#Post Traumatic Growth

[ontheoutside-lookingin]

“She’s so sweet she’s always going out of her way to help others” quick someone give that girl all the love and safe space she deserves before being “sweet” (pathological people pleasing as a trauma response) destroys her and leaves behind a bitter empty shell of a person

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

I hope you heal so much that taking care of yourself is one of your favorite things to do and I hope you can forgive yourself for everything you did before you got there

[betweenthenotes]

Its gonna be okay just remember that no matter what your trauma is, someone’s made a spotify playlist for it

[topazadine]

How I Am Kicking Agoraphobia's Ass

With a little help from Horse, of course

I have struggled with agoraphobia since 2017, when I was sexually assaulted. This is a common cause of agoraphobia, and it is more likely to develop in people who have CPTSD (ding ding guess who).

Anyway, I got so fucking sick of people telling me to "just go outside" as if it's so easy-peasy. Maybe for someone without agoraphobia, it feels seamless to stroll out to your car, but it's not so simple when your brain tells you that Bad Things happen when you leave the house. What are those Bad Things? idk, brain never told me. Just Bad Things.

I organized my life around my agoraphobia for many years; it's the reason I have a remote job. And the "just go outside" advice never, ever helped. The best I could do was leave the house with an Emotional Support Human (or dog), but rarely, if ever, alone.

Now I'm leaving the house at least four times a week! Voluntarily! ALONE! Without getting scared!

And sometimes I even spontaneously decide to leave the house and go to big events where there are dozens of people. Just because I feel like it.

This is momentous. If you have agoraphobia, you know how intense that is.

So what did I do? What can you do?

It's actually so simple and I have no idea why no one told me to do this years ago.

Schedule a regular event that is so exciting that you simply cannot afford to miss it.

Something you care about. Something that's so insanely tempting that you would walk over hot coals to do it. Think about something you used to care about before you became housebound, or something you've always wanted to try. For me, it was (and still is) horseback riding.

But! It must meet these conditions:

It has to happen on a regular basis at a scheduled time. Say, 6 pm every Friday. If it's just "whenever" or "once every few months," you probably won't agree to go to it every time.

There has to be a cost to missing it so your Sunk Cost Theory is triggered. Ideally, there will be multiple costs: that could be disappointing someone who has agreed to go with you every time, and that you have already prepaid for it so you'd lose money.

It has to be something that makes you happy and is just for you, not an obligation. So, therapy doesn't count. Going to the gym also doesn't count if you feel like you have to do it for social reasons or health reasons.

If you want to make this an ironclad thing, it should ideally meet these conditions too:

You learn something while there, which develops a sense of efficacy and confidence.

It's a social activity where you will make friends.

It is a physical activity that releases endorphins. (Again, pick something fun, not just going to the gym if it's not fun for you.)

There are no costs to failing. If I screw up at horseback riding or rock climbing, I'm not going to miss out on a promotion or whatever. I might be mad at myself, but I don't really lose anything by not doing it.

It has an indefinite end date; ie, this is something you could theoretically do every week forever if you want to. So if it's a class you want to take, make sure it's one where you can sign up for more classes if you feel like it.

So how do you find your thing??

Think back to a time before you suffered from agoraphobia. Might be hard if you've struggled with it for most of your life, but you might have glimmers of what you liked before.

What did you enjoy doing, or what did you want to do but couldn't? For me, I got to horseback ride as a little kid but then had to stop for money reasons. Now I can afford to do it because I'm an adult with my own adult money.

Find classes or groups in your area that cater to Thing. If they don't exist or are out of your budget, go back to the drawing board and workshop a new Thing.

Sign up for the class ahead of time. Pick a time that is within the next two weeks but preferably within the next week so you have time to prepare yourself.

If it's a paid class, pay your deposit before you get there.

Tell people you are going - as many people as you can. Now you have social and financial pressure that will make you commit.

Now, the most important part.

Research the particular place you will be going during the time between when you sign up and when you go. Learn what to expect when you get there.

Read reviews. Look at pictures online. Analyze the Google Street View. Practice driving or walking there with directions.

If you're trying a new activity, read up on it. Get beginner tips for what to expect in your first session. Watch videos of other people doing it, and read other peoples' experiences trying it out. Visualize what it will feel like to be there and what you will be doing.

This is mental rehearsal and it makes it less scary to actually step into the place for the first time. You will feel more confident when you arrive because you know what you are doing, where you are going, and what to expect as soon as you arrive.

The climbing gym I go to had a "What to Expect On Your First Visit" page that helped me a lot, and then I watched a lot of rock climbing videos and learned about the techniques so I wouldn't feel stupid. I even looked up what climbing shoes look like and how harnesses feel so I wasn't scared when I put them on.

I can't promise it will help you, but I encourage you to give it a try.

Having something to look forward on a regular basis will make it less and less scary to leave the house because, after a while, you won't even think about how unnerving the transition from Safe Space to Unsafe Space is. More and more places will become Safe, and less places will become Unsafe (within reason).

The route you take will become familiar, as will what to expect when you get there. You'll be able to practice and perfect the technique of psyching yourself up to leave home until you no longer need to; it becomes automatic.

And, most importantly, you'll see that your home isn't the only place in the world where you can exist comfortably. Everything's out there waiting for you, and you deserve to be there, too!

[bigsharter666]

I TURN TWENTY ONE IN TWO DAYS AND I HAVE SOMEWHERE TO LIVE AND A JOB I LIKE AND A DEGREE I LOVE AND FRIENDS WHO CARE ABOUT ME AND LIFE IS SO COLOURFUL AND I DONT WANT TO DIE ANYMORE AND I AM SO MUCH FURTHER AWAY FROM MY PAIN

[spoonie-on-wheels86]

I assure you the trauma is not all in your head. it's also in your heart, your nerves, and your stomach. It is in your trembling hands, your uneven breathing, your vision is suddenly gets blurry. It's not just your head that went through the thing. every cell in your body was there

[marcoles]

Scream Filimimde Katilin Bu Maskeli Adamın Olduğunu Öğrendiğinde Kaç Yaşındaydın

[bleedingseeds]

I texted this exact sentence to my counselor in between sessions, and he thought it was so funny, he made me memes for it.

I feel so SEEN.

[only1lorrie]

[system-of-a-feather]

Man is it insane how far we've come honestly. For context, we are working on an inpatient crisis unit as a "bachelors level clinician" with like a total of like 20-30 staff members (depending on if you count the admissions team as part of our unit) and save for the admissions team, all of my peers are people who have had at least 3 years in the behavioral health field, a lot of them having leadership positions in their roles before getting the job I have, and a lot of them having several years of experience in post-masters work and like... everyone is honest to god AMAZING individuals - like I have never been MORE confident in a group of people / coworkers / peers in a workspace than I have now.

The only issue is, the manager of the entire unit really uses toxic management tactics and frequently treats a lot of the staff like they are people filling slots rather than these amazing and experienced people who have dedicated years of work to specifically working with children with behavioral issues who are just trying to understand exactly how things will be done and are going to be done when we open up. And combining the general stress of being a brand new program with a lot of staff having literally just been onboarded within the past month or two and a lot of things still being up in the air with the toxic leadership, there is a LARGE atmosphere of tension, frustration, dissatisfaction and just anxiety / burn out despite almost everyone I've talked to very much agreeing that the overall company's work culture and policy is amazing and that basically every OTHER coworker is amazing and one of the main reasons they are staying despite each individual's mental health going down lately

Honestly, until recently, I've been doing okay, arguably really good cause I guess I'm just incredibly hard to stress out and I've really mastered a lot of the ACT DBT concepts that just allow me to really acknowledge whats in my circle of control and also feel confident in my ability to navigate situations as they come up with people that I feel confident and trust and all that. Recently though, a LOT of my peers are kind of boiling over with how poorly managed we are and how a lot of toxicity is thrown our way by our manager and it actually kind of managed to get me off my very calm and regulated pedestal a bit and I honestly had to reign my focus back in

But I've realized in a group of therapists, I'm kind of being the calming and recentering / reframing force to just kind of remind people that despite the person with most power being the most toxic and bringing the entire unit down, we have a work place that is like 95% made up of LITERALLY the best coworkers we've ever had and we all have a good working relationship with one another and we have a really good sense of supporting one another, so as far as things go, we can really decide what we want to make the atmosphere be and we all have a SHIT ton of experience in acknowledging and managing our emotional responses from our SHIT ton of experience previously.

Because at a certain point, venting our frustrations over and over and feeding one another's anxieties and angers is not going to really make us feel better even if it makes us feel not alone. We can acknowledge the frustration, issue, and stress of the emotional mind while also bringing in the problem solving and awareness of what the next steps are from the logical mind and progress forward in our wise mind to make decisions that best address the situation without causing as much riot around us. We can make a plan to properly, formally, and professionally air our grievances to the appropriate channels and work on that - in the meanwhile, we can just accept the feelings, accept what we cannot control, and commit to making the unit and work atmosphere what we want it to be with what we CAN control; ie the energy and support we bring to one another

Things will be fine and since I see we are all heated and stressed, lets go outside and UNIRONICALLY sit in the grass and engage in some mindfulness and remember that things are okay. Then when we come back from our days off, we can come back with a recentered and renewed intent and dedication to the reason we are here while the issues are sorted out over time.

And I'm honestly just like... kind of proud of the ability to de-escalate a group and get at least the majority of the people who were riling one another up back into a productive and forward facing mental place after I honestly noticed it was just stressing me out and disengaging for a moment.

But like, yesterday night, today and some of tomorrow are solely going to be for self care and listening to my body / mind, the next day will be dedicated to having fun and relaxing (not that the two are mutually exclusive as there is a lot of overlap, but those are the themes of the day).

But like man, I literally went from being 16 and having daily crisises and melting down and having DID / C-PTSD flaring out of control to being in my early 20s and being one of the people in a group of literal amazing and experienced therapists kind of reminding people of their resources, coping skills, and providing a really calming and productive energy to the group and I'm just.... like DAMN son.

It's also kind of wild because historically the Riku-brain has always been more of the toxic positivity end than not and its been known and memed about, but genuinely lately my peers have been complimenting me on my ability to both be really calm and positive and helping counterbalance a lot of stress and its just wild seeing the often-unhealthily positive energy redirected back into being this like... sustainable positive and helpful energy.

I'm honestly just like, I guess really happy to be able to do my part among a group of such fucking AMAZING, skilled and experienced people because honestly, I'm probably one of the "least" qualified people in this group - at least in formal experience and what not - so its just really nice to be able to use a lot of my personal lived experience and see that it absolutely has its aid in a group of people with a lot more professional experience.

Either way, I'm extremely proud and happy to have the peers I do and to be able to help as something of a calming stone

And yeah I know its not my job / responsibility to manage it, which is why I'm explicitly taking time to relax and turn my brain off and not think about work after I finish this post, but with the current stressors in the environment and a lot of people taking on roles they shouldnt due to poor management, I absolutely am fine filing in some of the lack of ironically mental health and emotional support in the environment while a more long term and appropriate solution is being navigated.

[fairydustandstuff]

[ontheoutside-lookingin]

Clinical misdiagnosis is more common than self misdiagnosis. Just for the record, in case anyone is still skeptical of self diagnosis :) it’s not up for debate btw

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Wishing that I could be softer and sweeter and more loving and affectionate but simultaneously being absolutely disgusted and repulsed and enraged by the very notion is kind of exhausting actually

[zee-rambles]

“Demons can only be exorcized with love, support, and the will to get better.”

Did you intend for that to be such a powerful line?

-🪶anon

It’s only powerful because it’s the truth. If you want people to get better mentally, then you need all three. It doesn’t matter how strong someone is, if they don’t feel supported, if they’re not given financial, emotional, or personal support, then they will not have the will to get better, they can’t put in the work, and they will not have the healing factors that allow people to come back from a dark place.

Nothing heals better then love, resources, and stability.

So it’s always good to support people in your life. It’s always better to show love to others, even if they’re going through something you can’t understand or relate to. It’s real to them, and that’s all that matters. We live in an age where it’s easy to judge strangers, and yes, there are some things that are unacceptable. But it’s always better to try and understand people, their pain, their concerns, before you jump to making decisions about them.

Trauma is not easy, but those are the only real cures for it.

[corqg]

i should forgive my inner child for still hoping.

[bigsharter666]

yall i have so much hope for the future. i have a five year plan and a plan A and a plan B and i have a savings account because there are things that are worthwhile. i have a body to look after until i get there, i have half a degree and i have shoes with supportive arches. i know thats a ridiculous milestone but i once walked around barefoot for a year straight and now i spend money to be comfortable, so my feet dont ache. i dont feel like i have to earn anything by suffering.

i care about things now and its scary but that makes me happy. i have fear! i have anxiety! i worry about my diet and my joints. i worry about my teeth and my sister. i never used to, ive never felt this much concern for myself. i cant believe how cruel i was, the way i treated this body.