#a couple of minor spoilers or spoilers by implication however

[inhuman-obey-me]

Celestials and Saltiness: Lessons 48/49

HAHAHAHA of course while we had irl stuff going on and couldn't go through the lessons for a couple weeks, was when the Big Stuff drops. But we have caught up, and hoo boy, there is plenty to discuss. So let's discuss! Strap in, it's a long one.

(MAJOR spoilers for NB lesson 48/49 below the cut)

The Situation

Let's start with what's actually happening. Hey, remember when the devs decided Simeon is a human now as punishment over the whole stealing the Ring of Light situation? SURPRISE, they've decided he's becoming a demon after all! You know, like all of us fucking expected of what happens to angels when they are punished and fall? Yeah, that.

As it turns out, despite the whole "I'm human now" gradual reveal across two whole fucking seasons, they've now decided this has been going on since basically all the way back to his human world cafe days in OG Season 3 to say he was starting to become a demon even back then, or at least so Solomon theorizes. So...basically the entire length of his "human" punishment thus far. Cool, cool, we're sure that's totally not a retcon due to the devs realizing they wrote themselves into a corner. Definitely had a plan all along, that's why they bought themselves 2 seasons of Nightbringer time travel shenanigans of time before getting into this. Totally.

Anyway, setting aside the salt (for now), we are told that this demonic aura has been starting to appear whenever he feels deep emotions, somewhat similar to how power manifests for the brothers. Solomon tells us that it's because Simeon has a unique ability to access his latent power - which is an interesting little tidbit to note, as it implies that they took away his angel powers but he has his own inherent powers which he was just never able to access until now. We have long held the headcanon that God artificially limits angels' power, so it's very interesting to us to see that it may be suggesting something similar here.

On a related minor worldbuilding note, this does confirm the detail that celestial power has a distinctly opposite feeling than demonic power, meaning that their magic and powers are not neutral. And we also get an in-game reminder that demons do not like angels, so in this situation, it would be expected that an average demon might think an angel deserves to fall and want to torture/kill them if given the chance.

By the way, all of this is going on during the Science Fair Chemistry competition specifically, which is...an interesting parallel to say the least. Chemistry is the science concerned with matter -- including its composition, structure, and how it changes down to the molecular level. We've always been of the opinion that Simeon just turning into a human was odd as it's been established that demons and angels have different physiology in comparison to humans (like how Demonus can get both demons and angels drunk, but doesn't affect humans). Simeon turning into a demon with the absence of his angel powers makes sense.

Celestial Realm Reactions

Now, the consequences.

First, let's look at the political implications. Diavolo, Barbatos, and Lucifer know that this does not bode well for relations between the Realms. After all, what will the Celestial Realm think, having one of their own turning into a demon after they sent them to the Devildom for the exchange program? Especially considering everything that happened with Lucifer and the Great Celestial War, it would be very easy to point a finger at Diavolo and the Devildom for being a corrupting influence.

Lucifer also mentions that Simeon is currently not allowed through the gates into the Celestial Realm without first obtaining forgiveness. However, that status as a human is an ongoing punishment (think of a kid being grounded by parents), not a one-and-done thing, opening up an implication that this transformation is not necessarily intended to be permanent. That's also totally not a retcon, we're sure! If he turns into a demon, that challenges the supposed punishment and calls into question which realm actually has a claim to him -- in a situation where both answers would have precarious implications for Diavolo's peace plan.

So, that's the Celestial Realm as a whole, on a political level. But let's take a look at the individual angels we know too, shall we?

First, there's the big question mark of Michael. We know that he's the one who called Simeon back to the Celestial Realm about the Ring of Light, and we also know that he is in fact the one Simeon stole it from. However, Lucifer assumes Michael is planning to bring Simeon back to the Celestial Realm when he gets the chance, so it seems like he was not actually the one to decide on this punishment and may actually be working to end it. And interestingly, this would not be the first time Michael has acted on his own to seemingly try to cancel out a punishment from God -- as a reminder, he also went off to the Devildom disguised himself as Raphael to try to invite the brothers back at the end of NB Season 1!

Considering Lucifer's insistence that Father would never forgive him, plus his Cocytus punishment at the end of NB Season 2, it does seem like Michael probably didn't have permission from God to go inviting them back. If he's also looking to reverse Simeon's punishment, that would show a surprising rebelliousness from the top angel of the Celestial Realm! So it will be interesting to see how Michael's role in this whole situation unfolds.

Then, we have our sweet baby angel Luke -- who ends up crying himself to the point of passing out when he finds out. He's grown a lot since he first arrived to the Devildom, no longer thinking that all demons are inherently evil monsters -- but he's still very proud to be an angel. He loves Simeon dearly, as the one who has acted as a parental figure of sorts for him this entire time. Luke is adamant about protecting and helping Simeon in any way he can, even if he's not sure what can really be done.

However, this sets up quite the conflict for the poor boy. He was too young to know Lucifer and the other brothers at the time of the Great Celestial War, so this is his first time reckoning with an angel he's known personally becoming a demon. And on top of that, this began with the Celestial Realm's decision to punish Simeon for taking the Ring of Light -- saving MC and Lucifer, and stabilizing MC's "ring" to essentially save all of the Three Realms.

In other words, Simeon is becoming a demon now for saving everyone. So it begs the question -- will Luke, who has unquestioningly believed in the Celestial Realm until now, start seeing his home in a different light after all of this?

Then there's the next-youngest angel, and the newest in the cast -- Raphael. We didn't see too much of him, but we get enough that it's clear he's not taking this news well either. It's assumed he was suddenly called to the Celestial Realm because of this development, though we don't know exactly what they say to him about it, and when he returns, he's in a daze. We see Mephistopheles being the one to actually first run into him and try to talk to him, but he is mainly met with a very out-of-it angel, and he then takes him out to have his family's special Demonus because it's clear Raphael is distressed. In another scene, we see Thirteen run into a now spaced-out Mephisto and he asks her a "hypothetical" -- what happens when an angel reaches their limit? Also, Solmare, are y'all setting up RaphaelxMephisto as a ship?

And then, of course, we have the angel of the hour -- or rather, ex-angel. And Simeon's reaction to this change is...not so bad, actually. It's one of understandable confusion but also a kind of near acceptance. We've always been convinced that the reason Simeon was demoted after the Celestial War was because he stayed neutral and refused to fight. And how Simeon discusses the past in Lesson 49 suggests similarly -- he has always had regrets over not joining Lucifer, because he couldn't. Now that it seems he is possibly turning into a demon, he can't help but wonder how things could have been different if he had.

He mentions how he feels less unsure about this than turning into a human, as he always did want to be closer to the brothers, and didn't like that he was different from them. In that sense, turning into a demon doesn't seem so bad to him -- though he also doesn't have control over these powers yet, so he needs to be careful. And, if you choose the "are you a bad boy at heart" option, he mentions that maybe his loyalty to the Celestial Realm is lacking -- pretty understandable, after all he's seen from them and all they've put him through...!

And Then There's the Shady Sorcerer...

Now, that's all complicated enough for that delicate, delicate balance between the Celestial Realm and the Devildom, but let's not forget there's one more realm in the "Three" Realms, with one very conspicuously powerful representative here in our cast.

And so, where is Solomon in all of this? Well, we know he placed a protection charm on Simeon to protect him when it was thought that he was a "defenseless" human, so that even if a lesser demon messed with him, they'd be in for a world of pain. He was also, it seems, the first one to notice Simeon starting to transform into a demon, but kept that information to himself until confronted about it. Lucifer opens up to us that he can't help but wonder if there's some kind of connection between the sorcerer's activities back in the human realm and Simeon's predicament, feeling some doubts even if it seems everyone relies on Solomon and trusts him. And after all, Lucifer would be a demon with a good reason to distrust Solomon, since the sorcerer has long been after a pact with him, even on top of all the many powerful pacts he already holds with others.

Lucifer brings up some of his concerns to Solomon by asking him why he's been going back and forth to the human world so much -- to which Solomon answers that's making some preparations for unlikely scenarios. He insists it's not important, but we wonder...

Back in OG Season 2, Solomon knew about MC's "ring" which was putting the Three Realms at risk, and he secretly swiped the Night Dagger from the Reaper's Cave as a potential solution. His top priority, as we've seen, has always been protecting humanity from the battling influences of the other two realms. We know that's also part of his mysterious deal with Nightbringer.

So what possible plans and preparations could Solomon be making, and for what unlikely scenarios? Another war? Another imbalance of power? We'll see what awaits with this whole new situation...

[littlealeta]

Spellbound (2024) Review [Spoilers]

Long post! Scroll down for a TL;DR and Aleta Rewrites Version!

I, at first, didn't want to watch this movie. But after hearing some surprisingly decent reviews, I decided to give it a chance. Coming out of it, I can understand why it resonated with some people, even if the writing is ultimately a mess. I think if this came out earlier, in the mid 2010s, without all the controversy John Lasseter has got into as well, I think this could've done a bit better among other simplistic films such as Home and Secret Life of Pets. And I probably would've liked it better myself back then, but alas, I am not a slightly mindless 17 year old anymore, and we live in different times where cute, heartfelt stories are not the only things a movie needs to be good. So, I must view this film objectively as it is.

I will have to say, though, the trailers hid way too much. It's not as horrible as they made it out to be, but still mediocre.

Story

So much to say here...

The story is a real mess. It literally pops off with the parents being monsters. We know nothing of their life beforehand at this point.

There are some good ideas here, like the dark emotions tornado. the parents being monsters concept and having the child be the one to parent their own parents sounds like it could be ridiculously funny, but the problem is, it doesn't do much to set it apart from other stories that have done this before, Brave and Spirited Away with the parents being creatures concept, Wonder Park with the dark emotions symbolism, and It Takes Two with two fighting parents going on an adventure. The monsters at the start could just be Eileen's annoying pets and there would be no difference.

I also like that the main conflict revolves around divorce, a theme that is rarely touched upon in media, especially for children. It's unfortunate that this doesn't come into play until halfway through the story. The message is very heartfelt and a good lesson for children going through this same situation.

There are some good scenes here. Like there's some creative and beautiful segments like the echo or the Look for the Light scene. Most of the humor is actually well-written, although, I probably could've done without the freaky friday thing as it doesn't really contribute to the story. There are a couple times where I felt the humor is tacked on, but other than that, most of them felt natural.

One thing that doesn't make sense about the story, though, is the parents gradually getting their humanity back after it was said that they would get it back at the lake. This was never explained. I believe I could subtly see the reason why that may be the case. The parents and Elliaan are starting to accept the reality of the marriage. But, there's not enough implication to connect that reasoning to the story, and it just feels contrived.

The way conflict gets resolved is often anticlimatic. Like, in the echo scene, the parents suddenly saying "Girl" for no reason and getting their humanity back felt rushed and contrived as well as Bolinar being able to somehow call in the other flinks during the big climatic moment.

Characters

The characters either don't really have much personality or feel one-note.

Princess Elliaan is just your typical Disney protagonist. She's cheerful, optimistic, good-natured, and a bit clumsy. She lacks any flaws, quirks, or depth to help her stand out.

The parents only show their personalities when they're fighting. They, too, have nothing to make them stand out.

The only characters who kinda have a personality are Bolinar and the Oracles, but even they feel a bit one-note. Bolinar's only characteristic is that he's perpetually negative, and he really doesn't contribute anything to the story. The Oracles, being minor characters, aren't very memorable.

Flink is just your average trouble-making Disney sidekick.

Animation/Music/Voice Acting

I love Princess Eileen's design, I think she's very cute. However, that is all the positives I have in regards to the animation. There are some different artistic styles used in some of the musical segments, but most of the animation is just your average 2010s 3D animation.

Music is alright. Most of it is not memorable. There are a couple of weird moments where it seems like the characters were talking more than singing. My personal favorite would be The Way it Was Before. It's catchy, and the sweetest and most heartfelt song out of them all.

The voice actors do well with both funny and serious moments. I have to give props especially to Rachel Zegler, for both her singing and her ability to convey emotions. I really felt her character there.

Overall/TL;DR

I give Spellbound 5.4 bells out of 10

The story takes too long to reveal itself and get interesting. There is barely a concrete arc there, it could easily be seen as a movie where "things happen". A lot of the conflict is resolved anticlimatically, too. There are inklings of a deep, emotional, and creative movie in there, but it needed some more drafting to get there. The comedic timing is mostly well-written, though, besides a few tacked on moments.

Characters feel pretty one-note and Elliaan is just your average Disney princess.

Besides a few artistic musical segments, the animation is mostly generic. Although, I think Princess Elliaan is very cute.

Music is ok, quite forgettable. The only catchy one being the heartfelt The Way It Was Before.

Voice actors did their jobs well, especially Rachel Zegler in terms of both her singing and emotional range.

It's passable enough for kids and those who want to Netflix and chill. It's a simple movie with a good heart and there's nothing wrong with that, but in terms of story and characterization, it's pretty bland with nothing much to make it stand out from other animated kids fare.

In an Aleta Rewrites story, I would of course start off with the parents being humans. Elli is harboring resentment for them due to their constant fighting and planned divorce and just wants everything to be peaceful again. Due to Elli's resentment, the parents themselves are having trouble going through with the divorce because they want to "stay together for the kid". Their fighting causes the parents to turn into monsters because this is how Elliaan sees them. At the start, I would try to do something a little more creative with the parents being monsters concept to set it apart from other movies that have done this before. Like, maybe instead of just having them be rambunctious creatures, show more facets of their personalities. Like, maybe the parents' personalities are still somewhere in there and they're trying to talk to Eileen or trying to help Eileen, but their monster sides just keep coming out and it just all ends in the wrong way. Also, show more of the parents fighting as monster forms instead of just acting like pets causing trouble around the castle.

Let Elliaan's growth happen more naturally instead of at the last minute. And her growth (her acceptance of the changes the parents want to make to their marriage) is the reason her parents slowly gain back humanity. Their adventure is a representation of Elliaan and her parents' journey to accept the truth that the marriage is not going to work out well. Show more symbolic elements of Elliaan's resentment and her growth similar to how you showed symbolic scenes of the parents fighting with the quicksand and the echo.

I would also have Bolinar be more of the foil who often ditches and kinda gets in the way of Elliaan and her parents' adventure. His selfish attempts at trying to get back his body hurt their plans (more scenes like the acorn trail scene), until he grows to be more helpful in the adventure and realize his selfish ways.

[tnbc-thoughtsandheadcanons]

Megan Shepherd's TNBC Novelization: Review

Here are my thoughts and full review on Megan Shepherd's Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas (Novel). Although the book is closely based on the movie, there are a few unique things about it that I deem necessary to hide under a 'Read More', for spoilers to those who wish to avoid them.

Review + my thoughts below!

The book closely follows the movie with descriptives for each scene, except it doesn't contain any of the songs or lyrics, so substitutional dialogue is used instead. Most of these went well to describe/summarize the songs they replaced. I have no complaints with how Megan followed the movie in novel form, it's pretty accurate beyond some...minor things.

One example: Halloween just ended when Jack goes missing and stumbles upon Christmas Town, and when he comes back, he decides to have Halloween Town handle Christmas themselves. It's noteworthy to mention that they manage to do this from only November 1st - December 25th, a timespan of only 2 months. However. In this novel, the timing is changed - and it takes the Town a whole year to manage their own Christmas, and it is stated in the text that they "skipped their first Halloween" in order to do it.

Wouldn't the humans notice something different with Halloween, without the monsters and creatures of the night to scare them? Wouldn't it be kind of lame, and warrant the title of a "bad Halloween"? When Santa Claus and his gifts were missing, the humans nearly brought an end to Christmas. Is Halloween exempt from impacting the humans like this? Wouldn't there be any repercussions? Isn't it the Holiday World's purpose/job to bring the holiday TO the humans??

Anyway!

The text is beautifully written and I loved Megan's portrayal of Jack Skellington's internal struggle and depression, and how Sally related to it. She wrote the two of them wonderfully in the novel and even brought new details into the picture, mentioning Sally had done sewing tasks for him and is the one who recommended putting white stripes on his suit. She also delivered his book of The Scientific Method from the Doctor to him. <3

The novel contains a lot of little details/changes like these. I loved most of them and only had minor issues with a couple choices. One particular recurring mention, that I and other readers have disliked, was the heavy reference and implication to Jack Skellington's death. A few times in the novel, he thinks of his "previous life" and how he died. I share a fandom headcanon that Jack is a special skeleton from a species in Halloween Town itself, rather than him just dying. But this is a personal nitpick and doesn't impact anything, really - it's Megan's choice for his backstory, and I respect that!

Another small nitpick of mine is that I always thought Jack nabbed all the Christmas books from Christmas Town, but in this novel, it says that he got them from Halloween Town's Library. This brings all sorts of confusing questions into my mind...

A couple of my favorite lines from the book:

Also, the MOST interesting part of this novel, for me, is how it follows The Pumpkin King Game's backstory for Oogie Boogie, where he attempted to overthrow Jack Skellington to become Bug King. The novel mentions this a few times, and it's one of my favorite takes of Oogie Boogie - so I was delighted to see canon from my favorite TNBC game implemented into the novel!

Overall, I loved this novelization and the new headcanons it brought to me. It was wonderfully written and stayed close to the movie while also portraying the author's own takes on the characters and their feelings. Beyond my few minor nitpicks, it was great and I can't wait to see what the author will do with Long Live the Pumpkin Queen's sequel.

Check out this novelization if you can!

[narastories]

what we can have

I want to say ‘this is a weird one’ but let’s face it: when have I ever written something that’s not?

That said… this is: a) a crossover b) wizardbaron

Fandom: The Dresden Files - Jim Butcher, The Fetch Phillips Archives Series - Luke Arnold Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationships: Harry Dresden/Johnny Marcone, Thurston Niles/Fetch Phillips Tags: Crossover, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dimension Travel, POV Alternating, POV First Person, POV Third Person, Marcone POV, Fetch POV, in terms of the Dresden Files it's set after Fool Moon, in the FPA universe after OFITF, pining Wizardbaron, established Philes, because I said so, somehow Philes ended up being the emotionally more mature couple in this which is hilarious, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Fae & Fairies, Niles & Marcone bromance, Fluff

Summary:

John Marcone has a bad start of his day when he manages to get his favorite wizard to help him, only for them to be transported to a different city. Fetch Phillips also faces trouble when a self-proclaimed wizard and a trigger-happy mafia boss enter his café unexpectedly.

The story of four men grappling with the unpredictable nature of magic and their impractical crushes.

Read on AO3

To answer a few questions you might have in advance:

Can I read this if I haven’t read the Dresden Files?

Yes, totally! There are a few minor spoilers from book 1 & 2 but nothing big. If you are familiar with the general premise of the Dresden Files, you should be fine.

Can I read this if I haven’t read the Fetch Phillips Archives?

Technically, yes, but from the FPA perspective, this takes place after the third book, and there are some pretty significant spoilers alluded to. If you have no intention of reading the FPA or don’t care about the spoilers, you should be fine. However, I think if you like the Dresden Files, you should really give the Fetch Phillips Archives a go, and maybe save this fic after you read the first three books ;)

Nara you never seemed like a huge Wizardbaron fan, how come you wrote this ship? Can we expect more Harry x Marcone fics in the future?

GODS I HOPE NOT

I’m sorry for being so antagonistic about this. I have a real love/hate relationship with Marcone and this ship.

I get everything I ever wanted from enjoying Harry/Nic and Fetch/Niles. The reason why this fic ended up being Harry/Marcone is because they are much closer in vibe to Fetch/Niles, and I thought Marcone and Niles would get along pretty well. These ships and characters mirrored each other nicely so Marcone fit my idea better.

If I could have gotten away with making this Harry/Nic I would have, believe me.

I will always respect Wizardbaron enjoyers as the backbone of the DF fandom. And I also liked the idea of writing something that they could realistically enjoy without having to descend into the rarepair hell with me lol

I have no intention of writing more wizardbaron tho, sorry. Although as all fanfic writers know we have limited control of what we end up writing, am I right?

Also I re-listened to Even Hand while editing, and I highly recommend the audiobook version of that if you’re far enough into the DF series. It’s narrated by Mr. Author himself (btw I don’t know why I always call him that but you know, I think I’d better stick to Fae rules and don’t call him by his name on a fanfic lmao) and he clearly had so much fun with it. Certain implications for future theories aside it’s also one of the good parts with Marcone.

Anyway, if you read all that ramble i love you hope you enjoy the fic <3

[ad-hawkeye]

have you read the Artem card before? :o I want to know what happens so bad, I likely won't be able to get it...

i have! it’s admittedly been several months, but i remember it well enough to give a good enough summary! some minor mistakes may pop up, but i’m ten whole pulls away from hard pity and will edit this once i get the card and watch the global translation. but yeah, spoilers ahead!

essentially, it’s like the love child of two hearts as one, atmospherics, and por una cabeza. the amnesia plot from por una cabeza, drunk artem from atmospherics, and theater boy artem from two hearts as one.

it starts with mc waking up in a mansion, not being able to remember anything. she tries to figure out what happened to her and seeks out artem for help.

he initially acts somewhat casual with her (first card art), but soon realizes she has amnesia and goes a bit quiet. he becomes his normal T_T self and acts very distant.

we find out mc is being detained in the mansion because she is a witness to a murder. artem is in charge of the case. mc apparently was knocked unconscious during a conflict with her father and the one murdered.

mc’s father pleaded guilty to the murder. mc knows it wasn’t her father, but can’t give proper testimony until they bring back her memories.

so she and artem try to jog her memory by recreating the formal event the two attended with the emperor, the murdered man, and mc’s father. after roleplaying a bit, this involves them toasting, which leads artem to getting drunk because he drinks wine. he gets brought back to his room and begins to act very flirty and casual with mc. this confuses mc. the voice acting with the simple chinese VA is FANTASTIC here, btw.

later on, it’s revealed that artem seems to be taking bribes and was the one behind the murder. he was pinning it on mc’s father. mc realizes this, and confronts him. in the commotion, artem tackles her to the ground to stop her (second card art). he also evil laughs during this part and its GREAT.

however, once mc starts crying, artem’s facade cracks. he becomes exceptionally sad and gentle, hinting that there’s more to this. and that this will be all over soon for her. he manages to talk her down. i also believe artem starts crying.

in the end, it’s revealed that artem wasn’t the one behind the murder, it was the emperor himself. however, since he’s the emperor, he can’t take the blame, so someone else had to take it. since mc was going to be implicated, her father took the blame, and artem decided that he should implicate himself to take the blame and spare mc and her father.

which, why? it’s revealed that artem had planned to propose to mc - they were a couple this whole time, but mc couldn’t remember this due to her amnesia. artem was just acting like a bad guy, because with her amnesia, he didn’t want her to pity him, or feel sad, and wished to take the blame so mc could live a normal and happy life, even if it meant she thought he was the bad guy who got what he deserved.

in the end, hunger games style, mc also chooses to take the blame with artem. the emperor is moved by this, and instead of executing them, banishes them and has them under surveillance in the woods like 24/7. yeah. and that’s how it ends!

mc never actually gains back her memory, and it’s implied her and artem basically have to start over their relationship again, but they’re both happy with this.

hope this was a useful summary!!! i totally recommend watching it online if you have the chance!

[skittidyne]

who wants a deleted scene from ylg2

i’ll also send this out later via email to those who are part of the cool kid club, but also posting it here!

this is a scene that sadly will get scrapped, though it’s a pretty cute scene when isaac and vivienne aren’t sniping at each other. (it’s also written for a way-earlier draft of the first book where sam wasn’t tengu friend, so that’s why there’s confusing distance with mirai!) also, parandrus! those are fun.

“Oh boy,” Vivienne groans, which is the only warning Isaac gets before they’re accosted by a bouncy tengu in the middle of the goblin market. 

One that he recognizes, no less: the magpie tengu from Halloween. 

“Hello, Mirai,” Vivienne says with a rictus smile. “How have you been?” 

“I told these two to deliver a message to you with all haste! That was weeks ago!” the tengu, Mirai, snaps and flutters into the air when they angrily swoop their wings. Their mask may hide their expression, but their glare can be felt. “Little witch, didn’t you give her my message?!” 

“Of course he did,” Vivienne blatantly lies. 

Isaac rarely feels gratitude, but he supposes he just dodged a bullet. There had been a lot going on during Halloween, so how was he supposed to care that a tengu told them to ask Vivienne to hurry up with whatever egg drama she’s embroiled in? Isaac never thought he’d see the youkai again, anyway. It’s always been a different group manning their stall on the main thoroughfare, and even today, it was supposed to be a quick trip. 

“I’m very sorry, Mirai, but there have been a lot of difficult things going on in the human realm that needed my and Mark’s attention,” Vivienne adds with an amount of respect he never would have suspected she were capable of. “I will do my best to convince Mark that we need to hasten our actions to return the First egg to you.” 

“Vivienne really was quite busy,” Sam advises with a stage-whisper, complete with hand cupped around his mouth, like the woman standing next to him wouldn’t hear. “I think she almost died—it was dangerous. So she definitely wasn’t lying to you about us telling her your message or being too busy to fetch that egg for you!” 

Sam is having too much fun being able to lie to someone else (since the two people he cannot lie to are flanking him). Isaac rolls his eyes. 

“Ah, I did smell more death on you than I had before…” Mirai trails off, clawed hand over their mask’s long, beak-like nose. 

“I’ve been told it’s very rude to tell women that they smell bad,” Sam adds. 

“But then how will they fix it?” 

“Okay, you two!” Vivienne breaks back in. “Whatever I smell like to spirits is not the issue here. Sam, please don’t trouble Mirai any further—” 

“Oh, he’s no trouble! He’s very easy to speak with!” Mirai chirps. 

Why does my demon have a way with tengu, Isaac wonders, exasperated. Aren’t youkai supposed to be infamously hard to deal with? Vivienne’s walking on eggshells around this one. And yet Sam had managed not to get his head ripped off by the barn owl tengu, too, the last time they’d come here. 

To Isaac’s annoyance and Vivienne’s visible discomfort, Mirai falls into step beside them when Vivienne tries to beg out of the conversation to continue shopping. 

So much for a quick trip. 

Sam blatantly leans around Vivienne to continue speaking with Mirai. “So you know the barn owl tengu that normally runs the stall here? I was under the impression that it was their egg that was missing, and they were really upset about it.” 

“It is theirs, but it’s my duty to retrieve it!” Mirai replies with their chest puffed up. 

“Hatsu doesn’t seem to think so,” Vivienne mutters. 

“I need to give it back to them—and I want to! Then Hatsu will see how responsible and decisive and brave I am, not to mention how well I keep my vows to them, and then maybe they’ll finally agree to be courted…” Mirai ends with a dreamy sigh. 

Isaac personally cannot believe that tengu, one of the strongest higher spirits around, known for being fierce and violent and exacting, walking vessels of untold magic potential, are also walking examples of romantic period drama tropes. No wonder Vivienne is letting her exasperation show. Has she been dealing with this the entire time? 

“Good luck,” Sam earnestly tells them. 

Mirai continues mooning beneath their mask, complete with clasped hands and fluttering feathers, even as Vivienne’s expression turns flatter. 

Isaac supposes it’s too much to hope that a tengu would be grossed out by having to drag a carcass through the market. He’s not entirely sure what a parandrus is, but apparently they’re big enough that it’ll be an effort to drag a whole one around. Hence the stronger-than-any-human demon Natalie had declared would be perfect for the job. (Vivienne’s there to do the business, Isaac is there as to not stress the contract. Nevermind the fact that he has the sneaking suspicion that he and Sam could be this far apart, and that Vivienne’s presence beside him would likely soothe any discomfort; there are too many loopholes in that damned contract for Isaac to ever understand.) 

Graham Yu’s stall is as much of a zoo as Isaac remembers, complete with that blindfolded basilisk he saw last time. It raises its head and flicks out a large tongue, directly at Mirai. 

Graham wipes off his gloves on a blood-soaked rag and gives them all a beam. He doesn’t bat an eye at the tengu accompanying them. “Vivienne! You’re here for Natalie’s order, right? It was a pain to maintain the stasis spells, so good luck with that—they’ll probably need refreshing once you get back through the door.” 

“Thanks for the warning,” Vivienne replies, offhand but sincere, and ducks behind Graham’s stall with no further invitation. “Strength,” she murmurs and writes down her leg with her finger. She then reaches into that impossible messenger bag of hers to pull out big work gloves to match Graham’s. 

Together, they haul a huge, furry body onto the table. It shakes beneath the sudden weight. Isaac can’t see much of the beast, outside of registering long fur and what looks like a horn or antler near the lolling head. 

“Is that your dinner? How will you cook it?” Mirai asks brightly. 

Graham snorts a laugh. “Charming notion, but no, tengu-san. We’re selling the whole beast for potion bits, but most are best when harvested fresh.” 

“The things humans go through for their magic,” Mirai says, head cocked steeply. “Weird!” 

“Sam, your turn,” Vivienne wheezes, rolling the parandrus over to the edge of the table. Thick legs and hooves flop over onto that side. 

Without so much as a grunt, Sam picks up the parandrus and hauls it over his shoulders. He looks absurd, a skinny white boy beneath an ox-sized creature, but there’s no tremble to his arms as he struggles to balance it. “What is this thing, exactly?” he asks curiously. 

“A heraldic beast, isn’t it?” Mirai says, standing on the tips of their talons to peer into its face. Long, rabbit-like ears hang down from its head and antlers knock against Sam’s back. The parandrus’ long fur shimmers as Sam shifts it around. Without meaning to, Isaac reaches out to touch. 

Vivienne slaps his hand away. Isaac jolts, surprised, both at himself and her audacity. “Its fur can change color, yeah, it’s not your eyes playing tricks on you. But we need that, and the oils in human skin can damage it—so no touching,” she orders as she strips her gloves off and stuffs them back into her messenger bag. 

Sam’s hands fly down away from where he’d been holding it, his face the picture of guilt. 

“You’re fine,” Vivienne says with a wildly forced laugh, glancing back at Graham, “because of that spell we did on you earlier! Right, Isaac? Sam, you’re fine to touch it, because you’re our pack mule today!” 

“Oh,” Sam says, though if he really catches on, Isaac can’t tell. He gingerly grabs the parandrus again, fingers knotting in long fur, which subtly changes to match his light skin tone. 

Isaac watches Mirai’s expressionless mask, but it’s still pointed toward the parandrus’ trailing ears. Considering how obvious their body language is, he thinks it safe to say that they don’t harbor any more suspicion than Graham’s eye roll. 

“Tell Natalie that I’m only so generous with keeping whole carcasses for her since she was kind enough to loan you to me with those unicorns!” Graham cheerily informs them, waving goodbye with his large leather gloves. “Oh, but before I forget—how’s that jackalope doing?” 

“That was you?!” Vivienne, who had been ready to beat a hasty retreat with Sam in tow, rounds on Graham with eyes narrowed and finger jabbed at his face. 

Graham offers her a smug smile. “Doesn’t take a genius to figure out the one you’re keen on is the one who fleeced us at cards at Alice’s Halloween party. Gossip travels fast, you know? So how’s the little critter doing?” 

Isaac’s head snaps around, now more interested in this conversation. 

“Dana didn’t know it was a jackalope. I got an emergency call the next morning about a rabbit with antlers!” 

“She was sloshed after she had the guts to try Ægir ale without any filters. And alright, maybe I was drunk too, since Giselle was nice enough to share her other bottle, but I tried explaining how to take care of the little guy. Or, I can recommend someone who can turn him into a nice pair of gloves. They’re just as soft as rabbits.” 

“She named him Pyewacket, and she’s completely enamored,” Vivienne mutters, pinching the furrow in her brow. “Just… don’t go betting cryptids to people who don’t know any better, alright? You could actually get in trouble for that.” 

“I’m properly licensed to handle anything and everything in any realm,” Graham retorts, “and how was I supposed to know about your little drama? We were playing cards with a faun and a siren. At Alice Henderson’s party. I didn’t think that was a place for the uninitiated, Vivienne.” 

She moved her Halloween stream for a party? Isaac sourly realizes. 

“Dana almost got chomped by your unicorns, too,” Vivienne says, maintaining her own sour expression. “Don’t let this become a habit, Yu. I know where you live.” 

“No you don’t, and those were Deirdre’s unicorns. She’d already paid for them and their delivery by that point,” Graham corrects. 

Vivienne shakes her finger at him one last time, then spins back on her heel and escorts Sam with as much dignity as she can muster. Her cheeks turn red when Mirai giggles. 

“Humans are so entertaining with their inconsequential bickering,” Mirai titters, clawed hand to their mask’s mouth. They flick the parandrus’ long ear with their other. “But what an interesting creature! I’ve only heard of them before.” 

“There’s a pair at the city zoo, if you wanted to see one still alive,” Vivienne deadpans. 

“What are you using the pelt for?” Mirai asks. Sharply. 

“…It’s for Natalie, that other psychic friend of mine. This isn’t going anywhere near Mark,” Vivienne replies, looking nervous all of a sudden. Isaac is well aware that there is A Lot of bullshit he’s missing out on—happily—regarding this egg business and Mark Ito. But he doesn’t understand how an animal skin could factor into it in a way that would make Vivienne so jittery. 

“Oh, okay!” Mirai chirps, tone bright once more. 

“I’ll be sure to text Mark as soon as we get back through the market door, and we’ll figure out our plan of very swift action regarding that First egg,” Vivienne adds. 

Mirai cocks their head. Isaac wonders if they’re about to ask what texting is. “I’d hate to have to keep pestering you about this job, so it’s best that you hurry! I’d really appreciate it—and so would Hatsu!” they exclaim instead. 

“Of course,” Vivienne replies, sweating. She all but shoves Sam along with a hand on his back. 

“We’ll get it sorted out for you, rest assured,” Sam advises like he actually has some part to play in all of this. (Like hell he will, and if Vivienne tries enlisting Sam’s help for further tengu business, Isaac will bite her.) 

He turns, walking backward, though still at Vivienne’s pace. Sam waves goodbye to Mirai—then almost gets shoved face-first to the ground when he blindly attempts to go through the goblin market door with a creature the size of an ox on his shoulders. 

Vivienne’s smiling, albeit tightly, when she helps him back around, hands hovering over the parandrus’ fur. “You’re a friendly little bean, aren’t you,” she murmurs. 

“I’m not a bean,” Sam replies, affronted. 

“We’re working on it,” Isaac answers instead. He knows what Vivienne had meant; friendliness has its drawbacks in the realm of the supernatural. “You and Graham seem to know each other well.” 

“The magical community is pretty small. Which even you have to know, Isy,” Vivienne replies. “Here, Sam, crouch down and go kinda sideways—yeah, like this. Anyway, yeah, we all know each other, and apparently half the magic community knows about my thing with Dana.” 

“Your thing,” Isaac repeats, disgusted, because he does not need to know anything more about Vivienne’s personal life. It’s bad enough he’s sharing part of a demonic contract with her. 

“My epic romance with someone else I’ve dragged into the world of magic,” Vivienne says with a hand to her forehead, pretending to swoon. (Sam puts out a hand to help her anyway.) 

“What’s a jackalope?” Sam asks. 

“Like a rabbit, but with antlers,” Vivienne says, putting her hands up over her head to mimic them. With a flat expression, Isaac points to the very obvious, very real example of the parandrus’ antlers. “Well, yeah, those too. Cute little thing, I can show you pictures once we’re out of sight with this thing. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to meet him, though.” 

“Why not? You bring your cat to the shop all the time,” Sam says with a pout. 

Vivienne looks up at him, balking, surprised. Isaac doesn’t feel any sympathy for her, though he understands her; she hadn’t expected she’d have to explain why they’re not introducing a demon to everyone ever. Sam’s guileless personality makes it easy to forget he’s a demon, but they shouldn’t forget he’s a demon. 

“Maybe later,” Vivienne hedges, which is weird, because Isaac would’ve straight-out told Sam that he can’t meet new people who haven’t been vetted. “Dana’s still new to a lot of things, and I think she’s already getting overwhelmed. Anyway, I’m a little too busy with Mark’s eggy bullshit right now to be arranging pet playdates. Ugh, we have the fucking egg, we need to just figure out a time and what to ask for…” 

“You already have it?” Sam asks, astonished, and stops like he may very well run back to the goblin market to tell Mirai right now. 

Both Isaac and Vivienne seize him by the arms to keep him walking. 

“We have it, but it’s not as easy as giving it back to Mirai in a tupperware tub. It’ll be a pain to transport it, and moreover, we have to arrange payment and a time and I have to talk that idiot psychic into actually doing it!” Vivienne exclaims. “But that’s my ballgame, not yours. You two have the job of laying low and out of coven sight right now, remember? And whatever Nat asks you to do to help her out.” 

“You seem very busy,” Sam remarks with a narrow-eyed look down at her. 

“Tell me about it,” Vivienne groans. 

[yukidragon]

SDJ Headcanons 3

Took a little break from writing Sunshine in Hell or Sunshine in Another World for the past couple weeks to recharge the ole mental batteries, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t musing about the world of Sunny Day Jack. In fact, I had a theory hit me recently that demanded I make a new headcanon post for it.

As always these thoughts are likely to be spoilers for Sunshine in Hell. There are absolutely spoilers for the demo. These theories/headcanons also might change later on as I get new ideas. This post talks about changes I’ve had in my thoughts towards the series compared to my previous headcanon posts after all.

We’ll mostly be focusing on one particular theory today, and boy is it a doozy. I’ll be giving evidence that points me to it, as well as the implications that come from it and narrative parallels that appear elsewhere.

As always, I’m going to use my specific name for the main character, Alice, unless I need to point out general details about the MC that apply across the board. My headcanons mainly reference my personal version of sunshine, but many details can be applied to others pretty easily.

Oh, and a heads up about the theory I tossed onto my twitter the other day, it was a joke theory. I don’t actually think Jack cheated on his partner like Ian did and was murdered because of it. I just like causing chaos sometimes with random funny cursed thoughts and images. 😼

As always an important reminder - Something’s Wrong With Sunny Day Jack is for Adults Only! No one under 18 is permitted in this fandom. Some themes of the game go to very dark and sexual places, and I will be touching on those mature themes, such as dubious consent and emotional manipulation, so no minors permitted past the cut.

Obligatory tag for @channydraws and @earthgirlaesthetic. If you want to be tagged the next time I make a headcanon post, please let me know. Enjoy!

The Tragedy of [Redacted]

This theory all started from a single line of dialogue in the Sleepy Time Jack virtual body pillow.

“I-I’ve never been like this with someone like you before…”

It’s a sweet comment, isn’t it? Jack only says this after he’s stripped nude. It’s an adorable amount of fluster on his part from being so exposed to his sunshine, but happy at the same time because they’re so special...

But the key words here are “with someone like you.” It implies, to me, that Jack has been in bed with at least one other person before, naked, but it wasn’t in a relationship with someone who, in his words to his sunshine (when they cuddled on the sofa in the “hug” route) makes him “feel love.” It implies that he has engaged in sexual activities with at least one other person, though not in a romantic context.

This makes sense though, right? Jack clearly knows what he’s doing sexually. In both the “yes” and “no” routes, he has no hesitation towards what he’s doing. He can strip his sunshine quickly, he knows how to use his fingers well on a lover’s body regardless of equipment involved, and he knows how to hold back to edge his sexual partner at the brink of orgasm.

Not to say that there isn’t some level of uncertainty involved given things he says in both routes. However, those are not towards the physical act but rather their emotional connection. It shows up too in another nude Sleepy Time Jack quote.

“This is fine…Right? I love you…And you love me, don’t you? So this is okay~”

In the “yes” route he seems almost amazed by his sunshine’s arousal towards him. “You were really ready for me weren’t you...” It’s almost a question, like he can’t really believe that he really is loved and desired, but he fumbles to recover from a statement that could be taken wrong.

In the “no” route, there’s a lot more desperation overall. Things like, “This feels good right...? Tell me it feels good...” and, “Our feelings are special right…?” It’s still the same theme of Jack feeling insecure that he is loved and desired. After what happened earlier, he has good reason to be especially insecure.

Overall, it’s pretty clear that Jack is a yandere because he is so insecure and desperate for love. That’s even without adding in his precarious state of existence in the present that is entirely dependent on his sunshine needing him.

In his past, even that psychologist could tell Joseph “wanted attention” and “to be seen and heard and felt and loved.” If someone could make such such assessments about Joseph so quickly, it indicates that it was easy to notice... at least for someone who knows what to look for. This meant that he was very vulnerable to anyone who saw those signs too and had a mind to exploit them for their own gain.

I think that’s exactly what happened to Joseph after he ran away from home and changed his last name from Cullman to Haberdae.

Let’s face it, runaways put themselves in a dangerous, desperate position, even if they’re teenagers with a troubled past, an attitude, and possibly a knife. Joseph made himself homeless at the age of (possibly) 14. He ran away in the middle of a school day, so this wasn’t a preplanned thing. He left with only whatever he was carrying at the time. Needless to say, he would have been ill prepared for making a whole new life elsewhere and would be in desperate need of money and shelter. In this period of his life, he is alone, barely scraping by, and no doubt still just as lonely and aching for love.

It would be so easy for someone to come across Joseph, maybe even picking him up while hitchhiking. He’s got a good build, a handsome face, and a gorgeous smile. He stands out in a crowd and he’s very attractive. Add in his vulnerable state, and if someone showed him kindness, even attraction, well... it wouldn’t be hard to imagine that he might be swept up in it the positive attention that he never got back at home.

It’s no secret that there is a dark underbelly to the entertainment industry. We hear stories all the time of producers, directors, agents, etc. offering desperate actors roles or connections in exchange for sexual favors. These actors are ignorant of the industry, and people with money and power can make or break their budding careers. This puts them in positions where it’s woefully easy to take advantage of them.

I think that’s what happened to Joseph. I think someone in a position of money and power with the studio that owned the SunnyTime Crew show dangled the promise of the starring role and adoration of the masses as a carrot in front of him. All he had to do was a few... “favors” in return... Maybe they even feigned as though they genuinely cared about him. They certainly desired his body and that did show they were interested in him...

Joseph, being in such a delicate position and so desperate could be willing to ignore the red flags, to convince himself past his doubts that they really do care about him. Sure, they expect him to provide things for them in return - sex, obedience, act like the perfect Jack for the public and not break character, work hard hours, etc... but they’re doing it because they care about him... right? What they have is special, right? They might be doing some shifty things and controlling his life, but it’s for the best, right?

Someday, Joseph will understand why they’re doing this. They’re only doing it because they care about him.

Abusive and manipulative behaviors can be a cycle. It’s entirely possible that Jack was once on the receiving end.

Jack’s comments about Ian further hint to me that he knows about relationships that aren’t built off real love, but lies of love and false promises that you wish were real, even though it’s so painful...

“He’s really fooled you, hasn’t he? He promised you the moon and all the stars…And I bet he did it so well… …But what did it all amount to in the end? He doesn’t love you… He can’t love you… Nobody who can do what he’s done to you knows what love even is.”

Jack really sounds like he’s speaking from experience there. What did all his efforts as Joseph amount to in the end? His death... and then the complete burial of his memory at the hands of the studio. As he mentioned in the hug route, the world is so busy and will forget all about someone like sunshine... like him... as what happened to him thanks to the company erasing his memory and silencing those who remembered with those iron clad NDAs.

It’s hard to blame Joseph’s co-stars for their silence after his death. They were likely in similar desperate situations that he was in. They couldn’t risk people in such powerful positions destroying their careers and suing them to bankruptcy. Those lower on the food chain in the entertainment industry are beholden to those in power and can be crushed and erased so easily, as the erasure of the show and even Joseph’s name showed.

So what I think happened was that Joseph was in a toxic relationship with someone of power. He was nothing but a good looking toy and a useful prop for the show once it got popular. He was was being overworked, likely both on and off set.

What if Joseph had moments similar to the “no” route where he felt pressured to perform and please this person holding his life in their hands?

Then of course there’s the aspect of addiction. Joseph had a nicotine addiction, but possibly also one for alcohol or hard drugs as well. The rum flavoring in the “bad choice” yogurt mini-game hints at the alcohol, while the pill imagery in the title screen hints at the drugs. Vices often serve as a bandage over the real problems a person suffers, but just make them addicted so that they sink deeper and deeper into depending on them, as well as draining their money in order to get more and more of them.

These things could be scandals enough all on their own to cause damage to the studio if word got out, but it could be worse if, say, Joseph was exposed for sleeping with one (or more) of the higher ups.

Why I say Joseph might have been having sex with more than just the person sponsoring him is because Jack had said in an interview that he wouldn’t mind joining a poly relationship. If we assume he’s in character during the interview, that could indicate that the person who “cared” for him had others they also “cared” for as well... and sometimes cruel people can treat those they have power over like toys to be passed around or pimped out for favors...

But, it’s okay, right? The person who discovered him cares about him, right? Joseph can take this all on with a smile and make it through. After all... love is about what a person can provide. He never had it before, but he has it now because he provides them with reasons to give him what he needs, the pleasure of sex, drugs, attention, and everything else he has now, when before he had nothing.

Jack himself talks as though love can be transactional, that what a person provides the other is what defines real love. He has proven in the past that he can provide so much, and his sunshine is giving him life when before he had nothing. Unlike before, however, because of the agreement between him and Alice, he can actually feel that she cares about him.

“I’ll be whatever you want me to be.” That phrase has a more disturbing implication if Jack felt that was what he had to do as Joseph to be loved...

Both in the past as Joseph, and in the present as Jack, he is suffering from desperation. He is dependent on a partner choosing to provide him with a way to live and for someone who actually cares about him. He must do all he can to make he provides for their needs so that he won’t lose everything.

Speaking of providing, let’s talk about the scalpels. Plastic surgeries are not uncommon in the entertainment industry, even with stars who are already conventionally attractive. People pick apart each little perceived “flaw” and can sensationalize it. It could be worse if the person toying with Joseph started to get bored or wanted more and more over time because he proved he will do whatever they ask. What if they felt he needed a little tweak or tuck here and there? Could he really be in a position to argue against it if they insist, or even if they pay for it? He wants to keep everything they’ve provided him, doesn’t he? Then he needs to stay pretty for them and for his fans.

As for the murder itself... What might have happened was that someone connected to his “partner” had an axe to grind. They could have been another toy they used, one just as desperate for that person’s “love” that they viewed Joseph as the enemy. That other lover could have snapped and exposed all of Joseph’s dirty secrets on camera in front of a huge audience... as well as the secrets of the big important person in this squeaky clean children’s entertainment industry and so much dirty laundry hidden behind the scenes of this wholesome children’s TV show... They could have exposed so much that coupled with Joseph’s murder and so many witnesses, it forever tainted the show.

So the studio buried it. The people with connections and deep pockets resorted to bribes, gag orders, burning records, and just removing every trace that might get them in trouble. There never was a SunnyTime Crew Show. There never any murder. There was never anyone by the name of Joseph Haberdae.

Joseph became [redacted] when he and all his hard work were so easily erased.

The murder, no doubt, was a traumatic event for everyone involved, especially Joseph. Being publicly raked through the coals in front of so many who meant so much to him must have been horrible. He wanted to do right by the children who looked up to him. He clearly made friends with his co-stars and probably others who worked on the set. In one horrible moment, all of that was irreparably stained before everything he ever worked for and even the fact that he existed at all was completely erased...

The incident was likely so traumatic that his soul might have remained stuck in that moment, obsessing over how everything went wrong... and what he should have done to make it right...

I still stick with the headcanon that a recording of the incident was kept by some sick person who enjoyed snuff films. Specifically, the person who toyed with Joseph’s life kept it as a twisted little souvenir after everything was said and done, a last piece of someone whose life - and now even his death - belonged to them. They and the murderer might not have magically cursed Joseph to remain in the tape, but he would have every reason to haunt them. His death and that person could become an obsession, as he finally learned that their love for him wasn’t real and he saw how easily he was erased and replaced.

With this being the case, the reason why the tape wound up in the thrift store was because that person killed themselves in a horrible fashion. Think what happened with Nick, only far worse, and far more personal. They babbled about “him” in the end as they mutilated themselves and died in a horrible, tormented manner... Their possessions were then distributed among relatives, some stuff sold for quick cash if they seemed as worthless as old VHS tapes.

Joseph being Jack now is part of him abandoning his imperfect past, someone who was never loved. He’s “clean” now with a new start, new name... and a new love. He’s not addicted to drugs. He is handsome and whole. He’s always cheerful and friendly and helpful. He provides his sunshine so, so much now. And... obviously they love him. It’s why he’s there. It must be.

Alice was drawn to the tape because her heart was in a similar state of broken disillusionment and desperation for real love. It’s what allowed Jack to manifest as he does. It’s like finding just the right frequency where things just... fit.

Alice wants love. Jack wants love. Alice saved Jack from hell and cares about him. Jack can’t help but love his sunshine for everything she provides him. Eventually, Alice will show him that her love doesn’t require such strings attached.

Tragedy Repeats

What’s sad is that with this new theory, I’ve also gained a new theory about why Ian cheated. Ian was trying to make it as an actor. If someone at his fancy new college convinced him that the way to “play the game” as it were was to flirt with people and be friendly... it could have led to his mistake.

Hell, it could even be as dark as Ian being offered favors in exchange for sex. He could’ve gotten connections, a better grade, or even a part or modeling contact. With his low self-esteem he could have easily been swayed into thinking that it was the only way he was going to make it.

It doesn’t excuse Ian cheating, of course. He still chose his career, personal pleasure, and/or even just not being lonely in the moment over his relationship. He might have felt guilty in the aftermath, but, in the end, he chose himself before he chose his love for Alice.

It’s not surprising though. In that one teaser image of the past between Ian and his partner, he drunkenly once said that if his acting carrier didn’t work out, then maybe they could just “be together.” While this isn’t technically canon to the story, I’m still looking at it for my headcanon.

Just being with Alice was Ian’s fall back plan. She was convenient because she was always there supporting him when others sneered at and bullied him. She was defending him when people, particularly his mother, were awful to him. Her presence was sweet, addicting nostalgia. With Alice not around him all the time to protect him and keep him company in a new and unfamiliar place facing down an uncertain future that he desperately wants, well... he might have made some pretty selfish decisions.

That’s why Alice doesn’t want to love Ian anymore. He might say he loves her, he might want her back and to be with her, and he might even believe that she really is the most important thing in his life now... but when push came to shove, he proved that his wants are more important than her.

Ian getting back together with his ex is something he might be able to accomplish with some sunshines. After all, it is a route in the game. In that case it would be a redemption story on his end, where he made one bad mistake and learned from it the hard way.

It could be a sweet story, but I’m not going that route with Alice. She no longer believes that Ian’s love for her is real.

In a way, Ian’s desire to change is similar to how Jack learned from his mistakes as Joseph and changed himself in the present.

Jack and Ian have a lot of things in common... and I bet that would drive Jack pretty crazy.

Conventional Attractiveness is Everything

Getting back to the entertainment industry preying on actors, especially the pretty ones... Let’s go into a new idea that bloomed from the theory about Joseph.

Sunshine was mentioned to be degree hopping in college. Given the heavy emphasis of the entertainment industry in the game, and the Phantom of the Opera inspiration, this gave me the image that, initially, Alice was trying to make it as an actor alongside Ian at the start of college.

Sure, it was scary. Sure Alice was intimidated by it... but she was doing it alongside the man she loved. She helped him practice so often that she had gotten good at memorizing lines and acting out scenes right alongside him. They were both shy and nervous about it, but they supported each other to keep going. And wouldn’t it be romantic if they became stars together?

As you might expect, that didn’t work out.

One day, the acting professor had Alice stay behind after class. They informed her that she was “too fat” to make it as an actress. They weren’t even necessarily going out of their way to be cruel about it, but giving her a “harsh truth” before she developed an eating disorder to lose weight or something. At best, someone chubby like her would get parts that would make her the butt of cruel jokes for the audience to mock. Not to mention that the entertainment industry would eat someone as shy and insecure as her alive...

This was a huge blow to Alice’s already low self-esteem, as you might expect. It served as the tipping point along with other factors that made her decide to try for a different degree.

This incident did make Ian struggle as well. Suddenly his partner wasn’t working alongside him anymore, and suddenly there was added emphasis on looks, which he was always insecure about. However, in stark contrast with Alice, the same teacher encouraged him to continue.

Alice encouraged Ian as well, so he kept going to follow his dream. Unlike her, he had a chance. He was praised for his looks once he got to college by multiple people. He had a glow up. He was no longer that awkward kid anymore. He also wasn’t chubby like her, and besides, men can be forgiven a few extra pounds in acting roles...

And she was right. Ian made it as a model and actor. He even got into that fancy acting college abroad. Alice was so proud of him. She would miss him and felt so lonely without him, but she was sure that when he graduated and he finally started the career of his dreams that everything would work out in the end... They could both be happy. Together.

Conclusion

As you can see, this new theory about Jack’s death has pretty big implications, and has a lot of narrative reflections in other events in the story, including with other characters. It goes to show how much the entertainment industry can very badly negatively affect peoples’ lives, especially the characters in this story.

Sadly, we don’t know enough about what the entertainment industry is going to do to Shaun to know where this theory might reflect with him and his particular narrative arc, but he was shown as being overworked in a piece of teaser art... so I’m pretty sure that he’s not going to escape its painful stranglehold.

I hope you all enjoyed the theory and headcanons in this post. Honestly, there’s not enough clues yet about the actual murder and Joseph’s life to have anywhere close to a clear picture of how and why he died. For all we know, my joke theory was closer to the truth. Still, I find this idea appealing and I’m inclined to explore it further in Sunshine in Hell.

Speaking of, if you feel inclined to read the fanfic and like it, please let me know what you think. I absolutely adore all your feedback and it really encourages me to keep writing and coming up with headcanon posts and theories like this one. Thanks for reading!

[with-love-from-hell]

Hey sissy!

I wanted to ask that can you make a hc where the brothers finds that MC is pregnant after she went to human world?

Like her time in devildom ended and she was sented back there and after 1 year the brothers visit MC and sees that she has their baby!

Sorry because I said a lot and if the requests are closed then I am sorry again (I am not forcing you to do this, you can ignore this if you want!)

HELLO luv omg I am so sorry it took me so long to do this. I'm finally finishing up my backlog 😭😭

Mc now has a child: the brothers reacting to it being theirs

Written for a F!Mc

Cw: mentions of pregnancy, suggestive language, implications of sex w/ the brothers, pre-established relationships with the brothers, spoilers for lessons 16+

MINORS DNI.

Lucifer

Came to the human world on business with Diavolo and Barbatos.

Diavolo suggested paying Mc a visit since no one had seen you in nearly a year.

Lucifer was excited. He had only been able to talk to you on the phone, but opportunities have been more rare over the past couple months.

They approached the door to your home. Lucifer figured you'd be home- since the last time you spoke you had mentioned you were taking a few weeks off of work.

You opened the door, looking like you hadn't slept properly in weeks, wearing sweats and a loose t-shirt with no bra, which was much different than you would usually dress in the middle of the day...but you were still just as beautiful as you were the last time he had seen you

You squealed and practically jumped into his arms. He hugged you back tightly, littering your head with kisses.

You welcome them in and Lucifer immediately notices the plethora of baby stuff littered around your home. Diapers, burp rags, bottles, etc are EVERYWHERE.

"Mc...what's all this?"

Color drains from your face as you remembered you hadnt told him about your pregnancy, nor the child you now had that was his.

A sharp wail of a baby crying made all three of men widen their eyes.

You sigh and ask them to wait moment before exiting the room, only to return moments later with a swaddled baby that looked to be no more than 7 weeks old.

The baby had bright red eyes, little traces of jet black hair, and small curved horns protruding from the sides of its head. Tiny black feathers trailed behind you as you approached Lucifer.

Diavolo was giddy- he loved babies. Barbatos was surprised, but worried about what the consequences would be of this being hidden for so long.

Lucifer however, remained silent. Staring at the baby in your arms.

"Is that..."

"Yeah... [It's] yours."

Lucifer immediately got up and approached you and the child, reaching out to stroke its tiny cheek with his gloved hand.

He didn't realize humans and demons could procreate, otherwise he would have been much more careful during your heated night of passion 11ish months ago.

After the initial shock wore off, he would be very upset you kept this from him

You would explain that you weren't sure if you had wanted to keep it once you found out at the 4 month mark, and after you gave birth you still weren't sure if you would keep the baby- tossing around the idea of adoption

But three weeks ago it sprouted horns and the teenest traces of wings. Needless to say, you were stuck with it.

But you had already kept it from him for 10 months, and you weren't sure how to tell him.

Lucifer would calm down after hearing your reasoning, and immediately request to have Diavolo move to let you live in Devildom indefinitely.

He would also research lifespans of hybrid babies to see if he should find a way to give you Immortality, like Solomon.

Would absolutely be attentive to you and help you raise the baby however he could.

He would learn everything and become just as protective over the baby as he is toward you.

Would also probably propose shortly after you moved back to Devildom.

Overall a pretty good parent, but you are probably doing a lot of the caretaking during the day while he works.

Mammon

You were staring down adoption papers now that you had finally got the baby to go to sleep when your front door burst open.

"Oi! Mc! Where ya at?!"

Mammon trudged through your living room searching for you, completely oblivious to all of the baby stuff sitting around your flat.

You nearly collided with him as you got up and ran to meet him when he entered the kitchen.

Cue adorable lift and spin embrace. (D'awww)

Mammon would then scold you for not talking to him in damn near 3 weeks

"Why are you ignoring my phone calls?! I heard ya talking to Lucifer last night and I couldn't take it anymore!"

Little did he know that you had only been talking to Lucifer to problem solve your situation and ask how you should tell Mammon. His advice was adoption, so you decided to do that...but then three nights ago the baby sprouted horns and started flying around your apartment.

Lucifer had made plans for you to come back next week to talk through options with Diavolo but I guess Mammon beat you to the chase.

After you remained silent at his question he began to take in his surroundings. He began noticing the plethora of baby stuff, the crib that sat in the corner of the living room, the sound-proof foam that covered your ceiling, the adoption papers the fact that you were wearing only maternity bra and shorts...

"Mc...what...are ya- or, were ya..?"

You knew the gears were turning in his head and the sound of the baby screaming again once more gave him his answer.

He followed right behind you as you rushed to the crib to try to silence the baby's cries.

Mammon gasped when he saw the twisted horns, snowy white hair, bright blue eyes, and bat-like wings of the screaming baby before him.

He would hug you and the baby tight, and cry.

He would ask why you didn't tell him, but he wouldn't be too surprised.

He would immediately take you back with him to Devildom after helping you pack like 3-4 diaper bags (he would carry all of them for you)

He would lose it when Lucifer tells him the best option for both of you is adoption by demon parents.

He would fuss until he found out you agreed.

It would take a long ass time to find parents who seemed competent and had no ill intentions though- and Mammon found problems with every potential couple you found.

Eventually you would give up and raise the baby together.

You obvs would move back to Devildom

Mammon is surprisingly a really good dad and eager to learn EVERYTHING and has a really good bond with the baby.

Leviathan

Levi and the rest of his brothers came to visit you- you planned it perfectly around your maternity leave and had a full proof plan to tell him about the baby

What you didn't expect was the brothers arriving a day early to surprise you.

You answered the door while you were breast feeding, as you were expecting a friend to come help you clean up a bit.

Well, cue your shock to be fact to face with the father of your kid.

Levi would see the small purple hairs sprouting from its head, the long snake-like tail wrapped firmly around your arm, and the twig-shaped horns just starting to pop out of its skull and would immediately faint.

All the other brothers would be shocked as well. They never thought Levi would build up the courage to make any sort of move on you.

Once he came to your would explain the situation to him and his brothers.

He is terrified of the idea of being a parent, but he warms up to the thought of it once the baby wraps its tail around him and gurgles happily.

"Do you want to hold [it]?"

"C-can I? ...but what if I drop [it]?!"

You would help settle the baby in his arms to reassure him that he won't drop it.

Once he's holding the baby, good luck getting it back.

The brothers would have to pry it out of his arms in order to get a turn.

He is very giddy and excited when you tell him you want to keep it.

He would beg Lucifer to have you move back.

Though, you would stay in separate rooms for the first week or two.

Not because he doesn't want you or the baby in his room, but because he plans on surprising you!

He and Lucifer budgeted and hired contractors to completely renovate his room.

His on-brand Otaku aesthetic would still be there, but it will be much less of a baby death-trap, and there would be many new things added for the baby and for you!

Overall a decent parent, though you do have to fight with him over the compulsive video game playing sometimes.

Satan

Satan would probably have decided to Video call you rather than go on a spontaneous visit. He would also probably find out the fastest for this reason

He would catch onto your excuses to not video chat for two whole weeks and would have enough of it, demanding you video chat with him to find out what you're hiding.

He honestly had thought you were cheating on him.

He did NOT expect to be greeted on the call by you holding a blonde demon baby with horns that matched his and a bubble-wrapped tail (obv due to how sharp it is. You def got some scars from it whipping you a few times)

He would be awestruck and probably not even be able to find any words

You would def have to explain to him why you kept this hidden, and he probably wouldn't forgive you right off the bat.

"I have to admit though...[it] is pretty cute."

"Just like [its] dad."

He would ask how you would like to approach raisint the baby rather than assuming you'd just want to drop everything and move to Devildom indefinitely.

He would be glad when you say you do want to come live with him.

He would immediately go shopping for parenting books, as well as various kids books and maintaining romantic relationship books (because he absolutely wants to be a better partner to you, particularly since you had felt scared tell him about this)

He would probably move to baby proof your old room and make that your permanent living quarters with him...his room is pretty much unsalvagable lol

He would immediately forgive you for not telling him about the baby once he holds it for the first time.

He is VERY protective of both of you, and will helicopter over every brother who takes turns holding it, and immediately intervene when they overwhelm you or try to bother you when you're finally able to get some rest.

He would develop a shit-eating grin every time the baby spits up on Lucifer.

Asmo

Asmo came to the human world to surprise you with a bunch of gifts (including himself, dressed to the nines) with Solomon's help.

He hadn't seen you outside of the tiny box of his phone in so long, and hadnt really even been able to talk to you at all in about 4 weeks because you noted you were too busy - though he was so excited to see your beautiful smiling face again.

However, he was greeted by a very exhausted, disheveled, and irritable version of you.

Literally looking like you hadn't slept in weeks with how dark the circles under your eyes were, and like you hadn't changed your clothes in at least a couple days.

"Darling you look so awful! What hap-"

*cue screaming baby and a deep annoyed sigh from you.*

You invite the two in and they see that your home matches your disheveled state.

The minute you pick up the baby it stops crying. You give a half-assed explanation, not having the energy to explain the situation further, and noted the Baby demands so much attention you barely can attend to anything other than going to the bathroom and taking short naps while the baby sleeps.

Asmo feels very guilty for not being here to help you. He isn't mad that you hid this from him- he was sure you were probably worried about ruining his reputation as the heartthrob of devildom.

He didn't care about that as much as you- and now this lovely miniature version of him- though.

He offers to hold the baby and give it attention while you get rest. You give him a summary of what each cry means, how to change a diaper, and to wake you up if it needs to eat.

While you slept, Asmo gushed to Solomon about how much the demon looked like him- from the tall twisted horns, the four delicate wings, piercing coral-colored eyes, and the heart-shaped birth marks on its shoulders.

The baby was quiet as long as Asmo held it, and he definitely got a good photoshoot in to post on Devilgram with Solomon's help.

Once you got a few hours of rest and the baby became restless for some nourishment, they woke you up to breast feed and discuss what the next steps were.

Asmo refused to take no for an answer when you noted you were worried about how his fans would react to him having a baby-mamma. He was determined to have you live in with him.

He would get the brothers to help you move while he, Solomon, and the baby go on a shopping spree.

He would absolutely get matching outfits for the three of you, and would get only the best brands of care items for the baby.

He would also treat you to a spa day, taking the baby while you got your nails done, a massage, and a hair cut.

He would definitely get his own attention needs met by the baby, while the baby got its excessive attention needs met by him.

Parenting DEFINITELY became easier with his help. The baby certainly was his without a doubt with how needy it was lol.

Beelzebub

He had planned a trip to the Human world with Lucifer to come visit you since they hadn't seen you in quite a long time.

He liked being able to talk to you on the phone nearly every day, but he missed being able to hug you and take in the sweet scent of your perfume.

As they approached your door, he immediately knew something was up. There was an unusual smell coming from your home.

After you invited them in he saw the bottle you were shaking in your hand and immediately recognized the smell from when he was a baby- even though it was many, many years ago.

It was breast milk.

He nearly pushed past you in excitement to enter the room where he knew the baby would be.

Though he was still shocked when he saw the tiny red-headed being. Its face was quite chubby as it cooed at you to bring it another bottle.

"Mc...that...that baby looks just like me!"

"Well, I'd hope so. [Its] yours, after all."

Beel nearly fainted as the delight completely consumed him.

He begged you to let him feed it, and I mean...you weren't going to argue if your arms finally got a break from holding both the baby and the bottle.

Not only did it look like Beel, but it absolutely had his hunger.

Beel was absolutely glowing, giddily rocking the baby as he fed it. He had completely ignored the fact you hadn't told him about it yet, figuring you had your reasons and all that mattered was that he was here with it- and you- now.

He gushed about how they had the same wing pattern, as well as the same horns and body markings. He felt so connected to the baby and he hadn't even been here 5 minutes.

You questioned why you had been worried about telling him at all.

You chatted with Lucifer about potentially moving to Devildom and he assured you he'd figure out the logistics.

Beel was excited to have you stay with him and Belphie, getting Lucifer to arrange for renovations on their room to accommodate two more individuals in addition to him and Belphie.

Once you all actually moved in, he was very protective of the baby, only letting the brothers have limited holding time (with the exception of Belphie of course)

He always offers to feed it for you- especially after seeing how exhausted you would get holding it and having it latch onto your breasts all the time.

He would be a pro at mixing formula and would absolutely massage your shoulders while you pumped.

He is ELATED to be a dad, and he's even more happy that he gets to be a parent along side you.

Belphie

Absolutely another one who would just try to video chat with you instead of trying to make a trip to the human world.

Mehhh... loved you, but his bed was calling to him.

He would be half awake while he talked to you, but he was happy to hear your voice and see your smiling face.

"Hey Belph, I have something kind of important to tell you..."

His attention would perk up at your worried tone and he would wake up a little more, giving you his undivided attention.

You hesitated before turning the camera view around and revealing a tiny creature with dark hair, similar horns to his, dark splotches covering its body, and a long tail with a disheveled floof on the end of it, curled up in a crib.

Belphie is shocked, so much so that he's sort of in denial.

"What...what is that."

"Belphie, its our child."

"No...that can't be..."

Belphie would probably not know how to react and would probably say something mean unintentionally.

He would apologize though.

Probably not too hurt that you didn't tell him...after all, he did try to kill you at one point, so it was probably fair that you didn't want to tell him that he was your baby daddy.

Once he sees you in person though, he would be much more attentive and back to his soft and snugly self.

He would be VERY worried about hurting the baby, so he probably wouldn't want to hold it for a long time.

It will take lots of reassurance to get him to hold the baby...but once he does he will never want to let it go.

Belphie is a very protective parent, often only letting Beel get any alone time with it. He would probably growl if any of the other brothers got near it until you convince him its fine.

His cow pillow? Yeah, that's now exclusively for the baby. He'll get another one though.

Def takes naps next to the baby all the time, and will often help change diapers without question.

Though you probably would be the one doing most of the feeding- primarily because both of them have fallen asleep during feeding time.

Over all, a baby with Belphie would be a piece of cake. It tends to sleep a lot and isn't too fussy, so you both still get lots of alone time to recharge.

[umbran6]

The Argument Against Caleo

Spoilers up to Blood of Olympus and beyond. Beware! (Or not, the book series has been out for a few years, get over it). I wrote this after seeing a user wondering why people didn’t like Caleo, or in some cases, hated it. Here, I want to explain the answer as much as possible while doling out my own points. 

One of the main grievances I have as a fan of Leo Valdez would be the ship Caleo, or Leo x Calypso. It’s a complicated ship, to say the least, with multiple issues that make me question why people like the ship. And I admit it, they initially had some chemistry, but there’s multiple issues that Uncle Rick produced through making such a relationship that makes it extremely open to criticism, criticism which I will explain through this post.

One of my main points against them is that the ship was created on a very limited time scale. Although we aren’t given an exact date to date of when Leo and Calypso met to when they fell in love, we can safely estimate it to be a week at best. Such a limited amount of time from going through the multiple stages of a relationship already stresses the limits of the suspension of disbelief.

A counterexample would be Percabeth, or Percy x Annabeth. Throughout the series, we aren’t introduced to them being romantically involved until the Titan’s Curse, which was two years after they met. Specifically, this is brought up by Aphrodite, the goddess of love herself. Admittedly, Percy and Annabeth were twelve years old when they first met, when romance was definitely out of the picture, especially with a quest to get the Master Bolt.

However, from there we get to see multiple examples of their character depth, ranging from their respective fatal flaws to their ambitions, hopes and dreams, and their friendship. We get to see the slow build up of their chemistry, which was a really good writing move on Uncle Rick’s part. These characters took their sweet time to get to where they wanted to go, and despite the false romantic lead of Rachel, they still got together.

On the other hand, we don’t see enough of this between Leo and Calypso — we only see one book where they interacted with each other in The House of Hades, and that was only for a handful of chapters. While they are definitely older so they can jump straight to romance (some may say too old, but I’ll get to that) its still a pretty huge gap to jump through without making it stick. This makes it hard to root for a ship when it is built on a rather faulty foundation from the ‘they just met’ to ‘they get together’, especially when they don’t have a lot of events to show their chemistry.

Which brings me to Ogygia, which has raised a few red flags for me when looking at it from a retrospective point of view. Now, we know what the main issue of the island is that the hero who landed on said island can’t leave until Calypso falls in love with them. And we’ve seen this with Percy during the Battle of the Labyrinth, where he lands in the island and Calypso falls in love with him while tending to his wounds from, you know, being erupted from freaking Mt. St. Helens. Needless to say, this falling in love with each other montage happened quickly to the point of suspicion, which sets up the complication that Calypso and Leo might have fallen in love due to magical intervention.

And hear me out, because although this  might be a pretty big pill to swallow, we have evidence for this through Percy. It only takes one chapter for Calypso and Percy to meet, and the next he’s willing to consider leaving Camp Half-Blood and Annabeth behind to live on the island when Hephaestus gives him the choice to leave Ogygia or stay. We don’t even get an explanation on why Percy considered giving it all up just so he can be with her. All we know is, girl meets boy, now they want to live on an isolated island forever. It’s especially absurd considering Percy’s hamartia (fatal flaw) is freaking loyalty to those he loves.  Needless to say, It’s a huge YIKES, especially when we apply it to Leo and Calypso. 

It also raises the possibility that the romantic relationship between them is doomed to failure. And if you guys want to fight me on this, let’s look at Jason and Piper, a couple whose relationship started with a similar foundation. Piper had romantic memories implanted into her brain by Hera through the use of the Mist, while Jason was reduced to a Tabula Rasa (a blank slate for those who lack culture) by said goddess. They broke up before the Trials of Apollo because it was clear that when the dust settled, Piper had been aware that their romance was a lie and that their intentions to stay together was a mix of delusion and pressure from freaking Aphrodite. Leo and Calypso get together under what is arguably a very similar set of conditions if Ogygia’s magic had any influence on their relationship, and that this magic could wear off if given enough time. 

Third, and here’s a pretty big one for me, would be Calypso’s character, mainly because there are a lot of unfortunate implications attached to it. In The Blood of Olympus, she was turned into the divine equivalent of Princess Peach, with Leo being her Mario (except he saves her with a badass metal dragon). Its extremely unnecessary to make a character, especially as one such as Calypso, get  turned into the typical reward of a B-Class action movie. It’s insulting and puts her up as a trophy, a narrative that is definitely not ok by any means necessary.

In another direction, Calypso is also really, really worrying when things don’t go get her way. First, let’s look at The Odyssey, the first myth she pops up. Calypso had imprisoned Odysseus for ten years on her island until Hermes said to let him go, and although it gives them plenty of time to fall in love, it also raises the implications of stockholm syndrome. Then we’ve got the fact that Calypso cursed Annabeth out of spite, implicitly saying that she wished the daughter of Athena would suffer the same isolation that she did, which came to reality when Percy and Annabeth met the Arai in Tartarus. And Annabeth wasn’t even aware that she was still in Ogygia, much less intentionally intervened in the matter. When Percy left Ogygia, rather than be angry at Percy, Calypso cursed Annabeth out of all people to suffer the same loneliness and misery she went through. That’s some Hera at her worst levels of spite. 

Through such evidence we can see that Calypso is extremely wrathful towards those who break her heart even though they don’t want to. It certainly implies that Calypso isn’t in a good state of mind, and could easily repeat said actions if provoked. We could almost compare it to Medea and the original Jason, but at least in that case, Medea has every right to be pissed off at Jason and take her revenge. Calypso’s curse and how she handles things certainly implies a level of immaturity that would end in disaster if they broke up.

One issue that, I’ll admit is more from my personal point of view is that the ship took a lot of Leo’s character and threw it in the garbage in Blood of Olympus. Though we see him do a lot of stuff behind the scenes, the fact that its all for the goal of reaching Calypso just reduced him to someone who is more focused on love than, you know, fighting the evil goddess that was responsible for killing his mom and getting sweet sweet revenge. While the revenge plot can be cliched sometimes, it can be played well, while romance and the typical ‘always save the girl’ trope is just overdone. If Leo had been allowed to, you know, be more focused on other things rather than Calypso, we could have seen a lot more variety in his character.

For example as one of the possible character arcs he could’ve gone through, Leo has always been alone among the couples, often being isolated. Heck, Nemesis herself stated that he would always be the seventh wheel, and that he would never find a place among his brethren. Though some fellow tumblr users have taken this in multiple ways, either saying that he should learn to be happy by himself or that he is socially isolated in the Argo II because of these romantic relationships (I prefer a mix of both). Uncle Rick just giving him a girlfriend seems like taking the easy way out of solving such an issue and abandoning what could’ve been a rather interesting character arc. The relationship isn’t a bad thing if we remove some of the unfortunate implications, but it is a bad way to end what is a complex and realistic problem for a character and in some cases maybe possible in real life.

One more minor but still yikes worthy point is that there’s a huge age gap between them. We’re not talking about the ‘Hazel is 15 and Frank is 17 and in one year that’ll be a problem because then Hazel will be jailbait’ age gap. And even then, we can argue that Hazel is older since she is chronologically ninety-one years old. No, Calypso is older by millennia in terms of mindset and body due to the perks of being a goddess, while Leo is sixteen.

God-to-Mortal relationships are already complicated, even with emotionally and socially well-functioning adults. The fact that Leo is underage, inexperienced with romance (despite his flirting, Calypso was his first kiss), and has been through a freaking ton of trauma in his youth, does not make this okay. At best, they’re both mutually interested in each other but may have different expectations when it comes to a relationship. At worst, Calypso is taking advantage of a boy just so she can get out of Ogygia and possibly dumping him later on like the wrapping of a candy bar. Even though Calypso lost her immortality during The Trials of Apollo, that doesn’t even compensate for the immense age gap alongside Leo’s guilt at the possibility that he might’ve been responsible for her losing said immortality.

Oh, and about Leo... I’m a fan of him, but I can admit that he is in a bad spot both mentally and emotionally throughout the series. He’s lost his mom due to a mix of his own powers and Gaea’s trickery, and never had the chance to fully process that event and come to terms with it. The foster home system alongside his own trauma has forced him to hide his emotions through a façade of happiness and jokes when it’s quite clear to me he needs a therapist, stat. He's also run away from several foster homes, implying this means he was and still is being affected by the event. His mask is still on during The Blood of Olympus considering he hid a lot of things from Piper and Jason.

Speaking about them, not helping this matter is the fact that he’s rather isolated in terms of friendships since Jason and Piper, his supposed best friends are more interested in locking lip rather than, you know, actually hanging out with each other.  He doesn’t have good friendships with the rest of the Seven, and the closest ones he does have is with Hazel and Frank. And even then they start off in the wrong spot since Frank is very insecure about possibly losing Hazel to him during Mark of Athena while Hazel in the meantime, is also dealing with the fact that he is the descendant of her possible boyfriend Sammy Valdez. 

This could indirectly have made him desperate for affection since he has nobody else to confide in during the rest of the series, which is a bad mental state to be in when one lands on Ogygia, the island that we’ve seen could possibly force two people to fall in love with each other. A romantic relationship is not something that he needs or something that will help him in the future. He needs more than that, and having him in one that could end in disaster is the last thing he needs. 

And that does not make him a bad person, much less a bad character. While some who are similarly emotionally and socially isolated may turn to violence or creepy behavior on those they want affection from, Leo does not do that to the other characters. It just means that he as a character needs more time to recover and develop before we go giving him romantic relationships, much less one with Calypso.

That’s not to say that they don’t have some things in common. Both are starved for love and affection, with Calypso being constantly rejected by heroes while Leo was rejected by foster homes and his own family. It’s a trait that they have in common, but it shouldn’t be the only thing that they have in common, especially since it is laced with a trauma that is clear they haven’t had help processing. They need to develop more as characters and as friends before they should be paired together.

So… yeah. The Caleo relationship is, in my eyes, doomed to failure, or at least heavily flawed after taking the above points into account. Uncle Rick, as if seemingly aware of these criticisms, has put the relationship in a rocky place by The Tower of Nero, giving them the possibility of overcoming the above criticisms and their own flaws, or giving fanfic writers an out and pairing Leo with another character or have him single, but happy. Either way, in my opinion Caleo is a bad ship when it comes to how it was created, alongside the flaws and unfortunate implications it has.

While I can see some of the chemistry the ship has, you can’t just use a couple of moments where they get along as evidence that they belong together, especially with the above reasons. That’s like using a band-aid to cover a bullet hole without removing the bullet, stopping the bleeding, and preventing infection. If both characters and their relationship had been given more time to develop, I would understand how they would get together. 

[sometimesbeforeitgetsbetter]

Off the Record | Stiles Stilinski

Pairing: Stiles Stilinski x reader

Summary: High school in Beacon Hills, as told through the eyes of one inquisitive journalist who has a knack at getting on Stiles Stilinski's nerves.

Warnings: idk there's like a couple curse words lmao. also, spoilers? if you haven't finished teen wolf I guess??

Word count: 8,227

A/N: hi hi this is my first fic I'm posting on Tumblr (not to say that this is my first fic ever...anyway)! before you start, I just wanna say that there's a couple things that might be off from the show but please just ignore them. like I think it's bs Lydia brings Stiles back and not Scott in 6b so I righted that wrong. but I hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think of it! thanks for reading!!

--

All my life I’ve wondered why people didn’t question what happens in Beacon Hills.

It’s no secret that our town is unusual, but when odd things seemed to happen, people would just turn a blind eye and go about their business.

I, on the other hand, couldn’t let it go. I was inquisitive by nature, and my mom never knew how to answer my questions.

Why do we have so many animal attacks?

What happened to the people that disappeared in the Preserve?

Why did his eyes glow like that?

That last question almost caused my mom to get me a therapist – which probably would’ve helped me regardless – but she just continued to answer with her usual responses.

They just feel threatened by us, dear.

They’re in a better place now.

I’m sure it was nothing – you probably just saw some reflection in his eyes.

But no matter what she told me, I wasn’t satisfied. I knew there was something bigger going on, something my mom couldn’t explain, but I wasn’t sure what. As I got older, however, I realized that if I kept voicing my concerns, I’d be seen as the local crazy person – which, at the time, was the title reserved for my neighbor, Donna Romano, who always went to Town Hall meetings to complain about how some supernatural creatures were traumatizing her dogs every time she took them out at night to urinate.

Out of fear of sounding like Donna, I kept my suspicions to myself. I observed the strange actions of those around me and kept note of the bizarre events that happened in town. I found that it was something I was good at – observing. Always watching, but never voicing my opinions. Eventually, it got the best of me because I grew really quiet at school. But I didn’t mind. I liked being a wallflower.

One day in the fifth grade I saw my mom reading the Beacon Chronicle and I had an epiphany – journalists investigate weird, inexplicable events, so I should be a journalist. Reading the news became my favorite pastime, and by sixth grade I decided I would join the high school newspaper, The Daily Beacon, when I became a freshman. I figured maybe it would give me an outlet to investigate the odd occurrences in the town without looking like a lunatic.

But in sixth grade, I noticed that some of the odd things had stopped happening. There were less animal attacks and disappearances from the Preserve. Some people had even left town, including the last of the Hales, whose house had burned down that same year.

I didn’t give up hope though. I kept my head down and waited for things to get weird again. In the meantime, I wrote for enjoyment. In eighth grade I started shadowing a girl named Anna that was a part of the Daily Beacon, and I started writing articles – album reviews, movie reviews, school news.

Everything was going smoothly until my sophomore year of high school. Suddenly the weird things were happening, and I was sure that there was one person that was at the epicenter of it all – Scott McCall.

--

“...Angela, you’re covering the new faculty; Thomas, you’ve got the new Vegan Support Group club some juniors just created; and y/n, you’re covering lacrosse try-outs,” said Andrew, the editor-in-chief of the Daily Beacon.

I groaned slightly. “Andrew, couldn’t I write something a little bit more...my style? Like what about the one freshman class that boycotted their summer reading and is facing suspension?”

He gave me a slight look. “y/n, you know how important this lacrosse piece is. You know what that sport means to the school. You should be glad I’m giving you this opportunity,” he scolded. “Besides, Marlene is covering that class and is already interviewing their teacher.”

I nodded slowly and tried to refrain from rolling my eyes. I knew that Andrew meant well – he had been like an older brother to me ever since my freshman year – and he was right about the importance of lacrosse. I stayed quiet until he dismissed us, then mentally prepared myself to spend my afternoon watching some jocks exude machismo on a field.

When my last class was over, I walked over to the lacrosse field and found myself a spot on the top of the bleachers. It gave me an excellent vantage point – until a couple girls sat down right in front of me. The redhead I recognized to be Lydia Martin, the school’s resident popular girl. We’d been in class together all our lives, but I couldn’t remember a time she ever talked to me. I’m sure she didn’t even know I existed, just like the majority of the other people in our grade. The other girl, however, I didn’t recognize. I found out her name was Allison by overhearing their conversation. She was new and must have just moved to Beacon Hills.

The shrill sound of Coach’s whistle knocked me out of my thoughts. Tryouts started, and I watched as Scott McCall, a boy from my grade, was nearly knocked out by a lacrosse ball to the face. I winced but wrote down the event in the notebook I had out for documentation.

The next ball that went Scott’s way didn’t hit his face though. He managed to catch it in his goalie net. I couldn’t help but be a bit surprised – like Lydia, I’d known of Scott my whole life though he probably didn’t know me at all. But that meant I knew he was an asthmatic that wasn’t particularly skilled at sports.

“He’s actually pretty good,” I mumbled to myself as Scott continued to catch every ball that came his way.

I didn’t realize how loud I must’ve said it though because at my remark Allison turned around. “I was just thinking the same thing,” she said, obviously surprised. “Do you know him?”

I shook my head and quickly turned my attention to my notebook to write down the surprising turn of events. “Are you writing about this for the school newspaper?” I looked back up at Allison’s question. She was paying attention to me?

“Um, yeah, I am. I’d rather not write about sports, but here I am,” I joked lightly.

She let out a beautiful laugh at my statement. “Well, I’m glad you’re here. I’m Allison, and you are…?”

“y/n,” I answered. “Nice to meet you, Allison.” Suddenly the crowd roared, and I remembered why I was there. Allison, too, smiled and turned her attention back to the game. Lydia hadn’t said a word, but she was focused on watching Scott absolutely demolish Jackson Highmore, who, in my opinion, needed to be knocked down a few pegs anyway.

The more I watched Scott though, I got this weird feeling. He was good – too good. I tried to ignore my feelings and just focus on writing notes for the ridiculous lacrosse piece, which would include the headline: “Sophomore Scott McCall shines at lacrosse tryouts and becomes team co-captain.” But deep down I knew there was something up with him.

A few days later, I was sitting behind Stiles Stilinski, Scott’s best friend, in English class. Even though I’d had nearly all of my classes with him, we never talked. It originally was because I had a minor crush on him and was afraid I’d pass out if I spoke to him, but eventually it just morphed into me not speaking to many people and being convinced he didn’t know of my existence anyway.

But this one day, I was committed to speaking with him. I had to know what was going on, and if there was one person that knew anything about Scott’s new-found lacrosse talent, it was Stiles.

“Hey, Stiles,” I spoke up from behind him.

The brunette turned around, slightly confused but with that soft smile on his face. “Oh, hey, y/n. What’s up?”

I swear my heart stopped beating for a second. He knew my name? He knew who I was? I shook myself out of my thoughts before I went down the rabbit hole of the implications of him knowing me.

“Oh, nothing much. I’m just writing a piece about lacrosse tryouts for the school newspaper and I was just wondering if you had anything to say about it,” I explained.

He tilted his head slightly and shifted in his seat to more fully face me. “Um, yeah sure. I think it’s going to be a great season, especially since we’ve gotten some new leadership. My boy Scott’s co-captain now, so those Devenford Prep guys won’t know what hit them!”

“Speaking of Scott, when did he get so good at lacrosse? Would you say it’s natural talent?” I pressed a bit, hoping he’d say something that would give me a hint as to what was going on.

Stiles’ eyes squinted a little, and his head tilted slightly again. He seemed to be at a loss for words, which was unusual for the fast-talking, sarcastic boy, but he quickly recovered. “It’s definitely...natural...talent. He’s been working extra hard recently to hone his talent and skills so he could bring his A-game to this year’s tryouts.” When he finished speaking, he looked pleased with himself, and I could tell he had let out a small sigh of relief.

What are you hiding?

Though I didn’t know it yet, at that moment my rivalry with Stiles Stilinski began. He and Scott were hiding something, and I was going to find out what it was.

--

“You’re telling me that a girl is in a coma after the school winter formal and you don’t want me to write a story about it?”

Andrew leaned against the desk and crossed his arms. “It’s not that I don’t want you to write it. I just think it’s a tense time right now. The administration is receiving a lot of flack right now because of the winter formal fiasco, and Ms. Blanchard told me that we may want to avoid stirring the pot right now,” he explained. “That is not to say that we abandon our journalistic integrity and commitment to informing the student body, but we just may want to be sensitive to our environment right now.”

I trusted Ms. Blanchard, the faculty sponsor of the Daily Beacon, but not reporting on Lydia’s comatose state felt wrong. She was well-known at school, and students deserved to know the facts of her situation and how it had happened.Well, maybe I was lying to myself by saying that the real reason I wanted to pursue the story wasn’t the fact that something inexplicable had happened at the dance and I had to figure out what it was.

Andrew could sense my disappointment. “Look, maybe for now you can start collecting information and sources, and I’ll talk to Ms. Blanchard. Maybe she can advise us on how best to proceed.”

I threw my arms around Andrew in a quick hug. “Yes, thank you! I promise I’ll be sensitive when asking sources. I know how difficult this must be for the people close to her.”

“I know you will,” he said, chuckling lightly.

With a smile plastered on my face – perhaps a little inappropriately considering the topic I was excited to cover – I left the small newspaper office in search of my first source: Stiles Stilinski. He had been Lydia’s date to the dance, so surely he must know what happened to her, right? “No, I don’t know what happened,” Stiles angrily responded when I cornered him at his locker. “We were separated for a bit because she went looking for someone. When I went looking for her I–” he stopped suddenly, as if choosing his words carefully. He wouldn’t meet my eyes as he spoke.

“The next thing I know, she was at the hospital in a coma. They told me Jackson had found her out on the field when I went to check on her at the hospital,” he explained.

Something wasn’t adding up. “Ok, but where were you the rest of that time? You didn’t go looking for her when you didn’t see her for a while? What about when she had already been checked into the hospital?”

“What is this – an investigation?” Stiles shouted as he slammed his locker shut. I took a step back, eyes wide at the sudden display of aggression. Maybe I pushed too hard, I thought. Stiles rubbed a hand over his face and took a deep breath. “Sorry, I….I didn’t mean it like that. There’s just a lot going on, and my dad has been up my ass about those details too. To be honest, I can’t tell you where I was. The time just flew by and all of a sudden I’d realized I hadn’t seen Lydia for a couple hours. I wish I had been there for her, but there’s nothing I can do for her now other than check up on her.”

Running a hand over his buzzed head, he shot me a forced smile and said “good luck with your article” before walking away.

I was at a loss for words, trying to put the pieces together in my head. Surely he couldn’t have had a part in Lydia’s injury? There’s no way. But his defensiveness was off-putting–

“Hey, y/n!” I was snapped out of my thoughts by Allison approaching me from behind. “What were you talking to Stiles about?”

“Huh? Oh, um, I was just asking him about…” I remembered that the funeral for Allison’s aunt was happening and didn’t want to mention the additional stress of her best friend being comatose, so I opted for a white lie. “Biology homework. I wasn’t really paying attention in class today.”

“Oh, I didn’t realize you two were friends,” she said as she leant against the lockers.

I shook my head violently. “We’re not.” I’d grown too close to Allison for her to not pick up on my feelings though.

“You say that now, but–”

“I have to get to class. See you at lunch, Ally!”

--

Other things that year were weird, but none warranted any further investigation via newspaper article. Sure, I was wondering about Erica Reyes’ sudden transformation into the ultimate baddie, the mysterious deaths of a mechanic and Isaac Lahey’s dad, numerous paralyzations at the Jungle, and a death of someone at a secret rave, but Andrew thought it would be best for the Chronicle and Ledger to cover those bigger events. In fact, the only other unnatural event that happened that I had to cover for the newspaper was Stiles’ unbelievable winning streak at the lacrosse championship. I would have quoted him after the game, but I really didn’t want to speak to him and anyway, he had disappeared for a bit right after the team won.

I could tell that things were happening, but it was all hidden from public view. I even noticed Allison’s behavior fluctuating. The arrival of her grandfather shook things up, and while he gave me a bad feeling, I couldn’t exactly figure out why. Lydia was more troubled than usual after coming back from the hospital even though she tried to act normally. Jackson was going through something and was more angry and aggressive than usual, but I wasn’t close enough to him to ask him if he was okay.

Over the summer, I spent a surprising amount of time with Lydia. Allison spent her summer in France, but she asked me to keep an eye on Lydia to make sure she was okay, especially since Jackson had moved to London during the summer break. I was surprised how much I enjoyed spending time with the redhead, and we hung out when I wasn’t working at my internship at The Beacon Chronicle, which my mom had convinced me to apply for after she noticed how irritated I was that I couldn’t pursue some of the stories I wanted.

By the time Allison came back before the start of school, it felt like Lydia and I had been best friends for the longest time.

“So, Allison, have you talked to Scott at all this summer?” I asked when I was sitting in the backseat of Lydia’s car, Allison in the passenger seat.

She shook her head. “No, I think I still need some time. He...hides things from me and I don’t know if I can trust him.”

I nodded my head, understanding the feeling. I still couldn’t place my finger on what had happened between them or what Scott was involved in. Though I comforted her when I found out they broke up, I didn’t really know why they’d done it.

“What about you, y/n? Have you talked to Stiles at all?” Allison asked, looking back at me in the backseat.

“Why the hell would I talk to Stiles?” I questioned, confused.

She and Lydia shared a small look that I couldn’t decipher before she shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know, but you guys are more similar than you may think. I don’t know why you guys act like you don’t like each other though.”

The car rolled to a stop at the stop light, and all of a sudden I noticed a familiar baby blue jeep approach next to us. “Speak of the devil,” I mumbled. Lydia and Allison didn’t notice Stiles staring and waving at first, but when they did the car was filled with awkward tension.

The next events were a blur: Lydia running the red light, both cars stopping in the middle of the road, and a deer running straight towards us, nearing killing me in the gap between the front seats. We were shaken, and the boys ran towards us when they saw what happened.

“Are you okay?” Stiles asked Lydia, but he kept looking at me. I nodded slightly and he turned his full attention back to Lydia.

“What was wrong with it?” Allison asked as Scott got closer to the deer.

“It was scared,” he explained. “No, terrified.”

Things got progressively weirder after that. On the first day of school, I interviewed our new English teacher, Ms. Blake. She was nice enough, but it was unfortunate that her class was the one that a whole flock of birds decided to burst through the classroom windows. By the time the police arrived, I was already drafting up a story in my brain: Why are the animals acting weird in Beacon Hills?

I had overheard Stiles talking to Scott about the deer’s weird behavior and the number of deer-related incidents in California, so I swallowed my pride so that I could talk to him and maybe get some stats and information on the whole situation.

I walked up to him when he was sitting alone, texting on his phone. “Hey, Stiles.” “y/n? What’s wrong?” He had genuine concern written on his face.

“I overheard you and Scott talking about deer-related incidents earlier,” I noticed how he tensed up at my statement, “and I was wondering if you could help me with a piece I’m writing? It seems like you know all the stats, so maybe...you could write it with me?” It pained me to finish that sentence, but I figured it might be easier to figure out what was going on if he was helping – especially if he already had inside information.

I think for the first time in his life, the talkative boy was speechless. “I understand if you don’t want to or you’re busy–” I said quickly, trying to give him a way out.

“Yeah, sure.”

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t caught off guard by his response. “W-what?”

He smirked slightly. “Yeah, sure. I’ll help you out with your article, y/n. Collaborate with you, if you will. We can work on it at my house tomorrow afternoon if you want.”

Nodding and agreeing with the plan, I left the chaotic English classroom.

The next afternoon, I felt like I was walking into the lion’s den. Going to Stiles’ house felt foreign, but what was even stranger was seeing him in casual clothes in a comfortable environment.

He answered the door wearing some sweats and a t-shirt, looking more comfortable and confident than I’d ever seen him. “Hey, y/n. Come on in,” he greeted.

I thanked him awkwardly, and we walked to his dining room table to get set up. “Sorry, I need to go grab my notes from my room. Be back in a sec,” Stiles said before leaving me alone in his dining room.

After a moment of silence, Sheriff Stilinski walked in wearing his uniform. “Oh, y/n! What are you doing here?” He had seen me a couple weeks ago in the police station when I was requesting documents for a story for the Chronicle. Though journalists and cops don’t often have a jovial relationship, he said that he liked me because of my commitment to the truth and respectful nature.

“Hey, Sheriff. I’m writing a piece about the animals acting weird, you know, with the deer accident and bird incident, and Stiles said he’d help me since he has a bunch of statistics on deer related car accidents.”

“Stiles is helping you? Well, I’ll be damned.” When he saw the confusion on my face, he rushed to explain himself. “No, not like that. It’s just, you’re all organized and focused, and Stiles is….Stiles.”

I was laughing heartily when the boy himself walked back into the room. “What’s going on, Daddy-o?”

“Nothing, son. Just catching up with y/n here. I’ve got to get to work, but you’re welcome anytime, y/n.” He said before patting Stiles on the shoulder and heading off to work.

Stiles looked over at me oddly when he placed his notes on the table and sat next to me. “Since when are you all buddy-buddy with my dad?”

Shrugging, I said, “Ever since we started grabbing beer every Thursday night while you’re at lacrosse practice.” His jaw dropped slightly, and I laughed again. “No, idiot. We’ve just interacted a lot because of my internship. Now, can we get started on the article?”

--

After the article was published, my next assignment was writing about the track meet a couple weeks later. I found out Allison and Lydia were riding together to the meet, so I tagged along.

Both girls were extremely tense the whole ride, seemingly concerned about something going on in the bus. We were only a few cars behind the bus full of track runners (and lacrosse players who were forced to attend the meet), but the stand-still traffic was a force to be reckoned with.

“Do you think we’re too close?” Allison asked.

“Honey, if you were any closer I think you’d mount the bus,” Lydia said sarcastically. She got a call from Stiles and looked over at Allison. “Hey, Stiles,” she dragged out the ‘hey,’ tension obvious in her voice.

She listened to what he was saying, something clearly wrong. “What do you mean he’s not–” she stopped when she remembered I was in the car, “healing?” She finished the question quietly, probably hoping I wouldn’t hear.

Healing? Is he injured?

“Yeah, ok, just find a way to get Coach to stop. We’ll meet you there.” She hung up and told Allison to pull off at the next stop.

When we got to the rest stop, I could see everyone hurrying to get off the bus. Allison parked the car, and we quickly went to the bathroom where I saw Scott nearly passed out on the floor. “Oh my god, is he okay?”

“Yeah, y/n. He’s fine. At least, he will be,” Stiles responded. He positioned his body in front of me a little bit as if he was trying to block my view of Scott.

I gently pushed him aside so I could see and was shocked to see black blood coming from the injured boy. “What the hell is going on? Why is his blood black?” I ran forward to get closer, kneeling next to Allison.

“It’s nothing. We just need to stitch him up and he’ll be fine.”

“Stiles, don’t fucking lie to me. I can see that he’s obviously not fine.”

“He’s right,” Allison said quietly. “We need to stitch him up. I need something to stitch him together with.” She looked around before remembering something in her bag.

I shook my head. “We need to tell Coach. Take him to a hospital or something.”

“No!” All three of them yelled at me.

It was quiet for a moment, all of us deciding where to go from here. “Just…” Stiles started, “please go and make sure the bus doesn’t leave without us. We’ll handle this.” I got up and slowly made my way to the door.

As I reached for the door, a hand grabbed my wrist. “y/n,” Stiles said, “it’ll make sense someday. Just trust us for now. Trust me,” he pleaded quietly out of earshot of the girls and Scott.

“I do,” I replied quietly, not meeting his eyes, before pulling my hand from his grasp and leaving the bathroom.

That night, we all had to stay at the Motel Glen Capri because of the postponed meet. I didn’t like its energy, and neither did Lydia. “A lot can happen in one night,” she said.

Though it was supposed to be two to a room, I convinced Coach to let me room with Allison and Lydia. Admittedly, Coach didn’t need much convincing because I was saving the school money by doing so. Once we got our room key, we went up to our room on the second floor.

“I’m going to go get a snack from the machine,” I told Lydia once Allison was in the shower.

She nodded. “Sounds good. I’m going to the lobby. There must be something we can do about these towels that reek of nicotine.”

Grabbing a couple one’s from my wallet, I made my way down the hall to the vending machine where I ran into Boyd and Stiles. As I approached, I could hear Stiles trying to talk to an unresponsive Boyd, who subsequently punched a hole through the glass of the machine, grab his snack that the machine refused to give him, and walk away.

“What the hell was that?” I asked Stiles as I walked up next to him.

He shrugged. “I don’t really know, to be honest.” He reached into the machine to grab his snack and tossed one to me as well.

When I got back to my room, a shaken Allison and Lydia were hurriedly talking about something. “Oh, y/n! You’re back. You won’t believe what just happened…” Allison started

She recounted the story of Scott’s bizarre behavior in the bathroom, and Lydia filled me in on the counter that they have at the front desk. “Can you imagine having a counter for the number of suicides that take place in your hotel? Crazy,” Lydia said. Taking her phone out, she sent a quick text to Stiles telling him that we all needed to talk.

We met him in the hallway a couple minutes later. “What was the text for?” Stiles asked when he saw our little gathering.

“There’s something going on with all the…” she looked over at me before continuing, “guys. You know, Scott, Boyd, Isaac, probably Ethan too.” I tried to connect the dots between all of them, but I didn’t really know what they all had in common. Scott and Isaac were both on the lacrosse team, but from what I could tell they didn’t have a particular fondness for each other or Ethan.

“I think someone’s going to die tonight,” Lydia said decisively.

“Why do you think that?” I asked, but it seemed like I was the only one questioning her line of reason.

She shook her head slowly. “I just...have a feeling.” After a moment of silence, she told us about hearing something from the room next to ours through the vent, so we decided to investigate it. Room 217 seemed empty and locked, but all of a sudden we heard the sound of a saw from behind the door.

Stiles busted the door open, and we opened it to find Ethan turning the saw on himself. “Ethan, stop!” I yelled as we ran into the room. Stiles started wrestling him for the saw, but luckily Lydia saw where it was plugged into the wall and unplugged it.

The next thing that happened was completely unexpected to me. Ethan grew fangs and claws, his eyes blazing red. What the fu–

Allison and Lydia rushed forward, wrestling his claws away from his torso where he had been planning on slashing himself. In the struggle he fell on the space heater, which apparently brought him out of whatever state he was in. He ran out of the room soon after. When we tried to question him about what he was doing, he couldn’t answer us. He had been out of control, and it made Allison realize we were forgetting someone.

“Where’s Scott?” She asked suddenly. When no one could answer, we all decided to split up – I’d go with Allison to look for Scott while Stiles and Lydia went to find Boyd and Isaac.

Scott wasn’t in his room. Allison and I ran all over the motel, looking in every crevice. At last, we decided to check the school bus, and that’s where we saw him. Standing drenched in gasoline, a flare lit up in his hand.

“Scott…” I approached quietly, careful to not make any sudden movements.

It was then that Stiles and Lydia joined us. I watched as Stiles walked into the gasoline, my breath catching in my throat as he nearly sacrificed himself. Scott was talking, but I didn’t really understand what it meant. He said that his life was better before the bite.

Stiles eventually talked Scott down, but the flare rolled into the gasoline. Luckily, Lydia was able to make sure we had all gotten out of the way. I’d ended up next to Stiles on the ground, and though we made eye contact, no words were spoken.

We spent the night in the bus because none of us could bear the thought of spending another second in that cursed place. Coach woke us up in the morning, definitely thinking the worst about what we may have gotten ourselves into, but whatever he was thinking wouldn’t possibly compare to reality. What was reality? I couldn’t have really told you at that point. I didn’t understand what we’d just lived through.

Before the other students started loading onto the bus, Stiles slid into the empty space next to me. “y/n, you know that all of this,” he made a grand gesture to Scott and the others as well as the motel, “is off the record. You can’t tell anyone about this. About what happened.” I held eye contact with him for a moment before nodding. “I wouldn’t tell anyone. To be honest, I don’t even really know what I would tell people, but I wouldn’t.” He nodded, a sad smile on his face as he looked down and fidgeted with his hands. “But Stiles,” I said as he looked back up at me. “Please help me understand it all. You can trust me, I promise, I just want to understand. I want to help.”

With a deep sigh, Stiles nodded once more. “Okay. I’ll tell you everything.”

--

When Stiles said he’d fill me in on everything, I didn’t realize he meant everything. I couldn’t believe how oblivious I had been to everything that had happened in the past year. Sure, I knew something weird was going on, but how was I supposed to know it was supernatural?

Finding out that my little corner of the world, little old Beacon Hills, California, had werewolves (and a kanima, pack of alphas, and whatever the hell a Darach was) was a lot to process. It was unbelievable, but Stiles helped me believe it.

I could tell that he didn’t fully trust me though. There was something in the way he looked at me that told me he was wondering when I would be done with my source acquisition and I’d write the next big exposé: Supernatural Beacon Hills: How Werewolves Have Been Hiding In Plain Sight. I didn’t know how to assure him that I was on their side and wouldn’t expose their secrets.

As the year progressed, things simultaneously made more sense and less sense. To defeat the Darach, we had to perform a sacrifice for the parents that had abducted, and Deaton – the veterinarian that had taken care of every family pet we’d ever had – told me I had to hold Stiles down during it. He said we had some sort of connection, but I guess that’s what mutual loathing does to people.

In the end, we won. We beat the Darach, the alpha of the alphas Deucalion left, and Scott became an alpha himself. But it was still just the beginning.

--

The sacrifice did something to Scott, Stiles, and Allison that we didn’t fully understand. Deaton said they left a door open, which only made it harder for Stiles to trust me because he could barely trust himself.

Knowing about the supernatural didn’t preclude my other responsibilities though. I still wrote for the Daily Beacon, much to Stiles’ displeasure, but I enjoyed it. So, on the first day of school I interviewed our newest faculty member – Mr. Yukimura. He and his family had just moved from New York, and his daughter Kira was in our grade. She was nice, but shy, so I invited her to have lunch with us.

Surprisingly, Kira jumped right into the conversation at lunch by mentioning bardo, the Buddhist concept of being in an in-between state.

After lunch, I caught up with Allison to walk to our next class. “Hey, Allison, could I ask you a favor?”

“Of course! What’s up?”

“Well, I don’t really know how to ask this but...I need help learning to defend myself, I guess? It’s just that I’m going to be helping you guys now, and I actually want to be helpful, so I want to protect myself so you guys don’t have to worry about me,” I admitted.

Allison smiled softly. “I’d love to help.” I returned her smile, suddenly giddy, yet nervous. “But, I think you should know that my...aim...has been off since the sacrifice.”

I could hear the disappointment in her voice. “Nonsense, I’m sure that you’re still the best shot in this school.” She shook her head. “It’s never been this bad.”

Touching her arm lightly, I gave her a reassuring smile. “We’ll figure it out together.”

A few days later, I was surprised when I was paid a visit by both Scott and Stiles while I was sitting in the library. “To what do I owe this pleasure, boys?”

“We need your help.” I perked up at Scott’s statement. “We’re trying to solve the Tate case, you know, the one where Malia Tate disappeared all those years ago after that car accident, and we could use your help tracking her down.” He looked over at Stiles and nudged him with his elbow.

“And, you can write a piece about it. Not including all the details, if what we think happened is true, but you can still write something factual,” Stiles said, still displeased that I was writing for the newspaper.

To annoy Stiles, I acted like I was really thinking about it for a minute, but then laughed lightly. “Yeah, I’ll help you guys. Where do we start?”

--

Pull yourself together, y/n. You’re a journalist. You’re supposed to report on tragedy all the time. Be objective.

I took a deep breath and wrote the first line for what would be the cover story of the next Daily Beacon issue.

Junior Allison Argent, 17, died in an unfortunate carjacking incident last fall.

Before I could write any more, I got a phone call from Stiles.

Oh, thank god. “Stiles?”

“Do you want to come with us to Mexico?” He blurted out.

I couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled from my chest. “What? Mexico? Why? When–”

“Tomorrow.”

“Stiles, are you insane? Even if I wanted to, there’s no way my parents would ever let me go.”

“We’re all telling our parents we’re going camping, if that helps at all,” he said with what seemed like a hint of disappointment in his voice.

I was quiet for a minute, but my mind was already made up. “Why? And who exactly is going?”

“Scott, Lydia, Kira, Malia, and I have to visit some hunters and see what they know about Derek being missing.”

As soon as he mentioned Malia, my mouth started curling into a frown. It’s not that I disliked the werecoyote, it’s just that she and Stiles had been pretty full on since they hooked up at Eichen and started dating. I wasn’t jealous – though I’m sure Lydia would argue otherwise since she’s convinced I like him or something – just...weirded out by their relationship.

I sighed. “I want to help, but I really can’t tomorrow. School starts back up in a couple days, and I need to finish this elegy for Allison and come up with a bunch of assignments for the staff writers…” I trailed off, thinking about all that I had to do before the coming week.

“Oh yeah, I forgot. Ms. Editor-in-chief over here has a life outside of us,” Stiles joked.

Andrew graduated at the end of last year and left his glittering empire to me, though suddenly I felt overwhelmed at the prospect of running a newspaper while being way too involved in the town’s supernatural endeavors. It didn’t bother me last semester, but after Allison…

“I’ll just see you guys when you get back, okay?” I told Stiles. He made an unintelligible noise of agreement. “And try not to let anyone get killed.” “Yes, mom,” Stiles said sarcastically. I could almost hear the smirk in his voice.

When the pack got back, I was surprised by the events that had taken place. “What do you mean it’s a young version of Derek?”

A few days later, I had to cover the spring lacrosse tryouts. Though I wanted to assign it to someone else, I had to do it myself because everyone was busy with the assignments I had given them.

To my surprise, a new freshman, Liam Dunbar, showed everyone up at tryouts – even Scott. I took note of how he seemed almost athletically superior to everyone, and I wondered if he was supernatural.

“He’s human, I’m sure of it,” Scott said as he came up next to where I was sitting on the bleachers, scaring me out of my mind in the process.

“Jeez, Scott. A little warning next time would be nice. But how do you know?”

He shrugged. “I can just tell. He’s just a really great athlete.”

“He’s going to be a great pain in my ass, I can tell,” Stiles said, sidling up next to Scott.

I took note of their reactions, writing down Scott’s comment – about being a great athlete, not human – to consider while writing my piece.

“Oh no, don’t tell me you’re writing a story about him,” Stiles groaned.

“You know I have to write one about the tryouts, and he just happens to be the star player of today,” I told him. “Sorry, Scott.”

Scott waved me off, but Stiles was still upset about the situation. “No, don’t give him the ego boost! He’s already a little shit, and an article about him would make it worse.”

Taking a break from my note-taking, I looked over at the brown-haired boy. “Stiles, have you even talked to him?”

He looked at a loss for words. “N-not really...but I can see his arrogance from a mile away!”

I rolled my eyes. “Well then, if you’d excuse me, I’m going to write up a fantastic story about a talented up-and-coming lacrosse player.”

The article became the next issue’s front page, but I almost wished I hadn’t given him as much attention when Scott turned him into his beta.

The rest of the year didn’t go as planned either, but isn’t junior year supposed to be everyone’s worst year?

As much as I liked helping out with the supernatural problems Scott and the rest of the pack were having, it was hard knowing about what was going on and not being able to write about it, especially when all of the mysterious killings started up. We eventually found out about the deadpool, but I could write about a kill list of Beacon Hills’ resident supernaturals, could I?

At the end of the year, I finally had to make the trip to Mexico with the rest of the pack. “Stiles, I’m going. You can’t stop me!” I attempted to open the passenger door of the jeep when he reached out and shut it from behind me.

“No, it’s going to be dangerous. We don’t even really know what we’re facing,” he tried reasoning with me. “I can protect myself,” I said, thinking of the training that Allison had given me. “Besides, I can’t just sit by and wait for you guys to come back. I need to try helping Scott.”

Realizing that I wasn’t going to back down, Stiles removed his hand from the side of the door and opened it for me. I nodded a quick thanks as I hopped into the vehicle.

I wasn’t expecting to fight Scott that day, but we all did in order to return him from his Berserker form. At the end of the fight, I had a few cuts and bruises, but nothing I couldn’t deal with.

As Derek drove away with Braedan, I could feel that things were changing. “I can’t write about any of this, can I?” I asked somewhat jokingly.

“Off the record,” Stiles replied from where he stood next to me.

--

“Stiles, what’s wrong?”

“Oh thank god, you remember me!” He said as he grabbed my hands. He’d been running down the hall frantically when I saw him.

I looked at him with concern on my face. “Yeah, of course I remember you? Why wouldn’t I–”

“y/n, it’s the Hunt. The Ghost Riders. I saw them, and now they’re coming for me.” He was breathing heavily, eyes sweeping the surroundings for signs of the Ghost Riders. His eyes locked on something to his left, but when I looked, I couldn’t see anything. “They’re here. We have to go,” he said, pulling me towards the parking lot. We got into his jeep, but he didn’t start the car. “Stiles, what are you doing?”

“It’s too late.” I could see the look of grief on his face. “No, don’t say that. It’s not–”

“It’s the truth,” he cut me off, turning to look at me. “Promise me you won’t forget.”

I shook my head. “I won’t. But Stiles, I can’t do this without you,” I could feel a tear escaping my eye and slipping down my cheek, my emotions getting the better of me.

Stiles reached forward and wiped the tear away before placing his hand on my cheek. “What do you mean? You’re one of the smartest, most inquisitive people I know. If I had to trust anyone to find a way to stop the Ghost Riders, it would be you.”

I couldn’t help but smile at his honesty. “Yeah right. Lydia will probably figure it out before me.”

He shook his head. “You can do it. I trust you.” I could tell there was more he wanted to say, but he turned to look at something through the window over his shoulder. “Can I tell you something? Off the record.”

I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped my mouth. “Yes, of course. What is it?”

He took a deep breath. “I don’t hate you. I know it may seem like I’ve never trusted you or that I don’t care about you, but it’s actually the opposite. I...really really like you,” he admitted.

I was stunned. Stiles likes me? He was searching my face for any indication of feelings as I sat there silently.

“Oh, shit,” Stiles mumbled. “Ok, forget I said that. Well, you won’t need to forget when you forget me in a minute–”

I cut off his rambling by placing my lips on his. They were warm and familiar, as if they were made for mine. “I like you too,” I mumbled when I disconnected, my eyes still closed from the interaction.

But when I opened them, I was alone in the baby blue jeep.

--

All semester, I’d felt that something was missing, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. Or who it was.

But after months of searching for it, we finally figured it out. Lydia had gone into a banshee trance to discover the word “Stiles,” and it brought back vague memories for me when I heard it. The feeling of soft flannel. A sarcastic laugh. Red string around my finger. A hefty wooden baseball bat.

The collection of memories made sense when we all finally got our memories back and remembered the person we were missing from our lives.

We traced the trail of clues to the sewers, where Scott tried to bring back Stiles because of their brotherly love for one another. I thought it would work, but the portal closed and Stiles hadn’t appeared. Come on, Stiles. Where are you?

We had to fight the Ghost Riders off, making sure they didn’t turn our beloved Beacon Hills into another ghost town. I’d run into the high school, looking for something to use as a weapon when I ran into someone in the hall. A tall, brown-haired figure wearing a flannel shirt. “Stiles?”

He turned, and smiles emerged on both of our faces. I broke into a run again, right into his arms. “I can’t believe you’re here. You’re really here.” I mumbled, the sound muffled against his shirt.

“I knew you could do it,” he said.

I pulled back slightly and looked up at his face, suddenly nervous. “That night in the jeep...did you hear what I told you before you disappeared?”

A soft smile rested on his face. “Of course I did. It was the one thing that kept me going, especially when I was stuck with Peter.”

“Peter Hale? Why the hell were you with Peter Hale?”

Stiles shook his head. “We can go over that later. For now, there’s one thing I’ve been wanting to do.” I was a little confused, but I understood once he leaned in and connected our lips.

This is what I’d been missing, and I was never going to let it go again.

--

I watched from afar as Stiles gave his trusty baseball bat to Mason, who didn’t seem to appreciate the hunk of wood.

“Have you told him yet?” Lydia asked as she appeared next to me.

I shook my head. “We haven’t really had time to talk about that stuff. I think he doesn’t really want to think about it just yet and what that might mean for us.”

She nudged me with her elbow, silently telling me to go over there and talk to him. Rolling my eyes, I walked towards the familiar blue jeep and familiar mess of brown hair.

Liam and Mason had already walked away, and Scott and Stiles were standing and talking at the jeep’s trunk. “Hey, y/n. I’m just heading out, but I’ll see you guys later,” Scott said as I came up and Stiles threw his arm around me.

We waved as Scott left, and Stiles pulled me closer. “Hey,” he said, looking down at me with an affectionate expression.

I pulled him over so we could sit in the open trunk. “We need to talk.” I could see the panic flare up in his eyes.

“Oh, um, okay? Is everything okay?”

Chuckling lightly, I nodded. “Yeah, we just haven’t talked about college at all,” I explained.

His head dropped. “Yeah, I know. I just don’t want it to ruin what we have here, and I don’t even know what life will be like outside of Beacon Hills, and I feel like we just got together and now–”

“Stiles,” I cut him off. “I’m going to GW too.”

His eyes widened at my confession. “You...you’re going to GW?”

I nodded, a small smile on my lips. “I committed a while ago. I’m going to study journalism there.”

I watched as a smile spread across his face. Then, it was replaced by a quick smirk. “Oh great, you’re following me there, huh? I just can’t seem to get rid of you.”

I shrugged. “What can I say? I’m going to need someone to give me the inside scoop on the FBI’s antics.”

He looked pensive for a moment. “I think what you’re describing is illegal.”

“Not if it’s in the public’s interest. But maybe it just needs to be off the record,” I admitted. Stiles laughed. “Oh, it’s definitely going to be off the record.”

[missameliep]

was there anything — a character, a big reveal, a shocking twist, etc — in Second Chances that you almost included &/or initially planned on including? if so, what were they?

(sorry if this doesn’t really seem to apply, but I love those ideas that follow a fic through its long writing process only to end up axed for some reason or another! thought you might have some since you work on big projects too!)

Thanks so much for the ask, @clansayeed!

It totally applies to that story, because from my first drafts to what I finally post, my stories go through a lot of changes and rewrites and some times they end up entirely different. Second Chances is no exception. It went through some major changes!

I'll answer bellow the read more because there might be quite a few spoilers for the series...

When I started planning the story, the OC Elizabeth was already Brazilian, but it was later on, when I started the writing process that I decided to change her as much as I could and portray her as someone who is almost the opposite of the stereotypes for young Brazilian women (loud, extroverted, party girls etc). One of of reasons I decided to take that road was motivated by PB's usual portrayal of Brazilians and Latin characters in general. For instance, we had Marisa in PTR who was Brazilian and a sweet character but a party girl nonetheless, whose story revolved around being mistreated by her boyfriend... so when it came to Elizabeth, my decision was to write a shy young woman with self-steem issues, who is also a book-nerd, and as far from a party girl as one could be. There used to be a scene in one of the first chapters when she discussed prejudice and the way people misjudged her because of her nationality with other characters, but it was cut off. The topic is still in there and it emerges in the story in different forms and as part of the conflict with the antagonists, like during the tense scene when Elizabeth and Felicity have tea.

There used to be a plot against the main couple (Elizabeth x Hamid) that would lead them to grow apart during the time when Elizabeth was about to face professor Richards, one of the main antagonists... But the plot implied a betrayal orchestrated by the Countess and its consequences could not be mended easily because there were several implications that would lead her to distrust Hamid and him to feel deeply hurt by Elizabeth’s decision to not believe in his word... (I'm guilty of breaking my own heart!) But since I cannot write a story where Hamid and Elizabeth won't have their happy ending 😅, the entire sequence was cut off and the conflicts between the main couple are focused on the characters, their differences and opposite goals atm - and of course some minor interferences from other characters.

Originally, because of that plot against the main couple, there was going to be a love triangle between Elizabeth (OC), Hamid and Sinclaire, however, with all the changes the story went through (and the way the MC is more guarded about her feelings), it no longer applies and now it only adds unnecessary drama, so I'm rewriting some parts and entire scenes we're cut off (since I write the chapters out of order and write the major scenes in advance, some scenes from future chapters have been modified to fit the narrative).

In my first drafts, Briar used to be Brazilian too and she was the childhood friend instead of the OC Renata, however I found no plausible reason for her to follow her friend to a different continent, so... in this alternate version they met after Elizabeth moves to England, which turned out to be a good thing, because I like writing the way their friendship is also blossoming.

There are other twists that were cut off and others that were added specially to portray the main character's growth throughout the story, but from what I remember these were the major ones and the aspects that changed the story the most from what was originally intended.

Thank you so much for the ask! It was lovely to think about the creative process behind the series 💕

[gone-series-orchid]

Forget anon now lmao I sent the last two asks

I have seen possibly a couple spoilers on tumblr but I vehemently refuse to acknowledge them until they happen when I read them on paper. IMO I think the only reason this series was able to be marketed at young adults was bc the characters were mostly too young to be interested in s*x.....

Like I said I’m only halfway thru Plague but I don’t like how the story treats Pete as a plot device. I also hate that Duck had to die when like everyone else in that book got to live but I guess the FAYZ just isn’t fair like that, idk.

I also don’t like how 90% of the stuff that happened in Lies was disregarded like it was filler? Like that should have been majorly traumatizing.

However that being said I really love how unapologetic and raw this series has been so far. It doesn’t fuck around. It tackles a lot of hard topics and I really respect that. My likes outweigh my dislikes by a lot

(Btw I love Orc a hell of a lot too)

yay! i was wondering if you’d popped up in my notes without my realizing, and i was right! welcome to the (very tiny) gone fandom!

oof, yeah, little pete’s portrayal is one of the things about the series that sadly doesn’t improve throughout the books. it’s one of the elements of the series that really dates it. i’ve talked about it some on here, as have other fans; it’s one of the more blatantly misguided, offensive things about the books. a couple fans have headcanoned astrid as being on the spectrum as well, which i personally love; i believe it’s way to somewhat mitigate the faults of little pete’s portrayal (take note, potential show writers!). it’s not canon by any means, but we can dream...!

i loved duck and thought his death was very sad. he’s one of my favorite minor characters! however, for what it was, i liked that he had a fully fledged arc! his character development was so nice to see. if he’d lived, i worry he’d disappear into the background and die in some other less satisfying way; we all know michael grant doesn’t skimp on meaningless deaths for unimportant characters. it’d be sad for duck to end up that way.

yeah, mg does have a problem with kind of dropping subplots whenever they’re inconvenient; tbh i don’t remember a whole lot that happened in lies, aside from it being The One Where Astrid Becomes a Corrupt Politician, Sort Of, but i don’t doubt that a lot went unremarked upon in the later books. despite a lot happening in each book, a bunch of stuff doesn’t really carry over, to the point where the books feel a little convoluted. they’re very shaggy. that’s part of their charm, but it does get bewildering sometimes. and yeah! i think lies is almost universally regarded as the “filler” book; i have a lot of love for it because astrid’s my favorite female character of the series--she really shines there and gets to have her whole tragic fall from grace--but it’s not very memorable aside from that, i think.

and yeah, i do respect the amount of tough subjects mg brings up! he doesn’t really pussyfoot around hard stuff. he treats his young audience with respect, which is always nice. not that he doesn’t mishandle some stuff, but his honesty is refreshing.

and omg, isn’t orc a great character? i love everything about him. his character development, his friendship with howard, his soft spot for astrid, his relationship with his dad, etc. i could talk about him forever. i think his arc is the most emotionally effective out of all of them, and i love that he gets pov chapters of his own (especially in plague) despite not being super plot-relevant. every time he gets a pov chapter my heart breaks for him a little more. he’s flawed, but you want him to get better. he reaches an important turning point in plague while staying at a certain boarding school for troubled kids; no spoilers, but it’s one of those scenes that i was stunned by; it has implications that a lot of ya books wouldn’t include, especially for a character who’s morally gray but has become steadily more sympathetic over time, hence why it’s my favorite scene. watch out for it! 👀

[grave-gift]

PLEASE talk about It Devours! and any other theories you have (esp about 171, I didn't spend 32 straight hours overanalyzing it for nothing p l e a s e) -local Carlos stanon

LOL okay thank you for the ask! I will number my ramblings the same way I did in my post. 

Long post is long.

It Devours!, A Spy In The Desert Secret, and general podcast spoilers. CWs for abuse, pregnancy, and mentions of PTSD, grief, and trauma, although I don’t elaborate on them.

1.) 171 thoughts: Complete thoughts will come in a separate post! Hopefully! I keep meaning to write it and my brain doesn’t cooperate, but the too long don’t read version is “33, 106, and 171 all are the same event from 3 different points of view (all of whom are versions of Cecil) and it’s a cycle of self-sabotage resulting from the abuse he endured from his mother.” I also have supporting lines from additional episodes for this, but on top of that, Mab the bus driver in it Devours is ALSO mentioned as seeing a flickering in a mirror, which is a very significant part of the Cecil Mirror Lore I’ve been conducting. It’s coupled with her feeling a prevailing sense of unease, like her and all her passengers are in danger, and it is... very familiar. I haven’t figured out what the implications of this are yet. I am still thinking. 

2.) Esteban Nonsense: I went through a lot of canon and a lot of thinking to determine that his birthday is probably around November 1st, 2017. This means that during the events of It Devours, Carlos and Cecil are literally preparing to bring a baby home. 

It Devours was released October 17th, 2017, and I read it as taking place before then in canon (because Joseph and Jeffery would have had to submit a manuscript for approval and editing, things take time.) It takes place between 111 and 117 somewhere in my opinion. Adoption is a long process, it takes months and more often years to get approved and to get a child, and maybe it’s different in Night Vale, but Carlos’ actions in It Devours become... a lot more tragic and frantic if you can imagine he’s anxiously awaiting his own child. His reaction to Janice almost being Devoured is emotional and powerful, and he obviously cares for her so so much, but when you add a layer of “I have to stop this now because our family is growing soon” it just. WHUMP. I live for it. 

For bonus whump, you could accept a headcanon I have that Cecil’s cousin Sabina is a surrogate for them, and in 113 she is pregnant with Esteban and not her own daughter. Then, imagine that Sabina is in Night Vale during It Devours.

For bonus bonus whump, also consider: Carlos trans, Carlos seahorse dad, Carlos currently pregnant, and early on, and fucking terrified of what’s happening around him (he did choose not to go out for drinks with Nilanajana and crew to celebrate the defeat of “The Smiling God,” just sayin’ 👀) [disclaimer I’m transmasc and I’m conducting original research into improving communication and resource accessibility for transmasculine people who want to become or are pregnant; this isn’t a fetish thing; trans people can choose how they use their own bodies; die by my sword if you’re a freak about this]

3.) Overanalyzing Themes: The thematic elements in It Devours are very interesting! It is, of course, a commentary on science/logic and faith/emotion and how completely devoting (ha!) yourself to one and denying the other entirely can be dangerous. In addition to that, however, it also deals heavily with themes of trauma, PTSD, and grief. 

For that first point, I want to point out that the logic/emotion argument is completely symmetrical between the major and minor characters, and that there’s 3 tiers, in a way. Carlos vs Pastor Munn and Gordon; Nilanajana vs Darryl, and Mark and Luisa vs Stephanie and Jamillah. Carlos and Pastor Munn are both fully “destroyed” in different ways (emotionally and... physically, respectively) by their absolute inability to view the other side of this debate. Nilanajana and Darryl both start out as very polar but learn, through each other, the importance of the other side of things, and the Dumbass Crew as I am calling the rest of them are just Dumb and I adore them. Additionally, there is one character whose worldview is a shockingly good balance between scientific/logical thought and faith, and it’s god damn Larry LeRoy with with historical dioramas. If you’ve ever studied history you’ll know that it is conducted primarily through empirical investigation, but it is impossible to fully understand what history can teach us without also using “the historian’s tools” (as my professor called them), empathy and imagination. Not to mention the artistic side of those projects, which... art is another excellent example of the blending of both logic and emotion. Larry LeRoy is the balance between these two and also he’s the one who actually talks Carlos down in the end. Absolute fucking hero. 

I don’t have... much to say yet about grief and PTSD and trauma but they’re in there, a lot, and there’s a lot of good lines about all of them.

Also interesting, but separate, Nilanajana on page 112 says “I don’t think of home as a place, It’s more the ritual of my life. The work I do every day, and the things I like to eat, and where I like to eat them.” and Darryl on page 113 says “Sometimes where you live is just a place, no matter how long you live there.” This is partially a way of tying him and Nilanajana together (and also highlighting how Nilanajana grows throughout the book as the protagonist), but it is ALSO a very interesting additional take on the “home is a name/place” vs “home is people I love” lines we get from Kevin and Carlos/Cecil in the year 3 finale (and partially in Holiday, the patreon bonus episode, but that’s not really important enough to get into here). Kevin: Things without names don’t really exist. So I’m going to call this…well, I’m going to call it Desert Bluffs! Desert Bluffs was the name of my hometown, and by naming it Desert Bluffs, this place becomes my new hometown! We are in my home!! We are in Desert Bluffs, no matter where we are in space or time. What is a town but a name, right? Cecil:  Carlos held my shoulder and said, “Night Vale is just a name, Cecil. Night Vale is just the name for an area where everyone you love lives,” he said. “Don’t worry about the name. Worry about the everyone,” he said.

Just something to think about. 

4.) Side Character Love: Bro this one doesn’t require anything from me like, big brain analysis wise, I just... I love Josh Crayton, I love Jackie Fierro, I LOVE THEIR SIBLING RELATIONSHIP??? I am so happy we got to check in on them!!! I love that Jackie is dating Sam for SOME REASON god that’s a mess and I love it. I love Laura, the waitress at the Moonlight All Nite Diner, she’s fantastic and it was so good to read more lore about her!! I love Abby and Steve and Janice, particularly Abby! We learned more about Abby’s character in one line of this book than we did in the rest of the entirety of canon (she’s cool in a crisis and then breaks down later, alone, in the shower. Making her the LITERAL opposite of Cecil. I adore them.) PAMELA,,,,, GOD,,,, 

Basically. It Devours is an excellent novel. I had a lot of fun with it. 

Also, this is what my copy of It Devours looks like.

[loyalflutist]

I’m Yours (F!Byleth x Edelgard) *R-18+

Challenge: Edeleth Twitter Week (09/29/2019 - 10/05/2019) Day 6: I’m Yours

A/N: I was busy on 10/04 the entire day, so the fictions are starting to be backed up by a day or two. Also, since I’m not sure why Tumblr is hiding my lemons... (I wrote one for Dorothea and there was an older one with Edeleth that somehow disappeared from the search results...) Hence, I’ll begin to tag them as “LEMON THE LEMONADE” rather than the usual tag. 

Also, beware of minor implications of nonconsensual activity and massive spoilers about Byleth’s origin and the following characters: Sothis, Rhea, Seteth, Flayn, Jeralt. 

---

People sometimes think the world revolves around them. A singular entity in a vast space that shines the brightest. It was their life, and it was their life alone. No one has any control over it. Not their family. Not their friends. Not their enemies. No one. Absolutely no one. They were who they were. No one can define their existence.

Yet fate is sometimes cruel. That singular entity— that person, can be manipulated and placed under a hold from their oppressors. Brutal methods were enforced to brainwash the individual. Terrorize them. Drag them down with metallic chains fit for wild beasts. Mouths muffled by hands tainted with their very own blood. Blindfolds concealing the truth from them. False beliefs instilled into them. Obedience a necessity to survive the next day. And when a savior appears, they are taken away just as quickly as they appear. Oh, how terrifying it must be to open up to their significant other! Everything can go south so quickly… as for Byleth Eisner.

‘ I don’t want to be used. ‘

A shudder ran down her spine amidst her violent trembles. The teal-haired can be spotted in her private quarter, seated on her royal mattress in her loungewear. Legs pulled close to her chest, Byleth’s fingers tangled with her locks, her nails digging into the sensitive scalp. The weak heart that finally came back to life thumped heavily upon her chest; its pounding reaching her eardrums. These symptoms were becoming more and more frequent as the days crawled by… She gritted her teeth and felt her respiration hastened.

‘ I’m scared. ‘

How out of character, one may ask! She stands strong in adversary with features relating her to the infamous nickname, “Ashen Demon.” She commands the armies and battalions with ease. She commends those with their valiant efforts. She becomes a sly fox when teasing her alumni. She pridefully married an emperor of the Adrestian Empire. Hark, is this the Byleth everyone has come to respect and love?

The aftermath of the war was over, but the physical and emotional scars remain. Upon learning the truth about her origin from Rhea, Seteth, Flayn, and Jeralt, she wanted nothing more than to crawl under a hole and stay put. A rush of emotions that she had been bottling up over the years was becoming to rear its head from the corner— That wasn’t right… It came crashing into her fragile mental state like a tsunami. War had kept her emotions in check, but now that the main conflict was finally over with the staggering defeat of Rhea, nothing was keeping them back. Accompanied by poor coping mechanisms, it was inevitable PTSD would terrorize the ex-mercenary every night.

“I’m sorry to leave you behind like this, Byleth...”

No…

“We’re like family!”

No…!

“It is my duty to protect you.”

No!

“Mother, you have returned.”

“NO!!!”

“Byleth?!”

“?!”

She instinctively lashed out to the speaker with her hand. It stopped mid-air by a powerful grip. Dread overwhelmed the older woman as she tugged away from its captor. A couple of attempts failed, their hold was overpowering. Fear clenched her throat and choked her as whimpers trickled out. Why can’t she get away?! Through her blurred vision in the dark room, she began to cry; tears flowed down her cheeks like a waterfall.

The figure holding her was none other than Rhea. She had that holy smile, that holy aura, and that holy title glued to her physical existence. Yet the maiden stared directly into her shivering soul. Those same loving eyes that she once possessed similarities to. The one that she could easily call her “daughter.” Byleth quivered as she used her other hand to weakly push away from the female.

“Don’t call me Mother!”

“BYLETH!”

Rhea instantly disappeared in a blink of an eye. At that same moment, warmth immediately enveloped her entire body and blackened her sight. It was like a protective bubble… a blanket that someone had draped over her physical and spiritual body. Scarlet carnation’s aroma fluttered to her nose from the person’s bosoms. Their arms tightened its hold on the professor as said-person whispered,

“Byleth, it’s me.”

Now it wasn’t the voice of Rhea that vibrated her eardrums. It was the voice of her wife; Edelgard von Hresvelg had pulled her into a firm embrace.

Acknowledging her presence froze Byleth in place. She tried to peel away from her chest only to find it a futile try, the emperor resting a hand on the back of her head. The professor deeply inhaled her scent. Then, she exhaled her shaky hot breaths into Edelgard. This was embarrassing. Her meltdowns were meant for private eyes only, and those private eyes belong to herself. The fact that her wife just witnessed her disastrous distress might color her in a different light. She is her professor, she is older than her, and she has more experience in life than the white-haired. She wasn’t supposed to act this way.

“Byleth…”

“…”

Silence ensued afterward. Not a peep came out of Byleth’s mouth. The noble softly exhaled and pressed her lips upon her wife’s head. Fingers eventually ran through the teal hair, her nails gently scratching Byleth’s scalp. Small bursts of euphoria washed over her scrambled mind from Edelgard’s heavenly motions; drowsiness nearly making its way forward. Byleth adjusted the position of her head as a melancholic tune filled the quiet atmosphere.

“The footsteps of the lost child cease to be heard

Replaced only by that song of prayer

The song soon becomes that burning lamp

Guiding on that wandering traveler…”

It was rare to hear Edelgard sing. Whenever she participated in the fine arts, she would never dare express her interest with them to the public. Not even to her own wife out of embarrassment. However, tonight was an exception. The sorrow that dripped from the lyrics, yet there was a sense of consolation from those words showered to the listener.

Footsteps from the lost child…

That would be Edelgard.

Replaced only by a song of prayer…

That would be Edelgard.

The song that soon becomes a burning lamp…

That would be Edelgard.

Guiding on the wandering traveler…

That would be Byleth.

The two shifted their posture so Edelgard would easily hug Byleth on the bed. They laid down with Byleth holding onto her wife for dear life. Their legs tangled and a blanket providing additional warmth to the solemn night. Peering through the windows was the moonlight basking their resting figures. Despite the height difference, it appears Edelgard was the tall one in the relationship at this moment. She continued to scratch her wife’s head as she sang.

“If you feel afraid, just shout it all out loud

And you will know that I am right by your side

Holding you close with this trembling body of mine

To let you know that you are not alone

It’s alright if we can’t smile like before

For one day we will reach that place for you and me, that place… for you… and me.”

“…you should sing more often,” Byleth mumbled into her lover’s chest. She nuzzled into Edelgard and added, “But I think you should sing something happier.”

“Happier? You must be feeling better if you’re able to suggest something to me.”

“…”

Edelgard had to stifle her chuckle when the older woman reburied her face into her bosoms.

Oh, how the role has been reversed. She remembered the nightmares that had plagued her when she was a student. Numerous visions and hallucinations of her deceased siblings and classmates came to visit her from their grave. Their cold hands pulled her into the darkest abyss. She eventually finds herself strapped onto the wooden chair, the scalpels and needles jabbed into her exposed flesh from multiple non-consensual surgeries. Flaming aches throbbed from her hidden scars. They were unbearable to sleep through. It was always a surprise to Edelgard whenever she was able to function like a fully conscious person during her time as a student and as an emperor. Perhaps it was due to Byleth’s presence.

Byleth had always showered her with more love than she had expected. She would always sneak away from her own dormitory to sleep with her girlfriend. This was not merely an act of romanticism. This was an act to retain Edelgard’s sanity. This was furthered emphasized when Byleth went missing for five years. Nightmares that were shooed away had returned to haunt her. Lysithea and Caspar were unable to kick them to the curb despite their best efforts. Not even Hubert was able to quell those internal demons. She needed Byleth so badly. Byleth is her anchor. Without an anchor, the ship would float mindlessly from its path.

The emperor kissed the top of her head again. Now it was her turn to care for Byleth.

“Can you tell me… how long you’ve been having these breakdowns?”

“…”

“Are you scared of telling me?”

A hesitant nod. Then, Byleth rose until their face was on an equal level. The moonlight shone over their features, and the professor’s were mixed with fear and shame. Edelgard instantly brought her hand up to cup one side of her face. Her thumb rubbed among the cheekbone as she said,

“Don’t be afraid. Whatever you tell me, I won’t judge you.”

“…promise?”

“I promise.”

She deeply breathed.

“I’ve had them since the war ended. It first started when I was in the infirmary, recovering from my wounds.” Byleth’s lips firmed into a thin line. “I… I remember the way they looked at me.”

“They?”

“Lady Rhea… Flayn… and Seteth.”

Those names… How long has it been since Edelgard last heard of them? Though Flayn and Seteth had escaped from the war, Rhea was long gone. Still, those three played an important part in Byleth’s life. She knew that for sure. Their importance wasn’t subtle anymore the moment Byleth had merged with Sothis in order to combat their adversities. All three of those individuals began to bow down to the professor as if she were a holy being. Their words were articulated with precision in hopes of proving their devotion to her. It was as if Byleth Eisner was the goddess; her humanity long gone after the fusion. Edelgard always found it baffling. Byleth is Byleth. There is nothing different about her, save it for her insane strength growth. Just what made them so keen with her girlfriend?

“They used me.”

Indeed, they did. That was for certain. Sweet nectar stained their statement the moment Jeralt and Byleth stepped foot into Garreg Mach. Soldiers from the monastery were oblivious and blind to the manipulative threads that dangled overhead. Everyone was dancing to the beat of the Church and Those Who Slither in the Dark. The worst one of them all had to be Byleth, an outsider with little knowledge of politics, who was forced to join the mass. Not even Jeralt could save his daughter from their hands.

“I’ve killed so many innocent lives…”

But that was not her fault. She was simply following orders from Rhea during their time at the monastery. The same fault could lie upon her students too. They were the ones who delivered the final blow to every mortal foe that stand against the Church of Seiros. Villagers from various parts of Fodlan begged for forgiveness as Byleth slaughtered every one of them. Their crimes? Abstaining in the religious teachings of the Goddess Seiros. Regret gnawed at the ex-mercenary each time she received praised from Rhea and Seteth.

“Lady Rhea told me I’m her Mother…!” Byleth curled her fingers inward, unintentionally digging her nails into Edelgard’s back. The young lord bit back a yelp as her wife blubbered, “Can you believe that? I’m her Mother! She told me it was destiny— It was my fate that she be my daughter!”

She began to shed another round of tears and bit the bottom of her lip. Memories began to seep into her mind once more as she confessed her terrors. A child of a mother born of the progenitor god’s Crest Stone and a father who carried Rhea’s blood… She was literally related to Rhea, Seteth, and Flayn. She tried to reject the notion. She objected against Rhea of the ridiculous blood connection they had. She fought against the idea that Rhea is her daughter.

Obsession was something Rhea had to cope with her mourning. The lingering desire for a love Rhea desperately seeks for after the death of her mother extended out towards Byleth. Wet sensation overwhelmed her body, the revolting shudders that pulsed throughout her figure, the fingers that dared made her sing broken melodies unfit for the apparent goddess squeezed nausea into Byleth. It was all in the name of forcing the projected image and mentality into her. It was all there to say that Byleth was hers.

“She did so many things to me, I—I don’t know anymore!”

Disgusting.

“She told me I was hers! I was hers alone!”

Absolutely revolting.

“Byleth—”

“El,” Byleth sharply inhaled and eased her bruising hold. The abrupt pacification was alarming. Though her tears were now long gone, her intonation was grave. “I don’t want to be used by her. I’m not her Mother… and I don’t want to be used by anybody anymore… I’m scared of losing myself.”

“Rhea is long gone.” Edelgard kissed her weeping wife’s forehead. “No one will use you ever again. If anyone does, I’ll cut them out before they can do anything to you.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

From Edelgard’s perspective, it was heartbreaking to hear all of this from her professor. She had known about it. She didn’t know the extent of the details, but she knew these experiences were bad. What she did not gauge was how BAD Byleth had it during her time at the monastery. The façade was well-kempt and hid her inner turmoil well. Whenever the topic was brought up, Byleth would brush it aside with an “another time” excuse. When they did have the scarce time to become lethargic, Edelgard would always forget or hold back on the matter, the fear of ruining the positive energy that surrounds their dates.

It was her fault for having it reach to this level. Everyone has the possibility of hiding something behind their smiles. It just so happens that Byleth was one of them. If only she had noticed it earlier… If only she had suspected it sooner… All these times they spent together, Byleth was afraid to succumb to the lowest point of her emotional health before her wife. Edelgard may have recovered and rightfully moved on from her past after a year from the war… but that was not the same for Byleth. Edelgard lowered her hands to her sides.

“I’m sorry it got so bad for you, my teacher… I won’t ever let it happen again.”

“…it’s not your fault.”

“But it is.”

The blanket began to move in place as the Adrestian Empire’s emperor shifted her position. She eventually sat upright and straddled the older female; both of her hands pressed upon Byleth’s abdomen. From all the times they’ve spent together, Byleth knew where this was going. This kicked up the temperature within her head and caused her heart to beat faster— and for a different reason too.

“Please, let me make it up to you.”

“You… don’t have to.”

“I do. The fact that the archbishop dares call you hers infuriates— doesn’t sit right with me. I want you to be mine, and I want to be yours. Besides…” she cupped her chin and hummed. “I heard that sex is a good way to increase one’s mood.”

“?!”

So, it really was going down that route. It had been some time since they’ve last conducted this passionate activity. After all, they were both important individuals leading the united Fodlan and the Adrestian Empire. One acts as a war hero, and one acts as an emperor. Both always ran about their businesses. Various occasions forced them apart from each other. Whenever they had time to spend, they were either too tired or weren’t in the mood. They might as well diagnose themselves with TBD, also known as the “Too Busy Disorder”!

Edelgard blinked a couple of times when Byleth appears thunderstruck.

“…why are you giving me that bizarre look?”

“I’m confused. Who told you that?”

“Dorothea.”

“…”

“Byleth?”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…I’m going to kill Dorothea when she returns from Brigid.”

“Please don’t.”

Imaginary fumes puffed out of the noble’s head as beads of sweat flew out of the professor. It was followed up with chuckles and giggles from the pair. The heavy atmosphere that hung over their shoulders began to lighten up. That was the first step towards recovery. Postures still the same, Byleth reached up to pat her wife’s arm. Red discoloration continued to thrive on her cheeks as she murmured,

“I’m yours.”

It may have been soft, but low and urgent. Edelgard felt her core tightened from the intonation. She leaned down and kissed her spouse’s lips. It was brief and simple; an act of consensual agreement for the upcoming event.

“Very well. I’ll make sure to chase your fears away.”

The white-haired fumbled to strip Byleth’s dark shirt. It was a slow and excruciating process as the tactician would lift her upper body every now and then to rid of the attire. Shirt tossed to the side, Byleth urged Edelgard to do the same.

“It would be unfair if it’s just me.”

“Are you sure you aren’t saying that just to see me naked?”

“There’s… that too.”

How bold of Byleth! Then again, wasn’t she always this bold? She had always teased her students of silly remarks. When it came to Edelgard, those teasing were more in line of flirting and outright full of suggestive innuendos.

No— it might have been more so with her underlying desire to indulge in her beautiful wife’s figure. Scars and sutures did not matter to Byleth. She loved Edelgard no matter what she looks like; her love for the lord transcends beyond physical affections and wants. Edelgard heeded to her words and took off her tanktop. It was thrown to the floor without a second thought.

Now, the two bore themselves half-naked to each other. As they were wearing their sleeping attires, there was one less hassle with regards to their bras.

“Breathtaking…” Edelgard commented, her hands sliding up to Byleth’s peaks. “I will never understand how I can make mine as big as yours.”

“Don’t say that. Yours has a charm of its own.”

“Maybe if I drink more milk…”

“El.”

Byleth pulled the young woman down with a single tug on her arms. Their lips crashed together. The way they kissed contrasted greatly from their previous one. Their tongues danced with one another as Byleth held the back of Edelgard’s head. Edelgard whimpered into her mouth the instant Byleth began to sweetly suck on her tongue.

“Mmm…”

In retaliation, when they parted for oxygen, Edelgard leaned forward to litter suckles and kisses onto the woman’s neck. She pushed her hips into Byleth, their neither region softly pulsating from the friction. A quiet groan slipped out of her wife’s mouth. That tickled Edelgard’s raw instincts as she retracted from the abdomen. Then, she pressed against it again. Not too gentle to be considered an annoyance, but not too harsh to elicit a full-blown euphoric trip. Just enough to justify the occasional moans from the older woman. The back and forth motion continued as Edelgard tenderly sucked and nibbled on Byleth’s smooth neck.

“Hah— Y-You’re… good at this as always— Hah…”

She closed her eyes and basked herself in the feeling of Edelgard’s hot mouth. To gain further access, Edelgard pressed her thumbs unto Byleth’s jaw, lifting it up so she could continue to explore the new premise. Byleth shivered from her profound action. The grinding against their private regions wasn’t helping either. She would softly gasp whenever pressure was applied to the soft nub. That turned on Edelgard and encouraged the continuation of her ministrations.

“I’ve learned it— Nngh… from the best teacher.”

“And w-who… who would that be?”

She concluded the hickey spree with one last smooch and raised her head. Sweat began to formulate on their forehead from the ensuing assault as Edelgard smiled. Though she did not offer an answer in return, the teasing question had a predictable response. They knew all too well who it was. In lieu of the lack of verbiage, Edelgard slowed her hips. Byleth had to resist the whine that nearly slipped from her throat.

The white-haired could tell she was frustrated. This was mildly amusing for the noble. How the mighty hero of Fodlan yearns for touches to satisfy her sexual hunger! And Edelgard would be the only person to ever deliver the salivating content to her front door. They exchanged another fleeting kiss, though more so to ease the impatient teacher.

“You’re so cute.”

Their roles were completely reversed in this case. Normally, those were the words whispered into the alumni’s ears while the professor’s fingers were buried deep into Edelgard’s flower. They would thrust in and out of the moist region. Heartful cries were proclaimed to the whole world as the bed creaked and rocked. Tonight, it was different; it was Edegard’s turn to make her wife tremble under her magical spells.

Edelgard proceeded to straighten her back and conduct adjustments to her straddling. Both her hands were kept busy by roaming Byleth’s bare figure. Pleasure zipped like electrical currents through the teal-haired thanks to the sensitive touches of her wife’s fingertips. They brushed, smoothed, and tapped on the elongated scars. Compared to Edelgard, they were not as numerous. Yet they were more haphazard and susceptible to touch.

She traced Byleth’s side.

This blotched scar came from a bandit’s brass knuckles. It derived from protecting Bernadetta. His vicious fist dug so hard into the ex-mercenary’s side, it managed to shatter a small portion of her ribcage. Crimson substances leaked from the corner of her mouth as Dedue and Felix avenged their fallen instructor. A miracle must have been in place to survive the aftermath. Had it not been for Linhardt’s and Marianne’s healing specialties, she would have been long gone.

She traced Byleth’s stomach.

This horizontal scar came from Dimitri. His dagger jammed into the teacher’s already-bruised tissue, breaking through the epidermis and slamming the hilt against it. Tears streamed down his face as he tore through her muscles. Blood splattered among the dirt road with a single flick of his wrist. Hubert and Ferdinand had tag-teamed to exterminate the dangerous noble. This time, Lysithea and Mercedes used plenty of white magic to keep their professor from walking over to the afterlife.

She traced Byleth’s chest.

This burnt scar came from Rhea. It was during the first revolt against the Church of Seiros at Garreg Mach. The archbishop conducted electricity through her open palm. Its incredible voltage charge nearly destroyed the Crest of Flames that kept the tactician conscious after stillbirth. Edelgard and Sylvain went in a frenzied state when the archbishop knocked Byleth into the abyss with another strike of her potent spell. Sothis was likely the one who assisted in the healing process during the five-year coma Byleth succumbed to. Without the female, Byleth would have never woken up from the rubble.

Each of these scars told terrifying tales. Close encounters with deaths were all too common for the students and teachers at the monastery, and their odds increased drastically after the war’s initiation. Edelgard’s scars mostly consist of her surgical implantations, but none ever met drastic battle scars like Byleth; the most she ever had were nicks and small lacerations from arrows and lances. (The army would never let harm fall upon their emperor!) She shook her head and settled her hands onto Byleth’s breasts.

Edelgard’s thumbs glossed over the brown nub, her fingers started to work on the mounds. A gentle squeeze emitted a burst of air from Byleth. She gazed downward and saw the woman furiously blushing from the said-action. The professor raised an arm up to conceal her lower facial features, her navy hues silently staring at her wife. Another squeeze caused a muffle this time. Then, she massaged the pair at a consistent pace. Every now and then, she would pinch the nipples between her thumb and index finger. A pinch would elicit a stronger reaction from the 26-year-old.

“Nngh— Y-You’re getting rough— Hah!”

“You think that’s rough?”

That remark was eventually joined by the returning gyrate of Edelgard’s hips. Byleth’s arm retracted as an uncontrollable moan erupted. A combination of the two activities were driving her insane!

“Hah..! Can you— Can you let me— Haah! Let me take off my pant! P-Please!”

Edelgard nearly laughed. Now her professor was begging for more? This never gets old. She adheres to her request and removed her hands. Another pause took place as they transitioned to the next phase. The blanket over her shoulders threatened to slip off as she yanked on their casual pants. After pulling it off, she tossed it carelessly aside like the other attires. Now it was time to move onto the main course. Edelgard’s predatory eyes darkened. She can’t wait to get her mouth all over Byleth and drive her to the edge of the cliff.

Previous sessions normally had Byleth lead the intercourse. This time, Edelgard took control. It had been so long since she acted as a ruler in their sex life. Another kiss was in a tall order for her lover. Hot bated breaths puffed at their faces upon departure. Edelgard flushed her body with Byleth, the blanket shifted to move alongside with the royal, and planted kisses over every inch of her wife’s alluring body.

“Hah…”

She licked the brown nub.

“Hah—!”

She swirled her tongue around the nub.

“Ha—AAH!”

She bit the nub.

“NNGH—AH!”

She used her teeth to rub the nub.

Byleth’s outcries were escalating in volume. It would be to no one’s surprise if they would earn a few dubious and flustered expression from fellow allies and soldiers. (The worst one of them all would be Hubert. He would hunt after Byleth and skewer her if he could!) But she didn’t care, and she’s certain her wife didn’t care either. Her licks, bites, and roaming hands continued almost as if she were making up the days they hadn’t showered in love. She would occasionally kiss as if to replace the traumatic events with their blissful memories. All in the name of making Byleth forget about those individuals… even if it is a temporary solution.

Edelgard lifted her mouth from Byleth’s breast.

“I’m going to move down,” she said. “Can I?”

“Why are you asking me that?” came a hoarse whisper. “You already know the answer.”

“Just making sure, my teacher. Can’t forget about consent, can we?”

The teal-haired would have playfully knocked on the female’s shoulder had they not been in the middle of having sex. Edelgard was always the careful one in the relationship.

“A-Ah…”

It felt good. Way too good. Byleth’s consciousness was starting to float into Cloud Nine as Edelgard made her way slowly down the writhing body. Pauses were made to plant fluttering kisses and strokes on the curves of Byleth’s belly, her hipbones, and silken skin on the inside of her thighs. Whatever negativity that strangled the professor had dissipated completely. Her body was engulfed in a fiery need of quenching as her walls were slick with arousal. Now all she could focus on was the pleasure.

“AH?!”

She unconsciously pressed her hips into Edelgard’s first stroke of her tongue. Byleth knew Edelgard was eventually going to descend to her neither region, but it had been so long since she had someone relieve her of the pent-up tension through oral means.

“Nngh—!”

God, it felt so GOOD. The strokes from her tongue were slow and steady, yet it managed to drag out the best sensation. Up and down her tongue went, Edelgard tasted as much as she could from the blossoming pink region. Byleth groaned and shuddered when her spouse tried to keep her thighs apart.

“A-AH! E-El—!!”

Byleth bucked from the powerful sensation. Her clitoris— Her clitoris! Edelgard became drunk from its scent as her mouth worked wonders upon the sensitive head and greedy lips. Had it not been for Edelgard’s strong arms keeping her hips down, she would have tossed the other female out of the mattress by accident! A faint grunt came from the busy white-haired. Enough blood had pooled into Byleth’s abdomen to cause a feminine erection of the pink nub.

“I’m not holding back.”

“Hnngh?!”

An index finger greeted the entranceway in the midst of her lavishing. First, its fingertip lightly brushed upon its surface. Vertical strokes croaked immodest sounds from the older woman. Eventually, the lord dug not one, but two fingers into the wet region.

“D-Deep!”

That was the remark after Edelgard wiggled the two body parts into her body. It was a foreign sensation for Byleth since someone other than herself is feeling the inner walls. They naturally clenched around the slender fingers. Its squeeze and release intervals were synched with her core’s reactions. Byleth’s hands immediately flung to the bedsheets. She trembled when Edelgard curled her fingers.

“AH! That— Hnngh!”

Words were discombobulated; sentence structures fractured. The state of her verbal speech was similar to the state of her mind. They were clearly in another plane of existence. Byleth lifted her head as her hips moved on its own.

SLICK, SLICK, SLICK

The sound effects were not helping. In this dead night, the steamy room amplified the wet motion coming from Edelgard’s fingers. Paired with their fast, hot breaths, bliss clouded their mentality and overwhelmed their hearing.

“S—So good— Haaaah!”

Byleth wasn’t the only one to be pleasured. Edelgard felt herself become wet; wanton desires starting to override her sense of self. Unlike Byleth, she had close to zero self-restraint when it came to achieving the climactic finale.

Thank goodness multi-tasking was her forte. A quick prayer to a godless entity sprung forth as she removed her remaining hand on Byleth’s thigh. It went down to her dripping nether region. She grimaced in Byleth’s hypersensitive labia, her fingers making quick work of her own clitoris. If there’s something she wanted to do, it was to be shoved off the edge alongside with her teacher.

“Nngh...!”

“E-El!”

A glance at her spouse drastically sky-rocketed the pleasure by tenfold. Byleth squeezed her eyes shut and found it impossible to remove the burnt image of Edelgard masturbating during their hot intercourse.

“I— Something… it’s coming— AH!”

The way the teal-haired’s face twisted… her looks were becoming desperate as Edelgard relentless tortured her with the thrust of her fingers and flick of her tongue on the clit. She was occupied with three matters at once, but Edelgard had always kept her lilac hues pointed at her significant other. There was so much to take in. She had to record them and burn them to memory. The amount of beauty that glistened from her wife… A dictionary would not be able to fully convey the radiant perfection of a being that is called “Byleth.”

Another groan burst from Edelgard, her fingers rushing to the finish line. The intensity was burning into her core and gathered enough aroused energy to strongly throb her rubbed nub.

“El… EL!”

“Byleth—!”

She was close, and so was Byleth. In an effort, to reach the mountain’s peak, Edelgard pulled back her fingers. They were pulled enough just enough to leave the remaining tips inside of the pulsating walls. A few rough rubs on the outer flesh were made. Then, she slammed it right back inside, curving at the most sensitive and erogenous area of the vagina: the G-spot. This was immediately followed up with her lips closing around the clitoris and sucking hard on it.

“A-AH—!!!”

“!!!”

Byleth’s muscles began to jerk, her figure stiffened, and her knuckles white as a huge explosion implored upon her body. As for Edelgard, she felt her body quiver from a sudden flow of euphoria throughout her figure. She retracted from her own area. Yet it wasn’t over for her teacher. She made sure to drag out Byleth’s climatic experience for as long as humanly possible, her tongue taking in the fluids, licking the moist premise, and swiftly rocking her curved fingers in and out.

“W—Why is it—! No— It’s coming again— NNNNGH!”

Right when she came down from her high, her professor bounced right back up to another orgasm. Though it was not as powerful as the first one, it still sent her spiraling upward to the clouds once more, pleasure rippling through her body until it faded into nothingness.

Their figures finally plopped back down on the mattress. A whimper came from Byleth’s direction once Edelgard removed her soaked fingers. All forms of heat excluding her spouse’s body evaporated instantly; the drug they undertook began to wear off. Now, they were basked with pleasant aftermath. Eyelids half-closed and head fuzzy, Byleth arms were extended outward on the bed to stare at the noble.

Edelgard crawled up as the blanket (with great wonder) continued to cling onto her shoulders. Upper body raised in a cobra position, not long afterward, she inserted the wet fingers into her mouth. Byleth’s eyes widened at the sight.

“T-That’s dirty!”

“Not if it’s from you,” she smirked. “You’re always a dessert I never tire from.”

“…”

Geez, when did Edelgard learn how to talk like that? Did she learn it from Dorothea…? No, it had to be Sylvain, right? No… that can’t be it… Just who and/or where did she learn that from? (Silly Byleth, it was from you!) The professor’s features became bright red, an embarrassed chuckle heard.

“I… I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t need to say anything, my dear teacher.” She leaned down to tenderly kiss Byleth. Strands of her white locks fell upon Byleth’s rising chest as she proclaimed, “I will always be yours, and I won’t let anyone ever take that away.”

“El…”

That’s right… Though her PTSD is not easy to overcome, she must remember that she has Edelgard von Hresvelg. The woman whom she first protected, the woman whom she first taught, the woman whom she opened up to, the woman who became her wife. Past trauma may be ebbed into her history book, but the future can be built on top of them.

Their fingers intertwined. Then, Byleth closed her eyes and beamed.

“I will always be yours too.”

[growingpaynes-art]

The Lion King 2019 Review: What I Liked, What I Didn’t, and How It Compares to the Original

Non-spoilery overview and note to anyone debating watching this- 

If you’re looking for this film to give you something that the original didn’t, you will be disappointed. This is a nearly shot-for-shot exact recreation of the original for most of the movie. There are some minor changes, but no major differences in plot. 

However

It’s definitely worth seeing- once on a matinee ticket at the very least- if you enjoyed anything about the original. It’s pretty faithful to the source material and the hyper-realism of the animation really is best viewed on a big screen. The comedy is solid, the changes they made to the story and characters were good decisions, and as a guy that was literally raised on the original movie and grew up loving every part of it, i did legitimately enjoy seeing this remake with my mother (who introduced me to the original when I was very little) and getting to share this story that I loved with my younger sister for the first time.

If all you are here for is the “Let’s Go Lesbians” guy you will be satisfied

Spoilers under the cut

What I Liked:

The visuals of the opening sequence alone are worth the price of admission. They’ve lovingly recreated the iconic intro nearly frame for frame in astounding detail. It really succeeded in taking me back to my three-year old self seeing the original for the first time on my family’s little box tv, captivated by the visuals and score. 

Timon and Pumbaa were legitimately funny and are stronger characters than in the original.

They kept the aspects of Scar that made him sinister, conniving, and creepy without stepping into queer-coding territory. They also didn’t apply racial coding to him in the overt way they did in the original.

At first I was disappointed by Rafiki’s lack of a staff in the opening, but I was later pacified by its appearance for the final battle. I would however, have liked to see the “oh yes, the past can hurt” bit between him and Simba, which was absent in this version.

I felt that the introduction of the hyena characters in the elephant graveyard was stronger in this version, but i do wish that the chase scene had gone on for longer. It’s significantly shorter than the original, and the cubs don’t fight back like they did in the original.

The hyenas played a larger role where they had much more agency, and the relationship between them and Scar was on more equal footing. Shenzi was an especially welcome change, presenting a truly chilling presence easily rivaling Scar’s. Florence Kasumba’s performance really stands out. Additionally Eric Andre and Keegan-Michael Key’s hyena characters served as quality comic relief without any jokes straying into possible able-ism.

The ‘pinned-ya’ scenes were re-choreographed to be more like two kids wrestling and didn’t have the awkward sexual implications some people point out in the original.

This version offers a quick explanation as to why Scar is living with the pride despite the typical customs of real lions

The mouths were really animated very well, and were for the most part very expressive. They were a bit hard to track during the songs, but generally words were formed pretty believably in their mouths and expressions such as smiles or grimaces were rendered very clearly without looking foreign on an animal face. This was by far best achieved on Timon and the hyenas, but was decent on the lion cubs, Scar, and most of the minor characters as well. The other adult lions weren’t as expressive, but they’re weren’t terrible either.

The animation of Timon, Pumbaa, and the hyenas continually impressed impressed me throughout the course of the film. They were simultaneously the most consistently realistic looking and the most expressive. I honestly don’t understand why some people are coming for Pumbaa and saying he’s ‘nightmare fuel’, his design was both very friendly looking and accurate to real warthogs. He and Timon seemed to be the favorites of both the kids and adults in my theater. 

The short scene where adult Simba gleefully pounces after a pair of butterflies and invites a scared Hartebeest hang out, oblivious to his own  status as a carnivore, was pretty adorable.

Timon and Pumbaa were more or less confirmed to be a gay couple, and are shown with their own piglet during the ending sequence. This isn’t lingered on for longer than necessary, just long enough for you to appreciate how adorable the little striped piglet is, and thus it comes off as more genuine than performative allyship (it’s definitely better than Beauty and the Beast’s “exclusively gay moment” or Endgame’s Gay Joe Russo). It also helps that Timon isn’t being portrayed by a straight guy leaning as hard into the camp gay stereotype as possible. It was a moment that I, as a queer person, actually enjoyed.

What I Didn’t: 

I felt that the musical score wasn’t as strong as the original. I wanted that first note over the sunrise to shake the theater, to bang across the screen in brilliant gold, and when it didn’t, I was disappointed. I felt this way regarding the score and soundtrack for much of the film.

While much of the dialogue matched the original nearly word for word, the delivery of most of it was much more subdued. I understand that they were going for a grittier tone that was less cartoon-y, but a lot of Scar and adult Simba’s lines seemed like they were mumbled off at the end of a work day and they’d just given up on trying to get a better take. Donald Glover seemed to teeter between Marshall Lee and complete disinterest a lot of the time. 

I would have liked to have seen more of Rafiki than what we got, and I’d been hoping for an expansion on his role from the original rather than a reduction. 

The “I killed Mufasa” bit was done very well- Chiwetel Ejiofor’s delivery of the line was chilling (although not as much as Jeremy Irons’), the expression in Scar’s eyes was very sinister, the light of the fire hit him just right. The following revelation of this truth to the lionesses however was bumbly, and seemed like it was originally written to be longer but was quickly and awkwardly condensed. It really didn’t flow as well as the original.

The end battle between Scar and Simba was anti-climactic. The choreography and visuals were much more creative and suspenseful in the original. The blows didn’t really have much weight or ferocity to them, and they didn’t coincide as well with the score. There also was no sick kick move, Scar literally just accidentally rolls off the cliff. The showdown between Nala and Shenzi is far better- it’s vicious and animalistic, with a few shots having them silhouetted with fire roaring behind them, Nala’s massive teeth shown off impressively in profile. 

From the very first introduction of Scar, it’s strongly and very overtly implied that Sarabi is the one that gave him the scar after he attempted to advance on her despite her rejecting him. This is revisited again when he commands Sarabi to be his queen upon his assuming of the throne. She again rejects him. With this moment being played twice, I expected this to be a plant for a later third scene of Sarabi temporarily putting Scar back in his place, or at least threatening to take his other eye, to replace the scene from the original where he slaps her across the face. Scar and Sarabi do eventually come to blows as Simba and Nala return to Pride Rock, but it’s very brief and sort of just a clumsy grapple without a clear winner, and with no reference to their apparent backstory. This comes off as a case of planting without payoff. I expect that either a scene such as the one i described was originally planned and cut for time, or it was thought that the implications of such a scene might bring the film up towards a PG-13 rating.

I wish that in the more harrowing sequences, such as the elephant graveyard chase and the stampede scene, that we could see some real fear on the character’s faces. There’s some really good tensing of the body and some bared teeth, but there’s not much in the eyes. I feel the emotion would have been communicated better if the pupils were dilated, if the eyes were darting back and forth with the whites showing at the edges occasionally, the ears flattened down hard against the head.The child actors put forward some really believable fear and sadness through their voices, but the faces just didn’t quite match it. I do however understand that this is a kid’s film, and that showing a hyper-realistic lion cub gripped with sheer terror or coming to the understanding of the gravity of death is probably too much for most young kids. I personally just prefer to have truly heartwrenching, impactful, and emotional scenes in the media I consume, and I often walk away unfulfilled in this respect (although, i admit i am very difficult to please in this area- i’ve been a die-hard mcu fan for the better part of a decade and i left my first watch of infinity war almost completely unaffected.)

Continuing from the last point- The eyes on most of the characters were very static. They rarely blinked, only really looked straight ahead and lacked any range of expression beyond neutral and slightly squinted. The expression of emotion could have been greatly facilitated by the use of the brow muscles, dilating and contracting of the pupils, more squinting and widening, some side-eye or eye-rolling, etc. Even using some more body language would have made a world of difference (for example- an excited cub wriggling with excitement, his paws shifting and his little butt scooting in the sand because he just can’t contain himself, his shoulders shaking with high-pitched giggles) Emotion was delivered quite well through the mouths, but almost not at all through the eyes. This made the scene where Simba discovers his dead father especially awkward looking. JD McCrary delivers some heartbreaking cries and a few tear-choked lines, and the little cub body shakes and cowers, but Simba’s cgi face retains a completely neutral expression. Its a very cute, and perfectly realistic face for a lion cub, but it’s a face that feels inappropriate for this context. Adult Simba and Nala are the worst offenders in this respect. Simba looks almost like a plush doll, almost never changing expression at all. Nala looks superbly hyper-realistic, but... too realistic. She’s as perfect of a cgi lioness model you could possibly ask for, but because of this, there’s no intelligence in her eyes for some of the shots. It’s strange and distracting to hear a human voice come out as her mouth moves realistically while the eyes retain a vacant animal stare. This is really weird to me as there are multiple moments in the film where they absolutely nail the eyes- the sequence where Simba chases Rafiki through the dense jungle, several shots of Nala sneaking away from Pride Rock by moonlight, the close-up of Scar as he reveals to Simba that he killed Mufasa. The commonality between these shots seems to be strong directional lighting, where light from the moon or a fire can catch the irises and make the expression in them really pop. Closeups of Mufasa’s face showed that they had unprecedented control of the facial muscles- they moved with intricate complexity under the skin and fur- and yet the eyes were blank. It’s disappointing that they clearly had the capability to get the eyes right and apparently just didn’t allow the cg artists enough time to apply this consistently.

The slow motion zoom away from Simba’s face as he watches his father fall from the cliff face is admittedly ridiculous looking in cgi. This “long live the king” doesn’t come anywhere close to the original. Mufasa’s climb up the cliff is pretty good, but the fall feels flat and unemotional. 

The sequence tracking the wad of Simba’s hair went on for too long.

The story seemed much faster paced than the original, and each scene seemed to be too short, leaving me wanting more. Some of the scenes feel awkwardly chopped or condensed, and some of the dialogue is a bit bumbly. This movie kinda relies on you being very familiar with the original. 

[dreadnought-dear-captain]

You Asked, I Told

**Contains spoilers for Baghdad Waltz up to chapter 36 and the movie Soldier’s Girl (noted below); CW for some general discussion on the subject of writing about childhood sexual abuse**

Hello everyone!

I’m so sorry I’ve been so neglectful of my inbox and slow to answer Ao3 comments lately :(  I have so, so many wonderful asks here, and I want to push out a few batches of answers in the next couple of weeks. I’m a little over 2/3 of the way through Chapter 37 of BW, which will probably be hovering around the 20k word count. But Bucky and Steve will be having their first therapy session! With Claire Temple! And it’s going to be… Well, it’s Bucky and Steve, so stay tuned.

You are too kind, and I’m actually bummed that BW has changed people’s enjoyment of other fics, because this is not the first time I’ve heard this, and it’s certainly not my intent. I’m glad you enjoy the minor characters here, because they have been very fun to create. I have loads of backstory that will never see the light of day, and I adore them so much. As to the second part, I’m reading this as your wondering a couple things: 1) perhaps questioning Steve’s level of devotion to Bucky (or just marveling at it, if this is a rhetorical question), and 2) perhaps also questioning Thor’s assessment that Bucky is the guy you fuck, not the guy you settle down with.

In terms of Steve’s love, some would say that Steve is clearly devoted because Bucky is a very hard person to be in a relationship with, and the fact that he’s still even around is a sign of his devotion. Others would say that he hasn’t done enough to show how much he loves him, that he should do more, because Bucky is suffering so much and needs a lot of support now. We all have our own interpretations of what “enough” is, and I see this a lot in the comments section of BW. I appreciate multiple perspectives on this, and I think we all come at this from our own experiences on one side or the other of relationships like this. I think readers tend to fall on the side of one character or the other, and the Bucky people might err on the side of believing that Steve is not doing enough (or doing the wrong things) and the Steve people might err on the side that Bucky, although clearly suffering, is not considering the ways in which Steve is devoted and the ways in which he hurts Steve. I love both of these characters and am not overly devoted to either, so I see both of their perspectives and aim to write from both sides.

As for Bucky being too “wild” and not being the kind you marry/settle with, I don’t know if we can really trust Thor’s assessment of this situation. He didn’t know Bucky for long, and the time he knew him was at a time when Bucky was pretty low in personal insight. Although Bucky has proven himself adept at committing to an arduous career and excelling greatly, Bucky still does struggle to commit in relationships. But to say that he’s “wild” could be a bit of a misnomer. Pan the camera one way, and he looks like a fun and wild party guy who loves to drink and fuck and has a charismatic, wild personality that is irresistible. Pan the camera the other way and you’ve got someone who’s desperately trying to manage his emotions with alcohol and sex and sometimes can’t, a guy who is essentially “wild and charismatic” because he has trouble with emotional and interpersonal regulation due an extensive history of trauma.  As he works to uncover and confront his history, we will have to see how things unfold and whether he commits to engaging with care for himself after his rift with Scott.

I hope this addresses your Ask!

I have had a good deal of interaction with the military system in my life through various channels and have also done a LOT of research. For every military-heavy chapter, I look over a ton of regulations (even weapons manuals - fun!), talk to Army veteran friends and associates who are very generous with their time, watch documentaries, scour the internet for hours and hours and HOURS and just do… a lot. Which is part of why this fic is so slow to come out.

I just want to say thank you for this. I don’t know if this comment still holds for you, because I received it between chapters 35 and 36, but this is one of the things that I feel the absolute most anxiety about when I post this fic. The last thing I want to do is write anything that is going to be exploitative, especially since I know how many people in the general population have experienced childhood sexual abuse. I agonize over how much detail to include, because I don’t want to include unnecessary details just for shock value. However, I also don’t want to avoid the content if it’s part of the character’s internal experience. In chapter 36, for example, it was important for me to convey what it was like for Bucky to experience an intrusive memory of his abuse, because that is consistent with how I write the internal experiences of my characters. It’s part of my style and part of why people read BW, I think. To back away now because it contains this kind of content would be a disservice to the character and his experience, because this is important to his life and the person he’s become.

But I also don’t want it to just be an opportunity for readers to be like ohhhhh all the DETAILS WOWWW. So with everything that I write, I strive to think - what is the purpose of what I’m including? Is this consistent with the way a network of traumatic memories would operate? What’s the cue in the environment that would light this up? If the purpose is character development or plot progression, I can justify including the details. In chapter 36, for example, it was important for us to see that Bucky is allowing himself to remember his past, that it’s dysregulating him, which lead to his rift with Scott and his relapse. All character and plot points. But if it’s just for funsies or for some Jerry Springer-style reveal to shock the readers, or anything even close to that, I would try my hardest to screen for that. As for creating an arbitrary tragic backstory for some other character to heal, I can see how that would be a tempting thing to do for a writer. Although this is a part of Bucky’s history, and although there could be times when he feels like it defines him, challenging that may also be part of his journey. And I’m sure Steve would love if he could heal Bucky with the power of his love (or cock magic) alone. If only.

Thanks so much for this.

This is a good question. As you’ve seen, people certainly can have profound functional impairment when their symptoms come to a head, to the point where hospitalization is sometimes the best option. Bucky has made great strides in his recovery and has accumulated a lot of skills from AA and DBT that he didn’t have before, even with a meltdown and a relapse thrown in there. I know it’s sometimes really hard to see how far he’s come, but he’s traveled lightyears from overdosing at the Holiday Inn on Long Island.

That being said, this reaction isn’t extremely promising, given the implication that these are just the first real burbles of his traumatic past rising to the surface. I’d say a few things could happen as more of this starts to emerge.

1) He could do as you say, decompensate, have a lot of trouble functioning in his daily life, maybe go into some sort of partial hospitalization or inpatient hospitalization. This option would allow him to be in a  controlled environment, the kind of place where he might be able to manage this stuff without other demands getting in the way.

2)  He could rely very heavily on coping skills and social supports to manage this stuff as it comes up, and maybe it doesn’t overtake him completely. This would be extremely challenging because it would require him to reach out for help and accept it.

3) He could find some way to stop this process altogether by resuming drinking or some other maladaptive coping behavior. This would be very tempting for him, especially as things get exponentially more difficult.

Importantly, Bucky is still the same person as he was before, in terms of the primary effects his traumatic history has had on his life. What’s really in question here is his ability to face his memories and the truth of his own experience, which he can’t run from anymore because his old compartmentalization and avoidance strategies are falling apart. I think a lot will depend on whether he continues to make himself an island or whether he lets others close to him to support and assist him in this process. So much of the latter depends on trust and his sense of personal and emotional safety, which have been deeply shaken by his experiences. This makes everything so much more challenging. We’ll have to see how it all unfolds!

Thanks for the Ask!

**CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE MOVIE**

UGH. Okay, I rented this DVD from Netflix when I got this Ask, because I thought, hey, why not… and then it sat on my shelf unwatched for about seven weeks. Netflix probably thought I just kept it. Obviously I have a pretty thick skin, given the shit I write about, but I was dreading watching it. The sleeve gives the plot away, so I knew what was coming, but God, kill me.

I died over a lot of the military inaccuracies, but it’s a TV movie, so it kind of gets a pass I guess. And it took place at Fort Campbell, Bucky’s least favorite place on Earth! This movie is also a creature of its time, which was fascinating in itself - a cis man playing a trans woman (megasigh, although admirably well), the commentary after from people on an active DADT policy still in effect, which was incredible. It seems so ridiculous to me now that it was ever in effect, especially when I recall the arguments against allowing open service for LGBQ folks (“but they’ll look at my butt in the showers!!”), and I wonder what kind of world we would have if Bill Clinton had gotten his way when he was elected and didn’t have to compromise with DADT.

It was very interesting to hear Barry’s sexuality being questioned so much because he was in love with a trans woman. The film makers talked about him “discovering something about his sexuality” because he was in this sexual relationship with her — like what? There was a lot of implication throughout the film and special features that trans women aren’t real women. And perhaps some of this stuff speaks to some level of sexual flexibility that might be present in someone who’s happy to give oral sex to a woman with a penis etc., so okay, I can buy that perhaps. But a small amount of flexibility is not necessary sexual confusion or radical sexual discovery, and it’s certainly not gayness or a sign that he’s not straight (though he may have been somewhere else on the sexuality spectrum, but that doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with having romantic/sexual feelings for a trans woman). But there was an odd cissexist/transphobic thread that ran through the whole film, even though the actors and production team were clearly very enthusiastic about the story and sensitive to the characters. And Barry’s mother was straight up like “maybe they were just friends, who knows.” [sigh] I dunno.

But to the point of what actually happened to Barry - God. That was rough. It reminds me of kids who are bullied for being gay perhaps because they’re not masculine enough, etc. and end up killing themselves, even though they’re not gay. His death was brutal and shocking and horrible, and it gave me kind of a “Boys Don’t Cry” feel for me, but in reverse? If that makes any sense. The way he was ostracized by his peers made me sad, especially when he was working so hard to integrate into his unit, and it reminded me of all of the people who were victims of the witch hunts prior to DADT and even after, how lonely that must have been, how devastating to one’s career and connections to their military family. It’s one of the reasons Bucky tried so hard to appear either extremely occupied or extremely straight. But overall, I thought the movie did a good job of making this a love story and not fetishizing Calpernia’s trans-ness, and I thought it was pretty balanced and nuanced for a 2003 movie trying to tackle this subject matter. I’m glad I watched this, even though the end was awful. I think I left feeling kind of good about the love story, imperfectly told as it was. 

Thanks for the rec!

**END SPOILERS**

Oh god, I am so bad about Tumblr and everything else. I’m sorry for being so bad at all the tasks of maintaining a presence on social media etc. and yeah. I feel bad about it. I’m basically a social media renunciate in my personal life (my job is YOU NEED A LINKEDIN and I am cry), so it’s really not a habit in my fandom life. Thank you for your support (and the EG dig <3), and I’ll keep plugging away!

Please, please no worries!! I didn’t take it like that. I just want people to know that I’m working really hard and would get these out to you so much faster if I could. I know you’re all waiting and I wish I could deliver faster, but alas, adulthood. And I want these chapters to be as good as I can make them and sometimes writing is just really fucking hard, especially when your characters are falling apart. I do love them and telling this story and sharing it with all of you, so thank you for being awesome <3 

I will have more “You Asked” soon! Thank you so much for dropping me these messages. I am thrilled to get them, and I promise I will get to them all.