borderlinereminders

[borderlinereminders]

I’ve received two asks in response to my last one already that are ‘calling me out’ and I’m not replying to more.

I’m not debating whether or not I should have disclaimers on my website. Having them makes me feel safer to share the info. You’re free to ignore them or seek other sources. If I don’t feel safe sharing the info, then I don’t share it and I think it’s more helpful if I share it. Having a website with a lot of coping advice, discussion of symptoms and trauma and BPD just doesn’t feel like something I can do without disclaimers.

Me wanting to protect myself legally isn’t me ‘bootlicking’. I don’t talk about it on my blog but I actually hate the mental health system where I am.

Edit: I’m getting off the app for a bit. I didn’t expect this to be controversial and it’s making my head hurt. When I come back, I won’t be replying to asks about this. I’d like to just move on.

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how do you claim you think it’s valid if people don’t get help professionally but then have disclaimers all over your site saying you aren’t a professional but yet you say you got here without therapy it’s a conflicting message

I do think it’s completely valid to work on your mental health without professional help. I’ve done a lot of that myself. I haven’t used therapy to get to where I am. My disclaimers aren’t saying “you need therapy” or “this won’t work without it.” They’re just there so it’s clear I’m speaking from lived experience, not from a professional license.

It’s partly about honesty and partly about protecting myself legally. Blogs that talk about mental health have to make it clear when the advice is peer-to-peer and not medical advice. That way, people can make their own choices about whether to also involve a therapist, psychiatrist, or other professional.

You’re allowed to take what helps you here and leave what doesn’t. If working without professional help is what you choose, that’s still valid. It’s how I did it! The disclaimer just makes sure no one mistakes my blog for formal clinical care because if I’m being honest, that could get me into trouble and that makes me anxious.

My complete honest and biased feeling is that I honestly don’t find most professionals helpful. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I find in a lot of cases, they can make it worse. But I have to make the distinction on my website. And some people do find them helpful. It’s all up to an individual what works for them.

[borderlinereminders]

Latest blog post on my website!

My website is not monetized in any way and should be free of pop ups and ads 💛

[borderlinereminders]

“ It’s okay to want reassurance but it’s your responsibility to ask for it in a healthy way, not demand it in panic, not hint at it with passive aggression or test your loved ones.” love how you post this and then don’t explain why. super easy to just tell people what not to do but not explain how to do it

Hi anon,

I understand why seeing that post without more detail could feel frustrating, especially if you’re newer to my blog or came across it on your dash without context.

The reason I sometimes post short “what not to do” reminders is because I’ve already covered the “how to” in depth many times before. My long-term followers know those posts well, and my hope is these shorter reminders help them recall the skills without having to scroll through walls of text every time.

I know not everyone will like that approach, and that’s okay. But I’m intentional about it because constantly restating the full explanation can make posts overwhelming and harder for some people to engage with. Short posts keep things accessible while still pointing back to the bigger conversations I’ve had on this topic.

If you’d like more than just the short version, I have detailed posts breaking down how to ask for reassurance in a healthy way. I’m happy to link those for you so you can see the complete context because I want people to have both the skills and the reminders.

I’m happy to provide the links if you want, or you can check out my faq linked in my pinned post.

[borderlinereminders]

How did you get to a point where you were able to ask for reassurance? I can’t get out of it must be fake if I have to ask

Hi anon,

I used to struggle with this too. If I had to ask for reassurance, I thought it must be fake or forced.

What helped shift that for me was thinking about the reassurance I give to the people I love. When a friend or loved one asks me for reassurance, I mean it. It’s real. Even if they’ve asked before. I mean it with everything I have and I’m so happy they came to me.

And that made me realize that if I believe my reassurance is genuine, it isn’t fair to assume my friends’ reassurance toward me is fake. It goes against what I know of their character.

Doesn’t work for everyone but using logic against my brain did help me here.

[borderlinereminders]

also riding that urge wave this week. let’s surf together

Love a surfing buddy! 🏄‍♀️

[borderlinereminders]

It’s okay to want reassurance but it’s your responsibility to ask for it in a healthy way, not demand it in panic, not hint at it with passive aggression or test your loved ones.

[borderlinereminders]

I want to share something personal today, because I think it’s easy to look at my posts and think I always handle things perfectly. I don’t. Today, I had the worst meltdown I’ve had in years. My brain was all over the place, my anxiety was through the roof, and I wasn’t being logical.

When I reached out to my best friend, her first instinct was to start problem-solving. My first impulse was to get mad that she didn’t just know what I needed. But here’s the thing. She’s not a mind reader. None of us are. And I knew that if I reacted in anger, it wouldn’t be fair to her, because her heart was in the right place. She truly wanted to help me.

So instead, I told her exactly what I needed in that moment:

“You’re focusing on fixing things and that’s not actually what I need… I honestly just need you to love me right now.”

And guess what? The moment I told her, she adjusted. She wanted to help and was happy to do so in a way I needed. She gave me the support I actually needed over text as soon as she could and then called me once she was alone and able to do so. She helped me settle down, and reminded me that I’m loved and safe. The entire meltdown shifted and not because the anxiety magically disappeared, but because my needs were met. I’m not ‘better’. I’m still anxious. But she helped pull me out of crisis.

She also pointed out that my level of anxiety wasn’t normal for me, and we worked together on both a temporary safety plan and a long-term plan. That’s what healthy friendship looks like.

Needing to communicate what you need doesn’t make the love or the support any less real. It actually makes it stronger. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to say, “That’s not what I need. This is what I need.”

And yes, even with all the skills I talk about here, I still have bad days. I still melt down. The difference is that I’ve learned how to handle those bad days without hurting my relationships. (And even if I messed up, I know how to repair that and hold myself accountable.)

Here’s a screenshot in case you were curious about the whole message. This does not follow any of my scripts closely. So, it’s a real example of me struggling to put it into words in the middle of sobbing.

[borderlinereminders]

Being triggered doesn’t make you too much. You’re not dramatic. You’re not manipulative. Your brain is reacting to a perceived danger. What matters is what you do next and noticing the trigger is already progress.

[borderlinereminders]

There are several asks in my askbox about this debate right now, so I want to say I know “recovery” means different things to different people.

When I use “recovery,” I’m not saying I’m cured, or that everyone can be. I’m using it for me because it makes me feel hopeful, it reminds me of how far I’ve come, and it feels like an accomplishment even though my conditions will never go away.

For me, recovery is improving my quality of life, learning to manage my symptoms, and finding ways to navigate my conditions so life feels more liveable. It’s not about erasing my struggles. It’s about creating more good days, more coping tools, and more space for joy.

If “recovery” isn’t your word, that’s okay. You’re welcome here no matter what term you prefer for your own journey. But please don’t tell me how to define my own journey.

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re:everyone can recover and the controversy around that - I'm not saying you're wrong to use the word recovery, but I personally use the word equilibrium to mean what you're saying there!

I think that’s a great example of that it’s really personal to an individual the terms they use and their journey. Thanks for sharing!

[borderlinereminders]

It won’t let me tag you, but I just had to say I love this. This is a great metaphor for how I feel about my recovery.

Yes, do it for the cool bird!

I hate your everyone can recover narrative some of us have conditions that can’t ever be fixed

Hi anon,

I understand why you’d feel that way. A lot of people use “recovery” to mean “completely cured” or “all better now.” That’s not how I mean it.

For me, recovery doesn’t mean my conditions are gone. I can’t “fix” my bipolar disorder, my BPD, or other things I live with like my chronic pain. Recovery for me is about improving my quality of life while still having these conditions. It’s learning to work with my brain instead of constantly feeling like I’m at war with it.

For example, with bipolar disorder, I can’t stop manic or depressive episodes from ever happening. But I’ve learned to use my manic energy for things that will help me later like meal prepping, queuing posts, catching up on chores. This is so when the depression hits, I’ve already made things easier for myself. And when I’m in depression, I have coping strategies that help me get through until it eases.

With BPD, recovery doesn’t mean I don’t have BPD anymore. It means I’ve learned how to navigate it with things like how to communicate better, how to slow myself down before reacting, how to repair relationships when my symptoms get in the way.

It’s also completely valid if “recovery” isn’t a term you identify with at all. Some people prefer “management,” “growth,” “coping,” or no label at all. I try hard to keep my language inclusive and avoid saying “everyone” in my posts for that reason because recovery, in whatever form it takes, is deeply personal.

So when I say “recovery,” I’m not saying “everyone can be cured.” I’m saying you can find ways to make life more liveable, even with conditions that never go away. Your version of recovery will look like what works for you, not what works for anyone else.

And I’m genuinely not meaning to force the term on anyone. It’s just the term that I use for how I’ve learned to cope.

[borderlinereminders]

then your using recovery wrong

You’re completely allowed to feel that way about the word “recovery.” It doesn’t resonate with everyone, and I respect that.

For me personally, I use “recovery” because it makes me feel hopeful and reminds me of how far I’ve come. It feels like an accomplishment, even if my conditions will never go away and that’s important to me.

I know “recovery” can mean different things to different people. In my case, it’s not about being cured or going back to who I was before. It’s about improving my quality of life, managing symptoms, and learning to navigate my conditions in ways that make life more liveable.

That’s why I keep using it because for me, it’s a word that honours my progress. I completely understand if it’s not the word for you, but you don’t really get to tell me what words I should use for my own experiences.

[borderlinereminders]

Today I caught myself before reacting to something by saying to myself what would borderlinereminders do and it helped me stop caving to the rage impulse I had and I went and calmed down to talk to my boyfriend instead of yelling

Seriously? I don’t mean I don’t believe you. I’m just in disbelief my blog had that impact on you.

This ask alone makes everything I’ve done on this blog worth everything.

I’m so proud of you, anon and you did good. You did so good. I hope that you’re giving yourself the credit for this because while I’m so glad remembering my blog helped, that was all you!!

(Also suddenly remembering ‘what would Buffy do’).

[borderlinereminders]

I hate your everyone can recover narrative some of us have conditions that can’t ever be fixed

Hi anon,

I understand why you’d feel that way. A lot of people use “recovery” to mean “completely cured” or “all better now.” That’s not how I mean it.

For me, recovery doesn’t mean my conditions are gone. I can’t “fix” my bipolar disorder, my BPD, or other things I live with like my chronic pain. Recovery for me is about improving my quality of life while still having these conditions. It’s learning to work with my brain instead of constantly feeling like I’m at war with it.

For example, with bipolar disorder, I can’t stop manic or depressive episodes from ever happening. But I’ve learned to use my manic energy for things that will help me later like meal prepping, queuing posts, catching up on chores. This is so when the depression hits, I’ve already made things easier for myself. And when I’m in depression, I have coping strategies that help me get through until it eases.

With BPD, recovery doesn’t mean I don’t have BPD anymore. It means I’ve learned how to navigate it with things like how to communicate better, how to slow myself down before reacting, how to repair relationships when my symptoms get in the way.

It’s also completely valid if “recovery” isn’t a term you identify with at all. Some people prefer “management,” “growth,” “coping,” or no label at all. I try hard to keep my language inclusive and avoid saying “everyone” in my posts for that reason because recovery, in whatever form it takes, is deeply personal.

So when I say “recovery,” I’m not saying “everyone can be cured.” I’m saying you can find ways to make life more liveable, even with conditions that never go away. Your version of recovery will look like what works for you, not what works for anyone else.

And I’m genuinely not meaning to force the term on anyone. It’s just the term that I use for how I’ve learned to cope.

[borderlinereminders]

Same for this blog honestly!

I'm super anxious and can't really think about anything else, so I'm going to work on content today. So far, I think I've written something for everything that's been suggested prior (it might be in the queue, or scheduled as a longer blog post on my website). So give me more topics you want to see!

Topics you'd like to learn about, or hear about. Or even validation posts you'd love to see!

(Anons are fine if you're shy!)

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Oh hey, we can 'heart' replies now. I kept going to out of habit because it's a thing on every other site and I'd see a reply and think 'this is heart worthy' and was disappointed we couldn't. An update I actually like! I'm on the desktop, so not sure if it's on the app yet, but I love it.