#Narcissism is not NPD

[nothing0fnothing]

Survivors of domestic violence: narcissistic abuse is real.

Survivors of childhood violence: narcissistic abuse is real.

Survivors of emotional and psychological abuse: narcissistic abuse is real.

Loved ones of survivors: narcissistic abuse is real.

Therapists specialising in abuse recovery: narcissistic abuse is real.

Experts in abnormal psychology: narcissistic abuse is real.

People with CTPSD: narcissistic abuse is real.

Psychologists studying the effect of long term abuse on the brain: narcissistic abuse is real.

People with diagnosed cluster B disorders: narcissistic abuse is real.

Disabled people who are more likely to be abused than abled people: narcissistic abuse is real.

The therapy prescribed to people diagnosed with cluster B disorders: narcissistic abuse is real.

Self identified "narcissists" on tumblr: nuh-uh.

[th1rdt3chnician]

who up hating pop psychology

[quitblamingnarcissism]

Your parents are not "narcissists". They're typical authoritarian assholes who treat you like their property because society allows them to.

Your ex boyfriend is not a "narcissist". He's a typical misogynistic douchebag who treats women like shit because society allows him to.

Your boss is not a "narcissist". They're a typical classist dipshit who thinks workers' entire purpose in life is to generate profit because society allows them to.

And even if they happen to be a "narcissist", that's not what gave them the power to get away with abuse.

So stop blaming mental illness and start blaming society's normalization of abuse. Stop acting like someone has to have a mental illness in order to do something cruel when ordinary people have been doing atrocious things since forever.

[nothing0fnothing]

No, we just don't have sympathy for abusers.

The fact "empaths" don't have empathy for childhood trauma survivors (ASPD, NPD, systems) is funny actually.

[underwhelmingalchemist]

*mom voice* You can get these words back when you know what they mean

[anonsystem]

What Narcissism Is:

holding yourself to extremely high standards (if I'm not perfect at it, I'm a failure)

being incredibly sensitive to criticism (becoming suicidal if you think someone thinks you're bad at something)

having a very brittle sense of self-worth that's heavily reliant on what others think of you

What Narcissism is Not:

being uniquely abusive

having no morals

being a bad person

ETA: this is not an exhaustive list of NPD traits! more traits than these are necessary to have NPD! I chose these particular features to emphasize things that aren't often talked about outside of dedicated NPD communities and to highlight the fact that NPD is a disorder based in the internalized fear that you are never good enough.

[psychotic-tbh]

Stop saying…

“Psychotic/Schizophrenic” when you mean: unpredictable, unhinged, unreal, etc.

“Bipolar” when you mean: polarized, scattered, fickle, unstable, etc.

“Delusional” when you mean: unrealistic, unreasonable, close-minded, stubborn, etc.

“[insert “R” slur in relation to intellectual disabilities]” when you mean: unreasonable, unintelligent/ridiculous, immature, etc.

“OCD” when you mean: particular, neat, overbearing, etc.

“Narcissistic” when you mean selfish, abusive, manipulative, etc.

Note: I’m NOT saying that these are synonymous. This is also not an exhaustive list.

[nothing0fnothing]

very true. Narcissism and narcissistic traits have nothing to do with NPD.

You can be narcissistic and never meet the clinical threshold of NPD. You can have NPD and never abuse a person in your life.

Abusive parents literally look at any problem in society and believe that it's caused by children not being physically abused enough.

Police officers literally believe that it's their right to kill people for disobeying them.

And these people find supporters very easily.

It's very clear that abuse isn't caused by personality disorders. If an abuser has a personality disorder, it's a completely irrelevant trait, just like their height or hair color.

[nothing0fnothing]

The difference between narcissism and NPD. For anyone who was curious including @sad-cinnamongirl

[mirroringshards]

sorry for being mentally ill and actually having symptoms it will happen again xoxo

[nothing0fnothing]

"Narcissistic abuse is the same as regular abuse."

Narcissistic abuse is abuse perpetrated for the validation of narcissistic delusion. The way its perpetrated is different, the way survivors recover from it is different and the way perpetrators seeking help get treated, are all unique to this type of abuse.

"But NPD has the word narcissist in it so obviously you mean everybody/only people with that disorder."

NPD isn't a clinical diagnosis of narcissism. It's a complex personality disorder encompassing both narcissistic and non narcissistic traits. A person with NPD might choose to self identify as a narcissist, but that is not their diagnosis and it doesn't mean that every time someone comes out to discuss their narcissistic abuse they mean their abuser had NPD.

"If narcissistic abuse is real that means borderline, bipolar and autistic abuse are real too."

Nope. There's no mental health condition called "narcissism". Mental health professionals use the term to describe self involved, self centered or self important thinking and behaviour, but there is no evidence that narcissism alone fits the criteria of a mental illness or a disability.

"But there is stigma around our disorder and its made worse by survivors of narcissistic abuse claiming their partners diagnosed or suspected NPD was a contributor or cause to their abuse."

And they're wrong for doing that. Absolutely everyone should know that NPD and narcissistic abuse aren't the same thing. Yes everyone should learn that NPD is a real diagnosable disorder that the people suffering with struggle with every day and to be sensitive of that when discussing narcissistic abuse. No, nobody should be talking about NPD when discussing narcissistic abuse.

The problem is how are people going to learn the difference when every time a survivor has the courage to speak up and discuss narcissistic abuse, regardless of weather they put the term "NPD" in that discussion or not, they're bombarded with messages and comments about how ableist they are for correctly identifying what they've been through? Do you see how maybe jumping to tell a victim of abuse that calling it what it is is offensive to your disorder would maybe give the impression that NPD is the abuser disorder?

All I'm asking is for you to consider, do you want understanding and education for NPD and the people with it? Or do you want to silence victims? Because when you silence victims in the name of "protecting people with NPD." You're making the problem worse.

Survivors of narcissistic abuse deserve a space to discuss it. Victims of narcissistic abuse deserve resources to understand it. Perpetrators of narcissistic abuse need to know what it is so they can get help to stop it. None of that can happen if we pretend that narcissistic abuse isn't real.

I'm going to sit down and try to explain this with patience, to everyone who still thinks calling out narcissistic abuse is 'ableist' or 'dehumanizing to the narcissists', and that abuse is something we're all equally capable of.

I don't think you understand what narcissistic abuse is, or how it differs from the other kinds of abuse. We can agree that all and any abuse is damaging, traumatic and scarring, but narcissistic abuse is so extremely pervasive, hidden, strategic and unbelievable, to the point where I can't honestly tell it's something any regular human would be capable of. And even more than this, the survivors of this particular type of abuse have found it extremely, extremely difficult to figure out they've been abused, even when they've been put through extreme, devastating, and absolutely dehumanizing scenarios. Realizing that your loved one is a narcissist requires your entire world to break down, and every piece of your heart shatters in the realization, and it takes months, even years to accept it.

The only way we can possibly figure it out is to connect the patterns. And patterns of the narcissistic abuse are focused on erasing one's own sense of self, one's perspective and ultimately, complete control over someone's emotions and behaviours. This is often done from early on, the grooming process starts at age zero, your value, worth and usefulness is determined by them, and you cannot wrangle yourself free from it on your own, not without someone confirming to you that you've been held captive, that your free will has been taken a long time ago.

Unfortunately, I have to give some examples, because I don't think it can be explained otherwise. When I was 2 years old, a narcissistic person found it a nuisance to watch over me, and they beat me up every time I disobeyed. I was a toddler. Then they proceeded to convince me that I was a demon, and would burn in hell regardless of what I do for the rest of my life. I've been brainwashed by this person to believe I was not a human being, had no human rights, that it was correct and regular for me to be locked up, beaten, and that it was my fault every single time, even when I did all that was asked of me. This person then had me comfort them after they would beat me, because it was a stressful experience for them. I wasn't allowed to cry. I would be beaten for making a face expression they didn't like. It was random and unexplainable.

Another narcissistic person created a game where they would give me wrong instructions for a task, then torture me when I did exactly as they instructed me to. It got to a point where I would beg them to tell me what to do correctly, and they would respond with a laughing 'you should be old enough to know this' and they would be even happier to beat me up and scream at me for getting it wrong. This person not only threatened to kill me regularly, but often made me believe I was in my last few seconds of life, putting me in position where I believed I was about to die. They forced me to work for them in unsafe conditions, heavy physical jobs, where I was not allowed to say I'm tired, not allowed to cry, and even after I'd do everything, they would still tell me I didn't deserve to eat. I was a child. I didn't think for a second I was being abused. I was already brainwashed to believe that everyone else had it worse, and that I was lucky.

I had no identity besides existing for them, I had no free will except to try and make myself into something they could use, and if I didn't do a good enough job, I'd be ostracized. They loved beating me, screaming at me and making me cry, and then they'd leave me in a room crying without being allowed to make any noise, while they laughed in the room next to me, as a family, loudly so I could hear what a great time they were having. They would treat other children gently in front of me in order to try and make me jealous. They would revise every part of what they did to me if I ever tried to bring it up. I wasn't allowed my own perspective, opinion, or complaint. I wasn't even allowed to remember the abuse correctly. I would be locked in a room and questioned and punished if my opinions weren't to their liking.

I don't believe this is something anyone is capable of doing. I don't believe anyone of us is capable of torturing a kid until the kid begs to be killed. I don't believe most of us are capable of erasing a child's point of view, their reality, their humanity to the point where the child is forced to live a life where they will either comply or be killed, and they will be tortured no matter what. This isn't a regular thing that a person can easily do.

Luckily, us who have been through this, have noticed that there is a specific pattern to their behaviour. That they use almost identical phrases with which their invoke guilt, fear and hopelessness. That they can go frighteningly fast from rage to laughter to acting hurt. That they enforce their will over ours with a specific type of terror that triggers both our survival instincts and our compassion and shame. That we've been groomed by them in an almost identical way - to not believe that we're allowed our own feelings, memories, opinions, point of view, or freedom. That we have learned to exist only to be an extension of them.

We also all noticed that we're all absolutely, beyond terrified of them, and that we don't feel we're allowed to say it, or think it. That we're taught by terror to keep believing that they're good people, that they do none of it on purpose, not even the most extreme, insane, egregious abuse. That they will go to any length, even committing more atrocities, to escape accountability. That they use tactics of darvo, gaslighting, double-bind, planting insecurities, triangulating, future faking, discarding, love bombing, mirroring, smear campaigns, projection, scapegoating, silencing, throwing tantrums, victim playing, like it's in their second nature. That they're genuinely, absolutely terrifying and almost unreal in how far they're capable of going. And most of all, that they are dangerous, and capable of completely turning another human being into their puppet, and never think for a second that it might be wrong. To them, we are nothing more but toys to manipulate, control, and discard. We are disposable. There is no limit to what they can do to us, because to them, we are not alive. They would do to us what normal people wouldn't do to a corpse. And they feel superior for it.

People abused by narcissists from early age are likely to develop the most complex and extreme disorders, complex ptsd and dissociative identity disorder being some of them, because that's what it takes to survive being a child and existing next to a narcissist. This means that small children need to be shattered in pieces in order to please the narcissist. Others that are very common are eating disorders, anxiety, depression, paranoia, avoidant personality disorder, panic disorder, and compulsions to cater to everyone's needs, to the point of our own destruction. This is what they make of us, on purpose, in order for us to be of use to them. And they will forever insist it's their right.

When I'm saying the word 'narcissist', I am not referring to 'anyone diagnosed with npd', I am referring to a person who will do this to a child, and insist on doing it for the rest of the child's life. I am writing it because I don't want children to have to live like this forever. I am not aiming to dehumanize the narcissist, their actions show who they are, I am saying, be careful and aware that this person will dehumanize you. That you are disposable to them. That making you feel good in order for you to like them, is a game to them, and one they're very good at. That playing the victim at you and demanding justice, will easily manipulate you into standing against the victims of abuse and talking down to them for 'dehumanizing their abusers', and being 'ableist to the npd', after being tortured past the point of return by those people.

A lot of us are permanently damaged by what's been done to us. We are not asking for justice. We're not asking for revenge. We are asking to be safe. We're asking for this to stop. We're asking for children not to be left alone with people who are dangerous to this level. We're asking you to understand that a narcissist left alone with a child means a child in danger.

It's common to not be aware just how bad it can go, because we think that most humans know not to torture a child. We believe that nobody would do things to children that narcissists do. If you read the stories of the survivors, you'll find out what actually happens behind closed doors. The themes of torture, dehumanization, sexual abuse, brainwashing, violence, and extreme cruelty are common, even towards toddlers.

I need you to not attack those children when they grow up and say they no longer want to be around narcissists. I need you to understand that they know what they're talking about when they say it's not safe, that they want to be protected. The society already failed to protect them at their most vulnerable, and they had to make it alive by their wits alone. And now you won't even let them speak without attacking them? It's inexcusable.

If you want to know about the narcissists, read what their victims have gone through. Then make a judgment on whether we're allowed to speak, and whether it's worth warning others to hold caution. I've heard and read stories of narcissistic parents sex-trafficking their own child, holding them captive and locked up and convincing them it's right to do this, using brutal punishments to 'train' them into inhumane slave-like behaviour, keeping the children in state so terrified the children wished they were dead. And in all those cases, they still convinced the children to love their parents, and to never blame them for any kind of abuse. Yes, even in the sex-trafficking cases.

Fighting for those children to realize that they didn't deserve that, is the only correct thing to do. Fighting to help them realize they're in danger, and that they deserve safely, it's not only right but extremely necessary, it's what we all should be putting all of our energy into.

Wanting to keep others safe will never be wrong. Wanting to protect those who still have their identity, their sense of self, their undamaged humanity, their free will and their point of view, that's worth fighting for! And above all, those who already lost it all, need to be protected. We cannot allow for already badly wounded people to be dehumanized over and over again. Nobody deserves that.

[only-man-in-the-sky]

[draculian-accomplishments]

Reminder for people with Personality Disorders:

You can be in therapy for years to be able to cope.

You can mask the difficulties you have.

You can cope well with your disorders.

You can function in daily life.

But the day you have a bad day, the day you're so overwhelmed that the mask slips and you simply say one thing, the neurotypicals will use it against you and use it to abuse you.

Abuse is a choice. Abusers make the choice to abuse someone. Not every abuser has a personality disorder. There are plenty of abusers that are Neurotypical. Plenty of neurotypicals will abuse those with PDs due to the stigma and misinformation around them.

Quit using terms like "Narcissistic/Histrionic/Borderline/Anti-Social Abuse"

Quit using "Narcissist" and "Anti-Social" as insults.

Quit justifying abuse towards people with PDs.

Quit armchair diagnosing abusers and assholes with Personality Disorders when you don't know the lived experience of people with them.

Stop fucking appealing to Neurotypicals.

[narcitism]

reblog to kiss a narcissist on the mouth (with passion)

[nothing0fnothing]

Yes. Absolutely.

Every mental health disorder comes with stigma.

You know what else comes with stigma? Being a survivor of abuse. The people traumatised by abuse face stigma in the mental healthcare they need, in their support services they seek and in their communities.

Attempting to gaslight survivors by telling them the abuse they experienced isn't real is perpetuating that stigma. Reaching out to survivors to verbally abuse them for using language you disagree with when discussing their history of experiencing abuse is perpetuating that stigma. Accusing survivors of ableism and anti NPD hate crimes for speaking publicly about trauma is perpetuating that stigma.

This isn't the stigma Olympics. Your experience of stigma as a person with an invisible mental health disorder doesn't trump the rights of speech, community and support of traumatised people. Experiencing stigma doesn't mean you don't get to promote and perpetrate stigma against someone else.

I'm very sorry that your NPD diagnosis came in and everyone made you feel bad about it, but coming after victims of narcissistic abuse who in no way imply that NPD itself is the problem is only digging the stigma deeper for you and the rest of your community.

Everyone made me feel like crap for every diagnosis I received over the years, and even for not responding to treatment the way I was "supposed" to. Why do narcissists get an extra special stigma pass on the internet?

Right, because they want one, and God forbid a narcissist not get what they want on any platform. In fact, it's so forbidden, that they'll publicly sacrifice their own illusion of reading comprehension to try and win an argument that would require them to admit that;

If my posts bother you, you probably don't want to admit that your personality disorder doesn't make you hurt people, you're just choosing to. Maybe you're insecure about someone you've hurt in the past, but they have a RIGHT to speak on who hurt them, and that scares you so much that you'd rather restrict their right to bleed than fix your own behavior.

[witch-of-the-creek]

Reblog to kiss a narcissist on the forehead