#arguably he still is now but at least he has some understanding of the choice he’s making in getting into the animus freely and such

[skepticalarrie]

That anon that talked about Louis wanting to create his own identity away from Larry. I agree and just wanted to share my interpretation of something and see what you and others think?

I know most people think there was some weirdness or off-ness during the end of 2022 and 2023 in regards to Larry. At least that's the period people usually point to when discussing a break-up or lack of signalling or whatever.

Up until Louis' first album release and then first tour, all Louis had to hold on to was the support from mostly Larries. During the years between 1d ending and his first tour, I think Louis was still operating on SBB mode a lot because that's all he really knew - all the signalling, clues, hints, etc. That was the fanbase he was accustomed to.

So his tour starts and it's very Larry. It's in a lot of his outfit choices (one that comes to mind is him wearing the red trackies with the embroidered butterfly ONLY ONCE amongst all the black jeans and the day was either harry's bday or valentine's day I forget now), it's in the screaming of the Princess Park line, it's in the Larry posters and Larry dolls that people brought, the rainbow lights and pride flags to an extent.

I think once it really set in for Louis that he could have a successful music and touring career and this wasn't just going to be a once off, he decided he wanted/needed to make some changes. He didn't want his whole identity to come down to Larry. I can imagine the support being nice but equally if not more frustrating. And I think that's when he started pulling away and creating boundaries and shifting the vibe of things. Because the vibe of fitf tour was quite different to walls tour. And some of that can be attributed to different fans coming in but it's also people taking their cues from Louis.

Anyway I don't love the way he's gone about some things and it hurts like a bitch to know that he had some of the most loyal and hard core fans that saw through a lot of the bullshit and were there for arguably "the real louis tomlinson" (or at least more real than the public narrative version) and he essentially saw us and was like "Yeah...thanks, but no thanks. Don't need you guys anymore."

On a side note, I'll never understand how it can be fulfilling for an artist like Louis and Harry to have all these fans that are fans of essentially a made-up version of them. Like if I was up on a stage and I had all these fans that cared a great deal about me but they cared about the person that is straight, and a womaniser, and a father, etc. That would feel a little empty but I'm not them so.

If you read all this, bless you.

I see where you’re coming from, anon, and I understand your points. But honestly, I feel like this discussion is missing the point. IMO, it’s not really about IF Louis is trying to distance himself from Larries, or even WHY he might be doing that. It feels broader than that.. it’s about how it’s being done for me.

In my opinion, it boils down to the fact that I fully believe both Harry and Louis likely want to keep their relationship more private. And I think that has been there since the band ended. If we look back, Harry has been criticized A LOT by larries for years because Louis seemed more “engaged” in the scavenger hunt of larry clues for a while now. Since Louis released Walls he’s taken on more of that role in the dynamic, while Harry built an entirely new fanbase away from that.

And here’s the thing: it’s perfectly fine for them to want to rebrand, attract new fans, or disassociate themselves from certain parts of their image. I don’t see it as a bad thing, it makes sense, especially if they want to keep some things private and you know.. considering all the mess with their closeting during the band. The issue, for me, is how it’s being done. The way this shift is happening feels like gaslighting, and that’s where my frustration lies.

Let’s face it, Harry went through similar criticisms when he made his changes, and Larries tore him apart at the time too. But maybe it didn’t sting as much back then because Louis was still “feeding” us little clues. Or maybe it’s because babygate is harder to swallow. Perhaps it’s the difference in their approaches.. Harry has remained silent on Larries entirely, while Louis has made shady comments and leaned heavily on Larries for support for much longer.

So regardless of the reasons, the way things are unfolding feels like a slap in the face, especially given how much they’ve both benefited from Larry speculation over the years. For Louis, it’s particularly upsetting because of babygate and it really creates this massive cognitive dissonance that’s hard to swallow. I’m definitely curious about their new eras when the time comes, especially Louis’.

[amaryllis-sagitta]

Hi again, going through the different endings of DAV, I was pretty surprised to hear Solas being all like "I am a god!!" when Rook beats him in a fight. I know he has pride issues but that felt so OOC to me?? I was wondering if you had an opinion on it?

Hi, thanks for asking again!

There are 3 tiny (or not so tiny?) moments that I think push the envelope on Solas's characterization in a way that allows us to portray him as more genuinely sinister than the main line established in Trespasser, post-Trespasser media and most of DATV, which is the "Pathetic, stubborn man ridden with massive unprocessed guilt and shame, who can't make a choice without some catastrophic collateral for the life of him, and the unforeseen consequences of his choices repeatedly push him to double-cross people and have them do his dirty work".

One moment that had me thinking is the third memory of the rebellion - I mentioned earlier how Solas's pose and facial expressions make him unduly smug when Felassan calls out that they were supposed to do better than send out an army of spirits, appealing to their nature in seemingly good faith, when they were really a distraction doomed to fail. It shocked me because it seems to strike at one of Solas's core values. It's supposed to hurt more in relation to spirits because we know how much Solas despises wasting, destroying or twisting spirit purpose. And yet, in his confrontation with Felassan, he seemed content, smug even, about achieving victory against Elgar'nan and didn't show a trace of regret.

Another moment is the jab in the Fade that "at least you have Varric to talk to", again with a smug sense of satisfaction. Learning about this line took me by surprise because for all the disingenuity Solas is capable of, I never had him for someone who takes delight in such petty cruelty, especially when the matter is also personal to him to a degree. Varric's death should have hurt him by virtue of their mutual respect gained in DAI, so has the game underdelivered in representing this? Or are we really pushing a narrative that he never really changed his mind on non-elves, or chose not to acknowledge them as people, so Varric was just a disposable fool?

The third specific moment that shows Solas in a worse light is the moment you mentioned in the ask. Though, watching this scene, I feel we need to cite the full sentence:

Rook: [...] I am not alone, but you will be. The Veil needs to be tied to the life force of an elvhen god. And now it is, Dread Wolf. Solas: You sneer at me as though you understand. You are mortal! Compared to you, to your infinitesimal existence, I AM A GOD!"

This is a conditional state of an ending, when you decide to fight him and at least the companions in your party have reached the Hero status, which means they survive Solas's counterattacks, so in the end Rook doesn't stand against him alone, and does not end up in the Fade prison with Solas. This is where Solas is at his most desperate, I think, because when Rook remains alone in the Fight ending, it's a pyrrhic victory. Solas doesn't lash out then, because he isn't done with Rook. The context of "I am a god" is that Rook will soon perish while The Dread Wolf will prevail for centuries still, and no mortals can stop him in a way that matters.

But could it also be a trigger for his greatest fear: that there's a realistic chance he can very nastily die alone with his regrets and self-loathing? Because he does not say he is immortal - he never bound a dragon, so he can't take advantage of the Evanuris perk. Neither does he accept a definition of godhood. It's a matter of scale and comparison; in this final moment, he's looking for a way to belittle Rook and their team.

In fact, the "I am a god" in this context represents the extreme of the views he's held about mortals before - arguably, before joining Inquisition. Though I think that even then, he had trouble humanizing races other than elvhen. If his mind has really swayed throughout DAI, it feels barely half a step towards acknowledging that mortal elves, especially the Dalish, might have a point in their approach to history. Then, in Tevinter Nights, he says to Charter that the elves who survive the un-Veiling might find the "new" world better. Not really a win.

I believe a proper background for this is found in two conversations. First, when Rook keeps poking at Solas's plan to tear down the Veil and he stops eluding the question, Rook says "Spoken like a god". Solas's reply in this moment frankly sounds... too deflective. Like it's coming from someone who genuinely needs someone to constantly whisper "Remember you are but a mortal, Caesar" in his ear.

The second moment is when, after having the loud argument with Elgar'nan to get Rook out of a Fade pocket of despair, Solas admits Elgar'nan is who he feared becoming - callous, tyrannical and contemptuous. I guess Solas's worst moments are supposed to show how close he really could get, because the "I am a god" most definitely defines an ego trip that comes from a place of great insecurity.

If I were a hater looking for a hook to make an uncharitable argument that "He was amoral all along and his gentler side was a mask that just waited to slip", I'd start there.

[theroguescientist]

Polish scientist watches Orb: Episode 10

Sorry for not posting these for a while. I went on a trip for a few days after watching this episode and was too busy to edit the post, let alone watch the next episode. Anyway,

Okay, so it seems like some time has passed. Oczy seems to be living in a little shed in the middle of nowhere. And learning to read.

"If the written word were available to everyone, unreliable information would flood the world" I wish he was wrong, really I do. Like, don't get me wrong. Teaching everyone to read and write is totally worth it. But we do, in fact, live in a world flooded by unreliable information. And, even though on the internet anyone can write anything, some people will still believe anything just because it's written down. (And also in the wonderful world of 2025 AD, you can spread misinformation worldwide even without any reading or writing involved. Isn't technology amazing?)

Okay, I understand how Oczy feels, but writing a diary under these circumstances is a serious risk. You're basically writing down your crimes here. You know what happens if the wrong person reads this, right?

"Rainbows are God's way of congratulating us for withstanding the rain" That's weirdly adorable. Like, I get the reference to the flood story and all, but it's just cute.

The lecture about rainbows reminds me of the time a guy at a conference tried to fit an hour long lecture into 20 minutes by talking three times as fast. I doubt anyone in the room understood much of that talk. Slow down, dude. Don't forget to breathe.

Okay, so that's the theme for the episode. Badeni doesn't like to share knowledge. He tries to add an ideology to it, but it seems his actual reasons are mostly personal.

And it's an interesting choice to have a main character who says stuff like that in a show like this. This guy studies the universe and wants to know the truth, but he wants it only for himself and insists that other people can't be trusted with it.

I guess he can use this as a defense if the inquisition gets him. After all (at least that's how it was with such institutions in the real world), their main goal is to stop "dangerous" ideas from propagating. Some guy figuring stuff out and then immediately burning his notes is not a threat. (Which is probably what will eventually convince Badeni to share his research with others. He seems like the kind of guy who takes "you're not a threat" as an insult)

Aw, Grabowski seems like a nice guy (No, I will not be surprised if he does something horribly misguided that results in someone getting tortured by the inquisition, but he seems like he's genuinely trying to be a good person).

Oooh, more backstory. I see. Badeni shared his research with someone and regretted it, and this might be part of why he's Like This. And he allegedly killed someone over this. Of course, he'd hate to admit he was wrong.

Huh. The world sucks, truth is necessary to change the world, and yet, you insist that sharing the truth would be somehow wrong? Am I stupid or is there a contradiction here? And Grabowski seems to agree with me.

Woah, Badeni figured out elliptical orbits?! (In the real world this was figured out quite some time after the main idea of heliocentrism)

"I really don't understand peasants" Lol, indeed you don't. There is only one thing you seem incapable of understanding: normal people.

Meanwhile Oczy is just… a decent guy trying to improve himself. I don't think he even cares about going to heaven anymore. When we first met him, it was his only hope, but now I get the impression that it's not even his main reason for sharing his bread with the poor. Aww…

Huh? What do you want from that beggar? Well, whatever it is, now you see that kindness can pay off sometimes :)

"It's not like I'm giving you more bread because I like you or anything!" :P

And then we get a bit of the other perspective. The Church unites people. That is, arguably, its main purpose irl. And it's a good thing, actually, creating community. But what's the cost? If only the ignorant will follow you, is it worth it to keep the masses ignorant? (Badeni seems to think it is, even as he perfects his heretical theory, which is, honestly, fascinating to me.) The Church unites people. But sometimes it's easier to keep people united against an enemy, and sometimes that enemy is the truth.

And here's Mr Nowak again. I expect at least some part of the next episode to be about how he actually thinks the bishop's lecture was like 99% bullshit, but still finds some other reason to do what he does.

Also, what's that book Grabowski found? Who's leaving books just lying on the ground in the garden?

[eri-pl]

Re: Gandalf and Melkor

(idea: Gandalf was originally a Maia of Melkor. But now with more canon)

So from what I understand, initially the Ainur didn't have a hierarchy. The Maiar and Valar became a thing after Ea was made, which is after the Music, which is after Melkor's initial problematic behavior (I won't say "evil" yet, as this is arguable).

The beings that were Melkor's Maiar from the start are the Balrogs (and maybe possibly some other evil beings?). Already fallen.

And Olorin (the guy known as Gandalf) is not.

So, what is he?

I think that initially, even before the Music, the Ainur had certain resonances. Some just match some others better. And later, when some of them descended into Ea, this had an impact on which Maiar served which Valar.

Impact, but not 100% correlation. They have free will, after all. And they can serve more than one Vala, I assume it means one at a time, but they can change whom they serve.

And we know the case of Arien. She was a spirit of fire, like Balrogs were, but she chose to serve Varda instead of Melkor. And I don't want to believe that it was because she naturally resonated with Melkor less than the others.

They have free will.

She chose to not be evil. They did not. Not because they were made like this. They choose.

So, if Arien could not go with her just natural choice, because this choice was Melkor, why not other Maiar?

Olorin has qualities (mostly mentioned in linked post) that are similar to Melkor: likes to play with fire, likes to meddle, likes to show off his intelligence and be sarcastic, word puns, natural affinity to humans, too smart for his own good (mellon)...

(Melkor: rules over fire, likes to meddle, prideful and with insane language skills even for a Vala (that's canon), had an insanely steering emotional reaction to humans (hates them), too smart for his own good.)

I know Olorin's name is linked to Irmo (it means "dream / fantasy" more or less) but he took a name when language was already a thing, so of course it's like that, he served Irmo at that time I guess.

So the Maiar I see as naturally Melkor-vibed:

Arien (as said before)

Olorin (as said before)

Melian: she is weird. So odd that she must be reasonant with Melkor. Nobody remotely normal would marry an elf. Yes, that's opposite of what Melkor would do, but... He is the opposite of what he should be. So it makes sense. Just... she's just this exact "this idea hasn't existed before and warps the reality, let's do it!!" kind of weird. Also, see: Melkor's reaction to Luthien. Both in the sense of "he feels the resonance" and "Melkor and Melian were the only Ainur in the canon who wanted to marry an incarnate"

Curumo: proud, craftsy, proud, didn't seem to need much work to be corrupted TBH

"Not particularly Melkor-vibed, even though you might they are" think include:

Sauron (lawful, needed much effort to be corrupted, I don't see him as fire-aspected before the Ring, ymmv)

Radagast (not all Istari have to be in the list, and he has no reason to be on it)

Probably Osse too? I think he just has temper issues.

Other thoughts:

As I said in one earlier post, many elves and at least a few humans also have a discernable resonance to a particular Vala (Eol and Feanor to Melkor (maybe mixed with Aule), Maglor and Tour to Ulmo, Maedhros also to Melkor, Celegorm to Orome) but with Maiar it's more visible.

Also, for a non-Melkorian example of a mixed resonance, I would say that Tilion (or how do you spell the moon guy) is not only Varda, but also Irmo-vibed.

I'm not sure if this basic resonance is a thing that can change, but I doubt it. Olorin after countless years of serving the good Valar is still recognizable as odd.

It's like instruments.

When you play a trumpet with the violins a lot, the player and the audience get accustomed to it and hear it as more natural combo, but it's still a brass.

Maybe when Sauron got Numenored, and/ or when he forged the Ring. Those were big events.

Also, the Valar aren't a linearly independent base. Nienna and aule are closer to Melkor than, say, Varda or Ulmo. Still, this says nothing about their morality.

He chose to be evil. They did not.

[the-nysh]

How do you think redeeming Knives went after the ‘98 ending? Not sure how Vash would reign in him

Welcome to the plot of countless fanfics exploring that very same question since the turn of the millennium!! 8'D

Understandable, since the 98 anime's ending was left deliberately open-ended (its plot way different from the manga too, since it hadn't been completed yet), with every other major character dead save for the brothers and Meryl & Milly, it's heavily implied Vash returned home - to the girls, as he was trusted to, while carrying the incapacitated Knives over his shoulder (while leaving all his/their guns and red coat behind, since those items were symbolically no longer needed anymore) rather than leaving on a one-way suicide mission where he & Knives would end up killing each other. No, Vash made the independent decision to survive and properly 'take care' of Knives the way their mother Rem wished for them -to live- upon her sacrificial goodbye. After Vash finally realizes/interprets what she meant after going through some huge life-changing revelations himself (especially from Meryl's successful non-violent demonstration in saving him, proving to him that Rem's belief, and having faith in humanity, actually works after suffering thru so many repeated failures where it didn't), it's important he chooses not to die, or kill, or abandon or give up on even his own brother as a lost cause too. :') So I think it's appropriate he perseveres in saving Knives too (with Vash essentially taking responsibility as the 'older' brother now), while holding firm onto the belief of a hopeful 'blank ticket' open future...even for those like himself, who've terribly wronged. After all, survival, recovery, and kindness are a choice. And definitely not easy. Especially on their harsh, unforgiving desert planet. But at least 98 Knives is alive to recover enough that he gets that choice of a future too.

And so...your guess is as good as mine as to what's implied post-canon when we get official art like this! (As amusingly noted: Knives gets his second chance forced into family group therapy as the petulant 'younger' brother now~) Where I definitely think it would take a group effort, and not just from Vash himself, to reform Knives with the right kind of therapy needed (both physical and emotional, since yup Vash basically shot thru all his limbs and Knives himself still has unaddressed childhood trauma from the SEEDS' ship to consider - note, cause the Tesla medical abuse incident never happened in the 98 canon to mentally scar him for life, BUT it's implied child Knives directly suffered some form of physical abuse from the prejudiced bad apples on their ship's crew behind closed doors that not even Vash knew about, so yeah.)

I've seen fics where it's absolutely not smooth sailing (for example, on the common premise where Vash has no clue or plan on how to deal with bringing Knives home--cold turkey style, to the girls), where Knives continues to be a dangerous threat and menace - especially towards the girls, even while physically incapacitated - since he still has mental powers of telepathy and manipulative coercion/brainwashing, etc etc (available fic Plant powers may vary - BUT since 98 Legato had Vash's grafted-on lost arm and used those--Vash's powers for evil, it's implied Vash has all those same powers too, the same or even greater than Knives, he's just untrained and/or chooses not to use them on people Like That. The interesting potential being that...Vash could. This is why structurally, 98 Legato works well as Vash's foil, and is arguably more of the 'main villain' than 98 Knives was, and also why Vash killing Legato, and therefore part of himself in the process, has some interesting layers/nuances to it that even the Trimax manga didn't have, since the lore was completely different. But anyway I'm going off-tangent...)

So overcoming Knives' fear/hatred/disgust towards humanity is one of the biggest hurdles to address. Again this where I often see the girls come in, especially the continued exposure and positive reinforcement from Milly's grace, often while he's still recovering and bedridden from his injuries fighting Vash, to slowly help 'restore his faith in humanity' kinda deal. I've even seen the fic idea where Milly raising her -speculated- child from Wolfwood gives Knives a whole new closeup perspective on human life he never got before. (Bottom line, I understand why all the post-canon Milly-Knives fics seemed to be popular back then.) But I think the creative ideas I find particularly interesting are the ones that capitalize on the telepathic link between Vash & Knives - where Knives can pick up on the thoughts/feelings Vash happens to broadcast while interacting with say...Meryl ;) to Knives' shock/confusion! that by proxy affect Knives' curiosity towards humans like her. Cause if he can sense how his brother can feel something like that towards them, different from how it ever was with Rem, then wtf is up with that?! Aha, many fun shenanigans can ensue with that!

Even better is when I see fics delve into some of Knives' deeper issues, like his broken levels of trust and feelings of betrayal, loneliness and abandonment he possibly fears even from Vash (after all, Rem 'chose' humanity over them, and Vash left him to 'choose' humanity over him too - having those kinds of doubts to come clean about.) There's some good stuff to explore there, on the topic of normal dysfunctional/estranged brothers trying to reconcile and reconnect as family again, and I'm sure there are plenty of 98 Knives-centric fics focusing on his redemption that I haven't even seen yet (the ones I ended up not liking are those that flip or roleswap to give Vash the short end of the stick, ie they redeem and give Knives all the happiness at the expense of Vash; now that's just unfair!) It's just...searching on the older sites like ff.net for that kinda stuff is difficult to know what you're getting into without appropriate tagging, so heck, even I'd be up for hidden recs people have found on the topic!

[elkian]

Something I noted while reading the manga that's still really interesting to me is how there's no Objectively Completely Good (or Evil) character in Dungeon Meshi. I think it interacts with Kui's really believable character dynamics, too.

Under the cut for major spoilers:

From Laios' party, we have no purely Good person. Laios is often the punchline/stooge/what have you, but he has his positive traits. The party trusts and follows him despite his foibles. Chilchuck is so resistant/bad at emotional communication that he tries to sabotage his own team (to protect them) and ended up divorced without knowing how, and almost dies because he was too embarrassed to admit this. Marcille is a mix of proud and brilliant that causes as many problems as it solves, including the whole Committing An International Felony thing and that's the START of it in some ways. Senshi's willingness to stick to his guns makes him inflexible towards his teammates in ways that can cause issues, like the Mandrake situation or driving Chilchuck to berserk rage in the trap room.

(Sidenote, I've realized Kabru and Laios are foils not just over the monster thing - an unquenchable passion that drives each in their own way - but because of their team leadership styles. Kabru is very personable, but as mentioned in my prev post linked above, Laios is knowledgeable about team synergy and skills. Also considering his interaction in Marcille's nightmare, Laios tries to take his team's emotions seriously, he just isn't always the best at it because he's assuming from himself as a baseline, and that's just not accurate to most non-Falin and non-Senshi interactions. (And even some of those.)

My point is that while charisma is the basis of Kabru's MO, Laios isn't incapable of caring about his team and understanding them, it's not not as obvious because he goes about it in a different way.)

It's been noted before, but both Thistle and the Winged Lion aren't totally evil. Not only are they sympathetic, but they have virtues in their own ways.

Thistle's greatest crime was loving his family too much, and it is a tragedy of literally epic proportions, kicking off the entire series. His methodology is suspect and involving the WL was doomed from the outset, but his intentions were legitimately good. The kingdom's citizens even begin sort of forgiving him or at least trying to accept him at the end of the series, which is really touching. There's a lot of debate over the concept of redemption arcs, and to be frank, I don't think it's possible to redeem Thistle's actions at this point, but that doesn't mean he's narratively required to die in isolation. If anything, that would contradict the communal elements repeated in the narrative. It's the citizens' choice to forgive him, not a requirement. It's not exactly a surprise as the series was closing on a happy ending for all involved (aside from WL ig) at that point, but it's still nice, and it wasn't a lock.

The Winged Lion may never have had the capacity to be Objectively Good, as an eldritch being with no basis in humanity or the physical world initially, but the manga takes the time to show the WL bemoaning the loss of followers, the loss of potential "flavors". Although the WL has immense power, that power is -not unlike the Genie in Disney's Aladdin now that I think of it lol- bent to the whims of creatures that WL simply doesn't and will never have the capacity to truly understand. WL also doesn't seem able to interact with the physical world on most levels until the ending, requiring a snowballing of power and the reaving of reality itself before the Winged Lion can really affect the "world", and arguably it can't be the purely physical world at that point in order to be interacted with. The Winged Lion is antagonist and overlord, yes, but also a victim in a sense. Like Thistle, redemption is impossible. Unlike Thistle, forgiveness and cohabitation is also impossible. It's not the WL's fault. I kind of think of the WL as like a bear or other wildlife that has developed such a taste for human food, garbage, etc. that they will keep breaking into houses and dumpsters no matter what. There's no infrastructure available to rehabilitate the WL, to return the Winged Lion to the eldritch plane it once inhabited. Only the WL could choose to do so, I think, and notably doesn't. Still, I can pity the Winged Lion like one does the bear that gets shot for breaking into dumpsters and biting humans in the process.

Anyways, many more examples abound, but it's a fascinating element to an already complex and fascinating story.

[paperstarwriters]

ive come kneeling at your doorstep to beg for that essay on murio and luciels parallels you mentioned 👀💦👉👈

i love loathing lucio so much so it would deal my lil hater ass so much psychic damage and i cannot wait to get rekt

(onlyifyouwanttothoofcoursetakeyourtime)(just making sure youre aware id print that shit n frame it above my bed were it to come to existence)

Hello @tetsuooooooooooo! I know you said I can take my time, ok I'm still really really sorry this took awhile, I've been kinda burnt out from classes lately, and writing a bunch of essays for that lol, but I've managed to make a somewhat coherent argument for my case here lol.

Now, to preface this:

I only really like Lucio as a character to thematically dissect and kick around occasionally for giggles. I am a far, far cry from a Lucio stan, I just find him interesting—like a bug. Honestly I don't think I'm gonna convince you he's in any way a good guy I just might make you loathe him more 😅

I haven't played Lucio's route. I'm too busy and I get too annoyed with some of his antics + the options of reactions that MC is allowed to make. I've only played the side stories and a lot of my understanding of his character is built from Muriel's route (and I know he's much more different in his own route than he is in the others') as well as hearsay from other people talking about Lucio

I know I said that I'd include Aurora's songs in my original statement but that got wayyyyyyy too messy so I'm just opting to exclude them lol. (not to mention youtube is doing a very irritatingly strange thing of deleting and then reuploading Aurora's songs??? so I don't wanna deal with the messy files :/)

With that out of the way here is my essay :)

Wordcount: 2,908

──────── ✎ ────────

Muriel and Lucio are both very, very caught up in how they are seen by others. While it's clearer when it comes to Lucio, it is also made clear in Muriel by the fact that Social anxiety is often caused by stress over how a person is perceived and their mental belief that they are helpless to change that perception. This causes of their self perception are also quite similar, due to their similar histories, but in the same way that there are some notable opposites between them with their struggle for their identity there is also some notable differences in their histories that arguably causes the slight difference in their struggle for their self image.

To begin with their history, Muriel and Lucio are noted to both come from the South. They come from two opposing tribes, and are both eventually chased out of their home and community by 1) a cruel person who arguably causes their struggle of identity and 2) the plague. Of course, the major difference here is that Lucio actively made decisions that would lead to him being chased out of his tribe, he was arguably aware that if it failed he'd have to leave, he just hadn't considered that it would actually fail.

Muriel on the other hand is chased out of his home at a much younger age, and he has no choice in his eviction from his home or his family. There is no action that Muriel could have done that would have allowed him to stay where he was, unlike Lucio who had a clear option that would have allowed him to stay.

Or at least would have allowed him to stay until he grew tired of his mother's attitude towards him.

I don't believe that Morga's cruel and dismissive attitude towards Lucio started when he tried to kill her, rather, I believe that she has been doing that for a long, long time. She often states that she had been "too soft" on Lucio, but I think her "softness" is the same kind we see in Muriel's route. She berates him, she threatens him, she tells him how awful and unskilled he is to everyone else and makes a show of his failures, but when she is completely and fully enraged and is about to hit Lucio, she hesitates.

Is that softness? To her perhaps. To the tribe, perhaps. But not to me, and not to Lucio.

So, despite all of the harsh words thrown his way, he decides to take action to prove her wrong. I'm willing to bet that a lot of Morga's criticisms were about how strong he was and how he was in fact not actually as strong as he could have been, not as strong as he should have been. That's why when he takes action to prove Morga wrong, he immediately snaps to killing her. There is, after all, no better way than showing your power than killing your opponent (we see this belief in Morga when she spars against Muriel and he beats her.) Of course, in hand-to-hand combat, and on fair terms, Lucio can't actually defeat his mother, so he takes to more under-handed methods in order to beat her.

When this fails, it is the first major wound on his self-image. He cannot defeat his mother. He is not strong enough to defeat his mother despite cheating.

So, he runs away.

Besides marking a wound on his self-image, this also marks Lucio's connection to others. Having been exiled from his tribe, he is disconnected from the friends who may have actually supported him somewhat, he is robbed of his connections and separated from anyone who may have actually loved and cared for him (platonically and/or romantically)

Similarly, Muriel's separation from his own family, and his eventual abandonment into the streets of Vesuvia separates him from any stable sense of love and affection as well. Because he was separated from loving parents as a child and was likely surrounded by a number of children who were abandoned because they were unwanted, or because their parents were unable to care for them, Muriel has no other answer than what the other kids give him it is the only answer he has. Further more I believe that Muriel was probably abandoned by that merchant because they were unable to keep feeding him, which he also attaches onto his real parents as to why he was abandoned in the first place.

And so Muriel believes himself to be unloved and unlovable after being separated from family, or any semblance of a family.

Returning to Lucio, he moves on from his tribe and eventually joins a military group(? I think? Idk. I'm sure there was a specific name for it but I can't remember sorry) Once again, this is an act of trying to prove to his mother and to his community that they were wrong, and when compared to the ordinary person outside of their tribe, he's actually a really good and capable fighter. Of course, however, this is inevitably cut short as he looses his arm, and is once again confronted with the fact that he is unskilled as a warrior and so he retreats from his perceived deficiency and takes a different route to getting the love and admiration he wants—politics.

Of course, as we see in Muriel and Asra's childhood tale, this inevitably puts him into direct conflict as, in order to climb the social ladder he offers to "clean up" the streets. While it's largely left up to interpretation as to whether or not the Threat of Asra's safety came first or Muriel's position as a gladiator came first, I can't help but believe that Muriel's position as a gladiator came first, as otherwise, he might've gone out and tried to check on Asra's safety. (though this is mostly a headcannon) I believe that Lucio offered Muriel a chance to have some say in who gets "cleaned up" from the streets, and for Muriel to be able to get rid of the "actually bad criminals". Regardless of whether or not this is true, the arena gives Muriel his first taste of admiration, as people cheer for and adore him, but it also tears that sense of admiration away as he eventually has to come to terms with what he is doing. Whether that sense of dread and awareness was always there or it occurred somewhere in the middle is also unknown but the outcome is the same regardless. Being known and being admired becomes tied to hurting and harming people—because it is the only trait he sees that other people admire, he sees it as his only lovable trait.

And so Lucio and Muriel begin to reflect each other—and I don't mean reflect as in they show the same image, I mean reflect as in we see a similar image, but the image is reversed (*wink wink nudge nudge*). Here Muriel sees himself as only capable of being loved for his ability to commit violence, and Lucio sees himself as being incapable of being loved because he cannot complete the amount of violence he needs to commit.

Now, I feel the need to emphasize here, despite having many people around him who Lucio may truly believe love and admire him, the people around him very likely don't actually care for him very much because they either do not know him well, or they see him as little more than a pawn in a plan, or at least someone who gives them benefits. And even if there are a number of people with genuine admiration for Lucio, it still wouldn't be enough. Admiration is never enough when you lack genuine emotional connections with others, and Lucio, clearly does.

Again, this parallels Muriel who also struggles with a lack of genuine emotional connections to others. Although he has Asra with him, it's clear that, Asra's tendency to be fickle with connections has extended to him as well, especially when Asra spends more time with MC than him, leaving Muriel feeling abandoned and alone. Considering that Asra is the only person we ever really see Muriel connect or talk to, it's no stretch to say that Asra is one of Muriel's only friends, if not their only friend period, and so with Asra disappearing on him as often as they do, Muriel is left feeling that he actually has no connections at all.

Of course once again reflecting each other, where Muriel clearly sees he lacks connections and pretends he does not, Lucio, makes unsteady transactional rather than emotional relationships and pretends that that is enough.

It is of course, not enough, because if it were, he wouldn't have treated Muriel like that, he likely wouldn't have plucked Muriel out at all. Although this is largely speculation, I believe that Lucio treated Muriel the way he did because he feels as if Muriel is the very child Morga would have wanted. He is big and strong, and although not technically skilled if Muriel were raised by Morga like Lucio was, he might've been. This is why his first reaction to seeing Muriel and Morga working together is that Muriel is Morga's replacement son. It's because that's how Lucio had been treating him. Muriel is Lucio's little avatar to live out the glory of being a fantastically skilled fighter who can beat up all of his opponents. This is also, why I believe that Lucio purposefully trained Muriel to be less skilled in fighting than he was. In Muriel's route, Lucio comments that he's always been able to beat Muriel, and while I do in fact believe that Lucio is actually a skilled fighter, despite how he is often presented and despite my arguments above—he's most often a skilled fighter in the technical sense. He knows all the movements, he knows all the strategies, he knows all the underhanded tricks. By not fighting Muriel too often, and refusing to teach him these tricks however much it may be able to help Muriel out in the arena, it allows Lucio to be able to defeat him whenever he wants to. It allows Lucio to make it seem to himself that he is better than the person his mother would have wanted as a son, which I believe to be both horrible but also sad, for both Lucio and Muriel.

With Lucio, it shows how desperate and inferior he feels with his fighting skills, constantly trying to compensate for it something we can also see that in the portrait of himself he has in his room.

For Muriel, it keeps him scared, and keeps him pinned in place despite having realized the consequences of his fighting. Something which only furthers his self-hatred when he realizes he actually could have easily left.

So yes, Muriel and Lucio are both very self conscious people, and while for Muriel his self consciousness stems from people seeing him as a monster, and him believing that he is one although he does not want to be one, Lucio is self-conscious in the fact that he is not seen as the brutal fighting warrior he was supposed to be.

These reflected aspects of each other, alongside of their self consciousness is the very thing they struggle through in their routes, the very thing that MC helps them to get through.

Lucio believes that through various paintings of himself that rearranges his past (paintings of himself as a triumphant fighter, while his mother is demure and elegant), various unfair/practically staged fights, and celebrations of himself on top of it all, he would be able to convince people that he is awesome and amazing and that he deserves to be loved. In doing all of this however, Lucio runs away from confronting the beliefs at his core and wondering if perhaps, what he understood as traits that make a person great may be incorrect—that his mother had not just been incorrect on the fact that he was a failure, but on the fact of what makes a person successful or powerful. By constantly covering up what he sees as deficits, Lucio skims over his own internal struggles entirely which makes him look foolish and annoying as he ignores what's so clearly there for others.

Meanwhile, for Muriel, he is aware of his deficits, and is unable to properly hide them without disappearing completely himself, he tries to figure out and fix all of his problems through introspection and isolation, but it is not something he can do on his own. Muriel of course, can't accept the fact that he may need help. He can't accept the fact that despite what he believes of himself, other people may actually care for him the same way he cares for them, and will actually offer help. And so, as he runs away from people and community, from friends, and possible friends alike, Muriel runs away from his own problems as well, even if he tortures himself with confronting them (I can't remember if he actually does this or if this is a fanfic trope 😅) Essentially, by constantly trying to deal with his struggles on his own, he neglects his connections to others who may help him, or at least offer support.

And then MC comes along, and because they both desperately needed that deep connection to someone else, regardless of whether it is something platonic or romantic. MC is able to leverage their relationship in order to further propel Muriel and Lucio's development into acknowledging the thing they refuse to acknowledge, and finally balance out their coping mechanisms, which, on their own isn't actually unhealthy (Lucio's really good at connecting with others; Muriel knows how to confront his inner turmoil) using that single method as their crutch for their traumas only ever hurts them more.

As Muriel progresses through his route, he grows more connected with his community and people. One meaningful moment that I don't think they give enough screen time in the game is the moment that Muriel is forced to confront people recognizing and seeing him again. He's forced to confront everyone's perception of him, their memory of him and he retreats into the mirror maze where he stares at all these reflections of himself, all reversed images of himself, but he believes them all to accurately represent himself—as if his superficial physical image is what represents himself mentally and emotionally. And then MC (and Morga 🙄) come through to him and pull him out of that panic attack (or interrupt and yank him away from properly addressing the problem in Morga's case 😤) And that's the first step to being loved. As they say, in order to let yourself be loved you have to let yourself be known, and in that first step, choosing to step forward and prioritize the lives of others over his own self image, Muriel begins to be admired by others. Genuinely admired, for traits that he likes in himself rather than traits that he hates.

Similarly for Lucio, (although I haven't played his route so this is largely based on hearsay) he's faced with problems that he Has to face on his own (or at least somewhat on his own) the main one being that he has to confront the consequences of his own actions, he has to acknowledge to himself that he isn't perfect and that he can't be perfect. It's why at the end of his route on the upright ending, he leaves Vesuvia, to take on a life of (semi)solitude to further take some time to improve his ability at introspection, while in the Reversed ending he's still talking with people, still trying to manipulate their perceptions of him (and the MC), and still trying to be a "good boy" (ie. perfect) for the MC.

Now, it may be argued that Julian can/should be included in this struggle of how others perceive him but I raise you this; that guy is the most dramatic ass dude in town and his biggest dramatic act was telling everyone about how horrible he is. He clearly has no issues with how other people see him, but he has problems with how he sees himself, which again, reflects Muriel a bit, but I'm sure most people are familiar with their (more blatant) similarities by now lol

So yea.

Muriel and Lucio are reflections of each other. At their core, they both struggle with the same problem of caring way too much about how they're seen by others, but they cope with (and thus worsen) the problem in opposite ways, so when they take steps to heal themself, they also go in opposite directions, with Lucio needing to take some time to himself to get into his own head, while Muriel needs some time away from himself to get out of his own head.

Essentially they're heading in opposite directions to reach the same conclusion: other people's opinions don't matter as much as your own opinion of yourself and the opinions of the people close to you.

Interesting parallels, no?

Of course, I believe this could've been better illustrated if Nyx Hydra didn't rush the last three routes, but alas, this is what fan fiction and fan-analysis is for lol

Anyways I don't tend to poke around the Lucio side of the fandom too much to begin with so if this has all been said and argued before forgive me for the repetition, and If I've gotten some points wrong, please feel free to correct me! I've mentioned before I haven't really played through Lucio's route so some things may be wrong.

[i-will-change-this-someday]

I saw a post recently about how people treat Jonah/Elias like he’s way more evil than all the other avatars, and I completely agree that he’s not. He is however, hateable in a way many can relate to hating.

(This ended up way longer than I thought it would, so I’m going to put the rest under the cut)

Pretty sure most people aren’t able to relate to “yeah, this guy ripped my ribs out of my chest” or “that woman engulfed my hand in flames” or even “that’s the clown that murdered my brother.”

They can relate to “ugh, yeah that’s my creepy boss” or “yeah, that person has gaslit me and tried to manipulate me on multiple occasions” or even just “that bastard, he’s always so smug, like he knows something I don’t.”

There is also of course the fact that his evil plan actually worked, so he seems more evil cause he actually succeeded in the whole apocalypse thing. And of course most of his evil actions we see had a very direct impact on the characters we all know and love.

But no, he’s not more evil than most of the other avatars, I think people just forget the other, more mundane, things to hate about other avatars.

Jared was a bully. Mike Crew had no care for the people who died in his search for an escape. Jane was a toxic friend. Jude enjoyed watching people’s lives collapse. These were things about them before they became avatars.

Also, I don’t think people are as sympathetic as they could be to Jonah. (I am NOT excusing his actions, just hear me out.)

I would say one of the most sympathetic avatars (not counting Jon) is Michael, he was sacrificed to The Spiral without ever truly knowing what was happening. (Although, he’s not really Michael Shelly after that, so you could argue Michael Shelly was never an avatar, but that’s a post for another time.)

We get Annabelle Cane’s statement but it’s vague on whether or not it was true. Personally I do think it’s true, it was a statement and I don’t think you can lie during statements, so she also has a sympathetic angle.

Mike Crew got chased by something and was forced to become an avatar just to escape it. Oliver Banks just wanted to sleep. Jane was scared and looking for love. Simon Fairchild, if I remember correctly, just loved the sky. Even Peter Lukas arguably didn’t have a choice in becoming an avatar. (I honestly don’t really remember Jared and Jude’s story and don’t care to check right now)

So many other characters get, at least some, reasons to be sympathetic or understand where they’re coming from, but Jonah doesn’t. All the old statements are of people Jonah is hurting or has stood by as they got hurt. We don’t get a statement really telling us how he became who we see today. (Not counting the fact that we do see how he “became” Elias Bouchard, via eye swap.) The most we get is his statement in ep 160, but even that’s a very brief mention to what drove him to such extremes.

So anyway, now I have some headcanons as to Jonah’s life when he was still Jonah Magnus. As corny and tragic as it sounds, I do think Jonah probably watched his family die, and not all at the same time, I think he would have seen his family die in a lot of various ways.

I think he watched his mother die from childbirth, I think he probably had some siblings that died before they were even a day old, I think what siblings he did have were away when their father died, leaving him alone with his father’s corpse, I think he probably caused the death of some of them and the guilt of that faded away to the back of his mind. And I don’t think it stopped at his family, death seemed to follow him, or at least everyone around him, his friends and colleagues, his family, even just the mere acquaintances he made during his research.

I think as the ones around him died they were all in pain, but he wasn’t, he watched with morbid curiosity as people died, saw the agony they were in and feared it. And so, what was he to do but try to best it, to avoid the suffering that everyone around him seemed to accept as inevitable.

[akkrosu]

@ellaspore, I blame you entirely for this. How dare you give me the courage to express my thoughts openly. Consider this me shouting from the rooftops.

So, my music-obsessed brain has been sitting on a particular KinnPorsche moment for over a year now. So let me get crazy and belatedly add my own two cents to all the meta we already have for this show.

In episode 5, we had Kinn and Porsche trying to cope with their confusion over their first time in The Bathroom™ and their feelings for each other by making out with other people, Porsche at Yok’s bar and Kinn in his room. And the music (Volunteer by David Celeste, a composer I like about as much as the staff of many Thai BLs seem to) does something so wonderful in that moment to illustrate their feelings—especially Porsche’s—that I’m still gushing about it a year later.

The first interesting thing is that we start the scene in complete darkness, musically speaking. All we have is this simple and super vague piano melody. The first time I watched this scene I remember how unsettled the music made me feel because of how vague it is; I didn’t know how to understand or interpret it and the mood of the scene around it. And this is because there is something fundamental missing.

All the piano plays is fifths—first g and d in the first two measures, then d and a in the following. (I am aware that the last three bars of the transcription below make it a little more complicated because of that f# in the left hand, which means it’s not just fifths, but since this particular harmonic holds no value for what I’m about to write, I’ll just ignore it.) And it is important that they are fifths, because fifths are pretty much the backbone of any harmonic. They tell us some basics about the key we’re in and about the chords we’re using, which is important because these two things are what creates the mood of the entire piece.

The first five measures of the piece, which correspond to roughly 0:00 to 0:13 of the video linked above and about 21:11 to 21:23 of episode 5.

But we’re missing one fundamental factor to get clarification about the exact key and chords here: the third. In case you don’t know, every basic chord is made up of three notes: the base note, the third and the fifth. And the third is arguably the most important note of the chord—at least in our case—because it differentiates between a major and a minor chord.

Basically (and this is simplified quite a bit), every chord exists in two modes—major and minor. The only difference between them, musically speaking, is the third: in a major chord, the third is a major third, meaning it is four semitones up from the base note, whereas the minor chord has a minor third, which is three semitones up from the base note.

A little illustration of the construction of a basic chord (here C major) and the intervals between its notes.

What that means in practice is that the chords sound radically different. In general, major chords sound more upbeat, happy and positive, while minor chords have more of a somber, sad vibe to them. Feel free to listen to the demonstration below.

So, now that we have the basics of harmony out of the way—how in the world does this relate to the scene and KinnPorsche? Well, now that you understand why thirds are so important, you’ll also understand why the lack of a third is equally important. As I mentioned before, we start the scene and the piece with only fifths. Because we’re missing the third especially in the first chord (spanning the first two bars), we can’t determine the mode of the chord or the key of the entire piece, and so we’re ripped of any sort of understanding about the mood of the music and the scene. This creates a really unsettled and tense feeling and makes you think that’s what the characters are feeling. As we watch Porsche make out with that girl, the music tells us how uncertain he himself is of what he’s doing. He doesn’t know if he’s making the right choices. He’s walking a fine line of mental instability, yay.

As powerful as this lack of the third is, what’s even more powerful is when and how it finally does appear. Because it shows up in the exact instant that Porsche suddenly pauses and his mind flashes back to Kinn (~21:27 of the episode). And we get it in a very subtle, but elegant way: the strings, which were quietly reinforcing the fifths in the piano before, now add that third note to complete the first chord of the theme, the only chord we really need because it is the tonic (which makes it the most important one in determining the key).

Based on only the fifths—g and d—the chord (and the key, which is identical to the tonic) could have been a G major or g minor chord. In the case of the first one, the third would have been a b, and in the second one a b flat (see the above video demonstration of a G major and minor chord for reference). And what note do the strings add? A b flat, which puts both the chord and the key into g minor, the sadder, quieter mode of the two. It finally gives us the clarification we needed: what Porsche is doing isn’t working, he is sad about how things are with Kinn, he misses Kinn and his touch. Before, he wasn’t sure about what he was doing, now he knows it’s not what he wants or needs. His attempt at forgetting him through this woman has failed.

Measures 9-15, which correspond to roughly 0:15 to 0:26 of the video and 21:25 to 21:37 of the episode.

I also really appreciate how the strings were the ones to bring this resolution, not only because they have a very soft tone and are therefore already typically connected to sad music, but also because they make it possible to introduce the new note very carefully and quietly. For at least the first half of the first measure in the above picture, the note can’t even be heard, and then it is introduced through a crescendo, slowly appearing like it is dawning on Porsche that he can’t forget Kinn.

From this point on—as Porsche tries to distract himself from this realization by kissing the woman and we get to see Kinn do the same—, more strings come in and the piano develops the theme we have heard twice now. The piece also gets a bit more complex harmonically, but all of these changes just serve to highlight the minor key we are in and the depressed, lonely, even desperate mood of both Kinn and Porsche. It mixes well with the almost feverish, desperate way especially Kinn behaves in that moment.

So, I want to thank whoever was in charge of the music in this show because they made some excellent choices (and some interesting ones—looking at you, weird MIDI-sounding version of Vivaldi’s Summer that for some reason comes up again and again), but this piece in particular stood out to me because of how perfectly it was edited into the scene. This doesn’t happen very often in (Thai) BLs since very few of them have scores specifically written for them, so most have to make do with pre-existing pieces that can often not be incorporated as elegantly and interestingly as an original soundtrack.

[alstroemerian-dragon]

the thing about. okay so when i first got into dr i was like ‘i think i prefer an outcome where they ultimately cant wake the other ten members of their class and its just the five survivors because then the deaths meant something yknow’ and while i still think that that kind of thing has. yknow. merit and value. i have actually come around to preferring them being able to do it. with one massive caveat.

it takes forever.

it takes at least a year and a half, two years maybe, before they (lets be real, hajime) even gain the knowledge of the system, work out its quirks, beef up its security and tech, connect it to enough power, and build the proper technology to manage something like this, and even then, each person is going to need a unique plan of action. its going to take ages. i think its best if they start from the first death through the last, which has the added benefit of waking the impostor first and gaining a good moral compass and grounding presence. but… i mean. its almost two years before they even manage the first dive into their brain. two years of living alone, just the five of them, of building each other up of building a dynamic, one that works, and of changing and growing because they have no other choice.

so when it comes down to them actually attempting to wake the first person… theres some anxiety. theres some worry. theres a lot of ‘this is going to radically alter how we relate to each other and everyone else’. theres a lot of ‘this is going to make things weird’. theres a lot of ‘theyre not going to understand a lot of things at first not only because its been two years since we all went under and everything has changed in that time but also because the five of us have a fundamentally different relationship now with each other than we will have with anyone else we wake up. thats going to cause conflict’.

and i dont even necessarily mean that in a romantic relationship sense (though if you know me you know im deeply unwell about kuzuhina and also an absolute sucker for polycule shit so yeah i do also kinda mean it in that way), but just that their bond is so strong. living alone on an island in the middle of nowhere for two years with just four other people will do that. they know each other in fundamental ways that the others may never manage. fuyuhiko may get peko back, but her relationship with him will never be the one he has with hajime, or akane, or kazuichi or sonia. sonia will get gundham back, but despite them definitely regaining their romantic relationship (after an adjustment period, of course), there will be an odd dissonance in how well hajime and akane know her in ways gundham doesnt. akane will get nekomaru back in her life. but he will never be the person she goes to with the things she goes to hajime with.

this isnt necessarily entirely negative, of course. relationships are always going to be different with different people because theyre. yknow. different people. but i think theres going to be a period of time, maybe even the rest of their lives, where the ten sleepers in the vault will understand, intrinsically, that the relationship the five survivors has is never going to be fully understood, and will always be special and different from what they all have as a group.

hajime, fuyuhiko, kazuichi, akane, and sonia all faced arguably the hardest parts of the healing process, the stumbling blindly with no hand to hold except the others with an equal lack of sight, together, and that. does things. to a relationship.

they will all manage the healing process, and they will all struggle through it. but never in the same way those five did.

[thatgirl4815]

I think the main issue for me about sandray, despite loving them, is that 1) ray has made serious grievances against sand that have basically been brushed off and 2) even though the sandraymew situation is extremely complicated, and even though ray does like sand, theres still a sense of sand being the second choice that i don’t think will go away.

and regarding the first one specifically - I understand WHY sand excuses rays action. He understands him arguably more than anyone else, he loves him, he knows he’s ill, he’s forgiving (at least to him). so in the context of the story, from the POV of sand, I get it. It makes senses. Unfortunately the lack of accountability, despite making sense WITHIN the story, is something that’s borderline unsatisfying to me as a watcher - it became all the more obvious to me in that episode where sand apologized to ray, and ray, who had previously called him a whore more than once, doesn’t return the favor. it’s unbalanced, so I just can’t approach them as a couple the same way so many other people do, despite them being my favorites by a long margin. It makes me wonder if the show is actually building up to something with this or if they’re just ignoring it now that sandray are presumably entering a relationship. The latter seems more likely, honesty

I totally get that. I really do wish Ray had apologized for more than just driving off drunk, but for the "whore" thing too. I understand that Sand and Ray are in a better place now, but Sand really does deserve to hear Ray say more than just "I'm sorry," but actually elaborate on exactly what he's sorry for. Ray is good at knowing when he needs to apologize, but he could get a lot better at specifically acknowledging what it is he's done wrong imo. Him being drunk isn't a good enough excuse for those insults.

I hope they address it, but I'm also not sure if they will. Regarding your second point--given the nature of the storyline and just how infatuated Ray has been with Mew prior, I think there's inevitability going to be that "second choice" thing hanging over SandRay's relationship. It only just got resolved, so I can see if Sand still needs some convincing. I still think Ray would've realized that Sand is the one that's meant for him over Mew even if Mew had tried to love him back the way he wants. I believe Ray has only interpreted his feelings for Mew as romantic, when really it's just a deep admiration and sense of gratitude skewing his perspective. Not that that necessarily takes away the sense of Sand being the second option, but I'd like to think that Ray would've realized eventually that Sand was more fit to be with him than Mew even if Mew had actually made an effort to make their relationship work.

[musicreveiwsbyezti]

What's up babygirls (literally no one reads my blog) here's my March topster

This month was mostly shit I thought it would be interesting to listen... so lot of metal again. Also for the sake of my sanity I have 2 records that I genuinely don't know what the fuck I should do with.

Unrated: Current 93-I have a special plan for this world (Dark Ambient/Poetry): Arguably the best scary stuff I have ever listened but I never want to hear this again as once was perfectly enough. It gives a really disturbing atmosphere and the poetry part itself was interesting too. I highly recommend checking it out at least once. Slipknot-Iowa(Nu metal): I don't get it. The instrumentation is good but the lyrics are so god damned corny that it hurts. It doesn't help that it sounds like death metal for people who don't want to listen to actual death metal. I probably give it another chance later... not now tho I still can't take The Heretic Anthem seriously.

Alright now the actual tierlist begins:

14th: Combat Wounded Veteran-Electric Youth Crew(Powerviolence): I had a small journey and sat down to listen through the entire CWV discography (it's not that long definitely recommend it to get into powerviolence) and this is arguably the "weakest" of their releases. It doesn't really stand out and can be forgotten easily.

13th: CWV-This Is Not an Erect, All-Red Neon Body (Powerviolence/Grindcore): Idk it just doesn't click as well as IKAGWDCSP.

12th: Death-The Sound of Perseverance(Death/Prog Metal):Jesus Christ this album was a major disappointment for me. As a last Death album I expected it to be a last brutal yet technically extreme blast...but they just had to listen to 30 hour acid freeform jazz or some shit to get inspiration. This album has genuine fire songs, but they just had to fuck up the in the middle with a boring ass bass "solo" or someshit... Also the Painkiller cover is the worst song I heard this year so far, how the fuck can you ruin a perfect song when you are already a talented vocalist is beyond me.

11th: CWV-Duck Down for the Torso(Powerviolence/Grindcore): A short and sweet end for CWV's discography. Having it end on a Folded Space song was a great choice which gives an interesting feeling for the end.

10th: Stabbing-Extirpated Mortal Process(Brutal Death/Slam metal): Now this is a good slam metal album.

9th: Sematary-Bloody Angel(Horrorcore/Chicago drill): After Sems last EP I thought it was over... BUT IT ISN'T! It gives vibes of RB2 with RB3 mixing with some HAW mixed in. He can cook just let him do his thing :pray:

8th: Spycada-Hiking Lung(Psychedelic rock): It's good, great vibe, good tones, overall enjoyable. Looking forward to their next stuff.

7th: Magrudergrind-Self title(Grindcore/Powerviolence): THE grindcore album. Absolutely slaps, the sample use is interesting.

6th: Igorrr-Spirituality and Distortion(Avant Guard Metal/Breakcore) This... is Schrödinger's kitchen. I don't know if the kitchen is burned down or has served a 5 star menu, until I care to write an actual criticism of it. (Also the mixing of metal, break core and classical music is insane and the sheer heaviness this album gives is phenomenal, though it falls of gradually on the second half)

5th:Sweet Trip-Velocity : Design : Comfort(IDM/Glitch Pop) At least 200 people already circle jerk around this album, yes it is good, no I don't explain why I love it because I ain't talking about why breathing air is good.

4th:Have a nice life-Deathconsciousness(Post Punk/Shoegaze): Same as last time, people already told you enough why it's good, just fucking listen through it already. (side note some of the songs on this albums mixed weirdly quite for some reason, and it's kinda wack how the drone parts are the best, but still really good)

3th: Dead in the Dirt-The Blind Hole(Grindcore/Powerviolence) Jesus I listen to a lot of powerviolence this month... Anyways this is probably my favourite pw record yet. Probably the more understandable vocals help to lift it just a little bit above the rest for me.

2th:Mastodon-Leviathan(Sludge metal/Prog metal) Fun fact in the 2000's 2 whale concept prog metal albums came out, both of which are peak. I don't know how they got The Moby Dick nailed so well in metal form but they sure did with heavy riffs and amazing vocal performances.

1th: Electric Wizard-Witchcult Today(Stoner/Doom metal): I was afraid to check out the rest of EW discography after Dopethrone cuz it is too peak... However this album is probably as good as Dopethrone. Something about this album gives more OG metal vibes with less insanity.

[darkfictionjude]

Etymology nonnie here again. Sometimes I feel I live in your ask box, I hope you don't mind.

As for the time jump. I think 2-3 years is reasonable. I would prefer 2 or something in between 2 and 3, but, again, this is something you decide.

That said, I was wondering, although I know for certain a lot cannot be discussed because you haven't written it and/or because it would be a spoiler, about how we as a player would handle what happened to MC during the time jump. Not only in terms of his (I default to use male pronouns because my MC is male, apologies to the players who use other pronouns) personal arc of growth and identity/humanity building; but also in terms of physicality. With that I mean, mostly, how we will be able to handle MC's relationship with his body.

For instance, in season 1 MC does not have enough nutrition, even if he exercises (mine does) has not been able to build muscle, and cares not about their appearance. Will this change in season 2? Will MC be able to care about what he eats? About being in shape? To care about what he wears, about taking care of his skin, his hair? After all, in season 1 he is making the first steps. Yet, this sort of processes are mostly not straightforward. Especially after the potential trauma you have announced is coming in Episode 13 (and, arguably, in some episodes before that), is possible MC has not evolved as much as he could have. Even after the time jump.

I understand you cannot be verbose and thorough on this matter. Nor I expect you to. I mostly ask, if possible, what are the ideas you have, that you are debating, around how to handle this aspect of MC. And maybe, if you'd like, what kind of choices you are mostly certain you'll add.

That said, while I personally would go for an MC who improves in the aspects I discussed (diet, shape/exercise, skin/hair care, etc). I would also expect the ability to go for no changes, or to go worse. Now, the worsening, if you will, wouldn't necessarily go towards the complete alienation of the self and the subsequent miscare of the body. On the contrary, I mean the worsening could involve purposely self destructive tendencies. Purpose being the important aspect (since, as of now, MC is coming from indifference, yet I'm not sure if that's the best term explain it, rather than from an aim to destroy himself). I'm not saying doing full suicidal route (not that I'm opposed to it, but I'm unsure how comfortable you would be writing and publishing it if you went that way), but rather MC deciding that he doesn't love/does hate himself, or that he doesn't have to adjust himself to any standards of normalcy and wellness. Maybe I'm making this more complex than necessary. But I hope I made myself to be understood (I still feel so ineloquent in English, although I know I'm at least descent at expressing myself with it).

I think the three obvious routes: glow up/improvement, no change and worsening; are a good beginning when it comes to think about how to handle this. Of course this is just a suggestion that can be expanded, reduced or ignored to your heart's content. Yet the three would offer interesting interactions with the RO's:

1) Glow up: Not all reactions are necessarily possitive. Change, after all, while can be gain and growth, it also can be loss. The RO's may be conflicted between the MC they fell in love, and the one they are confronted with. Is MC still the same? Has he become a different person altogether? How much has changed? And, following this line of thought, possibly follows guilt: Why do I feel bad that MC is in a better place and relationship with himself?

2) No changes: Basically the opposite of the glow up. MC has not changed, and therefore, feels at once like a memory and a illusion from the past. Yet, he is very real. That said, is it good MC stays the same way he was in the past?

3) Worsening: Here I think there's more complexity. Even if there is affection and longing, is very likely an RO may feel at once repulsed and desperate to MC. Maybe even guilty. On the other hand, this is all on MC, and you cannot help the people who doesn't want to help themselves. This, I think, also opens the door to also bring down an RO alongside MC (making the relationship more unhealthy than it would have otherwise been), as well as an RO deciding to not involve themselves with MC even if there are still feelings there.

Once again I have written an essay, even though I intended something shorter. Alas, this always happens to me. Would you believe there was a time I wrote very short stories (100 words max) when I was a teenager? It feels hard to believe now, since sometimes I feel I write like a 19th century writer who gets paid for word. Then again, I don't mind that much since I enjoy that style of writing, even if it's not fashionable nowadays.

(Unrelated note, when I said in my last ask I wrote it in a whim, I meant I did it in one go, and didn't sit to think my points or anything before writing it all.)

For someone who wrote that last ask on a whim you’re very eloquent and clear in your asks. Which I greatly appreciate because sometimes I have to guess what people are asking

So what I’m going for is a mix of point 1 and 3. The thing that happens to MC at the end of season 1 is so altering that there must be change, there is no choice. So there is a glow up, there is a chance for vanity there. MC can love themself like this now. But also those vices? The smoking or drinking, etc., can become much worse now. There are a lot of self destructive mc will be able to do either due to guilt or just because they can. Indifference can still be there but the source for it right now is general lack of understanding towards others, in season 2 it can come from a deliberate choice to not be compassionate

[felixravinstills]

Hi in the books Felix is the cousin right? But in the movie, he is the son of President. What do you think about it?

Yes, so in the book he is the President’s great-nephew, so Felix’s grandfather would be President Ravinstill’s brother.

The TLDR of my thoughts are it’s an understandable change to streamline the story for a movie’s runtime. I believe that streamlining the story is also why Felix dies instead of Gaius Breen.

The Long Version Where I Tack on a Discussion of More Book Stuff:

I think the choice to make him the President’s son is just to streamline the story and make the thought process behind releasing the snakes easier to understand. Otherwise, people might ask “sure, he’s family, but great-nephew? Does the President really care?” Also it would just raise more questions about that whole relationship that don’t even get answers in the book!

Without the context of Snow’s internal monologue and having to read (which would help certain ideas and details stick better), non-book readers would be pretty confused why they should care about some guy named Gaius Breen dying (he’s who dies as a result of the bombing in the book). “Why does the Capitol care enough to release snakes?” Is what people might think. Having a character who is already established as the President’s son die makes it easier to follow, I imagine. (Unfortunately, the average viewer is not me who is eating up every crumb of the Academy students)

Now, arguably the point is that the Capitol doesn’t really care that Gaius Breen specifically dies. It only cares that there has been an affront on the Capitol by proxy because Gaius has died. The question doesn’t ask me about it, but I have to touch on the lack of funerals for Arachne Crane and the Ring Twins in order to get to what I think the changes to Felix kind of tough upon.

To me, the funerals are great parts of the book because it shows the how the Capitol is using them as propaganda to look down on the Districts and uplift itself.

BUT to me at least, it also shows how the Capitol as an entity makes the Capitol children’s deaths into a spectacle just as much as it makes the Tributes’ deaths a spectacle. It’s all about saving face and showing how great the Capitol is and not really about the people or the families themselves (this is very prominent in Arachne’s funeral). It’s always reinforcing the boundary between Capitol and District (dead Capitol students are shown dignity and the Tributes are not, except when Reaper and Sejanus give them burial rites). But the televising of the funerals is still a spectacle especially when Arachne's family clearly doesn't want Brandy suspended in the sky at her funeral, but the Capitol has to send a message! (This is different from the televising of the bombed District 12 in the main series obviously. The Capitol can afford to mourn its dead in private, but it still chooses to parade them around to send a message.)

I would have liked to see at least Arachne's funeral, but in the absence of those funerals, I do like the decision to show Felix’s body. What a terrible thing to do! Especially if Felix is the President’s son in this version! It’s definitely interesting to think about whether the President authorized the usage of his son’s body to send a message or whether it was Dr. Gaul’s decision to do that.

Regardless, it does play into a theme that I read into the book that I feel isn’t really, if at all, present in the movie: The Capitol doesn’t care about whether or not you are one of its elite (The President's Son even!) or not. At the end of the day, nobody escapes the consequences of the Dystopian government. In its eyes, everyone is a tool to be used. It’s not going to be sentimental about using and/or disposing of you. (This is something Coriolanus starts to realize after Clemensia’s snake bite too actually. Unfortunately for Panem, he just doubles down and adopts the Capitol’s views as his own).

Book! Felix’s possible characterization is pretty subjective, so it’s hard to have an opinion on how the great-nephew-to-son change would affect him at all as a character, or whether it changes anything major there.

I have thoughts about how I choose to characterize Felix based on both the books and movie, but I won’t really go into it here. I’ve rambled long enough. If someone asks, maybe I’ll write something out, but honestly, I’m not confident anyone’s going to read all of this post so…

[oddballwriter]

I was wondering if you could do a pre-dad!MH/EMH guys (of your choice kinda like the one you did way back in march) before they were traumatized and everything went downhill (😭) I kinda feel like they’re parenting would kinda change sense they are not burden by their respectives trauma. Besides Tim cause he was been through it since birth but he was getting better

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Warnings: I don't think that there's really anything other than just some minor talk about common parent-child issues 

Author’s Snip: I wrote for just Evan, Tim, and Vinny. If you guys want the others/any others than just say so in my inbox.

Notes: I arguably picked the most dad-esk characters in EMH and MH. I mean Evan technically already was a dad so he's already got some dad in him other than just his vibes 

I’ll shut up now. Enjoy! And don’t be afraid to request.

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Evan

I've mentioned before that Evan would be the type of dad that would basically be his kid's best friend

Obviously he'll put on the parental pants when he needs to to make sure you aren't doing things you aren't meant to and also take care of your needs

But Evan believes that a parent and child's relationship should be one of the closest bond and relationship in a person's life. And so he has a big emphasis in making sure that you two get along and have a close bond

You're honestly his whole world, he practically revolves around you. He's secretly really doting on you and will deny it if anyone points it out

He's still his regular self and maybe to some more serious people he seems like an immature guy and that he might not be the best dad

But Evan really does do a lot and isn't afraid to put your needs before his

Vinny and Jeff are like uncles/god-fathers to you since you probably grew up and were taken care of by them too

I've said this before but Evan would be such a good fun dad. He's perfect for being a dad

Tim

I've talked about before the being a parent is scary because he's scared of his condition and the Operator getting in the way

But let's just. Pretend he doesn't have that, just so we can see this man be a father without any worries of paranormal beings and things tormenting him or his child

I think Tim is still scared of messing up and being a dad at first.

I mean, who isn't. You are in charge of meeting the child's needs, providing safety and security, forming morals and understandings, and have to put in a lot of physical, emotional, and mental energy.

So it all scares Tim a bit, but he's able to get it together and find some support systems like Brian and the rest of the group

He's actually not too bad at it and actually grows from it

It's a little bit funky for him when their small but he gets used to that

I feel like he's best as the dad who you can talk to and he can give you some life advice and stories that are semi-good. I mean it's not bad so at least it's not that

Vinny

Vinny makes a pretty okay to good dad

His personality and attitude strikes be as both a good one for being a dad but also that maybe be would have some faults

He seems like he'd enjoy it and the thought of being a dad and makes jokes about it

But sometimes Vinny will have moments where he doesn't know what to do or how to handle it

Like lets say is kid is a teen and they're doing stuff and getting into things that he doesn't like, or he and his kid get into a fight/argument

He sort of has no idea what to do and might put his foot down too harshly or not enough

I feel like it would be a little to heavy with him because he just sort of trouble shoots and just goes off what he thinks he should in that moment rather than stepping away for a moment and thinking about it

He's doing his best, don't get me wrong

But sometimes he just has a moment where he just doesn't know how to handle something and thinks that he should

[fangirl-erdariel]

Okay so I know the original post is mainly talking about the movies and referring to dialogue and scenes that are original to them, but if OP will excuse me for talking about the books for a little bit...

That's actually really interesting in the way that it comes at a different angle to a thing that is brought up by other characters as well. In the earlier parts of the books, it is brought up a couple of times that the hobbits do not, cannot, fully understand what they've signed up for. The Shire is safe and comfortable in a way few places in Middle-Earth are, and has been untouched by wars and similar catastrophes for a very long time. The hobbits are not children, but nonetheless they do not have any kind of experience that could give them context for what it is they're getting into.

Admittedly that's usually brought up mainly with Merry and Pippin, but certainly it applies to Frodo too (which Gandalf points out when Elrond doubts Merry and Pippin's suitability to be members of the Fellowship). Even characters who don't necessarily see the hobbits as children as such are frequently of the opinion that they do not have the kinds of actual experience that would give them any understanding of just what they're getting involved in. But simultaneously, even as it is acknowledged that they don't understand the full consequences the choice will have for them, and that if they did, they would not have the courage to choose it, they are still ultimately given the freedom to make the choice based on their own best judgement, rather than forced to another choice by someone who feels they know better than the hobbits.

Also, granted that Boromir does not necessarily know that... but I think it should be noted that Frodo chooses the task repeatedly, of his own free will as far as anyone in his place would have free will. He chooses it in the Shire, when he first learns of the Ring's true nature and the danger it brings (even if at that time he intends only to carry it as far as Rivendell and let someone else take it from there). He chooses it in The Council of Elrond. He chooses it again a second time before they set out from Rivendell; Elrond specifically asks him a second time if he is still willing. If he wanted to back out of it, he could have.

Now, did Frodo, at any of these points, fully understand what he was agreeing to do, how heavy the sacrifice would be? Arguably not, though certainly he understood from the start that it would be a sacrifice to some degree. If he had understood from the beginning what would be required of him to see it through to the end, would he have dared to do it? Maybe not (though, as Gandalf puts it with regards to how Merry and Pippin would feel if they understood what joining the Fellowship would mean, I think in that case Frodo also "would still wish to go, or wish that [he] dared, and be shamed and unhappy"). But nonetheless, it is still a choice he makes actively and explicitly at least three times.

So I think, where Boromir's perception of the hobbits as children really becomes a flaw is not in considering them to lack the experience to understand what they've agreed to (which they do) or thinking that if they knew they would not have had the courage to agree to it (which is arguably true) but in not considering them to have the maturity to live with/adapt to the consequences of their choices and be willing, and in fact determined, to hold on to what they have chosen even when it turns out it's more difficult and scary than they understood. The problem is that as with children, he considers the lack of understanding full consequences to mean they must be prevented from making the choice, or if that's not possible, protected from its consequences as far as possible, rather than as with adults, allowing them the agency to make their own choices and helping them along (without, like, coddling them), even if you don't believe they fully understand the choice they've made and/or think they've made a bad choice.

Boromir, Frodo, and Childhood

I’ve mentioned before that Boromir sees the hobbits as children. Aragorn treats them as adults who happen to be short/inexperienced in battle, but Boromir plays with them and ruffles their hair– Aragorn calls them “gentlemen,” Boromir calls them “little ones.”

It’s adorable but it’s also a character flaw.  It’s part of why he doesn’t trust Frodo with the Ring. Aragorn is used to hobbits, but Boromir has never seen them before in his life, and it’s hard for him to see the hobbits as the adults they actually are. 

Boromir can’t trust someone so child-like with the Ring of Power.

And I think this relates to Boromir’s own backstory?

In Return of the King, Pippin is given a hobbit-sized soldier uniform. It’s then revealed that the hobbit-sized uniform is actually child-sized, made for Faramir when he was a kid.

But “Boromir was always the soldier,” Faramir says– even then, even when they were children.

And I feel like that line says so much about Boromir’s character. Since childhood Boromir has been trained and expected to become the Strong Soldier who Will Carry Gondor on His Shoulders. And since childhood he’s been so good at acting capable of carrying that impossible burden that, after his death, his brother remembers him as someone who had always been strong.

 I think that’s what Boromir sees when he sees Frodo: a child dressed in a soldier’s uniform. 

Boromir knows what it’s like to have a burden placed on you when you’re too naive to understand what that burden really means– to choose to take on that burden before you’re mature enough to realize you’re choosing to die.

I think that’s part of why he’s so angry at the Council for letting Frodo take the Ring. From his perspective,  these cruel adults are giving an impossible burden to a someone who’s so incredibly child-like….someone who has only “chosen” to take that burden because he doesn’t truly understand what he’s “chosen” to do.

After Gandalf’s death, the elves refuse to let the Fellowship enter Lothlorien because Frodo is carrying the Ring. The other members of the Fellowship, exhausted, can’t look Frodo in the eye. Frodo is desolate. It’s clear that Frodo believes they blame him for everything that’s happened, and that he blames himself.

But Boromir looks him in the eyes and reassures him: this isn’t your fault. “You carry a heavy burden, Frodo– don’t carry the weight of the dead.”

Later, Boromir says: ”I know why you seek solitude. You suffer, I see it day by day.”

And you can compare that to the scene in Lothlorien where Boromir wandered away from the Fellowship, to grieve alone.

When Boromir asks Frodo for the Ring, Frodo refuses. But from Boromir’s point of view, Frodo is only refusing because he doesn’t understand yet. Because Frodo’s just too child-like, too innocent and naive.

He believes that Frodo doesn’t actually know the depth of the sacrifice he’s chosen to make– and that if Frodo DID know, he would never have made that choice. “What chance do you think you have?”

It’s like…. “I know you think you understand what you’ve signed up for, but you don’t. Trust me, I know.”