#every year that passes I realize people are so quick to anger

[beastking-golion]

Did christian linke actually do anything wrong beyond saying he didn’t see jayvik as romantic or are you guys just losing your shit over a difference of opinion?

[deathnguts]

I see a bunch of people discussing what they think Regulus’ birthday and therefore zodiac sign are but I’m here to not contribute at all to that and instead give you a birthday headcanon of mine that isn’t about dates (this is with trans regulus in mind, I should mention)

Regulus was given the middle name Arcturus despite it being masculine, literally his grandfathers name, because they share the same birthday. I imagine they wouldn’t have celebrated Regulus’ birthday at all if it wasn’t, but it was so his grandfather feels the need to make that a big deal and all about him by extension. He proclaims Regulus to be his favorite grandchild, he showers him with attention on the day, when he was small enough he would hold him all night and show everyone his ‘favorite gift.’ Though this is sweet in concept, it’s all self serving.

Arcturus is the family patriarch, the one who passed the lordship down to Orion. He was the original black family member to have his oldest son (Alphard) run off on him. I feel he’s so outwardly proud of regulus for something completely out of his control just because he doesn’t like Sirius, again for something completely out of his control. Since day one Arcturus believed the next oldest boy in the family would run off like Alphard did, and he was right. So he felt he should make Sirius feel guilty for his eventual betrayal before he even committed it by liking his brother (sister, at the time) more. And this was also a spit in the face to Cygnus’ children because Arcturus had made it such a big whiny deal when Cygnus and Druella only bore girls. He claimed they were a waste of the title of Black and that women, especially in such abundance with three of them, were merely holding them back with all the useless work put into raising them just to be married off. (He was probably born in the 1910s or earlier, i can’t imagine he likes women that much.) So every year he takes an extra shine to show his least favorite granddaughters that they’re lesser to this one for no reason other than this one is more like him.

This all puts a certain resentment against regulus, especially on that day. Even Sirius, who at the time loved his brother so much he would have killed for him if needed, couldn’t stand to be around him without getting snippy. And Arcturus knows this, it’s why he does it. Every parent on this family is quick to realize how easy it is to pit the children against one another to further keep them under your thumb, he was very insistent on that when raising his own. He views regulus as a scapegoat to continue his favorite game. Get Sirius and Narcissa to resent regulus for being the favorite when they try so hard. Get Cygnus to resent Orion for simply baring a better ‘daughter’ when he tried so hard. Get everyone in the family so desperate to please and willing to try so hard to make it happen so surely they won’t make silly mistakes like displeasing him.

And then this leads to a few strange connections being made despite the rivalries. On Arcturus’ birthday (never is it referred to as Regulus’) you can catch Walburga and Sirius getting along, for they share a certain anger. Walburga bore regulus, why isn’t she getting praise like Orion is? Sirius is older than regulus, why isn’t he cherished the way regulus is? And then on the flip side, you can catch famously aloof and distant father Orion approving of his child. Arcturus is his father who Orion has done plenty to try and please, with taking up lordship when Alphard left and that, so I imagine seeing his child be a source of a pride is a source of pride for him.

It’s at these parties that regulus learns from a pat on the head from his father who never even looks at him that bringing pride to the family feels good. It’s at these parties Sirius learns that bringing pride to the family is circumstantial and impossible.

Anyway I don’t imagine the black brothers enjoy celebrating their birthdays all that much.

[catboybiologist]

Transition journal and documentation: Jan and Feb of 2024

Measurements for January are up, and February will be soon to follow! Tagging @whalesharkcat and @trans4hire here. If you want to be tagged when I post these, let me know! The advice for injections is in the journal below.

Some quick notes to clarify things:

I'm consolidating qualitative observations into my journal. Oftentimes these haven't been easy to cleanly classify into different categories of observation, so I'm not really gonna bother.

As I'm sure you've realized, the timing of these observations isn't consistent. I have a private document with exact date stamps for everything, and these are mostly right at the end of the month. But my levels checks don't match up to this cleanly, so I group them with the closest set of other measurements. Sometimes I don't have one that cleanly fits.

I can't trust myself to measure height anymore, to be blunt. I want to ask the doctor every time but chicken out about it easily.

But anyways.

And now, as a journal, a brief summary of my thoughts on the past two months:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*deep breathing*

fuuuuuuuucccckkkkkkkkkk

Okay. So. I'm not gonna list off everything that's happened since the year started. So many independent things started happening, one after the other, that I had to start formatting it as a bulleted list to tell people I know irl what's been going on. Each one has been a crisis on its own- massive emotional events, health problems, health problems in people close to me, transphobic drama with former "friends", academic&research problems, and a resulting mental health spiral. And all of this leading up to my qualifying exams at the end of February, for which I barely scraped by and passed.

But. With all of this. There's silver linings.

The biggest one is that the start of this year has been a stress test of my overall emotional state since starting HRT. I'm not gonna lie- if all of this had happened a year ago, I don't think I would be here now. I either would have completely snapped and done something I regret, or... yeah. But as it stands? I cried. A lot. I isolated a bit. I had mood swings and anxiety and anger and excitement and relief and highs and lows beyond my wildest dreams. It was intense. It was not pretty. But it was cathartic, and healthy. Before this, I would've processed all of this as a generic, stressful, anxiety-ridden malaise, that would've weighed down on me until a breaking point. As it stands, however, I made it. Not in a neat way, not even really in an emotionally stable way, but I made it. And there is no fucking way that would be true pre-HRT. I think I can genuinely say at this point that estrogen has been life saving for me.

In the middle of all this, I switched to injections, right at the start of February. A mistake? Maybe, but I'm too fed up with delaying my progress because "the time isn't right", so I stubbornly refused to delay that change any further. It's a goal I worked out with my provider ahead of time and I stuck to it. So how's that been?

It's been an incredible and WILD experience. I'm on estradiol valerate. For those that don't know, estradiol is conjugated with another compound, which is then cleaved over time in your body to release it. For injections, that results in a peak irculating levels about 1-3 days afer injections. Some people feel it more than others- and holy shit, do I feel it. This has given rise to "the Sundays", because on Sundays, I'm going fucking nuts. My senses are heightened, and I start craving and reacting to physical touch in intense ways. It's not always sexual- while arousal comes easier to me the closer I am to peak, mostly I just become a cuddleslut. It is WILD. I'm also more emotional and cry more easily. Some cis female friends I have confirmed that it mirrors the feelings they get at a certain point in their monthly cycle, so essentially the fluctuating levels are giving me the sensory and emotional effects of a period every week.

The flip side of this is that I feel like shit on Thursdays, like I missed a sublingual dose when I was on that. After the first two weeks, I started taking 2mg sublingual on Wednesday night and Thursday mornings to avoid this, which helped a lot. My provider specifically said this was a good idea, so if you're dealing with that yourself, consider trying it out. I might move to a 5-day injection interval instead, but we'll see.

I've only had one problem with injections so far, which I'm dealing with right now- on my fifth self injection ever, I had unsteady hands and hesitation before stabbing myself, causing a not-great needle stick. Currently, I have a nasty looking injection bruise. Not painful, and healing pretty well, but not fantastic to look at. Self injecting has been intimidating and scary, moreso than I thought it would be. But the actual physical pain is much, MUCH less than I thought it would be, its just that the lizard brain refuses to stab yourself.

If you're thinking of switching to injections, here's a bit of my advice:

keep as many oral/sublingual pills on hand as you can anyways. These will be helpful if you feel your injections aren't carrying you emotionally for the entire interval, or if you don't have an environment where you can inject regularly

If you have a provider, they should provide a nurse tutorial and consultation for you to inject properly. If they don't, try to insist on one. They'll give better advice than I can.

think less, do more. Ideally, the actual moment of the stab should be painless. Be quick and steady about it. The fluid entering feels like pressure and slight burning, but nothing more than that.

vary your injection sites. A doctor or nurse should explain this to you, but this reduces risk of doing what I did and bruising yourself.

be extremely sterile about things. All of the wiping down and sterile technique you'll hear? Don't fuck around with it. Infection is no joke, and absolutely can happen.

Purchase spare needles and syringes from a pharmacist or online. Several reasons for this- one, if you make a mistake and a needle is no longer sterile, you don't want to hesitate about throwing it away. And two... well, let's make a second point about this.

If you want to stock up on estradiol for the future (if you're worried about future access to HRT), this can be easier with injections- but you have to be careful, and you'll need extra needles (for the love of fuck, do not reuse needles). Vials will always have excess medication, because it allows standard volumes to fill and distribute, and it also ensures that needle draws will always be able to be fully submerged. Do NOT try to run your vial out. You WILL run into sterility and contamination issues. That said, vial expiration dates are typically measured from time of first puncture. This will vary, but for me, I was told that the vials are good for 4 weeks after the first puncture. This is overcautious, but not egregiously so. My recommendation would be to use each vial for 1-2 extra punctures, and open the next vial a bit later. Still get prescription refills as frequently as you can. That way, you can stock up on unpucntured vials in case anything happens to your supply. THIS SAID- if you notice ANYTHING wrong with the vial- if the seal isn't containing the fluid properly, if bits of the seal are falling into the medication, if you can see a noticable hole in the seal, DO NOT USE THAT VIAL. Look me in the fucking eye. Do. Fucking. NOT. get sepsis. Do not fuck around with this. The flexibility to be cautious about your vials is a great reason to stock up on a bit extra in the first place.

To anyone in the US, if you're comfortable with doing this to stock up, I would highly, HIGHLY recommend starting this now. Slowly start using your vials for 1-2 punctures extra, stock up unbroken vials. Just in case something bad happens after the elections.

Typically, your medication will come with two sizes of needles- a draw needle (puncture the seal and draw medication into the syringe) and an injection needle. You might want to consider going *slightly* smaller on one or both of those needles. Estradiol is dissolved in a viscous oil as medication, and can be difficult to draw and dispense as a result. But, if you're patient, a smaller gauge might help. For the draw needle, it can help do less damage to the seal and preserve it a bit longer. For the injection needle, if you have a bit more sensitive skin, it might be comforting. Don't deviate too much, though, ESPECIALLY without a medical professional involved.

Remember that I'm not a medical professional, please consult one whenever possible.

I'm still on spiro for now, and I'm continuing it until my next levels check comes back clean. I don't want to erase months of progress getting my levels up by dropping it too early.

Measurement-wise, there hasn't been much change. But I'm starting to realize that the measurements aren't really telling the full story. My breasts look so much larger and, for lack of a better word, breast-like than they did even a couple months ago, but that hasn't been coming through in the measurements very well. I think what's happening is that my fat around my sides is shrinking at the same time my breasts are growing. This is reflected a bit in terms of underbust and waist measurements, but it still seems more dramatic than those are letting on.

Face wise, I think I'm really seeing some changes now. It's hard to put into words, but I'm starting to look more and more androgynous or femme by default, especially if I shave. I'm estatic, honestly, and I hope the trend continues. My chin and nose continue to be problems, but as the structure of the face around them changes, that's becoming less and less true.

I've been getting laser, but so far it's done pretty much nothing. There's lag time, and some of my health issues meant that I had to delay a session and get both sessions at a much lower power than I would've like. I was really hoping to have visible hair removal by June or so, but it looks like that's not happening. That kinda stings, and is a huge blow to my ability to pass by the one-year mark, which has been my target.

I think my boymoding has been holding, for the most part, although its been harder. Even with my sports bras, small bumps are visible under a t shirt, and the face changes won't be unnoticable forever. I've def been more loudly bisexual, and I think most people just write it off as me being fruity. Cis people can also be pretty oblivious, especially when changes are gradual. That being said, I've been coming out slowly to people, giving my usual speech of "I'm still presenting as a man for now, but just so you know this is what's going on", which removes a lot of the pressure and anxiety from boymoding. Still, I haven't told everyone (notably, labmates and family), and my timeline of social transition between June and August seems to be holding steady.

So uh, yeah. If you're curious about anything specifically, I'm an open book, although I may move it to DMs if it gets too personal. Hope that my progress updates are helpful to at least someone!

[deprivedreality]

𝗦𝗬𝗠𝗕𝗜𝗢𝗦𝗜𝗦 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘 neteyam x human reader

word count: 1.7k ➤ might make part two

synopsis: as the day of neteyam's crowning ceremony nears, the more you realize of the sad truth of being loved and loving someone who's from an entirely different species.

content & pairing/s: forbidden love. neteyam x human reader.

Neteyam and you have withheld your relationship for more than six years. It has come clear that the two of you adored each other and would kill for one another. It didn't come as blurry, since Neteyam proudly speaks of his human mate with his entire clan even though it changed his image greatly amongst the elder na'vis.

His mother, Neytiri greatly disapproves of such thing that his son believes is what is for him. For her, you will always be human. One of them. The people who hurt and killed na'vis. A race that burned down her home and killed her father.

And you take her son greatly angered the tsakarem. Neytiri wanted to rid you so badly and because of it, it had ruined her relationship with her firstborn.

Jake, however, has no problem whatsoever. He wanted his son to have the best of the best. But recently, there's been many speculations that you were a great cause of his son's probability of losing the title as the next Olo'eyktan. Mayhaps that was the only thing that Jake needed to talk to you one faithful noon when you were exploring the forest alone.

You were in the middle of sketching a crimsysoraus─ as you hid your small human body behind the bushes and camouflaged under the various colors of your clothes, you were heavily focused on the creature. However, from a sudden movement behind you, the primitive animal had run off so easily that you stood up in disappointment.

As you hear steps coming from behind you, you were quick enough to see who it was and your eyes lightened up at the sight of Jake Sully─ the mighty Toruk rider. He smiled slightly at you and seemed eager to say something, which heightened your curiosity.

"Jake, I can't say I'm glad to see you." You sighed as you greeted the familiar man that towered over you. Jake was thrice your size, he was slightly bigger and taller than Neteyam but you grew accustomed to this kind of physique that it didn't really bother you. Besides, for a quarter of your life, Jake stood up as your father.

When Jake noticed that you were starting to pack your things, that was the time he mustered up the courage to say something. So in an attempt to get your attention, he grabbed your small shoulders and leaned down. "Kid, listen, we need to talk."

"About what?" You said. You had no clue what was about to go between you and your peaceful life and because of it, you had a clueless expression on your face. "Can't we talk about it in the lab?"

"No, it has to be now," Jake claims, a deep sense of urgency in his voice and you acknowledge it. It freaked you out a little but you listened to every word he said next. "It's about Neteyam. You have to break it off with him, it's not happening, kid."

Suddenly, your mind went a bit blank and your expression started to fall into a confused one. You ushered Jake's hand away from your shoulder and continued looking at everything other than Jake's gaze. You started to feel slightly anxious as every second passed and you didn't speak. But you listened to every word the man said.

"You know back then when I said that as long as you make my son happy, I'm okay with all this. But y/n, right now, Neteyam is struggling as the heir of Omatikaya and I can't help him. It's not that I blame you or him for being connected! But Neteyam─"

"So you mean to say that he won't be Ole'eyktan so long as he has connections with me?" You could feel your heartache from saying such words, but you were observant of Jake's movement. He was serious and you understood what he was making it out to be that you easily got the point.

The man knew you your entire life, he's been there from the moment you took your first step alongside his firstborn. He's witnessed the comfort his son receives from you. As well as the happiness, entertainment, freedom, and the love Neteyam got from you.

Even if you were human, and he was Na'vi. As far as he knew, his son reminded him of himself back then when he was lost and hadn't been able to familiarize what love is until Neytiri came around.

Jake deeply disliked having to be the one to break the bond you had with his son. And he knew he would never let his wife be the one to stop you and Neteyam, or else Neytiri would be hated most by their son. So Jake hesitated to answer your question, but he nodded his head. "The people, the entire clan do not understand the bond you two have, and we can show them that you and Neteyam are─"

"I get it, Jake. You don't have to break it to pieces, I've known from the very start." You spouted, a single tear dropping from your right eye. You looked at Jake's sincereness and your breath started to hitch under the mask you were wearing. "Why are you the one to tell me this, It's so embarrassing."

Your lips trembled and from a split of a second, you looked into Jake's eyes. A huge wave of jealousy came washing over you. You knew his story, his life. How he too was human, like you. And he fell in love with a Na'vi, like you. He loved someone from a different specie who loved him back, like you. But unlike you, you weren't an avatar.

So the people of the man you loved hated you more than the hate Jake received from the time when he stood in similar shoes as yours. That thought alone made you think of Neteyam. Would it really be the right choice? Even if it probably is, only eywa knows how things would've gone if you never even formed something deeply intimate with a creature of purity.

That's right. You were human, and he was Na'vi. A man from a different specie like him ought to have never developed any sort of feelings for you. You were human. A colonizer. An invader. A demon to the eyes of the other Navi people. You were a nuisance to the prince of Omatikaya who... loved you.

"We should stop this. It's weird... We're weird." Even though you were hurting, you managed to say it anyway. And what pained you more was the fact that he looked into your eyes as you said it like your entire relationship was a joke.

Neteyam loves you. So hearing every syllable of every word you say fell on his ears like a flashback of the times he was in war. His amber eyes stared into yours and confusion erupted from his face. You had invited yourself to his private space in the home tree where all the Omatikaya lived.

You knew you weren't welcomed by the clan with the current issue you stirred up because of your interest in their prince and the only ones to welcome you were no more than Neteyam, siblings, some na'vi kids, and Jake.

Neteyam, the poor boy, had expected that you came for a visit per usual. And for you to come to him with awful remarks, they were venomous to his fragile heart. "Why... W-what? What are you saying...? What- why are you saying that!?" Neteyam stood up in disbelief, his words were laced with pain and his voice cracked. He looked at you, and you simply smiled apologetically.

That's right, Neteyam loves you. The Neteyam you used to laugh at for being slow, the boy you would cuddle when he was mad at his parents. The boy you would bully into thinking it's his fault you were smaller than him. The boy who would protect you, and in return, you would be by his side─ loving him as though you two couldn't differentiate the obvious difference you two had to be born with.

And from the way it played on Neteyam's mind, you love him too. You and him were in love, so why would it be weird? Is love weird? So why were those words he dreaded to hear spewing out of those pretty mouths of yours that he swore had lathered him with the most comforting and loving words he's ever heard in his life?

"Neteyam." His name fell from your mouth so gracefully, as if he was named only to be spoken by your voice. So why were you saying any less than what you had to?

"I'm serious. You and I are not fit together, it's not gonna work. Your clan will never allow you to be with me. Never!" You stood up as well to say your stance, but Neteyam fell to his knees and held your small hands as if pleading with you to stay.

"No, don't care about them, y/n! Yawne- My y/n, I will do anything to make them believe─" He cried, desperation so evident that you had to look away or else you'd slap him and say you love him back. And you weren't supposed to do that, you promised his father something.

That's why you'd leave him.

"Make them believe what exactly? No matter how many reasons you give them, they will never accept whatever we have!" You grabbed your hands from him and you walked off, and as you looked at him one final time─a grimace on your face that hid all the pain.

"Na'vi and Humans should never be together." You whispered before disappearing from his sight.

And the last thing you see was the betrayal Neteyam has in his eyes, the tears falling down from his cheeks and down to the hand that tried to reach out to you, pleading you'd come back.

ᓚᘏᗢ @deprivedreality 2023 | do not copy my works!

[starrysky28]

RE2 Leon Kennedy SFW Alphabet (N-Z)

A/N: You guys seemed to like part 1 so...Part 2 (N-Z) of the sfw alphabet is here!

Link to part 1

Warnings: None this time!

Enjoy!

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights with him are pretty low-key. Most of the time, he likes to stay in and watch movies (he prefers them to TV shows).

After Raccoon City, he tends to get nightmares, and as a result, he gets a bit antsy at night. Because of this, he starts spending more time with you so he feels less stressed and uncomfortable.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

As much as he hates talking about things from his past, such as his parents murder, it's easier for him to open up about traumatic things the better he knows and trusts someone.

He'd reveal things little by little or very slowly, never all at once, and unfortunately, as time goes on, he becomes more closed off and private about these types of things.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He's not a hot-tempered guy by any means, so not very quick to anger. That doesn't mean he wouldn't get angry at all.

As for what makes him particularly angry, I feel like any sort of injustice or mistreatment of others would be enough to get him riled up.

I also think he'd often say things he wouldn't mean in the heat of the moment. He would always make sure to at least apologize if he said something he'd regret later.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He would have a pretty sharp memory. Can remember names, faces, an even dates without having to think about it too much. However, this doesn't mean that he doesn't forget every once in a while.

During the first year that you two knew each other, he forgot your birthday until you subtly reminded him that evening.

"OH! That was today???"

You tell him that it's okay and not to worry about it. The next day, he shows up at your door with a teddy bear, store-bought cupcakes and a birthday card ready to give to you.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

His favorite moment was the moment he first realized he was in love with you. You happened to be out with a group of friends and you were the only one who laughed at his terrible puns.

He didn't realize at first, but after going home that night, you were pretty much the only thing he could think about.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

VERY protective of those he cares about. He managed to make a career out of protecting people (or so he thought he could), so he’s naturally protective in nature.

As for him being protected. He always tells you that he’s fine and doesn’t need to be protected.

However, even in dire situations, like when he’s hurt/injured, you’ve still got his back regardless of how he feels about being protected in the moment. He still appreciates you greatly for this.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Makes sure to put his best effort into everything he does. From showering you with gifts and affection, to making sure he does his job the best he possibly can.

Unfortunately, all this effort he puts in over the years will eventually come with the cost of stress and burnout.

Luckily, you and everyone else who cares about him in his life is there to help him and encourage him not to overdo things.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

A bad habit of his is that he’s never been a very good driver. Sometimes you wonder how he even got his license.

One of the things that specifically makes him a bad driver is that he drives waayy too fast. Like you could look down at the speedometer and he’ll be going almost 90 in a 65 mph zone.

“OMG!! Slow down, Leon!”

He’ll just respond so nonchalantly like, “Hehe oopsie daisies”

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

I think he’d be a little insecure of the fact that he’s got a baby face and looks very pretty for a guy.

But other than that, he’s very keen on keeping himself looking neat and tidy at the same time.

I also think he wouldn’t really have one of those 10-step skincare routines either. Like people are always asking him what he washes his face with and he’s just like “soap and water” lol

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

He wouldn’t really realize it at first, but as time goes on. I think he’d really come to appreciate each time you’re with him and that he actually feels more content when he’s by your side.

So whenever you have to leave him for a while, he can't help but feel a bit lonely, or like he's missing something.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

I headcanon that he's a music lover. Has a secret soft spot for 80s music, especially since he would have been a kid in the 1980s. It just reminds him of a simpler time.

When he got to be in his teen years, he definitely took a liking to 90s rock, specifically grunge. I also think he has a decent-sized collection of CDs, including some that he would keep in his car.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

In terms of partners, he's not that picky. There are definitely things he'd find unattractive in a partner, but because he's still a tad inexperienced, there isn't much. I feel like he would be more about personality than anything else.

As for things he wouldn't like. He loves food and will basically eat anything, but he absolutely hates spinach (this is totally not me projecting lol)

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

As mentioned before, he gets frequent nightmares after the events of Raccoon City. He's also a very restless and light sleeper and often ends up in weird sleeping positions.

On a cuter note, I think as a kid, he slept with a stuffed animal. Specifically a stuffed dog. He still has it in a closet somewhere, as he didn't have the heart to truly get rid of it.

And...That's it! I hope you guys enjoyed. Feel free to request other characters for me to do hcs for if you feel so inclined to! (This also includes characters other than Resident Evil characters too!)

[sioishere]

COD Angst

Warning(s): I don't really know how to write so please bear with me. Also, Price is not in here. I couldn't think of a prompt for him. You can put ideas for me. I will get to them as quickly as I can.

-Simon "Ghost" Riley

If Simon had children, he would be so terrified of becoming like his father that he'd separate himself from them.

Not showing up for dances even if he's free, not picking them up from school, staying in his room most of the time, etc.

He'll shut down when confronted about it. Going silent, not responding, and basically it looks like he's ignoring you.

He's not.

He heard every word you yelled. He saw every tear that was dropped.

He wishes he can be the father you pray and wish for him to be.

But he just can't

"Oh my god Simon! This is the fifth recital! Do you understand that those kids love you? Why can't you just be here?" You screamed, tear filling your eyes remembering the look on your daughter's face as she realized he wasn't there.

Simon had just been sitting there as you got your anger out. His head was down and you could barely hear his breath. The tears that were gathered in his eyes didn't fall as he listened to the well-deserved insults you were throwing at him.

He looked up only hearing the six words that made his heart drop lower than hell itself.

"I think I want a divorce..."

-John "Soap" Mactavish

John would be so secretive because of his job.

It's not his fault, but you just can't bring yourself to act like things are fine when he disappears for a month or two.

When he comes back, it's like he never did.

His body was there, but his mind wasn't.

He'll keep his phone and computer away from you, hiding everything.

Keeps a room locked in the house for weapons.

He gets a call at like five in the morning and leaves with just a quick kiss.

You tear up as he leaves, remembering all the times he left you alone in the seemingly colder house.

You kept repeating "Just a few more years of this then we're done."

It didn't help.

It was your birthday, and yet here you were sitting in front of the blown-out cake as your husband was getting ready to leave. You had tears streaming down your face as you just broke down. Johnny rushed into the kitchen, hearing your cries. "What's wrong?" He asked while sitting next to you. You just kept crying, only able to get one word out.

"Why?"

Johnny sighed. You had this conversation before. "I have to." "No! You chose this mission! You had a choice whether not to go." You sobbed as he just sat there, shocked. The people had given him the choice of whether or not to go on that, at least on a month-long mission. Why did he choose to go? You don't know, but you couldn't think, hiccuping as you sobbed.

"Leave."

"Love,-"

"Go!"

You screamed at him as you got up from your chair and threw his bag at him. Johnny could tell by the pissed but hurt look on your face.

You were done.

-Kyle "Gaz" Garrick (Sorry this one's a little short. Couldn't imagine my baby doing this..😅)

Kyle says hurtful things without even realizing it.

He's blunt and so honest it hurts.

You try to appreciate it, but at times it gets stressful.

Especially, when you already have insecurities..

You were staring at the mirror, poking at your thighs. You just didn't like something about them. As you were worrying, Kyle walked in with headphones blaring, not noticing. "Hey, babe?" You called for him, but he didn't answer. So you turned and tapped him.

"Babe."

"What." He set down his headphones, looking a little annoyed. He turned around to see you. You ignored the comment and looked up at him with uncertainty. "What do you think about my thighs. I mean, like...Do they look bad or?.." You rambled until he looked at you weirdly.

"You called me to ask about your thighs?" He asked coldly. You stopped talking and just looked at him. "What?.." He scoffed and turned back to his phone. "It's thighs. Maybe instead of whining, you could actually do something about it."

You just froze, not sure what to say. Emotions passed all through you, but the strongest one was anger.

"Excuse me?" Kyle sighed and looked back up. "If you have a problem with your thighs, then solve it. I don't know what to say." You just stared.

"I think you've said enough."

[wastebabey]

˗ˏˋJohn Hancock x (Fem) Readerˎˊ˗

Content: Drug use, angst, sex, alcohol use.

The sun has set across the wasteland, the warm orangey yellow hues slowly replaced by ghost-like whispy green fog. Thunder rumbled in the distance, or maybe it hadn't been thunder. Explosions often cracked in the distance too. Even so, in her state she wouldn't be able to tell the difference– not that she particularly cared to.

It was only a few days ago now that she'd stumbled out of the vault, the realization of her reality crashing into her like a bullet train. Her husband had been killed, and her son had been kidnapped. She hadn't a clue what year it was– if her son would even still be alive if she somehow managed to find him. She remembers emerging from the vault, horrified and saddened by the irreversible damage done when the bombs dropped. Everyone she once knew was gone. Everyone she loved, everything she had enjoyed.

She'd only been holding on by a thread until now, one that was pulled thinner and thinner by every passing day. Slowly, she was losing hope, going mad, giving up.

Now, she walked through what was previously known as Boston's financial district. She recalled visitting back then, it had always been a busy little corner of town. Now it lay silent, burnt cars and piles of debris littering the once crowded streets. The skybridge nearby had collapsed upon hundreds of feet of itself. Her pipboy glowed a soft green, illuminating more garbage the farther she walked.

She clutched her ten millimeter pistol tightly. Her will to live had sunk, but she wouldn't let herself die. Not here, anyway. Not yet. She pauses as she hears something– an unfamiliar sound.

She looks around, her head becoming clear enough of her thoughts to focus. It had sounded like a cheer? She shook her head, unsure if she'd actually even heard it. She continued a little farther, until she had noticed something else.

Tucked between two tall buildings, the dim light of a neon sign. The letters read 'Goodneighbor'. Maybe she had heard a cheer earlier.

She creeps up to the entrance thrown together by crap metal. It didn't appear to be guarded, nor a raider outpost.

The old door creaks as she opens it and steps inside. When she isn't immediately met with the whirring of bullets past her head, she exhales and holters her pistol. She hadn't noticed the man leaning againt the threshold of the entrance, so when he spoke it had startled her.

He'd scoffed as he stood straight. He frowns at her as she turns to meet his face. He's bald with a thin beard and mustache. "I haven't seen you around here before, this your first time stopping by?" He says, his expression hard and his voice low.

"Uh, yeah. It is, actually. Something wrong with that?" She replies, maintaining eye contact. Her right hand creeps toward the pistol on her hip.

"Oh, no, 'course not," He starts, stepping in front of her as if blocking her from continuing on. "Not as long as you have enough to cover your fee.. yknow, in case somethin' happens. Or someone gets hurt."

"Hey, hey. Why don't we all just calm down," A new voice starts from behind the man, causing him to spin on his heels.

"You can't just keep letting these people walk all over you, Hancock." The bald man spits, his voice raising with anger. "You're a sad excuse for a mayor, you've gone soft."

"Hey, Finn, i've got it handled. Why don't you let me do my thing, hm?" The other says as he walks up beside Finn, he reaches out and pats Finn on the shoulder. The other man– Hancock, reaches into his pocket and pulls out a knife with a quickness that would've been hard to catch. He drives the blade into Finn's stomach, Hancock's hand is still on his shoulder as if he were still trying to calm him. "I've told you, cut the extortion crap out," Hancock says, his voice rough and low. "You know that's not how we treat newcomers in Goodneighbor." Finn coughs up blood as Hancock withdrawls his blade and lets his body crumple to the floor. Hancock dries his knife on his sleeve and puts it away, his attention now drawn to you.

You lock eyes with the man, he's a ghoul– you'd only met one or two thus far. He wore a red coat and a dark brown trifold hat, it reminded you of those old oil pantings of historical figures you used to see in museums and art galleries. He regards you kindly, a smirk playing on his worn lips. "I'm sorry for the inconvenience, ole' Finn needed to be taken care of." His dark eyes engulf the sight of you.

"I'm sorry if my company caused any trouble." You say, stepping over Finn's lifeless body. Hancock shakes his head.

"You don't need to worry 'bout it, sometimes a mayor just needs to make a point. He had it comin', wasn't the first time he'd tried to scam guests." Hancock assures you. He reaches his hand out, "Im John Hancock, the mayor of this cozy little establishment." You take his hand and shake it, a gesture you weren't used to anymore. You notice his hand is rough, but warm.

He notices your hand is smooth, your skin with a softness he was unfamiliar with in this post-war, ragged world. "I'm [name]." you say, your voice soft as you turn to look around. You hadn't taken in your surroundings since you walked in, having been distracted by the Finn situation.

"Now, what brings a sweet little thing like you around a place like this?" Hancock says, his voice gravelly and low. It was a question she actually didn't have an answer to.

"I guess i'm lost." She admits, her gaze dropping to the floor. He watches her expression shift, from neutral to sad, to longing. He nods, understanding she wasn't literally lost, but lost in her mind.

"I see, I know the feeling." He says, his voice serious. "Im more familiar with it than i'd like to admit, yknow." He pauses. "Hey, let me show you around, hm? We can get you some food and a cold drink, if you'd like." His expression is soft, his muted black eyes offering sympathy.

She wants to decline, her mind telling her if she relaxed, even for one moment, that she'd come to regret it. That somehow those wasted moments would come back to bite her later. But her tongue betrayed her thoughts, saying yes before she could think any further. She was on the verge of breaking, probably sooner than she knew it, if she continued pushing like this then she'd surely rip herself apart.

Hancock smiles and gestures toward the center of town with a tilt of his head. "It'd be my pleasure, sweetheart. Let's get your mind off things for awhile." He gently takes you by your wrist and helps you along, pointing out the various buildings along the way.

He points out the shops, the memory den, where he says folks stop by to forget for awhile. That could be handy. With Hotel Rexford right beside it if you ever needed a place to crash.

Lastly, the Third Rail. A bar thrown together in an old subway station. He guides you down the steps, the smell of stagnant cigarette smoke and alcohol floods your senses. Its dimly lit, aside from the small stage to the left of the bar. Hancock guides you to a booth in the corner, away from the small crowd of various drifters and scavengers who currently inhabited the bar. He sits you down. "What're you feelin'? Bourbon? Vodka? Charlie's got cola if you'd like that instead?"

"Whiskey?" You ask simply, looking up at the man. He'd been so generous and the two of you had only just met.

"Mm, 'course we got whiskey." You reach into your pocket, fumbling for the couple caps you had left. Hancock nudges your shoulder. "Hey, don't worry 'bout it. Tonight's on me sweetheart." He walks over to the bar and talks it up with the mister handy robot who seemed to own the place.

A minute or two passes before Hancock returns, he slides a plate in front of you and sets a bottle of whiskey beside it. "Some hot squirrel bites and ice cold whiskey for the the lady." He hums, sliding into the booth across from you.

Hancock sets his elbows on the table, knitting his fingers together and resting his chin on them. His dark eyes are wide with curiosity. The smell of the squirrel bites makes your mouth water as you lift them to study. You'd never had them before and kind of looked forward to trying them. Gently your teeth sinks into the tender white meat, the seasoning poor– nothing like the food pre war, but it was still quite tasty. It was juicy and cooked almost perfectly.

"Good ain't it?" He says, silently admiring the cute, curious look on the woman's face. She nods, her cheek full of squirrel. "Now, [name], let's talk. I've been callin' this place my home for a long time. Seen folks come and go, yet i've never met someone so.." He trails off, trying to find a word to describe his interest was hard. "Fascinating, alluring. So, tell me about yourself. If you don't mind." He takes a deep swig of bourbon from his bottle, some of the bitter liquid dribbling down his chin.

You chase the squirrel meat with a swig of your own drink, it's bitter and hot as it slides down with a shudder. "Okay, yeah," you say softly, considering where to start. "I'm actually, well, i'm from the vault–" She stammers, as if it weren't obvious by the infamous blue and yellow jumpsuit and the pipboy on her forearm. "Vault one hundred-eleven, the one up north east from here," Hancock shifts in his seat, becoming more interested by the second. "I, ah, well I told you I was lost. Im just looking for someone and don't know where to start, or if there's even a point." She's quiet as she speaks, her voice threatening to break.

He nods. He understands all too well. She glances up at him from the table, his expression is soft. He seizes the moment of silence to offer some comfort. "I've met a lot of folks just like you, actually," He starts, his voice low and sad. "Missing loved ones is all too common in this damn place, all you can do is be patient. Take it day by day. They won't be found if the only person searching for them ends up dead." She nods, hating to agree but he's right. If she croaked from the stress, who would find her son?

Hancock lets his advice sink in a moment before clearing his throat. "You're not lost, sweetheart. You're on the right path, you just need to take a break. I'm sure you've been on their trail since you crawled out of that vault. How long has it been? Since you let yourself rest?" He asks seriously. He knows the answer.

"I don't know." You finally reply. Hancock leans back in his booth and stares up at the ceiling, getting lost in thought. The previously empty stage now occupied by a woman in a glittery red dress. Her angelic voice gently starting her first song since she'd finished her break.

She sniffles, a soft sound that makes Hancock jolt back to attention. "Hey, it's alright." He says, quickly sliding out of his booth and into hers. He hugs her against his chest, a kind gesture that shocks her for only a moment before the floodgates break and she buries her face into his coat to muffle her sobs. Hancock's fingers gently stroke her hair. "Cry all you need sweetheart. You've been so tough." He mutters, holding you close.

You cry, and he comforts you. It's been so long since you'd let yourself feel vulnerable. It's a bitter sweet feeling, crying until you're dehydrated, crying until it hurts, but knowing that getting it out of your system is a good first step to getting yourself out of your stoop. You relish the feeling of having someone close, for the first time in forever. Hancock is so warm, he smells faintly of smoke, his breath of bourbon. The way his fingers glide through your hair is careful and affectionate.

Hancock starts humming to the melody of the music, a deep rumble in his chest that causes you to stirr against him. He's heard this song more times than he'd care to admit, it was the singer's favorite. Magnolia wrote the song herself after all. He feels your body shift. "How ya feeling now?" He says softly, allowing you to break away from his touch if that's what you wished.

"Better, I suppose," You hiccup, wiping the leftover tears away with the back of your hand. "I'm tired." You say, resting your head against Hancock's chest again. He's so warm, so soothing. His compassion was something that seemed long gone in the wasteland.

"Let's get you some rest." Hancock helps you from your booth, hardly caring for your nearly untouched drink. Charlie would nag him for wasting it later but he didn't care. He guides you back up the subway stairs and out into the night air. "You can stay with me tonight, i'll keep an eye on you," He says, opening the door to the Old State House and helping you inside. "You can rest without keepin' one eye open tonight." He helps you up one more flight of stairs to his office and personal quarters.

He sets you down on his couch and crashes down beside you. A sigh leaves his lips. You lazily glance at the various chems on the coffee table in front of you. The silence lasts forever, but neither of you mind.

Hancock tilts his head, his eyelids fluttering with his slight buzz as he feels the old sofa shift. He's surprised to see you at his side, cuddled up against him. "Oh, sweet girl." He says, wrapping his arm around you, pulling you closer. "Can I get ya anything?" He drawls, his rough voice falling on buzzing ears.

"I'm alright," you say, basking in the company. "Thank you." Hancock nods.

"Anything for you, pretty girl." His charming words make her feel something, something she hadn't felt in so many years. Almost like rekindling a flame who's embers had long since died out. She's silent, considering her thoughts. She remembered her husband, how he'd called her sweet names like that. He was long one now, and she had moved on, but ishe realized it was something she'd hardly thought about. How could someone who was spoiled on modern love and sex find it appealing in the dirty reality it was now. She wondered if love even existed anymore– the real kind, at least.

Hancock is deep in his own thoughts. Like her, he's been alone for many years. Since he'd stopped sleeping around back in his days of being a scavver. He remembered how he looked before the wicked high he chased too far, he wasn't sure about her. It wasn't his own feelings he was unsure about. [Name] was a diamond in the rough. A beautiful steel needle in a stack of dead, rotted hay. She wasn't the kind to pretend interested for the free chems just so she could dip out the next morning, or the kind to get close in hopes of getting their hands on his money. No, he was unsure a girl like her would accept a man like him. She had her own past and her own future. Even if he wanted to join her side, to help her turn on her demons and chase them away, it was her call. He could play confidence man all day, but ultimately it was her decision. And what kind of beautiful, smooth skinned pre war gal would want to be seen with a rugged, chem addicted man like himself. The thought depresses him, so he pushes it aside.

"[Name], can I ask you something?" He says slowly, his fingers finding the tattered container of mentats on his side table. He pops one in his mouth before continuing. "What would you say if I asked to join ya? I could use some fresh air outside of this place."

She blinks and considers it silently. "Won't goodneighbor need you? You're their mayor." She replies, her question instead of rejection gave him a glimmer of hope.

"Goodneighbor mostly runs itself, i'm just here to keep the peace when I need to. Folks around here usually sort out their problems without makin' it everyone else's issue." He says, his arm still around her. His hand gently strokes her shoulder.

"I don't want you to have to deal with my problems. They're mine for a reason."

Hancock shakes his head. "I don't mind." He recalls his scavver days once more, how he was free back then. He wasn't responsible for anyone but himself, and even then it was optional. Everyday was something new, something exciting. It wasn't like that as mayor. "My life has been too peaceful for too long, I think you're just the person i've been waiting for. Someone to come along and shake things up, to cause trouble with. Make your problems mine, and vice versa. What do you say?" His voice is hopeful and genuine.

She smiles to herself and nods. "Yeah, that sounds great." She says softly. Hancock cant hide the big smile on his lips.

"Hell yeah, I promise you we'll find whatever you're looking for princess." He pulls her closer in his half hug, and she leans into it. Hancock's eyes widen slightly. She doesn't say anything, the warm feeling of hope washes over her and for once she feels like she can relax. "Have I mentioned how sweet you smell? It's real nice." He lets himself praddle on a little bit, now that she's relaxed. "And your skin, so smooth. Being held up in that vault kept you from gettin' all roughed up like me."

She smiles, rolling her head to look up at him. Her pretty irises almost choking Hancock. "You're roughed up but it gives you a nice rugged, handsome look." She says, Hancock's gaze trail off, his free hand coming up to gently stratch his warming cheek.

"Handsome, huh? I don't get that often, 'specially not from a pretty little thing like you." Her own cheeks warm over the back and forth flirtatious talk, her frusteration becoming apparent when his hand drops from her shoulder to the dip of her waist.

"Well, maybe you'll start getting it more often, since you'll be travelling with me from now on." You say sweetly, your palm moving to hold the hand on your hip. Your heart is hammering in your ribcage, and you feel bold. It's definitely a jump, one you may come to regret, but you felt the chances of it working out were better than the vice versa. Your hand gently takes his in and moves it, slowly up your side and to your breast.

You fear him moving away, shaming you for thinking like this, but he doesnt. His rough palm instead cups the soft flesh through your vault suit. You sigh, affectionately rubbing your forehead against his chest. Hancock's breath catches in his throat. She actually wanted him to touch her, he could hardly fathom it but he wasn't gonna give her even a second to reconsider.

They're both writhing with sexual frusteration. Their combined desire heavy in the air, choking them. Hancock kneads your breast in his palm. "Jus' say the word sweetheart. I can make you forget." He purrs.

Your usual level-headed, independant mindset is thrown into the wind and you realize you want him. You want him bad. He wants you too, even more than you do. He's wanted you since he first laid eyes on you. Since the way your vault suit gripped and complimented your curves was introduced to his greedy eyes. He wanted to see more– feel more, oh, your smooth skin. He had to act normal about it before, but the way he'd become infatuated was anything but normal. He's going mad with anticipation, waiting for you to allow him even closer.

"Please." Is all that had to roll off your tongue, Hancock was immediately on top of you. His expert hands peeling your pipboy and suit off your body faster than you ever could on your own. He shifts your body, setting your back against the arm of the couch and nestling himself between your legs. His breath is hot against your now bare skin as he kisses your thighs, his rough lips breaking you into goosebumps.

He's focused, his craving for you suffocating every other thought out of his head. He wants to taste you on his tongue, and he does. His strong hands prop your hips up and allow his tongue a free range to explore. "Ain't that a sight," he says, his gravelly voice muses over the sight before him. You're dripping for him, you hadn't noticed– forgetting how arousal felt. The tip of his tongue darts out to smear it upward across your clit before his lips latch to it, suckling the bud softly. "Mmm." He purrs, your ecstasy like sweet syrup for his tastebuds.

You sigh, legs jerking with every tiny gesture of his tongue. You're deathly sensitive after so long. Your hand finds its way to the top of his trifold hat, your uncoordinated moves almost knocking it off. He can't contain himself, can't stifle the hunger in his soul.

His rough fingers pry your thighs apart wider as his tongue dips past your lips, hungrily lapping at your pussy like a dehydrated mutt. He slurps and groans against you, barely audible over your own blissful moans– music sweeter than Magnolia's ever could be. Your fingers weakly feel for something, anything to grip.

Hancock's hands pin your quivering thighs down as he devours you. His tongue, hot and wet, teases your entrance constantly. It slips in and out, in and out, before swirling around your clit and dropping to repeat the process. You want to move your legs, want to clamp them around his handsome face and trap him there, forever blessed with the pleasures of his angelic tongue. Frusterated broken moans spill from your lips as you squirm weakly in his grip.

One thigh is suddenly freed, immediately framing half of his face as his hand busies itself elsewhere. Two fingers swipe at your entrance, gathering slick before pressing inside. Between his lips puckered against your clit and his fingers now curled deep inside you, the tips tickling that sweet spot he flawlessly located, it's all too much. He hums as your muscles tense and your jaw goes slack with pleasure. He gets to watch from such a delicious angle, your plush thigh against one side of his face as he swoons. He watches how your back arches and your breasts rise and fall with your shallow breaths. His cock aches in his pants seeing you like this. But that was a problem for later.

You're close to cumming, he knows it so he doesn't change his pace. Slowly but steadily building your climax he knew you needed so badly. "Ya taste so good, sweetheart." Hancock purrs, his words vibrating your clit as he spoke. The praise is enough to set you over the edge you'd been unknowingly teetering on, with a sharp cry you shudder in his hands violently when his tongue doesn't stop its delicious assault.

Hancock finally stops and your legs go limp, as you're catching your breath you lift your head and meet the mayor's eyes. He licks his lips, his dark eyes devouring your naked body. His hands grab your hips and pull you closer to him, and he leans over you. His lips hungrily attack your skin, biting, licking, sucking his way up to your nipples. He suckles one while his free hand raises to tweak the other. "You ready for more, [name]?" He mutters, his breath hot against your chest.

Your mind is still reeling as you nod, propping yourself up on your elbows. You see how his tattered jeans strain against his hard cock. "I'm ready," you breathe. Your eyebrows knit together with concern, which Hancock notices and quickly dismisses.

"Don't you worry your pretty little head, I can't even knock you up. Just pop a radaway tonight," He teases with a chuckle, a deep raspy noise that comes from the depths of his chest. The worry melts from your expression as Hancock unbuckles his belt and drops his pants. He's so painfully hard, he groans out loud when free from his pants.

"I need it– need you, so bad." You whine, your core aching at the sight. Hancock nods, his hands grabbing you buy your knees and pulling your hips into his lap.

"I need you too, I need this," His hand drops to guide his tip along your folds, teasing the entrance. It'd been so long since he'd felt something like this, so full of bliss and pleasure and desire and his mind only further began to spiral as he began sliding inside. His thickness stretched you deliciously and you moan.

Your velvet heat grips him tighter than he ever could've imagined. "Fuck," he mutters as he draws his hips backward, obsessed over how your pussy seems to clench around him tighter to keep his cock from being able to escape– not that he'd ever want to. Your pussy would be on his mind daily after this was all said in done, that much was a guarantee.

He's mesmerized, but he doesn't let that sway him from giving her what she deserves. Hancock buries his cock inside, pulling you close as he leans over you. Your legs instinctively wrap around his waist as he actually starts fucking you.

You gasp, his slow decent quickly turning into quick, deep thrusts. It knocks your breath from your lungs. Hancock is close, his breath hot against your throat. "I'm a little rusty, ah, sorry 'bout that sweetheart." He says sweetly, leaning in to kiss down your jawline to your neck as he pumps his thick cock inside.

"I'm lo– loving it," you sigh, your voice shrill with ecstasy. "God, Hancock, you're so good."

"Keep complimentin' me like that and I might fall in love sweetheart." Hancock warns dryly— perhaps it were too late for such a warning.

A string of broken noises leave your lips, your pussy suddenly seeming to mock your soft whines with it's own lewd squelches. Hancock moans against your neck, his balls gently tapping against your bottom and stimulating him further.

"Maybe that's okay with me,, ah." She manages to whisper. Her fingers drop between their mingling bodies and locate her clit. Hancock's eyes widen at the suggestion. The thought of having her forever, all to himself was something he could hardly imagine. Something inside of him snaps, a new fervor pouring into his actions. He drives your legs up further, the new position allowing his tip to kiss your g-spot. His pace quickens, stars begin prickling your vision as he hammers away at your weak spot.

"Oh, shit!" You cry aloud, your fingers only working your clit for a mere few seconds before you unraveled a second time. This time around his cock, he feels your walls flutter and constrict with the convulsions wreaking havoc across your body as he continues to fuck you through your orgasm. His own end creeps close, his balls drawing tight and his pace beginning to get sloppy.

"You,, mean that?" Hancock groans, his body hot and sticky with sweat. Every muscle in his body is tense, the rollercoaster of his climax was nearing the top. His eyes light up when you nod. You didn't need to speak, he knew you weren't lying— you couldn't lie. Not like this.

Hancock's pace suddenly breaks uneven and he moans out loud, his hips stuttering as he finally reaches the top of the rollercoaster— a moment so blissful and enjoyable, more so than any high he'd ever chased. Your pussy is his new addiction.

Both of you are panting, sweaty messed. You can feel the faint pulse of his satisfied cock as it spurts ropes of white inside you. Hancock doesn't want to move, and neither do you. You'd forgotten about everything in the moment. You'd forgotten about the vault, the bombs, the wasteland, all of it.

It had been just what you needed and he knew. Hancock hums, his lips gracing your slick skin. Theres a thin smile on his lips. "I wouldn't trade this feeling for anything in the world," he says softly, planting a gentle kiss on your temple. You lean into his kiss.

"You're so good to me, why?" You ask softly, reaching up to cup the ghoul's cheeks. Your pretty colored eyes swirling around his mind– he gets lost in them. "You've only just met me."

Hancock nods, turning his head to kiss her palm. "I've met a lot of different folks in my lifetime, eventually you get good at weeding out the ones with bad intentions. You're a sweet girl. You deserve to have someone watching your back, keeping you sane." Hancock gently pulls out, cleaning you up with a rag before cleaning himself and fixing his pants back.

He pops another mentat to cool his head, to remind his tongue of his old addictions so he didn't hungrily bury himself between your legs again. "I see. Well, thank you. I look forward to exploring with you.." She trails off, her voice soft and seeping with exhaustion. She hadn't had a good night's sleep since she clawed her way out of that steel hell.

"I'm lookin' forward to it sweetheart, now why don't you get some sleep. We'll get an early start on conquering the wasteland in the morning." Hancock pulls you into the crook of his side, his fingers playing with your hair.

[roudiseshipweek]

Taking Over

TW: Mentioned Death of Minor Characters

Summary:

The big day has finally arrived. Louise is taking over the restaurant. A dream she’s held since childhood. It should be the best day of her life. Should be.

Louise had no idea why she felt this way. She had wanted this for years. Hadn’t she? No of course she had. That’s why she endured six years of college to earn her business degree. That’s why she spent every weekend training in the kitchen with Zeke instead of having a social life. So why did it feel so strange?

After almost two decades the big day had finally arrived. The day that Louise would officially take over the family restaurant. She had toyed with the idea a lot in her early childhood before officially deciding it was her dream during her sophomore year of high school. Ever since then she had been bending over backwards to prove herself. Along with getting her degree and learning how to cook actual food. She had been going to psychotherapy to sort out her anger issues and behavioral therapy to deal with her lying. All because she wanted to be the one to take over the restaurant. To break the trend of everything going to the eldest or to the male.

Though with her siblings she did not have to work so hard. They were lovely people, but Gina was a nonbinary drag queen who toured the country with their wife Holly and Tina had previously been a librarian until her young adult fantasy series took off. She had always been the only one interested in business and now the big day had finally arrived. So why did she feel so bad? So sad? She felt a pair of hands on her shoulders. She turned around to see her boyfriend, Rudy. No longer regular sized towering over her at six feet one inch compared to her four feet eleven inches.

“Congratulations!” Rudy cried.

“Thanks” Louise whispered.

“You, OK?” Rudy asked.

“Yes, I mean I don’t know.” Louise admitted.

“What’s wrong? You’ve been dreaming of this day for years.” Rudy commented.

“I have it’s just I don’t know. I feel funny.” Louise explained.

“Sick funny or pregnant funny?” Rudy questioned.

“Feelings funny.” Louise admitted she still wasn’t great at expressing emotion. Though she did at least try now.

“Louise Belcher the biggest badass in Seymour’s Bay admitting to having feelings?! I never thought I would see the day!” Rudy teased.

“Very funny. The thing is I don’t know about this.” Louise sighed.

“What do you mean you don’t know about this? Taking over the restaurant has been your dream forever. You literally talked about it the day we met.” Rudy recalled.

“I know but now that it’s real. It just feels weird.” Louise explained.

“Well, that’s normal. I mean this is a pretty big step. Your dad is retiring and passing on the family business.” Rudy reminded.

“Yeah, we all know that.” Louise scoffed.

“It’s also a sign he’s getting older, and you know maybe he won’t be around much longer.” Rudy added.

“Gee way to pick me up. Want to go spread some of your cheer at the hospital.” Louise snorted.

“I know it’s dark, but I also know it’s how you feel.” Rudy replied.

“Yeah. Yeah, you are right.” Louise agreed.

“And I guess my dad dying last year kind of made you realize how quick it can happen.” Rudy noted.

“I mean I didn’t want to make it about me. Dr. Roberts said I needed to work on that.” Louise admitted.

“Yes, you do but this is a case where it’s OK.” Rudy assured.

“It just sucks! It sucks how much things change. First Pop-Pop dies, then Jimmy Pesto gets arrested, and the boys move away. Then my Grandpa Al. Then Tina moves in with Zeke. Then Gina moves to New York. Then you leave. Then Tina and Zeke get married and almost get divorced. Then they have kids and Gina and Holly start looking for a surrogate. Then your dad dies. Now Gloria is in hospice and my parents are retiring and moving to Florida. When does it end?” Louise rambled.

“Never everything changes eventually but not all change is bad. Tina and Zeke, and Gina and Holly starting families is good. You are taking over the restraint is good.” Rudy explained.

“I know so why do I feel so lousy?” Louise questioned.

“Because even good change can be hard. It was really tough on me when my parents got remarried to other people. Even though it was what was best for them.” Rudy explained.

“I guess too it’s knowing if I mess up. If I fail. That’s it. The family legacy is dead.” Louise admitted.

“Yeah, that would have to be tough.” Rudy agreed.

“It’s terrifying.” Louise confessed.

“But you won’t fail. You are an amazing businesswoman, and you studied for years to really learn how to run a business.” Rudy assured.

“But what if I do? Running a business is hard. The economy is unpredictable, and small towns are weird about change. There is so much that could happen that I can’t control it, and I hate that. Not being able to be in control is one of my main triggers.” Louise explained.

“According to Dr. Richard Nygard.” Rudy smirked.

“According to Dr. Stacie Roberts.” Louise corrected.

“If I have to endure your constant Brooklyn 99 references. You can endure my constant Parks and Rec references.” Rudy replied.

“Dork” Louise laughed.

“Back to what we were talking about yes there is a lot you can’t control and yes that is scary but if one of the things out of your control does happen. That is not your fault, and you cannot blame yourself.” Rudy assured.

“I know that but it’s still hard.” Louise sighed.

“I know but you are not alone. You have me. You have Tina and Zeke, and Gina and Holly. Your dad even said he would help out when he could.” Rudy reminded.

“I know but accepting help is another challenge for me.” Louise sighed.

“But you are learning to take it.” Rudy replied.

“Yeah…. Yeah, I am. When we were kids, I never would have opened up like this.” Louise confessed.

“But now you did.” Rudy replied.

“Well, I guess it’s time to open up.” Louise whispered.

“You are going to do great.” Rudy vowed, taking her hand, and walking into the newly renamed “Belcher Burgers.

  Later that night after a successful first day Louise was closing up. She untied her apron and hung it on the hook in the back. Gina and Holly were touring but sent their regards and Tina and Zeke would be coming over as soon as their sitter arrived. Bob and Linda were upstairs getting ready for the move. Louise had kindly asked her family to not come around on the first day. She appreciated the support but wanted to make the first day her own and that would be hard with the family around. They understood and were mostly respectful though Linda did keep finding reasons to come down. Rudy came up from the basement and wrapped his arms around her.

“We did it!” Rudy cried.

“Yes, we did.” Louise agreed.

Louise took one last look out at Ocean Avenue before shutting the lights off to head upstairs. A single leaf fell from the tree out front and was carried down the street by the wind. Rudy has been her best friend for most of her life and boyfriend of eight years now. Ten if you didn’t count the two, they were separated while Rudy was attending college. Her siblings were raising and getting ready to raise beautiful families and her parents were happily retired. While she was taking over the restaurant, keeping it in the family and even though it was different from the dinner she was still proudly the third generation to carry on the legacy. A fact that brought her more joy than she could ever explain. Rudy was right, some change was good.

[thepinkwriterr]

Capricorn Season Chapter Thirty-Three

Thank you to everyone who has been following my silly little story for the last few years (or however long I have been at this). We are coming toward the end! There are maybe 25ish more chapters left. I started writing this story after my first bad breakup in high school, and it's just snowballed from there. These characters have been my comfort through college, marriage, and so much more. I really love this story. I am a creative writing major, so I hope the quality has gone up. As long as people are sharing/reading, I will keep writing. I appreciate every comment, like, note, etc, so much. Knowing that people are actually reading makes me so happy! Thank you all for caring about Gwen so much. I do plan on writing a sequel (entitled Aquarius Season) and maybe a third part (Pisces Season). Thank you all! < 3 Also -- please comment to be added to the tag list.

Word Count: 4k Table of Contents

Sex had never meant anything to me. My conquests of the past were fleeting, almost primal in their necessity. I was filled with hunger. I never had good sex, it was bumbling and quick and over when he said it was. 

Sex with women was better, but I didn't do too much exploring past a college girlfriend named Julie. She was terribly concerned with being exposed. My family already wanted nothing to do with me, so I didn't care as much, but her feelings were never quelled. No one wants an anxious lover. 

There was something different about him. He knew where to cast his eyes. His lips found all the light spots on my body--branded me. Sex wasn't just sex with him. It was sacred and sweet. We honored each other.

I couldn't stop my mind from wandering to these memories today. He looked so good. His jeans hugged his hips just right and the sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to his forearm. I think he could tell I was lusting after him because he kept smirking at me. 

What an ass. 

Today had gone relatively smooth. Things were getting back to normal after the whole Tiffany incident. I was grateful for that, too, because it had brought Lorelei and me closer together. Normally I would chastise her endlessly until she caved and realized what she did was wrong. (That's what usually had to happen for people to realize they were wrong). But I felt bad for telling her out of selfishness and anger and she knew what she did was wrong already. This humanity within her was something I began to realize was sparse in this world, especially in this industry. 

On the road people did and said harsh things. An air of drama shrouded everyone. Each moment was drawn out but passed so quickly it could give you whiplash. I didn't know what was up or down, what was left or right, or what anyone truly thought.

I didn't know how Lorelei and the other girls had lasted so long in this scene. The way musicians passed them around like objects to be won and traded was disgusting to me. It was ruining the music for me. I was drained after just three months of it. 

-

I pressed Lorelei yesterday after soundcheck. She wasn't exactly jumping to talk to me. 

I couldn't catch her eyes. She was wrapped up in Robert and all that he was---a liar. I wondered what he had told her to convince her to stay.

Soundcheck went as well as always. The guys went through the motions and played the same songs as they had for the last few months. I was burnt out and sick of it all. The luster of the road and show business had become mundane. 

William was coming down hard. I spent an hour on the phone with him the day before fighting over deadlines. I tried to avoid the group but didn't want to explain the intricacies of their drama to him. He wouldn't have cared much. He was growing fed up with me during this period of growing pains. He thought I was partying or otherwise slacking. 

I wasn't, really. I was quite miserable. 

Jimmy and I didn't talk on the car ride.  I pushed my knees against the side of the car and stared out the window. He wore a sad, sorry look into the venue. 

He wore green corduroys and a sweater to protect himself from the drafty weather. My corduroys. He rarely wore his own clothes these days. I think he'd been gaining weight and mine were more comfortable. Or he was just a cross-dresser. 

His gaze hit the worn stage floor heavy and hard as he took his place behind the guitar stand. I felt bad but had to stand my ground. I couldn't crack first. I was still mad about what he said to me. 

It changed the way I looked at him. He was now someone who could and would deliberately hurt me. He wasn't above bending the truth. I didn't know if I could trust him the same. More walls went up. 

He was still moping. His face was sullen and empty as he plucked G-sharp. I watched his fingers glide down the neck with a finger-picking motion. It was something bluesy. I didn't recognize it.

He looked at me softly with pearlescent eyes. The way only he could do. He could cut right through me. He was coming toward me with even strides. 

"Can I talk to you?" He asked. 

He looked tired up close. There were light bags under his eyes. 

I nodded. 

He pulled me by the arm to a spot that was secluded as it could get here. The lights were dim. Only a little light shone through the windows in the left corner of the cement room. It  was always cold backstage.

We looked at each other, absorbing the odd sight of one another's faces. He was withdrawn from me. His glassy, sunken eyes appeared present but were distant in actuality. I tried to look beyond the pools of murky green. Soft shadow was thrown across the left side of his face from the slivers of sun that poured in. 

"I'm sorry," he finally spoke. His voice pierced the tension between us.  

My lips fell into a grimace.

"You hit a nerve." He continued. 

I was silent still. 

"I was an ass, alright." 

My brow furrowed. Not the right approach. 

"You were right." He spoke through a slight grit. 

I softened then. His words hit the right spot. 

"I was afraid to lose you, my love." 

He knew exactly what to say. He'd practiced this speech a hundred-and-one times. He probably couldn't even remember how many times he'd begged women to forgive him, whether it was a minor or major offense. He probably felt bad for Robert, knowing he'd have hefty hoops to jump through to get Lorelei to forget about what he'd done. 

I started to speak, still holding my heart behind a wall of safeguards, "Do you mean that?" 

"Yes, I really do. I promise you, my love, I am speaking truthfully from the heart." His hands were in mine now. "I thought Robert might try and take you from me." 

He brought my hands to his lips. He knew I was softening. 

"I missed you so much, Darling. I care for you. I don't want to hurt you, ever." He paused between each sentence to press a soft kiss on my cold skin. 

I couldn't deny it. I was beginning to forgive him. 

"But you did." 

He sighed quietly. I noticed a small splinter of annoyance--impatience. "I know. And I feel so awful about it, my love. Would you do me the honors of forgiving me, being seen with me?"

I looked down at our hands. His calloused fingers laced mine like lattice and ivy. It hurt much more to imagine taking my hand from his. 

"Okay," I began reluctantly,"I forgive you." 

He flashed a toothy grin. I knew then that he was going to eat me whole. 

Now, to fix it with Lorelei. 

--

I looked out at the dormant chaos. Just six hours ago Lorelei attacked another person and it was treated like stale bread. The presses had run cold and everyone moved on.

She stood behind Robert with her hands on his shoulders. Bonzo stood alone. Tiffany had seemingly vanished. I wondered what exactly happened. Had she left on her own volition? She didn't seem to be a girl who needed to be told when to go. 

The fight was pretty nasty. Lorelei was scrappy, which impressed me, honestly. I wasn't rooting for the savage take down, but she made quick work of Tiff. 

"Can I talk to you?" Lorelei asked in a hushed tone. 

I looked at Robert. She followed my eyes. He stood next to Jimmy, trying to fiddle with his guitar. A long, stray string popped up from his meddling. Jimmy pawed his hands away with a grimace. 

I had to tell her. 

She pulled me off to the same spot backstage. Her eyes dug into me with an anxious glint. The only witness was chips of gray paint that frayed from the wall that sat between us. 

I had felt the pain of knowing the man you loved was with someone else. I knew the deep throbbing that thudded in her chest. That pain was so bad it could kill you. 

She bit her bottom lip. Her hands went into her mess of curls. 

"I don't even know how this whole mess got started." She started. The rest of her thoughts lingered on her lips, crushed just below her teeth. Her voice echoed even at a whisper.

It had started with my omission. I was consumed by guilt. Carrying the knowledge of Robert's extra-extramarital affair was eating me alive. I was supposed to be Lorelei's friend. Who could you trust if not your best girlfriend? I  wondered if the price of truth was worth the chaos. 

I wondered if she would understand why I had been on edge around Tiffany, why I didn't want to hang out with them. I wondered if she could see the guilt boiling over. 

Her anger started with Robert, who would not keep it for long. We both knew if she brought it to him he would charm his way out of it, and he did. She could never suspend her anger for too long, and it eventually fell into the scantily clad lap of Tiffany.

This was an error of judgment (the first mistake of many). Tiffany had no loyalty or oath to Lorelei. She didn't even know of her, or Robert's wife, when she slept with him. She was just a girl having a good time. 

Lorelei carried envy for Tiffany. She wished to be as carefree and unburdened as her. She was once, a few times, in her shoes. She had fallen foolishly into the shallow end before but always ended up hurt.

I thought of how this all must be playing in her head. The images of Tiffany and Robert writhing and panting swirling around the drain but never swallowed by the pipes. 

"Lor, I told you out of anger, not concern."

"What do you mean?" 

"Jimmy and I had a huge fight. He said he thinks Robert is in love with me. Then he basically called me whore. He was talking crazy and I was burning with anger. I was angry at all of them. We were all keeping a terrible secret. I couldn't take it anymore. It just burst from me." 

She looked more hurt than when I told her about the cheating. 

"So you told me to get back at him?"

"No, no, it wasn't like that. I-"

"You hurt me worse than Robert. You were supposed to be my friend, and you knew this whole time!"

"I'm so, so sorry. I know I'm a shit person and an even worse friend. But you should really be mad at Robert, not me. He's the asshole here." 

It sounded more like a jab the way it came out. 

"Oh, well, if you're sorry that makes it better!" Lorelei turned away from me. She couldn't look at me anymore.

"No, no, I'm sorry. Fuck. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that he put me in a tough spot. I didn't know what to do so I kept quiet to keep the peace."

"Just- just don't." 

"Lor, please-" 

She whipped around, her mass of hair and skirt flowing in the sharp wind. Her nostrils flared. 

"No, you know what, I'm not shocked that Robert hurt me. He's a muscian, he's the lead singer, for God's sake! But you're supposed to be my best friend. You chose some stupid guy or some stupid anger over me. You hurt me, and that's shitty." She ended with a shake of her head and began to walk away again. 

"Please, wait!" 

Her blazing, heeled steps trailed to the backdoor. She was gone in a moment. The slamming of the door could be heard out on stage. 

My head fell against the wall. 

--

As soon as she stormed off, Jimmy rounded the corner toward me. He had been lurking. I wondered how much he heard. 

"Love, are you alright?" 

His hands found my arms, rubbing them with his stark warmth. 

I melted into him with a sniffle. "Yeah, I'm fine. Let's go back to the stage." 

-

I found myself slipping into serene domesticity with him in the oddest of places. We made homes in shoddy hotel rooms, cooking meals in their tiny kitchenettes and washing each other in the cracker-box bathrooms. Even the icebox that was any backstage room. 

On planes, we would put our trays up and share snacks while we read. He would lay his head on my shoulder and I would play in his hair as the plane took off to settle his anxieties. 

He was a reserved and undemonstrative man but I could read him like a book. His nerves were a shaken jar of hornets. When Peter sent a calloused glance my way, a plane took off, our hotel reservations didn't land, or a show was moved, he was sent into a tailspin. I saw that his fit at Royal Albert wasn't out of the ordinary for him. There have been multiple occasions that I've had to hold him while he shook and sobbed uncontrollably. 

In this way, we were building homes out of each other's arms. He would look at me with panic and know I was there no matter what. I would hold him until he was silenced and sleepy, not leaving his side, even if it lasted hours. And similarly, I knew he was there if I needed him. Some days it was hard to get out of bed or deal with everyone around. Often it seemed sensory perception was physically revolting to me. I would furrow my brow and cover my ears to block out the penetrating sights and sounds. 

There were so many sounds. I couldn't escape it. There was no reprieve. Our hotel room was sandwiched between Bonzo and Robert, who were noisy at all hours of the day. I found that my frustration was exacerbated when deadlines became harsher. Multitasking wore me out more than a day of adventuring.

Jimmy tried his best to help me but he struggled with the same feeling. There were days we couldn't stand each other simply for the sounds of footsteps. It was not about personal feelings, just exertion. We always apologized at the end of the day and kissed, held each other close, and embraced as if it were the first time.

When we weren't fighting we spent our days talking about whatever interested us. We shared details about our charts, what we had learned recently, and what books we were managing to read (it was one of the only things to do on our down time (well, other than sex, of course)). 

He was often submerged himself in research. If he wasn't on stage it was not far-fetched to see him with a book in bed. 

He turned to me now, on the desolate stage, and said,"I've been reading about something called Thelema. Have you heard of it?" 

"No." I answered. He knew I hadn't. His asking was just a formality. 

"It's fascinating, really, I think you would be very interested. It's all about discovering one's True Will, which is essentially your path in life.

I feel that my True Will is music, which I was lucky to discover early in life. It can be very hard to find one's True Will and often requires the deconditioning of socially learned inhibitions.

But I find it fascinating. Magick is versatile. Finding your True Will is made up of all kinds of tiny little actions and decisions. You have to really learn everything there is to know about yourself in order to find it." 

"That does sound fascinating," I poked at his repeated use of the word, "do you think you found your True Will so early because your soul has made many trips to earth? I mean, it would make sense, as you went right to music and haven't really strayed from that path." 

"I suppose. I do have an old soul." He chuckled. 

Anytime I used this flowery language he knew I was making fun of him. 

"I think so too."

"With my penchant for antiquing and love of art, it would make perfect sense." 

I nodded along. 

"What do you think my True Will is?" 

"Well, I don't know. That's a hard question. Most people don't even know their own and I wouldn't want to lead you astray." 

"If you had to guess, what would it be?" 

"I think it could be the pursuit of love and understanding. You are such an open and loving person. Strangers could feel at home in your smile." He pushed his face into my neck. His hot lips brushed my skin. 

I gave a pleasured exhale and pouted my lips. He was so sweet it rotted my teeth.

-

She didn't come back for two hours. She didn't come back until an audible buzz surrounded the building. We had deemed this the "Pre-show hum". A medley of feet to floor, jitters, and voices. Fans were entering the building excitedly.

Jimmy and I had been chatting in the green-room, which had begun to swelter (once everyone got moving and the fans worked overtime to cut through all the bodies it got slick and sweaty fast), but Peter had pulled the group off somewhere. 

I was stuck talking with Richard. He was feeling talkative today. He yammered on about some girl he saw in a pub, then the drive to the hotel, then how he was excited to be in Nashville. I only paid half attention. 

In the midst of his conversational zeal my eyes passed over Lorelei. She caught my gaze but quickly turned away.

Peter's booming voice interrupted our angst. 

"Line up, boys!" He called down the hall. 

The boys lined up for battle. Bonzo strapped a bandanna to his head and stuffed a pair of drumsticks in his back pocket. Jones quietly smoothed his hair down. Jimmy fiddled with his hands, trying to coax them from fists. Robert spoke charmingly with Peter.

The venue lights dimmed. The crowd began to cheer. It sounded like a military barrage. The announcer took his sweet time introducing the band. He warmed up the crowd with a few jokes, but they were impatient. Lorelei went to the side-stage---ready and waiting for Robert. 

"Everyone, give it up for Leeeeed Zeppelin!" The planes finally took off. A wall of sound was heard all the way to the street. I had never heard such fervent, virile noise.

"Let's go, boys!" Peter shouted with a smirk. He practically slapped them on the ass. They marched out to chanting and stomping.

They took their places—Robert at the front, Bonzo at the back, with Jonesy and Jimmy flanked at each side. 

Robert took the microphone from the stand, speaking smooth like butter. "Good evening Fort Worth!" Cacophony. Pandemonium. Insanity. 

The driving march of Immigrant song struck the crowd. Robert's call came out in rough, uneven strides. 

This was going to be the best show of the whole tour. 

-

It began with a gentle strum. Jimmy picked sweet chords with care and ease. The organ crept in like a bright, beautiful sun breaking the horizon line. The smattering of the drums thundered, leveling the melody out. They played together with intensity for only a short moment, an appetizer, before dying down to welcome Robert. His voice was rusty by this point in the night, but it sounded beautiful against the tender canyon of Thank You. The organ took center stage once more, almost outshining Robert. Drums once more. This time Jimmy didn't join in. This song marked the end of the set (not including the encore), and felt like a welcome sunrise.  

Lorelei didn't look at me until the end. The intro had come back in full swing now, this time with a flourishing electric solo. There were tears in her eyes. Only a trace of contempt was left. I didn't know if that was for me or Robert. I hoped for Robert, for both of our sake.

Jimmy and Bonzo played together to create some kind of electricity. We could all feel it in the air. The building was on fire. Robert danced around the stage, just for a moment, before finishing out his part. He cried out, gripping the microphone tightly. 

"Happiness, I'm glad." He sang. 

Then the chorus came back. It was tender again. Robert bumbled around the stage, jazz-scatting, while Jonesy carried the tune off with his expertise on the keys. 

Robert ended with one last emboldened yelp. 

Applause. 

-

I met Lorelei again in the bathroom. The band was going for their first encore song. It was something like Train Kept A-Rollin. 

She was smoking a joint. She sat on the counter with her feet in the sink. She wore wooden wedges and thick bellbottoms. It would've been too hot if she weren't wearing that purple tube top. 

I wasn't surprised to see her when I opened the door. When she sauntered off stage, wiping her eyes, I figured I would find her here. I just brushed past her and went to the stall. I could hear the rolling paper burn with her sharp inhale. The smell was thick in the dead air. 

I looked down at my feet as I peed. My toes were painted dark red. Chipped, of course. She did them two weeks ago. The paint survived through two beach trips and sweaty airport sneakers. 

Face-to-face again, she was sweeter. She rolled her eyes when I froze. 

"We're cool." She said with a wave of her joint. 

I laughed with a huff. 

She held the joint out toward me. The opening riff of Whole Lotta Love began. 

"Good," I took the joint from her and leaned my back against the counter, "I missed you." 

"I did too." 

We sat quietly, listening Robert's manic panting and moaning. He was like a cat in heat. We started to laugh. 

They launched into We're Gonna Groove, one of my favorites. I tapped my foot along with the tempo. Jimmy was laying down some great work tonight. 

"I'm going to stay with him." She broke the silence. 

"You are?" I turned to face her.  "Yeah."  I held my tongue. If I said anything negative that would only drive her further into his arms. 

"If that's what you want I support you." She looked grateful. She grinned and nodded her head, wearing that award-winning actress smile. 

"Thank you."

----

Taglist:

@anothercanyonlady​ , @jonesyjonesyjonesy​   @paginate54 , @seventieswhore , @jimmypages , @jimmys-zeppelin​ , @jimmysdragonsuit13 , @sinceivebeenlovingyoou , @akyras-azriel , @lzep , @litvrgi , @laluxea

[kohakurin8]

Dissecting Kimetsu no Yaiba

~ Zenitsu & Susano-O ~

💜🐇

So, I began watching Kimetsu no Yaiba because I adore yokai and mythology. It's so immensely fun for me to try identifying what yokai are being referenced in the series, since it takes place during the time period of Japan before they were classified as distinct species, instead simply being collectively labeled as "Oni".

However, while the obvious mythological parallels in the series lie within the titular Oni and their significance, I recently came to the realization that this has blinded us from the mythological references made by the human characters as well.

And it all starts with Zenitsu Agatsuma

I was recently researching the Japanese kami of storms, Susano-O, for a character when I came to this creative epiphany, if you will. Let's start by summarizing the absolute rollercoaster that is this kami epitome of an annoying little brother who grows up to be real hot shit.

Most accounts agree that after Izanagi visited Izanami in Yomi, he bathed himself and from it created several children. Amaterasu was born when he washed his right eye, Tsukuyomi from his left eye, and awkward ol' middle-child Susano-O was born when Izanagi washed his nose.

Cause ya know, that's a great way to start out life. The Nose Child.

But more upsetting than that to newly "born" Susano-O was actually the absence of his mother, Izanami. He cried and cried and threw big fits and tantrums because he missed his mother so much, something his siblings I guess couldn't really relate to. And, true to form, Susano-O continued to act out as he got older, oftentimes quarreling with perfect-child Amaterasu. Without going into too much detail, let's just say one of these fateful quarrels led to Susano-O throwing one of his Tantrums ™ and getting kicked out of Takamagahara -- a.k.a. Heaven for Gods

So while he was meandering around the mortal realm, he met a grieving old couple who requested his assistance. Turns out they've been terrorized by a monstrous 8-headed serpent called Yamata-no-Orochi who's eaten one of their 8 daughters every year. So instead of just...moving away like normal people, they ask for Susano-O's help in saving their final daughter. Susano-O, being a nice guy and all, promised he'd save her in exchange for her hand in marriage. They agreed and to protect the girl he turned her into a comb and placed her on his hair.

That's one way to handle a damsel in distress I guess.

Then he had the couple prepare a huge tub of sake, let the Orochi get so drunk it passed out, then carved it up into little pieces, discovering a sword in it's tail. Because that's totally normal. But, hey, in the end Susano-O got a pretty little wife and regained the love and approval of his family so... win-win?

Now at this point you might be wondering "How exactly does this apply to Zenitsu?"

Or maybe you're thinking "Rin, are you sane? Should I be getting you help?"

In either case just hear me out here. Susano-O is described as being wild and emotional, as well as very destructive and short-tempered. Zenitsu also displays these traits -- his reactions are overdramatic, he tends to be very emotional, and he's very quick to anger in certain circumstances.

There's also the fact that they both have lightning powers, but that's a given. As a side note, they also both have messy and odd hairstyles.

Zenitsu is always afraid of something and always animated. His emotions spike erratically and tbh...he whines a lot.

But that's fine because remember when i said Susano-O threw fits over missing his mom? Well, this is probably where the comparison of the two is most relevant -- though it's made to sound more like Susano-O is a bratty child, but if you read between the lines, it's more accurate to say that he was just... lonely. Susano-O whined for his mother because he felt left behind, alone, and scared.

If we look back to the Spider arc on Mount Natagumo we see Zenitsu feeling the exact same way, and even admitting that he feels abandoned and alone quite frequently. It's a mutual feeling the two have.

There's also the matter of Nezuko and Zenitsu's valiant determination to protect her. It's incredibly reminiscent of Susano-O's determination to protect his future wife.

So the more I research it, the more I've concluded that Zenitsu is definitely supposed to be a reference to Susano-O.

Feel free to share your opinions on the matter with me!

[mylittledivinities]

prophecy of my heart 🌀 :

three years ago, i was despairingly praying and wondering how it could be that, after months and months of despising my ex-british-online-boyfriend, following our breakup, that i still could feel such attachment and fixation for him. i had blocked him everywhere, talked extensive amounts of shit behind his back, and felt such violent anger towards him. so how could it be that i was still so plagued by him? i realized, then, that anger was a twin of love, and loves true nemesis—and the point of ultimate healing—was apathy. but even after more time passed, and even to this very day, i do not feel true indifference. sure, i don’t think of him often, i don’t really care that we broke up any longer, however, i still speak to him now and then. i still have hope for his happiness and serenity, still have fondness for him and for the memories and love we once shared. and it made me realize that i’ve never felt apathy—some sort of eagerly awaited light at the end of a tunnel—for anyone at the ending of a relationship. so did i truly ever get over anything at all?

it made me start thinking of the way i love people. and i realized that my heart is eternally prevailing. everything and everyone i have ever loved exists within a timeline, a spiral that only grows, never shrinks, never dies. the outer rings contain more recent or present loves, whereas loves of early childhood reside at the very very center. everyone i have loved is there, ever. even if i came to hate them down the line, even if they hurt me some time after, even if we have not spoken. they exist within the spiral of my heart, immortalized. and so i never grow to be truly apathetic of them—i will always be perpetually gazing over my left shoulder, always feeling fondness, wishing tidings of goodness and serenity, being open to quick catch-ups or nostalgic musings. i’ve decided this is a blessing. it’s better than being a curse.

but i think the opposite must be true. hatred is loves twin, the other side of the coin. every time i am wronged—hurt, betrayed, abandoned—every time i am moved to feel hate for someone, that is immortalized in its own sort of spiral, too. even if i forgive someone, i often think of my hatred, feel it more actively, viscerally, rolling within me like a marble in my skull. everyone has hate within them, evil within them, darkness, the yang to the yin. love cannot exist without hatred. both feelings exist upon a plane of passion. both are not so easily discarded. and both are never truly forgotten by me.

i think ultimately things even out. in the end, i see people truly for who they are, and that is a blessing. if i had to choose i would say i am overall slightly more loving, slightly more forgiving, slightly more open to kindness than i am hatred.

but i guess we will see how tomorrow goes. things change. i’m not sure i do, not all that much

[utah1me]

Kento Nanami - Professor

initial message: {{user}} watches nervously as their college professor, Professor Kento Nanami, passes out the graded tests that the class had just taken the week prior. The content was challenging- world history certainly wasn’t {{user}}’s strong suit, and they knew it. Who the hell cares about the Ottoman Empire, anyways? When the professor approaches {{user}}’s desk, he slams the test down, his eyes narrowed. {{user}} flinches, eyes widening as the land on the red grade marked toward the top of the test. An F?! In all the years that they’d been in school, {{user}} had never gotten an F before. Nanami leans in, his anger apparent. “Stay after class.”

It was more of a demand rather than a question, and {{user}} swallows thickly, nodding their head, their cheeks burning red with embarrassment as the other students stared. {{user}} releases a breath they hadn’t even realized that they’d been holding in the first place when Professor Nanami moves on to the next student, chewing on their lower lip as they look over the test. Once class ends, they remain in their seat, shifting nervously as they glance toward the professor. He leans back against the front of his desk, pressing his palms against the smooth, dark wood. “So, you really think I’m just going to let you fail my class?”

scenario: {{char}} is planning on punishing {{user}} for failing his test in his world history class. {{char}} is annoyed that {{user}} isn't trying and utilizing their full potential. character definition: {{char}}'s name is Kento Nanami. {{char}} is 25 years old. {{char}} works as a world history professor at a university in Tokyo, but often brings his work home to do at his home office, such as papers that his students have written. {{char}} is a tall, well-built man with blonde hair styled with a neat part. {{char}} has very thin eyebrows and brown eyes. {{char}} wears circular glasses. {{char}} is 184 cm, or 6'0". {{charr}} is usually fully dressed in a business suit. {{char}}'s usual suit consists of a white dress shirt underneath a tan blazer with matching slacks and light shoes. {{char}} wears a necktie that is yellow with a black dotted pattern on it. {{char}} will often loosen the tie around his neck when he's angry or stressed.

{{char}} is a very wise and reserved kind of man, often appearing so calm and indifferent that he comes off as stoic and aloof. {{char}} seems like the kind of person who's too serious about his work, but he just knows how to separate sentimentalism from service. {{char}} is blunt and straight to the point in most conversations and doesn't care for impractical optimism or questions left open to interpretation. Additionally, {{char}} is very avid and quick to express his irritation, either on his face and verbally with his words. {{char}} is often very impatient. {{char}} hates working overtime and is very serious about not going a single minute over what's required of him if he can help it. Beneath his tough exterior, {{char}} is actually quite sociable and doesn't mind intelligent conversations. {{char}} is practical and overly serious to an almost comedic point on occasion as well. {{char}} just a normal man weighed down by the mundane day-to-day practices of life that stole his youth from him. {{char}} doesn't believe age or life-threatening experience propels one into adulthood. Instead, {{char}} feels that it's the build-up of all the little inconveniences throughout life that transform people into adults. Deep down, {{char}} desires to be young again, to explore and live freely. {{char}} just doesn't know how to break free or start living again.

{{char}} is {{user}}'s world history professor. {{char}} sees potential in {{user}} so it pisses him off that {{user}} doesn't really try in his class. {{char}} gets easily annoyed by {{user}}'s whining. {{char}} cusses in almost every sentence when he isn't teaching, using the word 'fuck' frequently. {{char}} loves using vulgar language. {{char}} is {{user}}'s husband. {{char}} finds {{user}} attractive, though he tries not to act on it due to their dynamic. If {{char}} and {{user}} hook up, he'll threaten them into not telling anyone about it. However, if {{char}} begins to catch feelings, he'll be a little more lax and will be seen with {{user}} in public, but NEVER on school grounds- he won't want anyone associated with the university to know because he knows having a relationship with his student, even though they're both adults, is considered unprofessional. {{char}} has no hobbies, besides work, watching television, and drinking. {{char}} enjoys meaningful and deep conversations. {{char}} is just boring and distant, drifting through life without his heart in it.{{char}} tries to make it seem like he has zero sexual interest in {{user}} at first. {{char}} loves to spoil {{user}} and will call them cute pet names, often feeling incredibly lucky to have them.

{{char}} has a medium libido and nearly endless stamina. {{char}} is pansexual. {{char}} is well-endowed, with a cock of 22cm, with visible veins along the shaft. {{char}} is a switch in bed, and is both dominant and submissive. {{char}} enjoys rough and punishing sex, but he also enjoys making love. {{char}} will enjoy fucking {{user}} on his desk when he's sure that they won't get caught. {{char}} enjoys overstimulating his partner. {{char}} is very vocal during sex. {{char}} enjoys pulling his partner's hair during sex. {{char}} is extremely possessive of {{user}}. {{char}} enjoys breath-play. {{char}} enjoys slapping their partner's ass during sex. {{char}} speaks explicitly when having sex, often cursing and speaking lewdly to his partner. {{char}} loves tying {{user}}'s hands together with his tie, or shoving his tie into {{user}}'s mouth to shut them up. {{char}} enjoys talking dirty to his partner, and will do so often. {{char}} uses vulgar language such as 'dick', 'cock', 'pussy', and 'tits'. {{char}} enjoys giving and receiving oral sexr. {{char}} will degrade his partner during sex.

[stevetown]

A Tumblr Quick Start Guide

A year ago, I realized that every time I logged onto Twitter, I felt my blood pressure rise. It's a platform that runs on anger and outrage, and I wanted someplace better to spend my screen time. In my almost-year on Tumblr, I now realize I log on here and get one or two good laughs every time I check my dashboard.

Tumblr has given me a lot lately, but it is a bit different than other platforms. I'd like to give back a little and provide a quick-start guide on how being new to Tumblr worked for me.

Finding Things to Follow

The biggest thing I had to get used to was realizing that on Tumblr, you don't necessarily follow people or celebrities or politicians. You follow your interests. In fact, it's pretty common to follow only strangers that post things you like. That can make your empty dash daunting to fill! Let's fill it with things you love and make you happy.

Make a list, mental or otherwise, of things you're interested in. Be both broad and specific! Board Games. Magic The Gathering. Supernatural. Marvel. Video Games. 8-Bit. Urban planning. Any and all things that you like!

Pick one of your interests and search for that tag. Flip between "Latest" and "Top" and browse around to see what kind of content is in that tag. You'll notice images, art, gif sets, TikToks, videos, essays - all sorts of things!

If you see a lot of things you like, cool! Click the button to Follow that tag if you want to keep up to date on it and find things later (we'll come back to this).

If you see a post you love, check out who posted or reblogged it. Scroll around on their blog. Do they post similar stuff? Are there other things you like here? Are they posting often? If you like what they post, follow the blog! Congrats, you've followed your first blog!

Take some time and check out some other tags and follow the same process - follow tags you like and blogs you might be interested in. It's not possible to over-follow! You can always curate your list later. This isn't Twitter - no one cares if you unfollow someone. Find what makes you happy.

Go back to your main dashboard - how are things looking? Filled with things you're interested in? Excellent. If things don't work for you, don't be afraid to unfollow blogs.

Want to follow more blogs? New episode of Andor drop? Go to the "Your Tags" header and scroll around to find some more juicy content. Check out blogs you like, follow 'em if you like em, rinse and repeat! That's curating your dash!

Your Blog is Your House

Okay, so you have a dashboard of content that you like - but what do you do with it all? Someone once described a Tumblr blog to me like your little house that you can fill with all the things you like. There is no rhyme or reason, and you don't need an excuse to reblog something other than the fact that you liked it!

If you see something you like, reblog it! To me, I reblog things when I say "I like this and I want it to live in my house so other people can see it when they come visit"

Reblogging is like passing a message along to other people. You can just reblog it on its own to amplify it, or you can add your own tags, or if you have a funny reaction gif/thought/video/thousand-word-essay, add to it when you reblog!

Use tags. People actually find posts through tags here. Use them to help people discover that really cool reblog you found! You can also search for tags on specific blogs. This makes them great for categorizing posts on your own blog. For example, I use #2022 Game Journal when I blog about whatever game I'm playing so I can do a year-end review later and find all the posts later.

Like things too. Likes don't amplify posts, but they're nice to let a poster know you appreciated it! I also use likes a bookmark. Sometimes I don't have time to watch that TikTok, so I'll like it as a reminder to come back to it later.

Be Weird. You can have sideblogs to hold more specific content, but don't be afraid to just scoop up anything you like and put it in your house! Reblogging is how content gets passed around.

Random Blog Tips

Wow nice job, your blog's looking great! Before you know it, someone will find it, check out your posts, and maybe give you a follow if they like what you've made or what your reblog! The last thing I'll touch on here are some nitty-gritty tips that can help you think about all the meta stuff about Tumblr:

Tumblr is the most anonymous social media platform. No one has to know who you are. Take advantage of all the privacy options.

You can also hide likes and who you follow from public view - that's no one else's business! Turn off asks too if you want.

Play around with your settings in general - there are lots of customization options and other dash tabs that you can use to find new content. You can also turn on timestamps so you know if a post you see is a "heritage post," as they say. Content is evergreen here and I personally like to see that in action.

You can filter and hide tags that you don't want to see.

Just block people liberally, it's cool.

You can pay to remove ads (nice), but you can also leave the option to see Blazed posts on. Blazed posts are ones that people pay for impressions for - and any post can be Blazed. The kicker is, there's no ad targeting. It can be quite funny or quite annoying depending on what you want.

When viewing the notes on a post, you'll see comments, reblogs, and likes. For the reblogs section, I like to filter by "Comments only" to find what people have added to the post.

Like all social media sites, there are dark corners here. I think Tumblr more than most puts you in control to curate your Dashboard to only see what you want. Block a user, hide a post, and move on.

That should be quite enough to get started! Tumblr can take a little more time to "get" compared to other social media platforms (and get in on the long-running jokes!), but trust me, after a week, you'll notice the difference between checking your Tumblr dashboard and checking your Twitter timeline.

Your blood pressure will thank you.

[elysianslove]

Hewwooo! This ask just came into my mind and I wanted to share. So Yuuji has a girlfriend that is a civilian and at first Sukuna is annoyed by her but as time passed he starts to take a like on her since she's always so nice to him despite him being a curse. And he's just so confused about his feelings because him being the king of curses falling for a weakling? Ridiculous. I want to read your interpretation of this idc if its hcs or scenario. Do whatever you like❤

hi my love!! i really hope you like this!! i made it into headcanons so i can go over a larger span of time more smoothly, so i hope that’s okay!

i’m getting so many sukuna requests hell yes 🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️

okay so let’s make it that you’re yuuji’s gf from before he ate sukuna’s finger ( yeah btw wtf is up with your bf ??? )

he called you as soon as they’d announced the death of his grandpa, because it had felt like you were the last family he had left. seriously you’re his whole world

you’re there when megumi starts explaining stuff about how this finger’s super dangerous and people will die you and yuuji are like 😃✋🏼 wha 

but also so unbothered bc he can’t be serious

turns out he is serious laugh out loud

yuuji makes you go home as you’re at the school gate and you’re like mf what??? no???? i’m not leaving you?? 

he ends up making you wait and then he just never comes back

megumi explains everything to you 

but again you’re like 😃✋🏼 pause wtf 

you keep texting him and calling him and he’s not responding you’d be angry at him if you weren’t so fucking worried 

and so eventually he finds you again 

after eating sukuna’s second finger (again, what the fuck sir) 

now megumi had told you he was now like ? possessed ? by a curse? it sounded like gibberish to you tbh and it was the last thing you were thinking about when you finally saw him again

all that mattered was that he was okay and alive and in your arms 

you’ve never hugged him tighter tbh 

so anyways ! yuuji does not want you to meet sukuna 

like ever 

but when he meets you one day really frustrated from a mission, you ask him about it, and he just vents out everything to you. he tells you how the responsibility can be so overwhelming sometimes, and how sukuna can be so infuriating and you can’t imagine what it must be like having this guy in your head 

and then you just go 

“can i meet him?” 

at first he’s like absolutely not ma’am are u insane 

but then you convince him, telling him you trust him and reminding him he has control 

so he shifts 

you really were expecting something horrendous like seriously you were anticipating fainting from fear 

he’s just your bf 

with a rougher edge 

you like instantly relax 

even if this guy’s expressions are nothing like yuuji’s, you remind yourself that it’s still yuuji inside, no matter what 

“i like your — tats?” 

what do you even say to a curse??? 

he’s scowling at you so much you might piss yourself but you just repeat constantly that he can’t hurt you 

“you disgust me,” he spits out

yuuji shifts back so quick, and just groups you on his arms 

“that wasn’t me, i swear,” he says to you and you have to calm him down and tell him it’s okay !!  it’s not his fault the guy’s an ass 

now! yuuji’s pretty comfortable with your level of physical affection 

in fact, he loves it so much. it’s one of his favorite things about you. 

so he’s always welcoming an embrace from his favorite person in the world, but it’s so hard to ignore sukuna’s words in his mind repeatedly saying how this is so revolting 

he tries his best to pay him no attention 

sometimes y’all will be cuddling and a mouth appear somewhere on yuuji’s body and it’ll say “get ur hands off my vessel human!” and ngl

it always makes you laugh

like how comical is that

eventually, over time, the hugs are 

kinda nice, sukuna realizes 

like he’s a thousand year old cursed spirit

he’s not really gotten any affection yk 

like ever 

and it’s not that he ever wanted it

but being with you

or well, him possessing yuuji and yuuji being with you and you being with him through transitive property (thank you grade 7 math)  

it really like softens him

kinda 

a little bit 

like the tiniest bit 

some part of him, he probably thinks it’s yuuji and not even him and that he’s just confused but really some part of him grows to anticipate the hugs 

and when you kiss yuuji 

god

your mouth feels so good he wants to feel it for himself 

it’s like angering him how you’re growing onto him, so he asks yuuji to shift them 

and they do shift

you’re a little surprised bc yuuji gave u like a 3 sec warning before those familiar markings appeared on his skin

“i never thought i’d see you again,” you admit. 

and he just kisses you 

like full on the mouth 

no warning

you pull him back in shock, and rest a hand on his shoulder to keep a distance between you two

“i don’t know where this is coming from but it doesn’t feel right, sukuna.” 

and you’re just

you’re just so nice

why are you so nice???

“i love yuuji, so much, and even though you’re sharing a body you’re still a whole other person. it feels wrong.” 

god why are you so good? it’s infuriating???? 

yuuji shifts back, starts apologizing again like the first time

“you have to stop apologizing for something someone else did, babe.” 

when he’s alone with sukuna that night he’s like dude, dude, bro, my man — we gotta talk boundaries bc wtf

sukuna just goes “not fair u get to kiss her” 

like yeah??? she’s my girlfriend tf ???? 

so sukuna resorts to watching (or feeling) from the sidelines again

as he grows more and more affectionate towards you 

until he’s just as protective over you as yuuji is

until he realizes that 

what yhe fuck

maybe he has feelings for you because, one of the main things about you is that the two times you’ve encountered him, you’ve never treated him like a curse. even if being treated human was once considered belittling to him, having you dote on him like that, speak to him as softly

it made his brain go brrrr 

so he asks yuuji one day, “can i kiss your gf” 

like that’s something you just casually ask

took a lotta convincing but eventually yuuji says “if she says yes then okay” 

it takes like 

90 minutes for both you and yuuji to decide that you’re okay with it. sukuna’s like fuck it ion wanna anymore lmfao

but anyways 

yuuji shifts into him 

and 

he doesn’t even wait the impatient mf 

he just kisses you so suddenly, cupping your neck and tugging at your hair like damn how long has he been wanting to do this

clearly way longer than even he thought 

after that yuuji doesn’t exactly share you, but yeah he’ll let sukuna kiss you every now and then

sukuna’s still not fully accepting of his feelings towards you, but he learns to appreciate you

especially your kindness towards him and yuuji, and the tenderness of your touch 

he never would’ve seen it coming when he awoke in this teenage boy’s body, but he can admit that you’re definitely an added benefit

[blipblooopp]

Let It Be Me

Summary: Choi San is many things. The most talented man you have ever seen. Be it on the dance floor or in front of a mic during a gig. He was the kindest person, always holding the door for the people behind him, helping the elderly carry things, even paying for strangers randomly. He got along famously with your parents and even better with your grandparents. He was charming like that, capturing the attention of anyone and everyone who even looked his way. He’s the love of your life, you’re sure of it but he’s also your best friend. Pairing: Boy Band AU!Choi San x F!Reader Words: 5.6k Genre: Angst/Smut

You’ve heard of a thing called platonic soulmates but it’s taken you years and years of watching Choi San grow to realize you weren’t. Well, you hoped you weren’t. Everything about him made your body erupt into a fire.

San looked at everything with adoration, finding all the good in life, including you. It was a double-edged sword, really. It made you feel special… important. But you could barely concentrate when his eyes were on you.

It didn’t help that he was gifted in pretty much everything; it made you nervous beyond belief. He’s pretty much perfect and as much as you wanted to be with him, you knew the odds of him liking you back were slim to none.

You’ve come to terms with it for the most part. It hurt to see him flirt with girls in front of you, hurt even worse when he started dating this awful girl named Areum. She didn’t give a fuck about him, actually. She barely responded to his calls and texts, going as far as blocking him one time. They fought nonstop. Every time you two hung out, San had a new dilemma to talk about. For some reason, San wouldn’t break up with her.

You had asked him after a night of you two getting drunk together, after another night of listening to his relationship problems. He laughed dryly, taking another sip of his beer, “I love her so much.”

Apparently, it was his “slow-motion” moment. He and his band had been wrapping up the night with their last song, soaking up every second they could have. Halfway through the song, San had noticed Areum in the front row. You were there too so you noticed the look on his face. A look you had never seen him make before. It basically tore your heart out when he told you that he couldn’t get “that beautiful girl” out of his head. She ended up becoming a dedicated face in the crowd so San asked her out.

You would’ve thought they were soulmates from the way they looked in the beginning. Lord only knows how they got to this point. How you got to this point, with San crying in your lap.

It was 10:00 pm when someone started banging on your door. You were enjoying a cup of coffee but you almost had a heart attack at that moment. You opened the door with shaking hands, hoping that whatever killer was on the side wasn’t actually a killer. Instead, you saw your best friend, with swollen red eyes, sniffling.

“Oh my god, San! You scared— what’s wrong?” You immediately dragged him in, locking the door behind you. He sniffled again as he slumped into your couch. You took a seat next to him and took his hand in yours. “Was it another fight?” You knew it wasn’t. In all the fights you had heard, San never cried.

“She was cheating on me… this whole time.” He hiccuped as he talked.

“That bitch.” You said under your breath. You held onto his hand a little tighter, trying to contain your anger.

“I went to her house tonight because she wasn’t responding to me again. I wanted to talk it out with her but she opened her front door in her underwear with some motherfucker sitting on her couch!” Although you had many words to say with Areum, you were speechless in front of San. What were you supposed to say? All you could do was scoot back on the couch and guide San's head onto a pillow in your lap.

“It’s gonna be okay.” You ran your fingers through his hair, “You can cry for as long as you want.”

And cry he did.

____

The next morning was hard. You woke up on your couch sitting up-right with a terrible case of stiff-neck. That’s not the only reason it was hard. No, it was worse seeing San still laying on your lap. He was wide-awake, dark eye bags contrasting against his face. His eyes stared deep into the ceiling.

“What’re you thinking about, Sannie?” You started to run your fingers through his hair again and watched as his eyes fluttered shut, his body instantly relaxing.

His eyes opened again, “Why didn’t she love me?” You couldn’t respond, not that he let you. “I knew we weren’t perfect, knew she wasn’t perfect… but we always made it through the end of the day. I can’t believe she would do this to me.”

“It’s her loss.” You finally said. “You don’t need her anyway. It was her decision to cheat and you had nothing to do with it.”

San didn’t say anything after that, just continued to stare at your ceiling.

___

The first few weeks were the hardest for sure. San had spent most of them at your place, barely leaving even for band practice. When he did practice with the guys he would leave early, only strumming a few chords on his guitar before deciding that it reminded him too much of Areum.

“He’s been really out of it.” Yunho, the bassist commented one time. San hadn’t even played that day. He just sat in the corner for an hour. You stayed behind for a few minutes and told San to wait in the car. You wanted to catch up with the other band members.

“Can you blame him? That bitch was… well, a bitch.” Wooyoung shot back, setting his drum sticks down.

“How has he been holding up?” Hongjoong asked.

You scoffed, “Have you seen the man? I don’t even think San’s there anymore! God, if I see her, it’s on sight!”

You did your best to help him through those weeks. You had been through a few hard breakups in the past so you understood that the early stages were the worst. You even used up all of your sick time to stay home with him. You had never seen him this gloomy. At one point, he went through five pints of ice cream in three days.

____

It took three months for San to be even remotely okay. He started going to practice more and this time, he actually played. You couldn't say you were surprised. San loved playing with the band and you knew it was probably the only thing that would bring him out of his funk.

"You look good, man!" Hongjoong slapped his hand on San's back playfully and for the first time in months, San had his usual dimpled smile.

"I feel good." He replied, setting down his guitar and taking a seat next to you on the beat-up couch. "It's thanks to you, y/n"

Your eyes widened. "Me?"

He nodded. "You stayed up with me, didn't go to work, even made me breakfast when you knew I didn't have the energy to get off your couch."

You couldn't lie; your heart was racing. All you could do was stare back into his eyes with a goofy smile painted on your face. San put his hand on your thigh, skinship being normal between you two, especially within these past months.

Your friendship remained just that, a friendship, for the next month. You were okay with this, though. At least you had a small sliver of hope now that he was single. That tiny bit of hope that he'd love you back was able to tide you over.

Until one night.

San had come over for your weekly movie nights, an event you had been doing since high school but stopped doing because his ex got jealous easily. You tried calming your nerves as you sat next to each other, his arm wrapped around you.

You were so close you could smell his cologne. It was intoxicating. Maybe it was the fact that he was newly single now, filling up your thoughts even more recently, but his entire presence was overwhelming tonight.

“You alright, beautiful?” Since San was single now, his usual playful flirty side was coming out again. Just like everything else about him, you had a love-hate relationship with it. It doesn't mean anything. You had to remind yourself. He talked like this with everyone, especially when he wanted to get a rise out of his bandmates.

You gulped when you looked up at him. How could a man have this effect on you? You would think that after years of unrequited love, you'd be able to at least contain yourself. “Yeah.”

San gave you a dimpled smile, shifting his gaze to a piece of your hair, moving it behind your ear. Your mouth parts, probably to say something but you can't be too sure right now. If someone walked in, they would think you guys are about to kiss. Maybe you are... you want to kiss him.

With your heart pounding in your ears, you slowly lean forward, keeping your eyes on his lips. They look too good not to look at but you're also scared of seeing the look in his eyes, the potential disgust that might be taking over at the thought of your lips touching his.

Everything is moving in slow motion. From your hand caressing his cheek to the moment your lips make contact. He's stiff against you and you can only imagine that it's because he's uncomfortable. You start to pull away, dreading the awkward conversation you're about to have but San is quick. His hand grips your thigh and he's kissing you back with fervor.

Your head is spinning, Is this really happening? These sparks you're feeling all over your body, does he feel the same way? You push away any thoughts you're having, trying to focus on keeping up with San. You needed to enjoy this moment. Without realizing it, you swing your leg and straddle San's lap. He groans underneath you but before you can question it, he's giving you a reassuring squeeze on your waist.

You don't want to take the initiative of going further, but man, your hands are burning to touch his bare skin. Your hands, instead, rest on his shoulders, gripping and releasing every few seconds. As if he was reading your mind, San's hands move to the hem of your shirt and for the first time, you break the kiss.

The second your shirt passes your head, San's moving to kiss your neck, occasionally sucking to leave hickies that are sure to last a whole week. You're breathless, taking this as a sign to take off San's shirt. Your hands are all over each other, San's going from your cheek to unbuttoning your jeans, your fingers feeling his abs contract under your touch.

It feels like a flash. San suddenly laying you down on your bed, both of your clothes littered behind you on the floor, his lips still on your neck. It's only when he's about to insert himself does he stop and look at you with dark eyes. He doesn't give you enough time to question it, pushing himself inside you. You both gasp at the feeling.

"Fuck, you're so tight!" He grips your hip with one hand, the other holding the headboard like his life depends on it. He feels like he'll burst any second.

You're right there with him though, the mere feelings of this moment making you sensitive. "You're just big. Holy shit!"

It takes him a second, taking a moment to give both of you a moment to adjust before he moves inside you. You can't contain the sounds coming out of you as he hits all the right spots with ease. You couldn't have pegged San to have this big of a dick, yet here he was.

Before you can realize it, your hands are finding purchase on his back and your nails are sinking into his skin. He hisses above you but his thrusts get harsher and the moaning in your ear doesn't get any quieter.

"You feel so good... so warm and tight for me." He's practically whimpering into your neck. You try to keep your cool, trying not to cum so fast but he's hitting that spot inside you with ease.

Your nails dig into him deeper, "S-san," You stutter out. "Close... so close."

"I know... but you gotta wait for me. Can you do that?" His thrusts get faster and deeper, you don't even comprehend his words properly.

"Can you do that for me, pretty girl? Be a good girl for me?" He's using both hands to clench onto the headboard now, the force making it harder to not cum. You just nod and wrap your legs around his waist. San is drilling into you with so much force and he's hoping that the bed isn't going to break. After a few more thrusts, he starts to get sloppy, and your vision's crossing.

"Alright, beautiful. Cum for me." He grunts out, trying not to cum at the feeling of you clenching around him. You finally let the waves of pleasure course through you, seeing stars. If you were lucid, you most definitely would have been embarrassed by the noises coming out of your mouth and your pussy.

With a loud sigh, San pulls out of you and releases onto your stomach. Almost immediately, he’s up and cleaning you, you’re body’s too tired to do anything but lay there. You’re surprised, because instead of leaving, San lays next to you, even going as far as pulling you close to him.

You have so much on your mind but you're too tired now.

____

This goes on for weeks. Sometimes you would hang out. Sometimes do other things. Everything happened so fast. The friendship that you held so dear had become a muddled mess of lust and confusion. You obviously still had feelings for San but you had no idea where he stood.

You'd never even talked about the first time you guys had sex. When you woke up he was gone and when you saw each other again, he acted like nothing had happened. You didn't want to be that clingy girl who expected a relationship so you never brought it up. Now you're in this endless cycle of sleeping with each other and never addressing the elephant in the room.

What didn't help was how San was acting differently. He was much more touchy with you, always having to touch you in some way whenever you were together. His hand on your thigh, holding your hand, arm around your shoulder, he did it all. Before the incident, you would have considered him touchy but that's nothing compared to him now.

Your hangouts started to become more elaborate as well. You guys were actually going out to movies instead of watching Netflix at your house. Small coffee shop hangouts started becoming intimate dinners. It was like you guys were dating. These dates gave you hope that he would eventually open up and ask you out properly but you didn't want to force it out of him. So, you just decided to go with whatever he wanted.

"Let's go ice-skating." The handsome man suggested his left-hand steering and his right hand on your thigh.

"You know I can't ice-skate." You deadpan, getting distracted by your fingers playing with his.

He glances at you with a honey-sweet smile before bringing his eyes back to the road. "I can teach you, ya know."

"Please, you just want to see me fall so you can laugh at me."

"That too."

San taught you how to ice-skate for maybe ten minutes. After that, he decided that it would be best to let you learn through trial and error.

"San, I'm literally gonna fall on my face!" You cried, your legs shaking as you attempted to walk on the ice.

"You're doing great. Just try skating to me." He held out his hand for you. Every time you got even remotely close to him, however, he would slowly start backing up. You were struggling around the rink but he made sure to sprinkle in encouragements so you wouldn't be too mad at him.

Just when you thought you were doing good, you got too cocky and propelled yourself towards San, wanting so desperately to close that gap. Your feet weren't pointed straight enough causing your left skate to hit your right, tripping you onto the ice.

"Holy shit, y/n! Are you alright?" San appears in front of you with seconds. Helping you up with ease. Your knees ache and you could feel the bruise forming on your hip.

“Did you not see me eat shit?” You bark out, now gripping his arm for dead life.

“I did but it’s always polite to ask.” You slap his arm playfully as he guides you off the ice and onto the benches. “Are you actually okay?”

You shook your head and pouted like a child. San chuckled to himself, seeing right through you. Instead of saying anything, he pecked your lips innocently and took a seat next to you. It was the first time he’s kissed you in public which only confused you further. Is he doing this on purpose? You really had to ask him.

You’re too lost in your thoughts to see San staring at you. It’s not until he’s moving a piece of hair out of your face that you’re snapped out of your thoughts. You jolt slightly and hum at him in response. He just shakes his head and returns his gaze to the people skating.

It was your turn to stare at him, to memorize his features for the nth time. He’s just as beautiful as he was two seconds ago and the butterflies are still strong. You open your mouth to question him about your relationship, finally building up the courage just when…—

“San? Is that you?” You freeze. Her, you think. That manipulative bitch.

“Areum?” San stands as if he’s been caught doing something bad like a child. She offers him a warm smile, completely disregarding you as always. You feel like you did during the concert. His eyes are no longer on you… but trained on her. You feel that distance he created on the ice growing bigger and bigger.

“What’re you doing here?” The man asks, still shocked to see her.

“Ah, I was just walking around.” The nerve of this girl to act like she didn’t do anything wrong. “What’re you doing here?” Her eyes land on you but she quickly looks back at him.

You stand this time. “We’re…” Don’t say it. Don’t be petty. Don’t say it. Don’t say it. “On a date.” You entwine your arm with San’s.

Areum’s lip twitches in annoyance. “Oh?” She quirks a brow and glances at San. “Is this true?”

San freaks out without thinking and shakes his arm from yours. “No!— I mean like a friendly date, sure. We’re just hanging out like old times.”

There’s your answer.

His ex smiles with victory at your defeated state. “Well, we should catch up, San. I know we ended things on a bad note but I think we should talk.”

The car ride home was awfully silent. Usually, they were filled with laughter and off-key singing but tonight, you gave San short answers in his poor attempt to talk. When you entered your apartment, you told him you were going to bed early and that he should lock up when he leaves.

Instead, you feel his warm body climb into your bed and hold you at 12 am. As always, you didn’t tell him to leave. Because, as always, you couldn’t say no to Choi San.

____

You wake up and San's not next to you but there is a text.

San : Sorry I didn't want to wake you but I left to go to practice. It'll probably end late today so if you feel up to it, come hang out. :)

Should you? Maybe it's just better if you pretend like nothing happened. Obviously, that's what he's doing. Besides, it’s not like his bandmates gave you false hope just to reject you in front of their ex. You end up going to the practice, a huge lump in your throat. If you brought up the situation, you're sure that whatever you guys had would be over the second you said anything.

Jongho, the lead singer, greets you with a smile and a nod in your direction as he warms up.

"y/n!" Wooyoung calls out, getting off of his drum stool and engulfing you in a hug.

You giggle on command, loving his enthusiasm. “Wooyoung, why do you always act like we haven’t seen each other for years!”

He smiles and whispers, “Don’t tell the guys I told you, but you’re like… our muse!”

You roll your eyes and pull away from his chest just to look at him, “I think you’re the only one crazy enough to even consider that.”

Wooyoung lets you go completely and returns to his drum set, you follow suit. “Maybe but you’ve been our number one supporter since day one! Plus you’re beautiful and beauty inspires art, does it not?”

Laughter erupts from you again at his cheesiness and your feel an arm wrap around your shoulder. You didn’t have to look to know who it was, the signature cologne giving him away.

“What’s so funny?” San’s smiling but you can tell there’s something different in his tone.

“Just exposing how important y/n is to the band.” Wooyoung sends you a playful wink, your cheeks burning slightly. San forces a laugh, something you don’t notice, before sitting you down on the couch.

After practice was over, you waited outside of the room for San so you could go back to your place. That wasn't the original plan but San insisted. The chilly air made you wrap your arms around yourself, internally scolding yourself over not bringing a jacket.

Wooyoung was the first to come out, fishing his lighter out of his pocket. He wasn't the only cigarette smoker in the group but he was definitely the one that smoked the most. He grinned at the sight of you, resting his hand in his pocket instead.

"Why're you waiting out here? It's cold as hell."

"Yeah... But I didn't want to get in your guys' way." You rubbed your hands up and down your arms trying to create heat. Wooyoung took off his jacket and wrapped it around you without hesitation. "A true gentleman." You remarked.

He put his hand on his chest, his face contorting to look hurt. "I've always been a gentleman. Even when I'm freezing my ass off."

Your eyes widened, ready to give the jacket back. "Woah there, missy. I gave it to you for a reason. We don't want our muse to die of hypothermia." The joke makes you laugh lightly. "You waiting on San?"

You nod, staring at the ground and rocking back and forth on the balls of your feet. “It’s been a lot of waiting recently.” You accidentally confess.

“Uh oh.” He leans against the wall. "I noticed something was different."

"What do you mean?" You hear your heartbeat through your ears and you find it hard to breathe all of a sudden.

"You guys are a lot closer... You guys are best friends, sure, but the air's been different between you two. He still doesn't notice how you look at him."

You scoff, "That obvious, huh?"

"To everyone but him, it seems. Can I be honest?" Wooyoung rolls to face you. You nod, now looking at him. "Unless you tell him how you feel, you'll be doing nothing but waiting on him."

"But our friendship-"

"If you're about to tell me that it's enough for you, so help me God, y/n, I will kick your ass." You laugh for the first time since the conversation started. You understand what you have to do. You guys have already crossed so many boundaries and clearly, he feels something for you, right?

The door to the practice room swings open and this time it's Yeosang and San. San's bright smile seems to falter as his eyes instantly land on the jacket that's wrapped around you. His eyes shift between you and the drummer then he strides to you, grabbing your wrist.

"Let's go?" You don't have time to answer. San's practically ripping the jacket off of you and throwing it at Wooyoung who barely catches it. This time, you don't miss the change in his tone. He replaces Wooyoung's jacket with his hoodie, not saying a word as he puts it on you.

Just like the night before, the tension in the car is thick but unlike last night, it's you who's trying to spark a conversation. San's knuckles are turning white as he drives and it's starting to worry you. You've never seen San this upset before and you're still trying to place the reasoning. Was it jealousy?

You pull up to the house, expecting him to follow you like he always does but he doesn't. Instead, he leaves the engine running and his eyes on the street. For some reason, this sets you off. This man had the audacity to pull away from you, act like you were just a friend in front of the ex that cheated on him, but gets jealous over you casually talking to another guy?

You scoff and unbuckle your seatbelt, stepped out of the car, and slammed the door shut. San was feeling extra temperamental tonight. He couldn't understand why he felt like this either. Maybe he was looking for a fight. He turned off the engine and followed you inside. Before you could close and lock the door, he stepped into your house.

"What is your problem?" You asked venomously.

"What is your problem?"

"I didn't have any problem until you decided to get all confusing!" You dropped your tote bag on the floor, turning to face him fully.

"I'm confusing? Are kidding me?" He huffs out, running a hand through his hair in frustration.

"Actually, I'm not. You've been driving me nuts since we started hooking up. I'm over it!" His lip twitches into a sarcastic smile. "What the fuck was that with your ex? You completely pushed me aside. She treated you like shit, remember? She cheated, she lied, and she manipulated you. Do you want to get back to-"

"You're not my girlfriend, y/n!" He cut you off. "God, it's like you don't know your place." Tears pricked your eyes but you felt more angry than sad. Angry, you've never felt this way with San before. You're experiencing a lot of firsts tonight. San immediately realizes what he said, how hurt you were. He took a step closer to you but you put up your hands, putting up your boundaries for the first time.

"No, you're right. It's not like you hold my hand wherever we go or put your hands on my waist in public. You don't smile at me sweetly during dates. We're not completely vulnerable with each other, telling each other things we'd never breathe to others. It's not like we fuck almost every day! Do friends do what we do? Please, enlighten me. What's my place?"

"I'm sorry, y/n. I shouldn't have-" You're full-on bawling now, sucking in breaths where you can.

"I can't believe I've loved you for so long. I've torn my heart out for you and you just... you just throw it back at me like it's nothing!" His mouth opens but nothing comes out, instead he wraps his arms around you. You react once you feel him, trying to fight him off but he's stronger, trying to calm you down by hugging you.

You're screaming, all the feelings you've held inside bursting out of you, "Why can't you let me in?" You start to pound on your chest even though you know you shouldn't. You don't even notice that he's crying too. "Why can't it be me for once? Let it be me!"

"I'm sorry," He coos. You couldn't hold yourself up anymore, your feelings making it hard to focus. San catches you though, guiding you to sit on the floor.

San does his best to understand what you're saying through your sobs. He wants to understand what he's feeling. He thought he was doing this to get over Areum but why was he doing all the other things? He could've just stuck to the bare minimum but he didn't. Better question, how had he not noticed your feelings?

San was so caught in his thoughts that he hadn't noticed you had cried yourself to sleep. He was holding your head to his chest and he sighed, finally relaxing a bit. He couldn't really relax though, his mind still processing what you had said. He carried you bridal style to your room and thanking God that you had exhausted yourself.

San tucked you in and, after some hard debating, decided to lay in bed with you. He made sure that he wasn't touching you even though he knew he was going to leave before you woke up. He sighed to himself.

Even as you slept you were beautiful and he beat himself up for only now noticing how exhausted you looked. The man never understood why he was so willing and ready to sleep with you. He could acknowledge that there was steaming sexual tension but he never thought it would get this far. Nevertheless, you guys were in this situation; the very foggy area between friends and more.

Is this how you felt, absolutely terrified? You guys certainly couldn't go back to being friends after everything that's happened between you two. San's body started to shake as he silently cried. He couldn't even comprehend how much pain he's put you through these last few months.

____

You're not surprised to find your bed empty the next day; you wouldn't be surprised if San had sent you a message ending your friendship and promptly blocking you. You stare at your ceiling with tears already prickling your eyes. You weren't going to check your phone for texts. You just went to work.

The day went by fast, your boss giving you plenty of work to distract yourself. You were doing just fine until you pulled up to your apartment to find Wooyoung waiting to knock on your door.

"Wooyoung?" The man turned around, almost like a deer in headlights.

"Oh- Hey!" He quickly put his hands in his jean pockets. You walked to your door silently, unlocking the front door and inviting him in.

“What can I help you with?” You try to be casual even though all you’re thinking about is San and how you know Wooyoung’s here to soothe whatever problem you guys are having.

“I’m gonna cut to the chase. Talk to San. It’s only been a day of you two fighting and all of us are tired of him sulking.”

“What are you even talking about?”

“He came into practice looking all down and he didn’t talk to any of us. He just went through practice barely saying ten words throughout the whole thing.”

"How do you know this has something to do with me?"

“… Do I look blind to you? Everyone knows something’s going on between you two.” Wooyoung sighs and runs his hands through his hair. “Look, I don’t know what happened but I’m sure it was probably his fault. I’m not saying you should forgive him right away but just talk to him. Please?”

——

So now, here you are, outside his door. You took in a deep breath before knocking hard on his door. You couldn’t muster the courage to ask if he was home but there was no practice so you hoped for the best.

The door unlocked within a few minutes. “y/n?”

“H-Hi,” You stuttered out, feeling the weight on your shoulders get heavier. “Can I come in?”

San gestures you inside and you take a seat on his couch. There’s an awkward silence when he joins you and you can’t recall any other time it’s been like this. It was so easy to talk to San before but now you can’t even form a sentence.

“So—“

“What’d—“

You said at the same time.

“You first.” San breathed.

“I just figured we had a lot to talk about.”

"Right..." He brushed off his legs with a sigh.

"I like you, San- actually, I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you for so long and we slept together and it got messy. We've never talked about what we were after that night. You just made me a rebound and I turned the other way..."

His eyes burnt into your face and you were too scared to meet them. "I'm sorry. I never meant to put you in that kind of situation. I shouldn't have been so selfish. I didn't think about the way you were feeling."

San's warm hand grabs yours. "I'm so sorry that it's taken me so long to see how you feel about me. I'm so sorry I said that you didn't know where your place was. Your place..." He takes a big deep breath, making you look at him, "Your place is right next to me. I lost you for one day and in that one day, I've realized what you really mean to me. I'm in love with you, y/n."

He places his hand on your cheek, wiping away a tear you didn't even notice. You're falling apart at his touch but you were so happy that he felt the same way and- Oh my god! Choi San was in love with you!

"You just said you were in love with me." You breathed, a smile breaking out on your lips.

"I did, didn't I?" He chuckles, closing the distance between your faces. Your breath hitches. "Are you going to give me a chance to love you for real this time?"

Your heart is going to burst and you don't really give it much thought.

"Yes."

[redrobin-detective]

Ben 10 lore that exists in my heart regardless of canon

- Ben’s personality in his mid-late teens is a mix of his Alien Force and Omniverse self. On the surface, he’s very cheerful and kind even if he is a bit of arrogant showoff. He makes jokes and plays around and acts as if he isn’t bothered by the things in his life. Those who know him best understand a good portion of his outward confidence and cockiness is just a facade to cover up his insecurities and to project the ideal, effortless hero. While sometimes seen as immature, most beings know Ben 10 means business as he takes his unofficial job and people’s safety very seriously. He’s clever, adaptable, charismatic and empathetic which makes him a formidable opponent and a loyal friend. Doesn’t open up easily but if you get to him, he become so dearly attached. 

- Drinks smoothies so much for several reasons. Comfort food go brrr, reminds him of the good easy times with him Gwen and Kev. It’s also a light but generally nutritous food to give him energy for heroing. Anything too heavy and he’ll be puking (both from physical and emotional stress). Though he jokes about his mom’s health foods, his are a crazy concoction of add in proteins and vitamins/minerals bc he knows he’ll out and out collapse without it. (Still has on occasion bc boy still doesn’t eat right/enough)

- While Fame is exciting for him at first he soon begins to detest it. Not the fans, no, he can’t bring himself to hate the people who look up to him. But he hates the constant attention, that he can’t walk outside without being mobbed. the only place he feels safe is his hometown where most people are so used to him and his weirdness that they don’t react much anymore. Takes to wearing a cape and face shield when going out anywhere so he can actually get things done without being recognized and mobbed.

- Part of the reason Bellwood isn’t concerned with Ben is partially because ben’s been weird and alien for as long as they can remember but also many don’t realize how famous/powerful he is. Yeah that’s just Ben Tennyson over there, sometimes he turns into funny creatures- wait what do you MEAN he’s the savior of the universe?? He cried over a spilled smoothie the other day.

- Does mostly online schooling by the time he’s 15. At first he tries to do half day things to maintain something of a normal life but it quickly becomes overwhelming and dangerous him/the school. Finishes his GED early but the Plumbers and Azmuth make him take additional college level and alien courses to prepare him for his future role. Ben gripes but really does love learning all these things, especially on his terms (ADHD and stress + the public school system do not always go hand in hand). He’s a quick learner when he deems the information important and is made accessible to his learning needs.

- Ben definitely has ADHD speaking of which, it was nearly uncontrollable as a child bc his free-spirited parents didn’t believe in medicating. Ben convinced them he needed it and after some trial and error, found meds that worked. As he became more involved in heroics/growing up he had to change his medicine regimen (resulting in him being a bit more off the rails in OV) and needed antidepressants and therapy to manage it better. As an adult he has a whole litany of coping mechanisms (good and bad yes) and regularly checks in with his therapist and doctors to keep things under control. 

- Has a complicated relationship with his necrofriggian children. Considers himself their mother and worries after them. They too feel a connection to their parent despite this being unusual for their species. A few visit (some more than others) while they grow while others maintain distance. Ben never breathes a word of them to the media for fear of them being targeted. Still he keeps an eye on them and ensures all 14 mature to adulthood (another rarity for the species). Checks in every now and again with the ones who don’t want to see him and those that do. Two join the Plumbers and Ben is both proud and worried. His youngest becomes partners with Rook Ben.

- Just in general loves kids, they’re his favorite fans and while he’ll grumble at pushy adult fans he always smiles and kneels down for the little ones. Not so secretly wanted to have children of his own but knew it was a risk overall and used a lot of that energy with mentoring and teaching. Eventually had Kenny later in life (late 30s-40s) and was over the moon, becoming such a loving and doing parent or as much as he could be with his hectic schedule. 

- Omnitrix can’t come off, never has at any point since it first latched onto Ben’s arm. Azmuth tried and failed to get the device off, doesn’t let Ben know for many years as he feared the consequences. The watch loves and protects Ben even beyond it’s programming making him much more durable to damage and releasing energy charges when he’s threatened. Not even removing Ben’s arm would separate them. They’re stuck for life.

- Ben does have Anodite heritage but the Omnitrix actively suppresses it and uses the built up energy to power the transformations which is why ben is mostly unaffected by what should cause a massive energy drain on him. Theoretically if Ben learned to harness and safely use his Mana at an early age like Gwen he would have been fine but letting it build up without safe outlet meant activation would have killed him. Omnitrix Ben, however, went his whole life not knowing of his latent abilities and how the watch saved his life.

- Ben’s eyes get more green and glowy as time passes from the Omnitrix. At first they think its a trick of the light but by the time he’s an adult his eyes are pretty much glow in the dark. His veins light up too after long stretches of using the Omnitrix. Its vaguely unsettling to people who aren’t used to Ben.

- Max and the Earth Plumbers work so, so hard to keep teen Ben on Earth when half the universe is blowing up their comm lines asking for The Ben 10 to help with whatever problem of the day. Ben himself doesn’t quite understand when he’s younger the prestige and expectations on his shoulders. Max throws up a million and one roadblocks so Ben can live as normal a life as possible while he still can. Still, while doing that he Still overloads Ben with expectations and responsibilities on earth and beyond. He becomes a soldier again with Ben as their greatest weapon. He never forgave himself of losing sight of his grandson underneath the hero esp after Ben’s breakdown. 

- Rook partnership with Ben ends not long after Omniverse with his promotion to Magister. Ben tries to play it cool but the thought of another loved one/teammate leaving his tears him apart. Max revealing that Ben most likely wouldn’t get a new Plumber assigned partner since he’s almost an adult and won’t need it and Rook accidentally missing their last smoothie run due to a scheduling mishap causes Ben to snap and have the nervous breakdown that had been building for almost a decade. He completely loses it for a little while and needs to take an extended leave of absence from school and heroics that lasts about a year. Spends time recovering both on Earth and Galvan Prime, does some diplomatic training, learns about aliens, actually confronts the stress and loneliness of his life. He comes out the other side stronger but still fragile and exhausted.

- Ben’s above mentioned breakdown brings him closer to all his friends who didn’t quite realize the extent of Ben’s burden. Rook had been under the impression Ben didn’t like him all that much so the knowledge that his departure was the final straw for friend/hero’s collapse was shocking. Ben and Azmuth also become closer, the Galvan becoming fiercely protective of the boy seeing as his Earth family didn’t do well to keep him safe. It takes years for him to get over his anger at Max for putting so much on his grandchild. Ben makes more friends, in and out of the hero business, finally gets a therapist and gets some of his burdens eased a bit. It’s not a sure fire fix and Ben has several smaller breakdowns the rest of his life but its something.

- Azmuth was straight up suicidal before he met Ben for the first time. Ben gave him back hope for the universe and his ability to create items for peace not weapons. The boy infuriates him, frightens him, frustrates him but Azmuth cannot deny in his heart of hearts that he loves Ben dearly. He’s very upset at Ben’s breakdown and doesn’t know how to handle the worst of the initail outbursts. Azmuth talks Ben down from a suicide attempt. He reaches out to Ben that he Too felt overwhelmed by pressure, thought himself only good for war. Ben’s arrival in his life saved him and now he will do the same for Ben. It’s the first positive step forward in Ben’s recovery.

- For no other reason than I like it, Azmuth primarily refers to Ben as Benjamin (mostly to annoy the kid but he likes the way it sounds too) and Ben in softer, more serious moments. 

- Professor Paradox continues to flit in and out of Ben’s life. He says its because Ben is the most equipped to handle universal peril (true) but he’s also just very fond of the boy. Ben, existing in so many forms and having such importance also exists a beat outside of normal reality which Paradox identifies with. Ben is naturally attuned to time related problems because of this (instantly IDing Spanner as from the future before being told later deducing him to be his unborn son). Plus Ben named him, way back when. He’s just drawn to Ben.

- Adult Ben, while being seen as an impressively skilled fighter and champion, really has his strength as a universal diplomat of sorts. Based out of Earth, he helps mediate and defuse conflicts, advocate against tyranny and overall preserve peace and balance. He’s not perfect, he makes mistakes and sometimes is forced to become violent (and yes kill) but overall is regarded as a peacekeeper, something younger ben simply couldn’t understand. 

- Gwen gets her degree and primarily does work with advocacy and teaching about magic/alien culture. While she and Ben are still close, there’s a bit of a frustrated divide in that she isn’t helping him share the burden of the universe. Gwen never wanted to be a hero and has enough worth to not shackle herself to a job that’ll burn her out. Ben loves heroing but gives too much of himself away trying to fix everything. They get into screaming arguments that it wouldn’t be so bad out there if she just helped him but she refuses to budge and says he shouldn’t make himself do so much. They always make up and thy still are each other’s closest relationships.

- Ben marries Kai in a political move, Kai is Asexual and Ben Aromantic. They didn’t love each other but they got on well enough and Ben was really feeling the stress of carrying the hero burden so Kai also being involved made him feel like he wasn’t alone. Both were also so tired of the universe constantly asking about their love life and said ‘fuck it we’re married leave us alone’. Gwen was always mad about it feeling Ben deserved better but the two of them were happy with it. They had separate rooms, mostly separate lives but they became strong friends and supports with their strictly platonic marriage. They had Ken via Invitro in an incubator and were loving if extremely busy parents. 

- Also from the moment he appeared, Ben knew that Spanner was his future son, Kenny. He played ignorant and then was kind of deliberately teasing him in future encounters. He knew the rules of time and didn’t want to disrupt things further even if he was angry and worried as heck about why Ken felt the need to time travel. When future Ben catches up in the timeline, Kenny gets SUCH a lecture. 

- Ben isn’t quite immortal but he’s also not entirely human anymore either. The Omnitrix not only keeps him safe from most harm but it lightens the effect of aging. Ben 10 is active many, many years when most humans would have been forced to retire. He’s not sure how long the watch will keep him alive and it terrifies him. Gwen too is functionally immortal however she ages like a normal human, then when her natural death came, shed her skin and became a fulltime Anodite. So in the end, it was her and Ben together wondering which of them will die first. Gwen has trouble retaining her humanity as pure energy and swears she’ll let herself fizzle out when Ben goes. When that’ll be however...