j2zara

[j2zara]

"You don't know me. I'm not the same person anymore."

"That's okay. I'll get to know you again."

[j2zara]

Fanfic Writer Ask Game

These are always fun so I wanted to make one! Reblog this and let others send you an ask based on any of these emojis/questions:

❤️ What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic?

💥 What is one canon thing that you wish you could change?

✨️ Out of the comments you’ve received on your fics, what are two or three of your favorites?

👻 What is your wildest headcanon?

✍️ What’s your ideal writing setup?

🚀 Do you like to outline your fic first or create as you go?

🎁 Have a piece of a WIP you want to share?

🏷 Is there a tag you like to search for when looking for fanfics to read?

⏰️ Do you like to post fics on a schedule or at random?

👓 What helps you focus when you write?

💕 What is your favorite fic that you’ve written?

🐇 Do you write for yourself, for others, or both?

🥳 Why did you start writing fanfic?

🦋 Which character is your favorite to write?

🦈 Which character is the toughest to write?

🍬 Do you write for multiple fandoms? If yes, what is your favorite fic of yours for each fandom?

🌻 How often do you read your own fics?

📗 Do you want to write something outside of fanfiction? If so, what about?

🎬 If a movie or show were based on your fic, which fic would you choose and who would you fancast?

💭 What inspires you and your writing?

🧪 Do you research for your fics?

😎 What fics do you prefer on a scale of canon compliant to wildly original?

💎 Do you often write about a relationship or focus on an individual?

🔥 Have you included any sexy scenes in your fics? If yes, do you find them easy or difficult to write?

💘 Is it easier to write angst or fluff?

🚦What sort of endings do you prefer to write: ambiguous, bad, happily ever after, etc.?

💡How many WIPs do you currently have?

🔎 Does anyone beta read or edit your fics?

📚 Is there a fanfic or fanfic writer you recommend?

🤩 What led to your interest in the fandom?

🤖 Are non-fandom friends aware that you write fanfic?

💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?

👑 Do you like writing short fics or long fics?

🎯 Do you have a writing milestone you’re working towards?

🔮 Any advice for writers working through burnout or writer’s block?

🤔 Would you ever want to write something canon if you got the opportunity?

💌 Is there a favorite trope you like to write?

��� If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

[j2zara]

Not to be toxic but being the one Fabian enjoyer who also doesn’t care that his mom doesn’t love him is so funny. Like sorry king that your mom left you but also conflict is how stories happen

[j2zara]

The funny thing about contemplating making reincarnated j3 secret aristocracy (don’t worry, he doesn’t know either) is that I think this might be the one thing that could truly test Ellie’s conviction. She’s like. I would follow my unfaithful loser situationship across the universe, rip through the fabric of time itself to find him, but I don’t know if I could live with myself if I dated a prince

[j2zara]

Ellie hates being told what to do so I do think a part of her resents her past self for tethering her to this stupid boy who she’s tasked to find, but this manifests not in the form of her running away from her task but instead being like alright I need to find this guy to understand what the hell is so great about him. And then she meets him and is like damn past me had a point I guess.

But her relationship to clone!Ellie is different from her hatred for Jace. I do think she resents clone!Ellie, but she doesn’t hate her. The more she understands clone!Ellie, I think the more she comes to understand her past and her circumstances, the more current Ellie pities her and feels aligned and connected with her like they really are a continuation of the same consciousness.

To me, the difference between her hatred for Jace and her resentment for her past self, even though they seem like they would be the same thing—a past version of herself she feels alienated from and resents due to being burdened with an obligation she did not want or ask for—is that Ellie ultimately does try to do what she thinks is right.

And I think she recognizes clone!Ellie as someone who is also trying to do the right thing, her messy and flawed but ultimately righteous resistance to Jace and Porter, as well as her task to find J3 and also Blue are things she understands. Especially bc Ellie really values transparency, even if she doesn’t know these people (sorta) she still thinks they have a right to know what’s going on. Whereas her alienation from Jace is about identity, but it’s also about his cruelty, the power he has over her, and what she deems as his cowardice in the face of evil, of Porter.

I think the pull she has toward Porter then and now vs the pull she has toward J3 in her reincarnated lives fall along a similar logic. It’s not just that the call toward Porter was never her choice, it’s also that she maintains she would never choose someone like him.

J3 on the other hand, is someone she has this complicated relationship with, this unresolved tension between destiny vs free will. Yes, her previous contexts, their history, are the reason she feels this draw toward him, but also the more she understands who he was and who he is, the more she just finds that she likes him, flaws and all. He is imperfect, but the more she knows him the more she feels assured that she’s not just fated to be with him—she would choose him, too.

[j2zara]

Pilfering the Emily Axford Special of believing her cats are her soulmates but not Murph. J3 hears Ellie say this about them in passing and he’s just like sorry what? And she’s like well. We chose each other, that’s different, cats are instinctual they don’t have as complex of a personality as people

[j2zara]

I don’t remember if I ever gave the Lore on the Ring of Disguise Self (maybe I have ages ago) so here’s the snippet in the unfinished LJ3P wip (tbh I might just post the first chapter of that it’s very different from what I thought it would be but it’s not nearly as bad as I made it out to be in my mind). Anyway here’s the Lore:

@neerdowellnarrator sorry to snoop but, I have something along those veins? I caved so here is the other half of the unfinished wip—the part where LJ3 are arguing over the what they're gonna do about The Name. It's in a state rn, but I thought it was kinda fun and melodramatic and at least kiiindda matched both prompts?

_

“It’s not going to work…”

Ellie doesn’t know how long they’ve been lying there, the springs from her mattress digging into her sides, but it’s not until she can hear Blue’s quiet snores that she braves herself to speak.

“Hm?” says J3, half asleep, shifting so that his chin rests on her shoulder. “Wha’s’at?” He stifles a yawn, a sound that Ellie finds precious despite herself. Despite everything.

She takes J3’s arms wrapped around her waist and holds them tighter to her person—her last indulgence since their break. She can’t help herself. It’s one thing to give up sex, it’s another to give up her one fool-proof trick for a full night’s sleep free of nightmares. 

She’s always told herself that when she broke her rules, it was for a good reason. But she knows it’s bullshit.

She just doesn’t want to give up her last good thing.

But this time, she needs the comfort. When she thinks about what comes monday—the student president election, it’s like her brain just—stops. Their whole miserable half-lives have led up to this. Life in Jaceprime’s basement has been hell on earth, but at least there was ritual in the mundanity. At least she knows who she is when she’s resisting captivity.

What happens when the God of War gets exactly what he wants? What happens when he doesn’t?

Maybe she doesn’t have to tell him how she feels. Maybe they really are matching spares. Maybe, just maybe, he can just feel her tremble, and that is why he gives her hand a reassuring squeeze.

“Ellie?” he tries again.

“The, uh… The ritual. It’s not going to work.” Ellie’s always thought of herself as someone who was unafraid to speak her mind. Hell, she’s gotten into shouting matches with the guy who locks them in the basement every night. So why is she so afraid to speak? “The—The name is wrong, J3.”

The quiet is painfully long. Finally, he says, “Are you sure?”

“Yes. Positive.”

She expects more questions, maybe pushback. Instead, he says, “Okay. I believe you.” A beat. “Does Porter—”

“No. Not yet, at least. But when he does—”

The sound of shifting blankets from across the room, and she can feel J3 stiffen beside her. She, too, has gone completely still.

What do you think he’ll do?

J3’s voice in her head when the rustling stops. A Message.

Well… says Ellie, If he doesn’t smash us to bits—send in the Ratgrinders on the cloudrider, I guess. So close to the deadline, the attack on Seacaster Manor is our only chance to get it.

Makes sense.

And he’ll probably send Boss in to supervise.

Or one of us, says J3.

She nods. Or one of us.

Deadened silence.

You still have that ring I gave you, right?

Ellie touches her Ring of Disguise Self, turns the band around on her finger—a reflex. She can feel her cheeks flush, and she’s grateful to be turned away from him. Even though she’s mad at him, she can’t bring herself to give it back. “Yes. I—of course I do.”

Okay. Good.

J3 is quiet.

What are you thinking? asks Ellie.

I’m thinking… You should volunteer for the cloudrider mission.

“What?” says Ellie, too loud. She hears a quiet, disgruntled mmph from Blue, and the creak of a mattress. More quietly, she tries again. “What? Why?”

‘Cause I’m gonna take your place.

Ellie jerks around to face him. She’s been trying to keep her cool all evening, but she can’t. It’s no use. It’s not who she is.

“No!” cries Ellie, and J3 shushes her, glancing over at Blue’s bed. Thankfully, the curtains are still closed, but she doesn’t care. She opens her mouth, intent on giving him a piece of her mind, but—

There’s something so resolute in his expression that she forgets to breathe.

He has the audacity to smile at her. Like they’re having a slumber party, exchanging secrets late into the night. Instead of plotting treason. El. Think about it. They’ll never know the difference.

“You’re insane.” Ellie sits up. You can’t do that for me, J3. Besides. Boss’ll never believe it. He’ll know something is up immediately. She hesitates. She’s disgusted with herself for even entertaining the idea; disgusted that a part of her is moved. But it’ll never work—not when she’s J4. She’s not the precious gift, or the shiny toy, she’s the mistake. “You know me, I’m—I’m whiny and stubborn, and—”

J3 follows her. The blanket falls to the floor. His eyes are wide, animated—he’s speaking with a fervor she’s never seen from him before. He takes her face in his hands—Which is why we’ll—I’ll— convince him that it was his idea. Like, it’s, I dunno—a punishment.

Ellie doesn’t answer.

C’mon, El. He’s still smiling. Like this is some sort of game. You know I can do it.

A beat. How does she tell him that that’s exactly what she’s afraid of?

“I—I can’t, J3.”

You can’t deny it, El. You know they’ll both be preoccupied during election night. It’s the perfect window.

A beat. The thing is—he’s right. They both know it.

And it might be your last chance, before—

“No.”

“Yeah. I know it’s not all that, but we don’t have that much time, alright? I figured we could at least try… y’know?”

“No, J3. ‘No’ As in. I can’t ask you to do this for me.”

You didn’t have to, El. You—You deserve a real shot out there, you get that, right?

Ellie’s heart is hammering in her chest. Talking to J3 has always been hard enough when he’s flirting, cracking jokes, doing what he always does. She didn’t realize how much worse it was to talk to him when he’s being sincere. 

He really believes in her, doesn’t he? He always has.

J3 is still cradling her face in his hands.

Stupidly, Ellie yearns for him to lean down and kiss her—when that should be the last thing on her mind. Instead, she murmurs—“But what about when he finds out the truth, J3? What then?”

The corner of his mouth tugs in a small smile—bewitching and infuriating.

Well. You’ll be long gone by then.

“Don’t be stupid!” says Ellie, wrenching away from him. I’m not leaving you.

“Why?”

The utter confusion in his expression could break her heart. She knows who to blame here. Knows that He is the reason J3 is the way he is. Knows she can’t just cut and run like J3 wants. Come Ascension day, she’s going to take the Big Guy’s maul and drive it straight into His face.

“What do you mean ‘why’? You know why!”

Ellie hates feeling this way. She wants to tell J3 that she is not like Him, she will never be like Him. Wants to tell him that he’s never been a spare, that she would never, ever, use him as a shield. Wants to tell him the truth about her plan, that she’s not going anywhere—at least without taking the Big Guy down with her. Wants to tell him that she can’t go alone—that she can’t see a future without him.

She wants to tell him that she loves him.

J3 is the first to break the silence. “Why won’t you just let me do this for you? I’m dead either way, at least this way—”

“Will you quit talking like that? What I wanna know—is why you’re so insistent on this. You know full well I can’t go anywhere. Not without being Dispelled.”

J3 is quiet.

“J3. What did you do?”

“I cut a deal with Him, ok? With, ah, the Big Guy.”

A beat.

“You did what?”

J3 is avoiding her gaze. “He knows the name is busted, he found out yesterday. And so I—I made the terms. I get him the name, he becomes a god. You get True Life, and you’ll be gone before Jace knows anything.”

She can feel herself blinking back tears—whether they stem from hurt or anger, she does not know. “How could you do this? You’re working with Him?”

“What do you want me to say, El?”

“He’s evil!”

“Well, I’m not a hero, ok! Not like you. At least this way, everyone gets what they want.”

“Everyone? J3, are you serious?”

“Yes, everyone.”

What about what you want?

“All I know is that—I want you to get out, ok? You deserve to live your life, El. I dunno. Out of all the things I’ve ever wanted, I think that’s the only one that's ever meant anything at all.”

Ellie is shaking—she’s still refusing to cry, refusing to wrangle with the cataclysm of pain and longing and grief that threaten to overwhelm her—which is why she’s running on pure fury and disgust and betrayal when she reaches for him, unsure what she’ll do until she’s grappling him by the shoulders and pinning him to the mattress. J3 struggles against her, but Ellie doesn’t let up. For once, it’s not a game, and he is not getting out of it with a pout and a brat routine. She grabs the butterfly knife under her pillow and holds it to his throat.

A beat. 

He smirks. “See you kept the gift.”

“Shut up,” she growls. She presses the blade further into his skin, watching as his neck flushes red, following the trickle of a single drop of blood.

“There’s not going to be a deal, you get that? I’m going to kill Him. Whatever it takes. Don’t try to stop me. And don’t get in my way.”

J3’s mouth parts—Ellie watches his chest rise and fall as he just breathes, staring up at her. 

“You won’t hurt me.”

He’s looking at her with so much trust that she aches. Ellie can hear the knife clatter to the floor before she even realizes what she’s done. That she’s let go. She leans forward, speaking softly into his ear.

“J3. I swear—if you even think about taking the fall for me, I’ll—” She has to think quick. Something that a long rest won’t heal. Something that will stick—a blemish on that perfect face of his, hers, theirs, Jace’s—so that Boss will never get them mixed up ever again—

Her hand curls around his throat. “I’ll break your fucking nose.”

He's not going to destroy himself for her. She’s never letting anything happen to him ever again.

[j2zara]

Fucking around w my prismas made me wanna try actually coloring a sketchfor the first time in ages and I got so far into this before remembering that tiefling Ellie canonically has black hair actually fml

[j2zara]

submissive in the way a livestock guardian dog is submissive to the sheep it kills wolves for

[j2zara]

Fight Club (1999) dir. David Fincher

Moon (2009) dir. Duncan Jones

Black Swan (2010) dir. Darren Aronofsky

The Double (2013) dir. Richard Ayoade

Dual (2022) dir. Riley Stearns

The Substance (2024) dir. Coralie Fargeat

Mickey 17 (2025) dir. Bong Joon Ho

Severance (2022–) created by Dan Erickson

see also: this set by @anyataylorjoys

[j2zara]

the female half of my soul is always fag hagging for my male half that's why i am such a balanced individual

[j2zara]

i wanted to make an oc ask game 😋 things i like to ask people abt their characters:

are they associated with a certain color? what color do they wear the most?

what sort of music would they like? have you thought about what genres or bands do they lean towards? do they have a favorite song?

weapon of choice? any particular reason they chose their weapon?

how crafty/resourceful are they?

how do they typically dress? does their wardrobe lean more towards practicality or aesthetics?

how do they wear their hair? do they care a lot how their hair looks?

favorite animal? why?

do they have a nickname? who gave it to them? if it's not derived from their real name, what's the story behind it?

favorite food? least favorite? are they a picky eater? do they have any dietary restrictions?

if they wear jewelry, what kind? do they prefer silver or gold? do they have a favorite gem?

what do they have in common with you? how are they different? would you get along with them?

how long have they been around? do you know their birthday? is their birthday the day you made them or another day? what do they think of celebrating birthdays?

what languages do they speak? how fluently?

are they any good with numbers?

how big or small is their family? who did they live with growing up? do they live with anyone now?

do they have any pets? what do they call their pets?

how did they spend their summers/free time as a child?

their opinion on lying, stealing, and killing?

are they quick to anger? what sets them off?

if applicable, can they drive? if they have their own, what color is their vehicle? is the inside neat and tidy, or a mess?

their favorite place to be?

do they sleep well at night?

how would you describe their voice? can they sing?

do they have any creative hobbies? (art, writing, music, etc)

how good/bad is their hearing? what about their eyesight?

how do they move? are they clumsy? light on their feet? do they use mobility aids?

if applicable, do they have a favorite sport? do they play any sports or prefer to watch?

how do they show that they care about someone? how do they express that they don't like someone?

are they associated with any particular element (air, earth, fire, water)?

do they smell like anything notable?

do they like receiving gifts? giving gifts? what is their ideal gift?

do they have any habits that aren't particularly self-destructive, just maybe odd?

if applicable, how would your other characters describe them? i mean specifically the people around them.

how would your character describe themselves? it doesn't have to line up with how they really are.

do they ever return home?

[j2zara]

I looooove the shit that's like

"You have the power to possess me and take over my body but you don't because you respect me"

because it can lead to

"I'll let you possess me and take over my body when necessary because I trust you"

[j2zara]

The funny thing about reincarnation LJ3 is. Imagine if Odysseus spent all this time on Calypso’s island guilt ridden about abandoning Penelope but also. What he doesn’t understand is that his draw to this wild, beautiful, self-absorbed, charismatic, impulsive, deeply flawed and deeply lonely goddess who has everything she could ever want except someone who has chosen her is actually the same love for his piece of home, eternally devoted, ingeniously clever and charming, so in synch that they invented homophrosyne twin soul. You love your wife so much, so desperate to return to home, that you miss she’s been right here in front of you. This may sound fucked up but this happened to my buddy Elektra “Ellie” fore!!!

[j2zara]

good dynamic: character who’s too deeply rooted to a fault + character who’s never been able to form roots anywhere before

[j2zara]

I have two different WIPs that are almost done but knowing how to end them are. Banging my head against the wall

[j2zara]

@neerdowellnarrator sorry to snoop but, I have something along those veins? I caved so here is the other half of the unfinished wip—the part where LJ3 are arguing over the what they're gonna do about The Name. It's in a state rn, but I thought it was kinda fun and melodramatic and at least kiiindda matched both prompts?

_

“It’s not going to work…”

Ellie doesn’t know how long they’ve been lying there, the springs from her mattress digging into her sides, but it’s not until she can hear Blue’s quiet snores that she braves herself to speak.

“Hm?” says J3, half asleep, shifting so that his chin rests on her shoulder. “Wha’s’at?” He stifles a yawn, a sound that Ellie finds precious despite herself. Despite everything.

She takes J3’s arms wrapped around her waist and holds them tighter to her person—her last indulgence since their break. She can’t help herself. It’s one thing to give up sex, it’s another to give up her one fool-proof trick for a full night’s sleep free of nightmares. 

She’s always told herself that when she broke her rules, it was for a good reason. But she knows it’s bullshit.

She just doesn’t want to give up her last good thing.

But this time, she needs the comfort. When she thinks about what comes monday—the student president election, it’s like her brain just—stops. Their whole miserable half-lives have led up to this. Life in Jaceprime’s basement has been hell on earth, but at least there was ritual in the mundanity. At least she knows who she is when she’s resisting captivity.

What happens when the God of War gets exactly what he wants? What happens when he doesn’t?

Maybe she doesn’t have to tell him how she feels. Maybe they really are matching spares. Maybe, just maybe, he can just feel her tremble, and that is why he gives her hand a reassuring squeeze.

“Ellie?” he tries again.

“The, uh… The ritual. It’s not going to work.” Ellie’s always thought of herself as someone who was unafraid to speak her mind. Hell, she’s gotten into shouting matches with the guy who locks them in the basement every night. So why is she so afraid to speak? “The—The name is wrong, J3.”

The quiet is painfully long. Finally, he says, “Are you sure?”

“Yes. Positive.”

She expects more questions, maybe pushback. Instead, he says, “Okay. I believe you.” A beat. “Does Porter—”

“No. Not yet, at least. But when he does—”

The sound of shifting blankets from across the room, and she can feel J3 stiffen beside her. She, too, has gone completely still.

What do you think he’ll do?

J3’s voice in her head when the rustling stops. A Message.

Well… says Ellie, If he doesn’t smash us to bits—send in the Ratgrinders on the cloudrider, I guess. So close to the deadline, the attack on Seacaster Manor is our only chance to get it.

Makes sense.

And he’ll probably send Boss in to supervise.

Or one of us, says J3.

She nods. Or one of us.

Deadened silence.

You still have that ring I gave you, right?

Ellie touches her Ring of Disguise Self, turns the band around on her finger—a reflex. She can feel her cheeks flush, and she’s grateful to be turned away from him. Even though she’s mad at him, she can’t bring herself to give it back. “Yes. I—of course I do.”

Okay. Good.

J3 is quiet.

What are you thinking? asks Ellie.

I’m thinking… You should volunteer for the cloudrider mission.

“What?” says Ellie, too loud. She hears a quiet, disgruntled mmph from Blue, and the creak of a mattress. More quietly, she tries again. “What? Why?”

‘Cause I’m gonna take your place.

Ellie jerks around to face him. She’s been trying to keep her cool all evening, but she can’t. It’s no use. It’s not who she is.

“No!” cries Ellie, and J3 shushes her, glancing over at Blue’s bed. Thankfully, the curtains are still closed, but she doesn’t care. She opens her mouth, intent on giving him a piece of her mind, but—

There’s something so resolute in his expression that she forgets to breathe.

He has the audacity to smile at her. Like they’re having a slumber party, exchanging secrets late into the night. Instead of plotting treason. El. Think about it. They’ll never know the difference.

“You’re insane.” Ellie sits up. You can’t do that for me, J3. Besides. Boss’ll never believe it. He’ll know something is up immediately. She hesitates. She’s disgusted with herself for even entertaining the idea; disgusted that a part of her is moved. But it’ll never work—not when she’s J4. She’s not the precious gift, or the shiny toy, she’s the mistake. “You know me, I’m—I’m whiny and stubborn, and—”

J3 follows her. The blanket falls to the floor. His eyes are wide, animated—he’s speaking with a fervor she’s never seen from him before. He takes her face in his hands—Which is why we’ll—I’ll— convince him that it was his idea. Like, it’s, I dunno—a punishment.

Ellie doesn’t answer.

C’mon, El. He’s still smiling. Like this is some sort of game. You know I can do it.

A beat. How does she tell him that that’s exactly what she’s afraid of?

“I—I can’t, J3.”

You can’t deny it, El. You know they’ll both be preoccupied during election night. It’s the perfect window.

A beat. The thing is—he’s right. They both know it.

And it might be your last chance, before—

“No.”

“Yeah. I know it’s not all that, but we don’t have that much time, alright? I figured we could at least try… y’know?”

“No, J3. ‘No’ As in. I can’t ask you to do this for me.”

You didn’t have to, El. You—You deserve a real shot out there, you get that, right?

Ellie’s heart is hammering in her chest. Talking to J3 has always been hard enough when he’s flirting, cracking jokes, doing what he always does. She didn’t realize how much worse it was to talk to him when he’s being sincere. 

He really believes in her, doesn’t he? He always has.

J3 is still cradling her face in his hands.

Stupidly, Ellie yearns for him to lean down and kiss her—when that should be the last thing on her mind. Instead, she murmurs—“But what about when he finds out the truth, J3? What then?”

The corner of his mouth tugs in a small smile—bewitching and infuriating.

Well. You’ll be long gone by then.

“Don’t be stupid!” says Ellie, wrenching away from him. I’m not leaving you.

“Why?”

The utter confusion in his expression could break her heart. She knows who to blame here. Knows that He is the reason J3 is the way he is. Knows she can’t just cut and run like J3 wants. Come Ascension day, she’s going to take the Big Guy’s maul and drive it straight into His face.

“What do you mean ‘why’? You know why!”

Ellie hates feeling this way. She wants to tell J3 that she is not like Him, she will never be like Him. Wants to tell him that he’s never been a spare, that she would never, ever, use him as a shield. Wants to tell him the truth about her plan, that she’s not going anywhere—at least without taking the Big Guy down with her. Wants to tell him that she can’t go alone—that she can’t see a future without him.

She wants to tell him that she loves him.

J3 is the first to break the silence. “Why won’t you just let me do this for you? I’m dead either way, at least this way—”

“Will you quit talking like that? What I wanna know—is why you’re so insistent on this. You know full well I can’t go anywhere. Not without being Dispelled.”

J3 is quiet.

“J3. What did you do?”

“I cut a deal with Him, ok? With, ah, the Big Guy.”

A beat.

“You did what?”

J3 is avoiding her gaze. “He knows the name is busted, he found out yesterday. And so I—I made the terms. I get him the name, he becomes a god. You get True Life, and you’ll be gone before Jace knows anything.”

She can feel herself blinking back tears—whether they stem from hurt or anger, she does not know. “How could you do this? You’re working with Him?”

“What do you want me to say, El?”

“He’s evil!”

“Well, I’m not a hero, ok! Not like you. At least this way, everyone gets what they want.”

“Everyone? J3, are you serious?”

“Yes, everyone.”

What about what you want?

“All I know is that—I want you to get out, ok? You deserve to live your life, El. I dunno. Out of all the things I’ve ever wanted, I think that’s the only one that's ever meant anything at all.”

Ellie is shaking—she’s still refusing to cry, refusing to wrangle with the cataclysm of pain and longing and grief that threaten to overwhelm her—which is why she’s running on pure fury and disgust and betrayal when she reaches for him, unsure what she’ll do until she’s grappling him by the shoulders and pinning him to the mattress. J3 struggles against her, but Ellie doesn’t let up. For once, it’s not a game, and he is not getting out of it with a pout and a brat routine. She grabs the butterfly knife under her pillow and holds it to his throat.

A beat. 

He smirks. “See you kept the gift.”

“Shut up,” she growls. She presses the blade further into his skin, watching as his neck flushes red, following the trickle of a single drop of blood.

“There’s not going to be a deal, you get that? I’m going to kill Him. Whatever it takes. Don’t try to stop me. And don’t get in my way.”

J3’s mouth parts—Ellie watches his chest rise and fall as he just breathes, staring up at her. 

“You won’t hurt me.”

He’s looking at her with so much trust that she aches. Ellie can hear the knife clatter to the floor before she even realizes what she’s done. That she’s let go. She leans forward, speaking softly into his ear.

“J3. I swear—if you even think about taking the fall for me, I’ll—” She has to think quick. Something that a long rest won’t heal. Something that will stick—a blemish on that perfect face of his, hers, theirs, Jace’s—so that Boss will never get them mixed up ever again—

Her hand curls around his throat. “I’ll break your fucking nose.”

He's not going to destroy himself for her. She’s never letting anything happen to him ever again.