#like I would feel anxious when looking at people or being viewed especially when with someone I felt was beautiful

[thy-lovelylionheart]

I hate when people say that Finn’s acting has gotten worse because the airport scene is a prime example of how fantastic he is at micro expressions and acting with his eyes.

When he first asks about the painting, he hesitates. His neck is tense, like he had to take a deep breath and steel himself before daring to ask about it. But his eyes are also bright and hopeful and engaged. He wants the painting to be for him. We see how happy he is in the van that the painting was for him, so I have no doubt that if Will had said it was a painting for him, Mike would have been elated in the moment, even if he would have had to try and tamp it down in front of El.

Then after Will lies and says it's nothing but also confirms that it is a painting and doesn't tell Mike that it's for him, Mike's eyes just. Die. The light is gone. His neck is still tense and now so is the rest of his face. He is so disappointed and trying so hard to hide it, but doing an absolutely miserable job that only gets worse in the next shot.

Mike is upset and he is anxious. He is so tense and trying so hard to figure out what the hell to do or say. And frankly, I don't blame him! Because:

Will doesn't elaborate at all about why he brought the painting – in fact, Mike's awkward shoulder punch put Will so off balance that Will shuts down immediately. He doesn't ask Mike how he's doing, say that it's great to see him, really any sort of verbal greeting. He doesn't even say "Hey!" when going to hug Mike. All Will actually says in the airport scene is 1) answering about the painting, 2) "Friends? What friends?" + "Angela?"

And this in turn puts Michael "He's quiet today." Wheeler off balance. Because Will Byers is normally "quiet" to everyone but Mike.

Will viewed the avoidance of a hug as rejection, and now Mike is viewing the lack of verbal dialogue as rejection. Yes, Will answers the question, but he answers it by avoiding and dismissing, like how Mike avoided the hug and only gave a bro-punch on the shoulder.

I've seen people try and argue that Mike was worried that Will has feelings for him and that's why he's so awkward to Will in this scene. Even I thought that was the case when I first watched it, back before I shipped Byler! But it frankly makes no sense, because when we sit down and actually look at Mike's face, it's so obvious that he wanted that painting to be for him, and the "fact" lie of it not being for him upset him.

Why would Mike be upset that a painting that El speculated was for "a girl" and "someone Will likes" isn't actually for him if he didn't want Will to like him? Wouldn't he feel relieved and visibly relax, not tense up?

Will not giving it to him confirms in Mike's mind that either Will has romantic feelings for someone else, or he has a new best friend that he has replaced Mike with. It's honestly likely that both possibilities are haunting him at the same time, because of the classic, "He is my best friend and the love of my life," trope both in media and irl. For Byler especially, it's absolutely a case of "both."

People only think Finn's acting has gotten "worse" because they are making assumptions of how they think Mike should be acting in certain scenes, and they think Finn is failing to convey what they assume he should be, when in reality, he's conveying exactly what Mike is feeling and thinking – people are just misunderstanding Mike and refusing to accept alternatives.

Dropping Byler Evidence Every (Other) Day Until Season 5

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ Day 23: Airport Hug(s) . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

I haven't done one of these in a little bit because I'm just getting moved back in at university but I'm glad to be back! This time, we are looking over Mike and El's airport hug vs. Mike and Will's.

These two scenes are extremely different. It is clear which one the writers and directors gave more importance. AKA which one is supposed to be the main focal point of the scene. If you think that the meeting scene in the airport is supposed to be all about Mil*ven and how cute their relationship is, I'm sorry but you are not watching the same show as I am. The airport hug between Mike and El and the airport 'hug' between Mike and Will are supposed to convey these messages:

Something is wrong with Mike and El's relationship and they are trying to push it down, meaning it will come to the surface later.

It has something to do with the way Mike's acting.

Something has changed internally within Mike between Season 3 and Season 4.

This something is to do with Will.

You are supposed to notice Mike's actions towards Will more than his actions towards El.

This is how I will structure this ESSAY ASS POST

Number One:

Something is wrong with Mike and El's relationship. It may not seem this way from the beginning, in fact, it seems very much like they are back to the way they used to be at the beginning of S3, apart from the making out- um yeah, so it all seems well. But that's the thing.

Developed relationships with depth, relationships that the audience need to crave for, do not get presented in this super cutesy, teenager-y love way. Unless there are other stakes. In Stranger Things, it is apparent to us that there is always something off when characters seem Too Happy. Something will go wrong, things won't stay the same as they were at the beginning of the Season. I really don't know how to describe it, but basically what I'm saying is, even in their cute moments, the audience needs to sense that something is off. Even if it's very minute.

The kiss is cute. But that's all it is. There are no stakes behind it, nothing bad has happened yet, which is why an audience who likes the couple already may feel happy with it. But a GA may be able to sense that this is unlike other kisses or meetings in ST. The kiss is not after a fight, the kiss is not after a long time of pining, the kiss is not an 'i can't lose you' kiss, the kiss is not a 'relief after a long time of fighting through something' kiss. It's just a kiss.

You may be thinking this is a bit harsh, but the GA also know another thing. El is lying to Mike. Her letter foreshadows problems for their relationship instantly.

From her letter, we know that she is lying about having a good time at school and in California. The audience may then believe that there must be something wrong with their relationship if she feels the need to lie. Especially El, the one who always says 'Friends don't lie' and got annoyed at Mike lying last season.

So this kiss isn't supposed to be cute. It's supposed to be tense. Because we are supposed to know that she's lying to him, and narratively, the truth always gets revealed.

Therefore, the audience is supposed to take away from this interaction not that Mike and El are a cute couple, but that El is trying to hide stuff for a reason.

And the audience quickly gets their reason why:

Number Two:

The reason why El's been so weird with Mike, the question that is ringing around in the audience's head get's half-answered with the next sequence.

The audience should know that something is wrong based on the way that the happy music suddenly shifts to something far more morose, and El looks hesitant before faking a smile. JUST as she fakes her happiness in her letters.

Therefore, the audience sees it is somehow Mike's fault she feels the need to act this way. So far, we have ticked off two problems in their relationship: El is lying to Mike, and El seems upset at the unfeeling note Mike made. These must be linked together.

I also think that the audience see that it is signed in such an unfeeling way, despite the kiss. This means that the kiss at the beginning no longer seems genuine at all. So obviously, the audience must be wondering where this is all coming from , and why Mike is upsetting El.

Number Three:

Something has changed internally within Mike. The time between Season 3 and Season 4 has drastically changed Mike's actions towards both El and Will. We know that suddenly Mike is being unfeeling towards her in his note, meaning that the rest of his interactions don't seem as genuine to the audience. This may be a different view they had from Season 3.

They have just been introduced to a change in El's behaviour towards Mike (she now lies to him), meaning there must have been a change in Mike's behaviour to have caused this. And this is all internal between seasons:

What changed?

Now, we should get the answer when we look back at the end of Season 3. Mike looks back at Will's house. He hugs his mom like he's numb and just realised something huge. The monologue over the top keeps saying how he doesn't 'want things to change'.

Later, in the apology scene in Will's room, we find out that Mike was afraid of losing Will, which is why he got mad at Will seeming standoffish.

SO WE GET THIS SCENE WHERE WE ARE INTRODUCED TO MIKE BEING SUPER WEIRD WITH EL AND THIS IS ODD SO HE MUST HAVE CHANGED AND THEN HE ACTS WEIRD WITH WILL SO IT ALL POINTS TO.........

Number Four:

The reason why he has changed with El is because of Will. The reason why he seems so unfeeling towards El yet so disingenuous and unlike himself is all because of Will. The way he acts, the way he writes notes, it all boils down to this moment in the scene.

Will is reason he's nervous. Will is the reason things have shifted.

If something has changed internally within Mike to clearly act differently enough with El to make her lie to him, AND something to make him act weird with Will, then they must be linked together.

Besides, if we want to go the super obvious, on the face of it analysis - Mike is simply nervous because his feelings have been realised. He doesn't want to let them show so he can keep up this disingenuous relationship with El. He just wants to seem normal. It all adds up.

Harking back to El's letter, she mentioned one thing about Will, and that was that he was painting something for a girl that he had never told Mike about. And Mike acts standoffish about the painting when Will confirms that it probably isn't for him. It's clear as day - he's nervous to keep up this facade, he's jealous that Will's not making paintings for him, and he's been scared of losing Will (confirmed later on).

I mean, this might be all well and fine. Mike might not be having an impactful scene with Will, after all--

OKAY I CAN'T EVEN TYPE IT OMG ONTO THE NEXT POINT

Number Five:

Mike's big problem has to boil down to Will. This is proven by the fact that we are supposed to focus on this interaction far more than his interaction with El.

First of all, it is important to note that the directors of the show are intentional with where they place extras during a scene. They have free will, and we an see their choices being made during the airport reunion.

In the first and last Milkvan kissing scene, the camera is focused on them, yes, but it is very busy. Watch the shippers try to edit this scene, the duffers really said. I mean, it was so hard to take a screenshot of them without a person in the way of the camera. This is not by accident.

Mike is wearing a visor, he's holding a bag so he can barely hug her, he's also wearing sunglasses inside?? You can't see his facial expression, making this seem even more disingenuous. Again, people are moving in front of the camera, it's very very busy.

It's supposed to be a little overwhelming. That is not a coincidence, they aren't filming in an actual busy airport. So so many extras walk in front of them during the whole scene, not just the kiss, but while they are speaking as well.

Compared to the scene with Will...

No extras pass in front of them, the camera is closed in on their facial expressions, making them very clear without obstruction what they are feeling. This tells the audience to look quickly! This is important!

This is why the main takeaway from this scene is not at all about how 'cute' Mil*ven are. It is supposed to remind you of the problems in Mike and El's relationship, introduce that Mike has changed between S3 and S4, making him seem disingenuous and wanting to seem 'normal'. And that this is all because of something to do with Will.

And based on the clues that he's repressing a lot of his emotions all of a sudden, he's heard that Will is painting for someone else, he's being unfeeling toward El because of Will for some reason..... Mike's problem is that he is trying to deny or repress feelings for Will.

Atp it seems too obvious to post.

[cowboyfarooqlane]

I hate when I feel negatively about myself and I am aware logically that those things don’t determine my worth but I can’t change how I feel!! And then I feel bad about feeling bad 🔄

[reidsdimples]

Hi, love your work and i was thinking of a good story where it's "the reader and Spencer's wedding they are having a good time and Penelope wants to congratulate them but can't find them, she walks around and finally spots reader she is resting against the wall of a cleaning closet, they talk for a bit and she leaves, when Penelope leaves spencer comes from out of readers dress, and says that that was a close one"

Couldn’t Wait

18+❤️‍🔥MDNI‼️

My response to this lovely request 🥰

“You are insane! There has to be a hundred people out there!” You giggle at your new husband.

Spencer smiles at you, his cheeks staining red with pure adoration. He is overwhelmed by how gorgeous you look in your wedding dress. He wants nothing more than to rip it off of you and bury himself deep.

“It’ll be fine, no one is back here,” he shushes you and drops downs to his knees.

“Oh my god…” you look from side to side.

He had pulled you into a small closet with a curtain instead of a door. It was in the back hallway of the venue but you could still hear the music playing as the reception carried on.

“Spencer…” you warn. He nestles himself under your dress, and shoves you by your thighs against the wall. He spreads them wide and adjusts himself so his face is up against your cunt.

He is completely hidden under the massive gown of your white wedding dress but you can feel him. He starts kissing and nipping at your lace underwear. You want to smack him away but it feels so good when he presses his gorgeous face into your pussy.

He pulls your underwear to the side and sinfully dips his tongue between your folds for the first time as your husband.

“Oh…” you exhale at the warm welcoming feeling of his tongue. You wish you could run your hands through his hair but the dress is a barrier between you two.

It’s heady- not being able to see him but being able to feel him lap at your cunt like a man starved. You feel him humming and moaning into as his tongue swirls around your clit and he drags it back down into your entrance. Your entire body is on edge, alive, as he strokes you slowly.

His nails push into your soft thighs as he keeps your legs parted enough to keep tasting you. His head moves as he dives relentlessly into you and you start losing yourself in the sensation. The bass of the music beats in your chest and you throw your head back as you ride your grooms face.

“There you are!” Penelope appears in the doorway, slinging the flimsy curtain out of the way. “Why are you hiding in here?”

“I’m not hiding, just taking a moment,” you clear your throat and try to appear unfazed. Spencer has frozen between your legs.

“Where’s Spence?” She asks.

“Oh, I don’t know I thought he was with Ethan and Derek earlier,” you shrug.

“Well I just wanted to congratulate you personally…” she trails off when you startle in response to Spencer’s tongue on your clit again.

“T-thank you Penelope,” you huff a laugh. “It means the world to me that you’re here.”

You hope she doesn’t see your face turning red as your mans tongue teases you. You’re lucky Penelope isn’t a profiler. Emily or JJ would know what was going on immediately. You shift on your feet to try and get him to stop without being obvious.

“Are you okay?” She tilts her head.

“Yeah! I just get anxious at these things,” you lose your words for a moment when you feel his middle finger pushing at your entrance. “Social gatherings, I mean…”

“I understand. Especially because all the attention is essentially on you,” she smiles sincerely.

“And Spence,” you say his name as a half warning for him to hear because his entire middle finger is inside of you curling gently. You sputter out a cough to keep from moaning.

“Of course,” she beams. “I’ll see you back out there.”

“I’ll be back in a minute,” you reassure her. When she’s out of view you drag the curtain shut.

“I will kill you. I just married you and I will kill you Spencer Reid. Do you understand me?” He laughs but then latches his mouth back onto you.

You’re sent back against the wall and resume riding his face as he sets a rhythm with his finger and tongue.

“Fuck,” you whisper.

“You taste so good Mrs. Reid,” he praises and he knows you’re getting close.

God this perfect man between your legs, licking and finger fucking you while he’s moaning like it pleasures him… it’s too much. Your legs go taught, stars explode in your vision and your orgasm crashes through you.

He pulls his finger out and pushes his mouth into your harder, greedily lapping at you to get everything you have to offer him. He takes extra time to clean you up with his tongue before replacing your underwear to their correct position.

“Well that was close,” he smiles mischievously up at you. He pops out from under your dress, with his messy hair, black tux, maroon tie, handsome as hell.

You wipe the edges of his face as he grins proudly. He kisses you hard, greedily as if you didn’t already know you were his.

“I love you,” he whispers and holds you close.

“I love you more,” you promise.

When you walk hand and hand back out the reception area, Derek and Penelope greet you first.

“So pretty boy, you just couldn’t wait for the honeymoon, huh?” Derek claps him on the shoulder. Spencer’s face to red but he follows Derek who has his arm around him.

“Oh my god,” you whisper yell in horror at Penelope for telling.

“I blab! I’m sorry. You guys are just so cute,” she stamps her heeled feet and hugs you.

“You know I love you anyway,” you laugh and hug her back.

She hands you a glass of champagne and clinks her to yours.

[profeyandere]

𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐒 ─── ☾ 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒

ʟɪɴᴋꜱ ↪ ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ ↪ ᴊᴏᴀ��ᴜɪɴ ᴘʜᴏᴇɴɪx ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ ↪ ᴡᴀᴛᴛᴘᴀᴅ

ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏꜱ ↪ ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 2.9ᴋ ↪ ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴏᴅᴜꜱ x ꜰᴇᴍ!ᴏᴄ ↪ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: ꜰᴇᴀʀ ᴏꜰ ᴅᴀʀᴋɴᴇꜱꜱ

English is not my native language, so I apologize for any mistake and if you can help me improve it, I will greatly appreciate it. I hope you enjoy it :D

The soft and warm breeze coming from the deserted Roman streets caused you, as was usual in your slightly anxious and nervous person, a strange feeling of restlessness that many could assimilate due to the strange cool gusts that arose suddenly and chilled anyone who was surrounded by them, but all assumptions disappeared when you stressed to yourself that the reason for your anxiety had begun not long after the sudden death of the former emperor of Rome. Marcus Aurelius, known for being a man as strong as Hercules himself or as wise as the ancient ancestors, had been a second father to you, a man who with his extensive memory told you even the smallest details of each of his adventures in the foreigner and the various conquests that he had managed to make and be victorious around Rome to make his empire one that he had managed to take to Africa, being discovered as a technologically backward continent and very little known by those who were around his Roman kingdom, turning out to be one of the kindest men to those who really knew him, having helped the most impoverished population through various laws and in dire situations, including slaves, women, and children. That man had always taken care of you, he had made you feel protected under his attentive, loving, and proud gaze; He was the father you never had. Although you did not belong to one of the highest social classes, at least you did not belong to one of the lowest, and this, together with the fact that your mother took care of her children since the first of them was born, evidently your arrival into the world. It caused you to spend more time in the Roman palace where the emperor and his children were.

"As thoughtful as always," said a voice behind you that caught your attention, bringing you back to reality with a soft gust of fresh air that made you sigh. "Again, you find yourself thinking, even if you are in the safest place in the whole world, next to me."

That voice, which was usually distant from those who bothered him or showed irritability when directed towards less close people, was now soft and calmer than how you had heard it before. He had been angry before, your husband had been really angry, and now everything seemed more peaceful because he could see your wonderful ethereal figure next to the large balcony of your room.

“I find myself thinking about you, as usual,” you murmured, hoping to show him a little of the affection your heart held for him, slowly turning your body to turn your back to the beautiful view of the empire that loomed beneath your feet, facing the sharp and distant look of the man who had not moved from the main door of the room. "You know I always think about you. I worry about you, especially when you're awake when the moon is so high in the sky."

A soft growl, barely audible, came to you like the roar of a lion. You always liked to show your affection towards him, but you were also aware that he wasn't entirely used to receiving it from anyone other than his sister, even if he had shared his life with you since he was five years old.

Now everything was very different. Commodus was no longer the adorable boy who so often held your hand when he forced you to run with him through the palace corridors, trying to get you to keep up with him so that the guards wouldn't catch you in some absurd game that he thought that it had occurred to him and he would win for being the son of the emperor, even though that was only an excuse to be closer to you and explore that physical contact that he had heard so much about from the cooks; Commodus was no longer the charming boy who so many times tried to sweeten your ear so that you would ride a horse with him despite the various denials you gave him every time he proposed that activity that avoided being malicious, even if the only thing he wanted to feel was it was your arms around his waist. Although, despite all this, and even though Commodus had grown to become the man you know today, there was one thing that had never changed despite the years.

"I don't see the point in waiting up for me. Tomorrow you won't get out of bed until it's late and all I want is to share at least a little of my awakening with my wife's love," he scolded you, trying to be a little serious with you, even if the slight curvature of his lips denoted the opposite. "You do it every night. You wait until I come to the room, whether you long to rest in Morpheus's arms or not."

"You know that I don't like sleeping with light, and I'm aware of how much the darkness terrifies you," you told him, approaching one of the candelabras that rested peacefully on one of the pieces of furniture near your large double bed, ready to make the flames disappear that little by little were consumed. "I don't want you to feel afraid in a place where you should feel at home, much less after the great and important service you offer to Rome."

The emperor felt something strange inside him, he always did when it came to you. Your kindness and serenity, your understanding, and your sweet soul were the attributes that made you the perfect candidate to rule the great Roman empire with him, even if the latter was never to the liking of his late father; He had too many imperfections and had committed terrible acts that not even he would forgive himself if he had to judge himself, but you always seemed to see through it all to the person who was really hiding behind that same layer of grime and horror. You had met a Commodus that no one else was able to see, or perhaps no one wanted to accept that he was there. He had always been despised, you had seen that with the constant rejections of his father as he was always chosen as his last option; He had always been separated and humiliated, being the laughing stock of the guards who were supposed to protect him so much when he was pointed out as a weak man for not being able to withstand the constant beatings when he was trained to be noticed by his own father; He had always been the outcast of his own family, only knowing love through her older sister Lucila and seeing her as the mother he lacked so much during her youth. All of this meant that the only thing he knew, as far as feelings were concerned, was bitterness and loneliness, even if he had you to vent in his moments of greatest weakness.

"As my wife, you are supposed to listen to me," Commodus said in an attempt to appear authoritarian with you, even though he was aware of your stubbornness and how much you didn't like him speaking to you that way, trying to make himself look more strong and imposing in your presence. He was obviously looking for a reaction from you and got it when you raised one of your eyebrows in question. "I can be fine in the dark, I'm not a child anymore."

"Did you stop being a child three days ago? Because remember, my dear Commodus, that three nights ago you were in bed hugging me as if something bad was going to be done to you, begging me for there to be a tiny little flame in sight or a light to illuminate your part of the bed," you answered with a soft sly smile, keeping you close to the last lit lamp that provided light to the room, putting more emphasis on that fear that you had never managed to figure out how to remove; Sometimes it was exasperating not knowing how to help him at times like this. "Your well-being is one of my greatest concerns and, if you do not feel well in the only place where you should by obligation feel comfortable, then it is my duty to do everything possible to make you feel protected."

Moments like those, in which you showed your genuine concern for him, could be very common throughout the days, but he always appreciated them as if they were the first time you said those important and strong words for him.

An attempt at a smile appeared on his face. He gently lifted the cheeks of his lips, which made you feel a little more relieved to see that the tension he had carried with him all day seemed to have momentarily vanished with your short speech. You observed the way in which his tall body, muscled by the various exercises he performed throughout the week and which had apparently begun to deteriorate a little due to the obligation to continue doing other chores, let himself fall, exhausted and exhausted, to the edge of the large imperial bed that had belonged to you since he was crowned emperor, making it bounce softly at how soft it was, while the thin pillows full of feathers sank with their weight towards the defeated side, closing your eyes so that the Darkness slowly surrounded him, and it was only because his eyelids had lowered and not because the last light in his room had faded with the air coming from outside.

Small hands that he would recognize anywhere on Earth, as delicate as glass and as soft as silk, he felt as they were quickly placed on his sharp cheeks that, thinner than they had ever been, showed a slight deterioration in his physical appearance state due to stress. Your hands so loved and tender, gently cradled his face so that he would relax, causing his jaw to relax as he felt your thumbs tracing his bone and there were no longer any frown lines on his forehead frowning from him; Now everything was starting to be different at that late hour of the night.

"How do you do it?" He questioned himself, even though his words escaped from his lips and reached your ears. "How do you make him feel safe with your caresses, more than I could ever be in the company of the entire Roman troop?"

Your laughter flooded his ears in such a perfect way that he couldn't help but accompany your laughter with his own, as if it were an effect that you had on him, allowing you to attract his head towards your body, thus causing his face to be buried on your soft belly covered by a long white silk nightgown.

"I don't know, you answer that question for me."

His greenish eyes, always showing curiosity, slowly rose and drew your elegant dark and slightly moonlit figure to finally meet yours in that dark and dull room in which you were. And that's when he saw it, at that moment he was able to answer himself. Your eyes shone with love, with warmth, with a light so strong that it could guide him back to you if, at any point in his life, he felt lost wherever he went; because you were his light within his world of darkness.

[alonetimelover]

pairing: harry styles x polish!reader (fem, she/her)

summary: harry plays a show where one of the most important people in his life attends - his fiancée's granny.

submitted by @otaktomotyl, thank you and i hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as i did writing it!

a/n: i found polish translations on the internet, i hope they're okay.

masterlist ask, comment, come say hi!

——————————————————————————————

harryupdates

liked by harrysmoustache, harryshoee and 37 201 others

harryupdates HARRY landed in Warsaw. I repeat, HARRY landed in Warsaw.

view all 3 013 comments

harrysmoustache and he's holding yn's hat???

harryshoee yn and harry can finally reunite... 🥹

harrysfan92 do you see his arms???? he looks like a Greek god, god damn

——————————————————————————————

harrysmoustache

liked by harryupdates, stylesbabie and 12 301 others

harrysmoustache HAARY AT YN'S COUSIN WEDDING!!!!

view all 2 492 comments

harryupdates you're so fast with those updates, lyla. im gonna lose my job...

stylesbabie yn be aware, he looks good enough to be THE groom. keep him close

⤷ harryslipstick i think that ring on her finger is saying more than anything

harrysmybestie guys, you know we are so close to see HIM at HIS OWN wedding...

⤷ harrysmylife don't

⤷ harrysmoustache why would you say that?!

⤷ outofstyles am i the only one awaiting that day impatiently??? i wanna see him being all nervous and loving and all of the emotions that people feel at the weddings

stylesislife only harry styles could come to my wedding wearing a tanktop that he also wears to his shows

⤷ hArrysbtch the only man i could forgive AND compliment on looking so fucking good

stylesbabie yn's cousin posted a photo from the ceremony, and you can see yn and harry being all snuggle and touchy 😭😭😭 i love them so much

——————————————————————————————

"What do you mean you're not coming up on stage? Harry, my love, what changed during the last two hours?" YN asked into her phone, anxious Harry being on the other side, soundly biting his nails. "And stop biting your nails, you've got a very nice colour on them."

"Is babcia (granny) here?"

"Mum texted they're close to the gate. Jeff, was kind enough to go there and pick them up so they wouldn't get in any trouble."

"Good, good, good. can- can you come backstage? I think I'd like some ted talk before the show," he said quietly, smile growing on his face. "And some kisses, too."

"Give me 10 minutes, I'll find that kind guard and ask him to guide me. I can't remember when to turn right."

"I'll wait for you. I love you."

"I love you."

Harry got up from the couch and started pacing from one wall to the other. His hands were trembling, getting sweaty. He couldn't remember when was the last time he felt this nervous before start of the show. Not wembley or Slane Castle were as nerve wrecking as Warsaw. He knew it perfectly that it wasn't because of the city or the country. Well, it partially was.

It was YN's home show. But also her whole family was just outside the gates or already walking down the hallways to get to their seats (VIP of course, besides YN's younger cousins that wanted the front row, barricade experiance). And probably the most important guests for Harry - YN's grandparents, especially her granny. A sweet 92-year-old lady that started learning english and using an iPhone to be able to talk and contact Harry. A lady who bought his heart with sweet butter biscuits that no one could replicate. A lady that listened and then learned his whole three albums for this day - the day she would finally see him play live.

So he was terrified to disappoint her.

"What if i mess up the lyrics?" he asked YN when she finally came to the greenroom, he had been pacing in.

"Then she will sing it to you."

"But what if she won't like hearing me live? I mean, it's- it's a possibility. What? Why are you giggling. I'm really stressed here, my darling."

"I'm so sorry." She kissed the crown of his head. "It's just that you're afraid of impossibility. There is no way she would laugh at you or be disappointed in you." YN stroke his hair, gently massaging it, bringing Harry peace.

"You sure?"

"I've never been more sure in my life."

"She'll like it." Harry reassured himself aloud.

"Yes, she will. Not only she loves you like her own grandchild, she's also nervous. This morning she facetimed me to help her pick up an outfit. She bought quite a few things after she saw some pictures of your fans on the internet." She laughed, finding it quite adorable.

"Did she?" Harry lifted his head from yn's lap. "Oh, bless her."

They spent the next few minutes in silence, letting Harry's heart to calm down and steady its pace.

"Wait, did you say that you've never been more sure about something in your life?" Harry eventually broke the silence.

"Yes?"

"So, you had doubts when I asked you to marry me?"

"Oh god."

——————————————————————————————

harryloveontour

liked by harryupdates, stylesmaaan and 21 491 others

harryloveontour first look at harry at tonight's show in warsaw! it wasn't even the first minute, and he was already seen sending kisses towards yn!

view all 6 023 comments

harrysmylife and it was not only for yn!!! her whole family is with her. even her grandparents.

⤷ stylesbabie omg, they must love him soooo so much

ynandhmyparents they are the sweetest couple i've ever seen, like ever

harrysmoustache is anybody live??? i need to experience this show, i have tissues ready

⤷ hArrysbtch hslotwarsaw is live and it's in such a good quality

——————————————————————————————

hslotwarsaw

liked by harryupdates, hArrysbtch and 21 291 others

hslotwarsaw this is harry's reaction to seeing yn dancing with one of the fans during adore you!!!

view all 3 491 comments

harryupdates omg, his reaction was priceless!!!!

hArrysbtch the way this man said "back off, my friend. she is taken. ring and all. no, no, no." he wa ready to jump from that stage to stop that man from hugging yn!

⤷ stylesbabie i mean, did that guy asked yn if that was okay?

⤷ lovingharry he did, you could see it on the videos that people already posted

harrysmoustache he's like "excuse me, man. that is my fiancée. MY fiancée."

harrysmylife oh, this concert just started and i know it's gonna be the best of all times

——————————————————————————————

lately you've been on my mind

honey, ah ah ah

The whole stadium was singing back to him. He could describe the feeling it awoke in him each time. It was similar but never the same. Especially today, everything seemed to touch him deeper, better, and clearer.

"Someone's stealing your girl, Styles"

Harry heard someone in his earpiece, making him stop singing. He played it cool by putting the mic towards the audience simultaneously looking for YN.

It didn't take him long. She was right where she promised to be. The space designed specifically for her family, not enclosed but clearly separated from the main audience. There she was dancing and laughing with some middle-aged guy.

Harry was a jealous person in nature. In particular when it came to his partners. He wasn't proud of it, and he definitely didn't have any way to believe that YN would sprint after every Tom, Dick and Harry. Every day she showed him how in love she was, there could be no way.

But here he was. Jaw clenched, not singing and glaring towards his fiancée.

"Harry, everything alright?" Again the voice in his earpiece.

YN stopped dancing, feeling that unmistakable eyes almost glued to her. Oh, it didn't look good.

"How you doin' Warsaw?!" Harry finally screamed into the microphone. The squeals, screems and whistles gave him all he wanted - distraction.

And when YN smiled at him so lovingly and sweetly, it was enough to carry him till this moment.

"Your sign says 'help me shoot my shot'. Is this person with you?" Harry asked the fan who was holding the very neat and colourful sign. Somehow he didn't recognise him from just a minutes ago.

"She's here."

"Wow! Your voice is so loud, man. But how do you want me to help you when she's here. She's next to you somewhere?"

And then if it would have been possible, Harry's jaw would touch the floor. That guy shamelessly pointed towards YN. Now he remembered.

People screamed so loudly, because everything was shown on the biggest screen behind the stage.

"Well, back off, my friend. She is taken. Ring and all. No, no, no." Harry tried to play it cool by laughing at the end. "And, as far as I'm concerned, we're not lookin' for the third one in the relationship."

Now the stadium was laughing along with the long 'ouuuu'.

"How did you know you'd be close to YN, anyway?"

"Manifesting."

"Manifesting?" Harry repeated so everyone could know the answer. "Well, you're doing it right, so I suggest betting or playing lottery. And, to be honest most importantly," he pressed. "Not stealing someone else's future wife!"

——————————————————————————————

harryupdates

liked by hArrysbtch, harrysmoustache and 34 201 others

harryupdates harry introducing yn's grandmother at tonight's show.

view all 7 201 comments

hArrysbtch she is the sweetest lady, my god. i love her even though i don't know her 🥹

harrysmoustache "this show is very special to me. here are my future parents in law as well as grandparents. hello, hi!" i still can't comprehend harry being engaged...

harrysmylife "granny, how are you doing? do you need anything? no? you're good? excellent! that's what I wanted to hear. please give it up for granny!" and the way he started clapping both of his hands and the whistling???? and then speaking in polish i think???

⤷ polisharry Yes! He said 'dziękuję, babcia że tu jesteś' which means 'thank you granny for being here

harryfan82 this show is sooo good

outofstyles did anybody see harry constantly looking towards that area, where yn's whole family is?

⤷ harrysmoustache absolutely! i can't imagine how nervous he is, considering it's the first (at least that we know of) time he sings in front of them

——————————————————————————————

hArrysbtch

liked by harryupdates, harrysmylife and 33 101 others

hArrysbtch HE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO PLAY MEDICINE BUT THE BAND STARTED IT WITHOUT HIS KNOWLEDGE. I CANT. HES REACTION IS PRICELESS. HES TERRIFIED.

view all 8 101 comments

harryupdates he didn't even started it on cue, thank god the audience was so pumped up for it and sang it!

harrysmoustache "no no no no no. we weren't supposed to play it. sarah!" the fear and confusion in his voice was everything. they got him good.

outofstyles "you're gonna pay for it. all of you." this is so funny

stylesbabie the funniest thing is how when he started singing it, he was all touchy and sexy. it was like he forgot about the problem in the moment...

godstyles "granny's terrified" HARRY YOU DIDN'T PUT THE MICROPHONE DOWN, MAN

⤷ harrysmoustache but they showed granny being all smiley during medicine. i think she enjoyed it just like any other song!

——————————————————————————————

harryupdates

liked by hArrysbtch, stylesbabie and 41 202 others

harryupdates harry smiling while talking to yn's little cousin (yn was translating everything to her and then to harry). she then opened as it was with "harry, I wanna say goodnight to you"

view all 3 201 comments

hArrysbtch i hate kids but that baby was so cute i wish i could squish her cheeks

harrysmoustache he was all smiles and gentle eyes while talking to her, he loves this family so much

styleslove i love when people are so open with their feelings for their partner's family

harrysfan081 so cute

stylesbabie give this man a child already

——————————————————————————————

hslotwarsaw

liked by harryupdates, stylesmylove and 61 201 others

hslotwarsaw harry after splashing water at yn and her family at the end of the show!

and with this photo, we're ending our 'photo-stream'. thank you all for helping us prepare all of the fan projects and thank you for welcoming harry so warmly in our country! till the next time!

view all 8 20q comments

harryupdates you did amazing job!

hArrysbtch yn's granny got so happy at the moment harry decided to threaten her with a bottle

stylesbabie granny had a water gun and threatened harry back with it!!!!! it was soo cute, he run away laughing

harrysfan88 best show so far

harrysmylife "this one of the loudest show i can remember. and i know why. my fiancée's whole family is here. and believe me, they can make so much noise it's impressive!" my friend stood next ro them and confirmed, they were so loud during the whole set list!!

harryshands i can't imagine better way for harry to cope with this amount of pressure. he delivered one of the best performances in his life - sound and entertain wise. truly amazing

——————————————————————————————

"Harry, my sweet boy."

Harry turned 180° from the conversation he was having with Jeff to see the face of the lady with the heavy accent he knew so well.

"Babcia! (granny)" he exclaimed, jogging towards her and ambracing in a tight hug. "How I've missed you."

"You saw me yesterday, you."

"I know." He pulled away, still having his arm around granny. "But it's already been almost 24 hours. A long time, don't you think?"

Granny shook her head with a smile and placed her head on Harry's chest. She was rather exhausted from all the lights, noise, dancing and standing up for almost three hours.

"You wanna sit down, granny?" YN asked, squeezing her grandmothers arm in a way showing her she was nearby.

"Oh, yes. My legs aren't 20 years old as much as I would like them to be."

The three of them sat down on the green couch and talked about the show. Granny was impressed with all the fans having the time of their life, but specifically the ones that seemed to take in the show on their own terms.

"There were those two girls just hugging the whole time and singing softly all the songs. It was so lovely," granny explained.

"It's funny how they were two of very little to not use their phone during the show," commented someone in the room.

And before harry got the chance to defend people taking photos and recording, granny sat up straight.

"Well, in the 60s, my father took me to see The Beetles and I wish i had a camera then. It was such a magical moment that I would want it to be not only engraved in my mind but also on paper. I took so many photos of you, Harry. I need you to print them so I can show them to my friends on the next bingo evening."

YN nodded her head with a smile, not only planning to print the photos but putting the whole concert that harry recorded on the CD. Granny loved watching that type of thing on her telly.

"Harry," granny spoke up after a few moments. "I do have a question however."

"Ask away, granny."

"That song, medicine. What is it about?"

[niallhorxns]

Niall Horan x Reader: Panicked

Prompt: You have a panic attack while you're on tour with him, he helps you through it.

Word count: 3.1k

Warnings: anxiety, panic attack

A/N: hello!!! i recently discovered there's a painfully limited amount of niall x reader fics out there, so i'm adding to the pot. feel free to send requests / prompts if anyone has ideas they want me to write :) (i especially love angst, so give it to me).

Niall’s laugh fills the air as he leans forward and chats back and forth with the driver. If you weren’t so busy gazing at the views around you, you would’ve held onto the sound of it longer– reminded yourself it’s still your favorite sound in the entire world. 

Tonight is night… forty five? No, forty six. Hell, you can’t remember. All you know is that as far as cities go, this one is small– but it has a certain charm to it that you’ve been admiring the entire ride to and from breakfast.

“Oh, take a look at that,” Niall says, reaching over your lap to point out the window. He’s motioning towards the river, sparkling blue underneath the clear sky, and lined with a cobblestone walkway. “That’s gorgeous.”

He says it longingly– like he wishes he could get out of the car and walk along the path. But of course he doesn’t suggest that. In fact, Niall rarely suggests outings when you’re with him on tour– because he knows how anxious it makes you. Not the outing itself, but the likelihood of him being spotted. You could handle a walk along the river, but you’d have a hard time handling a swarm of people bombarding you on a walk along the river. 

It must drive him crazy– the way you always prefer sticking to the venue or hotel. And while he always claims to understand each and every time you say no to a public dinner, or whatever adventure is planned for the day, you can’t help but wonder if there will come a time that he gets sick of you always anxiously hanging back. 

Your anxiety has ruined so much for you. It’s ruined school events and trips, it’s ruined friendships and opportunities. You don’t want it to ruin your relationship with Niall, too.

For the last year and a half, you’ve been attending therapy consistently– learning breathing techniques and grounding skills to cope with anxiety. 

You wonder if now was a good time to test if it was working. 

“Do we have time before soundcheck?” You ask.  

Niall checks his watch. “It’s only eleven thirty. We don’t have to be back at the venue until one. You want to walk around?” He asks, a hint of surprise in his tone. 

“Yeah, let’s do it,” you agree. 

Niall grins before asking the driver to pull over. 

Hand in hand, the pair of you stroll along the river casually, admiring the views around you. Summer is in full bloom– all the trees a brilliant shade of green, the sky stunningly blue. 

“Look there–” Niall uses his free hand to gesture at a family of ducks swimming along the rivershore. You both stop in your tracks and watch for a moment, a smile spreading widely across your face. 

“This is so nice,” you say. It’s so rare that you actually got quality time with Niall when he was on tour. Sure, you accompanied him to most shows, but you rarely got any shred of privacy. 

This is what life might look like if Niall wasn’t… well, if he wasn’t Niall. You could take quiet walks in the morning along a riverbend. You could sit on park benches and drink your coffee without being swarmed. You’d be free to live your lives– unbothered, undisturbed. 

But that wasn’t reality. And through the years, you learned that the only thing about your situation that you had control over changing was yourself. You couldn’t change the fact that Niall was adored and loved by people wherever you went. But you could try to change how anxious that made you.

You’d accepted the fact that you would always be introverted. People, present company aside, were draining. You’d never get energized from crowds like Niall did, and you’d never like being the center of attention. All you wanted was to be able to handle yourself when Niall inevitably was surrounded by crowds– that way you weren’t always restricted to what you could and couldn’t do whenever he was on tour. 

“It is nice,” Niall agrees. 

“And to think I’d never even heard of this town before,” you add. 

Niall chuckles while you lean further into his side. “I think we’re actually really close to the venue, too,” he says, tilting his head towards the direction of the road. 

The road, which is parallel to the path, curled around a corner and sure enough, in the distance, you could see the faint outline of the venue Niall would perform in tonight. 

“Oh wow, I didn’t realize–” you begin. But before you can finish your sentence, your heart clenches in your chest. Because as soon as you’re far enough along the path to see the road leading to the entrance of the venue, the line of fans waiting to get in appears. 

They’re across the street from the two of you, less than a football field away. Hundreds of fans sit– in their pretty clothes and outfits on the concrete, waiting in the hot sun for your boyfriend’s show. You are simultaneously proud that he is so adored, and terrified that you’ll be spotted. 

“Shit,” Niall mutters under his breath. “Let’s turn back.”

“We can keep going,” you say, trying desperately to prove to him that you really are getting better– that you don’t have to be coddled all the time. 

“We don’t have to–”

“The venue’s closer than the car,” you reply. “It’s fine, let’s just go.” 

“You’re right. Maybe we can just sneak by. Go in the side gate there,” he suggests, nodding towards a side entrance to the venue. “I’m pretty covered up today. You up for that?” 

You nod slowly, although you aren’t sure how true that really was. But at least Niall looked pleased– maybe even a little impressed. 

Following his lead, you keep your head down and just focus on taking one step after another. Your gaze remains fixated on the stone beneath your feet, hoping to evade detection. You breathe in, forcing the air to your stomach– just like your therapist taught you, hold it, and out. 

And slowly, the two of you get closer and closer to the venue, just enough so that you actually start to feel hopeful that maybe you’ll pull it off. 

Until the screaming starts. 

It starts off slow– one person shrieks. 

And then it becomes hysterical– the kind of screams you let out when there’s a snake in the pool or a spider in the shower. Except you know these girls aren’t screaming because of snakes or spiders. They’re screaming because of your boyfriend– who is currently pressed to your side. 

“Oh shit,” he says quietly. “Here they come.”

“Ni–” you whisper, already feeling the panic creeping up your throat. And suddenly, everything you’ve been taught– all the breathing techniques and grounding skills, go out the window. Your mind is blank– frozen. 

“It’s okay,” he encourages you, giving your hand a tight squeeze. “Stand on this side of me.”

He shuffles you so that you’re on his other side– furthest from the group of fans currently running your way while you continue walking towards the venue. You aren’t going to make it in time, you realize– they’re going to catch you first. 

“It’ll be okay,” he repeats to you. “We’re close to the venue, it’ll be okay.”

All you can manage is a weak nod. 

As soon as the group approaches, the warmth from their bodies engulf you like a blanket– slow and suffocating. Niall, of course, handles everything beautifully. “Hello, hello,” he says kindly, remaining so calm. “Afraid we can’t do photos this morning, I’m late for soundcheck… Gotta get inside.”

There are bodies in front of you– there are bodies pressing behind you, bodies around you… everywhere. You lean into Niall’s touch, your clammy hand clinging to his like your life depends on it. In the vague distance, you feel him squeeze back, but it doesn’t feel real. 

“Move please!” A firm voice suddenly shouts above the noise. Instantly, you recognize the voice as one from Niall’s security teaam. Relief floods through you as he makes his way through the group to collect the pair of you. He grabs Niall’s shoulders firmly and guides him forward. In the haste to try and keep up, your sweaty palm slips from his. Desperately, you try to latch back on, but as soon as it parts, bodies slip between you. In an instant, you’re separated from the one person in the entire world that can make you feel safe. 

“Niall—” you try to say, but of course your meek voice is drowned out by the crowd. 

You think you saw a flash of his hair ahead of you, but then a body slams into yours and you stumble, losing track of where it goes. People are pushing forward– to get closer to him. And then suddenly, you can’t breathe at all. Hot bodies all around you, the beating sun above– skin and clothing touching your bare arms. You can’t take it– you’re going to suffocate in here. 

And all you can do is continue to push forward– closer to the gate, hoping that eventually, the crowd will break. 

Everything is simultaneously moving too fast and too slow as the edges of your vision blur, like you’re getting sucked deeper and deeper into a dark tunnel. Chest tightening, you struggle to inhale. 

Until suddenly, someone grabs your elbow, tugging you to your left. You don’t even have the energy to fight it. Instead, you let them pull you sideways until you’re out of the thickest part of the crowd. 

Another one of Niall’s security team that you recognize gave you a concerned look. “You alright?”

You can’t get the words out, so instead you just nod. It’s a lie, though. 

With that, he helps you the rest of the way to the venue. “Move aside!” The security guard yells, his grip on your shoulders tightening as he tries to maneuver his way through. “Move!” 

Using his arm, he sweeps the remainder of the mob from your way and ushers you through the gate. Except, even once you’re inside– separated from the crowd, you’re too far gone to even appreciate it. Instead, you feel the familiar sensation of panic creeping across every inch of your skin, like it has already taken over your entire body. You know you have to get somewhere private, and fast– before you completely fall apart. 

Without even realizing it, your feet start moving. Luckily the attention shifts to the mob of people outside, so no one even notices your attempt to slip away. Or maybe you’re just too engrossed in your own panic to notice anyone noticing you. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is getting somewhere quiet– somewhere safe. 

You’ve never been to this venue before– but throughout the tour, you’ve learned that most of the layouts are the same. This was an amphitheater– outdoors, minimal options for private breakdowns. Your best bet is going to be the backstage room where you and Niall left your stuff earlier in the day. If you could remember how to get there…

Even though you have no idea where you are going, your body continues to move. It leads you around a couple of corners, past the merch booth and concessions and towards the stage… You’re going to lose it if you don't get somewhere safe fast.

Suddenly, a pair of hands grip your shoulders, causing your entire body to seize. 

“It’s me,” a gentle voice murmurs. "I got you."

Through your foggy haze, you recognize Niall’s touch– except you still can’t breathe. 

One look– that’s all it takes for him to know what was going on. Because he’s the one person on this planet that you’d willingly ever let get close to you during a panic attack. 

“One to five?” he asks, indicating the rating scale the two of you had created for moments like this– so you could communicate just how bad you were feeling. One meant you could stay where you were, maybe take some breaths. Two meant he’d guide you through the grounding skills he knew about, maybe rub your back. Three was on the cusp, probably needed to go to a quiet corner to take some space. Four meant getting somewhere quiet and safe– and fast. Five meant you were probably dying. 

You hold up four fingers. It feels bad– scary. Maybe you’re dying… but you also don’t want to be dramatic. 

“Tell me what you need,” he says. 

You try– honestly, you do. You open your mouth, but all that comes out is a gasp– a plea for help. 

“Okay, it’s okay– c’mon,” he grips your shoulders and begins walking. You have no idea where– honestly you don’t have the capacity to care. All of your energy is focused on not passing out. 

Niall flashes his badge to an employee who lets you backstage. You vaguely recognize the halls he leads you down as the ones where you dropped your stuff earlier. He’s bringing you to his dressing room… because of course he knows exactly what you need.  

Once you’re inside, Niall shuts the door behind you as you stagger inside. Then, he spins around, his hands cupping the sides of your face. 

“Look at me, baby,” he says. “It’s okay– you’re okay.” 

“I– can’t–” you gasp, your own hands flying up to grip his forearms for some sort of lifeline to reality. “I can’t– breathe–” 

“Okay, okay, okay,” he says. He’s trying to stay calm, but you can hear the uneasiness in his voice. “With me.” 

He gives a deep, methodical inhale before letting out a slow, intentional exhale. “Just do it with me. Slow, like this.” 

He continues, and you try to match his pace– to breathe with him, but it feels like someone is gripping your windpipe– squeezing so hard you just can’t get enough air– 

“Niall–” you beg, your voice hoarse. “I can’t–” 

“C’mon, with me,” he repeats earnestly. He’s looking at you with terror in his eyes, but you find comfort in their familiarity just the same. “We’ve done this a hundred times before, you know how to do this.”

“I– I–” you stammer, but the words won’t form. 

“Shh, with me. Everything’s okay. I’m here. We’re both okay,” he assures you. His gaze is just so tender and soft and careful while his thumb grazes your cheek. 

“I- I can’t-” you choke again, “Please-”

“Shh-” he soothes. “Look at me, nothing else, just me.”

Your wide, desperate eyes meet his. You don’t say anything, just shudder and gasp frantically.  

“With me,” he repeats.

Niall produces loud and deliberate, slow and calming, in and out breathes. After a few seconds, you latch onto the sound, mimicking it, and then finally follow along. 

“There you go,” he whispers.

Your facial features slowly start to relax as you’re able to breathe properly.  Without your loud, choking sobs, you’re able to hear your heartbeat pounding in your chest frantically.  

“Good job,” Niall sighs. “Look, it’s just you and me, we’re okay–”

But he can’t even finish his sentence before you lean forward and wind your arms around his neck– desperate and longing for some sort of comfort. Strong, sturdy arms wrap around you as you burrow your face into the nape of his neck. You breathe him in, letting his familiar scent wash over you. 

“It’s okay,” Niall soothes. Upon feeling your shaky body pressed against his, he squeezes tighter. “It’s okay, baby. I’m here, I got you.”

You melt against him in response, bunching the fabric of his shirt into your fist, trying to communicate just how badly you need him to hold you right now. 

And that’s exactly what he does— until you can finally breathe on your own again. 

And then the wave of guilt comes.

Suddenly the realization of everything hit you– what a basketcase you’d been, running off like that, having a meltdown– you probably scared the shit out of him, or at the very least made a fool of yourself in front of the entire venue. Slowly, you pull back. 

“Are you okay?” Niall says before you can even open your mouth. 

You exhale a deep, shuddering breath that you can feel down your entire body. “I’m okay,” you say, your voice raw. “I’m so sorry– I didn’t mean to freak out.”

“Shh. Hey, hey, hey. It’s okay,” Niall says. His hands grip the outside of your shoulders gently. “Don’t apologize– I’m the sorry one, making you go through a crowd like that. That was a horrible idea.”

“It wasn’t even your idea– and I should be able to go through a crowd like that. I don’t know why I always freak out–” you stammer, feeling so upset with yourself. “It’s so stupid.”

“We talked about this, love. Remember? Anxiety doesn’t always make sense. Right? It’s not rational.” 

“I just—” you start, but you stop when you notice how choked up your voice sounds. You take a slow breath. “I wanted to prove to you that I was doing better– that I wasn’t going to freak out every time we went out. But I guess I haven’t made progress, after all.” 

As soon as you feel the tears burning behind your eyes, you dig the heels of your palms into them frustratedly, like you were physically trying to push them away. 

“It’s getting so much better though, baby,” Niall says encouragingly. “This is the first panic attack you’ve had all tour. Unless you’ve been hiding them from me,” he says with a hint of playfulness to his tone. “First one in forty-five shows. That’s incredible. Last tour you were havin’ em every other night it seemed. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but that’s huge.”

You lower your arms and nod pathetically, gaze fixated on the floor. 

“What is it?” he whispers gently. “Talk to me.”

“I’m so scared,” you choke out, “that one day you’re going to get sick of me–”

“Baby,” Niall interrupts. 

“Maybe not me, but all of this,” you say instead. “I mean, you realize you could have anyone, right? But you could especially have someone who didn’t have a meltdown every time they had to face a crowd– Or someone who could actually handle going out in public with you once and a while.” 

“Please look at me,” Niall says, voice gently serious. Pathetically, you do– your lip quivering as tears threaten to spill. “I need you to listen to me when I tell you this, okay?” 

Slowly, you nod. 

“I don’t want anyone else. Not in a million years, okay? I don’t want someone who loves crowds or going out, because they wouldn’t be you. Baby, honestly, I don’t like getting swarmed or photographed, either. If it bothered me that we didn’t go out much– I’d tell you. But it doesn’t. What does bother me is you changin’ things about yourself because you think it’ll make me happy. You make me happy. You. As you are, no changin’ things.”

You let his words sink in and try to believe them. “I’m just sorry you have to deal with me all the time. You have enough on your plate,” you groan, rubbing your tired eyes. 

Niall sighs. “Baby, I sing and play the guitar– do a little dance or two if I’m really feelin’ it. I think I can handle being there for my girlfriend on top of that,” he says. “I love you. And I want you to be okay, always. That’s all I’ll ever want.”

With all your energy seemingly zapped, you lean forward and rest your forehead on Niall’s shoulder. His arms wrap around you again, anchoring you to him. 

“I love you,” you murmur into his shirt. It’s muffled by the fabric, but it's there just the same. 

You feel his hand cradle the back of your neck while he chuckles softly. “Good, because we still have about forty more shows to go.”

[orbch]

people talking about analogical and being like “their identities balance each other out really well” and im like NO KIDDING!!!! 😂🤣

anways heres an essay about their storylines and how they mirror each other

(everything im about to say is very mentally unconstructed and thought up in a 3am haze. and also i feel like all of my thoughts abt sasi are stagnant and surface level so please argue with me if you think im wrong..) (also these ideas have likely already been written a bajillion times. but let me do it anyway LOL)

^ with that being said i feel the need to set a definition on what makes sasi sides “dark sides” and “light sides” because like,, to me the only difference between them is the means in which they get the rest of the sides to listen to them

obviously.. none of the sides are actively trying to be evil. or trying to hurt cthomas on purpose. OBVIOUSLYY. because why the hell would they want to do that? they are all literally That Guy, and all of the sides have their own personal goals for thomas that they want him to follow. this is like. the plot. and very known information..

but remus, janus, and formerly virgil are the “dark sides”… like what? because janus manipulated and pretended to be the other sides because thats the only way he could get the others to really listen to and consider his ideas of self preservation and prioritization? and virgil would actively terrorize the others and thomas to get him to be anxious about the stuff virgil believed it was IMPORTANT for him to be anxious about? and remus. listen remus is a whole lot of “being awful for the sake of being awful” but evidently in DWIT he has a strong attraction to the idea of infamy and legacy. so even he is sort of looking out for thomas in. uhm. his own way i guess…

so obviously we know virgils storyline was;

purposely scare the others to get them to see situations from his point of view -> always get insulted and pushed away for being a “pessimist” (its his entire purpose) -> “duck out” and leave thomas and the others to discover the negative affects of zero anxiety -> only after that, finally become recognized as an important aspect of thomas

tw: mention of suicide [not in detail] (and on that note, i think its a little morbid that the light sides only fully realized virgils worth and objective after he attempted the sanders sides equivalent of suicide (which you can NOT convince me isnt what the concept of “ducking out” is. they are all metaphysical personifications of instinctual human traits. what the hell are they gonna do? become real and walk out of the house? bffr))

and whats logans journey?

be considered the [reasonable problem solver] of the group -> be placed in a MULTITUDE of situations where the range of solutions are emotions v. emotions v. emotions and suddenly be considered “cold hearted” and “uncaring” for your objective view points -> get excluded from discussions and ignored when you try and help in the only way you know how -> ???

i (and most of the fandom) fully believe logan (ESPECIALLY after WTIT) is going to start resorting to some pretty drastic measures to be acknowledged by the rest of the sides + thomas. some actions that are likely incited by a “dark side” (nudge nudge the orange guy nudge nudge). and if the harshness of the measures he takes in order to be listened to is all it takes for the rest of the dark sides to be considered “dark sides” in the first place. then uhh well… well!!!

but anyways yeah. yeah. logan and virgil kinda have mirrored character development and that is so fucking interesting. virgils path from dark to light and logans path from light to dark… sighhh.. good stuff

[lanawinterscigarettes]

okay, this is a kinktober request but it doesn't have to be done if you don't feel comfortable with the content mentioned.

Anthony Bridgerton being intimate with a transmasc reader who hasn't had top surgery. The kinks would be body worship and nipple play (specifically sucking on the nipples). Begging can also be incorporated where Anthony is the one begging.

Thank you!

I love this request so so much!! this was by far one of my favorites to write, so thank you so much for sending it in <3

Kinktober 2024 Day 13: body worship, nipple play, and begging with Anthony Bridgerton x transmasc reader

Warnings: smut/nsfw content, body worship, nipple play, begging, Anthony's kinda subby here (sorry I just couldn't resist), pre-op chest for a transmasc reader (so they still have their breasts and stuff), brief mention of Anthony viewing the reader as his god/a religious figure (just adding that in case anyone feels uncomfortable with religious imagery in that context), mentioned penetrative sex (reader receiving)

"I love you, darling. You mean the absolute world to me," Anthony muttered as he brushed his nose and mouth against your neck in an affectionate nuzzle, holding onto you as you laid in the bed together. He didn't always show how much he adored you in public, but he more than made up for it when you were alone, clinging to you as if at any second you might disappear.

"I love you too, sweetheart." You watched him with a soft smile, finding it amusing that he was so close he was practically laying on top of you. To other people, he may have been Lord Bridgerton, Viscount and head of the household, but to you he was just Anthony, and that was enough.

"Mm..." He let out a hum as he dipped his head down to the spot where your neck met your collarbone, pressing light kisses to the area. His hands absentmindedly moved up and down your body as he kissed you, caressing you in a gentle and affectionate manner.

One of your hands moved up to absentmindedly play with his hair as you watched him, his lips moving from your collarbone down to the valley of your chest where your shirt wasn't buttoned all the way. You could feel his hands twitch from the spot where they were currently resting on your waist, as if he was itching to touch you more but didn't want to without getting your permission first.

"Anthony..." You softly cooed out his name, something that immediately caused him to stop kissing you so he could lift his gaze up to meet yours.

"Yes, my love?" He looked like a puppy dog, honestly. That was the best way for you to put it, especially with how his eyes got all big and needy whenever you spoke to him like that.

"Did you maybe want to do more than just kiss me, hm?" You gently prompted, knowing very well he wasn't going to take the initiative to ask for what he wanted without a little nudging from you first.

His eyes immediately dropped at the question, his cheeks flushing pink as he hid his face in your chest, refusing to look at you. "No..." His voice came out sounding a bit muffled when he spoke, though you could still detect the lie there quite easily.

Chuckling at his response, you gently tugged at his hair in an attempt to try to get him to meet your gaze again. "I know you're not telling me the whole truth. You can be honest with me, sweetheart, it's okay."

Ever so slowly, he brought his head up so he could look at you for a second time, appearing visibly flustered. "I- I want to touch them," he admitted in a quiet and somewhat nervous voice, as if he was worried about how you'd react.

You picked up on his demeanor right away, noting just how unsure he seemed. "You want to touch what, honey?" You questioned while running your fingers through his hair, hoping to sooth him.

Even if he still seemed anxious, it was clear your gentle show of affection had eased his nerves, if only slightly. Although he was embarrassed to ask, he took a deep breath and did so anyway. "Y- Your breasts. I was wondering if I- if I could touch them, if you'd be alright with it."

No wonder he was so nervous. Even though you'd both been intimate with each other many times before, he still preferred to ask if you were okay with him touching certain areas of your body beforehand so you wouldn't feel uncomfortable. He was such a gentleman in that aspect.

While your answer was obviously going to be yes, you couldn't help but have a little bit of fun with him beforehand. "What do you say?" You prompted, moving your hand from his hair down to his chin so he wouldn't be able to hide his face from you again like he had before.

The whine he let out sounded like music to your ears. "P- Please," he begged in a barely audible whisper, his eyes wide and desperate as they stared up at you. "Please let me touch your breasts, and- and suck on them, too."

The last part of his sentence may have surprised you slightly, but you'd be lying if you said the thought of him sucking on your nipples didn't turn you on. "Hm, I don't think I heard you. I think you'll have to speak up." You used your hand underneath his chin to tilt his head up a little further, ensuring he was looking at you when you spoke to him.

"Please," he begged for a second time in a way that was louder than before. "Please, I- I want to touch them and suck on them, please, darling."

"Well, since you asked so nicely." He could hear the amusement in your voice, and normally it'd make him want to be snarky in return just to spite you, but not this time.

His hands quickly moved to unbutton the rest of your shirt, his lips finding their way to the valley between your breasts yet again while he helped to rid you of the unnecessary fabric that was still in the way. As soon as it was gone, his hands went to your breasts, carefully cupping them as his thumbs lightly brushed over your nipples.

"You're so gorgeous," he murmured fervently, worshipping your body as if it were an altar. In a way, it was, because Anthony swore he found religion with you. No one else made him want to drop to his knees and beg, not even the almighty himself.

"Oh, darling, you flatter me so." A sigh of content left you upon observing him and his obvious eagerness at getting to touch and please you.

It was hard not to arch your back up the moment his mouth attached onto one of your nipples, sucking gently as the hand that had been on your breast moved down to rest on your ribs, his thumb caressing them affectionately. The hand that wasn't there was still on your other breast, caressing it in a way that mimicked receiving an intimate and personal massage.

Once he was satisfied with the attention his mouth had given to the first nipple, he switched over to the second, giving it the same treatment. The way he touched you was careful and a little uncertain, but still filled with the deep-rooted love he had for you.

You didn't always find yourself overly thrilled with the way you looked, but it was hard to hate it when you had someone who loved you so openly and unconditionally like he did. And if there was one thing about Anthony Bridgerton, he was going to take the time to remind you of his love every chance he got.

"You're making me feel so good right now, sweetheart," you commented while brushing your fingers through his dark chestnut hair, observing him with a fond gaze.

"I am?" He questioned seriously while picking his head up, as if he didn't seriously expect you to give him that sort of praise.

You just barely refrained from letting out a laugh. "Yes, of course you are. You always make me feel so good."

It was hard to miss the way his face practically lit up at your words, seeming to beam with pride upon having your approval. "Is it okay if I continue, then?" He asked in a way that was a bit bashful, and this time you did laugh, though it was playful and not malicious.

"What do you say first?"

He knew exactly what you wanted from him when you asked that. "Please, darling, please allow me to continue." The way he begged with such desperation in a voice that was so silky and smooth, how could you say no?

"Of course you can." The moment you gave him permission to keep going he dipped his head back down and began to pepper your chest with kisses. His hands went back to caressing your breasts, your nipples now hard from the way he had been sucking on them earlier.

He spent the entirety of the rest of the night worshiping your body, telling you just how gorgeous he found you and how amazing you were in his eyes. His movements were still slow and deliberate when he entered you later on, his mouth and hands remaining focused on your breasts and upper torso as he was determined to let you know just how perfect you were.

After you'd both finished and were done for the night, he insisted on falling asleep with his head resting on your chest and his hands glued to your sides while he laid on top of you, not wanting to be away from you even as he slept. He was nothing short of completely devoted to you, that much was certain.

Likes < reblogs | comments are greatly appreciated | requests are currently open

Main masterlist | Bridgerton masterlist | wanna be added to my taglist?

🏷 taglist: @missmewts @ghot-girl @gilmore-angel @your-next-daydream @alexxavicry @noisy-dumb-piece-of-shit @theonetruepotato87 @caplanreblogsfics

[aromanticannibal]

mha characters that are aro for CANON reasons (read: in which I reach increasingly further for canon evidence):

(Disclaimer: some of these can be evidence of characters being something else than aro (or ace) but this is my post and I can do whatever I want + /hj to /j to everything on there, when I say I start reaching I start REACHING. These are headcanons!)

Aizawa Shouta doesn't ever show romantic (or sexual) interest in anyone and is actively put off by Ms Joke hitting on him and the idea of getting married to her

All Might has NO experience with women according to Horikoshi (could also mean he has experience with men but y'know)

Ashido Mina really wants to be in a relationship but never fell in love (cupioromantic moment)

Both Bakugou Katsuki and Todoroki Shouto hide from girls crushing on them near the end, don't ever show romantic interest in anyone or get anxious or flustered near girls, Katsuki especially apparently never cared about girls (and vice versa) before and and Shouto specifically doesn't notice when he's hit on.

Iida Tenya is never interested in girls or men and is significantly more focused on both his studies and his friendships

My favorite headcanon: Uraraka Ochako's love for Izuku seems founded more on her admiration and people telling her she must like him (because boy and girl etc) than in actual romantic love, and she connects a lot with Toga (who also loves people in a non-conventional way)

Midnight doesn't have a romantic partner or anyone she regularly flirts with despite being a very beautiful and desired woman, and doesn't seem to have had any kind of romantic relationship with the three boys more or less her age she hung out with a lot (the rooftop trio) (she can also be seen as a cliché of aroallo person who only cares about sex so I'm claiming her).

Pixie Bob's obsession with finding a partner is giving "I've been told all my life that I HAVE to get married and I don't want to so I keep looking for the perfect match and not finding it because the man I'm looking for doesn't exist because I won't ever fall in love". Because by god you can't tell me the cute blonde catgirl isn't finding a boyfriend.

All For One only cares about his brother, I'd even argue he's aromantic asexual aplatonic etc. a-everything except familial and idk. quirkic. attracted to quirks.

Mount Lady is aro for the same reason as Midnight but because I think it's implied or canon that she's dating Kamui Woods, she's lower.

Midoriya Izuku is green so he's obviously aromantic and most of his flustered reactions to girls seem based more on shyness (and an obvious reaction to getting boobs shoved in his face) and sexual or aesthetic attraction than romantic attraction (he also has a very romcom view of what being boyfriend girlfriend is, ie. his reaction to Toga's confession)

Aoyama Yuuga's definition of love (according to his comment on Ochako being in love with Izuku because she was thinking "what would Deku-kun do?") is very weird and seems based more in things he was told or saw in fiction than feelings he would have felt himself.

Yoarashi Inasa is just so fucking weird with friendships and social cues he looks like he's trying to navigate the world while making absolutely sure NO ONE misinterprets him, which makes him both very aro and very autistic in my book

Kurogiri is literally a bunch of mist with little free will whose purpose in life is protecting this one boy, he's all the As.

Endeavor married for insane reasons and never even cheated on Rei after he sent her to the hospital (which a lot of men his caliber would do)

Ms Joke makes the idea of dating Shouta a joke and I think that's great. She's also green.

Miruko's chill and doesn't give a fuck, she's a fighting person, very Katsuki-coded in that regard I fear. She also works alone without an agency, which is giving aromantic for no reason other than I Said So.

Toga Himiko is a queer allegory that is generally interpreted as bisexual and biromantic but I think she can be interpreted as aroallo as well (way to love that’s seen as impure and unholy etc etc, notions of consent – taking people’s blood and hurting them without their consent which is for her a way to show her love, most of her attraction seeming physical or aesthetic rather than romantic, her parents telling her to repress repress repress instead of satisfying her desires in a safe way, the scene where she’s biting her wrist in her sleep???? etc etc) 

Twice never had a lot of friends and never had a lot of female friends and when he feels gratefulness and care for Toga it outwardly seems romantic because he doesn’t know what’s romantic and what’s not and hasn’t had a lot of female friends 

Dabi is giving aromantic aplatonic who only really loves his family but due to circumstances can’t love them healthily and ends up just hating them (the most intense feelings of love he shows are always towards Enji or Natsuo, and his apology to Shouto makes me think Shouto is also included in this – no evidence for Fuyumi and Rei but I can do what I want. He clearly cares for Twice and Toga too but it presents very differently, even after he’s revealed himself and doesn’t need to be as secretive). 

Shigaraki Tomura probably just doesn’t give a shit I’d say. He’s pretty apathetic when he isn’t fighting or angry or like doing his hatred thing, but he clearly cares about his teammates. 

Fatgum is foodpilled and studentpilled. He really loves food and he really loves his students he doesn't need no romantic relationship.

Jirou Kyoka takes a bit to warm up to Denki so I think she's demiromantic actually

Bruce (the third user of One For All). He just has such third wheel vibes.

Intelli Saiko because why would she bother with romance, it's so unpractical and illogical

Despite asking for boys' numbers all the time and being very aware of romance, Utsushimi Camie looks like she could NOT CARE LESS. aro

The fact that Hawks plays up the flirting with his fans is giving aromantic to me – obviously heartbreaker aroallo stereotype but I think he could also be ace, the aroallo part isn’t that important, it’s just that he’s always pretending. It’s giving still in the closet. Also I know he’s young and busy and Horikoshi doesn’t really put that much casual romance in MHA but it’s so funny that there isn’t even a sliver of a girlfriend implied in his timeskip. Hawks is Married To His Job. 

Star and Stripe is also absolutely married to her job. Also, lots of guys around her, lots of important and admired male figures in her life, and yet not a single crush from her. Points. Aromantic lesbian 

Nezu is a fuckass mouse I highly doubt he's attracted to humans in any way

Gran Torino is a single old man which is enough for me (though because I hate that fucker I think it'd be funny if women just hated him)

Where Is Shimura Nana’s Husband. 

Muscular only likes to kill, he doesn’t need romance nor sex, his only desire is Killing People and fighting. Same thing for Moonfish, he only wants to eat people (mood my guy) 

Geten is very hyper focused on making his quirk stronger, he doesn’t seem to really have any relationships.

Overhaul just fucking hates people

Again, Kendo Rappa only cares about fighting.

So so sad because I like his girlfriend but Natsuo is giving marrying to get away from his father

Koda Koji just had the vibes. He's so aroace to me. (aro Koda brain vs kodajirou brain fight)

Monoma Neito is such a fucking hater he just has to be aromantic

Wash is a washing machine

Honorable mentions:

List of characters whose only argument is they never show romantic attraction and don't talk much about romance or get flustered: Shouji Mezo, Sato Rikido, Tokoyami Fumikage, Shinsou Hitoshi, Yaoyorozu Momo, Sero Hanta, Hado Nejire, Togata Mirio, Shirakumo Oboro, Present Mic, Seiji Shishikura, Ryukyu, Gang Orca, Shishido, Centipeder, Ectoplasm, Hound Dog, Thirteen, Vlad King, Mandalay, Tiger, Lady Nagant, Mr. Compress, Tsukauchi Naomasa, Todoroki Rei and Fuyumi, Melissa Shield.

List of characters whose only argument is "they're green so they're obviously aromantic": Asui Tsuyu, Ibara Shiozaki, Tokage Setsuna, Kamakiri Togaru, Midoriya Inko, Ragdoll, Burnin, the Sludge Villain (I’m taking all I can get), Mustard, Ordinary Woman.

Bonus: characters that I can't make aromantic no matter how hard I try under the cut:

Gentle and La Brava, for obvious reasons. I feel like making them not love each other is like illegal.

Kudo and Yoichi. By god my brain will not accept it they're in love.

Amajiki Tamaki. I'm sure he could be aromantic but I can't let go of the Mirio and Nejire crushes (which are so real and true to me)

Yuyu (Nejire's friend), she also looks way too much like she has a giant crush on Nejire. Lesbian moment.

Best Jeanist and Edgeshot, they're giving high school sweethearts.

I put them in honorable mentions but I just have to mention Gang Orca and Shishido somewhere because the one baseball OVA made me think they're like the pseudo-enemies/rivals who argue all the time but somehow fight extremely synchronized when needed and ONLY fight each other because they're the only ones Worth It etc which is. Y'know. eye emoji etc etc

Sir Nighteye is literally in love with All Might

David Shield is literally in love with All Might

No really did you see David's wife? This man went and found a blonde blue eyed wife when he couldn't marry his blonde blue eyed best friend. His daughter looks like an All Might secret love child. I know whenever Dave hears Melissa call All Might uncle he dies a little inside because he wishes she could call him Dad too and he could call Toshinori his darling husband and

Rock Lock is happily married and I could never take that away from him

Spinner is green so I can kind of see him as aro but he’s giving madly in love with Shigaraki so much

Magne has a crush on Dabi in one of the Smash strips which is too funny to ignore I think she’s madly in love with him. And she’s right

I like kirimina so fucking much I genuinely struggle to come up with aro Kirishima headcanons. I think he could be quoiromantic but I also think he’s madly in love with Mina so I don’t know. 

Stain is literally in love with All Might

Ending (guy who attacked Natsuo) is literally in love with Endeavor

Garaki Kyudai is literally in love with All For One (“I miss your eyes” guy is so fucking devoted. The true doomed yaoi of MHA)

I know Rody is in love with Izuku he just has to be. 

To me Shindo Yo also has a crush on Izuku but also he's canonically dating Nakagame Tatami which is also cute.

[ovwechoes]

'Worst Habit' Headcanons!

Here's some sfw headcanons for what I think Overwatch members' worst habits are c: (I rambled a bit so it's under the cut as per usual)

Winston: It's obvious that Winston loves peanut butter, which is fine in and of itself. I think he has a really bad habit of leaving empty pots around the Overwatch HQs, especially his room though. That, and making the worst combinations imaginable. Like peanut butter and spicy chips, or peanut butter and eggs, that sort of thing. He would convince everyone to try it, and feel rejected if they didn't. It's his worst habit but not necessarily a toxic one; otherwise he's a pretty sensible individual.

Lena Oxton / Tracer: Tracer's worst habit is definitely picking at her nails. She tends to do so as a self soothing action, but she doesn't know when to stop and it causes her to have scabs sometimes that Emily has to mend for her. It's something she's aware of but nothing helps to stop her from doing so; she's tried picking stones, those zit popping toys, everything. Nothing feels as good as picking her skin when she's anxious.

Mei-Ling Zhou / Mei: When Mei's in a low mood and is struggling mentally, she sometimes finds it hard to avoid not talking down herself, or viewing herself negatively. It seeps into the atmosphere in HQ, and it's something that she struggles to get herself out of. Once the bad thoughts start, she can't control them and struggles to do so, especially when they involve her survivor's guilt.

Genji Shimada / Genji: Genji used to have several bad habits he's learned to stop over the years, like playing games in his bed, eating unhealthy food too much, smoking probably at one point or another. But he still cant shake the bad habit of skipping training sometimes because he can't be bothered. If he's not in the mood, there's no way he's gonna be seen in the gym strength and ability training unless Brigitte drags him there.

Reinhardt Wilhelm / Reinhardt: Reinhardt has a tendency to overdramatise everything; from his speech to his stories. This applies too to his emotions, and he feels them too close to his heart as though his skin was made of paper. He struggles with his ability to regulate his emotions, and it's something he's aware of but views it as something positive, rather than negative. He wouldn't admit that it's his worst habit, but everyone around him would.

Brigitte Lindholm / Brigitte: Brigitte takes care of herself very well; she views the human body as a machine that needs rest, supplements, nutrition, etc. But her worst habit is remembering to drink when she's working on something or busy with a mission. The amount of times Angela has had to admit her for dehydration isn't even funny, and Reinhardt is always getting yelled at by Torbjorn for 'letting it happen to her'. It's one of those things where when Brigitte is focused on something, she forgets everything else going on.

Angela Ziegler / Mercy: Angela has a very bad problem with doomscrolling online. Once she starts, she cant stop even when she gets ads telling her to take a break. She doesn't necessarily enjoy it, and it keeps her up late into the night, but it's a distraction for her from everything going on in the world. Don't ask to see her app usage history; it'll entirely be instagram reels and tiktok with like 9hrs a day average usage.

Echo: Sometimes, Echo fails to match her responses to the mood of the situation. She tends to take a direct and neutral stance on everything, so her worst habit is that sometimes she comes off as though she's playing devil's advocate, when she isn't. She's just simply showing all aspects that the person she's talking to might not have considered. She's a very logical being, but the way in which she does this sometimes comes off negatively on other people.

Vivian Chase / Sojourn: With Vivian, I can imagine she has a bad habit of getting stuck in nostalgic loops. She likes to look back on the past, understand what happened and what went wrong, but if she lets herself do it too much or for too long, she lingers on her mistakes and it affects her mentally. Similarly to Mei, she feels survivors guilt and feels ashamed for the events in Canada that happened to her sister and niece years ago. Vivian loves a blast from the past, but struggles to regulate how far back to go and how much to think about it.

Lúcio Correia dos Santos / Lucio: Lucio has a very bad habit of staying up too late, working on music or plans for the next day, to the point where he misses sleep and is extremely groggy in the morning. It's something he gets distracted with and loses track of time with. It doesn't help either that he has time blindness and gets lost in the music.

Cole Cassidy / Cassidy: Smoking is his worst habit; everyone working in Overwatch will tell you that. He refuses to try vaping, and prefers cigars to anything else. His cough is disgusting at times, and he has nicotine rush every morning after his first cigar, which makes it hard for anyone to talk to him and get a response from him properly. It's something he has no intention of stopping, as he's here to live a good life not a long one, but everyone has an issue with it when he smokes around them because his favourite brand absolutely reeks.

Fareeha Amari / Pharah: Fareeha holds grudges too long; she struggles with forgiveness and moving forwards. She won't admit it, but it's something that affects her relationship to her family and previous friends. If she's wronged as well, it only takes that one moment for her to give up emotionally and mentally on that friendship. It's not rational, and she understands that, but it's something she views as another form of protection, like armour against people who could hurt her or abandon her.

Jean-Baptiste Augustin / Baptiste: Baptiste is a bad influence when it comes to drinking and has a bad habit of not knowing his own limit. To this day, he still wonders how he's the first one to be absolutely drunk when everyone else around him is barely tipsy (even after he's had 3 shots one after another of fireball on an empty stomach). He indulges in it too much and he doesn't know his own limit to drinking, so you can imagine Cole and Angela have had to comfort him while his head's in the toilet bowl.

Aleksandra Zaryanova / Zarya: Zarya has a tendency to give everyone grace and understanding, even when they don't deserve it. She gives people too many chances, and too many opportunities to use her. It's something she's working on, but she views the world in a more positive light than others and wants to keep the optimism she has for other people.

Hana Song / D.Va: Hana has been told for years she holds herself to too high standards with her work and efforts in Overwatch, and she works herself to the bone. It's something she doesn't view as wrong, but it impacts her body and mind SEVERELY. Angela and Brigitte have had several conversations about taking breaks and not pushing herself too hard with staying up late for work, skipping meals, exhausting herself on missions, etc. It's her worst habit and even she would agree, but she doesn't intend to change it when it gives her the results they need.

Bastion: Bastion's worst habit is getting distracted easily; he's like a kid in a candy shop sometimes with the places Overwatch takes him, and he loves to show Ganymede everything he finds and take them places he enjoyed. It's bothersome sometimes, especially if he's nowhere to be found on a mission because he's busy showing Ganymede the other birds near their temporary station. It is what it is though, and seeing Bastion happy and on their side is something they appreciate.

[gl1tch3doracle]

can we get a yoru x f/non-binary reader which doesn't end with the reader getting turned into a weapon (also with a little asa sprinkled in)

Love Yoru and Asa, but I dunno how much romance is actually in this thing. It's pretty long compared to my usual word count, so I don't know how spread out it could be or if things are rushed.

Anyway...

⊹ ࣪ ˖ Conflict of Interests ˖ ࣪⊹

Love Asa and Yoru and imo both need more love, but specifically Yoru.

➸ Yoru + !Neutral!Reader, Asa + !Neutral!Reader

➸ Word count; 3849 words,

➸ Warnings for gore, because this is CSM and it's Yoru. No spoilers (that I know of)

➸ Aside from the gore, I don't believe there are any other content warnings either. Don't know how well this flows because none of my work is beta read and I was also losing motivation by the end of this because I cranked this out in about two or three hours.

All things considered, you were adapting to your new life in Japan pretty well. At least, it felt like it.

Communication wasn't an issue, which was a relief - Neither was money, but your biggest problem so far was being directionally challenged. It complicated your routine to the utmost degree, and what was supposed to be a simple shopping trip had taken more than three hours because somewhere along the way you'd taken a wrong turn. Which was why, in your current moment, you were wandering aimlessly around the backstreets of Kyoto, meandering closely to the nearby high school. Silent as it was at the current hour, it still felt weird knowing that if you never left home, you'd probably be stuck in a building like that for hours on end.

You weren't though, and you were also lost. Which seriously wasn't fun, especially when you had a younger brother at home left unsupervised.

What was even less fun, though, (besides the thought of a rouge twelve-year-old boy) was the lack of people around you. Sure it was late, school was finished and the teenagers had cleared the food stalls and vendors and had already gone home, but it wasn't late enough that people would be tucking up in their homes already. The sun was still peaked beyond the horizon, casting pale light amok the city - The streetlights weren't even on yet, and yet the roads were emptier than a bucket with a hole in the bottom.

You weren't sure if that should make you feel relieved, or even more anxious than you already were.

Your first thought was a devil attack. They were common enough, and although the living embodiments of fear preferred more public areas (more fear to feed on, you assumed?) that didn't mean the weaker devils didn't slink around alleys like shifty cats when the darkness fell. And it was that thought exactly that kept you from calling out for help.

It was certainly a nerve-wracking thought, that was for sure, and a part of your new life that you weren't ever sure you were going to get used to. At least back home, devil attacks weren't nearly as common as they were 'round the streets of Kyoto. Sure, you'd go through attack drills like any other school, but luckily for you, you'd never had the misfortune of meeting one face-to-face on the streets. You couldn't even imagine the pure terror you might feel in that scenario - The pungent fear, the visceral pounding of your heart in your ears, the fight-or-flight instinct failing to kick in, maybe even the sickening, cloying stench of iron blood swarming your nose-

Huh. That wasn't good.

That sickly sweet, cloying iron scent of blood was swarming your nose.

You froze, rounding the corner, feet rooted to the ground. You almost flinched at the wet squelch that met your shoe instead of the steady tap against worn, greening concrete. Didn't have to look down to know that pools of blood were lapping seamlessly on your brand-new shoes. You didn't know what made you wince more, the price of the now ruined shoes, or the feeling of pungent fear that struck you at the unsightly view of bulging intestines flung around the wider street in front of you.

Gross - Disgusting. There was no immediate threat, you deduced after a second or two of not being attacked. No, the devil that made this mess (inadvertently or otherwise) was sprawled in the middle of the street, gangly, twisted, fuzzy and bulbous body blocking the road like the world's most horrific barricade. It wasn't moving, fur clogged with blood and flesh and guts only wavered with the faint breeze, but its sides didn't heave like it was breathing, although you weren't entirely certain that devils had to breathe. 'It could still be a trap' Was the thought that bullied its way to the forefront of your mind, and yet you still couldn't find it in yourself to move.

For the first time in what had to be a good long while since you'd left the store, you saw someone else. At first, your heart froze as the bee-like body of the devil shuddered and shook - It rolled onto its side, spilling more of its entrails onto the path. They slithered up to you sluggishly, like a trash heap toppling over, but the insectile face filled with jagged and snaggled teeth was blank as ever. There was no life behind those eyes, but you were more focused on the girl who'd effortlessly posed herself atop the body of the beast.

She wore a school uniform, you noticed, paired with an otherworldly cutlass held firmly in her right hand. The world around the two of you was eerily silent, ear-splitting and ringing in your mind. You clutched your bags a little tighter, the plastic crinkling, rustling ever so slightly in your fist.

The hunter whipped around to face you - She couldn't have been much older than you, but her darker hair framed her face fiercely, fire-ringed eyes glaring you down with such hostility that it almost gave you whiplash. She didn't budge from her spot, but her shoulders drew up tightly as she held her weapon in front of her defensively.

You just blinked - The smell of blood wasn't as pungent as when it first hit you, settling over you like a blanket. You just lifted your shirt, covering your nose as you waved the brooding, mysterious and most likely murderous stranger over to you. From where you stood, you could see the way she froze, face twisting from a scowl into confusion, before the crisscrossing scars on her face literally melted into her own skin, leaving her in perfect condition.

The sword clattered mutely against what looked like a misshapen lung, and the girl set her foot down firmly against the joint of a broken leg. It gave out immediately, and you could only watch as she yelped and tumbled haphazardly from the corpse into a pool of blood. The aura she'd been carrying up until that moment disappeared the second she looked up at you again. Her eyes no longer glowed like red-hot embers, mellow brown eyes looking nothing but defeated.

She shook herself once and heaved herself to her feet, shuffling over to your relatively clear patch on the fringe of carnage.

"Hello?" Her voice cracked awkwardly. You couldn't help but purse your lips sympathetically.

"Hey," You began, reaching into your pocket. Just your luck that you had a clean packet of tissues packed. "I was just wondering how to get back to the main road. I'm new to the area, and I'm kinda lost."

You offered her the tissues, and it looked like she was about ready to cry at the gesture.

"Oh, uh, sure. I could walk you," She froze, dabbing the blood from her cheek, "-only cause I also need to walk that way," Her face pulled into a grimace, and she subtly flinched as if someone was poking fun at her. She opened her mouth a few times, gaping like a fish before her face flushed red. Without another word, she hurried around the corner you'd just rounded, and you just followed without another word.

She didn't talk, never glanced in your direction to see if you were following her. You didn't mind, though, because you were just happy to see life slowly returning around you - Moreso the sounds of traffic and chatter and city ambience that you'd slowly lost over the past few hours. The joy of finally returning to a place you could somewhat navigate diverged your attention, so by the time you turned to at least thank your guide, she was already long gone.

It wasn't really your problem if she didn't want to stick around. What was your problem was the little brother you'd left at home by himself. You hoped that the apartment was still in one piece by the time you'd made it back.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You finally visited the school. It certainly looked different teeming with student pushing and shoving their way to freedom. It also felt a lot different, seeing people your age running around in uniforms, talking to friends and passing by you without a second look. The uniforms, in particular, gave you a pause - They itched your brain in the most peculiar way until you remembered why. The same girl you'd met about a week ago, the one who'd slain the bee-like devil, had worn the very same uniform. Albeit, hers was doused in blood and cuts, it was no doubt the very same one.

That was a thought for later. You tapped your foot impatiently against the ground, waiting for your brother to finally make an appearance. You supposed his tardiness was payback for the time you got lost and spent hours wandering the backstreets of Kyoto, but you couldn't help but feel impatient.

He appeared a second later, thankfully, surrounded by a group of kids his age. It was nice to see him fitting in, especially after he'd only been going to his new school for about a week, although you had to admit it was funny seeing him freeze as soon as he saw you waiting at the front gate.

"Why are you here?" He scampered away from his group, looking more nervous than annoyed. You fixed him with a perpetually bored look.

"I came here to walk you home, idiot, why else? For shits and grins?" You quirked an eyebrow. He sighed and sagged his shoulders.

"But… I was gonna hang out with my new friends…" You gasped dramatically.

"And you were gonna make me walk home all by myself?" Your brother cringed. You felt nothing but satisfaction. With a sigh, you pat him on the shoulder.

"Just be back in time for dinner," You paused and set him with a stern expression. "And steer clear of devils, alright? I want you back in one piece."

He only gave you a big smile and a rushed thanks before running off, quickly rejoining his group. You shook your head and stretched your arms, noticing how quickly the crowds around you had thinned out around you.

"Oh, it's you again," You turned on your heel, coming face to face with the same, sharp-eyed dark-haired girl you'd briefly met a few weeks ago. Her face was riddled with scars again, clean cut, rough against her pale skin. You furrowed your brow, wondering if your memory was playing tricks on you.

"It's me? You were the girl who killed the devil, right?" You just had to make sure. She puffed up, eyes practically glowing orange and she fixed you with a pompous look.

"That's me. I'm an expert with any sort've melee weapon," She waved her hand as if shooing away an annoying insect from her ear. "But that's not why I came over here," Her eyes gleamed, "I was just wondering if you wanted to go shopping with me, y'know, have a walk around?"

You did a double-take.

The idea sounded nice, making a new friend, and there was a regular food vendor that you'd been meaning to try recently. But the idea of going with a stranger you'd really only just met set of alarms in your brain.

'However…' She was admittedly pretty. Those bright eyes that seemed to peer into your soul, a sharp, clean smile with long dark hair. 'Plus, it'll be in public, right? Plenty of other students and people around.'

"Yeah, sure, I have time," You missed the way her smile grew ever so slightly, stretching just further than a human could naturally.

However odd the situation was, you couldn't deny it was nice to finally have someone other than your brother to talk to. Admittedly, it was also odd how her bravado slipped the minute you turned to walk into the city, but you also found the marine life facts she sputtered out like she'd rehearsed were entertaining. She just seemed happy that you didn't seem bored out of your mind.

Asa Mitaka, you learned her name was. Wasn't usually one to talk to people, and she said it was a miracle she was able to muster up the courage to talk to you in the first place. She pointedly refused to make eye contact most of the time, which was fine in your opinion since at least the conversation was kept in a lively ebb and flow you weren't entirely used to.

She talked with an edge to her voice, not an annoyed one, but rather a nervous one. You didn't really want to ask about it, seeing as you used to do something similar when you were younger, however, Asa beat you to the punch.

"I don't have many friends - I had one before, but, well, she died in a devil attack not too long ago," She peered through a window store, just looking at the array of shoes that were for sale. "I mean, I haven't had many friends at all. Just the one." You stepped up next to her, but she just peered sadly beyond the glass.

Brown eyes. You squinted. Perhaps the light turned them orange. You once knew someone whose hazel eyes turned yellow under the light. Orange wasn't too far from brown.

"Maybe we can be friends," You asked, almost absentmindedly. Asa whipped around to stare at you, her mouth hanging open. Her eyes flickered back and forth - From your face, to behind you, maybe. She worried her bottom lip between her teeth nervously and didn't say anything.

That made your heart twist a little. Ouch.

Taking a break from the sun, the two of you were stopped at a vending machine under shade, grabbing a few drinks. It was mostly quiet aside from the sound of the machine working, clanging softly as coins were inserted. You were leaning against a wall when a little thing approached you out of the corner of your eye.

"Aw, cute. Kitty cat," You kneeled and reached out your hand, letting the feline sniff your fingers before it rubbed its head along your palm. Asa made a noise halfway between a choke and a squeak before shuffling a few paces backwards.

"Yeah, cute," She seemed preoccupied, whispering something urgently under her breath. Which was odd - You were going to ask if she was okay, but Asa was suddenly in your face before you could react, those same, orange-ringed eyes staring into your very being.

Orange. Not brown.

Preoccupied, a hot flush covered your face.

"Come with me. I wanna show you something cool," The bravado was back, oddly enough. No trace of the nervous high-schooler, but rather, the cool, confident and dangerous devil hunter you'd seen the first time you'd met eyes.

The change made you nervous, but also, you couldn't really say no to a pretty and confident girl asking you to come with her, especially when she'd been so heartening throughout your entire afternoon. She sealed the deal by taking your hand in hers, wrapping her lithe fingers confidently around your own in a way that made your heart thud errantly in your ribcage. Starved for human touch, you followed her as she tugged you along with enthusiasm.

It made butterflies tumble around in your chest, a sense of happiness and friendship you hadn't known in a while. It made you feel like a normal teen, running through the city with their friend, laughing happily together. You didn't have to care about making dinner, or phoning your parents in another country, or worrying about bills - You got to just run around without care plaguing your brain. You didn't care about the people you ran past, didn't even care as the streets thinned and people slowly appeared less and less around you. You didn't even realise that Asa had dragged you into something that was nothing less than an alley.

You only realised when she'd stopped laughing and was instead standing stock still between you and your freedom.

You also stopped laughing. Your heart dropped deep into your stomach.

"Ah, shit," You puffed, still catching your breath. "Well, I guess it was a dumb mistake to follow a stranger through the city." You tried to laugh away the atmosphere - You wanted to believe that you'd make it back home to see your family again, but somehow, seeing Asa's burning orange eyes made you doubt the chance that that would ever happen.

"Not surprised. Humans aren't the smartest," She offhandedly remarked, watching you like a dingo would watch a human baby. Although, no, that wasn't entirely right. There was a cold, analytical feeling behind it, not a sensation of hunger. But that word, the little indication - 'human.'

"You're a devil."

It was less a question and more of a statement. Asa smiled and cocked her head.

"A devil you couldn't even begin to fathom," Those same ringed eyes burned, pinning you to the wall. You furrowed your brow, gut-twisting and your neurotically swayed, judging how far you could possibly make it before she could close the distance.

"Lay it on me. I'm pretty smart," Were the dying words you chose to go with. However scary a devil she could be, Asa was also still in the body of a high-school girl. The sight wasn't particularly scary compared to the devils you'd seen in the past.

"You're bravado won't save. It certainly didn't save my host," Asa reached out her hand toward you, pinprick eyes staring you down with such complexity. The visage reminded you of an owl.

"I am not Asa," Asa began - "Asa is a part of me, and I am a part of her, yet, in the end, we are two different beings." You tilted your head.

"Then, who are you?" You shimmied against the wall, trying to perhaps slide your way to freedom.

Asa closed the distance instantly, digging her fingers into your scalp with such ferocity that you could feel it digging into bone with enough force to pin you to the spot, but not enough to shatter your skull instantly.

"I don't have a name, but I go by Yoru - The devil of war."

.

"(Name). Spinal cord sword."

You held your breath.

Nothing happened.

Yoru furrowed her brow.

"(Name). Spinal cord sword."

Her face morphed into a scowl, and then a snarl.

You gave her a look, one that asked 'what the hell are you doing' and you knew she knew exactly what you were thinking.

"What the fuck - Why isn't it working?" She let you go, shoving you painfully into the wall. You were dazed, now had a sore head and probably a minor concussion, but you were alive and your limbs weren't twisted into a gorey weapon. Your eyes focussed just in time to see Asa, or Yoru? Punch a hole in the nearby brick wall.

"It's because of you!" Yoru shouted at a patch of empty air. "You and your stupid human feelings and your pathetic nature to fall in love with someone who shows you a smidge of kindness and your stupid nature infecting my mind! Sharing a body with you has done nothing but hinder me!"

Yoru howled and whined like a toddler, bashing her fists against the same wall she'd punched a hole through, clutched her hair with her face screwed up into a childish scowl. She whipped around to stare in the vague direction she'd done so before, her scowl deepening with her teeth bared in a snarl.

"I AM NOT STUPID!" And with that, the anger was gone. The scars were gone, too. Her eyes were a rich shade of brown, deep, with flecks of gold and faint rings that seemed reminiscent of the war devil's own eyes. You had no idea if it was the influence of the devil herself, or if Asa's (?) eyes naturally looked like that.

An ear-splitting silence settled over the scene. Asa slumped against the wall, curled into the pit of carnage Yoru had carved with her bare fists. She just sat there, staring blankly ahead, eyes hooded and squinted as if someone was yelling at her. You were in a similar boat, head pounding, trickling of blood dribbling from your hairline, down your face and dripping onto the concrete below.

"So," You hummed. Asa flinched, but she didn't stop staring into the empty air ahead of her. "What the fuck was that all about?"

"That, uh, was Yoru." She didn't say anything else.

"And Yoru is the war devil?" Asa nodded.

…

"Mind explaining what's going on?" Asa finally pulled herself together, physically.

"It's a long story," She offered, trying to pull her hair into a pair of twintails.

"Well, I have to make dinner. Fancy staying over?" The words were out of your mouth before you could even think about them. Why you were inviting the war devil over for dinner, or at least the host of the war devil, you had no idea. But you just had one question you really, really had to ask.

"Hey, do you know why she's such a baby?"

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

"I'm heading out, be back soon!" Your brother yelled into the apartment, shrugging on a jacket.

"Don't fill up on junk food and don't talk to any weird devils, 'kay?" You yelled back. Your brother paused and looked at you before nudging his head in the direction of the other room. You scoffed.

"You know damn well what I mean!" Your brother laughed and locked the door behind him as he left.

Yoru appeared in the doorway as he left, a loaf of bread tucked under one arm with a slice hanging from her mouth.

"Where's he going?" The devil sat next to you at the kotatsu, absentmindedly watching whatever was playing on the tv set.

"To hang out with friends. He probably won't be back later so don't eat all the goddamn soba this time," You pointed your pen in her direction. The devil didn't seem particularly threatened, so you made a mental note to put aside a bowl for your brother.

"Hey, Yoru? Quick question," The devil grunted. "When will I see Asa again? Not that I don't appreciate your…" You paused and looked her up and down "Wonderful companionship, it feels weird to only see one of my girlfriends on a near daily basis."

Yoru scoffed and shrugged.

"When Mitaka can take control of this body, she's more than welcome to hang out with you," Yoru took the piece of bread she'd been eating and pressed it against your lips. You quirked an eyebrow but took a bite of the offered piece of bread. You decidedly didn't comment on her eating it plain, as last time resulted in a forty-minute tantrum including someone called 'Fami'.

After a moment of silence, Yoru stopped and grinned sharply. The same smile she gave you back in that alley all those months ago.

"Are you bullying Asa-" Yoru reached forward and grabbed you by both your wrists "-again?"

…

"Yoru?" The war devil smirked like a bitch.

"Yeah?"

"You're doing this to tease Asa, aren't you?" Yoru only cackled.

"Perhaps."

Asa is crying and shaking at the end. She can't believe Yoru would do something like that in front of her.

[sugar-grigri]

Yo! I wrote an analysis of 167 that you might be interested in. https://www.tumblr.com/lottimiqo/752646719530041344/when-are-people-going-to-start-noticing-that-denji

Thank you!!!!! I'm very flattered when people send me their analyses.

But I'd just like to make a few comments about what I've read!

It's vital to take each interpretation seriously, and I take yours seriously, as it explains Denji's initiative by analyzing his verbal behavior, which is a brilliant approach given that we're dealing with an almost silent chapter.

Just as you have to accept that I didn't read the chapter that way. And I think that our difference in reading can be explained by a crucial element, the fact that you rely on the second half of the chapter, deciding to base your analysis on a specific moment, whereas I always prefer to take a global view, sometimes even in an extreme way, by analyzing one chapter in relation to the others.

The 2 are equal, because a perfect understanding of an important moment is just as interesting when read as a whole. You'll prefer to clarify the analysis when I'll prefer to focus on the coherence of an entire work.

But to get back to the basics, there's something fundamental that I don't see taken into account very much in general: Denji doesn't know who he's kissing. What I mean is that even though the first kiss with Yoru was received positively and he undertook a second kiss, Denji thinks he has a relationship with Asa when he doesn't.

I know it's advisable to steer away from a literal reading when it comes to Asa / Yoru, and you're right to prefer a more metaphorical approach.

But even by a symbolic, metaphorical approach, the narrative consequence is completely different. For one wants to kill CSM, while the other wants to save him. Denji's embrace of the one who wishes to kill him is fundamentally strong in its contradiction. If it were Asa, the conclusion would be more logical and gentle.

Above all, you decide not to focus your analysis on the first part of the chapter, which I find fundamental. For the first chapter is expressly about Denji's desire to distance himself from his sexual appetite, and he has several non-verbal reactions.

Like placing his hand in front of his crotch!

Just as it's vital that the chapter opens with Denji wanting to mutilate himself, not wanting to see his limb severed, but also taken out in such a place, just as touched. In short, Denji expresses a clear desire at the beginning of the chapter not to suffer.

Just as Denji is anxious for the woman he thinks is Asa to see his dick, he's afraid of being mutilated. Intrusion and mutilation are placed on the same plane in this bubble.

Especially the first part gives a dimension of struggle between the two. The knife drops but Yoru violently grabs Denji's crotch. Yoru makes it explicit: I deny your feelings and the confrontation with CSM is all she's interested in.

I don't know if Denji really initiated the kiss. He's not bent over to do it, he's bent over because he's constantly hunched over and literally has his dick on borrowed time. The questioning around the kiss is on Yoru's side. For me, she's the one who initiates it.

She kisses him, pulls back abruptly as she realizes what she's done and looking back at Denji, feels like doing it again. She moves forward, backward and intensifies.

Just as we can analyze Denji's non-verbal behavior, his hands don't touch Yoru, he remains disturbed and overwhelmed by his sensations.

That's why, for me, this chapter is profoundly noisy in its silence, in its violence. Denji wants to get rid of his sexual appetite but he doesn't want to be mutilated, but Yoru decides to force him into his patterns. Just as it's when Denji is abused that Yoru remembers his kiss with him.

Because assaulting Denji pleases her. Perhaps because she has feelings for him through Asa, but also because she craves violence against Chainsaw Man.

The most logical conclusion to all this is sexual assault. A brutal compromise, reconciling hatred and unhealthy desire.

Denji never looks Yoru during the act, more often staring into space as if glued to the need to realize, but he's constantly caught short.

Denji is overwhelmed and his body no longer belongs to him. Yoru is hogging it. Just as Yoru is monopolizing Asa's.

Anyway, that's how I see it.

[curiousnightly]

knight's shade - pt. one

a mandalorian x reader fanfiction

summary: you're sent on an assignment to retrieve an item for one of coruscant's note worthy crime lords. when making your return with the retrieved item, things take a turn when your boss finally meets the hunter looking to collect his bounty. 1.5k words

tags: slow burn; strangers to lovers; eventual smut (shameless i know)

warnings: swearing, violence, hints to abuse

reader characteristics: no use of 'y/n'; use of nickname for reader; she/her afab!reader

a/n: i've been writing this and other pieces for a while now but this is my first officially posted fic (thought it would be a good one to get started with). bare with me on spelling and formatting these post for a bit but for now I hope you enjoy this and part two that will be posted shortly after :)

masterlist

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

The back alleys of Coruscant’s Underworld are both tranquil and thrilling. 

The shadows that dance around with the changing lights from people and vehicles frequently passing by give an eerie, yet soothing feeling when traveling through them. The shadows act as a blanket of protection while simultaneously becoming my blindside when moving through the unopened pathways laid down by the heavy foundation that makes this bustling planet.

I slowly begin to approach my initial destination when I round the corner (or something like that) of a large round building that overlooks a smaller rectangular building that faces out towards a road. The rectangular walls that face the lively pedestrians have boarded up windows that scale almost the entire building from concrete to roof except for on the rear side of the building that's not so visible from onlookers. I begin scaling that end of the wall to reach the building's rooftop to get a better view of what lays inside. 

I recall Crix mentioning several access points being located on the rooftop after one of his men surveyed the building a week ago. Crix Typho was always good about sending out surveyors prior to requesting completion of an assignment. If anyone wanted a job well done, it’d definitely be one of Coruscant's most wanted underground crime bosses. Not a surprise he sent me to complete this specific assignment, though an assignment is a nice way of putting it. 

Ever since I got caught up in one of the many affairs that occurs between Crix and anyone who dares cross him, I’ve been his wild card for retrieving specific artifacts, as one would put it. Since he learned I have a talent for retrieving things unnoticed, I’ve been put to good use for his own gain. Though I’m always surprised that he wasn’t baffled when he learned of that talent in the first place. It’s not usually common for someone to (almost) escape twenty plus of his guarded men unnoticed in practically broad daylight. Though I will admit, taking up a job to retrieve a stolen item, unaware of who the original thief was, or how threatening he was, was not one of my prouder moments. Although this talent has been with me for as long as I can remember, it surprises even myself when I finish jobs for Crix completely under the radar. I’m not sure how to explain it but sometimes it’s almost as if I’m able to manipulate things to go in my favor, most of the time that is. Sometimes Crix sends out shitty surveyors, leaving me in the dark about potential security or even threats to my life. When situations like that happen, Crix has a habit of setting an example of those who make mistakes. That reminder in itself sets me back into focus as I peer through one of the roof vents. I try my best to push the immediate anxious thoughts that arise when thinking of what Crix would do to me if I mess this job up, especially considering the many times he’s made use of brute force to set me in my place that rests far below his.

I scan the inside of the building, not seeing any sign of life moving within it. I double check the surroundings of the building before carefully prying open the loosened metal grate. I slip in quietly and land inside a small room of what used to look like a medic room. Crix mentioned how this used to be owned by a small medicine practitioner who provided aid to those in need prior to the Galactic Civil War. Apparently the owner had been smuggling Bacta from Old Republic reinforcements and was forced underground when the Empire took power. Because of the dealings, Crix believes that the old building holds something valuable within its basement. Clearly it’s top secret since he refuses to disclose any information about it.

I exit the small room and survey the hallway before locating the nearest set of stairs and begin descending a few floors towards the basement. Although I make sure to check my surroundings every millisecond, I seem to nearly trip over myself every other step as the place is scattered with miscellaneous items and tools. It appears the place was abandoned in a frenzy, with the chaos perfectly displayed and frozen in time for the past twenty years or so. At the bottom of the stairwell I reach a dark and dampened hallway with little to no light for visions-sake. I remove my glow rod strapped to my waist under my hooded cape to offer the space a golden yellow hue to increase my ability to see. I trail further down the hallway to what looks like two large wooden cellar doors. Luckily for me, the previous attendees left the doors unlocked, making one thing easier on my list of troublesome tasks. I enter what's seemingly a large storage room considering the amount of empty space it currently occupies. I begin to worry as the room is not home to a single object compared to the other spaces within this building. Almost completely lost for a second and starting to think Crix is playing a prank on me, I look over to my left and notice a wall completely decorated in empty bookshelves. I walk up to the wall and notice a rather glaring seem between two of the bookshelves. I practically laugh to myself.

What an absolute cliche, I internally deadpan to myself as I begin pressing a firm palm across every inch of the bookshelf to the left of the seam until one spot gives, releasing the hidden door with a loud huff as air from the other side moves into the current space I’m in. I cough slightly at the sudden increase of dust in the air, unsuccessful at trying to fan the particles away from my face. I enter the hidden room to find both myself and the light of the glow rod reflecting back at me. The room appears to have some metallic coating, creating a mirror-like effect. I try adjusting the angle of the glow rod by hooking it back to the belt around my waist, keeping it on to still provide light without blinding myself. At the center of the room lies a single short pillar covered in a dirtied canvas cloth.

Bingo.

I make my way over to the pillar and quickly remove the cover, ignoring the loose dust and dirt that flies off with it. Under the cloth reveals a large metal briefcase that looks completely untouched. If I didn’t know how long this thing probably had been sitting here for, I would’ve assumed it was recently made with many of the cases sold on the streets of markets. I check to make sure nothing on the pillar will set off some stupid alarm system before lifting it. I learned very quickly that the case I’m about to carry all the way back to Crix is much heavier than anticipated since I almost fell with the weight of it. Of course curiosity immediately pricks the back of my mind as to what the hell is living within this case, but I immediately push that thought away with Crix’s direct orders to not open the case playing loudly in my head. I curse a bit and try to push any intrusive thoughts that could literally get me killed and start making my way out of the building with the retrieved item.

I luckily made it back unscathed, probably due to the fact that probably nobody knew of this item living in an abandoned building in the middle of rundown Coruscant back allies. I’m still plagued with thoughts of opening the case considering how tired my arms are from carrying it. I definitely have built strength since working (out of my control) for Crix, but my still slim stature can’t carry something nearly as heavy as this. I approach Crix’s pride and joy with an all too apparent exhausted expression. The underground casino sits several kilometers below large scaling buildings on the surface of the planet. The only entry point is through a back door of one of the large buildings, of course owned by Crix’s himself, with a facial recognition system and several guards to further identify incoming guest. Of course, I’m not a guest coming to waist my earnings to heavily rigged games for Crix’s financial gain. I reach the entry and follow up on all security checks before making my way down to the lower levels where the casino is. As soon as the elevator reaches my desired floor, I’m immediately blinded with bright lights and heavy reflections of said lights as the place is covered in mirrors and flashy chandeliers. I quickly start to make my way towards the back of the room, passing many intoxicated people laughing and chatting amongst themselves as they play games and bet ridiculous amounts of money. I reach the door to a large hallway that leads to several rooms on either side. I make the trek several paces before swiveling right to a door marked with the statement ‘open only if you have something I want.’

I open the door quickly, only to find myself immediately regretting the action when I’m met with an image that was certainly the last thing I’d expect.

Across the room, Crix’s is held at gunpoint by a silver clad Mandolorian.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

pt. two>>>

[thefangirlfever]

I needed to make a post about this because...well, the title says everything.

First of all I would like to say that I'm feeling a bit anxious sharing my thoughts about this. I don't know if I'm the most qualified to talk about this but it has been bugging me.

I know a lot of people have already discussed the way Miguel, a POC and a latino man out of all people, has been oversexualized to a point that it feels fetishy and a bit concerning sometimes. I think we can all acknowledge this and that already gives us a lot to think about.

But what I think is really interesting is that not only is Miguel an intentional thirst-trap, he is a thirst-trap created mainly by a team of male producers/ writers. From what I read, the people in charge of his character design were men (I want to say that I am by no mean attacking anyone who worked on this movie. They did an amazing job and I am just sharing my thoughts, not saying they are bad people for this choise or anything. Thank you).

And I find this very telling. Because when I first saw this headline, I thought "Oh finally, women have been given the chance to freely thirst over a male character the same way men do." And I think it was a big mistake from me to think this way. (First of all, there are also men and non-binary simping over him). Because, let's be real for one second there, do we really want to thirst over characters the way men do? I have been an anime fan for years and let me tell you, the way a lot of men/ fanboys view female characters is simply gross (I know, I know, not all men). It's also something I noticed in comics and video games. Like, have you seen the outrage when a video game studio wants to propose female characters who do not look like what some p*rn addicts imagines women are?

My point is that Miguel has been created not with the female gaze in mind, but with the male gaze (and it hurts to say this). That's what I got from reading the part of the interview. The emphasis on his butt, the overly masculine, muscular body... Miguel was created not by following what women like in men but by what men imagine that women like in men.

This is also something we can see a lot in various medias over the last years, especially in the romance genre. The way some "desirable" men are depicted do not fit what women seek in a partner but what men imagine women want (ofc every woman has different criteria when it comes to this). I think it's very blatant when you compare medias written by and for women like Shonda Rhimes's shows, Bridgerton, Outlander... and medias written by men. So, in the end, I think that Miguel has been created with that in mind "Let's make a big, tall, dark and broody, muscular matcho man. That's what the female public wants." (ofc it's never as simple as that but you get the idea).

So... does this mean that it's bad to simp/ thirst over this character? Surprisingly I'm going to say no and I even think that it's important that the women in this fandom keep making content around Miguel! Because when we write fanfictions, draw fanarts of him... we are now picturing him with a real female gaze and that's what brings even more complexity and depth to this character.

I have seen so many interpretations of this character since I joined this fandom and a lot of them were really cool/ beautiful, showing just how much people love this character. When you think about it, it's crazy that a character who only got 15 minutes of screen time can have such a strong effect on a fandom, meaning that he is more than just a thirst trap. I genuinely think that the content created by the fans gives this character his humanity back (because, yes, being sexualized to no end deshumanizes a person. Go argue with a wall, thank you very much). I've seen so many tender, soft but also funny depictions of him making him more than just some ass shots on the big screen. And even on the NSFW corner of the fandom, some people out there are really making him more than just this "feral beast" that we have been sold by giving him back his tenderness, his sensuality...

So, yeah, take this headline with care and think what you want of it. Those were just my thoughts. Feel free to disagree, tell me if I got something wrong or just leave your thoughts under this post because I'm genuinely curious of seeing other fan's opinions. I apologize for the mess of this take.

And now I'm going back to sleep.

[jonathan-samuel-smith]

TW bipolar discussion and nonconsensual kissing, mental health discussion

So about Saturn Girl kissing Jon without his ability to consent to it: I get that she isn't actively deciding to mind control the people around her, but she does have a choice in the matter. Her family wanted her to stay home until she could control her mind control powers, but she didn't want to and left. To me that's like if I noticed I was manic (not hypomanic) and didn't go to the mental hospital... Like I can't control my bipolar but I have the choice to stay away from others when it would harm them. That's not even a good comparison though because my judgement isn't clear enough to consistently do that when I'm manic, whereas she is at baseline and is able to think rationally. I wouldn't blame someone with bipolar because they have no choice, but I'm just saying the obvious choice would be to keep yourself away from others even if it's not fun for you. I feel like I can blame her, because she has a choice.

I do sympathize with her, but I really think she's hurting others disproportionately to the distress she feels stuck at home, and that's not okay.

If you look back on the events with the knowledge that she can't turn off her mind control, you see how manipulative she is, especially to Jon, and she does high-control group tactics: love bombing, isolation, guilt tripping, not letting him have rest alone where he would have time to realize he didn't want this.

I don't like the JonDami narrative that Jon was an asshole for leaving Damian in the past or was running away from his problems, because in my view he was dragged into a cult and I can't blame him for that, especially because he was extremely vulnerable at the time. I also don't believe Jon would have left in the first place if he knew up front that he couldn't bring Damian to at least visit him.

Jon had been in a state of fight or flight for around 6 years (not just talking about the volcano because there was also his verbally abusive grandpa and their deadly adventures and being trapped in space, and then him struggling to survive on the streets and trying to find a way home after he escaped) and the first time he really got a chance to cool down was when he was talking with Damian. He really needs a long break, therapy, and medication because what he went through can't be treated with therapy alone as the stress has chemical effects in the brain that need to be adjusted.

The writers don't care about how Jon should be extremely hypervigilant and defensive and anxious. I guess that's just not brave enough for a superhero, nevermind that leaving the house and getting treatment for these things, learning to trust again, and letting people help you is so much braver than punching guys when you have superpowers. It's natural to fight when your fight or flight is activated in a protective manner, but doing the logical thing when every signal in your body is telling you not to is really damn hard. The only coward is DC for giving Jon trauma and not actually writing a traumatized character.

That all being said, Damian clearly doesn't see how Jon is being manipulated, probably because his head is full of self hatred & doubting & repressed desires to ask Jon to stay, and thinks he needs to go against his abandonment trauma by swinging the pendulum too far in the opposite direction in his speech. With his c-ptsd and abandonment issues I can see him becoming bitter towards Jon for going to the future.

That could make for a really complex fanfiction, don't you think? The conflict coming from their unique life experiences and traumas, and them learning to understand each other like they're always doing. This misunderstanding of intentions born not out of something dumb like hearing the wrong thing or being unclear in language, but from their different points of view.

My jondami au where Jon leaves the legion early is calling me lmao "Isaac we have more problems for you to fix~"

That being said I have no exclusivity to these ideas for writing.

[incorrectklavekatz]

Javier and Dutch’s Relationship Analysis

I feel like as a whole, Javier is generally one of the gang members who is under looked in terms of his dynamic with Dutch. Especially considering how critical it is to his character.

First of all, as most people know, Javier met Dutch at an extremely vulnerable time in his life, he knew no English, he was starving, and he was in a country which was actively hostile to him, he was also around 22 when Dutch found him.

This means that he fit neither criteria for Dutch’s usual choice of muscle for the gang. He was weak when he found him, but he was also already an established adult who had his own beliefs and morals in place, he couldn’t be groomed like John or Arthur, and he wasn’t already in a position to immediately start working for him like Charles or Sean.

At the point of Dutch picking him up, the only thing he had to control Javier was the fact that nobody else would have taken him, Javier even says it himself, he’s so grateful to Dutch because nobody else would take him, and this is where I feel like the understanding of his relationship with Dutch gets lost for a lot of the fandom.

I see the term ‘blind loyalty’ flung around for him a lot, but I don’t think that’s the case. Yes, he lets things slide that likes of John and Arthur didn’t necessarily, likes of seeing the woman on the boat in the Blackwater job getting shot, but even saying that, Javier doesn’t see any of the other things Dutch does.

He is not there when Angelo Brontë is killed, he is not there for most of the Wapiti missions, he doesn’t see Dutch killing that woman in Guarma, largely, he doesn’t see Dutch doing anything out of the ordinary, and nobody speaks about these events specifically in camp, so it’s very likely Javier didn’t even know about them.

He also isn’t there for Dutch’s mental decline, so does not see how bad Dutch is getting over the course of the game, he is not personally involved with him in the same way enough to see any of that. All he knows of the situation is that his family is falling apart, and Dutch, the man who has just saved his life, either from death or from being sold as a slave (there is a slave trade for Mexicans in Saint Denis, a place we know Fussar is based in America), is telling him it’s John and Arthur’s fault that everything is going to shit.

Another point against it being ‘blind’ loyalty, is that Javier does question Dutch, he is one of the first to do so, at Clemens point he will ask Dutch what they’re doing and express his concerns to him, and he is immediately shot down for it. He visibly becomes nervous when Dutch lashes out at the ‘doubt’, and quickly agrees with him to settle things back out again, Javier does not like to be in a conflict with Dutch. He will question Dutch again on the way back from Guarma, expressing his concerns with Dutch going against the moral compass that is the whole reason Javier so strongly connects with Dutch, and again, Dutch will shoot him down and immediacy berate him for questioning it.

My personal opinion is that Javier has developed an anxious attachment style to Dutch. We know that his parents didn’t approve of Javiers actions in the revolution and that they wanted him to live the same life his father did, and overall while he expresses his love for his mother, he also expresses that he does not agree with his parents. Dutch is a parental figure who he believes shares the same views as him, who has taken him in when all odds were against him finding somewhere, and who we have seen gaslight Javier twice just in the time we see them interact in the game.

This is likely something that has happened previously to the game starting, and it’s conditioned Javier into not wanting to upset Dutch in fear of losing his place in the gang, it’s easier to trust him than to be kicked out and have nowhere to go.

Again, this is just a word vomit, don’t take anything I say as gospel, this is just my understanding of their dynamic!

As usual asks are always open and I always appreciate them <333