#I'm trying very hard to be normal
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Making a phone call should be easy but when you've got a few years of customer service related trauma under your belt, it becomes an insurmountable task that fills you with dread and then makes you cry.
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he has a library card
#sketch#artists on tumblr#doodles#original character#ocs#antonio salvo#tony salvo#true strike#truestrike#masks: a new generation#masks: overlook#masks: overlook city#npc#ruth and tony#i'm normal about him#superheroes#books aren't fragile so he spent a lot of time around them growing up#though the plates the librarian gives him treats on are fragile and fling him into anxiety as he has to try very hard not to break them#long story short he has super strength he's not confident in controlling so he is afraid of breaking everything#trying to achieve that saltburn level of desire
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Finished themmm
Accidentally
I planned on going to bed early as a celebration, but then I looked at my unfinished pf of Siffrin in the sketchbook and boom couple of hours of sketching, lining and coloring and the beans are now officially paper figured
I can now randomly take photos of them in a forest whenever I feel like it. I have couple pfs on me every day just in case of this happening
#fanart#my art#paper figures#isat#isat siffrin#isat loop#siffrin#loop#in stars and time#Are you ready for me to break it to you? No?#That scene on the laptop? A screenshot#It is a recent one tho#I replayed that hangout just before finishing act 3 for the achievement that required act 4#But I did pretty much play like that#God just thinking about my first playthrough try on this fills me with anxiety#I was so scared it would be the only time they get to talk before actually playing through the game normally#Preparing for bed found me two coins I guess those two really are coin magnets#I actually did Siffrin's hat at least at line-color but I'm still figuring out how to get them to wear it#I THINK I have an idea tho#But anyway#it's 3:30 am#They're also so tiny#Like I worried they'd be too big so now they're pretty average-small next to my last ones#Drawing pf of Loop was actually a really random idea and getting them to mirror Siffrin's pose wasn't hard to think of#I don't usually draw characters facing the other way tho it was weird#The funniest thing was me forgetting Siffrin's eyepatch until the very end while being perfectly aware of making Loop's eyes different colo#That moment of realization was funny just as much as terrifying
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Hi. Look at this.
I just spent two days straight making a digital conspiracy board trying to piece together my favourite genre that isn't really a genre and more just a very particular niche which doesn't really have a name.
If you want to look I reccomend downloading and zooming in on the image to read everything LMAO, I want to try and convert it to a page on my neocities at some point so its easier to view but for now you guys just get a big ol' jpeg. You're welcome :)
#THIS IS ALL ABOUT ME TRYING TO LIKE BREAK DOWN A SUB-GENRE I'VE NOTICED like thats the main thing i'm trying to do here#its so broad but also so specific and trying to explain it is hard#so i made this#welcome to my twisted mind etc#just realised i forgot to include Long Exposure :(#i'm actually posting this a day later cause it was like 4am when i finished this#gravity falls#psychonauts#coraline#paranorman#sequel post to my one from a few days ago which got way more notes than i expected asedrjthgdrf???#this is a wip also i still wanna edit things and add things later#need to improve my silly lil' sticker labelling system#mystery kids#should i tag a few more of the things i included? at least the bigger things???? uhh#i'll tag#scooby doo#at the very least since i dedicated a whole corner to them#fandom conspiracy board#is that a thing is this a thing people normally do#idk#it's satisfying though i like it#enrichment for me :)
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the school of flipping Lip off (discreetly)
#shameless#shamelessedit#11x02#11x10#gallavich#gallavichedit#mickey milkovich#ian gallagher#my edits#i just realized mickey's wearing ian's shirt judging by the long ass sleeves and i'm trying very hard to be normal about it
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I know other adults like to joke about how much pain they're in, but genuinely, please try to get your pain checked out if you're an adult experiencing it, or at least adapt your life in whatever way lessens your pain.
Your pain deserves to be addressed. Please don't "let" it get worse because you've been told that to grow older is to suffer. No, you aren't being needy or selfish or annoying. Ultimately, you are the one who suffers the most from the state of your health, and it's entirely reasonable to want your health to be up to your standards.
#disability#chronic pain#it's actually not normal to feel scared to sneeze for fear of making your pain worse (calling myself out)#i dunno i guess maybe i'm just ~too young~ an adult but i'm already tired of the jokes about pain 😮💨#i've been at this pain going on decades now so i guess that's what's gotten me kind of sensitive lol#like... it's just shitty to be told that 'its gonna get SO much worse so don't even TRY' as an adult with pain#basically when you're a kid you're too young but if you're an adult well... that's just what you get so suck it tf up#i'm going back to playing video games so that i may live in the comforting realm of fantasy (Much Less Pain Universe)#(trying to be grateful that my body is Very invested in telling me that it needs to be handled gently but it's hard)#talking so much about this just to continuously make sure that people don't do what i did in the past
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i care him so much guys . guys. hes blorbo bingus
#someone on discord wanted him to be tarred and feathered#fop#just doodles#dale dimmadome#fop a new wish#thinks about his childhood and cries so hard i throw up. thinks about how he could've gotten help but none of the adults in his life cared#enough to get him what he needed#thinks about how he could've avoided continuing the cycle of dismissal and neglect#after he escaped the stupid ass evil dungeon he could only eat plain white bread for a month until his body adjusted to Actual Food#and he took 5 hour long showers every single day and would scrub until he drew blood#hes very deeply traumatised and having a real rough time adjusting to 'normal life' and doug just waves everything off#'chin up sport!' and buys him some random shit before going down a new rabbit hole business endeavour#imagine he finds out about the ransom. that doug knew and just didn't care enough to get him. oh mygod#HE HAS THE PICTURE. IN THE NEW SHOW. so he definitely finds out eventually#and doug wouldnt even try to hide it he literally just Did Not Care#i'm sick.
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Jenson Button hugs and chats with Sebastian Vettel in the podium cool down area post-race at the Chinese Grand Prix - Sunday 19th April 2009
#I'm trying very hard to be normal about them and it's not working#oh to win my first race with my new team and get a hug from Jenson Button 😭#Formula 1#Chinese Grand Prix#2009#Chinese Grand Prix 2009#Jenson Button#Sebastian Vettel#chinese gp 2009
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vacation bible school activity: where did you find god in your life today? // february 18 2024
#hi! i'm normal!#this is where that little passage from earlier is from btw. will reblog that post with just that passage again cause it drives me insane#anyway. i'm rlly glad that all the tumblr girlies are putting their concept of god into the beauty of the everyday.#makes me really fucking uncomfortable though 😭#i am fr trying not to see that guy... would like to get away from him actually... trying very hard...#poems about religion#poems about god#poetry#poem#poems#poets on tumblr#poems and poetry#poetsandwriters#original poem#could never be a quaker that stuff scares the shit out of me
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Everyone clap for me setting BOUNDARIES on my babysitting (said they have to be back by 10 so I can go sleep before driving tomorrow)
#i do love babysitting truly#it's good work that needs doing and the people i do it for are never frivolous#and all of them are good and dedicated parents and their kids are only normal amounts of difficult#that said. i have done um 4 babysittings for total about 15 awake kid hours in just over a week#my voice is shot and so is my patience#bones boy and then all the others are 3 and under#while i'm yapping in the tags i will say for posterity#that i didn't quite get everything done i wanted to today/this week#BUT i finished my chapter draft and all but one of the house/cleaning chores i wanted to#yesterday i spent all day at my small group leaders' first watching the kids and then hanging for dinner#and then book club that evening (they were like why don't you just stay? so i did)#today i returned my library books and got a turmeric latte on the way to babysitting#feel kinda crappy physically cause i haven't worked out consistently and had sugar too much this week#and the early dark is messing with my appetite so i'm trying to figure that out and be responsive#but! i am very excited to be going home tomorrow (first time since may!!) and see everybody and rest with them#it's not rest from everything hard but it is rest from being responsible for my own time and that sounds so lovely right now#i had the best time with the twins yesterday. they were yelling LEAVES and picking up pine needles#so i said it's Pine Needles#and they started going Pine Noodles! Pine Noodles!#they never watch screens and it shows. they're so good at thinking of stuff to do
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So this has probably already been done because the Star Wars fic world is large and vast, but what if:
You know how there's always that one (or multiple) episodes in Star Trek series where the gang gets sent back in time, and has to learn ~ancient earth customs in order to fit in and not screw up the timeline (with varying degrees of success - I'm looking at you, Sisko)?
What if Obi-Wan and Anakin get sent back in time. but to our galaxy. Through some crazy Force magic or hyper-space gone awry, they get flung into 2000's America, or 1950s Japan, or 1800s Germany. And they gotta figure out a way to get back without causing some extreme issues with this galaxy's timeline (Anakin doesn't give a fuck, but Obi-Wan is like 'listen, I know we're defenders of our galaxy, but I think the oath we take as Jedi also extends to *all* galaxies we come across')
Just imagine them slowly realizing that there's only *one* species on this very small planet. Or how they use these vehicles with wheels on them instead of speeders or ships - or even better, how their definition of ship is very, very different from ours. They hear about a local port nearby, go through all this energy and effort to get to it, only to find that these 'ships' are just giant boats stuck to the water.
Idk, I think you could have a lot of fun with it depending on where and when you send them to. Either way, you know they'd find a way back, but not before almost fucking everything up *multiple* times.
#anakin develops a crippling addiction to caramel macchiatos#meanwhile Obi-Wan is trying very hard not to ask too many questions that might get them outed#Thankfully neither of them have pointy ears and wont have to wear Spock's 'I'm a normal human' toque
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somehow managed to be fine with the most popular laios ship (i actually enjoy it, tbh, labru is very good), but i absolutely do not like any of the popular chilchuck ships except chilaios
i'm 100% a multishipper but my other chilchuck ships are like. chilbell. chilbru. childan. me and the 5 other people into those are eating tablescraps
#dandan is barely a real character but he exists more than chilchuck's wife does#and also i've grown very fond of him#chilchuck/his wife is my notp and it is VERY hard to filter for bc there is no agreed upon ship name#i dislike chilshi and marchil a normal amount#and i actively feel solidarity with marchil fans even if the ship isn't to my tastes. they share many chilaios fandom struggles#usual caveat that i don't dislike any of these for ~moral reasons~ and idgaf if you're into them#i usually wind up with ships i can't stand for one reason or another and i'm well past trying to “justify” it. i just don't like them#you do you. and i'll do me. and we won't do each other. probably#tox.txt
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it's almost time. when? idk, when i stop being a coward LOL
#would be kinda funny if i waited to post it on 4/20 like haha happy bday curt *lights blunt*#genuinely can't bring myself to hit post tho been staring at it all day#it's so much scarier than posting a oneshot i want to do this right and i want to do the way i see them in my head justice#posting my writing never gets less nervewracking for me#like oh hello strangers and friends i just poured my heart out onto a page and now i'm offering it up with shaking hands#and i'm trying very hard to be normal about it because it's not that deep but also i care very much SJDGJK#but i think i'll post it before tonight i just feel NAUSEOUS#still need to write an end note anyway#i'm fr just yapping to stall atp LMAO#dog coded bucky fic#johnslittlespoon yaps#i'm also like what if it doesn't live up to expectations. LIKE YEAH WHAT IF. the world goes on. but i will be so hard on myself bruh
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It is genuinely so hard for me to socialize and keep up with people nowadays. I remind myself that people do in fact actually want me in their lives but then I have to hype myself up for ages to insert myself into my friends' spaces and minds. Things I used to enjoy and do daily that take forever to even start because of anxiety. The amount of people I used to talk to daily that I haven't even spoken to in months. I tell myself that I know I have a place in my loved ones' lives, I just can't bring myself to fill it. Out of fear that I'll be rejected or fear that I'll be a nuisance, I don't know. I need to stop being scared all the time. I want to stop the constant self-doubt and anxiety because even I'm sick of it, and I know it'll take baby steps to get comfortable again. I just. Idk. I just wish there was some kind of hard reset button on my brain.
I want a place in my own life again. I want a place in my own life again!!!
#I miss my friends so much and I feel so isolated from them and I feel like I have nobody to blame for that but myself.#even though it feels like I've been trying SO fucking hard#I feel like there is no place. that I'm kind of just waiting for there to be one when I'm the one who has to make it myself.#I remind myself that it's actually very normal to message people like 'hey it's been a while how have you been??'#<- and that most of the time that will be met with positive reactions and delight#it's just. god it's so fucking exhausting. I want a place in my own life again.#vent post
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I overshare online because I need constant validation that every thought and action of mine is Good and Okay and Normal. Surely this is a healthy coping mechanism
#something I'm trying to work through#comes from a hard mixture of autism (not knowing if what im doing is Normal behavior)#OCD (guilt loops that last for days weeks months on end)#ADHD (rejection sensitive dysphoria)#being raised christian (always being reminded that bad thoughts and actions will send you to hell)#and trauma from being heavily monitored as a teenager (very used to having every thought & action over-analyzed)#i have a constant craving for validation because of all of those things#which leads me to being a very self-absorbed person#i feel like if people aren't consistently telling me that im a good person then i must be horrible#im putting my emotional work onto others when i do that#making it THEIR responsibility to make me love myself#it's not healthy for you or anyone around you#you can't truly improve yourself if you're always relying on other people to verify whether or not you're okay#especially since everyone has different opinions & biases#if you never learn how to validate yourself you become completely reliant on others#and if you lose that outside validation everything will fall apart#even though i know these things i still haven't broken out of the habit#but that's another thing you have to give yourself grace for#you can't expect yourself to instantly adhere to new expectations#so you're gonna be hypocritical at times#you can't hate youself for that either it takes time to break habits#you need to find the line between self criticism and self hatred#love yourself Or Else. literally.#.bdo
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Is it normal for a therapist to be like "Aww but you are so young and pretty, things can't be that bad :)"
#do they just get so overwhelmed with everyone having struggles that they try to make it as if some don't as much as possible?#yes i'm known to lie at therapy but i do tell the truth at times#he asks me if i have friends and do i go out#i say “no i'm having a hard time connecting with other people”#and he is like “but it's by choice right? :)”#my sir would i have been there if things were all smiles and sunshine...#also he listened to a voice recording from a patient/acquaintance at some point and asked me my opinion#and was watching reels when i was taking a test that measured my concentration and even showed one to me while i was taking the test#despite all that i cannot say it was a bad experience though as it was really reassuring to see i was perceived as so normal by a stranger#because i always assume i must come off as a weirdo#so for me it might have been better than a proper therapy seance#but god help other patients...#“don't worry you are at very trust hands! i'm one of the best psychiatrists in the city!” he said#i should take him as a role model for confidence#but i wonder if i should go again or look for a sharper psychiatrist
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