#this is an incredibly difficult idea to express

[chokkzou]

(＞。☆) ﹑ MY FIRST BOYFRIEND⠀✶⠀

︵︵ sypnosis : being in a relationship for the first time isn't easy, especially for these kids. you're their first love, and while each of you shows it in your own way—awkward, nervous, or dreamy—you're all learning.

𓄹𓈒     isagi, hiori, kurona, ness & nagi !

Isagi has always had a strong theoretical understanding of love, but when it comes to real-life experience, he's a complete disaster.

His analytical mindset extends to relationships, making him overthink every interaction. "Is this the right thing to do? Am I doing this correctly? Should I be doing this at all?" His mind is constantly racing with questions.

When he doesn’t know what to do, he turns to external sources—reading relationship articles or watching tutorials on "How to Be a Good Boyfriend" as if they were game strategies. Even the smallest gestures, like holding hands or sending a sweet message, make him incredibly nervous—not because he lacks feelings, but because he fears ruining everything.

What he doesn’t realize is that his genuine effort and desire to be a good boyfriend make him adorably imperfect, leading to unexpectedly sweet moments.

Hiori doesn’t know how to express his emotions properly. He’s great at thinking about what he wants to do for you, but terrible at actually saying it.

He never expected to be in a relationship, and now that he is, he’s more confused than excited. His mind is full of things he wants to do and say, but in practice… he just can’t get the words out.

He stays up at night rehearsing ways to tell you how much he cares, only to end up blurting out a dry, "I like you." He thinks it was a disaster, but your smile melts him completely.

If you suddenly grab his hand, his brain short-circuits. His face turns red, and he starts overanalyzing everything. "Do couples always hold hands? Should I do something in return? What if I kiss them on the cheek? Wait—is it too soon for that?!"

The cutest thing is that, even though it’s difficult for him, he tries. And when he finally thinks he’s done something right—like hugging you out of nowhere or letting you rest your head on his shoulder—he sneaks a glance at you, silently asking: "Did you like that? Was it okay?"

In the end, he realizes that love isn’t about being perfect, just being honest with you.

Kurona may seem calm, but in reality, he’s nervous about everything.

He acts like being in a relationship isn’t a big deal, but inside, he’s overwhelmed. Physically, he looks composed; mentally, he’s panicking. "What am I supposed to do now?"

From the very first day, he wonders if there are specific rules he should follow. Should he text you good morning and good night every day? What if he forgets? Does that make him a bad boyfriend?

The first time you tried to hug him in public, he completely froze. His whole body went stiff—not because he didn’t like it, but because he wasn’t prepared. After ten seconds of shock, he finally leans into you, just a little.

He takes forever to get used to affection. If you ruffle his hair or give him a quick peck on the cheek, he stands still like a statue—not because he dislikes it, but because his brain just shuts down.

Deep down, he loves it; he’s just never experienced this kind of attention before and has no idea how to handle it.

Ness has an idealized view of love, almost like a fairytale.

Ever since he was young, he imagined love as something straight out of a movie—perfect, effortless, and full of magical moments.

But now that he’s in a real relationship, he realizes that love isn’t like in the movies at all, and it completely throws him off.

He tries his hardest to make everything perfect, as if he can create the ideal romance where every date and every gesture is flawless. But he doesn’t account for misunderstandings, awkward moments, or things not going as planned. These little imperfections worry him.

However, when he finally lets go of his need for perfection and just enjoys being with you, he starts to see the true beauty of love. It’s not about getting everything right—it’s about sharing moments that feel real.

Nagi has no idea what to do because he’s too used to his own little world.

He’s always lived at his own pace—if something wasn’t fun or interesting, he’d just stop doing it. But now, with a boyfriend, his mind is in total chaos.

At first, he thought just being together was enough, but when he sees you and other couples acting more "romantic," he starts wondering if he’s doing something wrong.

When you surprise him with a kiss on the cheek, he freezes completely—like he’s been punched in the gut. He has no clue how to react, but his mind is screaming: "That was okay… right?"

He feels like he’s being thrown out of his comfort zone, but deep down, he likes it—even if he doesn’t know how to handle it.

And when you hug him, poor Nagi is so lost. Not because he doesn’t want to hug you back, but because he has no idea how. He overthinks it like it’s some kind of test, wondering if he’s doing it right.

If you try to hug him in public, he’ll get so tense that he might even walk faster to escape the situation. But when you’re alone in his room, he can’t stop smiling—even if it’s just a little.

Even though he’s a genius at soccer, in love, he’s like a kid learning to walk. But what he loves most is that you guide him. He doesn’t say it, but with every small gesture, he feels more secure.

He realizes that he doesn’t have to understand everything—he just has to enjoy the moment with you.

[inkskinned]

the tradwife movement is the same as it has always been - back in the kitchen, back to breeding - it just has better branding.

when i was younger, i hated pink. i was not like other girls. this is now something i'm embarrassed of - this was not me being a "girl's girl."

but it was expressing something many of us felt at the time: i literally wasn't what girlhood was supposed to be. this is a hard thing to explain, but you know when you're not performing girlhood correctly. it isn't as easy as "i liked x when girls liked y" - because there were other girls that liked x, too - but i never figured out exactly the correct way to like x, or to be interested in y.

now there is the divine feminine. this is the same rhetoric it has always been: women are biologically driven to like pink and ribbons and submitting to our husbands.

the problem is that the patriarchy found a better PR team. because yes, actually, i want every woman to have the choice to be a homemaker. i also want her taken seriously for her legitimate home-making labor. i want her to be recognized as also having a job, just unpaid. i want men to have this opportunity, too.

but it is no longer "i made this choice and I love it." instead it is a sixteen-paragraph rant about how selfish it is that my generation isn't having kids. instead it's long videos about how if you feed your children processed foods, you're going to kill them. instead it is "this is what womanhood is supposed to be. i feel bad for any other choices you're making."

the shame spiral is just prettier. it is large houses devoid of personality. it is the implication: if you don't have this, you aren't happy. the solid, everlasting assurance: women are actually supposed to be submitting. this is the default. this is the natural state of things. all other attempts inflict suffering.

but you can no longer say i'm not like other girls. you can no longer reject this image completely. you cannot find it revolting, even if you know that the underbelly is toxic and festering. sure, it is the same repackaged patriarchy. but the internet does not have shades of grey. you should support and reward other women! your disgust is actually internalized misogyny. not because you are seeing a vision of yourself the way they're trying to train you to be. not because you feel her ghost pass within an inch of your earlobe. not because your father will eventually ask you - why can't you be like her?

because they figured out how to make it beautiful: women will sell other women on this idea, and we will find the singular loophole in feminism. sure, she's shaming you in most of her videos. sure, she implies that a different life is obscene. but she just wants you to be happy! you'd be happier if you were listening!

and the whole time you're sitting there thinking: i'd actually just be happier if i had that kind of money.

[rawliverandgoronspice]

re: sympathetic ganondorf vs evil for evil’s sake ganondorf, i think this is misrepresenting and underselling what’s actually offputting to people

“i’m evil because i’m evil” or “i’m evil because demise is evil” and the associated lust for power simply for its own sake has always been lame and low effort. there’s a reason it’s “shit tier” on the classic “villain motive tiers” thing

“i’m evil but there’s enough nuance to make the player at least somewhat sympathetic to me even if i’m still ultimately a bad guy” is a good thing that people like? i’ve never personally interacted with a zelda player who thinks windwaker ganondorf ruined the character or anything - he’s generally regarded as the gold standard of villain writing both in and out of zelda. this is roughly “high tier” on the tier chart

“actually TWIST i’m not evil at all, it’s the good guys who were evil all along, i’ve done nothing wrong and i’m completely justified in my righteous quest against the status quo, you’re the real secret true villain for being complicit in preserving it” is technically regarded as “elder god tier” on the motive tier chart but i would personally label it as “oscar bait tier”. these things *can* be compelling in conversation with the existing landscape, but often it comes across as a deliberate effort to subvert the audience’s expectations for the sake of being unpredictable (or worse, for the sake of proving you’re the smartest one in the room). in separate works where this conversation/critique is the entire point (eg. Watchmen or The Boys), that’s not necessarily a bad thing, and the audience sets their expectations accordingly. in an established, long-running franchise, however, this almost always reads as dripping with contempt for the audience, like walking into a room and going “you morons like this shit? let me, a person much smarter than you, explain what it’s Actually about, because you’re an idiot if you’ve been a fan of this series before now”

on top of that, in the context of a series like zelda, this type of story feels myopic and disrespectful to the future of the series. “welp i burned down the 20+ years of lore behind this character so i could do a deconstruction, good luck using them in any capacity in the future, sounds like a you problem”

all this is to say, i think it’s a bit disingenuous/strawman-y to suggest that people put off by this want ganondorf to have 0 depth at all. there’s a lot of room for different kinds of depth, it’s just that the trend of the last decade has been for “depth” to mean “condescending deconstruction”

Hey!

Thanks for taking the time to write this ask, I think it warrants an interesting conversation. To me, there's like, a lot of things about what you're saying, and tbh I do see where you're coming from --in part.

First thing first... No yeah unfortunately some people Are hostile to even WW Ganondorf. It's been a rising trend in the fandom since TotK was released --people being very against the concept of any additional complexity to the character, either not getting it or considering anything he says pure manipulation that doesn't even warrant a conversation, literally making fun of people who were intrigued by this and wanting more out of this particular thread. This position not only absolutely exists within the fandom --less so on tumblr, I'll agree there-- but it's not even hard to stumble upon as a pretty regular opinion that gets tossed around. I had some interesting asks thrown my way, let's say. The idea that Ganondorf is a remotely interesting character that deserves more thought than what he gets is very much Extremely not the norm, and the very fact that you, as a fan, likes him as a guy is perceived as weird and missing the point by a lot of people. Like a lot a lot of people.

So I'll just... I guess I haven't clarified my position in a while, so I will reclarify my position on our favorite evil dude: I do like him perfectly fine as a villain, I do not want him to be "redeemed" by the narrative, I think he works fantastically as an ongoing threat, I think they could make him even scarier and more offputting and that would be super fun and thrilling... and I also think he already is complex. Like, inherently. Everything Nintendo has been putting into him since his first appearance is complicated --even their attempts at flattening him back in TotK do not fully work because they can't scrub him of the extremely loaded ideas they injected into him from the get-go. Nobody forced Nintendo to do a Mega Orientalism when inventing him, nobody made them write the NPCs to have this super weird antagonistic relationship to the gerudos in OoT, nobody made them have all this lore of the one man born every hundred years, raised by twin witches --and then nobody made them press on that tension point in Wind Waker explicitely, and then, in a more subtle fashion, in TP too. Nobody forced their hand when it came to having the strange "round ear" situation, suggesting (confirmed even, in additional canon) gerudos are born unblessed. The fact of the matter is: everything to make the relationship between Hyrule and the gerudos complicated has been there since 1998. There's no need for a Switcharoo to prove that anyone is smarter than the audience: everything messy has always been baked within the worldbuilding itself. It's in the cartridges already!!

Perspective on it is what could change, though --because, except in Wind Waker, we never get even a hint of a sense that we should think, as an audience, that Hyrule's super weird relationship to the gerudos is maybe questionable. Worth thinking about at least. Which, given the optics, is wild to me that to bring this particular can of worms up is still very largely considered crazy talk within the fandom (that, or the Sheikah situation across the series, also insane in many ways). And yes, it would perhaps lead to themes that are a bit heavier than what Zelda has been overtly dealing with (though, again, Majora's Mask exists --and I do find a lot of unpacked ideas in the Wild Era, like the very unquestionned gerudo bridal pipeline, very uhhh unfortunate already if I'm being honest --even moreso because it is unquestioned). But Zelda, when well handled narratively, can do wonderful things with evocative subtext, open doors never fully crossed, a lynchian pressure on what should feel offputting. We don't even need a sad monologue about it. It doesn't even need to be handled explicitely. But I think the pressure point is just better when understood and incorporated in some form, instead of being denied so hard the world itself start to feel incomplete and unlived.

I do want to say... I get what you mean with the whole "oscar bait" thing. There has been, historically and in recent years, a tendency to be driven by an external, almost panicked sense of morality rather than by the internal drive of a story, its internal thematic logic. I also do think it can feel very corporate, very "Disney looking back at its own movies and scrubbing off everything Buzzfeed deemed problematic in 2014 while making everything glossy and lifeless and awful" and it's not that great!!! and tbh I can't say I would trust Nintendo to handle any appreciation for the fact that the story of an eternal golden kingdom cheering on beating the evil outsiders who want to corrupt everything good and pure and blonde about that perfect inherently good place, is like, extremely not neutral. It absolutely is a delicate thread to weave, and I agree that putting a definitive end to Hyrule is probably not the smartest IP move to do. But, Hyrule doesn't have to be condemned as Bad, it can be merely complicated. And ongoing, regardless. To keep on with the Disney parallel: The Lion King would feel weird if we started to peel off the internal politics of the hyenas, it's just not the right place for it, when everything about this story revolves around the Righteousness of the Divine Right to Rule. But if the Lion King was an ongoing series that had been looping on itself for a while... wouldn't it make sense to figure out how to achieve majesty by studying other angles too, eventually? Is it that strange to suggest the exercise is like, possible? That it can be handled with artistry and soul?

I feel like... Yes, to acknowledge Ganondorf's humanity --not even to coddle it, just to acknowledge it-- implies taking in everything that makes him who he is, and that might rattle some foundational ideas about why this ancestral fight is even happening in the first place. I also do not think it means that he must be Good now. He can still punch a child and cackle maniacally, he can still be unredeemable --he can still destroy himself and others out of the most unconstructive spite ever, and we can still see the purpose in defeating him while basking in the "yea....." left in his wake (Wind Waker did that!!! Wind Waker did that and then we had more Zelda games!! crazy how that happened). This is hardly undoable. It does take some narrative skill, and some commitment to taking a bit of a risk, but Ganondorf is genuinely unmanageable as a character if you insist on your refusal to acknowledge his foundations --and I think it's partially why TotK's story is such a mess. He sells a TON, but you can't have him breathe slightly too loud without risking the entire world falling apart. They did try in TotK, so very hard, and to me they still failed--as insane as he behaves, Hyrule still doesn't come out of this looking good or particularly justified, because the very central core of Ganondorf's character is to be subjugated, and then rebelling in a destructive and brutally selfish, uncompromising manner that ends up robbing him of humanity --and the discomfort of that premise will therefore always haunt the conversation. Nintendo dug themselves into that mess. I feel like a lot of the Ganondorf fans I know merely... point at that. At the mess. And I feel like the longer the games avoid this mess, the more coats of spinach green they slather ontop of his skin, and the more nonsensical characterization they pile up, and the more Ganondorf will become a parody of who he once was, and what made him compelling to begin with.

And to top it all off, as if he wasn't contentious and complicated enough to handle already, they leaned into the internet turning him into a sex symbol for some fucking reason??? Yeah I genuinely have no idea how Nintendo will manage this dude moving forward, because to me, he is, at best, an endless source of (very lucrative) headaches, and at worst a ticking time bomb. I'm not sure how long they can get away with that TotKification strategy, is what I mean.

(Also: I tried to not overdwell on all the incredibly complicated conversation re: race and orientalism, but it's borderline impossible to have this conversation without acknowledging that I have never seen a major pop culture villain receive more pushback against "woobification" than him, and I don't think it's a complete coincidence let's say :) )

[ariestrxsh]

🖤 content warning: 🖤 smut, public teasing, public punishment, blowjob, degradation, humiliation, use of blindfold, use of restraints, spitting, light slapping, light choking, fingering, pussy slapping, dacryphilia, use of sex toys in public, exhibitionism/voyeurism, mean!roughdom!chris, mean!roughdom!matt, brattysub!reader

🖤 summary: 🖤 after capitalizing off of a chance to tease chris and matt, making them both cum on stream and nearly humiliate them in front of their fans, they retaliate against you and give you a taste of your own medicine.

🖤 this fic name/song was inspired/requested by this ask and the concept was inspired/requested by this ask 💖 this is only the first part, and there will be multiple parts to this story. just a heads up, it gets rougher.

peaches & eggplants part one 💖

You knew Chris and Matt were going to punish you for what you were about to do, but you just couldn't wait until they were done streaming. They were both perched at the edge of their seats in front of the monitor while Matt played fortnite and Chris watched, arguing amongst each other while a naughty idea crossed your mind.

The viewers weren't supposed to know you were in the room with them, so you hung back out of view of the camera. The nice thing about this was Matt and Chris couldn't stop you without drawing attention to you, and you knew they wouldn't do that, and with Nick still out of the country, you could practically get away with anything temporarily.

You stayed out of sight from the audience while you got on your hands and knees and stealthily crawled across the floor until you were under the desk between Matt's legs. He and Chris were both in grey sweatpants, and they knew how mad it drove you whenever they'd wear them.

You peered up at the two brothers above you, both sets of eyes fixed on the screen, blissfully unaware of what you had up your sleeve. Your red-painted fingernails gently brushed over the bulge in Matt's sweats, alerting him to your presence, and he looked down at you under the desk with a shocked expression on his face.

He quickly pulled his gaze back to Fortnite and tried to act like everything was normal, but he gently swatted away at your hand, a lazy attempt to get you to cut it out. You persisted, tugging at the waistband until Matt's member sprung out from behind the cotton fabric.

This sudden movement tipped off Chris to your mischevious plan to get one - or both - of them off while on stream with thousands of people. Chris stared down at you in disbelief as you wrapped your hand around Matt's already half-hard cock and started playing with it while you innocently looked into his eyes, nibbling on your lower lip.

He clenched his jaw, giving you a flash of contempt, and you batted your eyelashes at him as if to silently say, "Oh, what? You're mad at little old me?"

Chris couldn't take his eyes off of the way you skillfully stroked Matt's length, and the audience started to notice the shift in the energy.

"What do you guys think they're looking at?" One fan asked. "What's under the desk?" Someone else typed into the chat.

Matt thanked a few people who gifted while trying to remain composed, but you made that incredibly difficult when you wrapped your lips around him and started gently sucking on the tip, making him fully erect.

Chris stared down in awe at the way you teased his brother, secretly wishing he could feel your mouth. Matt started playing badly due to the distraction in the room, but other than that, he did a decent job at acting nonchalant.

That was until you made his entire rod disappear behind your lips, the head lightly tickling the back of your throat. He threw his head back and let out a sigh but tried to play it off as a reaction to his character dying in the game.

Matt peeked down every few seconds to steal a glance at the way you looked nearly swallowing him whole. He secretly loved having you do such an intimate thing while trying to keep it a secret from thousands of people.

You furiously pumped your hand back and forth while you bobbed up on and down on Matt's length, and he placed his hand over his mouth to suppress the sounds he so desperately wanted to make and to conceal the way he was gnawing through his bottom lip.

Before he could get too close, you took your attention away from Matt and made your way between Chris' legs. He intently watched you with his eager, blue eyes and even lifted his hips for you to help get his sweats off. He relished in the sensation of your soft, pink lips engulfing his member, your tongue swirling around on his mushroom-shaped tip, and your hand massaging his shaft.

Since he was just watching Matt play Fortnite, he was able to let his hands wander. He combed his fingers through your hair and placed his palm on the back of your head, encouraging you to take him deeper. You looked up at him with your big, hungry eyes while you quietly gagged on his cock.

You took him out of your mouth, kneeling down beneath the two of them while you stroked them both at the same time. The two brothers did their best to hold it together and keep their eyes on the screen, but you just looked so good teasing them that they couldn't properly focus.

A few more suspecting people spoke up in the chat. "What does Chris keep looking at?"

"Why is Chris smiling down at his lap?"

"Wonder why Matt is playing so badly. They should play DTI."

You continued pumping your hands back and forth, seeing which of them you could make cum first, like it was a game. Both of their swollen tips stared back at you, leaking a pretty, pearlescent substance. Simultaneously, both of their cocks began twitching against your palms, and they each erupted, blowing their loads into your hands while they each let out a satisfied sigh.

Thankfully, Matt's character died once more at the same time they both finished, so given the context, most of the audience misconstrued their sounds as disappointment. But a few chats came through, speculating.

"Why did that sound so...?"

"That's how I'm trying to make them sound."

As their thick, white fluids coated both of your hands, Matt and Chris said their goodbyes to the chat. "We have a persistent problem we need to go take care of," Chris stated, glancing down at you before ending the stream.

You knew you were in for it, and you didn't know in which way they would punish you, but a mixture of excitement and nervousness flooded your system once the camera was off.

"You like being a naughty little whore, huh? Making me and my brother cum on stream together?" Matt inquired, giving you a serious look. "Yeah, you like making a fool out of us? Couldn't wait til we were done, you desperate little slut?" Chris smirked down at you.

"You know, Chris. I think we should give her a taste of her own medicine," Matt declared, looking over at his brother. "I think that's the best idea you've ever had, Matt. Needy little whore should know how it feels to try to hold it together while having an audience," Chris replied, reaching under the desk and dragging you out from under it.

"Go be a good girl for once, go wash off your hands, and put on your prettiest dress for us, hmm?" Matt requested. You nodded and did as he said while Matt and Chris changed out of their cum soaked sweats and into nice outfits as well.

They both put on white tank top, jeans, and flannels, and when they emerged from their bedrooms, Matt was holding a pair of handcuffs, and Chris had a bandana in his hand. You were in a simple black dress and red heels that matched your manicured nails, and they both looked you up and down while they came up behind you.

"It's better if you don't fight back, princess," Matt whispered into your ear while he closed the handcuffs down around your wrists. "Yeah, we're just gonna take you somewhere real nice. That's all," Chris whispered into your other ear while he blindfolded you with the bandana.

Your mind explored the possibilities while the two brothers each grabbed one of your arms, yanking you around and leaving red marks on your flesh while they forced you out to the car and practically threw you into the back seat.

Matt got into the driver's seat, and you heard the familiar sound of the key turning in the ignition and the engine turning over while you felt Chris get into the back seat with you. The car started moving, and you had no idea where the three of you were going, but the unknown intrigued you, and you felt a warm, wet sensation forming between your legs.

This was made worse when Chris grabbed ahold of your face with his rough, veiny hands, forced open your jaw, and stuck his long fingers into your mouth. "You've been a bad little girl," Chris taunted you while you sucked on his fingers. He relished in how soft and wet your pretty little mouth felt.

Once he removed his digits from your throat, he delivered a few swift smacks across your face. "Can't wait to punish you, darling," Chris growled, his warm breath on your earlobe. Chris dug in between your legs and started poking and prodding around your pink folds.

"Oh, naughty girl. You're so wet," Chris gasped, slipping his fingers into your heat and curling them until he hit your gspot. You whimpered against Chris' chest while he pentetrated you hard and fast, telling you what a naughty girl you were for liking it so much.

Before he could draw an orgasm out of you, he withdrew his fingers, and you could hear him licking them clean, accompanied by a primal groaning sound while he savored your taste. He then shoved his digits back into your mouth, filling your tastebuds with your own flavor and his saliva.

"Like the way you taste, pretty girl?" Chris cooed. "Mhmmm," you whined while he finger-fucked your throat, making you gag some more before removing them.

"You make such pretty sounds when I use you," Chris whispered, wrapping his bony fingers around your throat and choking you while he shook you around, and when you opened your mouth to take a breath, he spit in it. He smiled at the way you swallowed it for him.

You couldn't get enough of the way Chris handled you, treating you like a little doll that was made solely for his pleasure. Tears started to roll down your cheeks while Chris cut off your air flow. "Aw, little baby's gonna cry? I'll give you something to cry about," Chris taunted you.

You felt the car stop, and you heard Matt say from the front seat, "I'll be right back. Make sure she doesn't misbehave any more than she already has."

Chris reached underneath your dress, taking off your panties and he shoved them into your mouth while he admired your sweet, wet pussy. He started exploring the delicate folds with his fingers, teasing your slit, and rubbing your sensitive clit.

"If you're gonna be a little slut, I'm gonna treat you just like one," Chris told you, and without warning, his hand came down hard as he slapped your pretty little cunt, making it even more swollen. You jumped and squealed as more tears ran down your cheeks, pleasure and pain creating a wonderful concoction in your system.

You weren't sure how public of a place Matt had parked in, but it excited you to think about your pussy on display for anyone who walked by the car to see while you were in such a compromised position. More tears streamed down your face, and Chris taunted you some more. "Gonna cry for me?" He asked teasingly, slapping your pussy some more.

Finally, Matt came back to the car. "Oh, good. You already got her panties off of her?" Matt smiled down at you, fiddling with the package he'd just bought while he admired your swollen, puffy lips between your legs from the way Chris played rough with you. Your mind swirled with excitement about what they were going to do to you.

"Put these on her," Matt demanded, handing Chris something. Suddenly, you felt Chris slipping something onto your bottom half that seemed to be a pair of underwear, but not the ones you came here with that were crammed into your mouth.

"You have to download an app to control them," Matt told Chris, looking at the directions on the package. What were they talking about? Before much longer, you felt a buzzing sensation against your clit, and you started to squirm and whine. Vibrating panties?

"It's working," Chris said, reaching between your legs to feel the vibration. "Alright, princess. Let's go," Matt called back to you from the front seat as he pulled out of the parking lot.

Chris continued to manhandle you while he teased you with the vibrating underwear, playing with the settings to see how you'd react to them. He took your supple breasts out of your dress and lightly pinched your nipples between his teeth, causing them to stiffen.

Your moans were distorted by the fact that the underwear were still stuffed in your mouth, and Chris graciously removed them for you once you felt the car slow. When it came to a full stop, Chris was unlocking the cuffs and untying the bandana you had wrapped around your head, and when you saw the two boys in front of you, they were smirking and chuckling at you.

Matt threw your purse at you and said, "Fix your hair and your makeup. You look like a cheap slut." You cleaned up your running mascara, touched up your eyeliner that had been rubbed away, and reapplied your smeared red lipstick. You had just finished smoothing out your stray hairs when you peered up from the little mirror in your hand and realized you were in the parking lot of a fancy Italian restaurant.

"Fuck," you whispered, realizing what this meant. "What's wrong, sweetheart?" Matt asked you in a fake sympathetic tone as it dawned on you. "Yeah, what's the matter, baby? You don't want us to make you cum with those little vibrating panties while we eat dinner in this crowded restaurant?" Chris chuckled at you. You looked at both of the boys wide-eyed and gulped. "What? You can dish it, but you can't take it?" Matt asked.

The three of you got out of the car. As you started walking toward the entrance, Chris turned the vibrating underwear back onto the first setting, and he watched you nearly stumble. They laughed at you, and Chris mimicked the way you almost tripped, making them laugh harder.

"Okay, princess. Now just tell them we need a table for three," Matt told you as you guys started to make your way through the door. They let you lead the way and approach the hostess stand, but right as you opened your mouth to speak, Chris turned the panties up a setting. Your breath caught in your throat, and your eyebrows furrowed, but you managed to get out the words, "Table for three, please." The hostess gave you a weird look but led you guys to a booth towards the back.

There were a few tables around where you guys sat, and you surveyed the people sitting at them, wondering if they had any idea they were getting dinner and a show. Chris and Matt sat next to each other across from you, and the hostess told you guys your server would be with you in just a moment.

Once you got into the booth, you crossed your legs to muffle the sound of the vibrating, but having your thighs squeezed together made the sensation feel more intense. Both Chris and Matt peered up at you from their menus, smirking. "Look at how pathetic she looks. She can barely keep it together," Chris said as you slouched down in your seat and bit your lip to keep a whimper from escaping.

There was a secret part of you that loved being teased in such a public place, but you still would have been mortified if anyone had found out what the three of you were up to. You sat up straight in your seat when the server came back to grab drink orders. Chris ordered a Pepsi, of course, Matt, a water, and you requested a peach bellini.

You figured if you were going to be humiliated and get your rocks off in a restaurant full of people, you might as well get drunk while doing it.

When the waiter asked to see your ID, you reached into your purse with a trembling hand, retrieved it, and slid it over towards him on the table. "Thank you, Miss," he said, studying the photo and your facial features to make sure they matched up. He slid it back over to you and walked away to go fetch your drinks.

Before you could pick it up at put it back in your purse, Chris reached over and snatched it away from you, looking at your driver's license photo that you hated of yourself. "I don't know, Matt. She had to show this horrible picture of herself to our waiter. That might be humiliation enough," Chris meanly joked. Matt chuckled along and rolled his eyes.

You stood up and went to grab it from Chris, but he pulled it back. "Hey. Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Or the hand that's controlling your vibrating panties right now," Chris said in a low, serious voice. Then he took your ID and flung it at you. It landed in your lap, and you scooped it up and tossed it back into your bag.

Matt and Chris stared at you lustfully and hungrily as you tried to hold it together while Chris played around with the different levels, alternating between the first three. Every time you looked like you were holding it together too well, he'd turn it up a notch, and any time your legs started to shake, and your eyes rolled back into your head while you gripped the fabric of the booth beneath you, he'd turn it down.

The server returned to take your food order, and the boys agreed upon bruschetta as an appetizer. Chris ordered himself chicken alfredo, and Matt ordered chicken parmigiano. When the server got to you, you cleared your throat, sat up taller, and tried to ignore the way you were being broken down slowly by the powerful sensation between your legs that was being controlled by the two gorgeous men across from you.

"I'll have the eggplant parmigiano, please," you managed to say, looking almost completely normal besides your flushed face and the bead of sweat that formed on your brow. The server took your menus and told you he'd return shortly with your drinks.

"Let me see it," Matt said to Chris, reaching for his phone. Chris handed it off to him, and Matt looked at you intently with a devilish grin as he kicked it up to level four. You slouched over onto the table and buried your head in your hands, completely unable to hide the pleasure written into your expression.

You peered back up at Matt with the neediest look in your eye, and your lips slightly parted while you started to tremble again. Matt shut off the vibration completely and watched the disappointed look come across your face as he ruined your orgasm. "You think I'd let you cum right away? After that shit you pulled earlier. Nah, you've been a naughty girl," Matt murmured, turning it back on to level one.

The waiter brought over your drinks, and you weakly smiled at him as he walked away. Matt turned the vibrator up a setting as an older lady made eye contact with you, and you sputtered on your alcoholic drink as you took a big sip. She shot you a dirty look as you rolled your eyes back into the back of your head and bit down on your lip.

You knew you weren't being sneaky, but you couldn't help the way you were being manipulated by two boys, a pair of vibrating underwear, and a remote control app.

The server made his way back again, bringing the bruschetta out on his way to greet another table that had just been sat in the section. You took another sip of your bellini, preparing for the night to be long and embarrassing.

Chris and Matt both indulged in the appetizer, obnoxiously licking the balsamic glaze from their fingers and making animalistic sounds while they made eye contact with you. They knew what they were doing, and it was working. Your mind wandered, imagining how they'd lick their digits clean after fingering you, much like Chris had earlier on during the ride to the restaurant.

"Naughty girl, keep your mind out of the gutter," Chris replied, sucking on his finger, smirking, and narrowing his eyes as if he was inside your head, and in a way, he was. You picked up your bellini glass with a shaky hand and took another big drink.

The waiter came back around to check out refills, and when he asked if you'd like another one, motioning towards your nearly empty glass, Matt turned the setting up another notch, and without thinking, you grabbed onto the waiter's arm, practically whimpering, "Yes please."

He gave you a confused look and gently tugged his arm away from you. "Sorry. She gets a little touchy when she's tipsy," Chris apologized for you, and the waiter brushed it off and walked away.

Matt and Chris both made fun of how you were unable to hold up any kind of facade, and they decided to cut you some slack for a bit, so you could enjoy your food when it came out. The waiter delivered your meals and another round of drinks for you all while you tried to catch your breath and dabbed the sweat from your face.

You were about half-way through your plate and halfway done with your second fruity, bubbly beverage before Chris took his phone back from his brother and started turning on the panties again. You looked at them both and all you could think about was how badly you wanted them to use all your holes when you guys got home, and a few needy whines passed through your pretty lips.

The waiter came back around to ask if you guys were enjoying your food, and all you could do in response was tell him, "It's sooo good," in a sultry voice while you peered up at him with desire in your eyes and bit down on your knuckles to suppress another moan. He gave you an inquisitive look and then looked toward the boys sitting across from you, asking if you guys wanted to order anything else after your meals.

"We'd love to all share the classic vanilla ice cream, please," Chris told the waiter, and then he smirked up at you, knowing how torturous it was going to be for you to hold it together through dessert, too. The server nodded and walked off to go update the bill.

You tried to finish your food and your drink while you tried to seem as put together as possible. Chris played with the settings again, bringing you as close to orgasm as he could before yanking it away from you and repeating this while you pathetically writhed in the booth across from him.

A few people who were sitting around you guys started to catch on. Some of them gave you disgusted looks and tried to ignore what you and the boys were doing. Some couldn't keep their eyes off you, hungrily looking you up and down as they silently prayed they'd get to watch you come undone in the restaurant.

The server returned with the ice cream and three spoons, and he bussed the dishes out of your way. Chris turned up the vibrating panties to the highest setting. "Have some ice cream, princess," Chris whispered, handing you a spoon.

Hell, you were already indulging in a form of public sex, indulging in good food and alcohol, and so you might as well complete the hedonist trifecta and indulge in sugar as well.

With a trembling hand, you grabbed the handle and got a small scoop of ice cream, and stuck it into your mouth. "Mmmm," you moaned, which was partially a response to the taste and partially a response to the frequencies buzzing against your sensitive cunt.

"I sure do love ice cream," Chris declared, getting a spoonful of it and making sure to suggestively lick his utensil clean while he looked in your eyes. "I love eating it and licking it up," Chris moaned, his eyes rolling back into his head, taunting you.

Matt followed, seductively lapping up the dessert. He looked directly at you while he dragged his tongue across the spoon in a long, slow lick.

As you imagined how their tongues would feel manipulating your pussy, your orgasm tore through you with incredible force. It took everything in you to conceal the reaction your body was having, and it was impossible to be completely subtle.

Your legs shook involuntarily as you held them crossed together tightly, and you grabbed onto the booth seat to anchor yourself while your climax crashed over you like a wave, eager to sweep you away in its current. You furrowed your brows, closed your eyes, and a few loud moans escaped your lips while your orgasm took its course.

When you opened your eyes, almost everyone around you was staring at you, including the waiter who had dropped off the check while you were in the midst of enjoying yourself.

"Let's go before someone calls the cops and reports us for public indecency," Chris smirked at you guys, tossing a few hundred dollar bills on the table, giving the server an extra big tip for having to put up with your guys' shenanigans, and the three of you fled the restaurant.

High on adrenaline, you guys piled into the car and peeled out of the parking lot.

"I hope you guys didn't like that restaurant too much, because I don't think we could ever go back. They'll probably put a picture up of our faces in the front like they do with dine and dashers," Matt chuckled from the driver's seat.

"More like dine and smash," Chris joked, and the three of you burst into hysterical laughter.

After the snickering died down, Chris let out a huge sigh and unbuttoned his jeans, pulling out his big, hard dick. Your jaw dropped, and your mouth widened as you watched it practically jump out of his pants.

He wrapped his arm around you and pushed your head down, lowering your mouth onto his cock and whispered in a demanding tone, "We're not done with you yet, whore. Don't just think that 'cause we're laughing, you're done receiving your punishment."

part two here 💖

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[notafunkiller]

tying you to me

Summary: When your boss, Bucky, apologizes for being rude to you once again, things take an unexpected turn.

Pairing: boss!Bucky Barnes x marketing director!female reader

Warnings: 18+, teasing, dirty talk, pet names, sir kìnk, breasts insecurity, protected séx, bøndage, a little degrading, praising kìnk, language, implied aftercare, no mention of y/n

Word Count: 5.2K

Bucky Barnes masterlist

A/N: I really hope you'll enjoy it!

Please, do not repost or translate without my permission!

He’s well aware he went too far. He noticed right when he finished talking and took a look at you, but what is said is said. And the last thing he wants is Steve annoying him about the meeting.

“I don’t question the way you deal with employees, do I?” Bucky snaps, tired and really wanting this day to be over.

“What has gotten into you? What bothers you so much about her? I just don’t get it.”

Bucky sighs deeply, rubbing his hand across his face in frustration. “It’s not just one thing,” he mutters, his tone weighed down by a mix of tiredness and anger. “It’s a culmination... She’s fucking impossible.”

“Bucky, I get you’re upset, but taking it out on her isn’t fair. She did an incredible job, but you didn’t even listen to her. What’s really going on here?”

“I feel like she’s not seeing the bigger picture. We disagree constantly, and it’s making things difficult. Maybe I overreacted, but it’s been building up for a while.” Bucky leans in as he speaks, with his shoulders slightly hunched forward. His voice carries an edge that Steve notices immediately. He knows there is something about you that affects Bucky, but he can’t quite put the finger on it. Ever since he hired you, Bucky’s been angry with him too, which has happened only two or three times over twenty years of friendship.

“I can see this is really affecting you, Buck. If there’s something personal or if my decision to bring her on board has caused you any discomfort, talk to me. I just wanna make sure everything’s okay between us.”

He leans back a bit, surprised. “Personal? No, it’s not… it’s not about that,” he stammers, searching for the right words. There’s a subtle shake of his head, almost as if he’s trying to dismiss his own thoughts. He wishes there was a personal connection so badly that it messes with his head…

“Then what is it? I didn’t mean to jump to conclusions. I know you hate when things are not under your control, but I made the right call to hire her. And you were really unfair to her, look,” Steve waves around as he speaks, and Bucky turns to look at you through the glass door. You’re still there… working. “She’s not just smart and creative, but also ambitious and hard working. I know how much you value this as well.”

“I didn’t mean to come off unfairly. It’s just…” Bucky sighs, moving to shift his gaze back to Steve. “Our ways clash, and it’s hard to manage it. I value her skills, but finding a middle ground seems impossible sometimes.”

“Look, Buck, I understand it’s tough, but it’s important to listen to her ideas too,” Steve responds, his voice carrying a firm yet empathetic tone. “Today? You didn’t even look over the outlines. Try giving her ideas a chance or just suggest new things without trashing all of her work. You’d be offended too.” He pauses, and Bucky’s focus is back on you. His eyes narrow slightly, studying your determined expression as you delve into whatever you are working on that he dismissed today. And for a few seconds a pang of guilt flickers across Bucky’s expression, which Steve immediately catches. He clears his throat and continues. “I understand it’s not easy to step back and apologize, but it’s not about who’s right or wrong. And, to be honest, you were wrong anyway. It’s about ensuring a healthy workplace.”

“I appreciate your perspective, Steve,” he begins with a calm voice. “But I don’t think it would make a difference.” His gaze briefly flickers towards you before returning to Steve.

“Trust me, it’ll make a difference, not just for her but also for the team. Give it a shot.” Steve smiles, patting him on the chest before standing up. “I’ll leave you to it. It’s so late.”

“Alright, lovebird, off to your nest?” Bucky teases. “Natasha’s waiting for her captain. Better not keep her waiting too long.”

Steve chuckles. “Well, someone’s got to keep the romance alive around here. Good night.”

“Night...”

*

The audacity of this man is unbelievable. After all that shit he pulled on you today, he has the nerve to order your food! He’s the reason why you’re still working at eight pm instead of lying on your couch.

You are so close to crying out of exhaustion and anger, but you won’t give him this satisfaction. And you won’t eat his food.

“Are you seriously gonna starve yourself?”

“I’m not hungry,” you retort, your voice sharper than intended as you give him an annoyed look.

Bucky’s expression softens instantly, a hint of concern flickering across his face. “Come on, you’ve been working the whole day” he insists, trying to reason with you. “You need to eat something. Did you even drink water?”

You shake your head weakly.

“Look, I-”

“If you don’t like Pizza, I can grab you something else.”

You raise your hand, waving around. “I appreciate it, but I’m fine. I’ll eat something when I get home.”

The idea of accepting anything from him like this feels wrong. You don’t want his pity.

“Stubborn as ever,” he sighs, muttering under his breath, and you look up to meet his gaze. For a moment, there’s a silent understanding between you, an unspoken acknowledgment of the tension lingering from earlier.

What did Steve tell him to make him actually try to have a decent conversation?

“Look, sir,” you say through your teeth. “I don’t want your pity. I appreciate your concern, but I’ll manage. I just need to finish this.”

“This isn’t about pity.” His tone is firm. “You’re exhausted, and I’m just trying to help.”

“I said I’m fine. I’ll be done with these.” You lift your papers to emphasize. “And get home.”

“You’re not fine!” he shoots, surprising you. “And you’re too stubborn to see it!”

You’ve never seen him screaming before. Even when he is angry, he’s always the silent type.

“Don’t you dare!” you fire back all of a sudden, unable to hold back. If you’ll get fired, at least you should speak your mind properly. You can’t take more of this. He can’t step on you without consequences. “You are the reason why I am here anyway. Don’t play the concerned hero, just take your food and eat it...” You pause for a second before sarcastically adding. “Sir.”

“This isn’t just about the food, is it?” Bucky’s voice softens slightly despite his impulse to raise his voice again. “It’s about the meeting.” You keep looking him in the eyes, not denying the obvious. Of course it’s about the meeting. “Look, I am sorry, I know I should have handled things differently, but I’m trying to make it right.”

“You think a wannabe apology and food make everything okay?” You ask bitterly, standing up. “You humiliated me, Mr. Barnes. You didn’t even hear me out, you didn’t even listen to my ideas, what the team and I managed to do in the last few months. You disrespected them too! And I don’t get it...” You hate how tall he is. How perfectly his suit is ironed. How nice his hair is. Fuck him! “Ever since Steve hired me, you refused to communicate with me. It’s like you have decided who I am and what I’m worth without even giving me a chance, without acknowledging my efforts and results!”

“That’s not true,” he begins, trying to defend himself even though you both know you are right. “I made a mistake, I admit it, but I want to fix it.”

“A mistake?” You laugh humorlessly. “For months you’ve been treating me like shit, excuse my language.” You shake your head. “Actually I don’t. You should be the one apologizing! You look at me as if I am a scum, as if my presence bothers you. I come to you only when I have to, and you act as if I want to waste your time. Well, I wasted mine for months in this company. With you!”

Bucky snaps, feeling the frustration taking over him. “My decisions are based on what’s best for the company. It’s nothing pers-”

“That’s just a bullshit excuse to maintain the status quo!” you interrupt him, the tension escalating. You don’t care about this job anymore. Whatever will happen, let it happen. “You’re a stuck-up asshole, resistant to change and blind to new perspectives! My perspectives only, to be clear.” You see him clenching his jaw before his left hand covers his jaw. Oh, he’s angry. Good! “And it’s not even out of misogyny since you get along just fine with Shuri. So what is it? What is it, Mr. Barnes, that makes you hate me?”

“It’s not about you,” he insists, his voice strained with the effort to keep calm. “It’s about maintaining stability. It’s about-”

“Bullshit! You’re threatened by anything that challenges your authority! You’re just frustrated and insecure. You’re scared that someone else can do better things in their own way. You’re just a tyrant! I don’t know how Steve is friends with you. He’s such a great man, and you’re a dick.” You laugh. “God, I wanted to tell you this for so long. And if it’s not clear, I fucking quit!”

You’d smile widely if it wasn’t for his snort.

“You’re not quitting,” Bucky’s voice is low, but you still hear it.

He doesn’t believe you, clearly. But he will because you’re not joking or backing off. You can’t take another humiliation session, especially when you did nothing to deserve it. As much as you admire Bucky’s intelligence and company policies, he’s a fucking douchebag. To you.

“Watch me,” you retort instantly. Your heart starts racing as he takes another step toward you. He’s so close that you only need to get on your tiptoes to kiss him.

“No, you’re not quitting. And you’re not walking out that door until we settle this.”

“Settle what, Barnes? Your ego?” You try to maintain your composure, but the closeness makes it hard for you to focus.

He sighs, and your eyes find his lips again. They are pink and wet from his tongue. If only he was less of an asshole and not your boss, maybe you would...

“This isn’t just about me and my authority.”

“Then what is it?” You're confused.

“It’s about you challenging everything I’ve built here,” he admits, looking straight into your eyes.

“And you can’t handle that?” Your voice is filled with sarcasm, but for once he doesn’t focus on that.

“It’s not that simple.”

“Then make it simple, Mr. Barnes.”

“I... I don’t know how to do this.”

“Do what?”

“Deal with this... with you.”

“Deal with me?” You puff. “You’re insufferable, I am the one who has to deal with you and your constant checkups. With your: that’s not good enough, that needs to be changed, do this, do that over and over again.” You mimic his patronizing tone. “You don’t give me real suggestions-”

“I just... struggle with change.”

“And I’m the change you can’t handle?” The question hangs heavy between you, and his eyes drop to your lips this time.

“You challenge me,” he admits, his voice barely above the whisper. “You and your crazy ambition, your undying dedication, and your incredible ideas...” He pauses just to take a deep breath. “I feel like I’m suffocating every time I look at you.”

“Suffocating?” You roll your eyes. “How am I suffocating you? Just because I have an opinion and give you arguments-”

“I am fucking attracted to you, woman!”

You shake your head. He cannot just pull this lie and expect you to fall for it as if you are dumb. “Yeah, sure. Can you be a man for once and fucking take responsibility for your real thoughts and feelings? Just admit that you hate me!”

“Jesus Christ, are you that blind? For a woman so perceptive, you surely don’t see what’s right in front of you.”

You feel the anger take over your whole body. “Fuck you!”

“I wish! This is the whole point, the whole fucking point...”

“You want to fuck me for real?” You gasp, surprised and take a step back so you can look at him properly. He doesn’t seem to be joking.

“Deadly serious. And no matter how many times I tried to push this desire away, it just doesn’t work. You suffocate me. I imagine taking you all over my desk and couch. I imagine so many things, and I cannot focus.”

Before you can stop yourself, you slap him on the face lightly. Your palm is itching and gets red instantly, but you don’t care. As much as the info makes you happy, the context makes you super angry.

“So my team and I had to be humiliated just because you’re mad you want to get laid?”

“W-what? No!”

“No?”

“No. I deserved that,” he says referring to the slap. “But I meant what I said earlier. These are separate things.”

You cover your face with both your hands, not knowing what to say. What can you say? What should you think?

“I am sorry,” he sighs, and you hear him slowly walking away from you. “I should have said nothing. I am sorry. Please, don’t quit. You won’t have to work with me or even see me after this. Steve can take over, and you like him. I apologize not only for this, but also for my lack of… skills. I should have been more open to your ideas. And about tonight, I will wait for the HR email. I am sorry once again.”

Your head is spinning with all the things he’s just said. He wants you, but he’s also a bitch who cannot handle other opinions.

But you also want him. And you’ve wanted him despite how annoying he was. And he’s genuinely apologizing.

“Fuck it,” you whisper before going straight to him, pulling him by his tie toward you to kiss him.

He doesn’t hesitate at all, bringing his hands to your ass so you can feel each other better as he deepens the kiss instantly.

You shamelessly try to thrust your hips up a little as you let go of his tie, and his tongue feels like heaven in your mouth. His moan is low and hot, but you don’t let him breathe more than a second before you kiss him again, making sure to grab his hair and pull with force.

“Fuck me, Barnes. Fuck me right fucking now.”

He groans in your mouth once again, and you shiver.

“Jesus Christ, I’m gonna fuck you so well you won’t remember or think about anything else but my cock for days.” You instantly drop your hands so you can reach for his pants. Unbuckling them isn’t hard, but the zipper gets a little stuck, so Bucky has to finish the job for you.

“God, James,” you moan at the sight. “You’re leaking.”

He’s not embarrassed by this at all. On the opposite, he grabs his briefs too and pulls them down, letting them fall along with his pants.

You’re staring, but you can’t help it. His cock is so hard, and it even twitches as he grabs it to show it to you. It’s so thick.

“For you. This is all for you.”

Without waiting for a response, he suddenly grabs your shirt by the front placket and rips it in two. The buttons fly everywhere, one almost hits him in the face, but you don’t care. You’ve never been more turned on in your life. He’s so hot!

“Oh god, James,” you whisper, unclasping your bra before he can destroy it. It’s your best one, and you still need it.

“Yes,” he groans at the sight of your breasts, but you cannot ignore the wave of self-doubt that takes over you. They’re a little bigger than they should be for your height, so the sight is not the prettiest, in your opinion. This has always been an insecurity of yours, and even more after your last boyfriend made sure to emphasize this before you broke up. But Bucky seems fascinated. With his eyes glued to them and his mouth semi-open, he leans in, bringing his hands to both of your breasts before cupping them. You get goosebumps as he folds them eagerly, and you hear him groan when they spill over as soon as  he tries to pull them together.

“James!”

But it’s like he can’t hear you, too engrossed in watching your nipples hardening even more, and before you tell him what you wanted to, you feel his wet mouth sucking in one of your nipples.

You’re taken aback, so he uses his gloved hand to make you stop moving by placing it on your waist firmly.

He’s suckling at this point, making low whimpers as he’s looking at you.

You swear you never saw a more beautiful man in your whole life. His blue eyes are hypnotic.

“F-fuck,” you curse, bringing your fingers to his hair. You need to grab something before you fall.

He switches to the other nipple, and you feel yourself throbbing. You need his cock so much. You need his mouth... you need him to make you come. And you want to do the same to him. He’s driving you crazy.

“F-fuck me! RIGHT NOW.” You’re screaming, but he’s not surprised, rather amused as he takes his mouth off your breasts with a pop.

“Easy there, you sound quite desperate,” he giggles as if he’s just made the funniest joke ever. You are desperate.

“Fuck me or I’ll finish myself off, and you won’t be able to touch me as I do. Your choice.”

You know he doesn’t like or do ultimata, but you have no alternative. You crave to be taken on his desk as hard as he can go.

“How can I fuck you if you still have your pants on?” He asks you extremely calmly, and you’re shocked. You expected a more... intense reaction. “Earth to you?” He waves his hand when he sees you zoning out.

“You didn’t take them off.”

“I don’t take your clothes off, love.” He smirks. “I rip them, so if you want them intact, you better do it yourself.”

You nod, enjoying how raspy his voice is, and take them off without looking away from his cock. Not that he could stop staring at your breasts. His eyes are glued to your nipples. Your underwear falls, and only when you step out of the pool of clothes and finally free your legs from the high heels, he brings his hand to your pussy.

“Oh God, look at this… drenched!”

You moan, moving a little into his palm as if you’re trying to ride it. You need him so badly.

“James-”

“I know.” He smiles, spreading your lips more. “I know. So needy, my poor baby needs her cock so she can relax.”

You whimper loudly as you close your eyes. “Take me, sir. Make me your little fuck toy. Take out your frustrations. You can... you can show me how I was wrong for quitting by fucking me until I feel your cock every time I walk. I need to,” you moan again as you keep grinding onto his hand. “Come on! Show me!”

Bucky’s eyes get so grey as he suddenly pulls his hand away, making you whine. You’re about to curse him, but what he does makes you stop. He starts to take off his tie quickly, and you smile.

“Good boy.”

That remark makes his snort, and he cryptically replies:

“Ah, ah, we’ll see about that later.”

“Take off that shirt faster, and your glove, too.”

That surprises him, his eyes immediately widening, so you decide to do it yourself since he’s not fast enough.

He freezes as soon as you pull off his glove, revealing a black with golden accents  prosthetic hand.

“This is so fucking pretty, oh my God! Why do you keep this hidden?” You turn his hand around, and you gasp, realizing what you’ve just said. “I am sorry if I seem insensitive, it’s just that...”

Bucky snorts, amused, not hurt, which makes you feel like you can breathe again. The last thing you wanted was to bother him.

“You got a kink for my arm now?”

“You talk too much,” you murmur at the same time you start to unbutton his shirt as quickly as you can. Your hands are trembling.

When he’s finally naked, you let out a whimper, instantly reaching to touch his chest with both of your hands.

“You shave,” you say, surprised.

“Come on, love.” He smiles. “Touch my arm while you still can.”

You don’t question what he means by that, not wanting to worry too much. You expected this to be a one-time thing anyway, so you better enjoy every second of it. The arm is seamlessly integrated into his shoulder, and it's colder than the rest of his skin.

You trace a gold pattern all the way from his shoulder to his hand.

“I have a kink now,” you giggle when you see the sides of his neck getting pink.

“Well, I hope you have this kink, too, because…” He doesn’t finish his sentence. Instead, he reaches for the tie he had on today and smiles. “Turn around and put your hands behind your back.”

“W-what?”

“Hands behind your back.”

“You want to tie my hands?” You ask, taken aback by his demand.

“Did you try it before? Do you hate it?”

No, you didn’t try, but it doesn’t sound bad, surprisingly.

You usually hate not being in control, but it’s Bucky, and as annoying as he might be as your boss, you trust him. Plus, you quit after all, you should enjoy this as much as possible. The thought of him tying you up is really sexy for some reason, so you simply turn around and bring your hands together above your ass.

He doesn’t hesitate and quickly makes a knot.

“Too tight?”

“No,” you whisper. It’s not tight at all.

“You can tell me to stop any time, okay?” He wraps his hands around your waist and turns you toward him. “I’ll stop immediately.”

You nod, trying to get used to not being able to raise your hands.

“Words, please.”

“Yes, James.”

“Good girl.”

You’d lie if you said it doesn’t turn you on like crazy. You’ve been indirectly fighting with him for so long without getting any kind of approval or praise for your work. He made you angry and stressed more times than you could count, but you still respected him. You wanted his approval and you craved him...

You got yourself off thinking about him, you imagined choking him out of anger, but then it turning into a completely different thing. And it feels surreal this is actually happening, and he finally calls you a good girl.

“Are you clean? Anything-”

“I always used a condom, and I do checkups every six months. I assume the same about you.”

You nod, not bothering to tell him you don’t remember the last time you had sex, all thanks to him and his impossible to please ass.

“Do you have a condom?” You ask, moving closer to him again.

“In the car,” he curses, but before you can tell him that you can try without one since you are on the pill, he speaks again. “Wait!”

You giggle as you watch him run out of the office with his ass wiggling. No way he goes to his car naked, right?

You jump on top of his desk, pushing a few docs on the floor with your knee. It’s quite difficult because your hands are tied, but you don’t mind. You wait excitedly for his return just to tease him, but you’re speechless as soon as you see him unwrapping the condom package with his teeth before he quickly rolls it on.

“Won’t the neighbor mind?”

“What he doesn’t know,” he grabs your legs as he speaks. “Won’t hurt him. You’re not gonna run your mouth now, are you?” There is something about his patronizing tone that makes you hornier. Maybe because you know you’ve been on his mind so much he couldn’t focus on anything else.

“Why? You want to keep my mouth occupied with your cock?”

You don’t expect to be turned around on the table instead, with your ass in the air. Holy fuck!

“How about I keep this pretty wet pussy of yours occupied, hmm?”

You close your eyes when you feel his cock at your entrance before he finally pushes in.

He’s crazy, he must be crazy if he thinks you can take all of his cock like this.

“B-Bucky!” You arch your back without realizing, fighting against the material of his tie so you can get free. The impulse to touch his back is absolutely overwhelming, and the coldness of his left hand drives you crazy.

“What happened?” His other hand goes up until it’s in your hair. “You got nothing else to say? Are you already cock drunk?”

“More!” you whimper. “I can take more of you, please.”

“Ah? So greedy for my cock.”

“Need it deeper, James. Need you to move faster.”

You don’t care how desperate your voice is or if you’re pathetic. “I just wanna be stretched open until I cry. P-please.”

You don’t realize he is holding his breath until you hear him exhaling loudly against your back before kissing the same spot.

“You wanna be fucked like you’re my good little toy, baby? You want-”

He stops speaking when you moan, trying to move your hands so you can touch him and push him deeper inside you by grabbing his ass.

That hot ass…

“Want you, sir. Please, make me a mess.”

And he does. He fucks you harder, making your eyes roll back, and you can’t help but try again to touch him.

“Just like that,” you cry out when your face hits the desk more forcefully than before. You can sense Bucky’s hesitation so you shake your head. “I’m fine, I’m... k-keep going.”

He doesn’t stop, he even goes faster yet somehow deeper than before, a combination you’re not used to, that makes you feel like he’s splitting you in half. Neither of you can properly talk anymore. You can hear him cursing and saying your name along with: your pussy’s drowning me, so wet, think you can t-take it harder, but there is a long break after every word so he can thrust back inside you. You can’t even call him James, your voice is so hoarse, and he’s so deep you cannot even breathe.

You don’t need anything more the second he pulls your hair harder than you’d ever expect. Before you know what’s happening, the pleasure explodes inside you, making you scream. You don’t even realize that’s your voice at first, too focused on trying to prolong this feeling as you push your ass back frustrated you cannot grab his thighs, while he keeps thrusting inside you. His balls hit your clit, and you moan, a little sensitive.

“Sir, please, c-come,” you whisper, turning your head to the side on the desk. “Come for your little fuck toy. U-use me.”

You flinch, shocked, when you feel a light slap on your ass all of a sudden, but it doesn’t hurt at all. Quite the opposite. You don’t have time to say something about it, though, because Bucky’s already burying himself inside you again as deep as he can, and you moan at the same time he does.

“J-James...”

He pulls your hair even harder while he comes, groaning your name and a low fuck, that almost makes you giggle.

“Jesus...” It’s the only warning you get before you feel his chest on your back.

“Barnes, you’re heavy!”

His laugh is adorable, but he’s indeed heavy, plus you also have your hands tied. When he finally moves, you hop off the desk, almost falling since your knees are weak. Now you can feel your thighs aching too. But it was all worth it.

Quickly, Bucky unties you, without saying a word, which only makes you more nervous.

“Thanks,” you whisper as you turn around to face him. Then, you watch him take off the condom and place it on top of one of the papers you knocked over with your knee earlier.

After wiping his hands on his thighs, he grabs your wrists gently, making you almost moan at the feel of his cold hand. You’re not hurt, but they’re quite red, probably from the times you tried to get free.

“Gonna buy some cream.”

You shake your head. “No need, I am sure I have something for this.” You try to sound as casual as you can, not wanting to be clingy in his eyes even after you quit. Even after this. “Can you hand me my underwear and pants, please?”

Bucky freezes for a second, but he still gives them to you. “Are you back to hating me?”

“What?” You ask as you start to get dressed. You don’t have the blouse, but your coat is warm. You won’t freeze.

“Why are you so cold now? Did I hurt you? Did I do anything wrong?” His concerned voice and look surprise you. You know he is nice, but you didn’t expect him to be attentive after.

“No, you didn’t. I assumed this is,” you wave around when you finish zipping up your pants. “Just wham, bam, thank you ma’am.”

He doesn’t laugh.

“I told you, you’ve been on my mind for so long. Why would I... and even if it was just a one-time thing, why would I treat you like trash? Especially since we work together.”

“Worked,” you correct him before he hands you his shirt. You raise your eyebrow surprised.

“I’m not gonna help you get dressed, Barnes. You’re a big boy.”

“Put it on, it’s freezing.”

“I have my coat,” you protest, but he won’t take no for an answer, and you know it.

“On.”

“Fine!”

He helps you with it since your hands are, for some reason, still shaking. “Look, I was gonna invite you over to my place, but if I make you feel uncomfortable, or if you don’t want to see me...”

You can’t help but raise your eyebrows.

“Really?”

“We have some things to discuss, and I have a bath to run for you.”

You roll your eyes, fighting the urge to smile as he finishes buttoning the shirt. “You want me to sign a contract to fuck you again?”

“Ha, ha. No.” He leans in a bit to kiss your forehead. “We have many things to talk about that don’t involve a contract.”

“Yeah? Like what?” You start to collect the documents from the floor. “The process of writing my resignation letter?”

You hear Bucky puff behind you. “You’re not quitting.”

“No?” You bite your lip as you look at him. “Who’s gonna stop me?”

“Me.”

“Hmm,” you whisper playfully before placing his papers on the desk. “How?”

“Let’s get home and we’ll see about that.”

[ghostlyferrettarot]

‧₊˚💼✩ ₊˚👓⊹♡Mercury in the signs and how we communicate with others ‧₊˚👓✩ ₊˚💼⊹♡

❗️All the observations in this post are based on personal experience and research, it's completely fine if it doesn't resonate with everyone❗️

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💄Masterlist💄

☕︎Mercury in Aries: Communication is quick and direct. You are not afraid to speak your mind, and you are likely to do so impulsively. Aries gives Mercury a spark of energy, which can lead to a quick mind and sincere expression. Your communication style is clear, direct, and sometimes a little aggressive, but always full of enthusiasm.

☕︎Mercury in Taurus: Practical and very concrete thoughts. Your way of communicating is slower, thoughtful, and calculated. You prefer stability and clarity in conversations, and you avoid the unnecessary. You can sometimes be somewhat stubborn in your views, but once you make a decision, you stick to it. You focus on the tangible, on what can be seen and touched.

☕︎Mercury in Gemini: Mercury is in its home! Your mind is incredibly agile and curious. You speak quickly, love to learn, and never tire of sharing ideas. You can jump from one topic to another with ease, which can sometimes make it difficult for others to follow, but you always have interesting information and fresh points of view. You are the best at having dynamic and fun conversations.

☕︎Mercury in Cancer: Emotional and deep communication. You have a great ability to sense the emotions of others and express them in a sincere way. Your words are often protective and caring, as you care a lot about how others feel. You can be a little more reserved when communicating, but when you do open up, you do so in a way that touches the hearts of those around you.

☕︎Mercury in Leo: Creative and enthusiastic expression. You have a warm, passionate, and often dramatic way of speaking. You love being the center of attention, and your words tend to shine. For you, communicating is a way of showing your confidence and individuality, and you are not afraid to share your opinions with great confidence.

☕︎Mercury in Virgo: A meticulous and analytical mind. You are detail-oriented and precise in your thoughts and words. You prefer to explain things clearly and logically, with a practical approach. You can sometimes be a bit critical or perfectionist with what you say, but you do this to make sure everything is well-founded. For you, fluid communication is full of useful data and details.

☕︎Mercury in Libra: Diplomatic and balanced communication. You have the ability to see all perspectives of a situation before speaking and prefer to keep the peace in conversations. You have a gift for public relations and making others feel comfortable. Your way of expressing yourself is very considerate and focused on the well-being of others.

☕︎Mercury in Scorpio: Intense, deep and penetrating communication. You love to get to the bottom of things, and you are not afraid to address complicated or secret subjects. You are an excellent conversationalist when it comes to discussing deep and mysterious topics. Sincerity is very important to you, and you can be very persuasive with your words, as you know how to read between the lines and pick up on what is not being said.

☕︎Mercury in Sagittarius: Expansive and philosophical thinking. You are an optimistic, enthusiastic communicator full of ideas. Sometimes you can be a bit direct or even somewhat reckless with your words, as you care a lot about expressing your opinions honestly. You always seek the truth and love to debate philosophical, spiritual or intellectual topics.

☕︎Mercury in Capricorn: Serious, responsible and witty communication. You are very organized in your way of thinking and prefer structured and to-the-point communication. Sometimes you can be reserved or even somewhat pessimistic, but your realistic approach and ability to understand practical details make your words clear and effective. Your way of communicating is serious and mature, which inspires respect.

☕︎Mercury in Aquarius: Your way of communicating is super original and full of new ideas. You love to think differently, break the mold, and talk about things that most people avoid. Sometimes, you may seem a little distant or lacking emotional connection, but that's because your head is always focused on ideas and logic, rather than feelings. Your mind is like a kaleidoscope, always seeing new possibilities and relationships between things that others don't even notice.

☕︎Mercury in Pisces: You are one of those who communicate in a very intuitive and empathetic way. You tend to see the world from your emotions and your imagination, which makes your thoughts sometimes a little difficult to express clearly. That happens because your mind is connected on a much deeper level. You prefer poetry to hard data and what really inspires you is creativity. You are excellent at giving emotional advice or helping others through intuition.

[majikkulu]

━━ ❝MASTERLIST❞

in this pick-a-card reading, we’ll dive into what people really have to say about you—whether it’s glowing praise or secret whispers. what’s the tea they spill when you’re not around? remember, this is a general reading — take what resonates and leave the rest.

if  you  have  any  ideas  for  tarot  pacs  you'd  like  me  to  do,  feel  free  to  drop  them  in  my  ask  box,  and  i'll  make  it  happen!

choose the picture or pile that calls to you and let the magic unfold!

PILE ONE i  can  tell  this  pile  feels  personal—what  people  say  about  you  hits  close  to  home.  they  think  you're  indecisive,  struggling  to  take  action  or  follow  through  on  what  you  said  you'd  do.  it  frustrates  them;  they  feel  like  you  can’t  commit  to  certain  things.  some  even  say  you’re  guarded,  mysterious,  hard  to  read.  and  that  only  makes  them  more  curious—what’s  really  beneath  all  of  that?  there’s  also  this  idea  that  you  avoid  confrontation,  preferring  to  stay  neutral.  while  some  see  that  as  wise,  others  view  it  as  passivity,  like  you’re  afraid  to  stand  your  ground.  interestingly,  one  specific  person  seems  to  stand  out  here.  they’re  obsessively  focused  on  you,  constantly  talking  about  you.  they  might  discuss  things  you’ve  been  through—maybe  toxic  relationships,  bad  habits,  or  difficult  patterns.  but  it’s  not  all  criticism.  a  lot  of  people  are  fascinated  by  you.  they  find  you  magnetic,  charming,  even  alluring.  some  are  jealous,  though.  they  notice  your  sensitivity—maybe  they’ve  seen  you  cry  or  assume  you’re  the  type  to  cry  in  public.  they  might  even  think  you  look  younger  than  you  are,  which  makes  them  wonder  about  your  age.  there’s  also  talk  about  your  creativity.  whether  it’s  how  you  dress  or  how  you  express  yourself  artistically,  it  leaves  an  impression.  and  then  there’s  the  assumption  that  you’ve  “got  it  all.”  some  think  you’re  rich  or  incredibly  successful,  even  if  you  don’t  feel  that  way  yourself.  maybe  something  big  happened  recently—an  achievement,  a  win,  or  an  opportunity  that  others  wanted.  it’s  clear  they  see  your  potential,  and  that  potential  is  both  admired  and  envied.  people  question  if  it’s  luck  or  hard  work  that  gets  you  where  you  are.

PILE TWO people  talk  about  how  cautious  you  are,  how  you  take  your  time  with  everything,  and  how  you  question  every  little  detail.  to  them,  it  might  come  off  as  overly  slow  or  even  boring  because  you’re  not  impulsive.  they  see  you  as  someone  who  hesitates  or  spends  too  long  planning  before  acting,  and  some  might  say  you’re  no  fun  because  of  it.  they  notice  how  you  like  to  have  a  plan  for  everything,  but  they  don’t  realize  that  beneath  that  calm  surface  lies  an  inner  beast—a  strength  they  can’t  begin  to  comprehend.  you  handle  things  with  patience  and  emotional  control,  and  people  see  that.  they  talk  about  how  calm  you  remain,  even  in  serious  or  emotional  situations.  it’s  like  nothing  can  shake  you,  and  that  composure  either  impresses  or  frustrates  them.  some  gossip  that  your  strength  borders  on  stubbornness,  but  let’s  be  real—that  envy  stems  from  wishing  they  had  the  kind  of  self-control  you  do.  there’s  competition  swirling  around  you,  even  if  you  don’t  see  it.  people  notice  how  you  deal  with  disagreements  and  conflicts.  you’re  unbothered,  and  that  drives  them  crazy.  they  might  talk  about  how  you’re  not  afraid  to  speak  up,  even  if  it  causes  tension.  they  focus  on  how  you  defend  yourself,  how  you  never  back  down,  even  in  situations  where  others  think  you  should.  they  see  you  as  determined,  standing  firm  in  your  beliefs  and  decisions,  and  that  resilience  makes  some  people  misunderstand  or  even  resent  you.  it’s  funny,  though—they  think  you  provoke  them  with  how  you  respond  or  even  just  with  your  presence.  your  energy  bothers  them,  but  that’s  their  problem,  not  yours.  you  stand  your  ground,  and  that’s  what  really  sets  you  apart.

PILE THREE people  gossip  a  lot  about  your  quiet  nature  and  what’s  going  on  in  your  life  behind  the  scenes.  they’re  curious  about  what  you’re  up  to,  especially  since  you  keep  things  so  private.  it’s  like  your  silence  sparks  endless  speculation.  some  even  find  you  suspicious,  questioning  your  motives,  intentions,  or  honesty—accusing  you  of  being  manipulative  or  using  tricks.  there’s  talk  about  you  avoiding  confrontation  or  shying  away  from  taking  responsibility,  and  for  some,  this  feeds  into  the  narrative  of  you  being  a  liar.  there’s  a  sense  that  you’ve  distanced  yourself  from  people,  maybe  even  withdrawn  completely.  this  makes  others  wonder  what  you’re  searching  for—your  purpose  or  direction  in  life.  your  quietness,  while  intriguing,  can  make  you  hard  to  approach.  some  feel  like  they  can’t  fully  connect  with  you,  as  if  you’re  masking  your  true  self  or  staying  intentionally  detached.  on  the  other  side,  there  are  those  who  admire  you.  they  see  you  as  wise  and  insightful,  someone  who  remains  calm  and  composed  even  under  pressure.  your  guarded  nature  and  emotional  detachment  make  you  magnetic  in  a  way  that  draws  people  in,  even  if  they  don’t  fully  understand  you.  they  gossip  about  how  cautious  and  hesitant  you  are  to  take  bold  risks,  calling  you  predictable.  yet,  they  also  acknowledge  your  ability  to  handle  life’s  ups  and  downs  with  grace  and  poise.  whether  people  envy,  misunderstand,  or  admire  you,  it’s  clear  that  your  energy  leaves  a  lasting  impression.

[foreingersgod]

Kiss Me ? . CC

pairings: caitlin clark x reader

synopsis: caitlin should be focusing on practice, but she finds it incredibly hard to take her focus off of you

“please baby can we just go home?” caitlin groaned from the gymnasium floor, the ball that was once in her hands now bouncing carelessly on the ground.

you rolled your eyes with a brief chuckle, moving your eyes from your phone to look at her pleading expression. you adjusted yourself in your seat as you watched her drag over to your spot on the sidelines.

caitlin had been in and out of the gym, going to practices and running drills nonstop recently, and it was starting to drive her crazy. she loved basketball and she felt more than comfortable when she was playing, but damn did she miss you even more. the longer she spent at the gym was more time spent away from you, and lately it was taking a toll on her. most days she just wanted to stay in bed with you and never leave. and even though you would absolutely love that, you’d feel guilty if you were the reason she wasn’t sticking to her schedule.

you tried to be a supportive and motivating girlfriend by doing everything you could. you'd do homework on the bleachers and come to practice with her to keep her company, packing her a small lunch and making sure her water bottle was filled. and, on days you couldn't attend, you'd write her a small note and put it in her duffle bag for a small pick-me-up.

but unlike you had hoped, your company had only made it more difficult for her to stay focused. caitlin found every excuse in the book to wander over in your direction. sometimes it was to tell you joke, other times she claimed she wanted to help you with homework, and most of the time it was just to touch you in some sort of way. kiss your cheek, rest her head on your shoulder, rub her hand along your thigh...any sort of touch, you name it and she'd abandon her drills just to do it.

"cait, we've only been here for like 20 minutes" you chuckled when she sat down in front of you, her head lolling back to rest in your lap "you need to practice"

"but i miss you" she whined with a pout "i'll practice tomorrow"

"yea you said that yesterday. and the day before that...and the day before that..." you teased as your hands instinctively came up to play with her hair, fingers toying with her head band and ponytail. she laughed at that, shaking her head although she knew it was true. you were her weak spot, that was clear "come on babe, just a little while longer and we can go home. what can i do to motivate you?"

"i dunno" she shrugged as she sat up, pulling up her socks and hoisting herself up. she pondered for a moment, eyes traveling across the room in deep thought before her face lit up excitedly "oh, i think i have an idea"

"hm?" you questioned, expecting her to ask you to run drills or pass her the balls to shoot.

"kiss me" she said, hands on her hips proudly, sly smirk tugging at her lips.

"kiss you?" your eyebrow quirked up, letting her know that you were beyond confused "how's that gonna get you to focus on practicing?"

"okay okay hear me out-" she defended, but you were still skeptical. hearing her out probably didn't entail anything good, you thought.

"alright, i'm listening" you egged her on "let's hear this idea of yours"

"so i'm thinking," the smile on her lips now even bigger "that every time i make a shot...you reward me by kissing me! it's a win-win, really, you know cause i get a kiss for doing a good job, and you get to kiss a basketball superstar"

that earned a dramatic eyeroll from you, although you couldn't suppress the lovesick grin that formed as well. she was quite creative, you knew, but you hadn't expected this sort of ploy from her. through an infectious fit of laughter, you saw her waiting for a genuine response with the repetitive tapping of her foot on the varnished floor. as corny as it was, you couldn't help but give into her plan.

"okay fine, you dork" you sighed playfully as you stood up, walking over to her "but only if you make it, no distractions"

"yes ma'am" she saluted, rushing over to her discarded ball to get started as quick as possible.

and so it started, a pattern consisting of deep kisses and effortless three pointers. you'd watch her take her position at the curved line, knees and elbows bending ever so slightly before she shot the ball straight through the net, she was flying through each shot with ease. then, after retrieving the ball, she'd jog over to you giddily, lips puckering as she waited for her promised kiss. and each time you'd smile as your arms looped around her neck and your lips pressed into hers. that feeling would never get old.

time seemed to fly by as you two continued your little routine, 20 minutes soon turned into 40 and then into over an hour. it felt as though you could have done this all day long, missing the feeling of her lips every time she ran back to the three-point line. and maybe you could have, but cailtin began to get tired, her shots getting sloppier with each passing minute. you knew that the both of you were ready to head home and get some much-needed rest.

caitlin slumped down into a seat, wiping her forehead with her exceptionally sweaty gatorade towel before pulling a spare hoodie over her head. meanwhile you helped her collect her things to make it a little easier for her. with a comforting hand on the small of her back, you guided her out of the gymnasium and made your seemingly long trek out to the car.

you got behind the wheel with an exhausted slump, caitlin already buckling herself up in the passenger's seat. you turned on the a.c. to a medium setting, just the way cailtin liked it, and turned the radio to her favorite station. she hummed, heart swelling as the fact that you knew her so well. the cold air emitting from the vents soothed her almost instantly, causing her to flutter eyes shut in content.

"babe?" you called out to an oddly quiet car, normally she was a chatter box after practice, never letting you get a moment of silence. you never complained, you loved everything she had to say "baby?"

still there was no response, only the soft buzz of a taylor swift song in the background. you shifted your eyes off the road for a quick second to look to your right to inspect the situation. you could have sworn your heart exploded in that moment, seeing her sleepy state in her seat. she had sunk deep into the leather fabric, one arm propped on the center console to hold up her head. her lips were parted ever so slightly as soft breathes escaped her, one of her hoodie strings caught between her teeth. she was completely knocked out. if your hands weren't steering, you would have taken a picture. she looked so soft and sweet, the perfect depiction of your girl.

in the public eye, she was most known to be strong and resilient no matter what was thrown at her. and it was more than true, caitlin was the toughest person you knew. but what most people didn't get to see, was this side of her, gentle caitlin who let her guard down. the caitlin who snores and drools when she sleeps, the cailtin that would turn down practice just to be with you.

the cailtin that can't help but smile when you reach over, eyes still closed as you run your thumb across her cheekbone, wanting the feeling of your touch to last forever.

[lascvitae]

♯┆no more hiding .ᐟ

synopsis. due to your father’s demands, you are forced to marry the heiress of the most powerful companies in korea. it turns out, she isn’t as bad as you made her out to be.

pairing(s). ceo!karina x fem!reader x giselle warnings. cursing, internalized homophobia, you and karina argue a bit, it does get suggestive && angsty but it’s fluffy for the most part 🙈

word count: 5.6k

now playing. no more hiding by sza

── ⟢ ・⸝⸝ katty ᥫ᭡: a req that i had a lil fun with, i kinda rushed to get it done (especially the end) so i’m so sorry if it’s bad 😔😔😔

masterlist.

growing up as the only child wasn’t easy when your father constantly pressured you to be the greatest businesswoman to ever be raised. it was all you knew from the day you learned how to speak.

while your parents were married, they stayed in two different residences. your mother gave you a break from everything at home. that woman had a billion hobbies.

you had endless memories of how you would come to her house every weekend and rant to her while she would knit you a new pair of winter gloves.

cooking dinner with her was always a delight. you were a quick learner and she would even say that you were a natural chef.

with the more time that passed, you two whipped up all your problems into a dish and it always turned out to be wonderful.

this led to her opening her own restaurant. your father happily funded it, but he had no idea that the plan was for you to take it over one day.

for you two the keep the restaurant open, your father required it to be a fine dining experience. neither of you minded. this was the perfect way for you to share your passion to the world.

by the time you graduated from high school, you were the head chef at your mother’s restaurant. most of your time was spent there, avoiding your father the best that you could.

one of the waitresses spent most of her time there as well. it began to worry you. you later learned that her name was aeri and she was two years older than you. you believed that her pink hair made her the most beautiful girl in the world.

she studied business, working countless shifts to pay for the expenses of her education. it pained your heart immensely.

as you two grew closer, you offered to pay the rest of her tuition on multiple occasions. she never accepted it. she believed that she may take it for granted if you were to do so.

you found yourself incredibly drawn to her, even though you knew it was wrong. your father had been training you for one of two things: become the ceo of his company or marry someone that can do it for you.

your father arranged multiple meetings with multiple men once you revealed that you had preferred the latter. none of them looked any bit of interesting, though it was for one main reason in your case. you didn’t like men.

your father didn’t know this. you feared that he would have flipped out.

your mother was completely accepting. she loved you unconditionally and she expressed how proud of you she was. she was the light in your darkness, motivating you during hard times. she was always there for you.

that’s why your entire world crumbled when she passed away.

you couldn’t take the restaurant with the state that you were in. you couldn’t even bring it together long enough to walk inside of the place.

aeri was extremely worried about you. she visited you often, becoming the main person that you spent your time with. you found it too difficult to trust anyone else.

as time passed, you were with aeri more often than not. your father knew about your troubles with trusting people but he found you and aeri’s relationship concerning.

everytime it rained, you couldn’t think of anything else besides your mother. aeri was always by your side to cuddle you until everything was better.

it only raised attention once she began to purchase you gifts in any shade of pink that she could afford, ensuring that you would never forget her and her pink hair that you adored so much.

so once your father found out, he didn’t spare you one bit. he was heavily against the idea.

he felt like a fool. no wonder you showed no interest in all of the men that you met.

he was going to find a good outcome of all this mess — and he didn’t give you a choice once he finally did.

─────────

YU TECHNOLOGY CORP. December 17th, 5:08 PM.

today was the day that you would meet who you would be sharing a name with.

or what your father had reduced it to — a business proposal.

you were already happy with aeri. you decided to cut everything off once you found out the news. it felt unfair.

you felt like you were forced to let go of everything that you loved. first your mother, and now aeri.

even still, that wasn’t what made you the most upset.

you were getting married to the heiress of the yu family. the corporation was very successful, even if it were completely founded on exploitation.

it wasn’t a secret that most workers were not only victims of labor exploitation, but the company also obscured negative information while maintaining unfair competition. other technology companies stood little chance.

they never cared about safety issues, environmental violations, or worker rights nor complaints. it was the complete opposite of how your mother ran her business. that’s why you hated it so much.

it was even more miserable finding out that your father signed a merger agreement with the ceo of the company. the two companies would merge with yu jimin taking over both. you were mainly there to look pretty.

you wouldn’t complain about having nothing to do but unfortunately, you were stuck with yu jimin. you knew nothing about this woman but you disliked her name.

this would be your first time even meeting her.

“y/n fix your face.” your father ordered as you followed behind him to the conference hall. your face didn’t fix. you were unrelentlessly upset.

jimin and her father were already seated on one side of the long table. she hadn’t even looked at you. her lips curved into a smile as she eyed the marriage papers.

swallowing harshly, you sat down next to your father and mentally prepared yourself for the papers to be handed into your direction.

this was it. this was the end of your romantic freedom. after this, you and jimin would be legally married. the thought fueled you with rage.

“i’m so proud of you, jimin. you know what’s best for the family.” you heard her mother speak during their departure hug. this fueled you with even more rage.

then they left the two of you alone.

“my car’s this way.” she turned around to give you a quick glance before continuing on. the fruity and slightly spicy smell of her perfume invaded your senses.

she didn’t even open the door for you.

honestly, she intimidated you a little bit. her gaze was sharp and the way she carried herself around others made her seem like a big deal. you were intrigued but you were furious at the same time.

her hair hung loosely around her face, starting the car without sparing you even an ounce of attention.

“are you always this quiet?” she asked, reversing the car with one hand.

“are you always this bitchy?” you snapped back. jimin’s laugh made you even angrier.

“i’m not trying to be your enemy.” her fingers tapped against the wheel silently. “but i’m not trying to be your babysitter either, so you can drop the bratty act.” you rolled your eyes.

“i’m not acting like a brat, i just don’t feel the need to respect you.” jimin clearly didn’t like your attitude with the way her tongue rolled against the inside of her cheek. “we’re going to respect eachother, understand? marriage isn’t a one way street.” the sternness in her tone made both your legs and arms cross. you took it that she was one of the cold bosses that didn’t like showing her emotions. “whatever.”

the rest of the car ride was silent. you occasionally stole glances at jimin’s side profile but she didn’t seem to reciprocate your interest.

the size of jimin’s mansion surprised you. with the amount of power that her name had alone, you were expecting a castle of some kind but the mansion hadn’t been larger than your father’s.

it was very modern and minimalistic. it suited her perfectly.

an assistant was called to help you with all of your bags. you were able to carry a few due to how guilty you felt for the worker.

after settling down, you decided to look around a bit. from what you concluded, it seemed like jimin spent most of her time in the bedroom or in the workroom. it didn’t seem very lively anywhere else.

you were grateful that your bedroom had a bathroom attached to it. you would have dreaded sharing one with your ‘wife.’

jimin was in her workroom. she hadn’t even noticed you once you walked in. it seemed like she didn’t even care enough to give you a tour?

even though you had pretty much already explored the whole place yourself but there was something that seemed unnatural.

“there’s so much food in the fridge. do you cook often?” you asked, alerting the older woman of your presence. the frames that sat on her nose almost made her seem welcoming.

“ah, no. i have a private chef. his name is mr. kim.” she simply explained without even turning around. that made a lot more sense. you felt stupid believing even for a second that jimin prepared her own meals.

“does he live here?” your curiosity intrigued jimin. she wasn’t used to having someone to talk to most of the time. “indeed he does. it saves the both of us a lot of time. must you know more?” you just nodded to end the conversation there. you had no idea which room the chef was staying in but you were determined to find it.

─────────

THE YU FAMILY HOME. March 27th, 6:03 PM

you were only three months into your marriage and the amount of meetings you were required to attend was already dreadful. you were mainly only present to appease the public, but you could barely stand it. being associated with the yu family angered you in ways that nothing else ever could.

you already received attention for the rumors of you taking over your mother’s restaurant, but this was a whole new level for you.

every single time you two had to pose together, jimin always wrapped an arm around your waist. you knew it was just common courtesy but you hated the feeling. or more so, how it made you feel.

everything that she stood for was sickening to you. how could she just sit there and pretend like nothing was happening? the amount of lawsuits they were covering up — you had no clue how, but there were possibilities. possibilities that made your stomach turn.

so you hated how her touch lingered on your skin.

you summed it up to just missing aeri.

“did you hear me?” jimin’s voice pierced through your ears, ultimately knocking you out of your daze.

you shook your head, unbuckling your seatbelt.

“we have a business trip in two months. don’t forget to pack.” you just nodded in response, reaching for the chanel purse in the backseat. you had been so deep in thought that you failed to notice that it was currently pouring rain.

you chewed on your bottom lip in unease. you hadn’t brought an umbrella.

just then, your door swung open and jimin stood there with an expectant look on her face. “don’t just stand there and look like an idiot.” you looked up at her and immediately noticed the umbrella above her head.

your lips curved into a slight smile as you took her hand, shoulders touching with almost every step you took towards the front door. “thanks.” you mumbled, wondering why she just didn’t park inside of the garage.

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THE YU FAMILY HOME. March 27th, 10:57 PM

the rain only became increasingly worse over time and you couldn’t sleep. even after a long shower and an hour of listening to the rain and patiently waiting for sleep to come find you. you felt like you were alone with your thoughts.

you scrolled through your phone, stopping at aeri’s saved contact.

you still never got to confess to her.

no word could come close to describing how you felt the day that you told her the news. it turned the two of you into a pile of tears too stubborn to let eachother go.

forcing yourself to climb out of the incredibly comfortable bed, you slip into the socks your mother knitted for you and escape into the hallway.

other than the calming sound of downpour it was completely silent. it was nothing unusual for your new household. except, something was different tonight.

a light was on inside of the kitchen. jimin was usually asleep by this time, so was it the personal chef?

you let the curiosity consume you, slowly making your way down the stairs. you didn’t expect the person to be awaiting your presence, leaning against the counter with her hair in a ponytail.

“you can’t stay asleep either?” her voice was groggy because of sleep.

you shook your head, approaching the counter so that the conversation could continue. “it’s too loud.”

jimin hummed, taking a sip from her glass. she looked like she wanted to say something but she chose not to.

so you opened your mouth to ask what she was drinking, only for her to coincidentally open hers at the same time to tell you.

“sorry. go ahead.” you smiled awkwardly.

“no, you go first.” jimin protested.

you let out a breathless chuckle. typically you would have continued to protest but it was uncommon for you and jimin to have moments like this, so you ultimately decided to forfeit.

“what are you drinking?” jimin smiled at either the sound of your laugh or yout curiosity. you couldn’t decipher it.

“it’s lavender tea. would you like some?” she offered you the glass with a smile so charming that you forgot to hesitate.

taking the drink into your hands, you took a swig before swallowing it after. “is it tasteful? i made it myself.” jimin asked you, leaning in eagerly. the sight made you smile.

“it’s yummy.” you nodded and she mirrored your action. “you could have the rest if you want.” she cleared her throat. while pouring yourself another glass of the lavender tea, you swear that you saw a blush on jimin’s cheeks.

once you were satisfied with the amount of tea in your glass, you decided to pour out the rest. jimin seemed to busy herself with her phone.

“are you returning to your bedroom?” she questioned while setting her phone onto the kitchen island.

“do you want me to?” it was silent for a moment, so you turned around to face her. the second your eyes met, a surge of nervousness coursed through your veins.

“no…” she shook her head, completely focused on you.

then she looked away, rubbing at her elbow. “it doesn’t matter. i don’t really mind.” you figured you would spend some more time with her.

“i have an older sister.” jimin explained to your curious mind. you both sat in her unmade bed with an entire bag of chips ahoy.

“she’s five years older than me.” she continued after munching on a cookie. “it was established pretty early on that i would take over the business. she’s into nursing.”

taking another cookie, her eyebrows furrowed a bit. “the chocolate chips are very rich.” she complained and you giggled quietly before shrugging in response. “they’re just not what you’re used to.”

“so, how old is your sister?” this question made you realize that you had never actually asked jimin for her age. you had looked it up on the internet, sure, but you wanted to know directly from her.

the woman cleared her throat before wiping her lips with a white handkerchief. “she’s 35.”

so that means that jimin is 30. that only made her more attractive in your eyes.

“jimin! this one has no chocolate chips.” you pointed out, taking the cookie out of the bag with a laugh.

“that’s weird.” her eyebrows furrowed. “should we eat it?” you nodded, bringing the cookie up jimin’s mouth. she quickly bit into it, backing away slowly as she chewed.

“it tastes the same.” she spoke monotonously.

“nuh uh! let me try it.” you impatiently bit from the same side, only to be met with disappointment. “i told you, y/n.” you rolled your eyes.

“perhaps that’s a sign for us to go to bed.” jimin wiped her mouth. with a sigh, you reluctantly slid the lid back onto the cookies and stood up.

you weren’t ready to leave her yet.

“wait.” she hastily stopped you by grabbing your arm. “where are you going?”

“i thought you wanted me to leave?” you asked, planting your knee onto the bed. her eyes flickered down your frame before meeting your own.

“you don’t want to stay in here tonight?” she didn’t release her grip on your arm, instead examining your features. she didn’t want to be crossing a line.

it was still raining and you probably weren’t going to fall asleep anytime soon so you complied.

she smiled upon seeing your nod, finally letting your arm free. her touch lingered on your skin. “set that down over there.” she pointed towards the black chair that sat near the corner of her room. “so you don’t have to walk downstairs again tonight.”

you obeyed, coming back to sit down where you were before. “should i sleep at the edge? or…” you questioned and jimin raised an eyebrow.

“the edge? is that where you would be most comfortable?” you slipped off your socks, biting your lip nervously. the rain didn’t seem like it was going to stop anytime soon.

“i don’t know…” you mumbled and jimin stared at you silently.

“it’s whatever you want.” she spoke. so you replied without thinking.

“can we cuddle?” she nodded, hiding the smile fighting its way onto her face. “come here.”

it was awkward, sure, but the two of you refused to pull away. her fingers traced lazy circles on your shoulderblade, appreciating the warmth.

the silence and the sound of the rain made your mind begin to wander once more. you enjoyed spending time with jimin, but you didn’t want to fall in love with a monster.

“i have a question.” you lifted your head to speak, loving the way her soft hum flowed through your ears.

“if you could work for any other company, would you do it?” her facial expression told you that she may have thought about it for a second, but it was no longer than that.

“it would depend on which one. i don’t want to represent a party that doesn’t care about any of their members.” she answered. “it sounds hypocritical for my situation, but there was no way around it.” her laugh was airy, sounding almost forced.

“but that’s besides the point. i answered the question, right?” she repositioned herself slightly, careful not to disturb you.

“hey. don’t fall asleep on me yet.” she pinched you, resulting in you letting out a yelp.

she laughed again, much more natural and genuine than the first. “sorry. i’ll let you sleep after you answer my question.”

you hummed in response. “is this your first relationship?”

the question had you blushing like an idiot. “could you tell?” your eyes shot open.

“a bit. don’t be embarrassed.” she chuckled at how cute you were. “i want to try with you. after all, we’re stuck here together. aren’t we?”

you closed your eyes, snuggling into her embrace. “we are.”

─────────

jimin woke up before you did. the bed was empty, resulting in you frowning up. you slipped on your socks before making your way downstairs.

the smell of coffee greeted your senses, quickly followed behind by the sweetness of jimin’s voice.

“good morning, sleepy girl.” she was already dressed with a cup of coffee in her hand. you pouted and she raised an eyebrow in confusion.

“i wanted to have breakfast with you.” you admit, leaning over the kitchen island.

she hummed, pouring you a cup of coffee. “my apologies. month end is always extremely busy for the company.” you nodded in understanding. “how do you like your coffee?”

“tons of sugar and creamer.” you pushed off the counter, coming over to her side.

─────────

THE YU FAMILY HOME. July 14th, 10:57 PM

your daily routine had changed immensely since you were with your father. once you finally took over the restaurant, you served chinese comfort food. it wasn’t easy seeing aeri there everyday. she still had a special place in your heart.

jimin typically came home around six pm while your work hours regulated. since you enjoyed cooking so much, there were days where you would work more than twelve hours and days where you didn’t go to the restaurant at all.

eventually you hired more managers and the workload became less stressful for everyone.

you two talked more often, though some days she would ignore your presence entirely. you wanted to understand but she confused you. it had been almost a week since the trip, and you barely spoke a word.

the first argument that the two of you had felt petty to you.

you went behind her back and told mr. kim that he could move out for good. but it was for good reason — you would have rather took the time to prepare something for the both of you.

jimin didn’t seem to take it lightly, though. it was the first time you two had spoken in days and you could tell that something was wrong.

“i’m not upset about you firing him, y/n.” she sighed, taking off her blazer. “i’m upset because you didn’t come to me about it first. i was the one who hired him.” she explained calmly but you could tell that she was pissed.

“i didn’t think i had to? aren’t i technically his boss now?” you argued back, perplexed by her lack of understanding.

“it’s a communication thing.” you scoffed at her words. “you could work on communication.” your arms folded against your chest.

“and why do you say that?” she questioned with a look that almost seemed concerned. “because you haven’t spoken to me in days, jimin. what happened to us trying this out?” you complained.

“i have never changed my mind.” she started. “but we’re two parties. communication is key in marriage.” you rolled your eyes, continuing to wash the vegetables for your dinner. “bullshit.” you mumbled underneath your breath.

she heard it, but ultimately chose to ignore it. “i need a shower.” she sighed.

─────────

you had just finished the beautiful bruschetta chicken pasta when you heard jimin tap the counter behind you. the air was heavy with unspoken words and it made your shoulders tense.

the circumstances of your relationship had started to weigh down on you.

“that looks delicious.” jimin spoke first, slowly walking to the spot behind you.

“thanks.” you muttered, piercing the dish with your fork to collect a generous amount. “may i try it?” she asked, leaning over your shoulder.

you brought the fork up to her lips and she took the portion into her mouth, adoring the attention that you were giving her. that was when she realized that she enjoyed being fed by you.

she chewed slowly, savoring the taste while her eyes never left yours.

your insides did multiple somersaults, causing you to laugh to yourself and look away for a moment. “is it good?”

“it’s really delicious.” jimin nodded, resting her head on your shoulder. “i suppose i could get used to it.” her hands cautiously snaked around your waist, not holding it just yet. “is this okay?”

you nodded in response, leaning into her embrace. you felt her shuffling around, so you turned to face her curiously. “turn back around.” she chuckled as you obeyed.

the first thing you felt was cold metal coming in contact with your bare neck, and once it wrapped around to your nape you realized what it was. jimin had bought you a necklace.

“there we go. do you like it?” you took the charm in between your fingers to examine it. a gasp escaped your lips as you fiddled with the rose gold van cleef necklace.

the tears came before you could even stop them, and the worst part was that jimin had no idea as to why.

“hey, why are you crying?” she was terribly concerned as you reached out for her embrace, immediately wrapping you up into her arms.

“do you not like it?” jimin’s feather-light touch moved your hair out of your face, wiping the tears away. you quickly shook your head, sniffling as jimin soothed your sobs with strokes of your hair.

“it just reminds me of someone.”

─────────

YU FAMILY HOME. September 15th, 11:39 PM.

you wore the necklace that jimin gifted you nearly everyday and it was proof that your relationship had changed over time. you two felt like newlyweds, even though you had almost been married a year.

but the amount of time that jimin spent at the office worried you. she was undeniably a workaholic.

there were times that you would have to practically pry her out of the chair, and it was looking like tonight was one of them.

her eyes were fixated on the monitor in front of her as she typed away at multiple different catalogs, completely unaware of your presence.

but once she smelled your signature scent her head snapped around, greeting you with a tired smile.

“jiminie.“ you mumbled and she hummed in response.

“i miss you.” you pouted, walking closer to her. jimin looked up at you, eyes silently admiring every single detail that adorned your features.

she reached out to grab your wrist, pulling you into her lap. it surprised you both but neither of you were against it.

her arms wrapped around your torso as if you were fragile, sighing as she breathed in the smell of your body lotion. the way she clinged onto you revealed how tired she was.

“you said you would come to bed ten minutes ago. don’t overwork yourself, jiminie.” you played with her hair. seeing her so tired but still pushing to get work done pained your heart.

she hummed, pulling you closer. “i won’t, my darling.” but you couldn’t bring yourself to believe her words.

“jimin.” you repeated, pulling away so you could get a proper look at her face. her eyes looked slightly puffy, making you furrow your eyebrows. “have you been crying?”

she smiled sheepishly, looking into your eyes. “maybe? i was just thinking. and the stress was a lot.” there was a moment of silence and she could feel herself getting ready for your scolding.

but as soon as you opened your mouth, her lips connected against yours.

you hesitated slightly before eventually getting into the feel of the kiss, cheeks flushing from the fact that this was the first kiss you two ever had.

jimin pressed against your lower back, resulting in you arching into her. this allowed her to pull you closer, tongue swiping against your bottom lip.

her tongue slid into your mouth, exploring it hungrily as she pulled your body flush against her own.

breaking the kiss to catch her breath, jimin licked her lips to savor the taste of you. the action only made you even shyer. “you make me feel better. you put my mind at ease.” she confessed.

you sighed, unable to fight the smile dancing onto your lips. “you just worry me. promise me to take it easy.” you held out your pinky finger.

she intertwined it with her own, pecking your lips sweetly. “okay, honey.” she loved the way that you looked at her. as if she were the most beautiful girl in the world.

“i’m serious!” you continued to scold her. “you’re the only person i can trust. we’re all i have.” your voice dropped to a whisper.

she hugged you tighter. your words meant much more to her than you could ever think. “i’ll take it easy. let’s go to bed now, mhm?”

─────────

TASTE OF CHINA RESTAURANT. November 3rd, 4:18 PM.

the highlight of your days was coming home to jimin, having dinner together before yapping about every little eventful moment of your day.

she stayed true to her word, avoiding overworking herself and spending more time with you.

and if she didn’t, you would come claim all of her attention until she did.

today wasn’t any different.

you hadn’t planned to come in today because jimin had kept you awake almost all night long. but one of your employees phoned you with some food critic talk, and you grumbled out of the bed you shared with jimin.

you were so ready to go home to her.

in fact, you were so impatient that you even failed to notice that she had left work early to surprise you at the restaurant. just a few tables away from the front door sat your wife, listing off the dishes that caught the attention of her stomach to aeri.

the sigh of relief that left your lips once you finally saw her even surprised you. “jimin!” you called out, carelessly tossing your apron and coming to sit in front of her.

her heart swelled with affection, fighting back the urge to pick you up in front of everyone.

aeri seemed to be taken aback from your sudden change in demeanor. you had been irritated all day but once jimin showed her face, it was as if all your troubles flew out of the window.

it irritated her.

“you can take care of mrs. yu, right y/n?” her voice was shaky and you stared at her with a confused smile.

her eyes burned holes into the necklace around your neck. she knew that she hadn’t gotten it for you.

“pardon?” jimin asked, searching for the possible reason behind aeri’s sudden change of attitude.

aeri didn’t care to answer, leaving faster than jimin’s next question.

“is there foul history between you two? she was so cheerful just a moment ago.” your wife furrowed her eyebrows and your heart began to beat harder in your chest.

“uh, no. i think she was just having a bad day.” you shook your head before chuckling nervously and she just shrugged. “well bring her back over here. she’s my server.” jimin crossed her arms. “i want to have a proper meal with you.”

you stood up from your chair with a clear of your throat. “i’ll get her.”

─────────

YU FAMILY HOME. November 3rd, 4:58 PM.

“jimin, just listen to me. please?” you followed her as she traversed through your shared home, walking to her office. she didn’t even want to eat out anymore.

“jimin!” you raised your voice louder, desperately trying to get her attention. it wasn’t until you grabbed her arm and forced her towards you that she had began to pay attention.

“why are you still hiding from me?” she asked you, running a hand through her hair. you had never seen her look so pissed at you before. “i left work early to come see you.”

“i-i’m not hiding—“ you stammered, trying to explain yourself.

“you’re hiding the truth from me.” she accused, hurt and confusion evident on her features. “you said i was your first relationship.”

“we weren’t in a relationship, it’s complicated.” the tears began to swell up and you didn’t know how to stop them.

“do you still have feelings for her, y/n?” she asked with a shaky breath.

you didn’t want to keep lying to her.

“i don’t know.” you admit and the way jimin’s shoulders sunk in made you regret saying it.

“okay. i get it.” was all that she said, sitting in her office chair. you wanted to climb into her arms, to kiss her frown away, but you felt so dismissed.

─────────

YU FAMILY HOME. October 3rd, 9:14 PM.

you had been crying ever since the argument, swallowing the lump in your throat as you pulled the baked lasagna out of the oven.

it sat alongside garlic knots and fresh caesar salad, and you tried to force a smile at the sight of your work.

you made yourself a plate, pouring a glass of lavender tea so you wouldn’t have to rely on your tears to bring you sleep.

with a sigh you tasted the lasanga, leaning against the counter.

jimin silently wandered into the kitchen, thinking with her nose as she eyed the feast that you had prepared. she noticed that whenever you two had an argument, she could expect multiple dishes to be in the kitchen afterwards.

immediately after noticing her presence you sucked in a breath. it was ten times more awkward than when you had your first meeting. the silence was deafening.

“you wanna try?” her mouth was practically watering at the sight of your food, licking her lips as she nodded.

you smiled, relieved that at least some conversation could still be held. you were gathering enough for her taste test when she inched closer, catching you off guard.

her lips pressed against yours in a gentle kiss, making you weak in the knees as you leaned into her more.

you dropped the fork back onto the plate as she secured her arms around your waist tightly, deepening the kiss.

the shared passion of your make out session left the two of you breathless with a string of saliva connecting your lips.

“i’ve never had to fight for someone who was already mine before.” she muttered, resting her forehead against yours.

“but i’ll do it if it’s you.” she pecked your lips as if it were sealing her promise.

“i think we’ve already chosen.” you smiled, cupping her cheeks. “i’m all yours, jimin.” she hummed appreciatively. “good.”

“i love you, sunshine.” she whispered. “i mean it.”

“i love you too, jiminie.”

perm taglist — @saysirhc @aedollie (@jsxjmn)

[the-cosmic-cauldron]

Simple Astrology Observations

People with Leo placements often feel very self-assured. Since Leo is ruled by the Sun, which represents one’s core self, those with Leo placements tend to have a strong sense of identity. You cannot tell a Leo who they are—they are more likely to tell you who you are.

If you have Cancer placements, emotions play a significant role in your life—not just in how you feel, but in the emotional themes that guide your decisions. You need to feel emotionally clear and balanced in whatever you pursue. The energy of a space matters to you, and you seek to create a sense of peace, both for yourself and those around you. Cancer placements are deeply caring, prioritizing emotional security and the well-being of others.

For those with Gemini or Virgo placements, communication is incredibly important. Virgo, ruled by Mercury, values precision in speech, ensuring that their ideas are conveyed clearly and accurately. They take communication seriously, paying close attention to the words they use and how they structure their thoughts. Gemini, also ruled by Mercury, thrives on expression. The worst thing for a Gemini is feeling unheard or unable to share their thoughts. Communication is the outlet through which they process their many ideas, and without it, they can feel restless and unsettled.

Taurus and Libra, both ruled by Venus, prioritize love and connection. Taurus dislikes being single, as love is deeply ingrained in their nature. They seek to nurture and nourish those they care about, especially their closest relationships. Similarly, Libras thrive in love. They value bonds and daily communication with those they cherish. For a Libra, talking regularly with loved ones—whether friends or a romantic partner—is essential to their well-being.

Aries and Scorpio share a strong, feisty energy due to their Mars rulership. People with these placements are more prone to conflict, including physical altercations, even if they aren’t the ones to initiate them. Additionally, Mars’ influence heightens their desire for physical intimacy, making it a central aspect of their personality and emotional well-being. Aries and Scorpio placements often feel a deep need for consistent and passionate physical connection to maintain their spirits.

If you have Sagittarius or Pisces placements, you are driven by an insatiable desire for more—more experiences, knowledge, and growth. These signs do not settle easily, and even when they appear to, their minds are often wandering, imagining new possibilities or planning their next adventure. Stagnation is unsettling for them.

Aquarius and Capricorn, ruled by Saturn, often feel as though they are walking an uphill battle in life. Whether due to strict parenting, restrictive work environments, or self-imposed limitations, they frequently experience a sense of constraint. Aquarius, in particular, craves change and can be unpredictable, making them difficult to keep up with. Their transformations tend to be sudden and unexpected rather than gradual.

For Pisces placements, imagination is everything. Attempting to force a Pisces to be more “realistic” or grounded disrupts their natural flow, making it difficult for them to feel at peace. It is often better to let a Pisces exist in their dreamlike state rather than trying to pull them down to reality. If you do, you may encounter their less pleasant side.

Those with Scorpio placements experience profound transformations throughout life. Who they once were often feels distant from who they become. Their journey involves peeling back layers of buried emotions and illusions until they finally uncover their deepest truth. At some point, every Scorpio placement undergoes a powerful awakening where they recognize and embrace their authentic self.

If you focus on your rising sign, you may find it to be one of the hardest placements to internalize. The rising sign represents how you show up in the world, but it may not feel like an accurate reflection of your true self. For example, if you have an Aries rising but a water sun and moon, you might struggle to keep up with the fiery, bold energy others perceive in you. On the other hand, if your rising sign aligns closely with your sun sign, it will likely feel more natural.

The Midheaven (MC), though often associated with career, represents a broader sense of achievement and purpose. An Aries Midheaven may indicate a life goal of cultivating independence and authenticity, while a Libra Midheaven might strive for harmony, balance, and meaningful relationships. Rather than dictating a specific career path, the Midheaven reflects the aspirations that align with one’s true self.

Pluto is a planet of power, but many people develop an imbalanced perception of it based on how they were raised. Your relationship with your Pluto placement is deeply influenced by your upbringing. However, Pluto ultimately reveals where your power and influence lie in this life, making it one of the greatest tools to harness for your career, relationships, and daily life.

Neptune is the planet of the unseen, and your Neptune placement reveals where you lack clarity. It represents areas of life that feel elusive, confusing, or difficult to grasp. For example, having Neptune in the fifth house may indicate struggles with understanding romance, self-expression, courting, or dating. These aspects of life may feel unclear or difficult to navigate.

Uranus is the planet of progression, and your Uranus placement reveals the areas of life where you feel driven to grow and evolve.

Jupiter is the planet of satiety, representing what you need in life to feel fulfilled, satisfied, and content.

Saturn is the planet of long-term goals, which is why it brings restriction and obligations—these are the challenges we face when pursuing long-term objectives. In this lifetime, Saturn represents what you should aim to achieve.

[syn4k]

i propose that instead of using the dsm-5 to diagnose people with autism we use this checklist instead, which was written very seriously and with a large amount of thought by meeeeee

the (incomplete) autism checklist, as written by an autist

a lonstanding interest or fascination in usually but not limited to one of these subjects, topics, or categories: trains and locomotives, programming and coding, video games (especially Minecraft, Pokémon, and Halo), biology, astronomy and space, or maps that you generally seem to know more about than other people

creeping sense of alienation or "otherness" since you were a child due to differences between yourself and your peers, often leading to isolation either by others or as a choice you made for yourself

social awkwardness due to not really talking to people

reading an exorbitant amount of books as a child

speaking and communicating in an incredibly specific, precise, and/or "professional" way due to mainly learning how to speak and/or talk through published media

commonly finds it difficult to express and communicate thoughts, ideas, and emotions in ways that other people can understand

one or more objects, shows, or media that you have an incredibly strong emotional attachment to that you would be devastated if it were taken from you

if you read this list and immediately thought "wait, but i experience [edge case], does that still count?"

[itertarot]

TAROT | YOU

How can you practice self love:

Pick an image:

Pile 1:

You’re a very practical person, my Pile 1. You need to practice self-love by keeping your feet on the ground. Stability is essential for you, and it’s important to live in the present, avoid getting lost in fantasies or planning without taking action. Routine is key, and for some of you, even having a spreadsheet or diary to track daily tasks can be incredibly helpful. Take care of your finances. Where are you spending your money? Are you earning enough? How can you improve your financial life? Stability is closer than you think, and this is an area where you can make meaningful progress. For some of you, it’s important to avoid impulsiveness and unnecessary conflicts. It’s okay to speak your mind, but do so in a grounded way. Remember, attacking someone’s ideas isn’t the best way to change their perspective. Others in this pile need to cut out things that are holding you back from growth, but be mindful of what you’re removing. Take care in the process.

Practice patience, my dear Pile 1. Engage in slow activities, try meditation, gentle exercises, or walks in quiet places. Slow down your brain and avoid overstimulating programs or apps. When was the last time you read a book? Do you think you could pass an exam right now if needed? Is your brain being treated right?

You can benefit from seeking knowledge, joining a community, or starting a new course. Your mind is craving to learn and expand. Turn inward and do the inner work. Search inside yourself for what you truly desire and who you truly are, not who you’re supposed to be. Also, my Pile 1, do small things that make you happy. Take time to do what you enjoy, even if it seems meaningless or like a waste of time. Go watch that movie you’ve been procrastinating on, start that hobby you always put aside, or buy that decor or clothing item you’ve been wanting. Pamper yourself a little it’s okay to spend money on yourself sometimes.

Pile 2:

(You could watch the Tinker Bell movie)

Hello, Pile Number 2, how are you?? Darling, do you know how you can practice self-love? By giving! Do you have things you no longer use? Things that are just taking up space in your home? You can benefit from donating to people who will make good use of what no longer serves you. For some reason, Marie Kondo came to mind, maybe you should look into the KonMari method to organize your home, because organization and donation are important for this pile. You can also engage in social projects.By helping, you receive, that’s the motto here. You are good people, and for some of you, the number 6 might be significant, perhaps in numerology, or maybe it’s a number you like or that holds some meaning for you. Nurture your feelings, keep being good people without fear of getting hurt. Unfortunately, not everyone will appreciate you for who you are, not everyone is good, but don’t let difficult people or situations harden your heart. Allow yourself to feel and be affectionate. There’s nothing wrong with being sentimental.

What skill are you good at? What do you want to learn? Learn it now! For some of you, this includes hands-on work like painting, gardening, or anything that involves creating with your hands. Unleash your creativity! Fill yourself with ideas and let them flow. Write a book, paint a picture, try something new, anything you want, no matter how crazy it seems!

Step out of your comfort zone. Plan for the future: travel, career, where you want to be in 3 months, what short-term goals you want to achieve, etc. Take the leap! Be courageous and determined. Don’t let fear stop you from shining!! But, just like Pile Number 1, be mindful of impulsiveness and how you communicate with others. Avoid unnecessary fights and strive to express yourself clearly and non-aggressively.

Pile 3:

My dear Pile 3, you have so much pain to deal with right now. You need to mend your broken heart! Allow yourself to feel the pain, but don’t get stuck in it. Grieve and release what hurts you. I’m sorry for what you’ve lost, and if you’re feeling hopeless, I understand. But you need to look at what you still have and what you can achieve. Look around you and see what’s waiting for you. Remember: "The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift." Recognize how strong you are, and be proud that you’re still here. Give yourself some credit, even through hardship, you’ve managed to come this far. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself and set boundaries. You deserve to be treated with dignity.

Do small things that make you happy. Drink a cup of coffee or tea, bake a delicious cake, watch a comedy or rom-com, or listen to fun, uplifting songs. Take small steps toward happiness, it will slowly help you heal your broken heart. Also, connect with people who love you: your partner, family, best friends, or anyone who can support you. Accept help, you are worthy of being loved! Also, i heard that someone here feels like there's no one by yourself, but darling you have someone waiting for you, even if you didn't meet them in the 3D.

There’s a light at the end of the tunnel and a whole world waiting for you to discover it.

Pile 4:

Similar to Pile Number 3, you’re also dealing with some heartbreak, Pile 4. Maybe something in your life has ended, or perhaps you’ve been struggling with depression. Whatever it may be, know that you are strong, and the universe has something much better in store for you. Accept change and surrender to destiny.

What do you want in life? What kind of connection do you crave? For some of you, an important message is this: to have a real connection, whether it’s a soulmate, twin flame, or deep bond, you need to let go of connections that no longer fulfill you as you need. I truly believe most of you are already doing the work and staying strong. Very logical personalities here. Keep standing up! You love yourself by respecting yourself. You can also seek help if you’re feeling lonely or left behind. Remember, a bad day is not a bad life, nor can a bad week or bad months define your life. You will be happy again, this is just a difficult moment.

Love yourself as a whole, every part of you. Your personality, your looks, your body, your hobbies, the way you behave, speak, and think, all of it. Love yourself. Recognize that you are THAT GIRL and step into your power. Nurture yourself. Do skincare, take care of your hair, go on picnics, do a fantasy or cottagecore photoshoot, enjoy your clothing style, buy gifts for yourself, bake a cake, paint something, or try gardening. For some reason, I also see making a gin too. Someone here can enjoy making drinks.

Start again. And good luck🤍

[celestialxgarden]

· ──── · ♡ · ──── · What will you love most and dislike the most about your future spouse?

· ──── · ♡ · ──── ·

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘Disclaimer: I do not own any of these images. All credit belongs to their original owners. ⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

“Within, your flesh is an endless light. Within, your veins contain a tranquility.”

- Ingeborg Bachmann

•··············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•··············•∘•·············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•···············•

Pile 1

What you’ll love most.

You’ll love how responsible they are. Your future spouse is really good at managing different aspects of life. They are incredibly organized and are able to keep track of a lot of things. I have a feeling that they’ll probably be a Virgo or have Virgo placements quite prominent in their chart.

You’ll also love how adaptable they are. Your future spouse is able to adjust themselves to different circumstances really well. This is something you’ll appreciate because they will also be this way with you. I get the sense that if you guys were ever in a disagreement that you’ll be able to come to a compromise fairly quickly.They don’t have a rigid way of thinking. They are also not the type to be holding grudges. I get the vibe that they are able to move on from difficult situations fairly easily. They don’t tend to hold on to the past. Your future spouse also has a very forgiving nature and they tend to want to see the best in people.

I get the idea that they might have different forms of income. They seem like they’re very financially stable. They are really good at managing their money. This is someone that probably has very good credit.

What you’ll dislike the most.

You future spouse is someone that likes to be alone a lot. I get the vibe that they are not the type to go out much. They have a more introverted personality. I also get the impression that they won’t often share what exactly they’re doing when they’re spending time with themselves.

This could potentially bother you in some way. They are probably not up to anything bad. I get the feeling that the reason this side of them bothers you, is because they’re shutting you out in some type of way. They’re not fully letting you into their world. Your future spouse is the type of person that just needs a lot of alone time to reflect and recharge, it’s nothing personal against you. They are also just generally a very private person, so they don’t really like to share their thoughts and feelings. I also feel like they could come across as detached some times or a bit distant. They are not really an expressive person, so they could seem to be more indifferent. I think it might bother you that your not able to read them easily, that your not sure what’s going on in their head. I think you’ll worry sometimes if they even still like you.

Your future spouse is someone that shows affection by doing things for you and by making sure that you are alright, that you have everything you need. They’ll probably like to buy you gifts to cheer you up.

｡ ˚ ︶︶✩︶︶‌ ₊ ˚ ︶︶✩︶︶‌ ｡˚ ｡ ˚ ︶︶✩︶︶‌ ₊ ˚ ︶︶✩

Pile 2

What you’ll love most.

Your future spouse is a very dynamic and active type of person. They like to partake in a lot of different activities. They have a lot of energy. They don’t like to sit still and do nothing. They have to be able to do something or get their body moving in some way. You’ll really like this about them. You’ll love how active and full of energy they are.

Your future spouse is also someone that is very quick to act. When they want to do something they just do it. They’re not the type to ponder over it first. They have a bit of a impulsive personality. This could get them in trouble sometimes. I feel like sometimes they’ll just say something without thinking and it could offend someone or hurt their feelings.

Your future spouse is someone that is always on the go. They’re always trying to progress in some way.

I also get the feeling that your future spouse is someone that likes to party a lot. They are very social and they like meeting new people. They have a lot of friends. They really like to have fun and to indulge in the pleasures of life. Sometimes they indulge themselves a little too much.

What you’ll dislike most.

I feel like your future spouse spends too much time with their friends or other people like their coworkers and this could bother you. There might be some type of project that they’ll be working on with multiple people, so a lot of their time and energy might be going to that. I also feel like they can be kind of deceptive at times. They might for instance say that they are at work, but in reality are doing something else. Your future spouse may also come across as superficial. They are very concerned with their overall image. They often think about what others might think of them. They also strongly focus on their accomplishments a lot and what they have achieved. They bring this up often and like to boost about it and this could annoy you potentially.

I get the impression that your future spouse is a bit of a flirt. They’re sort of a social butterfly, so sometimes they’ll unconsciously start flirting with people. They’re not necessarily trying to do this on purpose, but it kind of happens uncontrollably. This may make you feel jealous. I don’t get the impression that they would cheat on you though, they’re just very flirtatious.

｡ ˚ ︶︶✩︶︶‌ ₊ ˚ ︶︶✩︶︶‌ ｡˚ ｡ ˚ ︶︶✩︶︶‌ ₊ ˚ ︶︶✩

Pile 3

What you will love most.

Your future spouse is a natural born leader. They have this compelling sort of charisma that draws people towards them. They very naturally inspire devotion from others which makes people respect them. They also know how to take initiative. They’re the type of person that knows how to make things happen and take control of their life. They have a very strong amount of self belief and are very confident. You’ll really love this about them.

I feel like this is someone that has not received a lot of help in their life. They’ve had to accomplish a lot of things on their own and this is something you’ll really respect about them. They’re not the type to ask for help or handouts, they prefer to do things on their own. I feel like this has given them a lot of strength and made them very determined.

Your future spouse is also very ambitious. Once they have a goal in mind, they’ll do anything to achieve it. They are someone with a strong vision. When they imagine something in their head, they want to make it a reality. They’re not afraid to take risks. They’re very fearless in that regard. Your future spouse also has a very intense, strong aura. They radiate a lot of heat and energy. This person has a lot of masculine energy. Their energy feels very potent and direct. They come across as very intense. I also feel like they feel things very intensely. I think your future spouse has strong Scorpio placements.

What you’ll dislike the most.

Your future spouse can be emotionally immature at times. Because they feel everything so deeply, they sometimes overreact to situations when it isn’t necessary. At times their inner world is very chaotic and they can have extreme forms of emotional outbursts. Their emotions can get very turbulent to the point of being destructive. These type of outbursts generally happen when they feel very stressed or when they feel like they’re under a lot of pressure.

I get the impression that your future spouse purposefully puts themselves in high stress environments where they’re pushed to their limits. They like putting themselves in dangerous situations where they’ll really be tested. They have this idea that this is where I have to be and this is what I have to do in order to grow, to become better.

I think the reason that you’ll dislike this the most is because they won’t always take responsibility for what has happened. I feel like they fall into a victim mentality at times. They’ve kinda accepted that this is who they are and they feel like they’ll always going to be like that. They sometimes have this martyr attitude towards themselves or they view themselves as this tortured person, which is really interesting because other people view them as this radiant being who has a lot of personal power.

｡ ˚ ︶︶✩︶︶‌ ₊ ˚ ︶︶✩︶︶‌ ｡˚ ｡ ˚ ︶︶✩︶︶‌ ₊ ˚ ︶︶✩

Thank you all for reading 💜

[meanbossart]

Why does the drow want kids?

Do you think he'd be a good father? (in the magical event that he and Astarion invent fantasy mpreg lol)

How do you think they handle coparenting together?

Sorry for so many questions lol, was just thinking about your little guy and was curious (hope these haven't been asked before!)

Well, to start off you could technically say that he doesn't want them. Not in his canonical/redemptive timeline, anyway.

If he were partnered with someone who's capable of conceiving and it happened on accident, he would be happy about it at first, and it's definitely an idea that he thinks of fondly - but DU drow realizes that not only is his current life-style not fitting to raise a child, but there's also the whole... Bhaalspawn thing. As funny as it was to loom the threat of offspring over Jaheira's head, he wouldn't want to put a child in the world only for it to land in the clutches of Bhaal as he once was.

Jokes about his breeding kink aside, his remaining urge to reproduce will at times be as much of a punishment as his bloodthirst was. Forget about the morning-wood and the abstract obsession with sex - remaining empty-nested will, at some point, pull him into a hopeless sadness that will probably be difficult to crawl out of, and it won't be sated by getting a couple of cats or adopting an urchin.

That said, I don't think it's out of the question that they could come to foster or fully adopt a child, one day! Assuming they stay alive long enough. It's a cute idea that I have filed away for when the inspiration eventually strikes me.

...And Astarion and DU drow would definitely make for peculiar parents, lol, but not totally hopeless ones. They're incredibly capable people in their own rights, with a lot of potential to yet mature and grow assuming nothing goes horrifically wrong. I could see them striving to raise a very self-sufficient and practical child - teach it how to hunt! How to steal! How to butcher! When it's old enough to even understand such conversations, teach it how to murder and benefit from others. Teach it that the world is a weird, scary place, but you can take it by the horns and we will show you how to.

DU drow would be the type of father who more openly expresses affection and wants to spend every minute with the child - yet far more open to letting them make their own mistakes. Take risks. Get hurt. Then simply tell them to dust themselves off and move on.

Astarion on the other hand would probably make for a slightly more withdrawn dad (this isn't the type of love he's used to - not only from his years as a spawn, but far before), a funny one, but not particularly touchy or explicitly loving. On the flip-side I think he would have a much harder time letting them go off and do dumb shit, or at least he would try and pull strings so that things do go their way. He's the dad that reprehends you for getting caught stealing and getting beat up, but then goes off and kills the store-keeper without you ever hearing a word about it.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

FOOLISH SPRING WINDS, BLOW MY WAY ; SATORU GOJO

summary; a snippet of the spring you share with a certain satoru gojo — who seems intent on making your high school life as difficult as possible.

word count; 5.4k

contents; satoru gojo/reader, gn!reader, enemies to friends (..but the ’enemy’ part is kinda one-sided), fluffy n sweet overall, satoru doesn’t know how to make friends + thinks lighthearted bullying constitutes as a bonding activity, he’s a little shit but he means well, switching povs, lots of gojo slander (but reader sees the light eventually), big shoujo vibes, they’re both tsunderes <33

a/n; i ended up scrapping the series i wrote this fic for originally, so i thought i’d rewrite it and repost it on its own!! teentoru is such a grumpy little kitten i need to squish his paws

satoru gojo is annoying.

it might seem blunt, but after many weeks of careful thinking, you’ve decided no description could possibly fit him better. 

when you first met him, on that first day of school, you had no idea what to think. no real expressions or tonal shifts to clue you in on who he was, how he felt — nothing but the slightest peek of a terrifying blue to set your nerves on edge. 

in hindsight, you’re almost certain it was intentional. he wanted to appear unreadable. purposefully hiding his personality and mannerisms, to gain the upper hand — observing you, dissecting you inside his mind, while revealing nothing about himself apart from his surname. 

it’s a kind of power; a safety measure.

… but evidently, holding back isn’t exactly gojo’s forte. the very next morning, he was already beginning to loosen up, after getting more accustomed to the new environment and classmates. showing you his true colours; just a little hint of cerulean, a single dip of paint on the blank canvas of his soul.

and with the revelation of his genuine personality — your unease around him festered even more.

where could you even begin to describe him? for one, he’s childish. and cocky. and loud. arrogant, selfish and flamboyant — just generally an asshole? you could go on and on. none of the traits are particularly flattering, and you know he couldn’t care less.

gojo is annoying, plain and simple. almost constantly up to something, eager to push someone’s buttons, to get attention. like a bratty toddler. uninterested in manners, or even common courtesy; he says what he feels, regardless of how other people take it. 

to put it simply, he has no regard for the people around him. his self-interest is limitless. 

as if that wasn’t annoying enough — you have no choice but to admit that he does have a certain presence to him. a kind of charisma, or what you think could become charisma, if he’d just get off that high horse already. he won’t, though. you know he won’t. he revels in it, in looking down on everything and everyone, annoyingly boisterous and irritatingly tall. freaky, long limbs. like a noodle and an alien had a baby.

but, more than anything — above all else — what frustrates you most is the fact that his unbridled confidence isn’t exactly unwarranted.

as much as it pains you to say it… gojo is maybe just a little bit incredible. a natural-born genius. he’s intelligent, and observant, and awfully pretty, with those baby blues eyes and those snowy locks of hair. and he has no issue getting what he wants. 

absolutely zero. 

there’s something admirable about it, in a twisted way. like he doesn’t even need to try. he’s good at anything, if he just gives it a single chance. you can only assume he’s never given much thought to the prospect of being a decent guy, because that’s the only thing he sucks at.

effortlessly perfect, in the most imperfect of ways. that’s probably how you’d describe him.

… annoying is still the most fitting word, though. or maybe obnoxious. he’s got this spoiled rich kid vibe that irks you, gets under your skin. you doubt he’s ever had to empathize with anyone, in his entire life. 

and, yes — maybe you’re being a little harsh to him. but why should you bother being jovial when he won’t return the favour?

gojo is annoying; and when you say that, you mean annoying to basically everyone. as a basis for existing. always teasing and taunting, looking down from that high horse of his. you’re no exception to this rule, of course. but you’re almost certain that he has it out for you specifically.

you know he looks down on you, from behind those tacky sunglasses. you’re sure of it.

compared to geto or shoko, you aren’t very self-assured — and you think he must have sensed it the moment he laid eyes on you. sensed that you’re a little meek, a bit of a doormat, easy to push around and get a rise out of. maybe he also noticed your apprehension towards him, your apparent unease. 

you’re easy prey, to put it simply.

evidently, he’s developed a fondness for getting under your skin. it started as soon as introductions were over, and it still hasn’t gotten better. he loves catching you off guard, throwing you an unneeded comment or two, just to see what reaction you’ll give him next. almost like he’s solving an equation — said equation being you, the limit of your patience. and you keep giving him what he wants; a scoff, a roll of your eyes, an earnest fuck right off. you can never seem to successfully ignore him. he’s just far, far too good at being insufferable.

… and, more than anything, he’s far too out of reach. even when you try to get along with him, it backfires. you don’t have a single thing in common. you don’t understand him at all. 

(and that suits you just fine.)

a heavy sigh slips from your parted lips, as you examine your blurry reflection in the surface of the mirror. fatigue clings to your skin like a layer of sweat, your mind muddled, stuffed with anxious thoughts and discomforting feelings.

you’re exhausted. completely and utterly spent, even though the day’s barely begun — running on three pitiful hours of sleep, all broken up and jumbled by nightmares that wouldn’t stop spooking you. not a single wink of proper rest. 

and it’s painfully obvious. in your face, your posture, the dark crescents beneath your eyes; in the way you can’t help but drag your legs as you walk, your hair disheveled, little sighs and grumbles slipping from your lips for every step you take. all you can do is sluggishly blink the exhaustion away.

you just feel so tired.

it could be worse, though. you don’t have any classes today, no real reason to get out of your comfy bed, leave the safety of your cozy little dorm room. but you need breakfast, right now, or else you’ll literally explode — so you still get up on shaky legs and try to mimic the appearance of someone… even moderately well-rested.

it doesn’t work, but that’s besides the point. 

so you make your way to the dormitory’s shared kitchen. walking idly — clumsily — enjoying the sight of fleeting, fluttering cherry blossoms through the windows you pass. little pink butterflies.

once you’ve crossed the threshold, you’re relieved to find the open space entirely devoid of people. no shoko, no geto, not even a mischievous gojo. running into the first two wouldn’t be the end of the world — but it still wouldn’t be ideal. you don’t want anyone seeing you like this, tired and meek, a little vulnerable.

(least of all gojo. you shiver at the bare thought.)

with laboured, groggy movements, you waltz around the kitchen, getting cups and plates and turning on the coffee machine. enjoying the soothing melody of the pan sizzling, singing along to the purring of espresso being made. it’s nice and pleasant to your sensitive ears, as you blink under the rays of sunlight shining in, throwing together a lazy breakfast. 

you waste no time in taking a seat by one of the tables once you’re finished. eager to soak in the peace and quiet, wolf down a sandwich and copious amounts of caffeine.

but, as always — the world seems to have it out for you specifically.

”oh? well, look who it is. and here i thought you had left too.”

you stiffen. ever so slightly, barely noticeable, but still enough that you physically feel the dread envelop every single cell of your body. the voice that echoes out across the open air is a chipper one, a familiar one. a voice you were desperately hoping not to hear today. 

all you can do is continue to sip from your cup of coffee, inwardly wincing, silently going through all five stages of grief simultaneously — before accepting your unfortunate predicament. 

(that’s just your luck, isn’t it?)

finally, you raise your weary head, knowing exactly what sight you’ll be met with once you do. 

and, lo and behold — there he is.

gojo looks the same as always. grinning brightly, a little woflish, wearing those ugly sunglasses and making his way across the room like he owns it. a trait you can’t help but admire, envy, hate and worship at the same time. he plops down next to you like it’s nothing, a little too close for comfort, unconcerned about your concept of personal space.

”whatcha up to?” he chirps, in that sugar sweet tone, layered over with a boyish kind of excitement. there’s a teasing tilt to it, too — the one that always accompanies his voice when he’s speaking to you.

under normal circumstances, you’d flip him off. maybe even just glare at him, silently, or raise a brow in challenge.

but you’re far, far too tired to. too anxious. too in need of sleep, in need of a peaceful breakfast that he oh so cruelly ripped from you. all you can muster is the energy to glance his way.

for just a second, your eyes meet. not like you can actually see them, from behind his glasses — but you know they’re there. menacing and uncanny, bright and excited. too much to handle, right now.

”… morning.”

as soon as the mutter has left your lips, you take a tentative bite of your sandwich. gaze trailing sluggishly back to your plate.

gojo blinks.

he immediately notes that your voice sounds meek. even more so than usual. he expected you to give him a scoff, or even just a timid huff — but no such luck. 

you’re just sitting there, quiet, curling into yourself.

after a moment’s consideration, gojo opts to look at you. to really look at you, study your face, the way those twitchy fingers move to curl around the ceramic handle of the cup you’re drinking out of. the way your eyes shift from place to place, unfocused, your eyelids flicking shut every couple seconds. slow.

he’s always been observant — but it doesn’t take a genius to see that you’re tired. 

gojo is silent, for no more than a mere moment; contemplating his next course of action. he’s never seen you like this, before. did something happen?

…

(— well, it doesn’t matter. not his problem.)

”you look like a zombie,” he grins, a little teasing, showing off the white of his teeth. even though you look out of it, he can’t help himself — despite his own intuition telling him to let you be. 

you’re just too fun to tease. suguru and shoko only ever raise their eyebrows at him, or stare him down like a misbehaving dog, but you always have a good reaction to give. something to entertain him when he’s bored, distract him when his mind is too full of noise. 

so he can’t help but tease you, a little. hoping it’ll soothe the restlessness inside his chest.

but for once, what gojo expects isn’t what he gets. 

what he expects is for you to glare at him. tell him to leave you alone, or even just sigh in exasperation — either one would be fine. it’s just mindless enjoyment, to him, a little fun to lighten up his day. 

especially now, when suguru is away on some day trip he wasn’t privy to. that traitor. shoko is nowhere to be seen, either, probably off smoking in some random alleyway. or hanging out with one of the kyoto losers.

… the whole dorm is so eerily quiet.

(gojo would never admit it, not in a thousand years… but maybe he’d feel just a little bit lonely without any of you around.)

for a while after waking up, he assumed he’d have to spend the whole day alone. no one to talk to, no one to look at. he was practically dying of boredom. but then he entered the kitchen — and saw his saving grace. his dear little irritable classmate. 

he was so relieved. content in the knowledge that he’d get to push your buttons to his heart’s desire, bask in your playful banter and cold, joking little looks until suguru finally comes home.

only this time — you don’t react at all. 

you don’t give him what he expects, don’t indulge his little antics, in the way he’s grown so accustomed to. you just keep eating your breakfast, and drinking your coffee, in total silence. 

gojo waits, just a couple moments more. hoping for a delayed reaction, a witty counter, a snarky comment. anything. 

but it never comes.

finally, he starts to sulk. slumping against the leather seat behind him, quieting down with a low huff. furrowing his brows, as his glossy, cherry-tasting lips curl down into a little pout.

honestly, he’s kind of annoyed. just what is your problem? what is with you, today? 

… it’s no fun if you’re not playing along. 

gojo can’t help but grumble, a little, under his breath. you’re usually so responsive, so easy to rile up. so what’s wrong? why are you just sitting there?

…

whatever. so what if you’re not talking to him? so what if you won’t even spare him a glance? gojo has better things to do, bigger fish to fry. he wasn’t even that excited, when he saw you. the thought of bantering with you didn’t lift his spirits, even in the slightest. 

not even a little bit.

…

but, really — would it take so much effort for you to just say something? to just respond to his friendly little quip? you can’t possibly be that tired. 

or, what — did you get insecure, or something? because he called you a zombie? no way. you’re not that sensitive… are you? or is that it? 

what a hassle.

you know he’s just messing with you. he knows you know. so why are you acting so…. 

(sad, gojo wants to think, but he buries the thought before it can reach his frontal cortex. he doesn’t want to empathize with you, not right now — doesn’t want to feel that discomforting pang in his chest.)

a strange sensation bubbles up in his chest. something frustrated, a little unnerved; at your lack of a reaction, the weak glint in your eyes. he just doesn’t understand why — and that frustrates him even more. 

why can’t you just bite back, like always?

(… it’s fun when you do.)

the silence lingers on, stretches out across the room, festers and grows as you gulp down your breakfast. all while gojo keeps on sulking, still sitting beside you, waiting for something to happen. he briefly considers getting up and leaving, or saying something annoying to hopefully spur you on —

but you stand up before he can convince himself to go through with either option.

having finished your breakfast, your legs carry you to the sink. finally, you can head back to your room. gojo’s being weirdly quiet, but you pay no mind to it; methodically washing your dishes in silence. 

you don’t bother saying goodbye to him, either. still sitting there, seemingly deep in thought, grumbling something under his breath. 

he watches as you leave, gaze trailing after you, until you’re completely out of sight. 

then he lays down, flat on his back, with a frustrated huff. trying desperately to brush away the memory of your dim eyes, the slight frown on your lips. the dark circles under your eyes, that he tried so hard not to notice because they made him feel so weirdly uncomfortable. the meek, meek look you gave him.

gojo sighs.

(he feels just a tiny, tiny bit bad.)

when you wake up from your slumber, you immediately note that your body feels lighter.

this time, no nightmares came to haunt you. having practically collapsed once your head hit the pillow, your body finally decided to give you some peace of mind, some well needed rest. thankfully.

with a groan, you lazily stretch out your limbs — enjoying the feeling of your veins waking up, gaze falling on the clock on your wall. you’ve only been asleep for about two hours, or so, but it’s more than enough to give you the little jolt of energy that you need.

what to do, what to do. you still have the whole day ahead of you. another nap wouldn’t hurt, but you don’t want to waste your precious free time just rotting in bed — maybe you could take a walk around the schoolyard instead? the cherry blossoms have started to unfurl, and the grounds of the school are just littered with them.

even just the mental image is enough to have you changing into some light and comfortable clothes, reaching a hand out to push your door open. excitement stirring in your veins.

as you do so, something is knocked over.

all you hear is a soft little thud, accompanied by the sensation of something colliding with the door. a low curiosity overtakes you — eagerly peeking around for a look at the mysterious something.

your gaze falls on something pink.

it’s tiny, awfully out of place, just laying unassumingly on the dusty floorboards. as you crouch down to get a better look, you recognize it instantly; a small carton of strawberry milk. a plastic straw plastered on its side, and an evil looking cow mascot staring at you from the front. one of the items sold in the schoolyard’s vending machines — your personal favorite. you drink it every time you need a tiny pick-me-up, the sweet taste always managing to soothe your spirits.

and it was sitting right outside your door.

you stare at it, silently, in deep contemplation. holding it in your hand as the gears turn inside your head. could someone have dropped it? no, that’s dumb — who’d drop it right outside your door and then not pick it up?

… did someone leave it for you, then? because they know you like it? that could be it, maybe, but who would —

…

your mind stills. 

(no way.)

when you think about it — that’s the only explanation that makes sense. shoko and geto aren’t there, and you barely know any of your senior students. yaga-sensei would never give you strawberry milk without a lecture on the dangers of cavities, either.

that just leaves one possible culprit.

but you can’t wrap your head around it. why would he do something like that? he doesn’t like you — you know that much. so it couldn’t possibly be him.

… then again, you have seen him drink it. both of you like it, contrary to your other classmates; shoko doesn’t like sweet things in general, and geto wouldn’t go for strawberry milk if he could choose something else. it might as well be the only thing you and gojo have in common — the one thing that binds you two together. 

a single carton of strawberry milk. 

it’s almost comical.

(if it’s really true — if he really did do it… then you wonder why. maybe he noticed that you were feeling under the weather, and figured it’d make you happy. 

you wonder if it’d be foolish of you, to believe that it’s true — if only because you kinda like the idea.)

your feet move on their own, before your mind has a chance to question the decision. 

where could he be? in the kitchen, still? in his dorm?

just as you begin to wonder, a flash of white dances in the corners of your vision. when you glance out the window, you see it; white, soft hair, like a fluffy cloud, in the midst of all the pink petals fluttering about. 

you stop.

then you start walking again. with more decision, this time. hurrying to the exit.

gojo is sitting right outside the dormitory, on a wooden bench, legs swinging idly as he gazes at the sky. his hair sways slightly with the breeze, soft strands moving and caressing his skin. pink petals dance all around him, gracefully descending down to the ground, together with a trail of bubbles. gojo is blowing them, haphazardly, following their movement with his keen eyes. they glimmer in the sunlight, reflecting all shades of the rainbow.

the sight is just a little bit breathtaking. 

the ground crunches beneath your feet, when you take a step forward — and gojo turns towards you. you stiffen like a deer in headlights, instantly regretting your decision. blinking nervously. you walked here almost entirely on impulse, but now that you’re face to face…

(it’s a little scary.)

… still, it’s far too late to back out now. you can’t do much except join him, so that’s exactly what you do — albeit a little hesitantly.

trying to ignore his continuous stare, burning into the side of your head, you plop down beside him. feeling the steady bench beneath you, breathing in the scent of sweet-smelling cherries and soap.

an uncomfortable silence lingers in the air around you both, as he waits for you to say something. 

it’s a little tough. mustering up the courage to say anything, even just to face him. the decisiveness you felt just a moment ago has faded, now only the ghost of a sensation — you’re too nervous to verbalize anything.

but eventually, after a deep breath or two, you force yourself to speak. hoping you won’t come to regret it.

”… hey, gojo?” 

it’s almost a whisper. soft and fragile, mumbled beneath your breath as you stare at the cherry trees in front of you. you know his eyes are on you, though. you can feel them, almost feel their weight in the palm of your hand. like marbles.

weakly, you raise up the carton of strawberry milk. glancing over at him, not quite managing a smile, but trying your best to look somewhat appreciative. 

”thanks.”

a confused blink. gojo looks down the strawberry milk, and then back up at you. eyelashes fluttering.

a moment passes. 

then he turns his head away, swiftly, his hair tousled by the movement — a couple pink petals stuck between the soft strands. you can’t see his face anymore.

”i have no idea what you’re talking about,” he huffs, with a voice you’ve never heard him speak through.

when you look a little closer — you think the tips of his ears may be just slightly red. it makes your lips curl up into a small smile, but you barely feel it.

(like this, he’s actually kind of cute.)

cherry blossoms flutter in the wind, dancing joyously, without a care in the world. a spring breeze ruffles gojo’s hair, as he sits beside you, having begun to blow his bubbles again. not saying a word, and looking straight ahead. but you can’t help but stare, as sneakily as you can muster.

you find yourself thinking that he looks right at home, among the petals. fleeting, hard to get a grasp on, so pretty, and so out of reach — despite being so close. 

if you wanted to, you could reach over and touch him. you could reach for his sunglasses, lift them off his face, and finally see those eyes he’s so intent on hiding. you could see him, see straight into his soul — and find out who he really is.

you won’t, though. some boundaries aren’t meant to be so callously crossed.

instead, you puncture the pink carton in your hand with the plastic straw, and take a tentative sip. the sweet taste soothes you, straight away, blooming on your tongue. you can’t help but sigh, softly, relaxing even further — it’s absolutely perfect, for this kind of weather. the sight before you, cherry petals and shining bubbles, a boy you don’t like, but definitely don’t hate. 

you both look up, following the bubbles with your eyes, as they float up into the sky; as they get smaller and smaller, farther and farther out of reach. neither of you say a word, but the silence is comforting. light. 

gojo is the first one to break it — in a voice so small you barely hear it.

”… you don’t look like a zombie.”

a second passes. you’re left blinking in confusion, trying to decipher the sudden statement. you can’t get a good read on his expression, with those eyes of his conveniently hidden; he must have regained his composure, then.

it takes a couple seconds for his words to sink in — but once they do, all pieces seem to fall into place. 

and you burst into laughter.

gojo blinks at you, caught off guard, his eyelashes flapping like a little dove scrambling to get off the ground — staring at you like you just grew a second head. that makes you laugh harder, a bout of giggles spilling past your lips — you just can’t help it. 

”did —” you wheeze, softly, thoroughly amused. trying and failing to bite back the laughter. ”did you think i was bothered by that, or something?”

gojo looks at you. a little stunned, for a moment. the sight only makes your smile bloom further, eyes crinkled as you meet his gaze. from the angle you’re viewing him through, leaning back against the bench, you catch a glimmer of his eyes. they’re awfully pretty — blue and bright, full of life. when you look closer, you can see tiny, tiny splotches of white. 

they look like the blue sky. 

you called them menacing, before, but now you aren’t so sure. they seem soft, in the sunlight, especially when seen like this — right after catching him off guard. it’s a rare moment, terribly precious. something to savour.

gojo doesn’t let it linger, though. 

after a moment of two, he scoffs — turning away yet again. a soft, soft pout on his lips.

”obviously not,” he huffs, sounding nothing but irritated, resting his jaw on the heel of his palm. ”but with how sensitive you are, i wouldn’t be surprised.”

usually, a comment like that would irk you. now it just makes you giggle, lightheartedly — the tips of his ears turning redder at the sound. 

(he really isn’t so bad, after all.)

for a while, you don’t say anything else. afraid of ruining the tender atmosphere. you feel closer to gojo than ever before — and you wonder if maybe this is the gojo that geto sees. childish, but well meaning. arrogant and cocky, but oddly innocent. selfish — but not really. you’re starting to think that you may have been slightly off, with that one.

the strawberry milk on your tongue tastes sweet. a little sweeter than usual, though you choose not to dwell on it.

”hey,” you break the silence, surprising even yourself. the words fall from your lips like soft little breaths, rolling off your tongue like marbles pouring out of a glass bottle. ”i don’t dislike you, you know?”

it’s an impulsive admission. saying it out loud doesn’t feel wrong, though. maybe a little humiliating, sure, but not wrong. not dishonest.

you suspect that gojo may be looking at you, out of the corner of his eye, but you aren’t sure. after all, you’re vehemently avoiding his gaze — a little embarrassed by your own sincerity. 

he doesn’t know how to respond. you’re being strangely unpredictable, today, and it makes him feel unsure of himself. your tone is soft, almost friendly. he only ever hears it when you’re talking to shoko or geto.

not learning his lesson, gojo opts to tease you again. as always. afraid to let the silence linger for too long. it’s a halfhearted attempt, though, more of a vaguely amused huff than anything. 

”what, got a crush on me or somethin’?”

this time, you don’t scoff, or roll your eyes, or give him an earnest fuck right off. you only chuckle, in a way that almost borders on fond. you’re not one to tease, contrary to the boy on your left, but your words are teasing even still. ”i have better taste than that.” 

gojo should be irked, should grumble and bite back, but you don’t give him the chance to. 

”i just… you know,” you taste the words on your tongue. ”i still think you’re annoying. and childish.” gojo huffs, and your lips curl up. ”but i really don’t dislike you.”

you take a sip of the strawberry milk, before continuing, hoping it’ll make the words easier to say. ”… and it’s not like i know you, anyway. so i’m sorry for making a bunch of assumptions.” 

a pause. for a split second, you quiet down, a little flustered. gnawing on your bottom lip.

”… that’s all i wanted to say,” you exhale, gaze glued to your lap. feeling a heat on your nape.

as always, you can’t tell what gojo’s thinking. out of the corner of your eye, you try to catch a glimpse of his face, but you have a nagging suspicion that it wouldn’t tell you anything anyway. his eyes are hidden by those sunglasses, after all, acting as a wall between him and the rest of the world. so you don’t know if the words reach him, if they mean anything at all. 

but you hope they do. even as you brush cherry petals and non-existent dust off your lap, and get up to leave.

gojo just sits there, for a second, deep in contemplation. 

he tries to bury a certain thought, before it has a chance to reach his frontal cortex — before he has to accept that it exists. only this time, he doesn’t succeed. the words die before they reach his tongue, but he hears them, in his head. he hears them loud and clear.

and he flushes under the light of the sun.

(i don’t really dislike you, either.) 

what actually ends up leaving his throat is merely a scoff, so faint he doubts you even hear it. 

”whatever,” he mutters, hoping it’ll come across as cool and unbothered. it doesn’t.

one last smile reaches your face, before you head back inside. gojo stays behind, on the bench, lost in thought.

tossing the now-empty carton into a trash can, you try to calm yourself down. feeling oddly excited, as if you’ve reached something, the start of an eventual conclusion. something worth cherishing.

you still don’t understand satoru gojo. but you get the impression that you just grew a little bit closer to him. there are layers to him, more than what meets the eye, hidden behind those sunglasses of his. you can only imagine what the world might look like, from his perspective. what you look like, reflected in his eyes, a blur of colours and facial features, sparks and dots.

you wonder if the whole world looks like a painting, to him. 

you feel a little ashamed, for thinking you had him all figured out. a spoiled, self-centered rich kid, with no functional empathic abilities. it might be partially true, but you’ll have to reevaluate the statement. to see how well it holds up. you still don’t think his emotional intelligence is anything to gawk at, but you may have been underestimating it. it’s there, despite everything — in those eyes, in that single carton of strawberry milk.

you think there’s a certain maturity, there, in spite of his childishness. or perhaps the latter is no more than a product of the former, a way for damaged children to dress their wounds. the way he carries himself and the way he speaks both seem a bit forced. like he’s used to performing, used to moving in a way that demands attention. all eyes on him, at all times. 

you think that sounds just a little exhausting. 

even as you return to the safety of your dorm room, you still can’t help but wonder. there’s still so much you don’t know. despite the moment you shared, and the connection you think may be growing between you, he’s still so out of reach. almost lonely, in a way. you wonder what he looks like, when he’s alone, when there’s no one around to perform for. 

(what is an actor without their audience?)

and, despite everything, after all is said and done — you really, really don’t understand satoru gojo. not at all, not in the slightest. not one bit.

but you think you’d maybe like to.

[thesilmarillionblog]

IN BAD DREAMS

Summary: After having a bad dream, Soldier Boy finds peace in your arms.

Pairing: Soldier Boy / Reader

Warnings: fluff, comfort, soft Soldier Boy, established relationship, sweetness

Word Count: 1260

A/N: English is not my first language.

This one-shot story is inspired by the song 'In Bad Dreams' by Crippled Black Phoenix

⪩ Thank you for 300 followers! This one is for you. I hope you like it. 𓆩♡𓆪

Lost in thought, you sipped the water from your glass, got up from the chair, and headed to Ben's room. Everyone had gone to sleep by midnight, with the exception of you.

Ben and you had not spoken much since this morning, after he found out he had a son who was Homelander. Ben warned you about it and didn't want to discuss it with the rest of the crew. He had been acting more aggressively than usual, so you didn't want to press him to speak. You also didn't want to do anything that might damage your recently formed friendship because you were aware of how fragile his trust issues were.

Cautiously, you sneaked into his room, trying not to make any sort of noise. Although he was sleeping noisily, he didn't appear peaceful at all; instead, he appeared uneasy, as if he were having a nightmare. 

You just mumbled, “Ben?” because he had told you not to touch him while he was sleeping so that he wouldn't grab your arm violently and accidentally hurt you. 

He opened his eyes instantly and looked around, confused. Then your eyes met his emerald ones. He breathed deeply, as though he were relieved, and then extended his wide arms and rubbed his face. 

“What time is it?” he said in a hoarse voice, trying to figure out if it was morning or evening by peering out the window. 

“It's almost morning,” you remarked as you sat on the bed and ran your fingertips over his rough hands. 

His eyebrows furrowed as he inquired, “Why aren't you asleep yet?” 

You held his hand firmly and muttered, “I don't know; I just couldn't sleep. You looked quite uneasy when you were asleep. I’m worried about you, Ben.”

At least try to get him to talk about his dreams because you didn't bring up the Homelander issue and get him to push you away. It was incredibly difficult for him to open up to you. Being a man with PTSD, you knew you had to be patient with him, but you also wanted him to trust you as much as you trusted him. 

He hesitated and said, “Yeah,” as if speaking was difficult. “Just a bad dream.”

With a sympathetic tone, you said, “Again?” and cautiously settled upon the bed. He swiftly proceeded to around you with his powerful arms and planted

solid kiss on your lips before kissing you firmly on your forehead. “What was it about?”

“You.”

“Why do you always see me in bad dreams?” You whispered to him, running your hand over his full beard, and leaned in to feel the warmth of his chest.

With a smile, he said, “I'm not sure. It has become somewhat of a habit these days.”

Assuming he would talk about it this time, you inquired, “What are they about, though?”

His hands came down to rest on your stomach, and his fingers lightly caressed your skin. You also felt he wouldn't want to talk about it, so you kept silent as you measured his expression.

Finally, he stated, “I would never let anything happen to you,” as though he didn't know how to fully open up to you and you understood.

You told him, “I know you won't,” hoping he would realize how much you trusted him and that you also wanted him to have faith in you. “No matter what, nothing that happens will ever be your fault, and I will never hold you responsible for anything. Ben, I need you to fully understand this.”

“Nothing will happen,” Ben said with a rough voice, ignoring what you've just

You nodded to him and sighed. Not sure how to start the conversation, you asked him politely, “How are you feeling about today? About him?” 

You weren't sure if Ben's emotions or ideas about Homelander had changed in light of today's news, even if he was a horrible person—the worst person alive; in fact, he was still Ben's son. In the end, Homelander turned out to be Ben's son. There was no need to be in denial. 

He cut it short, obviously not interested in talking. “I don't know,” he said. “But that changes nothing. That's just not how I pictured myself several decades ago. There were a ton of various possibilities.”

With a heavy heart, you asked, “With Countess?” Even though he killed her, you knew he loved her. Back then, he must have envisioned a life with her and a family. You hated her since she was the cause of his current trust issues.

“You know I don't like talking about such stuff, especially her, right?” He was dissatisfied with your question. Even though he didn't mean to, it still made you upset. 

You said, “Fine,” losing interest and wanting to stop asking questions. 

You made an attempt to break free and gain some distance, but he simply stopped you with an irritated sigh, trapping your body between his strong arms. "Stop moving," he said playfully. “Why did you get sensitive now?” he inquired. 

“I didn't.”

“You sure didn't,” he said, teasing you more and making you laugh with quick tickles to the stomach.

Upon witnessing your afterwards silence, he took a deep breath, uncertain about where to begin. He never felt completely at ease opening up to you, even though you were the easiest person with whom to have a real, sincere talk.

“It's true that decades ago, I had dreams of starting a family with her, but as you have seen, I ended up killing her because she was a cunning, dishonest bitch. I'm not even sure if I really liked her.” At last, he said, “Maybe I just wanted to do what was required of me. Now that it's all over, you can stop feeling jealous.” 

With a clearly deceptive smile, you said, “I'm not jealous.” Your pulse was racing, so you knew he could understand. But his words brought you relief. That was the first time he had told you honestly about how he felt about her. 

You wanted him to want for the same visions with you and to trust you with his life because you knew you would never betray him, but you were unsure of how to show him how much you loved him. If you told him, you were worried he would push you away. That's the reason you haven't brought up the Countess issue until now. It would be best if he just moved on from the past and forgot about it. Whatever had broken inside of him—Countess, his father, Vought, and Payback—you wanted to fix.

You proceeded to brush his bare chest with your hands, whispering, “I just need you to know you can trust me just like I trust you with my life. You are very dear to me. You also need to quit seeing me only in your bad dreams. I have no doubt that a mighty supe like you could even control his dreams.”

Although you are unable to express your affection for him, you can reassure him of your trustworthiness.

He nodded and gave you a small chuckle before playfully remarking, “You talk too much tonight, sweetheart,” without adding anything. “I’m sure that cute mouth of yours can do other things to that mighty supe.”

“Like what?” you said in amusement.

“Like kissing me.”

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A/N: I hope you liked this one. You can check my MASTERLIST for more. ♡˚.