#I’m actively getting worse | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

phellycheesesteak · 7 months

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Something something ame doodle to cheer me up because My mental health is actively getting worse and I see myself as her

#ophelya speaks #not project moon #needy streamer overload #needy girl overload #needy girl overdose #ame chan #ophelya doodle #feel better sketch #I’m actively getting worse #and it’s scary

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theswedishpajas · 2 months

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Based on my favorite gif lately

#my art stuff #digital art #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #batstarion #once again specifying this is a spawn astarion with some sort of wild shape thing #bat #good morning #gif #I’ve been in such a weird place mentally about art lately #I just keep stopping myself from drawing things cus I want to draw Astarion -#- but fsr my brain decided I draw him wrong and thus makes it pointless to even start #bat form is fine - I have no problems with it. But in his normal form? no can do buckaroo.#It’s one part why I haven’t shared much art lately - I don’t get happy enough about the “quality”#then just don’t share it as a result - in turn making me feel worse because I’m not posting - making me doubt myself more - etc etc #idk man - I got way too giddy earlier today cus someone could tell this was Astarion - even though this isn’t even the version of him I -#- feel insecure about #I keep seeing these artists making more realistic art and cool comics and interactions - most of which are shaded really beautifully -#- and all I can think about is how I CAN’T do that - even if it wouldn’t fuck me up mentally #I just put too much stress on my ability to create realism and I keep “failing” at doing that (by actively avoiding it for my own health)#idk man - I just wish I felt better about Astarion’s stupid chin OTL

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theatrekidenergy · 12 days

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I JUST FOUND OUT I CAN BIKE WITHOUT* PAIN!!!!! I JUST FOUND OUT I CAN BIKE WITHOUT PAIN!!!!!!! I NOW HAVE TWO PHYSICAL ACTIVITIES I CAN DO WITHOUT PAIN!!!!!!! I CAN BIKE WHEN IM NOT FIGURE SKATING!!!!!!! IM GENUINELY SOBBING RIGHT NOW THIS IS SUCH A MASSIVE THING FOR ME YOU DONT UNDERSTAND

* = check tags for explanation

#My chronic pain has been getting so much worse lately #Dislcoations are also happening more often #And as someone who used to be insanely athletic I’ve been grieving so heavily for who I used to be and what I used to be capable of #I used to be able to run a marathon easily and now *walking* is painful #I use a cane most days now #My literal only freedom is while figure skating #And to discover there’s another thing I can do? I feel like I’m getting a piece of myself back even while my health is getting worse #This feels so euphoric #But knowing I be active by skating? It’s been my life line. And now I can bike!#And I just don’t know what to say #Also for clarification I can bike now but it’s still painful to a degree: Figure skating is not painful for me #But biking still has a level of pain but so far it’s not like ‘I’m completely unable to do this’ pain instead it’s like #‘Wow yeah this is painful but everything is and this is a pain I can manage to deal with because I’m being active and that makes me happy’#ykwim?#Oh and new symptoms of paralysis. I’ll make a post about that too. My luck is awesome /s #Chronic illness #Fibromyalgia #hEDS #Cane user #dynamic disability #Disabled #Chronic pain #Disability #Chronically ill

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crybaby-bkg · 4 months

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I started crocheting my first blanket today and my hand hurts so unbelievably bad and I’m not even a quarter done with it 🫡🫡

#it’s about five feet across #so I’m thinking five feet down but like. MY LORD!!!!!!#it took me like four hours just to get about 8 inches done #NOT EVEN A FULL FOOT YET?????#and I tried putting my brace on but it made it hurt worse sidhdkfjf #also sorry I’ve been so disconnected on here lately #I feel like I don’t belong here anymore which is no one’s fault #but it makes me very sad bc I miss being active on here and actually enjoying everything #I just feel very apathetic which could just be my Prozac LOL #sorry I’m rambling but I will post a pic of my blanket when I finish!!#which will probably take weeks lmao #—in store chit chat! 🍫

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softpastelqueer · 11 months

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I think it’s more important now than ever to completely reject and condemn bigotry in any form. As things escalate, regarding US/UK/Israeli military war crimes and ethnic cleansing (and the western created Hamas), we will see a surge in hate crimes and hate speech in Western countries, specifically aimed at Jewish, Muslim, and Arab people or those mistook for them (especially by white supremacists and Neo Nazi groups).

It’s important we;

Reject and condemn antisemitism

Reject and condemn Islamophobia

Reject and condemn anti-Arab racism

Show solidarity and support towards our Muslim friends

Show solidarity and support towards our Jewish friends

Be kind to your Jewish, Muslim, and Arab neighbors, coworkers, and friends

Shut down people using current events as an excuse to justify their pre-existing bigotries and biases

Reject and condemn genocide and ethnic cleansing (fucks sake I can’t believe I have to add this one)

#I was debating back and forth whether or not to post this because I didn’t want to detract from the ethnic cleansing apartheid and violence #but as antisemitism Islamophobia and anti Arab racism are getting worse here in the US #I think westerners need to be reminded we all collectively need to reject bigotry #I’m still not sure when I’ll go back to being fully active in tumblr but I needed to get this off my chest regardless

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thereareeyesinsidethetrees · 2 months

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something about that whole incident must have changed something in my brain chemistry cause my insomnia’s gotten bad again

the past few days i’ve getting to sleep at two or three. kinda sucks i guess, but i don’t really want to resort to taking melatonin again

#i took melatonin every night for a year straight and now i get frequent headaches and nightmares every time i sleep #is that the melatonin or is that the year that most of my trauma comes from/when it got worse #hard to say. maybe both. i don’t remember!#and y’know it sucks not being able to go to sleep #because i can’t even read after a certain point #it gets too watery and everywhere and it’s difficult to figure out the words and letters #mmm i did say you wouldn’t be hearing from me until tomorrow #but it’s past midnight here so that’s fine it’s fine #i don’t like tumblr anymore. i don’t like being here anymore #i get scared whenever i get activity now. i get uncomfortable just having the tab open #how pathetic is that?#really pathetic. really fucking pathetic #probably because i know they’re still looking at me and i hate being watched #y’know i have thoughts like ford but the only demon here is my faulty synapses #it feels pathetic. i feel pathetic. i don’t have a reason like he does #and even then people say he doesn’t have enough of a reason #i’m so fucking pathetic

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bigshotspambot · 2 years

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I just had a Clarity Moment after watching a gameplay recording of the Spamton NEO boss fight i saved on my computer and everything just HIT me so hard like HOW did I end up with a Spamton NEO body pillow in my bed. This happened over the course of a year. It just kept escalating everything was a blur and I NEEDED HIM SO BAD. You know

Does this happen to anybody else.

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kaseyskat · 1 year

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thinking about scary and normals relationship again do NOT hit me up

#dndads #dndads spoilers #kasey rambles #admittedly the only teen ship i’m like. actively into is oakworthy #because i’m much more focused on the platonic relationships #and scary and normals platonic relationship fucks me UP and it just keeps getting worse #i think that knowing how similar younger scary was to normal just adds such an interesting layer like GOD #and scary was SO protective of normal in the earlier season she only turned on him when he got the main character energy from his lineage #and i miss that and i hope their relationship can mend but for now i am sitting here #picking apart each tangled thread of parallels #wondering truly if normals headed in the same direction scary found herself in before and if she’ll catch it in time to stop it

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spirallingstarcases · 9 months

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having your own mother tell you that you don’t deserve to uber yourself food after two long weeks of stress because “you think you’re the only one whose stressed? you’re. not. special.” is craaaaaazy

#god forbid i uber myself dinner because 1.) i’ve been cooking for myself for fucking months and 2.) i finished all my goddamn work #and deserve to take it easy now that i’m not actively considering suicide #spispeaks #jesus #get me OUTTA here #she said the same thing abt my period too #i don’t deserve to take painkillers because i’m not special and i can’t be having body pain that’s any worse then HERS and SHE can bear it #so why can’t i #what a great start to this day.

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disengaged · 5 months

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alright anorexia is boring, let’s get yolked

#yeah so i gained 20lbs and started hitting the gym pretty hard two months ago #struggling with weight restoration/relapse urges worse than ever BUT i’m also feeling good about my progress and enjoying myself immensely #honestly didn’t realize how bad i missed lifting #and now that i have time off work i can actually focus on getting my nutrition right (i.e. actually consuming enough protein for once)#pegasus speaks #my face #my ancient ipod camera is shit quality but my abs are starting to show for the first time in like … 1.5 years lol #and im pleased with my anterior/lateral delts! although my pecs need some serious work. wtf #i train chest 2-3x/week and i can still see bones fml #ed ment tw #weight tw #ask to tag #i feel like i’m kind of relearning all my limits. like in terms of physical/mental energy and stuff. idk #doing a lot of research and figuring it out as i go. trying to avoid falling into systemic fatigue etc #i’m already exhausted all the time but my doctor told me i should keep active so. i am #as much as i love the gym i do have to compensate in other areas of my life #if i want to push myself this hard then that’s my choice. but like. i need to give up on doing other things. give and take. spoon theory #etc etc etc

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sockdooe · 3 months

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Every time someone edits Keith in the black paladin armor an angel loses its wings.

#keith kogane #listen I understand that he needs to be the black paladin but he should be there temporarily #it’s worse when people do it with lance #I’m sorry but Keith cannot be the black paladin in my mind heart and soul #that spot is RESERVED for SHIRO DAMMIT #HE FAUGHT SO HARD TO BE WITH THE BLACK LION AND YOUR TELLING ME HE DOESNT EVEN GET TO SIT IN HER SEAT ANYMORE????#IM SORRY?? ARE THE LIONS NOT COUNCIOUS??? DID BLACK JUST NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT SHIRO AFTERWARDS???#it’s some fucking horse shit #and Lance should’ve stayed in blue and allura should’ve gotten red #allura dead ass does not fit within the blue lion #I love her but that woman is a red paladin #I mean even the fucking show jokes about it #lance being in blue fit his character far more and I believe would’ve led to far more growth #I hate how much people argue about who the better black paladin would be whether it be for Lance or Keith #its shiro #through and through #he ran so Keith could walk bitch #also yes Keith being with the blades is cool and it makes people realize just how much of a pain it is to not have a lion to protect you #to show the true stuggle of those who are still actively fighting against space nazis #that don’t rely on a giant robot #but here’s my thing #I don’t like that Keith separated #because I feel like his character goes backwards #I would’ve preferred Keith actually being there for his teammates and family then almost sacrificing himself over and over again #I also don’t think ryou should ever be in the black lion #like piloting #cause he’s not shiro and I think the black lion would know that #I just wish there was more shiro appreciation within the fandom #like how do people not understand that shiro is an amazing leader???#why does he have to get replaced???

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j2zara · 15 days

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And what if I said Jace’s neglect and Porter’s control of J2 were two sides of the same coin and born of the same rot. What then

#I’m down for thought experiments and playing with dolls but also. I put a #lot of work into the things I make and its important ppl understand Jace’s sin with blue is not really control it’s neglect #Jace’s refusal to be transparent with blue and absolutely cold distance with him #is absolutely why j2 felt better running into Porter’s arms #Porter gave him security and belonging even if blue knew they were the bad guys #Jace CANNOT look what he created directly in the face #he is revulsed by blue he pites blue he envies blue #he even admires blue. just a little bit #Jace and Porter MADE j2 but in completely different ways #it’s so… mama who gave me no want to handle things coded #it’s just…. imma be a hater for 2.5 seconds. I love j2jace #but I miss the version of j2jace that was like. interesting. sorry guys #it’s honestly getting really really draining watching what is essentially your OC being subjected to a lot of cruelty day after day #and not in a way that’s like. hey what if I floated this concept by you?#it’s like. I get I made the clones fair game but that’s feels strange #it feels weird to feel so Precious about it. I feel very Diana Gabaldon coded #and like. I get I’m a hypocrite but also. j2 torment nexus isn’t about active torment #it’s not about everyone deliberately making his life worse. At least not to me #it’s about how he was SO CLOSE to something good. and then gets denied it #for a brief time things were magical. he and Porter dance around the kitchen in the refrigerator light etc etc #jan.txt #clone enjoyers anonymous #anyway. I miss blue. he ain’t dead I just miss him

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unawakening-float07 · 1 month

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legit can not tell if the hair loss medication i’m on is doing anything or if the hair i still have is just getting super long and it’s covering my balding areas

#i’m applying rogaine twice a day along with taking both finasteride #and minoxidil #i thought i was seeing new growth with the finasteride but maybe it’s too soon #every time i part my hair to add the rogaine foam #the areas of my head that have incredibly thin hair still look thin #styled my hair upward and it’s very obvious the frontal lobe of my head #had incredibly thin hair #you can just see through my hair and to my head #kinda stressed about getting a haircut because i’m scared if i cut it any shorter than the length i have now #i will not be able to hide how much hair loss i’ve gone through in the last like year #only been on the fin for like two months #i read online it can take 3 months at the earliest to see results and #it sometimes won’t show anything for a year #just kinda scared all this stuff is not working and i’ll have wasted another year on hair meds when my hair is actively getting worse #and i could have been using that time to get a hair transplant or plasma injections or something

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transmechanicus · 8 months

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Brb crying on this friday night

#my stuff #my ex texted me they’re having a rough time but they refuse to let me help #i feel so thoroughly useless to them and i feel like they should/will give me up as a friend if i’m not useful #like if we’re really friends like i think we are LET ME DO SOMETHING TO SUPPORT YOU #i’m actively offering to help and they refuse every time and it hurts bc i know they’re struggling and if we were partners still they would #they would let me support them like they deserve #i know at least some of what they’re struggling with is beyond my control but there’s a non-zero chance part of why they’re upset is me #in the sense that they’re struggling to navigate our friendship after they broke up with me #and i don’t want that to be a source of stress if so. i’ve offered to provide any and all reassurances that might help them #but they’ve said they don’t need to hear anything and need to work it out on their own #how’s uhhh how’s that going for you champ??#they need support and i’m willing to give it but they won’t admit it even at cost #so i just get to sit here and hope they’ll be ok. and that i’m not making it worse in some way i can’t see #Spotify

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chilapis · 7 months

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eyes open eerily wide. today I’m pondering……. Pyro dragon sovereign s/i. ?

#hi remember how i did the poll & it was a tie at pyro & hydro.#may i please interest you in: autistic dragongirl gf #i can be his silly firebreathing housewife who has the blood of billions on her hands.#i say housewife just for the fuck of it I assure you i’m still an active war criminaSorry.#imagine getting your legal advice from a boy girl who has arguably done worse than your entire bloodline.#✧.*🌹

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vpyre · 2 months

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Me when I burn myself out on writing once again after promising another fic 🫠

#vent #vent in tags #sorry #I sure wish doing the one thing I consider myself good at didn’t drain my energy and make me like my hyperfixation less #I honestly don’t even know if I’m actually good at it anymore. like I legitimately cannot tell #I have no sense of the quality of my writing anymore #like jesus christ I just wanna be creative but it feels like I’m drowning in incomprehensible words when I write #there are almost NO Copia fics that suit my taste so I’ve been trying to write them myself #so far I’ve only succeeded in writing one full fic; a couple blurbs; several WIPs; and making myself suicidal 👍🏻#why is being creative so draining #I just wanna be able to function #I wanna be able to bring life to the characters I love #but autistic burnout is just suffocating me #I feel like I’m actively getting dumber #and worse at writing #like the words I need are playing tag with me and I’m it #I’m so detached from the creative process that- on top of not being able to enjoy it- I can’t tell if I’m even making sense #vpyre’s verbosity #writing woes

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