#It's genuinely a really interesting mode!
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Oh I like this idea, I like this idea a LOT; it goes a long way to have it all make sense, and it is EXTREMELY in-character for Dinobot to essentially pick his name as an homage to honorable warriors of the past and also to implicitly threaten Megatron, as his own namesake was routinely chased off the battlefield in fear of the Dinobots. And this is also significant in light of the fact that Megatron has adopted a tyrannosaur beast mode, the same kind Grimlock was modeled after (barring it being very undersized, given Megatron's own size).
The bit about names is also interesting because we see it pop up a fair bit in the extended Beast Wars toyline, which can be considered a huge roster of potential characters to experiment with or use as inspiration. We see multiple characters named for iconic Transformers, but are explicitly NOT those characters, or at least its ambiguous. One example being Prowl (the transmetal 2 owl, confirmed to be a different person from the classic Autobot of the same name), and of course Silverbolt. While good old Silverbolt doesn't really have any traits that would suggest he's definitely not the same guy, he has too little character traits in common with him to really justify the idea that he IS G1 Silverbolt.
On a possible side tangent, it might also be worth noting a vague idea I've considered; Megatron could be considered to have a history of imitatiing the alternate forms of others to essentially outdo them or become stronger. Depending on whether you consider Beast Machines DEFINITELY canon to Beast Wars or a sub-continuity within the context of Beast Wars, he absolutely DOES do it there, but between him imitating Optimus' power up by stealing Megatron's Spark, there's an interesting running them of him trying to outdo enemies at their own game by modifying his form.
Now consider his t-rex form; its EXTREMELY likely that BW Megatronn knows damn well who Grimlock is, and knows full well Dinobot's references to a warrior who straight up tried to fight Unicron the destroyer, forced Optimus Prime of all people to EARN his respect and loyalty and was arguably the most famous beastformer of his time. With his running tendency to upgrade forms to do better, its not impossible that Megatron is DELIBERATELY taking on that form because of the historical connotations of Grimlock being based on that same animal.
Now consider the fact that BW Megatron is very much an authoritarian dictator, to the point where he regularly prefers literal drones under his command, or at best absurdly loyal minions like Skorponok that freak out whenever he's not around. He doesn't care for friends, or allies or genuine followers. This ties into the current theories that T-rex, based on its healed injuries (which would certainly spell death for a solitary hunter, as those are leg fractures) might have been a social animal or lived in family groups. Beast modes explictly influence the mind, and it would be VERY in character for Megatron to adopt a beast mode purely because of its power and historical significance, even thoguh its mindset clashes with his own so badly, which is ALSO in line with his hubris tending to be his bane.
On the subject of Dinobot, do you have any personal theories on WHY he goes by, well, the name of arguably the single most famous Autobot sub group in history? He's explicitly well read and knows history that is NOT common in universe, and the Dinobots are well known, so why would a proud Predacon name himself after a team that infamously hates the Decepticons? I mean the real life reason is that Dinobot's character was not originally a Predacon prior to the show, but it does seem at least a BIT odd for him. (I suppose the most logical reason is that he is a proud warrior that respects foes, so he gives respect to the most fierce and ferocious foes of his ancestors.)
Ok, so, in the first episode of Beast Wars, we see all the Maximals give themselves new names to match their new beast modes. Whatever names they had before are not the ones they're going by now (which is a really interesting idea for transformers culture that I'm sad no other part of the franchise has played with - the idea that their identities, even their names, transform with them).
We then cut to the Predacons, where Dinobot, now sporting a dinosaur alt mode, is chewing out Megatron for fucking up royal before declaring his aim to take over the faction. My pet theory? He chose "Dinobot" as his new name to not only match his beast mode, but signal the fact that he was not a slavishly loyal minion, but a warrior who is not to be trifled with - because in most continuities, the dinobots are loose cannons who do listen to orders they think are stupid, and are more than willing to tell their bosses to fuck off. "Dinobot" because his name and his fucking threat to Megatron in the same moment.
#transformers#tragically other people seem to have already reblogged and made this point a lot more succintly than me#but this is my special interest and by GOD I WILL GIVE MY RANTTS#if it is allowed of course
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so... i'm going to take back what I said about this year's NoTP... I love the upgrade to the Phantom Dungeons so much!! I also feel really silly about complaining about Darkseeds being scarce, since my best guess is that the Dungeons might've been the actual main source for them outside of Trick or Treating. I just forgot that the main attraction of NoTP doesn't actually release until a week into October, usually 😭
Regardless, I very much appreciate Darkseeds being more available! No complaints about that.
The implications of the upgraded Dungeons are also very interesting as well.... gonna put spoilers for it under the cut!
Well! About the final boss....
Damn!! I wonder, has Greely actually been corrupted from being in the Dungeons too long (+ its collapse) or is Dark Greely simply a copy of him, like how players fight dark copies of themselves?
Then again, seeing as how Peck isn't exactly "corrupted", at least in the same manner as the final boss + the corrupted phantoms, perhaps he's still out there... I just hope we get to see Greely (safe!) again soon.
Also, I think it's really funny how the old boss of the caverns is now a mini boss, guess they're just small fry in the grand scheme of things... I do appreciate the nerf (?) to the damage it deals though, supercharge + sneaky leg can't exactly wipe out a full team as easily anymore haha
Oof, I should quit my rambling now, but if anyone has anything else to say about the new Dungeons/NoTP 2024 so far please lmk!! I'd love to talk about it more with other people!
#I know Dungeons will probably go away like with the Ice Caverns but honestly I hope it stays pfff#It's genuinely a really interesting mode!#Probably one of the most complex and interesting minigames in this game too#There's a lot they can do with it imo if they choose to keep it and polish it further#If it's just temporary then I'll just try to play as much as I can haha#animal jam#animal jam play wild#jamblr#ajpw#aj#animaljam#aj play wild#night of the phantoms#nonogrammed#ah... I forgot to talk about the new token...#tldr I'm gonna be real I DOOO want one... but I'm not gonna fork over cash for it haha#at least you can choose the animal you want! I think! I forgot!#probably
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Sometimes I see posts about how "I, Strahd" Tatyana has the personality of a cardboard but I don't think I agree honestly.
We only see her in very few scenes (all from Strahd's POV) and she's always very gentle and soft spoken.
Which makes completely sense since she was a lowborn orphan trying to make a good impression on her future brother in law, who is not only the ruler of the valley but also a feared war criminal. Of course she would try to be as nice as possible in front of him.
I also think that Strahd was extremely genuine in thinking he was in love with Tatyana, it's just that he never really knew her the way Sergei did. He only knew a facet.
#she went customer service mode#Strahd mentions that in the months she stays at Ravenloft he finds new reasons to fall in love with her day after day#so even if his attraction to her was absolutely superficial at first I do think he really liked her going on#he's so difficult to please I think he would have just tried to fish for other reasons to dislike her if his attraction wasn't genuine#especially because he really wanted to hate her before meeting her#also being just kind and gentle is a completely valid personality honestly#I don't think she's any less interesting or well rounded just because we're mainly shown that side of her#plus I say she's soft spoken but she also curses the gods when Sergei dies and immediately thinks of looking for Lady Ilona to bring himbac#so we could say she's also resolute and very quick thinking#also I was thinking of Tatyana as a general concept at first but then I remembered they completely changed her in 5e#so her dyamic with Strahd is obviously different cause they also knew eachother before Sergei arrived#because god fucking forbid 5e Strahd to fall in love with a peasant I guess#in the beautiful world in my mind I often forget I Strahd isn't the 5e canon oof#this post was brought to you by the Taty Appreciators Gang#not art#curse of strahd#strahd von zarovich#ravenloft
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i might get some hate for this depending on where this post goes but i think lesboys are so valid and the discourse about them is so ridiculous. like you guys shouldn't have to deal with all that and it frustrates me that people throw hissy fits over an identity that literally does not affect them at all.
"but men cant be lesbians-" wrong. butch lesbians and trans men have a really closely connected history with each other that practically intersects and you should really do some research on that before you make blanket statements, not to mention that gender and sexuality is weird and wobbly and fluid and a very personal experience. it means a different thing to each person. being a man can be something completely different and saying stuff like this ignores people like demiboys, demigirls, genderfluid and genderflux people etc. these people will really preach "demolish the gender binary!! love is love!!" until someone's relationship with gender and sexuality is a little too freaky for them to handle and be challenged by lmaoo
"ohhh but what about the cishet men who say they're lesbians to prey on women-" YEAH WHAT ABOUT THEM????? THIS AIN'T ABOUT THEM BRO!!!!! this argument also REEKS of terfy "trans women are just predatory men!!!111!!1" rhetoric and it grosses me out. yeah some men are gross and do try to pull this but that does not negate someone's entire identity completely just because of a few bad actors, you know that right? actual black and white behaviour.
queer discourse is silly and i don't know why it's a thing. just let people exist. it isn't that hard. we have worse things to worry about than whether someone calls themselves a lesboy or not. i think we need to unplug our ears and yank our heads out of the sand and remember that the queer community is what it is because of our unique and amazing diversity. arguing over labels like school children isn't gonna help that. damn.
#also this should be obvious but terfs fuck off go explode you are not welcome here this is a terf UNsafe space#terfs fuck off#terfs dni#terfs eat shit#terfs explode#this post is really random but i'm actually quite compelled and interested in queer discourse even though i think it's stupid and silly.#i'm compelled by how angry other people get over literally nothing and ironically i end up discovering some new identities and developing a#-newfound love for the diversity of our community#like i could be reading some shitty post about an identity i don't know about and all i would be thinking is ''that exists? thats so cool!'#and then i end up ignoring the bad post and research the identity and think ''man i love how queer we all are''#exclus people seem really sad. like im not saying this to be mean i genuinely think they seem really frustrated by everything.#where's the joy in limiting your support and policing people around all day. where's the fun and growth in that. where's the learning.#i obviously cannot change people's minds but if i could then i'd make sure no one falls into the trap of being an exclusionist because that#-sounds like it really sucks.#going full hippie mode in the tags lol#i'd rather be a hippie than make allies with terfs#anyway lesboys are cool gender is an illusion buy gold bye
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One of the few solid critiques I’ve seen of Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel is that the shows pick and choose which moral failings to depict as bad or as just funny.
Essay-length rant under the cut, also Hellaverse-typical TWs for abuse, SA, and general lack of morals
Disclaimers:
I’m not hating on these shows. I love both of these shows, but I’m an English major so I think it’s important for me to be able to analyze what exactly I think is not working. I’m interested in a discussion, but if all you’re here to do is spew hate with no good-faith criticisms, I will block you.
These shows do not need to teach morals. These pieces of media are both intended for adult audiences, and adults should be able to understand that a depiction does not equal support. My criticism is that this moral inconsistency is sometimes to the overall tone’s detriment.
These two shows are both set in hell. Following the usual rules of hell, you wind up there regardless of what you did, so all sins should be considered equal in that regard. Of course, we as people tend to think of some sins as less forgivable than others—namely abuse, SA, and murder. I’m making broad generalizations here, but please roll with me.
The biggest problem with Hellaverse writing is that the writers aren’t consistent on what is considered morally bad in the show. These shows both center around complex, deeply flawed people, and I find that really enjoyable from a storytelling perspective because I love nuanced, flawed characters.
There are a few notable instances where this moral ambiguity works in the storytelling’s favor. Stella screaming and throwing things at Stolas (Loo Loo Land) is something the audience is primed to see as a joke, but it is used to set up the later reveal that she is in fact highly abusive (The Circus) and attempted to have him killed (Harvest Moon, Western Energy). Stolas being casually condescending to Moxxie and Millie (Loo Loo Land) and his imp servants (Seeing Stars, Full Moon) is not heavily remarked upon, but it is later used to set up his classism being a point of contention between him and Blitzø.
However, the protagonists often exhibit similar behaviors to the villains and this isn’t treated as morally wrong, or sometimes an incident is treated as minor. This problem is most glaring in cases of sexual harassment or SA. Blitzø’s repeated stalking of Moxxie and Millie, including watching them have sex without their knowledge or consent, is treated as a joke. Moxxie being kissed by the incubi and succubi (Spring Broken) is treated as a joke. Likewise Sir Pentious being dragged into the sex room in Welcome to Heaven is also treated as a joke, in spite of the episode’s b-plot being Angel Dust confronting Valentino, who is primarily shown to be bad through his sexual abuse of Angel Dust. Angel Dust harasses Husk at the bar from episodes 1-4, and while this is connected to Angel’s porn star persona and I do seem to recall it stopping after “Loser, Baby”, it’s still not treated as a problem, just as Angel Dust being Angel Dust. Other incidents of note are the running so-called joke of Loona fat-shaming Moxxie not being a problem, whereas when Mammon fat-shames Fizzarolli it is used to signify Mammon as a bad person.
I would also like to highlight the nature of Blitzø’s and Stolas’ full moon deal. In my opinion it is a running problem of dubious consent and poor kink negotiation. Let’s cover this in chronological order for sake of ease. In The Circus, Stolas starts out describing a sexual fantasy of Blitzø, his former childhood friend and first love, sneaking into his house to “ravish” Stolas. However, when Blitzø reciprocates and feeds into the fantasy, Stolas becomes hesitant. I believe this is intended to read as him being flustered, but he is extremely hesitant until Blitzø bites him. Stolas later forges the Full Moon deal with Blitzø while Blitzø is, to keep things to the point, under duress (Murder Family). Neither of these circumstances show both parties giving full consent. Hence, dub-con. Furthermore, as per The Circus and “we don’t do words, we do sex” (Apology Tour), Stolas and Blitzø have a strong precedent for poorly negotiated BDSM and lack of proper kink safety. However, the show’s inconsistency with how it handles sexual harassment and power imbalances weakens the impact of the Full Moon deal’s transactional nature on the relationship.
I greatly enjoy Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel, as I enjoy flawed and complex characters. I do not expect the show to address every issue raised here with the care that should be used in real life, as this is a fictional story set in hell. However, the writers’ inconsistency, particularly when it comes to depicting power imbalances and sexual harassment/SA, leads to a muddled tone which confuses the audience to a point where it is not beneficial to telling the story.
Because I’m a nerd but can’t be bothered to format 100%, here’s my works cited:
Danny Motta. “I Was WRONG About Blitz | Blitz Vs Stolas Debate.” YouTube.
Sarcastic Chorus. “STOLAS DID EVERYTHING WRONG - Stolitz Analysis.” YouTube.
Vivziepop’s Helluva Boss playlist. YouTube.
#hazbin hotel#helluva boss#vivziepop#hellaverse#helluva boss critical#hazbin hotel critical#I don’t really want to tag this as critical because I’m not bashing the shows#I’m interested in a genuine discussion on this#I still love these shows#this is just something that bothers me#and I think it’s a valid critique#also I switched into essay writing mode for a bit please don’t think I’m being condescending#tw sa#tw rape#tw abuse#tw sa mention#tw rape mention
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I think its very neat how emil's "birthday" and zodiac sign fall on the date that he escaped from the asylum. Symbolic of him being reborn i suppose. He is haunted by a past that i infer his body and mind blocked out so he could keep moving forward and was given another chance at living a better life
#pieter tag#literally just rambling#i genuinely think him leaving the asylum was the best thing for him#idv patient#idk sometimes massive change is needed#i will always think about how emil survived so much and how he fought so hard#he stayed in survival mode for so long#really sad hes dead but very fitting that he fell in love with tenderness#i think im just repeating myself#nothing new or interesting i am literally just thinking
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Hello, do you think is possible that we will get a FITF live album? Louis and the band sound so good on tour.
they doooo! I love Steve's arrangements and additions to the songs so much! Honestly I have no idea; on the one hand it seems like Louis might be more focused on moving towards new stuff, like we are still in FITF mode but by the time it came out he had had it forever and now he's well into LT3 and probably feeling more excited about those new songs and sounds; on the other hand he is very good at working the industry stuff and all the angles and it's basically free money, right? He has said FITF was a further step towards the sound he wants most rather than the finish line, so it's possible that as happened with Walls as he works more on the new one he is getting less enthused about sharing the old stuff; but I think adding Steve's arrangements and just moving away from some of the songs seems to have lessened that this time around, so maybe that isn't a factor. Here's the thing though: the only way it would happen or make sense I think would be if it was recorded pretty recently, like one of the UK shows; the show was still being tweaked and gelled and cooking until then. But if they wanted to make vinyl (and surely they would? fancy double vinyl of live albums is SUCH a thing), that is very very long process of waiting around these days. First you have to get lacquers made (this is the physical thing that the recording is cut into that all the records are duplicates of- if you want quality it has to be more or less handmade by an artisan) but one of the two places left in the world that made those burnt to the ground in 2020 so there's a super long wait time on that. Then it just has to get made; but there are basically ten large scale factories left (again, in the WORLD) that press records so that also has a very long wait time... so it would take forever and the thing is I think we're getting LT3 in the late fall/ early winter (I bet he's using this month to finish it up so it can begin this lengthy process). So I kind of don't think so, like I guess they could do a CD/ cassette/ digital only in late spring and make so much money, and it would be fun, but who knows. Either way, I just hope Louis has Steve do some production work on LT3, I like his sounds and ideas a lot, and that he keeps him around to do his tours forever!
#could I have just said it takes a while to make records I GUESS#but maybe people are interested!#IN MY DAY *totters up on a creaky walker* you could just be like I wanna make a record of my band#and send off $500 and a mastered recording and 6 weeks later get a couple boxes of 7's in the mail#SIGHHHH#this planning a year in advance is such a bummer I bet Louis would much rather get to write the songs and share them#and by a year later be onto whole new ones#it's no wonder he doesn't remember the lyrics by the time it's time to tour them he's ages past those ones#fitf live#vinyl pressing#steve durham#is the drummer but also the tour musical director#I've always had an embarrassing thing for drummers and I genuinely do not have a thing for steve because I am past that tyvm#but every time I rave about him I do side eye myself like is this correct or are you just in drummer groupie mode#anyway he looks just like- I kid you not- a drummer I have uh#what#had a Thing With let us say#once upon a time#but honestly I really do just like his arrangements musically I think he seems kind of annoying personally#and that tattoo artist was his friend and that guy seemed like a DOUCHE which made me even more skeptical#anyway enjoy the personal TMI corner GOTTA GO BYE
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in class today i felt so incredibly out of place again, why does it have to be so hard for me? and, i like this girl, but every single time we have class she mentions her "autism" while happily chatting with 3+ ppl at a time, completely effortless, while im sitting there, staring and trying to focus enough to even understand the conversation bc there is so much noise around me that i feel like i'm about to either explode or shut down completely and i feel like an alien trying my best to somehow socialize and understand what is going on and really to just get through this.
#i feel awful i was so close to just breaking into tears at one point#we had the introduction to greek archaeology course for the first time today and... i hate it#it is so fucking boring#the lecturer is italian and while her english vocabulary is great her accent already makes it hard to understand her but what is worse is#that she completely mispronounces a ton of english words so you constantly have to sorta interpret what she is saying#i genuinely didnt understand at least a third of what she was saying today#and its all “look this painting on this and that vase” and its basically art history and i hate art history i really dont give a shit#and then i felt like i picked the wrong study program and i should just drop out which ofc is complete bullshit bc the courses i have monda#are really interesting as they are about prehistory which i am actually interested in and its ok to not care about certain eras of arch.#we were even told that by one lectures who also didnt give a shit about christian archaeology and was only interested in prehistory#so i know its ok rationally but everything was so awful today that my brain went into doom mode#and earlier my father yapped about the election to my mom while i hid in the bathroom lol and then he said in his horrible condescending#voice how “kamala is so stupid you cant sit her in front of a camera (for an interview)” and how she is “just as dumb as baerbock”#baerbock is a german politician - and obviously a woman#there r a million politicians he could choose from but he went with 2 women#i hate him so fucking much#i am not prone to violent phantasies at all but with him its different#i wish he would just die#ok now that we are so cozy and cheerful in these tags i'm gonna go to bed to spend another shitty day at uni tomorrow goodnight#personal
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#keep in mind the effects have changed like. 5 times? over the years.#double voice + heavy echo (gg)#double voice (kinda?) but the higher pitched 1 is very quiet and kinda robotic (ggx)#just kinda robotic. makes them sound extra compressed lol (ggxx)#like. vocoded or a chorus filter idk. they sound like theyre talking into a fan. (ac+ story mode)#JUST ECHO. SIMPLE. (strive)#(<- tho they have some unused voice files wihout the echo and they have a similar effect to ac+ but more subtle)#(i cant really tell if that effect is actually applied to their voice under the echo. also its not on their unused english voice files?)#(for whatever reason.)#okay. okay sorry im just very interested in character voices. and i like how all over the place testament’s has been. genuinely#the kat goes meow#gg
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It's driving me crazy because, in my current endeavor to learn musical modulation, I've started my exploration of the Locrian mode and found that, in C Locrian, a Cº chord, specifically second inversion (Cº/G♭; G♭-C♮-E♭) sounded really cool and familiar to me and I realized: It's the main riff to Sex Bob-Omb's Threshold from Scott Pilgrim.
Only thing is, the resolution to that riff must be in C minor because it used a D♮, which isn't in C Locrian, but IS in C minor. Which, I think, means the song is in C Locrian, but modulates to C minor SPECIFICALLY for the cadence. (Unless something else is happening here, which could, of course, be any number of things. I will point out that I have pretty good relative pitch, but not perfect pitch.)
Which, for non-music nerds, translates to "this song fucks in a rare, not-frequently-seen-in-modern-music kind of way."
#I'm going to be minoring in music in college so I figured I'd learn as much as I can before I start#Because that's the kind of person I am#I love this song and learning music makes me appreciate it way more#Scott Pilgrim#Scott Pilgrim vs The World#I genuinely believe Locrian does not deserve to be written off#It's a really interesting and cool mode
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Pain. Agony
#i guess i am going to the iabca show this weekend since i was invited to help out.#but the next akc show i am being pulled in 6 different directions and so scheduling must be done.#onofrio!!!! please!!!! it is less than 2 weeks away!!!!!#counts are as expected. i know most of the dogs entered in breeds i care about*#(* i care about all breeds but i only watch a few im genuinely interested in owning)#but i think there are going to be conflicts and these conflicts are going to be annoying to plan around#beauces SHOULD go first thing in the morning which would be awesome. if gsheps go directly afterward - awesome.#then i need to groom and be ringside for roughs. hopefully they go after lunch or just before.#but my friends would like some help with borzoi which i love to help with. but borzoi often go around the same time as roughs#late morning/early afternoon#and i need to set aside plenty of time to shoot the shit#i should honestly just get a hotel with someone instead of a 5 hr#drive/day#back and forth for two days#i should really go fri through sun for the specialties but i already took friday off the following week to volunteer for an independent#specialty#it really is incredible how one year ago i was looking for a dog show to go to - any dog show - and all i could find was one collie show#infodog you have changed my life in many ways.#oh and i am going ukc mode in november which will be fun. a friend might need some help with her girl (who i am obsessed with)#i dont like ukc as much as akc but it is nice to see klee kais and ambullies and silkens#its just too relaxed/unstructured 🤣#obviously i like to know a plan WELL in advance.. lol
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the time in between hyperfixations is so boring…
#personal#i want to get super interested in something else but nothing is really doing it for me#there are plenty of things i like but very few things that make me genuinely passionate#but i want to feel that unhinged passion for something else#my brain is still in cooldown mode from the previous obsession though
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i think the fact that persona series & fire emblem series are two of my longest lasting interests that i still actively engage with. says something about me.
#speculation nation#right up there w/ naruto being another of my longest lasting interests#Bad Taste Alert except i kinda really enjoy my bad taste media#not my fault the fun video games are rife with misogyny#THO IN MY DEFENSE my fav fire emblem game is one of the best out there in that respect (echoes)#ive been thinking replaying it again after i finish engage. for the like.. 4th time...#im just genuinely so obsessed with this game i could play it for forever#man i just looked it up. i was hoping there'd be something harder than hard mode#bc i played hard mode for my last run. & like yea it was hard but i wanna be kept busy for even longer. i swear that game flies by so quick#really wanna play it............. might just bite the bullet and push for finishing engage rather than dilly dallying lol#im already super over leveled. and i only have like 2 more chapters left. i could finish tonight if i rly wanted to#probably wont. but i think. that i Will play another map lol
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.
#tag talk#vent#wow okay so turns out my psychiatrist didn't ghost me she just put in the med refills without telling me#so I was waiting for her to message me back like a fucking idiot because expecting professional communication is apparently too much#I genuinely think I might cry I'm so fucking... not even mad. just incredibly let down#the autistic realization that you do in fact have to do everything yourself because you can't trust anyone to give you the support you need#you have to put in the extra work constantly just to survive because the environment is so incredibly hostile without even meaning to be#I didn't know I needed to check my prescriptions again. I didn't realize she would just add a refill without telling me.#the thought never crossed my mind. so I accepted my fate and experienced three weeks of hell#and I'm such a fucking doormat that the strongest word I could use to describe it to her was “interesting”.#I laughed and brushed it off like it was nothing because I was too afraid to say “I went through hell and you're responsible”#and I know my best option is to just suck it up and go back on the meds but I'm so fucking scared to#I'm so fucking scared of going back on. getting it in my system. and then somehow getting cut off again#scared of relying on anything but myself because I know it'll just let me down again#I genuinely felt the worst I've ever felt. not just physically. my brain was on fire.#my brain was burning and all I knew to do was endure the pain without saying anything.#because I didn't know that I should follow up. I didn't know how to navigate the system. and I suffered for it.#self advocacy is so necessary but it's so fucking difficult and scary#and I laugh and joke and pretend to be this confident easy-going careless persona when I'm really not#I'm fucking terrified of bothering people or upsetting them.#I had a whole grand speech in my head about how I would hold her accountable for this mistake#and then the moment came and all I could do was laugh it off out of fear.#and all I can do is cry about it and feel like a fucking failure#I know I should go back on the meds but I'm so fucking scared I don't want to feel like that ever again#I lost who I was. I lost my sense of self. my body stopped working in any of the ways it's supposed to#I've only just now come out of emergency power mode and I'm terrified of it happening to me again#I've been sleeping a ton recently. I'll wake up really early in the morning and then work on going back to sleep#my body is a machine and I've learned the proper input codes to make myself go to sleep#but I'm back to depression napping for 12-16 hours. entering recovery mode and trying to fix the damage I've experienced#I keep having really bad nightmares though. I know I need the sleep so I put up with it but it sucks so fucking much
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i should be allowed to hunt moogles for sport
#i am genuinely enjoying this game#rebirth spoilers#i play rebirth#the music in (south?) corel is so gorgeous that i delayed progressing the plot for quite some time just to listen to it#gongaga is also a banger. and the crisis core music when cissnei arrives! a bitch did cry a bit#the game really picked up near the end ngl#although it is interesting hearing these people talking about zack. if this was a more faithful expansion of the OG i'd be crying#but given that i've been PLAYING as zack (also love that) i feel just... kinda sad and kinda nothing?#not saying it's bad. just. different. especially with the knowledge of how i would've reacted in different circumstances#also i appreciate the devs giving me the ability to choose easy mode for the moogles BUT i should still be allowed to hunt them for sport#oh and cosmo canyon is AMAZING. everything that I imagined it should be#haven't felt awe like that since... kalm. actually. they really knocked it out of the park for those two#not saying the rest isn't bad. they're just smaller towns. or the gold saucer when i've played ffxiv and know what they're gonna pull#EDIT: i got S rank on tifa's theme in the piano minigame let's GOOOO#out of the minigames I tend to like the piano and queen's blood the most. although some of the piano arrangements can be.#counterproductive
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Idk maybe it's time to have Zelda be a game with a PLOT where THINGS happen that have STAKES and ARE INTERESTING instead of these constant softballs where the apocalypse is happening over there somewhere and no one in this world is interested in questioning or thinking about anything
Ocarina of Time ALMOST got there when the timeskip made the common people actually be affected by Ganon's nonsense, though all it really meant was they had to move cause Castle Town was kaput
Wind Waker ALMOST got there when they made Zelda a character with traits and motivations, but then they fumbled it by having her revert to generic damsel mode halfway through
Twilight Princess ALMOST got there when Zant took over Hyrule, but this didn't actually impact anyone because everyone just kinda lives on as ghosts, totally unaware of the threat, so there are no stakes. Midna was cool but she has like almost no agency for what is supposed to be Her game. Zelda is barely even in this one
Skyward Sword ALMOST got there by having Zelda seem genuinely troubled by her destiny and wanting to be with Link instead, but fumbles it by making Link run around doing Fuckall instead of spending time exploring those themes, again giving Zelda like zero screentime
Breath of the Wild ALMOST got there by presenting a more realized version of Hyrule, but failed to follow through on making the people of that world feel real. none of them seem to gaf that the apocalypse happened. the world is just a big sandbox for Link. Zelda is almost a character in this but she once again has almost no screentime or agency
Tears of the Kingdom fails to build on anything Breath of the Wild laid groundwork for. This was an opportunity to make the lackluster story deeper and more gripping. Instead they just did the exact same thing again. It's a holding pattern
The best Zelda in terms of story still remains Majora's Mask because at least that game had themes it was willing to explore with its characters
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