#fucking anxiety
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Anyone else anxiety make them get to places super early just incase there's a delay commuting, traffic or you know a ridiculous obscure and impossible thing like Godzilla appearing out the river and attacking the city where I work?….no?!?….just my anxiety being fucking random then… 😅😂🙃😂😅
#my interview is at 8:30am#I've been in the office since 7:20am#its an internal promotion so at least I can get myself set up#fucking anxiety#I guess being so nervous and anxious is just a sign of how much I want it#ughhhh#personal#anxiety#mental health
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*pokes google doc with stick* why am I scared of you, I made you
#fucking anxiety#Anxiety#Never going to finish the damn thing if I start shaking every time I think about it#Like why#Seriously#Words made from fucking pixels are sending my anxiety sky high#Wtf
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As soon as I get over the fear of speaking a new language, the intrusive thought that practising is cringe, and my sheer lack of motivation I’ll be virtually unstoppable.
#studying languages#language#languages#greek language#Greek#french language#French#ukrainian language#Ukrainian#spanish language#Spanish#linguistics#fucking anxiety#hate that crap#intrusive thoughts too
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Ugh, I hate the feeling of taking migraine medication.
The blood vessel dilation is starting and it is a sucky sensation. But I get migraine induced vertigo without the headache sometimes (called silent migraine) and I’ve had vertigo every morning since Monday. Though, the past 3 days the migraine returns if I so much as lean back too far.
I’m hoping it’s just a migraine. My anxiety is not my friend cuz it’s convinced I have brain eating ameba cuz I got a little water in my nose while showering on the 17th. It’s been 10 days. 😩
And my neck being sore from sleeping so stiffly doesn’t help the anxiety. Trying to use logic on my anxiety doesn’t work. It just makes my anxiety react like this:
So, either it’s migraine related and I’ll be fine, or death by amebas. Thanks brain. I’ll know I’m fine if things get better in like a week or so. ::sighs::
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Can I stop being overwhelmed for FIVE MINUTES
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I feel like such a captive to my mental health.
#went to the science museum with some friends for one of their birthdays and we wanted to see the space film in the dome#which the dome is a massive theater where the screen wraps around the ceiling and such#and we took some edibles beforehand to have fun and I didn’t even take like half#and it wasn’t even that but my motion sickness made the first ten minutes so unbearable that I had to leave#and I had an anxiety attack on the way home like the first real one in like months#it’s a great reassuring thing to have happen when I’ve been trying to work on my anxiety with actually doing shit and interacting w people#I feel like I failed but like the first part was good at least???#my mom gave me money to get lunch on the way back and I couldn’t even stop I was shaking and felt like passing out#godDAMMIT dude I was doing so good#anyway I’m gonna relax because I’m exhausted now and I ordered jimmy john’s so I didn’t have to go out#fucking anxiety#hmh
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I had an experience tonight. Not the one from earlier another one. I will write down later today. Luckily my sister was called me on the phone, and I had a friend to babble endlessley to about it, because I was very shaken up.
After this other experience (haven't wrote about it yet)
this then happened at 3am -
I haven't been to sleep yet. I was just watching something on YouTube in the front room laying on the sofa. When I hear this flushing sound over and over and over I'm like. Wtff?!?
I go upstairs and it's ethans old baby potty turning on and off rapidly from ontop of the wardrobe in his room! I then go check on him hes not there, for a. minute or two I'm frantically searching for him panicked as fuck! Hearts pounding out of my chest.
Remembered hes at his dads house!!
I dont know if its my spirit guide. (I've had a few more things happen this evening, that are seriously undeniable)
I dont even know if its a negative energy messing around. I dont know if something is wrong with Ethan as it was in his room, so I've texted and called his father, he hasnt answered to just check on Ethan.
I'm trying to not think negatively, but what if he's fallen asleep with his duvet over his head or something (he does this from time to time) and overheating or something I don't know. Im trying to convince myself I'm over thinking.
honest to god!! 😭😭😭
There is no off button you have to manually remove the batteries by unscrewing. So I haven't turned it off I brought it downstairs and it stopped. I even pressed it to see if it was faulty but it's working fine!!
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20 March 2024
(3/100 days of productivity)
Today was hard for me to start… woke up with pain all over again… So I left a bit late from home, the bus was full, but the metro was empty 😅
And now I am trying to do some data analysis, while also listening to a seminar on BCI-controlled robots!🤖
#phdlife#phdblr#research assistant#researchers#honest academia#studyblr#biomedical engineering#motivation#uniblr#matlab#100 days of productivity#body pain#anxiety#fucking anxiety#seminar#bci
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No I'm not having a social anxiety freak-out about going to my second night at the queer axe throwing league, YOU ARE. >:C
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Making a phone call should be easy but when you've got a few years of customer service related trauma under your belt, it becomes an insurmountable task that fills you with dread and then makes you cry.
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Ah yes, when your only friend in the classroom joins you during P.E 'cause you have no partner, but as soon the match against the other class starts and they do a victory sign by themselfes and anxiety kicks in telling you that you're a chore for them and should stop annoying them 🥲
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Last night my mind chose spiral 🙈
It’s crazy how one interaction, perceived so differently than how it was intended, can bring up such an intense response from my nervous system, only then to be turned into 5million negative thoughts.
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I'm supposed to catch a bus in half an hour and I'm panicking like shit..
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3 AM thoughts Re:
Maybe it's my mind playing tricks on me, but for some reason I feel that all the social links I made over here meant nothing. It's that damned feeling of feeling like a bad friend that gets me.
#I think about it all the time.txt#Vent/c#Maybe it's my anxiety who knows#I really want to stop talking to the same five people#I feel like I lost a lot of things#Life goes on I guess#But really#Maybe all the people who I considered my friends really weren't my friends#Maybe I'm just another NPC in their lives and I don't really matter#I really wish that those people could see this and we could settle this#I feel like I'm slowly getting isolated from the world#Like if everyone is on their own bubble and I don't fit in any of those bubbles#Fucking anxiety
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it's so cute how my body reacts the same way when i need to make a phone call as when i have a near miss while driving and almost experience actual bodily harm
like tell me how this is an evolutionary advantage please
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It really sucks when you think you finally have a hold on your anxiety this week, but then it’s Thursday and you wake up and your body hurts all over…
#phdlife#phdblr#research assistant#researchers#honest academia#studyblr#biomedical engineering#uniblr#university#meetings#fucking anxiety#body pain#pain
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