soliusss

[soliusss]

all I gaf about nowadays is my yaoi I literally only get up in the morning because of my yaoi I think this is a symptom of an underlying problem but. I dont care. I think about it all day at work and my coworkers are like solius you look so angry and unhappy and bored all the time (because my resting face when I’m not masking looks like that) and im like AHHH LEAVE ME ALONE GO AWAY IM HAPPY IM IN MY YAOI MIND PALACE

[soliusss]

Call that yaoi a Metal Gear the way it's nuclear!!‼️!

yeag

[soliusss]

do you ever think about the fact we don't really see how Sam acts outside of the field. he's putting on an act the entirety of MGRR that only really drops for a few seconds and Bladewolf confirms as much that he very much started acting up after his "recruitment".

anyway do you also think about how everyone in Desperado who has cybernetics likely has the nanites that affect your emotions. this may be reaching but I really like the idea of Sam facing the existential dread of wondering is he really feeling this way or is he being subtly influenced and therefore questioning himself even further.

sorry if I'm being very weird about this I just. started rambling and really like analysing the Desperado characters and the implications of their tech.

not weird. actually I think the general consensus is that Sam has the emotion suppressing nanomachines although I don’t think it’s ever actually confirmed. Personally I don’t think he does and that he was one of the few who didn’t need them. I think the way he was raised gave him a really strong identity intertwined with fighting and that he never lost a real fight before Armstrong. I think losing to Armstrong sent him into like total ego death and a depressive spiral so him acting up—the persona he puts on in the game is both a way to hide that weakness (the fact he has no idea who he is anymore) and also an attempt to find a new self. Taking it for a test drive among other things. There is so much more detail to go into about these various statements but idont have time 💔

[soliusss]

nvm I have hubris and a weak constitution

so glad I put that raiden daki on pause while I was in art block hell I don’t want to jinx and I’m not going to post any wips in case that somehow messes with my brain but I think we’re so back

[soliusss]

let's kill each other with swords let's meet up and kill each other with swords

[soliusss]

I hate not having anything to post since I’m just working on time consuming and long term projects in my limited free time le sigh. I need to talk to more people send me asks

[soliusss]

so glad I put that raiden daki on pause while I was in art block hell I don’t want to jinx and I’m not going to post any wips in case that somehow messes with my brain but I think we’re so back

[soliusss]

I think the most annoyign migraine symptom is the blindness because I could theoretically work on stuff through the spliting pain but no. No pain. Just can't see. it's like. drink my blinding stew. but you didn't drink it and it shows up at a completely arbitrary time . I can't see. Girl help. Fuck my life

[soliusss]

so glad I put that raiden daki on pause while I was in art block hell I don’t want to jinx and I’m not going to post any wips in case that somehow messes with my brain but I think we’re so back

[soliusss]

what’s your masturbating process

what are the tools and the ways

Hammer and nails

[soliusss]

um sorry for moaning when you stabbed me. it's been a really long time since anyone touched me like that

[soliusss]

how it feels to submit an attack on artfight

[soliusss]

booming voice click my buttons

this is mostly dependent on personal factors over the next couple months but I’m considering making a patreon since itd be nice to have pocket change while I’m at school. Itd mainly be for early access to 18+ art and maybe some other stuff like polls and wips. Would only be a couple dollars. Nothing exclusive for now because I’m a socialist and I like posting stuff for free.

[soliusss]

So I didn't achieve my goals for art fight: get completely un art blocked and magically draw in a way I like nor did I develop a proper routine (which is what I really wanted, like a step by step process I can follow every time.) but I think I’ve realized instead that art isn’t supposed to be like that and the steps to take are dependent from piece to piece 🤔 horrible. Hate it.

I also discovered that my skill issues are stemming from anatomy and same face syndrome from a lack of general drawing ability so I know I need to go read some books and do figure studies. The problem is. Limited. Free time. And I want to be drawing things that give me a dopamine hit during that limited free time and studying does not give me a dopamine hit. All I want is to be able to draw stuff I like. I don’t even like drawing I just do it because if I can’t create stuff to my satisfaction my mind tries to harm me. I like rambling here to strangers so I can document my madness #artistmadness

[soliusss]

last art fights for the year, I'm tapping out early because the mg hyperfixation is starting to make me scratch at the walls and go insane

[soliusss]

I'm making him different arm armor for drawing maverick aus so it. Logically makes sense. but the idea that he still keeps his desperado armor afterwards is honestly kind of funny I can't decide

[soliusss]

Saucy bitch