#Selina Kyle×Talia Al Ghul

[lilithmymind]

Damian: Hello, Mother.

Talia: Greetings, Son.

Selina: Hi Dami!

Both Selina and Talia dead-glaring each other.

Talia: It's my Son. My flesh and blood!

Selina: And it's my stepson!

Damian: I'm afraid what since you and Father broke up I'm not your stepson anymore—

Selina: Huh? No, it's not about Bruce, I'm married to Talia.

Damian: What?

Talia: Yes, sorry I forgot to mention.

Selina: So that means he is my stepson!

Talia: I am not ready for you to call him so yet!

[bats-and-birds-24]

I am convinced the reason powerful, intelligent women like Talia and Selina are attracted to him is because he possesses no rizz. Absolutely none.

Like when they first meet Bruce out of the suit, they're expecting to be charmed with his charisma, but since he's comfortable with both of them, he goes on a two hour long conspiracy rant on how the Pentagon is being controlled by an ancient Babylonian blood cult.

[shyjusticewarrior]

Cass: *recording*

Steph, holding microphone: Who do you prefer Bruce be with, Selina or Talia?

Dick: Selina.

Jason: They're both too good for him.

Tim: Selina has threatened to kick my ass, but the guys Talia raised have kicked my ass. Selina also brings Bruce more work-life balance.

Tim: Mostly I just want Bruce to stay out of my love life.

Steph: Real.

Duke: Jefferson Pierce, so he'll stay away from my mom.

Dick: We can do that? In that case, Clark.

Steph: What about you, Damian?

Damian: Tt. Either way he'll be obnoxious.

Jason: Damian knows what's up.

[theerurishipper]

-

-

-

First <- Part 17 <- Part 18 -> Part 19

Masterpost

[wise-blue-cookies]

All members of the batfam share their taste in partners -

Goddess like dangerous knife woman who u wish to have ur neck snapped between their thighs

Pathetic mew mew men

[emperor-neo]

Man, TimKon has to have craziest in-laws. Imagine what headache the After marriage dinners get.

Duke: hey um… can you pass the salt *eyeing Lex Luthor*

Lex: *takes the salt but moves it away from Duke*

Selina: God why are you even in here?!

Lex: Because I am Conner’s BIOLOGICAL father unlike you, you stealing broad—

Lois: *tiredly sighs* Oh my God, here we go again…

Bruce: Blood relation means nothing, Lex.

Dick: to quote Maya Angelou: "Family isn’t always blood, it’s the people in your life who want you in theirs”

*Lex proceeds to stand up and points at the person at the end of the table*

Kate: now, this is gonna be interesting

Clark: Lex can you sit down?

Lex: for all my Intellect and prowess what I don’t understand is…WHY ARE THEY HERE!! *points at the Al Ghuls*

Talia: quit embarrassing yourself, Luthor. Timothy is my beloved’s son and brother to two of my sons—

Selina: *looks at Talia tiredly* would you please move on?

Talia: No! *slams the table* you are only his Girlfriend. While I am the Mother of his sons.

Selina: No sane mother trains her children to be weapons of war *pulls out her nails*

Talia: you haven’t seen this mother. *pulls out a sword*

Damian: Mothers, can you all stop? It’s embarrassing.

Minkhoa: as far as I’m concerned, I’m the spouse.

Bruce: Please I beg of you don’t do this Minkhoa

Jim whispers to Barbara: is it always like this?

Barbara whispers back: only during holidays

Jim: remind me not to attend during it

Stephanie: I could get why Talia is here but why is he here *sideeyes Ra’s Al Ghul* Didn’t you steal Tim’s spleen?

Ra’s: I am Talia’s father which makes me the detective’s father-in-law, by extension Timothy’s Grandfather.

*Alfred audibly cocks his shotgun under the table*

Jason: Crazy mental gymnastics there, geezer.

Ra’s: It is a shame that the detective’s choice to spend eternity is with that abomination…

Lex: you take that back, he’s genetically perfect! He’s half of my crush I meant rival and half of me! Me! you ancient terroris—

*a chorus of outrage erupts*

Jon: WOAH WOAH!

Dick: HEY!!

Luke: neglecting the part where Lex just admitted to—

*cuts short by Lucius Fox*

Lucius whispers: I strongly advise, you don’t add fuel to whatever this is, Luke.

Minkhoa: I mean he’s not wrong…

Tim leans on Conner: Welp, that checks my ‘racism at the table’ bingo card

Jean Paul: You are all sinners! I condemn this unholy matrimony! No man can marry a man much less born out of unnatural means!

Conner: There goes the homophobia one *checks the bingo card*

[bats-and-the-birds]

I like to imagine a universe where Batman and Catwoman aren't even dating but all of the Batkids just collectively decide to call Catwoman mom, even if it's just to confuse Bruce. This includes Damian, purely to mess with his father.

Selina would play along, I think.

Either this or in a world where Bruce and Talia are on slightly better terms, all of them deciding that, since she is Damian's mom, by transitive property, she is all of their moms.

Talia would also play along, I think.

I think if I imagine it hard enough, I can also force these two realities to co-exist.

[strawburry-panic]

bat sketches

[sweet-prroncito]

Who else here is a biggie fan of Damsel in Distress Batman being saved by one (or all) of his girl boss lovers?

He’s lucky

I just enjoyed drawing them a lot so thanks for that anon~

[morgangalaxy43]

Damian and Jon getting together in the future would mean that they would each have the craziest in-laws

[incorrectbatfam]

Have you seen the tiktok going around that's a guy talking to his kids like "The more you sass me, the more I'm gonna flirt with your mother!" That but it's Bruce threatening to leave his comms on deliberately when he's around Selina if the baby bats don't start behaving themselves on patrol.

Bruce: The more you sass me, the more I'm gonna flirt with your parents.

Dick: Jokes on you, I'm an orphan.

Bruce: Alright then.

Bruce: *flirts with Commissioner Gordon*

Bruce: *flirts with Barry*

Bruce: *goes to space*

Bruce: *flirts with Luand'r*

Dick: STOP THOSE ARE MY IN-LAWS!

———————

Cass: *blinks*

Bruce: That's it. I've had it with your attitude.

Bruce: *goes out with Lady Shiva*

———————

Bruce: *walks in with a bouquet of flowers*

Luke: Uh... what's all this for?

Bruce: Remember the other week when you called my prototype strobe light batarang stupid?

Luke: ...Because it is?

Bruce: Well, guess what?

Bruce: *gives the flowers to Lucius*

———————

Jason: And what if I don't? What are you gonna do, let me die again?

Bruce: No.

Bruce: *opens Grindr*

Jason: You wouldn't.

Bruce: Oh yes I would.

Bruce: *slides into Ollie's DMs*

———————

Tim: It's a good thing I never introduced you to Bernard's family.

Bruce: I could always look them up in the phone book.

Tim: What year are you living in?

Bruce: I'm just kidding. I'll be back in an hour. Hold down the fort for me, m'kay buddy?

Tim: Yeah, sure.

[an hour later]

Bruce: *walks in holding hands with Lex Luthor and Max Mercury*

Tim: What the...?

Bruce: I still know your best friends' parents.

Lex: This is what you handcuffed me for?

Bruce: Shush, I'm making a point.

———————

Bruce: We go in on my signal.

Steph: This is my dad we're talking about. I'm not gonna sit around and risk him getting away.

Steph: *swings onto the scene*

Bruce: *follows her*

Steph: Stop right there, Cluemaster—BATMAN WHAT THE FUCK?!?

Bruce: *sweeps Arthur off his feet*

———————

Bruce: *lecturing Damian*

Damian: Tt.

Bruce: One second.

Bruce: *pulls out his phone*

Bruce: Hey Talia, I was wondering if you had dinner plans tonight?....Yes, Damian is misbehaving again.....7:30? Perfect!

———————

Duke: You've never met my friends' or girlfriend's parents and Jokerized people can't consent, so...

Bruce: *turns on the computer*

Bruce: *emails the immortal entity Gnomon*

Bruce: *gets a reply*

Bruce: Alfred, fetch my tux.

———————

The voice in Bruce's head: *says mean things*

Bruce: Oh yeah? Well how do you like THIS?

Bruce: *proposes to Selina*

———————

Holly: *flips him off*

Bruce: *proposes to Selina*

Selina: Again? That's the second time today.

———————

Julia: You're nothing a bloody angst-addled egotistical baby twat!

Bruce: *looks at her*

Bruce: *looks at Alfred*

Bruce: This isn't gonna work.

[rubydubydoo122]

Why is it that Batman’s ok with Antiheroes if it’s Catwoman or Talia Al Ghul, but when it’s the Red Hood, suddenly he’s beating the shit out of him

~Jason Peter Todd at some point

[spicy-apple-pie]

STOP PITTING THE GIRLS AGAINST EACH OTHER!!!!!!

[theerurishipper]

-

-

-

First <- Part 3 <- Part 4 -> Part 5

Masterpost

[bluebananabarry]

everyone lusting after this old man and his mysterious emo charm (just like me)

Og pic under cut:

[shyjusticewarrior]

Batman love interests and who their fav of Bruce's children is

Selina - Cass

Harvey - Jason

Minhkoa - Damian

Talia - Damian obviously, Jason is 2nd