#I don’t actually view their relationship this way

[stellasdrafts]

The Light in His Eyes (Vendetta! Leon)

Summary: you have each other’s backs (Vendetta! Leon x DSO!Reader)

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: alcoholism (on Leon’s part), some vendetta leon comfort because that man needs it :(, no official relationship but mutual feelings are implied, pining…

Notes: a small Christmas-ish one-shot in january because it’s my blog and i make the rules (i forgot to post in december whoops). also sorry this one is christmas specific but christmas lights are very special to me and i wanted to write a little something about them <3

One of these days, these missions are going to kill you. You’re sure of it. You find yourself sitting on a rooftop overlooking the city, needing some fresh air after almost getting your head bitten off on call today. Being a D.S.O. agent isn’t for the faint-hearted and truth be told, sometimes you aren’t sure how you got this far in the first place. You close your eyes, deeply breathing in the cold, stuffy city air and listening to the night traffic below. What would it be like to live a normal, quiet life? For your only burden to be being stuck in the traffic below on your way home from your safe nine to five? Your heart aches when you have thoughts like these…

You’re snapped out of your mournful contemplation when someone clears their throat behind you. You whip your head around, startled. You barely register your fists clenching and muscles tensing up, ready to throw a punch or something, your tired brain registering the sound as the grunt of an infected.

“S’just me.” Leon lifts his hands, traipsing toward you. “Can I join?”

Your shoulders slump with relief. Truth be told, you wanted to spend time alone tonight, but Leon happens to be the one who saved your life today and you figure you owe him this much. “Mhm.” You nod and pat the freezing concrete beside you.

He takes the offered seat and leans back, propping himself on his arms. His warmth carries through the cold wind and seeps through your jeans. He’s only an inch or two away, after all. Despite your previous sentiment, his presence is oddly soothing. You’ve never met anyone as good as him in your field of work. He makes you feel safe, like somehow, you’re immortal in his presence because he always looks out for his team. It’s impossible, really. You know it’s a childish and dangerous mindset to have in this line of work, but there’s just something about him. You wonder how much that selflessness is destroying him from the inside….

Actually, the habituality of the liquor on his breath may already give you an idea.

“Quite a view, isn’t it?”

“Hmm?” You look up at him, noticing how his eyes are fixed on the sea of tall buildings before you. “Oh, yeah… I like the lights. I’ve always liked lights.”

A grin tugs at his lips. “Oh yeah?” He shifts to rest on one knee to get a better look at you.

You feel yourself melt under the older agent’s gaze. “Yeah. All kinds of lights…”

He just watches you for a moment and you find yourself silently cursing the extensive psychology training the government’s had you D.S.O. agents do. You’re sure he can read you like a book, seeing through the façade you’ve been tirelessly trying to keep up. He has his own, after all.

He looks out at the few festive lights wrapped around balcony railings and trees standing proudly in windows. “Like… Christmas lights?”

That reaches you. You turn your head to look at him with a dopey smile. “Especially Christmas lights. I miss them a lot.”

Your nostalgia must be contagious because he smiles at you too. You never see him smile anymore. In your few years of working together, you’ve never known him to be an extraordinarily sunny man, but it had worsened recently. Little to your knowledge, he likes seeing you smile, especially when it’s directed at him. “I didn’t know you liked Christmas so much. Maybe I should buy you a tree and some lights this year,” he jokes lightly.

You shrug, your smile fading a bit. “We never stay in one place long enough… And people don’t celebrate as much as when we were kids. It wouldn’t be the same.”

His expression softens considerably when he notices the shift in your demeanour. His lips pull into a much more familiar tight frown, his shoulders dropping a bit as well. “Yeah, I guess so…” he pauses for a moment, debating his next words. “We could make our own tradition, you know?”

You tilt your head, your smile fully sarcastic and sour now. “Sure. If we’re both still alive by holiday break.”

He grimaces, evidently not liking the sudden grim attitude, even if it carries truth. Ironic, you find yourself thinking, for a man with his attitude. “Don’t talk like that,” he chides softly, wrapping an arm behind you and dragging you a twinge closer. “I’m not letting you die anytime soon.”

And you know that coming from his lips, that’s a vow, not a weak promise. You lean into his warmth, the cold wind hitting you again now that you’re no longer in your cozy bubble of colourful lights and denial. “Right. Sorry…”

“It’s alright.” He gives your side a reassuring squeeze and resumes staring out at the dark skyline.

The two of you sit in comfortable silence for a minute or two, admiring (perhaps longingly) the people going about their lives in their apartments and offices. Parents putting their children to bed, couples cooking together, families watching what you self-indulgingly believe to be holiday movies in their decorated living rooms… Even the young man working alone at this hour of the night seems to sit with some sense of serenity. All possibilities of the lives you and Leon could have had if you hadn’t been pushed into the claws of the genius Division of Security Operations. He sighs – if in soul-crushing envy or in momentary peacefulness, you can’t tell. But his whiskey-ridden breath is warm and a welcome contrast to the cool winter night air.

You chew at your lip, getting a bit nervous. “You smell like booze,” you remark quietly.

“I know.” He chuckles and you know it’s a piss-poor attempt to cover how uncomfortable the topic of his drinking makes him feel. “You got a problem with that?” He scratches his neglected stubble.

You know a slightly hostile question is the best outcome for you. If it were anyone else starting an intervention, he would’ve raised his voice already. You’ve seen it first-hand with some other people on the team. “You’ve got a problem with that, Leon.” You stare blankly at the buildings ahead, your previous fascination and warmth for the sight dampened.

You feel Leon’s body stiffen beside you and his demeanour shifts. You look, and like you, he no longer seems as placated as he was a mere minute ago. His brows tug down and his gaze darkens. “Don’t do that. Not you,” his tone is surprisingly tender for being paired with his current expression.

He knows you mean well. He knows you’re worried about him. But he can’t bear having you look at him like everyone else does, like you have to tiptoe around him or like he’s always incompetent and inebriated. He looks away out of shame. He knows you’re right, but he’s stubborn and also knows that’s led to his downfall more than once.

“Are you even going to remember this tomorrow?”

Leon looks back up, his gaze stormy. His defensiveness gets the best of him, as it usually does in these situations. He’s angry, or at least he’s trying to be. But you’re sitting close enough to spot the gleam of self-hatred in those beloved blue eyes. “Why does it matter if I do or not?”

“Because believe it or not, our conversations actually mean a lot to me.” The weight of your words hangs between the pair of you for a moment. “And it’s dangerous to day drink with a job like ours. We never know when we’ll get called out. It’ll get you killed,” you add to try and save face as if you don’t care more about him than you do the other agents.

He cringes a bit more at that, and his anger falters in favour of discomfort. He sighs and leans an elbow on his knee, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Look, I appreciate the concern, but you don’t have to worry about me. I’m fine.”

You tuck your knees up to your chest, even his body heat isn’t enough to cancel out the cold between you now. “That’s what worries me. You act like it’s fine, it’s normal. You don’t even act drunk anymore. You don’t… slur your words or stumble around or vomit everywhere. Apart from being angrier… depressed… you behave normally when you’re drunk.” You turn your body in his direction, trying desperately to get through to him. “You’re not even you anymore. Isn’t that scary?”

He exhales again, letting his hand drop from his face. He knows you’re right. Damn it, you’re always right, but he can never bring himself to admit it. “I… I don’t get what the big deal is. I do my job – well, if I might add. I don’t get into bar fights with random civilians… unless they ask for it. I supply my own drinks and keep to myself. So why’re you worrying?”

You take his face in your hands, your expression softening. Maybe he won’t lie to your face if he’s looking right at it. “Leon, drop the act, please.” From what you hear, he’s a shell of the person he used to be.

His eyes widen with surprise. He doesn’t answer anything for a few moments, your gentle touch making his mind go blank for a second. He can’t remember the last time anyone was gentle with him. He knows he can’t argue when you use that tone or when you have that look in your eye. “Fuck…”

He practically sags onto you as he lets himself feel everything he’s been drowning in alcohol for months. You have an agonizing way of making the tension in his body disappear with nothing but a few words in that honeyed tone of yours.

You support his weight. Like you always do, as he always does yours. Because it’s just Leon. You’d never let him fall, in any sense of the word. “You know, how are you supposed to put up that tree and the lights you offered me if you’re too drunk to make sense of anything? I’m not letting you in my room at HQ if the drinks are making you a grouch, either.”

He does want to give you that, a tree grand and worth being yours, pretty lights you can stare at while you doze off in the evenings, Christmas itself… More than anything, he wants to make you happy. The thought alone makes him happy. He huffs and looks away to hide his smile. “Yeah, yeah. Damn you.”

You let out a breath and a smile of your own, feeling relieved that you got to him at least a little bit. “Try again, please… At least to cut back. We can do it this time.”

He tenses again at your request. It’s not an easy one, and he’s reluctant to agree, not sure if he can even will himself to cut back so easily. But you’re too close, too warm, and you’re using that damn tone in your voice that always gets to him. He wants better for you. For himself, too. A shot at a better life. “I’ll try. Try. For you, alright?”

You hum. “That’s all I ask.” You bring up a delicate hand and brush some of that pesky hair out of his face.

He practically melts into your touch, too tired to bother hiding the effect you have on him. You both know something has been lingering between you for a while, anyway. “Anything else you want from me?” he mutters in a teasing tone, trying to lift the atmosphere he feels he ruined.

You chuckle lightly. “Probably, but we’ll work towards those things later on.”

He perks up at that, a smug smirk toying at his lips as he picks up on the implications of your words. “Y’gotta be a little more specific than that.”

Your eyes soften. Not now. Not like this. “I’ll tell you when you’re sober.” Your timbre isn’t unkind – it’s careful, genuine… You’re trying to encourage him more than anything, knowing he always fares well with a challenge or an end goal.

The muscles in his face ease as well. He gives a small nod. “I’ll hold you to that.”

You feel a spark in your chest of something you haven’t felt in a long time – hope. “So will I.”

You’re more determined than ever to bring back that light to his eyes.

[nagaytoe]

Tres Ictus

(Latin) [noun] Three strikes

Solivan Brugmansia X Reader

Word count: 3.3k

Requests: Open

TWs/Tags: Violence, drugging, abduction, established relationship, betrayal

Note: This was inspired by some of fantasias answers from her askbox!

(Next post will probably be some Crowe angst teehee)

Solivan Brugmansia was the picture-perfect boyfriend.

He was loving, protective, and reassuring, you could always bask in the warmth of him and his words.

“I love you, Pumpkin. More than words could ever describe.” He smiled down at you, his big, strong arms wrapped securely around your waist. You couldn’t help but smile back as he gazed at you so lovingly. “I love you too, Sol.”

The two of you laid on your bed, limbs entangled, and it seemed as though you couldn’t be pried away from one another by any force on this earthly plane. He radiated a comfortable warmth on many levels; physically, emotionally, and in his gaze as well. Whenever Sol looked at you, you suddenly felt like you were the only person in existence alongside him, like you were the most precious being he ever had the fortune of laying eyes upon. You loved cuddling sessions like these, sometimes they felt far more intimate than anything else, sex included.

Sol tilted his head downwards a little, pressing a kiss to your forehead and tightening his grip on you further. “I don’t think you understand how much you mean to me… I’d do anything to ensure your happiness, Pumpkin. If I could, I would spend all my days by your side, though in my mind you never leave anyways.” His smile was radiant and made him seem like the happiest person to have ever walked earth. You could feel the love he radiated, almost as if he was transferring his very heart from his chest to yours by the simple gesture of lying this close.

“I can’t seem to stop thinking about you, your smile that never fails to brighten up my day, your contagious laugh, your gorgeous eyes…You’re the most perfect person I ever met, no other living being can compare…”

Your heart swelled at your boyfriend's words. Just how did you get so lucky? You knew some people who would kill for a boyfriend like Sol. Someone compassionate, who never leaves your side no matter how hard times may get. Someone invested in you, who surprises you with little gifts all the time. Someone who does little day-to-day things for you, even though you are perfectly capable of doing them yourself. Someone whose words always affirm you. Someone who protects you from harm, no matter what. Someone who doesn’t just love your outer shell but everything underneath as well. Someone who knows you in a way like no one else knew you before. Someone who still views you as perfect, despite all your flaws, because you are the most perfect partner for them nevertheless. All these traits made up your lovely boyfriend, Solivan Brugmansia. There was no way he was actually this perfect, was there? Usually, there was always a catch to everything seemingly perfect, though perhaps you were lucky enough to get the jackpot.

“Sol…” , you whispered, your cheeks flushing red as you hid your face in his chest. No matter how many times he told you all these sweet nothings, you would never get used to it. Probably because it didn’t feel like nothings, it felt like he carved those words out from the depths of his heart, for your ears to hear only, “You are far too sweet to me… I am so very lucky to have you with me, I can’t even begin to put it into words.”

“There is no need for that, Pumpkin, I can feel how much you love me.” Sol bowed his head down once more and pressed a sweet kiss to the crown of your hair, which conveyed everything words failed to. A warm feeling flooded your chest, and your heart felt as though it might break out of your chest, past your ribs, any moment now.

“Please do promise me this however,” you could feel Sol’s chest vibrate a little as he spoke, his grip tightening once more, as if afraid you might slip away any second were he not careful enough.

“Never leave me. Please, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if you ever left me.”

You glanced up at him, a sorrowful gleam in your eyes, being well aware of his fear of abandonment. Craning your head further up and pressing a soft kiss to his jaw, you assure him, “I won’t leave you, Sol. Not ever. How could I? I love you far too much.”

Sol was an amazing partner – most of the time.

He tended to lovebomb and was a bit overprotective, but that’s alright, he just cared a lot about you, right?

Crowe awkwardly excused himself, uncharacteristically for him, before walking back into the building of Olympeius University. Your gaze flicked up to Sol, who wrapped his arm around your waist a little too tightly the second Crowe approached the two of you in the school garden. The two of you had been standing in the garden under the shade of a tree and studying the flowers present, when Crowe had interrupted your fleeting moment of peace. You didn’t mind, having not talked to him for quite some time, though Sol felt different about this predicament. If looks could kill, your dear friend would probably already be six feet under with the way Sol was glaring daggers into his back. Nudging his side, he quickly averted his attention back to you, gaze immediately softening. “Is everything alright?”

Sol hesitated before answering, glancing back into the direction of the doors that led back into the building and were just falling shut again. “Why would it not be, Pumpkin?”

You studied his face for any sign of anger, but you could hardly read any emotions off of the stone-cold mask he put on whenever he was asked such question. “You were staring at Crowe like he had the plague.”

Your boyfriend’s gaze immediately darkened, and he muttered something under his breath which you failed to catch as he averted his gaze once more. “He is the plague…”

“I didn’t quite catch that-”

“Don’t worry about it, Pumpkin.”

You couldn’t help but frown at his words and decided not to back down for once; you needed to find out what his problem with Crowe was, “Sol, why do you dislike Crowe this much? I’ve noticed before but never thought much of it, but I would like to know, especially since he is one of my closest friends.”

Sol sighed, closing his eyes for a brief moment while gathering his thoughts.

“I just… I can’t shake the feeling that he likes you more than a friend should…”, His voice was dripping in venom as he admitted his feelings through gritted teeth.

Taken aback slightly, you had to take a moment to process your boyfriend's words.

“Are you implying that Crowe has a crush on me?” Sol nodded in response, the action almost seeming a bit too forceful as he averted his gaze.

“So what if he does, Sol?” His gaze snapped back to you the moment those words left your mouth, shock and anger brewing in his piercing red gaze.

“I’m with you, Sol. For a reason as well, might I add. If Crowe truly has a crush on me like you think, then I feel sorry for him; I really do, because I only love one guy, and that is not him. It’s you.” His stare softened in an instant.

“I’m sorry, Pumpkin, I just can’t help it… I love you way too much, and the thought of someone else stealing you from me feels like a dagger to my heart. I’m worried that you might find someone more worthy of your time…”

You shook your head at his words, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I can’t think of anyone who could ever be more worthy of my time than you, Sol. There’s no need for you to worry, alright?” Wrapping your arms around his form, you pulled him into a hug. He quickly returned the gesture, burying his face in your neck and muttering that he loves you, asking you to never abandon him. He was really overbearing at times, but there was no reason to further worry about it, was there?

Perhaps Sol wasn't that good of a boyfriend after all.

He was obsessive, jealous and possessive, so much so that sometimes it scared you.

“What the fuck was that about, Sol?”

You were enraged. Just about half an hour ago, Sol and you had been about to head back to his apartment after date night, the initial plan being that you’d sleep over at his place. You had dropped off your things at his place before going out since you didn’t want to have to carry them with you while going out.

In light of Sol having to use the restroom, you had waited outside of the building, wanting to get some fresh air and stargaze a bit. You had leaned against the cold brick wall of the building, looking up at the sky, which had been blanketed in pitch-black with specks of white scattered all over in seemingly random patterns. As you had studied the constellations in the sky, a middle-aged man had come up to you, asking for directions, and naturally, you helped him out. Unfortunately for both the man and you however, Sol had mistaken the scene for the stranger making a move on you. The moment Sol had stepped outside, he strutted up to the two of you, slithering his arm around your waist and forcefully pulling you closer to him as he snapped at the man about what his deal was.

You didn’t bother to hang up your jacket and take off your boots as Sol closed the apartment door. Unbeknownst to you, he locked the door and pocketed the key.

“That man was clearly trying to hit on you, did you not see his smug smirk?”

You walked towards his bedroom where your backpack was located, snapping back at him, “He asked me for directions!”

“Don’t you know how often that is used as an excuse to ask someone for their number?”

You scoffed, unable to believe how he was acting right now, “You’re overthinking this.”

“I am simply worried! That guy could’ve started molesting you, just like those guys back at the arcade a few months ago!”

As you were re-entering the hallway, you stilled in your movements to look at him in disbelief, your backpack slung over your shoulder. “Not every person out there is a criminal.”

“How do you know whether or not they are? One can never be too sure, you are simply way too trusting!” Sol argued and he wasn’t completely wrong. You were a trusting person, sometimes a bit too much for your own good, however, he was being unreasonable right in this moment.

“I’m not too trusting, you’re just too overbearing!”

“Overbearing?”, he repeated far too calmly, “How am I too overbearing if I end up being the one to get you out of trouble every time? It’s not that I am complaining, I would never not help you, but I would prefer if you stopped getting into those types of situations in the first place.”

The two of you barely ever argued. Sol was the perfect partner, at least he used to be. Just what was going on lately? The other day he grew irritated because you wanted to spend some time with your friends, something you hadn’t done in a long time, a while before that he punched a guy in the face for hitting on you.

This was your third strike, you can't keep on letting him get away with this type of stuff, he had to learn to accept your boundaries.

“Sol, I believe it might be better if we take a little break, at least until you learn to respect my boundaries.” It hurt to say it, but you couldn’t keep doing this, it was taking a toll on your mental health by now; Always worrying about whether your boyfriend might snap if you talk to the wrong person, then again, everyone who wasn’t Hyugo or him was the wrong person.

He stared at you in disbelief, his mouth slightly agape but no sound coming out until a few beats later, “What?”

“I can’t do this, it’s just… too much. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to have to keep stressing about who I can talk to and who I can’t talk to without you getting mad.”

“Pumpkin, Darling, I’m not mad when you talk to others,” Sol was clearly stressed out, almost a bit panicked, dread reflected in his eyes as they were locked on your every movement. “I just care about your well-being, is that so wrong?”

You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose with one hand, resting the other upon your hip. “There’s a difference between caring about someone and being controlling.”

“I’m not controlling, [__]. If I were controlling, I wouldn’t allow you to talk to anyone, go through your phone, tell you what to wear, but do I do any of those things? No, I don’t and why is that?” He stepped a bit closer with every instance he listed, looking at you expectantly, before answering his own question, “Because I am not controlling.”

“Sol, please don’t make this any harder than it has to be.”

He swallowed, his left eye twitching ever so slightly, as he took a deep breath. “You’re really going to break up with me over that?”

“I’m not breaking up with you, I said I need a break, some distance, not that I want to end things between us.”

“If you need distance, then I can sleep on the couch. You need a break? Take a warm bath, I’ll get it ready for you, but you won’t be breaking up with me, Pumpkin.”

You could feel yourself growing more and more agitated, why did he fail to understand the problem?

“You don’t get to decide over that.” Walking towards the door, which he was still standing in front of, you were about to make your way outside.

“A relationship consists of two people, I get as much of a say in this as you do.”

You stared at him, biting the inside of your cheek to keep yourself from lashing out at him.

“If you learn to respect my boundaries then I have no problem in continuing things as they were, but right now I simply can’t.”

Sol turned to face you, placing his right hand on the front door, effectively blocking it.

“I can work on myself, I can start memorizing all your boundaries right now, you don’t need to break up with me for that.”

You sighed deeply, closing your eyes as you did before meeting Sol’s stare again. “Please get away from the door, I want to get home while the street lanterns are still on.”

“Just stay here for the night, it’s far too dangerous to walk around outside all on your own anyways. I’ll sleep on the couch if that’s what you prefer.”

That’s it, you couldn’t hold back any longer.

“Sol, if you don’t let me leave right now, this will turn into an actual breakup.”

He froze for a moment, eyes wide as they scanned your agitated expression. Sighing, he finally stepped away from the door, walking off into another room. You reached for the doorknob, however much to your dismay, it wouldn’t budge.

“Did you lock the door?” You called out to Sol, while still trying to open the door. In your desperation, you failed to notice Sol walking up behind you, a small pill in his hand. “This isn’t funny, Sol. Open the doo-”

You were cut off by his fingers entering your mouth, causing you to gag a little. Reaching up to grab his wrist, you tried to pry away his arm, but he was far stronger than you. Panic spread throughout your body as Sol wrapped his arm around you from behind, a gesture which was once a source of comfort was now reason for terror. His right hand was still in your mouth, the other securing you in place and grabbing your jaw. Sol dropped something small on your tongue, quickly shutting your jaw with his left hand as soon as his fingers left your mouth and squeezing your nose. He wrapped his now unoccupied right hand around your shoulder as he shut off any oxygen source with his left. You struggled against him, refusing to swallow whatever he just put in your mouth.

“Please stop struggling and swallow it, [__].” His voice was ice cold, causing a shiver to run down your spine. Tears pricked in the corners of your eyes as you swallowed reluctantly.

His grip loosened a little, becoming less bruising as you greedily inhaled as much air as your lungs let you, before coughing violently.

“What the fuck was that?”

“Something to help you calm down.” He was still eerily calm. Then again, no, he wasn’t really. He only put on a calm facade; you could feel anger boiling up deep down inside of him and gushing out of every pore.

Sol led you towards the bedroom, but not without you putting up a fight. However, no matter how much you thrashed in his grasp, it was no use, he overpowered you in every way. A trait of his which you once found attractive was now the thing you dreaded most about him.

It didn’t take long for the drug to enter your system, as you could feel yourself growing dizzy and your vision fogging up.

Your boyfriend sat you down on the bed, and you could barely fight back anymore. Your limbs were growing weaker by the minute, your vision slowly fading to black.

Sol gently pushed you down and brushed your hair out of your face, the gesture way too loving, considering the situation. You muttered words incoherent to his ears as he gazed upon your nearly unconscious figure.

This couldn’t be happening, this couldn’t be your boyfriend, could it be? Was everything he told you, everything he showed you nothing but lies? Did he really manage to trick you like this, trick you into believing he was a good person, a loving partner?

He laid down next to you, pulling you into his arms and entangling his limbs with yours. You wished you could pry yourself free from his grasp, run as far away from him as humanly possible but alas, such luxury will not be granted to you.

“Don’t worry, Pumpkin, I’ll take care of you. Rest well…”

Sol bent his head down to press a soft kiss to your forehead, like he did everytime when the two of you cuddled or before you went to sleep. It made you sick to your stomach, it hurt you and tugged at your heart, ripping it out of your chest. All these loving gestures, you didn’t want them, you wanted to be at home, you wanted your old Sol back, just like how he was at the beginning of your relationship. You briefly wished you wouldn’t have gotten with him, hadn’t told him you loved him, hadn’t met him in the first place.

Perhaps you were just as much at fault as he was, you should have noticed the warning signs earlier, for in hindsight they were so very obvious, or maybe you shouldn’t have pushed him like that. This was his third strike and he wouldn't let you leave him, especially not after you promised not to.

After all, it’s what you agreed upon the moment you told him you loved him, didn’t you?

[adieutristana]

Jinx and her girlfriend stopping Vi and Caitlyn's wedding just for fun

LMAOO?? this is messy… anyways of course! thank you for the request <3

summary; jinx and her girlfriend crashing caitlyn and vi’s wedding.

characters included; jinx (romantic), vi (platonic), caitlyn (platonic)

tags/warnings; crack kinda, fluff, caitvi, mentions of war/combat, in-laws

men dni.

stating that jinx doesn't like caitlyn kiramman is like saying that grass is green.

saying that she doesn't like caitlyn with her sister even more so.

she’s tried to be patient, tried to appreciate the fact that her sister had someone to love and love her in return. despite the fact that that someone was a topsider, an enforcer no less.

could she not find someone in zaun that would be just as good for her? someone who wasn’t allied with the people who killed their parents?

regardless, jinx came to terms with the relationship as time went on. jinx and vi weren’t exactly on good terms to begin with- and getting herself involved in vi’s relationship wasn’t bound to make things any less tense. while vi knew that jinx didn’t approve of the relationship- especially after the stunt she pulled with kidnapping the two of them, the two of them didn’t talk about it explicitly.

caitlyn had grown to tolerate jinx, sometimes even going as far as to show genuine concern for the girl and talk to her in her own time. their encounters had always been fleeting, no more than a few sentences exchanged, but it was peaceful. it was something. she could live with this, jinx thought.

that was until they got engaged.

“hey, jinx. caitlyn and i recently got engaged, and while i know you’re less than happy about the relationship, i still want you to be there. you’re my sister and i don’t want you to miss this. you’re welcome to bring your girlfriend with you. i’ve put the invitation in here, love you.

-vi”

jinx is seething next to you, fighting herself to not rip up the stupid envelope and throw away the stupid invitation and curse out her stupid sister. your hand on her shoulder with your thumb gently running along the skin, doing everything you can to soothe your girlfriend.

“baby, she’s just trying to include you… you’re sisters.”

you whisper, voice low and soft as you can manage. she shakes her head and goes to start picking at her cuticiles- which you have to physically stop her from doing.

“she’s doing it to get to me. she can’t be actually marrying her, can she?”

she says through gritted teeth, and you can’t tell if jinx is trying to ask you or herself. you can’t tell if she wants an answer, either, but decide to not give her one for fear of making things even worse.

the girl is almost rocking herself forward and back in an effort to try and stop herself from doing something she’ll regret, and it breaks your heart to see her like this. after caitlyn shooting off her finger, after the war, the way that caitlyn spoke about zaun and its inhabitants, you could understand perfectly well why jinx wouldn’t approve of her. but this was worse than you’ve ever seen her in regards to the issue.

it was finally settling in that caitlyn was there to stay. maybe part of jinx was convinced that this would all blow over, it was a phase, and vi would wake up and realize that she didn’t need her. despite the fact that jinx told her she deserved to be with her.

“i shouldn’t have said that. i shouldn’t.”

she mutters. it truly does break your heart to see jinx like this, so distraught and torn. she tried to be supportive, tried to see things from her sister's point of view (especially with your help), but she just couldn't.

you let out a heavy sigh, observing your girlfriend's pained expression. part of you wants to keep trying to talk to her and comfort her, the other part wants to let her have time to think and process everything. either way, you'd be there the entire way through. but sometimes with jinx, despite how long you've been together, it can be difficult to tell the exact thing she needs. but for your own conscience, you have to know that you at least tried.

"jinx... we don't have to go if you don't want to."

you offer, pressing close to jinx so that your shoulders are now touching. your approach is careful. if she doesn't want to take it, she doesn't have to, but it's something at the very least. she lets out a shaky breath, keeping her gaze downcast. it's like she's begun to shut down.

"no... no, we'll be there. we'll be there."

she mumbles. voice barely audible, but stern.

✧.*

"you're sure about this?"

you ask, hands occupied with tying a black tie onto jinx.

"yeah, i'm sure. all according to plan, right?"

she smirks, hands on her hips. you'd decided to go to a secondhand shop in the undercity to grab some clothes for jinx that would be acceptable for a wedding- gods know she doesn't have any. a simple white long-sleeved blouse, black tie, and black slacks. not too polished, not too flashy, but just formal enough for her sister's big day.

you'd also taken it upon yourself to carefully braid jinx's usual unruly hair, despite her (playful) protests. though the way she relaxed under your touch and her shoulders dropped the moment your fingertips grazed her scalp told you everything you needed to know.

"alright, ready!"

jinx exclaims before grabbing the last of her things and swiftly grabbing your arm, leading you toward the exit of her hideout. she seems oddly energetic- possibly even giddy. she hadn't been excited for this day at all until coming up with one of her typical schemes, and now it seemed as if the girl was just itching to get to the chapel.

while reluctant at first considering these were about to be basically your in-laws, you found yourself agreeing to jinx's plan. you've always been on board with the chaos innate in jinx, but the way she lit up as she described her so-called 'master plan' to you cemented that you simply couldn't say no. it was a fun idea, and jinx was counting on you to help enact it. who were you to refuse her?

✧.*

the kirammans have truly outdone themselves.

a large chapel decorated with luxurious shades of blue and gold, with hints of bright pink thrown into the flower arrangements. chandeliers, soft candlelight, windows of stained glass and pews large enough to sit an entire city.

you and jinx exchange a few polite yet drawn out 'hello's, 'nice to see you's, and 'thanks for coming's from council members, ex-fighters and members of the remaining kiramman clan.

you slide down a white pew near the front of the chapel with jinx, one that had been reserved for vi's guests. jinx huffs, folding her arms out onto the edge of the pew in front and resting her chin on them.

"just got here, and you're already bored?"

you tease, tilting your head to look down at the girl.

"yeah. this sucks."

"it hasn't started yet."

"yeah, and it'll suck worse when it does."

jinx starts bouncing her left leg, heel quickly tapping across the floor and nearly echoing through the large room. she huffs, looking to the altar, then back, toward the aisle, all around, waiting for something to happen.

"and you're completely sure that we're doing this, right?"

jinx nods, giving a little 'mhm.'

you'd discussed the plan several times in the days leading up to the wedding. jinx hadn't left a single base uncovered in terms of timing, execution, what to say, what to do. one of your favorite things about her had always been her tendency to get wrapped up the second that she really puts her mind to something. whether that be jinx drowning out any external noises while tinkering, using all of her strength to handle weapons twice her weight, or scouring all of zaun for materials, her dedication was always evident.

guests continue pouring in, and it seems as if caitlyn has invited the entire population of piltover. maybe she has. unsurprisingly and unfortunately, there aren't many on vi's side, but the ones that are count. jinx, yourself, a few old friends of vi's from the lanes, and seemingly some new friends and colleagues. vi's circle had always been small, but the people in it were of such high value.

yourself and jinx pass a few more minutes with jinx's head on your shoulder, exchanging soft kisses in anticipation for what's to come, fixing jinx's tie and simply people-watching. before the chord of a pipe organ is heard, and all heads turn to the back of the room- where caitlyn is being led down the aisle by her father.

that dress alone could cost more than the lifetime salary of ten zaunites. regardless, it's beautiful. sleek, pure white, with a silver tiara atop loosely curled blue hair. the room is still, the only things moving being the two kirammans. the moment is picturesque, it's captivating.

shortly after comes vi, walking down the aisle by unaccompanied. she looks considerably more anxious than her fiancee, but with so much pure glee that it's weighed out. she anxiously looks over at her side of the chapel, her face softening the slightest bit when she lays eyes on jinx. the girl gives her a soft smile, and although jinx doesn't react, you almost swear you could see vi mouthing something to her sister.

when both women are on the altar and the ceremony starts, it's like gears begin turning in jinx's head. she takes your hand into hers, squeezing it against her lip as her eyes turn to you.

"ready, toots?"

she whispers, the slightest smirk evident on her expression. you nod, squeezing her hand back. neither of your eyes move from the scene unfolding in front of you. caitlyn and vi with their hands clasped, looking into each other's eyes so lovingly as they exchange vows. everything was in place, you'd made sure everything was planted and taken care of before the actual event.

"if anybody should object to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace."

jinx immediately shoots up from her seat, hand raised high.

"yeah, i've got somethin'!"

she keeps her gaze on the now bewildered couple as you pull a remote from your pocket, triggering pink and blue smoke bombs from the corridors of the chapel. the crowd immediately erupts into a scatter of screams, people rushing from their seats and trying to take cover. just some colored smoke bombs; nothing that would cause harm, but sure as hell enough to cause a commotion. jinx places her hands on her hips, shaking her head.

"just some smoke bombs... pussies."

she remarks, before grabbing your hand and beginning to make her way out of the chapel with haste. not before turning over her shoulder and yelling, "tough luck!" to the couple first, though. you're giggling beside your girlfriend as the two of you run off into the streets of piltover, not even sure of your destination. only enjoying the thrill of it all and the feeling of running off into nowhere with each other. jinx's laugh is infectious, the sound ringing in your ears as she pulls you into an alleyway.

your girlfriend quickly presses your back to a wall as she grasps your waist, grinning at you.

"how was that for a wedding?"

"pretty damn good."

she barks out another laugh, before connecting her lips to yours.

[psicheanima]

What do you think about the greater complexities of denji and power’s relationship? some fans argue the romantic undertones kind of throw the common “they’re siblings” understanding out the window and claim that power had feelings for denji, even if denji didn’t. I think these are fair assessments to make but I often see other fans react very poorly because it ruins the “platonic soulmates” thing people have to come to love about them. Regardless, makima is the one who delegated power to little sister status when we all know csm relationships are more complicated than that AND makima has a surface level understanding of human relationships in general. So what are your thoughts?

When you have two feral children like Denji and Power, grown without any form of love whatsoever— friendship, familial or romantic, its undeniable that they will thus explore all these types of love in order to settle on the one that both fits them. They don’t know what boundaries are. They have to go through all these things because they are children who were not taught.

This is why romantic undertones don’t exist for Aki’s relationship with either of them. He is a well adjusted adult who understands that he sees Denji and Power as part of his familial unit. They don’t have this context for society, so they’re everywhere, until they begin to understand their relationship as “platonic” while Denji takes care of Power during her PTSD.

These romantic undertones exist due to our perceptions of romance, but for the characters, it’s different. Power never sees Denji romantically. Ever. She is a devil drawn to warm blood, touch starved, and thus wants to constantly be attached to his body. She is delusionally self confident and crosses people’s comfort zones in what can be perceived as romantic affection, but to her, it is just affection.

Denji initially sees Power as a romantic interest because that’s all women are. They will save him from his miserable loneliness by providing him true, pure ascension. But Power is disgusting, and he isn’t actually sexually attracted to her. He realizes women are flawed beings, that he wants to take care of her, that he loves her in a way he didn’t know existed because he has never been cared for, much less in a familial way. So they are closer than normal siblings would be with one another. The love is big and overwhelming, they don’t know where to put it and both have pre-conceived notions for what it means to love (Denji’s is gendered, hers is violent.)

Nonetheless, Makima was correct in her assessment that Power is a little sister figure to Denji— the thing is, he only got about a few weeks of existing in this dynamic with the darkness devil thing. They could have grown even more healthy, stable and classically “siblings” if given time. What makes this assessment fun is that not even Denji knew he could see women in this way. Makima did not manipulate him to not form a romantic attachment to Power, she knew in advance. It just shows how utterly in control of his emotional life she is. Compare that to Reze, who she simply removes from the table.

They are siblings, they are platonic soulmates, and they do have romantic undertones, in the way we view “romance”, but it’s not that way to them. they are not lovers, or romantic. not even for a singular moment in time. That all exists at once

[kingkaizen]

Hellur, saw your post about bllk and I enjoyed it LOL, I was wondering if you could do a fluff one for Sae about how he'd plan his proposal to his beloved?? You can add the same characters you did on your first post!! Teehee

∘ a/n: im so happy that you enjoyed my writing <3 thank you for this adorable request hun! i only included 3 of the boys so ofc lmk if you'd like me to write these for some of the others too!

∘ ft: sae, barou, + karasu

∘ includes: proposals <3

Sae Itoshi

➳ when it comes to proposals, sae isnt one for huge romantic gestures

➳ he believes that matters like this should be intimate, something for just the two of you to witness

➳ sae would choose a setting that would be deeply meaningful to your relationship, making the entire proposal that much more special

...

The sun was beginning to dip below the horizon, painting the sky in hues of orange, pink, and purple. The beach was quiet, besides the rhythmic crashing of the waves against the shore. Sae had insisted on taking you here, a place that had always been special to the two of you. It was actually the place where you both said ‘I love you’ for the first time, and a place where countless evenings have been spent with just one another. 

Tonight felt different, though. Sae had been quieter than usual—not unusual for him, but there was a nervous energy about him that you couldn’t quite place. As you walked along the shoreline, your feet sinking slightly into the cool, damp sand, Sae suddenly stopped. His hand, warm and steady, gently tugged at yours to make you face him.

“You know,” he began, his voice softer than the breeze, “I don’t say this enough, but you’ve changed my life in ways that I can’t begin to express.” His aquamarine eyes, always so sharp and calculating, were unusually tender as they met yours. He reached into his pocket, and your heart skipped when he pulled out a small velvet box.

“I’m not good with words, and I’ve never been great at showing how I feel. But you…” He paused, taking a deep breath as his mind raced. “You make me want to be better. For you, for us, and our future.” Sae dropped to one knee, the damp sand clinging to his jeans, but he didn’t seem to care. He opened the box, revealing a simple yet elegant ring, the kind of understated beauty that matched his taste—and yours.

“Will you marry me?” he asked, his voice steady but low, as if the weight of his emotions were grounding him. “Be with me, always.” The world seemed to fade away, leaving only the sound of your heartbeat and the sincerity in his eyes. The setting sun cast a warm glow around him, and for a moment, he looked almost ethereal.

Your answer came easily, your voice catching with emotion as you nodded, a bright smile spreading across your face. “Yes, Sae. Always.” He wasn’t one to show too much emotion, despite the years that you’ve known him. So, seeing his walls come completely down for you in this moment was something that tugged at your heart.

Relief washed over his face, and a rare, genuine smile tugged at his lips as he slipped the ring onto your finger. Standing, he pulled you into his arms, holding you tightly as the waves lapped at your feet.

And just like that, Sae Itoshi’s heart, once so guarded, was now entirely yours.

Shoei Barou

➳ barou would definitely want a proposal that is a bit over the top, something that truly matches the vibes of your relationship

➳ nothing he ever does is half-assed, and that’s exactly his mindset going into the planning of it all

➳ he would take you somewhere beautiful and away from home to give you the ultimate experience

...

The evening air was warm, carrying the faint scent of tropical flowers and saltwater. Barou had brought you to an island paradise, a destination that took your breath away the moment you arrived. The resort he chose was as grand as you’d expect from him—luxurious villas, infinity pools, and views that stretched endlessly over turquoise waters. But tonight, Barou had completely outdone himself.

He insisted you dress up for dinner, though he refused to say why. As the sun began to set, a private car picked you up, driving through winding coastal roads until it stopped at a secluded cliffside overlooking the ocean. A pathway lined with lanterns and petals led you to a table for two, illuminated by string lights hanging above. The view was spectacular—stars just beginning to sparkle in the darkening sky, the ocean glowing softly with the last light of the sun.

Barou was already there, waiting for you, dressed sharply in a dark suit that made him look every bit the king he always claimed to be. He didn’t say much, but the way he glanced at you, his usually intense eyes softening, made your heart race. Dinner was amazing, but you could sense he was distracted. He barely touched his food, and his fingers occasionally drummed on the table. It wasn’t like him to look so nervous and out of it.Then, as dessert was served, he stood abruptly, his chair scraping against the wooden platform, startling you a bit.

“Come here,” he said, his voice low and commanding, as he offered you his hand.

You followed him to the edge of the cliff, where the ocean stretched endlessly before you. The sound of waves crashing against the rocks filled the air, a dramatic symphony that mirrored the tension building in your chest. Barou turned to face you, his expression unreadable at first. But then, he reached into his pocket, pulling out a small velvet box.

“You know me,” he began, his voice rough but steady. “I don’t like to share what’s mine. And you… you’re the only one who matters to me.” His crimson eyes locked onto yours, and for a moment, the fierce intensity in them made your knees weak. He dropped to one knee, his large frame somehow looking vulnerable against the vast backdrop of the ocean. Opening the box, he revealed a dazzling ring—a bold design, just like him, but beautiful in a way that made your breath hitch.

“I don’t do things halfway,” he said, his voice softer now but no less firm. “I want you by my side—forever. Be mine, please.”

The words were straightforward, even blunt, but you could hear the raw emotion laced beneath them. This was Barou—unapologetically himself, but giving you all of him at this moment.

Your eyes filled with tears as you nodded, your voice barely above a whisper. “Yes. Of course, yes.”

A rare smile broke across his face, fleeting but genuine. He stood, sliding the ring onto your finger, and pulled you into his arms with a strength that left no doubt you were his world. As the waves roared below and the stars lit up the night sky, Barou kissed you, a promise sealed in the most perfect moment.

Karasu Tabito

➳ karasu’s proposal would be one that is both well thought out yet playful

➳ his proposal would be more on the creative side, almost making it some type of game 

➳ he would set it up to be like a mini treasure hunt where the prize is something that you were not expecting

...

The day started like any other adventure with Karasu – spontaneous, lively, and full of surprises. He handed you a small, hand-drawn map over breakfast, his signature playful grin lighting up his face.

“Today’s mission,” he said dramatically, “is to find the greatest treasure in the world. And no, it’s not me, though I know I’m a close second.” You rolled your eyes at his antics, but your heart fluttered with excitement. The map was detailed yet vague, with landmarks you recognized scattered across the city including the movie theater that has seen many of your dates, the park where you had your first picnic, and many more.

Each stop held a small clue — sometimes a riddle, sometimes a quirky message written in his bold handwriting. At the café, a barista handed you a folded note: "You’ve made it this far, adventurer. But can you find where our journey truly began? Hint: The world’s greatest hot chocolate awaits you."

Your heart raced as you pieced together the clues, each one leading you closer to a final destination that Karasu refused to reveal. His energy was infectious, and you couldn’t help but laugh at his over-the-top commentary every step of the way. Finally, the map led you to the park, where a secluded gazebo sat adorned with fairy lights and flowers. The setting sun bathed everything in a golden glow, and your breath caught at the sight. Karasu was already there, standing in the center with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

“Congratulations!” he called, throwing his arms wide. “You’ve solved the mystery and found the treasure!”

You laughed, walking toward him. “So, what is it? Jewelry? Hopefully some food?”

He chuckled, pulling a small, intricately decorated chest from behind his back. “The real treasure is in here,” he said, his voice softer now. When he opened it, your heart stopped. Inside was a ring, a stunning piece that sparkled like the stars starting to appear in the sky.

Karasu dropped to one knee, his usual cocky demeanor giving way to something raw and genuine. “The greatest treasure isn’t in a chest or on a map,” he said, looking up at you. “It’s you. You’re my greatest adventure, my best friend, and the only person I want to annoy for the rest of my life.”

He grinned, but his voice cracked slightly as he asked, “So, will you marry me? Be my partner in crime forever?”

Tears welled in your eyes as you nodded, barely able to get the words out. “Yes! Of course, yes!”

Karasu jumped to his feet, sweeping you into his arms and spinning you around, his laughter ringing out like music. “I knew you’d say yes! Who could resist me?” he teased, though the sheer joy on his face betrayed his bravado.

As the lights twinkled around you and the stars shone overhead, you realized that life with Karasu would always be full of laughter, surprises, and love.

© kingkaizen | do not copy, steal, or duplicate!

[arcane-ish]

Some thoughts on love, changing the world, co-dependency and commander Caitlyn

I watched this youtube video, “Understanding Vi”. I think it makes a pretty good case for why Vi falls for Caitlyn and what the appeal, the draw of the relationship is for her.

Looking at some of the other vids on the channel, I got the impression that there is focus a bit on ships that would actually be working and healthy in a real life way, couples whose personalities and goals and stage in life are a good match.

It made me look at CaitVi a bit under that light, and also what Amanda might have been thinking when she forged them.

I’m personally a big subscriber to the whole “shipping something doesn’t mean that the characters are perfect or that the relationship is perfect just that you think there’s a good story there”. And I vibe with that a lot. I can want to see characters interacting or just what the interactions would tell me about a character I like, even if I think the relationships might end in breakup or death and murder eventually. At the same time, not everybody ships like that or ships like that all the time.

It can be a particular type of comfort ship to look at your ship and just feel like things will be alright for them. That no matter what happens they’ll support each other and they’ll still be together when they are old and gray. And for that you do have to write the characters as just being very stable with each other.

[speaking of which, maybe that’s just the Zaundads shipper in me, I have seen quite a bit of hot CaitVi art of course and quite a bit of CaitVi if they met as kids, but are there any good arts of them growing old together/spending their life together? I know League means they will forever be frozen like that, but I think for a bit them with the first traces of gray hair could be lovely, especially if as part of a chain of arts with them also being younger]

I think CaitVi can work like that, two people who genuinely like each other, who want to make it work and who overall have enough self discipline that they can make it work despite any conflicts that might rise up.

Looking at the plot, I do feel like CaitVi got shafted a little bit in season 2, for my tastes, my priorities, because if you look around, it feels like with most of the other ships they have a measurable effect on the plot. Zaundad reuniting is the reason why the AU is like that according to the writer’s statements, Ekko stops Jinx’s suicide attempt, Jayce talks Viktor down from destroying the world, timetravel Viktor is the reason that Jayce became interested in magic.

And no, I’m not saying that CaitVi has no effect on the plot. In season 1 it is very clear, Caitlyn is Vi’s “bridge” to Piltover, their connection is why Vi and Caitlyn are standing in front of the council trying to make a case for Zaun, their connection is also the reason for a lot of conflict and misunderstandings between Vi and Jinx.

And even in season 2, her love for Cait is clearly the reason why Vi joins up with the enforcers or why she lets herself be handed over to Ambessa.

But now we get to the actual meat of what I want to talk about. I know there are a lot of jokes about “Vi calls Cait cupcake and fascism leaves Cait’s body”. And here it goes: I don’t think that that’s true because Cait was pretty half-hearted about fascism anyway.

And this is not to say Caitlyn is not to blame for the things she did as Commander Caitlyn or before. Heck, especially if you knew on some level that it was wrong makes it extra questionable in its own way. But that’s just genuinely how I read Caitlyn as a character. From her point of view there two big candidates for “for love” decisions:

turning on Ambessa

letting Jinx go

But both of these to me seem like they are in general alignment with what Caitlyn is feeling in this situation anyway. Which doesn’t mean that Vi isn’t a factor in the mix of Caitlyn’s motivations. But that she isn’t the only one and that I can picture worlds where Caitlyn makes roughly the same choices even if Vi wasn’t around.

Caitlyn doesn’t fight to become commander. It gets offered to her without any pushing on her side, it basically falls into her lap. We skip forward in time and she is already doubting that it’s a great idea in her scene with Maddie. I feel like her doubts grow in the scene with Singed. IMO Caitlyn was (1) never that gung-ho for commandering from an ideological point of view, she was willing to do it and ignore her own doubts for the big goal of “catching Jinx”. And yes maybe she was curious about Ambessa. (2) she was already out with half a foot when she meets Vi again and Vi gives her the opportunity to jump ship.

Similarly, letting Jinx go, I feel like Caitlyn understands that she needs to let go of her hate. That’s what her scene with Jinx is about. Maybe in a world without Vi Caitlyn wouldn’t have been able to bring herself to the point of actively letting Jinx go/unleashing her on the world again even as she understands that she needs to let go of Jinx/her hate for Jinx. But I think she at least heavily would have thought about it.

I think from a ship point of view? You want your ship to be powerful, you want it to have a ripple effect on the plot, you want it to shape the world. But from a relationship point of view? It’s probably better and saner if the people involved are put together enough that they can fix themselves before hooking up and are not co-dependent on each other for not going evil or not offing themselves.

From a relationship point of view, it’s probably better that Caitlyn doesn’t need Vi to develop doubts about Ambessa and that Vi doesn’t need Caitlyn to pull her out of her self destructive spiral from the beginning of s2a2. Because if they have the strength to pull themselves out of their dark places it makes them more ready to have a healthy and sane relationship and choose each other because this is what they want.

There’s a romantic appeal to co-dependent characters who absolutely need each other, but from a relationship POV? It’s probably better to … not be like that. That Vi and Cait do have things in their lives and parts of their personality they want to explore before they return to each other.

(that said, I do hope CaitVi fandom is full of “Commander Cait can’t live without Vi and decides to sneak into Zaun to watch Vi fight undercover, after having seen the posters, or just having heard the reputation, or runs into her accidentally while doing a raid on the club. Because while from an intellectual point of view I totally get why it’s probably better that Vi pulls herself out of her hole, for my shipper tastes, yeah I totally want Cait to see Vi at her lowest and it gals me that in canon Jinx is sneaking into Vi’s fights to check on her and not Cait)

[j-partneringrime]

Rachel Amber is such a good character and I don’t get the amount of hate she gets. I feel like people who are judging her based on some of her actions really don’t understand her character, because that’s exactly what happens in the games. In the first game, most people who talk about rachel say how popular she was or how beautiful she was, and how cool she was at parties or how good she was at modelling, almost everything said about rachel from people other than chloe is stuff like that. the way they talk about her to max, who never met her, really seems like they don’t view her a as an actual person and more as an idea, they let their idea of rachel overshadow who she actually was and what she actually did and felt, she was always the popular girl or the party girl or something like that, she was always “rachel amber” instead of just rachel amber (if that makes sense). And rachel leaned into that assumption of her a bit but not in a lying, manipulative way like some people say, but in a similar way to chloe being known as a trouble maker and a rebel, which made her act like that more than she would’ve normally, without that expectation of her. It’s just so heartbreaking to see after rachel’s death that most people who she knew, when asked about her, don’t actually talk about what she was actually like as person. And that’s shown even more while she was alive in BtS, that everyone has an idea of her but no one truly knows her, even her parents think of her as their perfect, smart, polite, always good daughter, which isn’t who she is, I mean it’s part of her and everything else people think of her aren’t lies, but they’re only part of her. And chloe is the only person we ever see rachel fully open up to and when talking about rachel, actually talks about what she was like as person and the full person what she was, not just the idea that people got from her. That’s why it’s so sad and mischaracterising when people say she was using chloe and manipulating her, because chloe was the only person she ever let her herself fully be free with and without any expectations of her, including her own parents. I don’t understand how people can see their relationship and think it’s all fake from rachel’s end, especially since the ending of BtS and the big final decision is about the trust they have in each other and how rachel trusts chloe completely, because the final choice of whether to tell her the truth or not is very much framed as either don’t tell her and save her the pain of losing her father, which chloe understands and also knows how much rachel needs her family right now, or do tell her because rachel has complete trust in chloe and to not tell her would be to betray that trust, and to betray the only real relationship rachel has, and to view that thinking rachel doesn’t care about chloe removes all meaning from that moment. That moment is literally about how much trust rachel has in chloe and how much she cares about her and the choice you make is deciding if you are going to be worthy of that trust and love that rachel is giving you or if you’ll betray it and hide something incredibly meaningful from her when she needs someone to be there for her more than ever. And I feel like that trust between them is what ends up helping rachel open up more after BtS and what lets rachel let down some of walls when she and chloe hang out with other people, like steph and mikey or justin and trevor. Rachel is an amazing character who deserved much better from both in universe and real life. She deserved to live, she deserved to get out of Arcadia bay with chloe, she deserved to meet max and she deserves to be seen as she is by the fandom instead of the strange evil and manipulative idea some have of her. Rachel Amber is an amazing character, and deserves all the love <3

Also the argument at the junkyard, really shows just how much people’s perception of rachel affects her, that chloe, who she has never really spoken to before and only interactions are yesterday at the concert and today skipping school, both of which are good days for them and go against what people think of rachel, after all that chloe still pushes and kind of forces the ideas and assumptions about rachel on her, even though none of her experiences with rachel fit that perception of her, she still uses it against her, because that’s just how she’s known sadly. Which I don’t fully blame chloe for because both her and rachel weren’t in the best mindset during that fight and literally everyone has that perception of her so chloe leaning into that perception of her is believable but you know, it still happened.

(btw these are more my thoughts about her from an in universe perspective, not how she was written irl, because I know some of the stuff I mention, like how people talk about her in LiS 1, is because of the story and how her character is purposefully written and meant to be viewed)

[siena-sevenwits]

(Written yesterday) Well, it’s Epiphany, and the end of Christmas proper. I know many continue to celebrate Christmastide all the way until Candlemas, but our tree came down today and I don’t really do much to observe the extended season. So it seems to me that if I’m going to finally revisit Elystan’s point of view in the Christmas chapters, now that I know a little more of his history, I’d best do it before Epiphany is out. Here we go!

[Turns on “Denn es is tuns ein Kind geboren” from “Der Messias.” Since this is Elystan’s pov I really ought to listen in English (tangent: aren’t we Anglophones blessed Handel was in Ireland when he wrote it?) but I thought I’d listen in German as a nod to the Liennese in the room.]

I love the fact that although Elystan’s good with classics when it comes to languages, German is not his forte. This isn’t something you see so often in fiction – that an aptitude for a language, or even languages, doesn’t necessarily apply across the board. (And of course it has the story layer that he and Josiah don’t understand each other, even though they technically speak each others’ languages. Boys, there is so much you’re hiding from others – and so much you don’t see in yourselves.)

Ha. Even here in Corege, Tamett’s Noriberreanness (sp?) is still a point against him in the eyes of the masters.

“[H]e needs to invest in a copy of Bellwell’s Guide for the Traveller in Corege. All good bookstores have it. Changed my life.” Heaven help me, Elystan thinks his jokes are so funny – and I’m smirking despite myself.

“And that distracted Josiah’s attention from the depths of the literary gem he was composing…” Oh that you knew the systematic and painful stuffing down of grief you’re witnessing from outside, Elystan. [I should really be listening to Satie’s Gnossiennes or something equally sombre for Josiah’s composition, but we are not in his head.]

“I’ll leave a box of chocolates in the empty chair in the King’s box, in your memory.” OOF –  the joke’s aimed at disgusting Josiah, but yeah, let’s make a joke about an empty chair in the King’s Box right now, Elystan. That’s certainly a good joke for you to make. (I doubt he’s actually thinking along the lines I am, but still.)

Oh, Elystan, your mother would love to take you to the movies if you would let her… And she writes to him faithfully even though she never gets any back. I understand why there’s such an enormous rift between them, and she’s certainly not blameless – but this must be a hard time for her, having realized at least some of the damage she’s caused, how broad the gulf is, spent the summer trying to mend their relationship among many other things, then had to send him away for his own sake. And she never hears from him. That would be hard. These stories have such huge themes of attachment and how hurt to that attachment ripples into so many seemingly unrelated areas of life. My heart goes out to both Elystan and Bethira.

Oh gosh, he almost asked Josiah was he was going to do with his Mother for Christmas. The anniversary of his mother’s December death is almost here, and right this moment he’s writing a paper about how above grief a real man needs to be. Josiah heard that pause loud and clear.

The way schoolboy culture won’t let them just say “family.” (It’s the heart of all this, it’s all about family, and they can’t say it, they can’t say it. They’re not even consciously thinking about it – they’re all just copying each other – but they haven’t got families anymore. They’ve got [airy wave of the hand] people.”

Josiah wrinkled his nose. “How about the rest of the year?” If he had not been such an overgrown lump, Elystan would have knocked him out of his seat. – Oh boy. Knowing what Elystan’s rest of the year has been like this past year, that one smarts even more.

I am eternally amused by Elystan’s ongoing crocodilianess.

He misspelled “grievous.” No undertones there.

Love these boys so much. Since this is a revisit in light of what I know of their previous lives, these comments are likely to all tend to the “oh no” direction, but also I am smiling so lovingly at all of them.

A Christmas Chapter: Elystan’s POV

Last year I wrote two versions of this story, from Tamett’s and Josiah’s POVs. I had intended to leave it there, but a friend wanted Elystan’s POV, so after a long struggle of trying to find a story I’d never really planned between the lines of the existing pieces, here is the third and final version.

This one runs very long, nearly 17000 words. It’s not perfect, probably has wording issues right and left, and it feels a bit more like a series of random events than a cohesive whole, but I’m sick of fussing with it for now, and you’re very welcome to tell me (politely) what could be improved.

In case you’re unfamiliar with these characters, Elystan is the thirteen-year-old son of a disgraced former king of Corege (one of several nations in this  Edwardianesque world). After circumstances that have resulted in his having a massive grudge against his mother and his half-brother Delclis (the current King), he has been sent to Hollingham, an elite boarding school, where he rooms with Josiah, Crown Prince of Lienne, and has befriended Josiah’s paid companion Tamett. They’re about to reach the end of their first term, and Elystan is faced with the daunting prospect of having to spend the Christmas holidays with his dearly beloathed family.

Keep reading

[soliusss]

why did he do this

[beastking-golion]

Did christian linke actually do anything wrong beyond saying he didn’t see jayvik as romantic or are you guys just losing your shit over a difference of opinion?

[velmashaircut]

When I first began reading/ watching OPM I use to really, really hate Tatsumaki. She was probably my least favourite character from the main cast for over a year. I tried to hide it in my posts but I despised her.

Even back then I knew why, Tatsumaki reminded me of my older sister who at the time I did not have a great relationship with. Not only would I say Tatsumaki has my sisters personality and motivations amplified to the extreme, but my sister was seen as ‘better’ by everyone around me, or at least it felt like that to me. My sister obviously isn’t an esper prodigy but she is seen as smarter, prettier, more likeable you know the drill. The Psychic sisters arc was probably one of my least favourite arcs unsurprisingly, I can understand Fubuki’s feelings towards her sister completely. You would think this would make me like Fubuki …but back then I didn’t like her that much either lmao.

The manga, especially the chapters for the monster association arc, did a great job of changing my perspective of Tatsumaki. I can see why she’s the way she is and even if I disagree with her methods I do like her character now, I prefer her to Fubuki. I used to hate webcomic counterpart as well but ever since the mangas MA and psychic sisters arc I like her webcomic self also.

The relationship improvement with my sister played a part in this as well. My sister wanted to make sure I could stand in my own two feet but she went about it the wrong way, which was what Tatsumaki also did. So understanding my sisters motivations and the manga chapters made me understand and like Tatsumaki more.

[neon-wool]

Short answer: Buy them yourself or ask your dad, either should be fine. Asking your mum to buy something for your dad’s house sounds more likely to cause drama in an already tense situation.

Long answer: Anon, it sounds like you’ve had a difficult upbringing, and I feel for you. Obviously I don’t know you, so take everything I'm about to write with a big pinch of salt... take anything that resonates and ignore the rest.

It sounds like you’ve formed some pretty intense anxiety around relationships that's affecting your daily life. For most people, buying posters for their room would be a very simple issue that requires almost no thought. They'd never think to ask permission for something they were paying for, and there would be no pressure to open up about liking the tv show in advance, just in case a parent's feelings were hurt. They'd talk about the show if they happened to feel like it, or not, without thinking much of it.

However for you it sounds like there's a strong fear of judgement from your dad if you admit to liking the show, but on the flipside you worry not telling him in advance could somehow hurt him, make him feel betrayed, or undermine your relationship. Most people wouldn't have these worries at all. Has he given you a reason to think he's that judgemental or fragile? Or is it possible you're catastrophising?

Looking at the level of intensity you’re applying to the situation, it seems to me this isn’t really about the tv show or the poster at all. Perhaps the strong emotions are about how you’d like to connect more with your dad and feel closer to him. There may also be some amount of underlying trauma from your upbringing, which sounds like it had some significant issues.

My advice is: be kind to yourself, and try to take the pressure off for now. Your dad is very unlikely to be hurt by you buying a poster. What’s important is finding ways to connect to your loved-ones and feel cared for, and exploring complicated emotions about your childhood. That takes time.

From what you wrote, it sounds like your dad does actually take an interest in your hobbies when you bring them up, and you generally do feel he’s quite supportive. That’s a good thing, and more than some people have with their parents. The main problem you have right now is that he doesn’t approach you first, and he doesn’t open up about himself much either. You also feel he has an outdated view of you and still sees you as a child.

Sometimes it takes active communication to shift your relationships forward in the direction you want them to go. Sometimes parents have their own issues, or just lack social skills, so they may not realise how their words and actions are affecting you. If you think his view of you is stuck in the past, and you want him to see you as who you are now, then you're going to need to have the courage to assert yourself as who you are now.

If talking to him about this show is causing a lot of anxiety I won't push you to do that immediately. But I would suggest you look again at that fear. You said in the past he's been supportive when you talked about your interests, and you know the idea of him thinking the show is too weird/violent is unlikely since he already enjoys that kind of show himself. Putting that together it's hard to see why you're so afraid of mentioning this to him, perhaps this fear is a result of the chronic overthinking you mentioned.

Let's play out the worst-case scenario: you tell him, and he says "oh that's a pretty violent show, it's not for me" or he just doesn't understand why you like it... why is that such a problem? It's ok for him to see that you are an adult with your own taste, which might not always match his. Doesn't sound like there's anything seriously problematic about the show. How would it feel to just sit with the fact that you like it, and he might not like it, and that's ok? Having different taste in tv shows isn't going to mean he stops liking you as a person.

If this whole subject causes you intense stress, and you have anxiety about the relationship being damaged by small things like this, I think that's something you need to take note of, and perhaps get some outside support for.

However if you feel able to, I’d recommend taking a deep breath and just telling him about the show, in a casual way, just for the sake of opening up. It sounds like the odds of him enjoying it too are pretty decent! And if he isn't into it, maybe you could be ok with that. I'd also recommend the idea (when you feel ready) of just telling him, in a positive way, that you enjoy talking to him about your interests, you want to learn more about his interests too, and you’d like to have a good friendship and get to know him more as you become an adult.

Eventually, if you feel closer to him over time, you might feel able to open up about the distance and ‘privacy’ your parents kept in childhood, and how this has affected you. There might be some difficult emotions to process there. Parents have their own baggage, and can be very stuck in their own perspective. If you continue building on the relationship and trust you have with him now, there might be more space for him to reflect on those issues in the future, in a way that would be healing for both of you.

Navigating family relationships can be very complicated. Sometimes you feel someone has hurt you, but it wasn’t intentional, so what do you do with that hurt? Do they even realise they hurt you? Perhaps they do love you and do make an effort, but is that enough? Could they have done more? Will they ever see or acknowledge or make amends for the hurt they caused? Perhaps you wish you could be closer, and perhaps you really wish they would be the one to reach out first, you really wish they would just ‘get it’ and grow of their own accord… but wishing won’t change the situation. Maybe you'll be the one who has to set things in motion and push for growth, even though you didn't cause the situation. Life is messy. Growth is messy. It can be hard to know exactly what you want, or how to achieve it. But there's time, it doesn't all need to happen straight away.

I can’t answer any of these questions, or even know if they're the right questions for you. Finding a healthy balance can be hard. It’s up to each individual to judge their own situation, their own sense of fairness and hurt, and how much effort is worth putting into a relationship. Of course, parents hold the responsibility of forming healthy relationships with their children as they grow up, not the other way round. Sometimes they really fail at that job. Other times it’s a complex mixture of good and bad. Even with genuine effort there are many things which hold people back, people have their own traumas, everyone has their own narrow perspective. You can have sympathy for your parents’ limitations, and be willing to work with them and have patience, but simultaneously accept that you've always deserved to feel loved and safe and supported, and maybe you didn't always get that. The sacrifices and effort shouldn’t all be on your side.

As you become an adult, you have more choices about how you interact with your parents, and more agency in how you handle the relationship. Again, without knowing your situation I can’t say for sure, but just from what you’ve written here… my advice would be to take it slow, and try not to over-analyse every little thing. Don't try to come up with all the answers straight away. Instead, step back and look at the big picture of your upbringing and parental relationships, both the good and the bad.

Maybe start writing a journal about it, just noting down any thoughts that come up and letting yourself vent. A well-hidden private journal is great because it gives you space to try out lots of random thoughts and ideas, and see what actually makes sense. You don’t have to judge what you write, or draw any conclusions. You can write whatever pops into your head, and then ask “is this really what I feel? Does this make sense to me?” Then you can re-read it months later, suddenly see something you didn’t before, and a new piece clicks into place.

Good luck anon, I hope you find a way forward over time, and I hope you enjoy the posters!

This is not a yes/no poll but I don’t know who else to consult.

My parents and I are not close. I'm closer with my dad, but he doesn't know about any of my interests due to the way me and my sister were taught about 'privacy' growing up. I am not close with my mum at all and I only talk to her when I have to.

When me and my sister were growing up, we were not told any of our parents' interests/hobbies, and were always told not to look at what people were doing. I think this is what led us to both be so hidden(?) from our parents, and is why this problem exists in the first place.

My dad doesn’t really buy anything for me, nor does he try to learn about my interests (but he will listen when he does learn about them. He likes that I like stuff, he just doesn’t actively seek that information out). My mum is the one who will buy me things, but it’s gotten to the point where she is just buying me junk for the sake of trying to keep a relationship with me and then holding that fact over my head (I have told her to stop, she hasn’t).

I want to buy a few posters for my favourite show for my bedroom at my dads house (my parents are divorced). I currently do not have a credit/debit card as I lost it a few months ago, however I am going to go get a new one on the 18th of this month, but I would preferably like to place the order before school starts again (for reference, all these options are online orders).

I have a few options on how to acquire the posters, and I’m not sure how to go about it.

Ask my mum to buy them for me.

She will buy me things I don’t want related to this show for the next 10 years, even after I inevitably lose interest in it. She’ll also be extremely upset that I’m putting them up at my dad’s house, and not hers. However I don’t care about her opinion on my interests as much.

Ask my dad to buy them for me.

I do not want to do this one, purely because of the completely irrational fear I have that he’ll think the show is weird, or violent (again, completely irrational. He is the biggest nerd you’ll meet, he’s probably even watched the show before and enjoyed it. It’ll just be awkward and I’m an overthinker). His opinion means a lot to me, and although he’s supportive of me in every sense, I think he still views me as a little kid (I’m 18), hence why I’m worried to tell him about my interests. I do want him to know about my interests in the long term though, and I want to be able to tell him things about me and not be scared about it, but I’m not sure if diving headfirst into this is the right way to go about it (for my own sake).

Wait until the 18th and buy them myself.

This one would be fine, but I’m a little worried that my dad will be confused when they show up for me. He would also have to find out about the posters/my interests in a surprise! Kind of way, which is a little awkward and it might hurt his feelings that he wasn’t asked. This will also be after school starts again, which I would prefer to get them before then. However I think this is the option that’ll give me the least anxiety in the short-term, but probably more as I wait for them to arrive.

I have consulted my sister and she is no help whatsoever.

Thank you for reading this behemoth of an ask, and thank you for any advice you might have (and I understand if this is not submitted to the public as it's not a yes/no question).

[thats-my-passion-right-there]

I finally saw the mean girls musical (the movie one) I have so many fucking thoughts oh my god

[arcadianico]

i think one of the reasons i dislike qtntduo as a ship is that wilbur hasn’t been on since literally before the brazilians arrived and everything about qq and elq was always made to be about him. and listen, i know qq’s obsession played a role in that but also qq’s thing about wilbur is so much more complicated that it usually gets portrayed. also having them be romantic and actually involved with each other would be boring sorry

[aerticent]

i’ve started to enjoy Thomaven in like a “this relationship was in Maven’s past and he’ll always remember it through rose colored glasses but we have no way of knowing how accurate his portrayal is because he was 13-15 and his mother ruined his memories of him” kind of way. Like i don’t like thinking about them in a current moment kind of way but rather a memory that u can’t even trust cause how much of it is accurate and how much of it is Maven twisting what it was into something sweeter without flaws

[byanyan]

I've talked a fair amount about how byan has been bullied and hurt by teachers in the past (& how they'd hit their limit and seek drastic revenge, in some cases), but I've never really talked much about how byan has also bullied and outright tormented teachers for themself... like yeah, it's definitely because they don't trust teachers or authority figures in general due to their past experiences, but that doesn't mean that their 9th grade math teacher deserved to feel afraid for his own safety or that their 10th grade biology teacher should have been so stressed that she retired early. byan has been done dirty by a lot of people in their life but they've also been a genuine menace to others who gave them no real reason to be, and they have taken enjoyment in it in a lot of cases.