#So i don't like it when I'm constantly forced to talk to over 10 people every time i go to school (talk to your professor they say

[call-me-copycat]

I just need to be told "You Can Do It" right now.

[neptuneiris]

could you pretend to be in love? (10/10)

The Realization

pairing: modern!aemond × fem!reader (fake dating)

summary: prom is coming and so is the end of a stage in your life. surprises and unexpected conversations take place, the question is, are you able to forgive in order to move on?

word count: 9.7k

previous part • series masterlist

this is not a drill, it's really happening!

first of all, i want to apologize for having left this story aside without finishing it. it wasn't something i decided, the writer's block precisely in this fic made me not try anymore for a while, mostly to clear my mind and my ideas, because i had no idea what to write after chapter nine 💀

so I hope you really forgive me and enjoy the last chapter 🥺 it has been an honor to have given you this little fic, I really enjoyed writing it despite the little mental breakdowns I had haha

and just like my other stories, I keep it in my heart and it will always be here for whenever you want to reread (I will make sure to post it in AO3, don't worry) i'm also thinking of doing a poll about the epilogue where you guys will decide if you want one or prefer this ending. let me know after you finish reading the chapter 🤗

enjoy and I look forward to your comments!

It still all feels like a bad dream that you can't wake up from. An unwanted dream. A nightmare.

And every time a new day comes, you feel like a human being who does everything in automatic mode, not because you really want to.

In front of your dad you must pretend that everything is fine, but as soon as you leave home and get to school, you feel a huge weight and a sadness that nothing and no one can take away from you.

You feel the stares of some people on you, if not all of them. But the truth is that you feel so emotionally drained that you don't even pay attention to them.

Many would say that not being accepted to a college doesn't mean it's the end of the world. Nor does it mean that your chances are over because there is still too much time to be able to do everything you want.

And you accept that they are right. All is not lost because you didn't get accepted.

When you were rejected the first time when you applied in conjunction with the scholarship, disillusionment sets in. There is disappointment in yourself for not being enough and there is this question that constantly floats in your mind; why others do and I don't? Why am I not worthy of the same fate as them?

Maybe it's age, but it's inevitable to feel that rejection and failure after having so many plans and having in mind the idea of making your dad proud by telling him that you've been accepted to college.

And not just any college, but Citadel.

But so far, you haven't had the courage to tell him instead that you won't go to any college. You just can't. You don't know what exactly you'll tell him and you don't want to face it yet. You don't want to see his disappointed face so you need more time.

So instead of dreams and aspirations, as well as preparing to live a college life, you prepare and focus on getting a job. You don't see employment as a bad thing either. You just wish you didn't have to focus on it right now.

You haven't talked to Aemond either. You haven't even seen him.

You're in some classes together. But you barely pay attention. Even though you used to notice his presence before and now, unconsciously, you ignore it. Now your mind is too busy with your worries.

It's like being in a disconnect. You are just there, existing. But you barely talk, barely react and barely do. You just want classes to end soon so you can go home.

Of course, he hasn't stopped trying.

He wants to talk to you, but you won't let him. You just don't want to have anything to do with him anymore. Even though you feel that emptiness he has left, you immediately force yourself not to think about it.

It's like pain and confusion mixed together, but your pride and that same pain makes you prefer to stay away.

You don't even care anymore what people say about him and you. It's obvious that the two of you are no longer in a 'relationship'. No one knows what happened and neither one of you is clarifying anything.

Which you are grateful for, so as not to feed the topic in the whole school.

Meanwhile, Alysanne and Cregan are almost always around you, trying to cheer you up and make you endure school better. You couldn't be more grateful for both of them either.

"So what are your plans for the weekend?"

Alysanne asks as the three of you are sitting on a bench in the outside courtyard. On the bench where you and Aemond made the fake relationship contract, precisely. But you try not to focus on that as the three of you eat lunch.

"We're going to the movies, did you forget already?" asks Cregan, confused.

"Huh? This weekend?"

"You forgot," he assures her.

"I didn't forget!" she lies, nervous.

"We agreed to go on Saturday. To the ten o'clock function for the horror movie."

Oh yes, the two of them are dating. Just as you and Aemond have 'broken up', so you try not to feel more distressed about it.

"Do you want to come, Y/N?"

You raise your gaze to Alysanne, confused, who gives you a smile.

"It's a date, isn't it? Just the two of you."

"We'll have more dates," she makes a nonchalant gesture.

Poor Cregan.

"Besides, it would do you good to clear your head a bit. So, what better than going to the movies? Right, Cregan?"

"Yeah, it'll do you good," he nods.

"No, thank you," you say softly, "I don't want to interfere with your dates. Besides, I'm not in the mood to go out. I'd rather stay home."

"You're not going to interfere with anything. Besides, you've stayed home enough days," she reproaches you, "Come on. Even one night. We'll have a great time."

"If you don't want to go to the movies, we can go somewhere else," Cregan proposes.

You grimace slightly.

"No, thank you. I..." you sigh, "I really appreciate it, guys. But I'd rather stay home."

Staying home to look for a proper job and plan to tell your dad you won't be going to college, like you've been doing for the past few days.

"Are you sure?" Alysanne looks at you not entirely convinced.

"Yeah," you shrug, "Don't worry about me."

"Of course I worry about you."

"You should focus on your date," you say as you give Cregan a meaningful look.

"Totally," Cregan nods, "In fact, she'll plan the next date."

"What?" she looks at him in horror.

"What you heard."

"And why me?"

"Because I always do."

Your talk with them doesn't last long as soon the bell rings and they head off to their respective classes, except for you, who has a free hour.

So you stand on the bench alone, just looking outside and nothing else, enjoying your lunch unhurriedly and in peace and quiet.

You let out a long breath and distract yourself for a few moments in your social networks, watching as some people post their reactions from when they were accepted to colleges. Everyone screams, smiles and cries of happiness with their families.

Except for others who quietly show how they were not accepted. But they open more emails and get accepted to other colleges.

You wish you were part of them.

You close those apps and go to Tiktok to distract yourself for a while by watching funny videos or storytimes.

When suddenly, you hear footsteps approaching behind you, which catches your attention. You turn your head, peeking over your shoulder and then you see him, Aemond.

He stops as soon as your eyes look directly into his, as if you've caught him in the act of robbery. Which reveals how very cautious he was being to approach and not scare you.

You see the uncertainty in his gaze, the insecurity and the wariness all at the same time. Which is rare for him, as he doesn't allow himself to look so vulnerable. But you understand why he's this way with you.

First you think about getting up and leaving him with the word in his mouth, like you've been doing lately. But for some reason, it's like finally your mind resigns and your body will force you to stay where you're sitting. And you don't even know why.

Or maybe it's because he's begging you with his gaze not to leave and listen to what he has to say after so many weeks.

Inevitably your nerves invade you and neither he nor you say anything for a few long seconds. He just stands still, as if testing the waters, waiting to see if you will move away from him again attentively.

Then he swallows hard and watches you with a sad but hopeful expression.

“Can I come closer?”

You press your lips together, think about it for a few seconds and finally give him a barely visible nod.

You turn your gaze to the front and begin to put your tupper with food in your backpack. While at the same time Aemond approaches you, cautious but firm. And surprised that you are allowing him to do this.

You let out a long breath and bring a hand to your hair, nervous, not knowing why.

Then he steps in front of you and only at that moment, you realize he has a folder in his hand. A folder that he sets down on the table in front of you, with smooth, cautious movements.

“I just came to drop this off for you. Nothing else.”

You raise your gaze to look at it confused for a moment, then look back down at the folder in front of you.

“It's the paperwork you need to submit to finalize the scholarship process,” he says softly, “Classes start in two months and by now you should have received an email from the university with all the information as an incoming student.”

Wait, what?

Your mind immediately questions, as you frown more and feel your heart start to beat too fast.

“What are you talking about?” you ask in a low murmur, not understanding.

And Aemond lets out a long breath.

“I'm keeping my promise.”

His words echo steadily in your mind.

And you dare to raise your gaze to him again, confused, serious and incredulous. And what he does is lower his gaze, sorrowful and unsure. However… he is firm with what he is saying.

Then a tingle begins to run through your hands, at the same time as you feel the nervousness sweep through your body like a wave. You part your lips as you look at the folder in front of you and with trembling hands, you pick it up and open it.

The first thing you see is the university logo and an overwhelming sensation sweeps over your body and mind as you see what appears to be a letter addressed to you.

Miss. Y/N Y/L/N, Faculty of Law. Official documentation for the scholarship process.

You feel the air you were holding in your lungs slowly leave your mouth. And a huge weight that you felt in your chest is lifted, allowing you to rest and breathe properly.

At first, you think your mind is playing a joke on you. You think he's doing it. But… this is real. More real than you can imagine.

“I know I didn't do things the right way…

Aemond begins to speak, noticing the mix of shock and confusion in your gaze, breathing hard through your mouth.

“I know I took you for granted and that I hurt you,” he says softly, “But that was never my intention, Y/N. I-I… I thought I would get everything under control. That I would work it out and get everything done on time. But, it's just… I don't even have justification.”

You feel tears begin to form in your eyes. But you control yourself. You bite the inside of your cheek and try not to let his words make you break down in tears.

As if the fact that you have in front of you one of the papers confirming and assuring you that you will finally go to the college of your dreams isn't enough.

“I should have acted sooner and looked for solutions. I should have been honest with you from the beginning. And you don't know how sorry I am,” he says softly and vulnerably, his gaze lowered, ”I also don't expect you to forgive me for keeping a promise and asking for forgiveness. I know I fucked up and things can never go back to the way they were. But I just want you to know…” he takes a moment, "That I really did fall in love with you."

Fuck.

“What I felt for you was real. It was never a game or a pretense. I was just… afraid,” he admits, ”Afraid of fucking up what we had. Afraid it would all fall apart if I told you the truth. But… I ruined everything,” he says with a resigned tone, ”You don't have to talk to me again either if you don't want to. You don't owe me anything. I just wanted to tell you the truth and let you know how sorry I am.”

Each word echoes in your mind, with the weight of his regret and his sincerity. You feel the tremble in your body, not helping the fact that you are still staring at the college sheet addressed to your name.

And you hold back, trying to calm the chaos being unleashed inside you by his words.

When he doesn't say anything else, you certainly won't and you both fall silent for a moment, as the weight of his words and the meaning of them fill the space. Until he speaks again.

“I won't bother you anymore,” he moves forward a bit back to the way he came, “Best of luck at Citadel. You deserve it, you really do,” he tells you with a small smile that is sad but genuine at the same time.

Then his figure disappears from your field of vision and you hear him start to walk away. And at that moment, the world seems to stop for you.

Unable to help yourself, you turn your head and watch him walk away with tears in your eyes. There is something in his walk, in that slight slope of his shoulders, that screams the burden he carries. And you don't know why, but… you want to call him, to tell him something that will ease the knot you both feel.

However, you know that won't fix anything.

You feel the air leave you, his words still echoing in your mind. You stare at the folder again, trying to remember what this achievement meant to you before this moment, before he came and stirred all the emotions in you.

You try to be strong, you try not to let this affect you more than it should, you think of the positive. But you can't.

So still in disbelief, excitement, sadness and with all your emotions mixed up, you take your phone, unlock it and open your emails app. And there, your most recent email, you read: Citadel University.

With your hands shaking, you press the email and read in slightly larger letters: Welcome to Citadel University! Miss Y/N, Y/L/N. Faculty of Law, Registration number: 31982.

Then, finally, you can't hold back the tears any longer and you put a hand to your mouth, letting them out, with confused and intense feelings coming over you.

Your father's loving and proud words, hugs and kisses make you smile.

It took you four days to finally break the news to him. And seeing him so happy, excited and proud, made you finally stop feeling so bad for even a moment. You also broke the news to Alysanne and Cregan, who were very happy for you.

Neither of them mentioned Aemond, which you appreciated. But there is the clear acknowledgement to him for making this possible.

You obviously left the job search behind and instead started contacting the university. You sent the missing and necessary documents, they sent you information about the scholarship, your schedule, classes and also about your dorm.

It's like finally this void in your chest is being filled as you finally see this all happening. And as you look at the pictures of the university, with old, elegant and modern architecture at the same time, that excitement rises in you.

However, what you feel is not happiness in its entirety.

In fact, you feel in the middle of a crossroads; joy is mixed with sadness. And the satisfaction of fulfilling the dream feels incomplete.

The worst part is that you know why.

But you don't think about it too much either. You don't want to. On the contrary, you force yourself to repeat over and over again that this was the plan all along. You force yourself to enjoy it and get excited.

You force yourself to think that what happened outside of getting into the college of your dreams was for a reason, but in the end you got what you really wanted.

But, deep down inside, you think about how you wish things could have been different.

At the same time, prom is just around the corner.

At first, you thought about not attending, but of course, Alysanne wouldn't let you think about it anymore. She dragged you with her to the dress store and sentenced that it will be a date of three, her, Cregan and you.

You tried to persuade her, to make her understand that Cregan only wants her as his date. But, of course, Cregan as the great friend he also is, told you it would be fun.

Certainly neither he nor you nor Alysanne have ever been on a three-way date and he told you; what better than to try it at the prom?

The prom preparations are done. Now the important thing is to turn in final projects and get rid of all the pending with the professors.

And that's what you're doing now.

With your headphones on and a notebook along with a book on your table, you're about to finish a long, boring project. When you notice how a figure suddenly obscures your workspace and you raise your gaze almost instantly, curious.

Helaena.

You remove your headphones, surprised to see her as she smiles softly at you.

“Hi,” you say to her in a soft tone, putting your project aside for a moment.

“Hi,” she says to you in the same soft tone, ”I… am I interrupting you?”

“Oh no,” you say nonchalantly, “I mean, yes, but I'm just about to finish it anyway. Don't worry.”

She looks at you a little unsure.

“Are you sure? It's just… I don't know,“ she shrugs, 'It's been a while since we last talked and I didn't know if I could come up to you.”

Again you ignore the small sharp pain in your chest at the memory of Aemond and try to look like you're not at all affected by having his sister in front of you.

“Yeah, well…” you try to smile a little, ”Things have been… intense lately.”

She nods as she takes a seat across from you.

“So it's official?” she asks you with a sad tone as she watches you with a sad little smile, “Like, I mean… you and my brother aren't coming back together?”

This time, the sharp pain in your chest is stronger and more persistent. As well as her question hits you like a wave.

How can you tell her that, in reality, everything you and Aemond had was false? That it was all part of an agreement?

The guilt begins to consume you as you see her face full of expectations and the worst thing is that it's not something you should tell her. That should be Aemond. But, still, you feel the urge to cry and you feel the need to finally tell her the truth, for the sake of everyone who made you believe the fake relationship.

“Helaena…” you begin, your voice barely a whisper, ”I-I… need to be honest with you.”

You take a breath, expecting the worst and imagining a series of difficult emotions to deal with.

“This whole thing between Aemond and I… it was fake,” you speak fearfully and sorrowfully, ”We were just… pretending for our own convenience. It wasn't…” you sigh, closing your eyes for a moment heavily, ”It wasn't real.”

You expected surprise, indignation, incredulity, anger, and more, all at the same time. But to your greatest surprise and bewilderment, she doesn't seem remotely surprised. Instead, she just smiles softly at you, full of understanding, as if she's been waiting for this moment for a long time.

“I already knew that,” she tells you in a serene tone that disarms you.

You feel your lungs hold all your air and you watch her completely stunned, surprised and confused with your parted lips. Then you blink, processing her words.

“What?”

“Aemond told me everything the moment you set up your rules,” she replies calmly, “The truth is, he never hides anything from me. He can't. So I already knew what you both were doing from the beginning.”

You continue to watch her in shock and disbelief, unable to believe it, trying to understand how she could have kept this to herself so naturally.

And in that moment, with disbelief and surprise beating in your chest, you realize that in every single conversation you had with her, right here at school, at parties, even at that family dinner that ended in disaster thanks to Aegon's drunkenness… she had always known.

“Though I don't always approve of his decisions, I understood why he did it… and why you did too.”

But your mind is still short-circuiting, processing and comprehending.

You relive in your mind every moment you went out of your way to pretend, believing you were fooling everyone, especially her. And yet, there's Helaena, looking at you with an expression of calm and empathy that completely disarms you.

“So you knew?” you are able to formulate in asking in a breathy whisper.

She nods, smiling softly.

“Easy, only I knew.“

“And you're not upset?” you ask confused, still waiting for some sign of reproach.

“Not at all. On the contrary, I'm relieved,” she tells you honestly, ”People made fun of Aemond after Alys. And, well, that left a mark on him. You know what rumors are like here.”

“Oh, believe me I do.”

“And they made him miserable. It also didn't help at all that Alys was his first girlfriend and his first formal relationship but the two of them didn't love each other, it was just obsession and whim,” she says absurdly, "And with you, at least, he got some peace back, even if it was temporary."

“But then…” you look at her blankly, “Why did you ask me if we'll get back together?”

Helaena sighs, her gaze soft but intense.

“Because in the end the two of you really fell in love. I saw you at Dragonstone and it was… too obvious.”

You remain silent, remembering those moments.

Both of you walking through those historical corridors, seeing and learning absolutely everything about old Valyria. Both holding hands, fascinated in the aquarium watching everything around or walking together on the shore of the beach, laughing, exchanging glances, hugging and kissing every now and then that everything felt too sincere to be pretending.

You relived every moment and every detail that you wished you could go back to when everything was fine.

Aemond had been different with you those days, a side of him that you had never seen and had thought only existed because of his performance in the fake relationship you had both agreed to.

But even you, being there, without the pressure to pretend, you felt the barriers fall between the two of you, because it was all real.

“He fell in love with you, Y/N,” Helaena tells you sincerely, “You… you did too?”

You feel a lump form in your throat and you let the question float in the air for a moment. The answer is so clear in your mind that it hurts; and yet, saying it out loud feels like breaking a promise you had made to protect yourself.

“Yes, I did too,” you admit, sadness settling in your chest, "But…" you take a deep breath, watching her, ”What happened with Floris even though it was a mistake… and then, the fact that he didn't tell me the truth about Citadel, it really hurt me.”

Helaena nods softly, not judging you, simply listening to you. And when she speaks, her tone is so serene and understanding that it comforts you.

“My brother has this amazing ability to do things in the worst possible way,” she says with a small resigned smile, ”Floris was a mistake. He was drunk and well, he told me that before that both of you have had a disagreement, although that doesn't justify it, I know. I'm just saying, it really was a mistake.”

Your mind momentarily flashes back to that moment, when you tried to end the fake relationship after the family dinner thing.

“And as for the Citadel thing…” she pauses, searching for the right words, “He freaked out, Y/N. He didn't know how to tell you without ruining everything. And I know that doesn't justify it either, but…” she sighs, ”He was going to do whatever it took to hold up his part of the contract. He just didn't count on our grandfather suddenly getting difficult. Our family is already so fucked up as it is, that was the last thing he expected.”

Her words suddenly make you feel interested and curious about a specific topic you hadn't remembered until now. But Helaena continues to speak and you listen to her.

“Even though his method was disastrous, in his mind, he was protecting you,” she says, ”Again, I'm not justifying it. But I know he was desperate to get you that place at Citadel no matter what because he knew you deserved it. And…” she smiles at you with a gesture of resignation, "I think he loves you enough to do stupidly risky things. Even go against grandfather and act behind his back knowing how much trouble he could get into.”

You bite the inside of your cheek and feel a knot of emotions form in your chest. Everything she's telling you opens a door to feelings you'd tried to repress, to thoughts you'd rather bury.

You take a deep breath, remembering again those days at Dragonstone.

You relive every moment, when words were redundant and the silence between the two of you felt so full of meaning. He was always watching you in a way that seemed to say everything and nothing at the same time. He was slowly revealing that vulnerable part of himself that he seemed to have lost after Alys.

But as much as you want to think straight, your thoughts are a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. On the one hand, the pain of it all consumes you but on the other, there's the certainty of how you feel about him.

Even when you're hurting, you know you can't ignore it.

“I know he's still waiting, deep down, for maybe…” Helaena pauses, “Maybe there's a chance for both of you.”

The expression on her face is so sincere and tender that you find it impossible not to believe her, and the thought fills you with a mixture of relief and pain. Because, despite everything, you still love him, and that truth is impossible to deny.

“I don't know,” you confess, biting your lips and feeling your eyes water, ”I-I…I don't know what to do. I mean, we're already graduating. We'll go to the same college but I doubt we'll see each other, you know? And I just… n-no… I don't know….

“Hey, hey,” Helaena tells you instantly, ”It's okay. We don't have to talk about this anymore. I didn't want to overwhelm you or burden you, I just wanted to tell you my opinion and for you to talk to someone in case you needed to,” she tells you softly, comfortingly, ”Still, it's something between the two of you and we can talk about anything else.”

You thank her with a relieved look, her gesture of empathy appearing as she watches you with her soft, understanding expression. And then, she speaks with a more casual tone, changing the subject with a lightness that relieves you a bit.

“You have everything ready for graduation? Are you bringing a date?”

“Hum… yes, I already have everything ready,” you nod, ”And no, I'll go with my two friends. I think you met them, Alysanne and Cregan.”

“Oh yes! I know them,” she says with a smile, ”And I'm going with a friend too. I don't really like the idea of everything being so formal, so going with a friend will make it all more fun.”

Both are silent for a few moments, and although the conversation has taken on a lighter tone, you feel there's still a question trapped in your chest. And at the memory of that day, an impulse prompts you to speak before you can stop yourself.

“Helaena,” you call her softly, "I… can I ask you something?" you ask almost in a whisper, lowering your gaze a little, hesitating.

She watches you curiously and nods without hesitation.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Hum…” you stir in your seat, “That night, at dinner, Aegon said something… about your dad not caring about you. What did he mean by that?”

She immediately looks like she wasn't expecting that question at all, which immediately makes you regret it, but then she softens her whole gaze, not looking at all uncomfortable or upset.

“Oh, well… our dad…” she begins to speak, choosing her words precisely, “Well, he was always very neglectful with us. He always left all the work to mom to take care of us, even when she had to work too so she wasn't totally dependent on him,” she explains, ”It was chaos for a long time. Aegon and I lost years of education because of his lack of commitment.”

“Really?” you look at her attentively and surprised.

“He missed the date to register us for kindergarten in our proper time. He always forgot our birthdays or some important date. But, of course, that never happened to him with our older stepsister, Rhaenyra.”

You remember Aemond mentioning her, though not much.

“And you don't talk to her?”

“Yes, of course,” she says with a small smile, “She was never at blame. In fact, by comparison, she always took us into account and never forgot our existence,” she explains, ”And well, eventually mom divorced him. And the only good thing dad did in the end was to mention us and give us parts of his inheritance in his will.”

Helaena's sincerity and calmness in sharing this about her life surprises you and, at the same time, makes you understand the complicated family history behind them. Now it's no wonder why Aegon was so angry to bring up the subject of parents.

Nor do you ignore the connection you begin to feel towards them, obviously because of your mother and her abandonment.

“It must have been very difficult, for everyone,” you murmur, ”I'm sorry to hear that.”

She nods, though her expression doesn't reflect bitterness, but something akin to mature acceptance.

“Yes, but that made us strong,” she says with a slight smile, "Aegon was the one who resented his absence the most, as you could see," she tells you knowingly, ”You know, being the eldest and all. But we're more… happy now, now that he's gone,” she confesses.

You let out a long breath, watching her with compassion.

“Thank you for telling me. I didn't mean to intrude, really.”

“No, it's fine, it really doesn't affect me,” she assures you softly, ”After that Aegon scene at dinner, it's valid you know. So don't worry.”

You both smile softly at each other, expressions warm and sincere, falling silent. When Helaena stands up, slinging her backpack over her shoulder.

“Well…” she says, letting out a slight sigh, adjusting her backpack, ”I should be going now. I also have projects to finish.”

“Sure,” you nod, ”Thanks for coming and talking to me.”

“Oh, there's nothing to thank you for. Anytime. I'll see you later, okay?”

“Okay.”

You both say goodbye and you watch her walk away in the direction of the main building, her silver hair shining in the sunlight, as you let out a long breath and put your headphones back in.

Prom.

You really don't understand what you're doing here. But it's all Alysanne's doing, like the makeup, hairstyle and dress.

You get out of Cregan's car with a beautiful lilac metallic dress on. Finding it wasn't hard at all, since it was like love at first sight, especially since it has a princess cut. And upon measuring it, Alysanne also decided that it was the one.

The hairstyle was also easy, after all, you didn't want anything too voluminous or too fancy. So a wavy style in your hair with a crown of silver flowers at the crown of your head was the perfect touch.

Alysanne on the other hand chose a beautiful wine colored dress that flatters her at every angle, deciding to gather her hair with two strands falling on either side of her face, making her look absolutely elegant and gorgeous.

And once all three of you are ready, Cregan dressed in an impeccable dark suit, offers you both his arms and you enter the grand ballroom of the luxurious hotel together.

The ballroom is illuminated by the typical disco balls hanging from the high ceiling, casting silver and white sparkles that create an almost magical atmosphere.

The decor is elegant and subtle, with centerpieces of fresh flowers and candles giving each table a touch of romantic charm.

You feel a mixture of nerves and excitement as you enter, as if it's all part of a dream. After all, it is your prom and tonight symbolizes a chapter you are about to close, your high school years.

The dance floor is in the center, surrounded by tables in a circle and already some of the guests have started to dance, getting lost in the rhythm of the soft music that fills the atmosphere thanks to the DJ.

Although not only disco balls light up the place, but also some colored lights to make the atmosphere more colorful.

If someone had told you in your freshman year everything that was going to happen in your final year, you would have laughed out loud and wouldn't have believed it at all, because your life was too boring.

But here you are, with still those events in mind, where at the end of the night, you will put them behind you.

You adjust your lilac dress, whose princess-cut skirt falls in soft layers to the floor. The fabric moves with you, as if it were an extension of your own footsteps, and the color shimmers delicately under the silver lights.

The three of you make your way to one of the tables to take a seat and you take a closer look around you as the decorations and you also see familiar faces of some of your classmates, some laughing in groups and others on the dance floor with their dates.

And Alysanne, excited and obsessed with everything, wants to have memories of the whole night and soon the three of you are taking a long selfie session with her phone.

Cregan complains about too many photos and the laughter of the three fills the air as Alysanne continues to make sure she captures the best shots, changing angles and poses.

Alysanne, with a huge smile, spins around on herself and then grabs your hands to dance with her, laughing every time you both take a step out of rhythm. You can feel her pure happiness, an excitement that doesn't take long to become contagious and where Cregan soon joins in.

The dance floor is filling up and the sparkles of the lights reflecting off everyone's costumes and dresses create an enchanting and magical atmosphere.

The DJ starts mixing more upbeat songs, and you see how everyone is having fun, laughing and dancing.

Immediately this catches Alysanne's attention and she drags the three of you onto the dance floor with infectious laughter. Before you know it, you're in the middle of the dance floor with them, surrounded by movement and music.

The music beats on the floor and vibrates in your chest, and, slowly, you begin to let loose, moving to the beat of the songs as the colored lights swirl above you all.

“I'm going to get a drink!” you let them both know over the music.

You have no idea exactly how much time passes that you find yourself dancing, enjoying the night, the echo of laughter and the warmth of the crowd.

The euphoria makes you forget and enjoy yourself as you feel your throat dry and your feet start to ache, with your body starting to beg for water and a little break.

“Okay!” Cregan nods, throwing you a smile, still dancing with Alysanne.

You smile knowingly, since after all, these two deserve to have their moment, and you walk away towards the table where there are different desserts and the drinks for all the graduates.

You take a bottle of water, and as you drink, the immediate relief makes you close your eyes for a moment, enjoying the coolness.

And only at that moment, standing alone and a little apart, you notice the glances of some people around you, mainly girls passing by you and whispering something between them, looking at you out of the corner of their eyes.

Great.

You thought you were past all this but even at prom it doesn't stop.

You take a deep breath and look out onto the dance floor, where you make out Alysanne and Cregan dancing close together, smiling and animated. You certainly don't want to interrupt them and you look around again, trying to distract yourself with anything you can find to rest your feet on.

You try not to make a big deal of it and look back at them for just a few moments with a serious look on your face and again try to focus on regaining your energy, telling yourself that this shouldn't affect you.

You remind yourself that you are here for you and your friends, and that is all that should matter to you.

When your gaze unconsciously focuses on Floris.

With her arm intertwined with a boy, whom you recognize from the lacrosse team, she looks absolutely elegant with a beautiful hairstyle and a gorgeous pink dress.

And as she joins the party, she seems totally focused on enjoying the evening, her expression relaxed and happy.

You look away from her, focused on something else, where your attention slips unintentionally to Alys, surrounded by her friends.

In the distance, suddenly her gaze meets yours and you quickly look away, not knowing why but… you really don't want to deal with or care about those people anymore.

She's wearing dark makeup and a sensual emerald green dress that completely clings to her body and highlights her curves. She looks completely beautiful, but knowing her attitude and behavior, it makes her lose her charm.

You watch Helaena for a few more seconds, her energy lighting up the dance floor, when suddenly, a tall, familiar figure catches your attention on the other side of the room in the crowd.

Instead, you focus on Helaena, who you find among all the people dancing, getting carried away by the atmosphere and in the company of the friend who told you.

Her silver hair is swaying to the music and she shines in the middle of everyone in that beautiful sky blue dress and gold accessories, looking absolutely gorgeous.

Aemond is standing a few feet away, talking to Aegon, both looking absolutely handsome for the evening. Then, the atmosphere around you seems to fade a bit and he's the only one who catches your eye in the middle of the crowd.

And that mixture of emotions about him rises in your chest again.

You take a closer look at who is around him and it is only Aegon. You don't see any girl hanging on his arm or anything, so apparently he has come unaccompanied, just like you.

He is dressed in a dark suit that highlights his slender figure and impeccable posture, just like Aegon. The silver light of the disc balls bring out his silver hair and his face so perfectly detailed, giving it a glow that is almost unreal to you.

Your gaze lingers on him longer than you had anticipated. From a distance, you can notice the lack of expressions on his face and the small twitch of his lips as he speaks to Aegon, looking around him without really showing any emotion.

That eye contact takes the air out of you. The memory of all the things you shared, the conversations, the looks, the touching and kissing… it all comes over you.

And at that very moment, as if sensing the weight of your attention, Aemond looks up and sees you beyond the crowd, apart and alone. The visual connection is instantaneous, almost electric, and suddenly you feel all the people and bustle around you fade away.

You can't deny the attraction and deep affection that, even now, beat intensely in your chest. And, for an instant, you wonder if he too feels the same mix of nostalgia and sadness in the midst of it all.

You notice how he looks you up and down, lingering on every detail of what you're wearing today, his eyes shining, filled with a kind of wary hope and longing, completely stealing your breath.

Then, his body language tells you he's getting ready to move. Coming at you, with her determined gaze.

Oh God.

A sense of panic invades every part of your body. And before he can do anything, you look away and quickly make your way to the dance floor, blending into the crowd, heading towards your friends.

The music booms in your ears and your thoughts are in complete chaos, hitting you one after the other.

Closing your eyes for a moment, you tell yourself that you just want to enjoy the night, to stop thinking about him and what was, even if it's only for a few hours.

So time passes, the energy of the dance becomes more relaxed, and though you manage to avoid crossing paths directly with Aemond, his presence seems to haunt your mind like a lingering ghost, one that doesn't dissipate with the music or the bright lights.

You look around from time to time, and out of the corner of your eye you notice that he also seems to avoid being too close to you, although you can't help thinking that maybe he is also looking for you in the crowd, as you are looking for him.

Until, finally, the atmosphere immediately changes.

The lights dim and the silver and warm tones transform the room into an intimate place. Couples begin to approach the dance floor, holding hands, to dance to the slow songs. And you decide it's the perfect time to take a break.

You smile at Cregan and Alysanne, giving them another moment again, feeling a twinge of tenderness and, at the same time, unexpected loneliness.

You take a seat at one of the nearby tables, watching as the dance floor fills with couples slowly swaying to the music.

Dresses and suits intertwine, and for a moment, you let yourself be enveloped by the warmth of the atmosphere, allowing yourself to feel invisible in the midst of all that harmony.

You watch Floris dancing with that boy, Alysanne with Cregan of course, and Helaena dancing with her friend, both with amused smiles and talking softly without taking the slow dance so seriously. You also see Aegon dancing very close with a girl.

And as your eyes wander around the dance floor, your gaze focuses again on his figure, which seems just as lonely as yours.

A few tables away, Aemond sits alone, surveying the dance floor with an expression you fail to fully decipher. His fingers drum on the rim of his glass, and, for a moment, he seems lost in his own thoughts. He looks calm, almost vulnerable.

You stare at him longer than you think and sigh, averting your gaze, and as the seconds pass, the urge to stand still and do nothing begins to fade.

You bite the inside of your cheek and begin to move your foot up and down rapidly, feeling your heart begin to beat too fast. You watch all the people dancing again, hesitating.

Then you let out a long breath and without knowing exactly why, you take a deep breath and stand up. With slow steps, a momentum and a calmness you try to maintain, you head towards him.

As you get closer, you notice how his gaze, which was lost on the dance floor, suddenly focuses on you, noticing before out of the corner of his eye your approaching figure. Surprise and bewilderment mixed with something else appears in his gaze and you stop in front of him, nervous but determined.

Then neither of you say anything for a few moments. The same nerves make you unable to speak and the two of you just stand there, watching each other.

You feel how some people around you suddenly have their attention focused on both of you, waiting for what you will do, but you don't even pay attention to them. You just focus completely on him.

Until you sigh.

"Do you dance?" you ask softly and nervous.

The words seem to break the spell, and Aemond blinks, clearly surprised and somehow confused.

You watch the expression on his face, as if he's processing every word you've just said, looking for some hint of doubt or change of heart in your expression.

"S-sure," he says still confused, not expecting this at all.

There's a mix of emotions in his eyes, confusion, surprise and nervousness, something you wouldn't have expected to see in him. And you, not wanting to drag this out any longer than necessary, extend your hand to him.

He watches your face attentively and then your hand, still surprised, to finally take it gently. His fingers intertwine with yours, sending an electricity throughout your body through his touch as he stands up.

You swallow hard, feeling your heart beating like crazy and nervousness invading your whole system. And without another word, you both head for the dance floor.

Then, everything around you fades away, the murmurs and laughter, even the music itself becomes a distant whisper, and only he remains, next to you.

He places a hand on your waist, his touch delicate, as if he doesn't want to do anything that could break this fragile instant. You take his other hand, intertwining it with yours and as you both begin to move to the rhythm of the music, you feel how a mixture of emotions floods each of your senses.

Aemond watches you, his eyes fixed on yours and with a nervous little smile on his lips, as if he can't believe this is really happening.

The music moves forward, slow, allowing you to glide in front of each other. As his steps synchronize with yours, the movements become smooth and natural.

And in a moment you realize that you both are completely absorbed in each other, as if nothing and no one could interrupt this bubble that surrounds you.

Finally, Aemond breaks the silence, his voice barely audible over the music and shy, watching you with a gleam in his eye.

"You look beautiful."

He says to you, his words so sincere and emotionally charged that you feel a surge of warmth wash over you.

You wish his words didn't make you melt. But they do. And everything about him, every gesture, his closeness, the firm, protective touch of his hand on your waist, the way he holds you, as if you were something precious and delicate, envelops and intoxicates you.

"Thank you," you reply, feeling a soft smile appear on your lips, "You too... you look very handsome."

He smiles, marking the dimples on either side of his cheeks.

"I wasn't expecting you to come over," he admits, his eyes revealing something between vulnerability and surprise.

The tone of his voice, so soft and honest, makes you feel a warmth you haven't experienced in a long time.

"I didn't know I would," you reply with a barely perceptible smile, "But I thought, maybe... I don't want to spend the night running away," you confess.

He nods, not looking away.

"I didn't want it to be like that either."

His hand on your waist pulls you slightly closer to him with a firm movement and the slight brush makes you aware of the closeness between the two of you.

You feel your thoughts cloud over and you let yourself become more enveloped by him, unable to help it.

His chin brushes your forehead and you feel that at any moment your heart will jump out of your chest. It's an insistent, powerful beat that seems to resonate with every breath you take at his side.

Then, Aemond lowers his voice, his tone becoming softer, almost melancholy, as if his words are a secret shared only between the two of you.

"I was going to ask you if you wanted to be my date that day, you know? When I gave you the folder.

"I was going to ask you if you wanted to be my date that day, you know, when I gave you the folder," he confesses, with a certain melancholy tone, "But I knew it wouldn't be fair to ask you that and I really didn't want to hurt you anymore."

The sincerity in his tone pierces you, and you feel your own barriers begin to crumble. You listen to him with your heart pounding, absorbing every word.

Aemond sighs and his fingers tighten slightly at your waist.

"And a moment ago, when I saw you so perfect and so beautiful in this dress... I realized how much I wished I had walked through those doors with you on my arm," he says with a longing and sadness.

The music continues to envelop you and you feel his confession reverberate through you, intensifying every sensation, every emotion.

The strength of his words, of the connection that has been created between the two of you in the middle of this song, makes the air seem thick and charged with meanings that don't need to be explained.

Then you raise your gaze to him and you both stare at each other in silence, where your words seem to get caught in your throat.

His eyes roam over your face, as if he wants to remember every detail, as if he wants to take this moment with him. There is a sadness and a softness in his gaze that you haven't seen before, and it makes something in your chest tighten.

And again his voice breaks through the soft silence that envelops you.

"I'm sorry... for everything," he says barely a whisper, laden with a sincerity that resonates deeply.

His fingers trace slow circles on your back, small gestures that seem to try to comfort you and to comfort him too. The contact between the two of you is firm and warm, and yet, you feel as if Aemond fears that at any moment this could disappear.

For a moment, the music seems to fade, leaving only your heartbeat and the echo of his voice in the air.

You feel the urge to speak, to say something that would ease the vulnerability on his face, but you find it difficult to organize your thoughts.

Instead, you opt for a simple but meaningful gesture. You propel yourself a little towards him and leave a soft kiss on his cheek, then rest your head on his chest and gently inhale his expensive cologne, being comforting enough for you.

"It's okay," you murmur.

He lets out a sigh of relief, mixed with longing and makes his grip on your waist tighter, not wanting to let go. Then, he leaves a soft kiss on the crown of your head, resting his head on yours as you both continue to sway gently to the music.

"Thank you for giving me this dance," he murmurs.

You place a soft, small smile on your lips, then raise your gaze to his, watching him with nothing but fondness.

He continues to watch you with that softness and one of his hands goes up to your cheek. In a delicate, almost fearful touch, his thumb runs over your skin in a gesture that is both protective and vulnerable.

Then he rests his forehead against yours and you both close your eyes, as you lean into him.

You both fall silent, letting the slow rhythm of the music carry you away, allowing the moment to linger, in a fragile and honest peace.

You feel that you could stay like this, in this bubble of time and silence, without the need for words, because, in this instant, you both understand what has been said and what doesn't need to be said.

The song changes to another slow one and you both lose yourselves in the moment, enjoying it, not wanting it to end.

Time seems to stand still as you dance together, moving slowly and leisurely, as if nothing and no one else exists. The sounds of the party fade around you, leaving only the beating of your hearts and the faint brush of your breaths.

Your eyes close as you let go, feeling his hand on your back and the warmth his body gives off, so close and so full of meaning.

You both breathe in sync, your foreheads resting against each other, your eyes closed as the moment stretches out and becomes more than just a dance.

This instant is a truce, a refuge where everything else, the doubts, the pain, the past, is suspended and what follows is moving forward.

"You've got everything ready to go to college?"

His voice breaks the silence softly, barely a murmur, as if afraid to disturb the peace around you both.

"Yeah," you murmur, nodding.

"What are you traveling there on?"

"Well, I was checking with my dad about bus and plane ticket prices. But I still haven't made up my mind," you admit, remembering discussions about which was the safest and cheapest option.

Aemond nods, thoughtfully. Then, after a brief pause, he speaks with calm assurance.

"I can take you."

You look at him instantly surprised, definitely not expecting that.

"What?"

"I can take you," he repeats, sure of his words, "Well, sure, if you want," he hastens to clarify, "After all, we're going to the same place and I'll make the trip in my car," he explains, "There's plenty of room for your bags along with mine and so you won't have to spend on a ticket. Besides, it would be safer and I think, I don't know, you'd be more comfortable."

You remain silent, trying to assimilate what he has just said. There is something in his words, in the slow and sincere tone, that strikes a deep chord in you.

The idea of making the trip together, of sharing that important moment of departure, of having one last time alone before facing a new life, awakens a mix of emotions that are difficult to describe.

He lowers his gaze for a moment, nervous, clarifying in a low voice.

"It's just a suggestion... something I thought might make things easier for you. You don't have to do it if you don't want to."

Your heart pounds, and somehow, the simplicity of his offer, the naturalness with which he cares for you, causes a warm surge of gratitude and affection to wash over you.

"Can you really do that for me?" you ask quietly, with a little smile you can't help.

"Sure," he says absurdly softly, as if it weren't obvious, "But only if you want me to. I don't want to force you. It's just an option."

You look up at him, holding his gaze for a second that seems like forever, and nod slowly, allowing the feeling of relief and closeness to wash over you.

"I'd love to," you whisper, your voice barely a murmur, "Thank you."

The shadow of a smile tugs at his lips, and you can see the relief in his expression.

"No need to thanks."

Without another word, Aemond pulls you a little closer to him and again the two of you bring your foreheads together, letting the moment lengthen as the music changes to another slow rhythm.

You both remain like that, moving in silence and enjoying the moment, spending the last moment of your high school lives together, to start college together.

"Are you ready?"

Aemond watches you from the driver's seat, his hands resting calmly on the steering wheel with a small smile on his face.

The car is already loaded with suitcases for both of you and you nod, taking a deep breath to calm the emotions fluttering in your chest.

The thought of heading off together towards this new stage causes a mixture of nerves and excitement to wash over you, though a part of you also feels comforted by Aemond's presence at your side.

"Yes," you reply, adjusting your belt.

You watch him and he gives you one last knowing look before putting the car in move.

Saying goodbye to your dad was difficult, but it was something you were both already preparing for and you knew that moment would come.

Besides, he met Aemond, as your friend who will do you the favor of driving you to college and nothing more. And your dad felt safer with that instead of taking the plane or bus alone.

Especially after Aemond promised him countless times that he would take care of you at all times.

The road is serene at first, and Aemond turns on the radio, letting a soft melody fill the comfortable silence between them.

The roads stretch out in front of you, long and exciting, as the landscape changes shape and the kilometers pass, leaving behind the city where you experienced so much.

From time to time, you exchange glances, small comments about the places you see and the expectations each has for the university.

Aemond seems especially careful, attentive to every sign on the road and every change in your expression, as if he wants to make sure you are comfortable and at ease.

And he especially notices a change in your expression.

"Is something bothering you?" he asks you, his voice low but close, filling the space in a comforting way.

You watch him and after some hesitation, you shrug.

"I guess it makes me a little nervous not knowing what to expect," you admit, "This whole new stage... the idea of being alone in a new place."

Aemond nods, understanding what you mean, his eyes fixed on the road.

"I guess it's normal," he tells you softly, "It's almost obligatory to feel this way, but, for what it's worth... you won't be completely alone."

His gaze meets yours for a second before he turns back to the road.

"I'm going to be around if at any time you need anything or anything happens, anything at all."

You feel a warmth settle in your chest, and a part of your nerves seem to fade. The idea of him being there, close by, offering you that closeness, gives you a strange sense of relief.

"Thank you, Aemond," you murmur with a small smile.

He smiles, marking a dimple in his cheek, and turns his eyes to the front.

The ride continues, where the atmosphere in the car becomes more and more comfortable, chatting about small details, expectations, and the occasional joke that makes you both laugh comfortably.

And finally, as the two enter the town of Oldtown and the university looms in the distance, Aemond slows down, looking at the campus that would soon become his home.

"There it is," he says, a slight excitement in his voice.

The same excitement rubs off on you and excitedly, you take his hand, intertwining it with yours, excited and hopeful.

Hopeful that all that is to come for you in this place are good and promising things. As well as hopeful for Aemond and for you.

series taglist:

@melsunshine @at-a-rax-ia @jxdegodfrey @ttkttt @yentroucnagol @kate-to-the-ki @iamavailablesstuff @bluerskiees @urmomsgirlfriend1 @toodlesxcuddles @rosie-posie08 @iloveallmyboys @bellaisasleep @deliaseastar @cupcakesminicakescupcakes @dixie-elocin @lilostif16 @wickedfrsgrl @a-beaverhausen @saturnssrings @ladythornofrivia @vhwyrm @strangersunghoon @queen-of-elves

[beemovieerotica]

hey can you tell me how you got tested for OCD and/or started to think you had it?

yeeeess so it was literally 2018 when i was like "hm maybe i have OCD" to my therapist (who was not specialized in this) and she did not disagree with me and everything kind of clicked in that session between us when we both simultaneously realized a lot of my behaviors could be explained that way.

the hardest thing was that i'd already been diagnosed with generalized anxiety so like. "yes i obsess over conversations i've had or will have and repeat things over and over in my head" "yes i constantly check to make sure things are okay" "yes i hyperanalyze and hypercriticize myself" all got wrapped up in that.

i think the behavior that i actually brought up with that therapist that precipitated the realization was i started vacuuming a corner of my room repeatedly like over the course of several weeks, every day. just obsessively vacuuming this corner because i kept finding tiny cat litter crystals there from a previous tenant. i'd be literally picking it out of the carpet with my fingers with my head parallel to the floor just staring and trying to find these things for like an hour at a time. colossal waste of time. but it was "important." and i was finally like...THIS is excessive, right?

but i do a lot of things that are the opposite of "classic" OCD which confused me for YEARS - like i genuinely have such poor food hygiene and don't care about bodily fluids, i love touching sticky things, my personal things are poorly organized, my room was always a mess, etc etc.

i got officially evaluated when i went in for the psilocybin study (beginning of this year) where i met an OCD specialist for the first time who did this complete battery of questions with me. there were things i never realized were OCD for me:

very obsessed with parasitic insects and constantly checking for bedbugs and fleas even when i have no reason to suspect these things

constantly re-reading everything i write. 5x. 10x. saying whole sentences over and over in my head. the sentence is fine, i didn't make a mistake, but i just have to keep reading it to be 1000% sure.

rubbing my scalp a lot and pulling out random hairs on my legs, eyebrows, eyelashes

over-explaining so fucking much to be absolutely sure i'm not misunderstood or that someone can read bad intentions into what i'm saying. "predicting" conversations and anticipating entire lines of questioning and how i would defend myself. lol.

intrusive horror film-esque thoughts

being terrified as a child that i would be possessed by a demon if i yawned too wide - i had other extremely irrational superstitions that i would force on myself and try to live by for no reason, these started at like age 10

obsessions around my health (orthorexia, i've ping-ponged between various diets like vegan / gluten-free / vegetarian thinking that it would help me)

only ever felt normal when drinking. like i could just let go of the compulsions and anxiety while drunk.

it was really hard to even parse a lot of this out being 1) already anxious, 2) raised very religious, and 3) BOTH my parents and my older sister have OCD, so all this was just normal!! my mom also pulled out her hair. my mom and my sister also had eating disorders and very weird attitudes around medicine. superstitions and moral scrupulosity were encouraged in our community. i had no reason to think that any of this could all be linked back to an actual disorder.

i really wish i'd had intervention at least a decade or more earlier. this started when i was in grade school at least. it sucks. so much of the public perception of OCD is centered on the classic symmetry / cleanliness / hand-washing shit. it did not help that my family loved watching Monk when i was growing up so i was like "oh, i'm not like THAT" and never questioned it.

i think(?) i might go to the big OCD conference happening in the states next year, not sure, but i really want to talk to people about psilocybin. idk let me know if you have any other questions, i'm still processing a lot of this.

[prettynice8]

Kinkmas Day 20: Hatefucking

Paring: Katsuki Bakugo x male reader

This guy

Summary: after smashing Kirishima, Bakugo meets up with you to settle the score a little bit more

Warnings: Swearing, kissing, marking, smashing, creampie, hatefucking DUH

Word count: 886

(This is a part 2 to my day 12 Kirishima fic)

You were walking out of Kirishima's room that night at 2 am, wearing a borrowed T-shirt and underpants that you took from him. You two went at it over and over again, with the occasional break that was actually quite nice just talking to him, but not near as good as his dick plunging into you for hours on end. Though it did make you awfully sore. The bite marks all over your neck, the random bruises throughout your body, and not to mention the numbness of your ass.

It was near impossible to get back to your dorm, almost falling over at least 10 times. It was during this when you met that old shit head Bakugou.

"Fucking slut." He spit out at you, voice full of disdain at the thought of you having sex with Kirishima.

"Jealous?" You asked, smirking.

"What's there to be jealous about? Kirishima's just too fucking stupid and you're too fucking easy." He started bitterly.

"You know what dude just fuck off, if you don't like me so much then why are you here standing right next to me talking. Get a life for fucks sake!" You said with an exhausted tone, just tired of his bullshit. He answers by predictably shoving you into the wall and pinning you.

But then he surprises you by gripping your arm and taking you to his room. You don't fight back or anything because at this fucking point you're just too tired to deal with anything.

He throws you in and then closes the door behind him. You walk over to sit on the bed, having been standing for far too long.

"You're such a fucking slut." Bakugo stated, almost sounding disgusted.

"If so, then why did you bring me in here?" You asked.

"Because you being a slut is perfect for me." He confessed before getting on top of you and kissing you roughly, not a sign of romantic attraction in it at all. You reciprocate, already mixing saliva, his tongue dominating yours easily.

He then goes from your lips to your neck, noticing the many marks littered there. He makes some of his own, biting and nipping at your neck roughly, unlike the more affectionate way that Kirishima did, and honestly, you kind of like it this way more. You knew he wanted to fuck you for months now, not even being very secretive about it with the more than necessary attention he gives you constantly.

"I need to make some of my own, just so people know how much of a cock hungry slut you are." He exclaimed before actually tearing off your borrowed shirt, while neatly taking his own clothes off. You do have to admit that his dick is pretty impressive, it's not as long as Kirishima's but it's way more girthy, if that is even possible.

"Fuck, you really are a whore." He said honestly, noticing the bruises scattered throughout your entire body from your previous escapades that night.

"Well, are you gonna fuck me or just stay here talking about much a of a slut I am?" You asked, just wanting this to be over with so you can go to bed. "Even though you're literally the one who brought me into your room, and the one who started to kiss me first, and the one who always walks up to me trying to catch my attention. But no totally, I'm the man whore."

He answers this by flipping you over and sticking his girthy member straight in your ass. It slides in relatively easily, Kirishima's cum being a pretty effective lube. Though he is still massive, and you're extremely sensitive, so it still hurts a decent amount.

But Bakugo doesn't care about that, so he immediately starts slamming into it at full force, not giving you any time to adjust. You scream out in pain, your nerves going haywire from how sensitive they are.

After a few more thrusts from him, it does start to get better. Your yelps of pain slowly but surely, not to your liking, turning into moans of pleasure.

He's pounding like a highschooler would, slamming into you with little technique, just reckless pounding to chase his own sexual needs, not caring much about yours and essentially only using you as a human flesh light. Apparently, you're quite the good human fuck toy, because you can clearly hear his groans that he tries to hold back in vain.

To be fair, he must be doing something right too, because after only a few more rough thrusts, you already climax. Bakugo follows soon after, shooting his load into your already filled ass.

"Now fuck off!" He screamed after pulling out of your ass. Before he needs to say another word, you've already left, taking one of his T-shirts to replace the one he destroyed.

While you're walking the halls with even shakier legs than before, you trip, well almost, because luckily Izuku is there, leaving his room to go to the bathroom, to catch you.

"Are you ok?" He asked, putting you back on your feet, fairly certain on what happened, you two were pretty loud. "If you want you could stay in-"

"Shut the fuck up and get out of my way, I'm done with fucking for the day!" You denied.

THE END

[hazbin-critique-place]

THINGS I HATE ABOUT THE THE APOLOGY TOUR (part 1)

Blitzo just randomly walks in. AND DON'T GET ME WRONG, I LOVE HIM, HE'S LITERALLY THE CLOSES THING TO MY COPING MECHANISMS IRL AND PEOPLE HAVE DESCRIBED ME THE SAME WAY AS HIM, I'M NOT SHITTING ON HIM, but rather the storytelling... Like... What??? Like, make it make sense.

So he just randomly comes and goes, as he wishes??? And we saw he didn't have any problems with stealing (maybe just felt bad a bit but come on he kills ppl for living and we see how sadistic he can be he's NOT gonna have problem with that) why doesn't just steal from Stolas' house and sell that shit????? Like - he could fucking quit his job or find a better one!!!

And then he wouldn't need the grimoire, and... Boom.

Then, why is he even there??? Like - did he use his brains at all?? Like - bruv, you got rhe crystal already, so if you wanna act like you don't give a shit... Just don't come pleading to him (bird dick guy) and basically annoy the shit out of him for next 10 minutes even if you're right. Trust me, that's not how you feign nonshalance. I would know.

Stolas being sassy at him, then??? Like - if you have the guts to be sassy, why don't even have the whole conversation wuth him and sit and talk the relationship out with each other already??? Are you THAT stubborn?! That's not normal.

Also, if you really don't want him there, Stolas, just teleport him out. Or yourself. Just - fucking make it make sense. You HAVE the powers, and I KNOW that in Good Omens Crowley and Az would in this situation probably forget that, Neil even speaks about it in some interview or idk, but... Come on. HE'S SMART. STOLAS LITERALLY READS. (I know this is stereotyping but there IS a reason for the stereotype - literally a majority of people who'd read in their free time (and c'mon, even I, an ao3 monster, wouldn't read after such a fight like Sto and Blitz had - my anxiety would be making scenarios and pacing through the garden already -) ARE smart.) Don't make him look all educated and priviledged and informated and shit just to act like this mean asshole, like - does he ENJOY annoying Blitzo back??? (Also, pls shut, you twitter users who "dOn'T dEaDnAmE hiM!!!1!" all over reasonable posts when you lack better arguments. It literally IS his legal name, and if he had such a problem with it, he could change it easily... Take Anthony to Angel Dust, after all. Or just nicknames could work.) Bcs I at this point honestly think he does.

Also, you dumb, dumb, hypocritical bird, why would you show him a fucking invite when you could just repeatedly tell him to at least 'go away' or just act objectively reasonable????

And if you're trying to be so polite bro, just magic him a cup of tea, or something, to match the yours. It would nicely fit to the scene and aesthetic, also it would make you seem more nice and classy... At least I could like you.

Also, are you ignoring Blitzo or fuck¥ng talking to him???

Because at the same time, you want to have an alone time, but you still throw baits to elarge the conversation at him.

He's all sassy and makes comments and aaahhh - so you're like satisfied with the situation now or what???

I mean, poor Blitzo -

Like-

If you hate him, just tell it to him already. Poor boy.

Oh god, we aren't even 3 minutes in and I have already writen a goddamn novel.

Also, I know it's supposed to be funny, but the whole party idea is honestly just dumb. Like... I would be so bored and not even excited to even go to a place designated to constantly talk about a person I hate? Lol

Like I love a good gossip but not as a theme for a goddamn concert-having function!

Also, you know that happy people live longer, right? This is kinda unhealthy - I mean, that's just basic, no? Like don't support and feed your hatred towards an individual just to feel better about yourself, or at least don't force it.

Bcs I get the guy who broke down crying at that one shot after he tried to hit the blitzi plush so much. And the other dude was hyping him up. I'd be so much confused, like him. Like - he's going through some hard stiff, like some facking serious character development right now, just let him be!

About Martha... Ehhh, I love her new design and character, but it just seems boring and soul sucking now that every character, after they're denonised, they just happened to be the same, most generic, and shitty snappy, constantly angry and always frustrated (and frustrating) characters ever. Like - does hell really that much brainwash people??? I mean, it would be interesting, but honestly I don't think that Vivzie did this intentionally at all.

Also, why would you even sleep with your nemesys... 😭 I'm a number one enemies to lovers fan and I don't ship it if they don't bite rach other but this, especially so unexplored and just randomly thrown in, does NOT make and sense.

It was funny though lol. I want more of these just to see how much Viv's one-dimensional view of her own fucking characters transforming to hell changes.

Part 2 soon.

[the-fabled-void]

Headcanons I've written in my discord server over the span of ~10 months 

Warnings: Lust mentioned at the very end, will be under a cut, The last part of Horror's section is also under the cut for an implied ED, and emetophobia

Misc/AU instead of Sans related, multiple at once: 

All actual Sanses have the same birthday, but they celebrate their creation days as one too, if they know it most Sanses talk in sans-serif type fonts  Only Classic talks in Comic Sans  Dream, Nightmare, and Fresh don't talk in a sans serif font at all Error's* font is also different Outertale: When you're in a quiet spot, you can actually hear the stars twinkle (hc inspired by a part of my comfort MLP fan animation Snowdrop) AUs have cultural differences, and I'm not talking about stuff that's obvious like Underfell You know how some creators speak more than just english? What if it's because their underground is located under a mountain in a different part of the world Not only do AUs have different languages sometimes but also different accents

Classic

Classic doesn't have inside or outside clothes, he sleeps with the clothes he wears outside He'd love Weird Al's music Would absolutely wear crocs  Smells faintly like books and chemicals even if he hasn't been in a library or lab recently Do you think he washes that jacket if it's not stained? Absolutely not  Sci: smells like plastic wrapped books that have just been opened

Killer

is really good at pretending to be sober when drunk (In the more fanon bad sanses dynamic) forces the rest of the bad sanses do take stupid BuzzFeed quizzes Smells like handwritten books Stage 1/2 has a lot of quiet moments where he just analyses listens to Set It Off

Cross

listens to Nightcore music & Set It Off

hogs blankets

Cross, I love you...you use axe body spray

Absolutely illegal that people think Cross is taller than Dream, he's shorter

Any time Cross and Epic are in a room together, they're glued to each others side even if theyre currently arguing

Nightmare

has a high alcohol tolerance, you can't tell me those apples weren't rotten enough to be alcoholic would talk in the Money Penny font

Ink

The star sanses go to cafes and judge people's outfits jokingly, as if Ink with his toeless socks can judge anyone

Their  alcohol tolerance is highly dependand on what vials he drinks before 

sends either an insane amount of small voice notes or one really long one, no in between

They're strong enough to pick people up but it looks so funny because they're so short

Ink, as a parent, would be the exact opposite of those 'Beige moms' 

He refuses to deprive his kids of sensory input like that Would be fascinated by Killer's soul

They sneeze like a dad

Coffee has no effect on them

We all agree his vials are like mental illness medication right? 

Error: 

Can hear Undertale's soundtrack sometimes and it drives him wild 

*His font is partially comic sans, partially other sans serif fonts

Gets headaches very easily

Smells like comic books, especially those that smell more like printer ink

We already know Error's eyesight is shit, but it's especially horrible and close to nonexistent on his smaller eye

Geno 

Soul beats very unevenly

gets drunk really easily bc he's constantly bleeding, so there's less alcohol-free blood in his system for it to filter out (cough cough CPAU)

I feel like he would die from a sip of energy drink

Once he gets to the surface, he'll suffer from chronic headaches and other pains 

He would would drop his backstory exactly the way dads drop Dad Lore (if you know, you know) 

Geno looks like a coffee drinker but drinks tea

Smells like old books, specifically dry basement ones

Reaper

has haphephobia that stems from his death touch

At the same time, touch starved af

He drinks coffee despite having tea drinker vibes to people

Fell

Sometimes he just imagines random shit happening that would make him angry, and then gets angry over that

His summer outfit is the exact same but a sleeveless sweater under his jacket instead of a normal one

can only make 3 recipes and burns those sometimes too

giggles after getting kissed (he will deny this) 

Uses Old Spice deo 

Short king short king

has shoplifted before

Swap/Blue

gets hungry really fucking quickly

(I have a huge hc list specifically for him)

Dream

is a coffee drinker

He gives me the vibes of old people trying to use modern slang, but doing so incorrectly

sucks at modern technology

Once he finds out about emojis, it's over for everyone

is into astrology

the opposite of a Disney princess. Animals don't like him

Dream's insults hit harder than Nightmare's, he just knows what hurts you 

High alcohol tolerance

Ccino 

exhausted

has a Morning Special he makes himself before working at his cafe. It has way too much caffeine in it

One day Dream walked into his cafe, Ccino took a good look at him and gave him his Morning Special™

Only certain people can drink it though - this means both that only some tolerate it, but also that Ccino only gives it to some

Dust/Murder

Soul beats faster than others' souls

has absolutely horrible posture

jumps to conclusions easily 

Dust hated Swap as soon as he first met him 

I mean, Dust doesn't like himself much for he did, ESPECIALLY to his brother

So a Sans who acts kinda like a Papyrus? Nuh uh 

Is this the basis of Dustberry? 

Anyway

Smells like an old, slightly burnt book

Concept: Phantom Papyrus but he used to be a hallucination that turned into an actual ghost somehow -> Phantom and XChara can see each other

Horror

doesn't like horror movies much

he's seen enough shit

Likes chickens 

Hc for fanon horror: cooking for the bad sanses, at first didn't trust anyone else

Canon Horror probably can't cook very well 

Faint smell of damp books

TW ED, TW Lust

Horror has moments where he binge eats and then regrets it later

Lust

Is like the only Sans who enjoys warm weather

Infertile, compromises by being a cool ass babysitter

Loves flowers

A tea drinker

Transatlantic accent

Listens to Mitski 

When he's looking at something he likes/loves, his eye lights turn monster soul shaped instead of heart shaped

[fandomwe1rd0]

Morty is a really tragic character

I'm rewatching the series for like the 10th time, and I'm feeling really bad for Morty, the poor boy went through so much, here's what he goes through in season 1 alone.

Episode 1 ~ Pilot

Suffers from extreme panic from Rick saying he will blow up the world, and is tired due to it also being late at night

Is manhandled by Rick for this entire episode, and Rick is very harsh toward him

Is dragged out of school by Rick

Breaks both of his legs

Stuffs Mega-seeds up his rectum and it is apparently painful due to them being pointy

Is immobilized for hours due to them dissolving in his rectum

Episode 2 ~ Lawnmower Dog

Was about to get punished for something Rick did

Rick snaps at him all because Morty suggested Rick helps him with his homework

Is terrified due to having to avoid getting shot so he doesn't die in real life

Is slapped by Rick while screaming

Is traumatized due to seeing his sister in a...suggestive way

Is terrified due to Scary Terry

Rick embarrasses him in front of girls (Those girls weren't real but still)

His kidneys shut down

His dog leaves

Rick insults him "What do you know Morty? What do you know?"

Episode 3 ~ Anatomy Park

Gets hastily told by Rick to hold his breath until a certain process is over or his lungs will collapse

Is nearly choked by Poncho for no real reason

Is nearly attacked by monsters (multiple times throughout the episode)

Sees mutiple people die (Throughout episode)

Alice taken away from him for Rick's own selfish reasons, Rick doesn't apologize and brushes it off saying he did Morty a favor

Episode 4 ~ M-Night Sha-aliens!

He isn't exactly in this episode, but in an aftercredits scene, Rick holds a knife to Morty's neck while angerily asking him "ARE YOU A SIMULATION!?"

Episode 5 ~ Meeseeks and Destroy

Got traumatized from having to kill people who looked exactly like his family

Rick is very harsh towards him for the majority of the episode

Got assaulted by Mr. Jellybean, narrowly escaped him

Panicked when he saw Mr. Jellybean again

Episode 6 ~ Rick Potion #9

Multiple people fell in love with him and charged at him

Rick is very harsh towards him throughout this episode

A bunch of praying mantis/ vole/ human hybrids talked about how they would like to have sex with him then eat him afterwards

Got traumatized from being forced to bury himself

Episode 7 ~ Raising Gazapazorp

Tried his best to raise a very aggressive, violent son named Morty Jr. then Morty Jr. made a book talking about what a terrible father he was

Episode 8 ~ Rixty Minutes

Actually, not a lot of bad stuff happens to him in this episode, but we see the impact of him burying himself

Episode 9 ~ Something Ricked this Way Comes

Jerry snapped at him 2 times in this episode for no real reason

Jerry embarrassed him in front of a lot of Plutonions

Episode 10 ~ Close Rick Counters with Rick Kind

Got dragged away from his family just because our Rick's Morty (Ik he's technically Rick Prime's Morty but eh)

Got angry at Rick when he found out he was just a human cloaking device

Saw himself in agony

Cried when Rick said "You are a perfect impenetrable suit of human amor Morty because you're as dumb as I am smart. So that's why when I say shut up, it's really good advice."

Got locked in with a bunch of other Mortys

Rick insulted him after Morty saved his life "Ok Morty, don't break an arm jerking yourself off."

Episode 11 ~ Ricksy Business

Tried to convince Rick not to have a party since he'd prefer to keep going on adventures with Rick, but Rick just brushed him off

Worked tirelessly to attempt to keep the house in good shape

Rick dumped people who were annoying him onto Morty

Saw Squancy uh...pleasuring himself in the closet

Saw Abrodolf Lincoler die

Rick got a bunch of people to boo him.

This all happened in season one. This poor dude got constantly insulted and had horrible things happen to him. It's easy to forget that he's only 14 due to all of the stuff that happened to him. A lot of this stuff could be difficult for an adult to handle, I can't image how much mental damage it must do to someone who is only 14. Poor Morty is traumatized, the poor kid deserves all the hugs and kindness in the world and a good family, man.

[ashtxeman]

BIGGER Punch-Out!! Relationship HC's!

Shhh.. I went into more depth on a couple of the mentioned relationships from the last post..

Kaiser and Joe are obviously a romantic duo! They often go out on walks (since Kaiser likes the peace and Joe thinks forests are good places to kiss), eat at restaurants or visit each other's houses and talk over coffee. Sometimes they'll train together until Joe becomes distracted looking at Kaiser and gets decked by a punching bag.

Disco and Hippo are an unlikely friendship to be sure. I've touched on this before but since Kaiser and Joe go off on their own little ventures, Disco and Hippo are stuck together and have to come up with things to do. Disco enjoys taking Hippo around the city and showing him cool details about everyday life to help the other get accustomed to the ins and outs of such a different environment (during the time between contender and TD, Disco was the one who gave Hippo the suggestion of a guard for his stomach, but unfortunately he was too busy having his own crisis to actually help Hippo find one).

Hondo and Hugger are next, and they're probably the most obvious best friends out of everybody. They've known each other for years and compliment each other well. They're both good cooks, polite people, encouraging to others and know when to draw the line. Hugger's sense of humour also balances out how emotionally dry Hondo can be, they're pretty much each other's bread and butter. Most of the time they enjoy going out on hikes or on rare occasions volunteer together at pet shelters and help get some good animals to equally good homes.

Tiger and Don are.. hard to explain. 90% of the time they're forced next to each other and throw insults to pass the time, and the other 10% they're getting into fights over said insults. It's impossible to count the amount of times one of Tiger's clones has stolen Don's toupee and stuck it to the ceiling as a joke. Poor Hugger has to act as the Dad for them, separating their fights and calming tensions with his signature 'I'm not mad, just disappointed' glare. Hondo threatens them with his signature 'So help me God if you don't stop now, there will be hell to pay' glare. Both work. Overall Don and Tiger are good friends, they just express their friendship in very.. bothersome ways.

Aran. Dear God. You'd assume he doesn't have any friends, but there's two notable people. First off there's Tiger, who people actually know Aran gets along with well. They enjoy poking fun at others to pass the time and usually stand in the corner of the room pointing things out and making each other laugh. Tiger is also one of the only people who supports Aran's pranks, but mostly because if he supports Aran then he can't be pranked himself. It's a friendship with benefits, in a way. Second off there's Hondo, who nobody knows about. Both Hondo and Aran keep the friendship they have hidden well under wraps, with Aran constantly sneaking over to Hondo's house so they can watch anime and draw.

Soda and Bull are similar to Hondo and Hugger in the sense that they've known each other for ages and everybody knows it. There's never a time when they're apart, since Soda's always there to help Bull stay calm and Bull's always there to stop Soda from being too social (like starting conversations with shady strangers since he can't read people very well). Sometimes they're forced to go their separate ways when Soda goes off with his doctor or Bull goes to therapy, but they're never away for long. Usually they hang around in a dry cleaners run by an old couple they enjoy the company of, since it's quiet and they get free stuff if they behave.

Last is Macho and Sandman, an unlikely pair! Even though Macho started off hating Sandman since he was the one thing keeping him from the title, he came to like him more after Mac stormed the ranks and they ended up becoming good friends. Macho often trails after Sandman when he goes to volunteer work like cleaning the rings after matches or helping in soup kitchens, even if he hates it.. he basically just does it to be around Sandman more. Now that is a huge signal right there, but Sandman really doesn't catch on, since Macho is naturally a himbo and at this point Sandy doesn't question anything he does or says. He is beyond being questioned.. there's not a thought in his brain.

[copperheid]

So I've recently gained a lot of weight

I got put on medication for my depression. Because my appetite was low and I was a bit underweight for my height my doctor prescribed Mirtazapine

And he told me I might gain a little bit but it should plateau after a while and it shouldn't be anything crazy.

It used to be that I struggled to recognise I was hungry until I was starving, but I rarely got to that point as I would be satisfied with a small lunch and a small dinner so long as I remembered to have them. I didn't have much need for snacks or breakfast.

Now since I started the medication I constantly feel like I'm starving. That painful, ravenous hunger that distracts from everything else until it is satiated, but it's never pacified long. I feel like I have to have breakfast, lunch and a sizable dinner as well as several snacks or else I'll be suffering terribly.

9 months later I've gone from a UK size 8 (US 4) to a UK 14 (US 10) and I've put on 20kgs / 42lbs, and that number is still steadily climbing.

I've started going to the gym to try to burn it off as often as I can, but I just wind up even hungrier after a workout.

I'm currently trying to muscle through it on willpower alone but I feel so awful. Food is literally all I can think about when I try to restrict my intake to what I used to eat. I feel like my whole body is on fire. And it's not working. Even restricting myself to eating the bare minimum needed to function I still see the number climb.

And while I have liked some of the changes that came with the weight gain- like bigger boobs and actually having an ass and hips...putting on weight in my belly has been very difficult to accept. Buying new clothes every couple of months even more so. Seeing the numbers go up on the scale, on the measuring tape and on my clothes...seeing the stretch marks grow in number and intensity day by day...it's scary. I worry it might never stop and I'll become so big that I can't lead a normal life anymore. That I'd need to buy a second seat on a plane. That I couldn't ride a roller coaster. That I couldn't dance. That I couldn't walk.

I worry that people are talking behind my back, saying I let myself go, that I'm ruined now. I worry my partner will stop finding me attractive.

I feel like I never have anything nice to wear because everything highlights my huge belly. I'm constantly bloated and could be mistaken for pregnant if you didn't know me. All my trousers dig in painfully and I heave over the top of them. Shirts are too tight and ride up to show off my pale, rounded skin.

And sometimes I find it sexy, in a strange way. Like my body is changing and growing softer, and soft bodies are sexy...but then the shame creeps in. Like I'm doing something wrong and taboo by finding my own bigger body sexy.

I feel forced to be more feminine than I am - dresses and skirts are the only clothes I feel comfortable in. Everything else digs in too much, shows to much, or adds bulk that makes me feel even bigger. I was never a girly girl - I'm not even sure I'm a girl at all.

I'm going to Japan next week and I had originally planned to buy clothes while I'm there. I had been excited about all the different styles I wouldn't be able to get back in Scotland. Now the idea fills me with dread. They won't stock my size in any of the normal stores there. I'll have to shop in stores with insulting names like Moo Moo Girl and Hey Fatty Boom Boom.

Maybe I'll grow to accept my body with time. Maybe I will even be able to lose the weight somehow. But i don't want to come off the medication. It's been the only thing that's made a dent in my depression and I couldn't stand to lose that. Maybe I could even be fat and happy someday - better than skinny and dead.

I just hope I figure this shit out soon.

[megamikmini]

My dream redesigned Slenderman with the most BOMB design choices I've ever seen: an analysis of key character points and how a subconscious thought blew every design I've ever seem out of the water

I think I speak for a lot of us when I say that people don't really take this design anywhere. It's the same blank white face, suit, and sometimes you can throw in a splash of color with a red tie

But all that changes with this design.

Boys.... we've missed out on so much potential it's CRAZY

Key point 1: blank face. In my dream he came from a distance, and as I have bad vision he looked just the same as usual (I dream about the dude a concerning amount. A lot of the time, as with this one, I spend the dream constantly keeping an eye out for him, making plans of escape or spots to hide, until the end where I get chased into a corner and the dream ends. Of course, some of them are like "yo! It's my boss!👉👉" ) but back on topic: he got closer to me and as I scramble realizing I'm caught in a corner I turn around and... it's not a pale blank slate. It's a man, pale skin, tall, in a suit and tie, sure, but -- it wasn't an artificial pale. It was a real person, and he had intricate, white lace ribbon wrapped around his shaved bald head, covering his features (not everything) very purposely. It was ornate, definitely intentional. Then, like you take off earings before a fight, he took them off

Part 2: no eyes, always watching. He had actual human features underneath. Something in dream me knows he was white Egyptian, but most notably staying true to character, he had no eyes. Instead of them just being missing, with skin laying over where they were supposed to be, they were instead simply missing, like regular, underdeveloped eyes! I'll try and find a photo. It was very obvious he could see, because at this point I chucked the ice in my drink at him and it kind of force fielded off, so I threw the cup at him and he caught it and looked at me like I was an idiot XD Anyways, point being dude could see - well - and he had full intention of bashing my head in

Part 3: asshole attitude. Yes, slenderman is your dad and yada-yada, but that's fannon, and I'm talking about cannon. This is the guy who ruined Kate's life from day 1, chasing her down and making her go slowly insane until she broke. Same with CR. Same with Charlie, and the whole Matheson family for that matter. And that's just from one game! We could look at Marbel hornets and the Operator, with Alex being led around like a puppet even after his girlfriend is killed, he's stalked into oblivion, and has his mind distorted until he believes the only think he can do is off everyone he's ever cared about to "cure the sickness". That's one guy out of SO MANY in that whole series who's life was decimated by this dude. And dream Slenderman, redesign and all, lived up to the potential.

I spent the entire dream, with different plot points, adventures, people to meet, etc all just waiting for this guy to turn up. Every time I was alone I'd check my back. Every chance I got I'd arrange stuff to find a box, plant, or open door to dissappear behind. And yet, he found me, backed into a corner without a way out. Most dream slendermen kind of just appear there, look menacing, then I get brain-fried or whatever else. This guy had intention. This guy was power walking at me, full speed, ready to physically beat me for whatever I did. Taking off his decoration so I could watch his face and know he was serious

Crazy! 10/10 would experience again

[cantstoptheimagines]

https://www.tumblr.com/cantstoptheimagines/692979743241404416/ah-alright-maybe-just-freddie-benson-x?source=share

Almost two years, sorry!

I'm working on a Disney-based request right now, so I'll probably work on my Nickelodeon ones next since they're in the same ballpark as each other.

A more general explanation for all of my readers. Not directed at you specifically whatsoever, Anon! I promise!

I write for fandoms when I'm inspired to do so. This blog is a hobby, I work a full-time job, and I fulfilled requests for nearly a year straight when I first started it, which resulted in me not writing what I truly wanted to for a very long time. I know my turnaround times are long. That's because I have very little free time. And with the time I do have, I don't want to force myself into writing stuff I'm not inspired for because it will just end up being shitty quality, which is not something I want. On a more personal note, I also find myself struggling a lot with my confidence when it comes to my writing. It's a fun hobby (or else I still wouldn't be active on this blog), but I have a hard time with not comparing myself to newer writers on Tumblr. I've been writing fanfiction for over 10 years as a whole, but I've always felt that it is a very lonely activity for me. Aside from the occasional comment or message, I feel as though I have made very few friends and acquaintances through writing. A lot of the time it seems like newer writers are so motivated and constantly have people in their inboxes with feedback and friendly messages. Compared to that, I've always felt like my inbox has been dead, aside from people sending requests or other general stuff about my blog. When I fulfill them, I rarely ever get feedback from the people who sent them in, just a Like and nothing more. I just don't know what I can do better that will make more people want to be my friend. That's why I started writing in the first place. However, it seems like most people will talk to me for a few days or weeks and then disappear until they want to send in another request, then the cycle repeats itself again. I often feel like I'm just another cog in the machine from the older creators of Tumblr, like I'm running out of time. Like I have no place amongst the newer writers who are constantly improving and creating their own communities. I feel stagnant. And I don't know how to change.

[possessionisamyth]

Extremely frustrating to see how many people don't bother to understand Chris Redfield outside of a shipping context. Hell, even within those contexts he's made into an idiot, hyper aggressive and easily jealous, or a pillow who's supposed to take everyones bullshit with a smile (hmm wonder why you guys keep doing that to large men you find intimidating 🤔).

So in combo with my "Jill is allowed to get mad without it framing her as evil" post, I'm going to tell you Chris' anger and selfishness is always punished.

Chris is not allowed to get angry without severe consequences aka people dying around him, and this is a different kind of refreshing because normally they save that for the women of the cast, but this gets slapped on Chris of all people. And it's good actually.

Chris has been foisted into leadership position after leadership position when we've consistently seen he works best with a partner as a team or as a team player in a larger group. Resident Evil 1 with Rebecca, Code Veronica with Claire, a couple of manga installments with Jill, Lost in Nightmares with Jill, Resident Evil 5 with Sheva, like, these are all examples of where Chris is functioning at his best because he has someone where they can fill in the gaps for each other's shortcomings. His history with the air force where they are constantly working on a team, and he was too young to be thrust into leadership positions, built that foundation.

And they keep taking the guy who's used to being a support player and putting him into a leadership position, which leads to frustration because he's the guide instead of being able to ask for guidance. This is like taking the best chef in your kitchen and turning him into the restaurant manager when he has extremely little account experience. Yes, he'll figure it out with practice, but a lot of shit is going to get fucked over in the process until things smooth out. So when Chris gets angry and loses sight of his surroundings, the narrative punishes him.

He nearly loses Claire in Code Veronica because he was on a manhunt for Umbrella. He loses his second squad (ignoring the amnesia) in RE6. He loses Arias multiple times, and Rebecca gets kidnapped in Vendetta. He loses Ethan in RE8. This man is not allowed to let anger cloud his vision for even a second, and anger is usually one of the few emotions men are allowed to show without getting ridiculed for it.

To branch it out even further and say he's not allowed to think selfishly without consequences isn't so far-fetched either. It's been beaten into Chris over and over that if he does something for himself, people are going to get hurt or worse. His life isn't his own because inspiring leader Chris Redfield has to pull everyone together, and just, the pressure of having to be this image other people built up of him based on jobs where he was working with someone equally capable in order to succeed? The team effort tossed aside to raise him up higher and higher?

As a big brother he had to be selfless once their parents were gone. Again when all he wanted to do was make sure Jill, his close friend, was okay instead of fighting another impossible world scale battle against Wesker. Again when all he wanted to do was grieve over his lost team in RE6. Again when he was just trying to save Ethan in RE8 (Look, I'll talk about the pitfalls of RE8 writing later). And these are only the jobs we see! How many times has this lesson been thrown in his face for 10 years! 20 years!

Do you have any idea what that makes his relationships outside of work look like? How he might keep to himself just enough to maintain distance but ease anyone's worries. How he would constantly put others desires before his own wants and needs. We see this in bits and pieces in Death Island. I still think mentioning Piers at all instead of them talking out Jill's trauma was dumb, but Piers death told Chris "this is his life forever". Piers death told Chris this is what he gets for letting anger get the best of him. The cherry on top of this shit pie? Piers wasn't exempt from pedestaling Chris.

They did not need Chris for that job in China. There are other people who had leadership experience in the BSAA. They seriously should've sent Chris home to recover after finding him, but they didn't. Why? Well, the hero worship remained. Piers thought his own life was worth less than the great Chris Redfield. The one time Chris tricks himself into being selfish, the one time he believes he can take a seat and step away from this life, the one fucking man he believes sees him as a person still views him as this hero he never wanted to be, and Piers dies for it. And just like the drunk and sorry state he caught Leon in in Vendetta, that anger Jill has for going in headfirst is reminding Chris of himself and how it only made things worse.

Chris doesn't say a god damn word during Dylan's commentary of him, because Chris believes Dylan's right. Chris probably tells himself those same words so he tries to be less angry, more selfless, and it fucking loops. And even though Chris has a support system, it really really makes me wonder if he's using it, or if everyone is so used to using him as a crutch that he never bothers reaching out in the first place.

[3nigm4art]

Enigma, The Machine’s Masterpost

Ok, there’s a lot that I have to talk about, brace yourselves

Art stuff

La Gloire à mes genoux

Take Me Out

Detroit Become Human AU

Disco Elysium styled Q

Bond/Alec collab #1

Sandman AU

Lineless

Paper

Villain!Q comic

One line

Vampire

Shapeshifter!Alec

Leyendecker Q

Black and white

Paper gun

Elf!Q

Take care of yourself

Bond/Alec collab #2

Sketch dump

Bladerunner 2049

Goldo/Silver (Emilia's OC) collab

Merman

Wizard

Pixie

The Yellow King

Engie!Q

One day I'll return to your side

A KNIFE!

Alec/Boris

Silent fury

TOTK 00Q

Mood indigo

ポルノグラファー

透明人間18号

Be water, my friend

The Little Prince

I don't want to set the world on fire

00QAD chat night doodle

I never say goodbye

Quatre mains

Chess Grandmaster

Fics

I'm so sick and tired

Linked haiku

Non-art things

Incorrect quote 1

Incorrect quote 2

Incorrect quote 3

Incorrect quote 4

Incorrect quote 5

Q cosplay

Total points: 1470

!!!Rambling ahead!!!

So, I was captain for team villain this year, and I'm probably the youngest captain there ever was lmao. I tried my best and I hope I did ok.

But here's basically how my leadership went throughout fest

Yeah...

Prompt table ramble

I also made a prompt table. The "art challenges" one and surprise surprise, it's difficult. But when I made it, each square had a goal in mind.

Black and White only: the goal was to strengthen your sense for light and shadow.

One continuous line: Strength sense for form, some what like a blind-contour

Draw in a different style: Forcing you to do art studies

Based on a painting: Also forcing you to do art studies

3 colours only: Value studies

10 minutes: speeeeeeeed

Use a different medium: break your habit of using the same thing over and over again

Yeah. I was lowkey worried that no one was gonna do this table.

Art stuff ramble

I have made so much this year. And I have thoroughly enjoyed making people cry with my art. I don't wanna explain anything lmaoooo (I'm so tired).

Closing remarks

As of writing this, I'm recovering from a cold. I'm very tired, constantly sleeping at some ungodly hour.

I feel like I've improved a lot in terms of art. i pushed myself in terms of quality, but I am really tired.

I need sleep. I have a flight to catch tonight.

Thank you to everyone who have participated 007 fest 2023.

[kcrabb88]

Fic Writer 20 Questions

Tagged by the lovely @foreverchangingfandomsao3!

1.) How many works do you have on ao3?

107

2.) What's your ao3 word count? 

1,383,112

3.) What fandoms do you write for? 

I've written for Les Mis, Phantom of the Opera, Black Sails, Captain America, Hadestown, and Star Wars.

4.) What are your top five fics by kudos?

Shoulder the Sky: My RoTS fix-it AU and the first installment in the series of the same name! Obi-Wan figures Palpatine out and gets stabbed and put on trial for his trouble. Anakin has to sort his way out of Palpatine's manipulations.

Les Hommes de la Misericorde: My first long fic in the Les Mis fandom, which is very dear to my heart! It established many long lasting friendships as well as my brand of "Valjean saves some or all of the Amis after the barricade"

Whispers From the Dead: The sequel to Shoulder the Sky, featuring undead Sith, lots of QuinObi, Obi-Wan whump, Anakin being the Jedi master he always could have been, really cute Skywalker twins, and Padme finally getting to be chancellor.

Conjuring Miracles: My OWK what-if, where Vader gets his hands on Obi-Wan at the end of episode 3.

Between the Soul and the Star: My Les Mis fic where I attempt to save ALL the Amis and put Javert through his paces :D

5.) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I like to! I don't always get to every one, but I do try and answer as often as I can, especially long comments--I like to thank people for that effort! Plus, I've made friends by talking in comments!

6.) What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I think that one goes to By Force of Friendship, my Les Mis Barricade Day fic where Enjolras watches each of his friends die one by one, until he reaches his end. I mean, blame canon for that! But still, it hurt.

7.) What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I dunno if I can pick one? I've written a lot of fix-it fics for various fandoms, although my Hadestown fix-it, As If it Might Turn Out This Time, might be the winner .

8.) Do you get hate on fics?

Hmm I got flames like everyone else back in the 'ole ff.net days, but the only hate I ever got was on my Les Mis pirate AU (long taken down and turned into my series of novels) and I wouldn't even call it hate so much as weird and aggressive.

9.) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I do! I used to do almost entirely closed door/implied smut, but over the last few years, between my girl Raoul Phantom of the Opera AU and QuinObi fic for Star Wars, I write it a lot more! And I've really enjoyed writing it, too. Lot of character work that can happen!

10.) Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I wrote a Criminal Minds/House MD cross years and years ago, pre-Ao3!

11.) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

12.) Have you ever had a fic translated?

A couple of Les Mis ones, yes! Into Chinese.

13.) Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Wayyyyy back in the day, pre-Ao3, but not since then.

14.) What's your all time favorite ship?

I write a lot of gen fic, but as far as romantic ships go, it's a tie between QuinObi and Raoul/Christine, both of which I'm feral over and have written the most shippy content for.

15.) What's a WIP you'd like to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Don't currently have any unfinished ones! Well, WFTD, but it's almost done and will definitely be finished.

16.) What are your writing strengths?

I think character-depth and character arcs are probably my biggest strength? It's what's most important to me as a reader, so that's where I tend to focus the most.

17.) What are your writing weaknesses?

God, blocking!!! Not even in action scenes, that I can do, but when people are just sitting in a room! Constantly have problems with that.

18.) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Sometimes I do! I've used French in Les Mis here and there.

19.) First fandom you wrote for?

Rurouni Kenshin, back when I was a tiny baby on Media Miner.

20.) Favorite fic you've ever written?

This is like picking a favorite child??? I can't pick, but I will say that I'm proud of how I've expanded my horizons and written new things in Whispers From the Dead!

[akajustmerry]

Merryana, please, talk about Joel and Rick and bad comparisons 👉🏼👈🏼

alright, we're doing it. I've just taken a headache pill I'm lying under a fan - let's go.

so a lot of what I hate about these twd/tlou bad faith analysis and comparison has to do with a larger trend in social media discourse where things are discussed in tropes.

Prioritising short form media on socials means less time, less nuance and reducing things to their lowest common denominator because in a 10 second tiktok it's just quicker to say something is enemies to lovers than explain the actual premise. And I've been watching this reductive style of media discourse reshape how we discuss complex concepts and stories in real time and it fucking SUCKS.

A lot of the bad faith comparison of TWD and TLOU is built on the reduction of both these shows to Zombie Shows™ and Rick and Joel to Apocalypse Dads™. But describing them this way is kinda like saying that a shark and a puffer fish are both fish because they live in the ocean, but you've decided the puffer fish is better at being in the ocean and then high fiving yourself as if you made some poignant observation.

Starting with some basics, my guy Rickles is a literally a cop. The great irony of his character is that he's trying desperately to reclaim order in a world that has none and how this morality is constantly tested by an inherently lawless world. Joel is working class, a contractor with next to no moral claim on the world and that claim becomes zero when Sarah dies.

Reducing Joel and Rick into apocalypse Dads in the zombie shows flatten both characters into a vague concept rather than whole characters with very different worlds to navigate with very different motives. This kind of flattening of tlou and twd into zombie shows also ignores the very different world building in both shows. For one, there is no cure in TWD because everyone already has the virus and it activates when you're dead - no fuss, no muss and no hope for a fix. On the other hand, tlou is predicated on the question of whether a cure is worth it's cost. This is not even a question in TWD, so the shows are working from fundamentally different ideas. Not to mention, TWD is a show motivated by community building, tlou is.... Made by Zionists.

But I think probably the most egregious way I've seen the shows compared is culture writers comparing their first seasons (as if twd doesn't have another 10 seasons after that too). I can see why, obviously. At a surface level here's 2 shows that end their first season with "no cure" bombshells, but it's literally just surface!!! The journey the shows take to get there is so different, even in terms of time! Twd s1 is all at the start of the outbreak where Everyone is on the same page. Season 1 of tlou establishes that Joel has been living post-outbreak for 20 years. Yet another point of incomparable difference between the characters and the world of the shows.

I'm sorry but I'm just over it!! I'm over this obsession with reducing narratives to their tropes. It's bad marketing disguised as psuedo analysis! it's boring and does no justice to these stories. Like, people can just say they like tlou more than twd, you don't have to psuedo-intellectualise that opinion by copying and pasting bullet points from tvtropes.com.

There's also an element of... Gentrification to this comparison too in that tlou has a much higher budget production value and prestige marketing that, yes, means it looks a lot sleeker than TWD but also.....kinda makes it look the same as any other high budget scifi. Like the fact ppl have made parallels to the Mandolorian and Stranger Things just shows the total lack of character in the show's aesthetics itself. Its got the same gentrified scifi horror look that's become standard since about 2017. Say what you will about TWD but that make up department were forced to invent whole new techniques in practical make up because the show's low budget meant they couldn't use a lot of CGI and their innovation made the show LOOK and feel DIFFERENT.

The ONLY thing twd and tlou truly have in common is that they're both weak adaptations of their source materials. Beyond that, comparing them is just giving psy-op levels of incoherence and displaying disastrous levels of media illiteracy. Besides we all know that in a just world where TWD wasn't written by conspiracy weirdos and TLOU wasn't made by Zionists, Joel and Rick would be husbands 🥰

[acatnamedlena]

MIO WATER FLAVOR!!!

fruits are amazing. 50 blueberries are 39 calories - that's so many for

so little cals. an average strawberry has 2-4 calories, a grape has 2 calories,

a clementine has 35, a raspberry only has 1 calorie..the list goes on and

on. 

  

-stretching really helps - it gets rid of hunger pains and makes you feel

more awake. also it does burn fat & cals and makes your body flexible. 

 

  

-look at thinspo all the time. this is an obvious one but you're much

less likely to eat if you've just looked at it. 

  

 - get naked and look at yourself in the mirror. this can be shocking if

you're not thin, and you will NOT want to eat. 

  

 - repeat over and over in your head that you don't like food, that you

hate it. your brain will start to believe it if you do it for long enough. 

 

 

. -actually look at pro-ana blogs on xanga. some of them have good tips

that you're missing out on. 

 

. -make a list of safe foods (zero or negative cal) 

  

 - make a list of unsafe foods (high cal) 

  

 - instead of writing "dear diary", write "dear ana." pretend you're

talking to her yourself. say you LOVE her. say thank you for all that she's done

for you. please don't do this if you really are trying to recover. but i'm not,

and i do this all the time. it's a bad habit, i know, but forcing myself to

believe that i'm glad she's there is helpful, for me atleast. 

  -

. make your own list of tips, like this. you don't have to post it, but

you should atleast write it down. it's crazy how much more you THINK about it if

you have to type it out, or write it out. 

  

 - chew gum and eat mints constantly. this is one you already know, but it

never hurts. make sure it's lowcal though, or sugarfree. 

  

 - think about how much closer summer is getting, how little time you have

until you have to wear a swimsuit. now, are you going to wear a one-piece with a

fucking skirt on it, or a bikini that shows as much as possible? that's what i

thought. 

  

.- when it comes down to it, diet soda, tea, coffee, or whatever, all

those things that are zero cal? i wouldn't reccomend it. some of them make you

gain weight in the long run. just drink water - there's NO side effects. its

just pure water. 

  

-. at lunch, look at other people that are eating and say to yourself,

"i'm SO much stronger than them." 

  

 - if people know you're ana, and don't want you to exercise, go to the

bathroom & do chair squats - just stand and sit on the toilet (without

completely sitting on it). people will think you're just taking a shit.(; 

  

-do 10 mins of cardio, then 10 mins of stretching. 

  

 - try the opaque cup trick.

 

1-. if you have the urge to eat, chew but spit it out. 

  

. -kinda like #19, scented candles. bath and body works has amazing ones

like peppermint and chocolate brownie etc. 

  

-. listen to a really upbeat song and dance around like crazyy(: 

  

-. eat zero or negative cal foods.