up his game 

so whenever you mention one of your slight achievements to him, he goes insane with the praise 

“Oh, Kags. Did I tell you about the English test?”

“No, you didn’t.” 

“Well, I got a pretty good mark so don’t stress about it. It was an easy test but you should probably still study though-”

“A good mark? (Y/N), that’s amazing.” He said in a monotonous voice, making you snicker slightly. 

Although his flattery didn’t seem genuine, you still appreciated his efforts

At least he tries

he just wants to make you feel the way he does when you compliment him 🥺

Kei Tsukishima 

his love language is acts of service

to him, nothing says ‘i love you’ like helping him fold the laundry 

he does acts of service for you too, like helping you with your homework

or sometimes you help him with his homework

honestly, it didn’t take long for you to figure out this man’s love language considering he’d describe all the other things as ‘shallow’

(other than quality time)

“Seriously? I mean, I’d hate to be in a relationship that was based off of compliments. That shit gets tiring, y’know?” he’d gush to you while you both were buying the groceries 

and don’t even get him started when you make his lunch hhhhhhh

one time he went downstairs to see that you had already made him lunch and at first he thought it was sweet but no big deal so he just texted you 

‘Thx for the lunch btw’

but when he actually got a bite of your god-tier onigiri

he deadass almost got up and said 🚶‍♂️✌

anyway when he got home you got railed so <3

and by railed, i mean you heart got railed because he gave you a kiss on the forehead :3

Tadashi Yamaguchi 

his love language is words of affirmation

again, his heart goes brrrrr whenever you compliment him 

but it’s different depending on what you compliment him on 

when it is on his volleyball skills, he feels chuffed and not absolutely worthless

if it is has something to do with his facial appearance, he gets that warm tingly feeling inside and gets the urge to cuddle you - which he usually acts on 

but if it is a comment on his body..the unholy thoughts-

like on one hand, he wants to crawl into a hole and die

but on the other hand, he is like ‘is that so?’

anyway, he doesn’t act on either of those thing so he usually ends up making a comment about your height in response 

also, you make sure to shower this boy in compliments because he deserves it 

and he does the exact same right back at you because you deserve it too

but he is shy so he either writes a note to you in class or, more commonly, he ends up texting you after a date like 

‘omg I AM SO STUPID AAAAAAA..! I wanted to say this so bad while I was with you but i just couldn’t >< anyway i think you look so beautiful and your hair was absolutely gorgeous in that style, goodnight <3′

Ryunosuke Tanaka

his love language is quality time 

this man has no chill

if you text him like ‘omg i wish you were here bb 🥺’

my mans would be RUNNING WKDHWESAK

his personal motto is ‘get that bread, get that head, get that love and affection, get that attention, get that movie, stay the night, THEN LEAVE! PEACE OUT!’

his home his your home and your home is his home 

then there was that one time that he studied so hard on his tests, just so he could pass and hopefully get moved up into your class 

mission unsuccessful but he did get good grades ^^

Yuu Nishinoya 

his love language is receiving/giving gifts

which is really hard coz y’all are poor lol 

jk jk 

but anyway, sometimes you find a cool rock on the ground and then give it to him like “this rock reminded me of you..”

and honestly, he thinks that his is the cutest thing ever

he has a display on his windowsill in his room of all the rocks you’ve given him ever

and sometimes he’ll catch an insect, put it in a container or a plastic bag and give it to you like “it reminded me of you!”

then he hands you a tub filled with worms lmao 

it’s the thought that counts

Asahi Azumane

his love language is physical touch

contrary to popular belief - it is not words of affirmation

he likes compliments and feeling worthy as much as the next person  but..

sometimes it makes him kinda flustered and self-conscious 

anyway, he thinks that actions speak louder than words

before a game, rather than verbally encouraging him, he prefers it when you play with his fingers or give him a massage 

that relaxes him ten times more than words ever could

 and he might not act like it in front of his friends - but he spends most of his day looking forward to 9 o’clock when y’all can both be together and cuddle in bed ^^

also, before a big game you make it your mission to wake up especially early , find Asahi and do his hair 

firstly, you do it better than he ever could 

secondly, the feeling of your fingers gently massaging his scalp and lacing his hair in between them just made him so calm

and in those moments he would just look up at you with admiration in his eyes and wonder what he ever did to deserve you

Koshi Sugawara 

his love language is quality time 

this man actually gets physical withdrawal symptoms when he is away from you for too long 

and his teammates know symptoms off by heart and the order they appear in so they can identify when Suga is going through YNWF (  Y/N withdrawal fever ):

The first sign of YNWF; excessive lip biting, lip dryness and generally poor lip condition - this is due to the fact that (Y/N) is the one that always reminds Suga to put on lip balm

The second sign of YNWF; becoming lenient and overly nice to the first years - since (Y/N) isn’t here, he has nobody to be nice to. So he is nice to the children.

The third phase of YNWF - and probably the most dangerous; mood swings. He goes from fanon to canon Suga real quick. 

The fourth and final phase of YNWF; denial. 

“No! I don’t miss (Y/N)! I am doing just fine without them.”

Then his teammates force him to facetime you and then he is cured.

Daichi Sawamura

his love language is physical touch 

every second he spends with you, he has his hands on you

not always in a sexual way, ofc

and he’ll immediately back off if you are even slightly uncomfortable with it 

but he just loves he feeling of having you close to him 

it makes him feel like he is protecting you (especially in front of Tanaka)

(’tanaka, nice kill!’)

and when he cuddles you to his chest, not only does it warm you up, but you also feel like you’re making him feel big and strong (which you are), so that makes you happy

also, Daichi will lend you ever single jumper/jersey/jacket he owns if you even shiver within a 10 metre radius of him

Chikara Ennoshita

his love language is quality time 

y’all don’t even need to be talking or even interacting 

as long as he is in the same room as you, he is chill

(Narita and Kinoshita are also quality time kinda guys because it is not like they get any quality time in the actual anime smh)

[starryarchitect]

Simon's even more sympathetic if you over analyze because he clearly has a mental illness making him afraid of abandonment, resistant to change, emotionally unstable and having immense difficulty relating to others. Like he gets worried about Hazel in the cabin when the Cat gets near her, its clearly foreshadowing the next episode.

Agreed! And actually, I pulled put the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) to research your suggestion that Simon has some mental disorder, and . . . you're right! He almost definitely has a mental disorder.

The criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder are: (not quoted, but paraphrased directly from the DSM-5)

Instability in personal relationships and self-image, impulsivity, indicated by five or more of the following:

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. - check, this is kinda Simon's shtick.

A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships, fluctuating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. - there's not much potential for a "pattern" here, but his relationship with Grace definitely fits this.

Markedly and persistently unstable/fluctuating self-image or sense of self. - Simon does not qualify—if anything, his inability to paradigm shift indicates the exact opposite.

Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging. - violence, aggression, murder, all may or may not qualify. Simon ticks this box.

Recurrent suicidal or self-mutilating behavior or threats. - Simon does not qualify for this.

Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood. - In other words, subject responds intensely to swings in interpersonal relationships. Which sounds a heck of a lot like episodes eight through ten. Check.

Chronic feelings of emptiness. - We can't know whether or not this is true, because we can't really get inside a cartoon character's head. So . . . maybe?

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger. - This is definitely present in him. He has a temper, he shouts, he gets angry, and it gets more extreme as the show progresses.

Transient, stress-related paranoia or severe dissociative symptoms. - Simon displays this too—lines like "everyone always lies to me" come to mind as evidence. (No dissociative tendencies, but the paranoia is present, so he meets this criterion.)

Now, the subject of a diagnosis needs to meet at least five of these criteria to qualify for BPD. Simon definitely meets five of these criteria (specifically, criteria one, four, six, eight, and nine), possibly even a few more (two, perhaps seven). In other words, Simon Laurent has Borderline Personality Disorder.

I'm not sure what conclusion to draw from this discovery that Simon is provably mentally ill. Does it mean calling him "evil" is deeply problematic? Does it mean he could've been saved? Does it mean he can't be blamed? Or is it just as toxic to argue that people with mental disorders are not responsible for their own actions as it is to argue that people with personality disorders are inherently irredeemable? (Not that anyone's argued either of those points—I'm mostly thinking in frantic hypotheticals at the moment.)

And of course these questions raise other questions (well, one other question) that has been on my mind since I first heard Simon called "irredeemable." What do people mean by "he's irredeemable"? Do they mean he couldn't improve and grow after the events of episode ten? Do they mean that his actions were unforgivable? Do they mean he was predestined to be a murderer from episode one, unlike the redeemable Grace? "Irredeemable" has become Simon's buzzword, but no one's ever really defined it. And until I get a concrete definition, I can't slap that label on him and throw him in the garbage with the rest of the characters I hate. (To be clear, I'm not saying anyone's wrong that he's irredeemable, I'm just asking what people mean when they say he's irredeemable.)

However, one thing is clear: as Anon pointed out, Simon is easy to relate to, easy to sympathize with, and easy to pity because of this. We may not all have personality disorders, but we all have flaws that make our brains work differently from how we'd like them to, whether those flaws are anger, laziness, or selfishness, or a mental illness, or something else. Yes, few of us are driven to be murderers because of this, but it still means that we can feel bad for Simon, even as we condemn his actions.

Every time I post something about Simon and it's not ten thousand words long, I'm showing enormous self-restraint and deserve a few claps. Also, sorry, Anon, for using your ask as an excuse to rant about Simon. You made a good point and I wanted to explore it!

[yourfavouritetragedy]

“Great Party” by Frank Iero as c!wilbur (pogtopia era)

Okay I talked about this a tiny bit in a discord server but I just. It fits SO WELL. Here’s a line by line rundown. (also it’s technically by one of Frank’s bands but IDK their names)

Our hearts need work,

Wilbur tends to see Tommy as the same as him. l’manberg as a whole was fueled by heart, and since it was clearly bad, their hearts need work

I'm scared we're born to lose

Pogtopia. His villain complex. “we’re” — pulling Tommy along again.

Tired of acting tough when I should've known better

Shouldn’t have started L’manberg. Being the leader is exhausting for Wilbur but he has to keep it up.

Our words get stuck so we taught ourselves to smile Yours shines so bright that it makes me shiver

cr-crimeboys. crimeboys. also the smile is a lie about how they’re feeling.

Just when you thought it can't get worse, always it does Just when you thought it can't get worse, always it does

cwilbur in pogtopia. I don’t think I need to elaborate.

We ignored the signs,

Nobody really does anything about the very clear signs of c!wilbur’s mental spiral. From c!wilbur’s perspective, this can be about L’Manberg not being meant to be

got lost for miles and miles

hopelessness.

Know what buttons to push with both middle fingers

!!! button room, pogtopia covered in the buttons and they’re falling apart. both middle fingers because one is for the world and one is for himself!

I'm out of touch, your ticks are out of time

hahah. like. like the tntduo song. but yeah he’s out of touch. “your ticks are out of time” could be his paranoia about everyone else not actually being on his side.

Couldn't wait to get gone. Yea, you're a real go getter

first part: suicidal. second part is kinda sarcastic. kinda like “we accomplished a lot, but is that a positive thing?” also cwilbur’s ambition is so key to his character. (I can kinda see cphil telling cwilbur this as an over-achiever teen.) If he feels like his value comes from getting things done, when he’s unable to do that, it’s like a taunt.

Just when you thought it can't get worse, always it does Just when you thought I can't get worse, I'm off my meds

Wilbur displays symptoms of many mental illness, but most salient here is Bipolar Disorder. It’s very easy to see him going off his meds sometime between the beginning of L’Manberg and his worst in Pogtopia. I haven’t closely watched the Pogtopia arc, but I see him as going through a long mixed episode in Pogtopia. (That paragraph in Hitting on 16… litcheterally mania…) 

I'm wondering is it me, is it me, that made you feel so sad?

crimeboysssss. he feels it’s his fault! he’s bad for tommy! but he cares about tommy so much too. also like, wondering if he’s bringing down the people around him in general. or wondering if they’re actually behaving the way they are around him because they notice his depression, like “is it really me that is making you act like this, or do you not care?.”  

I miss you so much I miss you sober I hope you don't mind I miss you so much I miss you sober

this section can be read as c!tommy and the rest of pogtopia at Wilbur, tntduo, or even cWilbur at schlatt.

I hope you don't mind I won't call

the letters to philza stopping, wilbur doesn’t talk to/trust people around him

Is it me, is it me, that brings you down?

worried it’s all his fault, doesn’t want to hurt tommy. re: the “feel so sad line”

My heart needs work, it does what it wants to

Wilbur admits that he has problems but accepts them as a part of him instead of trying to improve

Keeps falling in love when I should've known better

tntduo. but also the idea of L’Manberg. maybe even caring about the l’manberg citizens.

My words get stuck so I taught myself to smile

It’s hard for him to be honest about his poor mental health, so he just pretends he’s fine.

So sick of us, and I hope I never get better

!!! Wilbur gives up! He doesn’t want to get better — this characterizes every rock-bottom moment, and Wilbur was certainly at his worst in Pogtopia.

[duchessofostergotlands]

Hi, jess! A couple of months ago I sent you an ask about a reality tv show (the farm) and a participant who has bpd (she didn’t win the 1 million price, btw - but she was so happy when she found out that a good portion of the public supported her, specially women ❤️ she’s famous because of only fans and most of her followers on social media, before her participation on the show, were men. So she said she was happy to see so many women supporting and following her now). Anyway while watching the show, I realized many of her behaviors were so similar to mine. Then my mom and sister, who live with me, told me they noticed that too. I decided to ask my psychiatrist and psychologist (I’ve been dealing with depression for the past 10 years), but both didn’t give it much credit. At the time I agreed with them - they said I probably don’t have bpd because the behaviors I was describing only happens when I’m home, with people I trust. I’m very “controlled” when I’m with other people, including my dad (who hasn’t lived with me since I was a kid). The point is, I’m ALWAYS making a huge effort trying to control myself in public - it’s exhausting and I believe it’s one of the reasons I tend to isolate myself. I think I’ve actually learned to camouflage my feelings and to avoid things that trigger me. I used to be more “uncontrolled” as a kid, before I created this deep rooted fear that people’d leave me because of these behaviors and reactions. Do you think it’s possible to camouflage some of bpd’s symptoms? And, if so, do you have any tips on how I could talk to my psychiatrist and psychologist about it? —— I didn’t want to make this ask any longer than it already is, but one of my childhood friends was recently diagnosed with autism. We don’t talk much nowadays, but she messaged me last month to tell me about her diagnosis and to ask if I felt I had some of the same treats - thinking retrospectively, we were very alike. It made a lot of sense and I remembered you said sth about bpd and autism sharing some similarities in some aspects of how the brain works. She also told me about recent studies showing the underreported diagnosis in women. My psychiatrist and psychologist also dismissed it, because I don’t avoid eye contact and have friends. I’m really confused right now, but it’s also kinda relieving to get to know myself a bit more and to think that the struggle I’ve felt my whole life is real. (Sorry for the long text!)

Hey :) Sorry it’s taken me so long to get back to you. Just like to be able to dedicate a bit of time to longer messages like this and I rarely have the attention span for it! But of course I remember the conversation, it was really interesting to hear about what the contestant went through. 

So yes, BPD and autism are often misdiagnosed as each other as there are similar traits that are often found. Usually around attractions to patterns and structure and also around empathy. Like I don’t generally feel empathy for people in the same way most people do. I’d say unless you’re a close friend or family member - or maybe if you’re a child - I probably wouldn’t feel empathy towards you. I generally make decisions about moral standpoints and such based on what logically makes sense to me rather than any kind of emotional connection because I just don’t really feel that. I think the reasons autistic people may sometimes struggle with empathy are different but to an external person would seem very similar so can often be confused. 

To address your two points that made you unsure about the diagnoses, BPD is definitely highly interpersonal so it can change drastically depending on who you’re with. I can be friends with someone for quite a while and they have no idea but if I’m in a romantic or physical relationship with someone they’ll know within a few days. Romantic relationships are my personal trigger so they’re where I struggle the most. Then in terms of autism, lack of eye contact doesn’t really mean anything. I think that’s a common misconception people have but two of my cousins are autistic and they were both very outgoing and friendly, they were incredibly tactile, I didn’t notice them not looking me in the eye but I probably don’t look people in the eye much because that feels weird haha. Women in particular are not well studied when it comes to autism as you kind of mentioned. They are generally better at “masking” and so are often misdiagnosed or their condition isn’t picked up until well into adulthood. So even if you have friends and can look people in the eye it wouldn’t necessarily mean you wouldn’t fit the criteria. 

I wouldn’t want to diagnose you with anything myself as I’m not a professional and I don’t know you personally. The DSM outlines the criteria for being diagnosed with BPD. You have to demonstrate at least five of the following and as with all mental illnesses they have to cause a significant impact on your ability to carry out your responsibilities and go through daily life:

Chronic feelings of emptiness

Emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events (e.g., intense episodic sadness, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

Identity disturbance with markedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

Impulsive behavior in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

Pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes between idealization and devaluation (also known as "splitting")

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-harming behavior

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

Those are the criteria that would most likely be used to assess you. In the UK we can be diagnosed with depression and anxiety by a GP but have to go to a psychiatrist or psychologist to get a PD diagnosis. It sounds like you’ve already been in contact with them. I’m not too sure how it works where you are. Can you get a second opinion? Are there other doctors you could make an appointment with? Could you go private? I’m very aware of the fact that having the NHS in the UK means that my experiences are not applicable to everyone’s circumstances but for me when I first went to get help I was given meds and a depression and anxiety diagnosis and sent on my way. When that didn’t help I went back and got a higher dosage. And then it still didn’t help and finally I was kind of at rock bottom (or I thought so at the time) and needed help and so what I did on that occasion was have a friend accompany me into the room. They had created a list of things they’d seen me do or heard about me doing that were concerning to them and gave them to the doctor, and they kind of backed me up and gave me moral support. It shouldn’t have taken someone else being in the room for me to be taken seriously but having someone there who could express what I might have been too shy or self conscious to say was really helpful. In the end I got referred for treatment and it wasn’t right for me ultimately as my problems were more complex but it helped for a bit. I don’t know if there’s anyone in your life you trust to be able to be there to support you but I think it can be really intimidating to push back with doctors and professionals and having someone there who knows you and cares about you can be the thing that gives you that extra bit of courage you need. 

I’m not sure how helpful that is but I’m available if you want to ask me any questions about BPD or any explanations of how I experience the symptoms or anything like that :) 

[wiltedeyesandtwistedlies]

What are the inattentive symptoms of ADHD?

Before I answer, it’s important to acknowledge that not everyone experiences ADHD the same way. I came up with this list through hours of extensive research, but I still explained each one based on how I experience them personally, because I wanted it to be an honest and accurate resource.

Now, I experience every inattentive symptom of ADHD severely. As well as most hyperactive type symptoms, but not nearly as severely. Hence why my explanations are on the severe side. So if you don’t experience every one of these, or you don’t experience them exactly like this, that doesn’t mean you don’t have ADHD.

Most Commonly Known Symptoms:

Inattentive ADHD is pretty much the same thing as hyperactive ADHD but with less hyperactive tendencies. So technically these symptoms apply to both, but ADHD has a few more that won’t be listed here.

• Inability to focus on disinteresting or unengaging tasks even if you need or even want to – As if your brain physically won’t let you. Because that’s exactly what’s happening. There is no, “Just do it because you have to.”

For real. Imagine a video came where you’ve reached the end of the map and there’s that invisible barrier to keep you from going any farther. But all the other players are passing it just fine. They look at you like you’re crazy and can’t believe that you can’t get through. But it’s literally IMPOSSIBLE.

Now apply that to easy individual movements or tasks like plugging in your charger right next to you or washing a few bowls.

• Focusing WAY too much on this single thing whether you like it or not. It’s called “hyperfixating” and it’s both the most exhilarating experience in the world and the most soul crushing. You can watch/do nothing else, consume nothing else, think of nothing else. It’s exciting and invigorating. But as soon as there is no more material/info about it to devour, existence is gray and meaningless. The adrenaline rush and laser focus are like nothing else, but the crash is just as intense.

• Inability to divert attention to something different when you're already focused on something else. (More of a product of the two above, really)

• Inability to organize or maintain a neat system. It’s not that we don’t have a system (because we do, and if it’s altered in the most miniscule way we will know and we will be furious) but that our systems tend to be more about ease of access. It looks messy, but everything is just easily reachable instead of tucked away in drawers or hidden in organizer bins.

“Out of sight, out of mind.” As soon as we can’t see it, or we get used to it and it becomes a background visual (like background noise but for your eyes), it no longer exists. Until we see it again we have never seen it before either.

• Emotions are forceful and kinda scary. Lacking the ability to regulate emotions means violently strong feelings. They can sweep you away and leave you stranded in an uncomfortable predicament. Major highs and lows as well as strong grudges and emotionally based actions.

• Distractability: There’s this stereotype that all people with ADHD are hyper airheads who cut off mid sentence to shout random shit like “SQUIRREL!” whenever they see something remotely interesting. They’re super excited about it and HAVE to let everyone know, no matter what they were doing before. It’s kind of the “cutesie” version that the media portrays a lot. Most ADHDers don’t actually fit this stereotype.

However, stereotypes are often based on true characteristics, even if they have been twisted into a sick joke or a cruel portrayal.

NOTE: There is nothing wrong with this form of ADHD. It just sucks that if you don’t match this stereotype, no one really believes you have ADHD. Also that so many people use it to insult and bully people with ADHD, even if that isn’t how they display their symptoms.

Lesser Known Symptoms:

Basically if these are #relateable, you probably have ADHD.

• Unable to conceptualize time in any way. Will this take two minutes? Three hours? No one knows! You thought this would take a half hour at most and it’s taken three! How?? This was a five-minute task and you’ve just realized you zoned out. It felt like two seconds but it was two hours!

• There is only Now and Not Now. Again, it’s a time thing. The future always seems so far away that it's almost like it doesn't exist. "Time is a construct" is something I often say because I have no sense of time passing, having past, or will pass. People describe me as "living in the present.” But that’s only because I forget that there is a future or that time is moving. I just don't think about it at all and when I try to it's impossible to understand and it feels made up.

• Sensitive to any form of rejection, actual or perceived. A friend texts you back, but they don’t sound nearly as enthusiastic as usual. You immediately tear your message apart to try to find what upset them and how you can make it up to them. Because surely that’s what that nontypical period means? You want to curl up in a hole and never come out, never face the horrible thing you’ve done to a treasured friend. Intense fear and sorrow mingle into all consuming guilt. The kind that makes you wish you’d never met them, just so they wouldn’t have to be hurt by you now. All because they added a period.

Everyone with some form of an anxiety disorder will recognize this. But it’s also a very common ADHD experience. This is in part because anxiety is SUPER likely to be comorbid with ADHD. But we also have Rejection Sensative Dysphoria. Which basically means we’re ridiculously sensitive to the slightest possibility of the barest chance that we maybe might receive a sliver of perceived ambiguous rejection. To the point where we cut off good relationships for seemingly no reason because we’re too afraid to even speak to them again, much less explain our emotions that we know are irrational but can’t help. The guilt and regret are too agonizing, the fear to face them too much.

• Reading is AWFUL. We’ve already established that attention is not your friend. Unfortunately, that makes it difficult to read blocks of boring text. The information could be good, it could be fun even. But if the format is too uniform and plain, it’s impossible to get past the first few sentences. You just keep rereading the same line over and over, realizing every time that you zoned out halfway across. It’s infuriating and very sad. It also makes studying an absolute nightmare.

Many people actually don’t have this experience. They hyperfocus on their reading or their schoolwork so it isn’t a problem. I was the same way until college and now I can’t even read a little recipe card without zoning out. But it’s a very common experience nevertheless so I listed it anyway.

• Ringing ears, hearing electricity. This is one I just heard about. I haven’t been able to actually research this one, but it’s interesting and every ADHDer I know has confirmed it so I’m adding it. ‘Cause I’ve had constant ringing since I was old enough to talk. And I’ve always been able to hear power lines, household appliances, wires inside the walls, all those varying vibrating hums and crackling pops. It’s one of the weird quirks that “run in the family.” Just like Tinnitus and all ADHD symptoms. Apparently, MANY people with ADHD have similar experiences.

• Negative stimming. Things that negatively stimulate your senses. After encountering a certain stim, you feel it physically. It causes a sensation that hurts, in a way. It shouldn’t, logically. But your body’s reaction is to pain. This includes foods you can’t eat because the texture is wrong. Clothing you can’t wear because you can easily breath but no you really can’t because the collar sits wrong against your throat. Sounds that make your spine stiffen or skin crawl. Bright lights or colors that don’t affect anyone else but make your head ache.

Stims and sensitivity can affect any and all senses. A certain smell, agitating fabrics, an unbelievably smooth stone, specific tastes and food textures, certain color combinations, particular sounds/pitches/volumes, et cetera.

• Positive stimming. The other side of the sensory coin. Things that are exceptionally pleasant to your senses/stimulate you positively. For example, the way light shines through a transparent bright blue gem. Watching the light catch and twist so fluidly when you move it takes your breath away. There’s a euphoric feeling to it, and you can’t look away. It’s too pleasing. It’s like a deep satisfaction you can physically feel throughout your whole body, emanating from deep within your chest. You never want to stop that feeling.

Personally, it feels like my chest is somehow much deeper than it actually is. And at the farthest, deepest part is where that satisfaction settles. Nothing else can ever reach that hidden, impossibly deep cavity. It’s so amazing, I never want it to stop. It can feel like that endless pit is starved, and the stim is the first sustenance it’s ever had so it never what’s to let it go.

• Forgetting supposedly unforgettable things. Like where the fuck I parked my car. Also what my car looks like. It’s blue right? It has a hatch. I accidently memorized the license plate (complicated story) but I can’t tell you what model it is?? Is it even in this parking lot? I’ve never parked anywhere else but my memory is obviously garbage so now I need to check every parking lot just in case.

End Note:

It’s important to know that ADHD has many symptoms that overlap with other nuerodivergencies such as autism or ASD. Executive dysfunction can be caused by a number of mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety. Emotional regulation problems can look just like Bipolar disorder and vice versus.

My point is, every symptom could actually be something else. It’s really easy to be misdiagnosed because they all have such similar symptoms. I know someone who thought they had ADHD for years, but it was actually a mix of severe depression and anxiety that fucked with their working memory (as both depression and anxiety do). Someone else I know was diagnosed with manic depression and thought they might be bipolar, but it was undiagnosed ADD the whole time.

[hecticcheer]

Chronically and/or mentally ill A catches a cold. They hole up at home for a few days, and when they reenter public life they refuse all their friends’ attempts at sympathy, their considerate gestures.

Everyone thinks A must just fear displaying vulnerability, or that they respect themselves too little to accept help. But eventually B finds out it’s because A resents that their friends dote over each other’s colds but rarely even ask A how they’re doing in a more long-term sense. At first B misinterprets this, reading it as an “Oh I’ve dealt with worse, I feel silly accepting sympathy over a little thing like this” sentiment. So B tries to reassure them, saying something about how ll comfort is worth giving and all discomfort is worth voicing, and A explodes with irritation:

No, that’s not it!! That’s not the problem. The problem is that people think it’s cute and sweet and pitiful when A tries to downplay their cold, like A’s friends are being considerate by noticing and trying to coax A to admit how unwell they feel, as if downplaying is even what they’re doing rather than just not being that fussed. But that at the same time they implicitly expect A to hide the symptoms that actually bother them, actually threaten their happiness and hinder their productivity, because whenever A brings these up people either get quiet and bashful or make suggestions so ignorant it’s all A can do not to snarl and roll their eyes. That they give comfort only when the discomfort they’re facing doesn’t scare them, and that from A’s perspective that fear can’t help but look pathetic. That so many people can seem like they’re more grown-up and well-adjusted than A on the subjects of how to ask for help and how to show empathy for the sick, when really what they are is ignorant. That of course this seems simple to them—everything does from the outside.

So far so repellent, B thinks; they were just trying to be nice, after all. Besides, if A does habitually hide all their real suffering, how is B supposed to know when they want sympathy and when it would just make them feel singled-out, or remind them of things they’d rather not think about? But then A starts crying, and this question stops mattering much. B strokes their back and tells them sshhh; A accepts their touch but curls further over themselves and, between sobs, manages to wail out, “No—don’t tell me to shush! That’s all anyone ever tells me!”

And in the larger context, B still thinks that’s unfair, but right now they figure if they push back on it A will take that as more shushing. So for now they say, “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean it like that. Here—your nose is kinda”—and hand A a wad of tissues.

“Oh. Right, yeah. Thanks. God,” scoffs A once they’ve wiped themselves passably clean, “fitting, right?”

“How do you mean?”

“That even now this fucking—nose virus is somehow the most important thing wrong with me.”

B laughs, and pats the back of A’s hand, and says, “Actually I think the inconsolable sobbing takes that cake.”

A sniffs. “Yeah, probably.”