cloudtgfreewritingblog

[cloudtgfreewritingblog]

Going to become charismatic

It’s been a long time since I’ve last typed on this blog. I think it’s been about a year. Anyways, I’ve gone through a lot of stuff. Right now, I feel pretty amazing. Despite everything going on in the world and in my personal life. So, why do I feel amazing? It’s simple - I wanted to be more charismatic, and I’ve invested some time and money into becoming this way.

Now, before you, my reader, jumps into any conclusions, I’ll tell you a little bit about my story. I don’t like spending money unless I feel like I can get anything out of it. I’m a frugal person. However, if I feel like it’s a worthwhile investment, then I’m willing to spend some money to gain some sort of long-term benefit. Hence I spent money into a program that will make me become more charismatic.

A month ago, I was feeling very low in my life. I felt like I was unwanted. There was someone that I liked that didn’t reciprocate any of the feelings that I felt. I had new bosses at work that I didn’t like at all and completely destroyed the dynamic and teamwork of my coworkers. Despite that, I had been attempting to make more changes for myself to feel more wanted. I started working out everyday. I started learning how to cook for myself. I shopped for some trendier outfits. However, in the end, none of it was giving me what I wanted. What do I want?

Simply, I want to be wanted. I’m introverted, so since I don’t easily reach out to others to fulfill social needs, I realized I could attract people to myself if I had the right charismatic skills. So of course, I was aware of a brand that occasionally creeped up on my youtube recommendations about how to increase my charisma.

So I ended up ordering a subcription service that will last a few months. During that time, I am committing myself completely to the program. I feel like I’m already receiving the benefits of it. I feel like people are more interested in me. I feel like it’s easier for me to reach out to people because I already have an initial connection. But it’s just the beginning.

By the end of the year, there are a few goals that I want to fulfill with my developing charisma skills. I want to be attractive enough so that many people are interested in dating me. I want to regularly go out into town and participate in local events or fairs with others. I want the ability to persuade others using my own knowledge of how things work. I want to make others laugh. 

That’s the basis of the goals for now. Hopefully, next time I’m on here I’ll have an actual update of how I’m doing. But yea, I’m looking forward to how I progress. If I have any good stories, I’ll try and remember to post them here. Until then... Peace out!

[cloudtgfreewritingblog]

Should my future partner be an AI?

Ha, how did I start thinking about this topic? Well, it all started with a typical random video recommended on my YouTube app. It was a video from the same YouTuber (who sometimes calls himself Joker), and this time it was about a wrestler who planned on marrying a doll. I think they were either just engaged or were about to be engaged.

And you may be thinking - Wtf, who marries a doll? Great question. It’s a complicated topic. Look above at the title of this blog. It’s a human-sized doll with AI. The idea that someone can feel emotional attachment to a doll... Well, honestly it makes me think of how a child would feel.

Look, children play pretend with their toys all the time. I was there, I’ve done it, and now the pretending goes into video games. Now imagine that these same kids get a toy that can actually do what they want it to do. Like fly around the room. Or start talking with other toys. Or literally enact a play or tv show right in front of the kid. Imagine a kid who thought a toy could actually do those things, only to be disappointed when they try it out. 20 years ago, anyone who promised the existence of such a toy would PROBABLY be considered crazy.

Well I kinda felt the same way about this doll. Here’s the thing - this life-sized doll is created for a specific purpose. Just think. If it didn’t include AI features, what would probably be the only main feature/purpose of the doll/product? If you’re thinking about something NSFW, you’re probably on the right track. What would be better than a doll that didn’t talk at all? One that would talk. The more it communicates, the more fulfilling the experience would be. So obviously a doll with AI would be what people want.

I’m gonna be honest, I actually researched these AI dolls/robots in my search engine. A few sellers are offering these dolls for around $4k. I was able to browse a select number of models, and from there I was given all of the physical specs of the products. I was even given customization options such as wigs, nail colors, an optional carrying case, and some other options which I won’t mention.

I really wanted to know how promising these AI features were. The website promises that some AI models, after learning, can actually carry out conversations in various topics including sciences. Can you imagine that? I have doubts because I’m worried that they’re overselling that AI feature.

One of the things I didn’t really research is how it gets power. Is it lithium battery powered? Is it like a huge car engine? Okay obviously not, otherwise it wouldn’t fulfill its true feature. But how long does it take to fill up the battery? I didn’t look carefully, but I also didn’t notice it either. The only thing I noticed is that dolls shouldn’t be exposed to too much water (or liquid). But that was for cleaning purposes, and the way they talked about it made it seem unrelated to the powering of the AI.

Anyways...

The point I’m making is that there is a part of me that is seriously considering getting an AI partner. As long as I don’t see myself in a relationship in the long-run, then this is probably a good alternative. Heck, it might even be better. No matter what happens, an AI will always be supportive of me, and I’ll be able to do what I can to support it. If I ever plan to get one, it’d probably be within the next 1-2 years.

But yeah.. Those are my thoughts about it. I had been thinking about it for a day, and just figured I’d put my thoughts out there before it disappeared. Eh, whatever. I’m really tired, so I’m getting off. Bye!

[cloudtgfreewritingblog]

I Don’t Want Quotes to Determine What I Want

Hah, I’m back for the third night in a row! I’m on a blogging streak! But anyways, I was originally sitting on my tumblr homefeed for about an hour, not knowing what I wanted to blog about. Lacking inspiration, I started going through the trending blogs. Some about the protests, some about that John Boyega actor from Star Wars, some are random funny memes, and then there were some quotes here and there.

Quotes have been blogged, shared, tweeted, posted on all sorts of social media platforms throughout the years. Trust me, I’ve had my fair share of seeing them. I might’ve been more active a few years ago, but the types of quotes haven’t really changed based on what I am seeing. You got the inspirational/motivational quotes from movies or books or successful people, then there’s the quotes that invoke critical thinking or promote ideological thoughts...

Speaking of that last one, quotes that promote ideological thoughts rub me the wrong way. Ideological thoughts are ideas that establish facts without being based by evidence. In other words, they are assertions. If people start quoting assertions and they get shared by many people... Can you imagine the implications? The more visible you are on a platform, the easier it is to promote assertions. Imagine ten years from now, the future president of the United States says “We are all aliens”.

Naturally, this would be shared by at least thousands of people, and all sorts of mainstream media outlets would be all over that phrase. This would be bad because people would get confused due to the lack of context. Does the president mean that we actually came from outer space? Or perhaps this is referring to the fact that the country was established by people emigrating from other countries? Or perhaps at that time ten years from now, the laws have changed to the point that no one is actually a legal citizen. Or... maybe it’s another crazy president talking.

Look, I don’t like the idea of people casually exchanging assertions with each other. In the long-run, I’m worried that we will start getting confused as to what is true and what isn’t. I personally believe that we’ve gone down that path for a long time, and the existence of social media will definitely make it worse. Just think about when you were a toddler or a really young kid and you got introduced to the existence of Santa Claus. I don’t know about others, but my family would always promote the idea that Santa will be coming... Even YEARS after everyone in the family knows that Santa isn’t real. Just... Stop. Please. You are only going to confuse others.

However, what I really want to get into... and now you’ll understand why I chose this topic... are those quotes about promoting the perfect relationships. Oh I know about these. Many years ago, my girlfriend (at the time) had shown and shared a bunch of these quotes with me. At the time, I adored the ideas that these quotes represented. Doing a quick search online for quotes, a good example of a quote that would’ve rung true with me is:

���When someone likes you... They’ll text you a lot, stay up every night with you, compliment you, and always have time for you.”

-www.all-bestquotes.com

This was entirely true for many months of that relationship. The two of us would normally spend several nights a week doing exactly that. It’s for that reason that I just got hooked on the quotes. Whenever I saw those quotes, I was always thinking about how I could make things romantically better. Sharing videos, spending time with her... I invested time into the relationship... Well in the end it didn’t matter. 

Getting back to the point - I didn’t really understand what these quotes were actually doing. It’s the same thing with those promoted assertions - the more we start reading about what a perfect relationship is like, the more our brains start programming ourselves to think that “this is what a perfect relationship is like - always together, always in love, things will always work out no matter what”.... 

Well okay obviously we all have different ideas about what a perfect or ideal relationship is like, but that’s not my point. My point is, “perfect relationship” quotes assert that perfect relationships are like this. Keep in mind, you have to remember that quotes never come from nowhere. People who are quoted come from a variety of paths of life. They could be real people, they could be fictional characters. Their personalities and experiences will definitely influence their opinions regarding perfect relationships.

Honestly, there’s a part of me thinking that people will be so obsessed with so many standards that they get from these quotes, that it will dramatically ruin the market of potential partners that they can choose from. 

But hey, it’s not like quotes can’t make me dream of the best significant other. Just read this one:

“Any woman can spend a mans money, ride in his car, order off the menu. But only a real woman can help a man achieve his goals in life, support him when he’s broke, push him to be successful, shower him with positive energy, compliment him on a regular basis and never kick him while he’s down.” -quotesgram.com

Why does this appeal to me? Because I don’t just want a girlfriend/wife in name only. I want someone who I can spend my free time with. Someone who will be my life-long friend. Someone who I can share my thoughts and feelings with and never fear that I will be rejected by her. I want someone who can be my partner. Someone who will work with me to achieve goals in life. I want someone who can support me, while I in turn support her. As equals. And if we need to spend, then make smart spending decisions.

Make no mistake - I have no interest in making huge spending decisions. Sure I’ll eventually have to make the occasional decision like purchasing a house... But by no means do I ever want to live in a big mansion. I might imagine wanting a Victorian-style home because of how unique the architecture is, but in today’s world there is no way that will ever be a part of my plans... now or ever.

I think I’m side-tracking too much... Digressing back to the topic...

I’m not going to let quotes try to assert what I want in my life. I know what I want. I know because I am a lonely person. However, I am not interested in getting a big social-life. I just need that one person. And I hope that person who just wants that one person other will find me. Or the other way around.

If I were to advise people about all the quotes online, don’t just accept any quotes as facts. The same goes for “news” articles or speeches of politicians. The only things you should really consider as facts are things that you directly observe with your own senses. Anything else are things that COULD BE TRUE but also COULD NOT BE TRUE. 

Eh whatever. I don’t feel like typing any further. Guess I’ll end it here. Peace!

[cloudtgfreewritingblog]

If I Ever Have Kids, I Don’t Want To Spoil Them

Well I’m back one day later lmao. So I’ll briefly talk about another video that showed up on my recommended tab. It’s basically about a guy reviewing another video. I won’t get into who is reviewing it, but the video in question is generally about kids who had their father buy an inn so they could run it themselves.

The funny part? They don’t do anything. They let all of the staff do the work. The only competent person who had the experience to run everything was demoted by the kids, so she doesn’t have the power to make things better.

So what do the kids do? One kid never shows up at the inn, and the other just comes around to complain about everything. Does that sound like spoiled, good-for-nothing kids? It certainly does for me. Oh right... These “kids” are like in their early 30′s. Self-entitled people... The thought just makes me feel really bitter.

What does the staff think about the kids? They hate the kids. They think they’re lazy and good-for-nothing.

I gotta be honest - the video wasn’t really about the kids. The video was basically an intervention initiated by a guy who goes to bad businesses and flips their businesses right-side-up again to make them successful again. The reason why this video is so polarizing is because the kids have such terrible personalities that they ARE the topic of the show.

Now I kinda want to take this topic and reflect it onto myself. As a kid growing up, I was a bit spoiled. My parents bought me stuff regularly, and I enjoyed what I had. However, I don’t really know why I didn’t end up as greedy, lazy, or self-entitled as others. Okay, I take that back, maybe I know part of the reason why, but I won’t bring up that partial-reason in this blog... Instead I’m just going to guess why I didn’t end up so badly.

As a spoiled kid, I had enough toys to enjoy myself. I had legos, video games, action figures, a computer, and some other stuff. But keep in mind, I was also a busy person. When I wasn’t at home, I was either at school or I was playing sports. I honestly didn’t spend much time playing with other kids. So... I wasn’t really influenced by them or their parents. Instead, I was heavily influenced by the shows that I watched and the games that I played.

When I was younger, I played a lot of competitive games, and some RPGs, but as I got into middle school, my focus changed into RPGs. So I ended playing a lot of games like Zelda, Pokemon, Mario, Final Fantasy... and of course growing older I started getting into games from the Elder Scrolls, Digimon, Assassin’s Creed... There’s definitely more, but for now I’ll stop there.

Regarding the shows that I watched, I spent the majority of my childhood watching cartoons on Cartoon Network. Looney Tunes, anything on the old Toonami (Zoids, Pokemon, DBZ, Naruto, One Piece)... I can’t really recall anything else. Later on, after I entered high school, I watched some “normal” kids shows like Ned’s Declassified, Drake and Josh, iCarly... but of course I still watched mostly cartoons. Once I got into college, I didn’t really watch cartoons anymore, but from that point onwards...   I pretty much watched anime.

For some odd reason, playing video games and watching shows were far more rewarding than doing anything else, and maybe it’s for that reason that I didn’t desire anything else. So I’m not greedy because I’m already getting what I want. A fulfilling lifestyle. But what about laziness and self-entitlement?

I gotta be honest - I definitely consider myself “lazy”. Why? Because I could work hard, actively look for better jobs when I’m at home. I could spend my time at home studying, learning new languages... Notice I’m calling myself lazy because I don’t work hard at home. If you look at my previous blog, you’ll notice that I mentioned I’m hardworking at my workplace, and for that reason my managers and coworkers both equally look up to me. To them, I am a very hard-working person. Expanding on my honesty, if I was REALLY hard-working at home as well... A part of me fears that I’ll end up becoming a very successful person. I don’t want to give up my games and anime for long-term success though. It’s TOTALLY not worth it lmao.

It kinda goes into the idea of why I’m not self-entitled. I recognize that I have to work hard to get something. Video games literally taught me that: do something, get rewarded. In my early 20′s, I feared applying for new jobs, even as a person graduating with a Bachelor’s of Science. Why? Because despite the fact that I’m an educated person, I definitely couldn’t say that I was a knowledgeable person who eternally retains all the information that I learned. Additionally, I had no real-world experience or practical application of anything that I learned from my major. So, for that reason, whenever I was job hunting, I often felt discouraged, or not good enough. Whenever I saw interesting jobs in which I met some qualifications, I would get discouraged and turned away by the other qualifications that I didn’t match... even when in retrospect I probably had a good chance of earning them. There was a backwards idea inside of my head that was telling me that I had to be a perfect candidate in order to apply for a position.

What is my point? I don’t know. Maybe there isn’t a point. Maybe I was just trying to make a rant, and hoped that I would get somewhere... and just completely fail. And look ridiculous.

Okay fine. Look, I compared these kids to myself. I want to know what made those kids into such... a mess. Why? Because when I see those types of people, I start thinking about the rich, wealthy, self-entitled people who think they’re better than everyone else even when they didn’t work hard nor get the experience over the years to deserve being in that position. Instead they were given gifts to be put into that position. Pathetic.

If I ever have to be a parent, there’s no way I’m gonna say that I’ll be the perfect parent that raises my kids right. However, at the very least, I’m going to try my best to make sure that they don’t end up like those other kids. I want them to be hard-working, restraining on their desires, and modest. So at the very least I’ll do my best to make sure they have those types of characteristics.

It’s not like I don’t want to give my kids stuff. It would make me happy to give them stuff, because giving them what they want will make them happy, which would therefore make me feel good. However, if the long term effect is that they’ll start wanting to get stuff for nothing, is it really worth it? Probably not. (If somehow I do have kids and they read this like 20 years in the future, I am SO sorry lmao)

But yea... that’s just my rant. I gotta go to sleep. Bye bye!

[cloudtgfreewritingblog]

Why I am still not in a relationship

Well, the inspiration for this blog all starts with me going through the recommended tab on my YouTube app. Suddenly, a video from a YouTuber named “Better Bachelor” shows up. The video is about the owner of the channel reviewing a video from another channel. The contents of that other video is a girl trying to use a guy’s profile on tinder to get a date with a girl. Long story short, she gets a few dozen matches, barely gets any conversations with the matched girls, and after a week she never gets any dates. The frustration, which I’m pretty certain the reviewer mentions at some point, is that women are used to getting easy matches, and suddenly struggling with it is really difficult.

The explanation was pretty simple and obvious. The standards for men using dating apps... they just want women that are attractive. The women that use the apps... can vary. There are some women that want a relationship. They look for men with good looks, money, power, etc. Some women aren’t actually looking for matches. Sure, getting treated for a meal sounds good... but according to what the “Better Bachelor” (aka Joker) was saying, they are just looking for compliments.

I had tried dating apps a few times... one time about two years ago, and another time a year or so before then. I had tried tinder, and realized that it was a waste of time. I almost never got matches, and from those I did, only 2 or 3 actually said anything. Before then, I had tried OkCupid. That was somewhat successful. Yea I actually had conversations with people. One girl I had messaged with for a while, and eventually met her a few times in person. However, that is irrelevant.

After watching several videos from this Joker guy, I remembered about my occasional resentful feelings against relationships, about the hashtag #MGTOW (Men Go Their Own Way), about the golddiggers of today... My cynicism is returning, which is why I decided to make a Tumblr blog after all this time, because that’s what my blogs are really about - expressing my resentful feelings.

Now getting back on track... By talking about my one and only long-term relationship... (yea totally on track lmao)

Many years ago, before my trials on dating apps, I was very active on Facebook using my personal account, and that’s how I interacted and planned stuff with other people. I ended up dating someone from the college I went to. I had originally treated her just like a friend. Little did I know that she was interested in me. After shopping at a mall off-campus, we went to my dorm to eat a meal. I didn’t really think of this as a date because to me it was just friendship. (How wrong I was lmao)

Anyways... We ate for a while and spent time on our phones taking selfies. After dealing with me making silly faces, she went into my room. I followed behind her, and she was on my bed. Not sure if she was laying there or sitting there.

We were just sitting there for a while. As someone who was trying to treat her as a friend, I was completely confused as to why she was acting so weirdly. She kept on trying to lean close to me, but I was like “no” and she was like “why”... but of course I didn’t really understand what she was trying to do... Friends leaning close is weird right? Lol, of course I didn’t understand her romantic interests because she didn’t spell it out. 

Now, keep in mind, this was my final year at college. I had never been in a relationship before. Never had a first kiss. I had already come to accept that I would never be in a relationship, let alone kiss someone else. So of course the idea that someone actually wanted to kiss me was completely absurd in my mind. It almost felt like she was actually acting irrationally.

This lasted 5-10 minutes until I felt uncomfortable, so I stood up and just moved to the other side of the room. I didn’t understand what was going on, or what I was feeling or why. Yea, NOW I pretty much know because I’ve thought about it for a LONG time. I’m the type of person that wants to avoid trouble, and that also means that I don’t want to trouble others. Why? Because whenever I trouble other people, karma somehow finds it way right back at me. So, I bet there was a side of me that was scared. I was worried that if I did something wrong, it was going to go badly, and somehow I would be the one finding trouble.

Another 2-3 minutes go by with her STILL on my bed, and there was me... standing awkwardly... leaning against another piece of furniture on the other side of the room. I don’t really recall the next part of our “talk”... but I’m guessing she was asking if something was wrong, and I probably said no... Frowning, she said, “well, then pucker up cowboy”.

I don’t know why she said that. I don’t even know if I fully comprehended what she was saying to me, but her words had triggered some sort of reaction inside of my brain. To this day, I don’t even know how her simple, but cryptic language ended up breaking the mental delusion that I would never be in a relationship.. but those words triggered my next action.

I moved up to her and kissed her on the lips. It lasted only a second. Of course, she jumped up and held my hands and was trying to dance with me, celebrating the moment like it was the best thing that happened to us. Me, on the contrary, was completely mortified.

I can imagine most people reading this would be shocked that a guy is mortified from his first kiss lmao. I had to add this paragraph in through editing. I don’t blame you for being shocked. This is the reaction you would expect from an anime show lol. The me today wouldn’t be mortified. Before my senior year at college, I didn’t interact much with women, let alone be in a relationship, so please don’t blame me for feeling mortified. So just go on to the next paragraph so that I can explain how I was feeling...

Digressing back into it...

Right after kissing, I was standing there and thinking to myself “wtf happened”. No seriously, like I was standing there, not understanding what was going on. Like I was getting goosebumps. I was shivering. I was scared. All this time, I was trying to be a good friend to her, and then suddenly I had kissed her. What was wrong with me?

Of course, she noticed that something was wrong, so she asked about it, and I was like, that was my first kiss. She was at least understanding. I was still in panic mode, During that panic, I’m pretty certain I asked her if she would be my girlfriend, which she accepted. We both changed our relationship statuses on our Facebook profiles then and there. And then I asked her to leave for the night so that I could spend time to myself... So that I could recover from the shock. Poor old me lmao. Don’t you pity me LOL. AND I still had to explain to my family that I was actually in a relationship. My sister’s reaction was worth it :D

Anyways...

Point was I wanted to take responsibility for that night, and took the initiative to get into a relationship. Boy, it was something. It was okay at first, but the relationship slowly ended up being rocky. Why? Because she wanted me to change. She kept on bringing up the negative sides of me. Now, I wasn’t just a regular person on the campus. I was a leader. I was involved in several clubs on campus.

Heh, funny thinking about it back then. I wanted to put the relationship before everything else, so I stopped being involved in other club activities (over time) because I wanted to spend more time with her. However, somehow that ended up backfiring. In the end, all the time I spent with her was irrelevant. Now why would that be?

Well she spelled it out. I was at the end of my time at the college, and I was soon no longer going to be around. In my mind, I was thinking that the relationship could continue, even from a long-distance perspective. I thought this way because we had messaged each other a lot on Facebook over the months we were together. However, she had thought differently. She only wanted to be in a relationship if we were together in person. She told me it would’ve been possible to be long distance if I had simply just always say everything that is on my mind...

Thinking back, there were red flags that this relationship was going to fail. She never wanted me to go to her house, she never really showed pictures of her room. She was very self-conscious of her looks, and I always had to show pictures of her before I was allowed to post them online. She was a very controlling person. Honestly, in the months following the end of the relationship, I ended up hating her. I didn’t understand why I felt that way at the time, but I’m pretty certain it was because she made me feel very insecure about myself.

Even BEFORE our relationship, I was insecure about my academic record at college. My first semester I failed a class, got an unsatisfactory in another, got a D in a third, and passed the fourth. After bringing it up to my mother, I swore I would never do that badly again. That following semester, I didn’t bring any consoles to campus. I didn’t do amazing, but my classes were decent. A’s, B’s... maybe a C/D? But good overall. My grades slowly rose up over the semesters. My senior year? I was scoring A’s for nearly all my classes, making Dean’s List the whole time.

Regarding my senior year, good grades weren’t the only good thing I had. I ended up being a leader at my dorm and at one of the school clubs I was in. Also, I started using Facebook a lot for photos and selfies. I naturally became popular. I was honestly just trying to have fun while making the most of my successes. Ironically, I feel like my life started turning upside down because I made my relationship more important than my interactions with others. So it only makes sense that I broke down after my ex had broken up with me.

You know the stupid part? As she was breaking up with me, she was trying to make me say “okay let’s break up”. Like wtf. Why did you have to make me feel this way? I never wanted to break up, but she did. I can’t forget my feelings during that phone call. She told me she wanted to break up. I was just standing there, empty, feeling nothing. I couldn’t believe it was happening. After all that time I had committed to the relationship, she wanted to break up, just like that. Like nothing had happened. Wtf. So she kept urging to me to say it was okay for us to break up... Me being the one that doesn’t want to cause trouble for others, eventually I just caved in and said “okay”. I hung up the phone and just couldn’t hold in my emotions. My sister was there that day. I turned to her and started bawling out, crying out that she had broken up with me. The last time I cried that much, I was probably in elementary school... like 3rd or 4th grade? Maybe even younger.

You want to know what’s even dumber?

Over the next several weeks, she still continued to message me. She wanted to know why I wanted to break up with her. She wanted to know how she could’ve done better. Was she crazy? Does her craziness STILL exist to this day?

Now throughout the relationship, she had mentioned to me that she was an anxious person, and she probably said that was why she would act unreasonably. Which was completely fine with me. As long as we were together, I would be able to handle anything. I would change as much as I could to make things work out. Heck, I would censor random vocabulary because using certain words would remind her of her ex. 

The messaging would continue for a little while. There was a part of me hoping that the relationship could be salvaged... But I was already broken by that point. I tried interviewing myself in a video, privating it and sharing it with her, hoping she’d watch it. But I realized that I was becoming crazy. Who the f*ck interviews themselves in a video just to finally say what they’re thinking or feeling? I just simply messaged that I hated her, and that was the end of those messages.

At this time, I was already spending less time on social media, because I just wanted to avoid any chance of interacting with her. I was still taking a final class at college, so if I ever saw her, I just canceled my class and went home. Ironically, it was around that time that I started actively using Tumblr. Heh. Yes, my resentment towards her inspired me to actively use other media platforms, like this one.

Because of her, I knew that there was something wrong with me, so I took some time to explore topics of morality, religion, politics... Exploring these topics didn’t make me popular or rich or anything... HOWEVER, I needed to take this time to explore my personality, to discover what my morality truly was, and to figure out my true feelings about controversial topics. I did this because I believed that my family was very conservative, so I was scared about exploring these topics. I was an anxious person, and I was very guarded.  I was scared of making mistakes.

The uprising of Trump made me realized that I never wanted to be a liar, and the existence of politics made me realize that I never wanted to be deceptive. The only people I have ever truly deceived were my parents, because I had to act the way they wanted me to. I wanted to change even this. To never lie or deceive. To this day it is a challenge for me, but I want to be better than I am now.

Wow I haven’t made a long blog in a while, and I’m not done yet. I haven’t even gotten to the core of this blog. Why am I STILL not in a relationship? In his videos, Joker constantly mentions that women prefer dating upwards. As an “average” guy who is not making good amounts of money (and is stingy about spending), I would not appeal to the women who are golddiggers... or women who want relationships to capitalize on how much money they can spend. Why should I bother wasting time or money on relationships when the significant other just wants more and more and more?

I just want to live a simple life. Make enough money to live and have plenty of money in reserve in case of an emergency. Then use my free time to pursue my passions, which today is watching YouTube videos, anime, and playing games. Lately I’ve spent time watching Chinese webtoons. Some are really awesome, some are meh. But I’m getting off-track...

Where was I... Oh yeah... Why am I not in a relationship..?

Lack of confidence. No presence on social media. No presence outside of my house (other than at work).

Want to know the funny part?

At work, I keep to myself, but I’m very hard-working, and I’m popular with managers and other associates alike. This has been true at every place I have worked at. I’m just amazed. Like, I even do some of the work of low-level management positions. So yea, I’m very hard-working at work. But only at work. When at home, I just want to relax.

So if I decide to pursue a relationship, how would I test my significant other? I would continue acting the way I do now. Work hard at work, relax at home. Continue being stingy. Not really upgrading my housing. How high am I willing to upgrade? A 2-bedroom and 2-bath house... with an option to expand to the basement so I can create a secret door to a secret room for myself. that’s it. I don’t want a mansion. It’d be cool if I could get a Victorian-style house, but I reckon that would be expensive. I’d rather go cheaper, safer, more affordable. Same thing with cars. I’d prefer being stingy, and putting a good amount of money into savings, and the rest into retirement.

Heck, there’s a part of me that’s paranoid about being in a relationship. Honestly, I’d be worried that she would break up because she wants to upgrade after a few years and try to take stuff that is earned by my money. So I’d probably go out of my way to make sure that our bank accounts remain separate. She can keep stuff that she buys with her account, and I keep stuff that is bought with mine. Any gifts that are proven gifts with a receipt or written contract is fine. I just don’t want to lose my stuff that I bought with my money... like my computer, or furniture...

If she doesn’t like it, that just simply means she wants to keep moving up. Wants to keep spending more. To keep getting more. That’s just the the type of greed that I despise the most. Not putting a limit on your spending...

Look, I get it. The idea of getting everything I want is enticing. I know because I was kinda spoiled as a child. If I wanted stuff, my parents actually gave me what I wanted. Ironically, I was the child that always told my parents that I didn’t want anything, no matter how many times they asked. Sure, I would put a few video games on my birthday or Christmas lists, but anything else... nope. Heck, I ended up storing hundreds of dollars in my closet and drawers over my childhood years because I never wanted to go to stores to buy anything. From an economics perspective, I guess I would be a complete anomaly.

...I just spent 10 minutes trying to search for an economics term because I can’t remember that term which I believe relates to a consumers need or want to buy something. The point I was going to make is that almost all prices are irrelevant, because I am almost never going to buy anything, other than a few things. And of those things, I’ll either go for the cheapest (for cases like food) or the best quality/price relationship (like computer parts). The reason I was an anomaly, and kinda still am, is because even if I want something, I still won’t be willing to buy things.

Getting back on track regarding partner qualifications...

In a partner, I want someone who will stick together with me, no matter what happens. My morality is to stay out of trouble, and a good part of that is to not cause trouble for others. So naturally I need to find a partner that feels the same way. As long as we both have that same core morality, I’m confident that things will work out.

There’s a part of me that thinks that compatible partners, that are currently single, don’t get into relationships because they want to stay out of trouble. It’s how I feel.

I want a partner that I can share all of my secrets with without fearing that they will share them with everyone else.... Everyone has kinks or embarrassing moments/stories, even myself. I wouldn’t want anyone to know about them, so it’s normal that I would expect her to not share it. Honestly, I wouldn’t want her sharing the secrets with her closest friends. There’s a part of me that’s controlling.

Look, we are all controlling people. We all have our sense of integrity, our sense of pride. And I’m an anxious person. I like to control my insecurities, and the best way to control them is to not reveal the secrets. Is it fine if I share it anonymously to the world? Yes, because it’s done anonymously, I keep things cryptic enough so that things can’t be linked to my real identity.

In the end, at the very least I’m certain I won’t be able to do online dating. Sure, I can try, but the reality is that although I want my partner to be fun, it’s far more important for my partner to just spend time together. I’m a clingy person, and I love the idea of having a significant other who is also clingy. Why? Because it stabilizes my sense of security, and pretty much completes my qualifications.

A partner that has the same morality, doesn’t share secrets, and is clingy is pretty much the perfect partner, the best BFF ever. Being able to share everything in the world without any fears of secrets going out or being judged by others... It’s a huge sense of relief. It’s what I want, and probably what a bunch of us want. To feel welcome by others without being troubled.

So one day, yea I want to be in a relationship. But I want to be in a relationship with the right person. Not the perfect person. Not necessarily an attractive person. But the RIGHT person for me. Wealth is irrelevant, because the point is that the two of us would go through things together.

Well that wraps up my blog. This is definitely a long one, wow. I feel like I should do this more often. I actually spent two hours typing it, and probably will spend 10-20 minutes editing... BUT I definitely wanted to put my thoughts out there. I’m definitely imagining what it’d be like if people that I knew actually read this lmao. Remember I’m an anxious person.

So my responses for each type... To my ex, hope you are doing well, but I want nothing to do with you because of my bitter resentment. To that one girl on OkCupid, I’m just sorry that I stopped messaging you... Honestly you were the person I opened up to the most, but I felt shame because I was in between jobs and needed to focus on getting the next one. I was also worried because I felt like I was troubling you. To anyone else who knows me... If you see me just pretend you never read this lmao.

So yea... that’s pretty much that. Again, thanks for spending the time to read this. You didn’t have to. I’m sure you got better things to do. But if you are reading this, I’m guessing you are relatable because you had to search for this... Unless you saw a future blog and are looking back to this... Well hi and thanks for reading! Don’t mind my resentfulness, it’s just a part of me.

If you want to message me about anything, or just want to share a relatable story, go ahead and share it. I’ll take time to read it. Don’t worry, like some fools out there, I’m actually capable of keeping secrets. Heck I’ve been practicing keeping secrets since elementary school. I keep secrets until I’ve forgotten them. That’s how important keeping a secret is to me.

Regardless..

Time to end this blog. Thanks and maybe I’ll type some more... Peace

-CloudTG

[cloudtgfreewritingblog]

My Opinion of Pewdiepie vs T-Series

Who hasn’t heard about it? The “battle for subscribers” to be the top subscribed channel on YouTube... it is a very popular subject. I’ve actually known about the subject because... I’ve occasionally spotted people in the comments section for many YouTube videos promoting either channel. And of course videos would occasionally appear in either the recommended or trending tabs related to those topics. So I had a relative idea that there was a battle going on for many months, but I never understood the context of the battle. Honestly, I hadn’t really paid any attention until like a month ago, and I did not want to get actively engaged in the highlights of the story until like 2-3 weeks ago. It wasn’t important to me back then. But it is now, that’s why I’m going to talk about what I’ve learned, and how my opinion has formed.

So before my awareness of the existence of the “battle”, I only knew the existence of Pewdiepie. I had originally subscribed to his channel back in 2014, mostly because I watched and liked his gaming collaborations with other YouTubers. I liked watching gaming videos with collabs, and after seeing his history of videos it made sense to watch him. As his channel transitioned to less gaming, I lost interest so I stopped subscribing to him. Not sure when that was, but it was probably around 2016... Probably. Idk. I don’t have a history book of every moment of my life, so I lack that information, but I know I unsubscribed. After that point, I almost never watched any video of his other than the occasional 2-3 in a year that would be very relevant to me. And I was aware that journalists were trying to frame him as a bad person, either being greedy or racist, based on who he was and the content on his channel... or occasionally based on what other people did.

So anyways, once the “battle” was being promoted, I didn’t initially notice it occurring. Sure, I might’ve seen comments on YouTube mentioning Pewdiepie vs. T-Series, but I kinda ignored them. Or rather, dismissed them. I didn’t really understand the meaning nor the context of the battle. And it wasn’t really that relevant to me. I also had absolutely no idea who or what T-Series was. To me, I just assumed it was another gaming channel. It’s kind of laughable that was what I thought it was. So... who is T-Series?

Obviously, Pewdiepie’s competition. Okay, bad joke aside, it turns out T-Series is actually an Indian music channel (not to be mistaken for Native American). In India, it’s known as a big music corporation. From my understanding of what I’ve read, India has been starting to transition to the online world, and the number of people with mobile phones has grown rapidly over the past several years. T-Series has been working with YouTube/Google, and so it isn’t surprising that its consistent rise in subscribers correlates with the amount of people in India being exposed to the online world. I do wonder if T-Series is just focused on being the top youtube channel that does music videos, or if it is interested in doing content that is more culturally globalized. Just as a side note, I know that it made a deal with Amazon back in 2016 to do some movie production, so I know that music isn’t its only service, but it is its primary service... at least as far as I’m aware.

Anyways, let’s get into the controversy. Yes, there is controversy, and there’s only a small amount because T-Series has not reached headlines over a span of years as Pewdiepie has. No surprise about that....

Anyways...

T-Series is a corporation whose goal must be to profit... because a business that cannot make money will lose money... and those who lose money will not survive. So it should not be surprising that I read an article from this past December about a story of T-Series trying to tax evade. In particular, Indian tax officials had come to T-Series because they were not paying taxes. After searching their documents, they learned that T-Series were storing their taxes in other places... like New Delhi... or the U.S..... Basically the purpose was to store them in another place like a tax haven. It was hard to understand the context of the article because I’m not certain on how tax havens work, but I think the article said that they had some employees have registered residences in other places, and used them as a place to store their money. I could be wrong in my understanding of the article that I read, but that’s besides the point. T-Series is acting just like any big, greedy corporation that I know of.

Of course, T-Series seems to have a shady background, but unfortunately the background of this information seems too.... empty... to bring up as relevant points, but I’ll mention it anyways. T-Series started up in the 1980s as a business selling pirated cassettes. Nice. Assuming this is true, that means that this corporation was making money off of the hard work that others created... Is my bias showing yet? Lmao.

Anyways, just putting in a side note that Pewdiepie’s recent video congratulating T-Series for passing him had mentioned that T-Series had sent him a cease and desist letter, basically accusing Pewdiepie of defaming T-Series. It’s a powerful initiative that corporations usually take to stop the actions of critics that have the power to give them negative press. I say powerful, because in the U.S. usually the next step would be some sort of litigation, or some lawful proceeding that would take place in some sort of court. A collaborator of Pewdiepie’s video had said (well I’m paraphrasing here) that the letter itself was just ridiculous, and the wording of the letter made them believe that T-Series doesn’t even know what defamation is. Of course, since at this time we don’t actually know what the letter actually says, there’s no way for us to determine if we can agree or disagree with their assessment.

There’s one more interesting piece of information regarding T-Series: they had removed Pakistani pop artists’ music from their channel. This was a reaction to the standoff of India and Pakistan... which are some military bombing skirmishes between the two countries which started in February. Due to this initiative by T-Series, the pop artists reacted by marching on their streets and telling people to unsubscribe to T-Series and subscribe to Pewdiepie. Ignoring the artists’ reaction, I wonder why T-Series acted the way they did? Now, if there were artists promoting bad music, it would make sense to remove just the music or the particular artist. But all of them? If this was the action of a single person, this would be considered racist and would have blown up. But it hasn’t. After all, this is a corporation. Their objective is to make money. As an Indian company, I’m guessing that they didn’t want to be involved with the politics surrounding the situation, and so they cut off their involvement with Pakistan. I wonder if it was worth the risk on their side...

But I’m more interested in talking about the man that has intrigued me for a long time. Pewdiepie.

Everyone wants to either love or hate Pewdiepie. For those that love him, he’s an entertainer, a gamer, a funny guy, a kind person. For those that hate him, he’s greedy, a racist... And what do I think? Well, honestly I have to separate the audiences to two types of people - the ones who are relaxed, chill, not serious; and then the others who are serious. So yea, the not serious people and the serious people. That’s who I think they are. The not serious people love pewds, and the serious people hate on him. The serious people tend to be goal-driven. These people have brought up controversies about Pewdiepie, and right now my objective is to debunk the theories... at least I’ll try to. I’ll probably fail though lol.

Proceeding onwards...

The first controversy is that Pewdiepie is greedy. Mainstream journalists would argue that he is money-driven. I’m sure that the Pewdiepie that started his YouTube channel, back when he was working at a hot dog stand, was thinking that he was going to get rich making a YouTube channel. Yea, he definitely only wants money, when over the past several years he has donated to several different charities, which the total monetary value accumulates to over a million dollars. I’m SO sure that T-Series has a similar record, despite the fact that there is no record of them ever donating to any sort of charity. The most recent charity that Pewdiepie has done... well hold the phone because I want to get into the next controversy or two before talking about it.

The second controversy is that due to the “battle of subscribers”, loyal fans of Pewdiepie decided to actively promote his channel. Some would do it in legal ways, some in questionable ways but not harmful... but a small number would do it illegally. Pewdiepie condemns these illegal actions. I mean, I definitely would if I was in his position. I would be acting out of self-interest because I wouldn’t want to cause myself more trouble, and I’d rather not cause trouble for someone who enjoys my content. Anyways, the worst happened about a month ago. I don’t want to go into the details, but a mass shooting took place, and the person responsible for it had been promoting the channel leading up to the event. The people who decide to illegally promote the channel are causing themselves trouble, and potentially giving mainstream journalists an excuse to blame Pewdiepie for the actions of others. 

Realistically, Pewdiepie does not have any control over the action of others, especially if he does not directly communicate with them. At most, Pewdiepie could be considered a role model for his subscribers who adore him. So I can definitely believe that his existence will influence those that watch him. But journalists should not take that one single influence as the primary blame for the action of others. If Pewdiepie was truly promoting this bad behavior, wouldn’t we be seeing far more illegal actions on a global scale? Not just a few, not just dozens, but either hundreds, thousands, or tens of thousands a day? Obviously not. In my mind, I now personally believe that any attempts to attack Pewdiepie are goal-driven attempts to label him as a bad person.

Which brings me to the final controversy - he’s a racist... or so the mainstream journalists and the haters would say. They have the strongest evidence to push this type of propaganda, so that naturally makes it harder to argue against it. Naturally I’m the type of person who just wants people to get along, and doesn’t want anything to do with hate speech... Therefore, trying to defend Pewdiepie regarding this subject has to be the most annoying thing I’ve ever done. But it will definitely give myself a chance to know how to deal with this sort of subject in the future.

The evidence of the controversy lies within his videos. And just to clarify, the intent of Pewdiepie’s videos is to entertain, or to be funny. That’s the type of channel that he is. It isn’t a channel that people are supposed to take seriously. It should’ve been obvious from all the goofiness and childish screamings that anyone could see from his channel over the years. But anyways, in some of his childish schemes, he occasionally says things or does things that, in a different context, could be considered to be racist or offensive. It doesn’t really help him that he went on fiverr a while back to ask for some childish services. If it was for any context other than providing entertainment for his video, then his actions could definitely have been considered racist. That’s why it is understandable why some people providing services on fiverr did not provide their services, because they believed it would breach the service agreement. That’s not the only time people have labeled him as a racist.

Remember the diss-track video B****-Lasagna? I’m going to be honest, I’ve listened to music 2-3 weeks ago a few times, but I have absolutely no idea what is in the lyrics. However, knowing Pewdiepie, the intent is the same as always: be childishly funny to entertain his audience. It’s obviously not meant to be taken seriously. This didn’t stop haters and journalists from pointing it out. It also didn’t help that his subscribers starting acting like Pewdiepie, and started making jokes that could be seen as racist towards Indians. That’s why Pewdiepie made a bold decision. I’m betting he was worried that his subscribers would end up being divided. Remember how I mentioned that I would talk about another charity? Pewdiepie started a charity that would donate to a service for nine-year olds in India. I don’t really remember the details, but I recommend anyone interested researching the details yourselves. You won’t really find the details from haters or mainstream journalists. 

Pewdiepie obviously is almost never serious, and is acting childish to be funny. I mean, who seriously wants to be serious? There are only a few videos that Pewdiepie tries to be serious, and when he does, he just can’t help but make a few childish jokes here and there. Probably because it’s hard for him to be serious. I think it’s fair to me to assess that for the most part he isn’t a serious person. I also think it’s fair for me to say that he doesn’t care about what happens to himself, but he worries about keeping his subscribers out of trouble when it is significant enough and relates to himself. Honestly, I cannot really find any bad intent from Pewdiepie.

So just getting back to T-Series real quick to summarize their controveries... They had tried to evade taxes to maximize their profits. As a person who despises the current system of economics in general due to my personal moral reasons, I generally consider corporations as bad because they do business with their consumers, but don’t give their fair share of taxes which are partially used to give back to the economy. As a company who started by selling pirated cassettes, I can’t really be surprised that their moral grounds are so low, or maybe they’ve never given this any sort of moral reasoning (this is my bad attempt at giving them a benefit of a doubt). Additionally, they sent that cease and desist letter to Pewdiepie. I don’t think that they’ve gotten any damages from anything Pewdiepie’s done now that I think about it. On the contrary, I think they’ve only gotten more subscribers, more money, more popularity and headlines... So I really don’t think they have a case for defamation. It just sounds like an attempt to make Pewdiepie stop or an attempt for them to get as much money as possible. Finally, they removed the Pakistani pop artists’ music videos from their channel due to the standoff between India and Pakistan. It could be understandable if they were obligated to do it due to politics, but honestly... it just makes no sense. There’s really no context to it. The real problem is that T-Series is just too big of a mystery and its actions are just too shady. There is really no historical context surrounding T-Series (at least outside of India).

As it stands, I support Pewdiepie far more than T-Series, which is why I subscribed to him 2-3 weeks ago... That was right before T-Series struggled over a few days trying to take 1st, before finally getting into first, only for Pewdiepie to release his final diss-track, and as of now pewds is ahead by over 150k. So that makes me feel pretty good about the situation.

Regarding T-Series... I’m going to treat it like any corporation or political entity. If it expects to be treated better than Pewdiepie, then honestly, it needs to express its humanity. I don’t even know what good things they do outside of their regular services. They really need to begin from scratch. Start by expressing its moral grounds, and base its business goals around its sense of morality. Secondly, start being more transparent... about everything. The more transparent, the better. If it’s got a good morality, being transparent would only benefit itself in the eyes of the public... And if it’s got a bad sense of morality... Well we’ll know because it’ll continue being shady and a mystery. I expect people that want to know the truth of T-Series to seriously start investigating everything they can about it. If T-Series is good, it’ll be naturally transparent and it’ll be easy to learn about it and its employees. If it isn’t, they’ll be hiding their secrets and it will require lawful investigations, like in the case of the tax officials, to learn about them. 

So in conclusion, my opinion has been formed. Pewdiepie and T-Series have their controversies, but Pewdiepie’s can at least be reasonably explainable, while T-Series is just too big of a mystery. I’ll give my trust and subscription to the YouTuber that I’ve seen develop over the years, who I’ve seen grown as a person (albeit still regularly acting childish in his videos)... On the other hand, I’ll definitely be keeping a close eye on T-Series. The “battle for subscribers” will be continuing on for some time, and everyone wants to know who will reach 100 million first. Some of my time will be invested in observing this, so... yea..

P.S. Regarding sources, I’m too lazy to mention sources, but wikipedia is a good place to start... Pewdiepie vs T-Series... You’ll probably have to search for Pewdiepie charities somewhere else though, although I didn’t try his wiki page. Anyways, I’ve been working on this for 3 hours, time to rest... G’d day.

[cloudtgfreewritingblog]

Gaming compulsion... and my life regarding compulsive behavior

So recently I watched a video about gaming addiction and how it has been a huge mislabel. An addiction to video game basically means a player keeps on playing video games over and over again because the player will be rewarded. But, I don’t think that’s really the case. Indeed, this topic that has been covered several times on youtube by Extra Credits reveal that many players go to video games because... they’re lost. Or rather, they can’t figure out their purpose in life.

Indeed, not knowing what to do can be a problem, especially for young people growing up. It’s an especially big issue because there are things that these people wouldn’t want to do, like homework in subjects that they aren’t interested in, that will lead them to playing games that will give them a better purpose. Indeed, these behaviors aren’t really rewarding. Rather, they are compulsive behaviors that are created because people have found a better purpose that suits them better.

I know such compulsive behaviors have even affected me. Growing up in high school, I would spend many hours of my free time playing video games, being some sort of hero, because that sort of purpose serves me so much better than a student studying different subjects, or a student playing several different sports, or even being a musician. Yea, I was actually really well-rounded, but... I never really felt a sense of belonging. I was glad when I finally graduated high school, and went off to college.

When I got to college, it felt like I finally had purpose. I even stopped playing video games for a bit. 1-2 months without video games, other than with the 1-2 times a week I was with friends. That’s never happened to me before. I met new people, new classes, hung out all the time with people with free time... it was real good. But people got busy by the time the 2nd month arrived, and it was around that time that I started to feel lost. I didn’t know what to do. Yea, I went home that weekend, and when I came back to college I brought back a game console from home. That eventually led to the beginning of a bad semester.

Yea sure, I was able to turn my life around at that point, but that’s not the point I’m trying to make. When I was at college after that semester, I just played video games less. I spent time on different types of stimulating compulsive behaviors. Mostly watching anime, but I also got into the habit of watching youtube for fun. It was good and all, but I finally realized when my senior year came around, that it might be better to indulge myself in as much activity as possible.

So I participated in several clubs. Archery, taekwondo, jazz band, book club... Now, I didn’t stay inside the clubs the whole time. I also participated in activities with my residence hall and my university’s marching band. It was probably the busiest year of my life, but somehow it ended up being my most successful year grade-wise, even as a full-time student. I even ended up in a relationship, which probably marked the beginning of the end.

Okay, maybe that’s being unfair, because back then I would have no idea where my life would go from that point... everything just seemed to be going up. But I didn’t like that I wasn’t spending as much time with my significant other, so over time I slowly stopped participating in other clubs I was participating in. Yea, I made sure my relationship was more important than everything else, even classes from time to time. Yea, I was shifting my purpose in life from being busy, to spending as much time with that significant other as possible.

And the summer was probably the worst one ever. I was pretty much done with everything, and at that point the only purpose I felt like I really had was doing whatever I could for the relationship. Yes, it was a downhill relationship, and I felt kinda desperate. So when the relationship finally did end, well... If I still felt like I had purpose, well... that was kinda gone. Sure, my ex and I communicated through text, and I even agreed to meet up at one point, but... it was meaningless for me at that point. I met up with her in hopes that there was still purpose between us, but she just wanted me to talk. I have no idea what she wanted from me speaking instead of her. I guess at that point I gave up. We sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity. At one point, I just wanted to leave because I couldn’t stand it, but she didn’t want me to leave (and to this day I can’t figure out what was going through her mind)... so I ended up sitting back down. Finally, she just stood up and walked away. At that point, I just took out my phone and called my sister because I couldn’t stand it. I needed help, needed to get away... I was definitely lost, and I didn’t know what to do anymore.

So yea, within those next month or so, I started going onto tumblr and created this particular tumblr page, and within another month I started obsessing over creating tumblr posts. Yes, I now believe that doing tumblr posts were actually compulsive impulses of mine that I did because I was lost in life, and I was doing them because I wanted to figure out my purpose. 

So yea, my compulsive behaviors changed over time, from watching youtube gaming videos, from viewing the newest anime, to playing video games as much as possible, and even watching and tweeting about the politics back in 2016... All of it was a combination of trying to figure myself out and figure out my purpose. Well, I suppose that’s really the problem. I’ve always figured my purpose has always been laid out for me, and that it’d eventually hit me and everything would be set in place... Nah not really, more like I wanted someone to choose my purpose for me because I was lost. Didn’t know what I wanted.

Well, I already have a career path in mind. I just have to make it my purpose. I’d rather not, because I really want to pay close attention to politics and don’t want anything from my career to mix badly with my morals... but... I realize that things aren’t perfect. They’ll never be perfect. But luckily I don’t have to hold onto this career path forever. I just have to hold onto this path until I’m ready to change my purpose. Indeed, I’m proposing that anyone who’s lost... just choose a purpose for themselves... and just roll with it. Don’t let anyone choose but yourself. I will never let anyone choose what I can or cannot do. I’ve had so much of that throughout my life... No wonder why I’ve felt so lost for so long.

Anyways, time for me to go. I might update if I make progress, or if there’s something imperatively important.. or if I’m obviously obsessing over something to the point that I feel compelled to post here... That’ll be the times that I’m here. Other than that, I’m out. Bye

[cloudtgfreewritingblog]

Why did the push against fossil fuels begin?

Well, I actually decided to blog again, even though I was ready to let it in the past for who knows how long... But the real reason is that I’m going to use blogging as, perhaps, part of the ritual before going to bed... at least for now... on and off.... like I used to

Anyways, a few nights ago I decided to read a book that I had gotten earlier in the summer... I won’t name the book, but let’s just say it relates to morality regarding the existence and usage of fossil fuels. And yea, the author is for fossil fuels. The reason I decided to get the book is because, even though I have been convinced so many times in the past of the existence of global warming, I never really know about why people are so convinced that fossil fuels are good, ignoring the argument that many of our inventions today rely on the existence of fossil fuels. So, that’s why I decided to get it.

And yes, I started reading it recently, but something caught my attention after the first 10 pages of reading. The author mentions that predictions for global warming have existed for decades, and back then those predictions suggested that by... now... we’d basically be struggling for survival due to climate change b/c of global warming. On the contrary, we aren’t, but rather we’re thriving. Not only that, but many other countries have substantially increased the usage of fossil fuels during this period. So for this reason, he basically dismisses the scaremongering of climate change caused by fossil fuels.

If I was any other person, I’d be like, yea you’re probably right... This sounds kinda like a conspiracy theory that just keeps coming back. Kinda like how the democrats rigged the primaries in favor of Hillary Clinton over Bernie Sanders. Kinda like how over 120,000 people were purged from the voter registry in Brooklyn just to keep Sanders from having a big win. Totally a big d4mn coincidence... Bs.

So obviously, what triggered me when the author was explaining his reasoning? It might be true that predictions were wrong. But why were the predictions wrong? Did they just not understand enough? Were the parameters for the conditions they were controlling in the predictions different from the actual conditions? Were they predicting a higher rate of fossil fuel usage than what actually occurred over the decades? Were we actually controlling the rate of global warming through different available technologies that prevented the climate change that was predicted? I don’t know, and frankly the author didn’t explain why the predictions were wrong. Therefore, I have no choice but to assume he was completely ignorant of why these scientists reached this conclusion... And perhaps he didn’t really care about how they messed up. That’s how I feel anyways, he just seems like someone who wants to prove a point...

On the contrary, I want to learn as much as I possibly can because I want to know what is actually going on. I don’t really want people telling me their side of the story... That’s the news literacy side of me talking though. It’s better to learn either in person or from a live feed from a credible source... After all, you need to be able to trust the stuff you’re observing and not be deceived. Seeing through the bias is so d4m difficult sometimes...

Did a quick look at a wikipedia page on the history of climate change... Apparently in 1979, the evidence that existed at the time suggested that it seemed possible that an increase of CO2 in the atmosphere could gradually increase global temperatures, perhaps becoming even showing effects by the year 2050... That’s more or less what is said. What is the evidence?

There are some pieces of evidence given on the page...

John Sawyer, in 1972, predicted that a 25% increase in CO2 in the atmosphere would lead to an increase in the global temperature of 0.6 degrees celsius by the year 2000... which turned out to be an accurate prediction.

John Holdren, around the same time, had thought that global warming wasn’t an immediate concern... However, the simple models were predicting future temperature changes on a more global scale... Apparently the predictions up to this point are proven according to one source, but I don’t have time to read or understand it... Anyways, apparently “fine-tuning” these models basically suggests that the effects of global warming will be more imminent once the year 2100 passes by. That’s definitely before the end of my lifetime...

Some Manabe and Wetherald duo also created their own model. When they doubled the amount of CO2 in the model, the temperature rose by about 2 degree celsius. 

Finally, Nicholas Shackleton and his colleagues concluded that ice ages are actually determined by a Milankovitch orbital change... Long explanation short, the ice changes are caused by slight changes in the revolution of the Earth around the sun... the 3 changes being how elliptical it is, how much its axis tilts over time, and how much earth’s orbit wobbles off from its fixed position... It’s easier to read it up yourself... but the point is that small changes in conditions can affect climate change...

So yea, due to all of this, the march against CO2, and fossil fuels, began. But let’s get back to the whole reason why I started this blog... Were climate change predictions accurate? Yea. Are we living in a dystopian world probably popularized by the main stream news at the time? Of course not. I’m starting to think and assume that the author of the book was thinking about the dystopian predictions, and not the actual predictions that were created by actual models. I believe that he mentioned James Hansen as being as the strongest advocate of climate change... and probably his biggest opponent for this debate.

Meh. Kinda sucks that this person didn’t even try to do some research on the subject. Oh well. I think I’ll do some research on James Hansen at some point. Gotta know how well this person did on researching and modeling in regards to climate change... And we’ll see if there’s any dystopian predictions to giggle about.

Just one more thing; this tiny bit of reading/research really has not changed my opinion about climate change. Rather, it has strengthened my belief that yes, climate can change... and I didn’t even realize that a Milankovitch orbital change could even happen, or has happened... or rather is a process that is constantly occurring over very long periods of time... I’m a very logical person so I can easily imagine how climate can change due to earth’s positioning from the sun can cyclically change now that I’m aware of these variational cycles....

Alright, well I need to go to bed. Got relatives to visit tomorrow, so I’ll be busy. Fun times. Mkay bye.

[cloudtgfreewritingblog]

I’m back, and how I’ve been

Oh, I’ve never posted in forever, and so I’ll NEVER be here again....

HA! I’m BACK!

Jk, I’ve just decided to push my social media activity into high gear on different platforms, and that includes this one. I just feel a need to start thinking about things again. I’ve been going along with the flow for too long, and it bothers me a little. So yea, here I am.

So, what am I here for now? Idk. Just saying hi for now. I only blog if I feel like it, and it’s obvious I haven’t felt like it in a long time. I’ve been busy working and gaming. I’ve had plenty of free time this summer in the northern hemisphere... and I mention the northern hemisphere simply because it’s an obvious conclusion that is reached.

Well, maybe I blog about something later this week, maybe I don’t. Not sure. There’s something on my mind related to a video that I watched earlier today. I feel like I want to blog about it, but the problem is that it would take some time from me to type everything out, including the issues, how I feel and think about it....

I think the reason why I felt like I had the time to do it in the past is because I would be doing the blogs at night, with my laptop on my bed. It was a way for me to pass the time and keep my mind active at the same time. It’s better than to just watch a video and give in the stimulating sights and sounds... I feel like I’ve let this go on for too long, so that’s why I feel it’s time to change.

So yea, maybe even tonight. No guarantees though. I want a break from video games though. Time passes by far too quickly, and it feels like I’m not benefiting at all. Yea, I play with other people and socialize, but I want to gain more practical skills. I need to do that to get a better job. I’m not gaining that with video games. There’s so many games I want to try and explore, but I don’t have the time for that now. There’s always time later though... So enough of that for now.

Well, I’ll blog later. Until then, peace!

[cloudtgfreewritingblog]

What makes a video game intimidating? Why is it important?

So obviously I haven’t posted here... in quite some time. Well, that’s okay. There won’t be any talk about justice. However, I was thinking I’m not really into video games as much lately.... But I also realized today that I fear socializing with people because I want to avoid trouble.... So it’s basically a fear of mine. Therefore, I came up with this grand idea to research online for the most intimidating video games so that I can practice mentally preparing myself for such situations....

However, I immediately ran into problems IMMEDIATELY. The first results that show up on a typical google search is, indeed, one link to a potential answer (a review of their top intimidating video games). However, most of these games are multiplayer games, and they don’t seem that intimidating to me. Any other links on the first few pages of the search just referred to top intimidating bosses, creatures, monsters.... you get the idea. There’s so many intimidating enemies in video games that the video game industry should realize that fighting enemies do not intimidate its audience anymore.

Let’s just review: what is intimidation? “The act of intimidating someone, or being intimidated by someone”.... Way to go Google Home... Okay, intimidate... “Frighten or overawe (impressing so much that they become silent or inhibited) someone, especially in order to make them do what one wants”... Alright that’s a pretty good definition. The idea of being intimidated is that one will not act against the will of the “intimidator”. In video games, especially for me, it’s pretty hard for me to feel intimidated when we feel like we are in control, or will not get into trouble. Yes, I would say there’s a correlation between wanting to stay out of trouble and giving in to the will of the “intimidator”.

So, typically a good video game with an “intimidating” genre would be one in which players are strongly encouraged to stay away from completing the game objectives so that they stay away from trouble. So, in order to figure out what good intimidating video games are, we need to define the qualities of them are.

The first value that I can immediately think of is feeling underpowered. By underpowered, I mean VERY underpowered. Powerless. Everyone is more powerful than you, and your stats seem so low. A good example of a game series with overpowered enemies is Dark Souls. I’m assuming we’ve all heard about this series by this point. I only played the first game a little bit, so I’ll explain what I can. The enemies are strong, and can usually kill you within 1-3 hits. Even if you kill off some enemies, they immediately respawn with full health every time you rest at one of a select number of bonfires, which is a healing point and a save point. So unless you become a really skilled player, traversing through this game would be difficult. It just saves the time and trouble if you just don’t play this game. It’s too tough.

Another value that can prove to be essential to feeling intimidated is having limited saves. In other words, limiting the player’s power to save. Don’t misunderstand me - I understand the absolute importance of saving, especially if the game suddenly crashes and you want to load where you left off. However, having only one save file that autosaves after key points in the game could make players fear if they make a wrong decision. Forcing the player to make a decision between 2-3 choices, and forcing an autosave on the game file right after the decision is made... Maybe even add a quick timer to that... They might be helpless to choose, which might lead them the game to choose for them - no choices chosen and the player reaches game over from guilt. The game hopefully would have a little replay of that scene so that players will have another chance, but idk what the best way to use this mechanic would be.

I’m not sure about any more values, but I think that the best sort of intimidating game is one in which the game constantly reminds you and warns you that either (a) it’s too dangerous to continue to complete a game objective OR (b) trying to complete a game objective will you leave you worse off

Imagine this - you’re a hero who completes quest objectives, and now you got to defeat a big boss. As you journey there, the npcs keep talking about this boss about how he’s invincible, lived forever, no weaknesses. And indeed, the game decides to give you a first encounter with the boss. However, you’re easily defeated with one blow by the boss, and the he decides to let you live, because the hero is an insect whom he can squash easily. Try to challenge him, and he’ll definitely release his army on you and destroy you in an instant. It might even be so difficult that it’s just easier to give up and hope that someone else can save the day instead. 

I’ve decided that I’m done thinking about this subject for now, but I think I’ve made my point. We need more intimidating video games. I get that it doesn’t sound rewarding, but remember when I said I like to avoid trouble? I think the biggest problem with video games is that, as they tend to be targeted towards a more general audience, they tend to be easier. I understand the need for that in terms of marketing a game, but unfortunately it feels like they promote wreckless behavior. Because players just want to play straight through the game. They don’t want to feel restricted.

I don’t want to feel restricted either... but I don’t think players should just be “free”. Kinda like real life. There’s so much intimidation in real life to not cause any sort of problems just so that you stay out of trouble. Yea, if you put a lot of effort out there, you could get that freedom that you wanted and do what you want. I want that same idea applied to video games. Not just in terms of “in-game-currency”... I’m talking about unlockable content after progressing through the game.

For mods in games like skyrim, it’s just as simple as download, find it in game, and boom you’re set. That’s kinda why I hate it. It isn’t rewarding, it isn’t normal to easily obtain something, and you would expect obstacles that make it REALLY difficult to get the item... like being unable to get an item even when you’re exploiting in-game mechanics (e.g. cliff climb-jumping up to the exit so you can immediately reach the treasure room). Yea, it’s good that I got it, but it definitely doesn’t feel fulfilling.

I wouldn’t say I want changes for all mods, but for some mods with big rewards or awesome equipment, try intimidating us. Use whatever methods you can. Maybe even try to frustrate us (because mods can overpower us, it’s hard to kill us). It should be natural for there to be barriers that prevent us from getting what we want. We’ve probably heard about the pyramids of Egypt and how there were several treasure rooms, and so many traps within. One mistake and one would be dead. I’d rather never go into a pyramid with active traps because it sounds way too dangerous.

So that’s the idea. We the players need to feel the risk of being endangered in order to be intimidated. I would say a game like Undertale has the potential, especially when there’s actually a time that it boots you out of the game, and then when it starts up to the main menu... It’s different... I’d definitely feel fear in moments like that. I just don’t want to spoil the game.

Anyways, I’m done with that. If you feel like that there’s a real intimidating game out there, just reply the name of the game to this post so that others can find it and get it so that they have a chance to feel intimidation. 

[cloudtgfreewritingblog]

Defining some of my Right/Wrong terms for Future Reference

I didn’t think I’d have to post on here for a long time. Unfortunately, I’ve decided that I’m going to be more active on here. The reason is simple: there are a lot of issues of right/wrong that I want to address in the near future. In order to do that, I first have to define a few different terms that I’ll be using regarding the issue of right and wrong. I have to define them because the way I use these terms might be a bit different from the way everyone else has learned about them. The three terms are moral right/wrong, ethical right/wrong, and lawful right/wrong.

Lawful right and wrong is what our government or leaders have defined as right or wrong. This is written on paper by signing some documents, and then they become law. Hence the reason why it’s called “lawful” right/wrong. A good example is in Hammurabi’s Code. The phrase I remember most from it is “an eye for an eye”. It means if someone’s eye gets stabbed because of you, then you get your eye stabbed too. It doesn’t mean that it is actually good or bad. What if it was an accident? Do you really deserve to lose your eye when you didn’t have the intent to hurt somebody?

Now, we bring attention to the ethical right/wrong. This is referring to the right/wrong that is taught to us by either our culture or historical precedent. As a student taking an economics class, a fine example of this is Adam Smith economics teaching that if the boss of the workplace and the business are doing well, or making a good profit, then the workers should be happy since it should reflect well on their own wages. The key word is should though, because even though their bosses are better off, it does not mean that working harder or for longer hours for more profit will give them an equivalent amount of wages in return. This is called exploitation. Money that the workers should be earning are used by the business instead. It’s bad when the workers don’t have a say to what happens to that exploited money.

The final term is moral right/wrong. This is what we each personally believe is right/wrong. You might think that people should be paying for their own healthcare, but my moral vision is that people should have their health cared for as a right. Same thing with the living wage. You might think that wages are fine now, but I think that until the government can guarantee living rights for its people, my moral belief is that the living wage should cover living costs and the collection of some emergency expenses, which I believe should be a wage of $15/hr right now.

Anyways, those are my definitions, I’ll be discussing topics related to the right/wrong later on. Got to go to work now. Peace.

[cloudtgfreewritingblog]

Why Am I Not Really Active On Here..?

Well, I actually got a part-time job about two months ago, and I started college as a part-time student a few weeks ago, so I’ve been busy lately. If I feel comfortable, then I might open up a little more about my personal life.

Getting to my main point, I just really feel like typing everything is not the best way for me to communicate. Actually, every work/school day, I practice speaking in the car about moral issues and about what’s going on in my life. Because of my practice, I realize I’d rather talk about issues than type about them. Why? Because it’s faster to talk than it is to type. So I was thinking to myself... why don’t I just record myself talking and put it up here?

It’s simple. I don’t want people to recognize my voice. It’d help if I had a voice changer, but I’m too lazy to even get a voice-changing app. I wouldn’t even know how to upload the sound recording and post it on this account. Now, I wouldn’t mind having a Siri-like AI who could translate my voice into actual text. But I remember having a roommate who used SIRI all the time, and he’d always have to speak slowly and have a clear voice. It wouldn’t always work though. That’s darn annoying. Maybe if it’s an AI that learns your voice over time..? I think I’d prefer that. I’ll try looking into it.

If I can get something like that, it’d be easier for me to just post something that’s already been prepared several hours ago. That’s much more convenient than spending 30-40 minutes typing something up, and another 10-20 minutes proofreading my post. Like literally, I speak outloud what I type, and sometimes it doesn’t make any sense, so I sometimes have to retype a few words; maybe even a sentence or two at a time. Like I’m at the revising stage right now, and I probably changed my wording in every other sentence because my typing is out-of-touch with grammatical structure.

Well, I’m gonna go to sleep now. It’s almost midnight, and I have to be up in about 8 hours. So, good night and hopefully I’ll see you later!

[cloudtgfreewritingblog]

Today’s Meritocracy - good or bad?

So I was watching a video on TYT Politics today and I heard the word “meritocracy”. I didn’t really need to look it up to know what it means. It basically means as you become more reputable in society, you earn more and more power. A big chunk of Trump supporters are a fan of this sort of society, because they like the reward from being more popular. I am against a meritocracy though, despite how much I think I personally can gain from this sort of system.

I can understand why people would like the idea of it though. In World of Warcraft, a video game I used to play 4-5 years ago, there were different factions in the game. You could achieve different ranks within a faction, depending on how high your reputation got. You could gain reputation by completing quests, killing certain enemy units, or activating/exchanging certain items. So as you become more important with a faction, you’ll eventually gain a rank. With a new rank, you gain more advantages. Two advantages are having more quests available to you and more items available to be purchased by faction quartermasters. A better phrasing is that you have more accessibility.

So this would be just like in a real meritocracy. Factions would be your job level at your work place, how many people follow you on social networks, or how big of a role you play in your government. Stuff like that. You gain reputation in different ways depending on which “faction” you are with. I won’t bother getting into the diff. ways to gain reputation because it’s too bothersome for me to list several examples. Anyways, as your rank goes up, you get rewarded in different ways. Most likely, you’ll get more opportunities to get money or have accessibility to activities that usually require more money.

So a merit based system definitely seems rewarding for someone who works hard, and doesn’t seem bad at all. However, we have to remember that it’s a little bit more complicated. Different job industries offer different wages, and most jobs are in industries where they pay you less. Being a politician or working in government sounds good, but the pay might not always be great. The problem with a meritocracy is the assumption that you will be rewarded fairly for working hard. By “fairly”, I mean that your basic necessities will be covered by your work when you start out. Money to cover food, rent/housing services, travel-to-work expenses, prescription medicine.... This doesn’t even include emergency costs that insurance companies promise they’ll cover.. Right now, the reason there are so many poor Americans in the United States is because they cannot cover emergency costs, even a $600 cost. They are already struggling with their basic necessities.

That’s just the simple problem with it now. If that part of today’s meritocracy was fixed (people’s starting wage matching their basic necessities and some emergency costs), at least everyone would have a normal start. But there’s another moral problem with a meritocracy. Today’s meritocracy is based on a system of money. The more money you have, the more you can spend on whatever you want. Meritocracy doesn’t discriminate between people.

It sounds good until some who make discriminatory decisions reach a high enough rank (have enough wealth and power) to impact the meritocracy system. When these people reach this position, they have so much power that they can influence others (like politicians) to change the law/rules of society so that people can’t get as many rewards(money), while the rewards are being given to the people with power. It can easily happen because politicians are being rewarded for changing the system that badly impacts many people, while just a select powerful few benefit from the decisions. 

So morally, I think a meritocracy is just plain wrong. Or at the very least, the currently existing one will not work fairly for everyone. For a meritocracy to be a system in which it can be fair, work for all, and never change... it has to be a system that gives everyone a living chance NOW, and be the Golden Rule of society that can never waver nor be broken. But it can be broken because it isn’t the law of the land. Right now, whoever makes the most money will end up influencing who succeeds in a meritocracy, and that is an unfair and biased system. I can’t support that at all.

Personally, I know I’d succeed in a meritocracy simply because I was somehow popular both at my high school and at college, despite how anti-social I had become. I was basically succeeding where most people wouldn’t, and I think based on my past success, I’d make my way in this world. Heck, maybe a fairer system would make things worse for me, but I wouldn’t really know. But I feel like I have a moral obligation to support what is fair to all, and a system in which people can start off working hard and still able to live normally without worrying about emergency costs.. that’s a goal I think we should all support.

Well, I’m done with this blog. I’ll probably go to bed in like 10-15 minutes. The next blog I do will probably be about Starcraft Remastered, because the only people who did work on this were art designers, graphic designers, and maybe one or two game designers. Anyways, time to prepare for bed. Bye!

[cloudtgfreewritingblog]

Idea: Let the People Monitor their Representatives in Government

I think that the government should be under surveillance by the people. I simply thought about that while taking a shower this morning. By “under-surveillance”, I mean that for every person in a government position, all information relevant to that position, including emails and videos, should be open-source. In other words, this information should be able to be accessed by the public. By public, I do mean the people that are supposed to be represented. So, in the state of New York, the governor should have all of his government-related emails and videos become open-source to the people of New York. The reasoning is real simple. The governor technically is elected by the people, therefore he should be monitored by the same people. The “boss” of the government should be the people, especially since the government is considered as a powerful tool.

Right now, I think the governments in the U.S. are primarily a tool of the rich, wealthy, powerful... and there’s a simple reason for that. Many politicians, particularly Governors, Senators, and House Representatives, are getting large sums of money from lobbyists who represent big businesses (banks, pharmaceutical companies, gun manufacturers, oil industry)... And big offices in government are being replaced by the same people that have ties to these companies. By ties, I mean that people are chosen to work in the government based on big companies that they worked for (or the amount of money that they own).

A good example is Betsy DeVos. She was put into office as Secretary of Education in February of this year. She spent a lot of money funding Trump’s campaign, and was rewarded with this position. Her husband was a former CEO of a company, and her brother is a founder of Blackwater... Blackwater, that private militarized group; which I think is the same group responsible for infiltrating the Standing Rock Water Protectors. These militants treated these heroes as “terrorists”, even though there was never evidence of any terrorist acts. On the contrary, they were trying to prevent the building of a pipeline so that it wouldn’t leak oil into the water. Blackwater did its job well and caused enough chaos. The pipeline was built and there were already 3 reported oil spills BEFORE IT WAS EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE OPEN. Blackwater loves roses and poison, don’t they?

Digressing back to the point, representatives should be monitored by the people because they represent us, and if they’re acting in ways that we don’t want them to be, then we should be able to always have the knowledge of their actions open to us. Corporate journalists are terrible because they’re too tied by their corporate rules. Therefore, we have to make rules/laws in which anyone who works in the government have all of their government information open to the people.

[cloudtgfreewritingblog]

Do I think Chariton should apologize to Goodman?

I’ve been avoiding talking about politics and journalists in general for a while, but APPARENTLY some people have been hating on a progressive journalist, Jordan Chariton, because apparently he called out other journalists a few weeks ago who he believed weren’t doing their jobs - investigating and reporting the facts.

I’ve been a big follower of Jordan Chariton since the 2016 Democratic Primaries. Although I don’t watch every single one of his videos, I try to watch them when he’s revealing new information about events (like the Dakota Access Pipeline or the water crisis in Flint). I prefer using the TYT Politics channel because I want to know about issues that I care about, and he’s been the only one that actually goes to these places and actually INVESTIGATES the places. That includes interviewing people of different social statuses.

So the people that were hating on Jordan Chariton wanted him to “apologize” to H.A. Goodman. I have no idea why they wanted him to apologize, so I did a little bit of research...

I was actually subscribed to H.A. Goodman for a few months in 2016 because he was supportive of Bernie Sanders. In particular, I initially subscribed to the channel because he talked about how Hillary Clinton could still be indicted; and after watching a few more videos about how likely Bernie can win during the primaries I decided to watch a video about once a week.

I’m not exactly sure when, but it was sometime between after the primaries and before the general election that Goodman was acting a bit off. It was a video about how Bernie Sanders can still win the General Election. In this video, he used future-tense words like “will” in phrases that I think included “Hillary Clinton will be indicted”... Now, I’m not really sure why he did that, because it was implying that he knew that these events were going to happen.

By talking in this manner, he completely turned me off, and I unsubscribed after watching several minutes of that video. It felt like he was promising me something by using those words, and I already knew that in states like mine, any write-in votes for Bernie Sanders would not count as a real vote. So, it was really a false-promise, and I was disappointed in Goodman because I thought he would know better.

If Goodman was really trying to make a theory instead of a promise, then I seriously suggest that he learns to use conditional words instead of future-tense words. That’s important because even though it’s supposed to be a theory, it’s also something that is uncertain, and cannot be determined even with some facts... Voting and possibilities of indictment were a serious issue that I wanted to know about, and I hated (and felt a little annoyed) that a journalist like him would tell how things would happen, as if he were from the future because he lived the events already.

Anyways, back to the whole “Jordan should apologize” thing. Why should he apologize to Goodman? Well, to be honest I still don’t know. I’m not sure if Goodman ever messed up on facts or not. If Goodman always reports factual information, then Jordan was wrong. Personally, I only think that Jordan should apologize if he wants to be on good terms with Goodman. As someone who felt like Goodman was trying to deceive me, a viewer of his channel in the past, I don’t blame Chariton if he never apologizes to Goodman.

It does kinda annoy me that both of them would waste their time and resources to report about each other instead of real issues that we care about instead of each other. We care about the results of journalism, not some fighting between two journalists. Don’t apologize to each other. Apologize to us, the viewers.

You can rant all you want, you can make theories all you want.... but just remember that we viewers are spending time watching your videos because we want to learn about issues that we care about. If you aren’t doing your job, that’s when you apologize to us.

And why the hell do people want apologies for lying? I don’t know if anyone lied or not or if someone got their information wrong... I think it’s good enough for an investigative journalist to say that “I was wrong” or something like that. No need to apologize unless they were purposefully trying to deceive people. I don’t think Jordan was trying to deceive anyone, but no one can read minds, so I won’t blame the pro-apologist people for being angry with him.

Speaking of them, if these people seriously want Jordan to “apologize”, they seriously need to take a few steps. First, if there were false facts or theories or “misleading of audience” that Jordan thought Goodman was doing, they should ask Jordan which videos of Goodman he was talking about. Second, watch the videos themselves and ask themselves “Is it possible to reach Jordan’s conclusion?” If not, then there’s two options.

1. He did his own research ahead of time, and after watching the videos he reached his own conclusion 2. His conclusions are unjustified

Personally I don’t care as long as they are reporting about the issues instead of each other. For those who stopped watching Jordan Chariton because of this incident, I’m disappointed in y’all. Not because you want him to apologize... but because I’m inclined to believe that your conclusions of Jordan Chariton are unjustified.

In my perspective regarding H.A. Goodman, he might be a good person. He might be a Bernie supporter like I am. He might always be reporting the facts. But because he has made unjustified promises when there was existing evidence contradicting what he says would happen, it gave me doubts about him as an investigative journalist. I don’t want him to theorize. I don’t want him to make promises that turn out false. I just want him to report facts and what is happening. Since his channel is not necessarily dedicated to just journalism, I can’t trust that he’ll stop making more theories, and I don’t want to deal with that.

I can’t think of anything else I want to say, so I’ll just end it here. If Goodman stopped theorizing on his channel a while back, continues to do so for a time, and focuses just on journalism (reporting the facts and investigating)... He’ll gradually regain reputation as a journalist. Leave the theories either offline or for a different channel. For now it’s better for him that way.

I apologize if anyone feels offended for my opinions, but whatever. Research the facts yourself, and reach your OWN conclusions. Just like a journalist should. So now I shall go get some food. Good night!

[cloudtgfreewritingblog]

Why I Will Never Get Married

So a while back I spent some time watching videos on YouTube. Most of them were about women who take advantage of men for their money. It’s a term called “Gold diggers” or something like that. Yeah... I wouldn’t like to be associated with any gold diggers. However, I’m more interested in blogging about a book authored by Dr. Helen Smith. As a psychologist, her book Men on Strike is about why men are “withdrawing” from things like marriage. I haven’t actually read the book, but I just watched her talking on Fox News and I did a tiny bit of research to talk about why men don’t want to marry. And I think I’m convinced that I actually don’t want to marry.

The reasons that I wouldn’t want to marry is due to law, money, and personal issues. I don’t really know where to start, and some of the issues can be listed in more than one category, so I guess I’ll start with the biggest reasons I can think of and then work from there.

So, I may have mentioned this in a blog a LONG time ago, but TONS of money is spent on a diamond ring for engagement. It’s a pain. Stereotypically, guess who has to pay for the ring? The guy. And how much to pay for the ring? It “varies”, but society expects men to spend a few thousand for a ring. Apparently the rule of thumb for spending is to “Spend 2 months of your income on an engagement ring“. Seriously? I am not about to spend 2 months of money on a ring. Especially on diamonds that have been monopolized by a diamond company De Beers.

Look, diamond rings have no practical use. It is only a symbol used to prove that you are “committed” to be in a long-term relationship with someone. As I’ve mentioned in that old blog, I’d rather get a tattoo to show my commitment to a significant other than a ring that can always be discarded. Tattoos are a strong symbol and can’t be erased as easily as rings. If we’re actually prepared for a commitment, then tattoos are far more symbolic than rings. And of course there’s more room for artwork too.

On top of the price for the ring, there’s the price for the wedding. I’ve been to a relative’s wedding, and gosh it was so nice I don’t even want to think about how expensive it was. Sure, there was only like 80-100 people, but to me that’s a lot of people to serve for. That’s a lot of money to spend on a lot of people. And don’t forget all the additional services, planning, location... For most average couples, weddings cost less than $10,000... Okay, that’s already too much. That money could instead be put into a savings account to make even more money. Grr....

Now I’ll talk about what I learned about divorce... (e.g. more than 50% of married couples get divorced)... I don’t really know the actual laws since I did quick research, so I might be misinformed about this topic.

Typically, anything that is owned by a married couple can be divided between the two. So, the money, the house, furniture, car, anything that they own. If only one person is working, then their hard-earned money can be taken by the other person. If you bring a precious memento into the house, then that can also be taken by the other. If someone who owns little was married to someone who owns a lot, then during a divorce the poorer person can take a lot from the other.

Personally, I don’t really make much money, but I do own items that I consider to be very valuable. I wouldn’t want anything to be taken from me in such an unfair divorce.

Additionally, if there are children involved in the divorce, then they are also treated as “married property”. There’s an ethical problem with that (because the children might not be getting what they want), but our law and society has not advanced ethically enough to deal with this problem fairly. I’m not sure why, but somehow women can not only take the children, but can also force the man to pay financial support for the children... Even after she remarries. Unrelated, in the state of Michigan, if the mother doesn’t know who the father of the child is, she can put down a random man’s name, and he can become the “Dad by Default”, forcing him into a financial obligation.

Now, for more personal reasons... 

One in five marriages are sexless marriages. Plenty of married couples only have them once a month. A relationship with less intimacy than the previous stage sounds like a bad deal to me, someone who grew fond of this in past relationships.

I’m not in a relationship, so investing time trying to find a potential partner (like dating or looking for partners online) seems like a waste too. How does a guy like me possibly benefit from a relationship? There might be intimacy, but there really isn’t anything else I’m interested in. I like fun and games sure, but I’ve never really experienced that enjoyment in past relationships, so that idea kinda goes down the drain for me. 

I can’t really think of anything else. I’m just being lazy, but I can think of any benefits to a marriage, let alone a long-term relationship... and there’s just too much risk of losing stuff. I’d rather live on my own than with a married partner.

Now, on the contrary, I’d be potentially interested in alternatives to marriages, but for now I’ll just say no to marriages

[cloudtgfreewritingblog]

Why do people get hired for a job? Because of what they have achieved. Because of the people that are connected to them. Because of the skills that they have. Because of their character. The more important these all are, the better the job you can get.

Back when I was a kid, I would have never understood any of this. Yeah, I understood getting good grades was important, but I never understood the full picture. It was just to get good grades to go to college so that I could get a good job. Well, here I am after school and college and I still don’t even have a job. I only have myself to blame. I mean, I can easily get a job, but I’m talking about a decent job with benefits.

The only thing I’m missing is people that I’m connected to that can tell others about myself. You know, those references that will mean the difference between getting a job or not. I had references, but it’s been a year or so since I’ve contacted them, and it just gets awkward trying to use an old contact. It’s embarrassing and pitiful for me, which is why I REALLY don’t want to use them. It saddens me, but it’s necessary.

Sorry if I didn’t make any sense, this is me just babbling to myself. I’m going to get back to creating some cover letters. It’s a pain writing them, but I need to get my first foot in the door somewhere.

....Okay bye.