#Sorry I just needed something sad today

[jessicanjpa]

AU in which Carlisle comes very close to changing Edward in 1918. Based on his brief observations of the boy's character, an entire century of angst comes to life in his imagination. He reluctantly concludes that Edward will be happier with his parents in heaven.

He lays a comforting hand on the sweaty forehead and waits. The boy doesn't need comfort; he's already far away, blissfully unaware that his body is drowning and that the only one who could save him has chosen not to. His stillness seems to confirm that dragging him back for three days of unspeakable pain—and an eternity of relentless, painful self-denial—would be nothing but cruelty. The most selfish of acts.

Happier possibilities begin to break upon Carlisle's imagination, but he holds firm. Even when he imagines a growing family of golden eyes, the boy finding the most unlikely love after a century of loneliness, he holds firm—he knows how unlikely that happiness is, for either of them. He knows it is only the voice of the monster within, rising from its deep slumber to birth a new monster. He will not let it.

The temptation is greatest at the end. It seems impossible, but somehow Edward stirs just enough to open his bloodshot eyes. Slowly, painfully, his blurred vision moves until he is looking right at Carlisle. He seems to want to say something.

Carlisle doesn't move or speak until it's over. At last, his fingers drift down and close the empty, staring eyes. He moves his other hand to rest over the silent heart and murmurs a prayer. It's mainly for himself, a broken-hearted prayer of thanksgiving that he was strong enough to resist. Mastering his bloodlust was the first great trial of his existence; finding his soul again was the second. But this third trial, the aching promise of family, has somehow turned out to be the most painful. It is a war he has fought for over a century now, but at last he has won... at great cost. By the time he signs the death certificate, he can already feel the scars forming. He will mourn that lost future forever.

The cost of victory is greater than he knows. Five other lives, and perhaps many more, had depended upon his failure today. Carlisle moves on to the next battle, the next bed in Influenza Ward C, relieved that it's time to fight an easier enemy.

[theythemmer]

phinktober day 11: ur fav AU

i dont rlly do AUs so i just drew them how i wish they would dress xo

(dan’s tats r carnations and snowdrops and phil’s r roses and honeysuckle. for no reason 🤗)

ALSO bonus version w makeup bc i couldn’t pick <3

[crybaby-bkg]

Bakugou has always taken care of you, even before you started dating him. when you were mere friends and still learning each other, he remembered all the small things about you. he always seemed to pack the medicine you preferred when you weren’t feeling good. always had a plethora of your fav snacks on his person somehow, like he was just waiting for you to mention wanting it.

he acts put off by it every time, with his scoffing and eye rolling and huffing. but you see the way his eyes narrow when someone beats him to the punch, when you reject his offer of medicine or food. early on you notice, that he just likes to care for you, look after you, be there when you don’t even realize you need someone.

he’s there when you get high for the first time—all worrywart and frustrated sighs when you keep slurring after an hour. he’s there for you, to help lay you down somewhere safe and ward off those with bad intentions. he’s there when you get broken up with—ready to email that fuckers job and let them know how they fucked you over. but he still holds you tenderly with every sob your shaking body heaves. he’s there when you get drunk—handing you waters and letting you pull him in to dance and sing off key.

and when you finally get together, it’s like you don’t even have to learn anything about the other. its likes you’ve been together for a hundred lifetimes, like your quirks have been ingrained into his everyday routine, like you’re the freckle on the lower left corner of his right hand. he falls into you, and you into him, easier than breathing. he just has a knack for caring—and learning and loving—about those he loves.

[itspileofgoodthings]

OKAY I have missed counseling 3 times in a row and I really need to process some stuff so this is me celebrating some TEACHING WINS as of late because things have been really hard!

—More writing is happening! More revisions of writing are happening. The gap between student writing being automatically boring, processed, disconnected from any actually thought and interesting, thoughtful writing—writing as a way OF thinking and sorting through thoughts in a logical way—is closing. Or at least narrowing.

—Classroom procedures are in place and I have to do very little to enforce them. There is (generally speaking) order in each classroom and the students’ habits, not my nagging, keep them in place.

—I am filling class time better and more effectively. There’s more variety in the structure of each class but also the time is just used better. They work bell to bell. In-between spaces are filled with review, oral work, discussions.

—Day to day work with the written text is becoming more specific. Tasks have been created in connection with a work that grew organically out of my teaching of them. There are more of these as a way to keep students paying attention to the reading/note taking. But the broad strokes, the chances to pause and discuss and see the bigger picture, are still happening. I’m starting to see the way the two layers and approaches work together to lift most of the students into an understanding of the story.

—There is still room for fun. Both in the specific sense—there are a few more games, review opportunities, creative exercises and chances to explore and engage with the text in a fun, non-academic way than there where before —but also in the very specific Maria way where I let my passion and knowledge for the work really show and carry them up on a wave, so to speak. This keeps the students interested, intrigued, and anxious not to miss one of the moments of fun.

—I feel like I’m reaching a more complete approach that tackles the basic skills of all my classes—reading, interpreting, discussing, writing—more evenly. Their opportunities to do all of those things is better balanced and woven together than it has been. The opportunity to practice each thing recurs and recurs again so that their sense of how to actually DO a thing—at least by my measurement of it—is improving.

—The specific qualities that I want to bring to each class are growing more distinct. My 8th graders vocabularies are expanding as is their grammar. My sophomores are establishing surer connections with outside scholarly voices on each of the texts we read which help them jumpstart actual independent thinking and interpreting. And my seniors are given the chance to connect the readings to their own lives and most importantly current concerns more than they used to.

I think that’s it :))))

[lilypixels]

Tired and probably just gonna release what pack edits I’ve done so far that are good to go and then take a break to run around in skyrim before finishing rest😞

[wildsaltair]

okay maybe my brain is completely rotted by this man. but he looks like a groom standing at the altar with his best man. beloved husband the aisle is long but i am on my way

[dredshirtroberts]

it's hard to have a good day like, mentally and emotionally but a bad day physically.

it's REALLY hard to do that twice in a row but we're going to try.

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

i think i finally realized why ive been feeling so damn depressed lately again

sorry for writing this here. im really hurting actually. im not good. i feel a bit helpless too. idk who to talk to bc i dont want to burden anyons and i donf feel like anything could console me right now

Like. fuck me man. thanks for saving me but. why the hell are you not here. i dont want to do this without you. i hate only being able to remember you. i was supposed to grow old with you, not without you.

And. honestly. even with all this bullshit i say here, all the endless times i spend trying to write down my feelings, abt you, about all the pain ive felt my life, it doesnt get better. not at all. and no words, no poetry takes it away and i truly feel like nobody will ever truly understand how suffocated i felt all my life.

and i want to change thanks to you but. i dont know. nothing's satisfying enough.

no matter what, i truly only feel great when im in that daydream like world you created.

and these past days ive been thinking a lot that. i really wouldnt mind dying right now. not at all. because at least i know what happiness feels like. and i want to stay in that state. probably, even in this life your music will bring me happiness, but i want to be trapped in it.

im tired of being so unseen, and even when im seen, im hurting. but i dont know whats hurting. i think im just really tired thats all.

and. ye. i feel brave tbh. i still havent posted my video to instagram, bc im not brave for that. i dont know. and i feel like a hypocrite bc everything is true that i wrote there but at the same time these are my thoughts currently

in a long while i looked up suicide methods again. i feel so hopeful, but im not really sure if really for the future. jm sorry this is probably alarming. i will probably not kill myself but. idk. im not sure actually. i dknt know what to say. i wasnt cut out for this wordly shit.i feel unlovable but even if im loved, i donf want to be. i dont want anything. just let me stsy in this quiet place snd just. disappear. i wouldnt want my family to hurt if i die but i wont know about it anyways. idk man. i feel strongly i could die calmly this time and thats nice. bc 6 years ago i was terrified, and hurt. but now im content and kind of ready idk man. its not a terrible feeling, its a "this is it, it was nice while it lasted" ig.

there are no clouds in my head actually. i truly dont feel like im thinking irrationally, i feel like this would just be like. the end goal i was looking for. to feel true love once. it was nice.

no goodbye yet bc idk how id kms even if i do. But ill tell u guys if i found something.

[dinopant]

Gonna watch doctor sleep, jerk off and forget im lonely

[murobrown]

.

[kimmkitsuragi]

not my first reaction to this information as i learned it during the intermission of challengers (yes i finally went to see it) and i was having a lowkey breakdown through the intermission and the beginning of the second half a little bit but ummm: well of fucking course i literally dont deserve anything

[that-was-anticlimactic]

there’s something so sacred about sharing what you love with others: whether it be a song or food or clothes, a show or a movie or pictures. it's just... such a deep and personal thing, you know? having someone carve out a little part of their heart and gift it to you with an abundance of joy and excitement and passion... yeah.

[kulvefaggoth]

.

[rosicheeks]

Unfortunately relatable. I grew up in the church and have a lot of Christian trauma from that. I show up for special occasions for my parents… sometimes. But it’s uncomfortable from the moment I step through the door. Bigoted pastor, the self-righteousness disguising the prejudice, the political comments from the altar. Shots at young people left right and center as if the hell on earth wasn’t caused by the same older generation 90% of the congregation belongs to..

I miss being young in the choir and the youth groups and not struggling with it. It’s wild to look back at the younger version of me who was unshakeable in his faith and honestly just saddening.

I was texting my sister today about it and she said

“I 100% think ALL of us have a ton of religious trauma and everyone else in the family just doesn’t realize it cause they’re still drinking the kool-aid.”

I ran out of tag room and didn’t want to delete any 😭 seriously not lying I could write a book about all my thoughts and experiences

[sherlock-is-ace]

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[rotisseries]

i think my zelink playlist is my only good one like this shit is devastating genuinely