#WHAT ARE YOU ODING TO ME
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simcardiac-arrested · 1 year ago
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compensation :-]
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CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME
#YELLING AND SCREAMING AND COUGHING AND SHITTING MYSELF OVE RTHIS#OH MY GODDD#HEEELEP HELP MEEEEE#FUCKING HEEEEEEELPPPP HHHHEEELPP#RAT. RAT. YOU’D BE A RAT. RAT. I THINK YOU’D BE A RAT. I THINK I’D BE A WOLF.#KING OF THE JUNJLE- THE JUNJLE#AUEHGGHHHHH#RIPPING MY HAIR OUT#WHAT ARE YOU ODING TO ME#LORD PLEASE IM ONLY 9 I WAS JUST BORN I WAS JUST PUT ON THIS EARTH IM SERIOUS#AAAAOEUGGHHHH#OF COURSE IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING THAT I AM HOPELESSLY DEPENDENT ON THE INGOT .#pleaas. what. wgat. what di you mean compensation i have a Bomb strapped to my back#Like i’m actually so sick of you#writing tags isnt enough i need to liquify this drawing and inject it into my veins#I LOVE IT SO BAD SERIOUS ART FROM ONE OF MY FAV ARTISTS LIKE DAMNNN OK I GUESS IMMA JUST NEVER BE NORMAL AGAIN#A WAYBACK AND A SLINKY ARE AN ANIMAL THAT ARE SO CUTES#FUCK ME THEY ARE BOTH SO FRIENDSHAPED I CANT TAKE ITTTTT AND YOU DREW HIS HALO AHHH#HEEELP HELPP MEEEE SOMEBODYYY ANYBODYYYYYYYY ANYBODY HEEEEELP#cramswering#is for me tag#oc: no way back#oc: slinky#ultimate fav#NEEDED TO ADD ALL THE TAGS BEFORE I RAN OUT LIKE A MADMAN. AUEHGGHHHH MY GOD YKU DREW THEM BOTH SO WELL IM RIPPING MYSELF APART#LIKE THIS IS NOT OK. NOT OK. DO U HEAR ME ? U CANT DO THIS TO ME. IM JUST A LITTLE GUY SERIOUS#SERIOUSSS GET OUT OF MY HEAD#AHHHH EVEYRTIMR I CLOSE THE TAGS TO GO LOOK AT IT AGAIN IT’S LIKE I GET BRAINBLASTED WITH AUTISM#IM NEVER GOING ON TUMBLR AGAIN SIMCARDIAC-ARRESTED WAS A SOCIAL EXPERIMENT THANKS EVERYONE#falls to the ground. starts digging the soil with my hands and then goes and lies there
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ode2rin · 1 year ago
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“it is because of your negligence that we're stuck here with each other,” you spat at him, the words laced with a bitter edge, and rin couldn't ignore the way you emphasized each word as if it were a weapon.
and from the way his chest was contracting against his ribcage, maybe they were indeed sharp knives out to get him. 
rin felt the weight of your accusation pressed against his chest, a stark contrast to the sweet nothings the two of you once exchanged beneath the sheets of love, where “i love you's” had been met with smiles, and the world had seemed so full of promise.
but now, things had taken a dark turn, and neither of you could pinpoint when or how it had all gone wrong. you wouldn't tell him– wouldn't let him turn things around.
rin's anger flared, his words escaping through clenched teeth. "my negligence? you're really pinning this on me, again?"
your eyes locked onto his, a warning in their depths. "don't go there."
he pushed on, relentless, “go where? you know i'm right. you always pin things against me.”
you didn’t respond , but you looked at rin in a way that made him want to fall on his knees and beg you — beg you to just tell him what more he can do for you to stop looking at him like this.
only if it was that easy, no — because it was a look of indifference, a look in your eyes that’s telling him none of his words were right anymore, and everything he says had not been good enough to attempt to fix things.
“let's just tell them we're done and leave this shitty reunion,” rin suggested with a note of finality.
“i should have known you'd suggest something as selfish as you,” you countered, shaking your head in disbelief. “this isn't about us. so don't you dare ruin this too, itoshi rin.”
the word ‘too’ hung in the air, a relentless echo that reverberated through the room, each syllable like a blade, cutting into rin's heart. it felt like a never-ending loop, a supercut of all he had lost and ruined - nights filled with piercing arguments, when your voices were raised until your throats ached, and the bed you had once shared had become a cold, lonely expanse. just how much of you had he shattered beyond the point of no return?
the ensuing silence was thick and suffocating, it enveloped the room, creating an atmosphere so tense you could almost hear the creaking of the floorboards under its weight. 
two old friends, once lovers, now trapped in a forced reunion getaway, compelled to act like a couple when their love had long since turned to ashes.
perhaps it was pride that you couldn’t admit it was partly your fault too. you should’ve told your friends about it the moment he took his things out of your shared apartment. there had been numerous chances, yet you clung to false hope, bargaining for a lost cause, and desperately wishing for a change that was never meant to be.
foolish. that's what it felt like - a foolish hope. you knew it was over the moment he couldn't bring himself to respond to your declaration that you were done.
“uhm, guys?”
as if on cue, isagi's head appeared at the slightly ajar door of your designated room,
“is everything fine? the tour guide is already downstairs, so…” he trailed off, his gaze shifting between you and rin, sensing the tension.
“we're—” rin began to say, but you immediately cut him off.
“everything's fine! just one of rin's moods,” you chimed in, forcing a smile as you turned towards isagi. “right, baby?” you said, addressing rin with a strained cheerfulness.
isagi chuckled, seemingly oblivious to the emotional maelstrom in the room. “must be it, then. i don't know how you dealt with that for five years, y/n.”
and there, amidst the oblivious laughter, it struck you. 
five years.
“yeah,” you admitted with a tinge of sadness, “five years of loving him would make you immune to it,” you thought, the words choking in your throat.
isagi, still in the dark, laughed lightly. “i guess so. we'll wait for you downstairs.” and with that, he left you alone with the relentless weight of your unresolved feelings.
for a moment, you and rin remained silent, but when you met his gaze, it was as though he wanted to ask a hundred different questions to comprehend what you meant about being immune to it.
but you beat him to the punch. “we'll tell them on our last day, and then pray to god that we never have to talk to each other again.” with that, you left rin to grapple with his thoughts, leaving the room heavy with the unspoken truth.
and right then and there, it struck him that the answer to when and how things had unraveled for both of you had been staring rin in the face all along. it was just that he wasn't ready to see it.
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note. and i offer you: an excerpt from an idea i scraped :D
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kryptid-kat · 1 year ago
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We should normalize being the average artist who never really goes viral and is happy in their lane creating for their own sake (be it commissions, or art for themselves).
The clout chaser mentality of all social media sites rotted our brain where we can't find value in our work unless it has a big number besides it.
Create for yourself, not to please some elusive algorithm that changes on a whim and pushes you back to square one.
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izel-scribbles · 3 months ago
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just finished malevolent relisten. needless to say the obsession has been rekindled tenfold its previous magnitude
#im so fucking isnane about this podcast#ok notable reactions:#john.. Oh my god. It’s so insane to go back and hear how much he’s changed in the way he talks and reasons and treats arthur#i love you john doe malevolent#fav trans allegory ever!!!!!#definitely relate to him a normal amount (liar voice)#and then. S2. I really need to make that animatic with lonesome dreams#godddd i forgot how painful the ep18 divorce was#and then!!!! the canna mentions helping noel escape!!! completely forgot about that part#s3. oh my god. absolute fav season. soooo many crazy moments.#like coda??? “You want him back.” “I want him safe.” You want him baaack.” “I want him back”#KAYNE I FUCKING HATE THAT RAT BASTARD.NEED TO BASH HIS HEAD IN WITH A ROCK BUT HES A FREAK AND HED ENJOY IT SO I CANT#piece od shit#and then 23/24??????? arthur’s happy cry-laugh???? dead#part 25. “I killed myself. For a voice in my head. Do you know how mad that sounds?” what if IIII killed myself#26. god. Then 27. And 28. Literally my fav season ever#followed closely by s4#ohhhh my god i forgot how hot the butcher is like genuinely#i completely forgot prelude somehow???? giggling kicking my feet twirling my hair the whole time#i need to be this homicidal gay irishman hes so hot oh my god#the 29 divorce. with the movie lmaoo#i need to draw them going on a night out and seeing a movie and getting dinner and drinks and dancing and (gets shot)#gooddddd i remember listening to 31 for the first time and being so fucking confused#PART 33. HIT ME RIGHT IN THE EMOTIONS. OH MY GOD. BELLA SALTZMAN I COULD’VE TREATED YOU SO MUCH BETTER#34….. i can’t speak about 34 without barking and howling like a rabid dog#dog. Is that a butcher refere(gets shot for the third time)#NOELLLLLL MY DARLING WIFE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH#this has just inspired me to keep writing hofth with ella tbh#lowkey don’t even get the obsession with oscar tho i can’t be talking#to each their own or whatever
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kyo-hiki · 6 months ago
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im not projecting, im not projecting
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the wonders of an adhd: i still regularly forget my qpp's birthday despite knowing her for almost two decades, but 10+ years ago i memorized the lyrics of the ode to joy in german (i language i don't speak) and i can still sing them at the slightest provocation.
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macabreblublu · 1 month ago
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Ok, now who the hell would start posting Vessel’s identity on Pinterest?
Literally was just looking for a reference for Vessel’s mask at different angles last night and then b a m
It’s on the top of all of the photos.
Night ruined, I couldn’t even stop thinking about it
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creepyeyesandfrogs · 27 days ago
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if venom returns only to bond with flash thompson and never sees eddie again i'm gonna fucking riot
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etherealspacejelly · 6 months ago
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one thing about me is that i love answering questions. you could ask me the most ridiculous hypothetical known to man and i will consider it with scientific curiosity and sincerity
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fredlikesbreakfast · 4 months ago
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thinking (again) about @chaoticdelinqueerwithglitter 's harutaku headcanons. oog.
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eebie · 12 days ago
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Grinds my teeth to dust…. i wish touch didnt have so many Implications. im just trying to survive out here
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#after all this i need a cuddle and a movie But who do i ask withoit them thinking im coming on to them#i need to paint a giant doomsday-guy-on-the-street-corner style sign to wear around my neck that says I AM AROMANTIC ASEXUAL#born to hug and kiss all my friends forced to stand around hands in my pockets#im scared to death of people misinterpreting my behavior or feeling uncomfortable#od be so much more relaxed like at a core of my being level if this was a nonissue#dude im desperate i might just ask the guy i almost fell asleep on tje otjet night#the ice is broken and he already knows my deal#(fantasizing about snuggling with people i like) im so fucked up ….#it’s also made way worse by tje fact that I apparently come off as very flirtatious#im playful and i love people Sorry …..#im like All or Nothing . oh my god lol#i had a friend who called me her ‘koala’ because i was constantly clinging to her#we were 7 so it was socially acceptable#99% of the time we were together i was wrapped around her legs or torso. i miss you so much sybil#the start of the end was when i innocently restrd my chin on my friend’s shoulder to watch what he was doing#and the next day someone asked me why i did that#i was like huh…? he’s my friend?#why wouldn’t i?#then i felt all weird about it And ive felt weird about it sincd#unrelated but my best friend is autistic she has misophonia and hates touch But im the misopjonia exception(real thing) AND#i’m one of the only people she hugs. straight up my biggest flex ever
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schnaf · 5 months ago
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day 23 aka THE COUNTDOWN IS OVER - jungsu's past birthday brrrr ppoppos
#xdinary heroes#jungsu#kim jungsu#jun han#junhan#jooyeon#gunil#ode#gaon#han hyeongjun#lee jooyeon#goo gunil#oh seungmin#kwak jiseok#jungsu23#forfreddy#HAPPY BIRTHDAY! may you have a lovely one with many kisses ♥#(ugh i was worried they'd stop this tradition and i would have been so sad about it. but now they HAVE to keep going ♥)#it's time for another concert story. or rather post-concert story.#so i did this photo thingie but when it was over and we walked out....... i completely forgot to look at the guys. i had my head down#(it was all so fast and i was struggling carrying my stuff so i didn't pay attention to .... well paying attention)#but then i walked past jungsu and i could FEEL him looking at me. his look was so intense and i don't mean this in a delulu way#this isn't me claiming we were meant to be. it's about him and he's got this.... presence. this aura. and it's very captivating#and intense (in a good way) and i was SO impressed and i still think about it#and what it was like when the other members met him for the first time (especially shy hyeongjun)#now to my more general impression. i feel like he's very intense overall? like he can probably get really angry and really bitchy#but he also loves intensely. and he loves his bois so much and cares about them so much#and i'm so glad he found a group where it fits so well. where he's one of the oldest and he can take care of the younger ones....#but also there's a leader who isn't an autocrat - who needs support too who doesn't want to carry all the weight on his own#who's willing to share the burden. and jungsu is right there at gunil's side without judging him. he's just very lovely and ♥♥♥ hbd jungsu
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goodsniff · 2 years ago
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To address the big grey, candy corned horned elephant in the room. Yes I am a homosuck fan. I'm still mildly amused that people are so shocked that the nerds making animated shows, are into animated nerd shit? I've already been asked a few times so I've written out below what I think the Heeler's classpects would be.
HOWEVER unfortunately for all of you I am not only into Homestuck but am also a huge textual analysis nut for it. So before you can have dessert I'm going to use this as an excuse to lay out some of my fav pieces of writing regarding it. They sum up why I still have an immense reverence for this stupid piece of shit better than I could ever explain.
@hampermarketplace Why I can’t understand Homestuck
@some-triangles I’m trying to figure out why I like Davepetasprite so much.
@optimisticduelist2 & his wonderful YT channel
@mmmmalo is a never ending stream of interesting and intricate theories and I like to pretend I'm erudite enough to understand even half of them
There's too many artists still out there posting up and drawing extremely hard HS pics that I love to list out, but fruitegg has got to get a mention. Everything I attempt to do in my art when it comes to capturing the energy and attitude of living Aus she does far smarter and far funnier. It rules I have somehow fooled her into being my friend.
______
Alright done, here's what you wanted
Bandit: Bard of Hope Chilli: Mage of Hope Bluey: Knight of Void Bingo: Page of Light
Bandit & Chilli are straight forward enough. The thinking behind Bluey & Bingo is as follows. Doing a close reading of them as kids you could easily argue they're Breath/Hope players BUT. There used to be a few working theories around Hiveswap characters mistakenly imitating the wrong classpects. And though I don't think the girls are doing that, it feels to me like their youth is masquerading what their classpects would actually be.
As they're very clearly delineated active (Bluey) passive (Bingo) and so close as sisters, I reckon they'd be a full classpect pair. As much as I think Bluey would really suit Knight of Blood, there's ways Knight of Void would act as a perfect compliment to Bingo's Page of Light. A helpful, positive Knight of Void who protects her friends from despair, and is socially intelligent enough to weaponise people's unawareness/ignorance to her and her friends own advantage seems like a really exciting angle to analyse her through.
Finally, the only classpect I would bet my life on is Muffin being a Mage of Rage. 🤡
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adonil · 11 days ago
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what is going on in the cosmere fandom is syladin becoming canon what is this panic that i see
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pretentiouswreckingball · 26 days ago
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I know some people care more about what a song says but I care more about how it sounds so, what song you enjoy listening to, music/sound wise?
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soup-is-here · 1 month ago
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Mouthwashing Spoilers
TW: Addiction and Self Harm
I wanna go on about Swansea's final monologue but it's hard to put into words, but I'm gonna try anyways cause it's a short, but strong story about autonomy again. This post ended up significantly longer than I wanted though
It's the autonomy to choose the "less healthy" option because it's appealing to you. It's the moral assignment to normality and stability. An alcoholic is an alcoholic by choice, technically, but do they owe us otherwise? Is it morally reprehensible to enjoy taking LSD at a party? Should we see someone as less than because they relax with a xanax instead of a hot shower? It's not healthy. We know that. We've seen anti-drug ad after ad after ad. But is that the part that's morally wrong, in and of itself? Does enjoying the drugs and chaos make Swansea a worse person?
Like him talking about his entire life and ending it by saying between the "stable" "normal" life and him waking up every morning with a new hangover, he preferred the latter. People always talk about getting clean and fixing their lives and Swansea did it! He did the thing "good men" do! A wife and kids and a trade job and sobriety! He was doing it! He was finally "worth" something!
And he hated it! I mean I don't know if he actually hated/despised it, but he misses his previous life. He misses drugs and partying and living like you might not wake up the next day. He said the thing that changed him was seeing himself dead in a ditch under the bright beam of a streetlight. Now he's looking down the barrel of a gun. And as he looks down it, he looks back. That was his preference. It felt good to be like that. And he wouldn't be here if he stayed there
We always have a narrative about drugs or gambling or sleeping around where a person suddenly realizes that they aren't "doing anything" with their life and becomes stable and it's always played like addiction is a false pleasure. Swansea got to the stability people said would be the real pleasure of life and that just wasn't true for him. One bad paycheck could've been the difference between his stable life and falling apart anyways. His lifestyle was going to kill him someday apparently, yet he's staring down the barrel of a gun at his steady trade job to feed his wife and kids.
I don't know quite how to word it but Swansea is the poster child for rehabilitation. There's this weight to him saying his alcoholic period was the best time of his life. Like it just hits at that pang that makes people wear DARE shirts while smoking weed and post those videos of smoking 100 cigarettes at once. Anti-vaping ads tell you about the damage they do to your body but everyone knows that already. Everyone knows "this is what your brain looks like on drugs." I smoke medical marijuana and it isn't good for my lungs but it's good for my pain. Doing drugs isn't good for me and I know that and that's sorta the point sometimes.
I don't know it's just this weird pang where I know what Swansea means, just not to nearly the same extent. I don't have an addiction so I don't think I could fully understand it. Maybe a better thing I could relate it to for myself is self harm. It's not healthy sure, but who do I owe health? Myself? Other people? And what is healthy? Is it feeling better now? Is it resisting now and feeling worse for it until it stops? What if the coping skills I learn make it worse? What if they make it better? Do I want it to get better? Does Swansea want to get better? What would better feel like to either of us?
Who knows until you try. Swansea got a collared shirt, a mortgage, and a credit card. He got a job and a wife and kids. He got sober. He got healthier, depending on your definition.
But did he feel better? He's looking down a barrel of a gun and he has to decide if he feels better. It doesn't seem like he regrets his new life. He says he wants his kids to be better than him. He wants good things to happen for them. He saw himself as one bad slip away from falling again. I don't think he felt better though. I think he got healthier. He likely would've ended up in the ditch he dreamt about, but we don't know that. We also don't know if that's what he'd prefer. But, we do know he got healthier, depending on your definition.
#mouthwashing#tw addiction#tw self harm#It got a little personal in the end but I keep watching that scene cause it reminds me of a convo with my therapist#It's been a lil under a year since I last self harmed#but he told me that things like addictions and self harm are tools#they're neutral actions that either make you feel better or worse#and that's usually up to the circumstances around the action rather than the act itself#Taking narcotics might fill you with shame or make you feel giddy. Maybe even both#Self harm can make you feel embarrassed but cathartic#That's unhealthy#now what?#There needs to be something to replace that feeling or you'll just crave it until you can't stand the feeling anymore#And sure you can talk about will and self control but why? Who are they doing this for? Themselves? Friends? Family?#Cause there's so many factors that can make that difference and sometimes the answer is 'No one'#So you crave and is that healthier? I'm not saying to self harm again or break your sobriety#But there's gotta be something to replace it. AA and NA use a higher power and ppl use nicotine gum for smoking#Essentially what I'm saying is that it's not the end of the world to enjoy your addiction#Is it unhealthy? Absolutely. Wounds can get infected and drugs can be laced or you can OD#But is it morally wrong for Swansea to say those were the best days of his life?#Is it wrong for him to live the sober life and decide he preferred his alcoholism?#My therapist doesn't want me to harm myself. He'd prefer for me to learn new coping skills to replace it. And I did#The urges still come up for me sometimes. He says they come up for him too. Less so. But they do#He says a relapse could happen. What's wrong with that? You just start over with a new goal and a new skill. And if that skill is worse?#Well that original tool is there until you get a new one. It's not great but it feels better than a new bad tool#And maybe it's okay to fiddle with that old tool if you don't wanna bother with a new one again
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