#THIS IS ONLY MY PERSONAL EXPEREINCE

[coffee-master]

Me: I'm aroace, but I love romance in fictions.

Me: I both love books with or without romance. But I also love shipping.

Me: I idolaze the idea of love and just enjoy, how the two characters fall in love in each other.

Me: It's just sweet to see two people being in love happy with one of the dearest people ti their heart.

Me: I like canon x canon.

Me: Sometimes I like oc×canon or ocxoc.

Me: BUT THIS- *points at character x reader*

Me: THIS THING SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME-

[girlbossagenda]

HOW TO GET A GLOW UP

‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

I used to be the ugly dunklin, till I change in 1 week and turned pretty much half of my life upside down, it happened right after my 16th catastrophic birthday, at the time I was already following Liz and her tips which helped me so much!! So here how to glow up in minimum 1 week

౨ৎsmell good౨ৎ

This is so important, I noticed how people react to good smelling people, they just say it out loud how much they like the fragrance, knowning that it's you, will just make you more approacable, it boosts your confidence and overl all more liked

౨ৎexercise + diet౨ৎ

This was huge for me, not only it imroves your moods but it also makes your prettier, you need to fist know what goals you want to archive physically, if you want a bigger butt, eggs and potatoes salad can be a good alternative, if you want to have a snatched waist try to do more cardio, at the time the only cardio I used to do was jump roping, which is amazing!!

౨ৎwardrobe౨ৎ

This was the revolution, just dress how ou want each outfit can have at max 2 trendy elements, not more, and the rest it needs to rappresnt YOUR personality!! This is going to make you unique and recognizable!! Also I suggest to go shopping on friday lol, the beauty day!

౨ৎmentality౨ৎ

This is how everything started, a munch of motivational viddeos, the wizard liz and confidence targetting posts, moodboards and much more, at the time I was getting treated really harshly from my classmates, it was probably one of thelowest point of my life, bit I pick myself up, cause I had a goal: Changing my narrative.

There was not sense into staying bitter and hating not only myself but the world around, I wanted to prove to myself that I actually mettered, you don't glow up for other, but for yourself, never, ever welcome in your life people that before put you under the rug, have some respect for yourself and clear boundaries.

Hi bonitas I hope you liked this short post, This is just part of my expereince, tell me if you want to know more + other tips!! maybe I'll make a longer version in the future, Have a great day xoxo gougeous

-𝓐

[downtoplaybass]

its mutual consent and communication its healthy for your relationship or some shit

did you legit think gay people fistfought to decide who tops???

when two guys do it do they fist fight first to decide who gets to be the dominant one

[okaylikeschaewon]

What part of writing that make you think "yep this person never have sex before" when you read other smut? For example,for me its when they use "sound effects" in sex like "plok!"

And how do you translate the sex scenes you have on mind to your writing to make it compelling? THANKS A LOT

Two questions so the answer is going to be a bit longer, I'm going to try being thorough with this one since it's a very interesting question.

Honestly I generally try to ignore that part as best as I can because I don't think it matters, people should write what they want to write even if they are virgins! That being said, there's a big difference with the plot being ridiculous and the actual physical act being ridiculous, and the latter is much more difficult to read for me personally - it's just very immersion-ruining.

For example, my Aespa fic has an absolutely absurd plot that leads to sex with Winter, but I'm totally fine with that because it's clearly fiction. What ruins it for me a bit is when people write stuff like a girl trying anal for the first time who takes it in the ass for an hour in the most brutal, intense, relentless session, and begs for you to go harder because it feels so good. Or like when a girl is written as a virgin, but somehow she's amazing in bed and knows every trick, has no issue deepthroating, etc etc. I generally try to avoid doing this (although, I have no issue writing over-the-top sex scenes from time to time), and I put a good chunk of effort from time to time to write fics that depict the struggles of sex. Maybe the girl can't deepthroat her first time, maybe anal is too painful, maybe she doesn't love the taste of your cum, these are all possibilities and I like to explore them sometimes to make my writing feel more 'real' and have some variety. There are only so many ways to write 'he put penis in vagina' in a compelling and interesting way.

To answer your second question, and this applies to more than just sex scenes, I just try to use real life experience whenever applicable. Let's take relationships in general, assuming you are a writer who is a virgin. You can still write a lovely relationship by using your own experience with relationships, you could write out a date you went on with a girl (while replacing names ofc). Maybe you've never gone on a date, you could write about a date your friend has told you about instead. Maybe you've seen a cute couple while you were out for a hike, you can use that as inspiration. It's obviously more difficult with sex when you are a virgin because people don't generally talk about their personal lives and the amount of details is a bit less than the info about dates and stuff, but you get the pont. I really think using porn is not a good idea because it's incredibly unrealistic for how sex really is, but if you are going to then at least try using amateur content. You can always browse online forums where people are more comfortable sharing their experiences, like Reddit, but just be aware that people can lie on the internet!

I personally wouldn't write out one of my real life expereinces one to one in a fic for numerous reasons, but I absolutely mix and match aspects and alter them in both positive and negative ways. Like I've written stuff that I, in real life, would never do. I've also written stuff that I, in real life, wished I did. It really comes down to the little details, the subtle awkwardness, the comfort and fun being with someone you really love, that feeling you get inside. Trying to put it into words is what really makes writing enjoyable despite the difficulty at times - for me at least.

I hope I adequately answered the question, and I hope my answer can potentially be of some help/insight for other writers in the community! Thank you again for the lovely ask!

[somefuckingguysblog]

rating how fuckable the men in God of War are (as a dilf lover and also a queer gay man)

1. Kratos, 10/10. I love big beefy men. What else can i say. For reasons i cannot express, he seems like a switch who prefers to bottom. Not that'd he'll tell anyone that.

2. Thor, 9/10. Again, I love big men. Points taken off for the alcoholism, but dudes trying. I'll get him therapy bc he needs it.

3. Týr, 10/10. Silly little man. Hes so skrunkly skrimblo. Also the imitial scene where he stands up compleatly and overshadows Kratos does things to me. I more wanna be friends with him and smoke that zaza of asgard but im giving him a 10/10 as compenation for forgetting him when i initially made this post.

4. Sindri, 10/10. I love him so fucking much i cannot even begin to explain it. He'd proabbly be very sweet but shy, hes not very experienced. Bfok has more expereince than him. Also, praise kink.

5. Brok, 9/10. Again, i cannot beguin to explain how much i love him. However, im taking points off just because while i do love him, i like Sindri way more. Also, if i had a dime for everytime ive liked a blue, short, crude older brother type, i'd have two dimes. which isnt alot, but itd weird that it happened twice right? (/ref) But he'd proabbly be suprisingly gentle, and prefer to bottom. Though hes not used ot it, he dosent mind being taken care of and probably has alot of body image issues,

6. Freyr, 7/10. I personally wouldn't fuck him, but i can see the appeal. Just not my kinda guy.

7. Mimir, 8/10. Man can GET IT. He knows how to please both men and women, and hes exceptional at giving head. (see what i did there lol) Points taken off for being only a head.

8. Heimdall, 0/10. I hate Heimdall with a passion, and i want to curb stomp his head in. Bro is lirerally a grown ass man and he picked a fight with a 16 year old child. Fuck off. Heimdall lovers dni./j

9. Baldur, 6/10. I contimplated putting him here, but i decided to because why not. I can see the appeal, and while i do love crazy men, hes a bit too crazy for my liking. Yall continue to slay.

10. Odin, 0/10. Self explanitory. I like old men, but not asshole manipulatirs. I also want to curb stoml his head in, but in a way thats already been done for me. (thanks Sindri <3)

[emeritus-fuckers]

Howdy pal here I am again okay okay

mk so, I'd like to be matched with a papa, because I love the pookies<3

Aight, in personality, I have crippling social anxiety and I can't even talk to people in a super market to ask where a product is because that has led me to multiple panic attacks for some reason, don't ask questions, but once I am comfortable around someone that changes a lot. It takes quite a bit for me to get comfy, but once I am I'm like,,, too comfortable- Very loud, clingy, childish, over all just an asswipe. I enjoy making art and poetry and I can't make it through my day to day life without music or I'll just ascend. I have struggled with insecurity and mental issues, self-harm, etc, and have recently had a relapse episode in those things but I am too afraid to open up about that to most irl people, but things are going way better now.

On physical I am around 5,6 and I have a red wolfcut-ish thing. I enjoy baggy or anything more gothic or witch or 80s esc for clothing, and my music taste is practically everything and everything accept k-pop and dutch rap. I enjoy romance novels because I miss out on that too much irl and I enjoy horror because that's just entertaining, idk.

just random other things I thought I'd include would be I am a cardiophile, but more on the comfort and not fetish side of it. I enjoy doing hair, or playing with it, and I do that a lot to my friends when we're just chilling because it's funny. I enjoy singing and acting like I am in some sort of musical when I'm alone and I love nature, just going on walks or collecting plants. I practice witch craft, also more on the nature side of things in that way. I have volunteered multiple times at events for little children even though I hate them, it's the art side of things and I enjoyed face painting them for Halloween events or carnival things. I collect a lot of little trinkets and like giving people stupid stuff as un needed gifts and I WILL get personally offended if you do not cherish them.

There we go love goodluck<3

Your match is... Copia!

He understands what it's like to have social anxiety and he is really supportive about it. You both help each other to deal with it.

He sees you reading romance novels (which I'm pretty sure is a genre he reads too) and realises you want to expereince that. So when he is not on tour, he tries to take you out for a romantic date or do some kind of gesture whenever he can.

He loves watching movies with you, but if it’s a horror one he’ll probably jump into yo ur arms.

He's really happy that the sound of his heartbeat is comforts you. He’ll stroke your hair and smile as you curl up against him your head resting on his chest.

He loves walks with you, it gives him time away from being Papa and all the stress of the ministry. He also loves how happy you are when you get a new plant. However sometimes he has to plan a route that avoids the nursery section of Primo's garden, because you only have so much room for plants.

You two make a good team. One good example is at clergy events when you do facepainting for the children. Even though he is awkward when children are around he likes them. So you can focus on the art and not have to intereact much with them and he gets to spend time with the little ones.

One day he catches you singing and acting like you are in a musical. At first you are mortified, but then you see the huge loving smile that appears in his lips. He starts singing the other part of the song dramtically jumping up on the table and acting in character. This is now one of your favrouite things to do together, especially when it's raining outside.

He cherishes all the little gifts you give him. You become afraid he just chucks them away because you never see them again. But then you see him carefully place it in a wooden box he keeps under the bed. It's the one he takes on tour with him, filled with things to cheer him up if he feels down or misses you.

[icravemusicx0x0]

rating music pls dont hate me #36 | I LAY DOWN MY LIFE FOR YOU - JPEGMAFIA

JPEGMAFIA goes inside the recording studio to start RECORDING the INTRO TRACK: I SCREAM THIS IN THE MIRROR BEFORE I INTERACT WITH EVERYONE. he got his head close to the microphone, took a deep breath, he said, as the cymbals rocks softly:

"IF I WAS A NBA PLAYER I WOULD BE DILLON BROOKS—BUT WORSE."

imagine if it goes like that. anyways, PEGGY dropped a new album on the 1ST OF AUGUST. 41 minutes of this album are filled with AGRESSIVE LYRICISM, and a stronger PUNK aspect to the 34-YEAR-OLD NEWYORKIAN RAPPER's CIGNATURE PRODUCTION. his WRITING is EMOTIONALLY DYNAMIC and his music is LUSCIOUS in terms of VARIETY.

LYRICISM

PEGGY is well-known for his CREATIVE BARS, and he kept that in his new album. he's like TAKING SHOTS at everything like a NBA player on a court (isn't his whole NBA persona DILLON BROOKS BUT WORSE? makes sense to me at least). there a lot of mention of RELIGION and FAITH in the album overall, in fact the title of the album comes from HOLY BIBLE VERSE JOHN 10:17-18. this is what i love about JPEGMAFIA's MUSIC ARTISTRY.

I LAY DOWM MY LIFE FOR YOU, to me, is a VENT of his EXPEREINCES. on I SCREAM THIS IN THE MIRROR BEFORE I INTERACT WITH EVERYONE, JPEGMAFIA burst out his usual HUMOROUS RANTS like a TROLL he is. EXMILITARY has the SHOTS but it's a FUCK YOU to the MILITARY INDUSTRY COMPLEX (fans may know that his MILITARY YEARS was the worst). I RECOVERED FROM THIS, however, shows a TIRED PEGGY in the recording studio (no more BEEFING!) as he talks about PAST RELATIONSHIPS and the PAIN he had to dealt with.

PRODUCTION

JPEGMAFIA is more AMBITOUS in I LAY MY LIFE FOR YOU than ever. JPEGMAFIA is usually the only PRODUCER of his music, so he's a really INDEPENDENT person, and he's also a really AMAZINGA producer too, i'm being serious. his style is EXPERIMENTAL, SAMPLE-DRIVEN, and over all CREATIVE and INTERESTING. every songs on this new album is BANGERS TO BANGERS because the production felt more FLEXIBLE and CONSISTENT throughout. in JANUARY of 2024, i visited BRAZIL and had experienced the BRAZILIAN FUNK genre, to me the most INTERESTING DJ-PERFORMED GENRE. he took the CORE FEATURES of this genre and INCOPORATED his own SPICE to it.

I SCREAM THIS IN THE MIRROR BEFORE I INTERACT WITH EVERYONE has some insane BEAT SWITCHES, like what do you mean we need a SHRILLEX ass beat on your RAPPING? alright… (also can we have more of this i love it)

CONCLUSION

I LAY DOWN MY LIFE FOR YOU is JPEGMAFIA's STRONGEST and most DYNAMIC album to date. it's really WELL-MADE, and he managed to keep a BALANCE in his EXPERIMENTALISM approach so even the HOES can bop to it (contrary to the previous album). JPEGMAFIA is the most CREATIVE artist i have ever seen in the UNDERGROUND RAPPING SCENE.

underrated gem(s): I SCREAM THIS IN THE MIRROR BEFORE I INTERACT WITH EVERYONE - i'm sorry for meat riding this song but it's really good, IT'S DARK AND HELL IS HOT - brazilian funk jumpscare, DON'T RELY ON OTHER MEN - i heard you went downdowndowndowndown, JPEGULTRA! - it was actually giving LP! actually, LOOP IT AND LEAVE IT - it's too good, I RECOVERED FROM THIS.

tracks that i rec listening: SIN MIEDO, I'LL BE RIGHT THERE, VULGAR DISPLAY OF POWER, EXMILITARY, JIHAD JOE, EITHER ON OR OFF THE DRUGS, DON'T PUT ANYTHING ON THE BIBLE.

worst track: NEW BLACK HISTORY - not the wildest track of his discography but it's not as impactful as his other songs in the album.

overall score 8.6/10 - this is all opinion so pls no hate

[ask-cinnavanillamelody]

Mira, Darling. I don't think President Twilight is going to banish you to the Dragon Lands. I think she wants you to expereince being a dragon in Equestria.

Make no mistake, she will make it as safe for you do so as possible. If she did not care about you, she would not have let you live.

I don't what her personal feelings are about you, but I've certainly warmed up to you. No pun intended.

There will be prejudice and there will be fear. It is up to you to show them a good person under those scales and sharp teeth.

Right...I feel just awful about all the dragons I've hurt... I've only been one myself for a few days, but I can already tell it's a harsh way to exist...I had to run to the market today and everyone was staring at me like I was going to hurt them...a result of my poor judgments no doubt...🌊

[violentviolette]

listen i'm not trying to be a downer and a dick but also if u send me an anon asking about my favorite "aspd-core" songs im going to vomit profusely all over u like, obviously having songs that u feel relate to ur experience and to having aspd is a normal thing. people do this with everything and yea absolutely i have songs that i feel realte to my aspd and hit for me, thats literally what music is and does there's a song to relate to every single emotion and feeling known to man. but how yall talk about and phrase things is so telling of how u view them the fucking aestheticizing of cluster b pds and the way yall talk about this with words like core/culture ect. have turned these disorders into aesthetic identities and it makes me want to claw my fucking skin off. every single day in the tag i have to block another "cluster b culture is" blog because yall insist on doing this even when it makes absolutely zero fucking sense. there is no "culture" there is no universal shared expereince there is no shared identity there is no aesthetic or core because its just a collection of symptoms that are broadly similar but in practice are highly individual and personal like what is aspd-core? what does that mean? what are the core aesthetics that define aspd as a cultural identity? because thats what a "core" is. x-core just means an aesthetic identity with a shared cultural understanding. so explain to me what the shared cultural aesthtic identity of this mental disorder is without being ableist or stereotypical, instant fail if u mention blood even once. dont worry i'll wait.

it just makes no sense, is extreamly anti-recovery, and to be honest it makes u a really insufferably annoying person. because when u aestheticize them and turn them into a cultural identity with a shared experience that is a fundimental part of who u are, u completely fuck ur recovery. because the goal of recovery is to lessen and get rid of as many symptoms as possible and learn to cope with the ones that remain. but if ur symptoms are what make u who u are, then losing them means losing a part of urself or even ur entire self. so instead ppl will steadfastedly hold onto those negative symptoms that are causing them and everyone around them harm and will attempt to justify them by saying "these are good actually because they're a part of this shared aesthetic identity of who i am and therefore are an innate part of me that can never change" and thats just a fucking lie. u are deluding urself in order to justify the easier or more "fun" option, even when its clearly wrong

there is no cluster b aesthetic, there is no cluster b core, there is no cluster b culture. there is only a vaguely similar collection of overlapping symptoms caused by trauma. the minute u accept that its not that deep and its not who and all u are and stop building ur entire persona and sense of self around it is the minute u actually stop moodboard aestheticizing wallowing in misery and asking people stupid fkn questions like "what are ur favorite aspd-core songs"

[therealslimshakespeare]

ppl might not like me for this, but my headcannon for Jo has alot of the same qualities Ida does (extremely capable, brave, badass) and I don't think that's any coincidence on Bucky's part that he married her. I think after being so close to Ida, he wasn't really sure about other women but then met Jo and she's like Ida's cool twin and he just feels so at home with her right away.

In the au of Bucky and Ida being together, I think his brand of over the top expressions of love and complete fearlessness would actually be so positive in her journey of trying to overcome her trauma (not downplaying my respectful king Rosie btw) but I know from personal expereince sometimes when you are so uncertain about your own approach, it is a big relief to just be safe in the hands of someone who loves you so much and you feel so safe with, that you open up more quickly than you expect on some things

TWC SNEAK PEAK BELOW

Ugh I feel so seen!! These correspond very much with my own sentiments! I love Jo and she will be so loved by Bucky but there’s no untangling how very connected Ida and Bucky both are even when they marry other people. And that’s one reason A Wedding and A Willy is probs my fave installment so far.😭

Here my darling, you earned yourself a rough draft sneak peak from one of Ida and Rosie’s intimacy journey fics, the Nine times she thought she was ready and the one time she was…

Ida came to in a flash, a snarl, a fist to a nose and a jab of her elbow to his ribs. Rosenthal backed off her like a man possessed, flailing back onto his haunches just shy of the edge of the carpet, waiting warily as his wife shook herself in shock.

His nose was bleeding where she’d struck him, she’d done that after welcoming him, “Oh god Robert I’m sorry-“ she cried, horrified and feeling jitters begin to descend, the whole thing too jarring to be processed.

He had been inside her! Inside her at last! And she’d gone and ruined it. Now she knew every part of that cabin in the fable was false, through and through.

She wasn’t alright at all.

Her own arms came up to cradle herself, she rocked back and forth on the carpet, hearth warm at her back and her skirt tucked back to her shins. She’d struck him and yet she was the one crying, it was pathetic. “Robert, I’m sorry, so sorry.” she begged, if only he had moved, fucked her truly, no choice, no hesitancy. She wept afresh, knowing she didn’t want that, knowing he’d never do that, hating and loving him all the same for how hopeless that made the whole scenario. “I thought i was getting better.” she tried to explain, there wasn’t anything to explain except that she’d like him to force her. She couldn’t say that aloud. She didn’t want that. She was angry he wouldn’t try. She hated herself. “Your nose-“

“-I’m going to be fine.” he cut in, almost harsh how clipped and businesslike it was, it stilled her hiccuping cries instantly, “Are you going to be fine?” he asked, eyes piercing and not so gentle. “You’re shaking,” he summarized. “Badly.” an addendum.

She gave him a jerky nod. “I will be. I just- couldn’t stop it.”

He gave her a nod of his own, fingers leaving off their pinching of his gushing nostrils. “Where’d you go?”

To a cabin in the woods, a child in the cradle, a man she loved but did not want making himself to home inside her. “Far away.” she muttered

“Sorry for getting…carried away.” he decided on his own blame.

It had been the most exhilarating few moments of her entire romantic life. Wanting him, clutching at him, the way he’d wanted her so badly she could feel it in his shoulders and his tongue and the way his hips had felt so sure and decisive in the cradle of her hips. “I wanted it.” because that was true, and also, “I thought I was…better.”

[isaysorryverysoftly]

the form of all evil is the same

Don't ever say things like 'you stupid monkey' 'you dog'... all evil wants to do is take things that exist fine and happy on their own and put them in a hierarchy of unworthy to worthy in order to manipulate people. The concept of unworthyness is so dogmatic that anyone who does it even once is incapable of coherent thought, to impose unworthiness on anyone is so arbitrary yet so corrosive that it is seemingly the primary sin. The pride to say that another existent being doesnt deserve something is so EVIL and yet so COMPLETELY IMPOTENT AND DOES NOTHING TO BENEFIT YOU. Like seriously, imagine actually believing in making someone feel bad by calling them a dog, and thus beleiving in the idea that being called a dog was bad, you lose TWO times, and for what... like a tiny thread of an nessecarily solipsistic ego boost. Not only do you fear being compared to a dog, but you also disrespect dogs for no reason now. You just gain a 'standard of unworthiness', a standard which posits dogs as unworthy, which doesn't do anything... you cant do anything positive with that standard, all it does is make you less likely to interpret a dog in a beautiful manner, and the other thing you get is like, an insecurity about being compared to a dog now... Like fucking good one you idiot. Good one! It's just making so much nothing out of so much something. It breaks my heart. I want to name this evil technique of pitting innocent parties against eachotehr in a heirachy. Im calling that shit Noggling, because i find it BOGGLING... but in a NOT good way. Dont noggle, not even once, no matter how inaninmate the things you are noggling with are. Never even say 'your being such a chair'. The idea of trying to convince someone of the lowered value of chairs, and then trying to convince someone to apply that lowered value of chairs onto themselves, thus causing them to feel bad about themselves at the price of also having a very close minded and uncreative view of chairs is so collaterally useless and depressing. The evil is in the form of noggling itself, not even the things you noggle against eachother.

NEVER NOGGLE!

You can goggle though, you can call someone a diamond, thats just what a metaphor is. Because it's simply asking someone to imagine if their traits were represented in the same form a diamond is.

Like when someone says 'you are my diamond' they are encouraging thought, they are encouraging you to think 'ok, so in what ways could i be like a diamond... hmm

Ok so this person subjectively feels like i am lustrous, and that i am like a little precious object that they want to keep connected to their heart'

The fundamental difference between noggling and goggling is the latter encourages thought and expereince and the former doesn't. The latter doesn't actually have a specified symbolic meaning, it doesn't make a virtue or heirachy out of diamonds and then apply it to you, for example it doesn't posit a heirachy between coal and diamonds, and then says something like 'good job not being a coal today' no, that would be noggling. Goggling gets its value by offering you a creative task of trying to imagine how you could possibly represent this 'goggled-object' in another persons mind.

Another goggling could be 'oh darling you are like my coal' and then you have the task of being hmm... what do i do that is coal like. Oh, they mean that i am that really inexpensive ore in minecraft that can be combined with A SINGLE STICK to make fucking FOUR WHOLE TORCHES! Thats wonderful...

Right, to goggle someone, to say 'you are like X' in a goggle sense, is to give them a relation that you have made in their head, in order for them to work how they feel about you. To boggle on the other hand, is to posit a heirachy and then denigrate someone on the basis of that heirachy, in which case even being at the top of the heirachy is a form of denigration, because it is denigrating them by implying that they nessecarily have to even BE A PART OF A HEIRACHY AT ALL, AND THAT THEY NEED PEOPLE UNDER THEM. You know, jesus was the king of this world, and yet he didn't denigrate himself by not hanging out with peasents, and removing himself from them in some form of heirachy. To be in a heirachy is to loose surface area is to be in contact with less objects out of dogmatic subjugation of those objects. GOSH I AM SO MAD!

[sophieinwonderland]

This might be a bit of a personal question, so feel free to ignore it. I ask because its relivant to my expereince.

I know Sophie runs this blog, and I assume Sophie was the first created headmate? Since then, have all the joining members of yall's system been created or have any of you expereinces spontaneous existence with no known outside force causing it?

Almond: We've gotten a few that seemed like they tried to form, and might have stuck around if we let them and chatted with them. Well, I say "we" but I don't remember being conscious during those times.

Tulpamancers call these headmates "walk-ins". (Not to be confused with how other plurals call spirits that come from the outside "walk-ins.")

Anyway, our system origins stand as this:

Ghost is the original.

Sophie was created a couple years ago as a writing exercise that later developed more after they learned imaginary friends could become more vivid and real with practice.

Abby and myself were made a few months after that when Ghost wrote a story about a girl and her tulpa, and Sophie wanted to hang out with the characters from that story. Sophie didn't mean for either of us becoming self-aware and thought she could keep us as NPCs. But I think she was a little lonely being the only other headmate besides Ghost.

Tasha came from a dream. Ghost was asleep, was lucid dreaming, talked to a dream character, and then decided to see if he could pull the dream character into reality and have HER wake up.

Eria actually existed before Sophie. But we don't know if she was vocal. Ghost tried to make a spiritual thoughtform when he was a teenager, but never believed it worked. She came back a while ago, but didn't want people to know about her until recently.

Beatrix is our newest headmate and has only been with us about a week. Sophie wanted to apply her Inhabitant theories and talk to a plushie, and got a response almost instantly. (Beatrix's vessel, which she doesn't like calling a vessel, is not the strawbunny I posted. That's a completely unrelated stuffed toy.)

I'm realizing all of us were science experiments in different ways.

[tussegah]

Phil elvrum - by abigail comaholly

There is this certain threshold right. Where if you pay enough attention to life, during life, 

There appears to be no end.

Like if you stand there and actually engage with the beauty of an ambegious (i suppose in phil elvrum case its often natural, but it can also be rustic, like the paint on a house) thing, like for example the water running down the face of the tree bark, you feel only a sense of presence but no sense of finite narrative, and thus no sense of narrative resolution, you can see where its going, but there appears to be no end. The only end would be a fabricated, arbitrary or logistic conclusion, like having to go home because your mum called you to, but theres always the sense that you could go back and continue an endless story.

If you focus on objectifications (Like for example, objects as having purposes, like the story of the fence ending in the outcome that it stops the things from inside it from getting out) it seems like life is finite and things end. Because the very way we create idea of death is by attributing things purposes and then saying there identity 'dies' when they become redundant in relation to said purposes. People conceptualize death by turning a person from a subject to an object, as both through claiming the person looses their subjectivity (since they are unable to have it derived from them anymore, as they appear to only follow the laws of physics from then on), and also by categorising them based on the 'redundancy' of their body (its inability to move, meaning that they cannot be part of the narrative of being alive). However one never categorises a dead person as 'more subjective than them', even though the person who has just died has expereinced an expereince of subjective intensity beyond what one could imagine, the impossibility it must have felt like to actually pass into death from the first perspective of being alive (not just the questions they would’ve been asking as they slowly crossfaded into death, but the actual movement into somewhere that isnt alive, or the dispersion of the feeling of being alive).

But when you long for something, when you say 'i dont know what this is', yet you still look at it, you are waiting for it, it is something that you expect will rather explain itself to you, rather than you explain it on behalf of itself.

I do think people's lives end on this earth, like their body, their ghost falls out and they cant fit back in. 

But if, during this life, you have a kind of patience where you expect something to happen.

Like you dont assert what is going on, but you just wait for it

You expect something to be worth it and to come, then

There is no end. 

It just feels like waiting forever in each moment. Each moment feels infinitely long

As we wait. And sometimes it comes, a friend, a wonderful friend, a wonderful and singular raindrop hits you straight in the eye as you look at clouds. But surely these events dont take place on earth, they are too succinct and connected to me and brilliant, they responded too directly to my desire for them. After i experience those moments i think of it in a way where it felt like i was asleep for a bit and then when the moment was over woke up again and then life went back to feeling like it takes forever again. Because i guess when nothing is conclusive than nothing can help conclude that feeling.

Afterward: Sorry i just wrote this thing on my mums computer while listening to to The Microphones on my mums and i thought it was really good and Annabel and Sebastian said i was allowed to use this account whenever i wanted to say something so long as i told everyone that it was me who did so um yeah.

Abigail Comaholly, 14 years old, Snowflake Symbol, Dissappearing Like the Dirt on the Roads or a Gopher up a Drain Pipe when the big Rains hit Street. (It's the one with the white painted wooden planks where the paint is mostly falling off and/or has lichen on it and all the trees without leaves around the front bedroom (which is my bedroom)) <3

Hiii, also, 8th of January 2004 2:47pm

[himbos-hotline]

based on that bullshit "writing advice" post What are your favorite Descriptors for your main characters?

okay, in my own personal thing. this is just me going through my requests and foaming over my own writing and descriptions over characters

Maybe the Kenny that had any chance of loving him was still in DDT pro-wrestling; all bright eyes and soft blond curls. Maybe the only Kenny capable of love is the one that’s held in Kota Ibushi’s soul. -> We made our peace with weariness and let it be.

I honestly dont think this line would hit as hard as it would if I just kept looping kennys line and didnt describe the physical distance between the kenny from 2008 and the kenny in 2022

He raises one eyebrow, lifting her higher up his taller frame. “Oh yeah? Why's that?” She tugs at the collar of his t-shirt, shifting it around against his skin. “I have better fashion sense.” Kenny gasps and Jay bursts out laughing, cheeks flushing a heavy red as joy creates wrinkles on their face. -> I need to purge my urges [I need somebody to blame]

Agian, height differences are cute and I will never not mention how Jay is the smallest of all her partners because it can be used in so many ways. shes at their heart-height, constantly listening and knowing that theyre alive.

It's morning and Kenny isn't there to be the Devil on his shoulder, the angel in his memories. He’s somewhere off in Japan connected to a brightly coloured IV bag or connected to a brightly coloured man who held his heart like it was a precious gemstone. -> if I said you could never touch me

im sorry this line just FUCKS and I dont think that person understands that just using a characters name dulls the expereince of reading and writing. just sticking to a name makes the charcters feel one-dimentional and kinda bland.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

oh yeah addendum in also the other day seeing someone autistic talking in that context abt what they want from genuine relationships in that they said they don't want to be Admired Or Desired. that one time someone was like, you're one of the best people i know, like well neat compliment sure i'll take it lmao, but also, that's somewhat confusing and even disheartening when it's like, i have no way of knowing this; we don't really interact? or times i have to ""unilaterally"" assess that i don't feel Friends with someone b/c i don't feel like, for one thing, i can just up & message them even lol; the feeling that to whatever capacity there's a relationship, it's been continual "don't mess this up" masking / efforts to "do things Right" from me....whilest also times it's been like, oh someone's apparently choosing to be around me? enjoying interactions? while still kind of confused about it. and then it's like oh it was Romantic Interest apparently lol :( like even if i wasn't aromantic which i so am....where was the [there is anything to feel is genuine] like again we never even got to any part where i wasn't masking and [do things Right] and on edge and certainly not at whatever point i apparently had whatever appeal. much less "when cishet men are just sprinting straight at you" but that's all the more, like, [you as a Person are certainly irrelevant] but not like it doesn't still feel ultimately mostly irrelevant even if people have more discretion / a more considerate approach in general. also that again there would not be a Right way lmfao. it just sure could be a totally neutral expereince rather, please. how i've had too many situations having to try to fling myself out a window figuratively, even w/those theoretically more considerate approaches

or even when people will be talking about what makes someone Deserving outside of the most conservative(tm) approaches like. this person isn't someone who just waits for things to happen :) like well hell yeah for them lol, meanwhile, i sure kinda am. being aware that in any given way i may not impress anyone / may be negatively assessed; only turns into "there go my power levels increasing again. shrugmoji" when correspondingly it's like, and i don't have to care, or certainly then blame myself about it if like oh boy, society when you have to be "objectively" judged as Worthy by randos, whatever their perspectives lol....or when like, the concept of social support is like, get a romantic partner, primarily, an ounce of backup from friends, the Real backup being family, or friends "as good as" family....or the ongoing journey of realizing like; it was never Just gonna be managing to leave [abusive childhood/family house]. the ways that other experiences outside that were Consistent, really, when being around peers means an immediate sense of doing something wrong / not being as good as them; authority figure adults sometimes acting just like an abusive parent does; no ways to regularly exist flexibly and/or less supervised/monitored, e.g. couldn't walk from [home] to [anywhere]....catching on like, ah, outside of That Situation? i'm still not inherently more valued by randos, still not Not liable to be regarded/treated with disdain / expressions of authoritarianism....Aren't We All; for real. but truly like oh hey, i didn't even realize i was getting all this Political experience in that [when you have a one on one personal abuser and You're Responsible For How They Treat You and Their Own Power Is The Whole Thing and You'll Never "Earn" Better But It'll Always Be Your Fault You Haven't] and all those kinds of logics and realities it's like of course this resonates crystal clear with logics and realities re: [political enemies] lmao. ofc they can be as "hypocritical" as they want b/c [you can just say whatever while you do w/e you want and other people have to deal] is an expression of power. of course "for [xyz]'s own good; individually or as a group" is really about ensuring the power to control their existences as property by shrinking the space in which someone can enact autonomous choices: anything For Children is about (conservative) parents controlling children as things they own and can do whatever they want with; like making sure kids Can't be gay or sm shit, it Is about children, just keeping them from being able to exist outside the sphere of control of an isolated Family life. hell yeah when they do anyways / tragically it always turns out people are actually people despite your wanting to disbelieve this / always have the power to ignore it..........but then yknow, the truth is we out here, and ofc it's like [police protect Property; enforce these property/owner relations] but what's Normal yet obviously harmful is also so borne by regular ordinary """harmless""" interpersonal interactions / people who feel supposedly well-intended but that's more superficial than in essence....even merely the Exhaustion in knowing interactions as Just chitchat w/supposedly amicable parties is like, a scrutinizing test that can only go wrong and lead to antagonism / animosity that can easily accumulate &/or compound. much less existence In Public and shit going wrong out of nowhere, and potential stakes....being like Lol at, again, years back thinking like "a horror short should be like, the premise that you might just be at a grocery or some ordinary asf situation but at any given moment, doing Nothing extraordinary, some rando suddenly goes Deeply Hostile Mode for a second. where even then suddenly disengaging from that mode is not a relief in that the [this could happen at any time] is emphasized" like lmfao that's [being in an abusive situation], that's [being autistic], isn't it so Zany that there's so much overlap / resonance.

Not At All being Lol abt how much actual discrete examples of produced horror is just like "what if there was disabled people." this is its own line b/c of the characters per block limit. but also disdainful emphasis

anyways lol wuh oh in conclusion, antifascism....isn't it always

[bambaooo]

2022

i doubt anyone is still on here anymore lol. shit, i barely am, i saw the las thing i posted and i dont even remember when it was lol

but yeah, 2022 was a wild ass year. alot has happened, and probably the most eventful year of my adult life thus far. 

soooo, in january was my last month of work at my job at the time. I was put in a weird position where the contract I was working for ended early and i was laid off. i feel like any other person would have been freaking out, but luckily i was still finishing up my last semester of grad school. For the first time since graduating undergrad was basically free any not working. coming from me, ive since i was in highschool I was always the type of person to want to work work work and make bread. So basically from once i could work when I was 16, i was working every chance i could get until this month. I looked at it as my opportunity to finally take somewhat of a break from working cause I know I wouldnt get an opportunity like this again. 

Although i did have hella plans for the next 6-8 months after finishing my job, i still had grad school to finish so basically from February to like Mayish I kinda just laid low and just took hella walks, worked out, and did school. i was going to sleep pretty late every night, waking up whenever and just going with the flow. there were some events scattered here and there like family parties, Allison’s cousins’ wedding in march which was fun. 

But come end of April into May, is when the real fun shit began. Went to the first of many muisical preformances. the first one was Brian McKnight which was wild. He is hella good live. and then shorly after I finished grad school.  First I finished grad school with two fucking masters degrees. One witha  4.0 and the other with a 3.9. I want to take a moment to realize how wild that is. In undergrad I legit was on academic warning and have a 1.7 gpa LOL. shit was wild. But also early on in May we went to see jame arthur in silver spring which was fun. Around mid May I went to Miami fora  day trading conference, definately a wild expereince. I learned a lot, but also met a lot of cool people. First solo trip and it was fun. A few weeks later went to my friends wedding wehre i got to catch up with other hommies and it was chill. 

Before we knew it, it was June. Something in the water was definiately something to remember, dope to see all these live performances and just be out and about. Glad to have experienced once while it was in DC for probably the only time ever. And literally a day or two after I went to trip 2 of the summer to Massachusettes for adrians weddings. First time doing a road trip like that, and it was pretty fun. Being with old friends, in a new area, just enjoying life. I was able to eat edibles, get drunk. and try lobster by itself for the first time ever and it was a good time. Stopped by in jersey on the way back and went to jersey smorgasburg and it was dope! it just kinda sucked a little while after, cause I found out i had covid a day or 2 after coming back from from the trip. but luckily it was very mild and was good to back by 4th of july. 

After a few more weeks in july, i was on my way to SoCal. 2nd a last solo trip. this trip was probably one of my favorite trips I have taken in my life to be honest. teh weather was good, was able to go to the OC fair, smorgasburg LA, and went to a reggae festival. I know the way I am with island music might seem a little weird to people, but shit, that festival was fun af. Going to concerts by yourself is fun af. Also while I was there i got to meet up with some VCU hommies and my cousin! 

After getting back home it was only a few more weeks until the last trip of the summer. Me and Allisons first trip of the year to Miami after her semester ended. It was fun too cause i didnt really go to the beach when I went in May. And I got to eat a bunch of food that I didnt get to eat the first time too. Its honestly just nice to hangout and do what we normally do, but in a different environment. 

A few weeks afterr we did a little trip to RVA/charlottesville. Allsion got us tickets for WIcked and it was dope. We were able to explore around richmond, and I got to show allsion on my favorite places to eat in rva. 

During this whole last few months from July to septermber I was consistently apply for jobs, going through interviews be lowkey being stressed about job searching. I was stressed, but not that stressed cause I knew id get a bite eventually but not knowing when was stressful. Luckily in september I got my first offer and was able to start my job in october. Fully remote and working in my field. 

October was a bunch of going back and forth between DC for work stuff and learning shit. November I kinda realized that I will have a lot of free time and that its gonna be alot of free time and pulled the trigger on fulfilling my lowkey dream of working in a grocery store. 

Holidays this year were very chill and nothing to crazy. Thanksgiving we bounced around between Allisons and My family. Christmas was more bouncing around MD and VA, being around familiy and enjoying ourself. It was honestly the first time in a while that Christmas felt like something worth celebrating. Also I actually reached out and caught up with friends. Like i feel like its very rare for it to happen, but getting together with my friends is something I will always enjoy. and tonight its NYE. My ass is at home, with no plans cause I got work a whole foods tomorrow and im completely okay with it. My life has been full of celerations and family and im okay with going into the new year chill. 

2022 has honestly been such a blessing. Going into the new year, many people want to exceed what they did in the previous year, but im already at the point that I am accepting that this past year was just so crazy that 2023 might just be a chill year. I remember I had a year i called teh “rebuild” in like 2017 or 2018, when it came to lifitng, but this will be a different type of rebuild, financial and health rebuild. I want to get my money right and get back lifting again.

but yeah, 2022 has been just full of blessing and i am fortunante to have been able to do the things that I have been able to do this year. Unlike 2022, I do not have any big plans for the year, and whatever happens will happen. Im excited for it, and am ready for what ever comes back at me.