#i get scared whenever i get activity now. i get uncomfortable just having the tab open

[thereareeyesinsidethetrees]

something about that whole incident must have changed something in my brain chemistry cause my insomnia’s gotten bad again

the past few days i’ve getting to sleep at two or three. kinda sucks i guess, but i don’t really want to resort to taking melatonin again

[namjoon-koya]

Choose wisely: prologue

(A/N: I really wanted to write a horror fanfic and I got a lot of inspiration from YouTube on how to make one so here it goes.)

Pairing: Bakugou x reader

Warning ⚠️: angst, horror, creepy pictures, fluff, nsfw in the near future, dreamcore/Liminal Space.

Summary: While Bakugou and you are fighting against a villain along with Midoriya and Todoroki you both unexpectedly get hit by the villain’s quirk. You both wake up in a different world it feels like a dream, but you both can’t seem to escape until someone informs you how to escape it and it won’t be easy choosing wisely is the only way out to getting back into the real world.

The Liminal Space is the Space that lies between the known and the unknown. It is a transitional space of heightened intensity that we experience when we traverse the threshold of the creative unknown.

Hero work never seemed to stop or slow down at least not for you and Bakugou; after graduating U.A both of you decided to work in the same company considering you both were dating and still wanted to continue to be close even if the U.A days were over. Both of you have been dating for 2 years now, your friends assumed Bakugou and you would have settled down already gotten married and maybe start a family.

It wasn’t that simple as they though Bakugou lived for the thrill of being a pro hero he was still the same even after graduating U.A Bakugou still continued to want to prove he was the best pro hero ever. Of course you’d still continue to support him, but sometimes you did want to settle down already; but you never knew how to bring that conversation up to him.

Hell you and Bakugou didn’t even live in the same apartment yet, Bakugou loved you and you loved him; but there was no communication between the both of you when there was a problem “it’s frustrating..” you said out loud as you continued to gaze up at the ceiling. You heard your phone go off on the nightstand you slowly started to get up from bed realizing it was almost 10AM which meant it was time to go to work.

You walked over to the bathroom and began your daily routine before going back to the bedroom and getting your hero costume “I should ask hatsume to make a few upgrades.” You said as you examined your outfit in the mirror. You picked up your backpack from the ground and headed to the kitchen, you often didn’t have time to eat so you’d just grab a fruit out of the fruit bowl and just be on your way to the agency. You heard your phone ring again you looked down and see Bakugou had sent you a text.

You made sure you had everything before finally leaving, you made sure to lock your door since often times you’d forget and Bakugou would just call you a dumbass and remind you to lock it. Once outside you saw Bakugou’s car you rushed over and opened the passenger side “Good morning Katsuki.” You said smiling as you put on your seatbelt he gruffly says morning before kissing you on the cheek.

He pulls back “did you remember to lock your door?” You roll your eyes “ONE time Bakugou it was just ONE time.” You try to argue, but he only laughs “actually three-“ you pout “I was drunk that time and also my neighborhood is pretty safe!” Bakugou let’s out a sigh “better to be safe Y/N.” He says as he starts driving off the agency.

The drives to the agency were often quiet, but not the awkward kind of quiet; but more like the comfortable type of quiet Bakugou would often hold your hand in his as he drove you scolded him saying it wasn’t safe, but he’d smirk and reply by saying “I’m a pretty safe driver babe.” Whenever he’d stopped the car because of the red lights he’d bring your hand to his lips and leave a small kiss on your knuckles making you blush.

He would catch a glimpse of you blushing and just smirk “you play unfair.” You mumbled out “never said I would play fair Babe.”

You both finally arrived at the agency and saw Kirishima already there “finally the two love birds make it to work!” He shouts happily “shut up dumbass the traffic was more packed today that’s why.” He said crossing his arms. “Mm sure it was, but how’s your morning Y/N.” You smile at Kirishima “it was fine thank you for asking did the boss already hand out assignments?”

“Not all, but I’m working with Tetsutetsu today so I’ll definitely be some kind of adventure today.” Kirishima said as he smiled, the two boys were somewhat familiar Tetsutetsu had a hardening quirk, but instead of his skin hardening his skin would turn into steel which amazed you a lot and of course you can’t forget their similar shark teeth.. you could only imagine how hard their bite together would be.

“Blaze, Ground Zero you both will be working with another agency’s member. Deku and Shoto.” Once you heard those two names come out the boss’s mouth you swear you could feel Bakugou try to hold back every curse word he could think of. You had completely forgot that Bakugou STILL continued to compete against them for the number one spot.. you let out a sigh. You could hear Kirishima laughing behind you “Good Luck Y/N you’re going to need it.”

The four of you decide on meeting in a cafe to lay low apparently the new villain kept tabs on heroes to avoid getting caught as the boss informed both you and Bakugou. Once you both arrived at the cafe you saw Midoriya and Todoroki siting together chatting away through the window. Bakugou let out a frustrated grunt “we should just leave-“ “and get scolded by our boss? No thanks!” You say as you open the door, Bakugou followed behind you still holding a scowl on his face.

“Todoroki Midoriya! It’s been so long!” You said going up to them Midoriya’s eyes sparkled as he saw you “Y/N! I’m so happy to see you! U-uh you too kaachan.” Bakugou only grunted which earned him a elbow to his side. “Todoroki how have you been?” You asked “I’m fine Y/N thank you for asking.” Once the four of you settled down and ordered drinks that’s when you all started talking about the villain.

“So what do we know?” You asked.

“The villain hasn’t showed his quirk yet, they tend to keep tabs on heroes to avoid getting caught, traveling in daylight is scarce BUT not uncommon for them, night time seems to be the time they come out more.” You hummed as Todoroki provided the information.

“Why night though? Heroes come out either way in the nighttime.”

“Seems to me like he’s playing a game of cat and mouse.. mouses tend to come out at night so maybe he’s waiting for the cats to take the bait?” Midoriya’s hypothesis seemed reasonable some villains you’ve come across loved to play around with heroes until they got caught..

The four of you made a plan to catch the villain when it’s night, Todoroki would stay with Midoriya and you’d stay near Bakugou. You felt uneasy about this job.. you didn’t even know why often times you’d feel more comfortable, but something was telling you not to do it.. you shrugged it off trying to not think about the worse case scenario happening.

Finally when it was night the four of you headed out it seemed somewhat peaceful and quiet expect for the cars often honking or passing by. The uneasy feeling came back again and you started becoming hesitant in your own steps as you followed Bakugou; he noticed he stopped before looking back “are you alright?” You nod.

He continues to walk until you both land on the spot where you two are suppose to be “Oi deku are you guys ready?” He asked through the small earpiece “ready kaachan it says that he’s supposed to be here.” So you guys wait until the villain comes out a few minutes pass by and then an hour. You let out a sigh “Deku are you sure he’s here? Maybe he left-“

“Are you sure about that?”

You felt yourself shiver was he behind you guys all this time?! You and Bakugou quickly jump out the way to keep distance between the killer, you couldn’t see his face; but his outfit was definitely.. normal than other villains you’ve faced he had only a dark cloak on with a white mask covering his face.

“Why so scared Blaze? Are you having an uneasy feeling?”

You choked how the hell did he know? Was this his quirk? To scare people to make them feel uneasy so they can make mistakes?

“Y-Blaze! Don’t get distracted now!” Bakugou shouts at you, you quickly snap out of your train of thought as you quickly activate your quirk. The villain only laughed.. why is he just laughing? At this point the uncomfortable feeling you had went away and now you’re pissed off is he really underestimating your quirk?

“Dont make that face little hero! I’m not making fun of you, but your quirk is completely useless against me.. don’t believe me? Watch.”

The feeling came back again this time it was much more stronger you felt sick, you felt dizzy what the hell did this villain do to you? You could hear Bakugou yelling your name, but suddenly darkness overwhelmed you.

...

....

......

........

You suddenly woke up you let out a groan “why does it feel like I drank too much?..” you said as you rubbed your eyes you looked around and realized you were in some kind of house.. the stairs looked like it was decaying.. the house didn’t even look modern it looked more like.. it was vintage.. “Bakugou?.. Todoroki?.. Midoriya?” You called out as you started to get up from the floor.

Did.. the villain kidnap you? No he couldn’t he was all alone with no backup at all and Bakugou would’ve taken you to a safe place by now.. so where the hell where you exactly? The house seemed empty.. it was empty there was no TV, no decorations, no fridge and not even a couch.. the uncomfortable feeling came back again.

Why did it feel like you were a dream.. but then it felt so real? You opened the front door and took a look outside there was no cars expect for other houses which looked like they were decaying and similarly vintage as well.. you rushed down the street “Bakugou! Todoroki! Midoriya! Please! This isn’t funny anymore!” You shout, but no one came.

You were completely alone in this dimension.

[thisisthepartwhereyou]

BEASTARS MINI-STORY #4: “A Different kind of Charity pt. 3” by JCL

--- OGUMA: "Well?" Juno blinks, but remains composed despite this unexpected development. JUNO: "Yes, yes I am. I am Juno." OGUMA: "I am sorry, I forgot introductions. I am Oguma." He then glances at Shigure. OGUMA: "And this is my assistant, Shigure." Shigure gives a curt bow without saying anything. Juno gives her a nod. OGUMA: "Are you enjoying your evening so far?" JUNO: "Well I just got here, but I have to say it is really quite something. How about you?" OGUMA: "It is as it always is." Juno discreetly examines Oguma. JUNO: "..." (Louis said he was adopted, but they have a similar feel to them) One thing in particular that she takes notice of is his eyes, which has her fixed with a sharp and unreadable expression. JUNO: (Their eyes and their tone of voice... It's like they're perceiving you from atop a great height) OGUMA: "Forgive me for being direct, but I need to ask you something: Are you the person that my son meets with twice a month?" We can see that this catches Juno a bit off her guard. JUNO: "Yes... Louis wants to keep tabs on the school and the progression of the club in his absence, so I keep him updated." OGUMA: "Is that all you do?" Juno thinks back to what Louis said to her earlier: 'You're here as my platonic friend.' JUNO: "That is mostly what we talk about when we meet." OGUMA: "Mostly?" Juno looks a little uncomfortable, thinking back to the moment when she held Louis hand and flirted with him. Oguma's hard stare does not help the situation. JUNO: "Yes." (What is this, an interrogation?) "Usually over some tea and something to eat... He has not mentioned any of this?" OGUMA: "He has, though usually without much detail. He never mentioned that you were female for instance." Juno looks down, trying to hide her growing anxiety. JUNO: (Or the fact that I was a wolf I bet) "I guess he didn't view it as an important detail." Oguma examines Juno. OGUMA: "Oh, I think he does." JUNO: "Well I... I..." (How the hell do I even respond to that?!) It is then that Louis comes into frame and joins Juno. He greets his father and his assistant. LOUIS: "Father. Shigeru." Juno looks relieved beyond words. JUNO: (Oh thank God!) Shigeru nods at Louis and Oguma greets his adoptive son. OGUMA: "Louis." Oguma examines Louis suit. OGUMA: "A red shirt huh? I never would have guessed that it was such a complimentary color on you." LOUIS: "Well, I wanted to match my company somewhat." He refers to the see-through shoal draped around Juno's shoulders, which has a shade of red. Oguma nods. OGUMA: "I see." Nobody says anything for a few seconds. Both Juno and Shigeru feel the weight of the awkward atmosphere. JUNO & SHIGERU: (Uncomfortable!) OGUMA: "I need to greet some old associates. I hope to see you again later." LOUIS: "Same here." Oguma turns to Juno, giving her a curt little bow. OGUMA: "It was a pleasure to meet you Juno."   JUNO: "The feeling is mutual, sir..." Oguma then proceeds to walk away together with Shigeru. Louis sits down in his seat and leans over to talk to Juno. LOUIS: "Did he scare you?" --- Once they're out of hearing range, Oguma talks to Shigeru. OGUMA: "Shigeru, find out all you can about that young lady. Her background, her activities at school, the circles she hangs around in. Anything that'll paint up a clear image of her character and her precise relationship with my son." Shigeru adjusts her glasses. We can see a great determination burning in her eyes. SHIGERU: "As you wish, sir." She proceeds to pick up her tablet, apparently starting with her search righ away. Oguma closes his eyes and looks a little self-conscious. OGUMA: (I hate to dig around in Louis private life, but if I had been more concerned about his activites at school, or at least more involved as a parent, he might have still had both of his legs) He looks back in Louis and Juno's direction. OGUMA: (What I don't understand is, having lost a leg to them, why does he always surround himself with carnivores?) We zoom in and see that Juno is talking to Louis about something. Louis smiles a reserved but completely genuine smile. OGUMA: (He said that he sacrificed his leg to help his classmate, a wolf. Now he is together with another. A young, well-mannered and attractive wolf of the opposite sex at that) Staring at them over his shoulder, his eye narrows a bit. OGUMA: "..." (Could she be the reason?) --- We skip ahead a bit. Louis and Juno has gotten their ordered meals by now. JUNO: "I mean he was perfectly civil, but it felt like he was staring into my soul or something." Louis gives off a little laugh as he picks up some salad and feta with his fork. LOUIS: "Yeah, I know all about that. When I was younger I was afraid of misbehaving, cause it felt like if I had done something bad, he would know about it, just by looking at me." Juno smiles at this. JUNO: "My big brother Hector is like that too. He can be downright terrifying if he thinks that you're up to no good." Louis look a bit surprised. LOUIS: "You have a brother?" JUNO: "Three of them actually. Though they're actually my half-brothers, from my mom's previous marriages." Louis nods at this with some thought. LOUIS: (Marriages? As in plural?) "Doesn't it get pretty rowdy with so many siblings?" JUNO: "Oh like you wouldn't believe! Though they're good boys whenever they try. Overprotective as hell though. I tell you, if they knew where I was right now anyway, they'd probably hunt us both down." Louis looks like he understands this; the confirmation that at least Juno's family has a normal degree of intolerance in regards to herbivore/carnivore-relationships. LOUIS: "They wouldn't approve of you having dinner with a herbivore?" Juno picks up her knife and fork with an annoyed look, thinking about her brothers. JUNO: "Knowing them they wouldn't approve of me going out with any guy, no matter the kind of vore. I'm the youngest, so they always baby me. They probably think I'm too immature to date." She then takes a bite from her omelette, at which her face suddenly turns into cartoonish deligth with stars for eyes and her tail wagging intensily. JUNO: "THIS IS SO DELICIOUS! OH MY GOD!" Louis sweatdrops at Juno's overly excited expression.   LOUIS: "What about your parents?" The mention of her parents seem to quell Juno's excitement a bit. JUNO: "If my mom knew that I was in love with a herbivore, she'd probably have a fit. She's the biggest worrywart." She takes a sip from her orangejuice.   JUNO: "I don't really know my dad. He left when I was like five. From what I've been told he wasn't exactly father-material." This prompts a curious look from Louis. LOUIS: (Quite a tumultous family history... Is that why she was sorted into the drama club?) Louis thinks back to the other members of the club, which has all been selected and drafted for the drama club on account of their troubled backgrounds. --- We see a group-image of all the members with cracks over it, as if seen through a broken window. LOUIS: (No, that couldn't be it. Having a mother that has been married a few times and a couple of halfbrothers sounds pretty mundane compared to the history of the rest of the clubmembers. Though what could it be?) --- Going back to the present, Louis continues to stare at her, curious but reserved.   LOUIS: (I want to know, but I can't ask her, in case it is very personal) Juno then puts her glass down. She now looks down with sad eyes. JUNO: "I don't like lying to them though, even if it is to spend time with you. It makes me feel like I'm sneaking around." LOUIS: "... You lied about where you were going tonight?" JUNO: "Uh-huh." LOUIS: "If they don't know that you're out here, where do they think you are?" Juno looks up. JUNO: "I told them that I was going with the rest of the dramaclub to Shima over the weekend. Bill is taking the guys out there to his uncle's beach house. I was planning to join up with them tomorrow." Louis blinks at this. LOUIS: "Why is he taking you out to Shima?" JUNO: "Because it's been a tough time lately. It hasn't been easy with the club getting suspended, and all the pressure that is now on us to keep it going." --- JUNO: "The herbivore members are picked on for intermingling with carnivores, and carnivores are picked on for intermingling with herbivores." We see a flashback of the all-herbivore basketball team picking a fight with the members of the dramaclub. Bill is held back by Aoba and Pina as he wants to fight with the smug-looking team captain, while a scared-looking Els looks on. --- We ten return to the present with Juno and Louis. JUNO: "Not even the teachers seem to have our backs. It's more like they see us as the troblemakers. Bill just figured that we could use some time away together. You know, just hang out and not feel like a bunch of freaks for a while." This makes Louis look a bit thoughtful. LOUIS: "I never did anything like that back when I was the president... Then again, Bill has different sensibilites than me." JUNO: "You wouldn't like to come too?" This makes Louis nearly choke on a cherry tomato. He looks at Juno, who gives him a hopeful look. He then closes his eyes and takes another bite from his salad. LOUIS: "I don't think me being around would change much." JUNO:  "Oh don't say that. Everyone misses you." Juno gives his hand a playful poke with her finger and blinks at him. JUNO: "Especially the girls." Louis clears his throath and looks away. LOUIS: "It wouldn't feel right." Juno looks a little surprised by his odd reluctance. She takes her glass up for another sip. JUNO: "Why not? It's just old friends." LOUIS: "That is the issue though. Back when I was president, I looked out for them, did everything that I thougt was right for the club and the school." Louis puts down his fork and crosses his hands. He looks down with a dark look. LOUIS: "But truthfully, it wasn't because it was the right thing to do, or because I really cared about them." Juno looks shocked at this and lowers her glass. LOUIS: "All I cared about was myself and becoming the next Beastar. Every little speech I made, every performance and all the concern I showed, at it's core, wasn't out of the goodness of my heart. It was all about asserting myself, standing out and getting the support I needed." Louis looks down, a joyless smile forming on his lips. LOUIS: "See... In a sense, I was no different from most of the people here: doing good things for the self-serving reasons. I don't really deserve to call any of them my friends. To be honest... My kindness back then was just charity." *CRACK!* Louis looks up in surprise. We see that Juno's glass has been broken in her hand, with juice and shards spilling down on the table. Tears have formed in the corners of her eyes. JUNO: "You're horrible..." Juno the pulls her hand back, realizing that she is hurt. JUNO: "Ow! My hand!" Blood trickles from inside her palm and drips onto the table. Louis swiftly gets up and walks over to Juno's side with a concerned look. LOUIS: "Are you alright?" Juno grimaces in pain and holds her hand. JUNO: "It hurts...!" LOUIS: "Let me have a look." Louis takes her hand, opens it gently and takes a look.   LOUIS: "There is glass imbedded in your hand." He grabs a napkin from the table and wraps it over her hand a well as he can. LOUIS: "The kitchen staff always have bandages. Let's go." Juno gets up though and glares Louis straight in the eye. JUNO: "I can take care of it on my own." Juno walks off while holding her hand, leaving a stunned-looking Louis behind. JUNO: "I don't need any of your charity." As she walks away, we can see that she and Louis are receiving a few stares from others in the restuarant section. ???: "Well that was dramatic." --- We then see that the unknown voice is coming from DUMAS (Peacock, male, 23 years old, black suit, foppish), who is sitting at a table a few meters away, opposite Georgette. Apparently he is her ´idiot-date´. Georgette has a glass of Chardonnay in her hand, while Dumas is eating from a plate with vegetarian spring rolls. The two are among those staring at the little spectacle that just occured. DUMAS: "Though I guess one should expect as much. I mean dogs and the like are quite emotional, not to mention lacking when it comes to a gentle touch. I bet even the females have hands like plyers. I can't for the life of me understand why anyone would want to bring any of them as company." Georgette seems to ignore Dumas ignorant ramblings, taking a note of Louis regretful expression as he grabs Juno's veil, which she has left on her chair. DUMAS: "I mean if they're here and not carrying a plate, then what is the point?" Georgette continues to stare at them with a sharp look, but also with a hint of intrigue. TO BE CONTINUED...! ---

[tomans-darlings-au]

I'm Gonna Vent Anyway

Anyone who thinks I'm not taking Spinel into account and her trauma with Pink.

I literally am Spinel what Pink did happened to me multiple times but most prominently by my mother.

When I was around 9 years old my step-father at the time left my mother, she was depressed even before he'd left but when he did my mothers excessive neglect began.

It started with just staying in bed all day keeping me around when she wanted company but insisting I stay quiet as she dumped All her problems on a child.

She hadn't really gotten better until I was in high school 13 years old and I was used to the existence of having my mom barely around. Sleeping in the room as I sat alone everyday looping our movies because we lived in a shelter and weren't allowed cable.

Then at 14 It changed but it wasn't better, my mother became even more neglectful because she began dating again. She was gone everyday and I would sit in our now empty living room as my brother even stopped coming home (not that he made anything better.)

So there I sat everyday waiting for her to come home all alone playing DVDs loud and pretending to laugh so people don't hear the cries of a lonely stupid teenagers who just wanted mom to care.

Then it happened, her boyfriend was attacked and now in the hospital and she is freaking out. Of course I tried to help but not much I could do I was just a teenager But I comforted her and then she made a decision.

"You have to stay with your father so I can care for him."

She knew my father was an abusive man she was violently abused by him but in her mind he was more important. She wanted to care for him more than her child, I wad "grown" enough to be "independent " and it would "only be a little while".

So at the beginning of summer she drops me off packed things and all on my fathers doorstep. A confused and scared and lonely teenager with a known abuser, my father sits me down and says.

"You know what this is right? She's not coming back for you, she's abandoned you so now you'll be here with me."

And so begins one of the worst years of my life, pain and abuse and mental and physical breaking.

All that time she expected me to make the effort to visit her and extend the hand, a teenager taking all the risk in seeing her even though she knew my father would be furious if he found out and he kept maticulous tabs on me.

And when I visited she would dump on me mostly the complaints of her life, I sat and listened pain and all.

Of course she eventually got me back but we were homeless again. She was separated from her boyfriend Again, so once we were placed in a shelter she was gone all day again to see him. At least at that time I had my sisters, I thought "okay at least I'm not all alone." But... They also left for their own reasons and it started again.

Coming home to an empty shelter unit everyday after school and blasting anime videos pretending I wad so happy as I muffled my lonely cries. She'd come home to sleep and that's all only requesting my company when it was convenient, god forbid I said no because I had even a bit of a life.

She even checked herself into a psychward with no warning leaving me to the mercy of child protective services where I was placed in a foster home. Of course she still requested things of me despite How far I was staying and how tired I was.

And when she retrieved me nothing really changed as she was still constantly gone. Even the first day she'd gotten me back she left me alone all over again. She'd even guilted me for now visiting her in the psychward.

Finally we got an apartment and her boyfriend would be living with us, I was relieved "Finally At least she'll be home" but it was just abandonment in a different form as she would insist I stay in the one bedroom in the apartment so her and her boyfriend had free reign of the house.

I stayed in the room nearly everyday isolated jumping At whatever opportunity she gave that allowed me to be around her. The only other times she'd visit me were at 3am because her insomnia wouldn't allow her to sleep, she continued to vent to me already depressed and broken. Of course I just listened because at least she sat there with me, occasionally she would let me and give me affection.

I was there as a convenience for her to use whenever she wanted or needed. When I announced I was leaving it got worse as I didn't even have school to escape to anymore as she tried to insist I get a job (only to try and collect money from me). Her 3am visits became a pattern as she'd stay just to vent and even began to be hostile to me flipflopping between me leaving early or staying by her side.

She claimed I was selfish, her life wasn't supposed to revolve around me, she called me boring and bad company, she said it was sad how codependent I had become after I returned from staying with my father.

One especially infamous time was when I'd joined the softball team in high school, the girls on my team never particularly liked me but I still worked to be on the team hoping my mom would be proud and come to my games. Of course she never really did claiming it was too short notice when I told her locations even though we always got told the location short notice.

The one time she'd actually attended I was so happy, her and her boyfriend sitting there watching us warm up. The official game ended up being cancelled but the teams were willing to play anyway. Still she lost her patience in indulging me before the scrimmage even began.

She informed me she was leaving and got angry with me when I tried to get her to stay, she told me to stop being selfish and she wanted to spend time with her boyfriend alone. So she left the only game she'd attended and it was so obvious even the girls who didn't like me admitted it was fucked up. I actually became pitty worthy by people who didn't even like my existence.

Everyday was filled with loneliness for me waiting and scraping for any amount of attention she gave me even if it was just silently listening and absorbing her complaints. She wasn't even a mom as she barely provided me with essentials But I was there whenever she was bored.

Eventually I did leave and suddenly she fixed up her life, she'd finally gotten her disability and permanent housing with her boyfriend. She was active and took care of the house and her boyfriend, she cooked All the time uploading pictures of meals I was lucky to get once in awhile.

I left a mom who rarely cooked, who put my mattress in storage 3 months before I was even leaving, who gave me money to eat cheap fast-food nearly everyday.

I understand Spinel and I relate to her so much I can legitimately put myself in her shoes, I was a child who waited for a mother to come home slowly breaking as I watched my mother drift away. Even now she acts as if I was selfish, as if what she did wasn't even bad, as if I was the unreasonable one.

And me well... I stood by her side against others constantly, stupidly pretending as if everything was okay but how could I say anything when id dug my own grave defending her against everyone before realizing the words against her were so genuinely true.

Now I stand as a broken person trying to be better but it hurts so much and I'm falling apart. Ive only just gained the strength to stand up for myself and confront her only so slightly. I cried so much listening to Spinel because I was there and I still have to deal with this.

I have abandonment issues greatly And I'm so scared and uncomfortable being alone for long periods of time in an empty home waiting for someone to come home. I struggle everyday with these feelings and I can't even truly share them because she'll just guilt trip me like she has before, I balance her emotional stability as I pretend we can fix such a broken relationship.

Meanwhile every day and night I am effected by my fear of abandonment and from trauma.

So yes... I kin Spinel because if I was an animated character it would be her.

[onlyinmyimagination]

Keeping Tabs | His Side

Jason Todd X (Female) Reader / Character Insert

Mobster/Mafia/Criminal AU

Genre: Romance, Fluff, bit of Angst I guess

Warnings: minor character deaths, some violence, some curse words… 

Notes: I made up a character who isn’t even important and Arsenal makes an appearance

***This is NOT the sequel or next part of Keeping Tabs***

This is honestly the same as the original story (Keeping Tabs) but this one is written from Jason’s point of view/perspective sorta. You don’t have to read the original to read this. It’s almost the same (just longer). 

***Again this is NOT a continuation of Keeping Tabs***

Original story here // Part 2 // Part 2: His Side

Based on this prompt, but with modifications

Prompt: During a bank robbery you’re surprised when the criminals seem to recognize you and retreat in fear. Only later do you learn that your high school sweet heart crush now runs a global crime syndicate and has you placed on a “No Harm” list. You decide to pay them a visit You meet your crush again after all these years.

Jason Todd’s first love was in high school. It would’ve been nice to have been high school sweethearts but that wasn’t the best of ideas at that time, or anytime at all really.

It wasn’t exactly love at first sight. It was a love that grew the more he watched you.

He remembers the day he met you so vividly because it was the only day he had gotten so beat up that he had been unable to move for hours.

Jason’s life hadn’t always been so great. He always got into some sort of trouble so it’s no surprise that he eventually got himself involved with some really bad people. More specifically, he got wrapped up in some shady business with a small mob family. Then he got into something of a disagreement with the mob Boss which then resulted in a more physical disagreement that landed him near death at some random park. So there he was, sprawled out on the dirty grass; bleeding, clothes torn, and looking like a hobo.

“Just you wait, old man,” Jason grumbled to himself as he remained unmoving and in agonizing pain. “I’m going to take over the world, you’ll see.” Some time passed and he still couldn’t bring himself to move. Countless people had passed by him, ignoring him or avoiding him. Some people even screamed when they saw him or threw dirty looks, but he didn’t pay them any mind as he focused on planning his revenge. 

And it was then that you appeared before him.From his peripheral vision he saw someone loitering near him but he continued to ignore all the passersby.

But then you spoke.

“Jason?” came the hesitant voice. His eyes landed on your form as you approached him. You kneeled beside him though you were careful to keep your distance. “Jason, are you okay?”

A scowl marred his features and he demanded harshly. “What do you want?” He couldn’t believe his luck. How could someone recognize him when he was in such a mess? He was sure no one would have suspected the homeless-looking person on the ground was Jason Todd.

“Do you need help? I go to the same school as you,” you stuttered. “Let me help you. Should I call an ambulance? Or take you to a hospital?”

You were asking so many questions but not the ones he expected. Not “What happened to you?” or “Who did this?” or “What are you doing here?”

“I don’t need your help. Go away,” he dismissed you with a controlled tone. This was unexpected and he didn’t know how to react to you, a complete stranger.

But you were stubborn. “Should I call the police to help?” you suggested.

“No! No cops!” he immediately yelled. “Just go! Leave.”

“But I can’t just leave you like this,” you answered meekly with concern etched in your features.

“Damn it, just fuck off!” Jason shouted, making you flinch back. “I don’t even know who you are, for Christ’s sake.” He glared at you to scare you away and he thought it worked when you stood up. For the love of God, he even watched you leave but no, you returned shortly and placed some items on the ground next to him. You had avoided his gaze as you did so and he watched you sit on a park bench a few feet away. He let himself relax while he contemplated what to do now that there was a girl keeping him company nearby and a variety of unknown items next to him.

Annoying, was the word repeating in his thoughts.

A long time passed by before he willed his injured body to move. He managed to put some weight on his arms to sit up and he caught your gaze while doing so.

“What are you looking at?! Stop looking at me!” he yelled out to you, making you turn away quickly. “Damn it,” he mumbled as he brought his hand up to his face. He suddenly felt guilty and embarrassed for yelling at you so much. A quick glance at the items near him and he knew what they were for. He contemplated calling out to you to help him treat his injuries but he figured he had ordered you around enough today. He dowsed all his open wounds with the water you supplied before applying the antiseptics and wrapping himself up with the bandages.

You were still sitting on the bench and he eyed you curiously as he fixed himself up. He couldn’t help but notice the tension in your shoulders and the way you fidgeted in your seat. You must have been uncomfortable waiting. He scoffed at this. No one asked you to stay and wait for him. But he was grateful so he pushed through the pain to limp over to where you sat.

The surprise on your face was evident, and you were even more shocked when he thanked you and apologized to you. Your eyes scanned his body’s condition and he felt slightly irritated by your ceaseless fussing.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to the hospital?” you insisted and he wanted to roll his eyes at your stubbornness.

“It’s fine,” he stated with finality. Then rather awkwardly he said, “But hey, let me thank you with dinner or something to eat. I don’t have much on me though.”

Your eyes widened at his words and you were suddenly so flustered he couldn’t help but smile in amusement.

“Oh, no. It’s fine! I’m glad you’re okay so I’ll just go,” you said while fumbling over your words. You were about to turn to leave but he stopped you.

“Hold up, I’m hungry and I need company. Are you really going to let an injured person eat alone?” He raised a brow at you as he awaited your answer.

You fell silent while you despaired over the predicament. “Okay. Where do you want to eat?”

Jason smirked at your easily exploitable nature and contemplated dinner options. Judging from the intense pain, he had most likely sprained his ankle so he figured he shouldn’t be walking too far. He motioned to a nearby fast-food chain and you walked with him into the establishment. From there words weren’t exchanged often but he was able to take the chance to subtly observe you for the duration of your time together.

He bought food for you without your permission and he thanked you once more before he insisted you return home. It was already getting dark by then and he needed to call for a ride to pick him up. He didn’t want anyone he knew from the “underground” organization to see you with him. Despite the kindness you showed him, or rather, because of the kindness you showed him, he vowed to never get close to you. He vowed it then and there.

That did not, however, stop him from doing research on you. He had committed your face to memory and easily found your school records - finding everything from your classes to your home address. It was difficult to stop himself from going up to you at school and even harder to stop himself from watching you whenever he caught sight of you. As far as he knew, you didn’t tell a soul about seeing him at the park when he was sure anyone else would have had they found him instead of you. You never sought him out or tried to talk to him no matter how much he secretly wanted you to.

He used to watch you laugh with your classmates, watch you wait for your friends outside their classrooms, and watch you help your teachers carry things to other classrooms.

And always, without fail, the moment you turn your head in his direction he would look away and pretend to focus on something else. For years this was the most he allowed himself.

As time passed his Red Hood persona slowly gained rank and reputation within the underground community. Despite this he always kept tabs on you. He knew where you were everyday, almost every moment of the day. But when he finally reached the top he could no longer keep constant watch over you. There was too much to do and a heavy responsibility on his shoulders. So to guarantee your safety he let the whole world know you were under the Red Hood’s protection. He created a No Harm List and placed your name on it.

Jason is checking the activity of a small gambling establishment run by a triad gang when the communication system alerts him to an incoming call. “What is it?” he answers into the mic built into the red helmet.

“Uh, something came up,” Arsenal’s voice comes in through the speaker. He sounds hesitant and cautious. “Something you won’t like. It’s urgent.”

“Then spit it out already,” he sighs. He signals the men around him to leave his presence and let him talk alone.

“Your girlfriend ran into some trouble. She’s at a local police station right now but her name came up in the federal system so I checked it out. Must’ve been some big trouble to get on the government radar. Though it’s most likely they’re using her to get info on you.”

“What girlfriend?” Jason demands with annoyance.

“The girl on your List, Jay,” Arsenal replies. “The only name on your only List.”

Jason curses after taking a second to register his words. “Tell me what you know.”

“I was telling you before you so rudely interrupted me.”

“Arsenal,” Jason warns as he moves to leave the vicinity. He motions for his men to follow as he gets into a waiting car.

“Relax. There’s not much info right now. She was literally just registered into the system.”

“Fine. Keep me updated. And I need a flight out of Hong Kong right away.” He can’t help the need to check on you himself.

“Got it. Your jet should be ready at the airport.”

Jason is in the air in ten minutes but his mind is elsewhere. For the next few hours his thoughts are full of you as worry and concern gnaw at his insides. He calls Arsenal when he doesn’t hear from him after so long in the air.

“Got anything?” he asks, almost demands.

“Yeah, but nothing you’ll like. I’ve tapped into their security system and database. Apparently she was at the scene of a bank robbery. Witnesses reported her for suspicious activity because of what was seen and heard…” Arsenal’s voice trails off slightly as he reports his findings, “… because of the robbers’ reactions to her. Jay, she’s been listed as a possible accomplice to Red Hood.”

Jason is silent as he absorbs the information. Panic and denial consume his thoughts. Then he asks a question in a low voice, “Who were the robbers?”

“They’re from Sal’s gang,” is the quick response.

A string of curses leaves his mouth as anger courses through him. The measures he took to prevent events of this nature were not enough to keep you safe. The last time he tapped into the public cameras to check on you around the city, you had been safe at home. But now you’re sitting in a lowly interrogation room, treated like a criminal, and accused of wrongdoing. The predicament you’re facing makes him absolutely livid. He takes deep breaths to calm himself.

After a moment he questions with a controlled voice, “The police still has her?”

“Yeah, she’s been there for about 5 hours now. And that’s just to retrieve her records and files. They’re doing every possible background check on her. They won’t find anything, right?”

“She’s clean,” he seethes, anger filling him again. He feels offended that anyone would think you are anything but good. And God, from his experience good is an understatement.

He gets to your city after another 2 hours of flying. He grinds his teeth in frustration when he finds out you’re still inside the damned police station. With time to kill until the police release you he goes to off the lackeys who thoughtlessly caused these unforgivable cascade of events.

It doesn’t take long to find Sal and demand the idiots be given to him for retribution. Sal presents the men he asks for like a sacrifice and he doesn’t bother to lecture them about the offense they’ve committed. One bullet to the head for each of them is all it takes, and he’s soon near the police station where you are and staking out the area.

With some resources at his disposal Jason sets up some equipment in a nearby restaurant that is affiliated with his organization. He taps into the street cameras to do a quick surveillance around your area of residence and he finds he is not the only one doing so. He easily spots officers stationed at different corners of your street and sees one officer exiting your home. It’s only logical to assume your home is already bugged and he mutters curses at the events unfolding before him.

To set up a perimeter, he taps into the public cameras around his location and tracks the GPS navigational systems of the cop cars to help him avoid any authorities patrolling the area. He’s immediately on his feet when he sees that you’ve been released and now walking down the block. He leaves the restaurant and waits inconspicuously at the side. You’re completely unsuspecting and defenseless as you pass by him, and it’s all too easy to grab you and pull you into the secluded alleyway. He wants to scold you for having your head in the clouds especially now with everything that’s happened, but he refrains from doing so as he looks down at you.

Your eyes are squeezed shut when he pins you in place and he wishes he didn’t have to confront you about the recent events. He doesn’t even know if you remember him. It’d be good if you really had forgotten about him, then the police would have no reason to suspect you and they can leave you alone for good. If you don’t remember anything about him then you don’t have to be involved any further, but he has to know so he asks, “What did you tell them?”

You’re looking at him with such a frightened expression that he feels guilt wash over him. Then he’s angry all over again. He doesn’t regret offing those incompetent lackeys but damn, if he could shoot them again, he would.

You give a simple answer of denying knowing him and his men and he’s relieved to hear that you have yet to find out his identity. You’re speaking again in a softer voice this time, and damn it all, the last time he heard your voice like this was the day he met you. He’s partially distracted as you speak but then he hears that you were shown a picture of someone you went to school with. The gears in his head are turning and he dreads the possibility of you remembering him. But perhaps it’s a chance, an opportunity, to reveal his identity. If you remember him, maybe it’s a sign that he should reveal himself to you? A sign to tell you who he is? To tell you he wants to be with you? Is it possible you’d want to be with him too? Would you return his love if he professes it here and now?

No, no. That shouldn’t be his main concern. He needs to confirm what you know first.

“Who did you recognize?” he finally asks as he studies your curious expression. It takes so much self control to keep his conflicting feelings at bay. He’s stayed away for so long, and facing you now makes his resolve waver.

“Jason Todd,” you answer. His name from your mouth feels like a bullet to the heart and he’s breathless. He feels so incredibly weak and full of doubt about everything he’s done up to now. He sees a beacon of hope and he wants to tell you everything. If there’s a chance you’ll accept him, shouldn’t he take it? He wants to tell you that he’s sorry, that he was only trying to protect you, that all he ever wanted was your safety and what’s best for you. But a question from your lips puts his resolve to the test, “Do you know me?”

He is supposed to answer no. He should be saying no to protect you, to keep you safe. But he wants to answer yes, that’s he’s never forgotten you, that he has always been watching over you. He stops himself from saying anything thoughtlessly and steps away from you. That’s when he hears the quiet alert of a cop entering the perimeter. He estimates he has only a few more minutes to talk with you and he decides to save this conversation for another day. His first thought is to formally apologize because you deserve at least that much for what happened today.

“I apologize for what happened today at the bank.” He can’t hide his irritation when he explains the source of the problem. “I had to fly all the way from Hong Kong to take care of those idiots. Because of them you had to go through all this nonsense. They were never supposed to go near you.”

“What happened to them? Did you punish them or something?” He finds himself smiling at your concern for the wellbeing of those lowly criminals even in the face of your own disadvantageous situation. He gives a short laugh, feeling almost relieved at finding out first-hand that you are still the same after all these years. Most likely you believe they don’t deserve punishment since no harm ultimately came to you, but you were now under suspicion by the government, and that was a punishable crime to him.

“You should be more worried about yourself,” he tells you. He explains how you’ll be watched and monitored from now on and sees the panic flash in your eyes.

“How did you find me?” is yet another question from your lips. It’s vague and he wonders if you meant to ask what resources he used to find you or if you meant to ask how he knew you were in trouble.

He answers vaguely in return by explaining how easy it is to track civilians and then tries to coax you into secrecy, “Keep quiet about this, got it? I’ll see you again.” He hears another alert from the surveillance he set up and he knows time is short.

Emotional turmoil shakes his reasoning again when you ask how you can contact him. You’re not supposed to want to see him again, and he wants to scold you for not being more careful. Even if he made it obvious he will not hurt you, that shouldn’t have been a good enough reason to seek out a global criminal.

He says curtly, “You won’t be able to find me. I’ll come to you. I’ll see you again.” He ushers you onto the open sidewalk and then rushes back into the restaurant to pack up his equipment. He leaves the owner of the restaurant with a hefty sum of compensation and he’s soon on another flight back to Hong Kong to finish up his business.

A week later Jason is ending a deal with a gang at a Cuban port. He’s been itching to visit you again, but being the head of a global crime syndicate means organizing ahead of time before taking care of personal affairs. A flight back to your town is already scheduled for him and he should be in the air in an hour. He needs to hurry since he only has a short window of free time.

When he’s in the air and in his private jet he immediately checks the activity around your area. An officer is on lookout not too far from your place and is keeping watch from his car. Jason already knows that all your phones and devices were bugged so that they could listen in on any and all conversations. He works quickly and from an untraceable number, sends an encrypted message to the officer’s personal phone telling him to take the day off. Another message is sent containing only a very high number. He wires that exact number into the officer’s bank account and he watches the street camera for the next move. The officer looks around him then drives off and away from your street.

Well he got the officer away from you but now what? Seeing you now would put all his years of hard work trying to protect you to waste. Those years of dedication to your safety would be for naught. He forces himself to think rationally. Well if anything he got you some time to yourself without being tailed by the authorities. It’s not an entirely selfish move, right?

Once he lands and disembarks from the aircraft, he heads straight to your place even without a plan of action. He checks the street cameras en route and finds that you’re outside, walking just a few blocks away from the park. The same park he had met you. Are you going to it or coming from it? Are you just walking by it? His heart is hammering in his chest. Are you seriously going there? He had hardly ever seen you visit that park after your encounter with him. Is it just coincidence? Is this his chance?

He rushes to the park, arriving ahead of you, and goes straight to the spot where the mob had dumped his bloody body. The memories and emotions come rushing back to him and he thinks it’s now or never. He goes to look for you and finds you strolling along the path at an easy pace. He moves to meet you as you make a turn on the path and you finally notice him with a frightened yelp.

“What are you doing here?” you ask. “I’m still being monitored. Aren’t they after you?” He fights back another smile upon hearing the worry in your words and in your voice. Maybe you’re just concerned for your own agenda since you had questions you wanted to ask him yourself but he likes the concern you express for him. He admires your willingness to help him even if it might stem from selfish intentions.

“I paid off the guy who’s supposed to be tailing you right now. I also blocked the signal of the nearby security cameras,” he calmly responds. He watches as you look around and he beckons you over to him when you look back at him. He gently pulls you along as he begins to walk while keeping a hand at your back to urge you into step with him. Your steps are slow and he can feel your nervousness as he guides you forward.

You ask him, “Were you looking for me?”

He hesitates to answer. How much should he tell you? “Not exactly. I noticed where you were going today so I decided to visit,” is his vague reply.

“Oh. Is it because this area is a good place to talk?” you ask slowly.

He answers simply, “No, it’s no that.” Suddenly he’s desperate for you to understand him and his actions. With a small gesture to a familiar area of the park he says, “That’s where I fell in love you. Thought it’d be nice if I could visit again with you.”

He feels you fall back and eventually stop walking. He dreads your reaction and the expression on your face, but he fears a lack of recollection the most. “Jason?” is the barely audible inquiry. “You’re really Jason Todd?”

He sighs softly in relief and faces you fully. He doesn’t know what he would have done if you hadn’t remembered. “Yeah. Sorry we had to meet again like this… when I’m like this.”

You step back and he fights the desire to step forward. “Why didn’t you just tell me? Why did you have to play this mystery game with me?!” He’s speechless for a moment with your words indicating that your initial thoughts are of having been toyed with for his entertainment.

He quickly becomes defensive as he responds back, “I wasn’t going to! I wasn’t going to tell you but you - ” he pauses to calm himself. “But then you came here. Here, of all places, and I couldn’t resist. It would’ve been better if you had forgotten me. I would’ve let you go and never bothered you again.”

“Forget you?” you question. He is surprised to hear the hurt in your voice. “I thought… I thought you forgot me! I thought that day meant nothing to you! We never talked after that -  you didn’t so much as spare me a glance for years! I was sure you never even knew my name!”

He can’t help but feel hope and a sense of relief at the fact you thought about him as much as he thought about you. He starts to remove his helmet as he explains himself to you, “I told you it’s easy to find someone. Finding out who you were was easy. But not approaching you afterwards was intentional. I chose not to. It was so hard to do.” He holds your gaze for a long moment until you look away.

“But why?” he hears you ask with a hint of sadness. “If you loved me, why would you avoid me? Why did you choose now to do this to me?”

He can’t stand the thought of hurting you and he’s ready to tell you everything. “All these years I wanted to protect you and keep you away from this, the things I do. But when the opportunity came that you could finally find out who I am,” he takes a deep breath, “I crumbled. My resolve diminished. I wanted you to find out; to know who I am. After so long you came back into my life, and I wanted to talk to you and be with you.”

You’re watching him and he knows you’re wary. “I think… I want to be with you too, but can I? You’ve stayed away from me all this time - ”

He stops you before you can express further doubts about his sincerity. His tone is almost desperate as he says, “And I don’t think I can do it anymore. You’re as sweet and as kind as you were when I first met you. I can’t leave you alone in this miserable world. I’d rather protect you myself.” He steps closer to you without realizing it and holds a hand out to you tentatively. He can’t restrain the smile that spreads across his face when you slowly place your hand in his. He gingerly grips your hand, elated to finally touch you after so many years.

Your voice is playful as you say, “I think I lived just fine up to now though. I was under your protection all this time, wasn’t I?”

He scoffs then and with a shake of his head he responds, “I put your name on a No Harm List and it wasn’t enough to keep you out of the police’s hands. From the very beginning, I didn’t want them bothering you because of me. But it’s even worse that idiots from my group caused this mess in the first place.” Talking about his criminal organization reminds him of the business plans that were scheduled for the day. He groans and lets out a loud sigh before explaining to you, “I have to go now. I need to fly to Venezuela for business. I was supposed to be on a plane by now.”

“Okay. When will I see you again?” He sees the uncertainty in your features but he marvels at how easily you’ve adjusted to the flow of the conversation. This day really turned out much better than he had expected - the best possible outcome in fact.

He contemplates the situation with the government and says, “I don’t know. It’d be smart to wait until this police business blows over, but I don’t think I can wait that long. I’ll make sure to come to you as soon as I’m done.”

“Be careful,” he hears you say and a wide smile spreads across his face. “Come back to me.” It really did feel nice to have you worrying and caring for him again. He had no idea being in your thoughts would make him so happy.

“I promise,” he says as he places a kiss on your forehead. “You should go home now. The officers assigned to tail you are about to switch shifts now.” Then he’s struck with mischievousness as he lowers his lips to your ear and whispers, “Unless you want to run away with me right here and now. We’ve waited long enough, haven’t we?”

“Don’t tease me, Jason Todd!” He lets you shove him and he laughs as he puts his helmet back on.

“Lay low until I get back,” he urges, hoping no one finds out that you’ve made contact with him. Who knows how obvious you’ll be with the government watching your every move. He still faces you as he takes several steps back, almost unwilling to take his eyes off of you.

Then he turns to run off.

This is just the beginning. He finally has everything he’s ever wanted and, he thinks, the world is finally in his hands.

.

.

.

[seven-for-president]

Loved your HC about sleep talking MC. Could you do one with the RFA +V & Saeran about an MC who crochets things for them like blankets, hats, scarfs, even stuffed animals? Thanks!

So, after I googled what to crotch means xD, here you go! ≧ω≦

_Yoosung_

° You always thought that he was cute

° so you made cute things for him (*^▽^*)

° little gadgets you crotched for him like scarfs or hats

° he loved those and cherished them

° but you realized that he couldn’t wear 3 scarfs at the same time… ( TДT)

° it was physically impossible to do so no really ?

° you made up your mind and decided it was time to make something else

° you worked day and night on your new project

° in the end you made a cute little doll from a LOLOL character (*≧▽≦)

° the things you made were never bad or ugly but this one….

° it was a masterpiece!

° of course there weren’t many details, it was more like a chibi Version

° big head and eyes, small body, on one word: cute

° so perfect for Yoosung

° cute and cute mix well right?

° he came home late because of his club activities

° you patiently waited for his return

° when he arrived you rushed to the door and greeted him with a hug

° “Did something happen MC? You seem very cheerful today.”

° “I made something for you.”

° his face was saying: please not a scarf again!!

° lol

° “What did you made this time?” (・_・ヾ

° he was a Little scared but you overheard the this in his voice and dragged him to his Computer desk

° “Look, it´s a little figurine. I thought you have enough scarfs by now.”

° at first he was relived, at least not another scarf thank god!!

° but when he took a closer look he saw it was the character he always played in LOLOL

° “OH MY GOD!!!! MC this is just perfect!!”                                 o(〃＾▽＾〃)o

° you were really glad he liked it, all of your hrd work payed of, finally

° “I´m glad you like it Yoosung.”

° you were happy that you could give him something he seemed to like very much, so you were pleased with yourself

° as a thank you, he went on the most romantic date you could imagine

° awwwww

° so in the end, everyone was happy yay  o(≧∇≦o)

_Jaehee_

° you kept yourself occupied with handwork whenever Jaehee was away, which was often but that´s nothing new ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

° soon there were new blankets and pillows all over the house

° at first she didn´t notice them but after a few weeks it clicked

° “MC, did you bought a new blanket again?”

° by the Looks of it, they were handmade and very expensive because of the good Quality

° “I didn´t bought anything.”

° “But where are all these things from? Blankets, pillows and even tablelothes…”

° “These? I made them.”

° you got up from your place on the Couch and set the new hat you were working on aside

° Jaehee looked like she didn´t believe you

° as a proof you showed her the work in Progress

° she couldn´t believe her eyes… （＊〇□〇）

° she never knew you were so talented

° suprise Jaehee!

° as she saw your talent she asked you to make a few things for her

° scarfs, hats, a Poncho, gloves, and even a stuffed toy from Zen

° you had nothing to do anyway so you agreed

° as the weeks passed you got more and more work to do

° soon everybody from the RFA wanted to have something and you happyily made it

° Jaehee then had a brillinat idea, you could open your own online-shop

° with a little help from Seven, you made him a PhD Pepper-can-plushie in return, your website went online

° more and more requests arrived each day and your Hobby soon becae your fulltime Job

° on some days you were as busy as Jaehee but you never gave up on making little things for her (●♡∀♡)

_Zen_

°  you first had the idea to crotch something for him as a present for succesfully performing his new Play

° it was a small pillow and it said congrats for rocking the theatre

°   super cute, right? o(^▽^)o

° he never noticed on what you were working all the time but he saw that you did something

° he was confused why you always kept it a secret from him

° but hey, he understood that everybody has their secrets

° so you finished just in time for the first Performance of his new Play

° but you were a Little shy and didn´t gave it to him directly (*´∀`*)

° you decided to throw it onto the stage llike other fans did it with flowers and candy

° I wish someone would throw candy at me…

° your crotching skills may were quite well, your throwing skills weren´t

° which resulted in the pillow landing directly on his face

° ouch

° he looked irritated and then Kind of passive-aggressive （；¬＿¬)

° you knew you did something wrong, but was it your fault that you weren´t good at throwing pillows??

° now it seemed like he startedto cry, your sense of fault was bugging you even more…

° but he eventually saw from who the pillow was thrown and his mood changed immediately

° the look on his face said that you´ll have to talk about that after the Show

° the Show was a bid succes (what else?) and you went to Zen´s Dressing room

° he was already there, with the pillow in his arms

° “This was you MC, wasn´t it?”

° you looked down, embarassed and nervous

° “Yes, it was me. I wanted to give you a suprise but it ended up hitting you. I´m sorry Zen.” (⌣_⌣”)

° “Why should I be angry at you? You´re not the first Person to throw somrthing at my face and you´ll surely won´t be the last.”

° he came towards you and kissed you

° “More importantly, I´m honored and very happy that you made me something so Special. I´m moved and I almost cried tears of joy.”

° so that´s why he cried…

° “I´m happy when you´re happy Zen. I just wanted to give you something since you´ve been practising so hard These past few weeks.”

° “So you mean if I Keep practising hard you´ll make more for me?”

° he looked like a Little child on Christmas morning o(≧∇≦o)

° “Sure, if you want that I can make more for you.”

° he picked you up and spun you around while you screamed in shock

° “Zen out me down, if I knew you´d be happy about this Kind of Thing I would have made something sooner.”

° from this day on you had to make something for every new Play he acted in

° oh, and the Foto from Zen who was crying came in the newspaper by the way XD

_Jumin_

° face reality, you didn´t had anything to do in his huge Penthouse

° exept for Petting Elisabeth and waiting for Jumin´s return of Course

° so you made up your mind and decided to find yourself a Hobby

° first you tried teaching Elisabeth some tricks, failed

° then you wanted to start Yoga, failed

° after painting and the attempt of playing the piano, which caused the Violation of Elisabeth´s ears, you tried crotching

° to your and everyone elses suprise, you seemed to have a Talent for that

° of Course you had a few Troubles at the beginning but you became better really quickly o(^∀^*)o

° you started small and soon Elisabeth had a cute Little cape, and then 5

° when you thought she had enough you made something bigger

° first scarfs, then hats and pillows and after a while even whole blankets

° the penthouse looked like a cute little shop from an old Lady

° at first Jumin didn´t really care, he noticed the new things for his beloved cat but didn´t questioned it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

° then there were all of these pillows

° they didn´t look bad and fit into the living room well, so why bother saying anything?¯\_(ツ)_/¯

° but he started to get a bit confused when the blankets started to appear all over the Couch

° “MC, where do all these crotched things come from? Not that they look bad but there are more by each day.”

° he didn´t sound angry or like he would ask you to throw them away, just confused

° “I started crotching and made all these things. If you don´t like them I can put them away or give to someone.”  

° you didn´t mind if they disappeared, it was only a hobby to kill time to begin with anyway

° “No, don´t take them away, I like them and I think you hold a Special Talent for crotching.”

° you were pleased with yourself and kept crotching, now for Jumin

° he was more than happy to receive the small presents you made especially for him

° it only got a bit embarassing when he wore a pink scarf to work XD

° anyone who looked weird at him got fired

_Saeyoung/Seven_

° some People are good with Computers, some have amazing cooking skills

° you had neither

° but your  Talent was crotching, doesn´t Sound  too amazing, I know but it came in handy from time to time

° Seven sat infront of his Computer the whole day and sometimes the night too

° he had a good chair but even a high Quality object gets uncomfortable sometimes

° so you made  a small blanked on which he could sit

° it was made from good wool so the fluffyness didn´t vanished right away and he was able to sit comfortable

° at first he didn´t notice any difference about his chair

° he just wondered when his ass didn´t hurt like hell after 12 houres of work

° but hey, not like he would complain about it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

° he got up to fatch some cans of PhD Pepper along with some Snacks

°  please don´t eat like him…. it´s not good

° when he came back he noticed something was off

° there was a small blanket on his chair which he had never seen before

° he felt Panic creep up in his mind and thought that someone had broken into his house ◑.◑

° however that is possible for the average human being…

° he sat down and was about to open a tab for the CCTV when you exited the bedroom

° you wanted to get youself a drink when you saw a very panicked Seayoung

° “What´s wrong with you? You look like you saw a ghost.”

° “MC, we have to leave. I think someone broke into our house…”

° he looked around to see if he could find anything out of the ordinary

° “Sure, what did this Person do? All of your cars are still here as well as your Computers and robots.”

° he packed you by your shoulders and looked deeply in your eyes

° “MC, they placed a small blanket on my chair….. I´ve never seen it before so it has to be from some intruder.”

° you looked at him

° then you laughed your ass off XD

° he was even more confused than before and tillted his head to one side

° “Why are you laughing? Don´t you take me seriouslay??”

° “I do but I doubt your eyesight. I made this blanket for your chair and placed it there before you started working.”

° at a closer look it really did look homemade and he noticed it was in his favourite shade of red

° after he calmed down you went to bed again and forced him to join you

° but he coulden´t sleep over all the exitement that he had because of your gift Ｏ(≧∇≦)Ｏ

° it didn´t look like much to others, youself included, but you thought about something usefull and it made him happy, especially because it was handmade

° seeing him overjoyed like Little kid overa simple blanket you decided to make more o(*>ω

° he fealt bad and made you a lot of Gadgets in return, you both were happy, giving and receiving small Gifts from each other

° but he still tightened the security, if that even is possible… XD

_V_

° you often thought about Things you could give him

° he was a fotographer but giving him Pictures was Kind of …… difficult

° he also didn´t really care for specific bands, which excluded CDs from the gift-list as well ＼| ￣ヘ￣|／

° the only Thing left you thought of was something like a plushie or a nice pillow

° but you thought it wasn´t a present from heart if you just bought some random stuff

° so you thought of croching something for him

° your grandmother thought you how to do simple stuff like scarfs and later how to make figures

° but you knew you needed some practice again in order to make something decent

° it wasn´t hard to hide it anyway…

° that sounds Kind of mean

°so you practiced and practiced

° the first of your works were offerd to Yoosung, beacuse he lost his scarf and to Jaehee

° later you made  a small cat for Jumin and another one for Seven

° of Course V noticed and he slowly became …..jealous

° just a few minuites before his present was almost finished he took the Courage to confront you with his Feelings

° “MC, why do you make all These Things for the RFA?” (*ﾟｰﾟ)ゞ

° you heard that he sounded a bitt nervous and quickly catched on with what was going on

° “Because Yosung neede a new scarf and Jaehee would have gotten sick…”

° he fidgeted with his Hands nervously

° “But why the small cats for Juimin and Saeyoung?”

° “They like cats and both of them helped me out o much over the past few months. Why wouldn´t I Show my gratitude.?”

° “ I understand. But I´d ish for you to make me something as well…”

° he spoke tha last part so quiet tha you almost didn´t heard it and you pretended you didn´t

° “Well, now that I´m finished with my masterpiece I´m going to give ot to it´s rightful owner,”

° he looked hurt ~(>_

° but only for a Brief Moment untill you placed the soft figure of a stuffed camera in his Hands

° “Here, I made this for you. As  present. I practiced hard and I gave the practice products to the others. You know I tink you deserve only the best.”

° he was moved to tears as he Held the small camera Close to his heart

° he even started to cry for gods sake!

° “Thank you so much MC. I can´t express how happy you made me by doing this for me.”

° he gave you a big hug and a sweet kiss

° with this you decided to never give someone exept him a homemade-whatever

° needless to say he was very happy about that ;)

_Saeran_

° he was edgy (this is my word of the week by the wayXD)

° so he needed edgy stuff in his room

° unfortunately he didn´t like common pillos or blankets

° so yo had to dye all of the bedsheet black and the pillows too ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

° while you were at it you dyed yours as well

° but his room still looked Kind of lonly, there was only a bed and a wardrobe, all painted in black

° you made up your mind and made some decors yourself, all black and Grey obviously

° first it was a small blanket to put on bed when it wasn´t used

° then there appeared two identical cute pillows on eac side of the bed

° followed by more pillows and after some time two small figurines, repreenting you and Saeran cute

° he was happy, although he was a bit shy to admit it to you in Person

° instead he showed his happiness by sharing his most important Thing with you

° ice cream

° he bought a big bucket of Ben´n´Jerry´s and invited you over for a DVD night, although he hoped it wouldn´t just saty by watching onlx DVDs if you know what I mean ( ° ʖ °)

° you arrived at his place and he opend the door for you, gesturing you to step inside

° you made yourself a home on his Couch hile placing the new pillows you made on it

° they were black with the letters S and C, Saeran Choi (or if your Name starts with C you can Interpret it as that XD)

°  he joined you there and started the film, noticing two new items in his Collection of Things made by you

° “MC, I know I never said thid but I´d like to thank you for all of the Things you made. I realice I don´t Show it very good but I´m extremly happy about them and I value them. Forever, I promise.”

° he gave you a sweet kiss and you were at a loss of words (｡♥‿♥｡)

° a tear started to fall down on your cheek and Saeran thought he said something bad again

° “I´m happy you likethem. And even more that you told me so. I love you Saeran.”

° “I love you too MC, more than I´m able to express.”

° you hugged him and took this a s an offer to turnoff the TV beacuse he was turned on now

° wasn´t that a brilliant choice of words? XD

° all I say from this Point on is that he didn´t Need the day-blanket for a while now wink ( ° ʖ °)

So, I´m finally finished. I apologice for taking this Long but I´m on Holidays in Malta right now and so I don´t have a lot of time writing actually. Before anyone complains that I have time when I´m on Holiday, I actually go to School here to improve my english….But anyway, I really hope you like it and that it makes up a tiny bit for taking so Long

[psychosistr]

Worth It Chapter 1: Forming a Plan

Summary: Joseph loves his best friend, Caesar, with all of his heart, but doesn’t quite know how to make Caesar see it. With a bit of patience, hard work, and forced abduction, though, it’ll all be worth it in the end.

Notes: This CaeJose story is the first in a series I am dubbing the Jojo’s Yandere Adventures stories. There will be some NSFW content in certain chapters, but I’ll edit out those parts and post them on my AO3 account with links once it’s set up properly. 

Also: PLEASE read the tags- this is a yandere/serial killer AU, so there will be uncomfortable topics such as drug use, murdering of unnamed characters, amoral behavior, kidnapping, mental manipulation, a bit of hypnosis, and stockholm syndrome.

Joseph Joestar and Caesar Zeppeli were best friends. This was a fact that anyone who even so much as glanced at the two would pick up on in an instant. The two had known each other for years, shared many secrets and personal feelings with one another, and were practically joined at the hip whenever they went out. Yes, they were practically the poster boys for the model friendship…at least, that’s what it looked like on the surface, and probably even to Caesar himself- but not to Joseph.

           You see, Joseph was not what people would call “normal”. He had no other way to categorize himself other than simply calling himself “different” or “morally atypical”. Sure, he had tried to find words to describe what he was, but nothing ever quite fit. Joseph was very smart (in his own eyes), so he couldn’t have some sort of mental disability or psychosis; he didn’t do the same thing over and over again expecting a different result, so he wasn’t insane; he cared for and thought about others besides himself, so he wasn’t a sociopath. He simply did not feel things as “normal” people did- he could feel angry, happy, or sad, of course, that was not a problem, but his feelings regarding other people were what made him feel so different.

From what Joseph understood growing up, people were supposed to care about those around them, form attachments to their peers and classmates, and respect certain things such as their feelings or boundaries. Joseph never experienced any of these things. He did not form attachments to those around him very easily- the only people he considered important to him were his grandmother who raised him after his parents’ death as a baby, his grandparents’ friend who helped raise him (an adoptive uncle to Joseph), a boy he’d met when he was young named Smokey who helped look after Joseph’s grandmother, and, of course, Caesar. Other than this select group of people, he considered nobody else worth his time. He was always more clever than his peers, so why bother getting to know them? As for respecting the feelings of others, again, why should he? He felt nothing for them, ergo, they WERE nothing to him. Other people, to Joseph, were a nuisance at best and an obstacle to what he wanted to do at worst.

Being aware of this abnormality in his own perceptions of others often left Joseph feeling a bit like an outcast. Not that he’d ever show it, of course. He was clever enough to realize early on that straying from the norm in front of others could lead to social shunning, overly concerned and meddlesome looks from those older than himself (such as his teachers when he was younger), forced appointments with professionals that would try to figure out what he was truly like, possible incarceration or institutionalization, and, the most worrisome of all- phone calls to granny Erina. The thought of someone calling his grandmother and getting in trouble with her always made a chill run down Joseph’s spine- that woman was TERRIFYING.

So, to avoid being labeled by society (and incurring the wrath of his grandmother), Joseph put on a mask in front of everyone outside of his little circle for years. To most of the world he was the brash but clever, happy-go-lucky, semi-polite, mostly-spoiled heir to the rich Joestar family. He always put on his biggest fake smiles whenever he went out, treated people kindly unless provoked, and was considered a generally good-natured person. As soon as he was behind closed doors, though, and away from those who did not truly know him, he let the fake smile drop and became a much more relaxed man when he was with the people he cared for.

Though it was never directly stated or discussed with any of them, they all seemed to have the unspoken understanding that Joseph was different and they all accepted him for who he was. They would keep tabs on him while they were out together and could tell when his mask was about to slip, often coming up with an excuse for why they’d have to go somewhere else for a bit. They would let him sit quietly for long periods of time without bothering him to speak or talk about what he was feeling because they knew it annoyed him. They would even let him rant for (literally, sometimes) hours on end about how much the people he dealt with that day annoyed him, or about how stupid they all were, or how he wished he could make them all just shut up or disappear for good. He was immeasurably grateful for this, and often showed it in the way of telling his stupid jokes freely, or calling everyone by their own nicknames, or by offering to do something to help them out or dealing with someone who was inconveniencing them.

Joseph did often wonder, though, how they would feel about him if they knew about the thoughts that ran through his head or the things he did when none of them were around.

The first time had been an accident. It was back in high school, his sophomore year at an all-boys boarding school. There was a guy in his class that kept messing with him in the usual juvenile way- teasing, name calling, occasional shoving, scathing remarks, etc. - but Joseph did his best to ignore him. It got harder day after day, until finally he felt his mask about to break and skipped school for the day to go relax in the woods nearby. He found comfort in the quiet of the forest and enjoyed watching the birds that flew around and above the tree tops. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on whom you asked), the boy from school came there too. He saw Joseph and kept antagonizing him until Joseph couldn’t take it anymore and lashed out, slamming his fist into the other boy’s head with enough force to send him reeling back into a tree. Joseph didn’t let up at that, though, taking out all of the anger and annoyance he felt not only for this boy, but for every person that he had to deal with at that school. He used his superior strength to practically bludgeon the unlucky boy into unconsciousness before wrapping his bloodied hands around his thin neck and squeezing until there was no pulse left beneath his large fingers. After the blood stopped roaring in his ears and his heart beat calmed down, Joseph realized that he felt BETTER. He probably should have felt guilty or sad or scared, but, no, he felt RELIEVED by what he had done- it was like he’d been bottled up until that point and now the lid had popped off and let all of the negative emotions out. It was so…so liberating. He easily disposed of the body by carrying it deeper in the forest and leaving it in an area that he knew from previous treks was frequented by all manner of feral beasts- even if the body was found, it would be too mauled to find a good cause of death- and washed up in a creek before heading back to school like nothing had happened at all. A missing person’s report was filed, but the body never turned up and Joseph felt practically giddy over how easily he’d gotten away with it.

The second time was not an accident. Nor was the third time. Or any of the now countless subsequent times that followed. Every time Joseph found himself feeling too pent up, he would find someone (usually a person that had annoyed him or inconvenienced someone he cared about) and get rid of them. It was second-nature to him by now. He was confident in his strength and abilities, was always careful not to leave any evidence behind, and disposed of the bodies in ways that meant they were never found. It was nothing personal most of the time, just a good way for him to relieve his stress.

Well, until recently that is.

Recently, over the past two years or so that is, Joseph has had fairly specific targets: the worthless, vile, loathsome whores that Caesar had involved himself with.

Caesar was Joseph’s closest and dearest friend, someone whom he could trust and confide in (aside from his secret activities, of course), and the person who could make Joseph feel the strongest emotions he’d ever felt in his entire life. They had met after Joseph graduated high school- he was taking advantage of a study abroad program at his new college to visit Italy with his adoptive uncle, Robert Speedwagon, when Speedwagon introduced the two by saying their grandfathers were close friends. To say they didn’t hit it off immediately would be a gross understatement. They ended up arguing and fighting constantly, Joseph finding himself incredibly annoyed by Caesar’s casanova tendencies and haughty attitude to the point of the two constantly getting into physical altercations. But, much to Joseph’s surprise, the annoyance he felt wasn’t like it usually was with other people, and when they fought he didn’t actually want to kill Caesar (just wipe that smug look off of his face for a bit). Caesar was witty, clever, and was able to toss back both punches and quips just as good as the ones that Joseph gave him. It was the first time Joseph found himself thinking of someone as an equal.

After the initial fighting subsided (that took a couple of weeks), the two got to know each other better and ended up bonding over several things they had in common. A big conversation that seemed to cement their still fresh bond was when they began talking about family- Joseph opened up about never knowing his parents since they died before he even had the chance to know them, and Caesar, in turn, told Joseph about how his own father left his family when Caesar was just a child and how he had run away later and joined a street gang, losing touch with the rest of his family and later witnessing his father dying in a horrible traffic accident after pushing Caesar out of the way of an oncoming car without even recognizing his own son. While neither Caesar nor Joseph had acknowledged it at the time, that was when the bitterness between them evaporated and they truly became best friends. They still wrestled and hit each other and traded quips and barbs back and forth, but it was with a sort of tenderness born of camaraderie and playfulness rather than any ill-will towards one another.

When it was time for Joseph to head back to America, he found himself close to tears at the idea of being away from his new friend and started to consider locking Caesar in his luggage to take him with him (thankfully he realized that would have been a bad idea and resulted in serious injury or death for the poor Italian man). Instead, the two exchanged contact information and a teary, heartfelt embrace at the airport. The next year was filled with constant texting, emailing, poking on social media, and web-camera chats as often as the two could with the time zone difference. Eventually, after saving up enough money between the two of them (and receiving generous combined early/late birthday and Christmas gift checks from Erina and Speedwagon), Caesar was able to move to America. When he saw the blond Italian stepping out of the crowded American airport, Joseph had been so excited that he ran through the crowd, not caring who got knocked over in the process, and picked Caesar up in a tight hug and spun him around, both of them laughing like idiots the whole time.

Life got so much better for Joseph after Caesar joined him in New York. The two would often hang out at each other’s apartments for hours at a time, one usually sleeping over at the other’s place and having a few drinks while watching bad movies or just talking about their boring jobs or Joseph’s grad school classes. When they weren’t crashing at each other’s apartments or busy with work or school, they would either be hanging out somewhere like bookstores (Joseph sticking to his comics and Caesar picking out new novellas), bars, or spending time with Joseph’s family and Smokey (Caesar had already been unofficially adopted into the family like Smokey had, though, and he couldn’t have been happier about that).

Yes, everything in Joseph’s life was perfect with Caesar around…until he started dating. The first girl had been some cheap floozy Caesar had picked up at a bar while he and Joseph were out. Joseph had left for a few minutes to order more drinks at the bar, and, when he came back, some girl with too much lipstick and too little clothing was saddled up next to Caesar and the two were flirting back and forth. Caesar ended up excusing himself with her for the night, apologizing to Joseph even after Joseph gave him a smile and thumbs up while saying “Nice!”. Truthfully, Joseph was enraged and felt something completely new to him: jealousy. Who did that tart think she was? Intruding on his nice night out with Caesar, stealing his attention away, and looking so damn satisfied with herself just because Caesar wanted to spend a night with her. He found himself wishing that HE had been the one going home with Caesar that night, wishing that Caesar could have cast such a seductive look at HIM before taking him off to….oh…Joseph’s train of thought derailed slightly upon the realization that he WANTED Caesar. He NEEDED Caesar. After a few more drinks by himself, Joseph decided that he and Caesar would actually work out well if they got together- people already made jokes or came to the assumption that the two were dating, anyway, and Caesar obviously liked being around Joseph if he was willing to move to an entirely different country to be with him. Caesar MUST have liked him, right? Right. He just needed some help realizing it and then they could both be happy. Joseph just had to get rid of the obstacles in his way, as he always had…

The first girl was easy enough to dispose of, she was just a one night stand that Caesar didn’t really care enough about to call or check up on after their night together. He’d had a lot of dates that ended like that, so it was easy for Joseph to make sure those whores didn’t come back. The ones that proved a challenge were the women (and a few foolish men) whom Caesar showed genuine interest in and contacted frequently. Joseph tried to take the easier route when he could- he would use his affluent status as well as the nice income he got from his post-grad school career as a real estate investor to bribe those ungrateful louts into leaving Caesar alone and just kill the ones that refused. Many of them took the large sum of money that Joseph offered them, which made him feel both relieved and angered at the same time because they were essentially saying that his precious little Caesar was worth LESS than some stupid wad of cash or big check. How dare they?! Caesar was worth all the money in the world to Joseph! Sometimes he would lose his temper and end up killing a few of them anyway after they broke up with Caesar. Then, every time one of Caesar’s whores (Joseph refused to think of them as anything else) stopped contacting him or broke things off with him, Joseph would be there to comfort him with a shoulder to lean on, a warm embrace, a bright smile, and some shitty jokes that never failed to cheer the other man up. During these times, Joseph would try to subtly flirt with the Italian man and get closer to him, but Caesar would just laugh it off and things would return to the status quo between the two…at least until the next person caught Caesar’s eye and the cycle would repeat itself again…

Seeing that just getting the obstacles out of the way wasn’t enough, Joseph decided he needed to form a more concrete plan to win Caesar over. After subtly (to him, at least) asking his grandmother for advice on what people normally did when they had strong feelings for someone else and wanted to win them over, he discovered that the best methods were to spend time together, give gifts, be generally charming with praise and compliments, and, as Erina had phrased it, to “be a man and just tell him how you feel already”. Joseph had no idea how she realized the person he was talking about was male- there was absolutely NO WAY anyone could tell he liked Caesar, after all- he was a master at hiding things.

While her advice was useful, it was tricky at first to implement it. The two of them already spent a lot of time together, and it would feel awkward to suddenly show up at Caesar’s door with gifts without it being a holiday (and telling him outright seemed out of the question at the moment). Then, a brilliant idea occurred to him- what if he and Caesar LIVED together? That would be the most time they could possibly spend together, and then Joseph would get plenty of opportunities to compliment and praise him every day, and he could bring random gifts home with him without it being awkward, and-and- AND THIS WAS PERFECT!

With this in mind, Joseph set the first part of his brilliant plan into motion. He brought up the subject of the two of them sharing a nice apartment together one night over drinks, but Caesar seemed a bit hesitant at the idea of having a roommate, saying he wouldn’t want to bother Joseph if he brought over any “guests”. Joseph felt a jolt of rage at the idea of one of Caesar’s whores coming over with him, but hid it well behind a loud laugh and dismissive wave. Caesar said that he would think about it, however that seemed like it would take too long, so Joseph decided to speed up the process. After paying a hefty bribe to Caesar’s boss to (politely, of course) let Caesar go, and then doing the same to any other companies Caesar applied to so they wouldn’t consider hiring him, it wasn’t long at all before Caesar’s bank account was running low enough that he could no longer afford his own apartment. Then, like the “good friend” he was, Joseph insisted that Caesar stay with him until he got back on his feet and helped him move in with Joseph.

The second part of his plan had been proceeding smoothly for a few months now. Joseph spent every bit of time he could spare at home with Caesar (when he wasn’t out killing anyone that caught the blonde’s eye or bribing more companies into not hiring him, that is) and found every opportunity to praise his precious little Caesar. Mundane tasks such as cooking, cleaning, or hanging out turned into conversations about how much Joseph loved Caesar’s authentic Italian cuisine (which he really did, the man could put most restaurants out of business in Joseph’s opinion), or how he admired Caesar’s organization skills, or how funny or clever Caesar was. Joseph also brought home gifts for Caesar at least once a week, varying the gifts from simple things like a bottle of Caesar’s favorite wine that he “just happened to pick up at the store” to expensive, thoughtful gifts like the brand new top-of-the-line smart phone and laptop that Joseph gave him “to make finding a job easier”. The slightly embarrassed smiles and the sparkle in Caesar’s eye whenever Joseph gave him something always left him feeling warm all over and gave Joseph a tingling sensation deep in his torso, making every cent and bit of effort Joseph spent on him worth it.

Now, though, now would be the culmination of the previous two years of careful planning and strategic bribery: He would confess to Caesar.

Joseph knew from his previous attempts at flirting with Caesar that being subtle wouldn’t work, but it still felt like it would be awkward to just bring it up out of the blue. So, Joseph decided that the best course of action would be to bring it up after a more…intimate encounter between the two. It made sense in his mind- people were usually influenced by their bodies’ instinctive desires such as hunger for food, desire for dominance, and lust for the flesh. Ergo, if Joseph could satisfy Caesar’s physical needs, it would show him how well they would work out together in the long run. Again, it made sense in his mind, even if it might not seem logical to someone else.

To make sure that Caesar couldn’t turn him down and would give him a chance to try, Joseph got his hands on some interesting little pills after doing a bit of research on the dark web (something he frequented quite regularly for inspiration and ideas, as well as supplies, over the years). According to what he’d read about them, the drugs were highly concentrated aphrodisiacs laced with ecstasy to induce a mild sense of euphoria and mixed with an agent similar to rohypnol that made the user more prone to suggestion, but without the short term memory loss (he wanted Caesar to be aware of what was going on, after all, or what would be the point?). Also, unlike rohypnol, this drug was meant to be taken willingly by dropping it into a drink- beer was recommended over hard liquor for it- where it would fizz up and change the flavor of the drink. This meant that he would have to get Caesar to try it willingly, that way he couldn’t later say that Joseph spiked his drink and turn the mood sour. Of course, Joseph wouldn’t take the drug himself, he would need to keep a clear head to make sure he did everything right, he would just put some similar looking seltzer tablets in his own drink to keep up the illusion- that way they’d be on equal footing in Caesar’s eyes.

‘Yes,’ Joseph thought, ‘This plan is flawless. Soon my beloved Caesarino will be all mine~<3’

Next Chapter->

[cloudtgfreewritingblog]

Why I am still not in a relationship

Well, the inspiration for this blog all starts with me going through the recommended tab on my YouTube app. Suddenly, a video from a YouTuber named “Better Bachelor” shows up. The video is about the owner of the channel reviewing a video from another channel. The contents of that other video is a girl trying to use a guy’s profile on tinder to get a date with a girl. Long story short, she gets a few dozen matches, barely gets any conversations with the matched girls, and after a week she never gets any dates. The frustration, which I’m pretty certain the reviewer mentions at some point, is that women are used to getting easy matches, and suddenly struggling with it is really difficult.

The explanation was pretty simple and obvious. The standards for men using dating apps... they just want women that are attractive. The women that use the apps... can vary. There are some women that want a relationship. They look for men with good looks, money, power, etc. Some women aren’t actually looking for matches. Sure, getting treated for a meal sounds good... but according to what the “Better Bachelor” (aka Joker) was saying, they are just looking for compliments.

I had tried dating apps a few times... one time about two years ago, and another time a year or so before then. I had tried tinder, and realized that it was a waste of time. I almost never got matches, and from those I did, only 2 or 3 actually said anything. Before then, I had tried OkCupid. That was somewhat successful. Yea I actually had conversations with people. One girl I had messaged with for a while, and eventually met her a few times in person. However, that is irrelevant.

After watching several videos from this Joker guy, I remembered about my occasional resentful feelings against relationships, about the hashtag #MGTOW (Men Go Their Own Way), about the golddiggers of today... My cynicism is returning, which is why I decided to make a Tumblr blog after all this time, because that’s what my blogs are really about - expressing my resentful feelings.

Now getting back on track... By talking about my one and only long-term relationship... (yea totally on track lmao)

Many years ago, before my trials on dating apps, I was very active on Facebook using my personal account, and that’s how I interacted and planned stuff with other people. I ended up dating someone from the college I went to. I had originally treated her just like a friend. Little did I know that she was interested in me. After shopping at a mall off-campus, we went to my dorm to eat a meal. I didn’t really think of this as a date because to me it was just friendship. (How wrong I was lmao)

Anyways... We ate for a while and spent time on our phones taking selfies. After dealing with me making silly faces, she went into my room. I followed behind her, and she was on my bed. Not sure if she was laying there or sitting there.

We were just sitting there for a while. As someone who was trying to treat her as a friend, I was completely confused as to why she was acting so weirdly. She kept on trying to lean close to me, but I was like “no” and she was like “why”... but of course I didn’t really understand what she was trying to do... Friends leaning close is weird right? Lol, of course I didn’t understand her romantic interests because she didn’t spell it out. 

Now, keep in mind, this was my final year at college. I had never been in a relationship before. Never had a first kiss. I had already come to accept that I would never be in a relationship, let alone kiss someone else. So of course the idea that someone actually wanted to kiss me was completely absurd in my mind. It almost felt like she was actually acting irrationally.

This lasted 5-10 minutes until I felt uncomfortable, so I stood up and just moved to the other side of the room. I didn’t understand what was going on, or what I was feeling or why. Yea, NOW I pretty much know because I’ve thought about it for a LONG time. I’m the type of person that wants to avoid trouble, and that also means that I don’t want to trouble others. Why? Because whenever I trouble other people, karma somehow finds it way right back at me. So, I bet there was a side of me that was scared. I was worried that if I did something wrong, it was going to go badly, and somehow I would be the one finding trouble.

Another 2-3 minutes go by with her STILL on my bed, and there was me... standing awkwardly... leaning against another piece of furniture on the other side of the room. I don’t really recall the next part of our “talk”... but I’m guessing she was asking if something was wrong, and I probably said no... Frowning, she said, “well, then pucker up cowboy”.

I don’t know why she said that. I don’t even know if I fully comprehended what she was saying to me, but her words had triggered some sort of reaction inside of my brain. To this day, I don’t even know how her simple, but cryptic language ended up breaking the mental delusion that I would never be in a relationship.. but those words triggered my next action.

I moved up to her and kissed her on the lips. It lasted only a second. Of course, she jumped up and held my hands and was trying to dance with me, celebrating the moment like it was the best thing that happened to us. Me, on the contrary, was completely mortified.

I can imagine most people reading this would be shocked that a guy is mortified from his first kiss lmao. I had to add this paragraph in through editing. I don’t blame you for being shocked. This is the reaction you would expect from an anime show lol. The me today wouldn’t be mortified. Before my senior year at college, I didn’t interact much with women, let alone be in a relationship, so please don’t blame me for feeling mortified. So just go on to the next paragraph so that I can explain how I was feeling...

Digressing back into it...

Right after kissing, I was standing there and thinking to myself “wtf happened”. No seriously, like I was standing there, not understanding what was going on. Like I was getting goosebumps. I was shivering. I was scared. All this time, I was trying to be a good friend to her, and then suddenly I had kissed her. What was wrong with me?

Of course, she noticed that something was wrong, so she asked about it, and I was like, that was my first kiss. She was at least understanding. I was still in panic mode, During that panic, I’m pretty certain I asked her if she would be my girlfriend, which she accepted. We both changed our relationship statuses on our Facebook profiles then and there. And then I asked her to leave for the night so that I could spend time to myself... So that I could recover from the shock. Poor old me lmao. Don’t you pity me LOL. AND I still had to explain to my family that I was actually in a relationship. My sister’s reaction was worth it :D

Anyways...

Point was I wanted to take responsibility for that night, and took the initiative to get into a relationship. Boy, it was something. It was okay at first, but the relationship slowly ended up being rocky. Why? Because she wanted me to change. She kept on bringing up the negative sides of me. Now, I wasn’t just a regular person on the campus. I was a leader. I was involved in several clubs on campus.

Heh, funny thinking about it back then. I wanted to put the relationship before everything else, so I stopped being involved in other club activities (over time) because I wanted to spend more time with her. However, somehow that ended up backfiring. In the end, all the time I spent with her was irrelevant. Now why would that be?

Well she spelled it out. I was at the end of my time at the college, and I was soon no longer going to be around. In my mind, I was thinking that the relationship could continue, even from a long-distance perspective. I thought this way because we had messaged each other a lot on Facebook over the months we were together. However, she had thought differently. She only wanted to be in a relationship if we were together in person. She told me it would’ve been possible to be long distance if I had simply just always say everything that is on my mind...

Thinking back, there were red flags that this relationship was going to fail. She never wanted me to go to her house, she never really showed pictures of her room. She was very self-conscious of her looks, and I always had to show pictures of her before I was allowed to post them online. She was a very controlling person. Honestly, in the months following the end of the relationship, I ended up hating her. I didn’t understand why I felt that way at the time, but I’m pretty certain it was because she made me feel very insecure about myself.

Even BEFORE our relationship, I was insecure about my academic record at college. My first semester I failed a class, got an unsatisfactory in another, got a D in a third, and passed the fourth. After bringing it up to my mother, I swore I would never do that badly again. That following semester, I didn’t bring any consoles to campus. I didn’t do amazing, but my classes were decent. A’s, B’s... maybe a C/D? But good overall. My grades slowly rose up over the semesters. My senior year? I was scoring A’s for nearly all my classes, making Dean’s List the whole time.

Regarding my senior year, good grades weren’t the only good thing I had. I ended up being a leader at my dorm and at one of the school clubs I was in. Also, I started using Facebook a lot for photos and selfies. I naturally became popular. I was honestly just trying to have fun while making the most of my successes. Ironically, I feel like my life started turning upside down because I made my relationship more important than my interactions with others. So it only makes sense that I broke down after my ex had broken up with me.

You know the stupid part? As she was breaking up with me, she was trying to make me say “okay let’s break up”. Like wtf. Why did you have to make me feel this way? I never wanted to break up, but she did. I can’t forget my feelings during that phone call. She told me she wanted to break up. I was just standing there, empty, feeling nothing. I couldn’t believe it was happening. After all that time I had committed to the relationship, she wanted to break up, just like that. Like nothing had happened. Wtf. So she kept urging to me to say it was okay for us to break up... Me being the one that doesn’t want to cause trouble for others, eventually I just caved in and said “okay”. I hung up the phone and just couldn’t hold in my emotions. My sister was there that day. I turned to her and started bawling out, crying out that she had broken up with me. The last time I cried that much, I was probably in elementary school... like 3rd or 4th grade? Maybe even younger.

You want to know what’s even dumber?

Over the next several weeks, she still continued to message me. She wanted to know why I wanted to break up with her. She wanted to know how she could’ve done better. Was she crazy? Does her craziness STILL exist to this day?

Now throughout the relationship, she had mentioned to me that she was an anxious person, and she probably said that was why she would act unreasonably. Which was completely fine with me. As long as we were together, I would be able to handle anything. I would change as much as I could to make things work out. Heck, I would censor random vocabulary because using certain words would remind her of her ex. 

The messaging would continue for a little while. There was a part of me hoping that the relationship could be salvaged... But I was already broken by that point. I tried interviewing myself in a video, privating it and sharing it with her, hoping she’d watch it. But I realized that I was becoming crazy. Who the f*ck interviews themselves in a video just to finally say what they’re thinking or feeling? I just simply messaged that I hated her, and that was the end of those messages.

At this time, I was already spending less time on social media, because I just wanted to avoid any chance of interacting with her. I was still taking a final class at college, so if I ever saw her, I just canceled my class and went home. Ironically, it was around that time that I started actively using Tumblr. Heh. Yes, my resentment towards her inspired me to actively use other media platforms, like this one.

Because of her, I knew that there was something wrong with me, so I took some time to explore topics of morality, religion, politics... Exploring these topics didn’t make me popular or rich or anything... HOWEVER, I needed to take this time to explore my personality, to discover what my morality truly was, and to figure out my true feelings about controversial topics. I did this because I believed that my family was very conservative, so I was scared about exploring these topics. I was an anxious person, and I was very guarded.  I was scared of making mistakes.

The uprising of Trump made me realized that I never wanted to be a liar, and the existence of politics made me realize that I never wanted to be deceptive. The only people I have ever truly deceived were my parents, because I had to act the way they wanted me to. I wanted to change even this. To never lie or deceive. To this day it is a challenge for me, but I want to be better than I am now.

Wow I haven’t made a long blog in a while, and I’m not done yet. I haven’t even gotten to the core of this blog. Why am I STILL not in a relationship? In his videos, Joker constantly mentions that women prefer dating upwards. As an “average” guy who is not making good amounts of money (and is stingy about spending), I would not appeal to the women who are golddiggers... or women who want relationships to capitalize on how much money they can spend. Why should I bother wasting time or money on relationships when the significant other just wants more and more and more?

I just want to live a simple life. Make enough money to live and have plenty of money in reserve in case of an emergency. Then use my free time to pursue my passions, which today is watching YouTube videos, anime, and playing games. Lately I’ve spent time watching Chinese webtoons. Some are really awesome, some are meh. But I’m getting off-track...

Where was I... Oh yeah... Why am I not in a relationship..?

Lack of confidence. No presence on social media. No presence outside of my house (other than at work).

Want to know the funny part?

At work, I keep to myself, but I’m very hard-working, and I’m popular with managers and other associates alike. This has been true at every place I have worked at. I’m just amazed. Like, I even do some of the work of low-level management positions. So yea, I’m very hard-working at work. But only at work. When at home, I just want to relax.

So if I decide to pursue a relationship, how would I test my significant other? I would continue acting the way I do now. Work hard at work, relax at home. Continue being stingy. Not really upgrading my housing. How high am I willing to upgrade? A 2-bedroom and 2-bath house... with an option to expand to the basement so I can create a secret door to a secret room for myself. that’s it. I don’t want a mansion. It’d be cool if I could get a Victorian-style house, but I reckon that would be expensive. I’d rather go cheaper, safer, more affordable. Same thing with cars. I’d prefer being stingy, and putting a good amount of money into savings, and the rest into retirement.

Heck, there’s a part of me that’s paranoid about being in a relationship. Honestly, I’d be worried that she would break up because she wants to upgrade after a few years and try to take stuff that is earned by my money. So I’d probably go out of my way to make sure that our bank accounts remain separate. She can keep stuff that she buys with her account, and I keep stuff that is bought with mine. Any gifts that are proven gifts with a receipt or written contract is fine. I just don’t want to lose my stuff that I bought with my money... like my computer, or furniture...

If she doesn’t like it, that just simply means she wants to keep moving up. Wants to keep spending more. To keep getting more. That’s just the the type of greed that I despise the most. Not putting a limit on your spending...

Look, I get it. The idea of getting everything I want is enticing. I know because I was kinda spoiled as a child. If I wanted stuff, my parents actually gave me what I wanted. Ironically, I was the child that always told my parents that I didn’t want anything, no matter how many times they asked. Sure, I would put a few video games on my birthday or Christmas lists, but anything else... nope. Heck, I ended up storing hundreds of dollars in my closet and drawers over my childhood years because I never wanted to go to stores to buy anything. From an economics perspective, I guess I would be a complete anomaly.

...I just spent 10 minutes trying to search for an economics term because I can’t remember that term which I believe relates to a consumers need or want to buy something. The point I was going to make is that almost all prices are irrelevant, because I am almost never going to buy anything, other than a few things. And of those things, I’ll either go for the cheapest (for cases like food) or the best quality/price relationship (like computer parts). The reason I was an anomaly, and kinda still am, is because even if I want something, I still won’t be willing to buy things.

Getting back on track regarding partner qualifications...

In a partner, I want someone who will stick together with me, no matter what happens. My morality is to stay out of trouble, and a good part of that is to not cause trouble for others. So naturally I need to find a partner that feels the same way. As long as we both have that same core morality, I’m confident that things will work out.

There’s a part of me that thinks that compatible partners, that are currently single, don’t get into relationships because they want to stay out of trouble. It’s how I feel.

I want a partner that I can share all of my secrets with without fearing that they will share them with everyone else.... Everyone has kinks or embarrassing moments/stories, even myself. I wouldn’t want anyone to know about them, so it’s normal that I would expect her to not share it. Honestly, I wouldn’t want her sharing the secrets with her closest friends. There’s a part of me that’s controlling.

Look, we are all controlling people. We all have our sense of integrity, our sense of pride. And I’m an anxious person. I like to control my insecurities, and the best way to control them is to not reveal the secrets. Is it fine if I share it anonymously to the world? Yes, because it’s done anonymously, I keep things cryptic enough so that things can’t be linked to my real identity.

In the end, at the very least I’m certain I won’t be able to do online dating. Sure, I can try, but the reality is that although I want my partner to be fun, it’s far more important for my partner to just spend time together. I’m a clingy person, and I love the idea of having a significant other who is also clingy. Why? Because it stabilizes my sense of security, and pretty much completes my qualifications.

A partner that has the same morality, doesn’t share secrets, and is clingy is pretty much the perfect partner, the best BFF ever. Being able to share everything in the world without any fears of secrets going out or being judged by others... It’s a huge sense of relief. It’s what I want, and probably what a bunch of us want. To feel welcome by others without being troubled.

So one day, yea I want to be in a relationship. But I want to be in a relationship with the right person. Not the perfect person. Not necessarily an attractive person. But the RIGHT person for me. Wealth is irrelevant, because the point is that the two of us would go through things together.

Well that wraps up my blog. This is definitely a long one, wow. I feel like I should do this more often. I actually spent two hours typing it, and probably will spend 10-20 minutes editing... BUT I definitely wanted to put my thoughts out there. I’m definitely imagining what it’d be like if people that I knew actually read this lmao. Remember I’m an anxious person.

So my responses for each type... To my ex, hope you are doing well, but I want nothing to do with you because of my bitter resentment. To that one girl on OkCupid, I’m just sorry that I stopped messaging you... Honestly you were the person I opened up to the most, but I felt shame because I was in between jobs and needed to focus on getting the next one. I was also worried because I felt like I was troubling you. To anyone else who knows me... If you see me just pretend you never read this lmao.

So yea... that’s pretty much that. Again, thanks for spending the time to read this. You didn’t have to. I’m sure you got better things to do. But if you are reading this, I’m guessing you are relatable because you had to search for this... Unless you saw a future blog and are looking back to this... Well hi and thanks for reading! Don’t mind my resentfulness, it’s just a part of me.

If you want to message me about anything, or just want to share a relatable story, go ahead and share it. I’ll take time to read it. Don’t worry, like some fools out there, I’m actually capable of keeping secrets. Heck I’ve been practicing keeping secrets since elementary school. I keep secrets until I’ve forgotten them. That’s how important keeping a secret is to me.

Regardless..

Time to end this blog. Thanks and maybe I’ll type some more... Peace

-CloudTG

[gethealthy18-blog]

How To Deal With Getting Cold Feet On Your Wedding Day

New Post has been published on http://healingawerness.com/getting-healthy/getting-healthy-women/how-to-deal-with-getting-cold-feet-on-your-wedding-day/

How To Deal With Getting Cold Feet On Your Wedding Day

Chaitra Krishnan Hyderabd040-395603080 September 16, 2019

When you think about weddings, the images of a happy couple, dancing family members, and festive decoration come to your mind. But, you don’t know much about what’s happening behind the curtains until you’re married or if you were actively involved in a relative or a friend’s wedding. Weddings are really exhausting and require a lot of hard work from the bride and groom to every other person in charge of arranging things for the big day. If you’re a bride to be, there are many things that you worry about. What if the wedding doesn’t go right? What if something unforeseen happens? What if I trip and fall while walking down the aisle? The train of questions is longer than your dupatta, isn’t it? If there’s a leader for all these problems, we will have to give it to “getting cold feet.” This is because it happens very often to brides and it turns the most beautiful day of your life to the worst one ever.

Getting cold feet happens because of all the anticipation and nervousness that you really cannot cover with your makeup. You feel like throwing up, losing consciousness, or might want to scream into a pillow. And, it’s okay if you feel so because it’s very natural. However, we don’t want you to experience it, which is why we’ve got you these tips that will help you deal with getting cold feet.

1. Active Communication With Your Partner

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One of the major reasons why you get cold feet during your wedding is the thought of having to spend the rest of your life with one person. This person is going to play a very important role in your life and you should be sure about him/her. Just to know that you’re sure, communicating with your partner is a must. Every time you feel that you’re worried, just talk to your partner and you’ll realize that you’re sure about the wedding.

2. Meditation

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Meditation helps any day. If you’re going paranoid about your wedding, get inside a room and ask your relatives and photographers for some space (your best friend or sibling is allowed though). Now close your eyes and concentrate only on your breath. Just keep doing it for ten minutes, and have when you’re done, have some water. You’ll feel much more relaxed.

3. Keep Your Closest Confidant Close

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To make things better, talk to your best friend, sibling, uncle/aunt, or parent (whoever you trust the most). And, if your closest confidant isn’t physically present for your wedding, get them on a call or video call (thank you technology). They will help you calm yourself down and might even crack jokes that will divert your attention from all the nervousness.

4. Pamper Yourself

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Like we said earlier, weddings are very exhausting. You might not have gotten time to relax or even sleep properly during the days before your wedding. Make sure that this doesn’t really happen. A sleepless, tired bride/groom is always at the risk of becoming cranky or getting attacked by emotions. This makes you more vulnerable towards the cold feet incident. So, get in the tub and take that bubble bath after a hectic day planning the wedding. Also, go to the spa and get a good body massage if needed. And for a few days, you can skip your diet and feed on some cake or sweets if you want to.

5. Make Time For Your Hobbies

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Yes, we know that you’re getting married in a few days and this doesn’t make any sense at all. Well, actually it does. If you are someone who gets nervous a lot, try to find time for your hobbies like cooking, gardening, or singing. Try to make at least a small portion of your day like a regular day in your life. This will lighten up your mood and also keep you away from sitting idle and thinking too much about your wedding and relationship.

6. Listen To Music

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Music really helps! Make a playlist of all the songs and instrumental music that you find relaxing and save it on your phone. This will come handy whenever you’re worried about the wedding or on if you go cold feet on your wedding day.

7. Stay In The Present

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This is one of the best things that you can do on your wedding day until the wedding is done. Focus on your jewelry, clothes, makeup, the details of your whole look. Talk to the people around you and NEVER THINK TOO MUCH! Stay in the present and everything will go fine.

8. Seek Professional Help If Needed

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If you’ve had anxiety problems in the past, you may want to get professional help when you feel cold feet. Get your counselor on call and talk to them if none of the above things work for you.

Even after trying everything, if you have a bad feeling about the wedding and you can’t stop feeling bad, you may want to re-think your decision. Trust us, you shouldn’t get on with the wedding if you keep crying, or you’re scared of the relationship, or if you’re too uncomfortable with it. If you’re not sure, give it the benefit of doubt and postpone the wedding. But if you’re just feeling nervous and you love the person you’re going to get married to, know that it’s normal and you can deal with it.

Did you go cold feet on your wedding day? How did you overcome the situation? Share your experience with us in the comments section below.

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