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RACHEL REPEATER'S MESSAGE

lol

This is rachel repeater on my mothers computer. I am eating TOAST AND BEANS. Sebastian is not here he is IN HIS ROOM.

I am eating TOAST AND BEANS STILL...

I AM NOT EATING AT THE LIVING ROOM TABLE AS THERE IS NOTHING TO DO THERE AT THE MOMENT SO I AM EATING TOAST AND BEANS AT THE TABLE WITH THE COMPUTER ON IT.

I HAVE A BOWL FOR THE TOAST AS OPPOSED TO A PLATE BECAUSE THE BEANS ARE CIRCULAR AND GOOEY AND THEY LAUGH IN THE FACE OF ANYTHING SHORT OF A SLOPED THING TO PUT FOOD ON.

I am also drinking water.

I am writing with one hand (left) and eating with the other (right)

The desktop background is bad.

There is alot of light in this room because the door is a window its like glass.

I can see a dark-eyed junco.

The trees outside are coniferous. They are conifering all over the living room. As well as the light

Well i don't know if the light is conifering or not... the trees definitely are.

Gee i hope Sebastian finishes his story soon i cant wait to read it he's been talking about it all week. I bet Estelle's sister'll finish her's first though.

Sigh...

Wait i can attach files...

Oh yeahh....

Thanks Seb for leaving your account logged in i hope this post doesn't bring u into disrepute love u my little brother wait let me right you a poem hold on :

Gobling brother of so delight

Thats it.

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Hi lol, in light of Steven repetitively asking me why his sister has the details to access my mostly empty Tumblr account posted on her wall with all her other pictures and dried up flowers, and if i am comfortable with the fact that he has been using it to send cate wurtz tumblr asks, i am issuing this statement. Yes. The meaning of it will soon be explained when either me or annabel or your sister or abigail finishes her first account.

2:54pm

ps. thank you so much to Dylan for the charger

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Phil elvrum - by abigail comaholly

There is this certain threshold right. Where if you pay enough attention to life, during life, 

There appears to be no end.

Like if you stand there and actually engage with the beauty of an ambegious (i suppose in phil elvrum case its often natural, but it can also be rustic, like the paint on a house) thing, like for example the water running down the face of the tree bark, you feel only a sense of presence but no sense of finite narrative, and thus no sense of narrative resolution, you can see where its going, but there appears to be no end. The only end would be a fabricated, arbitrary or logistic conclusion, like having to go home because your mum called you to, but theres always the sense that you could go back and continue an endless story.

If you focus on objectifications (Like for example, objects as having purposes, like the story of the fence ending in the outcome that it stops the things from inside it from getting out) it seems like life is finite and things end. Because the very way we create idea of death is by attributing things purposes and then saying there identity 'dies' when they become redundant in relation to said purposes. People conceptualize death by turning a person from a subject to an object, as both through claiming the person looses their subjectivity (since they are unable to have it derived from them anymore, as they appear to only follow the laws of physics from then on), and also by categorising them based on the 'redundancy' of their body (its inability to move, meaning that they cannot be part of the narrative of being alive). However one never categorises a dead person as 'more subjective than them', even though the person who has just died has expereinced an expereince of subjective intensity beyond what one could imagine, the impossibility it must have felt like to actually pass into death from the first perspective of being alive (not just the questions they would’ve been asking as they slowly crossfaded into death, but the actual movement into somewhere that isnt alive, or the dispersion of the feeling of being alive).

But when you long for something, when you say 'i dont know what this is', yet you still look at it, you are waiting for it, it is something that you expect will rather explain itself to you, rather than you explain it on behalf of itself.

I do think people's lives end on this earth, like their body, their ghost falls out and they cant fit back in. 

But if, during this life, you have a kind of patience where you expect something to happen.

Like you dont assert what is going on, but you just wait for it

You expect something to be worth it and to come, then

There is no end. 

It just feels like waiting forever in each moment. Each moment feels infinitely long

As we wait. And sometimes it comes, a friend, a wonderful friend, a wonderful and singular raindrop hits you straight in the eye as you look at clouds. But surely these events dont take place on earth, they are too succinct and connected to me and brilliant, they responded too directly to my desire for them. After i experience those moments i think of it in a way where it felt like i was asleep for a bit and then when the moment was over woke up again and then life went back to feeling like it takes forever again. Because i guess when nothing is conclusive than nothing can help conclude that feeling.

Afterward: Sorry i just wrote this thing on my mums computer while listening to to The Microphones on my mums and i thought it was really good and Annabel and Sebastian said i was allowed to use this account whenever i wanted to say something so long as i told everyone that it was me who did so um yeah.

Abigail Comaholly, 14 years old, Snowflake Symbol, Dissappearing Like the Dirt on the Roads or a Gopher up a Drain Pipe when the big Rains hit Street. (It's the one with the white painted wooden planks where the paint is mostly falling off and/or has lichen on it and all the trees without leaves around the front bedroom (which is my bedroom)) <3

Hiii, also, 8th of January 2004 2:47pm

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Party Cancelled - 8.1.2004

DO NOT GO TO ELMIRA'S HOUSE ON THE TWENTY EIGHTH OF MAY (Aka cow day) LIKE YOU WERE PROMISED. SHE HAS GOTTEN INSCRUTABLY ILL, INSTEAD, IF YOU WOULD LIKE, YOU CAN JOIN THE SMALL TEAM MAKING HER DOPE SOUP AT MY HOUSE, WHICH IS LOCATED ON THE INTERSECTION OF UPSTREAM SWIMMING FISH STREET AND LOST TWEENAGER KID STREET, DOWN THE ROAD FROM ELMIRA'S HOUSE. IF YOU LIVE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TUSSEGAH, GO TO ANNABEL'S HOUSE ON DISSAPPEARING GIRL STREET, NEXT TO ISEN'S HOUSE. SHE WILL BE MAKING THE JOURNEY AT EXACTLY 3PM WHICH IS 41 MINUTES FROM NOW. INGREDIENTS TO BRING IF YOU HAVE THEM: LOVE BEAUTIFUL MEMORIES/PERSONAL ANECDOTES (POTENTIAL BONUS POINTS IF THEY INVOLVE ELMIRA ALTHOUGH IM NOT SURE) HUMAN BODY WARMTH HOPE ENCOURAGEMENT SOUP

Thank you so much for reading (/listening if this was read out to you by someone else). I will work steadfastly on reorganising the party just like elmira is working steadfastly on healing up. May well happen on the 14th of January, but older sisters are home them so it may get too lit cause they will make it too awesome and thus scary. p.s. can i borrow someones computer charger? mine broke and this thing is on 11 percent charge. I've been writing the story i keep telling all of you about with my laptop screen brightness on 0 so it currently has no edits in it and i dont want to release it like that, but i will release it when i said i would on January 20th, so it may end up being the case that i have to ask someones older sibling to help me if none of you guys have chargers or just like, having to do it on my mums computer. I wanted to make it on my own and show it to her at the end but maybe her help editing will make it better but i really wanted to do it on my own too

pps

sorry for the late announcement me. and annabel met up at 8am and went to start helping set up and hanging out at elmiras house and then she told us and we tried to announce it as fast as i could as i said my computer needs to permanently be on 0 brightness opened to the same word document so me and annabel had to walk around until we found someone who had a computer which happened to be Abigail and she said it was fine to use her mums computer

8/1/2004 - 10:12am