#I wanted to own one when I grew up
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Don't talk to me or my son ever again
#when I was at home I dug out this small toy beetle I had when I was 4 years old#so I immediately had to take it back with me and put next to Bumblebee#I loved that car as a kid#it's so shaped#I wanted to own one when I grew up#I still love the car but these days my desire is only for VAZ 2101 :'D#spam
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just because your peers are reaching âlife milestonesâ before you doesnât mean youâre falling behind in life. Youâre not behind in life. Youâre not youâre not youâre not youâre not and maybe someday youâll believe it
#one of those nights folks!#I know when and if a person reaches so called life milestones is arbitrary!!! But why am I so behind???#itâs just. more people I grew up with are getting married and having kids#I donât even think I want kids!!#itâs just that it goes along with them having the relationships and stability to do so!!#and Iâm envious of that!#and itâs pathetic that I still blame all the bullying I went through for my lack of relationships when I know itâs really my own fault#for not bettering myself and going out and meeting people and instead waiting for a future where Iâm no longer disgusted with my body#ack sorry if you opened the tags only to be slapped in the face with vent#it be like this sometimes
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y'all got me all hyped to do more merfolk AU art so I finished the Love's Lights scene
#I GIVE YOU: MORE FUN MERFOLK AU FACTS THAT NOBODY ASKED FOR!!!#Ezra grew up on his own without the benefit of other merfolk to learn from and he's kinda out of touch with his merfolk instincts#so ezra THINKS he's bringing sabine to a pretty underwater light show that he thinks she'll think is cool#and telling himself ''i'm getting a good grade in platonic friendship; something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve!''#...except his mer-instinct is actually prompting him to bring The Love Of His Life to the site of the Annual Merfolk Love Festival#and merfolk bioluminescent patterns reflect their mood and communicate with other merfolk#BUT Ezra can't really control his markings#so he's putting on an involuntary light show that translates to#''SABINE!! HI!! LOOK AT ME!! I'M GLOWING REALLY BRIGHT!! IS THAT IMPRESSIVE OR WHAT?? P.S. I'VE FALLEN IRREVOCABLY IN LOVE WITH YOU''#also the pattern of Ezra's markings is inspired by Sabine's starbird!#mythical creatures au#jessica's art#sabezra#sabezra fanart#not 100% loving sabine's outfit in this tbh#I tried to do something simple that went with what the fic described her wearing but it turned out kinda boring...#and ezra's tail turned out weird too... sighhhh...#oh well ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ#OOH WAIT I THOUGHT OF ANOTHER FUN FACT#the shell necklace Sabine is wearing is one that Ezra gave to her when he was 15#and for adult merfolk the gift of a handmade shell necklace is basically a marriage proposal#but he was a kid then so it's more equivalent to the time my best friend proposed to her crush with a ring pop
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Something I've been thinking a lot about lately is how everyone thought Egon had gone insane. What Happened that made them think that. They've fought a gigantic Stay Puft Marshmellow Man TWICE (counting the 2009 video game because iirc it's canon? Correct me if I'm wrong), fought an interdimensional god, fought a blood thirsty ruler that killed thousands and was hated by all that was trapped in a painting (and managed to get in to beat him by making THE STATUE OF LIBERTY start walking down the street with slime that reacted purely based on vibes), found an underground abandoned transit system full of the moodslime, had a bathtub try to eat Dana and her baby, fought a giant murderous black widow lady, fought the fisherman ghost who turned an entire hotel floor into the bottom of a ocean, and that's not even mentioning them getting trapped on an island that randomly raised up from underwater that had been abandoned for decades created by Ivor Shandor who worshipped Gozer. So what did he do or say that made everyone else think he'd gone insane?? All I can think is maybe he was acting strange / eratic before, but he's always been like that to some degree.
I don't know. It's something that I've been thinking about. The correct answer is 'it's not that deep and they needed a reason that the others weren't together anymore and weren't aware of Egons death or know what was going on,' but also. What Was He Saying that prompted everyone, including Ray, to think he lost his mind when he'd been right almost every time before that.
I'm genuinely so curious as to what he was up to before this. What was he doing. What insane idea was working on prior to this or was he even working on anything at all??
Also want to clarify this post isn't negative đ I really love the newer movies and their lore / the newer storyline / characters, I just like thinking about small stupid things like this. Gives me something to think about / speculate about / figure out an answer to.
#ghostbusters#egon spengler#nikolas posts#I have so many thoughts on it because I've just been rewatching the two movies on loop for the past few days.#All we got was Ray saying that he'd started talking about the end of the world (IIRC) and that he went insane and took everything#when he eventually left to deal with it on his own#which for the record it's extremely impressive that he would've stopped Gozer from returning BY HIMSELF. The only reason it hadn't worked#was because of the electricity issue#Hiding all the traps and setting up the proton packs to fire at the hell pit?? Insanity. He's just on a complete different level of existin#Like they were aware of Ivor Shandor and his plans long before??? They found his ISLAND DEDICATED TO GOZER who had full intention of#BRINGING THEM BACK#it's really Really REALLY not this deep but I have thoughts and I wanted to share them. Maybe someone else might have an idea I#couldn't think of or might have something to add.#I guess it could be a 'they beat Gozer once and assumed they were gone' but that wasn't the first time Gozer 'died' so??#if I missed something Please tell me. I haven't watched the newer movies as much as the older ones (I grew up watching them / playing#the game so I'm more familiar with the older lore and haven't had the chance to rewatch the newer ones 1000 times over unfortunately)#so it's entirely possible I missed something#I'd think maybe it was just because they were older but I really don't think thats the case. I have reasoning for it but I need to do#the math to make sure I'm getting the ages right by the time AfterLife happens.#really need to make a chart / timeline of all the events that happened and what year / month / day they happened. That's a project#for tomorrow perhaps.#anyways if anyones reading this sorry for the insane rambling and congrats for making it to the end#also this post isn't negative I adore the newer movies so much. I love them a lot and I genuinely don't really care about this at all#just a thing to think / ponder / speculate about if that makes sense#I enjoy thinking about stupid irrelevant stuff like this#so so so many thoughts
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Ladd: but why would you kill me when I'm willing to kill for you?? Lass: omg you can't just say you'd kill someone, Ladd. that's murder and it's frowned upon.
(and then Ladd does kill for her but it's fine and part of the job)
#my characters#the two as kids are playing in a park and ladd wanders off and gets uhhh abducted kinda#basically a siren lures him so he goes physically willingly not knowing its a siren singing to him and it leads to his disappearance#for a couple weeks and lass blames herself and when ladd shows back up with no memory of the weeks gone#she just gets so scared and refuses to talk to ladd bc what if she hurts him or gets him hurt#so she goes to therapy for it and then they both get employed at the supernatural bureau of investigations#and then ladd proceeds to be an absolute asshole to everyone without trying hes just really not good at socializing#and so lass and one of the main characters are like... i want to kill ladd so bad hes so annoying#while ladd is like ???????? I AM LITERALLY JUST EXISTING THATS MEAN#then he gets wind of a case the main duo is working on and it feels familiar so he asks to help bc it takes place near where he grew up#and its kids getting abducted and he ends up finding the siren and the memories come back#and so he tells the other two where the kids are most likely bc thats where he was kept#and its just a siren who wanted to be a mom but instead of having her own kids she just lures in kids to take care of#until shes bored and ladd is like ok well that answers a lot and while id love to forgive you and take you in alive#you ruined my sisters childhood and thats something i cant give leniency to#and kills the siren which ends the abductions and then he gets back to work and hugs lass and says nothing about it#and she just writes it off as ladd being weird again cause whatever#anyway thanks they're side characters
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KINCADE PACK đş (original works) â âThe name goes back centuries, and all Miranda cares about is making sure it lasts for many moreâ
[template by @tommyarashikage]
tag list (ask to be added or removed!): @adelaidedrubman @florbelles @simonxriley @voidika @kyberinfinitygems @voidbuggg @inafieldofdaisies @statichvm @socially-awkward-skeleton @aceghosts @carlosoliveiraa @risingsh0t @unholymilf @thedeadthree @cassietrn @jackiesarch @a-treides @shellibisshe @loriane-elmuerto @katsigian @captastra @simplegenius042 @theelderhazelnut @g0dspeeed @leviiackrman @strangefable @jacobseed
#insp: the lodge#too many ocs to tag here lmao#this is a little bit rushed because itâs like 2am#but Iâve been thinking about doing this template for them since I first saw it#FINALLY I get to talk about this fucked up rich werewolf family#Logan and Jaydeâs dad were best friends and grew up together#so Jayde and Skye essentially grew up with Loganâs kids#thereâs a lot of complicated feelings there between the kids for various reasons#they consider each other family to a degree (more like cousins)... but some of them would definitely straight up kill each other.#Miranda had her eye mostly on Jayde because sheâs the same age as Garret and Mirandaâs main goal is to strengthen her bloodline#and Jayde comes from a well known purebred bloodline#so Mirandaâs golden boy Garret (massive douchebag) tried his darndest to rizz up Jayde for most of their childhood#Jayde fucking despises him. she beat his ass on more than one occasion. which massively bruised his fragile ego. but he still wants to hit#Amara and Mitchell are the designated chaos twins that Jayde has a love/hate relationship with. Skye gets along with them great of course#Jonas is the only mf that has his head on straight. He's mostly separated from the fam. removed at the 'heir' when he didn't want it.#now hes a werewolf therapist for werewolves with a small family of his own. he reminds Jayde of her dad. he's around the same age too#SCANDAL: Jonas is slightly older than Logan lmao#Declan is the other golden boy. the precious spoiled baby. Miranda's backup for the backup.#he's terrified of Garret so he tries to stay out of his way and mostly keeps to himself#tbh Declan is just Scared of Everything and desperately doesn't want any responsibility but tries to hide it#anyway before Jayde's dad was killed and she was captured they knew hunters were coming for them#so they went to the Kincades for help. Miranda would only accept the girls.#Jayde chose to stay with her parents and they left Skye with the family to keep her safe (she was 12)#that was the last time Skye saw her family intact :/ she didnât see Jayde again for years.#so Miranda pampered her and groomed her to be in her family.#like she was this little jewel. the last living Thatcher.#now that Jayde is back and Skye is with her and they're living their own life#Miranda be scheming. she wants to claim their bloodline sooo bad.#anyway sorry for the massive lore dump thereâs.... a lot of complicated shit going on here
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you know what, I actually will talk about this because it's bothering me. The issue with focussing so heavily on syd and carmy's potential for a romantic relationship isn't that there's something inherently unintellectual about romance or whatever, it's that a lot of people seem incapable of doing that without immediately flattening the story and ignoring or intentionally misreading any and all nuance for the sake of that romance. Every scene suddenly becomes about how it impacts their relationship, every analysis is done through a romantic lens, every frame or line of dialogue becomes about finding some easter egg or hint that "proves" these people should start dating. Their dynamic is absolutely a fundamental part of this show, but if you can only see it as a will-they-won't-they, you miss so much of what the story is actually trying to say with these two.
There are good versions of this story where their relationship is romantic and there are good versions of this story where it isn't, but as soon as you decide them being together is "the point," you lose the ability to actually judge the story for what it is, not what you want it to be.
#like so much of their dynamic (esp but not exclusively in S3) has been about showing the ways that carmy's trauma and dysfunctional#attitude in the kitchen impacts other people and how even though he cares about syd and wants their partnership to work he keeps self#sabotaging and setting himself and by extension her and the restaurant up to fail and replicating the same toxic environments that#he grew up and trained in and this is very much consistent with his character and a natural continuation of the conflicts they've been#having since S1 but because him being shitty with her runs contrary to them getting together suddenly its 'ruining the story' and#out of character and only happening bc the writers just hate to see this ship winning and like. if you really think that i genuinely don't#know what show you've been watching bc it sure as shit wasn't this one. like it hurts to see him do this because you know#they could do something genuinely great together and that he's ruining a really good thing but this is also the reality of where he is rn#if he was just a good and supporting business partner and not deeply dysfunctional it would be wildly out of character#the problem w S3 wasn't that it 'ruined' their relationship it's that it had no clear focus overemphasized carmy's arc at the expense#of the other leads deprioritized the supporting cast while failing to give them their own arcs gave more screen time to#unecessary and uninteresting new 'comic relief' characters and let conflicts stagnate without resolving them or#letting them evolve over the course of the season.#this isn't exclusive to the bear this is a general trend ive noticed where as soon as the 'shipper' part of people's brains get activated#it's like they lose the ability to read the story any other way and it stops being about what's good for the narrative and starts being#about whether or not these two people kiss and anything that gets in the way of that is bad and anything that brings it closer is good#and it's usually whatever but it's really frustrating when the story ppl are doing that to is this good#it also makes people fundamentally incapable of treating any 'obstacle' to that romance in a way that isn't wildly meanspirited and#gross (esp bc those characters are usually women) which is exhausting. like no claire isn't evil or a 'pick me' or 'bad' for carmy#or a useless addition to the story or whatever other nonsense you guys have decided must be true to feel okay. she's a perfectly normal#character and their relationship is exploring some of the ways that carmy's inability to deal with or actually address his trauma#impacts the various relationships in his life. she doesn't even have to be a monster or a narrative mistake for him and syd to be#'destined' for each other or whatever. this isn't a middle school wattpad fic.#im definitely gonna get killed in the street for this but ive been looking for a good reason to spend less time on here so might as well#the bear#sydcarmy#sydney adamu#carmy berzatto
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r u the grew up poor never being able to buy the little things in life u always wanted as a kid so now u buy whatever little thing u want as an adult and struggle with saving for the big mandatory thing,
or the grew up poor never being able to buy the little things in life u always wanted as a kid so now u just never buy anything small bcs u had to learn to live without it and constantly try to save for the next big thing in 500 yrs
#everyones been asking what i wanted for my bday and i always say nothing#like i hate the feeling of getting somebody smthing just to get them smthing like personally#it needs to come from the heart for me. if it's for smthing big like a bday#now like getting someone a coffee judt to get them one on a random day is dif bcs it's just smthin random on a random day i can understand#but idk like as a kid into adulthood the only bday my relatives / guardians have ever celebrated was my adopted brother's n my dad's#the dad bcs hes a hyperconservative dictator lol n the older adopted bro is cus hes got higher needs#so everybody gets more money taking care of him n stuff so u gotta act like u care abt him according to the guardians#but like i never even knew bdays were that big to people. like i mean i know OTHER PEOPLES bdays are big to them#i find ppl who rlly love their bdays to be rlly cute. like i dont think theyre selfish or make fun of em cus theyre judt having fun#n like u only get one x yr bday so have fun with it!!#but for ME? my bday was never anything special n i dont think it is now#everybody feels bad or smthing for me or for not getting me nothing today but it's like?? this is the norm??? im cool with it#ive been thinking abt other stuff like i just dont have time to think abt the pleasures rn. i have to double on the pain or smthing#like my friends always laugh abt how i dont drink coffee/tea or alcohol bcs u cant be in the medical field without a lil smn smn#& it's like idk ! i like ppl that do do that kinda stuff but like! i never grew up with that & it just feels odd to do it now kinda thing#idk im very cheap but also i will use the fact that im cheap on the small stuff to justify wanting to make a big purchase#i have a weird relationship with buying things for myself vs for others like 4 others i will buy watever u want bro#sugar papi ted#hey heres this idk insert raccoon bracelet bcs u like raccoons n love wearing bracelets so i thot of u n bought it#but if i buy smthing for me it has to have a dual purpose or smthing#i got to have a free dessert today n chose the churros over the tres leches cake slicr cus u can judt make the cake#but i dont own a deep fryer so i cant make churros n storebought churros just arent the same#like im just always idk comparing or needing to know the use of things yanno#if i do smthing. i have to see it thru. & it has to have multi purpose#i mean just look at my username jrue ships or jrue's hips like#im unwell when it comes to that#idk is anyone else like this#anyways yea this whole new thing of getting stuff on one day is hard for me like it just never matches up with my time#of course ill see stuff id like to have but like. ill just make myself forget it n by the time stuff like this rolls up it's like idk#i COULD get a new laptop but i got one that works just fine. i got an ipad on its last legs but can i still turn it on? alright
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Alright know what here's a little Guild Wars 2 reblog game for everybody; what mounts (if any) do your characters have in their canon, do they have names? Personalities? How'd they meet??
Spill it all below, tell me about all your creatures!!
#my posts#gw2#guild wars 2#thinking about this a lot lately since mine def do!#I'll start: Pirkko has branded mounts and while I haven't named most of them. they were all branded over by Aurene#because they'd been corrupted by Kralkatorrik and they wanted to see if Aurene's magic could purify them in some way#it usually didn't work but Pirkko keeps the ones they saved#Larimar is her skyscale. his egg was tainted by the Brand before he hatched so Aurene was barely able to save him#he's a chivalrous knight type and is known to be just as noble as the Commander who raised him. brave. bold. kind of a dork.#while the Commander is fighting he circles up above and swoops down to rescue injured soldiers from the front line#Saoirse meanwhile gets the SoTo skyscale egg and that hatches into Nightshade. he's fierce and protective too#but in a much more 'loyal guard dog' sort of way as opposed to trying to help everyone else as well. he's an axejaw!#in Regrowth Ceara gets Foxglove because the Commander and Gorrik could NOT manage this little troublemaker#she's too smart for her own good and is CONSTANTLY causing problems. so basically just like Ceara HDKDHDH#Foxglove's a lunarmane! and she's very fluffy and cute and will give you the big shiny eyes to mooch all your food. evil#Ruju meanwhile has a full cast of different mounts who all were troublemakers in different ways when he found them#his griffon Windshear's a northern featherwing that was notorious for carrying off travelers in Lornar's Pass. turned out she was just bore#she's very playful and mischievous and still grabs him on a regular basis. he absolutely hates this#his fulgurite ridgeback jackal Thunderclap was a rogue jackal that the djinn had him help recapture and tame#he's imbued with Ruju's air element magic and is known to make the air spark and smell of ozone when he's annoyed#then there's Blitz his lepidote brute skyscale! he likes bloodstone magic and kept nipping everyone until it was finally provided#the rest I don't have in-game yet but I DO have concepts for the skimmer/warclaw/raptor. the 1st 2 I know what skins I want too#the skimmer will be a frosty-dyed lithosol named Frostbite. it's an ice elemental that terrorized Frostgorge Sound#the warclaw is a spinetail nian with jungle colors since it's supposed to be a smokescale-type saurian critter#and the raptor is SUPPOSED to be the jungle raptor that plointt grew to huge size and promptly tried to eat him#BUT there isn't a skin that feels close enough yet so rip. Fang is a handful tho and keeps trying to chew on Inquest HDJDGDH#ANYWAY. that's all of mine. throws this into the wind
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@zeroabyss replied to your post âRE thinking about King Gerard in Unicorn Overlord...â:
He also could have left those behind because he didnât feel worthy of them, further cementing his doom. I can see the logic in making Knights loyal to the King(as theyâre already minor nobility when Knighted) since that prevents the Nobles from leveraging their military might against the Crown. He probably even thought something like that could happen leading to him doing so, but he probably didnât think about how he SHOULD have some allies of high enough positions to help assert such an action. Like in ASOIAF the most progressive King of Westeros turned to trying to resurrect Dragons precisely because all his progressive reforms for the smallfolk was a boon to the people who truly mattered, it alienated and made enemies of the rest of the nobility, leading him into such a desperate action at Harrenhal that killed him.
âThe point I wanted to make wasn't about the creation of the Ashen Blue in general, but more about Gerard doing something, and then bailing out.
As you said, he might have thought that removing power from nobles by "hijacking" their vassals would have pissed those nobles, even if it would, theoretically prevent them from using their armies against the crown (the prologue is here to tell us that, uh, no it didn't work at all, Giethe was still knocking at Gran Corrine asking for Ilenia's death) -
But the main thing is, he bailed out instead of facing, himself, the ire of those nobles.
Like, he smashed a hornet's nest, and left his toddler daughter(s?) to deal with it :/
Doubling down on your comparison with ASOIAF, Gerard would be similar to Big Bobby B (Robert) as in Bobby loved to use his weapons and in general "win" the throne, but when it came to ruling and "counting coppers", he was less than thrilled and wanted to fig away.
we can even make a comparison with Bobby loving to, uh, sire and play with babies but as soon as he had to take responsability and raise the kids, he fucked off and left someone else to do it
If there is something I liked, even if it was surface explored because the game is not about this aspect at all, it's how, for Cornia at least, while we are told that Alain doesn't know jack about his country but vows to make a "better" Cornia after retaking it from his mom Galerius and pals, we are shown that Cornia, before the Zenoiran invasion, wasn't all roses and daisies and while Ilenia didn't have the same circumstances that Alain has (tfw you can't smash the people who oppose you because they ally with an invader) she tried her best to keep the situation from degenerating (like Hodor/Hodel? invading Drakengard for because during times of peace his skills are useless, or Reimann pulling an Izuka).
Re-Robert wise : the game seems the make a difference between a ruler who has to rule in times of peace aka no war (Ilenia), and a ruler who has to rule during a war (Alain).
Gerard was in the first situation, I guess he would have thrived in the second but, hey, Alain understands that he needs to rebuild his kingdom after all (thus rule "in times of peace") - something Gerard, despite having some ideas about what to do to make a "better" Cornia, ultimately didn't.
#zeroabyss#sorry late lol#I wanted to reply earlier but flu got me#I think Gerard mentions his dad is still around#and yet the point still stands he gives up responsability and fosters it on other people#when it is his job#especially when it comes to cleaning his own mess!#Sure it is a needed one especially if the Ashen Blue was the former territory of Hodel's fam#but he should have dealt with that resentment instead of letting it fester and explode#on his daughter with the ending we know#unicorn overlord stuff#I like Bobby B from ASOIAF#Like a fratboy who never grew up from 'me smash things'#in both meanings of the words
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this is my brother and i need a shovel to love him,
and if tearing my ribcage open and letting him see that i, too, am human, if letting him gnaw at my heart, if letting him see me as i am, of a vulnerability that he never imagined of me, will make him look into my eyes and grin a smile that i almost forgot, then so be it.
and if my murder, my death, is what brings us together, then so be it. may he kneel against my lonely grave and press his warm body against my cold headstone, the fine thin line between death and life. may death unite us, once and for all, and maybe then we will be brothers again.
he is half of my soul, as the poets would say,
but one half of my soul is rotten. it starts with obedience and distance, and with a need for love that no one will give us. our home is cold; our souls are warm. in a home of the dark, few want to see the light; i did, and he stayed in the shadows where, seemingly, he belonged oh, so well.
but one half of my soul is dead. may i never know what brought the sleep of forever upon him, and i shall mourn the boy, not the man. i shall grieve my brother, above all, and not the man he had become; at the end of time, when death writes our story, we are brothers, two stars in the sky.
#the first half is regulus' pov and the second half is sirius' pov if you couldn't tell!#I feel that in their relationship not many people play the fact that neither of them are actually inherently good or bad (morally grey)#and i feel that when they grew up there was like this certain distance in their relationship where both of them clung to the ideal brother#that they had in their own head and not the one that they actually did have#so for sirius james and for regulus someone that would love and know him as he is and not as the other person would want him to be#anyways!!! i should shut up#sirius black#regulus black#regulus&sirius#the black brothers#the black brothers angst#the noble and most ancient house of black#tw death#death tw#gore tw#tw gore#just in case
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yall wanna know how fucked up my anxiety is about some shit
i scroll past a post that's about a topic i don't like. whatever, it's fine. i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't care about. that's normal.
i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't like or care about but the person presenting it is a person of color? i IMMEDIATELY feel immensely guilty and need to "compensate" by "proving" it wasn't because of race by also skipping other random posts, JUST IN CASE someone thinks I'm racist because I didn't want to watch a video on a topic I didn't like or care about, that happened to be presented by a person of color.
this just in on: the police in my brain are loud and i'm scared of them
#this is also because i grew up in a racist area and in that culture and my own ignorance i also Was Kinda Racist#but like in that way where you don't realize it's racism until you're out of it and now feel so ashamed that you forcefully block all#those memories just so you don't ever have to associate yourself with them ever again?#(mind you I was like. 15-16 and closeted and scared scared scared all the time so I acted like the Crowd and that was awful of me to do)#BUT NOW that i've grown and am learning and have taken classes on anthropology and all kinds of stuff I just feel like I notice my own shit#like TENFOLD now#it's my anxiety overthinking thing plus if anybody ever knows I could have done anything SLIGHTLY problematic the world will explode#plus my constant paranoia that someone is always watching me and just Knows that I'm Secretly a Bad Person (even though I don't think I am?#also I feel like I need to clarify that the kind of racism in my town wasn't like. klan shit. it was like very hidden racism?#it was like. kids casually doing black accents and making jokes with racist undertones. the kind of racism where race was always#the butt of the joke instead of an outright HATED thing. and I think that's why it was so hard to unlearn#it's like that thing where in order to stop wanting to kill yourself you have to stop joking about wanting to kill yourself#this has become a vent post accidentally i'm so sorry#this is just. one of my Major anxieties that engulfs me every day because of 1) anxiety 2) potential OCD 3) being a bad person in my past#this is another reason I fucking hate florida#because I just know if I had grown up in my home town in MI I would not have been raised in that environment#and it's my own fucking fault for falling into the crowd like that.#all this to say i traumatized myself and likely some people around me by being A Fucking Idiot when I was a kid#and now adult me is doing everything in their power to not ever be that person ever fucking again#tw vent post#tw racism#tw past racism#but im better now and I know my mistakes and I refuse to make them again#fuck florida for every fucking reason under the sun
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Hi Iâm sorry for all the anon hate youâve been getting I hope you have a nice day <3
Itâs totally fine! I am honestly so self-absorbed that most insults mean nothing to me because I donât believe you. Especially coming from someone who doesnât even know me. I believe Iâm a goddess whoâs better than everyone, so if you call me ugly or dumb or whatever I just donât believe you.
Itâs like if you said the boogeyman or the tooth fairy was coming for me. It doesnât really mean much
#you can insult me all you want just donât lie. thatâs where the past one went wrong. also they talked shit about sex workers and like wtf#did THOSE PEOPLE do to you?#I grew up with a parent who says the most vile insults to people for her own amusement#you think youâre rude? honey you havenât met my mom#my response when people say âI fucked your momâ is honey are you ok? did she give you body dysmorphia?
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Hah, so uh how to explain to my parents that I have reconsidered wanting to move back to the wannabe fascist state after all
#personal#vent#my folks are real attached to tx#understandable thats where they grew up#but i kinda wonder if they realize that its not the same tx they grew up in anymore#its to be close to family and because one story houses being more of the norm over there means my mom could get some independence back#and i understand it from those angles#i already tried to have the fight with my mom years ago about just going back without me#not only did she say i was shortsighted for cutting myself off from a support structure#(i wanst i had friends who could help should shit happen but whatever)#she also called me selfish for being the only one who wanted to not go back and keeping everyone else here#at this point my folks would be better off going back because they're not going to see too much of the blowback of The Shit(tm)#but i would and that sucks#it was one thing when the plan was to stay around austin but now that's not even in the considerations anymore#i hate feeling like i have to martyr myself for their sake#when the easy answer is for them to go back and i stay here#its not like i visited home all that much when i was on my own in the same town#so cross country wouldnt be all that different#i guess i could get them there and then figure out how feasible it is to move to colorado or something after the fact#but then i really would be throwing out my whole support structure because i wouldnt even have friends to lean on#anyway i fucking hate being in this position
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Absolutely love your art. I want to nom it.
Also, Hollow Heads Siblings my beloveds,,,
Theyre the doomed siblings ever its not even funny
#Oouugh i have thoughts abt the hollowhead siblings. How theyre so intricately tied to eachother since their birth but they'd be#Eachother'd downfall. Esp when it's Dark and his relationship with the others#Dark would never understand what chosen went through. Mainly bc i think chosen is used to fighting his internal battles on his own#While he was in captive as an ad blocker. He loves Dark. He's grateful for Dark bc without him he wouldn't be free#But Dark isnt exactly someone reliable enough for Chosen to get the necessary healing he wants and needs#But that won't stop Dark from trying to fix him. Creates the virus for revenge. As chosen watches his brother spiral and spiral#As he watches him drift further away. Unable to get him back without a shouting match. As he watches with his heart heavy and cracked at-#Their stiffed interactions and strained relationship. He can't remember a time where they shared geniune laughs.#Then tsc coming came and changed everything.#Because this is someone who went through Chosen's pain albeit a lil differently. Someone who knows. Someone who /understands/. And this-#Someone is so much more younger than them and had to go through that pain in such a short amount of time since their birth#He sees himself in them. And he's rather walk up to alan demanding to get his hands cuffed than let tsc fester in that pain.#So tsc became chosen's priority. Healed eachother in many ways than one and are at echother's beck and call if need be.#As for Dark. I think he'd manipulate tsc into using him for his revenge. After stalking out his code and finding out about his potential#And TSC cant help but fall for his manipulations. Since this person is very very important to Chosen and they want so badly to impress-#Them both. They agreed and overtime grew to love eachother. And overtime Dark shifted his goals just a tad bit. Getting TSC more and more-#Involved. Since hey if Chosen doesn't like touching alan with a 10 ft pole why not let this kid do. And TCS agrees to this thinking that-#This is it. This is can finally heal them completely. Finally out of sight and out of mind. Finally can't live without the pain lingering#And chosen watches them with a sense of deja vu. At loss at what to do and so so afraid to lose two of his lil siblings#Then shit hits the brick UBSJDBSJSN#They make me so ill im not even kidding when i said theyre so so very very doomed!!!!!!!!!#This is abt the au btw BAHHAHAHABHA
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My 3 little cousins were baptized today. "Triggered" is kind of a strong word but being in a catholic church again... I'm a little fragile rn ngl.
#butch speaks#it was hard not to shake as i held J over the basin to have the water poured on his head#when he was cleansed of sin. as if a little kid could ever knowly or intentionally offend a so-called loving god#the words came naturally to me#but they meant nothing#i remember when they used to mean something. when i begged gods forgiveness for my sin (being a lesbian) and tried to pray the gay away#i remember how much i wanted to die bc i could never truly embrace the sacred#i STILL deal with the complex of catholic guilt. its a very real thing. its hard to shake#i cant help but wonder if the catholicism ingrained in my brain is why i have a hard time with casual dating n sex#fun fact: there was a point when i was a teen that i got REALLY catholic#i prayed everyday. i talked to my patrin saint (st agnes) every day. i wantsd to become a nun#the thought of marrying a man mad me more sad than feeling like an alien did. so id marry the church as a nun.#not the way to hide being a dyke when ur fam is catholic btw LMAO#the first priest i knew was father joe. i loved that guy. he was so kind. friendly. briming with love.#he was one of my biggest references for what a good person was like#he talked about gods love a lot. how its for everyone. no one is exluded. ever.#he used to look right at me when he said stuff like that. a few other kids too. all of whom grew up to be queer#then father joe passed away. our church merged with another church. father jeff was the priest there.#he was kind but not as kind. he talked about hell and sin more. he looked at the same kids father joe did.#but the kindness in his eyes wasnt there.#that wasnt for us.#my family wasnt even THAT catholic#i went to church every sunday i did vacation bible school and catechism classes and youth group#i was an altar servant and in the choir#i even used to speak/understand a little latin#imagine how much worse id have been if my mom could have afforded catholic school lmao#grateful to have grown up poor in that regard#hm. actually... reading my own tags. mayne we were pretty catholic actually.#fucking hell.#i need to have lesbian sex in a church before god and everyone. mayeb that would fix me.
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