#I'm not UNHAPPY with it
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"Welcome to Lockwood & Co."
ID Under the Cut!
ID: A picture of Lucy Carlyle and Anthony Lockwood shaking hands in the living room of 35 Portland Row. Lucy has shoulder-length light brown hair and is wearing a black and blue bomber jacket, dark denim jeans, and black sneakers. Lockwood has short, dark brown hair and is wearing a black suit, a white button-up shirt, black dress shoes, and a black tie.
To the left of the two of them is a cluttered bookshelf filled with books of varying colors and sizes, some are lined up neatly and some are stacked up on top of each other. To the right of the bookshelf is a wooden mantle over an empty fireplace, with a large mirror above it. On either side of the mirror are two small sconces. To the right of the fireplace is a hutch, with tall upper cabinets and a small desk portion. The wallpaper is a decorative circular pattern with a beige and gold color palette.
End ID
#lockwood and co#anthony lockwood#lucy carlyle#my art#look. okay. I started this piece in February.#I have been working. on this stupid goddamn drawing. for four months.#we have reached the ''ehhh fuck it. good enough.'' stage#could I spend four more months making this better? Absolutely#I could make the colors better for sure#but I'm tired of looking at it! I'm tired of it being in my files so out it goes into the wilds of the internet#I'm not UNHAPPY with it#I did a lot of background stuff for the first time and that was really nice to have so much fun with a proper background for once#but. goddamn. i'm tired of working on it. so it's good enough.
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the tradwife movement is the same as it has always been - back in the kitchen, back to breeding - it just has better branding.
when i was younger, i hated pink. i was not like other girls. this is now something i'm embarrassed of - this was not me being a "girl's girl."
but it was expressing something many of us felt at the time: i literally wasn't what girlhood was supposed to be. this is a hard thing to explain, but you know when you're not performing girlhood correctly. it isn't as easy as "i liked x when girls liked y" - because there were other girls that liked x, too - but i never figured out exactly the correct way to like x, or to be interested in y.
now there is the divine feminine. this is the same rhetoric it has always been: women are biologically driven to like pink and ribbons and submitting to our husbands.
the problem is that the patriarchy found a better PR team. because yes, actually, i want every woman to have the choice to be a homemaker. i also want her taken seriously for her legitimate home-making labor. i want her to be recognized as also having a job, just unpaid. i want men to have this opportunity, too.
but it is no longer "i made this choice and I love it." instead it is a sixteen-paragraph rant about how selfish it is that my generation isn't having kids. instead it's long videos about how if you feed your children processed foods, you're going to kill them. instead it is "this is what womanhood is supposed to be. i feel bad for any other choices you're making."
the shame spiral is just prettier. it is large houses devoid of personality. it is the implication: if you don't have this, you aren't happy. the solid, everlasting assurance: women are actually supposed to be submitting. this is the default. this is the natural state of things. all other attempts inflict suffering.
but you can no longer say i'm not like other girls. you can no longer reject this image completely. you cannot find it revolting, even if you know that the underbelly is toxic and festering. sure, it is the same repackaged patriarchy. but the internet does not have shades of grey. you should support and reward other women! your disgust is actually internalized misogyny. not because you are seeing a vision of yourself the way they're trying to train you to be. not because you feel her ghost pass within an inch of your earlobe. not because your father will eventually ask you - why can't you be like her?
because they figured out how to make it beautiful: women will sell other women on this idea, and we will find the singular loophole in feminism. sure, she's shaming you in most of her videos. sure, she implies that a different life is obscene. but she just wants you to be happy! you'd be happier if you were listening!
and the whole time you're sitting there thinking: i'd actually just be happier if i had that kind of money.
#spilled ink#writeblr#warm up#this is an incredibly difficult idea to express#but i basically keep watching the same timelooped interaction:#someone makes tradwife content where she's like ''i think it's SO sad when ppl don't have kids EW''#and then the response is ''... go fuck yourself? i think ur life is miserable and bad ?"#and instead of being like ''oh we are all under capitalism huh''#the response is like ''you CANT say that. she made a CHOICE. she is ALLOWED to have KIDS and be HAPPY#unlike YOU who is UNHAPPY bc you don't have KIDS.''#like .... these are people who will throw the first stone. and then when you lob one back#they ask why you're so violent. they tell you that you're a bad activist.#and you're like. PARDON????? you implied being a woman meant i need to submit to my husband???#and they're like - well it's just my belief. so what if i'm invalidating your entire identity.
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getting older as a kid is like yippee!! wahoo yay!! but then immediately as u enter ur early twenties ur like whoa lol hold on wait wait hold upa minute stop
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being aromantic is like. hey btw you're going to live a life that is the culmination of most of society's worst nightmares. sorry lol ✌️ but then you turn around and take a really good hard look at it and it turns out that living in that nightmare is fucking awesome and you get to wake up every day and take that fear that other people have and laugh and hold it close until it's a great joy for you instead. and being happy is a radical act that you define instead of someone else. and you're sexy as fuck that's just a fact of life i don't make the rules on that one
#aromantic people are just sexy i'm not making the decisions here it's just facts#course ur hot as fuck. it came free with the aromanticism#being sexy is just default settings for aromantic people 👍#hope this all helps. anyway i'm on my 'i hope i die alone <3 i can't wait to die alone <3' kick rn#i think the existential fear that people have of Not Partnering specifically is so. well.#obviously that shit is strong and it is SO awesome to be free of it.#realizing you're aro and you don't Want a partner can be such a hit to the solar plexus#cause society says that's the only thing that'll make you happy. so either you go without that thing or you force yourself#into doing something you don't want which would make you unhappy anyway.#so you think it's a lose lose situation and you have to come to terms with what amatonormativity presents as the worst possible situation#but then! whoa! turns out personhood is inherently valuable in and of itself and romantic partnering is just a construct!#and that nightmare is now your life to do with as you please... define as you will... structure as you want...#best case scenario. is what i'm saying.#every day i wake up ready to spit all that amatonormative rhetoric back in life's teeth by being alone and being happy#and it's so fucking satisfying. every day.#fucking JUBILANT being by myself. and i love being a living breathing 'fuck you' to the romantic system#you need a partner to be happy? oh that's sooo fucking crazy guess i'll go be miserable then. in my perfect fucking dream life lmao#yeah obviously it's the worst possible outcome on earth to die without a partner. so terrible. can't wait for it :)#aromantic#aromanticism#aro positivity#aroace#arospec#sorry to bitches who are sad about not having a partner. i could not give a fuck though get better soon#you couldn't EVER pay me enough to go back to a mindset in which my inherent value wasn't enough by myself.#FUCK that shit. absolutely miserable and a bad life outlook in general. like genuinely do the work w/ amatonormativity and get better#life is something that can be so fulfilling whether someone wants to kiss you or whatever or not#i'm on antidepressants and i have people i care deeply about. what the fuck would i need a partner for lmao
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Delighted to discover that the way shadow unlocks new abilities in sxsg is a perfect parallel of the pringles iron maiden
#fr the genuine unhappiness of those cutscenes paired with the 'yahoo!' energy of the unlock Kills me each time#rewatched a few of them to get a ref of that weird gear thing and realized they actually made unique character animations for each one#like I thought they were just reusing shadow writhing in agony every time but No they did a Whole New Thing each go around!#I respect the dedication to making unique iterations of one guy having a very not good time#sxsg#shadow#shadow the hedgehog#sonic x shadow generations#I don't thiiink this counts as a spoiler? cause most of those cutscenes were already shared in trailers?#lmk if i'm off base there#doodles#my art#comic#anyways the pringles iron maiden kills me again like it's impossible for that dialogue to not be fucking hilarious#i'll probably reblog the ling one tomorrow it's still one of my favorite things i've ever drawn lmfao#the 'SHIT FUCKING HELL!!!' always gets me#slowly figuring out how to draw this guy#these games have a very unique style especially for the eyes and mouths that's a bit of a trick to get used to
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Ashla
#this took me 30h to make 😭😭😭#and I'm still unhappy with the result#star wars#ahsoka tano#ahsoka#the clone wars#star wars rebels#sw rebels#my art#animated
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Grab the bull by the horns
#gabe having a Normal One while getting his ass handed to him is a favorite genre of mine#i am deeply attracted to the railcannon#I'm kinda unhappy with this but I can't tell why so whatever here#v1#v1 ultrakill#gabriel ultrakill#gabv1el#ultrakill#art tag
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Something nameless is growing between Steve and Eddie. Steve wonders how long it'll take until this thing has a name, but for now, it's enough that it's just something. Something good. Something just for them. A secret of the most delicious kind.
He doesn't necessarily want to lie to Dustin, of course, but he doesn't really know what else to do. Not as long as this thing between him and Eddie is still nameless and Dustin is basically cornering him in the Hawkins High parking lot, way too enthusiastic about the fact that he's there to pick up Nancy.
'No, it's not a date, you little shrimp,' he repeats for what feels like the millionth time. And that statement couldn't be more true: he and Nancy are long past their weird post-breakup-end-of-the-world confusion. It's been good to reconnect with her and he's glad that they can truly be good friends, now.
Dustin shoots him an unimpressed glare and Steve groans in frustration when the boy opens his mouth to retort.
'I'm actually seeing someone else,' he says before Dustin can speak again. If he has to hear him say one more time that he should date either Nancy or Robin, he might actually punch him in the face. And he doesn't want to do that. Not really.
Dustin gasps.
'Why didn't you tell me?!'
'Because you're being annoying as shit about my love life,' Steve shoots back.
Dustin already opens his mouth for some smartass reply, but they get interrupted by a high-pitched scream. Steve whips his head only to find Eddie dramatically running towards them, limbs flailing and a huge grin on his face.
'Stevie!' he shouts out while crashing into Steve like a cannonball. Steve huffs, but is all too happy to catch him in his arms. He knows he shouldn't let his touch linger too long, not with Dustin right there, but it's really fucking difficult to pull back within an appropriate timeframe.
'What are you doing here?' Eddie looks hopeful, like he's suspecting that Steve came to the school for him.
'I'm meeting Nancy,' he admits, feeling almost guilty about it.
'He was just telling me about this girl he's seeing!' Dustin exclaims. 'Can you believe he didn't tell me? Did you know about this, Eddie?'
Eddie's smile falls off his face within a split second, and he takes a stumbling step backwards.
'You're seeing a girl?' His voice has gone cold. Betrayal shines from his big brown eyes.
'Eddie,' Steve starts, but he doesn't know what else to say – not with Dustin standing right there and hearing every word of their conversation.
'Go fuck yourself, Harrington.' He spits the words out and turns around, leaving Steve frozen and Dustin open-mouthed.
'Eddie, wait!' Steve calls out behind him, but Eddie only throws his arm up to flip him off, without looking back.
'Shit, fuck, damnit,' Steve mumbles under his breath as he runs after Eddie.
'Eddie, listen.' He grabs his leather-clad arm, but Eddie breaks himself free from Steve's grip with force. He finally looks at Steve again, tears in his eyes.
'I don't wanna hear it,' he says with a trembling voice as he reaches his van and climbs inside.
'But Dustin was–'
'Dustin was pretty damn clear.'
'No, it's all a –'
But Eddie slams the door shut while the word misunderstanding dies on Steve's tongue unheard. Steve watches helplessly how Eddie roughly wipes a hand over his face, puts his keys in the ignition as if he's stabbing someone, and drives off.
'Steve, what the fuck,' Dustin's voice says; when Steve looks to his right, he sees that Dustin has appeared next to him. 'He thought you were his friend! Why didn't you tell him about your girl?' It sounds accusatory, and Steve can't fucking deal with this right now.
'Why didn't you shut your goddamned big mouth for once in your life?' he snaps at him.
Dustin's eyes go wide with the surprise of Steve talking to him with that much venom in his voice; it's clear that he finally realizes he did something wrong.
'Steve, I – I didn't mean to – I didn't know he'd get mad!'
Steve sighs, long and heavy.
'Go home, Henderson,' he says stiffly.
He wishes that the genuinely apologetic look on Dustin's face would be enough to make it all good, but it isn't. Not as long as he still has the look in Eddie's eyes when he drove away burnt on his retina.
'I'm sorry, Steve.' And with slumped shoulders, Dustin turns around and trudges towards the bike racks.
Update: you can read pt2 here
#I'M SORRY I PROMISE I'LL FIX IT#2 more parts will be up soon#i don't do unhappy endings and that is a rule i'll never break alright#don't mind me rambling about stranger things#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#dustin henderson#stranger things#fruity ficlet
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my gun-loving, car guy, "i'm the straightest man i know" brother who just finished baldur's gate 3 talking about astarion:
#astarion#baldur's gate 3#we had a long conversation about the end of the game#mostly about astarion and karlach#he says he took multiple days to decide how to handle karlach's ending :`D#but i was just so amused by his reaction to astarion lol#he's like ''i loved my paladin's bromance with astarion! he's my best friend!'#and i was like ''oh that's nice i never even got out of neutral approval with him when i was playing paladin''#and he was like ''you can check characters' approval? o.O''#so while astarion was def his paladin's best friend‚ i'm not so sure his paladin was astarion's best friend if you know what i mean 😂#he was also unhappy that his character just let astarion run off at the end without trying to follow him and make sure he was okay#and at gale for making a snarky comment about it#he was like ''i should have let him ascend 😭''#''if this was real life i wouldn't just let my friend run off like that!''#also: ftr despite my facetious description above let it be known that my brother is the kindest most accepting brother a dyke could ask for#he just also has a lot of stereotypical ''straight guy'' interests
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TFTober 9 - Support
#gopher art#tf2 medic#tf2 sniper#tf2 spy#tftober#team fortress 2#sorry this is support to me at their most flanderized#medic is a goofy sexpot. sniper is awkwardly there. spy is an unhappy french peanut#also I'm dying. I've been studying for an exam for two fucking days
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Cut the cake.
#Mouthwashing#Mouthwashing game#Jimmy Mouthwashing#Curly Mouthwashing#my art#artists on tumblr#gore#in an absolute manic haze I drew these almost nonstop tonight for.... 5 hours??? maybe more??? I'm unhappy but its more important I tried#and made something#I don't want my life to be something I'm running away from
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Just looked up the word "frown" because i wasn't sure about spelling for a moment and-
WHAT DO YOU MEAN FROWNING IS WHAT YOUR BROWS DO NOT WHAT YOUR MOUTH DOES???
why is this:
called a frown if it doesn't even have eyebrows
Bruh this is why my autistic ass struggles so much with facial expressions, wtf do u mean it's eyebrows that show frowning
I practically never emote with my eyebrows unless i'm doing something deliberately like raising them or scrunching my nose, how was i supposed to know other people do that and what it means
#also in my defense english is my second language#and my language does not actually have a word for frowning#so it just translates to “looking unhappy” and how am i supposed to know anything from that#not that people explaining what expressions are supposed to look like has ever helped me recognize them on real people#autistic#or maybe i'm just stupid
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ultimately when it comes to shipping and fandom space treatment of aspec characters i just don't accept "aro/ace people can still date/have sex" as an answer from nonaspecs. like yeah. mhm. okay. now i think we both know that you're not saying that out of real interest in the diversity of aspec experiences. so you can turn in your seventeen-page essay on why and how you plan to examine this character's aspec identity within the context of a romantic or sexual relationship complete with evidence from canon and peer reviews from multiple aspec people within the next week or i'm putting you in the pit from the edgar allen poe story
#you know. the one with the pendulum#'hey. why are you as an allo person shipping this aspec character like this'#'oh aspec people can still date/have sex!'#'yeah. now can you answer the question that i actually asked you'#like goddamn just say you don't care they're aspec and you want to fulfill a sexual/romantic fantasy with them. that's Fine#it like. sucks. for sure. lotta aspec people will be unhappy with you. but everyone is entitled to their own wants and experiences.#but i'd prefer you just be honest with it rather than using our community's conversation points as retroactive justification#and ONCE AGAIN. you guys are real fucking cavalier with this shit and it shows a real fundamental lack of respect for aspecs#when most of you would NEVER ship a canonically gay character with the 'other' gender. cause again. it would suck.#you can do it. nobody's Stopping you. but it would suck.#and we understand that putting a queer character in situations that erase that queerness is shitty! until it comes to aspec characters!#and whoa... there it is again... people don't consider aspec identities to be queer... crazy how it always comes back to that#anyway. you all know what i'm talking about. have seen many posts about this lately#it is [ long sigh ] unfortunately a very hot button issue with the advent lately of alastor hazbinhotel#which. again. god i wish there were other canon aspec characters to be having this conversation about.#but we'll have to do our best with what we have#aromantic#aromanticism#arospec#aroace#talking#aspec#asexual#asexuality
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consider,,,a lucanis who is in love with emmrich, a spite who is in love with rook, a rook in love with emmrich, and emmrich who is in love with all three but wants lucanis, spite, and rook to get together because he feels he is not the type of man any of them deserve...
bonus points for spite being the one to realize just what sort of love quadrilateral is going on and is the one to get them all together.
#the angst potential alone#if i can convince my brain to write something other than smut i will in fact consider writing this#JUST. THEM BEING SO MESSY.#SPITE REALIZING THAT EMMRICH IS GETTING CLOSER TO LUCANIS TO TRY AND SWAY ROOK INTO FALLING FOR THEM#LUCANIS REALIZING THAT EMMRICH IS IN LOVE WITH ROOK AND DECIDING EMMRICH'S HAPPINESS IS MORE IMPORTANT#SO HE CONSIGNS HIMSELF TO HIS UNHAPPINESS#Rook could also be in love with all three in this scenario but i think it'd be SO FASCINATING for it to be Emmrich!!#Emmrich lamenting that he found the people he loves at a time he believes to be too late#consigning himself to a bachelor's life. he has his studies he has manfred he's content#and then he meets lucanis who is EXACTLY the type of man he fancied as a young man#Someone with so much heart but some rougish charm. appearing cold but so fucking warm under the surface. misunderstood perhaps#the same way he and death are#and so he is smitten. taken by this man and his watchful eye and his steady hands. fascinated by the demon living inside him#the demon who is so curious about this world. who craves to live and understand and emmrich who at his core wants nothing more than to TEAC#and rook. gods emmrich not having the same instant attraction as he did to lucanis but it all hitting him in the chest one night#reckless rook who takes blows they could have dodged to protect him. who always treats his necromancy with respect and curiosity#rook who always reaches out to touch him but stops their hand just shy of making contact. rook who is uncertain but willing to try#rook who is YOUNG and full of possibility and deserves more than whatever shell emmrich believes himself to be#i am just!!!!!!! do you see my VISION#something can happen here!! i'm fucking telling ya'll!!!!!#emmrich volkarin#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age rook#dragon age veilguard#lucanis x emmrich#lucanis x rook#spite x rook#emmrich x rook#emmrich x lucanis#emmrich x rook x lucanis
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You Are Out Of Hope. The World Will Never Be The Same
@padabana
#ShinsArt#I tried something new with this and did something funky with the perspective#It turned out pretty ok for a first attempt!#I really like how the shading and stuff turned out but I'm super unhappy with the balloons </3#Honestly debated getting rid of them but the BG was really plain without so#*Chucks this at you and runs*
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"how do i better differentiate jigen's n' lupin's designs" easy. make him a slut
#lupin iii#lupin the third#lupin the 3rd#jigen#jigen daisuke#certified shmeepy original#my art#daisuke jigen#/j. but only a little bit#vest is a start but there could be just a little bit MORE y'know?#solution: jacket b gone#he can roll his sleeves down or put his jacket back on if he wants to but consider i like it when his forearms are Exposed#my jigen design is the only one i'm consistently unhappy with#which is a problem because i draw him the most by like. a long shot#i think this one's a winner tho. fingers crossed 🤞
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