#Modern Cassandra

[j-august]

A wild flash reprint appears!

It's 'Modern Cassandra', originally published in F&SF a couple of years ago, now free to read in Small Wonders:

Modern Cassandra tries so hard to warn us, but all her visions go to Junk. I have an important revelation! she writes. I saw you in my dreams. This is urgent. Please reply, but even though she flags her emails as top priority we never do.

With thanks to Medium Amanda, who made a really dedicated effort to connect with me towards the end of 2019! And yet I never replied to her. What would have happened if I had?

[batfamgalore]

*Alfred is reminding Bruce to go to a school seminar for Damian that’s about helping the development of kids behavior*

Bruce: I don’t know why I have to go to this thing. In case you’ve forgotten I’ve raised a few kids.

*Cut to Jason pulling Dick’s hair and Dick poking Jason trying to escape. Tim, Steph, Cass, and Duke stare at Bruce*

Bruce: Why look at me? It was Alfred’s fault. I was barely around!

[theocddiaries]

Bruce: Clark! Where are you, honey? I need to talk to you. Clark: What is it? Bruce: Do you know what our daughter did? Clark [Points at a sleepy Cass]: Nothing. She's fine. She's reading. Bruce: No, not her. Steph! Stephanie! Come over here. I want to talk to you. Clark: There she is. Not a scratch on her. Bruce: Do you have something you want to say to us? Stephanie: Uh… Bruce: Mmm… let me help you out here. Fake I.D.s? Clark: What?! Bruce: Mm-hmm. Stephanie tried to get her and her friends some fake I.D.s. Steph: I wasn't gonna use them for drinking. We just wanted to get into this club to see a band. Bruce: She took a bunch of money from them and then she lost it. Clark: How much? Cass: $900… Bruce: You're kidding me!? Steph: It's not my fault! I gave money to this guy. He's the one who ripped us off. [Damian comes in, with a black eye] Bruce: …What happened to your face? Damian: I ran into a door. Bruce [Stern]: What happened to your face? Damian: Clark hit me. Bruce: What?! Clark: It was an accident. I was trying to open up a band-aid for his arm! Bruce: His arm too?! Damian: That was all me, I swear. [Cassandra falls to the side, asleep on the couch] Bruce: …What's wrong with her? Clark: …Growth spurt. Bruce [Stern]: What's wrong with her? Clark: …I drugged her. Bruce: Clark! Clark: I accidentally gave her the nighttime allergy medicine. Bruce: Ugh… Okay. All right, one thing at a time. Stephanie, how are you going to repay your friends? Steph: I don't know… Jason: She needs the money back. Who is this kid? Steph: A guy at school's cousin's friend. He lives in Gardena. Dick: Well, if you know where he lives, just call the police. Clark: No cops. We can't afford a scandal right now. Your dad's running for town council. Bruce: That was before, when I thought you could take care of the children. I take my eye off the ball for one minute, and I've got one in a coma, one with a black eye, and one running a crime ring. Jason: Well, to be fair, Steph started her crime ring when your eye was still on the ball.

[neuro-psyche]

jason todd is a girls girl.

let me explain (ik ik i say that a lot)

Jason Peter Todd will stand on business if it means helping someone out, especially a woman.

A creepy man following you home? woah that's crazy jason todd is very suddenly your friend and just so happens to be walking the same way.

Someone being a dick to you in public and making a scene? jason intervenes, handling the person after calling you a cab and paying for it up front.

You need someone to watch your drink? Mr. Fucking Red Hood will stand with a gun held over the drink until you get back, regardless of what he was doing.

Jason Todd is a girls girl in my mind and I will die on this fucking hill.

seriously though I feel like he and Steph would recreate that sonic meme that's like

Steph, saying something about how she, Cass and Babs are better than the rest : -and I'll prove once and for all that a female can be just as good of an hero as a male!

Jason : You know, anytime someone calls attention to the breaking of gender roles, it ultimately undermines the concept of gender equality by implying this is the exception and not the status quo.

Steph :

Jason :

Everyone and their mother :

Jason : What? Just because I'm a resurrected zombie freak and assassin, doesn't mean I'm not a feminist. I read pride and prejudice, dammit.

[literallyjusttoa]

"Sunny!" you cry, "Why did you draw the entire Trojan royal family from oldest to youngest in two days? That seems wildly unhealthy!"

"hurghhhhhhhh" I reply.

Anyways here's the full family portrait

(Only four of these people survive the Trojan war btw :D)

[everwalldigan]

Ok but what if Cass my chronically online princess picks up some of the modern slang and makes it her mission to use it at the most inappropriate times (wether she’s aware she’s doing it or not is up to you)

Cass, complimenting a meal: whoever made this needs to get their ass ate

Bruce: *has a stroke on the spot*

Cass, looking at a unconscious beaten up Jason in the medbay: where’s the girl with the list

Cass, humming while tying up a cannibalistic cult: big back big back, big back big back

Villain: *monologuing about their motives and they awful life that lead them to villainy*

Cass: skill issue

Cass, nodding while drenched in blood after a fight: serving so much cunt

Steph: hell yeah you are!!

[pansy-picnics]

Happy halloween vampire au is back who cheered

[amrubrum]

Clary and Alec in CoB when Alec refused to admit Clary was a shadowhunter:

y'all i pray this makes sense🙏🏻

[turtleblogatlast]

[ cw: (temporary) piercing / ]

AU starts here!

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I’d imagine Cassandra wouldn’t make a big deal out of Leo’s newfound abilities tbh

And yes, she is in fact wearing her full fight ensemble under her clothes tyvm

Bonus:

[blackbatcass]

Not to get back on my soapbox but bruce & cass’s early relationship does make me want to eat drywall. any outsider could tell you bruce is obviously enabling cass’s unhealthy behaviors and yet he 100% completely believes he’s doing the right thing for her because that’s what he thinks he would have needed in that situation. and. that says some real interesting things about bruce as a person. wow, mr. wayne, are you totally sure that what you needed when you were cassandra cain’s age was someone holding you to impossibly high standards, keeping you shut up in a cave all day, training you until your lungs gave out and encouraging vigilantism to consume every aspect of your life? is that really what you think you needed? does this maybe stem from an ultimately twisted view of yourself, bruce?

[incorrect-piltover-quotes]

Cassandra: I raised a perfectly functional child.

Caitlyn: You have a child we don’t know about?!

[flagellant]

anyway im really tired of pretending that voting matters or does anything when all evidence is that the only thing y'all say it does is "slow the fascism down" rather than "stops the fascism". perhaps this is because the system itself encourages fascism and stratification of power and wealth and anyone who works in that system is obligated to perpetuate the system at all cost and above all else.

there is no such thing as a good american politician. there are well-meaning american politicians. but they are all proponents and advocates of the american systems which oppress us and, at the end of the day, AOC and Ron DeSantis are merely fighting over who gets to run the same system. isnt it just so weird btw how things constantly get nonstop worse even during democratic majorities? and how you keep having to settle with ceding partially to Republican fascist demands?

surely, you keep saying, voting blue no matter who THIS election cycle will do something

surely, i keep saying, you'll have to figure out it won't do anything at some point

[theocddiaries]

Alfred: I don't understand. What are we watching? Bruce [Pointing at a camera footage on the TV]: Okay, look. I fell yesterday at the market. Dick and I have been having a little disagreement as to what happened. Just watch. I stop to fix my shoe, and then Dick… Right there. He makes way for this very attractive woman, whom he conveniently leaves out of his retelling of the story. Now, right here, Dick backs up, pushes his butt into the cart, pushes me into the cans. Do you see that? It's all his fault! Just like I said! I was right! Suck it! Cass: When did you get this? Jason: Oh, my God. That's why you wanted to come separately. Steph: You went to all that trouble just to prove you were right? Bruce: It really wasn't that much trouble. I went to the store, found your friend Jordan, the bag boy, who got me the manager. He gave me the address of the off-site security office. I filled out some paperwork. Sally faxed it to corporate. Three minutes later, I'm buying a pack of DVDs and burning a copy. Piece of cake. Tim: …It's like a sickness. Bruce: What? None of you believed me, so I got proof. You should all be sucking it right now. Kate: Please stop with the "sucking it," Bruce. They're children. Clark: Yes, children are very impressionable. You'll never know what they'll pick up. Lois: Ugh! Okay, Clark, I'm sorry that I blamed it all on you, okay? But we both need to look at our actions. I mean, if we're thinking about adopting another baby, then we need to-- Diana: You're adopting another kid? Clark: That's not the way you make an announcement! Banners! Banners! [Puts on music] 🎶Ah, let's give the boy a hand 🎶 Jason: What the hell's happening here? Dick: Is that from Footloose??? Clark [Turns off the music]: Really, Lois? You couldn't even share telling our friends. Kate: Why are you upset? This is such good news. Lois: No, we're a little on edge because Conner has been acting out, like he doesn't want a sibling-- Clark: Yeah, because Lois taught him to hate sharing. Lois: And, or, because Clark wears him like a fanny pack. Alfred: Oh, stop blaming each other. No kid wants a sibling. I remember Bruce hated his cousin so much, he stuck her in a dryer when she was two. Kate: You put me in the dryer? Bruce: …I did. But it wasn't 'cause I hated you. My friend Thomas said that it wouldn't run with a kid inside it, and I knew it would. I was right. Dick: Good governor. It's been going on since you were five? Bruce: …Oh, my God, it is a sickness. What would make me have that need at such a young age? Kate: How long was I in that dryer? Because- I-Is this why I'm afraid of tumbling? I had to quit gymnastics! Dick: A childhood without tumbling?! [Faces Alfred]. You knew this, and just stood by and did nothing? Alfred: Okay, okay. What's done is done. All you can do is learn from your mistakes. And in that spirit, I would like to propose a toast to our young master Damian. This week, he did something he wasn't supposed to do, like we all do-- Diana [Interrupting]: Like we all do!. Cheers, my young warrior! Alfred: No. Not yet. Master Damian stood up like a man. He admitted he was wrong, and he took his licks. And I'm very, very proud of him. Diana: Aaaand now we clink. Alfred: No, we clink when I say we clink. So Master Damian made a mistake, but he didn't take the easy way out. He's got guts. He's got integrity. And as far as I'm concerned, he's the best-- Damian: Okay, stop, stop! I didn't do any of that! Miss Diana broke into the locker and threw the necklace inside, and then we ran away like cowards! I'm sorry, Alfred! I'm sorry! Alfred: Aha! I knew it. I was right! I was right! Everyone: … … [In realization]: Ohhhh. Makes sense. Alfred: … [Drinks in silence].

[nicoforlifetrue]

"Cass is the next batman!" "No terry is the next batman!" fools that you all are, clearly terry is the Batman after Cass! That is her SON and I die on this hill!

[yellowraincoat]

Beautiful how at heart Kai is just a conspiracy theorist who accidentally has really good taste in conspiracies.

Like

Kai: Torin, what if Princess Selene survived the fire and was brought to earth? What if Levana is bugging the palace???? WHAT IF letumosis is biological warfare created by the lunars and purposely released to weaken earth and make us vulnerable to a lunar take over and that’s how Levana has the antidote!!!!!

Torin: what if your highness -_- What if.

[high-in-the-tower]

What if next season Armand and Lestat are in a secret situationship and are having nasty hate sex because they both hate themselves + each other,,,,,,rock bottom together but at least you know the other guy next to you on the cave floor !