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well i slept for maybe an hour and a half and woke up in more pain than i laid down in. and i'm not any less tired. things are going fantastic

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"he would not fucking say that" but you ever be looking at fanart and suddenly its "he would not fucking have abs"

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breakfast was 5 sticks of string cheese and a monster. at 6am. after 3 hours of sleep. i'm doing great if anyone was wondering. i have not had any trouble spelling these words correctly nor have i had to go back and fix them

might be time for a little nap though

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in positive news my beloved problem dog is getting much better at recall. which is good because she likes to try and fight the neighbor's dog through the fence and also barks at one specific roommate whenever he gets home and i don't like her doing either of those things, nor do i like having to go to her and drag her away from said activity

praising her and petting her a lot when she does what i want has generally worked wonders but it's still been kind of a battle to make that more appealing than trying to defend her territory

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people who use the queue function fill a necessary role in the tumblr ecosystem. they keep posts alive. if u miss a post bc ur entire mutualcule was reblogging it from each other in a 30min span and u were offline, the queue mutual provides u an opportunity to see that post again in 1-8 business days. they put posts in stasis in little cryogenic freezers for u to discover and enjoy later. everyone thank their queue mutuals right now

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none of those How To Eyeliner tutorials accounted for "your mirror is uncomfortably far from the edge of the counter" or "you are extremely fucking blind without your glasses"

i got it. i think. scenemo kids went with the smudged look for a reason

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follow my main fediverse account for quality content such as this

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here's my hot tip of the day. trauma is crippling, we all know that, but it isn't an excuse to hurt other people. if you find yourself always taking someone in bad faith, assuming passive aggression or ill intent, and this is because of your trauma and not their actual actions, you are pushing them away. full stop.

i get it. i've been hurt by some real assholes. i've had people twist my emotions and manipulate my fears and needs to get what they wanted out of me. and i still find those thoughts in my mind, wondering if someone is being passive aggressive or trying to punish me for something. but you know what? i do my best to not act on those thoughts. if they have a problem, they need to bring it up. i'm not a mind reader and, in fact, i assume shit that isn't happening all the time. which is why i can't act on those thoughts.

if you are on hyper alert for manipulative behavior, and you take every chance to assume ill intent because of that, you are actively pushing people away. me, personally, i am fucking sick of dealing with that and won't anymore. if you assume the worst of my intentions and then treat me as though your assumption is true, i'm going to get mad. i've dealt with that enough. if you're worried about my intentions, use your big kid words and ask me about it. if you don't actually trust me to start with, piss off.

this post brought to you by "i have no choice but to deal with my mom doing this shit"

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my mom had originally phrased the subject like, she'd come out, we'd clean where my new bed goes and set it up, she'd help me get my ID finally so i can open my own bank account (among other things), and then she'd leave. and then she vanished for 5 days because she was so sick she was barely conscious. and then once she was awake again she continued planning for things.

except now, she's only going to be here for less than two days. that's nowhere near enough time to do everything, and she wants to come here soon, so i'm supposed to have things cleaned up by then. i was expecting her help. i'm in so much pain all the time, i need that help. i sent her a picture of how bad it was and i said hey if you can't stay here long enough to actually help me with this, i think you shouldn't come right now, i'm too weak to handle cleaning all of this quickly.

and she just got really guilt-trippy about it. like she interpreted my message as "i'm too disabled to do this, so i expect you to do all of it in the short amount of time you have" and was like she's stressed about everything going on and she's gonna have to put down one of her dogs to move because said dog is reactive and all this other upsetting shit and i was like hey what. that's not what i said. i was saying i DON'T want you to handle all of this by yourself, so you shouldn't come here. and she said she can only do it now because she won't have the money to later.

sometimes i think i get so caught up in how much things have changed between us that i forget she's still like that. guilt-trippy and traumadump-y. i was very much her tiny therapist as a kid, much as things have improved i don't know that she got out of that habit.

fuck's sake. do you have any idea how utterly exhausted i am of people misinterpreting me and assuming the worst of my intentions?

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what people flagrantly misunderstand about culturally iconic ‘logicians’ like spock and sherlock holmes is that they are fuckinggggg annoying. like you canNOT write for nor adapt either of these characters properly without understanding that they are admirable in many ways, yes, but they are repeatedly and gleefully, ON PURPOSE, fucking massive nuisances to literally every sane individual around them, all the time. they love bothering people, they LOVE it, it makes them SO HAPPY, and THAT, not their brilliance, is what makes them the best. spocks a BITCH

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at this point it is practically comical how quickly any hope i have for nice things gets dashed. i am going back to bed

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"New Yorkers bite more people than sharks annually" is an excellent example of how statistics can be misleading. Like yeah no shit, do you have any idea how rare it is to even encounter a shark in the wild? They're not exactly urban animals. I'm pretty damn sure that if sharks were living in big cities like pigeons, just strolling down the streets looking for food scraps, you'd see a lot more news stories about New Yorkers biting them.

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what happened to the framed wolf puzzle?

when I moved out, I didn't take much with me. I'm not sure if my mom still has it or not but she's also moved a bit since then and I wouldn't be surprised if it didn't make it. it was very large

when I have my own space again I'll have to see about getting some wall decor like that. always love a tasteful wolf image

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i can't believe i let someone convince me that "demisexual" was a dumb label for years. bitch that's me

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Hi hi! For the ask game you posted, thoughts on doing a scene for quite a long time- like 3 days- 1 week?

I have heard of people doing something like a Dom/sub or master/mistress or goddess type scene where the participants stay in their roles for that long, but I always felt like a scene is more powerful when periodically reminded that we've both chosen to do this instead of real life stuff.

Have a lovely day!!

No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK Yes! | Oh god you don’t even know |

the idea is very sexy, but i'm not sure i'm the kind of person who could handle it. lifestyle D/s isn't something i think i'm equipped for, and that extends to lengthy scenes as well, i think.

like, okay, i'd be down to wear a collar and have the playful threat of being controlled whenever like, all the time, but also we gotta be normal people too. i am a social lovebug and i need to both be adored by and have fun with the people i care about. yes i'm your good boy and your property to do whatever you want with but also, like, let's get some snacks and play a game, that's what i'm in the mood for right now. you know?

so it's one of those things i'm 100% down to explore with characters but for me, personally, ehhhh...? not really in line with what i'm capable of.

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related to skong, i am apparently the only person who both likes hornet's dive attack and enjoys the needle bouncing

listen to me. nail bouncing was one of my least favorite parts of hollow knight. as i got farther into the game i got better at using the knight's dive attack, and in fact used it to great effect in the second hornet fight, but as soon as i got the mantis claw i laughed maniacally and put up my middle finger at all those fucking mushrooms. the sections where you have to bounce on enemies to progress broke me.

hornet's needle bounce just... works, for me. like yeah i absolutely whiff it sometimes, in some places more than others, but i so effortlessly climb through passages of fruit buds or flowers most of the time. her dive attack i also use constantly, although i'm off on the aiming enough to be used to getting killed about it.

just feels good. i also played hollow knight very recently, and for the first time, so that's absolutely affecting my comparison.

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when you want to skong but you've been awake for a frankly concerning amount of hours and it's catching up to you. #problems