#UGH ITS FINALLY DONE-
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
jsabspinkhorsepro123 · 1 year ago
Text
Bunch of Copper Refs
This took me, so so long. But I have 4 Copper and their front and back refs!
... Ok so I went a bit overboard-
This will contain spoilers to Copper's backstory along with lln.
Uh trigger warning for, scars, mention of suicide attempts, self harm, and other violence mentions for said scars. Also... uh nudity ig? It's nothing vulgar or anything.
The first is for the main Copper, before he turns 30 anyway
Tumblr media
Here he be! As he grew his body became covered in scales.
Tumblr media
So as you can tell this is just a basic ref, I think I would've lost my mind if I did more.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Here's his outfit, not changing again hopefully-
Tumblr media
This is AH!Copper, or Clementine.
Most Copper's have similar injuries made by the incident. Also I forgot to put it but the silver color is what was done by "Cyan", or what happened while he was stuck with him.
Tumblr media
Due to Cyan, he lost both his lizard features, and most of his hero powers
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Here's his outfit, his old one was irreparable.
Tumblr media
Here's Alone!Copper or Tabby! He has a bit of actual backstory now believe it or not.
Tabby basically is a Copper who wasn't found by Sabre after the incident. He sat in the place his parents were killed for months, slowly losing his hope. It rid of his hero title, but right before his immortality faded he was founded. Not by anyone good though.
Due to not being a hero anymore, his form changes into the neko you see. The reason is, due to his heritage Copper would've been a neko if he hadn't been a hero. He's mainly on the streets, and is in a very fragile mindset due to everything that happened to him, feral in a way.
Tumblr media
Yeah, I'm dark we all know-
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Here's how he dresses once he is healed enough to be able to choose his own outfit, he appreciates feminine clothing, like other Copper's would wear if they weren't so focused on being strong.
Tumblr media
Finally this is 30 year old Copper! All heroes when they're 30 hit their peek, gaining a new form and growing extremely powerful. Copper becomes a dragon! And actually starts growing facial hair-
Nock (or corrupted Annihil, depends on the au) rips off both his right leg and left arm during the corruption, and after TIO happens he only has enough power to regrow his leg.
Tumblr media
I haven't designed his armor yet, so I didn't draw him in clothes-
This took about a week-
Anyway! He's not the only one getting this treatment, just the first one I finished... I need a break from drawing first though-
2 notes · View notes
theoldkyokodied · 2 years ago
Text
Tumblr media
One wedding and three funerals
Background paintings under the cut
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
#tomgreg#succession#tom wambsgans#greg hirsch#shiv roy#roman roy#kendall roy#yeah no im not tagging everyone thats too much#this is me going 'how much implications themes and symbolism can i fit in one painting'#yes i gave rose shivs haircolor. if we ever find out how she looks like and its not like this im just gonna pass away i guess#but yeah i hope yall connect the dots#i put waaay too much thought and work into this. i was googling pictures of all the actors as kids just for reference (sigh)#honestly kinda wanted to make tom and greg link pinkies as like. a pinkie promise. but that was too hard to draw in this angle#at least not without obstructing the view of the ring which is important to see so ya#my fave is actually the tomshiv wedding pic i went off with that. i love them... they should have run away to become sheep farmers fr fr#anyway im so glad im done with this UGH!! finally i can draw smth else without being like oh noooo i need to finish this#i see a lot of you wondering why there is no portrait of logan but one of ewan#it's bc the placement of the painting represent their standing. logans portray would not hang next to the stairs#his present portrait hangs at the end of it. all the way up at the top. alone and withering away#basically the picture you see underneath ewan to the right? its where toms parents would be. the right side of the wall is tom and gregs#and the left one is the roy siblings theirs. since they grew up rich rich. and tom and greg didn't#but ya thats why ewan hangs here and logan does not :)
15K notes · View notes
spinostarz · 3 months ago
Text
THE WELL AND THE LIGHTHOUSE PMV/ANIMATIC
youtube
very very jean valjean centric because i love him and he deserves the world <3 im not sure if pmv or animatic would apply better to this, but either way, i hope you enjoy it!
54 notes · View notes
bumblydumbly · 3 months ago
Text
Already said this but since everybody is too busy on the failmance happening im gonna say it again: Vi starting their confrontation by saying “never thought [my sister] would orphan kids” only to be stopped from killing jinx. By an orphan kid.
#its about how jinx specifically calls vi her sister. thats WHY she has to kill her she wont balk from that#but vi disowns her as a sister (crazy bc she was her only blood family but thats nbd in zaun) bc thats the only way she can kill jinx#vi just GASSED zaun and is a COP now jinx should be disowning her#it wouldve been SO good if jinx flipped the s1 finale situation#and started asking what vander or mylo or claggor would think while wearing his stolen goggles#if vi wasnt so hot yall would actually call out her bad decisions or red flags but go off ig#bc this scene is also after she watched jayve KILL a kid. not even orphan one! and she was LITERALLY like ‘so? kids be dying.’#anyway the fact that isha is also aware of cait trying to shoot jinx so she hugs her. puts her head in the mf WAY on purpose#and vi has to have the same moment as jayce. ‘what have we done’ you became the very thing you swore to hate sweetheart :))#to have a child from zaun. your home btw. look at you in an enforcer uniform and shes full of fear and rightous fury.#its that day on the bridge again. vi had that same look in her eyes when vander carried her away. when did her lines and her values become#so easy to sway. well bc she loves someone of course. but she betrays you too. i can only laugh#its stupid bc s1 jinx is literally only doing what vi grew up wanting to do for vander. like actually.#bc its the same that they cannot steal from topside so it wouldve meant stealing and fighting and eventually killing people in oposition#like your sister was building nail bombs at 9 years old. you encouraged her. ‘theyll work eventually’ and then she kills and vis like 😰😰🤢🤢#bc she only sees silco. ugh kill me#can somebody talk about THEM please yknow one of the main focuses of the show#arcane#netflix arcane#arcane season 2#arcane s2#arcane spoilers
40 notes · View notes
sheetzking · 18 days ago
Text
Tumblr media
worked way too long on this 👍
15 notes · View notes
dehydrated-turtle · 3 months ago
Text
The Robin Returns to The Nest...
Tumblr media
//warnings// mention of blood and gore, trauma, death, depictions of panic attacks
//contents// Bruce Wayne & Jason Todd, angst, fluff, bruce being a good dad, dick being a good big brother - wc: 7.4k
//synopsis// What if Jason had never wandered around? What if he was planted in the Wayne family plot which is right near the manor so he just wandered home? What if Alfred had found him and brought him to Bruce? What then?
//a/n// this is totally not what I normally post so i am sorry for that but ive been working on this for a while now and i really felt compelled to write it. its not smut so dont worry, its super fluffy and kinda sad also, enjoy!!
//on ao3//
In the midst of the night, darkness finds a home in Gotham’s crevices like it feels it’s safe there, making it all the more dangerous. And rain covers the streets and floods the grass, if there is any to be found. The harsh droplets find themselves pattering atop a gravestone in the infamous Wayne family plot that has just found its new resident, the young but late Jason Todd. That certain smell of rain filled the air and the striking sound of thunder in the distance scared off small rodents and dogs in the city, miles away. A heavy feeling of dread and yet sorrow was strewn across the city, as it normally is but in these past few months the epicentre of these feelings was Bruce Wayne himself, hiding away in his palace of bats, deep underground, away from anyone that could hurt him anymore than he already was. 
A small glimmer of hope shone purple six feet under that gave the young boy life once more. We all know how this story goes. With all his injuries still in place and no clue where he was, young Jason frantically awoke, screaming bloody murder and begging for his father to come save him only for no one to hear his pleas. His instincts and years of training came to good use, clawing his way out of his own casket with his belt buckle and bare hands, tearing away at the skin of his fingers and peeling back his own finger nails just to be free. The fresh air reached his hand and soon his face, the feeling of the cold rain was rejuvenating against his bloody and torn flesh as it mixed with the salty tears dripping from his eyes. Barely able to breathe, he hoisted himself out of his grave and tried to stand. Running off pure adrenaline from getting out, still in a daze and not quite sure what was happening, he went where he knew, home. 
He wandered the familiar path where he once accompanied Bruce on some occasions to his parents’ final resting place just to hold Bruce’s hand as he wept. He passed Martha and Thomas’ grave while getting to the gates which were conveniently unlocked, looks like the groundskeeper had been slacking. He trudged his heavy legs along the muddy path to Wayne Manor, almost asleep and struggling to stay on his feet, falling in and out of consciousness and gripping his many broken ribs. The moon’s light illuminated his path from its place in the sky just above the manor, leading the way back home. 
Of course Jason had known every way to get into Gotham’s Castle, he had his favourites as well. Finding the closest passage was not hard, for his muscle memory led the way. It wasn’t long before he had entered the manor and was met by a welcoming warmth, pleasing to the contrast of the bone chilling crispness of Gotham’s night. The low and yellow illumination from the manor’s lights welcomed him with a warm embrace and feeling of home as he walked the halls, looking for anyone to notice him and too tired and hurt to scream out for help. He eventually stumbled into Bruce’s study, hoping he’d be there but he was met with an empty room. He was trying not to cry as it simply hurt too much but the tears got the better of him as he sat on one of the luxurious sofas. He curled into himself as he bled out onto the expensive fabric, the only thing he could think before he fell asleep was how Bruce would be mad he ruined the priceless fabric on the one of a kind sofa. 
*  *  *  *  *  
The Bat cried alone in the solitude of his own making, cold tears falling on the keys to his comically large computer that served him no purpose other than to bury himself in his work. He had been working case after case with no end in sight for the past six months just to get away from the suffocating feeling of grief that he knew all too well. This time, it was worse because it was his son, a friend that he had grown to love in the four short years of knowing him, someone who he felt responsible for and legally was. There wasn’t a moment that went by where he didn’t feel like it was his fault; leaving Jason alone, trusting his mother that he knew nothing about, and thinking for a second that Jason would stay put. Bruce should’ve known better, taken the boy with him or made sure he was safe to leave alone. He was reckless and it was his fault that his son was dead. One of the very few people he allowed himself to love, was dead. 
He feared he would be alone forever, basking in his own dungeon of horrors and trapped with his thoughts. This stupendous experience had thrown any sort of solace Bruce had out the window, he even pushed away the one person whom he had known his whole life. 
“Master Bruce, I must insist you come eat or at least drink something. It’s simply not healthy. It’s late and I made tea and crumpets. Please, sir, I worry for you.” 
“Well stop your worrying, Alfred. You must know that after all this time I don’t need your help. Or anyone’s.” his cold eyes drooped with fatigue and stained red by the tears as he looked his faithful friend in the eye, “Please. Leave me be.” 
“I thought you might say something of the sort… I brought it all down for you. Please eat some, Bruce. I only want what’s best for you.” 
With that, the old man left and The Bat began to weep once more, knowing that he is just pushing away the one person he can trust and that will love him unconditionally. He can’t stop himself, he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it most of the time. He wants Alfred there to console him but he doesn’t know how to ask and thinks that pushing him away will trick his mind into thinking he doesn’t need it. He took one look at the beautiful arrangement of tea, crumpets, and fruit all laid out by Alfred with care and love for his son. Even the thought of someone loving Bruce brought him back to tears as he dropped his head on the large desk with a thud. 
“Master Bruce-” 
“ALFRED, I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE ME BE. WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE SO IMPORT- Jason?” The Bat turned to see his supposedly dead son, bleeding red in Alfred’s arms as he rushed to put him down and find medical equipment. 
“I found him on a sofa in your study, bleeding out.” 
“He’s alive…” he whispered, running as fast as he could away from his place at the computer and to his son instead. He couldn’t believe his eyes, “You’re alive.” he muttered softly against Jason’s rain soaked hair, kissing it as many times as he could and weeping while holding his son whose heart was beating again, slow but beating nonetheless. 
“I’ve contacted Dr. Thompkins, she’s about ten minutes out. I’m sure we can keep Master Jason’s heart beating for that long.” Alfred said, confidently, taking out some medical equipment with his surprisingly steady hand and hooking Jason up to an EKG machine. 
Bruce sat, impatiently waiting and watching Alfred do everything he could to help the young boy stay alive until Dr. Thompkins got there. She entered frazzled and like she had just woken up, but alert and ready to do whatever it took to get Jason back to proper health or at least something close to it.  He paced the length of Jason’s med bay bed in anticipation and also just to be close while Thompkins does the best she can at saving what’s left of the boy’s life. Bruce stood wearing scrubs, for the first time in a long while he came out of his bat shaped shell, he was vulnerable, he had to be. He had a chance. A small glimmer of hope shone purple just as Jason had flatlined but only briefly before his heart rate skyrocketed then slowly went down to a somewhat normal pace. 
“What was that?” Bruce’s eyes darted, looking for the source of the light. 
“I’m not sure but it sure as hell saved his life.” the doctor replied, still working skillfully on patching up Jason but obviously perplexed by what just happened, “He just flatlined a second ago.” 
“Well whatever it was, it wants my boy alive.” 
*  *  *  *  *
Dr Thompkins had done all she could, he was alive and stable for the moment but he was in a coma. Bruce stayed by the boy’s side, leaving only to meet with Commissioner Gordon to make sure that the city was moderately safe and that they didn’t need him as he wanted to be by Jason’s side until he wakes up, if he ever does. Bruce ate his sparse meals on the floor beside Jason’s bed; he read books while sitting beside him, hoping that Jason could hear; Bruce cried while holding his hand, sometimes these were happy tears, just knowing that his heart was beating was enough. 
“Master Bruce, it’s been days, please come out of there, give young Jason some space.” 
“Is the world on fire? Is Joker out of Arkham?”
“Well, no-”
“Then I’m not leaving his side, Alfred. I need to be here when he wakes up. I need to make sure he knows I’m here for him.” Alfred could sense the concern and dead seriousness in his voice so without another word, he left The Bat to be with his son. 
*  *  *  *   *
Speaking and yet, no words. Voices and yet, unclear. Light and yet, no shape. 
Jason’s eyes started to open, almost blinded by the white LED lights directly above his head, shining violently in his retina. He struggled to lift his head but from his almost seated position in the hospital bed, he could vaguely see an outline of a person reading a book on a chair in the corner of the room. In his struggle, apparently he had caught the attention of this person because they had run to his bedside, not even stopping to put a bookmark in. 
A fuzzy, almost incoherent voice said to him, “Jason! You’re awake, I thought you’d never actually wake up. It’s so good to have you back, lad.” 
Must be Bruce, he thought, still not really able to see properly. He found himself at a loss for words, searching and thinking of things he would want to say but nothing came. He could think of what he wanted to get across to Bruce but no words formed. Barely an emotion arose either, he had felt nothing. Everything was all still blurry, physically and mentally for he had no clue what was going on and had no means to speak. All he did was look at Bruce with a blank stare, eyes pale and irises small. 
“Jason?” He waited for a response, “you in there, chum?” Again, nothing because he couldn’t. His normally bright and illuminated eyes were lifeless and looked right through Bruce. “Oh god, something's wrong. This isn’t supposed to happen, IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS.” 
“Master Bruce,” Alfred had heard the commotion, “is everything alright?” 
“He won’t talk… look at him, Alfred, this isn’t my boy. I should’ve known, it was too good to be true.” 
“Well let’s not jump to conclusions,” He came up and touched The Bat’s shoulder trying his best to comfort him, “We don’t know what’s wrong, maybe it's fixable, maybe it's just a matter of time.” 
Bruce took a deep breath, “Maybe.” 
“I’ll get Dr. Thompkins on the phone, maybe she knows what's going on.” 
“Thank you, Alfred. I really don’t know what I would do without you.” 
“Likewise, sir.” He replied with a warm, fatherly smile and headed out. 
*  *  *  *  *
The news had come back from Dr. Thompkins, after not being able to properly diagnose the boy, she had come in to do a full exam. She declared he was brain dead and would not be able to go back to normal. Ever. He would be in a hazy state of mind and not be able to talk for the rest of his living days, she suggested putting him in a home or even the extreme, assisted suicide because he would be in pain and not even be able to express it. It would be a horrible way to live. Of course The Bat being The Bat, he knew there was another way. There had to be. He searched high and low, researched experimental surgery that said would cure brain death, he called all his friends and his late father’s old co-workers to see if they had heard of anything that could even remotely help. Nothing. He was at a loss, very lost and not sure what there was left to do. Then it came to him. The worst possible answer, but seemingly the only one. 
Ra’s al Ghul.
He would have to call in a favour that Ra’s so conveniently owed him. He refused to tell anyone what he did that would constitute a favour from Ra’s al Ghul but apparently it was enough. It took him a lot of courage and telling himself it would be fine and gave The Demon’s head a call. Well, less of a ‘call’ per se, he showed up in his office at The League of Assassins. 
“Detective.” 
“Ra’s, I need a favour.” 
“The boy is back I see. Pity he’s still dead, no?” 
“That’s why I’m here.” 
“Ahh, you need the pit. And why should I give you access, hm?” 
“Need I remind you, you owe me, Ra’s. This is me cashing in my chit.” 
“I do this, and I will no longer be indebted to you?” 
“Yes.” 
“Fair enough. I’ll ready the pit, you get the boy and bring him here. You have two days before I change my mind so be quick.” 
With a sigh of relief and gratitude, he left out the window. Thank god that worked, otherwise he would’ve had to lose his son twice in one year. 
Once he got back home, apparently someone other than Alfred was waiting at the manor for him, looking immensely worried and more scared that he had ever seen him. 
“Dick, what are you doing here? Is everything alright?” 
“Um, You know, I’m not too sure, B.” 
“Why? What happened, chum?” 
“Well uh, some kid showed up at my apartment the other day saying he knew about Nightwing, he knew everything Bruce. Even said he knew you’re Batman, he knew I was Robin, he knew Jason was Robin and that he’s dead.” 
“Oh, um, about that; I’m not sure how I’m supposed to break this to you, chum,” He put a hand on the young man’s shoulder, “Jason came back. He’s downstairs right now but he’s not quite all here.” 
“What.”  
“Come, I’ll show you.” 
What an emotional ordeal, Bruce brought Dick down to the Batcave to show him the shell of Jason that was still alive. The amount of tears that came from the young man’s eyes could have filled an ocean, all of this being dropped onto him so suddenly. Bruce had told him exactly what happened, word for word so he wasn’t left in the dark like he usually was. Dick really had grown to love his brother and the Titans will be the first to say that he was a wreck when he came back from space to find his baby brother dead. He could never forgive himself for not being there but now he had a second chance, a small glimmer of hope, if you will. 
“So you went to Ra’s? Of all people who can heal the living you went to Ra’s?” 
“Yeah, maybe not my best decision but he owed me one. A big one,” Bruce looked over at what should be Jason and felt a twang in his heart, “Dr. Thompkins said the Joker must have bashed his head in with something because his skull was very fractured and there’s a lot of brain damage. You have to understand that I can’t let him live like this and something is keeping him alive so putting him back down is out of the question. The Pit was the best option I could find.” 
“I understand, Bruce. Do you want me to come with you to the League? For emotional support?” 
“No. I think I’ll be fine. So what’s this about the kid who knows some stuff he shouldn’t?” 
“Oh, yeah he just straight up said you need help and I should come back as Robin? It was definitely weird, he was also like 13 or something. I told him I didn’t know what he was on about but I thought I should tell you just in case.” 
“Thanks Dick, I’ll look into it.” 
“Alright, I gotta get back to Blüdhaven. I’ve got a meeting with the commissioner. I’ll call if that kid comes back.” 
With that, Dick left the batcave and Bruce was left alone with nothing but eerie silence and his own thoughts, what a dangerous place. The Bat now had a day and a half to transport Jason to the alps which should be easy enough with the help of Alfred and the BatPlane. Now physically better, Jason was easy to transport as he could walk and such so they just led him to a seat on the plane. 
After an excruciating 11 hour flight, The Bat had finally made it to the League of Assassins once more where they were met by Ra’s and Talia al Ghul. The exchange between Talia and Bruce was cold and distant and very much awkward for everyone involved. They didn't even say a word to each other, God knows what happened there. 
“I see the boy is up and moving.” 
“What about it, Ra’s?” 
“Nothing.” 
The Demon’s Head led the other three into the amazing almost palace-like building where he lived. They walked down endless hallways that were filled to the brim with stunningly beautiful, intricate designs of gold and colour along the walls giving a false sense of beauty, a red herring. Soon the colour had disappeared as they entered a small, narrow passageway that had walls of stone and a winding staircase. At the bottom of this staircase, the lazarus pit lay, glowing green and sending a sense of want within the room, the pit had that effect on people. 
“Detective, know that this may not work and the boy could die in there.”
“I have to try.” The Bat said, knowing that Jason wouldn’t die from it because of whatever this thing is that’s keeping him just barely alive. He turned to the boy and knelt on one knee to get down to his level, “Ok, Jason. We’re gonna try this and if you’re in there somewhere, just know that I love you no matter what happens.” he was met with nothing more than a blank stare as his head fell in sorrow and a tear made a gentle ‘pat’ on the stone floor that echoed quite loudly against the also stone walls. This has got to work. 
“Does the boy want his clothes on or off, personally I like to take my dips in something skimpy.” 
“Ra’s, with all due respect, shut the fuck up. The poor kid’s still a minor.” Bruce then insisted he keep his clothes on for decency. Ra’s then led the boy into the pit by hand and dunked him like he was being baptised. The eerie silence of the vast cave made even The Bat shiver, although he was scared for his son and hoped with all of his being that this would work. He watched as Jason’s head fully submerged into the green and glowing pool and stood with his heart racing. Ra’s eventually let go of the boy and backed away saying that he needs time to soak, whatever that means. Bruce could see, very vaguely, the outline of his son beneath the surface, just floating there. After a long silence, bubbles began to arise from where Jason was and there was slight movement in the water before he broke the surface tension with a splash and a scream of horror and pain that subsided quickly. 
“Atta boy,” Bruce whispered to himself, not being able to contain a smile and a tear falling into the lining of his cowl. 
Ra’s led the boy out of the emerald waters as Bruce knelt down and opened his arms for Jason to run to. The young boy’s body hit Bruce’s chest with a wet smack as he gave him a passionate hug but was still dripping from the pit. Luckily none of the pit water touched Bruce because he was still wearing his bat suit. 
“Dad…” 
“C’mon chum, let’s get you home. And a change of clothes.” He picked the boy up and carried him out into the twisting stairwell once more, now with his son actually with him. 
*  *  *  *  *
“We’re even now, Ra’s. Don’t even think about using this against me.” Jason looked back at Bruce who was talking to the demon’s head as the young boy boarded the bat plane where he had been told there would be a change of clothes for him. 
All of this was very much for him, after all he basically just came back to life fully. He had a lot to think about and a lot to ask, his curiosity definitely did not die with him. He found the change of clothes that were left out for him on one of the seats in the first row. He went to pick them up but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw a note from Bruce atop the pile of clothes. He picked it up and it read: “I know this is going to be hard chum, please understand and keep an open mind. -Bruce Wayne” and signed with his signature. How ominous and very concerning, what happened while he was gone? 
He picked up the clothes and took them to the rather large bathroom for an airplane in the back of the cabin and quickly got changed as his clothes were still wet and very uncomfortable. Amongst the pile, there was also a towel, how thoughtful so he dried off and put the fresh set on. They smelt like home, like Alfred’s favourite laundry detergent and dryer sheets, like his ironing board that always broke, like something familiar, it was comforting. He looked at himself in the mirror and saw himself, perfect and pristine but that’s not what he felt like. He still felt ragged on the inside, like he wasn’t sure of what he was doing or who he was. Maybe that’s normal for someone who just came back to life, how was he supposed to know, he’s never died before. He looked down at his hands and couldn’t help but think, ‘I should be dead, I should be rotting away in a casket… and yet I’m here. Why?’. Why was he alive? Why on earth should this boy be the one to live? 
He heard Bruce call for him from the front of the cabin and he snapped out of it, unlocking the stall and walking toward the cockpit. Bruce stood there while taking off the cowl, tall and menacing yet somehow soft; his eyes followed the boy as he walked down the narrow aisle and he felt a smile creep across his face and tears well up in his eyes. 
“Bruce, you ok?” 
The large man knelt down, “Just c’mere, kid,” Jason, now a little bit taller than Bruce remembers, hugs him with a squeeze that was long awaited for, “I’ve missed you, Jaylad. Never ever even think of doing anything like that again. I don’t think I can handle losing you twice. Hell, I couldn’t handle it once. I’m supposed to die before you do.” 
“How about we deal with that once we get there.” 
“Sorry… I just love you, kid. You’re my son after all. Now, let’s get moving, I want to spend as little time here as possible, I can feel the evil sinking in already.” 
They fly back to Gotham, out of the beautifully constructed artwork that is the League of Assassins, what a shame they use it to train murderers. Jason watched as the large buildings became small and distant, like he once felt not long ago. He could still see what was happening and remembered what was going on but he had no control, like he was seeing his life through a tunnel where he couldn’t reach the end, grasping and running and trying to catch up but never succeeding. As his mind wandered, the terrain completely disappeared below him, turning into white and fluffy clouds that he wished he could live on. What a childish dream but wouldn’t it be nice to get away from all of it? Get away from the terrors of the real world and live on a cloud where no one could bother you and no one could harp on about things you don’t care about. No one would ever interrupt his reading time to do the dishes, no one would ever have to even do the dishes as they were made from clouds. 
Jason was abruptly snapped out of his daydreaming as a stewardess came and tapped him on the shoulder, asking what he would like for dinner. He told her that he didn’t care, whatever was easiest on the chef. After she had left with a smile, he took the time to look at the menu, for no reason in particular because he had already ordered but he saw on the dessert section that there was sticky toffee pudding, which he remembered was one of Alfred’s favourites. He thought maybe he could have one with Alfred when they got back after the long flight. He remembered waking up briefly in Alfred’s surprisingly strong arms before passing out again, he hoped he hadn’t scared him after all he was basically a zombie. 
After a while, the clouds started to get dark and harder to see with the lack of sunlight but before long, the stewardess came back with his food, a simple burger and fries with some assorted vegetables, nothing special at all. The young boy thanked her politely and told her to have a nice rest of the flight with a smile before she left. A couple bites into the burger, he noticed he was actually very bored with nothing to do and the only other person on the flight, Bruce, working endlessly and typing furiously in silence on the other side of the aisle. Jason looked to his left only to see what he expected, Bruce’s eyes glued onto his laptop which was perched on the tray table and the screen illuminating his face. Not knowing what to do with himself, he went back to eating in silence and looked out the window of the plane again to see nothing but darkness. 
“Oh!” Bruce exclaimed, “Jason, I almost forgot, I brought you a book. God, you must be bored out of your mind.” He continued to look in his laptop bag for the book he stashed there. “I took it from your room, I hope you don’t mind, but It’s the one you were reading before… well you know. I thought you might like to continue with it? I made sure to keep your page.” 
“Oh, B, thank you.” He took the book gleefully, hoping he remembered where he had left off in the story. Maybe reading could take his mind from going too close to what happened. He got back to his seat and took a quick glance at the cover, it was in fact the book he left, The Colour Purple. He actually hadn’t read this one before so he was still on his first read but so far, it was a really good read. 
He spent a while reading before it quickly came to 11:00 PM, in Gotham at least and Jason’s eyes were struggling to keep themselves open. He decided to use one of the beds near the back of the very bougie private plane that might as well have Bruce’s face printed on the side. He made his way down the aisle of a couple rows worth of very large–and dare I say comfortable–seats before he got to the two beds that had been set in the back. They were almost like a small room finished with a small TV, pre prepared snacks, and very comfortable looking sheets and pillows. The boy, with his book, went and laid down on the surprisingly soft and comfortable bed for an airplane. He turned on a small light beside his bed and began to read once more, however his eyes grew dreary so he put the book down and turned off the light. 
His mind soon caught up with him as it started to race. As soon as his eyes closed, the darkness behind his eyelids only became darker with images of a ghoulish grin with bright red lips and yellowy stained teeth. And that laugh. That dreadful and ghastly laugh, sure to haunt anyone’s nightmares let alone the boy of whom it killed. He could faintly hear the sound of metal scraping on stone in the distance while the haunting smirk came closer, as did the sound. He looked down and saw his disfigured body, bloodied, bruised, and broken but it all felt numb. His breath began to quicken out of fear as his eyes started to well. He heard footsteps now, growing faster, faster, faster, and the grinding on the pavement getting louder, louder, louder. 
Jason awoke with a gasp, upright, in a bed he did not fall asleep in. He looked around frantically, realizing quickly he was in Wayne manor once more. His breathing slowed once he discerned he was somewhere he knew, somewhere familiar. The room was almost pitch black, save for the dim lamps from outside the enormous window, shining in through the gap in the curtain, enlightening small parts of the room. The corners were dark and Jason was unable to see where the wall had stopped which made his heart beat just a little faster. The thought of not knowing what could be there, the possibilities were endless. His mind began to fill in the blanks for him, starting with that grin. He could just ever so slightly see the outline of a man standing in the corner and the outline of his mouth, creeping ear to ear, farther than any human’s mouth should go. He scrambled to turn on the lamp beside him on the bedside table and when he turned back, it was just a corner, perfectly normal with the pattern of the wallpaper continuing. He let out an exasperated sigh of relief knowing that he was truly alone in the room. Being able to see the entire room put his mind slightly at ease and he slept the rest of the night with the lamp on. 
*  *  *  *  *
“Rise and shine, Master Jason! Oh it is great to have you back sir, I missed waking you up bright and early. Though it isn’t really early anymore as I let you sleep in. Master Bruce said it would be best. You know he carried you in last night, even tucked you in. I’ve never seen him so affectionate.” Alfred went on, talking about nothing in particular and just being cheery which is rare for him these days. 
Jason’s eyes opened gradually as they adjusted to the light that had suddenly hit his retina so abruptly. He groaned as stirred and sat up to see Alfred walking back to the door from his window. 
“Alright Master Jason, get up and get dressed and join Master Bruce, myself, and Master Dick down in the kitchen for breakfast. Sound good, sir?” 
“Yeah, thanks Alfie.” Alfred began to leave, almost shutting the door, “Wait! Did you say Dick is here?” All the man did was smile and shut the door. 
Jason leaped out of bed as fast as he could, not even bothering to get dressed save for putting on his slippers and ran at top speed down the halls, surpassing even Alfred’s brisk gate, sliding down the banister and slipping on the newly waxed hardwood floors before he reached the kitchen, bursting through the door.
“DICKIE-BIRD!” 
“LITTLE WING!” 
As Dick got up from his stool at the kitchen counter, little Jason ran to his big brother. They’ve had their ups and downs but at the end of the day, they’re brothers and after losing him, Dick was very content to see Jason. He may be a little salty but all of that was thrown out the window as soon as he found out he was gone. Now that he’s back? He’s vowed to himself to be a better brother, a better role model. Jason’s chest hit Dick’s with a thud while the older of the two lifted the younger off the ground and spun him around a couple times before putting him back down. 
“Oh, kid you have no idea how much I’ve missed you. Not joking when I say I was haunted by you.” 
“Trust me, I know. You also cried for like 3 hours straight when I was out of it.” 
“Oh my god you remember that?” 
“Yeah. I’m so gonna use it against you, loser.” 
And they’re back. Dick brought the boy in for another hug before he went to sit down at the place left at the counter, a plate already there for him full with food. He sat down, beside Dick and dug into his serving like it was his last meal, as he does with all of Alfred’s food, it’s just that good. They talked about what Dick’s been doing in Blüdhaven and the Titans, his plans for the city and whatnot, little things. Bruce didn’t say very much but he smiled, and that’s enough from him, either way those boys know he cares, he just doesn’t know how to show it. 
“Alright, boys, I’ve got a meeting in Metropolis. I should be back for dinner, if not, I’ll be back for patrol tonight. Dick, are you joining us?”
“Well, when in Gotham, do as Batman does.” He looked over at Jason with a joking smile and they had a laugh together while Bruce left. 
“Do you think he’s going to see Clark?” Jason asked, kind of wishing Bruce had taken him along if that was the case. 
“Probably, you know, they got really close while you were gone.” 
“Like- close close?” 
“Yeah, I think so. But don’t say anything about it, I’m not sure he wants us to know. That is if anything really is going on. Anyway, since Bruce is gone… wanna take the Batmobile for a spin?” 
“DO I?” 
They raced each other down the stairs, all the way across the manor to the grandfather clock, opening the glass and setting the time to 10:48 before it opened. They ran down the steep steps of the narrow hallway to the batcave. Jason’s adrenaline was pumping through his veins as they reached the bottom, searching now for the keys to the damn car when he found the glass case with his suit in it. His heart dropped abruptly into his stomach when his mind comprehended what it was, seeing the suit he died in without a drop of blood, not even a tear in the seams. The memories came, flooding his mind with the blood and tears and fear. A ringing in his ears filled the room and everything was gone except for him and his suit, in a dark void, spiraling. He collapsed onto his knees, struggling to breathe evenly as the tears began to fall from his eyes and his hands clutching as much hair as he could, pulling out of desperation. He was brought back to reality by a hand on his shoulder and a soft voice asking if he was ok. 
“Maybe this was a bad idea. I’m so sorry.” Dick apologized, getting down on the floor with Jason, careful not to touch him too much as to not overstimulate him, just sit there with him for company until he was ready. Jason’s breathing slowed down and he wiped his tears away, thanking Dick for being there between hiccups. They both sat there for a couple minutes in silence save for Jason’s sniffling and occasional hiccup, but it was a comfortable silence and when he was ready, Jason put his head on Dick’s shoulder. 
“Ok, I think I’m good now.” 
“Maybe we should stay in then? We could have a movie marathon or something. I’m sure Alfie would play some board games with us.” 
“Yeah that sounds good. Again, thank you, Dick. You’re the best brother a boy could ask for.” He replied, giving him a hug. 
*  *  *  *  *
In the middle of a heated game of Clue–Alfred’s favourite– Bruce pulled up the driveway in one of his classic cars. He was later than he said he would be but when is he ever on time? He came in through one of the back doors and into the study where the others were planning, scheming, and thinking hard of what could be in the envelope. 
“Alright, boys, let’s get ready for patrol.” Bruce announced as he entered the room. Jason shot Dick a worried look then looked down with shame. Dick instantly got the message and tried his best. 
“Uhh, Bruce, why doesn’t Jay stay in tonight? He seems a bit tired. I’ll come with though, for old times sake.” 
“Oh, uh, ok then.” He looked at Jason with a concerned look on his face, worried his son had something else going on. Maybe he should just cut him some slack, afterall he just recovered from being brain dead. 
“Here’s my cards… good luck, little wing.” 
“Thanks, Dickie-bird.” He thanked him not only for the luck but for helping him dodge a bullet and a whole lot of embarrassment if he had another panic attack down there in front of the Bat, also saving him from having another in the first place. The two men left the room, walking down the halls that Jason had traversed with Dick earlier that day. He was now left to finish his game with Alfred, although he was certain it would end soon as he was pretty sure he knew what was in the envelope. He let Alfred have his turn and move his piece, Mrs. White, six paces forward but not into a room yet. Jason only had two paces until he was in the room he suspected, so he rolled and got a 4, perfect. He was now in the ballroom. 
“I accuse… Mr. Green in the ballroom with the wrench.” As his hand reached for the envelope in the middle of the board, his mind shifted the pieces in the ballroom. Mr. Green’s mouth morphed into a blood red smile and the wrench beside him became a crowbar. Jason blinked a couple times and the pieces went back to normal. His eyes flashed back to the goal at hand, being right. He opened the “classified file” and pulled out the three cards, the moment of truth. Ballroom. Check. Mr. Green. Check. Crowbar. Check. Wait, that’s not right. His brows furrowed in confusion as his breath quickened. 
“Are you alright, Master Jason? You seem a little green under the gills.” 
He looked up at Alfred then back at the cards, wrench. He was right. 
“I was right, I win.” He put the cards down on the table and tried to force a smile and suppress the feeling of throwing up. “You’re right Alfie, I do feel a little off. I’m going to go to bed.” 
“Very well, I’ll bring you some tea?” 
“Thank you, mint if we’ve got it.” 
Alfred nodded as he got up from his spot on the floor at the coffee table in the middle of the study and silently walked right out and down the halls to the kitchen. The young boy looked around the room for a second, taking in the familiarity of it all and the couch he was on mere weeks ago, dying again. Something on the corner caught his eye, against the pattern there was a splotch of brown, old blood, his blood. He let out an uneasy breath, then turned around and left the room with a speedy gate, trying to get to his room before he started to cry or throw up, whichever came first. 
He almost ran down the halls, speeding to his room and shutting the door behind him. He stood there, back against the door, for a while just trying to catch his breath and calm himself down before the tears started to fall. There weren’t many but enough to make him feel better for getting something out. There really was no reason to be having a panic attack and yet there he was, crying over nothing. He slid down the door, curling up in a ball to cry into his kneecaps, trying to be as small as he felt in that moment before he was tremendously startled by a knock on the door. He wiped his tears the best he could and got up to open the door. 
“Master Jason, your tea. Shall I bring the cart in?” 
“Um… sure.” He said, sniffling and wiping his nose with his sleeve, trying to be discreet. 
“Is everything alright, sir?” Alfred inquired as he rolled the tea cart into the young boy’s room. 
“Yeah, I’m good. I just need some sleep. Thanks Alfred, I’ll see you in the morning.” 
“Good night, my boy.” and he shut the door with a light click and thwang of the old brass door handle. 
Jason obviously did not go to sleep, he instead sat at his desk, facing the window out to the yard of Wayne manor with his tea and book which was almost done by now. Every so often, he would look up from his book to peer onto the distant sight of Gotham’s busy streets and bright lights, contrasting the heavy darkness that loomed over the manor. The last time he looked up was not because he wanted to but because he heard the sound of the batmobile’s engine coming down the long and winding driveway. He saw the headlights coming closer, glinting off of the glass of his window. He went back to his book, however, after a sip of tea. A couple pages went by before someone else was knocking at his door. This time it was Bruce. He got out of his desk chair and hurried over to open the door once more. 
“Hey, kiddo. Can I come in?” 
“Uh, yeah, sure.” Jason responded, not quite back to reality yet but opening the door more, nonetheless. 
“C’mon kid, sit down.” Bruce said as he pulled up Jason’s desk chair closer to the edge of the bed where he had sat down. He spun it around and straddled it in true detective fashion, although he was trying to be funny and lighthearted, trying to show Jason that he’s someone he can talk to without being scolded or lectured. “Dick told me about what happened with your suit earlier today. Wanna tell me what was goin’ on in your head?” 
“Well, I dunno, it just brought me back. I got scared. I don’t think I can ever put that suit on again, Bruce.” 
“And that’s ok. You don’t need to. If you ever want to stop the whole crime fighting gig, that’s your choice and I won’t stop you.” 
“No, no. I still want to fight with you, I just think it might be time for some change.” 
“Oh?” Bruce sat with a puzzled look on his face, “What kind of change?” 
“Like a whole new suit, a whole new name. Like Dick did when he left. Well, when I became Robin.” 
“Well, have you got an idea?” 
“Yeah, Red Hood.”
20 notes · View notes
percyjacksonfan3 · 1 year ago
Text
Okay I said I'd wait until the season was done before forming final opinions and I WILL but-
- what the fuck was that
54 notes · View notes
opens-up-4-nobody · 3 months ago
Text
...
#ugh. fuck me im so tired. im getting sucked back into that workaholic mindset and now my body hurts and my nerves are fying. but it feels#good to b productive. if only i didnt have to teach and could just work with data :-(#anyway. the last 2 weeks have been good in that i feel like im actually hitting my stride a bit#bc we're seeing cool things in our genomes and its gonna b really fun to explore. and i met with the terrifying#prof who is on my committee to pitch a project for a final in her class and it seems it went over well. it was kinda funny bc we were#meeting and she was like: so how would u tell which gene was lost 1st? the phytochrome or the genes that r triggered by activation? and i#was like: uhhhhh idk. and then my advisor walked by and she grabbed him and asked him the same question and he was like: idk we'll have to#figure it out. which made me feel way better abt not knowing lol. then my superior lab mate asked me a question abt taking confocal images#and i was actually able to figure out what her issue was. and my old advisor was asking me if i knew anyone to ask for using a pam on cyanos#and i was like: here is what i think my advisor would say and linked her a paper. then i asked my advisor and he said what i expected and#linked the paper that id already sent. so im like. ok. ok. maybe i actually sometimes do kno what im doing. sorta.#and then my old advisor said she was so proud of me. and i was like aw. its so funny bc my relationship is so different with my new advisor#hes great but its all very professional. with my old advisor i would text her after hours bc she was a workaholic like me and went on long#car rides and handed out Halloween candy with her. she was more hands on and doesnt have kids so work is her life. its just interesting#so things have been going well. but there arent enough hours in the day. and my committee meeting is in like 16 days. and i am afraid for#that but not as afraid as i was in april when i had a full on breakdown and canceled it the day before it was set to happen lol#itll b fine. i just have to work thru the weekend so i can get my preproposal done. and prey that the fucking splitstree download site will#start working bc i want to do gene networks dammit#unrelated
19 notes · View notes
phagodyke · 4 months ago
Text
the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
12 notes · View notes
yoinkschief · 2 months ago
Text
I'm so tempted to start working on NightScape again I miss it it calls to me
9 notes · View notes
comradecowplant · 3 months ago
Text
I believe Kamala- despite every word she has ever spoken on the matters- is actually deeply pro-Palestine, pro-trans & overall a progressive hero, because I understand that when democrats say repugnant reactionary things while campaigning they are actually lying! which is good & normal for so-called democratic elections!!!!! if you listen to the gnomes who live inside my walls you'll understand her real values, which she'll totally pinky promise act upon once you reward her lies & elect her! you dumb third party voters would understand this if u payed attention in civics class 💅💅💅
#do you votescold blue no matter whos even hear yourselves#like i say this from the glass house of mental illness i too live in but yall are fucking clinically deranged#'u see the good guys will lie to us to seem like bad guys until the season 4 finale when plot twist reveals thay r good!' LUNACY!!!#santa clause is more real than a promise out of the mouth of a democrat i am BEGGING liberals to understand (and give a shit about) this#sorry i guess unlike the 'injustice sensitivity' many american neurospicies love using as a shield for when they do racist things i just#have boring I Dont Like Being Lied To autism which uh is preventing me from (well a lot!) getting on the imperialism train that many#of you are twisting yourselves into pretzels of cognitive dissonance & ahistorical nonsense in order to cope with!#vote if you want idgaf but stop posting electoral cope!!! stop seeking absolution for the crimes youre cosigning!! you cant have it all!!!!#i'll see you in another 4 years when nothing has been done about climate catastrophe or genocide or lgbtq rights or reproductive rights#bc if- and its still a huge if- kamala wins i know for FACT the usual suspects are already cooking up excuses as to why she cant follow thr#through on any of the crumbs of progressive policy she claims to stand by. its already the senates or SC fault right 🙄#ugh anyway now im just going down the 'every easily identifiable lie of the dems that I'M somehow the bad guy for noticing' rabbit hole#and that leads to nowhere but madness and an afternoon wasted 😤
9 notes · View notes
todayisafridaynight · 2 years ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
empty nest
132 notes · View notes
raven · 9 days ago
Text
btw my roommate said she would take the trash out of the trash can tonight after work so i could take it outside and the bin to the curb. and guess what ! She did not take out the bag so i had to do it all. Because i am the martyr of this household.
2 notes · View notes
unproduciblesmackdown · 3 months ago
Text
among the boundless billions zaniness like laugh track as it definitely has that moment of expressing "rolling my eyes as The Left makes a kerfuffle of Acting like they have a stance as a veneer over the true belief that [xyz] is cool & chill actually" like what, approximate 0.000% chance wendy isn't, as usual, given the Objective Stance of "yeah yeah ohh we are cancelling involved parties talking about how we Don't watch this But. we all love this damn epic movie & already have it memorized so shut the fuck up, kids today" like. don't wanna really delve into how much billions thinks taylor or anyone is "really" trans / nonbinary like not too much benefit of the doubt in this material including what does provide info abt that specifically
& the general like [head in hands. what do you think any of this could possibly be about (you're the one that made your show at all about Power)] of "yes, it's bad/wrong to be someone that someone has done something to / victim of something" like that to be anti misogyny All Women Must Be Epic Winners b/c there's something to be proved: that they don't Deserve to be victims (of misogyny), not taken as a Given. while when we see some epic winner men stepping on other men (who need not all be guaranteed Winners so as to say misogyny is wrong), that's often Good, well beyond any assumption that various forms of basic disrespect / violation / patterns of emergent/entrenched power difference as Bad (for being things done to people, not for there being people they're being done to), & generally billions has to take an extra step when ppl get shitted on & tell us the Specific Cases when it was undeserved actually & someone was being mean to a specific person who didn't deserve that. & the specific cases when hey guess it wasn't that bad(tm) or when hey It's Okay that you're someone something was done to, in this case. & tell us what we were supposed to know all along like when someone who something was being done to (wrong Of Them, whether b/c they inherently deserve it no matter what, &/or b/c they failed to be someone who could make it Impossible to do anything to them, which, how do you do that besides being The Authority / Superior yourself, exactly? nonrhetorically? what if the in group vs out group / fascism / authoritarianism protected Me?) was actually being treated Too Well b/c ah well the abuse meant you were getting any attention, maybe it meant you were claimed as any superior's property, maybe it meant you weren't Already disposed of, as all Losers were in the end, You're Welcome.
obviously referring to winston where it's spelled out all the abuse towards him was deserved, & More than he deserved in the case of rian having more access & taking advantage of that, all for billions' enjoying its own sendoff there of, again, maximizing violation & violence short of [real violence is physical & leaves bruises / draws blood / Literally kills] which would be distasteful in general But doesn't it make wags look like the winner & winston the loser is that the former's completely unrelated completely impersonal ego blow gets way amplified taken out on winston, the most vulnerable recurring character when spyros as [first & ultimate Everyone Hates Him role] is more entrenched in there & billions still magnanimously pities tuk, as it does winston too, just not quite as much. again that like completely surface level realized power fantasy of forcing the mirror up to the Inferior so they're like nooo my inferiorityyyy & in doing so like, the projection in that lmao, we get it re: the valuing of & need(tm) for such Power Tripping & Reaffirming My Superiority & My Ego Restored; Everyone Claps like good god. & then for all ben & tuk are the slightly softer Two Too Nice Boys duo to the rian & winston quant duo, also like too nice i guess but not as much, ben is in charge of tuk but Any instance of rian being in charge of winston outstrips them in that "yay interpersonal abuse" dynamic, like then in the end billions may be like "yeah it's possible to be mean to them unlike how being mean to winston is actually Nice b/c he deserves everything he gets, we only vicariously enjoy it vs Feeling Bad for tuk & ben sometimes (still magnanimously & it's Not That Bad / just goofin)" like ben & tuk still Fail by not being people it's impossible to do anything to. & not Exceptions who anyone is really being Too Mean to. like if they were women, in which case, no problem surely with a "positive" kind of victim blaming where there is something Inherent that Will be victimized so hey how about to cancel that out there's this special Paternal Protection you Need always, Or Else? :) but instead they are men who are asian & is ben gay & w/tuk & winston nobody mentions glasses or fatness but billions doesn't really do much or very in depth textual mentioning of Anything, even w/nonzero mention that there may be gender & race in this world. a gay man, once. no disability. we just Know who are the inferiors who deserve it when they're treated inferiorly, or if they don't, they start deserving it when they fail to stop/avoid it, but if you start mentioning the factors behind who we all totally agree is inferior like whoa nobody was Saying any of that? being the real agent of oppression on the basis of the factors only You spelled out, much? nonbinary? i never say anything about the Gender Binary when i'm subscribing to it, sounds like You've created & enforced it. obfuscation & deflection onto [so Just Normal nobody has to label, explain, or argue it] couldn't serve a purpose & protect the existing power differences as they are. maybe You're the problem? perhaps you brought it upon yourself & now you're causing too much trouble standing up for yourself while everyone else's criticism is laser focused on you as the prior & continuing negative actions done to you are taken as a given / unquestioned / covertly protected to overtly encouraged?
anyway so wild if the Completely Normal(tm) Victim Blaming is uncritically recreated & oft embraced for "if you're watching this & don't wish you were axe / find him appealing" [billions as a sequence of vicarious power trips] purposes in this series....but a bit wild considering like this is your multiseason show that wasn't just purporting to be those power trips for [enough demographic & apparently specific personal tastes overlap w/creators] & was at all purporting to question the matters of power at play in the material, or yknow, at least to not be completely superficial material while said material is textually & thematically all about power difference being leveraged, how, the consequences, & so on. thus i will have to intermittently talk about it forever like this like lord unbelievable. & the funny little & sometimes less funny less little characters it has trapped in there so that those of us who were never meant to be in the audience can be cursed with this knowledge. like i have some feedback. "imagine not victim blaming" & "imagine adjusting your perspective can go beyond superficial layers added to politely defer to some other ppl while they're present but really like cmon do they deserve that. am i not just saying what we're allll thinking"
#another random night another Verbal Effusion of [forehead to hand]#winston billions#who needs actual questions about power or the consequences of getting to consider others Lessers & acting accordingly#when we can last minute be like uh wendy is god actually. take it away wendy (wait she just does whole other shit half the season)#okay Now take it away wendy i guess b/c the series is dead set on you being the Moral Center#if mostly b/c gosh everyone either loves owning you as pseudo wife or correctly recognizes & defers to your superiority#the scene i couldn't bear to sit through at the start of s7 way too long sequence of wendy Going To Work to the ''cuz im awesome'' song#i was like. lol. i was like okay that is wendy's mood / perspective then. Wrong. it was billions conveying Fact to the audience. rip#abt as great setup for ''the only other shoe that finally dropped was that of Yeah It's This Completely Surface Level'' as possible (:#prince has exactly the same attitudes & actions as wendy does? uh well you see. it's just bad when he does it#if only more wendys were in charge. if only we go ''well even if it's bad if wendy does it? or axe or whoever? Could Be Worse''#nothing to analyze in the [but at least it's not worse] dead end re: justification of Power Leveraging & minimization of its consequences#tl;dr just the victim blaming embraced everywhere & the idea that everything that Deviates from the Norm Too Ethically Mindedly#is just that veneer slapped on overtop of [haha but truly: the norm] like no but seriously we all know It's Not That Deep(tm)#even for the characters written to exercise this [my Extra Mile Ethics] trait regularly it's expressed as this Polite Addendum#to the [what's Really at play] normal. the And Enbies tacked on; that's that on that & it Is an extra veneer to the norm#prince asking if taylor's changing up their pronouns; no more Meant a red flag than him immediately shitting on winston i'm sure#yet yknow why tf suppose taylor more than anyone else would Change Pronouns. taylor who the series also only ever shows as being#misgendered As A Woman. whose drag / cisguise As A Woman is not treated in the same way a man's would be / is#whose emotive / expressive affect isn't either. billions like [the genders are m/f] to [perhaps also amab/afab] Tacked On#as something politely Extra you do to their face that doesn't actually change (threaten) your idea of what's just Normal & True#like it's normal & true that ugh god don't you hate the autistic people around you? don't you wish you could go sicko mode on them#so that they couldn't be around you anymore & they'd have brought it upon themself & really it was good of you b/c The Group Cohesion#thanks you & b/c you just gave them free ABA? yes yep Surely Unquestionably#problem isn't abuse & concomitant violation in & of itself. it's Bad to be someone that's done to. we will announce Exceptions#rest of you either you brought it upon yourself or you failed to Correct that you're not someone who inherently deserves it#that is: someone who just can & will Stop It if done to them. well so you see winston pushing back is ignored or treated to further#backlash & then he withdraws (expression of his experience / creation of a consequence which tells the other Stop Doing This)#&/or otherwise conveys displeasure / being hurt (same as before. ''uh well push back / express xyz'' ppl did & were steamrolled/ignored)
3 notes · View notes
daughterofapollo8 · 1 year ago
Text
y'all this is so tragic, I won't have time to sit down and watch the pjo series until January so I have to filter out all the tags so I don't see spoilers
19 notes · View notes
yorkiegregg · 2 months ago
Text
I literally feel like I’ve finally lost it and im so fucking done If im just going to be completely honest
#dog talk#nothing fucking. ugh#I don’t feel like anything anymore none of this makes sense to me and I just keep attacking myself and my surroundings#everything is nothing at all. its all just shreds of hope#everything all of these ‘people’ say don’t mean shit and about 2 days ago now I finally almost called it quits#if you know what that implies.#and I just want to hurt everyone and myself and everyone and myself and once and for all it seems that no one means anything to me anymore#and that I shouldnt care#something is in my head talking to me and it has been for fucking forever and I don’t know If I’ll survive tonight#just some fuckin dickheads are always in my fucking way and I just. I don’t know how much longer I’ll survive#next year I don’t even know if I’ll make it. I don’t even fucking know if I’ll make it#I don’t know how to stick around anymore I fucking don’t#no one has ever liked me and no one has ever payed artention to me and no one cates and I dont care and#but also Ive left everyone and theyve missed me but they don’t even know who I am anymore#I haven’t showered in 2 weeks now and my hair is practically molded to my head with the grease and I HAVent done shit#everything isnt real everything is just a mold of what it should be#I woke up at 5 pm today and I couldnt even see the light outside because of that#EVERYTHING is just thoughts and every singl eugcking EVERY single fucking noise makes me want to fucking scream and freak out I#cant fucking do this man#I don’t think I’m going to survive at all#I think I honestly wasnt meant to be here. I think I was supposed to be a abandoned sawmill or some shit#and I think this is all just here to curse me because I was given the light of the world but the pain of being here#I am in pain and I can’t keep doing this. if I talk to a psychiatrist I will be asked all of their stupid questions that they assume I have#normal teenage answers for#and not that I am planning where my grave will be.#I am done.
2 notes · View notes