#I’m chill again at least
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Focalin 20 mg review: Eepy. Thirsty. Head hurts. But no longer tempted to get a good grade on the C-SSRS 😌☝️
#about the good grade thing iykyk lmao#sillyposting#adhd#I’m chill again at least#took a FAT nap#I have a feeling tomorrow is actually going to be productive. this was the same pattern with starting the 10 mg. so I’m tentatively hoping#but I think I might manage to get a bit done tonight too as it doesn’t sound TOO bad#I’m also starting therapy with a new therapist on Monday that my NP recommended#which I begrudgingly agree might be helpful esp if he understands this kind of thing and doesn’t just tell me to try harder#like all my other therapists in the past lmao#we’ll see#the one thing I will say I’m proud of with all this is that I’ve put on my big girl pants and I’ve been actually asking for help#despite the shame#instead of crashing and burning on my own like usual#my professors and NP have all been so kind and understanding (I want to throttle them for it) but at least it works in my favor#FOR NOW (I do NOT trust this stable mood yet lol) I have some hope#anyway enough monologuing#back to memeing for a bit before attempting to work on a project#thanks for coming to my ted talk#just wanted to update y’all since I have been unhinged on main lately#thanks for the support y’all have given me I really appreciate it
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Minor spoilers for the already revealed chapters of the next A Starless Clan book Wind
#a starless clan#a starless clan spoilers#wind spoilers#asc spoilers#warrior cats spoilers#warriors#warrior cats#tigerheart#tigerheartstar#tigerstar 2#tigerstar#Squirrelflight#squirrelstar#frostpaw#Nightheart#I’ve been wanting to draw this ever since the chapters were revealed and what better time than like two days til the book comes out#i actually think tigerheartstar is an interesting character in this arc he genuinely thinks he’s doing the right thing and he does honestly#want to help. he just does it by trying to crack dad jokes to lighten the mood while trying to run a group that doesn’t want him there#i also think it’s funny that he’s consistently just chill with taking in cats thrown out of their clans. ESPECIALLY from RiverClan#don’t get me wrong he’s super weird in omen of the stars and avos and I think in his super edition (I haven’t read it in a while)#but he’s also a good dad. he’s such a perplexing character I can’t help but find him interesting. at least he DOES stuff yknow#I’ll eat my words if he does turn out to be completely evil or something. but I’ll hate if he does his behavior really isn’t like Tigerstar#-the first. this guy isn’t out here trying to seize power#but ENOUGH ABOUT HIM!! Nightheart asking squirrelstar if frostpaw could come to thunderclan with him was so sweet#i wish she’d accepted I don’t want them to split up I’m worried the writers will forget the entire last book and they won’t be close again#comic#meme#illustration
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watching another fandom spiral into drama is interesting when you’re just hanging out in your chill fandom reblogging pics of your fave little guy
#the lew realm at least#tgm fandom isn’t chill and i’m not part of that#for reference i’m talking abt the pedro fandom tho#dealing with some drama yet again#bizarre#insert donald glover community gif
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Starting to almost wish I could just go do this fucking presentation today solely bc I’m getting mad and tired of the anxiety, how is it physically possible to be this anxious for so many days straight. There has to be a limit how long u can be on the verge of an anxiety attack like ????
#it’s stupid#cant sleep cant eat over ’’ppl are paying attention to me for 20minutes or so’’#i hate this so so much#bc like I KNOW it’s overreacting and unreasonable and it never is as bad as I think but knowing that won’t do shit for the anxiety#like it will he here until I’m back home tmrw after having presented it#at least it’s only like a day of this anymore but I don’t have the energy for this for even one more goddamn minute#literally what could happen in that presentation that would be worse than feeling like this??#the realistic worst case possible is that I lose my train of thought or have a ’’brain doesnt work’’ moment and have to take like 20secs to#gather myself and like maybe if someone asks a question I don’t have an answer to#but like I won’t die or anything#even if it’d be awkward (it will be awkward) that’s legit nothing#I’m ’’just some guy’’ to the ppl and after leaving the building they’ll never think abt my stupid ass presentation again#so wHY cant I fucking chill#april 2024#2024
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every girl who goes to uni should be compensated by resting on a sunny meadow for five million years
#I love studying design I really do but the new semester starts TOMORROW#also i wanted to do less classes next semester but then i signed up for more than ever before because i am incapable of chilling#at least I’ll get to see my friends again#and we have a fuzeball table in the common room#nevermind now I’m excited#emmys thoughts
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Gortash is canon bisexual tho
he actually isn’t as far as i’m aware! so his sexual & romantic identity is up for interpretation—i assume you choose to interpret him as bisexual, while i choose to interpret him as aroace, and both of that is fine my guy :)
#i don’t normally reply to stuff like this but i’m gonna give you the benefit of the doubt since i don’t think. you had like#malicious intent or something with this haha#guy who is not really a guy but the machine and sees intercourse as only a tool and/or a weapon to manipulate shape bend & break people#also#again that comparison of like. straight guys assaulting other men or even women they’re genuinely not attracted to for power and conquest#reasons but gortash just wholly aroace instead is very fitting for me.#that’s the read i got from things like the jannath stuff at least.#if you see it differently: totally chill! many of my gortuals see him as allo bi and i’m completely chill w that#but in this case it’s not more canon than something else/what i see him as :)
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like I’ve been generally fine in my teenage years (no more unhappier than from the average dose of teen angst) but man do I miss the excitement I’d get from those fantasy Geronimo Stilton books
#like my worldview on life was so different then#Obv it was Pri school so it was more chill (I was arguably too chill and messed up my psle)#But you know what I’m actually so fine w that! I’m happy that at least in some point in my life studies weren’t hanging over my head#Like a guillotine#And I would find so much joy in the little things like hell yeah new book!!!#because a part of me feels like I’m never going to feel that undiluted childlike joy ever again#And I’ve killed myself so much on every exam since#baby me deserved to have a little happiness in her life#I still think 12 is way too young for the first major board exam#Esp one so heavily surrounded by stigmas/reputation/prestige of the school you get into#like you’re setting a child up for the rest of their life and they’re not even a teen yet#thankfully it’s gotten a lot better (in terms of tangible change in sg societys mindset)#but god was it brutal for me in 2018/2019#anyways trip down memory lane over heheh
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The last family reunion of my mom’s family was wild, not because of the reunion itself, but because afterwards my brothers and i were like “is that how normal extended families act? Unironically where was the gaslighting and gatekeeping?” And that’s how my world view was shaken about how a big family reunion doesn’t always have to have a few “gaslight gatekeep” people who make things around them more complicated and awkward
#emma posts#it’s been what? one. two years?#still think about this occasionally and am shaken#at the age of like 25 or 26 I realized you can have dozens of family members in one building and not have to keep up with some weird#gossip and borderline bullying people#you can just. sit around and talk without certain people making you walk on eggshells when they join in#especially if you married into the family. especially as a wife#no idea why the aunt and my mom drauma was so tense#most of us were literally just there#and at least one uncle was like that too. he just didn’t form an almost clique#some aunts were chill. but at least two could be borderline mean girls but in a way that you would look weird for pointing out#my grandparents were so chill too so I have no idea what went on to create that#my grandma was the sweetest lady istg although she could sometimes be a bit of a pushover :(#I’m probably oversharing again
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Craziest advertising flaw I’ve seen in my life is: it’s impossible to look up “spider catcher” or even “spider catcher for arachnophobes” without EVERY. SINGLE. PRODUCT. having a blown up picture of a spider in it.
#absolutely fucked imo#even articles that line up a few of the products either: 1) blatantly have pictures of spiders in the article#or 2) don’t give any warnings that links will go to pictures with giant spdrs in them#😭😭😭😭#I’ve seen maybe 1 spdr-catcher advertisement that doesn’t have a giant realistic spdr in it#mypost#it’s a relatively niche problem (ik ppl are scared of spdrs on the reg. but I’m talking abt my phobia which comes with like. visual and#physical hallucinations + bone chilling fear + bodily reactions I can’t control lol)#but JESUSSSS IF I LOOK UP ‘spdr catchers for arachnophobes’ THERE SHOULD AT LEAST BE SOME ARTICLES AND PRODUCTS THAT DONT FEATURE FKCN SPDR#PICTURES!!!!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬#have asked ppl in my life to help me look it up b4 but they just don’t look that hard 😭#found one years ago that kindof works (is like a mini-vacuum. the nozzle is long but the handle is too close to the holding chamber imo.)#but 1) I had to re-tape the holding chamber bc wjdhiwhsiwujduwhw [traumatic redacted experience that is easily guessable]#and 2) it’s fckn old now and is not working well anymore. which is a liability bc ong I still have this phobia and no matter how pissed I#am abt it. and no matter how much ‘exposure therapy’ I have.#I still can’t sleep in my room/go to the bathroom if there’s been a big one in there 👍 ESP if they never got caught#freaking myself out writing abt this 👍🙂↕️😔#bc I’m freaked out bc there was one in my room last night and it’s still missing so idk maybe I’m sleeping on the couch again tonight sheug#¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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day 2 of classes & i am already feeling very … why did i do this
#in school again which means you will receive daily updates about me questioning all of my life decisions :-)#leaving my house EVERY DAY???#hell#i am TIRED and OVERWHELMED and i need to make a very extensive to-do list immediately!!!!!!!!#uni is scary. i miss my little community college#there is soooooo much reading & writing & reading & writing#i’m feeling like i will have approximately zero free time for the foreseeable future#the good thing is#i’m far enough into my degree that most of my classes are actually related to my major so#i at least might actually enjoy them to some extent#the bad thing… is just about everything else#new things. new places. new people. stressful.#i need to play some animal crossing & chill out#rainyrambles
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i simply could not fall asleep at all for some reason so i am running on about 2hrs of sleep since 12pm yesterday which is. really. great. 🥲👍🏻
#⟡ — kayleigh.txt#anyways time to go to work 🫠 at least there’s not tons of people here like yesterday lmfao#so i can just chill and do my job and take care of the dogs et cetera#and i won’t get home until almost 10pm and i have to get up at 9:30am at the very latest tomorrow morning#because i have an appointment with my new rheumatologist (same office; different provider)#and then i work again tomorrow even but only for 3hrs instead of 4hrs#(muffled screaming) I’M. FINE. I AM. JUST VERY TIRED.
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QB ADHD test is crazy for autists bc tell me why you’re gonna strap this super uncomfortable headband to my head and also have the lights bright in the room bright af and then have the laptop flash images at me too
Like????????
#sillyposting#adhd#I asked if they could turn down the lights and it was soooooo haha funny to them#how quirky haha hehe no one’s ever asked for that before!#and then they turn the light off and it’s pitch black and the laptop brightness is still way too bright#I was going to be overstimulated either way probably#but still#I tried to make it a neutral environment for the best results it just didn’t work out#how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions#can you blame a girl for having a very cutesy very demure meltdown at the psych’s office#but anyway I did absolute shit on the test#I feel like it’s not even fully accurate because I was crying half the time :/#I couldn’t remember anything esp not with the sensory hell#but then again I already know I would have been shit at it without the meltdown too#and the nurse tried to comfort me when I said sorry for crying#and she’s like no it’s okay we’re all special in our own way!#Ma’am I don’t need your autism speaks pep talk I need all the lights in my vicinity to be turned off#at least if they say I don’t have adhd I have even more validation for the autism#because who else has a meltdown over l i g h t s#very neurotypical reaction I’m so normal actually#I’m fine I’m at home and I’m gonna chill in my room don’t worry
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yay pain flare up at work I feel great
#camera talks#and I’m working on shift with the coworker I least like (read: hate)#(he’s ableist)#anyways. I feel very bad#which sucks cuz the drive here was nice (had the windows down and left early so it was chill)#idkkkk#I’m gonna feel better eventually but that will be after I finish my ap lit work tbh#also I want to cut and redye my hair before the school year starts#but I don’t think many places around here like working with box dye and bleach lol#so i think I might just see if I can get it professionally cut then dye it myself again <33#I’m just rambling now I don’t want to get up and do work I feel badddd#boo I hate my job#and I’m still hashtag scared about tomorrow so
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SHIT WAIT NOW I HAVE MEDICAL TRAUMA TOO??? I’M NEVER GONNA BEAT THE HINATA KINNIE ALLEGATIONS FUCK ＿|￣|○
#marzi speaks#i mean it’s a bit different for me bc in my case the trauma stems from nearly dying and not the hospital itself#my time at the hospital was actually as pleasant as it could have been. the nurses were lovely one of them even talked about dnd with me#that guy was so chill i liked him a lot#also when the hospital food was good it was Good. so can’t complain there#but still. i’m probably going to hate getting my blood drawn for the rest of my life#and i never want to see an iv again. they had to put me on so many drips my vein got sore and it would literally just hurt the whole time#god. oh hajime hinata we’re REALLY in it now buddy…#oh well. at least i kept my sense of humor. that’s a good sign
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tell me your failed/embarrassing flirting stories to make me feel better, i’ll go first: today i said “get out of my way” forgot to say “i’m kidding” then immediately said “bye”
#it is awful having feelings for someone you know and have an established friendship with#but crushing on someone i barely know is knew to me and i legit feel like an idiot every time i do something stupid like this#i can’t just. talk to the guy#if i say hey and he says sup i say ‘sup indeed’ like what the fuck is that#i can barely even say hello to him#don’t get me wrong i’ve DONE it but most days i’m like#ah fuck there he is#okay you can do it just say hi#just say what’s up#and then he’s already gone#also. like. the setting we’re in is soooo not good for talking or flirting realt because um. it’s work he’s my coworker.. so um. do i fuckin#ask him for his number?? or to hang out??? but like. he’s kind of a stranger to me what do i want to hang out for 🧍#but like. i dont want to do that until i have at least one successful interaction#or like. an actual conversation.#which is gonna be really hard to manage because he doesn’t talk much at all to anyone and i really only talk if someone talks to me first or#i’ll say something absolutely idiotic and ridiculous (and honestly i do that no matter what)#anyway so um. i guess i’m just gonna keep making a fool of myself until i get it right and hopefully i don’t screw it up 🥴#i lost all my confidence in the last year and i cant do anything chill or smooth anymore (i was never that good in the first place but at#least i could PRETEND i knew what i was doing. like i could sell it. the whole weird and lost bit.)#anyway. i felt better for like 5 minutes when some guy at the gas station flirt failed with me on the way home. but that’s partly my fault#too oops. in his defense he probably could not see that i had headphones on bc upon mirror inspection they were well blended with my hair#but i was waiting to cross the street and this guy tried to like nod and smile and i did not know it was to me until i got to the other side#where the gas station was and and like. tried again and i awkward half smiled and saw his face get all mushy and confused like mine FELT 20#mins before when i’d flopped so hard trying to flirt and by the time i’d processed WAIT i think he was FLIRTING WITH ME i was already gone 🤡#but at least it ended better than the poor 14yo who very confidently asked for my number#who. i shit you not. SCREECHED for a solid 44.5 seconds and bolted the other direction when i said sorry im 21#his friends were standing there like wtf too and one was like i am so sorry about him 🤦#cheers to being fools universe
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once again I still think finn and Liz are better as friends, but also I think what’s very irritating about this pairing is that they aren’t really playing a part in any major plotlines rn, so seeing them show up feels like these two have been paired together to hit contract minimums in the meantime, like they’re in this romance story holding pattern until the writers figure out what to do next…
#pentababbles#general hospital#now of course. not every character needs to be contributing to a major plotline all the time#but with fiz it feels like this awkward romance is their whole plot…#comparing to other couples most of the others at least serve multiple plot functions#chalynn has the internal conflict of blq committing corporate espionage threatening to undermine the relationship again#and the external conflicts of blq’s dad being an amnesiac while chase is investigating a murder#sprina has the internal conflict of spencer having to raise his brother with clingy Esme#and the external conflict of Trina’s paternity reveal + Curtis getting shot + Portia’s neurotic ass#sante hasn’t had too much internal conflict they’re mostly chilling#but both of them are involved in external investigations related to major plots#fiz hasn’t had much going for them in a while. aside from passively remarking on what some other main characters are doing…#…they’re pretty disengaged from everything else.#last time they had a relevant plot it was mostly retconning Liz’s history to try making Finn relevant (flop btw)#and then Liz helping nik keep Esme prisoner and confessing to the crime. what now?#like idk much about Finn but Liz is a character with a 25 year history theres gotta be SOMETHING y’all can work with here#ugh whatever I’m in my hater era again lol
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