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montimer · 2 months

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Could you write a Joker x reader where the Joker tells her that he loves her, but she hesitantly admits that she isn’t sure she believes him because she isn’t sure if he is capable of love?

I don't do female reader so i made it gender neutral!

Joker x reader

Warning: kidnapping,yandere

You woke up in an empty dark room. You felt somewhat dizzy.

As you tried to move, you noticed that a rope was keeping you from standing up. You began struggling.

But gave up. Too tired and stressed you looked around for any escape or tool instead.

There was a door infront of you, a window on the right, but it was locked down with sticks of wood. Other than that the room was empty.

You tried remembering what had happened before you got here.

'Okay i was walking at night, on my way to home after shopping' then darkness.

No matter how hard you tried remembering, thats all your mind could make up. Where you kidnapped? Pulled away from an alley and drugged? But why?

You considered calling out but thinking it over, its best not to get the persons attention. If you call for help they will surely hear it sooner than anyone else.

You began to panic. 'I have to get out of here'. You were scared, you struggled again. Moving as you tried to free yourself from the ropes. The chair you were roped to began to creak.

A big mistake you made there.

You heard footsteps and you stopped immediately. The door opened slowly revealing your kidnapper.

Your eyes widened in horror. You were in the same room as the madman whos known for a not so nice nature. The joker

He tilted his head then begin to smile. He came closer to you.

You didn't wanted to look in his eyes, it was too much just being here. You didn't wanna know what he was gonna do to you.

"You awake? Im glad, you almost got me worried there my dear!"

Huh?

You were still looking down.

He gently grabbed your chin to make you look at him.

"C'mon don't be shy, lemme see that pretty face of yours!"

You stared at him confused.

He giggled at your expression.

"Oh how adorable you are!"

He let go and you kept looking at him.

"Good good. Now, im sorry for that" he pointed at the ropes around you.

"But ya know, i have to make sure you're safe and sound. Can't let ya run around the place at this state! Silly, you might hurt yourself. Poor darling, you look like a lost mouse!" He gave you a sad look. You were so distracted and surprised you almost forgot how to speak.

You tried to make out words but only mumblings came out.

He gave you a surprised look.

"What is it darling? Say it, i don't bite"

You doubted that, but you tried your best to collect yourself.

"Wh-why am i here? What are y-you gonna do to me?" You hated how desperate you sounded. You hated all of this.

"Ohh, right right. Cutting to the chase huh? Well, you are here cuz i had to take you away. To a place where you can feel safe. To me"

This is the last place you'd feel safe in.

"And for the second question of yours. I am not gonna do anything to harm you. I could never! I mean, i could never harm you. Can't say that for the others" he laughed a bit before turning his attention back to you.

"Good enough for an answer?" He smiled at you.

No not really

"I still don't understand..what do you mean"

He blinked at you. As if you're suppose to know why you are here.

"Why, why me?" You started to feel impatient

"Why you? Oh y/n, for many reasons."

He knew your name? No way..

"You don't know me.."

"But of course i do! I have been watching you, for a long time now. I know everything about you. Your address, your favourite places, the place you work in, what you wear, what you like, everything! Your age and the colour of your eyes too. Its nice to see it up close!"

He leaned in, taking his time staring into your eyes, then backed up with a pleased smile.

"I have been waiting so long to finally have you!"

"Have me? What are you talking about, i don't get any of this.."

"Still? Even after the flowers i sent you"

Flowers? The flowers that was left at your doorstep?

"..and the letters.."

The romantic sounding letters that came with them? Sometimes they did sounded creepy..

"..the chocolate and the plush? I mean i hope you got all of them, or else one of my goons gets a lecture. A life time lasting one"

You ignored the last part, but you did remember all this. The box even said 'from your one and only- J ;)'

Oh, oh no

"It, it was you-"

He clapped his hands

"Yes! Im so happy you figured it out! Did you keep them? What kind of question is this, of course you did!" He began to laugh once again.

"I did that all for one reason. That is because, i love you."

Your mind was dizzy again. He must be joking, there is no way in hell..

He started pointing out the things he loves about you. How does he knows all this, how long have he been stalking you? You didn't even listen to him anymore, your head hurt. You didn't wanted to look at him, instead you looked down in defeat.

When he stopped talking, you slowly looked up.

"There that's better" he petted your head.

"Even if you don't get it yet. You'll understand sooner or later, you'll realise that we were ment to be! Like sun and moon, one can't live without the other!"

"Is this a joke?"

He seemed shocked by that

"Come again?"

"I-i can't belive all this..I don't belive you, why would you love me? Are you even capable of loving anyone but yourself?" You said that without thinking. You immediately regretted it.

He stopped smiling. He had a look of disbelief and confusion on his face.

"What makes you think that?"

"I mean, like you used Harley-"

"But you're not Harley"

You tried to slip lower as he came closer.

"You're you. And that is why i love you. Ya know, im not mad at ya, not at all. Im mad at the people who had feed such horrible thoughts into your head. And if i have to prove you that i can love, then i will."

'I belive it when i see it' you thought. But for now your situation seemed hopeless. So you just kept staring at him, his green eyes burning into yours.

His face didn't look so serious anymore. Suddenly he hugged your form then left a kiss on your face.

He looked pleased at the mark that his lipstick left.

He got up and walked to the door.

"This is just the start, at the end you'll be head over heels for me! I can feel it! For now rest a little darling. Oh and don't even think about escaping, you wouldn't want me to catch you again? I'll be back soon, promise!" He waved his hand and blow a kiss your way.

He closed the door, now you can be alone with your thoughts. In an empty room with no escape or help to come. With a crazy clown obsessed with you. Does he really mean that?

#the joker #joker #joker x reader #the joker x reader #the joker x gn reader #joker x gn reader #animated joker #arkhamverse joker #arkham joker #yandere #yandere joker

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breaddwoo · 2 years

Text

-Just a Few Scratches-

pairing: xavier thorpe x reader

word count: 4.36k

warnings: injury/blood

desc: you get injured trying to solve xavier's problems for him. silly you :)

a/n: im having a field day writing all my fic ideas :)) can't decide if the next one will be another xavier or wednesday

edit: pt 2 is now posted! 🦭

"fuck, fuck!" xavier yelled, sprinting across the field of pine needles before him and leaping over bushes and rocks.

cold sweat dripped down his flushed face; he could feel tears sting the back of his eyes. xavier felt like he could puke as he ran, but only one thing occupied his mind:

"(y/n)!"

> > >

-5 hours prior-

“are you doing okay, xavier?" you ask with worry. after class you had to stay late to ask the teacher something, so it was a surprise when you found xavier sitting on a bench in the hallway with his head in his hands.

he jolted. looking up, he seemed tired. really tired. you noticed the purple bags under his eyes and the way his breathing appeared to be unsteady.

xavier tried to smile, but it instantly fell off his face when he met your gaze. he bit the inside of he cheek to keep salty tears from spilling out of his eyes.

"I... " he began, but it came out as a strangled sob.

the sight of his pitiful state filled you with worry, and you picked up your pace as you sped over to him.

standing in front of xavier, you ask, "have you been sleeping? you look like a wreck."

xavier laughed at this, quickly wiping away a tear that dared to escape, "yeah, i know. I'm just.." he looked down, "I'm just really stressed."

you stepped closer and he pressed the top of his head to your stomach, refusing to look at you as he loosely wrapped his arms around your waist.

you began to move your hand to pat his head, but hesitated. "can i...?"

without hearing the rest, xavier said, "please."

this consent allowed you to weave your fingers through his hair. "do you want to talk about it?" you asked in a low voice, afraid that somehow, despite the hall's vacancy, someone would hear this sensitive conversation.

he was quiet for a few moments, considering his words.

"it's... wednesday. i'm so, so tired of her- of her blaming me! always saying i'm a mass murdering monster! it fucking hurts and she keeps finding new evidence that genuinely makes sense, " his voice is strained as he tightens his hold, "but i can't do anything to convince her it's not me. and she even found my art studio, which just makes me look worse."

seeing him like this made you want to cry, but you restrained yourself because this wasn't about you; this was about xavier.

"i'm so fucking scared that she's going to get me locked up. i can't even blame her- all of the evidence points directly at me! and these nightmares, they plague me in my sleep and i wake up screaming and then i can't go back to sleep so i've just been painting that fucking thing so i-" his rambling is cut short when he hiccups through his frustrated tears. he felt angry and hurt and afraid.

you leaned down to hug his head, pushing his face into your tummy as he sniffles. "i'm sorry, xavier. i wish there was something i could do."

xavier looked up from your (now wet) shirt to say, "just listening is enough. don't worry about it, hopefully everything will fix itself soon."

and as he rested his head once more, an idea came to you.

there's a way to help xavier.

> > >

three knocks and wednesday was ready to order thing to strangle the person at the door.

she lifted from her desk, about to tell off the perpetrator for interrupting her writing time. when she opened the door, however, she recognized you as the person that xavier constantly follows around.

"enid isn't here," she said point blank, beginning to shut the door. you stick your hand out and risked amputation to make sure it doesn't close, "actually, im here to see you."

wednesday narrowed her dead eyes, "go on then. explain."

"i need to know where the hyde's lair is."

wednesday's facial expression didn't change, but you could tell she was confused.

"why don't you ask xavier? he would know."

the fake smile that you wore to feign being nice dropped. instead, you replaced it with a tight, irritated line on your lips.

"haha, yeah, i would. yknow, if he were the hyde. but here i am, asking you. why do you think that is?" you said all this with a lighthearted tone through clenched teeth.

wednesday could read the passive aggressiveness of your words but decided to press on, "try looking at his gallery of police evidence. that would give you the answer you're looking for."

with that, the door closed and you soon heard the sharp clicks of a type writer. you knew she was talking about xavier's art studio, but he hasn't allowed you in since people started dying around the school.

you decided that the only way to enact your plan would be to sneak into the renovated shed. sneaking in you could do, but distracting him for enough time to find something was completely different.

fuck, this is gonna be hard.

> > >

in the end, enid was your best bet. your plan was for enid to ask him for help on a subject and get him to tutor her for a bit in the library.

she agreed immediately, hoping it would also make ajax jealous; it was a win-win situation.

though, when she asked, you would not tell her why you needed her to do this in the first place. she was skeptical but trusted that you were doing it for a good reason.

finding the studio was easy, you had been there so many times that you knew the trail like the back of your hand. you were xavier's rock after his breakup with bianca, so it made sense that he'd commonly invite you to paint with him in his secret hideout.

when you made it there, you took no time to begin searching every single art piece for a deeper meaning. xavier mentioned that he was having nightmares about the foretold monster, but wouldn't allow you to see the art "for your own safety".

there was nothing of value on the walls and canvases, so you turned to plan b.

you bent down to the trash, fishing through it, hoping you'd find something important. about ten pieces of paper had been uncrumpled by the time you found something worth your dumpster diving.

"there it is!" you excitedly whisper-scream to yourself.

it was a drawing of the monster in front of a familiar cave. though its name and exact location eluded you, there was someone who would know those exact details.

later, after asking eugene if he knew anything considering you'd seen him working alongside wednesday on the investigation, you set the final steps of your plan in motion.

it is here that you will find out who the hyde is, if only to relieve xavier of his stress.

> > >

"enid, we've gone over this topic, like, ten times. i think you're just a lost cause," xavier said in exasperation. he had been attempting to teach enid the different geometrical formulas but she hasn't understood a single word he's said in the past two hours.

xavier, giving up, grabs his phone off the library table to check his notifications.

"huh, that's weird."

"what?" enid asked.

"(y/n) hasn't texted me. usually she'd have sent several messages asking to hang or something by now," he frowned, his expression a dark overcast.

enid, feeling something was off, finally broke, "uhm, well, (y/n) kind of asked me to distract you. im not really sure what for, but she did mention something about an art studio?"

xavier's heart lept in his chest. "what?"

"yeah, sorry, i felt she had a good reason but now i'm a little worried, " enid replied with an awkward laugh.

he wracked his brain for any reason that you might have had to go to his studio. a surprise? was she curious about the paintings i wouldn't let her see? why would she need to sneak around to do it?

instead of searching for an answer that wouldn't come to him, xavier stood from the table, gave a small "thanks", and left the library in a hurry.

at the studio, he found nothing amiss. none of the paintings were gone and nothing had been moved.

that's what he thought, however, until he saw the trash can laying on its side in the corner of the room. kneeling, he sifted through the scattered, unfolded papers.

his eyebrows knitted together in further confusion. what is missing?

then it hit him:

the drawing of the hyde's lair.

xavier didn't know exactly what you were up to, but he knew with every fiber of his being that it was definitely dangerous. he was absolutely terrified.

the doors burst open as xavier ran out of the studio, an unwelcome gust of wind blowing many of the drawings off the walls. at that moment, he couldn't have cared less.

a mirage of trees passed him by as he sprinted. the nighttime autumn air was far too cold for the season.

"fuck, fuck!"

the words were strangled and every noise around him felt muffled; all he could hear was the crunching of the leaves beneath his racing feet and his own hammering heartbeat.

"(y/n)!" he shouted, the distress in his voice echoing back at him.

xavier slowed to a stop, unable to tell where he had gone in his desperation to find you. he took a second to breathe when a shrill scream sounded from an unknown direction.

the scream of a girl. a girl who was horrified, or worse, in danger.

and he would know that voice from anywhere. it was someone familiar; someone close to him. the person most important to him.

"(y/n)! where are you!?" he yelled in response, but the forest had turned into something akin to a funhouse mirror maze and he couldn't tell left from right.

xavier heard footsteps running toward him at a high speed, and just as he began dash in the similar direction, you came into full view.

pain spread through his chest as you slammed into him, sending you both crashing to the moist soil beneath.

you were laying on top of him now; shaking with labored breaths.

it rook a moment for xavier to process what had happened, but he wrapped his arms around you with little delay.

"you- are you okay!? what were you doing!? are you stupid!? there's a fucking monster on the loose and you-"

he shut his mouth when saw a steadily growing red patch on his shirt.

"you're bleeding! oh shit, we need to get you back to nevermore fast," he was quick to hold you, your body laying bridal style across his arms.

you winced in pain, sobbing out the words, "i'm sorry. i'm sorry xavier, i just wanted to help. i really wanted to help. i'm sorry."

xavier didn't give a shit about your apology. he wasn't mad at you. he was mad at that thing that hurt you. he was fucking furious.

he had many, many things to say to you but for now, he'd let you rest in his arms.

he then headed back in the direction he had come from, you now tucked safely in his embrace.

> > >

once the final stitch was in, xavier was allowed to visit your hospital room.

the bright white lights made him feel sick. even more so when he saw you sitting in bed with a hospital gown and an IV drip in your arm.

the moment he walked in, you gave him a warm, content smile.

"is right now really a good time for you to be smiling?" xavier questioned, sitting on a seat next to the bed.

you held the hand that he placed on the edge of the sheets, "well, i was able to achieve my goal."

"at the cost of several pints of blood and a couple scars on your arm? what was worth that?" he asked, unrestrainable anger surfacing on his face.

though, when he took in the finer details of your state, he couldn't help but soften. many scrapes graced your skin from the collision earlier; the complexion of your face much paler than normal.

rubbing his knuckles to ease his frustration, you say, "i was able to convince wednesday that you're not the hyde. how could she believe that out of all the people you could attack, you'd attack me?"

something clicked in xavier's head and it all made sense. this all started after his breakdown in the hallway, caused by wednesday's meddling. the sneaking around, stealing his drawing and going off into the woods.

"so you did this on purpose? you scared me half to death!" he bursted, his emotions a flurry of love, anger, and guilt.

"so what if i did? it's just a few scratches."

god, he loved you. could you believe he had yet to even ask you out?

#wednesday netflix #wednesday addams #xavier thorpe #xavier x reader #xavier thorpe x y/n #xavier thorpe x reader #enid sinclair #wednesday imagine #xavier thorpe imagine

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rosenotactuallyquartz · 2 months

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Wait, was it confirmed by the creators that Pearl’s It’s Over, Isn’t It was only about how she personally saw the situation? I always thought that, but it’s nice to have confirmation!

the truth about it’s over, isn’t it

before i start, i just wanted to say that this can be a standalone post… but a few minutes after this, im going to post my analysis of both of you, which is really like a part two, in a way.

anyway.

i constantly tell people, “i love this song, but i would love it so much more if random people on the internet didn’t send me lyrics to try and prove that rose wasn’t in love with pearl!”

because they’ve done that. a lot.

but here’s a quote from the person behind all the beautiful piano music in that song:

“the song was focused on pearl’s emotions, and i compose and perform all of pearl’s piano parts.” — aivi tran

“aivi’s piano is the soul of pearl.” — rebecca sugar

each of the characters have an instrument to represent their ways of thinking, emotions, and who they are. pearl’s instrument is the piano, so it’s very clear that this song is limited to her perspective only.

aivi mentions that there’s also strings in this song to symbolize rose’s lingering presence. yet johnston mentions pearl’s loneliness.

rose’s love was with her all along, but she doesn’t realize it.

this is not the same as a flashback, like what we saw in now we’re only falling apart. that story included things rose said, and we got to witness the things they objectively did. but pearl wasn’t even aware of how deeply rose was falling in love with her at the time, and that’s why sapphire and steven had to point it out.

in this scene, she’s alone. none of her friends, such as sapphire or amethyst, can tell her that she’s simply feeling insecure and confused after rose’s death. they can’t say, she was the love of your life or you swept her off her feet.

considering that rose lived with pearl until the day she died, pearl ended up playing a major role in raising steven, and none of the crystal gems say anything about rose not loving pearl as much (they’ve really only said the opposite), this song is what i call ridiculously heartbreaking, because it is so untrue yet understandable that pearl feels like this.

she said to connie in full disclosure that she didn’t understand human relationships. this particular situation was even more complicated, and it ended without closure.

it’s still early grief for gem years, so this song is about pearl beginning to reflect on everything and attempt to seek closure herself.

oh, and i have to add that there were supposed to be some flashbacks. they shortened the scene, but here’s what ben levine and matt burnett planned on the written outline:

“we see younger greg and pearl at odds, circa we need to talk, we see them both sad but ignoring each other, presumably after losing rose, we see greg handing a young steven over to pearl.” — matt burnett & ben levine

this is so interesting to me, because these are the only objective memories that pearl has. if there was a memory of rose clearly stating she loved someone else more than she loved pearl, choosing them, this would have definitely been included in her memories.

but it’s not. in fact, her memories almost say the opposite of what she thinks happened because of her grief, pain, and lack of closure.

if rose loved someone else more than pearl, pearl and greg would not have been at odds. this implies that he was confused and insecure about the situation, too. keep in mind that gem relationships are very different from human relationships. gems don’t label their relationships, let alone fit into the norms. they didn’t understand human relationships, while greg didn’t understand gem relationships. he also wanted his relationships to be about acceptance, escape from stress, & more lighthearted things. rose felt comfort in this, all while she was becoming withdrawn and didn’t want to think about herself. pearl is the polar opposite of greg: where his flaw is being too laidback sometimes, pearl is the type to be overprotective.

it’s funny, because sugar said this about rose:

“the thing that she really lacks is balance, any ability to temper her extremes. this is part of her character throughout her forms: she’s always very extreme.” — rebecca sugar

so, rose felt comfort from both of them, two extreme opposites. but since she struggled to balance her own extremes, it was difficult for her to really notice what was going on as well as understand & communicate how she felt within those last few years. she also thought they were both better than her. constantly not feeling like she deserved them and running away from herself was confusing on top of the clashing of a gem connection and a human connection. saying, “and we fought like it was all some silly game,” sounds like pearl is realizing there was a lack of communication.

“it’s not always easy to understand rose’s choices.” — pearl, bismuth

also, “after all those years, i never thought i’d lose,” not only says she was in a relationship with rose, but “losing” is her referring to rose’s death.

it’s actually a very ironic lyric. she means “lose” as in, losing rose when she passed away.

she doesn’t realize this, but the end of the episode has her realizing that she and greg are both grieving, and the situation is not about rose loving someone more. he didn’t win: they both lost rose. at least now, they’re bonded by their grief and love for steven.

in the flashbacks that weren’t added to the episode, greg handing a young steven to pearl suggests that they were both with rose up until the very end. rose probably wanted them both in the room during the birth—and at the time of her death.

which contradicts everything that pearl believes about rose loving someone else more. she quite literally needed pearl to be by her side up until the very end. of course it’s a memory she’d block out, too. any attempt of closure from rose would be ineffective. where would she even start? the trauma of watching her die would be all pearl thinks about, too. her memory of rose actually dying goes deeper than the memories of the war and the fake shattering, to the point that we don’t even see it. we just see pearl crying after finding out about rose’s pregnancy, only mentioning that rose will die.

here’s a quote from the storyboard artist:

“for pearl’s song it’s over, isn’t it, the scene is about pearl accepting a loss. as the series has progressed, she’s learned that she isn’t always right, and that there are things about herself that she has to reevaluate. this all comes to a sort of climax in this scene where she accepts and admits out loud that her relationship with rose was never as deep and complete as she wanted it to be or told herself it was. this is where she’s left at the end of the scene, feeling lost and out of place.” — joe johnston

as i’ve said before, i will be talking about both of you right after this, and it will really clarify the purpose of the episode.

johnston says, accepting a loss. many people think this song is about a love triangle, but this phrase really confirms that it’s about grief.

pearl is missing rose. she’s confused about the reasons behind her death, and since it was related to greg, she’s insecure and wary of him. she needs to reflect on this loss, and she does just that in it’s over, isn’t it.

another interesting thing is johnston saying that she’s realizing she isn’t always right and she must reevaluate things. pearl reevaluating the relationship and realizing she isn’t right about rose loving her. no, it’s the opposite! since the first episode up until mr. greg, it’s obvious that she has always thought rose loved someone else more.

she’s realizing her relationship with rose is not as deep and complete as she wanted it to be, not because of a belief that rose loved her more than she truly did, but because of the opposite, as she’s felt like rose didn’t love her enough since before her death. she’s realizing that she’s told herself things that weren’t true, hence the lyrics:

“you won, and she chose you, and she loved you, and she’s gone. it’s over, isn’t it, why can’t i move on?”

she’s explaining the story as she’s always perceived it, but she ends it with why can’t i move on because there’s something missing. there is a lack of closure.

anyway. johnston’s quote is interesting, because it’s easy to look at it and think, “oh, she believed that she had a loving relationship with rose but she’s accepting that she isn’t always right and rose didn’t really love her that much!”

based on everything we know about pearl’s character, that’s obviously not the case. it’s more so, “oh, she believed rose didn’t love her enough and she chose someone else, but as she’s reflecting on the story, she’s realizing that there are missing pieces. she didn’t really have the closure she thought she did, the communication she needed with rose, all the answers.”

this is where she’s left at the end of the scene, feeling lost and out of place.

as the episode and the show as a whole goes on, she is continuously reminded by everyone around her that rose did love her.

#pearlrose #its over isnt it #answered asks #asks #pearl x rose #steven universe #su #su analysis #meta su #crystal gems #pink diamond #prose #pearl su #rose quarts su #su rose quartz #rebecca sugar #rosepearl

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xxacademy · 1 year

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So I have this thing in my head - if maybe you can do headcannon or drabble. If you want/ ( whichever you want - your good at it all!) Where Leon's SO is at the hospital after being pretty much banged up on a mission ( with BOWS / both are working the same department) and I mean - near death experience lol. But a /between Re6 and Vendetta Leon/ and they have been dating for a long time now. I know very specific, but I have this in my noggin. If you're not into it, no matter - keep up all your work. I love it !

thank you for the kind words 🫶 i’m actually writing a full length fic for this because i LOVE this prompt. buuuuuut, for now a little drabble/hc because it’s gonna take me a lil while to finish that fic- i’ve already got like 2k words down for it though hahaha <33 consider this a companion piece for what’s to come.

hurt/comfort & fluff

leon kennedy x gender neutral reader

leon is calm under pressure, extraordinarily so. so when he gets the call that you were in the ICU, being rushed into emergency surgery he didn’t panic.

he thinks first and deals with the emotions later.

he details in his mind how to get to you- what hospital are you in, does he need to bring anything for you?

you’re out of the state- so he has to fly to you. because of his connections working for the united state’s government- he’s able to get an emergency plane ticket right away.

he has a few hours to kill, so he impatiently circles your shared home, thinking what could he bring for you.

he doesn’t allow his mind to think if your gonna make it out alive. only when you make it out.

he can only assume your clothing is tattered and bloodied, probably cut off of you.

he packs you some clothes, and some of your favorite things. like the little stuffed bear he bought you for your birthday.

on the plane he sits restlessly- checking the time over and over. you’re the only thing on his mind, he wishes he could hold your hand and tell you everything is going to be all right. he wonders if you’re scared. he hates that you’re alone.

upon landing he takes a cab to the hospital, he hands the driver a $100 bill and tells him to make it quick.

leon waits in the lobby of the emergency room, the blast of anxiety finally hitting him. the stifled cries of pain from other people waiting to be seen are overwhelming to him.

it’s when leon gets to see you that his emotions catch up to him. his sense of calm finally cracking the moment he sees you hooked up to machines in a hospital bed.

his blue eyes glassy from the tears welling up.

he kneels by your bedside- stroking your arm down to your hand. resting his head on the bed, watching you sleep.

he tucks the stuffed animal under your other arm- hoping to comfort you when you awake.

he talks to you even though you’re asleep, “i love you, you’re so strong- you got this, dear.”

please, please, please make it for me. i won’t let you leave me this way.

he attentively watches everything they do to you, every test that is ran and every medication that is administered.

leon gives you his unwavering support. wishing he can take the pain away. protect you from all harm. make life easier for you.

he knows your a fighter. hell, you wouldn’t be in this situation if it weren’t for your determined nature. but that in no way helps his urge to protect you.

when you wake up, you smile. a smile of warmth, full of surprise.

“leon? you’re here? how?”

“shhshh take it easy honey, im here- you’re here. that’s all that matters.” ♡

…

i wrote a fic inspired by this little blurb- check it out if you enjoyed this one!! -> tender

#academy drabbles 🫧#academy headcannons ☁️#leon kennedy #resident evil #leon s kennedy #leon kennedy x reader #leon s kennedy x reader #leon x reader #leon kennedy fluff #hurt/comfort #leon kennedy headcanons #leon kennedy imagine #leon kennedy x you #leon kennedy x gn!reader

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astarionancuntnin · 2 months

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Die For You (Epilogue)

summary: a year after their confrontation with the corrupted lords, a fleeting thought crosses astarion's mind as he watches you admiring the crack of dawn.

rating: E

word count: 4.5k

pairing: astarion x you (fem!reader)

cw: 18+. time skip, fluff (in my angsty fanfic? its more likely than you think!), emotional smut. full list on ao3

a/n: gods, what a ride! this was my very first long fic, and im very happy with how it turned out, considering i had NO idea how this would end up when i first started it! this ending was one of three, based on the poll yall have taken on the second chapter. i hope it lives up to your expectations and im looking forward to all the feedback! this is not my only work, if you wanna be tagged on my other works, feel free to let me know and ill add you to the tag list. thank you all for sticking along! <3

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You're part of the dawn where the light comes from the dark

You're a part of the morning and everything matters

And we are, an atom and a star

You're a part of the movement and everything matters

It has been a year since your transformation. A year since you officially died and came back as Astarion’s dark consort; his bride, his eternal love. Since the incident with the corrupted nobles, you’ve only grown stronger, as much as a vampire – and he couldn’t be more proud of you – than as a couple.

Your return among his court was gradual. You were reluctant at first: the lingering fear from the dreadful soiree you experienced still affected you, so Astarion let you watch from the shadows; he would never force you to do something you didn't want to. It's only after two more months that you asked if you could attend, and only if you could stay by his side; your social anxiety wouldn't let you be alone in a room with so many strangers without feeling as if you were asphyxiated. He was beyond thrilled by your request, as he wanted nothing more than to introduce the whole world to his beloved.

It took some more time, but you found yourself joining in on discussions with lords about the state of the city and its economic state. Your teachings were buried deep in your memory, but you retained the most important parts of them, using those to show your knowledge and bring forward ideas to save the city from its downfall following the mindflayer attack. To your surprise, you found yourself right at your place within the high society; it was in your blood after all, and what was the point of running from it when you were clearly a natural? You found out that it was never your title that you dreaded, but rather the association to your parents and contributing to their schemes — something you were glad to not be a part of anymore.

The change was almost seamless: one day you were attached to Astarion's arm, never leaving his side, and the next, you were strolling through the crowd, knowing everyone's name, their occupation, and how influential they were. While Astarion was able to persuade more nobles to ally with him, you’ve been very successful at swaying people to your advantage, using your charms and wits to redirect power from the right people for the good of the city; together, you’re considered the strongest couple in Baldur’s Gate.

You proved yourself countless times, and he was always delighted to present you as his partner.

His equal.

After yet another successful night of dancing and socialising, one where you had convinced a neighbouring lord to fund an orphanage for the children who had lost their parents in the attack, you met up with your lover in your chambers to celebrate the news. In truth, everything you accomplished was a great reason to celebrate.

To see you act with the might of a Lady, smart and witty, and use every tool you had to your advantage made him swoon over you, and one of the best ways to express it was to worship you in bed, spending hours and hours devoting himself to you.

It’s something you thought you would struggle with — the intimacy after the violence you had endured — but you found yourself easily melting in his embrace once you were back at the palace. Just like that first night you spent together and he had let you guide that dance; upon your return, he let you take control until you were the one asking for him to take you however and wherever he wanted, how you grew to crave his touch, the look in his eyes when a sinful thought was shared across your connection, and the faint blush you could spy on cheeks and ears as he painted his vision of you via your bond. The endless teasing throughout the evening sure made the meetings more interesting, and less dreadful, if you had to admit it.

After a great season of events, Astarion cancelled all his meetings for the next tenday to devote his attention to you, and you only. No one was to disturb either of you unless they had a death wish.

And the night of that last meeting, any restraints had broken down, when you almost threw yourself at each other as soon as your last visitor had left the palace. It started out in the hallways, but you were quickly brought into his room to have the privacy you required. You spent the remainder of the night in bed, switching from making love to cuddling, until you were back to straddle him for more; unable to leave the other’s side or even spend a second without your bodies touching.

He kissed each and every part of your body, showing his devotion to you in such a delicate manner that turned you to putty in his hands, embracing away any pain your body had gone through. This past year, he had been the most attentive lover; always in the moment with you, making sure that your eyes met as his hips collided with yours, sharing the same breath that united you both, body and soul. As your bodies fused and you both came undone, you could sense the love, the utter adoration he had for you. Both of you grounded the other and reminded each other that you were not the result of your past; only you chose what to make of it.

There was no one else in the world who could understand you better than each other.

It’s only when you noticed dawn approaching as you nuzzled into his chest, that you realised how long you had been indulging in the other. You chuckled and commented on how you both could use some sleep, since if one of you was tired, the other would be too, and really, how impractical it would be to have you both incapacitated at once.

He took a look at you as he lazily caressed your hair and that’s when he was reminded of the one thing that had been on his mind these last few months. The one thing he dreaded, but couldn’t avoid anymore.

“There is a way, you know…” he said, his voice soft. “To sever the bond. Between creator and consort.” He pauses as you lift your head, frowning as you meet his gaze, and for a second he doubts if he should carry on, but quickly pushes the doubts aside; you deserved to know. To have a chance to decide for yourself, without any ultimatum.

“It is mostly painless,” he continued, “You would remain as you are, a full fledged vampire, but we wouldn’t share our connection anymore; no more mental discussion, no more shared sensations.” You looked at him with a thousand questions in your eyes, as this was the last thing you expected this morning. “I am willing to go through the procedure for you, should you desire it.”

You remained silent through your blinking, until you finally found the words that fought to get out. “You would… really do that?”

This proposition felt so unlike the Astarion who once had you chained up in his dungeons, something that he had agreed had been, and you quote, ‘impolite’, since you last spoke about it. He didn’t regret it — you wouldn’t be in his arms otherwise — but he supposed there could’ve been a better way to talk to you at the reunion.

“As much as I want to keep you all to myself, I can’t bring myself to keep you bound to me after what you’ve been through. It… wouldn’t be fair for me to make that decision for you. I want you to have the chance to make the choice yourself.”

You scanned his expression, and although you saw the sincerity, you also sensed grief. Breaking your bond would sever any type of connection between you both. A part of you would die along with it, and you would lose the possibility of lingering in each other's mind. Even though you understood his intentions, it didn’t make sense for him to propose this when he finally had you to himself. Against your best judgement, you peeked into his mind, searching for an explanation, and what you found completely shattered you.

By offering this to you, Astarion understood that there was a chance you might just… leave. With nothing holding you back, linking you to him, he thought you had no reason to stay. That the sole reason keeping you here was this bond, and even with how close you had become, how much you had grown together in your relationship, how utterly in love you were — in that moment, under all the false confidence, you saw right through him; he was convinced that once the bond was broken, you would leave. Run away from this mess that had been life at his side, and find someone who truly deserved you, saw you for your worth. That you could only degrade yourself if you stayed after what he had put you through. He didn’t believe for a second that you would continue to put up with this life if you had the choice, and yet, here he was proposing it to you, offering you this way out.

You gave him a soft smile, a reassuring one that you hoped carried the intention you had.

“I… would like that.” He nodded, understanding that this was a possibility, and he hoped you would take this opportunity, if only for your own sake, but it didn't hurt any less. “But I do have a condition.”

He smiled sadly, his features softening at hearing you bargaining, a bittersweet reminder of how all of this started. “Anything for you, my dear.”

It’s the warmth of the sun’s embrace that stirs Astarion awake this morning. Gods, he will never tire of it. If only for this reason, his ascension was well worth it, and no one will ever convince him otherwise.

You let your minds connect, telling him your request through your bond, and when you saw the light sparkle in his ruby eyes and his face light up, you knew there was nothing in the world he would like more.

That, and seeing his reflection again. He's lost count of the times he spent admiring himself; pausing at every mirror he had meticulously installed around the palace, stealing glances at his reflection, and lingering at the colour of his deep ruby eyes. Those same eyes that had sealed the fate of so many unfortunate souls; these deadly, beautiful weapons, that keep helping him charm the right people. How he went two hundred years without enjoying the sight of himself has him completely astounded. Needless to say, this was an issue no more, and long gone were the days of misery; Nearly two years later, he had everything he ever wanted, at long last.

Everything, and yet his most prized possession remained this little human fighter turned bride.

Really, the only person he ever truly wanted, that he ever loved, even. A feeling that had felt most foreign once upon a time. He never thought he could experience such a strong emotion, something that was forbidden to him just over three years ago — something he would’ve considered a weakness — turned into his greatest strength. A feeling that overwhelmed him to the point where he couldn’t restrain himself from physically expressing it; taking his dark consort in every room, every surface of the palace, until they were both panting, eyes half-lidded and lost in one another. That same feeling that would now have him chanting out her name all night long as he devoted himself to her; her body, her pleasure, her desire for him. How utterly blessed he was to have her just as enamoured for him as he was for her.

As he finally awakens from his reverie, he quickly picks up on the empty spot next to him. Curious, he thinks, she was never the early bird. When he lifts himself on his elbows, that's when he sees her on his balcony, and he takes the time to admire her; his consort, his love, still by his side through it all, blessed by the rising sun’s warmth. It took over a year more after their engagement, as Astarion couldn’t believe her decision to stay, but he finally got over the fear of losing her. After everything that had happened, and the opportunity she was given, she chose to stay and have a life with him. After everything, she still loved him just as deeply, and that day at the altar, she promised to spend the rest of her undead life showing him just how much she did love him.

Content with the sight of her, he finally gets up to join her on the balcony, without bothering to dress up. He sneaks up on her, snuggling her from behind, his hands wrapping around her waist, while he leaves playful kisses along her neck and shoulder to greet her.

“Mmmh, hello my treasure,” he murmurs in the crook of her neck. “Can’t sleep?”

“I was just admiring the sun,” she hums. “It’s funny, I never really bothered to appreciate it until I thought I could never be under its light,” she takes a deep breath as she closes her eyes, taking in the warmth she was basking in. “I never quite realised how beautiful this world is.”

She sighs in his embrace, but it's almost a moan, as she pushes back against him for more contact, “I didn’t think I would disturb you from your precious beauty sleep.”

He can hear her smile through her mumbling, and he smiles in return, “It’s your sleep I’m rather worried about dear.” His kisses linger on her neck, over the bite marks he birthed upon her skin an eternity ago. “And I think you should join me back in bed to remedy it.”

She laughs, “I’m not sure your idea of rest coincides with mine,” she turns around to face him and rests her hands on his bare chest. “Actually, I rather believe you will wear me out more than anything.”

He smirks as he presses her against the edge of the balcony, lifting her nightgown up before propping her up to rest atop it, guiding her legs to wrap around him. “Do you really think so little of me? That I would drag you to bed only to satisfy my carnal desires?”

“Well,” she rolls her eyes as she smiles, “you haven’t given me a reason that proves you would do otherwise.”

She wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her, and in the same movement, he wraps his arms around her waist and leans into the nape of her neck, resuming his sweet attention. When his smile widens, he feels the creases in his cheeks, depicting the countless moments of happiness she brought him since she has blessed him with her company.

“I assure you, my love, my intentions were most pure,” he purrs.

She tilts her head aside, offering him more liberties with her neck. “Were they now? Well, if you say so, then I’m sure I can trust you to carry me to bed where I shall resume my rest.”

“Ah, but I’m afraid the offer has expired. You see,” his finger hooks the string of her nightgown, pulling it down, “now, all I can offer,” he pulls down the other one, revealing your breasts to the morning breeze, “is a morning spent fulfilling our matrimonial duties.” “Matrimonial duties?” She exclaims ironically. “What unholy thoughts have you got in mind, I wonder.”

“I could show you, if you would indulge me,” his kisses over her skin become sloppy, his teeth softly grazing her skin while his tongue leaves a faint trail of saliva from her shoulder up to her ear, playfully nibbling it, while one hand reaches for her breast and the other finds its way in the heat between her legs.

“Ah– Astarion…” Her playful tone is replaced by soft moans as he takes a salacious pleasure in touching her in her most sensitive spots.

“What’s that, dear?” His fingers slide against her folds, not yet daring to dip further.

She groans, “You are incorrigible.”

“And yet, I don’t hear you asking me to stop,” he pinches her nipple between his fingers with the hand massaging her generous chest, while his other hand brushes over her clit, lingering near her entrance but intentionally avoiding it. As he hears her ragged breath, he pulls away, cutting any contact between the two of them, and languidly sucks on his fingers to taste her wetness, while his gaze focuses on her, before releasing his fingers with a pop. He tilts his head, with a playful look in his eyes, “Unless that’s what you want?”

She looks at him with lust clouding her vision, barely containing herself, “If you intend on teasing me, my lord, I hope you know what you’ve got coming for you.”

He leans back, assessing the vision of his consort completely lost in her need for him, with a salacious smile tugging at his lips, “My, my, is my little love threatening me?”

“Oh no,” her hands sneak into his hair to grab a handful of it before lightly pulling back and leaning into his ear, murmuring, “This is a promise.”

She lets go of his hair, leaving her hands wandering, and when their eyes meet again, they are darkened by their shared passion for each other. His voice comes out deeper, as he closes the distance between them, their lips now but a whisper apart.

“Then I believe I should make haste to tend to your needs, my lady.”

Their lips finally meet into a passionate kiss, the tenderness of it even surprising Astarion — considering the eager tone she had previously used — but he melts into it, pouring all of his longing into the kiss, just as she does when her hands pull back to hold his face closer. He picks her up from the edge of the balcony and carries her back into their room, where he lays her out on their bed and removes her nightgown, slowly unravelling her soft skin to the morning afterglow. The sight of her, bare before him — only for him; with her legs parted and inviting him in, her body bearing only the bite marks he had given her — is enough to break any restraints left in him. He couldn’t bear to tease her longer, he needed her as much as she needed him.

Licking his lips, he kneels at the end of the bed, crawling his way up to his wife. He lifts her leg over his shoulder, leaving a trail of kisses up to the apex of her thighs, until he reaches the centre of his desire. He breathes her in, the scent of her pleasure stirring something deep within him, before his tongue finds its way between her slick folds, where he finally licks her, from the bottom of her entrance right up to her clit.

She moans softly, already lost to the magic of his tongue, and that's when he lifts her thighs over his shoulders, locking her legs around him, and holding them in place to feast on his meal.

His tongue dives into her, reaching into the depth of her cunt and drinking in her nectar, the effects of it visibly affecting him, as his hardened cock throbs between his belly and the soft sheets of the bed. His hips move unconsciously, searching for a temporary relief as he moves his tongue out of her to lick his way back up, where he finds her swollen bud.

While his hand sneaks away from her thighs, into her dripping entrance, his eyes flick up to find her unravelling before him; her head thrown back, and her hands grabbing at the sheets, holding on for dear life.

“Gods, please…” she begs, her breathing failing her, and he smiles between her legs, as he pumps two fingers into her.

With a final flick of his tongue over her clit, he lifts his head up, still hitting that sweet spot inside of her, “Yes, little love?”

“I… I need you— gods, I need you.”

“You have me, my love,” he says, his voice soft like velvet. “All of me, however you wish.”

He knew what she meant, but he wanted to hear her say it. He would never tire of having her melt under his touch, coming apart under him.

“Inside me,” she whimpers as she clenches around his fingers working wonders inside of her. “Now.”

The urgency of her tone was clearly noticeable, but Astarion wants to push her further, “But I am inside you, my dear.”

She lifts herself up on her elbows, her hair completely dishevelled and her chest rising with each deep breath, staring down her husband with a mix of fury and lust. “If you don’t fuck me right this instant— Ahhh ffffuck!”

While she was talking, Astarion went back to teasing her sensitive bud and accelerating the pace of his fingers thrusting in. “Oh, I’ll fuck you alright. By the time I'm done with your delicious cunt, you’ll only see stars, my sweet.”

He could easily make her go over the edge only with his mouth and his fingers; he had done it countless times in the past already, he was well aware of his abilities, but nothing compared to the feeling of her tightening around his cock and milking him dry while he pumped every drop of his seed into her. It was his favourite way to come with her, and he took great pleasure in making her shatter in every way imaginable. They had all the time in the world to discover the many ways she would cum under his touch.

“Mmh ahh— Pleasepleaseplease Astarion, I want to feel you inside of me, I’m begging you—” Her words get lost in her throat, instead replaced by cries as she nears her climax, until—

“Ah,” Astarion pulls away completely, “but how could I deny my lovely wife when she begs so beautifully.”

Her groans turn into small cries as his teasing starts to overwhelm her, and that’s when he drops her legs down on their bed and crawls over her, aligning himself with her swollen pussy, before linking their hands together to pin her down. He leans down and stops right before kissing her, simply to push her to the limits of her patience, and when she hisses at him for being just out of reach, he shoves his cock inside of her, stilling her.

He remains unmoving, always taking his time with his first thrust to take in the feelings of her tight walls, pulsing around him. Astarion rests his forehead on hers, their eyes lost in the other, carrying the words they had learned to communicate aloud after they had broken their bond.

Carrying on with this ritual had pushed them to communicate better and work on their relationship, creating a new type of bond with the other. They had learned to understand the other’s body language so well that sometimes, a simple look was enough to communicate their exact thoughts from across the room.

His fingers dig into the mattress as he tightens his hold on her, and he resumes his languid strokes, “Focus darling. I want to see every little expression you make while I fuck you. Can you do that for me?”

She tries to nod, but his depraved speech only pushes her further and faster to her climax, as she fights to keep her eyes open and focused on him.

When he feels her cunt’s grip thighten around him, he can barely contain himself anymore, “Fuck, just like that, love,” his groans and the wet sound of their hips slapping against each other gets only louder as he accelerates the pace, nearing his own climax, “Gods, you’re so tight around me— I’m gonna fill you up to the brim, and you’re gonna take it all like the good girl you are.”

A few more thrusts is all it takes to send her over the edge, screaming out as her climax erupts through her like electricity flowing through her veins, followed quickly by Astarion who stills inside of her, shooting thick ropes of come that leak out from her, into their bedsheets. It was the least of his worries right now — he could always change them later, but they would be ruined in the following hour regardless.

They both remain panting, basking in the bliss of this aftermath, until he takes a look at their hands still intertwined. On her right hand, he spies the sparkling diamond ring adorning her finger, the public display of their unison matching his own, and he brings it to his lips for a brief kiss, before taking the time to admire it, thinking back to how it all started.

“I told you, Lady Ancunín suits you beautifully, my love.”

She smiles sweetly, eyes tired from their lovemaking, “I wouldn't have it any other way.”

And he knew she spoke the truth. Their marriage didn't only solidify their relationship, but it protected her from solicitors who might've been tempted to try giving her advances after the news of Virric's death had been propagated, and by taking Astarion's last name, she was free from any remaining links to her family, a name she detached herself from completely years ago already, now legally unbinded.

She didn't even need to explain the extent of her reasoning; the second she proposed, Astarion was on his way to commission matching rings for them. Truth be told, he had wanted to make the proposal himself, but after knowing of her past with Virric, he didn’t dare bring it up first. She did give him the chance to announce the news at their next soiree, and it's the only thing he had spoken about that evening.

They would be Aeterna Amantes. Lovers forever, until the world burns down.

Gods know that he would burn the world down himself if she merely asked — not that she would ever, he knew her better than that — and she was the only one he would ever get on his knees for.

She was the goddess who finally answered his prayers that had gone unanswered all these years ago; the sun that made him feel alive once more; the brightest star that guided him throughout the night; the very reason he decided to live on, and yet, if it came to it, he knew he would die for her.

Pars avant l'aube

Quand la lumière veut nous voir

Quelque part dans le monde

Un oiseau s'endort sans bruit

Toi et moi

Dans la nuit on trouvera

Quelque part où déposer

Les fleurs qu'on a cueillies

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queenie-official · 10 months

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Chapter Four: ‘The Groom To Be’ Bridgerton Au!Anakin

part 1, 2, 3

a/n: hey guys 🤭 so as per usual the pictures used all correlate to the story so do keep that in mind while reading🥰 Also Thank you so much for 200+ followers i love you all 💋💋 Hope you enjoy this chapter loves🫶🏼

To your delight or rather relief you’ve been told that Anakin would be joining you in the castle a day before the wedding along with his mother and brother. the royal council deemed it necessary so that they could ensure everything went smoothly and the possibility of the groom not arriving on time would be one less worry. unfortunately you had received this news from Barclay right before you were about to head to sleep. so now you find yourself on your balcony staring off into the night sky unable to sleep. thoughts of what’s to come plaguing your mind, fighting the urge to pace around- a typical nervous habit of yours- when a soft voice came from behind you. “your majesty you should sleep”

“i would if i could Eleanora but my thoughts betray me” you say with a sigh, not bothering to turn around. instead you kept your gaze on the moon as the cool night breeze blew over your face. “shall i make you some tea to help calm you?” she suggested as you leaned against the railing, resting your head in your palm. “tea would be nice but i am quite alright” you answer airily.

“very well” she replies but does not leave, instead standing still in the doorway behind you. finally you turn to acknowledge her properly “shouldn’t you be sleeping?” you ask curiously, seeing her with night garments of her own on. “i find it hard to sleep when you cannot your majesty. i worry for you” she says with knitted brows, concern written all over her. you felt bad for causing her worry. “i promise i am fine. i just cannot seem to rest knowing that he will be here again in the morning, this time i properly have a chance to speak with him and yet i haven’t a clue what i should say.” you vent, walking into your room and allowing Eleanora to close the doors to the balcony behind you as you sit on your bed to speak with her. “a simple greeting is always a good start, considering you didn’t last time.”

“that’s because i hadn’t been given the chance” you said a bit defeatedly. “you could try now” simple and true but for some reason it didn’t seem so easy to you. “i find it strange how much i want to talk to him, maybe im just curious as to what his voice sounds like” you wonder out loud, fiddling with the lace curtains attached to your bed frame. “it sounds perfectly reasonable to me, you want to get to know him he is going to be your husband after all.” you sigh whilst letting yourself fall back onto your bed, laying with your legs hanging over the edge. “i can only hope he wishes to get to know me too, but if his silence is anything to answer i fear he may not.”

“perhaps he’s just shy” she suggests and the idea makes your nose wrinkle. you hadn’t known many princes to be shy, most of them had egos too high for that to be a possibility. “i suppose that is a perfectly reasonable explanation, but what good is a shy king?”

“won’t that be easier for you then your majesty?” you turn your head too look over to her, she’d sat down at the ottoman in front of your bed so that she could be closer while you voiced your thoughts to her. “how so?” you ask with a raised brow, unsure how him being shy could possibly be a good thing.

“well there won’t be much of a power struggle between the two of you” she says and the statement made you laugh. she wasn’t wrong and you weren’t laughing at what she said specifically, but you where laughing at the mere idea of a power struggle happening. “there would not be a power struggle regardless, i get enough of being told what to do by the men in the royal council. i shall not allow that in my marriage” you state firmly once your laughter dies down, a small smile on your face as you spoke.

“of course your majesty” she says in response, a similar smile mirrored onto her face. “i think i will have that cup of tea Eleanora” you say softly, sitting up and moving to sit against your pillows.“yes your majesty” she responded, happy to be of help and to see you in a lighter mood.

the sun was shining brightly in the sky as you waited rather impatiently for the carriage to arrive. the only thing stopping you from pacing in a circle was Padme on your left and Eleanora on your right, so instead you walked up and down the length of the castle hallways. they where supposed to arrive already, late by over an hour now. the idea they might not show at all has crossed over your mind multiple times now but both girls beside you where quick to shut that down each time you brought it up. of course they where right but if that is the case then what possibly could cause such a long delay.

“y/n we really need to work on some different coping skills” padme said sounding quite winded as she did. the poor girls where practically jogging to keep up with your fast pace. "yes or at the very least you ought to get a slower walking speed" Eleanora added quickly, struggling to catch her breath as well. "sorry" you say and pause your actions allowing the two girls to catch up to you. “i don’t know why i’m so worried, it would be perfectly understandable for them to arrive late. it’s not like our kingdoms are close.” you didn’t realize how quickly you rushed those sentences out of your mouth until you saw the look on Eleanora’s face. thankfully Padme seemed to understand what you said, probably used to deciphering sentences from her own children. “exactly so let’s take a deep breath and calm down, if anything this is exactly why they are coming a day early. no need to work up a sweat over this” She says softly, a gentle hand resting on your shoulder to help ground you.

“Ah your majesty there you are, the carriage has arrived” a breath of relief exited you at Barclay’s proclamation. “thank you for letting me know i’ll be down in just a moment” Barclay nods at your response and heads back down the hall probably to go greet your guests and properly invite them in. you turn back to the girls and Padme gives you a soft smile. “i’m guessing that’s my cue to leave” she says with a laugh and you give her a hug silently thanking her for always being here for you. as you pull away she gives you one more look that says you’ve got this before she leaves through the gardens again. “i’ll busy myself in the library your majesty” Eleanora adds so that you don’t have to worry about her, she gives you a smile of her own as well before heading off.

Taking a deep breath you turn to look into one of the mirror panes in the hallway, making sure you hadn’t messed up your hair. flattening your hands along your dress to smooth out wrinkles as well as rid the sweat from your palms. today you where going to make it your mission to talk to Anakin- even if he was reluctant to speak with you or even look at you. turning on your heel you walk down the hallway at a reasonable pace as you mentally prepare yourself for however the next couple interactions go.

as soon as you entered the room they where waiting for you in, you immediately greeted them with warm smiles. only something was different this time. instead of the side of a tan face you where met with the last time you where in a room with Anakin you where instead met with the beautiful pair of blue eyes you had only caught a glimpse of, the sight made your stomach swirl.

forcing yourself to tear away from his eyes as you walked up to them, you look at who you presumed was his mother. “your majesty a pleasure to meet you” you gave the queen a low bow, in terms of status she outranked you. so it only seemed right to bow properly before her.

“a pleasure to meet you as well your highness” she says with a soft smile giving you a quick bow as well. “you’ve already met my sons” she says with a gesture towards them and you nod before greeting them. “yes it’s good to see you both again” both boys give you a nod in turn but only Obi-Wan speaks “thank you for having us” you smile politely but you can’t help but wonder why Anakin still refused to speak. at least he was looking at you this time, that’s progress.

“it is still early and im sure you all are hungry, i’ll have Barclay here lead you all to the dining room” both the queen and Obi-Wan seemed pleased with that suggestion and happily nodded, the only person who didn’t give you any indication of what they where thinking was once again Anakin. it was beginning to frustrate you, why wouldn’t he speak to you. Mad or not you’d rather him talk to you and tell you off then stay in silence.

“feel free to make yourselves at home” is what you said instead of voicing your thoughts, making sure to keep up the happy facade until they all left with Barclay. you did not let this falter you though, growing more determined to get him to talk or at the very least to find out why he wouldn’t speak to begin with. maybe he had an impediment, you wouldn’t judge him for it- in fact when you where younger you had quite the difficulty saying words with the letter R and sometimes you swore it came back whenever you where extremely nervous.

pushing your thoughts aside you decided to busy yourself with some work, so off to your study you went.

it had been a few hours since you’d last seen them all and you’d finished most of the work you needed to do for the day, according to Barclay Obi-Wan went to the library to read and the queen went to the room she’d be staying in for some much needed rest after the long carriage ride. as for Anakin well he wasn’t quite sure where he’d run off too, so you had taken it upon yourself to find him. this was the perfect moment to get him to talk.

the only problem was where ever he had disappeared to had made him next to impossible to find. you’d spent the last 15 minutes searching for him before you almost gave up.

sighing as you looked outside a window is when you saw him- or at least what you could only assume was him. quickly picking up your skirt so you didn’t trip, you sped through the castle to get to the side exit closest to where you had seen him.

sure enough there he was, sitting upon a half wall and resting against a pillar with his eyes closed peacefully. you slowed your pace as you approached him, trying to seem as casual as possible. “you seem comfortable.” you watch as he peaks an eye open to look at you before he answers. “i believe you said we could make ourselves at home.” he closed his eyes again right after he finished speaking. you couldn’t help but smile brightly once you realized he actually spoke though. “ah so he speaks” you say jokingly but it definitely came off more as a revelation.

“of course i do” he said now opening both of his eyes to look and address you properly, clearly realizing you weren’t going to leave him be anytime soon. “well i’ve yet to hear you say a thing up until now” you defend yourself, feeling like what you’d said was justified. “did you need to hear me speak?” he asks and that question confuses you. of course you didn’t need to hear him speak, but why would you not want to.

“i suppose not… is there a reason you didn’t” you ask curiously. “yes” he responds, and you nod waiting for him to continue but he doesn’t. you shift slightly in your spot as the silence continues before realizing you’d have to press further if you wanted a answer out of him. “will you tell me the reason?”

“if you wish to know” you resist the urge to roll your eyes at that response, so this is how it was going to be. “if i didn’t, i wouldn’t have said anything at all” you point out the obvious. “it was a choice i made to annoy my brother” he stated simply. the bluntness of it throwing you off for a moment. “what?” he smiles slightly at the question and your reaction, was he just teasing you? “on the first carriage ride here i was given a firm lecture on how i was to say and do nothing so that everything would go smoothly.” he says and although you got a proper answer this time you couldn’t help but raise a brow in concern. “should i worry why you speaking would cause things to not go smoothly?”

“not at all” he said with another smile, he was definitely pulling your leg. “not very reassuring” he simply shrugs at your statement. “so the reason you did not speak to me was out of spite for your brother?” you ask again to reconfirm his answer. “that is what i said yes” he crossed his arms as he spoke, leaning back against the pillar again as he waited for your response. you roll your eyes and think over that fact. okay so he was a petty person, that could go either way considering you’re also quite petty.

“but why didn’t you look at me” you ask curiously, being petty and refusing to speak was one thing but not even acknowledging your existence was another. “i’ve been told my stare can be quite intense” that certainly wasn’t the answer you had expected. “i don’t understand you.” he gives you another shrug.

“you’re really casual about all of this” you opt for a change of conversation. “what do you mean?” he says whilst he shifts so that he’s sitting with his legs hanging over the wall and his body facing you. “i mean about this whole marriage situation, you don’t seem mad or even scared”

“should i be?” he asks with a tilt of his head. “you aren’t scared to marry me?” you ask incredulously. “i’m getting the feeling you want me to be”

“i’m a stranger” you point out to him, how could he not be scared of marrying a complete stranger. “are you scared of marrying me?” you blink a few times not having expected him to throw the question back at you.

“how could i not be, i don’t know you” he seems to ponder over your answer for a brief moment. “so we’re both strangers that means we have common ground” he answers with another shrug. what was going on? had you been overthinking this situation entirely, or maybe he just wasn’t as easily distraught about his entire life being changed practically overnight- neither of these seemed like the correct conclusion.

“i’m confused” he raised a brow at that. “i feel im being very straightforward” you scoff once again resisting the urge to roll your eyes at his statement “this conversation is going nowhere”

“where would you like it do go?” he asks you and you aren’t quite sure what to say to that so you shift the conversation again. “i prefer someone to speak their mind to me.” he’s nods in acknowledgment but remains silent again looking off to the side like he was thinking something over.

you look him over again in this moment of silence taking note of the clothes he was wearing- they where a little over casual for a prince especially compared to what his mother and brother had been wearing, he could of been easily mistaken as a stablehand. “you know to be a king you are to dress the part” you say boldly and watch as he looks back over to you. “i prefer comfort over luxury” he retorts. “most people would consider luxury comfort” he laughs at your response and it made your face flush slightly, unsure why he was laughing until he calmed down and spoke again. “let me ask you then, is that corset you’re wearing comfortable?” alright fair point on his end but it’s not like he had to wear a corset.

“if the people saw you they’d think i’m marrying someone of poverty. it would be a scandal” he rolled his eyes at that- you weren’t being completely serious mostly just wanting to see if you could get a reaction out of him the same way he had been doing to you, having to resist the urge to smile when it worked.

“everything leads to scandals.” you snort a laugh and you could of sworn you saw a smile form on his lips again when you did. he wasn't wrong though just about everything did lead to a scandal. “you cannot be seen in public dressed like that.” you add still wanting to tease him.

“good thing the public is not here then” you smile, he was funny. “fair enough” was all you could think to say and he chuckled “that’s all you got then?”

“for now anyways, yes” you look back over to the castle deciding you should probably speak with the other two guests as well. “i’ll let you get back to what you where doing before i got here” he nods in response and you begin to walk away only to stop a few moments later by the sound of his boots hitting the ground and jogging over to you “wait i have something for you.” you turn towards him tilting your head to the side unsure what he could possibly have to give you “i’m sorry?”

“a gift” he says and holds up a small box in his hand, holding your hand out he gently places the box into your palm. “what is this?” you tilt the box to the side trying to see if you’d hear something move around. “open it” and so you did just that, gently pulling the box open to reveal a silver ring with beautiful tiny flower details on it and a big yellow diamond on the center that glimmered beautifully in the sunlight. “my mother suggested i get you an engagement ring to make it seem like we’ve known each other longer and love each other to the public eye” you carefully pull the ring out handing him back the box and placing it on your left ring finger. holding your hand out to look at it on you, it truly was pretty.

“clever idea… i’ve never seen a yellow diamond before” you look up into his eyes not surprised to see him staring down at you, having felt him watch over your entire reaction. “they’re quite rare most places but in Tatooine they are common.”

“thank you” you smile at him, there was definitely worse people you could of been forced to marry and so far Anakin seemed like the lucky straw to pull. you could definitely work with this.

part 5

Tag List: @luvvfromme @bimbo-baggins86 @gatekeepingirlboss

ima tell you guys this now cuz i want you to pick up on the change but pay attention to how reader copes with anxiety and stress now just for future reference 🌝🌝 anyways next chapter is going to be the wedding and ball (because is it really bridgerton without a extravagant ball?) hope you huns enjoyed this chapter Xx<3 🤭

#hayden christensen #anakin skywalker #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin x reader #anakin imagine #star wars anakin #rots anakin #atoc anakin #anakin fanfiction #anakin skywalker fanfiction #anakin skywalker x reader fluff #anakin x reader oneshots #anakin x reader fluff #anakin x you #anakin skywalker fanfic #bridgerton au!anakin #bridgerton au #bridgerton #queenie’s thoughts xx<3

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tree-obsession · 5 months

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2.2 SPOILERS!! PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK

this is a small lore discussion! mostly speculation and theories- i have not seen leaks about 2.3 plot yet, but i have seen a couple about boothill's character stories, so please keep that in mind!

trigger for mentions of suicide(aventurine) and mega corps(the ipc)

we have to talk about the ending cutscene with aventurine and boothill more! i'll start with my fav parts that no one really has brought up yet:

Aventurine intimidating Boothill after mentioning the guards are out- Boothill sounded so offput and hasty while reassuring him they were just knocked out, and we have to talk about aventurine himself just being intimidating more honestly his glare actually did kind of scare me.

Boothill pointing a gun at aventurine was. well. i'm sorry i did actually laugh at that. boothill i think you should research your targets a bit more honestly that guy is NOT afraid of guns. he fully walked into the nihility and pointed at least one gun at himself, and just got out of his own meticulously-planned suicide. threats of death won't work, sorry. also he has good reason to hate oswaldo schneider as well- threats didn't even have to be used, probably! he would kill him too, probably(revenge arc go go go!!)

the convo between aven and jade was. yeah. why he's betting his life again, i don't know (maybe sarcasm? or it was really just banter?) but it does seem like the two of them aren't super close at all, at least from what little i could gather. also if diamond hurts aventurine the entire fandom will kick his ass, emanator or no, so he better be prepared for that too lol. also, it was a pretty common theory aventurine would leave the ipc after exiting nihility, since acheron presumably broke his ties- i wonder why he went back? perhaps he had no plans as to where to go, or he has some ulterior motive?

how did he get out of nihility so unscathed? (for context, i haven't gotten aven's text messages yet, but i'm aware of some of their contents since they've been floating around w/out spoiler tags. the messages are mentioned a bit here if you wanna avoid spoilering!) i know argenti got him out, but 1) why was argenti there, or where did he even find him? and 2) that seems so random- both argenti and jade confirmed it, but plot-wise what's even the point of argenti pulling him out? also argenti said he was in a "woeful state" when he got out, and apparently the stonehearts are willing to give aven a break (which i'm assuming is major, since stonehearts are super important and have a lot of responsibility, plus he just destroyed a cornerstone) so him already being back on his feet when we see the phone call is a bit weird right away. he doesn't even sound sick, and ratio or any other doctor is nowhere in sight! (message spoilers start here) i'm aware the aventurine cornerstone was fully shattered/destroyed while protecting him from nihility- was he really in there for who-knows-how-long without any protection at all? he's apparently having nightmares and the ipc needed to call in a doctor of chaos to treat him, which is concerning considering his mental health and general will to live were extremely low even before walking into the nihility. like he genuinely has some of the worst will to live i've ever seen in a character or human being- walking through the nihility should have utterly destroyed him mentally and physically, but it didn't. 2.3 HAS to give us a whole lotta context, especially with nihility lore (my favorite aeon, i may be biased) and more about the ipc!

anyway, thank you for reading this poorly formatted, stream-of-consciousness word vomit about 2.2's aventurine lore. hope you liked it! drop ur thoughts in replies and reblogs plz they give me life(although i will be very busy next few weeks, so please don't be offended if you want a reply and don't get it, im so sorry!)

2.2 was peak- a bit slow, but the story was some of the best, if not the best stuff hoyo has given us in terms of writing quality. so great! i cried for sure, and that boss battle was just everything- especially the music. robin my lesbian queen if i didn't have to pull for firefly i would get your lightcone for sure...

see you all next time! thx for sticking around (:

#hsr #honkai star rail #aventurine #hsr spoilers #hsr aventurine #boothill #in the first half #penacony has destroyed me and i let it #i would let it again too #aventurine is so precious to me i want to rotate his brain around like cow #and im a downbad lesbian for robin dear lord she's so perfect #chevy's voice is AMAZING and miss alice himora did an awesome job with the voice acting! haven't heard other languages yet sadly #penacony

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patricia-taxxon · 1 year

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heya! i just rewatched your sc2020 video…again… and then found out you're on tumblr and, of course, immediately went to look if you've posted anything about sj aswell and found that post from *checks notes* 1.5 months ago - so, i guess what im here to ask is, would you mind elaborating on that?

im unfamiliar with marble blast (im so sorry i do not have the brainpower to watch your essay on that...yet) so the comparison you make is not particularly useful to me :v

also for context, i did contribute to sj, specifically playtesting and programming, so i do have Opinions™ (that im gonna keep to myself due to lack of anon ask (not a bad thing! i understand why you have it off)) and i wonder if those happen to bleed through to the player experience or if your gripes with it are something different entirely.

well, firstly, i have developed such a deep seated hatred of the celeste community that i haven't opened the game in months and i've considered just deleting my spring collab video multiple times, I'm not finishing any more of my maps because I don't want to make anything for these people. so i didn't actually finish SJ, I did everything up to & including the easy half of the grandmaster lobby though, and my take is that even with the few miracles I found within the map list, it would not have inspired a video essay on the level of the spring collab one if I'd played it first. it's just not as interesting, and not as rewarding to study. it represents a horrible misattribution of priorities that permeates the entire community.

in that video, i confidently say that spring collab is ALWAYS interesting, because modding culture is interesting even if it's interesting for being a little bad or revealing something about the author's proclivities. strawberry jam represents a near unanimous drive to remove authorship and make levels that are impartially agreeable, to make Celeste 2. it's only interesting when the mapper does something interesting on purpose, like Paint, Pointless Machines, Undergrowth, Summit Down-Side or Flipside Cliffside. a path of least resistance emerged in the time between SC2020 and Strawberry Jam, and experiencing it in this quantity made me forget what I liked about this game or this modding scene in the first place. the volume of creative gimmicks and varied aesthetics is huge, but each one starts to feel identical after being ground through this particular jank-averse process. I still have strong opinions about every map in SC2020, even the ones that might seem unremarkable, I can only barely begin to quantify the entire fucking C tier of my SJ tierlist. it's diverse on the surface but the substance is homogenous, especially intermediate through expert.

also in my SC2020 video, I talked about a certain tension that arrives once you get to the expert lobby, where the mappers had to create uncommercial levels of difficulty that rubbed against a similar apparent drive to make the player feel like they're actually doing the challenge & not just watching it. strawberry jam arrives at this conflict far earlier, the INTERMEDIATE maps and onwards are the ones that seem to pull between making interesting challenges while also having the player be an agent in those challenges. they want the intermediate levels to feel hard, look cool, and the solution is to just make them ridiculously constrained so the only way is the ~satisfying~ way. that's why I won't make a video about strawberry jam, because many segments in my spring collab video already serve as criticism for strawberry jam. it made the same mistakes again, but worse, and with far less of the things that made me love spring collab in spite of its flaws.

here's my tierlist, if there are any questions i'll try and qualify any of these takes with what i can remember from playing it. however, for reasons stated previously I won't be playing more so this is probably gonna be it.

#patricia taxxon ask #cilantromixture #celeste #mini essay #long post

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pirates-apologist · 8 months

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Ace!Husk/ace!Angel hazbin hotel ramblings

When i first heard that there was a canon asexual character in hazbin i didnt know who it was but two characters automatically came to mind and im BEGGING yall to hear me out about this; husk or angel (or both!!).

I have since learned that its actually alastor but i keep my headcanon/s that either one or both of them is ace too nonetheless.

For your consideration:

For ace Husk:

-Husk is one of the only characters to not express any sexual interest in the episodes we have so far, considering the track record of hazbin/helluva boss thats pretty uncommon

-he literally has ACES on his design

-the whole scene where angel tries to get in his pants and husk says that is never gonna work on him and to cut the act

-how interesting it would be to give angel -a character who had to perform sexually his whole life in order to survive and be validated and appreciated- an asexual partner who doesnt want or expect this from him at all and just loves him for who he is (obviously this could be done without adding asexuality into the mix but i do think it would be a very interesting layer to their relationship)

For ace Angel (HEAR ME OUT):

-his own over-sexualisation and flirty inappropriate persona is stated multiple times to be just an act in order to survive

-ive known quite a couple ace people who have tried to act overly sexual in order to feel like they fit in, similarly to comphet, and angel pushes it for sure

-could lead to a very interesting arc and realizing he doesnt have to perform sexual acts at all if he doesnt want to and husk will still love him and wont expect that of him and that those around him love the real anthony not just the performer angel dust(once again could be done without asexuality involved but its an added layer)

-hes never really seen enjoying a sexual connection in a way that seems genuine and not just him trying to lean into the pornstar persona or get validation

-i think it would be nice to show an ace character that doesnt fit the two archetypes we so often see with ace characters of either the prudish, shy, introverted virgin or the inhuman character with no feelings. Asexuals can be extravagant and social people who wear fun sexy outfits and have had sex too and its damn time we show theres no one way to be asexual

-could lead into more of him realizing and affirming the fact that he has worth and talents outside of porn or sex (already seen a bit in the gangster bar fight scene where he tells husk that he has talents outside of sex too)

Anyway, do i think vivziepop will actually make this canon? No. Do i think it would lead to very interesting character development and relationships? Absolutely. Did i write this at 4 am, didnt proofread at all and just wanted to ramt about my thoughts? Oh yeah.

All of this being said; ill be happy if they dont end up asexual at all its just fun to think about. I would love to hear yall's thoughts about this though

#kind of a long post sorry #asexual #ace!angel dust #ace!angel #ace!husk #angel dust #huskerdust #hazbin hotel #husker x angel dust #husk #husker #vivziepop #ace headcanons

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schizosupport · 3 months

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hey there

im exploring this all still. i might be on this schizotypal-psychotic spectrum but i have a... confusion.

pretty much everything that i might classify within that diagnostic realm i experience as essentially a spiritual event. sometimes this comes with fatigue or dizziness or other physical reactions to a non-physical event. and to be clear none of this falls neatly into a given religion. i grew up around hippie type believe in whatever you want people.

i guess my question is, is it possible to tell if something is spiritual or psychotic in nature? or even if there is functionally a difference, since theres nothing physical i can point to?? this has been bothering me for a while, but largely the only information ive been able to find online vaguely indicates that having religious experiences is distinct, and doesnt elaborate on why or how, just that its a diagnostic disqualifier.

and also. thank you for this blog, its really cool and awesome to see this happening (both as a community thing and a psych special interest go brrrrrr thing)

Hello there!

The border between spirituality and psychosis can be hard to define. As you've stated, religious experiences and beliefs shared with a subculture generally aren't considered delusional, even if they aren't believed to be true by the wider society. This includes things like religious beliefs and conspiracy theories shared by groups, and it also does include some more personal spiritual beliefs, though it can be troublesome to define exactly when something is "so personal that it becomes delusional".

In my mind one important distinction is about whether you came up with the belief yourself, or whether it's something you have learned from someone else. Another important distinction is whether it's harming you. Those two don't have to follow each other. Being a part of a cult doesn't make you clinically psychotic if you were indoctrinated into your beliefs, but the beliefs can still certainly harm you. But if you got away from the group you would be able to start to unlearn the beliefs as you are presented with new evidence.

And likewise, personal beliefs that aren't shared by anyone else aren't inherently harmful. For example as a kid I believed that if I was tired, hugging a tree would give me access to a bit of its life source, and that would allow me to keep going. It was a completely harmless personal belief. I would classify relatively harmless personal belief systems as a type of magical thinking if I was wearing my pathologizing hat, but I also don't think that it is inherently a clinically problematic experience.

Now it's worth noting that there is a difference between beliefs and experiences. You are talking about "spiritual events", so that sounds like you are experiencing things that are "abnormal", and then attribute spiritual significance to them. Now I don't know the nature of said events, but if we take the most bland view of reality, then such events generally aren't a real thing that occurs, so by that logic the experience itself is a sign of some mental fuckery. And then with the pathologizing hat on, we might say that you are experiencing psychotic events, and interpreting them as spiritual events, which we might then consider delusional.

But by that logic a lot of people who aren't in treatment, and who are leading perfectly functional lives, are delusional/psychotic. And therefore I think that it's helpful to bring in the "is it harming you?" distinction. Because ultimately it's less interesting to me whether something is "psychotic" or not, and much more interesting to figure out whether it's a problem for the person experiencing the belief/events. I don't think there's any sort of moral or even functional high-ground to be found in having a super down to earth view of reality, where you only ever believe something if its been scientifically proven beyond any reasonable doubt. There's nothing wrong with being that way, but it's not inherently more healthy than having some fantastical or spiritual beliefs mixed in there. And you won't catch me arguing that organized religion is inherently more healthy than personal spirituality, either!

A personal distinction that I make is that a delusion is less so something you believe in, and more so something that you are convinced of. Most things that I believe in, I have reason to believe. I've arrived to my opinions after careful research and consideration. If I haven't done a lot of research and consideration, my belief is generally less strong. When it comes to spiritual stuff I believe some things but I'm not convinced of them. They are beliefs and I'm aware that they aren't proven truths, they are things that I believe in. For me, one thing that's a red flag for psychosis is when I'm sure of something. The world is so complex, so how could I ever be completely sure of anything?

I think that as a field, noting that religious/spiritual experiences are different from psychosis has been important, because otherwise we would be pathologizing a lot of otherwise healthy individuals based on a conviction that there's no such thing as a religious experience. Humans have evidently always had religious experiences and beliefs - it seems pretty inherent to our nature! And most of the time, at a personal level, it isn't inherently harmful.

Psychosis is problematic because it often hurts the person who is experiencing it, not because it diverges from consensus reality.

So I can't give you a one size fits all solution, but these are some of my thoughts.

#actuallypsychotic #magical thinking #spirituality

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hematomes · 1 year

Note

Oh it's fine ,I was just really curious about what's up with them ,you don't have to explain if you don't want to :D

I DO WANT TO IM JUST GONNA NEED TO ORGANIZE MY THOUGHTS and struggle with the sources bc i just grabbed bits of lore from other shippers 😭 most of their lore, if im not mistaken, comes from the passerby of wandering cloud relic set. keep in mind im also only referring to the english translation so it could be slightly different in the source material

but basically they were very closely involved with each other in the past. dan heng made matching bracers for both him and blade, as stated in the hand relic:

"A slender yet strong hand once wore the other bracer. That owner, whose sharp spear glinted with a cold light and flourished like shooting stars, once sparred with the unnamed. That owner also once shared company and drinks with the unnamed, the two of them simply gazing at the moon with no words exchanged. However, in the end, it was also this person who stubbornly adhered to their plans with the unnamed, turned the beloved into a monstrosity, and pushed all into an abyss of eternal hatred and remorse."

the owner is dan heng, while the unnamed/beloved is theorized to be blade. im insisting on the theorized part because it could be a third-party; some people mentioned jingliu, who was jing yuan's mentor, but it doesn't exactly correlates as she isn't mentioned anywhere else in the set + i think there's a lightcone mentioning that she went mad after losing her sister? don't take my word for it tho. another interesting thing is that these bracers allowed them to communicate telepathically <3

now the "turned the beloved into a monstrosity" is also important, because it's theorized that dan heng turned blade immortal, which is why he's banned from the entire planet. this comes from blade's intent for revenge/"three must pay the price" cutscene, + the head piece lore of the relic set:

"Epiphany struck him like lightning. The curse of immortality still raged on, and the grudge of past misgivings never died out. HE was now the newborn flower on this once-dead branch."

now there's a moment where blade just wanders aimlessly before he's found by the stellaron hunters, and he's still pretty much out of it and closer to a wild beast than an actual person. however, the body piece says this (as he is with the stellaron hunters):

"In hazy memories of the olden days, he finally made up his mind to gift his bosom friend with his hand-made jade flask, only to realize with a shock that the person he longed for was no longer there."

"bosom friend" is theorized to be dan heng, and blade's intent to give him a hand-made gift to be a response to the aforementioned bracers. it's also interesting to note that "bosom friend" is kind of an outdated term for lovers, or at least someone you have deep feelings for

that's all i can say without diving into leaked information (including story spoilers) but. the way i see it, they're former lovers - and dan heng turned blade immortal against his will, perhaps as a desperate attempt to keep him forever by his side.

a deeper look into the theory/timeline: the vidyadhara race is known to "reincarnate" (like bailu says when we meet her), which is why they're truly immortal in a sense, because their cells rejuvenate completely (as opposed to the foxians for ex) and they actually die. so dan heng could have sealed away his actual dragon self in a way. as it stands, he doesn't remember anything - he just saw blade in a nightmare once, and considering what blade says it's understandable that dan heng is pissing himself.

however i don't believe that blade wants to kill him for good, or that dan heng is actually traumatized/suffering from ptsd. it looks more like guilt, that you can't even explain because you're unable to remember what you did. it's a matter of interpretation for now. i also believe that dan heng will in fact have to "die" to have his dragon unsealed, so.

anyway i really love them. blade isn't out there out of pure hatred but he feels hurt and betrayed (by someone so close to him, too!!!), because he's forced to live and probably so, so tired. dan heng isn't just scared and helpless, but also devoured by a guilt he can't exactly explain. they have such a complicated relationship, and chalking it up as abuser x abused is not only reductive but blatantly wrong. i strongly believe that, once unsealed, dan heng could literally fold blade in half with one hand <3

#— answered #— nonnie #im extremely excited for more info on them starts shaking and quaking #hsr #renheng #long post sorry

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frecklystars · 3 months

Text

I'm sorry to make a vent post :c I hate being negative but I haven't been online in a couple of months and this kind of explains why + I really needed to let this out somewhere. TW for mentions of self harm and suicide mention, this vent post is a little bit heavy.

i havent been online for a couple of months now except one (1) time, and then i left again, just letting my queue post as always. my cptsd/depression/anxiety has been astronomical levels of Terrible. going offline just made me feel so so so much worse bc this is where i normally self ship and post my art. not blogging about my F/Os, not drawing them, not editing videos/not making gifs, feels... really really bad. self shipping is my main coping mechanism and not being able to self ship makes everything feel 50 billion times more hopeless. so I should try to get back into that habit again

its july. its gonna be my anniversary w/ the two F/Os who breathed life back into me when i was at my absolute worst. i should be really excited to celebrate an F/O anniversary for the first time in two years, but ive been... so... fucking miserable. the last few months i have been back into My Worst State Of Mind Ever. i have been having really bad days where im slipping back into planning how to end my life and self harming again like i did a year ago. this isnt an everyday occurrence as of right now, and rn as im queueing this post, i am not planning currently. but every other day i slip back into those old self destructive bad habits, so it's safe to say my depression is definitely Worse. im trying to figure out how to uh, hang in there. because i can't stop the source of the Thing that is causing me to feel like my only escape option is ending my life. this isn't just my mental health/a chemical imbalance in the brain making me feel this way, this is entirely situational and out of my control.

i know the source of my problem and why i feel this way, and i cannot control it. i havent talked about it on my blogs bc i dont wanna scare anyone, and i will NOT go into details here, but i havent felt safe in a very very very long time. i contacted the authorities back in January this year, i am planning to contact them again soon, but im afraid they can't do anything for me until things get worse than they already are. it sucks that you have to wait until things are literally impossible to get through until the authorities even CONSIDER helping you.

i have just been trying to take everything one day at a time and vent to a few close friends when i need to, but this has been so unbearably difficult to endure every single day. ive been dealing with this FAR longer than a few months, but regarding these last few months specifically, i feel like i haven't been functioning like a person. every single second i am just,,, scared and paranoid, this is the only thing i am ever thinking about because im so, so stressed. i dont WANT to think about it but i literally am incapable of having any peace. every few weeks, something scary regarding my situation happens, and makes my anxiety worse. i cannot tell you how scared ive been. im so scared every day that this is going to kill me, whether it's the actual situation that will kill me, or my own anxiety/fear will drive me into making an irreversible choice. which! i don't wanna do! i genuinely don't want to end my life, i just - i feel extremely trapped in this situation and i've felt very very very hopeless about it for a LONG ass time, and that shit weighs on you over time

my fear/paranoia has affected my self shipping, and self shipping is my main source of comfort, i cant lose it. i keep losing it. ive lost so much already i dont want to lose my F/Os all over again. i keep thinking there’s no point in self shipping because my F/Os would betray me or harm me in some way. i know they’re imaginary and they can’t hurt me IRL but like, from a self shipping standpoint, i can’t stop fretting over all of it being a huge trick. like they’re pretending to love me so they can betray me later. i can’t get any relief, I am having panic attacks all the time, my flashbacks are worse than ever. I can’t self ship and I can’t... function. i'm so messed up from everything that has been happening to me, i feel like healing is impossible at this point. i really hope that is just the severe anxiety/depression/ptsd talking. i hate being negative, i dont want to have such a pessimistic outlook, but it's just felt so... hopeless. like there is no point. but what am i gonna do, not try to feel things with my F/Os again? what am i gonna do, not self ship ever again?? i really have nothing else to do except try my best every day to get through this. or kill myself - and i dont wanna go down that latter road again bc its messy and it sucks and its expensive when you fail and i have permanent scars from the last time i failed two years ago, and i! want! to! get better! i dont genuinely want to die, i just want to escape my situation! this situation i am in should not be worth ending my life over. but i am scared all the time and that hopeless feeling is so heavy and it's just getting harder and harder to carry for so so so so long

i have friends both IRL and online who are trying to help me get back into a safe situation again, but there is only so much we can all do. so i just have to keep taking all of this shit one day at a time and just hope and pray some sort of miracle gets me through this. its been years so i really dont believe theres a way out anymore but i am just! agh!! fucking angry and sad and terrified 24/7 and sick of dealing with this, so i will keep powering through every day even if i gotta kick and scream the entire time.

ok anyway! im gonna stay offline for a little while longer (this is queued, if anyone is kind enough to reply/send an ask, i will try to respond when i return) but i will come back slowly but surely sometime maybe this week, next week at the latest. i at least want to celebrate my July 21st anniversary :( thats my most important one this year. i really really really need to get back into the habit of self shipping even if i dont feel much for my F/Os atm. i refuse to just lay down and take this, i want to at least try to feel something again even if it hurts.

thank you to those who have been patient with me with replies; tumblr says i have over 200 inbox messages and 99+ dms since ive been gone. i will try to get back to people slowly but surely, its just probably gonna take me a hot minute. if anyone has the free minute, if you can just send me something like "everything will be okay" in my inbox, i would super appreciate it 😭🙏 and thank you to anyone who took the time to read my ramblings.

#delete later #vent #suicide mention #self harm mention #as i said in the post: this is queued and i am offline #but if anyone sends inbox asks or replies or anything i'll read them when i come back!

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