#Jason is team Steph get that right okay

[incorrectbatfamandfriends]

Tim: So anyways, my boyfriend-

Jason: Woah woah, “boyfriend?”

Tim: What’s that supposed to mean? Come on Jason I thought you were cool don’t tell me-

Jason: Pump the breaks, I’m not homophobic. Just surprised anyone would date you.

[gaywineauntsstuff]

the reason I hate the "Tim doesn't trust Dick after Damian/spyral/ric" is because they are besties your honour.

Like there's a post going around that I cannot for the life of me find that says Dick is Tims trusted adult and they are so right fr ong.

Because despite what Fanon believes Dick is a pretty chill guy and people take one look at him and go "let me unload my emotional baggage on you"

There's like a very famous panel (that im too lazy to find or remember the name of the run its in okay don't yell at me) where Tim basically goes "soooo my girlfriends pregnant" and Dick nearly falls off the roof.

Tim is calling Dick for the dumbest shit imaginable to the world ending and so are the rest of the batkids.

so I have taken the Canon that Dick knows if not all but most and generalised it to hell.

-------------------------

Jason has been on a team with like 80% of OG titan members

they're having gossip session

Jason in a war zone dodging bullets with his bat travel mug in his hand: And THEN! Kori and Roy shared this look and you know the look they give you when they're judging you for bat reasons and you're like tell me why you're mad I was raised by a crazy person my normal levels are skewed.

Dick in NYC with a blueberry bagel In one hand, his Turkish coffee in another, just finished meeting up with Donna who gave him THAT exact look: No REALLLLL why are they like that, just tell me which one of the creepy traits I internalised as a child is bothering you.

Jason: omg you get it anyway so I grab the bomb and start playing soccer with it because its round and im bored and starfire takes it away like idk what im doing? bro ive been bombed I know how to work with a bomb..

Dick: hmmm and then what happened

Jason: and then.....

--------------------------

Tim: Dickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Dick: yea Tim

Tim: Kon is being a dick

Dick: oh?

Tim: yeah and its really starting to bother me man

Dick who knows Kon is dead and Tim is either hallucinating or drugged to be more susceptible to manipulation and is already on his way: hmm tell me more babybird whys he upsetting my lil brother

Tim about to tell Dick what is a fever dream bc he contracted pneumonia and is loopy off his ass on painkillers:

---------------------------

steph does this more with babs in the hero scene but its just... so easy and totally gets into the habit of it after Dick is her Batman for a bit and now she uses him as her civilian life therapist

Steph on her way back from campus: and then this bitch looks me up and down and pours her coffee cup down my shirt!

Dick on his way back to blud after decking bruce in the face: hold on hold on hold on she did what??

Steph nodding vigorously even though he can't see her: pulls my whole ass sweater away from my body and pours her peats coffee down my goddamn shirt Dick.

Dick: omg she didnt

Steph still nodding: she DID and then I found out from Jonny who found out from Vivian that someone told her I made out with her boyfriend at Leos house party

Dick who has no idea who any of these people are: wait but you were at Leos for like an hour max last week. we has smoothies after.

StepH: exactly so I had proof that I wasn't there and confronted her and went like. I don't want your crusty ass alt white boy whose favourite 'indie' band is the neighbourhood. I dated Tim fucking Drake the OG crusty ass white boy and I don't do repeats

Dick choking on his coffee:

Steph: anyway we are besties now and planning on getting her boyfriend back because apparently he cheated on her with this drop dead gorgeous girl and im high key a lil complimented she thought we were the same person.

Dick who initially called for casework and is actually so happy one of the people he calls siblings is actually like living a life outside of vigilantism: tell me more

Steph: you sound a little teary

dick: don't worry about it

-------------------------

Damian: Richard

Dick: Damian

Damian: so I might be skipping patrol with father

Dick:? what you love patrol??

Damian: and school

Dick: Dames? what's going on:? is everything okay? you can talk to me

Damian: I am volunteering at a hospital

Dick: kid

Damian: Listen before you sAY anything I know what we do is important but I think I can help in another way and -

Dick had brown parents and was training for the olympics at 8, totally knows what its like to have insane expectations and rebel with a day job: kid kid calm down okay? you wanna be a doctor? is that it?

Damian: well? I dont really know but I just? there has to be another way to help people. besides what we do I mean-

Dick: Alfred left me Thomas waynes journals I initially thought they were to bash your fathers head in when he was being stupid but it seems the old man was looking out for us. Wanna take a stab at your other grandpas legacy when you come over next weekend. I'll tell Bruce we patrolled so you get a few more days off.

Damian: you're the best

[incorrectbatfam]

Do the batfamily members ever get too into their undercover work? (Undercover in an office and theyre worried about spreadsheets, working in a warehouse and coming home complaining about missing parts)

Bruce: Status updates on your undercover missions. Dick, you first. What have you got down at the docks?

Dick: I haven't confirmed the Killer Croc sightings yet, but more importantly, our catch hasn't been measuring up to last year's. Tuna we're doing okay on, but the salmon population seems to be on the low end. I've contacted the Department of Wildlife and Fisheries but it'll be another 3-5 business days before they can come down and check it out.

Bruce: At least you're doing something to help. Jason?

Jason: Class was okay. I think the kids are warming up to me as their substitute while Mrs. Maloney is out on maternity leave. The average on the last vocabulary quiz was 83.53% so either I'm doing my job right or they need to be challenged. I'm worried about Tristan Lancy, though. He's normally a good student but his grades have been dropping recently and his parents don't seem like safe people to tell. I'll talk to him tomorrow and try to pair him up with a peer tutor if he needs it.

Bruce: Also see if he has any alternate contacts besides his parents. Tim, any updates at the chemical plant?

Tim: If by updates you mean OSHA violations, I could go on all week. We got a batch of new recruits today and they were just thrown into the work—no PPE, no safety training, nothing. This is what happens when you place production over employee well-being. I'm gonna file a complaint after this meeting. Also, I think the union will have something to say about the manager cutting people's lunch breaks short.

Bruce: I see. Damian? Please tell me you found something volunteering at the zoo.

Damian: Depends on how you define "found." While I have not obtained evidence of a mutant larvae black market, I did help some of the animals at the sanctuary make progress with their recovery. Bobo the monkey is healing from his broken arms and we're gradually getting him re-acclimated to climbing higher surfaces. Suzie the black bear was born a little prematurely but seems to be catching up to her peers in terms of growth. Lastly, we got a grant for additional wildcat research and enrichment. As an aside, we are having an educational seminar on European mountain goats this Friday at 3:30 and I expect all of you to be there.

Bruce: I'll put that on our calendars. Steph?

Steph: It's not really undercover work for me, just work. Anyway, yes the newest Batburger location is being used for money laundering. But I really need to vent about the customers for a sec. We don't open until 10 and at 9:30 this morning some moron was banging on our door demanding Jokerized cheese fries. Then right in the middle of the lunch rush, Janie got sick so I had to fill in as the cashier and it was hell. After that, I had to step in between a fight at the drive-thru because the customer claimed we only gave him nine pieces of his ten-piece Robin nuggets and tried to beat up the kid who took his order. And to top it all off, an entire high school hockey team came in five minutes before closing.

Bruce: Cass?

Cass, blowing balloons: Can't talk. Arranging bat mitzvah.

Bruce: Duke, you're my last hope.

Duke: Margie's bringing a peanut butter chocolate cake to the bake sale. I swiped her recipe and we can easily beat her. Her ganache is way too watery and just runs off the top of the cake, which isn't even leveled. She's also trying to do something with a raspberry filling that isn't working at all. It's like she couldn't decide on what to bring. The bake sale committee also asked if we can bring some apple pies because the original baker has to go out of town for a family emergency. I think we'll win if we bring them with some ice cream and a touch of caramel, even though this isn't a contest.

Bruce: Thank you. At least our most critical case has been taken care of.

Barbara: ...I'll save my book launch for later.

[demonic0angel]

(ok, hear me out.)

Bruce looks around the dinner table and realizes, jasons dating Jazz, Cass is dating Danny, Tim is dating Ellie, and Stephanie is dating Sam. A tiny paranoid voice in his head says that Team Phantom is taking his family.

ok maybe he just needs some sleep.

But what if this is a plan of taking his family?

(I’m hearing you out >:) not sure if I understood it tho :/)

The moment Bruce left the dinner table, everyone paused, as if waiting to see if he’d come back. Then Jazz started another debate with Jason and the conversation resumed. Everyone chatted as they ate and then helped Alfred clean up, who shooed them away from the kitchen when they finished bringing him the plates and utensils.

Dick stretched with a low hum. He received a kiss from Dan for his troubles, and he laughed as he remarked, “Wow, dinner was even better than usual!”

Tim hummed. “It’s because these guys are here.”

“Well, we still have the rest of the night for ourselves, right? Wanna go to the arcade?” Dani asked, tugging at his and Kon’s hands. “We can go to my apartment later.”

“You mean, my apartment,” Jazz said in amusement.

“Same thing!” Dani laughed. Tim and Kon agreed and off they went, with Kon and Dani flying into the night with Tim in their arms.

Dan looked at Dick. “Shall we go home?”

Dick shook his head. “I want to go get some groceries first.” He turned to Damian and asked, “Want to come with, Dami?”

Damian looked at Dan, who just blinked, before Damian nodded. They went off together.

Sam said, “C’mon, Steph, we can’t let them have fun without us, right? Let’s go to the arcade too, or we can go look at the mall.” Stephanie happily hugged Sam’s arm and they also left the manor.

Jazz kissed Jason’s cheek and said, “Let’s go back to your apartment, okay?”

Jason perked up and then he wrapped an arm around her waist before calling out teasingly, “You kids be safe! Don’t add to the population, don’t subtract to the population, don’t do anything dangerous!”

“Tell that to yourself!” Danny snapped. When they also left, Cass and Danny were the only ones left in the manor. She was staring at him silently, dark eyes trained on him. “What is it?” He asked her.

“… you know something.”

Danny smiled. “Know what?”

She stared at him, then shook her head softly. Danny brought her closer to himself, reaching out to hold her gently, rubbing his cheek against her hair.

“We would never hurt you or your siblings. You know that, right?” He asked, and she nodded slowly.

Yes. They would not hurt her or her siblings. It was only Bruce who would be left behind, still stuck in his old ways of mourning, unable to see the hopeful future or the love between them and the Phantoms.

For a moment, Cassandra just mourned for the way things used to be. Then Danny swept her away and everything was soon forgotten.

(Or what if… the Phantoms felt like Bruce wasn’t a great parent and decided to “save” the others on their own.)

[wondersinwaynemanor]

the Wayne kids would definitely wear something from their partners without them knowing. or they just forgot because they're so into it.

[a bit long as this is for each Wayne kid]

~

Dick, enters the movie room at the Manor, announcing himself quite loudly: Who missed me????

his siblings exchange looks as they judge the The Flash joggers their eldest brother is wearing.

Bruce eyes fall to the clothing, a light smile on his lips.

Dick, plops himself beside Damian, ruffling his hair: I hope I didn't miss too much. I got caught up with something.

Jason: Did that something have anything to do with a specific speedster, Dickface?

Damian, huffs as Dick gives him a side hug: You've been frolicking quite often with West these days, Richard.

Jason, attempts to whisper but he obviously wanted everyone to hear him: I'm sure it's more than frolic.

Tim and Duke snicker at that.

Dick, steals Jason's bowl of popcorn: What you guys talking about? He's my best friend. If he needs something, I'll be there-

Cass pokes at Dick's knees and gives a knowing look at the joggers.

Dick, goes red as he continues to eat more popcorn: Um... My pants got dirty. Had to borrow. No big deal. Now..... What we watching????

~

Dick, grins and bows down as he stands on the mat: Okay! Who's ready to spar with the Master?

Jason and Tim roll their eyes in sync as they do their own business at the Batcave.

Cass emerges outside the changing rooms, wearing her workout clothes with a purple headband that's totally not her brand, and waves a hand to Dick as if indicating "me".

from his place at the Batcomputer, Bruce smiles when he sees his daughter.

Dick, coos: Awww. That's a cute headband, Cass. Where'd you get it?

Damian, emerges from the changing rooms: It seems to be Brown's.

Cass pretends not to blush when she touches the headband on her head.

Dick: You look adorable, Cass.

Before Dick could tease her even more, Cass does a move that knocks Dick on the floor.

~

Jason enters the dining room. he's the last one to join the rest of the family on the table.

his siblings exchange looks when they see the Star City shirt he's wearing, a shirt that's clearly tight for him.

Jason is minding his own business, stacking pancakes on his plate when Bruce starts the conversation.

Bruce, hides his smile behind the newspaper: Morning, Jaylad. I thought you were arriving later tonight.

Jason, shrugs: Business was cut off short.

Dick, grins from across the table: Just admit it, Little Wing. You miss us.

Jason, groans: It's too early, Dick. Please.

Duke: But not too early to wear a shirt that's clearly not from Gotham, right?

Damian: Must be some lousy business Todd got into.

Tim, snickers: Or an interesting one for Jason as it's clearly a Roy-related business.

Jason: What the fuck are you guys on about?

Cass, who is sitting beside him, tugs at his shirt.

Jason, pretends not to blush and continues to eat: 'nd your o' ucking 'iness

Alfred: Language, Master Jason. And you must not talk with your mouth full.

~

Tim enters the dining room after a long day at work as CEO of Wayne Enterprises. he hopes he isn't too late for family dinner.

Tim, sits down: Sorry, I'm late. It's been a looong day.

his siblings exchange looks when they see Tim wearing a leather jacket, which clearly wasn't part of his suit and tie that he initially wore to the office.

Bruce has to bite his lower lip to refrain from smiling.

Steph, raises her brow: Was there a photoshoot or something?

Tim, who doesn't look up as he starts typing on his phone: Huh...

Damian: You just got here, Drake, but you're already distracted. How childish of you.

Duke, clears his throat beside Tim: Tim, sorry to break it to you, but you're wearing a leather jacket. It doesn't seem to be your style.

Tim, almost drops his phone: Sh- Oh, yes, it's Kon's. He dropped by to the office to report something. Some team stuffs that doesn't concern any of you. I was cold, so he let me borrow.

Steph: We already know Tim secretly wanted the jacket even though he wasn't cold.

Tim tries to aim a pea on Steph's face, but she just catches it with her mouth.

~

Duke, enters the Batcave after morning patrol: Seriously, these rogues are coming out at morning too often these days.

his siblings, who were present at the cave, exchange looks when they see the cap with the letter R on his head.

Bruce pretends to cough to cover his chuckle.

Dick, grins: New getup, Little D?

Tim, smiles from beside Bruce by the Batcomputer: It looks good on you, Duke!

Duke, blushes: Wait, huh- Oh. It's Izzy's. She was nice enough to let me borrow.

Jason, pats Duke's shoulder as he makes his way to his motorcycle: You're one of the people I can say looks good with a cap, D.

Dick, shouts: Wait. Who's the other one, Little Wing? I don't wear a cap!!!

~

Damian enters the vehicle.

the rest of his siblings exchange looks when they see the oversized hoodie their youngest brother is wearing.

Bruce, who is on the driver seat, doesn't even try to hide the smile he has on his face.

Jason: I didn't know that after a sleepover, you get to bring home your host's clothes.

Tim: Oh, shut up, Jay. As if you're any better.

Jason: No one asked you to open your mouth, Replacement.

Dick, cuts the conversation: Aww, you look really adorable with Jon's hoodie, Dami.

Cass, beside him, plants a soft kiss on Damian's cheek.

Damian, curses internally before pulling the sleeves of the hoodie to his wrists: Tt. How did you know this was Jon's?

Duke: Well, it couldn't be Clark's right? It would drown you.

Damian, huffs, definitely not blushing: Whatever. Let's just go.

and the Wayne kids would definitely not return the things they're wearing.

[gilverrwrites]

I could never get over it if the batfam walked on Bruce and I having sex. Even MORE, if we were married for a longtime, being parents together. I think everyone would be traumatized and it would create for a long time, awkward tension and moments, no one being able to quite look each other in the eyes. Bruce trying to act as if nothing happened, but still cringing in his head.

It would be SO bad!

Cass was the first to figure out what was going on and avert her eyes. She didn’t see much but she saw enough. For a very long time, every time she looked at you, you could tell she’s remembering what happened and trying to scrub the image from her brain.

Dick is simultaneously the most traumatised, and the most calm about it. Like this is the worst thing he’s ever laid eyes on and he’s seen some pretty messed up shit in his time but he’s gotta do damage control for the younger siblings, he’ll freak out about it later.

Jason is the loudest, he's immediately fake retching and threatening to gouge out his eyes. Days later, just when he thinks he’s over it, that the sight is no longer ingrained in his head, something reminds him and he’s straight back to wanting to barf.

Duke is apologising for barging in right until the door is closed and then he's reteching and looking for the nearest bathroom to wash is eyes out in. Theres like a full month where he cannot look you or Bruce in the eyes at all.

Steph is a goddamn menace. She would have been stood by Cass who likely would have covered her eyes or something to stop her from seeing much, and she's also one of the fastest to get over it. But watching Jason freak out, or Dick try to brush it off while dying inside is to much fun, so she frequently is the cause for reminding them about it.

Damian is the most normal about it, was it unpleasant? Yes. Very. But he knows what sex is, he knows it’s a normal thing that people do. At least it’s over and he doesn’t have to dwell on it anymore. Or he wouldn’t if Grayson would stop incessantly checking in on him which is far worse. At some point this event lead to Bruce trying to have The Talk with him, Damian was appalled.

Babs, like Dick is trying to diffuse the situation but winds up making it worse because she cannot resist making stupid jokes about it. Really she’s just trying to lighten the mood but it is not appreciated.

Tim’s mind is in like 3 places at once at any given time. He was probably at the front and didn’t even fully register something is off until Bruce is slamming the door in his face. When everyone else is freaking out he’s just kind of like ‘okay… moving on…’ cause for all of them to burst in on you, there was probably a bigger issue at hand that needed his brain power. He’s probably lying in bed 2 days later, having finally wrapped up everything in his head when oh. OH, OH SHIT NO GROSS I DID NOT SEE THAT.  

Like you said, Bruce would try to act normal about it for a long time. Until the tension is to much and/or its causing problems during theit nightly activities. He’ll bring everyone in for a mandatory team meeting, try to clear the air. IT WILL NOT GO WELL, and he will immediately resort back to pretending like neither happened.

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

science experiment is my new favorite, dear lord it’s incredible

"We might have a problem, Alfie," Dick sing-songed as he leaned against the wall where Alfred was making sure the outdoor shenanigans that were serving as "training" today didn't get out of hand.

The butler glanced up to where Jason kept watching you, almost hovering near you. But trying to make it look like he wasn't. "So far as I'm concerned, it looks like the opposite of a problem."

"Maybe," Dick mused.

"How much did he see? Last night, I mean?"

"The aftermath," Dick sighed. "Mud, blood, tears, and snot."

"Oh dear," he tutted. "Master Bruce told me that he found Jason tending to the wounds on her hands and feet this morning. And that he seemed... almost like his old self."

Dick nodded to where you'd made your way over to Cass, the newest addition and offered to be on her "team". Cass wasn't a big talker- she could hardly speak at all- but. Thanks to your empathic quirk, neither of you really needed to talk to team up. And it hadn't taken Cass long to figure that out. OR to figure out that you were physically not very durable. Still. The smiles and the fist bump said it all. "Do we have extra hydration packs on hand?" he asked.

"Always," Alfred said. Reasonably, no one expected you to participate. And no one pulled punches when you did. But- watching you laugh with the other girls when Dick jogged over to even it up properly... well. Maybe, you could get a couple nights of decent sleep.

Bruce strode out onto the lawn and dropped into a chair with a grunt. "How's it going?" he asked.

"Swimmingly," Alfred said, pouring cold drinks and making sure that yours had the specific blend of things that had been prescribed to you in your bottle. "Miss Y/N and Miss Cassandra have been working out some things they can utilize in the field and the others have been enjoying creating chaos to facilitate that."

"Hn."

"And Jason has been hovering like a mother hen," Alfred chuckled.

"So much for not having a crush," Bruce hummed. "How is Y/N holding up?"

"Tiring out, I think. But they've been doing what they can to keep her from having to over-exert herself- after all. It's not like we need to know what the upper limits are."

"Fair-" But before he can finish asking for specifics, you waver on your feet halfway through a strategy you'd been working out with Cass. But before you crumple, Jason is right behind you. Picking you up against his chest.

His face burning as he murmured something against your flustered protests. You radiated flustered embarrassment. And he deposited you in a chair carefully. "It probably would have worked," he muttered, "Dick and Steph talk too much."

You nod and accept the proffered water bottle awkwardly and take a drink, "Thanks."

"What were you trying to do?" Bruce asked? He hadn't SEEN Cass, but that didn't mean anything.

"Lead her into the best position for a sneak attack using my location with emotional resonance... since I can make the people feel things we were playing hot and cold. So I was picking up on where she was and kinda leading her to where she needed to be as we were wandering around."

"Hn." Bruce nodded. Considering that. He'd THOUGHT about using that as a strategy before. You did possess the ability to hone in on people you knew well-

"You okay?" Jason asked, breaking into his thoughts.

"Fine," you murmur, rolling your water bottle between your hands and looking down. Taking a few deep breaths to shove all your emotions back under control as the others lope back up from the grass for drinks and snacks. Cass sat on the arm of your chair and thudded her head gently on your shoulder. Smiling a little when you lean your head on hers.

Bruce watches the little exchange with bemusement and nods to himself. It made sense. Cass had few words and you could make yourself understood without it. But0 he did wonder, as he watched Jason watch it all happen, how he felt about it.

[oldmannapping]

Ficlet: Bodyswap (Dick-Jason and Tim-Steph)

Based on my own prompt, which wouldn't leave my brain.

This is a body-swap fic with only the awkwardness. None of the bonding. Just the weird uncomfortable parts. Okay maybe a little of the bonding.

Excerpt:

Across the Cave, a furious voice echoed off stalagmites and startled several bats.

“Why are you so HORNY ALL THE TIME?!”

An indignant, and equally-bat-startling voice immediately responded.

“Why AREN’T you?!”

It seems there was an impasse.

It’s a tale as old as time. Batfamily meets warlock, warlock fumbles a spell, warlock disappears in a cloud of smoke, Batfamily realises they’re body-swapped…

You know. That old classic.

WARNINGS: Mentions of menstruation, mentions of sex drives and sexuality, swearing

Across the Cave, a furious voice echoed off stalagmites and startled several bats.

“Why are you so HORNY ALL THE TIME?!”

An indignant, and equally-bat-startling voice immediately responded.

“Why AREN’T you?!”

It seems there was an impasse.

It’s a tale as old as time. Batfamily meets warlock, warlock fumbles a spell, warlock disappears in a cloud of smoke, Batfamily realises they’re body-swapped…

You know. That old classic.

Dick and Jason were glaring at each other. Themselves. Each other, in each other’s bodies. You've got it, it's not your first rodeo right?

It’s been three days since the unfortunate warlock incident. As well as Jason and Dick, Tim and Stephanie have also been body-swapped in a move that seemed particularly designed by the spell/universe to cause maximum rage to Steph and mortification to Tim.

Jason and Dick have refused to allow the team to be locked down because Fuck Off, You Can’t Tell Me What To Do (Jason) and Bruce For The Good Of The Team We Need Some Space Because If We Murder Each Other It Will Be Bad For Morale (Dick).

Bruce might have held out for longer but Alfred’s visiting family in England and without his arched brow of British judgement, Bruce tends to let his children pick whichever course of action seems like it will cause the least about of hassle to Bruce’s personal routine.

He didn’t love them in the Cave 24/7 either. He’s had to ship Cass and Damian off to one of his nicer safehouses because having to manage four moody, hormonal, body-swapped vigilantes was hard enough without the mental load of school pickups and packed lunches. He misses Alfred. He’s hiding in his office at the moment, getting more Wayne Enterprises work done than he has in years.

Jason and Dick, and Tim and Stephanie, have spent three days in each other’s bodies, absolutely not patrolling or going anywhere that they’re likely to be recognised, but exercising and getting coffee and generally behaving like prisoners on day release. Zatanna has assured them that these sorts of spells usually fizzle out after less than a month, so it’s just a waiting game.

Apparently, they are bored. Apparently, they’re getting on each other’s nerves again.

Jason, in Dick’s body, has just raked his hands through his hair and pulled it nearly hard enough to rip it out.

“Why are you so HORNY ALL THE TIME!?” he has bellowed.

Dick’s reaction is to pull Jason’s body to its full height in indignation. “Why AREN’T you?” he shouts back.

Jason is at the end of his rope. “Everyone you see!” he says, pointing a finger at Dick. “I was just going for a fucking RUN. I just wanted some exercise, because this fucking body can’t go three minutes without goddam MOVING. And it just wouldn’t SHUT UP.”

He’s so mad. He continues: “This fucking body checks out EVERYONE. You’re constantly just sizing people up and thinking about boning them. ALL THE FUCKING TIME.”

Dick is also mad. “That’s not true!” he rebuts. “I notice people! We’re trained to be observant! Yeah, one of the things I notice about them is attraction. That’s NORMAL. That’s what people DO. At least I’m not thinking about the best ways I could incapacitate some poor 15-year-old barista.”

Jason flares Dick’s nostrils. “I do NOT think about hurting kids.”

Dick scoffs. “No, you think about hurting EVERYONE. Everyone you see is a threat. How could I take this person down? Am I stronger than this person? Is that lady hiding a gun in that baby stroller? All day long! You think that’s normal? You think that’s better than noticing if someone’s attractive?”

“It’s more fucking useful, especially in our line of work. You think you’ll ever save the day with a heroic boner?”

“Oh my god stop talking about it!”

“I wish I could stop THINKING about it! I had to SHOWER in this goddam body. Do you know how hard it is to ignore someone else’s boner in your shower? I nearly punched myself in the dick, pun fucking intended.”

Dick makes Jason’s teeth grind. “Do NOT break my penis.”

Jason points at Dick again like he’s a giant disobedient dog. “I will get your FUCKING nipples pierced if this body has one more hard on. I’m not fucking around.”

Dick flails Jason’s huge arms. His fluid, lithe movements look very out of place on a muscle-bound heavyweight. Almost campy. “I have literally ZERO control over that right now. You realise that right? You realise you sound ridiculous.”

“You’re the one who conditioned your body to be like this. Make it stop!”

“I don’t know if you forgot about this part of puberty or if you were just too busy being angry and emo and FARTING to notice, but boners are a fact of life, suck it up.”

“Firstly, some of us actually eat vegetables - YOU need more fibre in your diet, Grayson, don’t get me started on that – and secondly, sorry I didn’t condition myself to repress freakish amounts of lust. I must have been too busy DYING and being RESURRECTED and BRAINWASHED BY THE LEAGUE OF ASSASSINS.”

“Oh my god WE GET IT, YOU DIED. You cannot use that to win every argument. Stop being so angry in my body, I can feel how gross and grouchy yours is all the time and I don’t want you infecting mine.”

“That’s funny, since I’m probably keeping your body the cleanest it’s been since you were fifteen, you horny maniac.”

“There’s a difference between feeling attraction and acting on it! It’s NORMAL to notice people in a sexual way! Don’t shame me!”

“Stop saying ‘attraction’, this is not attraction, this is Ivy-level mind-fogging crotch-throbbing run-ruining-“

“Just because all YOU think about is violence and murder, don’t get mad at me for having a sex drive!”

“I’m not mad at you for having a sex drive! I’m mad at you for making ME have your sex drive!”

“I didn’t cast this spell!”

“I know!”

“There’s nothing wrong with being sexual and expressing it with whoever I want, as long as they’re consenting!”

“I know! I support you! I couldn’t give a fuck who you bone and I don’t want to think about it, but I support it!”

“Good!”

“Good!”

Steph and Tim are standing a few feet away, watching hypnotically. Steph uses Tim’s bony elbow to nudge him in her ribs. She whispers something to him and he snorts a laugh, then freezes.

“Um,” he says in Steph’s voice, expression tight. “I think you might need to teach me how to use a tampon. Or, uh. Sanitary pad. Whichever you’re most comfortable with. Or. Um. Maybe your body just peed? Many women develop incontinence after childbirth, so it’s fine, I just. Uh. I just want to know what I’m dealing with here.”

Steph gapes at him. “Jesus fucking Christ.” She grabs her phone and swears when the fingerprint ID doesn’t work. Jabbing in her PIN, she swipes to her period tracker app. “Fuck. Un-fucking-believable.”

Ten minutes later, Steph and Tim emerge from the Cave’s bathrooms with grim expressions, not meeting each other’s eyes.

Tim, valiantly trying to remain scientific, offers, “I didn’t know it smelled different than normal blood.”

Steph digs Tim’s nails into his palms. “Stop talking.”

Tim cannot stop talking. “I just mean. I’ve been around a lot of blood, but never, you know. That kind of blood. And I never thought about how, in its basic composition, it’s not just blood, it’s also endometrial cells and cervical lining so of course it would be different.”

“Stop. Talking.”

Tim is a nervous talker. “And also, good idea on using the gloves and applicator. That way I didn’t have to touch any, um, you know, touch your, touch you when I was doing the. Yeah. Not that it would be gross or bad to touch you, I mean. You’re very. Great. And women are. So brave. Every month. But it’s just. You know. It’s not. I mean you consented, but in this situation, is it really consent, since this whole thing is kind of coercive, since you don’t REALLY have control over your-“

“SHUT UP!”

Dick and Jason raise their heads like meerkats from where they’ve ended up facing off with their phones, stubbornly shout-reading each other google search results for “normal male sex drive” and “how do I know if I’m asexual”.

“Everything okay over there?” asks Dick, Jason’s deeper voice carrying easily across the Cave.

“Fine!” say Steph and Tim in tandem.

“Totally natural and normal!” adds Tim helpfully. “We’re totally comfortable. We’re blossoming. We’re very healthy.”

Steph groans. “I cannot believe I used to date you.”

Part Two

[brucewaynehater101]

"It's A Wonderful Life" AU with Tim and Jason

I only know the very basic premise of this movie, so we're going off of that.

Tw: death, suicide, violence

This could be a Titan's Tower AU, but I do think this could be a bit more fun after the BruceQuest.

Tim, who's had his support systems (even the JL ripped from him) and is seething in paranoia, gets cornered by Red Hood. The last time he saw Jason alone, he got a batarang to the chest (Battle of the Cowl). Tim has no reason to suspect this interaction will be friendly.

Red Robin is geared up for a fight. Red Hood has his hands up in surrender and far away from his hip holsters. It's not exactly reassuring (Jason can probably whip out his pistols in the same amount of time it takes Tim to grab a birdarang), but it does communicate that Jason isn't looking for a fight. Tim, who's one mental breakdown away from taking over Lex Corp for the hell of it, doesn't see this as a good sign. Why would Jason, the original Cain instinct, want to talk "peacefully" with his Placeholder? What's the aim?

Jason kind of just wants to apologize and is low-key concerned with how he's so isolated from everyone. He doesn't truly care about Tim, and he doesn't think it's his place/right/ability to be the support for the kid, but he can at least say sorry. Tim doesn't need to accept it, but he deserves the acknowledgement that it was indeed fucked up and not Tim's fault in the slightest. It's not much, especially with the scar on Tim's throat and the trauma, but it's a start. He still holds some resentment for the kid, but he's starting to learn that's more Jason and Bruce's fault than Tim's.

The conversation doesn't go great. Maybe Tim is being defensive and an asshole (which is fair since Jason's attacked him twice at least). Jason gets a little upset over this and snaps back (which is not what he's trying to do and counterproductive).

They get interrupted by this magician that sighs. They explain how fucking exhausting it is hearing them continue to misunderstand each other so they will show them what the world was like if Tim was never born.

Cue something similar to the movie I described. I haven't seen it, so here's what I think happens in that movie combined with this AU.

Tim and Jason stumble around Gotham at the current date in this alternative universe.

It's hell. They constantly run into crime on every corner, and there's no order.

They find out that Bruce had died within a year of Jason dying. Gotham fell to shambles due to Batman's declining reputation at that point. They had no hope and were hostile to any heroes that tried to help (due to the last hero they had turning on them). Gotham was eventually abandoned by the US government.

With his death, people found out Bruce Wayne was Batman. This causes Alfred to be sent to jail, and Dick could never return to Gotham. Dick only survived due to the Titan's refusing to let him destroy himself. He's still not okay.

Damian never came to Gotham cause Bruce had died. He's still set to become Ra's vessel, and no one (like Dick, the JL, Jason, etc) knows about this plot.

Jim Gordon was killed, and Barbara had to move out of Gotham.

Steph joined Helena for a bit. They made a kickass team, but they didn't survive to the current day.

Duke and his family moved out of Gotham before the gates closed, but he lost his parents in the escape.

Cass was never taught language.

Jason killed the Joker and then himself.

Anyways, Gotham goes to shit and Bruce kills himself on patrol (let's himself be hit and doesn't give himself needed rest). That's the basics of what they learned in this alternative universe.

This causes Tim to feel a bit better about all the sacrifices he made. He was vital and important to the Bats. He did good. He was necessary. It doesn't erase all the pain and hurt, but it boosts his self-esteem just a small bit.

Jason didn't realize the extent of what Tim did for them. He didn't realize the impact of Tim's decision and how he saved everyone. The two of them part, and Jason starts to uncover all the sacrifices the teen made.

Tw: suicide

If you want extra angst, maybe the magician reveals that Tim was planning to kill himself before he saw that Bruce needed him (thus the world is what happened if Tim went through with his OG plan). Tim has severely unhealthy coping mechanisms now, but his tendency to help people allows himself to feel needed. Lots to unpack there.

[zahri-melitor]

Okay, looking at the current push for reprints among the Batfam kids, what is available (trying to round this up):

Dick: Nightwing Compendium #1, with Nightwing vol 1, Nightwing vol 2 1-25 plus extras (out 7 May 2024); Nightwing Compendium #2, with Nightwing vol 2 26-59 plus extras (out 20 May 2025)

Jason: DC Finest: Batman - Year One and Two, despite the name, this covers Batman #404-414 and 'Tec #571-581, which contains his post-Crisis origin story and most of his 'Tec appearances as Robin (out 5 November 2024); Under the Red Hood Deluxe, with Batman #635-650 and Lost Days (out 5 September 2023); RHATO 2011 Omnibus, #0-27 (out 13 May 2025)

Tim: Robin Compendium #1, with Robin I, II & III, Robin vol 2 #1-5 and a LOT of assorted early material from Alan Grant (out 23 July 2024)

Steph: Batgirl: Stephanie Brown Vol 1, with Batgirl vol 3 #1-12 (out 22 October 2024)

Cass: DC Finest: Nobody Dies Tonight, with Batgirl vol 1 #7-27 (out 8 April 2025)

Damian: Batman and Robin by Peter J. Tomasi Omnibus, with Batman & Robin vol 1 #22-24, Batman & Robin vol 2 #0-40 and extras (out 17 January 2023); Batman & Robin vol 1: Batman Reborn, with B&R vol 1 #1-6 (out 25 April 2023); Batman & Robin vol 2: Batman v Robin, with B&R vol 1 #7-12 (out 29 April 2025); Robin: Son of Batman by Patrick Gleason #1-13 (out 5 November 2024)

Barbara: Simone and Bedard's BOP runs have just finished a run of reprints in 2023 and are looping around to redo it again right now: Murder & Mystery BOP #56-67 (out 22 October 2024); Hero Hunters BOP #68-80 (out 6 May 2025); Fighters By Trade #81-91 (most recent 21 September 2021, look out for this one again); Progeny BOP #92-103 (out 26 March 2024); Whitewater #104-112 (out 5 July 2022); and The End of the Beginning #113-127 (out 21 February 2023); the Batgirl vol 4 run had omnis in 2021 and 2022 covering the whole run.

Helena B: the same BOP reprints as Barbara, also has Robin III in Robin Compendium #1.

Maps: Gotham Academy vol 1 #1-18 (out 9 May 2023)

Duke: All-Star Batman by Scott Snyder, with #1-14 (out 10 September 2024)

Jean-Paul: okay JPV doesn't have anything for Azrael. But Knightfall gets reprints every 5 years like clockwork and we just had a 2023 omnibus, so I think that counts for him.

There is a massive push to get everyone's major solos/personal teams into print at the moment, to my eye, with the big gaps being actually getting Red Robin back into print, finally collecting Huntress vol 1 for Helena Bertinelli, and then like...actually continuing the reprints in the big projects (Robin, early BOP).

[insertcoolusernamehereee]

The Wayne Family is a mess

Dick:-

Parental figure is Bruce, but calls Clark ‘dad’ sometimes just piss Bruce off <3 (Ignore Gotham War, Ignore Gotham War)

Favourite sibling is he doesn’t have one :3. Okay, he likes Jason a teeny bit more, but he’s pretty fair to all of them.

He sees Damian as his son, but they both refuse to acknowledge it completely. They’re comfortable with how they are now.

He is SO older sister coded. Feels like he is responsible for everyone, and tries to hide when he’s mad/sad, but most of the time his siblings force him to tell them how he’s feeling.

Him and Cass CONSTANTLY exchange ‘I swear to god, these losers’ looks when everyone is fighting/doing something stupid.

While his favourite is Jason, and views Damian as a son, he spoils Tim and Duke HORRENDOUSLY.

Him and Steph gossip about different celebrities 24/7

Is currently dating Babs :3

Him and Selina have more ‘friendsies’ relationship, than mom-son type relationship. When one of them get into a argument with Bruce they start slandering him SO BADLY.

Jason:-

I can hear you guys from on the other side of my screen, but him and Bruce are not on Father-Son relationship stance right now. Bruce sees him as a son, but he doesn’t view him as a father (anymore). But he can talk to him without fighting now. (Ignore Gotham War, Ignore Gotham War)

Favourite siblings are Duke, Cass and Tim. Because yes. He makes it obvious too lol.

Dislikes Damian, but helps him get away with shit just to give Bruce grey hairs.

Jason ‘I hate modern technology’ Todd

Him and Dick teaming up give people HEADACHES. If Bruce/Alfred want to scold them, they MUST be separated.

Stephanie and him are besties and bully Tim mercilessly, since he luvs to steal everyone’s friends. (Damian ur next)

He gets Alfred presents on both Father’s Day and Grandfathers day, and everything in between.

Spoils Cass tbh. It’s all with Bruce’s card, but what people don’t know won’t hurt them :D

He is constantly like ‘Selina u can do SO much better’ but he does like her. Just not as strong of a relationship.

Cass:-

100% Views Bruce as a father figure. Hates David Cain, and just does not care about Lady Shiva.

Favourite sibling is Tim, and is best friends with Stephanie.

People constantly think that Damian and her are biological siblings, so when they ask, she looks them dead in the eyes and tells them ‘He’s my dad’. It gets the reporters confused every time.

Obnoxiously acts like a little Angel, but everyone knows she’s not. “Cass. We all know you crashed the Batmobile. No, you smiling will not change my mind. Yes, your smile is very pretty, BUT STILL.”

Her and Dick are forced to be the responsible ones when everyone is hanging out. With Cass in charge of Dick, and Dick in charge of Cass. It oddly works out.

Loves spoiling Damian, it’s getting concerning. In turn, Damian’s pets love her.

Stephanie spills tea about EVERYONE to her. Even about her classmates, who Cass has never even met. Fake dating Steph as well so that nobody tries to flirt with her during galas, and to explain why Steph is so close with the family.

Babs is a major role model in her life. When Cass needs advice, Babs is the first number on her phone.

She loves Selina. But sometimes doesn’t trust her. Otherwise, she approves of Batcat :) Not that strong of a mother-daughter relationship, but she buys Selina a gift for Mother’s Day, just because she can.

Tim:-

Yes, he does view Bruce as a father figure. He also still views Jack as a father figure but he’s dead now <333 As for Janet…she’s a complicated situation.

Favourite siblings are Dick and Cass. He’s besties with Stephanie, basically tells her almost everything.

Both him and Damian are petty, so they trade insults a lot, but it’s more bantering than fighting lol. They do go out to places together, but they are always acting like they are forced to, or that they would be anywhere else (even though they like hanging with each other)

He will not stop with the ‘middle child’ jokes. He will purposefully make Bruce ignore him just so he give a long monologue about being the middle child. He will then ask Bruce to give Damian up for adoption to redeem himself. Damian is still here :D

Cass is Tim’s wingman. (Which is why it took so long for TimKon/Timber to get together)

Tim gives the best Christmas gifts, followed by Damian. This is mostly because he’s a STALKER.

He likes Babs a lot, but acts like a CHILD, because she’s better at hacking than he his and therefore she stops him from doing a few things. He threw a tantrum once when she activated CHILD-LOCK on his computer.

He adores Selina. Sometimes suspicious of her, but mostly trusts her. Selina spoils him, Duke and Damian to no limits.

Stephanie:-

Bruce is NOT her parent figure, but she still views his kids as her siblings. Crystal is her mom, she does not consider Arthur her dad.

Favourite siblings are Damian and Tim, Cass and Jason are her besties.

When Jason is mad at the family and going someplace without telling them, he only tells Steph where he is going.

Once, Tim asked how they were her siblings when Bruce or Selina aren’t her parents, so she declared that Talia was her other mom, and made weird stories connecting each of them :D

Cass knows ALL of Steph secrets, because Steph keeps venting to her 24/7.

When Tim and her are together, they start collectively working on a singular brain cell, making the other person next to them having to be the responsible one. On one memorable occasion, it turned out to be Damian.

Stephanie, Dick and Tim love stalking there siblings when they get a date. Just for fun <333. Stephanie and Dick however are the quote on quote ‘embarrassing parents’ energy when it comes to dates. (Tim and Duke are pretty chill when it comes to dates, Bruce, Damian and Jason are the ones who do the shovel talk, and Cass is just staring at you menacingly during the first family dinner.)

Stephanie and Duke are the ones who sneak off to do underage drinking. Tim and Jason are the ones trying to stop them LMAO.

Stephanie likes Selina a lot. She is constantly pestering her to let her see Harley and Poison Ivy. Selina let her one time, and they caused SO MUCH chaos. (Steph is Selina’s second favourite)

Duke:-

He doesn’t see Bruce as a father figure fully yet, but he does love him. He still considers his parents (minus the weird god dad) as his parents.

Favourite siblings are Damian and Jason. Because, in Tim’s words, he’s weird like that. Him and Damian go to movies every month, and we’re especially excited for the FNAF movie. (They LOVE FNAF.)

Duke is also super younger-sibling coded. If everyone gets super defensive of Damian, then he’s the one who can say ANYTHING and get away with it. As a joke, Jason starts referring to him and Damian as twins because when people ask who they’re ‘youngest sibling’ is, everyone keeps alternating between Duke and Damian.

At first he was downright TERRIFIED of Cass. Like he was scared to be in the same room as her. Now they team up to scare everyone else. (Duke is just recording, Cass does the scaring)

Damian only does ‘puppy eyes’ VERY rarely, and it works effectively every time. Duke? He does it for Every. Little. Thing. And most of the time? He gets it. Tim and Cass are the only one who can resist it. Sometimes.

Dick is Dukes idol. He wants to be like Dick in the future :3

Jason and Duke call each other ‘narrows’ and ‘alley’ respectively. Duke also does a lot of shit, just Bruce never finds out because nobody tells on him, so Jason is JELLY of that.

Stephanie and Duke have the most similar taste in food out of everyone else. VERY, VERY sugary. Nobody listens to them when they suggest to eat something. It’s too sugary.

Selina acts like Duke is her biological son as a joke to the press. The press still thinks it’s true. It’s downright hilarious.

Damian:-

Parental figures are Bruce and Dick, though they don’t acknowledge it :) (Ignore Gotham War, Ignore Gotham War) The relationship with Talia…is messy, to say the least.

Favourite siblings are Stephanie and Duke (because obviously???) They use there gremlin nature to a MAX to prank everyone else.

He is the most younger sibling coded person ever. He’s a little gremlin-demon, but if you mess with him, you’re messing with ALL OF THEM.

Upset that Tim and Stephanie broke up, and started shipping Steph and Cass (for shit and giggles, they are the type of besties who act like there in a relationship, and Damian knows this) and constantly asks Cass when she’s proposing so that Steph can be his sister legally as well <33

Constantly bantering with Tim, but they love each other. They just have weird ways of showing it :3

Dislike-Dislike relationship with Jason, but can and will team up with each other to ruin everyone’s day. They also don’t want each other dead ig :)

Only accepts Babs as Dicks girlfriend. No in between. But he will respect Kori. Begrudgingly.

Respects Jim Gordon so much lmaooo.

Has learned the Alfred eyebrow raise. He is now tormenting everyone with it.

Selina is Bruce’s fiancé, but they have a ‘chaotic aunt, and chaotic nephew’ type of bond. Damian is 100% Selina’s fav.

————————————————————

Add your own ideas in Reblogs/Comments!

[gffa]

Oh. Oh no. For the first time in my life pretty much ever I think I'm vaguely interested in a Batman vs Joker comic. This is a humiliating turn of events for me. It's never a good idea to get pre-invested in the potential of a DC comics storyline, that way only ever lies disappointment and "I don't know what I expected" because I should know better. But I can't help it! I took ten years off and came back to a DC that's better than when I left it! I have hope in my heart! And, for all that Gotham War ended with a whimper rather than a bang, I still can see so much potential. Imagine what a real shakeup of the dynamics in the Batfam would look like! I don't believe for a second that they'd do it, but imagine if they actually had Dick in the role of being the family leader, except as Nightwing this time instead of stepping into Batman's boots. He wouldn't want to be the patriarch in the same way Bruce was, but he's about the same age as Bruce was when Bruce adopted him, so imagine the tasty tasty parallels they could do with Dick suddenly in charge of a feral gremlin charge of his own (Damian), some actual support both emotionally and on the streets (Tim and Barbara), a team he actually would be able to call on for help when he needed it (Jason, Steph, Cass, Duke), that in some ways he has it easier than Bruce did, he's not as wrapped up in his own pain in the same way, but in other ways it's harder, he doesn't have Alfred, he has so many moving pieces that are all clashing and aren't necessarily going to listen to him (Steph and Cass and Duke aren't loyal to him the way he was loyal to Bruce)(and then there would be Jason's *waves hands* everything) and it would be out of his control that he'd feel responsible for and it would be a conflict between setting himself up in Bludhaven versus how Gotham still needs the team, not just Bruce being an asshole out there on his own--and god, running into Bruce, always wondering if he approves of Dick's style of leadership versus "You don't get a vote on whether to approve or not." There is SO MUCH that could be done with it! I can't help kind of being fond of the Gotham War set-up, because I like drama and I like Bruce's up and down character arc, and I like a complicated, sharp-edged Bruce who does inexcusable things because his brain is fucked up and lying to him, even when I know it'll disappoint me. But also. I was reading Batman #139 and oh, oh no, oh noooo, I'm interested in "Mindbomb" as a story--as a Joker story!--because it really is the perfect time for it, isn't it? Bruce has been overwhelmed for months now, he's in such a bad place mentally and emotionally that he's letting his fears of loss win and pushing his entire family away, he's doing horrible things to them because he can't handle loving them like he does, so he's separated himself from them, all while he thinks he's in control, but he's not, his brain is absolutely lying to him, and it's hissing in his ear to strip everything that Bruce loves away from himself and so that only Batman is left. Zur-En-Arrh is right there. "I'm in control!" Bruce screams in his own mind, all while Zur just rips through him and so easily takes over. Bruce has no control, he is so, so wrong about all of this, and oh boy the Joker is getting exactly what he wants, isn't he? No more annoying riff raff to get in the way or for Batman to care more about than him. No more Selina, no more kids, no more friends, no more loved ones--just Zur-En-Arrh, the most "pure" Batman in the Joker's eyes, now it's just the two of them. And that's everything Joker has ever wanted. And I don't want to find that to be an interesting extension of everything that led up to and during Gotham War, but crap yeah okay that's kind of a well-timed story when I look at it through that lens. I know I shouldn't get my hopes up, I'm going to be disappointed in wherever this goes, but dammit. The story kind of got me.

[im-not-a-l0ser]

Another Ongoing Fic That I Need People To Encourage Me To Finish

5+1 Secret Relationship Michie Edition

This is much shorter than some of my others, but this chapter is complete in of itself.

1- Jason and Kyle

It was no surprise that Jason and Kyle were the first two to figure out that there was something going on. They didn’t get it outright, but they did know that something suspicious was going on. 

Kyle was the first to realise. 

“Hey, look, it’s Shit-Lips. Been a minute since he’s—”

“We should probably get to class,” Max said. “C’mon, I don’t want you two flunkin’ off the football team cuz your grades slip!” He said. He slapped them both in the back of the head before marching off. 

“Dude, that keeps happening!” Kyle said, even as he began to walk to his first period class with Jason. 

“What keeps happening?” Jason asked. 

“Max keeps changing the subject whenever we bring up Richie! Anything about him, not even going to bully him, just straight gossip,” Kyle said. Jason shrugged.

“I dunno,” He said, “I’m not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth. I’m glad Richie’s gotten away from it all. He really helped me pass geometry.” 

It was true, Richie was the main reason that Jason didn’t have to retake the class. Ever since then, Jason had a soft spot for Richie. Not enough of one to keep Max from bullying him, but enough to not want to bully him. 

“Max never does that shit though,” Kyle said. “Pete and Steph are straight-up dating, and he still hasn’t given Pete a not-nerd pass.”

“Max hasn’t said Richie isn’t a nerd,” Jason said, “He’s just stopped bullying him. And maybe it’s because Pete and Steph are dating. He hasn’t bullied Pete and Ruth since they started, or at least as much.”

“Eh, Ruth doesn’t count,” Kyle said, waving him off. “We stopped bullying her often in the eighth grade when she moaned after he insulted her.” Jason shuttered. “But Richie’s always been Max’s favourite victim! For three years straight, he said his name nearly every day we saw him! And, what? Now he’s suddenly moved on from that? Nuh-uh, not Max, he’s too much of a stubborn bastard.”

“If I hear anything,” Jason conceded, “I’ll tell you, but let’s not go snooping around, okay?” Kyle nodded.

“Right. You’re right, that’s smart.”

And they didn’t go snooping. 

Not on purpose, at least. 

Just after the football team left the locker room, Jason noticed that Max hadn’t come out. It’d been a couple minutes even, and he still hadn’t come out. 

The game wouldn’t start for a while, so he motioned Kyle over.

“Max hasn’t come out,” Jason said, looking at the shower shack.

“Huh,” Kyle said. He’s the one who led the way in there. 

There was no door, it had snapped off back in their sophomore year, when Max got so angry at the creaking noise it made whenever it opened, he kicked it right off its hinges. 

“Good luck,” They heard.

“You’ve said that four times already,” They heard Max reply fondly.

“And you’ve yet to leave. That is your fault. You stay here and tempt me with your stupid face. I cannot be blamed for wanting to kiss my boyfriend ‘good luck’ before a game he really cares about.”

Kyle and Jason looked at each other with wide eyes before walking in and around the mini-hall that the doorway opened to.

“You don’t even like…” Max trailed off, noticing Kyle and Jason standing there with wide eyes. “Football,” He finished numbly. 

“I knew it!” Kyle screamed at long last. “I knew there was something going on!” Richie stiffened, his hands still stuck to Max’s waist.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Max said to Richie quietly. “It’ll be okay, I got you.” 

“Whoa, yeah,” Jason said, stepping to Richie’s side.

Richie’s jaw was tight and his lips trembled in fear. 

“Richie, we’re not gonna do anything, we just thought there was something goin’ on,” Jason reassured. “Cuz, Max wasn’t bein’ a jerk so much.”

“Yeah, Richie, we don’t care about you two being together,” Kyle agreed. “I just like being right.” Max glared at him. 

“See, we’re okay,” Max said. “Nothing bad will happen.”

“So,” Richie choked, looking up at Max with wet eyes. “You’re not going to leave me now that people know?” 

“Wha- Richie, of course not,” Max said, sounding almost offended he would ask. “I just don’t want to get in trouble for liking guys. But first of all, they’re totally chill with it, and two, even if they weren’t, it’s not like they’re gonna get locked in my room for a week.” All eyes whipped to Max, concerned. “Not that that’s happened before,” He said, his eyes shifting between the boys. 

“Okay,” Richie said. “I’m sorry,” He said, wiping his face. “I’m just being stupid then.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Max said. “I don’t wanna lose you either.” He pressed a quick kiss to Richie’s lips carefully.

“You guys are sweet and all,” Jason said, “But we should probably get out there.” 

“Oh, shit right!” Max said. “Okay.” He kissed Richie once more. “I gotta go. I’ll see you after, okay?”

“Okay,” Richie said with a smile. 

Max went out of the locker rooms, accompanied by Jason and Kyle, joining their team. Richie left shortly thereafter. 

Max was a little distracted at the beginning of the game, but Richie cheering them along as Zeke definitely helped. Max knew that Richie struggled faking joy and energy, so it’d be easy to tell if he was still hurting. And he wasn’t.

It might’ve been Max’s best game of the season so far.

[marionluth]

This came to exist through another Reddit activity. The prompt was mathematics and of course I wrote about Tim. Beware! The fanon is strong in this one. 'Twas fun. I regret nothing.

Do the Math

Tim Drake was nothing if he wasn't good at math. Math was his superpower. And maybe it wasn't an overtly volatile superpower like those of the Supeys—the kind that could smash supervillains through brick walls—but math could sure as hell be volatile in the right hands. Tim's hands.

Tim could calculate success probabilities like nobody’s business. Of course, he’d then promptly ignore those probabilities and dive in anyway. But he knew, and that counts for something, right? Math could help calculate ideal timing for high-value target extraction because Tim didn’t just barge in guns blazing—that was Jason's thing. Dick’s too (minus the guns), if he was being honest. No. Tim calculated the exact second when security rotations would leave the least coverage on the target. The fact that Nightwing would then throw the whole plan off with some acrobatics that would take him way too long to land the damn kick he was supposed to land? Well, that was par for the course.

Math was an invaluable ally when it came to combat angles and attack trajectories, too. Tim could calculate the perfect angle for throwing batarangs, scoring maximum efficiency and damage with minimal visibility, accounting for variables like wind speed and throw angle. He’d tried to explain it to Jason once, but it didn’t go over well.

One might think that would be the extent of it, but Tim knew better, because forensic math was a thing, and blood spatter patterns could spill more tea than most apprehended suspects. Bruce was a man of simple pleasures and preferred his roughing-up-the-goons-until-they-speak methods, but Tim, with the right equations, could reverse-engineer a crime scene without bruising a single knuckle. And just don’t get him started on decoding encrypted shit. With enough Red Bull and focus, he could reduce complex ciphers to basic (for him) math patterns and—boom—problem fixed, secret meeting point revealed, riddle solved (and Riddler crying from sheer frustration).

And math’s glory doesn’t end there, oh no. Math is everywhere in Tim’s life. How else would he manage to balance AP classes, detective work, vigilantism, team missions, and a social life? Math. He had the perfect algorithm for distributing his study hours and maximizing caffeine intake sleep. Speaking of, he has calculated his optimal caffeine intake for maximum functionality and alertness, stretching the physical boundaries of his human nature. (Sleep is overrated, okay? He’s living proof humans can survive with small intermittent intervals of it every now and again. He’ll soon publish his data.)

But all superpowers have their limits, and so does Tim’s math. No matter how hard he tries, he hasn’t managed (yet) to figure out an algorithm to fix the whole Damian Wayne issue (that might be a problem to discuss with Jason). Sure, math could account for insults per minute and eye twitches per insult, or even the probability of assassination attempts per week, but no breakthroughs (other than certain acts B highly disapproves of for some reason) in terms of solving the problem have yet been found.

Math was all fun and games until it came to serious issues like figuring out why Steph, Kon, or Bernard was mad at him. Math couldn’t explain half the arguments he had with any of them—not for lack of trying. Probability charts, time-series analysis—the works—none of it helped, and he’d made his peace with it. Emotional math, in general, was a beast of its own, and Tim was out of his depth. Calculating when he should text someone back, or the “right” frequency for date nights or family quality time (that didn’t involve dressing up as bats and birds and red hoods and chasing down criminals)—total mystery.

Feelings didn’t follow rules or probability. (Yes, he tried to make a spreadsheet once. No, it didn’t go well.)

If you liked it and want to give it some love in AO3, too, you can find it here:

[msfcatlover]

Any Robin steph AUs?

Not specifically built around that concept, though I fully admit my Reverse!Robins AU is very, very Steph-centric (Red Hood!Steph, my beloved…)

For a full Robin!Steph AU, though, I certainly know what I’d want to see, and that tends to be how most of my AUs begin. Let’s see…

I want Steph to have her own chance to lead the Teen Titans, but I’ve very little idea who I would put on her team. 

— My only thought is Argent, because I vaguely remember seeing a page somewhere where Argent was like, “All this hero stuff, I’m just realizing it’s like, real,” and Steph was standing there like, “No shit, Sherlock.”

— Maybe Halo, because I’m reading the original Batman & the Outsiders right now, and Halo’s fun; I think Halo’s flightiness & amnesia-turned-dark-backstory could bounce really well off having Steph for a mentor, since (despite being an agent of chaos,) Steph is actually pretty grounded & realistic in her worldview, and would be a great mentor for the “your past/roots/origin doesn’t have to define you” thing Halo really struggles with. Plus, you could have a running joke of people assuming Halo is the team leader because she’s older & has powers, while Steph is like, “I’M RIGHT! HERE!”

Steph has the right to face off against an evil doppelgänger who isn’t just a shapeshifter mimicking her for a brief time. Clone, alternate self, some sort of VR thing gone wild, I don’t care, I want that “dark reflection” episode, okay?

Steph has the right to foil at least one alien invasion.

Steph has the right to see the ~dark~future~ where she becomes Batman (Steph would make an awesome Batman, in my opinion, but it would require a great tragedy to get her there; she never would if Dick, Tim, Cass, or any of the extended family I don’t know so well were capable of taking up the mantle.) (I believe I have already made my opinions on Batman!Jason & Batman!Damian clear.)

You know that story all the boy Robins get, where they sacrifice themselves for their team, only to actually survive and have everyone reaffirm how loved, valued, & relied upon they are? Yeah, Steph deserves that too.

I think there’s a great running gag in a true Robin!Steph AU where she keeps turning up at Tim’s house to “bail him out,” or ask for advice, and Tim’s dad never realizes Steph is the new Robin, so he’s completely okay with it. He thinks this is Tim having a normal social life.

— I also think there should be an episode where some major event requires all hands on deck while Steph is out with Tim, and Tim has a small crisis over what to do, only for Steph to throw her old Spoiler costume right in his face. “What are you waiting for, dumbass? Suit up!”/“I promised my dad no bat stuff…”/“SPOILER IS NOT A BAT!” Then you get Robin!Steph & Spoiler!Tim fighting back-to-back. 

— Could be a great chance for Tim to formally give his blessing for Steph being Robin at the end when she drops him off at home, as he holds out the folded Spoiler suit to return it (“You kicked a lot of ass out there. You know, for an amateur.”) Steph presses it back into his hands with a smile. (“Keep it. In case of emergency, and all that. Can’t have some civilian risking my rep.”)

Y’know what? I want an episode where Nightwing was supposed to babysit Steph & her team, but he gets de-aged back to like 14 during the mission. Steph’s Titans desperately scramble to find a cure and hide this fact from the adults, while Dick & Steph at first clash over their differences as Robin before bonding over being absolute chaos gremlins (much to the horror of everyone around them.)

— Include a running joke once Dick finds out Steph is technically younger than he is, where he keeps stubbornly calling her his little sister no matter how much Steph protests that she is A) currently older than him, & B) not one of Bruce’s kids.

— Once again, this plot should end with Robin!Dick pausing before taking the cure, and telling Steph he doesn’t know how much of this he’s going to remember when he goes back to normal, but he thinks she makes a pretty awesome Robin. (Then he takes the cure, turns back into Nightwing, and immediately hugs Steph hard enough to lift her off her feet, laughing over her protests and saying he’s just showing his appreciation for his little sister. Steph continues to yell about not being Batman’s kid.)

…That’s all I’ve got off the top of my head. 

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

AND A TIMELOOP AU??? oh? I am. Intrigued.

apparently I have a LOT of Steph-centric WIPs right now bc this is yet another one! Steph gets caught in a time loop where the only constant is that Bruce/Batman dies. to break the loop she has to keep that from happening. BUT. she can't do it alone. and it might take her a liiiiittle too long to figure that out. long enough that by the time she starts going to the others, she's exhausted, and by the time she has any kind of real support within the 24-hour confines of her own personal hell, she's about at her breaking point. I once saw someone with a timeloop fic tag "Trope-Typical Suicide". yeah. and, predictably, I made it hints of Jaysteph. :)

It's 11:40 and B is going to die at 11:45 and the loop is going to reset at 11:47, and she's standing on a roof in the Narrows and wondering if there's anything left to try to change it. She's tried everything she can think of alone and even more with help but it's 10:41 and she wants it to be over. She just wants it to stop, wants to be anywhere but here, on a roof with the Red Hood because of all the geniuses in their team, the one person who's quickest to believe her claims about a timeloop is also the one other person who's died before.

Tim watches Doctor Who, sometimes, because he's a nerd and time travel, even the campy BBC kind, fascinates him. Stephanie thinks of stone statues and paradoxes and tops of buildings and- she doesn't think about what she's doing, stepping confidently, or as confidently as she can this exhausted, this desperate, this frustrated and tired and deprived of hope, to the edge of the roof. Normal, everyday chatter feeds through her comm.

"Hey Tim," she says abruptly, without activating her voice channel. Only Babs can hear her right now and she doesn't care. "Remember that episode of your stupid time travel show where the nurse jumps off a building to save everyone?" She feels, utterly and completely, like she's going insane.

"Spoiler," comes Hood's mechanized voice behind her. She ignores him and then feels bad about that but she's too worn down to care enough to change her mind. "Steph."

She steps one foot onto the raised lip of the roof and suddenly wonders if she even has the strength to lift herself all the way up, to push herself over the edge. She doesn't have to, though, because just as she steps into open air, something — someone — slams into her, strong arms coming around her and dragging her back into the middle of the roof.

"What the hell," growls Jason's voice from directly above her. He says something else, but she's not listening.

"Just let me go," she mumbles, even as she sags against him. "Please."

"No way, Sunshine," Jason replies, voice shaky even through the helmet. "It's gonna be okay. Just... stay with me, okay? Stay with me." His arms tighten around her and Steph leans into his solid form, rocking her carefully back and forth. "I've got you."

In one loop, not the last one but the one before that, Steph had climbed through the window of Jason's safehouse and explained the timeloop and he'd asked "Have you tried doing nothing?" And then made her sit down on his couch and eat something and sleep for awhile, because waking up in her bed every morning on the same morning doesn't count for real sleep, and when she'd woken it had been 11:44 and she'd held her breath, figuratively speaking, for two minutes before the phone call came. Tim, weak-voiced and in shock, calling Jason because their dad was dead. Steph had stared at her hands helplessly as Jason sat there in shock, then turned to her and asked, "How long do you have before it resets?" She'd told him, two minutes, and all he'd done was hold out his arms in an offer of comfort and then he'd just- held her, until she woke up again at the start of a new loop.

This is like that, and some small, not suicidal part of Steph's brain registers that even considering all the body armor, Jason is a really good hugger. "What time is it?" She manages, finally, after she counts out thirty seconds of silence through the comms and steady breathing from Jason.

He stops rocking her. "11:47," he says, and Steph stops breathing.

"Really?" She asks, barely daring to hope, but it's the first flicker she's felt in so long that she can't help it. It's in her nature.

"Yeah. I'm gonna let go of you a second, take the helmet off, 'kay?" Steph nods, misses the security of his hold on her for the few seconds it's gone. "Hey," Jason says, helmet and voice modulator gone. He says it like a greeting even though they've been together all day. It's a day, now, not a loop. It's a day.

"Hey," Steph whispers back.