#NO CAUSE TRULY HE WOULD NEVER RESENT WILL FOR THAT. BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN

[rotisseries]

Jonathan could be jealous of will's relationship with Joyce Jonathan could be jealous of will's relationship with Joyce Jonathan could be jealous of will's relationship with Joyce Jonathan could be jealous of will's relationship with Joyce Jonathan could be jealous of will's relationship with Joyce Jonathan could be jealous of will's relationship with Joyce Jonathan could be jealous of will's relationship with Joyce Jonathan could be jealous of will's relationship with Joyce Jonathan could be jealous of will's relationship with Joyce (yes this is harassment if I have to remember so do u)

FINGER ON THE BLOCK BUTTON ELLI MY FINGER ON THE BLOCK BUTTON

[darth-kote]

Obi-Wan Headcanons Pt. 1

Feels a surge of pride when he says something he privately thinks is clever that earns a cacophony of laughter from his men. He has to remind himself not to let that pride go too far to his head, but he can't help the slight broadening of his shoulders at the rare sound. He thinks the clones deserve to laugh more often, and he's more than delighted to be the cause of it, especially during such bleak times. When he hears one of the men repeat a line he'd once said or speak with a slight lilt that reminds him of his own, he wonders if fatherhood has similar moments of overwhelming pride.

Mentioned slightly in a prev post: His Padawan braid is something he keeps in his chambers on Coruscant. It's stowed away in a lockbox in his wardrobe, underneath many robes and tunics. He doesn't know why he keeps it - is aware it resembles some form of attachment. He doesn't do much with it except glance at the box it's in when his thoughts are especially unsettled. It reminds him of his master and the past... It reminds him he was chosen – trusted. As he watches Anakin's grow with time, he's caught off guard by the envy threatening to leak into his heart each time it whips over his Padawan's shoulder. When this feeling does arise, he meditates for a lengthy time, releasing anger and want for the past and replacing it with patience. Just because his master had been stolen from him does not mean Anakin is any less worthy of one. Anakin is not at fault for what happened, and resentment only leads to the dark side.

He indeed thinks about taking on another Padawan after Anakin has flown the nest, and he wonders what it would be like. Traditionally, the master chooses their apprentice, but this hadn't been the case for Anakin and himself, and it makes him wonder how he should know who to take under his wing. Qui-Gon hadn't quite gotten to that bit.. He feels unsure about his teachings at times, but watching Anakin with Ahsoka reassures him that he did well, which he hopes has made his master proud from whichever plane he resides on. He does know he feels Cody's presence strongly in the Force, and the signature he produces has become like a safety blanket for the Jedi; he likes to daydream about passing his knowledge down to the Clone, even if he wouldn't be able to utilize the teachings in the same way those with naturally high levels of midi-chlorians might... It's certainly a very non-traditional Padawan, though that's nothing new to him. He wonders - secretly, guiltily - if Qui-Gon could lend him some eloquence in persuading the Council to let him take on another unorthodox student. He's aware it will never happen. The attachment is unhealthy to say the least, which is the first of many problems the Council would list off for him if he were to ever bring it up.

After Satine's death, Obi-Wan is noticeably shaken. He does well at masking how he's truly feeling until he has a quiet moment alone in the fresher or his bed chamber, but Cody has become quite the expert at reading between the lines on the Jedi's face - which has hollowed considerably since he'd first met the general. Cody barks - yes. - at his men to stay alert and to comm him only if there is a Grievous-level emergency. As he walks through the echoey hallways of The Negotiator towards the general's quarters, his bootsteps and his heart clang loud in his ears. Once there, the doors do not swoosh open like they usually would upon his approach; he's no Jedi, but he's sure he can sense a heavy cloud of energy emanating from the room before him. A brother or two pass by in absolute silence, afraid of catching a stray from their commander, whose stress seems inextricably linked to their jetti's. Once they round the corner, Cody enters the code that ultimately leads him to quite possibly his worst fear come to life: Obi-Wan that isn't Obi-Wan. Except it undeniably is him. The typical rosiness in his cheeks has crept up to his lower lashes, and his breathing is rough and heavy. Cody's bucket is off in an instant, and he's crossing the span of the room to kneel before Obi-Wan's supine body. Cody doesn't know what happened exactly, but he can see that something is upsetting the general, and he loyally stays at his side the entire night. Eventually, once he's convinced himself he isn't a piece of human waste (and Obi-Wan asks him too), he climbs up next to the other man in the small bed and wraps both arms around him. Obi-Wan asks him repeatedly to hold him tighter, and Cody does his worst. (+ He wakes up in the middle of the night and Obi-Wan has maneuvered himself nearly completely underneath the commander. It's grounding to have Cody's weight surround him after yet another piece of his heart has been plucked out. He needs to be reassured he's not alone, despite knowing the Council would look down on him for the entire predicament.)

is 100% aware of Cody's feelings before Cody even figures out what the names of These Feelings are. And he adores, adores when the rest of the Clones hint at the fact they also see it, and Cody- Obi-Wan loves watching the copper tone of his skin stain slightly red when he realizes what his brothers are insinuating, and so openly! (The color is like the Jedi's favorite Nubian wine, which is an entirely different beast to tackle; he thinks sharing a bottle with Cody would only be right, especially considering he associates them so closely with one another now.) The point is, he thinks it's very sweet the way Cody works extra hard not to let his personal feelings sabotage the greater mission; it certainly helps Obi-Wan not feel guilty when he does the same. The Force communicates the unrest Cody's mind goes through at night, gives Obi a sense of where the commander's mind and heart are. He's flattered - hasn't thought of himself as physically appealing since that first year of the War, or maybe since that damned braid was shorn from his scalp - and smitten. He gets a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach when the Force bombards him with compliments and praise that go unspoken but not unfelt by Cody.

[galacticghoste]

What if there was a Au where Silho was a Science experiment

Was inspird by @head---ache drawing of Emmie found the idea cool

Here's a rough idea of possable story in this Au\/\/\/

Ok heres the story it will remain the same as my YouthLegacy Au but with a twist at around 3 years old Silhouette would be kidnap by Egg mans robots when she and her brother where in the playground on their own since it was in walking distance to their home.

The reason they went for Silhouette was the fact she looked more like her father and showed early signs of having his ability's as well as Amys strength

In the YL AU She would be rescued by her father and mother… BUT In this AU they failed to rescue her in time and Egg man would disappear for 8 years.

During that time her family and friends spent years trying to find her to no avail

Many wondered if its possible that she is dead Shadow and Maroon knew that wasn't true they could sense her still, they just weren't sure where

Maroon would feel immense guilt for not being strong enough to protect his own sister and freezing up that day

So what happened to Silho during those 8 years?????

She would be experimented on. Once Egg man realized she was more flawed then expected seeing that she cant go long without food or water, she needs sleep, plus she can get sick meaning she is likely mortal.

So instead of-trying to steal Maroon thinking its probably not worth the risk, he decides to change Silhouettes DNA to fit more into his vision of the ultimate life form.

It would eventually be a success using some Black arms DNA he came across a while ago and all the painful tests she had to endure over the years has made her vengeful and angry towards her family specifically her brother.

These test slowly and painfully turned Silho little more alien like with gaining a third eye and growing a tail and her blood becoming green.

During this phase where she was slowly becoming more alien like she would constantly grow very ill and weak seeing that her body could not yet accepted this new DNA her body was basically rejecting itself so Egg man needed to work quickly if she was to survive more test. She would eventually become stable and showed signs of her new self being different like now she doesn't need to eat or drink much water, or sleep and she can no longer get sick.

But she felt resentment towards her brother and her family .

For in her eyes they never even bothered to look for her and probably forgotten all about her. While her brother got to live a normal life she had to endure many test by force . Egg man feed into these feelings she has and told her lies to make her despise them even more.

After every test he would tell a lil lie about how her family doing great with out her and having the time of their lives telling her they don't need her or care about her.

But he dose he says that he saw potential in her and that if they really cared they would have gone to save her ages ago

Her strength was never an issue though she was quite powerful but egg man realizes she doesn't have control of this straights, so in turn but multiple inhibitor rings specifically made to limit her strength as well as her chaos energy since now with the new DNA in her body it amplified her chaos energy.

On her 11 birthday she would finally be allowed to leave on stealth missions for him.

These stealth missions later lead to rumors going around of a strange little girl causing trouble.

She never ran way and remans loyal to Egg man for in her eyes though he did terrible things to her she truly believes he's the only one who cares about her. Plus she knows theres no going back to her old life and her old-self.

[iamnmbr3]

(First and foremost, pls write a canon-drarry guide so i don't have to ask your opinion every time lolllll)

Maybe you talked about it but What'd you think of Draco's feelings for Harry in 6th (esp when it comes to Harry being reason for his father's imprisonment) and 7th year each and did it change or he always felt that way? You think whatever his feelings were (esp in 7th yr) were one sided (at that time) and Harry's just sort of caring and pitying him cuz he understands him and draco's miserable and there's not much on Harry's side? (It's so many ppl's theory btw)

IMO Draco had some deep feelings - idk whether i can call it love specifically or not but there was some attachment and trust and care for Harry. Even before 7th year not genuine hatred to cause him real harm at all yk....

Hahaha well that's lowkey what this blog is turning into (and I do have a drarry in canon tag). But also I love receiving asks. Neither you nor anyone else should ever feel hesitant to send me questions. It's fun hearing ya'll's thoughts.

As to your question, I think JKR wrote a 7 book drarry epic by mistake. Right from day 1 they were orbiting each other. I definitely think by 6th year Draco has some (probably repressed and unacknowledged) feelings for Harry. Those feelings are of course complicated by the fact that he and Harry are now on opposite sides of the war, Harry is virulently opposed to the ideals Draco and Draco's side stand for, he and Harry have never gotten along, and now Harry is kinda responsible for getting Draco's dad thrown in prison (and for the task of Dumbledore falling on Draco). So yeah there's definitely resentment there.

Some people have argued that Draco's attack on Harry is a way to keep him safe and send him away from Hogwarts. Personally I don't buy it. Draco is scared and angry and upset about the situation he and his family find themselves in and he takes it out on Harry in an act of vengeance. However, although what he does to Harry is violent and cruel, it's really minor given that Draco is a Death Eater. Can you imagine if Harry was left alone and helpless at the mercy of any other Death Eater? Yeah. It would not end well. Draco doesn't take things very far, waits till his Slytherin buddies are gone to make sure he is in control of the situation and things don't escalate (even though this means being left without backup and potentially getting hurt by Harry instead), and never even thinks of trying to kill Harry or turn him over to Voldemort to be killed.

(I also headcanon that while he boasted about breaking Harry's nose, inside he found that it didn't feel nearly as good as he thought it would, and indeed he feels a bit sick with himself though he ignores it. But that's an aside).

I think those merciful impulses are partly due to Draco being much more averse to violence than his family would like him to be, but also due to the complicated feelings he has about Harry. He doesn't really want to hurt him and he certainly doesn't want to see him dead. Even after the Sectumsempra incident, it is Pansy and not Draco who vilifies Harry. Draco doesn't seem to blame Harry - probably partly because he already consumed by self hatred and perhaps guilt over having tried to use an Unforgivable on Harry, and partly because he and Harry can never truly bring themselves to hate each other. Also when Harry pursued Draco and Snape after the Astronomy Tower sequence (well, really he's chasing Snape but it certainly looks like he's going after all of them) Draco makes no move to hurt him.

The next time they see each other is at the Manor in book 7. Despite the fact that last time they interacted was the Sectumsempra incident Draco doesn't hesitate to risk everything to shield Harry and his friends - even though he intimately knows the consequences of Voldemort's wrath and that he is condemning himself and his family to horrific torture at the best and quite possibly death. He doesn't identify Harry or even Harry's friends. He buys them time. He doesn't report when he sees Harry and Ron have taken their bonds off. He barely puts up a fight when Harry takes his wand. And his wand feels friendly in Harry's hand. I think all that is evidence of not just feelings but strong ones at that. What he did was an act of love.

And again in the fiendfyre sequence he completely loses control at the idea that Harry could be hurt and actually tries to intervene to save him. (Full breakdown of that sequence here).

Similarly I think Harry has more than simple pity for Draco. He's also kinda been fixated on Draco since book 1. By book 6 we get stuff like Harry getting distracted by the sight of Draco changing, getting annoyed when a girl pays attention to Draco, ceasing his investigation into Draco just because it put him at risk, lying to protect Draco from blame after the Astronomy Tower sequence, and worrying about him afterwards. And then in book 7 we get more worrying about Draco, Harry not trying to attack or speak to Draco when he comes into the cell at the Manor, Harry learning to block out Voldemort when the alternative is watching Draco get tortured - potentially to death, Harry dropping everything to rescue Draco specifically from the Fiendfyre (x), and much more. So yeah. Not one sided.

I think by book 7 Draco is in love with Harry, and by late in the book he may not even be able to fully deny it to himself. I think they both had feelings for each other - which were very complicated and contradictory and difficult for them given the circumstances, but definitely mutual and not unrequited. It doesn't mean they'd immediately be besties or fall into each other's arms during 8th year. But there's definitely a mutual attraction going on.

[missaccuracy]

Do you agree with this take about Ozai?

https://www.tumblr.com/phoenix-king-ozai/662589960179810304/ozai-did-love-and-care-about-his-family-in-the?source=share

I understand where this comes from, I've seen takes similar to this one a couple of times, however, I only partially agree.

The thing about abusers is that they're humans too, so there can be some good moments and happy memories with them, but that doesn't necessarily mean they genuinely loved you. People point to the flashbacks as a proof that Ozai had complex feelings towards his children, but I think he never really cared about them in a way we understand it.

I think in Ozai's case, he didn't truly love their children, BUT, as a human, he just had some parental instinct towards them, as shown when Ozai saved Zuko.

But to me, Ozai is still a clear case of a narcissistic parent and parents like this never love their children unconditionally. We've seen that later in the show Ozai gives his children only conditional approval.

I think Ozai's early care for Zuko also stemmed from the fact that he wasn't seen by him as a lost cause yet. I think the time when Ozai showed kindness to Zuko, was a time when Ozai still hoped Zuko would prove himself.

His later resentment of Zuko comes from the fact, that, in his eyes Zuko isn't a capable heir. He isn't a prodigy firebender, he's not tactical, he doesn't demonstrate great political skills. Zuko doesn't have any of he skills Ozai values.

Ozai welcomed Zuko back after his banishment, because Zuko has finally become what Ozai always wanted.

Same with Azula. As long as she answered to his expectations, he showed her some resemblance of "care", but after he found out she lied to him, I think he became displeased with her and abandoned her in the end. (But she's still his only heir left, so he gave her the position of the fire lord as a way to "shut her up" and still keep her by his side).

We see that all love Ozai has for his children is conditional. And I believe there was a one more reason as to why Ozai semeed to care for his children in the past, but became cold to them later.

This post correctly points to Ozai and Ursa having a good early relationship in canon. Maybe Ozai hadn't lost his feelings towards Ursa, but when she's gone, there was no one to keep his cruelty in check anymore.

When Ursa was present, Ozai tried to be better and make it all work, but she still couldn't tame his ambitions and after she left, it was like all of his soft feelings he may have towards his family and his children were gone with her.

[quitealotofsodapop]

it has been awhile, but I've finally gotten around to doing another one of these! hope it will help with my writing funk.

[and is super guilty for not having told him back then. At the same time, Wukong is confused why Max seems so... ok with it suddenly???] + [He ultimately doesnt want to open up any old wounds Wukong has from the incident since he's been living with the outcome of that fight far longer than Mac has.] + [Why was Wukong protecting the monk that hurt him? Why was Wukong going on this Journey and not returning to his throne? Why did he hide the Stone Egg from the world?]

honestly? Wukong is probably more concerned by how okay with having been killed Mac is than he would be if he was still upset and causing problems because of it. I feel like Wukong would actually be very ok with talking/answering any questions about what happened, it'd be a hard conversation for sure, but he's grown to have enough emotional maturity to know it's a necessary one. the only reason he let Mac get away with pushing it off for so long to the point of it blowing up in there faces a little was because he was trying to let the other have time to process and work out how he felt before trying to hash things out together.

but perhaps, Wukong is also deflecting a little, worried that trying to talk about it would spur into an argument. neither of them are very good at listening to each other when they get riled up, and after how their fight went... he knows he did his best trying to talk Macaque down, but he always kinda feels like he should've tried harder. he just doesn't want things to get out of control again.

[Ao Lie and Wukong are quickly panicking over each other while their other bros are forcing them to rest after the Samadhi Fire Ritual.]

the Tripataka forces them both onto bedrest, but it's a combined effort of the uninjured pilgrims to keep them there considering how restless Wukong can be. between Wukong and Ao Lie? it's an endless cycle of "no, I'll get up and ask for water, you stay in bed" and "no, I'll grab the extra blankets, you need to rest".

[Wukong was in so much pain that he was convinced that he was going into labor, or that he even lost Yuebei as a result of joining in the Ritual.]

now I'm just picturing the others waking up to Wukong (who normally has a very high pain tolerance) loudly sobbing from how much it hurts and inconsolable because once the thought of having lost the egg even crossed his mind he became convinced that's what happened. he must have cried so hard, they'd have to call Guanyin to do a check-up while he's still sobbing to show him the egg is fine for him to even begin to calm down.

[Nezha makes note of hiding anything flammable whenever he visits the monkeys.]

it does seem Yuebei has a taste for the spicy-er things, huh. wonder if she'd like any of Redson's cooking?

[Pigsy: "Sure thing. Guess little monkeys aren't much different from little MKs." *gives Yuebei her nose back*]

heh- funny thing about that pigsy-

[Memory!Ao Lie, frowning: "Why are you so stubborn to admit that it wasn't your fault? I really truly never blamed you, or her." Wukong, crying: "Why were you so ok with it? Because of me, the Samadhi Fire it... hurt you."]

Wukong has had a real rough go with people ditching him after one mistake, real or even just perceived mistakes alike, and messing up the ritual and letting the fire hurt Ao Lie? a monumental fuck-up to almost anyone you ask. Wukong, rather unfortunately, has very good reason for believing Ao Lie would hate or resent him for it, anyone else would. he's grown used to it, apathetic, maybe even has grown to expect it.

as it is, this means Wukong has a very hard time understanding/grasping it when someone doesn't hate him over things like this.

[Ofc Nezha feels like garbage for treating Wukong's actions during the Ritual as a failing.]

worst part is, Wukong doesn't treat him like he was wrong. when it gets brought up he talks about matter-of-factly, nonchantly, like it was no big deal that he was in pain, at risk of sacrificing his unborn egg and basically everyone aside from the pilgrims was treating him like he was the ultimate disappointment.

this is in part due to Wukong's own guilt over the ritual, insecurities about being enough/strong enough, and because he, again, doesn't blame Ne Zha because he didn't know about the egg because Wukong never told him and therefore, it's actually on his shoulders .

(Wukong needs a therapist)

[The Spider Gang has nightmares of Guanyin coming to beat the rest of them up like she's a Jojo stand.]

they're so terrified that they basically start praying to Guanyin- more so begging to be left alone, but still.

[To hear that Wukong has named her his little "Moon Comet Star" just makes him cry harder, especially with how casually Wukong names her.] + [But I bet Wukong is just so happy that he tells everyone Yuebei's name long before that time.]

I think Wukong probably had a lot of trouble coming up with names before Yuebei was born, nothing just ever seemed right! he honestly tried not to think about why the only ones that ever seemed to be good candidates were space/moon related names. but then Macaque came back. he stopped denying it at that point, and just went all for it. no matter how things with Mac end up going, Wukong probably already had the name chosen by the time he came back from looking for the map. And yeah, Macaque loves the idea that this was always Wukong's plan, and Wukong being just as happy about the name is also just so cute to him!

[It's PIF anf DBK's fave baby photo of Yuebei - besides the one where she tried eating Red Son's hair.]

oooooo what do you think would be everyone else's fav baby photos of Yuebei?

[and when he gets to Camel Ridge, he pauses before looking towards Wukong for confirmation. At Wukong's excited nod, Macaque grins evily.] + [Macaque also deliberately exaggerates the voices of their allies like PIF and DBK so Yuebei doesn't accidentally associate their voices with the muddy past shown in the book.]

let's be real, Peng's voice is the most bastardized.

love the fact that Macaque doesn't even really have to ask, Wukong already knows what he's planning and is living for it. Wukong enjoys the retelling almost as much as Yuebei does, if only for Macaque's dramatics. and doing his best to change her perception of their current allies? a very appreciated effort.

[Azure is clueless and isn't sure if monkey cubs work like lion cubs or not. Yellow Tusk has the sense to ask the remaining servants for help with tending to the infant - a group of seven brave orchard maidens stepped forward to run the baby a bath and prepare her a meal. Yellow Tusk is sure that he recognises them.]

so long pining for a monkey and he has no clue how they work or how to care for one. at least Yellowtusk is at least a little bit sensible. and ah! the peach orchard maidens Wukong was friends with! imagine if this was their first proper intro to Yuebei. they've never met but they know this is their old friends child so the seven will do anything for her, take on as many responsibilities as it takes to keep Yuebei out of Azure's claws as long as they can.

they don't like any of the brotherhood, but tusk at least seems remorseful enough to consider him safe enough to help bathe the little infant- with supervision of course. Yuebei latching to his trunk was probably as funny to them (at Yellow tusk's expense) as it was heartbreaking because they could probably recognize the behavior for what it was due to their time spent with the Monkey King.

at least Yuebei's comes out of it thinking/feeling very positively about peach maidens.

[So when the elephant gently put Yuebei in the warm bathwater and offered her mashed fruit, she instinctively clasped around his trunk like it was the arm of her parents, making sad hooing sounds as she sucked on her fingers. Yellow Tusk felt his heart break at the sight. He simply cannot fathom harming her in any sense of the word.]

oh no, Yuebei's sucking her finger, means she's missing her mama. imagine if after her rescue Wukong/macaque notice she's developed a small oral fixation from the trauma of her kidnapping.

I wonder if Yellow Tusk ever looks down at this tiny monkey and has an epiphany about how he treated Monkey King and Macaque, or the treatment of them he was at least complacent in. those two were never truly infants sure, but they were young minds, perhaps the thought had never crossed his mind because they're looks were deceiving when it came to age. how young had they truly been? what age were the children the brotherhood sent to war and martyred?

perhaps it doesn't matter anymore, the chance at redemption long forgotten, but at least he knows i his heart of hearts he will not make the mistake again. even if it means betraying those he's held dear for so long...

[Mac would make a show of picking up his baby girl and kissing her all over while commenting in baby-talk; "Did you have fun with the birdy and kitty, moonlight? Yeah? Do you want Bama to take something to remember your little play date?"]

the fact that Macaque baby-talks to the obvious victor only makes Peng's humiliation worse. Imagine getting turned into ground beef by an infant and her dad comes in and makes it all the more real that you were beaten by a less-than-a-year-old baby by outright baby talking her in front of you. like you always were and always would be nothing but literal child's play to deal with that you weren't even deserving of having your defeat be treated seriously, no. your opponent gets baby talk congratulations.

Macaque will forever tell the story of Peng's defeat when having proud dad bragging moments.

[Macaque has one of the feathers preserved as a bookmark. It brings him great joy.]

he takes a couple feathers for himself, makes a few different things out of them, like a quill. but he also made one or two for other people like Wukong and of course Yuebei's toy. they all bring him (and the receivers of the gifts) great joy.

prev.

yesyesyes some SlowBoiled thoughts! Also btw I've shortened what parts I'm replying to for brevity.

[honestly? Wukong is probably more concerned by how okay with having been killed Mac is than he would be if he was still upset and causing problems because of it...] + [but perhaps, Wukong is also deflecting a little, worried that trying to talk about it would spur into an argument... ...he just doesn't want things to get out of control again.]

YES

A big reason for their fight just as S4 starts is the fact they're avoiding some pretty big glaring questions/concerns to "avoid conflict", only to hurt themselves and each other more by deflecting. Sometime avoiding confrontation is more harmful than tackling your demons head-on and de-escalating any anger that it brings up as it comes. Wukong would be ok answering any questions Mac needed to be answered, but the real hard part is getting both monkeys in a space where they can vent it out a bit without one or both trying to portal away from an escalating conversation.

A good marriage counsellor needs to take on Wukong and Macaque's case and let the monkeys honestly Talk for a while without interruption.

Yue Lao, god of marriage & true love: "Diiiid someone call for marriage help?" :3

[the Tripataka forces them both onto bedrest, but it's a combined effort of the uninjured pilgrims to keep them there considering how restless Wukong can be. between Wukong and Ao Lie? it's an endless cycle of "no, I'll get up and ask for water, you stay in bed" and "no, I'll grab the extra blankets, you need to rest".] +[now I'm just picturing the others waking up to Wukong (who normally has a very high pain tolerance) loudly sobbing... ...he must have cried so hard, they'd have to call Guanyin to do a check-up while he's still sobbing to show him the egg is fine for him to even begin to calm down.]

Aww. It's very sweet but also kinda sad to think about. Eventually Ao Lie and Wukong are both too exhausted from their escape attempts, so the rest of the Pilgrims tap in to tend to them.

And the miscarriage scare!! PIF had opened up to Wukong in the last few weeks about how she and Bull had suffered tragic losses before Red came into the world - and when Wukong feels that terrible pain in his body, he immediately breaks down at the thought of suffering the same loss. Guanyin has to check in since Wukong won't stop hyperventilating and crying at the idea that he lost Yuebei. The goddess thankfully is able to confirm that the soul within the egg was alive and well, just very startled by the surge of power. Wukong still cries, now from relief.

Sadly, if the Samadhi ritual occurred after Macaque's death, Wukong likely saw the Egg as the final reminder of his former-mate. Yuebei is his little moonlight, even if her creation was not ideal.

[it does seem Yuebei has a taste for the spicy-er things, huh. wonder if she'd like any of Redson's cooking?]

Now I'm thinking of a scene where post-S3/4, Red Son is messing around in the kitchen with MK and Mei while they're babysitting Yuebei. Cue the baby grabbing a handful of spicy bbq sauce Red Son has been preparing and shove it in her mouth like it's nothing. All three are speechless with terror as Yuebei doesn't appear to be bothered in the slightest. Then she tries going for more!

Red Son quickly moves his sauce pot away and wonders aloud if he's skipped an ingredient. MK takes a spoonful, and with his face sweating profusely wheezes "Nope. That's Australian-level."

Yuebei whines for some more, and all three now understand why she keeps trying to eat firey things. DBK laughes proudly when he's told about it later on - nothing less from his dear godcalf!

[heh- funny thing about that pigsy-]

Lets just say a lot about MK's upbringing makes more sense after Pigsy realises that his son is a monkey demon XD

[Wukong has had a real rough go with people ditching him after one mistake, real or even just perceived mistakes alike... ...this means Wukong has a very hard time understanding/grasping it when someone doesn't hate him over things like this.]

THIS is why Ao Lie and the Samadhi Fire arc are so important to Wukong's character. He has such trouble understanding that sometimes people who care won't hold your mistakes real or perceived against you. Ao Lie likely told Wukong to his face multiple times that he didn't care that Wukong "screwed up", he was just glad that Wukong, the Egg, and Tripitaka were alive and well after all things considered.

[worst part is, Wukong doesn't treat him like he was wrong... ....(Wukong needs a therapist)]

The fact that Wukong doesn't mind that Nezha treated his failure that way all those years ago, makes Nezha even more concerned in the modern day!

yes yes he does.

[they're so terrified that they basically start praying to Guanyin- more so begging to be left alone, but still.]

Guanyin can only grant the Spider Gang a swift end and perhaps a revival after S3. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[I think Wukong probably had a lot of trouble coming up with names before Yuebei was born,...]

Wukong is bad at naming things I feel. He did call himself "Grimpil Sun" when he pretended to be a different monkey in the Gold-Silver Twins chapter. Even after over a thousand years of prep, he's still undecided what he'd should call his Egg once they arrive.

He's called Yuebei his "little moonlight", his "star", and his "comet" since long before he finally decided on her name. And when Macaque came back into his life and confirmed that he wanted both of them to be safe? His little "Moon Comet Star" just made sense - she indirectly brought his Moonlight back to him.

[oooooo what do you think would be everyone else's fav baby photos of Yuebei?]

hehehe!

For Wukong it's any photo of Yuebei. Look at his daughter! She's here! She's so perfect! Has one of those giant wallets full of photos of her.

Macaque's favorite is one Mei snapped of Yuebei just after the baby had destroyed Peng and Azure - the cub's eyes gleaming with delight at seeing her Bama again, her mouth full of golden feathers. He also treasures a photo he took of Wukong just after Yuebei's egg was born - his Peaches smiling contentedly as he curls around the egg.

MK's is when Yuebei saw him put away the Staff, and she tried looking inside his ear for it.

Mei is taking so many photos all the time, so it's hard for her to have faves. One of her faves though is a pair of photos where Yuebei is completely calm and about to fall asleep, and then her eyes are glowing with eye-lasers cus a bang in the kitchen scared her. Mei uses it as a reaction meme.

For Pigsy its a photo of Yuebei attempting to eat her first mooncake - the pastry was bigger than her whole head. Chang'e took the photo and just knew Pigsy would love it.

Tang's is the one of MK holding Yuebei for the first time, tears and snot running down the older monkey-boy's face while Yuebei looks up at him curiously. Tang thinks it's hilarious.

Sandy's fave is Yuebei taking a curious sip of tea from her mama's cup, and frowning hard when she realised it wasn't as nice as milk. Also one where Yuebei and Mo got distracted by the same cat toy - seems that the baby girl likes attacking things with feathers.

PIF and DBK's faves are well known ofc. Red Son would claim that he doesn't have any, but secretly its one where the baby monkey is playing peekaboo with DBK. It just really heart-warming to see his father interact with Yuebei after missing out on a lot of Red's childhood. Red looks at the photo and wonders if his father ever tried such games on him. (He did. Baby Red Son exploded)

Jiuweihuli and the twins love any photo Wukong shares with them. The old Vixen's favourite is where Macaque managed to get Yuebei into an elaborate baby costume (lots of bribery with mashed peaches was involved) and the baby is just happily sticking her tongue out at the camera.

It takes Bai He a while to warm up to Yuebei all the way, but she likes the photo of Yuebei when she first met Mo. The cat was very cautious and the baby monkey was just fascinated.

The gods themselves get rare glimpses of Sun Wukong's baby. Nezha's fave is a short video of Yuebei's first ever swimming lesson - decked out in all the little floaties as she doggie-paddled in the kiddie pool, Wukong smiling and holding his arms out for her while Macaque filmed. Nezha loves it not only for it's content, but for how happy Wukong finally is after so long. He blesses Yuebei many times over for good fortune and safety.

[let's be real, Peng's voice is the most bastardized. love the fact that Macaque doesn't even really have to ask, Wukong already knows what he's planning and is living for it. Wukong enjoys the retelling almost as much as Yuebei does, if only for Macaque's dramatics. and doing his best to change her perception of their current allies? a very appreciated effort.]

Macaque turns Peng's voice into a harsh nasally sound with random squawks thrown in like a cartoon parrot.

Wukong and Macaque have a near psychic connection as a couple once they start cohabitating again (and deal with emotional stuff). Wukong cannot deny his Plums the chance to make fun of their former brothers. Wukong even gets in on it, mimicking his own younger self and a some of the Pilgrims in a silly voice. Yuebei loves story time.

[so long pining for a monkey and he has no clue how they work or how to care for one. at least Yellowtusk is at least a little bit sensible... ...at least Yuebei's comes out of it thinking/feeling very positively about peach maidens.]

Azure is an orange male cat at his core - he's standing there, holding Yuebei by her diaper and wondering "What now?" while Peng covers their beak. Yellowtusk atleast has the wisdom to ask around the palace for help when Yuebei starts getting fussy. And since Peng confirms that the Memory Scroll "took the cupbearers as well" in the special, the Orchard Maidens are running themselves ragged to ensure that the invaders are content, and by proxy Yuebei safe. Not many are aware of their familial connection to the Emperor on first glance, so they quickly disguise themselves as "just" servants that escaped the Scroll.

So when Yellowtusk approaches almost shyly for help to feed and clean the baby hostage, the girls knew they made the right choice to stay. The seven maidens had taken one look at the baby monkey, saw the power she wielded, and just knew she was their dear didi's baby. '

The Maidens provide a character statement for Yellowtusk once everything is said and done. Afterall, the elephant allowed his trunk to be nearly crushed if it meant the baby girl had comfort.

Oh oh! Imagine in the aftermath of S4, Wukong manages to ask Yellowtusk who cared for Yuebei while she was hostage?

Yellowtusk, in cuffs about to be taken away: "I tried my best, but without the aid of the seven Orchard Maidens I likely wouldn't have fared much better than my brothers." Wukong: "Orchard Maidens?" Seven distinct voices: "Didi!" Wukong turns to see the seven snake-cat-like celestials running towards him, their appearances unkempt from worry. They carefully check him and Yuebei over. Orchard Maidens: "Oh thank buddha you're ok!" "We were so worried!" "After what happened to baba we..." "We couldn't bare to leave her alone with them!" Wukong, touched: "You all stayed behind, knowing that you shared the halls with the lion that took your father away, just to make sure my baby was ok?" Orchard Maidens: "Of course!" "You're a fellow attendant!" "Aiyi would have broken her vow of pacifism if either of you were truly hurt!" "We knew she was yours just from the way she... shot lasers out her eyes." Wukong, tearing up: "Oh girls..." Wukong & the Maidens: (*all group hug, careful to give Yuebei some space*)

Yuebei considers the Maidens akin to aunties since they care for her so well and clearly have a good relationship with her mama. This indirectly leads to the mourning Xiwangmu to see the baby girl as a surrogate granddaughter once they are properlly introduced. Yuebei recognises something in the Queen Mother's heart is hurt and wants to hug and kiss it better. Xiwangmu in turn can only reminice on the times she and her dear Jade held their own cubs in their arms, the dawn of their empire.

[oh no, Yuebei's sucking her finger, means she's missing her mama... ... he knows i his heart of hearts he will not make the mistake again. even if it means betraying those he's held dear for so long...]

Yesss. Baby monkey who are separate from their mothers develop oral fixations/self-soothing behaviors, which is still seen if they successfully gain a foster mom/is returned. It's a learned habit. Now I'm imagining Yuebei becoming super attached to her pacifer long after she's weaned, just because its such a source of comfort for her. Wukong and Macaque had to ask around a bit to try and figure out how to wean Yuebei off the pacifer once her milk teeth started growing in.

Yellowtusk's redemption is very internal, but it reflects heavily in his actions. After the days of caring for Yuebei, and coming to realise how they as a Brotherhood treated their monkey brethern, Yellowtusk starts on the path of reversing the damage caused by the coup. Even if the Heavens never forgive him, he is ultimately glad that his brothers and their families are safe - a far greater reward than what Azure's plans brought him.

Note; in situations where the Brotherhood survive/are captured after S4 - I feel like the Buddha pulls a Jttw on them and suddenly theres three circlets on their heads for the next few millennium. >:)

[the fact that Macaque baby-talks to the obvious victor only makes Peng's humiliation worse... Macaque will forever tell the story of Peng's defeat when having proud dad bragging moments.] +[he takes a couple feathers for himself, makes a few different things out of them, like a quill. but he also made one or two for other people like Wukong and of course Yuebei's toy. they all bring him (and the receivers of the gifts) great joy.]

HAHA! XD

Peng ain't ever going to live down being turned into chicken paste by a baby monkey. A bunch of celestial soldiers and servants saw how the Six Eared Macaque waltzed in, picked up the baby monkey, and cooed at her while Peng lay broken upon the floor. Yuebei isn't some disguised immortal or god, she's a baby. One that quickly falls asleep in her parents arms once they're all reunited.

Macaque is so keeping a few of Peng's feathers as trophies. The quill idea is amazing - he'd sign everything with it. Wukong gets a cute broach made with one of the golden feathers intertwined, and thinks its beautiful (if a little arrogant but hey he loves trophies). Yuebei has a toy thats 80% feathers she's ripped from Peng, and 20% string and cloth that looks like a kitten toy - it's her fave thing besides her plush skeleton toy. Macaque sends Xiwangmu a few feather quills along with a letter of condolence - it brings her some comfort (as does the lion hide she drapes on her shoulder).

tysm for asking in! Its ok to take breaks from writing if we need it. I'm just glad that we can shoot ideas back and forth.

[1000sunnygo]

Saw someone trying to claim that cora secretly resented his birth dad (too lazy to correctly spell the man’s name) and like nah dude. That’s the main reason he ran away. He still loved his dad and never blamed him. Because I think despite everything he saw his dad as good hearted and correct, just painfully naiive. I sometimes wonder if doflamingo ever truly hated their dad. Resents the hell out of him, hated his actions, blames him for his childhood miseries and stone cold in his murder. But their dad was never presented in a hatable way, at least from my reading.

Agreed, Homing wasn't presented in a hateable way. Oda designed him as an elegant-looking fellow in spite of being a regular Tenryubito and that says enough. The Donquixote couple were the only Celestial Dragons who couldn't be brainwashed into becoming egocentric psychopaths even though they were born and raised at Mariejeoise, they owe some respect.

The criticisms of Homing's personality comes from our own judgement of his character and not from canon narration, shoutout to @eroguron0nsense for this meta summarizing his flaws. Frankly speaking, I think Homing was doomed to die. Being killed by his own son just adds a layer of irony, it wasn't a dignifying way to go.

As for Rosi, he clearly held a high opinion of his father:

"How was such a monster born in the family of such kind hearted mother and father? I don't get it. He's not a human."

.

In fact, I doubt Rosi ever pondered about his father's naivety at all. There's no point in digging the faults of a humble father who died long ago, considering that a greater evil (still) existed in their bloodline who inflicted much bigger pain in his childhood. Rosi's most severe loss in his childhood was his parent's deaths, not the lavish life at Mariejeoise.

Point to note is that a six year old's cognitive development is still underway, a ten y/o on old on the other hand, has evolved a lot. Rosi wasn't be able to judge his parent's character the same way his brother could. I've wondered, if Rosi were around Doffy's age, would he be influenced by Doffy's ideas a lot more, like most younger siblings? Probably not, since Rosi's thought process is fundamentally different from Doffy's. He's hotheaded and impulsive, but he's not vengeful. Rosi enlisted as a marine to save civilians in spite of being poorly treated as a child, and knowing that they'd hate him if they knew about his bloodline. I can't imagine Law or Doffy doing the same. Rosi is a humanitarian who held a deep sense of justice (passed from Sengoku and kindhearted parents) - that neither of those two had.

Having a bit of thought experiment, if Law as a child were in Doffy's position, I can see him resenting his father - not for losing the family status but for endangering his family's life (and the death of his mother). But I don't think he would've been manipulated by bad adults into killing his father. I see Rosi's driving force his morality (returned to his brother to stop him to save the civilians), Doffy's is self importance (would throw away anyone for his own cause), and Law's is love (extreme protectiveness of those he loves). No matter what, Law wouldn't be risking the safety (and sanity) of his younger sister.

Back on track... does Doffy truly hate his father?

Yes, he does.. in a complex way. Doffy still considers Homing's actions to be the source of his miseries. But I believe "family" means something profound to Doffy. Regardless of what happened or how much he hates him, Homing is HIS father, and that by default means he's a human of a higher value.

Doffy made this particular way of execution, to shoot with his flintlock, somewhat ritualistic and specific for those he deems as his family. As he said in chapter 769, he sees it as a form of redemption.

"But, I shall forgive you! The same way I forgave my real father and brother: with death!!"

He doesn't want to hate them, so he 'punishes' them and forgives them, which in his self centered mind is a form of entitlement.

The answer got a lot bigger than I expected shdhd thanks for reading my rambling though o7

[bireggiemantle]

not the previous anon but PLEASE talk about jarchie s5, i need it

hi anon 👋🏼 it's been a while since I've sat down for a s5 watch-through so forgive the murky details but in essence:

While physically leaving Riverdale, Jughead never really left Riverdale. the only stories he's been able to write are glorified memoirs, the only success he's known has been routed in nostalgia for the town, and his only sense of identity has ever been his role amongst his high school friends. Jughead doesn't know who he is outside of the isolated and misunderstood writer archetype he's spent his entire life crafting for himself. he's still clinging to the only relationships he's ever known and he's begun blurring the lines between comforting and harmful memories. his dynamic with betty is especially fascinating here because he both resents her for shattering the safety and familiarity that the ease of their relationship provided but he also yearns for her because of a desire to have that safety and familiarity back. he turns to alcohol to cope with all of this, only to be haunted by the reflection of his father in the mirror, and that causes him to spiral further. and let's not forget that he feels abandoned by the only home he's ever known. nobody showed up the pop's when he returned. nobody went to his book signing. nobody's called him in years. he doesn't have anything tying him to riverdale anymore and yet he still can't seem to leave, his mind still trapped in this town and it's influence. so of course he comes back when archie calls. of course there's no hesitation. riverdale is home to him, and so is archie. archie, who, even after seven long years, feels exactly the same in the way jughead's been craving.

and I bet he remembers that offer archie extended back in high school. when jughead was trying to clean up his father's act (before becoming his father as an adult. how ironic) and archie was playing the part of hiram's lapdog, archie suggested that they run away together. that they escape to the city, to the exact village where jughead's on the precipice of being evicted from his apartment. that jughead pursues the very career he's failing at currently. and I bet he thinks archie's forgotten, that archie's off doing the kinds of heroic deeds he's always dreamed of, succeeding when jughead's not because he's never really needed any of them the way that jughead needs him.

and of course jughead wouldn't want to come running back to archie's font porch looking for asylum, but he doesn't know where else to go. the home that betty once provided is no longer available, and everybody else is angry with him over his book. he feels guilty imposing on archie like this, but he also can't help it, drawn back to archie's warm smile and forgiving eyes even if it means sleeping in his garage.

i think the two of them could have really used each other to heal during this season. both of them are living a life that parallels their fathers, for better or for worse. for jughead it's a curse of alcoholism and angry girlfriends and for archie it's a desperate goal (and wild mischaracterization) to have half the legacy as his dad. and both of them are suffering as a result of this. they also still know each other so well, even after seven years apart. jughead's committed every detail of archie to memory after all, and filling in the gaps would be simple albeit uncomfortable.

i think they both still care deeply for each other but their shared lack of self makes it hard to truly verbalize that, and I would've loved to have seen more of them being vulnerable with each other. late nights or early mornings shared in Archie's dimly lit kitchen, eyes glossy as they recount the blur of adult life prior to returning to riverdale. archie helping clean jughead up after a long night, throwing out the empty bottles and carrying him to the couch to make sure he's warm and okay. jughead awkwardly trying to comfort a grieving archie as he looks through pictures of his friends from the army. i just think they could've been really good for each other. i think they could've built a much needed home for each other.

i have a couple of pieces on ao3 exploring this dynamic if you're interested anon. id be happy to provide links/summaries if you'd like. and if there's anything specific about this dynamic you want my thoughts on please feel free to send another ask :)

[uncriticalbunny]

this fandom is full of racist and idiotic asshats and the only people i see who call this shit out are sydcarmy shippers.

@currymanganese made a post about the fandom wiki entry on sydney and carmy's relationship, which you can only guess how accurate it is. here's a link to sydney's 'the bear' wiki page as it currently appears.

this is a snippet of sydney's wonderful personality and characterization.

However, she is bad at accepting 'no' or being told not right now. Her perfectionist nature does not allow her to let go of things, either. This often causes her to push for too much, too far, too fast, and then suffer the negative consequences because she did not understand why she was being told not to do something and would not let it go or wait. In times of stress, or rebounding from being treated poorly herself, she forgets her dream of making the kitchen environment safe and can abusively lash out with the worst of them. She resents that her business and administrative skills are often more highly valued at "The Bear" than her chef and cooking skills, though she excels in those areas. She tends to come across to others as young, anxious, and very insecure, wanting a lot of reassurance, until she finds her comfortable regiment and standardized process for completing a task, which allows her talent to come through. She often feels like a fish out of water with the rest of the staff, who are older, poorer, lack formal training, and have long-established ties, but is determined to make it work if it means learning under Carmy and having some control over the kitchen she works in.

this is a snippet of sydney's season 1 section.

Sydney becomes fixated on perfecting the risotto and becomes more aggrieved with every rejection. After being told her latest version is "tremendous", yet still cannot be offered on the dinner menu, Sydney, in a minor act of petty rebellion, serves the dish to a customer. With this act, Sydney is responsible for shoving The Beef down the road to its destruction. The customer, it turns out, is a famous food critic. He writes a glowing review of The Beef, and raves about risotto. The restaurant goes viral. Carmy is peeved, because the reason he wouldn't put the dish on the menu, besides it not being ready, is because risotto is very labor intensive. They do not have the staff to make it during dinner service. Additionally, the high brow dish does not fit the fast casual nature of a sandwich shop's menu. Richie rags on Sydney with suspicion, believing she knew the customer was a critic and gave him her dish to force them to put it on the menu, and to gain herself fame. The restaurant going viral coincides with Sydney's latest innovation push to use ordering tablets and accept online to go orders. Once again going too much, too fast, they begin using the new system before they're ready. Sydney makes a fatal error with the new technology by failing to set up website parameters. As a result, the second the system is turned on, the tiny restaurant is flooded with hundreds upon hundreds of to-go orders, all due for pick up shortly and even more coming in every second. In person, customers are asking for the famous risotto…which is not on the menu. Carmy explodes at Sydney and demands she get out of the way before she keeps making the catastrophe worse, Sydney, who doesn't handle feelings of rejection or inadequacy well, spirals. She lashes out at the staff, and engages in a vicious fight with Richie, who never wanted the tablet system. After saying some truly cruel things about him as a father, Sydney stabs him, whether on purpose or on accident is uncertain, and then immediately resigns amidst the chaos.

"With this act, Sydney is responsible for shoving The Beef down the road to its destruction." IJBOL

and oh look, in season 2, sydney reconnects with claire and goes to al-anon with carmy.

Throughout the process, Sydney reconnects with Claire, who is now a resident in emergency medicine. Sydney attends Al-Anon meetings along with Carmy, discussing her search for fun.

awww sydney faces a setback when ebra stops attending culinary school and sees claire as a threat. sounds about right.

As the opening of The Bear approaches, Sydney continues to work on the menu with Tina's help. She faces a setback when Ebra stops attending culinary school. Sydney also begins to see Claire as a threat to Carmy's focus. Despite these challenges, Sydney remains committed to her role in the restaurant and prepares for the soft opening.

even better, richie alone successfully handles the situation at the soft open. she and carmy even reconcile!

During the soft opening, Sydney feels the pressure to impress her father. She runs the kitchen while Richie takes charge of the front of house. Issues arise, such as running out of forks and Carmy getting trapped in the walk-in fridge. However, Richie successfully handles the situation and takes over expediting. Sydney feels fulfilled after impressing her father, and she and Carmy reconcile.

this page is full of misogynoir and shitty, incorrect OPINIONS about sydney adamu. are these things not supposed to be objective? and yet they make sydney out to be an incompetent, jealous, hysterical, aggressive overstepper. we see this frequently on social media sites when sydney is discussed. and no one ever wants to draw attention to this for some reason. where's the news and media? the hit tweets? the constant posts complaining about this issue?

all people ever want to talk about is how sydcarmy is terrible and how shippers have terrible comprehension of the show. yet this garbage slips by all the time. maybe it's because the same people focusing all their energy on shippers hold those very same opinions, but i think a lot of people simply have tunnel vision and simply do not gaf about sydney.

it's fucking exhausting watching the general fandom treat syd as less than human and have zero understanding of her character. it's like yelling into the void. and i would very much like to know how this garbage wiki can be corrected.

[akindplace]

Hi, you don't have to answer this if you don't want to, or if you don't feel up to it, that's ok. But I'd like to hear the advice of someone who actually lives with a chronic illness. My brother, who I love deeply and care for daily, is really struggling. He's in a lot of pain and life is unendurable to him. He says he's too weak to go outside, or to do anything that could maybe bring him a little bit of joy. He's angry and isolates and doesn't want to live anymore. I don't know how to reach him or show him that I care, he says I will never understand what is like to live with a chronic illness and therefore nothing that I say is useful because it's ignorant and uninformed. I've been reading about what to say and what not to say to someone who's chronically ill and I do my best to avoid harmful phrases. But he's truly so so pessimistic and in a very very dark place. All his doctors said his current state and quality of life could improve but he needs to show up for appointments and follow the treatments, but he's tired of diets and medication not working and going through painful tests and procedures and not seeing results. He's given up, on himself, his health, life. He just stays in his room, angry and resentful, and wants to die. I don't know what to do. I feel so powerless. Do you know what's the best way to help someone in this situation? He also refuses to go to therapy, despite admitting he's depressed. Ok, thanks for reading. Hope you're having a nice day, thank you for your blog <3

You seem to be in a really, really tough spot, it’s hard to watch someone you love suffer without being able to change what’s causing their suffering. It seems he is coming from a place of a lot of pain, emotional pain caused by the physical pain. Pain can often make us bitter and say things that we don’t really mean, pain makes us feel so overwhelmed and sometimes we snap even when we don’t mean to. It is exhausting, and he probably is and that’s also making his mood even worse. Being sick all the time really sucks and makes us put a lot of pressure on, but it’s also awful to watch someone hurt. It’s hard because going to the doctors can feel like opening a wound that needs to be dressed but only given a bandaid, it involves exams, and doctors might often act like it’s really simple to make things better when it really isn’t. I wonder if making a deal of sorts with him would help, like saying that he doesn’t need to commit to more intensive treatments or intrusive exams if he doesn’t want to because they’re awful but start off with the smaller things that could help, like taking medication or taking him out for a short period of time so he can be out in the sun and enjoy himself a little, or watching a movie he likes or playing a game so he is reminded that life can be joyful even if he is sick. Or encouraging him to get treatment that if he doesn’t like doing a certain treatment that it’s fine if he doesn’t want to continue but he should try.

Often times it makes us really uncomfortable because a lot of energy goes into getting to a clinic, chatting with personal there, explaining to the doctor what is going on (and sometimes they just don’t listen), it puts people with illnesses in a really vulnerable position and it sucks cause you get home exhausted and you need to rest a lot to recover and then by the time you’re a little better it’s time to go out again to repeat. Often times starting out with medication that helps with the pain/symptoms is already a huge step. I know it’s hard to watch him in pain and feel like maybe you can’t make him get treatments but encouraging him to take it in really slow baby steps to get help instead of doing something big that might make him even more exhausted might help out a lot. Telling him you’re in his side, that you’re there for him, those words of support really, really help, because being sick just makes us feel so vulnerable, and often the eternal cycle of going to the doctors might make a person feel so small, so it’s always great to do things that take his mind away from his illness even if just for a second. Having a blog helps me with things like that, trying to take a short walk also helps, reading, watching a comedy movie. Sometimes it’s better to take a break from all the appointments instead of forcing it because if he pushes it might make his health worse and the treatments might not have good result if he forces himself too much. Often we do push ourselves a lot more than we should, as if we could make up for being sick.

I’m not 100% sure what I’m saying is helpful but sometimes encouraging him in a very gentle way to do the smallest thing that can improve his health like eating regularly and taking medication in the right hours and cheering him if he decides to get one of the treatments and supporting him if he decides it’s just not being worth it after trying can be really beneficial. And doing things that don’t remind him of his illness can really help with his depression, because frankly being sick all the time can be so devastating, so hobbies that are easy to do for someone with an illness can be really helpful, things that don’t involve a lot of effort so it won’t tire him more or make his symptoms worse.

Trying to be communicative also helps because it’s comforting to know someone is there for them, it can be really hard to ask for help, especially when someone is feeling hopeless and overwhelmed. I think it’s great that you are working on that, on finding ways to speak to him, to understand his perspective and it’s wonderful that he has someone who cares for him and is willing to help. I hope what I said helps a little, I think you’re in a tough spot and it must be hard to want to help but not be able to completely take away his pain. I really, really hope things improve and that he feels a little better soon, and that you also remember to take care of yourself because you also need caring for, especially when you’re probably under a lot of stress trying to help him. I’m here. I hope things change for the better soon, and that you’ll both feel better. I’m cheering for you two. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[copiousloverofcopia]

HERE IT IS FINALLY! An update I know some of you have been waiting for, the next chapter of Under the Spell with Mary Goore and OC Piper!

I am trying my best to get back to regular posting with my fics since the holidays are now over and I appreciate everyone's patience and support!

Also once again, please be nice I am SO not used to writing for Mary, so I hope its ok!

Piper and Mary have been best friends since they first met as children. When Mary and her boyfriend Sid asked her to come along on gigs, Piper thought it was a no-brainer. But as the excitement of the buzzing amps dies down, she realizes she wants more—now if only she can get him to agree.

Chapter 3: Biting the Bullet

Also available HERE on AO3! Haven't started yet? Start from the beginning HERE!

Definitely NSFW below the cut

“Wait... what?” Mary said, grimacing as he flicked the fluids from his hand. The look of utter confusion, washing over him. Tilted his head like a puppy, waiting for Piper’s response. She took in a deep breath, trying her best to calm herself back down. Pacing around the floor a moment before finally bringing herself to sit down beside him. 

“I just…” she began, closing her eyes and trying her best to not lose her nerve before she continued. Facing out into the quiet unease of the hotel room. She was unable to look Mary in the eye. As the silence between them grew, so did the anxiety. Mary, hardly able to take it much longer. Deciding inside to break the silence himself, assuring Piper he was game regardless of what she might think.

“Listen, I am only doing this cause you asked me to. I want you to be happy. If that means we do this—then we do this. But if not… it really doesn't matter to me.” he explained. Piper still appeared unconvinced, the look on her face telling Mary that she was panicking on the inside. A look he had seen many times before when Piper was on the verge of a panic attack. 

Without even thinking he placed his hand over hers. Piper, trying to breathe through it when the gesture of kindness—gentleness allowed her to relax. Touched by this side of Mary, one she had rarely seen before.

“I know you say that but—” she began when Mary cut her off. 

“But what Pipes?” he asked. Piper turned to face him head on. Pulling her hand away as she snuffled back. Unsure if she wanted him to know how truly vulnerable she felt. 

“I just don’t want this to change things between us. You mean so much to me. I don’t want you to feel like this is something you have to do. I don’t want you resenting me over this if you change your mind Mare.”she admitted, the tears that had been beading up in her eyes, falling down her face. She and Mary were like family, it would kill her to have had this child but lose Mary in the process. 

“Pff…not gonna happen.” Mary laughed, “You're stuck with me.” 

“Yeah…” Piper laughed back through her tears. Mary, wiping them away. Streaking her cheek in black mascara. The two of them, locking eyes as Mary paused. He slowly pulled her towards him. Piper’s body became languid in his arms as he pulled her close. Bringing his lips to kiss her.   

The press of them felt different than the one before. Soft and intentioned in a way Piper had never experienced. Realizing in the moment that this was truly what she wanted. A baby—a baby with her best friend.

“Now, jump on baby girl and make me a daddy.” Mary said, smiling against her lips. Lifting her up and onto his lap. Never parting as the metal from Piper’s tongue ring teased and thrilled him. Sliding across Mary’s tongue as it danced in and out of their mouths.  

He allowed himself to grip a handful of her ass. Relishing the way his touch made her squirm—urged her to rock her hips against the swell of his groin. His cock twitching with the anticipation of stretching her out around him. 

“Mmm…” Piper moaned, feeling him beneath his jeans as the friction drove her crazy. Gliding herself against him and teasing her folds. Mary ran his hands up and over her thighs. Dimpling them as he allowed her to grind against him. Hot and heavy, longing for them to take it further. 

“Mmm.. fuck yeah.” Mary purred. His encouragement heated against her lips. His hands, leaving her waist to pull off her shirt. Undoing her bra with a surprising ease before kneading her breasts in his hands. Mary unable to control the impulse to drop his head to her pert pink tinged nipple. Wrapping his tongue around it before pulling it gently into his mouth. Satisfied to hear Piper’s wanton moans that resulted. 

Her body felt like it was set on fire. Piper, moving fast while she still had the nerve to pull his  cock out from his jeans. Mary, jolting up against her as her fingers made contact with his bare skin. Piper, stroking him gently and marveling at his girth. 

“Oh Mare.” she sighed, imagining him already inside her. Mary smiled smugly as she allowed him to slip into her hand.  

“That's right baby. I’m gonna use that to stuff your needy little pussy so full of my jizz.” he groaned, licking his lips in anticipation of her.  

“Mare!” Piper called out, the words sending a heat of embarrassment across her cheeks. While she knew he talked that way before. With or without being in the middle of sex, she had never been on the receiving end of it till now. 

“Just go with it.” He said, bringing his fingers between them. Moving back her hands to slip under her panties. Massaging her wet heat over and over with his touch as she continued to work him. “Cum for me baby.” He purred, feeling her dripping for him, “Show me how much you wanna ride this cock.”

“Mmmm…ah!” Piper cried out as his thumb made its way to her clit. Mary, swirling circles over the little nub with ease. Continuing to suck and lick on her nipples. Piper's head, falling back in pleasure.   

“Mmm… that's right baby.” He moaned, bringing his fingers back inside her, fucking her more fervently with his hand. Her juices, freely dripping from within her folds as Mary found her g-spot. Pressing into the sponge sensitive tissue with fingers, wishing so badly it was his cock. Within moments Piper began clamping down on his fingers, so tightly he could barely move. Her hips rolling with his movements—sending her over the threshold and cumming hard on his hand. 

“Oh fuck Mare…take me.” Piper moaned, her body tingling all over with the crest of her orgasm. Mary quickly pulled his fingers out, sucking them dry of her fluids. 

“Gladly.” he told her. Lifting himself up off the couch just enough to wiggle out of his pants. Piper, still straddling him as he used the remaining slick on his hand and precum to fully wet his cock. Pushing Piper’s panties off to the side before nudging her folds with the head of his cock.

“Ah! Yes!” Piper yelped as she felt him begin to push inside her having gathered up a generous amount of her slick before he reached her entrance. Mary, smiling widely as he shoved his full length of his aching cock inside her. 

“Ah��Pipes… Your pussy feels so good.” he groaned as she started to move on him. Riding him slowly. Rising and falling along his length. Her breast hovering in his face as he licked and nipped at them. 

“Mmm…” Mary cooed, bringing her nipple back into his mouth. There was nothing like the feel of Piper surrounding him. Her walls, pulling against him as he tried to withdraw. Holding tightly onto her hips now to steady her. Mary closed, overwhelmed by the feeling as he pushed inside her over and over. 

Already drunk in the warmth from inside her. His cock, pressing so deliciously against her delicate flesh. It was then that Mary wondered why he had never tired to fuck Piper before. Becoming slack-jawed and starting to pant the harder he thrusted up inside her. 

Piper had found her stride, bouncing gleefully in his lap. Her hands held tightly onto his shoulders as she stared into his eyes. Fuck, he is so incredibly sexy , she thought. Asking herself if she realized before today just how handsome he was? Her crazy, handsome childhood best friend. 

She could hardly believe she was there, in this moment with him. Feeling the euphoric high from being with him like this. So perfectly feeling together as her body began to shake. Piper, knowing instantly what was happening. Though it had never happened before with Sid, it had certainly happened when she was on her own. 

“Mare… I think I'm going to….” Piper cried, feeling her insides begin to buckle down on him. Her body flooded with emotion and pleasure as her orgasm came tearing through her full force. 

“Ah fuck!” Mary growled, her cunt squeezed him tightly all around. Forcing him to burst inside her. Spilling ropes and ropes of cum. Mary filling her full of everything he had to give. 

It had felt like It was over so fast that Piper could hardly believe it had happened at all. Both of them, so blown away by the sensations between them that neither could sustain the momentum for long. Mary laid back on the couch. Pants still at his ankles and his spent cock, covered in the efforts between them, unabashedly on display. 

“Hey… what do you think about us splurging a bit more for a hotel room with a bigger bed next stop? Or at least a bigger sofa?” Mary chuckled as he slipped himself back beneath his jeans.

“I mean if you wanna spend the money, I wouldn’t say no. But It was kinda your fault we didn’t even make it back to the bed—” Piper yawned, smiling as her eyelids only grew more heavy. Curling up next to Mary on the opposite end of the couch. She was utterly exhausted. Finding herself unable to help the closing of her eyes and waking to having missed little bits of conversation between. 

Finally Piper succumbed to it, falling asleep so soundly that she had even begun to snore. Mary found it endearing. Allowing her to sleep while he went up to take a much needed shower. When he emerged from the bathroom sometime later, Piper was still sleeping away. Her face looking A gentle, relaxed look now on the most relaxed and peaceful Mary though it had ever seen. 

He smiled at her as he continued drying his hair. Grateful to see her looking so serene, even if it was in her unconscious state. They had both been through a lot in their lives. So much heartache and struggle. Mary could help but think, as he stared down at her, that if anyone deserves to get what they want it was Piper. 

Though he knew she would likely be mad, he decided against waking her. Instead, allowing her some much needed sleep. Ever the night owl and the insomniac, Piper was chronically tired and wore her raccoon-like dark circles like a badge of honor. Mary, smiling once again thinking about the future. 

If Piper had it her way, it would be many nights before she'd get a full 8-hours sleep again he thought. Mary planted himself on the recliner, opposite her in the room, and cracked open a cold one. Kicking up his feet on the coffee table and thinking about what might come of things. Watching her sleep with that smile still on his face.

“Jesus. Fucking. Christ.” Piper groaned, pissed at the abrupt loud car alarm. Blaring from somewhere outside and waking her from some incredible sleep. Reluctantly she decided to take a shower, scratching her head before trying to climb off the couch. Realizing that she was covered, unexpectedly, in the sheet from the bed. 

Mary was nowhere to be found as she scanned the room. “Mare?” she called out to him, but got nothing in response. Her eyes darted around in the darkness until she caught sight of a shining red light of an analog clock on the desk—a red 8:30pm on its face. 

“Oh fuck!” She shouted, darted upright. Running to the bedroom to get dressed. The show had more than likely already started and Piper couldn’t believe that Mary had just left her sleeping on the couch. She was angry, how could he leave her like that and not even say goodbye? Or at least come wake her up before they headed out? 

She began to wonder, if in his post nut clarity, he had regretted his decision. Sneaking out to leave her to go about his business without a second thought. Though Piper knew it was potentially too late now. Feeling the evidence of their tryst, leaking out on the inside of her thighs as he rushed around to grab her things.

Piper had left the room disheveled and upset. Rushing over to the venue without the courtesy of a shower, or even a ride over. Pissed that the rest of the band had agreed to leave her behind. Not that any of them would know what they had done—the only saving grace.

When she arrived, the smoke screen was ungodly. Piper opened the doors that led to a long walkway to the underground club. Hidden away like the dive bar that it was. The walls, covered in spray paint, remnants of band flyers, and god know what else. 

“Excuse me.” Piper said, trying to dodge through groups of half drunken clubbers who were just hanging out in the hall. Following the sound of the music, growing louder as she moved ahead.  Still fuming with Mary leaving her behind. His motive, still unclear.  

She thought, If Mary wanted to fuck and run, he could have at least done her the courtesy of telling. Explaining to her that this would be a one time thing. They weren’t in a relationship after all. It was only meant to be a favor, but damn if she wasn’t pissed that he had “wham, bam, thank you ma’am’d” her. Piper, beginning to feel silly—and stupid for having even considered it. 

By the time she had made it inside the club, Repugnant was already on stage. The whole band thrashing about as Mary howled and screamed out the lyrics. The sounds of the guitar and the bass, heavy and harsh as they rushed from the speakers and over the crowd. Patrons, moshing and headbanging with full gusto. Crowd surfers, racing high above all the heads in the pit. 

Piper doing her best to get as close as she could to the stage. Watching Mary as he played his guitar, knowing personally just how talented those fingers really were. Mary too could see her. His Piper, standing out looking a bit mad as she tried making her way closer. Stuck in the limbo of the middle of the crowd. 

Mary, gazing at her through the hair sticking to his face. HIs locks, already drenched in sweat and blood. She was trying to navigate through towards the stage. Mary, feeling a bit nervous as he watched. Wondering to himself for the first time if it was even safe for her to be there. Shaking it all off after realizing how crazy it was to be concerned about a possible crotch goblin when they had only just fucked. Continuing the show without a second thought. 

“Hey Piper! Over here!” Annie called out, catching her attention. A small spot, just before the barrier, was saved for her. Annie was great and Piper was grateful to her. Though she was relatively new to their crew, it was great just to have another woman on the road with them as far as Piper was concerned. 

Annie and Tom had only been together for a short time, but already things seemed to be moving quickly between them. Piper, wondering if they would end up married before the end of the tour dates. Feeling a bit jealous at Annie and Tom’s happiness—long before her decision to try with Mary. Their behavior around one another, opening her eyes to the serious and irreconcilable differences between Sid and herself. 

Annie was also so beautiful, which didn’t help Piper’s jealous streak. Having long blonde hair that was not natural of course, but perfectly bleached and styled on the regular. Her aesthetics, like Debbie Harry—the quintessential 80s bombshell with the perfect ruby red lips. Quite different from Piper’s style. Her goth, grunge vibes and nerdy cat eyeglasses made Piper a bit self conscious sometimes about her appearance. 

She felt at times like she couldn’t even compare. Still, despite her superficial jealousy, Piper had come to adore Annie. Hoping that nothing bad would ever tear her and Tom apart or she might really be on her own. 

“Thanks chick!” Piper yelled back so that Annie could hear her. Annie, holding up a thumbs up as Piper continued to move towards her. Finally, she was able to make it beside her, the two of them watching the band perform. Annie hollering and screaming anytime Tom went off on his drums. Normally a behavior Piper would have done the same, but tonight the mood just hadn’t hit her. Her mind was too hung up on the situation between her and Mary to think of anything else. Only the worry about unsaid things and the fear of answers to questions she hadn’t yet thought to ask. Hoping that what had happened between them wasn’t a mistake. 

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

Not a hot take but i am curious on your further thoughts about the business side of things. Idk that post you reblogged yesterday about paul calling john to provide indemnity only to be cussed out and told to fuck off when john had already been on the record asking for indemnity. It really felt like Paul could never win, sort of damned if you do, damned if you don’t. And sure, one could say oh well, but he really did care about John and what John thought of him. I really think it tore him up not being able to patch these things up with him. And I think the saddest part is we know from Paul’s pov that this did tear him up, these arguments always left him feeeling hurt, but we’ll never really know, and more importantly, paul will never truly know how John felt about him. I mean yes, he was told by yoko after the fact, but not having the actual person tell you, I’m sure it haunted him for some time. And just in terms of the way he died, I’m sure all the guilt rose up and Paul went straight to all the times John accused him of things. what john thought about Paul really affected him, because he cared so much about what he thought. he and Linda has said as much before.

:/ Yeah.

I find it hard to talk too in depth about the business side of it because I really don't feel I understand it enough to have a clarity on what exactly John's thought process was. I'm wondering if maybe Paul was wrong to still try to go through John though, when my understanding is Yoko was managing John's money. I see why Paul would prefer talking to John, but perhaps that was an extra source of misscommunications?

That's not to say I don't think John lost his shit in a way that was inherently not fair to Paul, but IDK, the quote also doesn't make it clear to me what exactly the source of the conflict was. Probably John's propensity to paranoia didn't help, because Paul may have misunderstood something which John then took as Paul trying to trick him. The whole Klein thing might have left John feeling cheated, like maybe in hindsight he was (probably not really justifiably) resentful towards Paul for not making John understand what the issue with Klein was.

But yes, the most striking thing about that description is Paul saying he was shaking for an hour after the call… He really did still care so much and I feel so terrible for him that he had to lose John before they could fully reconcile again.

He's also often talked about how their calls were good as long as they didn't venture into business talk and he usually frames this in a positive way – and to be clear, I really do not want to deny Paul the joy of his bread and babies calls, I think those are actually generally underrated by the fandom cause they're kind of boring… but cooking and child reering is exactly the type of things people in John and Paul's stage of life enjoy talking about? Like it's really not cold or weird, it's just life – but that also must have been.... really unstable-feeling? If there was this dangerous topic always hanging over them like a damocles sword.

:(

[stilin-ski]

I would love to know Lyla's whole deallll

Perfect Baby with the toxic yaoi parents

Mm so that's the fun part with this AU: they're still toxic, yes, but now they have a reason to actually work on not being toxic.

Because Layla is perfect. She's innocent in all this. So they try.

And for the most part, they're able to succeed with little issue.

But there is a time period where it's bad, things are really bad with them. Porter moves out for a bit. Jace only wears his wedding ring in public. Layla is around 14 at this point, so shes already a mess of emotions, and none of this is helping. Absolutely none of this.

They're short when they do hand offs, despite the fact that they're so obviously miserable and want to say something more, anything, if it might mean they could fix this, once and for all.

But they're both incredibly stubborn. And incredibly consumed by their own assumptions on what the other wants, regardless of the evidence to the contrary. So they don't say anything. Jace hands off Layla, and Layla spends the week with Porter.

Jace goes home, drinks a bottle of wine, puts on one of Porter's old shirts he left behind, gets on Porter's side of the bed, and cries himself to sleep. He's fucking miserable, and he just wants his family back.

Porter does much the same on the weeks he doesn't have Layla, but he has a photo of Jace on his bedside table in his new apartment. The mattress is cheap, he couldn't figure out the specific sheets Jace bought, so the ones he has irritate his skin. The bed is cold beside him. He never wakes up to Jace fighting his way closer in his sleep, shoving his feet between Porter's legs because he's cold. He doesn't wake up to Layla demanding waffles for breakfast on the weekends. He doesn't have his family, and he hates it. Doesn't know how to fix it. Doesn't really know how they got to this point to begin with.

Anyways. They fix it after Layla has a pretty serious wild magic surge and injures herself seriously enough to need several treatments of healing magic over the course of a few months. Jace calls Porter sobbing, terrified that Layla's dead, that she isn't going to be okay, that they've lost her forever. Porter is there in an instant, and Jace just. He just crumbles.

He doesn't even remember what the fight was about. He doesn't remember why there was so much resentment, so much arguing. It all seemed so fucking stupid now.

So they're sitting there, in Layla's room at the hospital, and Jace won't let go of Porter. Won't let go of his hand, stays leaning on his arm, his shoulder. There, accompanied by the consistent machine beeping of Layla's heartbeat, Jace turns to Porter and says, "I want you to come home. Please, just come home."

And he does.

But that's just one version of them. You wanna know about a really wild version of the Stardiamond-Cliffbreaker household, ask me about the AU where something with the Time Quangle created an alternate universe where Jace and Porter are truly just normal, regular people with a daughter. Then the bad kids come back, and fix whatever caused the issue.

Except now Jace remembers who Porter was before. He remembers dying at his hand. Two sets of memories for them both.

And now they have a daughter.

[iaus]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

ANYTHING YOU LIKE I WOULD LOVE THE DIRECTOR’S COMMENTARY ON ANYTHING!!!

oh. i know. i know. okay. this is gonna be kinda wild because i'm gonna reference a few of my other fics for this but i feel like it's important for how the scene got written but.

epilogue. my beloved.... chapter 9. let's get some magic going.

i feel like i mentioned in a reply to a comment once that the scene where jace steals the spell in chapter 9 that how i wrote the magic was greatly influenced how i wrote magic in my darkest dungeon fic (thinking about this because i reread the fic that inspired this). i remember, later, i was like. i forgot to mention how gale bg3 affected this whole thing. so bear with me. i'll bold the part where i start actually going over the scene if you wanna skip this talk <3

so to preface this scene. i put a lot of physicality into writing magic. this is partly influenced by damian (the flagellant) from darkest dungeon. damian is a fanatic of the light (the catholic church. it's literally the catholic church.) and uses his body and faith to cast magic. his entire kit is built around using blood, taking wounds from other characters, and sacrificing himself. if you have a flagellant die in darkest dungeon he will stun enemies so your other characters have an advantage against an enemy.

so, for context. that's where a lot of my gnarly magic descriptions come from. that's where the idea for my spell thief mechanic came from because, while i know it's hard to do in dnd, i think magic literally taking a toll on your body is so cool. especially if, like jace, you're pushing yourself to the limit.

but in addition to that gale bg3 is my favorite romance. and, uh, well, spoilers for gale if you haven't played the game, he literally has a piece of the karsite weave in his chest and has to consume magic items so he literally doesn't detonate. the game doesn't really play into this as much as i like. i think he should look haggard and unhealthy or at least have dialogue options about it because there are some dialogues that imply this takes a huge toll on his body. which i mean. makes sense. the karsite weave feeds on magic. there's also further gale meta where i think he's actually a sorcerer who was trained as a wizard BUT I DIGRESS. i wanted to mention this before i got to the scene because it really effected my approach to writing jace.

i love sorcerer as a class. i think it's so interesting and there's so many different ways to play it. we're. not going to get to my jace frustrations though.

BUT. now we can get to the scene from chapter 9 of epilogue.

so, we're now learning more about this power that jace has.

we've only had it kind of alluded to before now. we had the flashback of the bleeding tiefling in chapter 6 and now we're seeing the power in action. the thing that got jace blacklisted from adventuring. (or well. what he says is the big thing. not the. y'know. assaulting a party member with modify memory and then leaving him with brain damage.)

we're gonna start here:

It has been years since he’s attempted this—much less when he’s been pinioned by a god. Porter would have never. Even on his worst days.

i know i structured epilogue to be purposefully vague and a little confusing about what's going on with jace but i want to start with this line because it really shows how much he resents ankarna. and honestly? he is resenting her for something that his grief is causing. grief is such a powerful thing and jace refuses to look directly at his grief. ankarna has never "pinioned" him. she truly was offering jace a gift. she wanted him to have a full, whole life where he could make his own choices without porter's influence. she did not take his magic.

jace is stifling his own magic with the immense weight of the grief and longing he cannot imagine. but, of course, he is going to make this into an ankarna vs porter thing. ankarna will never be able to win as a goddess here. he's going to pick porter every time because jace truly, wholeheartedly believes porter is the only one there for him.

even if he is unsure if porter loves him.

He can feel the strange hollowness—that hungry, infinite well that’s sunk deeper and deeper into him since he reanimated—, but beyond that is the cold font of magic he’s always drawn upon. Familiar. He closes his eyes, focuses upon it, can see the shimmering, pale gold of it gathering just beneath the surface of his skin.

the idea of innate magic is so interesting to me. here's this thing that jace has always known, always connected to. it's familiar. even if he sees it as cruel (and... that also begs the thought. is his magic actually cruel or is it adapting to what jace feels it is). and it's there. it's still there, just hidden. by his grief.

Divinity has always been his favorite—he’s always known the taste and feel of it, intimately.

divine magic is all he knows. his own.... porter's own sort of divinity.... even if porter's divinity... is not all his... epilogue jace is a divine sorcerer... interesting that he's ascending someone. interesting that... maybe the divinity porter has isn't... ankarna's. things to think about for this universe....

NOW. we get into the actual magical casting. my intent with this scene was to really hammer home how much effort this takes jace. at this point he is still sick with resurrection sickness. mechanically resurrection sickness is honestly not that big of a deal. you're worse off with levels of exhaustion (which, honestly, i've been more looking at those rather than the disadvantages of raise dead.)

but we also have our first glimpse of jace earnestly casting something that isn't a cantrip and it's taxing.

He slits his eyes open, to watch the curl of his own fingers, the flex of veins and tendons beneath his skin. Evocation magic has always felt particularly uncreative to him. This feels no less brutish, but even he can make evocation magic something more. The weave around him bends—groaning like an old, cantankerous creature, but slowly it gives way. The air parts, ripping open at the seams. Crackling energy heats the air with a whistling whine. Jace can feel sweat soaking through his undershirt, can feel the way his body shrieks in protest, a new fever already beginning to burn through his body, he smells blood—can feel it dripping down his mouth from his nostrils. He continues, drawing strands of magic from beyond.

you also get to see some of jace's biases. he thinks evocation magic is brutish-- ironic considering what jace is doing right now could be considered brutish. but then he turns it. he says even he can make this brutish thing this brutish kind of magic more. he's better than other casters.

and he immediately feels the effects. he is sweating and bleeding. also, i see jace as a very electric caster. i know we all have our opinions on his preferred damage types but i see him loving electricity and psychic. especially epilogue jace who is... such a strange beast.

and now we get into my favorite part of this chapter. i really liked doing shorter lines for the end of this. jace is on the verge of passing out. he's expended himself for a chromatic orb. a first level spell. as a level 20 caster that's... quite a way to be brought low.

It always hurts the worst before it works. (His God taught him that, intimately.)

epilogue has jace growing-- becoming someone who takes. he doesn't have porter with him. so he'll take porter's teachings to heart to fill that hole.

With a screeching whine and a loud pop, a sizzling ball of vibrant lightning curls in his hand. A weight lifts from his chest. The crushing well of him feels less empty. Blood trickles down his nose, over the triumphant curl of his lips. He can almost hear Porter’s voice in his ear, warm and heavy with fondness, That’s it, sweetheart—there’s my Saint Stardiamond. Jace laughs. See, he thinks as he cradles the stolen, volatile spell in the cup of his shaking, bleeding hand, I could never be yours. And then he collapses.

and the culmination of his efforts.

jace steals a spell. something he should never have. his grief, for the first time, breaks. he pays for it with blood and sweat but he's rewarded. he gets his magic. he can picture porter's pride.

and then. he decides. that's not enough.

he uses this to show ankarna: you'll never be enough for me.

i'd argue this is the moment in epilogue when jace takes his final turn for the worst. he's going to take what he needs. by any means necessary.

[nomoreusername]

What You Deserve (Part 3)

Pairing:Aris x female reader

Summary:Even though nothing could ever be the same, you can't help but remember why you love Aris.

"Don't hurt Blondie. What'd he really do?"

"He's the reason all of this is happening? He shows up, and the sun just happens to disappear, the maze just happens to change, and everything just happens to go wrong?"

"If you actually think he has that sort of power you're insane,"I stated, walking to Aris. He had pure terror on his face as he desperately pulled on the ropes tied to the stake.

"Don't you dare-"

"Oh, I dare,"I interrupted, taking my knife and cutting the ropes. "Are you okay?"I asked as he rubbed his bruised wrists.

"How dare you choose him over us,"Beth scowled, unexpectedly shoving me to the ground. Before I could fall Aris caught me and pulled me up.

I didn't say anything to that. What I did do was knee Beth in the gut. She fell to the ground and groaned in pain.

"I don't believe in violence, but I'm not against taking down bullies,"I promised. "Are you okay Aris?"I checked.

"I'm fine,"He mumbled, a hint of guilt in his voice. I already knew why, but it didn't make me have anything against him. If I did I would have told everyone, and I definitely wouldn't have stood up for him. Since I know though I actually trust him. It may be backwards, but I'm not too concerned about what's considered normal.

"She's wrong."

"But, I-"

"No Aris. You didn't magically make the sun disappear. Now let's make sure you're not too badly hurt,"I repeated with no room for objections. He followed me this time. "And if another one of you lays even a finger on him you're not going to see the light of day. So scram,"I demanded. Without waiting or caring to see if they did I continued taking him to the Medic's.

"Thank you Y/N,"He whispered.

"Don't thank me for having common decency."

"Not for that. Just for,"He trailed off.

"For what?"I asked.

"Nevermind,"He mumbled in that same guilty tone.

"I don't judge from someone's past. You told me the truth, and that's what's truly important."

"Yeah. It is,"He murmered. I gave his arm a gentle, reassuring squeeze as we kept walking side by side.

I sat up in a cold sweat as I remembered the dream. It was more than that though. I remembered that way I never wanted him to feel pain.

In some sick, twisted way I don't think I do. I think I might still have feelings for him. It's every sort of wrong there is, but that doesn't mean I can stop it.

Not wanting to stay in one place I went to get a glass of water. A thousand emotions I couldn't describe seemed to be running through my mind as each step seemed to weigh me down. Why can't I just resent him already?

Frustrated tears start to spill that I frantically wiped off. As I continued my walk I heard a crinkling sound. I looked down to see a piece of paper by my foot.

I bent down and opened it. I barely got through the first sentence before more tears fell. I dropped to my knees as I shakily clutched it in my hands. Each word only made this feeling, whatever is is, worse.

Once I got to the end I desperately tried to rip into nothing, but I didn't know how. Some part inside me wanted to hold it close to me, wanted to hold him close to me. There was an ongoing war in my head. Do I love him or do I wish the worst for him? Do I care for him or do I want nothing to do with him?

Am I still in love with Aris?

I dropped the letter and wiped more tears from my eyes. It only got worse as I cried harder. Why was this happening?

"Y/N?"A voice whispered. The voice that belonged to the person causing this.

"Why are you doing this to me?"I asked, holding back sobs.

"I'm sorry,"He whispered.

"Are you? Are you really sorry? Because I don't know how to believe you. How do you expect me to accept anything you say knowing the boy I love did all this, destroyed my world? Then, you lied to me."

"I didn't know how to tell you I remember,"He whispered.

"It's not about you remembering Aris. I just wanted you to be honest. Do you really think so low of me that I wouldn't try and understand you? Didn't I show you enough, give you enough, when I hid the truth I did know from my friends, from the people calling you a traitor? Did that mean nothing to you? Do I mean nothing to you?"

"You mean everything to me,"He promised.

"Why do you have to say that? Can't you just tell me you hate me? Please tell me you hate me,"I begged.

"I can't-"

"Lie to me about this Aris. Lie to me because I need to hate you. I want to hate you, but I can't. I don't know how. You were my world, and you need to stop being my everything. I just want to despise you. I want my words to be true. So please. Lie to me one last time,"I begged.

He didn't say anything as I sat there crying. What he did do was take slow steps towards me before kneeling beside me.

"I'm sorry,"He uttered.

"No, no, no. Don't do this to me,"I begged.

"I can fix this. Let me do that. Please. I love-"

"You don't love me. You never loved me,"I cried.

"I never meant to hurt you Y/N. I do love you. More than anything. Please tell me what I can do. There has to be something because I need you. Don't you think I tried to stop? Don't you think I did everything I could to stay away from you because I knew what I was compared to you?"

"You don't get to say that. I gave you everything I had. It may not have been much, but I did my best."

"I couldn't though, and you didn't want me to. Title, status, power, anything and everything different didn't keep us apart."

"No. No. You're wrong."

"They tried so hard to stop us from being together, but we didn't let them. Every night we saw each other."

"It's not true. It's not true,"I repeated, choking on my words.

"But I got caught one night, and you never found out why I stopped showing up to our spot. I tried Y/N, and they punished me. That's not why I stopped though."

"Don't pull me in again. Please."

"They threatened to hurt you, and I couldn't let that happen. Me, I would take that with open arms, but never you. Nobody would touch you."

"I hate you. I hate that I can't hate you. I hate you so much because you're so hard not to love. Why is it so hard not so care about you?"I asked, burying my face in my hands and sobbing. I felt him wrap his arms around me, and against my better judgement, in the moment of painful emotions, I clinged to him. He rocked me as I cried into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry,"He whispered, his voice breaking. "I know you can't say it's okay because it's not, but I am Y/N. I love you so much, and I don't know how not to,"He uttered. I didn't say anything. I couldn't as I let him hold me.

"No matter what I'll always love you. Even if you killed me, even if you hurt me, I'll love you. I know I hurt you so many times, but I need you. I need you Y/N,"He repeated.

"We can't get back to what we had. We can't be what we were. Maybe forever,"I said, finding my voice.

"I know."

"I hate liars."

"I know."

"But I still love you."

He didn't say anything back this time. He just let me break right there in his arms.

Does it mean I can forgive him, be with him? I'm not sure yet. What I am sure of is that I wanted to believe his words. Even if I don't I can't tell yet because I don't know what I'm feeling.

I only know one thing for sure. Whatever comes next doesn't change the fact that I can't stop loving him. I already tried that.

The problem is the heart wants what it wants, and mine beats for him.

It always did, and I don't think it'll ever stop.

[goldenivy0]

Again, this post is about Azriel's BC in ACOSF. Whether you like what happened in this chapter or not, this is canon. SJM wrote this chapter with her own two hands and it's part of the book. It's online and free for anyone to read it when and if they wish. With that said, I hate this 👇🏼:

First of all, Azriel doesn't answer Rhys's question. He could've easily said "Yes, I actually do" or "I didn't say I deserve to be her mate but I want to be with her nonetheless", I don't know, something... He could've confessed his love for Elain but instead he just adopted this defensive position, avoiding the question altogether, and accused Lucien of not being enough for her. Honestly, it's giving "Brother you know what? Now that you ask me... I don't think I deserve to be her mate no... but Lucien for sure FOR SURE doesn't deserve her." Uummm... sorry Az? Why? Is that all jealousy? Do you even know him well enough to be saying that? No you don't so please let's not. I'm not even going to sit here and say that the second part of that sentence is a lie cause I'm mature enough (unlike Az in this scene 🤔) to admit that, at this moment, things actually seem to be that way. Elain doesn't seem to be interested in Lucien right now. Can this change? Yes, and about that... we'll have to see what happens in her book. I've never seen an Elucien claim that Elain is in love with Lucien right now, we're simply able to see the potential between them, and that's what a lot of people don't understand.

Second of all, you're telling me that SJM wrote Azriel basically belittling Lucien without him even being there in the same room to defend himself and won't prove Az (and everyone that believes in that BS too) wrong in the next books? She isn't going to give Lucien a chance to try and prove everyone that he is, in fact, enough? I can't believe that. Lucien IS indeed enough for Elain and she should have the chance to know that, to truly get to know him. Otherwise her choice won't have as much weight or meaning as it could have.

Elain and Azriel starting their relationship on a foundation of resentment for the third party involved in this love triangle is not a good premise at all. Elain and Azriel starting their relationship after Az belittling and criticizing Lucien (completely unprovoked) and Elain simply ignoring him as if she was the only one affected by the mating bond would give them both a bad image.

(TW: This is NOT an Azriel hate post. This is NOT an Elain hate post. I like them. Thanks)