#Interpersonal Skills

[spiritwildheartofachild]

Yep! You get a candy bar, and the candy bar teaches you that being kind to other people works to get you nice things for yourself, too!

It's positive reinforcement. I guess it's technically manipulation, but that's a bit reductive, in my opinion. The kid learning to use their interpersonal skills to get what they want and the parent using a reward to teach a child better interpersonal skills isn't manipulation, really - it's just learning and teaching how to relate to others.

Many of us grow up with the idea that we're manipulative (and thus, bad). How much of that is just that we learned interpersonal skills (which does include how to get what we want!) and that was called bad by the adults in our lives? Why is it bad to learn healthy ways of getting what we want? Sometimes, healthy means thinking about your siblings' feelings. Other times, healthy means not getting screamed at or worse by the adults who take care of us. It's all just learning how to deal with other people.

I absolutely think adults, especially parents, ascribe manipulative intent to children when they shouldn't and it's absolutely a problem but it's always kind of funny to me when people go online and proclaim that children are incapable of manipulation. When I was three I asked my mom to get my older sibling their favorite candy bar at the grocery story because I knew she'd get me mine too as a reward for being thoughtful and that was way more likely to succeed than if I just asked for a candy bar for me. And it worked. Children scheme at a developmentally appropriate level the trick is not assuming children scheme at an adult level.

[femmefatalevibe]

Femme Fatale Guide: Types of Relationships To Help You Thrive In Life

Table of Contents:

Healthy Relationship With Yourself

Peer-To-Peer Relationship

Mentorship Relationship

Goal-Oriented/Accountability-Focused Relationship

Emotionally-Intimate Relationship

Physical/Sexually-Intimate Relationship

Acquaintance Relationships

Second-Degree Relationships

Types of Relationships:

Healthy Relationship With Yourself: Internalize and act with the knowledge that you're worthy of love, care, and nourishment, and have unconditional permission to work towards your goals & dream life. Eat healthfully, drink plenty of water, remain well-rested, move your body daily, maintain proper hygiene/a clean home, invest in your appearance to feel your best, live as a life-long learner, establish healthy habits/routines, get your finances in order, establish and maintain boundaries, make positive self-talk a priority.

Peer-To-Peer Relationship: Aka friendships, which are intended to offer mutual support and joy in life. These friendships thrive on having similar values and interests, which makes these individuals your greatest cheerleaders, advice givers/receivers, and partners in crime to have fun or offer platonic love/emotional support during traditional or difficult seasons in your life. Peer-to-peer relationships should add mutual excitement, encouragement, and emotional nourishment, and provide a soundboard for confidential information exchange, ears to listen without unnecessary or superficial judgment, and solicited advice from someone who has your best interest in mind.

Mentorship Relationship: This could be a boss, teacher, professor, aunt, uncle, or another trusted adult(s) who can guide you based on their more extensive life experience/wisdom. You can have one or several mentors at any life stage and for different purposes. These people should be trustworthy (keep your information confidential unless you state otherwise) and express their advice through the lens of your best interest rather than their own personal desires or biases (at least those left unchecked). Ensure you feel safe around these people, and their presence in your life is a mutually-nourishing relationship that allows you to grow personally, professionally, and relationally.

Goal-Oriented/Accountability-Focused Relationship: A coach, mentorship, or friendship based on the achievement of a particular goal or practice. This type of relationship can manifest as an accountability partner or support group. A therapist can also fulfill this role in your life (but like, a coach, this relationship is a one-way street to offer you emotional support/tools & resources). Some reasons for an accountability-oriented relationship include helping you achieve a certain health/fitness goal, establish better routines, advance in your career, let go of unhealthy habits, patterns, or addictions, better manage your finances, or help you get your other relationships (family, partner, friends, self-talk, boss, co-workers, etc.) in order.

Emotionally-Intimate Relationship: Someone with whom you feel an unwavering emotional closeness and connection. This person can be a partner you're involved with sexually/physically intimate with or not. Asexuality exists, of course. And emotional intimacy can definitely exist in close platonic relationships (like your best friendships) without any romantic or sexual feelings. These relationships are important because they allow you to let your emotional walls down and be your vulnerable, authentic self.

Physical/Sexually-Intimate Relationship: This relationship could be with a romantic partner, FWB, with multiple partners, purely with yourself, or somewhere in between. If you have sexual needs, it's important to find pleasurable ways to satisfy these desires in a way that makes you feel most fulfilled and respected. Let go of any shame you experience when exploring this side of yourself. Experiment and learn what you like/dislike/fantasize about. Use this information to elevate your practice and communication with any partner(s) for a heightened, more enjoyable, and potentially closer emotionally-bonding experience.

Hobby/Interest-Centric Relationship: These relationships can extend from co-workers to your friends in a certain class/the one friend you go on weekly walks with, follow a particular TV show with, exchange beauty tips with, "going out" friends, etc. While these connections aren't vulnerable to the degree of a close friendship/relationship, it is important to have some relationships that are purely based on fun, light-hearted conversations, and mutual hobbies/interests/lifestyles. Having someone to share these mutual experiences with helps you feel more connected to your environment/communities, not feel isolated/lonely when your friends, family, or intimate partner has different hobbies, career aspirations, or daily routines/lifestyle compared to you, and provides a mutual soundboard on issues, insights, and exciting moments in this particular area of your life.

Acquaintance Relationships: Everyone needs those friends, co-workers, or classmates they can just chat with when at a party, a group meeting, dinner, a special occasion, to grab a quick lunch or coffee, etc. These people are fun to be around and allow you to indulge in light, easy conversations to offer temporary social support/fulfillment. These relationships also expand your network for professional opportunities, making new friends, finding dates/a potential partner, interest groups/new hobbies, referral services/classes/spaces, and other contacts that can enrich your life.

Second-Degree Relationships: These are friend-of-a-friend type connections who can be/become your future business partners, romantic/sexual partners, co-workers, investors, hairdressers, realtors, stylists, finance managers, etc. Be ready to reciprocate these offers and be this person in others' lives, too. As your network gets broader and more dynamic, better chances and potential there is to connect with the right people to help you achieve your goals, desires, and overall life satisfaction. Success and efficiency rarely – if ever – exist in isolation.

[borderlinereminders]

GIVE is an interpersonal skill. This is a skill much like FAST that you can use with DEAR MAN. This is a good skill to use even if it isn't a difficult conversation for overall relationship health.

Before using the skills, think about the goals you have. In a lot of cases, for relationship effectiveness you want to preserve the relationship. Whatever the goal is (maybe changing a way you interact if something is upsetting you, or being able to say "no" to the person in a way that they don't feel bad about it), think about it before the interaction.

Be Gentle: Think about how you would want to be treated in a conversation. You likely wouldn't want to be yelled at, attacked, or accused of things. People are more likely to hear you out if they don't feel attacked, and are approached more gently. This doesn't just include tone and what you say but also your body language. Things like rolling your eyes can be upsetting.

Act Interested: Act interested and pay attention to what they're saying even if it's not something you're interested in. Perhaps you don't agree with their version of events, and that's okay, but at least let them talk and hear them out.

Validate: Once you've finished listening, show the other person that you listened and validate what they've said. Try and put yourself in their shoes. Even if you don't agree, try and find something to validate.

For example, maybe they feel really hurt for something out of your control like you cancelling plans because you were sick, in this case you can still validate their feelings and show compassion for them.

Use an Easy Manner: This, to me, feels like it ties a bit into be gentle but "use an easy manner" refers to trying to be "easy going" so the other person may feel relaxed. Smiling, and humour can be helpful. Having a good attitude can help the conversation go more smoothly. It can be hard if the other person feels hurt by something out of your control, but you need to remind yourself that their feelings are valid and allowed. (Also, this never means you should just "take it" if someone is yelling at you or otherwise being aggressive. This assumes both parties are being calm in this situation.)

[kindnessoverperfection]

I think a lot of discourse boils down to the idea that there's One Right Answer for everything. But the world, and individual people, are far too complex for that.

For example, a very common pattern of conflict I see is this-

"[blank] was very harmful to me, and set me back a lot." "But [blank] was what finally helped me understand and work through everything."

And instead of approaching the subject with curiosity and compassion, it becomes a fight over which is "correct".

A much more helpful conversation is, "How can we provide fuller information to help people figure out what's best for them?"

[x-heesy]

𝙼𝚢 8𝚝𝚑𝚜 𝚀𝚞𝚘𝚝𝚎:

Children and Animals are the only holy on this Planet -x-heesy

𝙳𝚞 𝙻𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚒 𝚊𝚞 𝚅𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚎𝚍𝚒 𝚋𝚢 𝙶𝚠𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚘𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚎

[seventeenlovesthree]

Important lesson to keep in mind: Sometimes we meet people that are not meant to stay in our lives forever. There may have been an initial attraction or things we may have (had) in common - or maybe there was some kind of emotional codependency. Sometimes, we just drift apart after a while, but still think back of the old times, the memories fondly. Sometimes, there may be a fallout and you find yourself wondering what happened, what you did wrong, if you weren't compatible in the first place. Sometimes, we can make up, sometimes we can't.

I think we can always learn something from these various encounters. And you may be hurting at times, but there is a lesson to take away from it. Staying mindful of your own behaviour and actions is important, but it's not always your fault things did not end well. So beating yourself up is not the way to go. Take a breather, let things settle. If the situation arises, try to fix things, explain your side of things, but don't force it if you're being treated unfairly.

You deserve to treat yourself well - and be treated well by others too. If you made a mistake, be genuine about it. But sometimes, things simply aren't meant to last.

[unsolicitedadvicecatlady]

How to overthrow a regime

Identify and exploit weaknesses

Manipulate public perception

Create internal division

Amplify social unrest

Discredit achievements

Promote alternatives

Stage a crisis

Save the day (most models leave off this step)

[eliserzilber]

GIVE

Use this skill to maintain a good relationship and reduce conflict with another person.

G - Gentle: No attacks, threats or judgments.

I - Interested: Listen to the other person.

V - Validate: Acknowledge the person’s feelings, wants, difficulties and opinions.

E - Easy Manner: Use humor and smile.

*More DBT guides here*

[goblinofthelaboratory]

question about socializing:

i've noticed that when holding a conversation with someone, they usually reply shortly, almost like backchanneling. if i don't continue monologuing, the conversation tends to stop. i try to give hooks, prompts, and questions for the other person to respond to, but this doesn't seem to make a difference, answers are still short and don't provide much to expand on. if i don't talk, little conversation happens. this feels like im making all the effort in the conversation, which is frustrating. i also typically initiate.

Am i just annoying and boring? is there something im missing here? how do i increase engagement?

[this-is-not-a-slow-burn]

HOLDING BOUNDARIES WITHOUT GUILT

credits in image

[gent-illmatic]

BE MATURE ENOUGH…

To understand that you also have toxic traits! It’s not always solely the other person. The mature understands as long as we have breath in our bodies, we have healing to do. The journey doesn’t end until it all ends.

[femmefatalevibe]

hey! Do you have tips on being well mannered?

Always greet people/say "thank you" to others when any gesture, or act of kindness is done for you or opportunity given to you (either verbally or in writing)

Let others speak, feel/be heard, and never interrupt others while they're speaking

Greet/say goodbye to others with respect to their cultural norms and context (a handshake in a professional context/first time meeting someone vs. a hug or wave/kiss on the cheek to someone you know)

Don't take others' emotions personally. Respond with respect to your boundaries but display radical empathy

Wait your turn and allow others to have their moments to shine

Accept compliments and praise with grace and gratitude (say "thank you" instead of trying to explain it away)

Never show up as a guest to a dinner party or housewarming empty-handed

Always offer someone water to drink when they enter your home for a visit or a scheduled business meeting

Always be and appear clean, odor, and germ-free around others

Express gratitude for what you have and what others offer you (materially or emotionally)

Remain tactful, honest, and encouraging of others to also become their best selves in every setting

Hope this helps xx

[positiveupwardspiral]

Almost nothing in a healthy relationship is insurmountable other than lack of communication.

[uncloseted]

How do you go from acquaintance to friend?

There are a few things you can do that will make people think of you as a friend instead of an acquaintance.

The first is just spending time with the person you want to be friends with. This study suggests that after 50 hours of interaction, a person goes from being an acquaintance to being a casual friend, 90 hours to go from being a casual friend to a regular friend, and 200 hours to being a close friend.

However, this process can be sped up depending on the quality of the interactions you have with the person you're trying to befriend. If you have shared activities and experiences with the person and if there are other things you have in common (attitudes, values, interests), it's easier to feel close to someone more quickly.

It's also easier to feel close when there's a level of "self-disclosure" in friendships- when you share your thoughts, feelings, personal history, aspirations, goals, beliefs, experiences, and challenges with the other person. This can be a bit of a tightrope, since you don't wan to come on too strong or trauma dump on someone, but when appropriate, sharing about yourself can foster closeness.

Being present for the other person also helps them feel close to you. People like people who like them and who validate their emotions, so actively listening, mirroring the person's sentiments back to them, and letting them know that you support them are important in forming a friendship. Providing emotional support, advice, and assistance (if they ask for it) makes it easier for a person to think of someone as a friend. And this goes both ways- some research suggests that if you ask the people around you to do small favors for you, they'll feel closer to you than if you don't.

Lastly, I think it's important to just show up for someone that you want to befriend. Respond to their messages. Occasionally send them things that make you think of them. Attend things that they invite you to, and make sure they know you appreciate that they thought of you. None of those things are particularly big on their own, but combined, they can make a big difference in how someone views you and the relationship they have with you.