#as i said in the post: this is queued and i am offline

[frecklystars]

I'm sorry to make a vent post :c I hate being negative but I haven't been online in a couple of months and this kind of explains why + I really needed to let this out somewhere. TW for mentions of self harm and suicide mention, this vent post is a little bit heavy.

i havent been online for a couple of months now except one (1) time, and then i left again, just letting my queue post as always. my cptsd/depression/anxiety has been astronomical levels of Terrible. going offline just made me feel so so so much worse bc this is where i normally self ship and post my art. not blogging about my F/Os, not drawing them, not editing videos/not making gifs, feels... really really bad. self shipping is my main coping mechanism and not being able to self ship makes everything feel 50 billion times more hopeless. so I should try to get back into that habit again

its july. its gonna be my anniversary w/ the two F/Os who breathed life back into me when i was at my absolute worst. i should be really excited to celebrate an F/O anniversary for the first time in two years, but ive been... so... fucking miserable. the last few months i have been back into My Worst State Of Mind Ever. i have been having really bad days where im slipping back into planning how to end my life and self harming again like i did a year ago. this isnt an everyday occurrence as of right now, and rn as im queueing this post, i am not planning currently. but every other day i slip back into those old self destructive bad habits, so it's safe to say my depression is definitely Worse. im trying to figure out how to uh, hang in there. because i can't stop the source of the Thing that is causing me to feel like my only escape option is ending my life. this isn't just my mental health/a chemical imbalance in the brain making me feel this way, this is entirely situational and out of my control.

i know the source of my problem and why i feel this way, and i cannot control it. i havent talked about it on my blogs bc i dont wanna scare anyone, and i will NOT go into details here, but i havent felt safe in a very very very long time. i contacted the authorities back in January this year, i am planning to contact them again soon, but im afraid they can't do anything for me until things get worse than they already are. it sucks that you have to wait until things are literally impossible to get through until the authorities even CONSIDER helping you.

i have just been trying to take everything one day at a time and vent to a few close friends when i need to, but this has been so unbearably difficult to endure every single day. ive been dealing with this FAR longer than a few months, but regarding these last few months specifically, i feel like i haven't been functioning like a person. every single second i am just,,, scared and paranoid, this is the only thing i am ever thinking about because im so, so stressed. i dont WANT to think about it but i literally am incapable of having any peace. every few weeks, something scary regarding my situation happens, and makes my anxiety worse. i cannot tell you how scared ive been. im so scared every day that this is going to kill me, whether it's the actual situation that will kill me, or my own anxiety/fear will drive me into making an irreversible choice. which! i don't wanna do! i genuinely don't want to end my life, i just - i feel extremely trapped in this situation and i've felt very very very hopeless about it for a LONG ass time, and that shit weighs on you over time

my fear/paranoia has affected my self shipping, and self shipping is my main source of comfort, i cant lose it. i keep losing it. ive lost so much already i dont want to lose my F/Os all over again. i keep thinking there’s no point in self shipping because my F/Os would betray me or harm me in some way. i know they’re imaginary and they can’t hurt me IRL but like, from a self shipping standpoint, i can’t stop fretting over all of it being a huge trick. like they’re pretending to love me so they can betray me later. i can’t get any relief, I am having panic attacks all the time, my flashbacks are worse than ever. I can’t self ship and I can’t... function. i'm so messed up from everything that has been happening to me, i feel like healing is impossible at this point. i really hope that is just the severe anxiety/depression/ptsd talking. i hate being negative, i dont want to have such a pessimistic outlook, but it's just felt so... hopeless. like there is no point. but what am i gonna do, not try to feel things with my F/Os again? what am i gonna do, not self ship ever again?? i really have nothing else to do except try my best every day to get through this. or kill myself - and i dont wanna go down that latter road again bc its messy and it sucks and its expensive when you fail and i have permanent scars from the last time i failed two years ago, and i! want! to! get better! i dont genuinely want to die, i just want to escape my situation! this situation i am in should not be worth ending my life over. but i am scared all the time and that hopeless feeling is so heavy and it's just getting harder and harder to carry for so so so so long

i have friends both IRL and online who are trying to help me get back into a safe situation again, but there is only so much we can all do. so i just have to keep taking all of this shit one day at a time and just hope and pray some sort of miracle gets me through this. its been years so i really dont believe theres a way out anymore but i am just! agh!! fucking angry and sad and terrified 24/7 and sick of dealing with this, so i will keep powering through every day even if i gotta kick and scream the entire time.

ok anyway! im gonna stay offline for a little while longer (this is queued, if anyone is kind enough to reply/send an ask, i will try to respond when i return) but i will come back slowly but surely sometime maybe this week, next week at the latest. i at least want to celebrate my July 21st anniversary :( thats my most important one this year. i really really really need to get back into the habit of self shipping even if i dont feel much for my F/Os atm. i refuse to just lay down and take this, i want to at least try to feel something again even if it hurts.

thank you to those who have been patient with me with replies; tumblr says i have over 200 inbox messages and 99+ dms since ive been gone. i will try to get back to people slowly but surely, its just probably gonna take me a hot minute. if anyone has the free minute, if you can just send me something like "everything will be okay" in my inbox, i would super appreciate it 😭🙏 and thank you to anyone who took the time to read my ramblings.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi there, Steph! I have a little question about the way that you handle the (queued) reblogs of your previous posts. Obviously you usually reblog posts the next day but what about older posts from years back? Are they also still following some kind of rotation or queue or do you just go through your own post history ever now and then, looking for stuff that looks thematically/interesting?

Whatever your system is, it is working great for me! I found a lot of great fics and meta-posts from your older posts as well and I probably wouldn't have found those just by browsing on your blog. I am just curious to maybe get a little glimpse behind the scenes!

Thanks for all your great compilation work over here!

Hi Nonny!

So my NEW posts always get a "next day reblog" and a queued "final" reblog (usually with "queue" in the tag name), which usually posts a month or two later depending upon how long my queue is, so that the content is seen at least three times guaranteed.

Lately though, because I haven't been getting a lot of asks, I have been just... going through my offline file of my blog (a 384 page Text Edit document) by just doing keyword searches of whatever comes to my mind and then tag them as "filler content". I used to never do this, as many come to my blog because it's visibly updated daily. But lately I just haven't had the spoons or mental capacity to answer long asks and instead I just pick whatever comes to my brain. Mostly my "classic posts" (ie. posts that I received a LOT of feedback for in the past or posts that are STILL making the rounds years later and I happen to see it cross a mutual's dash so then I reblog) or if I see a topic is popular, I'll find my old meta masterposts about said topic and try to get new eyes on them, since I didn't realize until this year that not everyone knows I used to be more known for my meta writing. Many people like the rabbit holes they can end up in reading my meta. Sometimes I'll go on my art blogs (@stephratte and @stephdrawsjohnlock) and find some old art I'd like people to see. It really does just depend upon my mood in the moment.

I try to fill up my time-slots in my queue hourly between 8am and 4pm DAILY, so that my blog is ALWAYS active and a place people can come and be entertained. I like having a very active blog. In turn, though, that comes with the cost of me spending EVERY NIGHT going through my blog daily, FILING EVERY SINGLE POST on the aforementioned Text Edit Document, and then setting up the queue accordingly. And if I don't answer a new ask, I just randomly type whatever I'm in the mood to re-read on my own blog and search for filler content. It's a lot of work but I think it's worth it since I get a few comments that mention that they are happy that I am so active around here.

That said, I'm SOOOOO happy to hear that my older posts intermingled with my new ones are doing it for you. Like, you have NO idea how pleased I am to hear this, because the immense guilt I feel for NOT having new content has been eating at me for months. I just... DON'T have the energy these days to ensure new stuff all the time AND work on making new fic lists for each Sunday. I have a nearly-ten-year backlog of blog here, I should really take advantage of that.

Thank you so much for giving me that validation I feel I needed for it, and I'm happy you enjoy your time here! This is SUCH a kind comment, and filled me with sprinkles and sunshine. 💜🖤

[chaddicus]

oh I was almost very stupid I almost went into the spoiler tag. no no I trust the ppl on my dash to put solid spoilery posts on it when it counts I do NOT trust randos in the tag to show me a good time. nn-uh. better yet I should get off Tumblr while I absorb. maybe the whole internet. I always regret being online about shit when I finish and have this sort of brainwreck about it

jusr finished watching gomens 2 and uhh

uhhhhhhhhhhh

[prentissluvr]

⟢ BLOG ANNOUNCEMENT

hello my darlings !!! i am going on vacation next week, yahoo!! but, unfortunately (sort of), i have zero internet access where i'm going! so i will be completely mia from this blog for about a whole week from around next wednesday the 10th until the 18th! i will do my best to have a few things queued up during that week, which likely won't include any new fics unfortunately. i'm also going to do my best to finish and post all moodboard requests from my milestone event, as well as the sam fic i'm working on atm before i go! i will miss you all very very much <33 don't do anything without me hehe jkjk lmao

but! that being said, i'm still gonna be working on fics while i'm gone offline, so i'm reopening requests between now and before i leave so that i have stuff to work on for you guys! so if anyone's got any requests, feel free to send them in within the next week or so. otherwise, i'll be working on my other wips like part twos to a few fics, so i'll probably only take around 3 more new requests :))

remember to check out my rules and wips! you're also welcome to request one of my personal wips if there's one you particularly want to see and it will be bumped up to general requests and given priority!! thank you all, have a lovely time while i'm gone!! <333

EDIT : i'm done taking requests for now! thanks for sending some lovely ideas!

[boyfhee]

can you tell me what your routine was like when you were in 11th or 12th grade? or basically when you were preparing for neet? alsoo, how did you even do both your school works & your neet?? did you go for any coaching?

Sorry if this seems annoying 😭 i am currently preparing for neet & it's such a headache, like i can barely manage my schoolwork + my neet preparations 😭😭

adding both the asks here because the context was quite similar. i've said this before that you need to find and maintain your own discipline and can't follow someone else's schedule, but i hope my sched can help you navigate around ><

11th & 12th SCHEDULE

the remarkable thing about my senior high was covid ! i never attended a single offline class in those two years— only practicals and exams. that gave me a lot of time to focus on competitive exams, even though i lowkey fucked up my 11th, i was on track the next year.

school work wasn't an issue with online classes. i barely attended those and mostly focused on my coaching institute ! i went to a local coaching, although very reputed, and bought allen's distance learning course for questions. unfortunately, i wasn't able to appear for neet the very year i passed 12th due to a minor surgery. so i took a year to prepare for neet and my schedule was as follows :

6 : 00 am - 7 : 00 am — waking up, going for a walk, exercising, whatever morning routine i had went there. i kept it relatively short because i wanted to put as many hours as possible in studies.

7 : 30 am - 10 : 00 am or 12 : 00 noon — studies ! i usually had my breakfast during that thirty minutes gap between first and second slot. i not, i sat down to study early and got up for breakfast around eight or nine.

12 : 00 noon - 2 : 00 pm — break yayaya >< i watched tv, used socmed and had lunch during this time. again, i wouldn't take this break if i woke up late or got some work that i wasn't able to finish. i left for classes at / around two ^_^

2 : 30 pm - 8 : 30 pm — my classes ! i joined allen last year since it's fifteen minutes to where i live and i needed some sort of guidance to proceed. after my classes, i got back home by nine, sometimes a bit late if i stayed back to discuss a few things with the teachers.

9 : 00 pm - 10 : 00 pm — dinner and rest after classes. tv, phone, or just helping mum in the kitchen if the day was good lmfao. i hate being in the kitchen :/

10 : 15 pm onwards — studies again :> fifteen minutes break to sort get my stuff and all. besides, my dad asks for every update of my day and what i have planned to study the next day etc etc. if my schedule was relaxed, i'd sleep by twelve or twelve thirty but as neet approached, i slept by two and woke up at around eight lmfao TT good thing was, i didn't have classes after february so i followed the same routine except, i started studying at nine after breakfast, till one, got up for lunch, then studies from two to six sometimes seven, an hour break for dinner ( had early dinner during that time ) then studied from either to two at night.

to the anon to asked how i write fics during classes : i had wednesdays off / tests so i used that one day to relax. i usually wrote on wednesdays, sometimes on other days when work load is way less and i mostly queued by posts since i had pre-written ones from when i had time. sometimes, when i finished by studies before 1 am, i took 30 mins to write if i felt like it. besides, my uni was well ... it wasn't my focus. i took biotech and kept it on the side incase i can't do med. lectures were online, no one demanded full attendance, i got notes from friends and only gave tests. my focus were these pre-med classes i attended, and the sched is what i mentioned above.

also, my study hours are higher during classes. i barely have time to write, so i'm not active every single day as you might have noticed before may this year. the time table i mentioned above is an example of timeslots and how i used to manage. 10 hrs avg is now, give and take one or two here and there. also, i never stick to one schedule. i might have exams again this month and i might just dip completely. if not, i won't have to study at all and i might just stay on blr all day.

for neet : juggling between school and coaching can be hard but i don't think i can give appropriate advice since i never had to experience that. if you're in 11th, focus more on coaching ( because 11th science is more difficult imo, and more fundamental when it comes to neet ) and if you're in 12th focus more on school because of boards. the best thing to do is finish chapters ahead of time. say you're learning mechanics in school and thermodynamics in coaching. try to finish thermodynamics from school textbooks as well so you won't have issues when they teach it in school and can focus on what they're teaching in coaching. utilize your breaks and holidays to finish easy chapters, especially biology as a whole and organic and inorganic chem since there's nothing to do except remembering stuff.

this is so long TT i'm sorry and i hope this is helpful even though it's lowkey all over the place .. i'm not as organised as it seems and my sched varies a lot depending upon the day, if i have to go out, tests, etc etc.

[more-than-a-princess]

A text-based Munday post!

I am very slowly trying to catch up with replies as I have a lot going on. At present, I'm trying to share new IC content every other day with art/aesthetics in-between. That's about all I can manage this week. As of writing this post, I have two tumblr threads to reply to and one discord thread to reply to.

With that being said, I will be taking a hiatus from August 28 to September 8. Dragon Con is coming up soon (and I'm not done crafting yet, much less packing!) and I have been assigned to attend a professional conference the week after. If you would like a reply to a thread of ours in the next few weeks, posting a reply earlier rather than later this week is the best way to have me possibly get you something back before September 8!

I will try to write during whatever downtime I have that isn't sleeping/eating/looking after my house, my cat, and my husband. But I likely won't be queuing things until September 8 at the earliest, with September 9 and 10 looking far more likely.

I will post an official hiatus message closer to August 28. I wish I could be here and doing more, but I'm overwhelmed with so much offline right now that I just can't devote a lot of time to threads, especially with a quick turnaround. Additionally, my hiatus will also extend to discord: my time will be very limited over there as well so please do not be alarmed if I cannot reply to plotting or OOC messages quickly. I may need a day or several to reply properly.

And if you've read this far...my birthday is tomorrow/Tuesday and I'm not even really celebrating it: two long/intense meetings at the office and then Dragon Con prep. Being old isn't all that fun sometimes. But I likely won't have time to be around here so I thought I'd mention it now. 🙃

[anonthefold]

No mama's recipes about this Overwatch Post. This is a collection from the last few days that I played. I was keeping myself offline because I needed a break. I might continue said break because it felt needed and I feel better because of it. Having said that.... I have queued a bunch of posts for the next week should I decide to disappear for a little.

Everything is fine. I am fine. (quietly vibrates in the corner)

Midtown is my favorite hybrid map. Full Stop.

I have been playing Ana more on KotH maps in an effort to be better with her on them and not rely on Juno/Illari.

This is just some clean Ashe.

In a lobby of silvers be the gold that you think you are.

Always a good combo.

Jump spam heads eazy peazy.

[robertdowneyjjr]

I’m sorry if this is a bother but I’ve followed you awhile & u seem great. I work with victims of violent crimes (sexual assaults, human trafficking, intimate partner assaults as we call them and families of homicide victims) usually I am okay and deal well but with everything happening in the States which I’ve been watching unfold I’m just feeling so much stress at the end of work I’m feeling in a constant state of anxiety. This may seem dumb with what’s going on but the way ....

Part two...I’ve always relaxed when things are getting to me is RDJ twitter fans with pics or just interacting. Just cheers me up and sometimes these past few days I’ve really needed it just a few minutes here or there but I see a lot of hate about if he’s commenting enough or donating enough and then I’m stressed again because seeing hate stresses me out even more. Do you have any suggestions on how to deal or even friendly ppl I can follow. I don’t know a lot and the..

Ones I do have had some hate on them so I’m at a lost every time I look him up for a pick me up I’m anxious now. I just need something good for a few minutes after work and watching the news. I love helping victims of crime but sometimes it does get hard and I need a time out of you know what I mean. Any help or advice is appreciated

hey there! nothing about this is dumb, especially when it’s concerning your mental health and wanting to find things to de-stress and stave off your anxiety.

to be completely honest, i haven’t been as involved with social media and stan twitter/fandom in general for the last month or so, and even during the days when i’m more active i only really follow under 100 people on twitter and tumblr. i’ve seen the posts you’re talking about, with fans criticizing celebs, including robert, for not speaking out about the injustices that the black community and other poc constantly experiencing, especially in america. and while i understand where they’re coming from i also get that it’s hard for other fans to see these comments.

right now, most information exchange is happening through social media, so fact of the matter is fandom accounts aren’t going to be focused on posting about their faves -- and those who do, without acknowledging current events, will get criticized. so i think if you’re looking for a way to disconnect and not engage with these sorts of posts after you’ve had a long and stressful day at work, the best thing you can do for yourself is to just stay away from social media for the time being. i totally understand that you want to be able to talk to others with similar interests, but with the focus of current events, i don’t think you’d be able to have those sorts of conversations right now. for example -- pictures of robert going bike riding surfaced a month ago and stan twitter went wild. yesterday, similar pictures of him came out but barely anyone said anything because there are more urgent matters at hand. it’s just not something people will be talking about because of the state of the world right now.

honestly, the internet can be a very toxic place, and with how things are right now, it would be harder to avoid posts that may make you anxious or upset. so the best thing you can do for yourself is to just remove yourself from the situation and unplug, find ways to relax offline. if rdj is what makes you happy and de-stress, then pop in one of his movies to unwind. watch youtube videos of him. read his old interviews. there are plenty of ways to be a fan right now without going online.

if you’re looking for accounts to follow that aren’t as outspoken about current events, then the better option would be to follow the more generic updates accounts. on twitter i’d suggest rdjfrance and luvrobertdowney for the latest pics and videos. on tumblr, @dailyrdj and @rdjnews have a bunch of gifsets queued.

hope this helps, and take care of yourself 💗

[royalbratprince]

20 SOME followers I’d like to know better

Tagged by: @sage-fire , somewhere around 182 million years ago (thank you!) Tagging: Oh hell.  Uh.  ...............Hey, look, IF YOU WANT TO DO THIS THEN CONSIDER YOURSELF TAGGED AND TAG ME BACK SO I CAN SEE, OKAY?!  I suck at the tagging.  ...And doing things in a timely manner, but I just remembered it was Monday and I’m trying to be less.  ...Absent.

Name/Nickname: Orin, but you may know me as The Angst Fairy, Prince of Angst, or Dirty Old Punk.  ...I think there was another angst-related one in there somewhere, but.  ..........Welp. Gender: Whatever/Gender-Meh/Decepticon (seriously, I just... forever shrugging; call me what you like, I won’t be offended and it won’t be wrong) Height: I still don’t know, okay.  Smol but fierce. Hogwarts House: I don’t know, the uh... t-the cool one..? Favorite Animal: All of them.  Haven’t met any that I really dislike, so. Hours of Sleep: ...I try for 6, alright. Dogs or Cats: Both.  ...Maybe not in the same body, but that’s a discussion for science. Number of Blankets: Currently, three.  Because I finally found a blanket that works because New England sucks in the winter but not being crushed under layers is nice. Dream Trip: The Cup Noodle museum in Japan while Chris Parson is also there because I want to see his child-like joy. Dream Job: To get paid for what I’m already doing more reliably.  ...Alternately, stunt driving.  ...This becomes funnier when you understand that I do not have a driver’s license for very important reasons.  BUT maybe that’s because stunt driving is the better option, right? Time: 10:00 PM because that’s when I’m finally queuing this. Birthday: December 22.  A long time ago.  .........Holy shit that’s in a few weeks. Favorite Bands: There’s no way in hell I could possibly list all of them.  A lot of them.  From the origins of rock to random little things I’m thrown now.  Rockabilly, do-wop, both UK and New York punk, New Wave, hard rock, glam, hair metal, ‘80s ballad assholes, electronica; I like a lot of things and too many bands.  Please do not ask me about my playlists. Favorite Solo Artist: Gonna steal Atreyu’s answer because... actually they’re mine too, so: Michael Jackson, Prince, David Bowie.  ...And also Peter Gabriel.  Trent Reznor.  The music chaos god Neil Cicierega. ...I get the feeling if I continue I will go on forever, so those folks. Song stuck In My Head: ...Right now, “The End” by Planet Funk.  Give it ten minutes, it’ll be something else. Last Movie I Watched: ...Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade last weekend.  Again.  Because bitches love Indy.

Last Show I watched: Crap, uh.  ......Um.  TV.  It was... recent.  ............I think Modern Family..?  Can you tell how often or how much attention I pay to TV? When did I create my Blog: Back in March.  ...What can I say, I gave in. What do I post/Reblog: Right now nothing, but when I’m not swamped with every other thing going on, RPs, drabbles, excruciatingly painful gif sets, and mostly polyship roadtrip support.  I mean, I gotta.

Last thing I Googled: ...the lyrics to “Wild Bird Flock to Me” (Peter Murphy) because I didn’t want to interrupt what was already playing to listen to one specific part. Why I chose My URL: ...I mean.  (No, I don’t honestly think Noctis is, or ever was, a brat.  But I will always call him that, because it amuses me.  ...Writing smut, though? 100000000% brat.) Original intent: RP blog for my very, very loud brat.  And sometimes drabble dump.  I mean I’m mostly successful when I’m not buried under exhausting offline things, so... score?

Other Blogs: Other active RP blogs: @stonecoldmeme (Prompto), @calamitysshatteredson (Sephiroth); art blog: @shinythingsbyorindrake ; personal blog can be found with digging

Following: 109 Followers: 148 (how... even) Lucky number: 13 Favorite Instrument: Guitar, probably.  I’m biased because that’s what I play.  ...But drums are fun too.  What am I wearing: ..................Fuzzy zebra pants and a Garfield shirt.  .........Don’t judge me. ...Fuzzy blue socks, too.  I like to be warm. Nationality: So recently my father delved into his side of the family’s history and discovered that while he’d been told his entire life that they were Irish, they were actually Scottish, and it hasn’t stopped amusing me since.  Alternately my mother’s side of the family is, I quote, “mostly French, I guess”, which amuses me for another reason.  I don’t know, I’m just pale as fuck man. Favorite Song: I could never choose one.  I couldn’t choose ten, apparently. Last Book I Read: Re-reading It by Stephen King.  Well, I was.  I tend to read when I travel and... not as much when I don’t.  If you don’t count fan fiction. Top Three Fictional Universes I’d Like to Join: I’m going to get stared at so hard if I say FFXV but.  Like.  ..........Bad shit’s happening and everything is on fire, but at least it feels like there’s some hop eon Eos. *cough*  Uh... Star Trek.  ...Pre-reboot stuff.  I’m old, kids.  That said, Next Generation and Voyager were my jam so.  Medium-old.  And finally... uh... Tron.  Because I am a giant nerd and Tron: Legacy is my aesthetic.  Also jfc will someone please send a fucking light submarine out and HELP MY BOY.  But in the end Disney brought the franchise back just to brutally murder it in front of everyone so I get to be bitter for the rest of my life.

[ladylindy]

so i usually don’t talk a lot about me around here, i almost never post stuff about me and i only reblog & share other posts but here’s a little something

a whole LOT of stuff happened to me in the last 2 months or so, and i mean, life changing kinda stuff. i got in a serious relationship for the first time in my life, being a weird and unexperienced 20something, and everything’s going so fast, almost spinning. still trying to cope with all the new experiences.

i’ve finished my last exam session and i’m still busy working on my final dissertation but there’s still so much to do.

i had to look for a post grad course to apply to, and to find out what to do with my future and my life, in just a few weeks - but deadlines, requirements and bureaucracy are hell on earth. i’ve had some toxic arguments with my family because of all that.

i’ve had, and i currently still have, some health problems which may or may not be related to the levels of stress and anxiety i’m facing. i’ve seen more doctors in the last 2 months than i’d ever seen in my life.

i’ve lived a very stressful period lately, probably the most stressful ever. i am slowly trying to get my shit together but seriosuly, i was really freaking out. even now i’m so stressed out and having some nervous breakdowns bc of all the new stuff & academic responsibilities.

that being said - congrats if you’ve read this far - i’ve realized i’m really being too hard on myself and i really need to relax, take some time for myself, and chill. i’ll be offline for some days, getting some fresh air with my bf, seeing how this relationship stuff works, not thinking about anything else for a while. i’ve queued some nice posts for you during my absence - hope yall like them. thank you so much for following me; scrolling my tumblr dash has been a coping mechaninsm for me and it helps me a lot, and it’s thanks to you.

feel free to write me as always - i’ll answer as soon as i get back online. see yall in some days! x

[fratresatrium-blog]

psa - some bits of information for the upcoming week!

okay howdy, y’all, this is just an ‘official’ notice regarding some changes i’ll be making here.

1. queued posts - i know i’ve said it before a couple of times, i just want to put it on here that i’m going to be queuing some of my replies. there will be a few cases where i won’t, if it’s something that i’m really feeling or if we don’t have a lot of threads already, i’ll post it as it’s done or schedule it to come out a bit sooner. please don’t take it personally if that doesn’t happen, i’m just trying to get a foundation so i can concentrate on studying when that starts. i’m starting out at 3 replies a day being published, when everything settles down i’ll make a decision as to whether or not to increase that number.

2. availability - i’m not going to be on the dash too often, when i’m here, it’ll be mostly for drafts. i’ll go on once in a while to get some memes or something but i’m going to try and spend my time getting through some of these replies. i might start posting those online/offline banners to let you know when i’m here for ims & stuff

3. communication - i’ll be here for ims when i can, but i am making an effort to use d.iscord more, esp. because if i go on that, there’s not the additional distraction of getting sucked into the dash, etc. mutuals can add me on that, my thing is: properpoppet #9532. close mutuals (like really close, if we talk a lot ooc) if you want my snapchat i’m okay with giving that out to you (if i feel comfortable with you ofc) just im me :D

4. time zone change - i’m going back to college, which means my time zone is changing from gmt -10 to gmt -5. my activity will be a bit altered bc of that, but my queue is already set up for that time zone. i’m sorry to anyone this affects regarding ooc communication in a negative way.

i’ll be scheduling this to post a couple times for the next few days, so if you see it again, nothing new :)

[kusunokihime-a]

Welp, as much as I want to keep theme tinkering...I gotta sleep lol Queue’s filled up with drafts and a wee project I might do more of :3c We’ll see how the first one works out lol Otherwise...I’m ending this not-so-great day on a better note.  I’ll see y’all tomorrow. Take care and stay safe <3

[iblogwithgrace]

Quote of the day: “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” – Paulo Coelho It has been A WHILE!!! I know this post is late, and long due. However, I did not plan this break, blame the universe. After my last post here, my phone fell and crashed. Then, the one I started relying on prior to me getting my phone fixed crashed as well. I took it as a way of God telling me to take a break from social media, my blog and every other thing online and focus on getting my s**t together offline. I’ve had a wild ride! From getting betrayed by people I knew for more than 5 years (they FAILED, my GOD is good), to standing up for myself, to getting a new job, and meeting the vice president of Nigeria Professor Yemi Osinbajo, and a serving minister Aisha Abubakar it has been rough but I am grateful for the experiences (it can only get better from here). By reconnecting with old acquaintances while simultaneously making new ones on my private Instagram account, I have continued to take steps to do away with being painfully shy. Also, one thing I know is that more than ever, I sure that reducing and ultimately helping to end plastic pollution in the oceans and our inland water bodies is a cause I am passionate about. Feel free to google plastic pollution in the ocean. Sometime last week, I was wondering if anyone still had their fingers on the pulse of lily of Nigeria, and was taken aback by the amount of people that viewed my last instastory. Thank you for your continued support. I’ve met some of you in real life, you are all AMAZING and I thank God I’ve been able to inspire/assist you. In my quiet moments I ask myself, who am I that people like these people read this blog? I know God is fully responsible, but I also want to thank you again, so thank you. You must have seen the ads, we (a success for me is one for you too) have been approved by google for their adsense programme (insert moonwalking emoji). It was a onetime thing. Google had been sending me prompts to apply for months (I thought it was an enticement to heartbreak, most people apply for years and get rejected) and when I finally did I got approved immediately (thank GOD). Speaking into existence Lily of Nigeria will feed me this year!!!

About three weeks ago, I attended the Google for Nigeria event hosted in Lagos at the Landmark event centre. Boy, was I blown away with the crowd of ICT interested people in attendance. Day 1 was a hot mess! Some people left immediately after seeing the crowd and how disorganised the place was. Just as I came in, the Vice President of Nigeria Professor Yemi Osinbajo was speaking to some attendees. My lawyer instincts kicked in, and I told the lady by my side "let’s go and see him." She said "oya now, but I don’t think they’ll let us close enough." Once we got very close, one man I suspect to be my guardian angel told me “where are you going to?” I told him,” to talk to him.” Without saying a word, this man took me to where the Vice President was, hauled me across to where people had queued for some hours, and placed me right in front of him, much to the chagrin of everyone watching, including me. After that, he disappeared. You can bet I was oozing adrenaline. It happened so quickly. I had a chat with the VP he is a very intelligent man with a passion for the youths of Nigeria. No, I was not paid to say that. Also, he has very soft palms. Anyway, after our brief conversation, I got to meet a senior special adviser and started discussing with this Nubian skin woman that I thought was amazing (swear down in my mind I said I wish all elderly women could be as nice as this woman), what didn’t we talk about? She seemed genuinely interested in me, my family, and my blog. It was a feeling I can’t explain. I even told her about being featured in Punch newspaper for my tweet to Femi Otedola, and the epic reply I served one fame whore (mehn, did she have a good laugh!). Check out the said tweet here. Ladies and Gentlemen, this woman turned out to be a serving of the Federal Republic of Nigeria Mrs Aisha Abubakar! We had talks from people like Anthony Nakache, David from Adanna and David, people from the Guardian and Punch and so on.

Asides from the above four screen shots from his page [your girl got featured in a video on his page :) ] all other pictures in this post  are mine.

 This security man didn't find it funny that people were taking pictures.

David from Adanna and David.

I reconnected with some old friends, and met some really interesting people at this two day event hosted by Google. People like Sisi Yemmie, Ejiro, Jane, Nonye, Lilian, Haddah from Shiro Lagos, the amazing man from Kano, some amazing photographers who have refused to send me my pictures but are posting them on social media, Ibi, Ace, some Googlers from SA and Brazil who are all wonderful acquaintances.

Inside Shiro Lagos.

 Beauty vloggers corner.

In case you were wonderiwondering, the toilets were well kept (at least the ladies). There was no funny smell.

Here's a link you might find helpful. Google has some online courses and they're free.

On the first day, I wore a jacket (which I took off after the heat became real) over my dress which was a great thing because we went to Shiro Lagos, and the beach afterwards. And on the second day, which was the YouTube event, I wore a red beret which was mainly to connect with my directorial enthusiasm as a fashion videographer, and YouTuber (I also felt it gave off a bit of a Parisian glow). I’ve had this beret since High school. It went missing after the event. I put the beret in my takeaway kit, and the girl in charge of small chops gave it to someone else.

Please, subscribe to my blog below so that you don’t miss any of my future posts. Keep being kind to one another. All my love, Alexandra, for Lily of Nigeria. Current listen: Nwa baby by Davido.

[kanjiklance]

hey unpopular opinion but i don’t care and no one follows this blog anyway. just a slightly bitter rant about fandom-related stuff i guess

but i hope none of y’all are seriously thinking that jeremy’s latest kl/ance-related situation “confirmed” the ship or whatever. like i just watched the video recording of the interaction and he had a joking tone the entire time (even when the girl hit him w the “i’m your boyfriend” statement) without any sense of “o shit i said something i maybe should’ve have said? heheh”. like he’s just going w the fans’ flow. i mean i don’t want to be a party pooper and it’s funny to joke about how lauren is probably throttling jeremy as we speak bc of him “spoiling shit” but come on. also i’m sick and tired of ppl always fucking bringing up kla/nce at vol/tron-related events. like shut up already this damn show isn’t about romance or nonexistent couples stop bothering the crew about it

also for the record i don’t have much hope they’ll actually make kla/nce canon in this show bc they’ve let me fucking down w lan/ce, allu/ra, and hunk’s characters (based on the vlogs and hunk’s treatment in s2 and s3. i didn’t even watch lan/ce’s vlog actually tbqh so maybe i’m wrong there lmao) so why tf do you think they’ll actually take the time to flesh out a lgbtq couple properly? maybe they’ll prove me wrong in the future, but i am done w this show and i already made my peace by refusing to watch s4 and i have no inclination to do so now nor regrets. i appreciate the show for what it is but it’s just not for me long-term. 

on that note, most of the posts on this blog from now on (slash as it has been for the past few months) will probably just be queued posts from whenever i’m cleaning out my likes. i don’t plan on actively following this show anymore; it’s a waste of my time and energy, and a lot of the fandom’s activity is just exhausting to even witness. i’ve been more focused on real life offline (or not on tumblr) lately and though i was never particularly active in this fandom in the first place, i think i’ve been better off bc of that anyway. probably about time to unfollow all these vol/tron blogs i followed back when i got into this show

heh this turned out a lot more bitter than i was planning but it’s true to how i feel about this show and fandom these days. thanks for reading through this rant and hope you have a nice day!