Tumgik
#am abt it. and no matter how much ‘exposure therapy’ I have.
what-even-is-sleep · 2 months
Text
Craziest advertising flaw I’ve seen in my life is: it’s impossible to look up “spider catcher” or even “spider catcher for arachnophobes” without EVERY. SINGLE. PRODUCT. having a blown up picture of a spider in it.
#absolutely fucked imo#even articles that line up a few of the products either: 1) blatantly have pictures of spiders in the article#or 2) don’t give any warnings that links will go to pictures with giant spdrs in them#😭😭😭😭#I’ve seen maybe 1 spdr-catcher advertisement that doesn’t have a giant realistic spdr in it#mypost#it’s a relatively niche problem (ik ppl are scared of spdrs on the reg. but I’m talking abt my phobia which comes with like. visual and#physical hallucinations + bone chilling fear + bodily reactions I can’t control lol)#but JESUSSSS IF I LOOK UP ‘spdr catchers for arachnophobes’ THERE SHOULD AT LEAST BE SOME ARTICLES AND PRODUCTS THAT DONT FEATURE FKCN SPDR#PICTURES!!!!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬#have asked ppl in my life to help me look it up b4 but they just don’t look that hard 😭#found one years ago that kindof works (is like a mini-vacuum. the nozzle is long but the handle is too close to the holding chamber imo.)#but 1) I had to re-tape the holding chamber bc wjdhiwhsiwujduwhw [traumatic redacted experience that is easily guessable]#and 2) it’s fckn old now and is not working well anymore. which is a liability bc ong I still have this phobia and no matter how pissed I#am abt it. and no matter how much ‘exposure therapy’ I have.#I still can’t sleep in my room/go to the bathroom if there’s been a big one in there 👍 ESP if they never got caught#freaking myself out writing abt this 👍🙂‍↕️😔#bc I’m freaked out bc there was one in my room last night and it’s still missing so idk maybe I’m sleeping on the couch again tonight sheug#¯\_(ツ)_/¯
3 notes · View notes
toastsnaffler · 2 months
Text
was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍
#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around#pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable#my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters#no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time#gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt#but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years#and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again#but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and#others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard#it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl#bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either#and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for#but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own#bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me#but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form#and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind#and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will#and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing#and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense#its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out#and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up#and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain#its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit#and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after#or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life#i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever#and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it#and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel#thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable
3 notes · View notes
lostandfem · 2 years
Note
hhhh i feel like we agree on so much i just. im “TIF” ig, more specifically FTMTFTMTFT?? and w confirmed prenatal androgenization + dissociative disorder linked to onset of puberty. i have literally tried everything i even did IV ketamine treatments, electroshock therapy. testosterone is the only thing that made me feel like i wasn’t. playing the sims. trying to live from the inside out. idk how to even explain it. if u have dysphoria ykwim probably. the only other times ive ever felt ok were when i was starving myself to the point of producing little to no sex hormones. i feel like a lot of ppl— especially with endocrine-disrupting chemicals becoming more of an issue— are struggling with degrees of genuine sex based dysphoria from prenatal EDC exposure. ik that sounds conspiracy-y but the WHO even released a study recently linking them to GD and intersex conditions. anyway i havent even socially transitioned this time because ive realized idc about what i’m seen as or called i simply just. know in my head what my body should look like. i was also intersex and forced on fem hormones at puberty so maybe its related to that but. i wish radfem spaces were less hateful towards transmasc female ppl. the rhetoric abt our bodies (and in turn abt unmodified intersex bodies bc i wouldn’t have been feminized originally without hormones) is really gross and just shows a deep seated hatred of sex non conforming females and as much as i recognize and hate the biosexism of amab trans ppl and the overall trans community. i just cant feel safe as an intersex snc female so its just like. No Community For Me, i’m too trans for the terfs and too terfy for the transes. sorry i didn’t mean to rant its just. the climate is so divisive rn n im struggling with being radfem but also like. clearly having biosex dysphoria that i have tried literally everything to eradicate. you dont have to publish this i simply needed to tell someone who would maybe get it and you seem to
i did these asks out of order and idk if youre the same person as the other ones rip. but yeah i hate teh “detrans people are mutilated” stuff too. ideologically i know radfems are supposed to support all females regardless of the state of their bodies, but i think youre right that a lot of them take the altered thing to mean youre an impure female. im really sorry you were forced on hormones, i really am. its hard to make peace with knowing that your body was altered when you wish it wasnt. intersex people deserve at least a choice in the matter, not that stuff being forced on them. they deserve to feel the sex dysphoria/dysmorphia without it being an inherently gendered experience too.
being in-between ideologically is rough. but sometimes its kinda necessary. belonging to yourself is important, so if you dont feel like you can belong to any one group, at least stand by your beliefs 💜
44 notes · View notes
seijorhi · 4 years
Text
asks :)
Below the cut 💕
OMFG I JUST READ UR SPLIT FIC AND AHHHHHHHHHHHH IT WAS SO GOOD. Ur such a good writer I’m jealous
BBY!!! I’M GLAD YOU LIKED IT!!! but fr no need to be jealous it’s just some horny ramblings 👉👈
I just wanted to say that I LOVE your haikyuu fics! Especially the Oikawa/Iwa soulmate au one! Just a quick question tho, would their darling be able to turn the duo against eachother? Like maybe she/he/they prefers Iwa more than Oikawa and that could lead to some competition?
ok i’ve talked about this a little bit before in another ask but my tags are a mess and i can’t find it but tbh i think it would be almost impossible for their darling to actually turn them against each other - even in a tiny way just because their own relationship with each other is rock solid. Iwa knows how to deal with Oikawa at his worst and vice versa. if you do end up showing preference to one over the other - say you cling to Iwa because he doesn’t go as hard on his punishments or Oikawa because a pissed off Iwa scares you they’re gonna notice, and there is nothing like a little exposure therapy to cure your fears.
Inquiring minds need to know: does the slasher trio fuck you in front of their victims? When they’re alive? When they’re dead? Both???
Bruh.... I think you know the answer to that ;)
I just read Final Girl and I just wanna say that it scared the shit out of me??? I rarely watch horror let alone slasher movies and most of the time I imagine what would happen if they keep one of their victims and your fic just damn. It was scary good
you have no idea how happy that makes me?? because like when i write fics i’m trying to convey emotions and build tension and stuff but until somebody else reads it you never know if it’s actually worked?? so this makes me all 🥺
Yo I just read your Shiggy fic the chikan and boy oh boy I am a huge fan of it. He’s so gross but it does something to me and I don’t know why but I’m here for it. Also I love your writing I may or may not have just binged your blog but it was so good and I just could not help myself 😅, anyway I hope you have a good day!
SHIGGY SUPREMACY!! no but i took so long with that fic and now i just wanna write a bunch more creeper shigaraki i love him sm! anyway thank you fo being such a sweetheart - i hope your day’s going well too!!
Idk if it's thirsting hours, but I'm a horny bastard, so I'm just gonna express myself. Every time, I watch Ushijima show emotion and get excited about volleyball, I think about Outrunning Fate and daydream about the kind of face he would make while he rails a resistant, crying reader. And I feel like Tendou would just watch his facial expressions for a while because this is a side of Ushi he's never seen, and he just wants to admire him. Thanks for coming to my TED talk. @ks350
so it’s not exactly a secret that Ushi’s a little... stoic, but with things he genuinely cares about - volleyball, and you guessed it, his adorable little resistant soulmate - that’s when he lets himself soften a touch, smiling easier, seemingly without even realising it. He tends to get a little carried away when he’s fucking her because he’s honestly just so fucking content, this is exactly where he’s supposed to be and nothing else matters, not even your pretty tears and soft whimpers for him to stop. Of course Tendou’s gonna watch!
Okayyyy so I just read Split and, as always, your writing is superbbbb. Osamu acting like he was innocent in the whole situation? Atsumu being the sadistic little shit that he is? 💯 My brain is just full of thoughts of the Miya Brothers that I decided to read their Soulmate AU this early in the morning and I noticed how the party was set in the new captain's house.
And OMG as third years Atsumu's the new captain of Inarizaki and holy fuck there's a huge possibility the reader, their soulmate, just lost her V card in either of the twin's room or bed. Wouldn't that situation be a cluster fuck that drove them both crazy to do those things at the end after denying reader? Goshhhh I love this little subtle details in your fic. You are such a genius writer that endless possibilities are available to be interpreted by us readers. Thank you so much Rhi 💖💖💖 @pamdamonyum
👀 sqirugpq3urnioklnjk you’re a sweetheart 
but can you imagine if it was Atsumu’s bed and he was the one to find you and the soccer captain? because like i genuinely debated about having them kick his ass and i think in that circumstance... not even Samu would be able to hold him back!
❤️❤️😍😘💕✌️
I love you too, you funky little anon
Ok omg split was amazing! I have to share smth tho when my bro and I were kids (like pretty young), when one of us did something “bad” we’d be like “no that wasn’t me it wasn’t me it was my evil twin,” and like then we’d forgive the other and shit talk abt our “evil” versions bc it wasn’t the “good” twin’s fault lol. So the “Osamu you promised!” “Osamu isn’t here rn,” had me dying. Like so perfect. What bs. Then the end with Osamu “I couldn’t stop him” miya like oh yeah ofc just your evil twin nothing you could have done 🙄 like it was so perfect, I loved it!
aw that’s actually really cute tho! i honest to god think that Osamu’s worse in this one - at least Atsumu never pretends to be anything other than what he is. Osamu’s just as toxic and warped, but he acts like the hero, like it wasn’t his obsession that started this all
So, I just read the Dear Old Friend Osamu drabble and I couldn't help but grin. The implications I got from it and the initial one-shot were the following;
1. Atsumu is a titties man, considering how much he bit and teased them in DOF.
2. 'Samu I don't have a favourite twin how dare you is an ass man considering how many words of that drabble were dedicated to his thoughts lingering on the titular dear old friend's arse.
And I'm just LIVING for it because they really do complete each other in that regard. But also because 'Samu strikes me as the kind of guy that likes face sitting and spanking his partner while they sandwich his face between their thighs. And Atsumu strikes me as the kind of person that likes just randomly fiddling with his partner's tiddies because tiddy = fun.
Also, hi! I love your writing! Pretty sure this is my first ask, even though it's not, really??? @pavlovs-titties
ahh you’re so sweet, thank you bby!!
and yeah, Atsumu’s definitely a tiddies kinda guy and Osamu prefers ur butt (but also not me writing that little drabble because i wanted to tease the idea Osamu have his turn leaving his mark on the reader by spanking her till she’s nice and sore 😉)
Baby, you were amazing ❤️! I don't know how I still get surprised by your awesomeness, but I do. You're amazing and no one can tell you different 🥺🥰
💖💖💖 sdfghjhgj you’ve got me all blushy and soft, thank you!!! 
the jokes on you tho because in actual fact you’re the one who’s amazing?? ily!!
17 notes · View notes