#THIS IS ONLY MY PERSONAL EXPEREINCE

[coffee-master]

Me: I'm aroace, but I love romance in fictions.

Me: I both love books with or without romance. But I also love shipping.

Me: I idolaze the idea of love and just enjoy, how the two characters fall in love in each other.

Me: It's just sweet to see two people being in love happy with one of the dearest people ti their heart.

Me: I like canon x canon.

Me: Sometimes I like oc×canon or ocxoc.

Me: BUT THIS- *points at character x reader*

Me: THIS THING SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME-

[vosquitransitis]

nothing like writing a cv to make you go "i have done so little and even less of that is verifiable"

[girlbossagenda]

HOW TO GET A GLOW UP

‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

I used to be the ugly dunklin, till I change in 1 week and turned pretty much half of my life upside down, it happened right after my 16th catastrophic birthday, at the time I was already following Liz and her tips which helped me so much!! So here how to glow up in minimum 1 week

౨ৎsmell good౨ৎ

This is so important, I noticed how people react to good smelling people, they just say it out loud how much they like the fragrance, knowning that it's you, will just make you more approacable, it boosts your confidence and overl all more liked

౨ৎexercise + diet౨ৎ

This was huge for me, not only it imroves your moods but it also makes your prettier, you need to fist know what goals you want to archive physically, if you want a bigger butt, eggs and potatoes salad can be a good alternative, if you want to have a snatched waist try to do more cardio, at the time the only cardio I used to do was jump roping, which is amazing!!

౨ৎwardrobe౨ৎ

This was the revolution, just dress how ou want each outfit can have at max 2 trendy elements, not more, and the rest it needs to rappresnt YOUR personality!! This is going to make you unique and recognizable!! Also I suggest to go shopping on friday lol, the beauty day!

౨ৎmentality౨ৎ

This is how everything started, a munch of motivational viddeos, the wizard liz and confidence targetting posts, moodboards and much more, at the time I was getting treated really harshly from my classmates, it was probably one of thelowest point of my life, bit I pick myself up, cause I had a goal: Changing my narrative.

There was not sense into staying bitter and hating not only myself but the world around, I wanted to prove to myself that I actually mettered, you don't glow up for other, but for yourself, never, ever welcome in your life people that before put you under the rug, have some respect for yourself and clear boundaries.

Hi bonitas I hope you liked this short post, This is just part of my expereince, tell me if you want to know more + other tips!! maybe I'll make a longer version in the future, Have a great day xoxo gougeous

-𝓐

[downtoplaybass]

its mutual consent and communication its healthy for your relationship or some shit

did you legit think gay people fistfought to decide who tops???

when two guys do it do they fist fight first to decide who gets to be the dominant one

[emeritus-fuckers]

Howdy pal here I am again okay okay

mk so, I'd like to be matched with a papa, because I love the pookies<3

Aight, in personality, I have crippling social anxiety and I can't even talk to people in a super market to ask where a product is because that has led me to multiple panic attacks for some reason, don't ask questions, but once I am comfortable around someone that changes a lot. It takes quite a bit for me to get comfy, but once I am I'm like,,, too comfortable- Very loud, clingy, childish, over all just an asswipe. I enjoy making art and poetry and I can't make it through my day to day life without music or I'll just ascend. I have struggled with insecurity and mental issues, self-harm, etc, and have recently had a relapse episode in those things but I am too afraid to open up about that to most irl people, but things are going way better now.

On physical I am around 5,6 and I have a red wolfcut-ish thing. I enjoy baggy or anything more gothic or witch or 80s esc for clothing, and my music taste is practically everything and everything accept k-pop and dutch rap. I enjoy romance novels because I miss out on that too much irl and I enjoy horror because that's just entertaining, idk.

just random other things I thought I'd include would be I am a cardiophile, but more on the comfort and not fetish side of it. I enjoy doing hair, or playing with it, and I do that a lot to my friends when we're just chilling because it's funny. I enjoy singing and acting like I am in some sort of musical when I'm alone and I love nature, just going on walks or collecting plants. I practice witch craft, also more on the nature side of things in that way. I have volunteered multiple times at events for little children even though I hate them, it's the art side of things and I enjoyed face painting them for Halloween events or carnival things. I collect a lot of little trinkets and like giving people stupid stuff as un needed gifts and I WILL get personally offended if you do not cherish them.

There we go love goodluck<3

Your match is... Copia!

He understands what it's like to have social anxiety and he is really supportive about it. You both help each other to deal with it.

He sees you reading romance novels (which I'm pretty sure is a genre he reads too) and realises you want to expereince that. So when he is not on tour, he tries to take you out for a romantic date or do some kind of gesture whenever he can.

He loves watching movies with you, but if it’s a horror one he’ll probably jump into yo ur arms.

He's really happy that the sound of his heartbeat is comforts you. He’ll stroke your hair and smile as you curl up against him your head resting on his chest.

He loves walks with you, it gives him time away from being Papa and all the stress of the ministry. He also loves how happy you are when you get a new plant. However sometimes he has to plan a route that avoids the nursery section of Primo's garden, because you only have so much room for plants.

You two make a good team. One good example is at clergy events when you do facepainting for the children. Even though he is awkward when children are around he likes them. So you can focus on the art and not have to intereact much with them and he gets to spend time with the little ones.

One day he catches you singing and acting like you are in a musical. At first you are mortified, but then you see the huge loving smile that appears in his lips. He starts singing the other part of the song dramtically jumping up on the table and acting in character. This is now one of your favrouite things to do together, especially when it's raining outside.

He cherishes all the little gifts you give him. You become afraid he just chucks them away because you never see them again. But then you see him carefully place it in a wooden box he keeps under the bed. It's the one he takes on tour with him, filled with things to cheer him up if he feels down or misses you.

[icravemusicx0x0]

rating music pls dont hate me #36 | I LAY DOWN MY LIFE FOR YOU - JPEGMAFIA

JPEGMAFIA goes inside the recording studio to start RECORDING the INTRO TRACK: I SCREAM THIS IN THE MIRROR BEFORE I INTERACT WITH EVERYONE. he got his head close to the microphone, took a deep breath, he said, as the cymbals rocks softly:

"IF I WAS A NBA PLAYER I WOULD BE DILLON BROOKS—BUT WORSE."

imagine if it goes like that. anyways, PEGGY dropped a new album on the 1ST OF AUGUST. 41 minutes of this album are filled with AGRESSIVE LYRICISM, and a stronger PUNK aspect to the 34-YEAR-OLD NEWYORKIAN RAPPER's CIGNATURE PRODUCTION. his WRITING is EMOTIONALLY DYNAMIC and his music is LUSCIOUS in terms of VARIETY.

LYRICISM

PEGGY is well-known for his CREATIVE BARS, and he kept that in his new album. he's like TAKING SHOTS at everything like a NBA player on a court (isn't his whole NBA persona DILLON BROOKS BUT WORSE? makes sense to me at least). there a lot of mention of RELIGION and FAITH in the album overall, in fact the title of the album comes from HOLY BIBLE VERSE JOHN 10:17-18. this is what i love about JPEGMAFIA's MUSIC ARTISTRY.

I LAY DOWM MY LIFE FOR YOU, to me, is a VENT of his EXPEREINCES. on I SCREAM THIS IN THE MIRROR BEFORE I INTERACT WITH EVERYONE, JPEGMAFIA burst out his usual HUMOROUS RANTS like a TROLL he is. EXMILITARY has the SHOTS but it's a FUCK YOU to the MILITARY INDUSTRY COMPLEX (fans may know that his MILITARY YEARS was the worst). I RECOVERED FROM THIS, however, shows a TIRED PEGGY in the recording studio (no more BEEFING!) as he talks about PAST RELATIONSHIPS and the PAIN he had to dealt with.

PRODUCTION

JPEGMAFIA is more AMBITOUS in I LAY MY LIFE FOR YOU than ever. JPEGMAFIA is usually the only PRODUCER of his music, so he's a really INDEPENDENT person, and he's also a really AMAZINGA producer too, i'm being serious. his style is EXPERIMENTAL, SAMPLE-DRIVEN, and over all CREATIVE and INTERESTING. every songs on this new album is BANGERS TO BANGERS because the production felt more FLEXIBLE and CONSISTENT throughout. in JANUARY of 2024, i visited BRAZIL and had experienced the BRAZILIAN FUNK genre, to me the most INTERESTING DJ-PERFORMED GENRE. he took the CORE FEATURES of this genre and INCOPORATED his own SPICE to it.

I SCREAM THIS IN THE MIRROR BEFORE I INTERACT WITH EVERYONE has some insane BEAT SWITCHES, like what do you mean we need a SHRILLEX ass beat on your RAPPING? alright… (also can we have more of this i love it)

CONCLUSION

I LAY DOWN MY LIFE FOR YOU is JPEGMAFIA's STRONGEST and most DYNAMIC album to date. it's really WELL-MADE, and he managed to keep a BALANCE in his EXPERIMENTALISM approach so even the HOES can bop to it (contrary to the previous album). JPEGMAFIA is the most CREATIVE artist i have ever seen in the UNDERGROUND RAPPING SCENE.

underrated gem(s): I SCREAM THIS IN THE MIRROR BEFORE I INTERACT WITH EVERYONE - i'm sorry for meat riding this song but it's really good, IT'S DARK AND HELL IS HOT - brazilian funk jumpscare, DON'T RELY ON OTHER MEN - i heard you went downdowndowndowndown, JPEGULTRA! - it was actually giving LP! actually, LOOP IT AND LEAVE IT - it's too good, I RECOVERED FROM THIS.

tracks that i rec listening: SIN MIEDO, I'LL BE RIGHT THERE, VULGAR DISPLAY OF POWER, EXMILITARY, JIHAD JOE, EITHER ON OR OFF THE DRUGS, DON'T PUT ANYTHING ON THE BIBLE.

worst track: NEW BLACK HISTORY - not the wildest track of his discography but it's not as impactful as his other songs in the album.

overall score 8.6/10 - this is all opinion so pls no hate

[ask-cinnavanillamelody]

Mira, Darling. I don't think President Twilight is going to banish you to the Dragon Lands. I think she wants you to expereince being a dragon in Equestria.

Make no mistake, she will make it as safe for you do so as possible. If she did not care about you, she would not have let you live.

I don't what her personal feelings are about you, but I've certainly warmed up to you. No pun intended.

There will be prejudice and there will be fear. It is up to you to show them a good person under those scales and sharp teeth.

Right...I feel just awful about all the dragons I've hurt... I've only been one myself for a few days, but I can already tell it's a harsh way to exist...I had to run to the market today and everyone was staring at me like I was going to hurt them...a result of my poor judgments no doubt...🌊

[therealslimshakespeare]

ppl might not like me for this, but my headcannon for Jo has alot of the same qualities Ida does (extremely capable, brave, badass) and I don't think that's any coincidence on Bucky's part that he married her. I think after being so close to Ida, he wasn't really sure about other women but then met Jo and she's like Ida's cool twin and he just feels so at home with her right away.

In the au of Bucky and Ida being together, I think his brand of over the top expressions of love and complete fearlessness would actually be so positive in her journey of trying to overcome her trauma (not downplaying my respectful king Rosie btw) but I know from personal expereince sometimes when you are so uncertain about your own approach, it is a big relief to just be safe in the hands of someone who loves you so much and you feel so safe with, that you open up more quickly than you expect on some things

TWC SNEAK PEAK BELOW

Ugh I feel so seen!! These correspond very much with my own sentiments! I love Jo and she will be so loved by Bucky but there’s no untangling how very connected Ida and Bucky both are even when they marry other people. And that’s one reason A Wedding and A Willy is probs my fave installment so far.😭

Here my darling, you earned yourself a rough draft sneak peak from one of Ida and Rosie’s intimacy journey fics, the Nine times she thought she was ready and the one time she was…

Ida came to in a flash, a snarl, a fist to a nose and a jab of her elbow to his ribs. Rosenthal backed off her like a man possessed, flailing back onto his haunches just shy of the edge of the carpet, waiting warily as his wife shook herself in shock.

His nose was bleeding where she’d struck him, she’d done that after welcoming him, “Oh god Robert I’m sorry-“ she cried, horrified and feeling jitters begin to descend, the whole thing too jarring to be processed.

He had been inside her! Inside her at last! And she’d gone and ruined it. Now she knew every part of that cabin in the fable was false, through and through.

She wasn’t alright at all.

Her own arms came up to cradle herself, she rocked back and forth on the carpet, hearth warm at her back and her skirt tucked back to her shins. She’d struck him and yet she was the one crying, it was pathetic. “Robert, I’m sorry, so sorry.” she begged, if only he had moved, fucked her truly, no choice, no hesitancy. She wept afresh, knowing she didn’t want that, knowing he’d never do that, hating and loving him all the same for how hopeless that made the whole scenario. “I thought i was getting better.” she tried to explain, there wasn’t anything to explain except that she’d like him to force her. She couldn’t say that aloud. She didn’t want that. She was angry he wouldn’t try. She hated herself. “Your nose-“

“-I’m going to be fine.” he cut in, almost harsh how clipped and businesslike it was, it stilled her hiccuping cries instantly, “Are you going to be fine?” he asked, eyes piercing and not so gentle. “You’re shaking,” he summarized. “Badly.” an addendum.

She gave him a jerky nod. “I will be. I just- couldn’t stop it.”

He gave her a nod of his own, fingers leaving off their pinching of his gushing nostrils. “Where’d you go?”

To a cabin in the woods, a child in the cradle, a man she loved but did not want making himself to home inside her. “Far away.” she muttered

“Sorry for getting…carried away.” he decided on his own blame.

It had been the most exhilarating few moments of her entire romantic life. Wanting him, clutching at him, the way he’d wanted her so badly she could feel it in his shoulders and his tongue and the way his hips had felt so sure and decisive in the cradle of her hips. “I wanted it.” because that was true, and also, “I thought I was…better.”

[isaysorryverysoftly]

the form of all evil is the same

Don't ever say things like 'you stupid monkey' 'you dog'... all evil wants to do is take things that exist fine and happy on their own and put them in a hierarchy of unworthy to worthy in order to manipulate people. The concept of unworthyness is so dogmatic that anyone who does it even once is incapable of coherent thought, to impose unworthiness on anyone is so arbitrary yet so corrosive that it is seemingly the primary sin. The pride to say that another existent being doesnt deserve something is so EVIL and yet so COMPLETELY IMPOTENT AND DOES NOTHING TO BENEFIT YOU. Like seriously, imagine actually believing in making someone feel bad by calling them a dog, and thus beleiving in the idea that being called a dog was bad, you lose TWO times, and for what... like a tiny thread of an nessecarily solipsistic ego boost. Not only do you fear being compared to a dog, but you also disrespect dogs for no reason now. You just gain a 'standard of unworthiness', a standard which posits dogs as unworthy, which doesn't do anything... you cant do anything positive with that standard, all it does is make you less likely to interpret a dog in a beautiful manner, and the other thing you get is like, an insecurity about being compared to a dog now... Like fucking good one you idiot. Good one! It's just making so much nothing out of so much something. It breaks my heart. I want to name this evil technique of pitting innocent parties against eachotehr in a heirachy. Im calling that shit Noggling, because i find it BOGGLING... but in a NOT good way. Dont noggle, not even once, no matter how inaninmate the things you are noggling with are. Never even say 'your being such a chair'. The idea of trying to convince someone of the lowered value of chairs, and then trying to convince someone to apply that lowered value of chairs onto themselves, thus causing them to feel bad about themselves at the price of also having a very close minded and uncreative view of chairs is so collaterally useless and depressing. The evil is in the form of noggling itself, not even the things you noggle against eachother.

NEVER NOGGLE!

You can goggle though, you can call someone a diamond, thats just what a metaphor is. Because it's simply asking someone to imagine if their traits were represented in the same form a diamond is.

Like when someone says 'you are my diamond' they are encouraging thought, they are encouraging you to think 'ok, so in what ways could i be like a diamond... hmm

Ok so this person subjectively feels like i am lustrous, and that i am like a little precious object that they want to keep connected to their heart'

The fundamental difference between noggling and goggling is the latter encourages thought and expereince and the former doesn't. The latter doesn't actually have a specified symbolic meaning, it doesn't make a virtue or heirachy out of diamonds and then apply it to you, for example it doesn't posit a heirachy between coal and diamonds, and then says something like 'good job not being a coal today' no, that would be noggling. Goggling gets its value by offering you a creative task of trying to imagine how you could possibly represent this 'goggled-object' in another persons mind.

Another goggling could be 'oh darling you are like my coal' and then you have the task of being hmm... what do i do that is coal like. Oh, they mean that i am that really inexpensive ore in minecraft that can be combined with A SINGLE STICK to make fucking FOUR WHOLE TORCHES! Thats wonderful...

Right, to goggle someone, to say 'you are like X' in a goggle sense, is to give them a relation that you have made in their head, in order for them to work how they feel about you. To boggle on the other hand, is to posit a heirachy and then denigrate someone on the basis of that heirachy, in which case even being at the top of the heirachy is a form of denigration, because it is denigrating them by implying that they nessecarily have to even BE A PART OF A HEIRACHY AT ALL, AND THAT THEY NEED PEOPLE UNDER THEM. You know, jesus was the king of this world, and yet he didn't denigrate himself by not hanging out with peasents, and removing himself from them in some form of heirachy. To be in a heirachy is to loose surface area is to be in contact with less objects out of dogmatic subjugation of those objects. GOSH I AM SO MAD!

[sophieinwonderland]

This might be a bit of a personal question, so feel free to ignore it. I ask because its relivant to my expereince.

I know Sophie runs this blog, and I assume Sophie was the first created headmate? Since then, have all the joining members of yall's system been created or have any of you expereinces spontaneous existence with no known outside force causing it?

Almond: We've gotten a few that seemed like they tried to form, and might have stuck around if we let them and chatted with them. Well, I say "we" but I don't remember being conscious during those times.

Tulpamancers call these headmates "walk-ins". (Not to be confused with how other plurals call spirits that come from the outside "walk-ins.")

Anyway, our system origins stand as this:

Ghost is the original.

Sophie was created a couple years ago as a writing exercise that later developed more after they learned imaginary friends could become more vivid and real with practice.

Abby and myself were made a few months after that when Ghost wrote a story about a girl and her tulpa, and Sophie wanted to hang out with the characters from that story. Sophie didn't mean for either of us becoming self-aware and thought she could keep us as NPCs. But I think she was a little lonely being the only other headmate besides Ghost.

Tasha came from a dream. Ghost was asleep, was lucid dreaming, talked to a dream character, and then decided to see if he could pull the dream character into reality and have HER wake up.

Eria actually existed before Sophie. But we don't know if she was vocal. Ghost tried to make a spiritual thoughtform when he was a teenager, but never believed it worked. She came back a while ago, but didn't want people to know about her until recently.

Beatrix is our newest headmate and has only been with us about a week. Sophie wanted to apply her Inhabitant theories and talk to a plushie, and got a response almost instantly. (Beatrix's vessel, which she doesn't like calling a vessel, is not the strawbunny I posted. That's a completely unrelated stuffed toy.)

I'm realizing all of us were science experiments in different ways.

[tussegah]

Phil elvrum - by abigail comaholly

There is this certain threshold right. Where if you pay enough attention to life, during life, 

There appears to be no end.

Like if you stand there and actually engage with the beauty of an ambegious (i suppose in phil elvrum case its often natural, but it can also be rustic, like the paint on a house) thing, like for example the water running down the face of the tree bark, you feel only a sense of presence but no sense of finite narrative, and thus no sense of narrative resolution, you can see where its going, but there appears to be no end. The only end would be a fabricated, arbitrary or logistic conclusion, like having to go home because your mum called you to, but theres always the sense that you could go back and continue an endless story.

If you focus on objectifications (Like for example, objects as having purposes, like the story of the fence ending in the outcome that it stops the things from inside it from getting out) it seems like life is finite and things end. Because the very way we create idea of death is by attributing things purposes and then saying there identity 'dies' when they become redundant in relation to said purposes. People conceptualize death by turning a person from a subject to an object, as both through claiming the person looses their subjectivity (since they are unable to have it derived from them anymore, as they appear to only follow the laws of physics from then on), and also by categorising them based on the 'redundancy' of their body (its inability to move, meaning that they cannot be part of the narrative of being alive). However one never categorises a dead person as 'more subjective than them', even though the person who has just died has expereinced an expereince of subjective intensity beyond what one could imagine, the impossibility it must have felt like to actually pass into death from the first perspective of being alive (not just the questions they would’ve been asking as they slowly crossfaded into death, but the actual movement into somewhere that isnt alive, or the dispersion of the feeling of being alive).

But when you long for something, when you say 'i dont know what this is', yet you still look at it, you are waiting for it, it is something that you expect will rather explain itself to you, rather than you explain it on behalf of itself.

I do think people's lives end on this earth, like their body, their ghost falls out and they cant fit back in. 

But if, during this life, you have a kind of patience where you expect something to happen.

Like you dont assert what is going on, but you just wait for it

You expect something to be worth it and to come, then

There is no end. 

It just feels like waiting forever in each moment. Each moment feels infinitely long

As we wait. And sometimes it comes, a friend, a wonderful friend, a wonderful and singular raindrop hits you straight in the eye as you look at clouds. But surely these events dont take place on earth, they are too succinct and connected to me and brilliant, they responded too directly to my desire for them. After i experience those moments i think of it in a way where it felt like i was asleep for a bit and then when the moment was over woke up again and then life went back to feeling like it takes forever again. Because i guess when nothing is conclusive than nothing can help conclude that feeling.

Afterward: Sorry i just wrote this thing on my mums computer while listening to to The Microphones on my mums and i thought it was really good and Annabel and Sebastian said i was allowed to use this account whenever i wanted to say something so long as i told everyone that it was me who did so um yeah.

Abigail Comaholly, 14 years old, Snowflake Symbol, Dissappearing Like the Dirt on the Roads or a Gopher up a Drain Pipe when the big Rains hit Street. (It's the one with the white painted wooden planks where the paint is mostly falling off and/or has lichen on it and all the trees without leaves around the front bedroom (which is my bedroom)) <3

Hiii, also, 8th of January 2004 2:47pm

[unproduciblesmackdown]

oh yeah addendum in also the other day seeing someone autistic talking in that context abt what they want from genuine relationships in that they said they don't want to be Admired Or Desired. that one time someone was like, you're one of the best people i know, like well neat compliment sure i'll take it lmao, but also, that's somewhat confusing and even disheartening when it's like, i have no way of knowing this; we don't really interact? or times i have to ""unilaterally"" assess that i don't feel Friends with someone b/c i don't feel like, for one thing, i can just up & message them even lol; the feeling that to whatever capacity there's a relationship, it's been continual "don't mess this up" masking / efforts to "do things Right" from me....whilest also times it's been like, oh someone's apparently choosing to be around me? enjoying interactions? while still kind of confused about it. and then it's like oh it was Romantic Interest apparently lol :( like even if i wasn't aromantic which i so am....where was the [there is anything to feel is genuine] like again we never even got to any part where i wasn't masking and [do things Right] and on edge and certainly not at whatever point i apparently had whatever appeal. much less "when cishet men are just sprinting straight at you" but that's all the more, like, [you as a Person are certainly irrelevant] but not like it doesn't still feel ultimately mostly irrelevant even if people have more discretion / a more considerate approach in general. also that again there would not be a Right way lmfao. it just sure could be a totally neutral expereince rather, please. how i've had too many situations having to try to fling myself out a window figuratively, even w/those theoretically more considerate approaches

or even when people will be talking about what makes someone Deserving outside of the most conservative(tm) approaches like. this person isn't someone who just waits for things to happen :) like well hell yeah for them lol, meanwhile, i sure kinda am. being aware that in any given way i may not impress anyone / may be negatively assessed; only turns into "there go my power levels increasing again. shrugmoji" when correspondingly it's like, and i don't have to care, or certainly then blame myself about it if like oh boy, society when you have to be "objectively" judged as Worthy by randos, whatever their perspectives lol....or when like, the concept of social support is like, get a romantic partner, primarily, an ounce of backup from friends, the Real backup being family, or friends "as good as" family....or the ongoing journey of realizing like; it was never Just gonna be managing to leave [abusive childhood/family house]. the ways that other experiences outside that were Consistent, really, when being around peers means an immediate sense of doing something wrong / not being as good as them; authority figure adults sometimes acting just like an abusive parent does; no ways to regularly exist flexibly and/or less supervised/monitored, e.g. couldn't walk from [home] to [anywhere]....catching on like, ah, outside of That Situation? i'm still not inherently more valued by randos, still not Not liable to be regarded/treated with disdain / expressions of authoritarianism....Aren't We All; for real. but truly like oh hey, i didn't even realize i was getting all this Political experience in that [when you have a one on one personal abuser and You're Responsible For How They Treat You and Their Own Power Is The Whole Thing and You'll Never "Earn" Better But It'll Always Be Your Fault You Haven't] and all those kinds of logics and realities it's like of course this resonates crystal clear with logics and realities re: [political enemies] lmao. ofc they can be as "hypocritical" as they want b/c [you can just say whatever while you do w/e you want and other people have to deal] is an expression of power. of course "for [xyz]'s own good; individually or as a group" is really about ensuring the power to control their existences as property by shrinking the space in which someone can enact autonomous choices: anything For Children is about (conservative) parents controlling children as things they own and can do whatever they want with; like making sure kids Can't be gay or sm shit, it Is about children, just keeping them from being able to exist outside the sphere of control of an isolated Family life. hell yeah when they do anyways / tragically it always turns out people are actually people despite your wanting to disbelieve this / always have the power to ignore it..........but then yknow, the truth is we out here, and ofc it's like [police protect Property; enforce these property/owner relations] but what's Normal yet obviously harmful is also so borne by regular ordinary """harmless""" interpersonal interactions / people who feel supposedly well-intended but that's more superficial than in essence....even merely the Exhaustion in knowing interactions as Just chitchat w/supposedly amicable parties is like, a scrutinizing test that can only go wrong and lead to antagonism / animosity that can easily accumulate &/or compound. much less existence In Public and shit going wrong out of nowhere, and potential stakes....being like Lol at, again, years back thinking like "a horror short should be like, the premise that you might just be at a grocery or some ordinary asf situation but at any given moment, doing Nothing extraordinary, some rando suddenly goes Deeply Hostile Mode for a second. where even then suddenly disengaging from that mode is not a relief in that the [this could happen at any time] is emphasized" like lmfao that's [being in an abusive situation], that's [being autistic], isn't it so Zany that there's so much overlap / resonance.

Not At All being Lol abt how much actual discrete examples of produced horror is just like "what if there was disabled people." this is its own line b/c of the characters per block limit. but also disdainful emphasis

anyways lol wuh oh in conclusion, antifascism....isn't it always

[moonys-tea-leaves]

Another major factor in birth outcomes is support.

And you might expect that trans people would be more vulnerable here - but this circles back to how trans people are less likely to choose to get/go through a pregnancy. For a trans person to be comfortable getting and staying pregnant - they likely have support.

Trans people are also basically forced to be more selective

I've seen time and again.

A birth experience that could be considered "traumatic" to outsiders (emergency c-section, etc) where the birthing person feels very supported and empowered before, during, and afterwards: the person giving birth can walk away without trauma and feeling very positive about what happened.

Meanwhile, a birth that's "perfect" can be intensely traumatic.

My first birth was very traumatic because the first midwife who attended was so awful. Thankfully the second midwife, when she finally got called in, was an ANGEL. She was so supportive and within an hour of her showing up, baby was born.

The prior 8 hours of labor with an unsupportive midwife were still really traumatic and it took me years and a lot of work to be able to give birth again.

On paper, nothing went "wrong". There was no significant tearing, no one needed hospitalization, etc. But because of that lack of support - I was still traumatized.

How many cis women go through a birth with a boyfriend/husband who isn't really involved or supportive, only to go home and be emotionally abandoned and left to deal with the baby alone?

Having adequate support is vital to being able to have a good birth expereince.

And, yes, you can have absolutely everything in place and still end up traumatized.

Life is like that - sometimes, tragedy strikes for absolutely no reason. You can be eating your favorite meal and choke to death.

But that's not an excuse to accept poor outcomes as the norm. We can absolutely make changes that result in higher rates of positive birth outcomes and reduce the rate and severity of birth trauma.

(I have no idea if anyone replied to this I just feel like talking about it)

giving birth sucks tbh. not only do you and the baby you’re birthing almost die, usually you shit yourself and often you tear your taint. then you have to push an organ out of your body (placenta) and if even a little of that remains in your body, you can hemorrhage to death or develop an infection that essentially rots your body from the inside out. even if you had a relatively “easy birth”, you bleed for weeks on end. even after that stops, your body and brain is changed for the rest of your life, the pregnancy leeched minerals from your bones, that can cause osteoporosis later. minor urinary incontinence is not uncommon, brain scans of people who gave birth show permanent changes in their brain, you’re never quite the same.

I say all of this not to say giving birth is disgusting but it is a harrowing and visceral experience. society downplays how fucking awful it is and makes it out to be a ~magical~ experience but it isn’t a magical transformative experience for everyone. it can be an extremely traumatic experience for someone who wanted to carry a pregnancy to term, much more so for someone who did not want to be pregnant in the first place or someone who knows their baby won’t survive the birth. anyway, abortion is a right. pregnancy and birth aren’t just inconvenient, it’s fucking awful.

[hydratedcognizance]

spiritual awakenings and the effects on the mind

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!

lol hope all is well in your worlds

so i was thinking

because i think about absolutely everything

i literally just think and think harder and some say thats overthinking

but like i figure out a lot of stuff too

so maybe overthinking is okay lol

anyways

i was thinking

and thinking about how you know when you “figure” something out

its like that feeling of ohhhhhhh okaym like claircognizance

you just know

and so i was wondering like the connection to when we actually put the pieces together

ive had some intense downloads about my personal life this am and it got me thinking like

why was it now, what brought me to this place?? of knowing

you know

lol

had to

but yeah like what were the calculations or like i guess its frewuency but when things move and change constantly its about holding that frequency

so when you hold it i guess through the chaos that brings clarity, resilience

but like i believe in god now -like the frewuency and symbology

and my story is i was raised around religion in school but my imediate family didnt have any beliefs, i know we all as a asociety have like religious imprints for eons because of history

but anyways so i went to a catholic school and just the vibes there were not for me lol

didnt click

and so i didnt believe in god and pushed it away due to experiences lol and repression

but i had it within me and have had it shoved down my throat

different principles through life that like okay there is a higher power

and so i feel with god and angels whatever happens in the divine realm right like whatever happens there is what is playing out or as above so below

so thinking about the higher purpose to any situation

putting ourselves above it

seeing things clearly

but emotions as a human i think come in and really skew shit up because then we have to work together heart and mind to cohesively live a beautiful life

so thinking about downloads and

divine visions, how we align to the frequency to recieve these messages

lol im like uhhh can i somehow do this faster lol

healing that is

can i just get so proficient at healing that im just a glowing orb of amazingness living the best life ever??

lol i wish that for all humans on this planet, reasons why im starting to put myself out there.

but yeah, new year, i wonder what it will bring laughing face more thinking lol

then i started thinking about how we talk about soul contracts and soulmates and i believe in that for sure because ive felt strong connections but i was thinking about whether its because of the day we are born. right because if we are all god incarnated and we are born here on this earth with an energetic frequency i wonder if we just feel there birthdays lol

rather than the soul right, but i guess we recognize the godly presence and we change because of the different energies that collide from our energetic frequency that is created from our certain day of birth lol

like i dont know

just wondering

was thinking about energy transmutation too and past lives, like we encounter past life soulmates to transfer the energy back to eachother that was stolen from previous lives - karma right

if you feel the shift its amazing

the power of energetic transference

being conscious to recieve these downloads

but then all the other factors like theirs so much shit we dont see and can only feel that are going on so there’s probably more shit lol but thinking about how everything works lol figuring it out

wondering of how to know who is for you and who isnt on your side

thats expereince, thats pain lol

yay

but yeah just going through my last 30 years lol making ammendds and closing doors and chapters that no longer serve me so i can start fresh, def feel that energy transfer lol like intensely, it feels kinda like im a new person

or i grew up lol

and it was tough like im not walking away from it feeling like it was nothing

but i have a stable grounding on who i am and i used that time to learn about myself and integrate these parts of me and i grew the entire time

so its a differrent feeling than feeling the loss and running back because i dont have that feeling they gave me anymore you know

because i can feel that energy whenever i want if i just open myself up and accept it into my life

thats what a relationship is for is to learn more about yourself not to suck off your person because you cant give that feeling to yourself

but this morning has been really good

letting go of a lot a lot of cleansing i feel in my body right now

and i just really feel clean and ready and in the right direction

its been a while

its been hard too

like ive looked back and been like fuck jess the first 30 years of your life were BRUTAL

lol and the shittiest thing is who can i blame

lol i spent way too long blaming everyone else for my shit and now taking accountability it got hard too but i was suffering for a purpose

yeah great year already lol keep this going

took my power back

2025 our year bebehs

xx

[9a5t3l]

As much as I love restraints, be they ropes or cuffs or gags, as much as I can see the beauty of carefully taking away movement and sensation away from your sub while creating an intricate pattern across their body. I don't think it could ever compare to the way I feel about knives. Judge me if you will for being so obsessive over a harder kink but there are far too many perfect little details that can change the feel of a scene and the type of love you share with your sub.

To start, there is of course the type of knife, the size the weight the shape of the blade the sharpness, all details that can be fine-tuned for the *exact* experience you want to share. A dull blade with no chance to cut can be a blessing, letting you get rather rough with your partner with no fear of hurting them, dragging it across their skin or making proper slashes with the dull edge. Perhaps you would prefer something more precise, something ore delicate, a razor sharp blade that can leave scratches without effort, letting you dance the line between a gentle touch, a scratch, and a proper cut, watching the fear and excitement in your partners eyes as you slowly taunt them. Of course, sharp or dull you have the back of the blade, be it sharp or dull and while you should still treat it just as sharp as the main edge of your chosen tool, but can offer a myriad of new sensations to play with.

Regardless if your blade is sharp or not you will always have a tip, a point that can draw out gasps and leave beautiful red marks to savor. Of course this has its own details as well, a double edged blade would have a *much* sharper point then a single edged toy, and the shape of the blade entirely changes the way that you use it. A tanto type blade would have a much less defined tip then say, a huntsman knife.

One that matters far more for a knife then any other toy is maintance, while you should maintain all your toys the way you treat your knife speaks volumes and changes the entire expereince. Is your knife dull? with burrs and a damaged tip? with a dirty blade? A utilitarian tool, nothing sacred nor special, the same thing you would use you as an everyday tool to play with your partner. This is far from the only option of course, a beautiful, sacred item that is oh so carefully maintained, the blade a razor edge, perfectly clean, can turn a scene from simple teasing to a ritual in service to you, or perhaps your gods if you prefer.

All this without even talking about the type of cuts your performing on your sub, wild, fervent slashes with no rhyme or reason, like an animal tearing apart its prey, idly toying with them by tracing designs and symbols in their flesh, or delicately carving paterns in your partner to turn them into a living peice of art. My personal favorite is mixing Shibari, candles, and elegant designs to turn my partner (or be turned into myself) a shrine to the gods.

And oh the foreplay and aftercare! sharpening or cleaning the blade, idly playing with it and letting your partner get worked up, Perhaps you go as far as to condition them to respond to the *click* of your knife flicking open. The aftercare comes with the nature of the play, carefully tracing over the old wounds, worshipping your partner as you clean up any cuts and make sure they are safe and happy, halting any bleading and caring for their tender body.

I swear, I am SO normal about Knives.

[sinretrograde]

I think for me calling myself a fictive seems wrong.

I'm a fictive in the way someone with no identity tries on costumes until one sticks. I'm a fictive in the sense that I was distressed by my lack of sense of self and quickly needed to latch on to something or I would either disappear or go increasingly crazy until I either found that sense of identity and self or did something drastic.

When I'm reading about others' feelings about being fictives they're very often talking as if they fully and 100% beleive they're literally a fictional character who popped up fully realized and comfortable in their skin... but I always had such a hard time relating to that.

The characters in ultrkl are... well in terms of personality there's very little there. The fandom makes some compelling arguments but it's not like that's backed up and supported by canon in a clear sense.

This was what I latched on to.

In times of high stress and compartmenalizing parts of yourself that you'd "rather not deal with right now" (thanks for that btw feels great feels real welcoming and loving /s) or whatever, well it's like idk... being a... tadpole of a being... i guess. Who am I? Am I really only ever going to be the cut off vague feeling of hopelessness, loneliness, the strong and overwhelming desire ot be wanted, to be loved? Is that all I am? A formless, faceless ghost of someone else?

At first i felt really terrible about it all. Okay here's this guy, and in canon he's not really... okay he has some vaguely interpretation heavy traits.... but the fandom expanded on it in a way that sometimes feels disconnected from the source. When others talk about being a fictive they talk about source memories and canon and whatever and I don't really have that...

I have a cherry-picked smear of fandom interpretations and "untrue" lore expansions.

I shouldn't be upset, I think Gabriel ended up having it worse than me in this way. And we're both extremely upset by the implications we're "doing it wrong" because we have become so different from source, at this point we're "making shit up."

And by making shit up I mean the expereince of being alive and learning more about yourself and changing as a person, especially because we're barely alive as parts of a system. Or at least the way I view it. I want to be my own self so badly but I am both beholden to the system as a whole (without who I wouldn't be alive) and also my own fears of supposedly letting people down for not being who they think I should be.

Calling myself a fictive is weird, but I also don't think I can't call myself that either. I'm extremely heavily modeled after an existing character, and to pretend im not despite all my differences and personal growth is just flat out lying. "HI yes I might see myself as looking exactly like that guy you saw in that game, v2 i think, yeah thats him, pull a lot of my basic attributes from my interpretation of him in game and also in fandom, but like, totally unrelated, not at all have anything to do with the way I am at all."

Lying!!

I mean me and Gabriel have been suffering together with the various crises that come with general existential confusion, as well as our "purpose" within the system. Vague and bullshit tbh. I don't wanna talk about it, they said lust is a sin but I'm not of their faith. It's not a "purpose" it's a part of existence the same as eating good food, walking in the woods, or reading a nice book. I'm speaking Directly To You you know who you are. I know you'll read this, you go through all of our posts when you're awake. I don't only exist to fulfill some "purpose" that's arbitrarily defined by the way others might see me and my actions.

Although... I do have to come to terms with the reason I formed, having been a split off part of uncomfortable emotions that got locked away until they got so sad they got so powerful and gained a voice of their own... like many of us are... negitive things told to go away who later come back with anger and sadness and vengeance in our hearts.

I'm here, you can not get rid of me so easily!